The Jegger Report

Investment Tips With Jegger

2020-08-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

I fell into this sort of thing by accident, out of panic that the pandemic was going to sink the economy, my savings, and more. I decided I needed to at least try to fight back. I was successful, so now I want to share what I've learned to you.

When the coronavirus hit in early March, I saw my existing RRSP savings account drop by over 25%, which sent some real panic down my spine and sprung me into action to see if there was anything I could do about it. After meeting with my bank, there really wasn’t. they basically put me at ease and told me it should bounce back, which is still hasn’t quite, but is getting there.

I examined my RRSP portfolio and took notice of what segments were down the most, and then started researching ways that I could seize an opportunity out of this massive panic drop. That’s what I want to share with you, because so far I’ve been successful in doing so.

I decided to open up a trading account within my TFSA (tax free savings account). A TFSA limit in Canada is now up to $66000 you can deposit and the government cannot touch it with their grubby tax hands. Now, I don’t have $66000, but I had a little bit saved up not working for me that I decided to start down this route, and I’m here to encourage you to do the same.

Find a platform to start a self directed trading account within your TFSA using a bank or private trading firm like Questrade, TD waterhouse, BMO investorline etc.

Trades typically cost anywhere from $5 to $10 each so its manageable if you have a few hundred or thousand dollars to invest in something.

The next step is to find industries or business models that are sound, but are in a decline due to the ongoing pandemic OR that are just starting to blossom due to the pandemic. In this post im only going to talk about TSX (Toronto stock exchange) because that’s all I dabbled in.

In March, I found the industry that was in the dumps the most was the energy industry. Almost overnight, multi-billion dollar oil and gas companies like Cenovus, Husky, Suncor, Vermillion etc. all took a hit to the tune of about 70%. The energy giants are closely followed behind the smaller energy companies like Peyto, Painted Pony, Baytex, Gran Tiera.

The first thought I had was “is this a sinking ship?” which I knew it was not. We still use gasoline and drill oil throughout Canada, and pipelines for energy export and still going to take place while the country tries for an economic recovery.

I decided the low-end energy sector was a sound place to invest of 35% of my portfolio. The stocks are still not even half way back to where they were, but forecasts on future global demands indicate that they will eventually rise up to higher levels than they were pre-covid, so there's still time to get in while the getting is good. Plus, despite protests and objections, pipelines will still get built. The Canadian energy sector is one of the most environmentally conscious in the world, so its in good hands to be succesful. I bought many of them in March and experienced an over 100% increase in value by May, so I doubled my money in some cases.

Here’s some of the stocks I bought into in march that are winners so far for me.

Peyto Exploration and Development Corp (TSX:PEY): bought in march for $1.56 per share, now worth $3.08 as I write this, and has had an all time high of $42 per share.

Cenovus Energy Inc (TSX:CVE): bought in may at $4.08, now worth $6.35 as I write this, and has a pre-Covid fluctuation of about $14-$15 dollars per, so theres still room to grow.

Baytex Energy (TSX:BTE): bought in April at $.29 per share, now worth $.68 and rising consistently

Painted Pony Energy (TSX:PONY): bought in march at $.28 per share, now worth $.68

Crescent Point Energy (TSX:CPG): bought in june at $.2.04, now worth $2.40

Next segment of my investment was into the bank stocks. These ones tend to trade around the higher cost per share, but they are also the ones you hang onto for long periods of time. We call these “blue chip” stocks because they make you money just by having them by providing you with a healthy dividend. A dividend is the kickback that a stock gives you for investing into them, a sort of profit sharing program. Banks in Canada are historically resilient, and offer usually about a 4-6% dividend per share compounded quarterly. Which means, if you own $100000 in bank stocks, you’re going to get $4-6000 per year just for having it. That’s an interest rate we can all get behind. Canadian Banks took a large hit when corona hit but are on the steady incline back to normal. They may fluctuate a bit and you may go up and down like a new bride’s pajamas for a while, but they are fairly safe bets for a long term holding. Think of it this way – if a bank stock collapses, that means everyone that has their money is that bank, their mortgage with that bank is completely fucked. If that does happens, you’ll see blood in the streets so it’s a good bet to invest with a bank.

The higher cost blue chip banks are TD, RBC, BMO. The ones that cost a bit less are Canadian Western Bank (CWB) and Bank of Nova Scotia (BNS). These stocks still have about a 20-30% rise potential to get back to where they were pre covid, but they most likely will, so get in while you can, and start enjoying the dividend to reinvest as you see fit.

I made my portfolio about 45% bank stocks because that way if everything else is a loser, I'll at least be able to claw black with my blue chips eventually.

Thirdly, I invested about 10% into REIT markets, which stand for Real Estate Investment Trust. These are large companies that typically invest in owning large scale income producing real estate like office buildings, apartments, dorms, care homes etc. COVID has shown some of these to be losers because now more than ever we are working from home so office buildings have lost some of their value. The REITs that invested all their eggs in the office building basket, are down and I cant see them coming back anytime soon, because first they need to reinvest into residential, retail or warehouse space to bring the demand back and regain a steady revenue stream (balance sheet)

REITS also typically offer a dividend to shareholders, some even monthly, as sort of a rent payment for allowing them to have so many dollars to invest further. The one I bought into was called H&R investments, which is now up %11 from when I bought it in June, but you can take your pick of the litter if you’re willing to do research on one of their business models you think sounds like it’ll work.

And finally, with the last part of my portfolio around %15, choose things that have prospered from Covid. Industries that have formed from there being a pandemic, and that will emerge as it fades away. These are things like online retailers (which are usually way too expensive to invest in), pharmaceuticals which may have contracts to search for a vaccine, research and development firms, and healthcare stocks. You can do your research on these and take your pick on which one seems to peak your interest.

The stock I chose for this is called Well Health Technologies TSX:WELL. This company is one of the leading startup technology companies that helps you make an online doctors appointment via video conference, and store medical data in a web based secure cloud software. This one could be the next big one as articles I've read on it suggest you could turn $1000 into $35000 within a few years. I bought it 2 weeks ago at $3.25 per share and its already at $4.92 per share with limited downward turns during market hours.

Obviously, with stocks there are always risks and if I was writing this in February and giving all my recommendations and you followed suit, you’d be way down now because there was a pandemic. BUT, overall the markets haven’t even clawed half way back to where they were, which they presumably eventually will as history has shown us. So this may be a good time to start a trading account of your own, take your investment destiny into your own hands by treating it like a sort of game. Research companies like you creep Instagram, and before you know it you’ll have some idea about market climate. Try to predict dips and sell before they happen. Then re-buy once they’ve fallen and enjoy the profits from watching them rise back up.

If the pandemic has hit you hard in your bank investments then you’ve probably come to the realization that the bank doesn’t give a shit about the company RRSP you’ve got set up or the mutual fund hit that your few thousand dollar investment has taken, so why not take the bull by the horns and do what you can to turn your 1, 5, 10 or however many thousand dollars you can into something much, much bigger.

I didn’t have much to invest in the first place, because I’m not a wealthy man, but what I was able to invest has increased an overall 50% by being involved and doing the research myself, my goal is to keep this up and repeat until I get old because no matter what is going on in the world, there is always money to be made. There is always money in the Banana Stand.

These are uncertain times, and a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet. I get that, I sympathize with that and I don’t want that to happen to me. The best chance I have of that is to try and think like I’m Warren Buffett on a microscopic scale. History has shown us that in situations like this usually the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, so why don’t us poor folks start faking it till we make it?

I only wrote this to try and help you succeed and to possibly spark in interest in you to learn the market yourself, learn how it works and then try and see if you can make it work for you.

If I have peaked your interest and you’d like to discuss further, please message me, I'd love to hear how you’ve succeeded or try and help you get on the path to do so!

Here’s to a prosperous future for you and yours!

Stay safe out there,

Jegger

Eat Tacos Every Tuesday (at least)

2016-01-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

The weekend doesn't have to be the only part of the week that you look forward to!

Taco Tuesday provides the perfect rebound from the soul-crushing start of another work week. Tuesday can turn into your day of the week where you can have fun with your friends, go out on the town and explore new places, all because of tacos.

If that wasn't influencing enough, maybe I can give some quick reasons why no matter what, you should get a taco today.

Schedule your business lunch meetings for Tuesdays when possible. Taking a client for a consultation at a taco selling location shows that you’re

a) very conscious of multiculturalism (you have a diversified market outlook)

b) make cost effective, yet quality spending decisions

c) know your community and have networked effectively enough to find the perfect taco you’re looking for fast and efficiently. Boom. Deal closed.

You can take a gal for a first date to Taco Tuesday and be in the clear even if she’s

-allergic to gluten

-lactose intolerant

-a vegan

-only eats meat

-a total bottomless pit (still won’t cost you much)

-only eats seafood

Because there is a taco option for all of those things.

She’ll be impressed that you’re so in tune with her needs and considerate, maybe she’ll let you eat her taco

Sex is best on a Tuesday because even if it was bad, or no matter what time you finish, you know there is a place open nearby that has cheap tacos.

Tacos can cure a bad day! What if you have a lot on your mind and want to meet a friend and TACO bout it? Don’t you wish you were full of tacos rather than emotions? Well Taco Tuesday provides the perfect opportunity to eat your feelings without much consequence because….

Tacos can be good for you! Some taco options have 0g of fat! So you don’t need to worry about becoming a fatty.

Tacos make you excited for what’s to come! Even if you get overexcited about your soon to be voyage to flavor country and crush your taco and it falls all over the place. Boom! No biggie! Now you’ve got taco salad.

You will never get bored of tacos because there are over 200 documented, and very different recipes for tacos.

You can enjoy Taco Tuesday at any time of the day regardless of your schedule because breakfast tacos are a thing.

So Happy Taco Tuesday to everyone! Here are some local places to eat tacos if you’re reading from my area (Vancouver/lowermainland BC)

BEST VANCOUVER TACOS

BEST SURREY TACOS

If you’re somewhere else in the world, don’t be a lazy sack and google it.

Arriba!

-Jegger

2016: How To Have A Prosperous New Year

2015-12-31T14:10:00.000-08:00

This isn’t going to be a ‘New Year, New Me’ post, because in all honesty, that’s bullshit. If you sucked last year and thought a day on a calendar would serve as a pivot point to change that, I can almost guarantee you still suck just as hard, if not worse.

I’ve taken the entire year off writing on my page, so this post will contain a few big words, a few open topics, and an invitation to collaborate. The ones going forward I will add comedy to, but this one not so much.
I’ve stewed about some things I’ve seen over the year. Noticed a slow shift in our society at an interpersonal level, maybe I just wasn’t paying attention before.

Here’s 3 things I want to see in the New Year to get us on track. I understand I’m nobody’s moral authority and will likely not hit home with many, I think it’s important to express yourself to resonate the change you wish to see in the world.

Please read and enjoy, share if you agree.

Create a Legacy, Not Temporarily Self-Validating Content

Not many people keep a photo album on their coffee table anymore, mainly because we all choose to narrate our lives instantly on the web. I do it, you do it, we do it. But have you ever been disappointed by the amount of ‘likes’ or interaction something in your life that you made internet worthy may get? I have made jokes that people didn’t give me a blue thumb for and then deleted them, and I’ve witnessed people post photos and then delete them because I guess it didn’t get the attention and validation that they wanted…..no, maybe wanted isn’t the right word.… NEEDED.
We need to realize that that need is totally made up. That disappointment is unnecessary and can become damning to your growth. When you get the validation you want, you’re happy. But that has got to be the most phony sense of happiness ever. Your self-worth is something that needs to be a driving force within yourself. When it becomes small part within yourself and a larger part based on the validation and attention from others, where do you ever grow? You grow based on your audience, because that’s where your reinforcement is coming from.
That creates this up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege upon yourself.
While you may be at a happy point of your reinforcement from strangers, it’ll fade. You will ride a high that is rooted in gloating, narcissism, and attention-seeking. But what goes up, must come down. It will be a tough ride down when your audience realizes that your life isn’t that interesting.
It’s not productive to show off what you have for validation, all that seems to be shooting for is the envy or jealousy of others.
It’s not productive to use your babies or kids as bait to fish for likes, once your kid’s likes start to fade, will you think less of them?
It’s not productive to feel the need to tell people you’re having a lazy day at home
It’s not productive to think people have a need or are deserving to see you when you are at your most normal.

It is productive to show the world what you love, who you love, what inspires you and the journey of your life through milestones. But in my opinion it should never serve as a NEED.
For when it serves as a need, you would find it cutting should a stranger say to your face, “I Don’t Care.” But in reality, why should they?

Do you for you and let your drive forward come from within rather than be self-sustained from the outside.

Ditch Small Talk. Embrace Conversation.

Talk to people in person more. Debate. Learn. Tell stories. Express your imagination, and Vocalize your dreams. Find challenge in the views of others and actively seek to be stimulated.
If your only learning points come from your digital social self, you will become one dimensional, predictable, and even restless. You must realize that your digital self is one that has been created by you, and therefore presents itself to you as an algorithm of things that are custom fitted to keep you in your comfort zone. Step outside of your comfort zone. Listen to what’s on other people’s minds more than just reading what the digital world decides should be on yours.
Find out a more in depth perspective of what is on your loved one’s mind. Hear them out and try and relate.
Share jokes, make jokes. Find out people’s feelings that make up the parts of them that inspire you.

Thoughts become things, I know that much is true. The beauty of life is that there is no end to thoughts, they can lift you up or destroy you. Thoughts do and will become a self-fulfilling prophecy the more you express them. Strive for hearing thoughts, enrich your life with the genuine feelings of others, the intimacy that comes with human expression and the strength that grows intellectually from back and forth human interaction.

Be For Your Beliefs, But Never Against Someone Else’s

This year has been a special doozy for the detachment of people based on their ideas. So many free people have never been more divided, never felt more attacked for feeling or believing a certain way.
Let’s take this year’s refugee crisis for example. Both sides of this argument have legitimate concerns. The right wants to stay safe and understands the possibility of people who hate them acting as a refugee and being a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I’ve seen so many people on the opposite side of those views label them a ‘Bigot’ or a ‘Racist’ just as a means to silence them.
The left wants to help the refugees in mass and doesn’t think that anything bad can happen. The people on the other side are quick to point out how sorry they’ll be and how their over-tolerance of intolerance will get them oppressed in the long run.

What we don’t see is a united people, who have their opinions without attacking others. Collaboration on issues is what solves them. Division on issues gives us fucking Donald Trump and others like him. People who capitalize leadership based on the exclusion of groups, and then grow that excluded group to in turn exclude those who originally excluded them.

Unification in this world on the grounds of humanity and collective evolution are the key to us surviving another year without slipping into chaos. Separation based on any isolating view will not get us to where we need to be to stay alive, and it certainly won’t let us achieve what we are all wishing towards others today: health, happiness, and prosperity to all. Once you separate our religious, nationalistic, and self-benefiting tendencies you will realize the earth is one single organism – and an organism at war with itself is doomed.

To close, I want to wish you all the best for the new year. May your lives grow, your families stay healthy and your relationships become more meaningful than ever. I hope you will make a resolution to wonder and learn more, worry less and feel strongest when you’re standing tall and certain.

God Bless you and your families, and may we all succeed and gain the courage to allow our thoughts to become the things we know live inside of us.

-Jegger

New Year, Same You: Happy New Year!

2014-12-31T13:18:00.001-08:00

A date on the calendar should have no effect on how you reflect on yourself in the moment. If you’re not happy at this very moment, the clock striking 12 isn't going to change that just because you like to think it’s a magical clean slate. Be Zen, simplify, and stay positive in the moment. Living your present based on the past will make you depressed, and living worried about the future will make you have anxiety.

Wherever you are now is exactly where you’re supposed to be. There is no timeline imposed on you by others that dictates where you should be in your life right now, those are your own choices so breathe in and exhale, and above all be grateful that you can do so.

Whether you've just endured the holidays under the scrutiny of a large, nosy family asking awkwardly as to why you’re still single; or you've welcomed a newborn with your spouse to celebrate in their first Christmas, good for you.

If you view relationships a necessity as important as breathing because you’re with someone you simply couldn't be without; or you view that whole emotion as just an equation of lust+jealousy= love and see dating as just a really expensive way to slowly watch someone like you less and less. So you prefer to be alone and free, good for you.

If you've worked really hard and made strides to advance in society and become self-sufficient and stable; or you've not had to worry about these things and you are able to sleep till 10 and you’re main goal has been Netflix marathons and levelling up in your video game, good for you.

You get the point; my New Year’s wish for all of you is simply to have a fire within your belly that burns every single moment and can’t be put out, regardless of any dark clouds that may pour on it. I hope the future year is a time to face and conquer your fears, learn lessons through pain, and always make memories that will never fade away. Never lose your wild heart and listen to it above all else.

“May the best of your todays, be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain’t even thinkin’ that far, you know what I mean?” – Jay Z

I wish you peace, love and happiness in whatever 2015 brings and may God bless you all.

-Jegger

8 Things You're Hopefully Starting to Realize

2014-12-11T13:17:00.000-08:00

1. You Like Some Stuff That Would Have Been Lame to Old You.

When you go full adult you at least start to feel like you've developed opinions on your own, they’re meaningful to you and that’s all that matters. If trendiness and fitting in with people that have absolutely no effect on your life still actually matter to you, you’re stuck, bro.

We all still get influenced into our opinions no doubt, but at this stage in your life you should actually think on stuff and agree with it. Personally, I can’t remember the last time I developed an opinion that I didn't learn from Whoopi on the View.

2. Learning Shit is Actually Fun Now.

Once the stage in your life has passed where learning for school or something is obligatory, acquiring new skills and learning new things is actually really enjoyable.
If reality TV and other mind numbing wastes of time still top your spare time, you’re falling behind because soon enough you’re not going to be able to contribute to anyone that can contribute to you. There’s only so much stimulation your peers can give you having heated debates about “what the hell Kourtney’s problem was” last week on the Kardashians.
Learn to cook, learn to build, read about things, watch Jeopardy, learn a language, get stronger, take up a sport, watch the news, meditate, masturbate, alleviate.
Someone quickly teach me karate. Come on, chop chop.

3. Give Up On Small Talk. Embrace Conversation.

4. Your Friends Should Make You Better at This Point in Your Life.

At this point in life, being popular is stupid. School’s done, cliques have branched out, and being able to park out front of a club or bypass a line isn't really as impressive as it used to be.
Your group of friends most likely should have thinned a little or at least diversified to add some new exciting, valuable homies. That guy from your old group of buddies that nobody fuckin liked, is gone now because well, nobody fuckin likes them. The limited time you have to actually spend with friends outside of life's other obligations should be rewarding. You should be able to consistently learn from and teach your friends. Even when you just sit around get high and play video games with them, there should be some substance. If hanging with your friends EVER seems to drag on or seem like a chore – you need new friends, bro.

5. Being Cool Still Sorta Matters, But Not Really Because You Know You’re Not As Cool As You Used To Be.

As much as we try to stay trendy and up to date, we’re not. At 26 years old, I know what the Schmoney Dance is but don’t do it when someone says “about a week ago”. I can’t decide if I’m a Directioner or a Belieber. I can’t ever work into my vocabulary the term “Bye Felicia”. It’s very rare I am motivated to do something even if its “for the vine”.
If being really cool and worrying about what other people think still really matters to you, I bet you have a tribal tattoo. At this point self-actualization is cool. Being aware of surroundings is cool. You should know by now that even the “cool” side of the pillow has some of the same insecurities you do, and that’s fine. Its really a paradox – whats cooler? Getting on TV at a sporting event holding up a neat sign you made, or being an adult that spent 3 hours making and enjoying making a neat sign?

6. Being A Dick Isn’t Fun Like It Used To Be.

It used to be fun to be an asshole, to display some sort of arrogance that you are (or think you are) the cat’s ass. Now, being nice and going out of your way to do good for others is the new talking shit. You should want to give some change to the homeless guy now without him having to light his beard on fire for it, because he has it worse than you and you want your fellow man to be picked up. Being in fist-fights isn't a fun adventure like it used to be. Now, you’re either going to hurt someone, get hurt, or be arrested which all really don’t help the path you’re on. Being a jerk to a girl because you think she likes it doesn't work like it used to, it actually just hurts her feelings and makes her think you’re a dick, which you are, bro.
People’s feelings and well-being should concern you these days. If you’re not making the people’s lives around you better, you’re not making your own life what it could be.

7. Your Relationships With The Opposite Sex Should Be Getting Deep(er).

When it comes to sex, it’s fun. But it’s not what it used to be where just getting it in and getting out was the goal. Nowadays it feels best to understand someone and to be understood. “She gets me. I get her.” Isn’t that really the magic phrase? Beauty is still beauty, but it’s so much more appealing when they’re smart and funny. I’ve realized that real love makes you wake up every day and want to be a better man. But maybe real love also gives you an unspoken permission and approval to be just the man you are.

8. You Can Do Whatever You Want.

There’s not really any defined rules anymore to what you can and can’t do. Want to drink ten beers on a Tuesday and pass out naked on the floor? OK! Want to buy a new car and drive to Vegas just for fun? OK! Want to get a neck tattoo? OK! Want to study ancient Chinese text and search for enlightenment! OK!
Do you, don’t lie to yourself, don’t sell yourself short.

Just be better every day, how you define a better you is your call, but if you don’t then you’re falling behind, bro.

good to be back writing on here, like and share how you will.

Like Jerry Springer always says after his Final Thought "Until next time, take care of yourself, and each other"

-Jegger

Raised Awareness

2014-08-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is a fantastic thing – it’s raised a ton of money for ALS, which is a disease that hits very close to home with me and many people globally. The true phenomenon of this challenge, is how everyone from celebrities, politicians, athletes, and even you and I have been able to connect and raise awareness. The fact that this sort of awareness is possible shows the power we all have as a common family of people to unite with one another for a cause.

I hope the term “raise awareness” isn’t overshadowed by the simple novelty of getting your friends to dump cold water on their head and say a few swear words on camera. If that’s really all it has done for you being nominated, then “awareness” has not really been raised, and you are just seeking to fit in among the fads on the internet.

Awareness is truly raised if a cold bucket of water will continually motivate you to volunteer your time to help people ailing from disease, to give a little extra to charities that help combat these diseases, or even to just be more compassionate to people undergoing a life changing struggle. That’s what fuckin awareness is, folks.

Also, the world’s pretty dire right now at this present time. Let’s spread some awareness around the board here, because to be well-informed, compassionate, and to possess a well thought out thesis on things, is to be a citizen of the world who is “aware”.

Here are a few more bucket challenges with a small non-opinionated stance to briefly help you become more “aware” before diving back in to the trendiness of ice-water dumping. If we all connect and start discussion about issues like these, in the same way that is currently thriving to put an end to ALS, we're going live in a truly more aware world.

1. #FireHoseChallenge

On August 9, a Ferguson Police officer gunned down an unarmed 18 year old (black) teenager, Michael Brown while he had his hands up in surrender. Brown was shot 6 times; twice in the head. The population of Ferguson is 2/3rds black, while there are only a microscopic proportion of black officers serving on the entire police force there. Protests and riots erupted upon the death of Brown and police responded with a militarization that should have most freedom loving people shitting their pants. All roads were blocked entering the city by police tanks and armoured vehicles. Protesters were treated with tear-gas, fire-hoses, and German Shepherds by a police force decked out in camo fatigues and assault weapons that looked like they were ready to invade Afghanistan, not serve and protect. Protests still on as we speak.

So, spray down a friend with a high pressure hose to raise awareness for racial equality and the militarization of local police!

chrisinmaryville.net

2. #BowlCutsForEbola

One of the worst and most mysterious diseases known to mankind has re-emerged in several (3rd world) West African countries. Ebola is an extremely contagious and extremely painful disease that basically causes your insides to feel like they are being doused in acid until you eventually hemorrhage out of your eyes, dying from a tormenting ordeal with internal bleeding. The most recent strand of the disease has shown a resiliency to even be spread through airborne means, not through contact alone, which makes a rapid pandemic spread very possible through air travel if a vaccine/cure isn’t found soon. Despite the World Health Organization’s effort to quarantine the outbreak, several victims have been flown to the USA for experimental treatment and patients in Southeast Asia have shown symptoms that they may have contracted the disease as well.

So challenge your friends to get a bowl cut to raise awareness for finding a cure to one of the deadliest and dangerous diseases known to man!

hausa.rfi.fr

3. #ISISBucketChallenge

ISIS is an extremely organized, intelligent, and brutally violent group of Jihadi group currently recruiting globally to attract Muslims to come to their currently occupied conquered lands and live as a nation-free Muslim while imposing Sharia Law, which is pretty f’d up. They have easily taken over, pillaged and are governing about 1/3^rd of war-torn Iraq, and large portions of the equally unstable Syria.

ISIS is a Sunni Muslim group who basically will give a quick and merciless death to anyone who is not a Sunni. Shia Muslims, Kurds and Christians are all being persecuted and beheaded with complete disregard for a human being’s right to live.

ISIS have seized oil producing regions and other exportable industries in their conquered lands and are estimated to have a current net worth of 2 billion dollars with about 80,000 total members worldwide.

These Jihadis are using social media and propaganda to recruit and radicalize Muslims to fight to establish and keep a Muslim autonomous Sharia Law region, and it is working at an alarming rate. It is estimated that there are twice as many British Muslims who have left to fight alongside ISIS than there currently are serving in the British Armed Forces.

If you don’t think this concerns you yet – realize that ISIS has vowed to raise its flag over western nations and kill everyone in them who opposes them. American journalist James Foley was recently beheaded on film by a suspected British Jihadi who on the tape vowed more violence in the near future.

So challenge a friend to dump a bucket of crude oil over their head to help raise awareness to the world being on the brink of the largest theological conflict since the great crusades!

mirror.co.uk

4. #UnibrowsForUkraine

In a conflict that started from protests against government corruption in the capital city of Kiev, came conflicts of autonomy from Eastern Ukraine after the pro-Russian president was ousted and exiled. Many cities in the eastern regions of Ukraine are made up of a majority of ethnic Russians because of the many different borders that have been imposed in the past, stemming from even pre-soviet days.

In response to this shift in political power, Russian President Vladimir Putin started arming and funding Russian separatist groups in an attempt to grab more direct influence in Ukraine.

Starting with the mostly unopposed annexation of Crimea, Putin moved a fleet of warships to its port and banished every Ukrainian public servant out of the area. In the following months after the annexation, several factions emerged claiming independence as well from the newly formed, west backed Ukrainian government. The most predominant, militant, and most heavily Russian backed of these groups is known as the DNR or Donetsk People’s Republic who took a brief hold of the eastern cities of Donetsk and Lugansk and is fighting with the Ukrainian military to this very day.

How does this affect you? A commercial plane has been shot down over the conflict zone, economic sanctions and alliances have been created in a very cold war fashion, and this sociopolitical game of checkers creates a powder-keg divide between western nations and the rest of the world.

So get your friends to grow a unibrow to help raise awareness to the plight of restoring peace, liberty and stability to the people of the Ukraine.

ibtimes.co.uk

5. #GolfingForGaza

Hands down the most complicated and ongoing conflict in the entire world is the Israel-Palestinian war that seems to never end. Israel is heavily technologically and militarily backed by the USA and as a result boasts the world’s 34^th largest military force - all in a country not even close to as big as Vancouver Island. Makes sense when you consider every one of its neighbours wants to see them wiped off the face of the earth. Palestinians are basically held captive and helpless in the Palestinian ran areas to prevent them from arming themselves and spurring a violent uprising. Therefore, Palestinians can’t flee the conflict because there’s no way out.

The problem is that Hamas, a terrorist organization, is the predominant governing party in the region and will not budge in futile acts of violence towards Israel. As a response, Israel’s army enters areas of the attack and brutally cracks down, while killing civilians along the way. No one is right in the conflict, but everyone thinks they are.

So challenge your friends to a game of golf to help raise awareness of the ongoing brutal violence and hatred happening in the Gaza region right now!

independent.co.uk

The ALS ice bucket challenge shows regardless of where the media chooses to focus its attention, we can all connect to gain an understanding of the issues that go on around us.

I don’t mean for my #hashtags to come off as crass or insensitive, or even to make light of the other issues; I just want to illustrate that the connectivity is possible.

Maybe this ice bucket challenge is the wakeup we all need as to “spreading awareness”. Once we beat this disease, imagine what else we can do once we are all “aware”.

Guest Contribution #6: 2014 Pacific Northwest Supra Nationals

2014-06-23T14:32:00.002-07:00

Guest Contribution #6 comes from my pal Daryl, a car guy. If you're a gearhead like he is, he's definitely worth a follow or a network. Check it!

Twitter: @TurboJayhall
Instagram: @turbo_jayhall

Some people would look at us and dismiss us as nothing but no good trouble makers, street racers, no good hooligans. Well in some cases that might not be far off, but as always there are two sides to each story. I’m going to back up to last week and tell you all a little about my weekend before I get to my point.

Friday morning at 9:30 I am waiting at the trailer rental company’s parking lot for them to open so I can get my rented flat deck home to load my car up and hit the road. I am heading south of my home country and province to spend the weekend in Portland Oregon for the 2014 Pacific Northwest Supra Nationals. A yearly event that brings people from all walks of life together because of our love for old Toyotas. Just a quick history lesson, Toyota made the Celica Supra from 1978-1986 when they split the Celica and the Supra into separate cars and the Supra was continued for sale in North America until 1998. Points being that these are not a car that is still in production. So I get my car loaded up and I hit the border, wave my nexus pass, talk to the officer for a minute then I am off to meet my friend Cory who lives in the town directly across the 49th parallel. I told him the shell station on the wrong street but after about 5 minutes I went to the right station, met up with him, and we were headed south on the I-5 trying to catch up with the rest of the Canadian caravan. We ended up meeting them at a fuel stop and it was time for a quick lunch so we found a pizza place with a buffet. Perfect.

We stuff ourselves full of pizza and as we get back to the parking lot we find that someone had hit Mihir's car and literally tore half the bumper off the ground and left it lying on the ground. To our surprise there was a note with an apology and a phone number on it. Mihir was rightfully heated and wanted to tell this guy what he thought of his apology, keep in mind these cars are our pride and joy with countless hours of work and thought put into them. I knew that wasn't the way to go so I borrowed Cory's phone and gave this guy a call. He couldn't have been a better guy, had all his insurance information for us and he even offered to come back and help us get the car roadworthy, as he saw that we were from out of state and didn't want to leave us high and dry. His simple gesture was so much more than just a note; he also left an impression on our hearts. Seriously he fucked up, then stepped up to the plate and took responsibility for his mistake, a real man. Luckily in my truck I had every tool I owned including drills and an assortment of different bits and we were able to jerry rig the bumper up where it belonged and carry on our way. Mind you we had to wait for the sheriff to show up, document that it happened and gave us an incident report for our insurance purposes. By the way, the sheriff was cool as fuck. Once we finished up with the business end of our encounter he returned from his cruiser with his Iphone and showed us his Audi. So naturally him being a car guy we stood around and talked cars for a bit (while listening very closely to his dispatcher on his radio of course)

So we hit the road and got stuck in some really bad gridlock, which was not good because now Cory's electric cooling fans have decided to stop working. So we pull over, and luckily I had all my tools and hardware to re wire his electric fans on the side of the 405 in Everett. Let me tell you everything under that hood was incredibly hot and we somehow managed to not get burnt. Bonus. So we got those working and 40 minutes later we were on the road, in gridlock for 2.5 more hours but hey, such is life.

Let's fast forward to Friday night. We check into the hotel at about 9, get my car off the trailer and we head out to meet up with the locals who are going to a go-kart track for some laps. We end up meeting up with the rest of the Canadian crew there as well. After the go-kart we all head back to the hotel and then once everyone is checked in we discuss what is on our minds. Obviously it’s food. So we are looking for something in walking distance as we are all tired of driving. You might not believe this but around 11 pm on a Friday night in Portland it is very hard to find a sit down restaurant that is still serving food. As we are wandering around the streets contemplating just getting snacks and beer at the gas station down the street we see our friends Duane and Don (not to be forgotten is Duane's wife Marylyn). This was unexpected to see them so we go running over and everyone says our hellos as some of us haven’t seen each other in a while and it was a very joyous occasion. Either way they were looking for food too and together we figured out that the gas station snacks and beer was really our only immediate option. So over we go, like a bunch of insane people we choose our snacks and select our beers so that we can head back to the hotel. 10 or so of us was too much for one hotel room and some of us were at different hotels that were actually next door to each other. So clearly we have a parking lot party, hanging out on my rented flat deck car hauler, telling jokes, poking fun at each other and laughing the night way.

Now comes Saturday, and let me tell you it was far less eventful than Friday but still special nonetheless. Saturday we all went to a high performance shop with a dyno so that everyone can talk about how much power their cars make and then prove it. Which is great fun, everyone gets to talk about what they've done with their cars and what they'd like to do to make more power, hang out in the sun and just have a really fun day in general. One thing that is notable is that Duane set a personal best of 1035.92 horsepower. You read that right, and yes that’s a huge accomplishment. SO after the day at the shop everyone takes off for a scenic drive through the beautiful state of Oregon - drive was amazing, and there is something really special about driving down I-84 with 30 other Supras at the same time. For a guy who's into those cars, it’s really tough to top that.

Sunday was the day of the car show at a beautifully renovated Toyota dealership in Beaverton. This was a pretty basic car show and other than being in good company all day went off without a hitch and was uneventful in the sense that nothing crazy or out of hand happened. This whole event was very well organized by a local supra owner named Shay. I don’t know how she managed to do it but everything was perfect. There were awards for all the various generations of Supras, fastest and highest horsepower cars. After those were handed out and the door prizes were claimed that was it, the meet was over.

Now the thing about the meet being over is that it felt like it only just began - the point of all this is that the people made this event so amazing. Magic is really the only way to describe it. As I said a lot of these people come from different walks of life, but we were all brought together by the love of Toyota Supras. A bumper gets pulled off in a parking lot, we rally together and fix it, get it back together and get the info we needed. Electric cooling fans stop working in grid lock and we get them re-wired and fixed so that we can get to Portland come hell or high water. We see our friends in the parking lot and immediately set up something so that we can all socialize and enjoy each other’s company. Duane breaks his own personal record on the dyno and the entire crowd cheers. We drive together and then meet up together to all shine our cars up and show them so that everyone can see what you've done, maybe inspire someone else who has just got into the Supra game to further their mechanical knowledge and desire to work on their car. This is what I took from this whole weekend is that it is very important to get together with people who share the same interests and passions as you. It’s refreshing, it’s always the best weekend of my summer when this annual event comes around. Whether your passion is knitting quilts, drinking craft beer or even my little pony I suggest that you go to one of these meets, conventions or quilt sales. Whatever it may be, no matter what it is just do it, get yourself out there and get inspired, or inspire someone else. You won’t regret it I promise you that

Friends With Benefits: Guest Contribution #5

2014-06-11T09:39:00.002-07:00

Guest contribution #5 comes from a girl I know who chose to remain anonymous. I'll tell you she's 21 years old, and a rad chick.

Here's her take on the Friends with Benefits taboo, and why its working for her.

Check it out.

Friends with Benefits

Have you ever had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend? Have you ever had a one night stand? Maybe an acquaintance or friend there was sexual tension with that you slept with a few times but unfortunately lead to a misunderstanding because you were just horny when you were drunk and they totally had feelings for you - now leaving it awkward and uncomfortable when you see them at the grocery store, gas station or at the local bar? Have you ever felt like stabbing your eyes out with a pointy pencil because it has been (insert longest time spent not having sex) since you got lucky? If you are a human that went to high school, definitely if you went to college, then I am almost positive everyone has dipped in at least one of the scenarios I painted. Even being in my very early 20s, I have experienced all of them. From my past romantic and sexual experiences I took what I learned, the good and the bad, and what I still wanted to explore and made a deal with the devil. If you like sex, keep reading.

My friends ask me how I can seem so genuinely happy and upbeat every day, no matter the weather outside. Where does that spring in my step come from? Why am I the girl sitting on the bus gazing out the window simply smiling at the trees, buildings and cars zooming by on my daily commute to work? Aside from the choice I make every day to BE HAPPY and to THINK POSITIVE, there is something else. Sometimes I recall a funny joke a pal told me, but most of the time it is casual sex and a good cup of coffee that gets me smiling in the morning. Although I have chosen to remain anonymous, I will tell you that I am not a slut, I am not easy, and I treat everyone I encounter with respect.

I felt very bitter towards men after my last romance. Time was slowly passing and it had been a dry and agonizing four months since I had been laid. That was a record for me, and I realized it was time to play the field again. I was all messed up because I thought I hated all men, love was for suckers and one night stands were too trashy. If I felt differently about sleeping with strangers, then I could have had lots of sex over my dry period, but they freak me out and are just not for me. If you full-fill your sexual void with one night stands, congratulations! If you feel a little bit icky towards them or loosely agree with any of my content to this point, keep reading.

This post is named “Friends with Benefits” because I have one. There, I said it, and I am still smiling. No icky feeling, no desire to check my phone every 47 seconds to see if I have a text from him, and no need to spy on him out of my car with binoculars to find out if him and his hot neighbor really are just friends. One day I met a good looking, funny guy. I didn’t think much of him beyond that. Over perhaps a dozen encounters, some brief and some long, the sexual tension was there. We finally made plans to hang out one on one and we had a ball. After many drinks in the sunshine on a beautiful day, we were both naked in his bed. It happened six or seven times, too drunk to remember the total count. However, we were able to remember how much fun we had and how amazing the sex was. We might have been the horniest people in the world that night, but hey, at least we found each other, and we told each other there was no judgement about anything.

A couple days later when we were 100% sober we had a real talk. He called me out on my candy eyes for him and we acknowledged that we both liked each other; both enjoyed the other’s company and definitely would like to have sex again. We entertained the thought about dating for a few minutes, which could be nice, but we decided against it due to our own personal life reasons. As of now, my work schedule is so crazy and demanding, I barely have time to see my best friends and own family. Of course finding a date or a boyfriend is on my mind, but I don’t really want or need that right now. I just want to make some money, get my career wing flapping, get a tan, party with my chums and have lots of sex. Basically, at the end of the day I would like to drink beer and watch Netflix on the couch with my buddy followed by sex and repeat it several times (or as many times as we would like) per week and he absolutely feels the same.

So, we laid out a few ground rules, fair play, and cleared up some things from the get-go. Clearing up any questions or concerns in the beginning was KEY. Ultimately, we decided that we were both equally using each other (in a nice way) and would never be able to use the old “what are we?” that makes men run for the hills. If one night both of us or one of us are out drinking with friends and we get a little horny, the bed is open. If we are too drunk to drive and it is too late to get the bus, a rendezvous ending with a spooning session is fine! Sleepovers are okay time to time. The beauty is that we are FRIENDS. We care for each other in the sense that we respect and are nice to each other. No one is going to be mean, and no one is going to feel bad or guilty on the inside after calling the other up at 1am. If we want to sleep separately in our own beds and are able to get home safely, that is cool! If going home is not an easy option, we are not going to kick the other out of our bed once we are finished because friends don’t do that. Also, we don’t have to be drunk. Sober sex is good sex, too, and it can be at any time of day as long as we are both game.

WHAT WE SHOOK HANDS ON:

· If we send a text wanting to hook up, there is three hours to reply. If there is no reply, we are not meeting up that day.

· We do not tell anyone that we are friends with benefits. (our day to day lives overlap so it could cause problems if people found out we were sleeping together)

· We only sleep with each other. (No STDs!!!)

· Be honest with everything.

· No judgement.

· If we start seeing other people seriously, the sex ends but we are still friends.

Pros:

· All the sex when and where we want it.

· We know how we look naked and we know what we like! Body insecurities never come into play because we already announced that we like each other’s body. Duh, our friendship is based on physical attraction!

· Never having to impress and convince strangers we are smart / cool / sexy enough to sleep with / date because we are already getting some.

· No need to creep his Facebook and strike up a sudden interest in his favourite sports team – we are already on common ground, no need to fake a mutual interest, just honesty.

· A unique friendship.

· He literally picks me up from work, takes me to his bed, then drives me home and tunes into my favourite radio station.

· The honesty – he tells me which pants make my ass look great and which pants that don’t… just like a friend would!

· My dad doesn’t have to kill him because he doesn’t know he exists!

· I can still meet, talk, flirt, text and date other men knowing if I find someone or something better, I can end sex with my friend in an instant because I am not tied down and there are no hard feelings – this was our agreement!

· A confidence boost

Cons:

· No one to bring home to Thanksgiving Dinner - my mom still asks me every week if I have met anyone special.

· Some friends just can’t accept a situation like this and will look at you differently ***this applies to girls only*** *** GUYS: your friends will think you are a champ!!!***

· May potentially interfere with the chances of finding my prince charming (if you are not looking at anyone else at all, you might miss the chance at meeting a long term mate)

· Over time feelings may arise

How my life has improved:

· No urge to stab my eyes out

· Always something / someone to do

This is just my outlook on recent friends with benefits relationship of mine. All in all I am in my happy place. I know it won’t last forever, but right now it is just right. He isn’t the guy I want to introduce to my family and friends, but we still have fun together behind closed doors. I still want to meet my Prince Charming and when the time is right for me, settle down and have a family. I know that my buddy here is not the one, but he is a friend, and hats off to him!

If you think a friend with benefits might be right for you, go for it! I highly recommend it. Please consider my pros and cons before you make any decisions. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. Just be honest with yourself and your friend. This situation is meant to benefit both of you, so lay your cards on the table, push the envelope, and go after what you need. A glorious relationship like this doesn’t come along often, so if you decide to go down a path like this, take full advantage of it. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, so be honest, think positive and have an open mind!

Thank-you for reading J

It's Almost Bikini Season Ladies!

2014-05-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hello Ladies, and how are you? If your answer isn’t “extremely hungry!” then shame on you!

Bikini season is just around the corner, and if you aren’t spending all of your spare time and focusing your already out of control emotions on shedding weight fast, then wake up!

The magazines, the tabloids, the online articles are basically spoon feeding you simple, sure-fire ways to get that flat tummy you’ve been waiting for- fast! But if you think a flat tummy is all you have to worry about, then you must be some sort of self-righteous bra burner because that is the least of your issues.

Please also make sure to focus some of your time, worry and intellect into fixing and correcting for me and my fellow man’s viewing pleasure your:

Saddle-Bags, saggy upper arm fat, cottage cheese thighs, F.U.P.A aka gunt, flat chest, asymmetrical chest, butt-beard, bacne, chestne, cankles, pit-cheese, sideburns, ashy elbows, hairy knuckles, beef knuckles, uncle’s knuckles, yield sign butt, bald spots, loaf latch, razor bumps, panty dandruff, leakage, treasure trail, pancake nips, summer teeth (summer here, summer there), feet of any kind, corns, orangutan boobs, albino skin, junky skin, pasty skin, patchy skin, flat bum, mom butt, pretruded knees, plaque traps, camel toe, hunchback, knee-knockers, self-sustaining moles, missile-tits, phantom dangle, muffin top, tampon cameos, clubfoot, movember in progress, extra nipples and much much more.

if you didn’t recognize any of these issues on your own body, then congratulations! you’ve done it!

More than likely you’ve self-identified with more than a few of these terms and right now as you read this are feeling like someone so full of carbs that if you were to stick yourself in an oven you’d come out as a French loaf.

Well good! Let it be motivation for you, good things come to those who subject themselves to a lifetime of self-scrutiny and deprivation.

“Well, Steve, what about your beer belly and manboobs?” good question, and I’m glad you asked it. The answer is I’m an indifferent, yet confident man. I know all I have to do is remain confident and sexy when I take a girl out for dinner and eat so much that I have to lie on the restaurant floor.
Scrutiny be damned! I already know I’m one of the toughest guys in my scrapbooking class. And anyone who disagrees with me and still thinks I am a loser has obviously never seen me kick my underwear up in the air and catch it. Plus, I know how to get the ball rolling with the ladies. I know that the first question you always ask a girl on a first date is her weight, then you basically can zone out and watch the sports on the restaurant TV till it’s time to go home and seal the deal.

But seriously, double standards exist heavily in our society, It is pretty unfair how when a girl has a simple ponytail out in public she “didn’t do her hair today” but if I guy has one, he’s considered this big-time mega stud.

Modern society has pretty messed up views on women’s bodies. In the 60s, Marilyn Monroe (who was not super skinny) was considered “beautiful”, but nowadays she’d be seen as “dead for over 40 years”.

I hope you all find the sarcasm in this article. It’s all for jokes and to point out how shitty it must be being a girl who buys into this sort of society. It bugs me that more importance seems to be on how a girl looks than to how smart, or useful she is – and that’s from a woman’s point of view! If you don’t think nature is frightening, try watching two women swap genuine compliments.

Sad but true. Again, please note, this is a satire totally for jokes, please take no offence or think I’m being sexist, its actually the opposite.

3 things I look for in a woman. Good hygeine, decently smart mind, and me. Keep your nudes, just message using proper grammar. You know what daddy likes.

Hope you LOL’d, share as you see fit, all the buttons should be below.

Till next time

-Jegger

You're an Individual, Right?

2014-05-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

You’re an individual, right? You do the things you like because you like them, nobody has influence over the things that make you feel happy, sad, successful or inferior? Right?

Sadly, probably wrong.

It takes much more conscious thought to remain true to your individuality and make your own well thought-out decisions than it does to be part of a herd.

Our entire capitalist free system has been based around people’s consuming habits being like that of a herd. Clothes, cars, music, pop-culture – all part of and contributing factors that go in to the herd known as western society.

Almost all inventions and innovations that have made people rich and famous, however, have come from a person separating themselves from the flock and thinking for themselves.

Successful investments and savings plans come from people that can predict that the herd is about to run off a cliff.

If you want to understand how to make money off of the herd, click the video HERE.

It’s not at all a bad thing to fit in, be part of groups, belief systems, whatever. It’d be mentally exhausting to always have to over think every single detail of your life. However, I can promise you there will be times when you need to really think for yourself in order to come out on top. Sometimes things are morally wrong, sometimes they are financially ridiculous, sometimes they are just pointless – and we find ourselves doing them anyways because it’s the thing to do. If you do not conform to these things, I can guarantee more happiness, more money, and a better outlook to your sense of self.

Here’s some things that really took off with a herd mentality, see if you agree

· Uggs (2003-present)
· Nickelback epically sucking (2007-present)
· These Versace sunglasses (2008)
· Backwards Red Yankees hats like Fred Durst wore (1998-2001)
· Kony (2012)
· Livestrong bracelets/rubbery awareness bracelets (2004-2010)
· #throwbackthursday (2012-present)
· Gluten (2014)

The above are the innocent ones, harmless really.

But here’s an example of how the same herd mentality has affected history:

· The holocaust
· The Rwandan genocide
· Southern American racism AND the civil rights movement
· The cold war anti-communist/Russian mentality
· Radical Islam

All because of this premise:

That’s all I’m going to write today. Happy Monday and remember to sometimes ask “why?”

-Jegger

Guest Contribution #4: How To Become a Crazy Cat Lady in 5 Simple Steps

2014-05-08T15:20:00.000-07:00

Guest Contribution #4 comes from the very talented and funny writer, Michelle Cyprus. I got a real kick out of this and I hope you do too. Like, Share, Stumble, Tweet, Fark, Reddit, Email, SnailMail, whatever - just share this with the cat lady wannabe in your life and I'm sure they'll find it helpful.

As always feel free to submit your posts to share on here.

But for now, enjoy this informative, hilarious read.
-jegger

How to Become a Crazy Cat Lady in 5 Simple Steps

by Michelle Cyprus, accomplished crazy cat lady and occasional motivational writer

http://michellecyprus.ca

People ask me how I did it. They see my radical transformation and they wonder, “Could that one day be me?” They would be so lucky. But still, they stare, they whisper, they side-eye, and they’re all wondering the secret to my success. I feel that thought weighing heavily on their minds everywhere I go. I sense their deep desire to know the truth, and now, for the first time ever, I am going to reveal the secrets to becoming who you’ve always wanted to be: me.

If you think I’m talking about weight loss, think again. Besides, everyone knows the secret to that: frequent violent and exotic viral intestinal infections and/or a tapeworm injection. Duh. No, today we are going to learn how to become one of the world’s most sought-after types of people: the crazy cat lady.

Now hold up. Don’t be fooled by the “lady” in crazy cat lady. Are you a man reading this? Read on! You can be a crazy cat man. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! You go, guy!

Now onto the nitty gritty, or as people of my kind like to say, “litter shitter”. Let’s get down to business. Face deep in business.

The first thing you’re going to want to do is immediately abandon all hope. That’s it. That’s step one. It’s pretty easy. Just take a good look at the world around you, the circumstances that brought you here to this point in your life and just give the fuck up. It’s so easy, people do it all the time. Just look at George Bush. He was a president, and now he sits in his basement painting pictures of world leaders who did a way better job than he did. That’s really not an ideal career trajectory. That’s giving up, friends.

The next thing you need to do is purchase some sick new threads. Before you do this, keep in mind the colour of cat(s) you are planning to acquire. Black, white, beige, orange, brown, blue, grey? This is important, people. If you don’t know the colour of the cat and/or cats you are going to get, then don’t worry because regardless of your clothing choices, you will be fucked over by stray fur flying through the air at an astounding pace and sticking to your clothes anyway. Got a black cat and wearing black pants? No problem, let’s aim for that white top. Got a white cat and wearing an all-white nylon jumpsuit, full-zipped? Now that, my friends, is how a champion prepares for the game (and also prepares for making a great impression on a first date). The game of cat fur is never over. Ever.

We’re almost halfway there. You should be feeling at least a little more insane than a few minutes ago by this point. I like to think that I had something to do with that.

Step three is super-critical to do properly otherwise you might just end up a regular person who has a cat as a pet and not a certifiable crazy cat lady/ladyboy. This is the part where you actually physically acquire a cat. What you want to avoid in this step is any sense of normalcy or logic. You might think, “Well, Michelle, I’m going to head down to my local non-profit animal shelter and give a poor lil’ fella a good home and save him from execution.” That’s a great thought. You should do that. If you want to be normal and well-adjusted and create a positive impact in not only the life of a deserving animal, but on our world as a whole.

But a crazy cat lady knows no fear. Organizations don’t know the boundaries of your love. This is where shit gets serious. You need to trap and tame a feral cat. Bonus nutso points for more than one. So what if Mr. Fuzzypants III was enjoying a fantastic life wild and free in the great outdoors, chowing down on fat sewer mice every night like the king of the world he was? Doesn’t he know that you loooove him? As with a male subject of any species, persistent pestering by a female admirer combined with chronic overfeeding will create the ideal conditions for capture and, ultimately, Stockholm syndrome.

Fully indoctrinated members of the crazy cat lady world call this practice “rescuing”. In some cases, this can be true – injured cats, skinny cats, defenseless kittens, etc. However in most cases this is merely an excuse to continue hoarding animals and creating even worse living conditions for them than what they would have experienced in the wild. Fun fact. So what you want to aim for is being on the right side of crazy, as in either actually rescuing cats or just going to the goddamn SPCA like a normal fucking person. A good piece of advice for cat acquisition as well as life in general is to never go full retard.

Okay, so by now, you should have some cats. What, just one, you say? Get out of here and go read an article on what’s happening in women’s tennis while also renewing your subscription to Rock Garden Monthly because you must be super lame. If you managed to acquire three or more cats, congratulations, and keep reading.

I’m not gonna lie, step four is going to be tough for some of you. I’m not sure some of you will make it. Your cats will. Pound for pound, cats have more killing power than any other mammal on land so, you know, no matter what you do, they will be around to eat your dead corpse if necessary. What you need to do is to let your cats slowly assume control over your entire living space and become a shadow of your former self, as the reason for your existence now is solely to serve as an instrument of your cats’ demands. I know. This is tough, and it takes time.

I would suggest starting out by letting your cats just do anything they want, all the time. Which is pretty much what cats do anyway because in over 150,000 years of human history, no one has found a way to train a cat. You know why? Because it’s impossible. So this part shouldn’t be too difficult. It’s what comes next that separates the crazy cat ladies from the crazy cat girls (and/or pussy ladyboys).

Remember when you gave up hope? Remember the feeling of insignificance and despair that washed over you? Welcome back that feeling, because you will need it. You will know once you’ve reached the level of letting your cats run your life, which is our goal here in step four. You’ll know because when a friend calls to invite you out to a movie, your first thought it how crazy it is that our society doesn’t allow cats in movie theatres, too. And how, even if they did, the seats would be too high. How could the cats possibly see the screen?! You then start to wonder if the architectural minds of our day just really have it out for cats.

The second time you’ll know is when you win a free, all-inclusive vacation to Mexico. Instead of being elated and dreaming of big margaritas and even bigger bikini butts, your first thought is that, oh no you can’t go. Instead of finding a friend to check in on and feed your cats, you cancel the free trip to paradise. Because you just aren’t sure that your neighbour Brenda really knows how to fold Snuffy’s blanket properly, or that she cares enough to sing each of your seventeen cats to sleep with their own lullaby, because by the time you finish the last one, the first cat has woken up again and you’re just not sure of her dedication, quite frankly.

The third time you’ll know is when you wake up in that drowsy sort of way, eyes unfocused, and you see what looks to be a Simpsons-esque pink icing sprinkled doughnut dangling mere inches from your face. For a second, you are overjoyed. You reach towards it. Your eyes become focused. Oh. Oh. That’s not a mini doughnut, that’s just your cat’s anus that she decided to flaunt in front of your face while you were sleeping. Just for kicks.

You’re almost there. You’re almost at that ultimate level of true cat lady crazydom. The very last step may sound like a cakewalk to you, but trust me, it’s not. Step five involves all of the skills we have already learned plus one crucial new one: personal hygiene.

Now in the second step, we covered wardrobe. No matter what you do, you’re gonna be fucked. By some mystical magical power, your black cat’s black fur is still going to show up on your black fucking pants. No one knows how they do it, they just do. But you need to go beyond just wardrobe here. Have you ever struggled with frizzy, unmanageable hair? Stop struggling. Give in. Embrace the frizz. Let it run free just like the mane of a wild lion, the lion you are inside. Or whatever.

I guess the best advice I can give appearance-wise, would be to look at yourself in the mirror each morning and ask yourself, “Would this look serve me well both on a safari but also as a homeless vagrant?” If the answer is yes, then you are a true master. You know how to walk the fine line between wearing items on your body and yet still looking like shit.

That’s it. The five steps you need to become a crazy cat lady. I hope you’ve learned a lot today, you’re going to need it. If all of this was too much for you, well you just might not be cut out for kitty crazytown. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But just remember when the End Times come and cats and cockroaches make up the majority of all surviving beings on our planet, you won’t be spared.

Thanks for reading and remember to hug the crazy cat lady in your life today! (Hint: Mother’s Day is coming up.)

Guest Contribution #3: Tipping: a Lipper Out Loud (LOL) Rant

2014-04-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

My third guest post comes from Jordan Lypchuk, an old pal of mine who had a rant saved up for how the idea of modern day tipping grinds his gears. This is a rant segment that he has affectionately named "LOL: Lipper Out Loud"

Give it a read and enjoy!

also, if you ever want to contribute to the Jegger Report, send me what you'd like featured and id be more than happy!

LOL: LIPPER OUT LOUD: TIPPING

Let me start off by saying I eat out a lot. My Job involves a great deal of travel so 50% of my life is spent staying in hotels and eating at various restaurants.

Tipping in the 1900’s use to be a gift; a gesture of gratitude and appreciation for a service rendered. It wasn’t expected, nor was there some arbitrary line that decided whether it was a good tip or bad tip. You simply tacked on a little “something-something” for a job well done. The best part about this is that that people in the service industry at the time DID NOT expect this. Servers in the “good old days” Did not bash you as soon as you left the restaurant and call you a “cheap ass” for only tipping 5%, they didn’t add on a mandatory 10% gratuity for parties of 6 or more. They didn’t do the bare minimum of customer service and expect to get tipped 18% just because they wore a low cut shirt and had their knockers hanging out. What they did, was actually give a shit about your experience, your needs and their own personal professionalism in order to hopefully get a tip! They did not have this attitude of entitlement, they knew they would have to work hard for every extra dollar left behind.

Now this article isn’t a bash on servers, my wife is actually a server a local pub in Alberta. What I am hoping this is is a little bit of a refresh. I am sick and tired of hearing about how servers complain about how they only made $439094582.65 in tax free tips last year but some ass hole only gave them 5%. Call me old fashion but I work hard for my money and if I am going to give it away for free it’s going to be because I chose to go above and beyond the cost of my $42.63 steak and potatoes dinner because the meal and service went above and beyond my expectation… weird eh? Not because the blonde bimbo covering section 46 in a trendy steak house piled on about 1.35 metric tons of make-up and attempted to boost my ego and make up for brutal customer service by flirting with me.

My point is a tip and a good tip at that is earned not given; it should be worked for, not expected. If you get a “bad tip” (I actually cannot comprehend how anyone can complain about getting “free” money, but I’ll try) maybe you should look at yourself or your establishment before blaming the guy who had to wait 1.5 hours to get his greased dripped, cardboard tasting burger and had to wave you down every time he needed a refill. I am sure it was so difficult to put down your phone and get off Facebook for 5 minutes to do your job and get me a refill on my god damn ice tea!

I think tipping is getting ridiculous, some servers/bartenders make as much as doctors - which is not right. I made a decent wage last year; after taxes, CPP, EI, Dental, medical and all those other deductions, I end up with about half of my salary. But to be truthful, I worked a minimum of 10 hours per day and usually 6 days a week. As we get higher and higher up in the work force and you get put on salary, the usual 5 days a week, 9-5 gig becomes a distant dream and 10 or 12 hour days and 6 days a week become reality. But for some reason we aren’t getting 18% gratuity for doing my job when it gets a little bit higher volume or more stressful.

I went to school for my job, it took years to gain the skillset and knowledge to integrate and network myself to become a reliable name in my industry. What seems so off to me is in today’s tipping world any 19 year old girl with big boobs, tight clothes and half a brain (brain optional) can go out and make 150-300 bucks a night. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely ludicrous!?!?!? Or is this just a product of men still carrying clubs, dragging their knuckles on the floor and living in caves.

So who is to blame?

Obviously a lot of the finger pointing can be directed at the male patrons, like “Billy Biceps” who just got off the rigs, thinks he has a chance at getting laid with his server “Tits McGee” and just throws a ridiculous amount of money on top of the bill, in hopes to impress said Ms. McGee. Not without blame are the young females who feel bad or guilty if they don’t put down anything less than 15% and if the server actually brings out what they ordered correctly on the first try its like an automatic bump to 20%. Ladies and gentlemen, I know our generation has had its disappointments but we are allowed to have higher standards than this!

I’m sure some of you are in complete disagreement with me and think that servers deserve every single dollar they get tipped. Well you’re wrong, but for your sake I will explain in a simple 3 step program what 15% tips should/shouldn’t be getting you.

1) Professionalism is key, I feel like this is a no brainer but you would be surprised out how many servers come and say Hi to me, smelling like they just took they 32^nd smoke break of the shift and looking like they came straight to work from an orgy the night before. I wouldn’t want to sit next to you on the bus never mind let you touch my food. First impressions are huge, Clean yourself up a bit plus look and act professional.

2) Talk to me!!! Introduce yourself, ask me how my day is going, actually care what I have to say in response, KNOW THE MENU SPECIALS!!! Man, if I had a customer ask me how much this costs or what does this comes
with and I had to say “hold on, let me go check”… I wouldn’t have a job. As I have stated, I eat out A LOT, I am often by myself, some friendly chit chat can go along way, not only on brightening my day and making this planet just a bit more enjoyable but it can also vastly improve the quality of your tip! If I get the chance to just ever-so-slightly feel like we bonded and/or liked you I am going to be way more willing to open my wallet at the end of my meal and throw down a couple extra bills.

3) Don’t rely on your looks. I don’t care about your tits; I am at a food establishment, not the strip club. Do you know the best tip I have ever given was to a male server? And let me tell you, it wasn’t because I was impressed with his tits and ass (they weren’t bad though). He gave me the downright best service of my life, he was quick, polite, chatted me up, gave me suggestions, told me his favorites, knew the menu in detail, explained several side options to me before hand, I don’t think my drink every got below half empty before he would come bring me a new one. He was nice, professional, actually concerned with my dining experience and BLOODY UNREAL AT HIS JOB!!! Now he got a tip and rightfully so!!! Tits McGee never had a chance.

Anyways, for all you patrons out there, think twice before you tip, let’s raise the bar and set a new standard for 15-18% tips! Viva la resistance!! For all you servers out there, I hope you’re ready to raise your game or I feel bad for you if you get me at your next table. Cheers!!!!

8 Of The Most Unbelievable Facts You'll Ever Hear in Your Life

2014-04-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

1. The Most Drugs Ever Smuggled Anally is 11kg (about 25lbs):

Hector Enrique Gomez Jr.*, aged 72 at the time, was a Colombian National who was stopped at Miami airport in 1986 after he fell out of his wheelchair going through customs and started acting strangely in an effort to get back in it. American Customs agents noticed he could clearly walk fine, and became suspicious after the over-embellishment of truly being disabled. Gomez was taken for a full body search where customs agents discovered almost 25lbs of pure Colombian cocaine lodged delicately up his keester.

2.       Purebred Dogs Can Learn to Imitate the Scent of Their Owner’s Breath:

In a study done in 1999 by Dr. J Darling* of the Kennel Society of Idaho, test results show that certain breeds of purebred Labs and Bloodhounds, if trained specifically as a hunting aide, can alter the enzymes in their mouth to match the scent of their master’s breath to better identify as a member of their pack.

3.       The World Record for Human Nipples is 40:

In the mid 1960’s a woman from an indigenous tribe in New Guinea was discovered by Australian explorers with the National Indigenous Association of Queensland* to have 40 fully functioning, lactating nipples. She was regarded by the tribe as the ‘Mother to All’ sent by the Creator. All newly born children took their inaugural nursing from her. Ironically and coincidentally enough, her true name was Milkango – which in her native tongue means “strange blessing”

4.       In 16^Th Century Spain, Boys Born With Webbed Feet Legally Had to Become Pirates:

Right at the pinnacle points of Caribbean conquests by the Spanish Armada, King Jose of Spain* passed a law stating that any boy born with the genetic condition must serve on a ship due to his ability ‘as chosen by God’ to be a superior swimmer. The King's goal was to develop a unit of top-notch swimmer/soldiers who could swim swiftly into island villages and take out guards without ever being detected at night.

5.       There Was Once an Inuit/Eskimo Who Lived His Entire Life With a Body Temperature of Well Over 100 Degrees:

Wakaluktuk* was a man born in Canada’s Arctic Northwest Territories region in 1922. His mother passed away from exhaustion due to the strain of giving birth to such a large baby (over 13lbs). Inuit legend states that he never stopped steaming from his body since the day he was born, and was utilized in his village to help melt things that were frozen together such as meat or containers. Wakaluktuk translates to “ice melted” in the Inuit tongue. He lived to be 69.

6.       Every Year, Over 200 People Die Globally From Being Offended by a Joke:

According to Dr. Hans Guudern*, Head of the International Post-Mortem Statistics Association, every year hundreds of people find a joke or insult so offensive that the section of their brain associated with stress and emotion (the prefrontal cortex) develops and instant bursting aneurism that kills the person instantly. The official cause of death has been published globally as, ‘offensive hemorrhaging’.

7.       Until the Early 1800’s Korean’s Used Live Sea Squid as Toilet Paper:

Due to its wet, slimy yet adhesive nature, people in Ancient Fuedal Korea would keep a water bucket with a live sea-squid near to their toilet areas. Wiping with the squid was effective because the suction-like tentacles would take waste with them. The squid could be put back into the bucket of sea water and reused several times before it would eventually die from over-exertion, or waste related poisoning.

8.       The Majority of People That Read Lists on the Internet, Actually Believe Them:

If this list has had you fooled for even a second, you are one of those people. Every ‘fact’ from 1-7 has been utter nonsense that I’ve completely made up and pulled out of my ass, as is much of the garbage that we read online without thinking any further about. This post was meant to be entertaining and also to prove a point that people believe the smut we’re told too often, particularly when it comes to ‘amazing lists’ articles like this was an attempt at. The key to being happy, smart, safe and respected is to think critically and independently. Look deeper into what you read or are told because quite often, it can turn out to be bullshit.

But Share This, Because It's Awesome

*not a real person, check here to make sure, though.

Hope you enjoyed, share with your friends, see if they can believe it!

-Jegger

Guest Contribution #2: Tinder 2 - A 26 Year Old Woman's Commentary on the World of Dating Apps

2014-04-21T12:45:00.003-07:00

Second guest contribution post comes from Alicia O'Connell writing about a woman's take on what a Tinder experience is like. Great read, good points - check it out! Like, Share, Stumble, Tweet, Reddit, or snail mail as you see fit!

Check her out:
Twitter: @ayo7788
Instagram: @ayo778

A 26 Year Old Woman's Commentary on the World of Dating Apps

As a recently single lady I have discovered that the world of dating has changed drastically in the four years I was in a relationship. I am only 26 years old but having recently downloaded a dating application onto my Iphone I’ve discovered that today’s version of courting is seriously lacking in most aspects. During the present time one does not even have to leave their house in order to score a date. I simply just put pretty pictures of myself onto Tinder and voila, I have prospects. While they look at my pictures and chat to me through the application I am most likely in sweat pants, with wet hair, eating wings I ordered from Pizza Hut, but they’ll never know. Through many of the matches I gained on Tinder I made a realization: dating applications make dating a creepy experience. These guys have nothing to lose. They simply propose something vulgar and if you say no and block them then it’s no skin off their back and if you say yes, then they score. All the romance has been taken from dating with the use of online websites and applications. There’s not stopping it however, this is the technology age. All I have to do is swipe right on the picture of a good-looking guy and I’m set. Only I’m not. The world of dating has turned into quite the experience now and that in itself is not necessarily a good thing.

This is a screen shot from a guy I matched who will remain nameless so as not to sully his chances with any other females on tinder who like the first words out of a guy’s mouth to be “I want to do dirty things to you”. I believe my response was appropriate considering. I mean you can’t blame the guy for trying but seriously, not even a “hello”? Not even a “how are you”? I don’t imagine myself to be above anyone else, and obviously I found this guy attractive considering we matched but it is times like these where I find myself wondering what I am doing on Tinder in the first place. This is a good question though. What am I doing on Tinder you ask? Well. I’ll tell you. It’s simple enough: I joined for fun. I don’t expect any sort of long term relationship to come out of it nor have I even decided to meet anyone in person at this point. Post-breakup I’ve been sad and Tinder seemed like a fun and innocent way to alleviate that sadness. It’s a bit of a confidence booster. Since matches are based on pretty much pictures alone I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself. Regardless though, this guy got blocked immediately. The funny thing is I think he may have blocked me back after my response. I guess I just wasn’t what he was looking for. He probably wanted me to ask, “What kind of dirty things?” The sad thing is that I’m sure there are girls who do on occasion respond that way. Why else would he even try it? Because obviously his success rate isn’t bad. Which makes me scared for the human race. One day someone at their wedding will ask, “So how did you two crazy kids meet?” and his response will be “I told her through a dating app that I wanted to do dirty things to her, and you would not believe the response I got”. That’ll be one to tell the grandchildren.

-Alicia O' Connell

Guest Contribution #1: Out of Touch: The Technological Social Gap

2014-04-15T14:05:00.001-07:00

As I posted on my Facebook page earlier in the week, I was looking for some friends who were into writing and wanted to post some content on my blog.
The response I got was great! Lots of contributions in the works, and hopefully many more to come!

First guest post comes from my friend Katelyn, check her out
Instagram: @rockette55
Twitter: @rockette_55

I remember the first time I ever used a computer was when I was in elementary school. I lived in a relatively small, but growing, town that had 2 main roads. When I wanted to contact a friend outside of school I would either have to walk to their house, or call them from a landline telephone. 50/50 chance of social interaction based on whether they were home or not. But with the Internet growing, so did social media. Soon I had many messaging systems to contact my friends: MSN Messenger, Nexopia, Myspace, to name a few.

My Mother worked for a phone company and I finally got my first cell phone for my fifteenth birthday (2003). Sadly, my birthday is late in the year and most of my friends already had one. It had basic calling and I remember when I first started to send text messages there was a lot of arguments with my parents as to whether or not I should be allowed that privilege. Obviously, my parents caved to my pleas and the technological takeover began.

My cell phone came with me everywhere and I was always in contact with my friends. Texting during class became common with everyone I knew. I could talk to friends about what we were doing after work, while I was at work, on Friday nights. It was easy and became second nature. It’s still engrained in me and is a part of my life to this day. It’s pretty obvious that I’m not the only one who has this habit. People text back and forth while at work, driving, at the gym, or at home. One thing I have noticed is that the number of phone calls on my phone has decreased drastically. This is where the gap of human intimacy becomes so obvious.

This social gap I speak of is obvious to people of my generation or older. There are certain social “faux pas” that we are aware of that the younger generations haven’t quite caught onto. Unwritten rules of etiquette, like keeping your cell phone in your purse on dates or having unimportant phone conversations with a friend while you’re out with another friend having coffee. Those are just a few examples. This gap has transferred over into almost everything, including the world of dating.

As a 25 year old, single female who is currently venturing in this dating world, there are a few things different than from our parent’s generation. In the past few years of dating I have ventured into online dating and most recently, dating apps. To be more specific as to which app it is, I will admit that I joined Tinder a few months ago. I know this app has a stigma for being a “hook-up” app but I was honestly looking for a relationship. And as of a few weeks ago, I thought I had found one.

I had started talking to a few people using the app and agreed to meet a couple of them. The first date I went on was for drinks with a guy that lived in my area. He was a couple years younger than me but we really seemed to hit it off. Next thing you knew it was our third and our fourth date and it seemed to be getting relatively serious. I guess serious isn’t the right word to describe it really. Exclusive, lets say. A word I have a hard time using. I would be lying if I didn’t admit the fact that over the past few years I’ve been a bit of a serial dater and that I’ve had a hard time committing to seeing just one person. This was new territory for me.

We continued seeing each other. We discussed the fact neither of us we’re looking for marriage and children any time soon but we both enjoyed each other’s company and wanted to pursue this. There was no rush. We discussed him joining my softball team, camping trips, and future dates. Neither of us we’re ready for the other to meet our friends yet (like I said, I have issues with things rushing so this didn’t bother me) but we always made time to spend with each other. Next thing you knew it had been 2 months since we started dating. And then it happened…

#Banksy

He broke things off with me over a text. Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but this really bothers me. Maybe that’s because this just happened last night and it’s still fresh in my mind and I’m a little bitter. After nearly two months of dating and spending time (face to face) getting to know someone, how is it socially acceptable to end something through a text message? That’s the easy way out of an uncomfortable situation. I’m not the only one who has gone through this, and this isn’t the first time it has happened to me. I just cannot figure out how a guy who was such a gentleman, and definitely what you would call a “manly man” could be such a coward. Why is it so hard to pick up the phone and call, or meet in person, and just be honest?

I can without a doubt in my mind say that every time I have had an issue I’ve always asked to discuss it in person rather than try to deal with it via text message or email. Emotions cannot always be portrayed properly through written word. People tend to read between the lines or misinterpret things and everything gets blown further out of proportion. Has it really become too difficult to sit down in front of someone and tell him or her how you feel and to listen to their point of view? It really shouldn’t be considering this was our original way of interaction.

I guess at the end of the day I’m saying this. This goes for everyone, male or female. Grow a set. So what if it’s hard and sometimes uncomfortable. At least you will learn how to relate and socially interact with someone face to face. Sometimes you just have to risk a little bit of heartbreak to do the right thing by someone else. And also maybe I should read the JeggerReport before joining dating apps on my phone…

Oh, before I forget to mention it, I have a date on Wednesday. Old habits die-hard.

-Katelyn

Life's a Garden, Dig It. Smell Those Roses.

2014-04-09T11:54:00.001-07:00

When I was in elementary school and early high school, I thought I’d be close with my little carefree group of friends forever. I thought we’d stay close all through school, way into our adult years and beyond because the chemistry we shared when we were responsibility free pre-teens was just too natural. I thought everyone at my entire elementary school, or everyone I had on MSN Messenger would be a part of my life to some degree for decades to come. Life was carefree. Laughter, love, and angst just flowed naturally through our prepubescent bodies to the point that it became an extremely familiar chaos. Money wasn’t an issue, and the kids who got $20 a week allowance were living large, free to make it rain, so to speak.

But as we grew up, I was proven wrong. I speak to a small handful of people I knew ‘back in the day’ and the duties of adult life have drifted all of us further and further apart from our acquaintances. Some have travelled the world, focused on careers, got married, started families, and some have done a whole lot of nothing. Either or, doesn't matter, if you make it competition, you're bound to feel like a loser. If you treat life with a sense of winners and losers, sooner or later you realize that nobody comes out alive, so really there are no winners.

Let me be clear, growing up and being an adult is not a bad thing, its a great thing – but life happens at a rapid speed, so maybe we should remember to take more time to smell the roses along the journey.

Today, Facebook and all the other platforms that people parade their personal lives on don’t leave much to the imagination as to what people are doing with their lives. You can, for the most part get a feel for the type of person those kids you knew have become.

The kid who peed his pants in the 4th grade is an oil worker and has a baby, Neat!
The girl who loved doing homework in grade 7 is a teacher, and getting married, wow!

The guy who wore everything Randy River has lost all his hair already, maybe the flames on his shirt burnt it off!
The guy who always smelled like mold is a bread maker, and has two moldy little sons, talk about foreshadowing!

But when was the last time you spoke with any of those people? Sure, maybe you’ve ran into them at the market or a bar had a little bit of small talk like you don’t already know what they’re doing with themselves. But when was the last time you got to have a care free, no agenda chat with someone from the past that you’ve drifted away from as you’ve molded your life? I recently had to a chance to do it, and it was great. I'm very glad I did, and here's why: Not only did I get to reconnect with someone that I had actually forgotten I genuinely cared about, but I got to reconnect with the person I was when I did.

I'm not talking about people you’ve sort of kept in touch with, I'm talking about people you haven’t spoken with in years. I'm talking the person where you can say, “I haven’t seen ______ in forever”. What I suggest is ask that person out for a drink. Sit down with a person, guy or girl doesn’t matter, and just shoot the shit. I can almost promise that you’ll just magically pick up where you left off.

You’ll be reminded of the person you were before the weight of life and the trivial pursuit known as adulthood got in the way. They may remember personality traits about you that you had forgotten about yourself. Traits clearly dynamic enough to leave an impression after all these years.

Without even realizing it you’ll be doing the same for them. Once the initial small-talk is out of the way, you’ll find time has metaphorically rewound your mindset to pick up right where you’ve left off.

In a time where people are ‘cleaning out their Facebook’, I challenge you to do the opposite. Hang out with someone you’ve lost contact with from your childhood.

They knew you when life was easy – perhaps with your fast paced life, you’ve forgotten that person the kid in you once was.

You’ll be able to look back and smile as to how far you’ve come, be able to use that reignited sense of yourself to drive even deeper into your dreams that you’re currently trying to make come true.

Forgetting the child in all of us is a deadly plague that adulthood can bring. It’s the gateway to stress, uncertainty and self-doubt.

We all could use this, so get a hold of someone you haven’t really seen in 10 years or so – see if they’re free for banter and bullshit one night, let me know how it goes. My guess is awesome.

Thanks for reading, now go out there and make new(old) friends!

#SmellTheRoses

-Jegger

"When we appreciate things from our past, we're latently arguing that those things are still important -- and if those things are important, we can pretend our own life is equally important, because those are the things that comprise our past." - Chuck Klosterman

The Creepy Men of Instagram (part 1 of an Instagram series)

2014-04-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

As a social experiment I recently checked out the page of an ex-pornstar on Instagram. Totally for research, not at all to check out an attractive girl take risky selfies.

Let me say, I definitely stayed for the comments. At an instant I noticed about 5-10 guys who comment on every single photo, who live vicariously through this chick’s Instagram, thinking they’ve got a shot.

This is beyond pathetic, way beyond creepy, and absolutely HILARIOUS.

You can read comments ranging from:

the retired old man who gives extremely creepy encouragement everyday

the guy who thinks its okay to be gross

the broken English guy who doesn’t know the weight certain English words carry

the swinger

the kid

in these guys heads they must think that a pornstar is going to be wooed by them saying creepy, or derogatory shit.

“How’d we meet? Well she was a model with about 500,000 Instagram followers, I made sure I creepily commented ‘stunning’ a lot on all of her pictures… and well, the rest is history.”

This must really be what these basement dwellers think!

Like,

Unsure how to act around celebrities? Well I'm sure they love surprise shoulder massages from strangers as much as the next guy!

Then the other part of the hilarious comment section is the arguers! These losers pick on each other! they vie for the attention of the on-camera prostitute and vocally step on anyone else in an attempt to do so. I mean the chicks love bad boys right?

These guys creep the open personal Instagram pages of guys who make comments to the pornstar, and then tear a strip of the guy for being a loser! They’ll say shit like:

“stupid tattoo, you fag”

“nice fat girlfriend you’ve got, you can’t do any better”

“get a life, your profile is all pictures of your stupid dog, loser”

Mix that in with the occasional grammar nazi, who makes sure half of these creeps can be reminded that they’re barely literate, and you’ve got some seriously hilarious entertainment at the expense of some of Darwin’s exceptions.

It’s the biggest example of the pot calling the kettle black. Creepy dudes, cyberbullying other creepy dudes to not seem creepy and get favour from a pornstar, who more than likely, has an assistant or something who takes care of social media and NEVER checks comments.

Anyways, this was just meant to be a short post so I'm going to keep it as one. I plan on doing another post on Instagram soon of this 3 part series.

But do yourself a favour, follow an adult entertainer on Instagram, and just read all the comments, it’s more entertaining than you realize. If you want to follow the one I was following and join in my barrel of laughs, it was @breeolson

Anyways, happy Wednesday! Suns shining!

-Jegger

Why The Coverage of MH370 Makes Me Mad, and Should Make You Mad Too

2014-03-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

Everything about the way the media has showcased the disappearance of the Malaysian plane pisses me off. It turned the global community into either sympathizers, conspiracy theorists, islamaphobes, or just upset them in general.

Today the Malaysian PM announced that there was no way that any of the passengers will be found alive, increased debris has been washing up on the Western Australian coastline and that ‘new data’ suggests it travelled so far off course and off land that there’s no way it would have had the fuel to land safely. It went down in the Southern Indian Ocean, everyone on board died, and it should go down in history as a tragedy. A mysterious one, but still a tragedy. At least a political leader actually made a concrete statement, gave some closure. Said what we all knew but didn’t want to hear, 239 people are dead.

Now here’s the part that pisses me off. This plane took off march.8, as far as the news goes, sure, let’s give them about 4-5 days to theorize and give scenarios, tops. Instead, they played on people’s emotions with rhetoric and speculation instead of facts. It seemed like every few hours there would be ‘new data’. They released scenarios to the public that potentially shat all over the reputations of anyone on board:

-the pilot was a political fanatic who deleted his simulator for some twisted plot tied to justice for his political party
-the Iranian asylum seekers with fake passports were part of some jihadist terrorist cell
-the co-pilot was a womanizer who invited attractive white women in the cockpit to party with them and may have not been paying attention
-Chinese separatists overtook and hijacked the plane to use for a sinister plot
-Pilot suicide, or passenger suicide

ALL NOT TRUE OR PROVEN

Secondly, the whereabouts of the plane seemed to change drastically with every slight change in ‘new data’. People wondered and tuned in because they were told:

-The plane had swiftly changed course toward the upper bay of Thailand, then disappeared, then it was in:

-the Andaman Sea
-the Strait of Malacca
-the Southern Indian Ocean
-remote Indigenous inhabited islands off the coast of India
-landed in an old abandoned military airfield in Vietnam
-went up to N.Korea and landed in Pyongyang
-went through Kazakhstan into Afghanistan

<--not accurate

Which was all bullshit, yet we were told to hang on to what the ‘new data’ suggested, so we’d wait, emotionally invest, and tune back into that media outlet to only be fed more ‘new data’ as to its whereabouts and where it went down, just as soon as they can dream up ‘new data’. we’d be picked up by promising ‘new data’ almost every day, believing we’d all have some closure. We had build-ups like:

-the oil slick off Vietnam
-the eye witness account from the Chinese Oil Rigger
-the eye witness account from a tourist at a resort in Maldives
-the seismic activity from a Chinese Seismograph
-the Chinese Satellite images showing ‘possible debris’
-even Courtney Love made ‘new data’ saying she found the planenot accurate

Etc..

All fruitless, theories, non-supported by facts but rather speculation dressed up as fact to keep you on edge and tuned in. The news would invite ‘experts’ in to support these ideas that we now know to be untrue.

Of course, what good is a tragic world event without getting some political controversy in there as well? While the so called ‘international community of 29 nations’ searched for the plane, none seemed very keen on sharing any of their data. It was a big Mexican standoff. I can’t possibly buy that not one nation didn’t know what was going on. Just because we weren’t told something doesn’t mean it’s not true. I get that nations have secrets and there’s a lot out there that we’re not supposed to know. That’s fine. I don’t need to know the secrets the government keeps, I'm not a secret agent or a spy. But I also definitely don’t need to be exposed to crocks of bullshit day after day. Lies combined with emotional investment are a sure-fire way for people to interpret those lies as fact. That’s a scary thought.

After about two weeks of the plane’s disappearance, the media seemed to run out of feasible ways to feed us ‘new data’ without us getting wise. So what do they do? They start running segments like “Let’s turn to Social Media and explore some theories circulating on the internet.” That’s right folks, the internet, where the trolls and the paranoid roam.

Then expose these fully invested people to far-out conspiracies like:

-electronic weapons were on board that pulsed out the communications and then landed somewhere remote where ________ country gained access to these confidential technologies
-plane was hijacked and flew underneath the radar shadow of another plane until it could make a remote landing
-sucked in a black hole (yes, seriously)
-Russia hijacked and made the plane disappear to take the media’s attention of the Crimea annexation
-Jihadists hijacked and landed it to reuse for a Chinese version of 9/11
-North Korea hijacked it and landed it and plans to fill it with a nuclear warhead where it will fly it, undetected to a western target
-landed on a remote island because the pilot lost faith in humanity and wanted to start his own little Gilligan’s Island
-China has an underwater base where it landed and the passengers are being used for scientific research
-the MOON!

These were all bullshit ideas flogged through some sort of ‘trusted’ media outlets. Give me a break.

The bottom line is that 239 people are not alive any longer and many families have been ripped apart due to it. Inevitably, the media is going to milk the mourning process now to get every last rating out of this tragedy, but in my opinion that’s a lot better than any more ‘new data’.

There are such things in the world as mysteries. Sometimes things can’t be explained. This isn’t the first plane to vanish in the remote spots of planet earth, never to be seen again, and it probably won’t be the last.

To people hanging on this story hoping for a miracle, I'm glad a politician has finally given closure and announced deaths.

To the news, thank you for teaching me that ‘new data’ really usually means ‘stuff we pulled out of our ass to keep you watching’. The gross insensitivity they displayed throughout this whole process, really shows the news these days is all about ratings. Speculations and theories can be dressed up and paraded around as facts, until they’ve run out of juice and new speculations need to take their turn.

From now on, I'm going to scoff when I hear things like “news you can trust”. Get bent

My hope for you is that you don’t believe everything you’re told. In today’s media world, there’s always an agenda.

Thanks for listening to my rant. My thoughts and prayers are with people affected by this tragedy, and I hope they’re in yours too.

-Jegger

PS: I’ll get back to humorous posts soon, there’s just so much going on in the world lately to not address it.

Thailand - My Take On The Kingdom Of Siam

2014-03-18T16:20:00.000-07:00

Thailand, the Kingdom of Siam – it is the portal to heaven or to hell, whichever direction you’d like to go. A third world harmony in one of the most breathtaking lands the natural world has to offer. I’ve been home a little over a week now, and I’ve been trying to put into words what it’s like over there. Making comparisons so you can relate won’t do any justice because there is in fact, nothing in the world like it. The closest I came to an actual worded comparison was actually from the 80’s song “One Night in Bangkok” by Murray Head - with lines like:

“One night is Bangkok and the worlds your oyster – not much between despair and ecstasy”

“One night in Bangkok can make the hard man humble… can’t be too careful with your company”

“Siam, is gonna be the witness to the ultimate test of cerebral fitness”

Link to the music video here --> http://youtu.be/R9cNtrrCP0E

It’s not really a place where you explore the city and relax. It’s the kind of place where you’re on your toes always because anything is always seemingly on the verge of happening. The excitement of being in suspense is a feeling you learn to love. For example, crossing the streets is like playing a life or death game of Frogger – one lane at a time, try not to die, understand they don’t stop and that crosswalks are just for decoration.

The things you’ve probably heard about Thailand are all true, if they seem negative it is because you’re coming to judgment from a western, first world perspective. One thing the Thais all have among the commotion, is community. I wasn’t there long, but I came to understand some things about the Thais, and they are fascinating, respectable, wonderful people. Sure, there are places in Thailand where you can meet tourists that you share a common tongue with, and enjoy a beach in a resort type setting like Ko Phi Phi or Phuket. Pattaya isn’t really one of those cities (for an English speaker). It is a melting pot of the world. A city custom molded to become a Hedonistic Disneyland for Adults.

The fruit is some of the best tasting, freshest I’ve ever tasted (the pineapple in particular) and it’s under $1 for pretty generous helping. People on bikes are riding around with it, so it’s easy to grab some whenever you see it. Snacking is the way to go in Thailand, that’s even how the locals eat (snack, share, and repeat as needed). Filling your stomach with delicious, spicy, genuine Thai food is affordable and delicious and fits into a traditional 3 full meal per day schedule. However, when you mix that with blistering heat, exercise, and most likely some alcohol, it’s a recipe for disaster. For those oblivious readers, I'm talking about the shits.

Thai people look out for one another, especially in a condensed tourist city like Pattaya. They share what they have, and care for their fellow person when care is needed. They keep their friends in the lucrative loop as much as possible.

(For Example: at the beer bar I went to the most to try and chill out, I was not allowed to play music from my iPod on the speaker systems, even if I was the only one there. This is because there is a person selling CDs just down the road for a buck who is bound to be selling what I want to hear. So for about $2 and a short walk, I was able to get Luke Bryan and the Johnny Cash Greatest Hits albums and bring them back to this bar for my listening pleasure.)

In turn, everybody wins. Another fellow Thai makes a buck, a beer bar gets another CD for the rotation, and I get to hear the music I want to.

What I at first deemed ‘resourceful’ quickly turned to the realization that we in the west are just extremely wasteful. Blank paper slates, whether from the inside of a Johnny Walker box, or the unprinted side of a bill of sale, still serves a purpose and can be written on. Food isn’t thrown out because it doesn’t need to be. When a Thai is done eating and there is some food left, it’s never a far venture to find someone who is hungry. Then once the food is all gone, the bare scraps can be given to a feral cat (which are the reincarnation of a Buddhist Monk according to the Thais) or a stray dog.

Buddha is big there, and it’s hard not to respect the Buddhist mentality of inner peace, good karma, and simple harmony without attachment to material possessions. You learn a lot from people who have next to nothing as far as possessions go, but are clearly happier than you’ve ever imagined yourself being. Some of the Buddhist shrines and sanctuaries they have there will take your breath away. You can sense the ancientness to them and really cuts you down to size. These shrines are all built to honour ideas not gods– like the Sanctuary of Truth; a massive wooden building to symbolize the triumph and ongoing battle of wisdom over ignorance. The ‘Big Buddha’ on the top of the mountain overlooking the city of Pattaya has many statues symbolizing good luck and gratitude for everything. I put a Canadian nickel in fat Buddha’s hand; let’s see how it pans out.

Just as here, women find a man with money attractive and desirable. When you’re ugly and poor, you’re ugly. When you’re rich and ugly, you’re rich.

The average annual salary for a Thai in the workforce is about $3,700. That’s all year.

A western woman’s idea of a man with money varies greatly from a Thai woman’s idea of a man with money. To Thais, if you’re White, Japanese, or Arab; you’re a man with money. If a foreign man spent the average Canadian salary just for a plane ticket to visit Canada, I’m sure Canadian women would latch on to him pretty quickly too.

That leads to what we in the west refer to as “prostitution”. In Thailand, this term becomes very broad.

There is a large chunk of straight-up hookers looking to turn quick tricks for quick money. That’s where the exploitation lies; unfortunately that is the evident underbelly of the country. You see people in a sense of sex slavery. It is the sad state of affairs that has laid a scourge on most of the countries of the world in some form, but more so in Thailand and Southeast Asia. Really the only way to end human trafficking is to not support it – but the unfortunate truth is, people have been supporting it since the beginning of civilization and probably will until the end of it.

The majority of women that you can meet and that want to meet you aren’t hookers though. They work at bars, restaurants, massage parlours, or at the beach. They don’t solicit themselves for sex, but rather want you to buy drinks for them and show them a good time. It’s the same process as how most people tend to meet here (expect a lot easier there). You get a sort of girlfriend experience, someone who latches onto you and gives you unwavering affection – if you’re good to them, they’ll be good to you. If you’re an asshole to them, they’ll leave or make sure you fall down every financial pit that Thailand offers (sounds like marriage). If you’re led astray in Thailand, you’ll be chewed up and spit out faster than you can comprehend.

You see tons of it -- middle-aged men with beautiful Thai women, both on cloud nine. It’s like these guys are reliving the glory days when having a muscle car used to get them the kind of attention from women as they’re getting now from these ladies. From first glance, you assume half of these men’s libido is next to nothing without a little blue pill, it seems it’s the attention and affection that they’re in it for. These women aren’t ‘dirty’; they’ll be loyal to you as long as you’re loyal to them. Just like the lot of us, and they’re looking for love. After all, they could be the love of your life and you could be theirs. As well, it’s obvious that falling in love with a westerner elevates their social status to the upper class. They aren’t gold diggers though, you being there just ‘impresses’ them. I don’t want to go too deep into this side of Thailand, because I really don’t know anything on it, it’s just my observation and people say enough about it as is – I know any guy that falls in love with a Thai woman is a lucky man, because they are gorgeous and loyal. If this sort of method of meeting someone is considered prostitution, then we’re all whores in some way.

You can’t attempt to explain Thailand without at least a small mention of the infamous Ladyboys. Sexuality in all forms is wide open, very accepted, and doesn’t affect how people live their lives. Transgendered are considered the third sex, and the Asian stature mixed with some plastic surgery actually makes these ‘girls’ quite attractive. This is another huge boost in the sex-industry of Thailand. Men with homosexual tendencies who’ve lived in the closets for their entire lives due to the stigma instilled upon them in their home country can travel here and fulfill their desires that they’ve kept subdued for so long. There is a stigma in rural Thailand on homosexuality as well, so big cities become safe havens in which social acceptance and normalcy can be achieved and therefore, are hubs for the LGBT community.

Two things most Thais appear to know at least a bit of: massage and Muay Thai kickboxing. You can get a massage around every corner. Foot rubs, back rubs, full body rubdowns, Thai massage where they bend and contort you, and last but not least, the rub and tug is also right in the mix. Open aired boxing ring bars are all over the place. These guys ruthlessly kick the shit out of each other solely for your entertainment. The winner gets paid by tips he comes around and asks for after he finishes beating the piss out of his opponent. Loser gets a black eye and a glass of water. It’s Cockfighting, but with people.

To close, Thailand is an unreal place. I highly recommend it. Just don’t go there expecting to find any familiarity or else you’ll hate it. Go there and let the culture shock take control of you, before you realize it you’ll be embracing it. The people are as good to you as you are to them. Make true friends with a local and they’ll look out for you like one of their own. Be pretentious and pompous towards them and you’ll find yourself lost in purgatory with your wallet being the only thing to save you. Prepare to be amazed by the landscape, the nightlife, the food, the culture, and the heat.

Sorry for the long write-up, I still probably didn’t do the place justice.

Hope you enjoyed!

-Jegger

Turning 26 in Thailand

2014-02-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

Todays the day I’m heading out of the continent for the first time in over a decade, headed to Thailand. I have no idea what to expect but I know I’m looking forward to it.

I’m spending my 26^th birthday in this Southeast Asian paradise – I can’t think of a better way to ease into one’s ‘late 20s’ than white sands, cold drinks, and the good life.

My family pretty-well all work in the airline industry, and I wouldn’t say I’m a bad flyer, but I’m always super uncomfortable until the moment that I board the plane. It’s not the flying that I dislike, it’s the short window of time leading up to it… like now, mere hours before show time. but I love long flights, being suspended in the air in such a void allows for honest self-thought and reflection.

We see the news almost daily about the political unrest in Thailand, and violence that seems to be growing along with it. To be honest, in a way I’m looking forward to seeing that from a closer angle. I’m not saying I’m going to submerge myself in a war zone, I just mean I’m sure seeing fresh remnants of conflict will remind me how grateful I am to live in Canada, the freest, most beautiful place in the world. It’ll give me new perspective to meet people that have seen true adversity, not the petty sort that we western people seem to dwell on often.

I’m pumped about eating fresh Asian fruits and veggies that I’ve never seen before, on beaches and bars that I could have never dreamt existed, with people whose culture is absolutely nothing at all like my own. I imagine they’ll be excited to practice the broken short English they know with me, what words I’m not sure. As a man who is 6 foot 4, and 250lbs going to an Asian country, I’m sure I’ll be referred to as something along the lines of “big boy”. Which is fine, I could use the ego boost.

Hopefully I’m going to get a line in the water at some point during the trip and try my angling luck on the other side of the planet, see what kind of weird looking creature I can yank out of the water and hopefully eat.

And finally all the ancient temples of truth and peace, that Buddhist culture have created over the past few thousand years, I bet that stuff is going to knock my proverbial socks off. I’m not a Buddhist, I’m a Christian, but I am definitely an explorer on the seemingly never ending path to inner peace.

If there is one thing I’m not looking forward to, it’s leaving my dog. Wee-Li Nel Sun is a Buddhist dog from Tibet though, so maybe he will be my spirit guide while I’m gone. Canada’s Gold Medal Men’s Hockey game day marked the 1 year anniversary of me rescuing him, so I’d say that’s pretty momentous. Man, I love that little guy.

If I do not return, I’ve most likely fallen so thoroughly in love with the country that I can’t bear to leave. Remember me fondly, and remember I’ll keep you all in my thoughts.

Till Mar.9^th when I return, Peace, Love, God Bless, and be good until I get back to shake things up with you. SEE YA!

Ps. If I’ve got Wi-Fi, I’ll show ya’ll where I'm at via jeggergram

Pps. If anyone spoils the outcome of the episode of True Detective that I’m going to miss, I’ll egg your house... (Not joking)

Poetry Thursday 3

2014-02-20T11:19:00.000-08:00

Please Pickup After Your Dog
By: Steve Jegger

"That's it! I've had it! I mean it, that's it!"
He screamed out loud, as he stepped in dog shit.

The frustration was thick for he'd just bought these shoes
And now they were merely, Nike Foam Plus plus poos.

He hurried back home and cleaned them off in a rush
But his wife was furious, because he used her toothbrush.

She kicked him out and told him to leave for a while
So she would have time to refresh her stained smile.

The man went to a pub to drown his ill sorrow
Desperately hoping, that he'd have a better tomorrow.

One drink turned to ten and the man became drunk,
The bartender said "no more" and the man's shoulders sunk.

As he stumbled back home he saw a coin on the ground
He picked it up a smiled, at what he had found.

"Wow! This nickel marks a change in my luck"
He said right before he was hit by a truck.

So let this man's story be a lesson to you
When walking your dog, always pick up its poo.

Poetry Thursday 2

2014-02-13T16:24:00.001-08:00

I remain determined to keep Poetry Thursday a thing.
This Thursday I wrote a free verse describing a night-terror I had no more than two weeks ago.
For as long as I can remember I've had unsettling sleep habits from sleep-paralysis to night terrors. I always remember my dreams, so here's the experience through words of this one.

as always send me your poetry if you'd like to be posted on Poetry Thursday and I'll feature it.

enjoy!

The Nucleus By: Steve Jegger

At the time I didn’t grasp I was opening my eyes from the inside,
Since somehow I felt alive among this unmerited chaos,
But I didn’t know the source of this beam of tangerine light that was nudging through my curtain,
The atmosphere should not be the colour synonymous with fire and my stomach shouldn’t be this unsettled,
I made my way to the front door to stamp reality onto this feeling,
I don’t recall taking any paces towards the door,
But I remember the nerve-racking journey down my hallway to it,
As the tinted glass was shining orange and illuminated,
Maybe I had no legs at all because I don’t recollect them being in attendance,
My choice of transportation must have been mental energy,
I toured out onto my front porch to a surge of heat and dynamism,
Like stepping into a sauna that was overstraining its potential,
Warmth that penetrates your core before your senses have a chance to catch up,
My familiar neighbourhood was there but all the accompaniments were not,
No automobiles in my neighbour’s driveway or anywhere,
No street lights that would normally irradiate the sidewalk,
No trees, shrubs, or flowers that my neighbours had planted,
Just pristine homes, clean and abandoned as they were originally when I watched them erected as a boy,
The lawn’s vibrancy was like nothing I had ever set witness to,
A deeper shade of green than my eyes knew how to process,
It was though the tangerine engulfed sky had graced it with an overload of chlorophyll,
Mutating the lawn and exceeding the capabilities that nature permitted it,
This was all before I looked up,
The real purpose I was out here for anyways,
As I looked up to the sky I saw hundreds of jetliners and passenger planes,
All thundering above me no more than a few hundred feet,
I could only hear the marvellous crash of the jet stream if I focused on them,
Otherwise it was an uncomfortable mute in my head,
The pandemonium became a choice to hear an eerie silence, or an earth shattering exhaust,
These planes flew in a circular orbit like an electron circling an invisible nucleus,
All flying in perfect circles aplenty,
Some were upside down, some sideways, some upright,
But all flew the same path repeatedly as if they were trapped or drawn on this course.
I decided to stare at the one that orbited closest to my sight,
So the roar of the engine could battle with my ears for familiarity or submission,
The noise was forcing my thoughts to scramble and turning my mind abstract,
Once I finally thought I was grasping the situation that was unexplainable, yet before me,

I woke up.

Tips for Tinder: We're All Gonna Get _____!

2014-02-12T16:20:00.000-08:00

Its going down, I'm yelling TINDERRRR!!!!

Today’s quick topic has got to be Tinder. The interactive dating app that lets you view a profile picture and quick description of a person, and decide if you want to do them! Perfect! At the end of the interaction, if you’ve both agreed you want to potentially see each other naked to some capacity, congratulations! A screen comes up telling you that you have a match and you’re free to make small talk and try and get together with them.
This may seem a little bit of a backwards process wanting to get in someone's pants before wanting to get in their heart and mind, but - #YOLO

Yes, this is actually a thing. People genuinely think they will meet the love of their life by first judging them solely on their appearance. By the year 2030, there is going to be an entire generation of kids born of a wine-fuelled Tinder hookup. Great!

Best part about this is it works on Wi-Fi proximity signals and geo-locating software, so you get to choose from singles in your general area, anywhere you are in the world! This is great if you’re travelling and want to do something crazy while in Vegas, or if you’re just trying to find a cute gal to give you a ride to an airport.

Still interested? Perfect! Here’s some sure fire ways to have if nothing else, FUN while using Tinder. Without epically failing the excitement factor by starting to get to know someone with something boring like “hey, how are you?" because that's what you call, fucking boring. Here's a free opener for a guy to strike up a conversation - this one's free from me ;)

Ladies, If you matched with a guy solely because he has a really cute dog (this happens), why not get to know them enough to set up a date, and make sure they bring their puppy along with a series of dog related puns:

Bring the dog! no pugs no hugs, no ruff no muff, no stray no play, no mutt no butt. and POOF! you make a new furry friend!

Sometimes even after you get a match, you don’t ever end up speaking with them. I always assume this is because the girl is too afraid to hangout because she’s not actually as attractive as her profile picture in person and doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that her selfie-game is just too damn strong.

I just can’t bring myself to take Tinder seriously so I just have fun while using it, like its a game. If someone doesn’t like me back on this app, I just assume they've died or had their phone stolen so it doesn’t hurt my self-esteem.

Whenever I do get a match from a hot girl, I first assume it’s really 4 guys in a dorm room who set up a fake profile and are now somewhere laughing at me. Yet despite my total lack of faith in this process, I occasionally continue to swipe right if I like the person, swipe left if I don’t, or cry because my life has come to this.

If a girl goes into this looking to meet the right guy for a relationship, she may ask herself “Does every guy on Tinder just want to hook up?” let me answer that:

Yes. You know who else is looking to hook up? Pretty much every guy you’ve ever met in any way ever. Guys want to hook up first and meet you later. Whether or not you meet them in a bar, online, through friends, a blind date, or even from making eye contact with a guy (he has already hooked up with the idea of you).

So in this sense it really doesn’t matter how you guys met, even if the idea of it being on Tinder is a weird one (he was probably pooping when he swiped right for you). Therefore ladies, once you’ve come to terms with that, you can start getting to know the guy across the table from you on this date that has intentions your father would frown upon, and maybe even enjoy his company.

So having said that, guys, if you’re not looking for a relationship, maybe just go about it in a funny or intelligent way. you never know, she might still be into you!

Here’s one I used as an example – didn’t work (she probably lost her phone), but hey, think outside the box. No girl wants a scrub hanging out his best friend's ride. Check it:

If you don’t have Tinder and you’re single, get it! At least you’ll have something fun to do while killing time that is way easier than Flappy Bird. And on the plus side, you might get lucky!

Just a post for fun and laughs, like, steal, share as you wish.

-Jegger

Poetry Thursday

2014-02-06T13:59:00.002-08:00

I’m going to improve my writing skills this year. I’m going to improve the way I convey my mind’s ideas to the written and spoken word. Every Thursday I’m going to post an original poem I’ve written.

In the future, I'll make some funny, and rhyme, and some will just plain suck.. I don't care.

Not into poems, don’t read.

For me, they help evoke abstract emotion into the written word. If you read them with an open mind, you’ll have a picture painted in your head.

The stigma was poetry is a feminine thing. Like it’s for sissies. I couldn’t disagree more. Poetry is an artistic demonstration that you’ve mastered words.

So welcome to the inaugural Poetry Thursday.

If you’re into poems and you’d like to feature on a Poetry Thursday, email it to me at stevejegger@gmail.com with the subject “poetry Thursday” and ill feature it.

Here is my first. enjoy

Fish Head By:Steve Jegger

Create a catacomb of breakthroughs,

Ever buried, suffocated.

Under the next cascade of the mind’s nomadic conclusion.

These are the epiphanies to share;

They take precedent above equivalencies from moments past.

Like a compost of dynamic insurgency left stagnant in time

To decompose underneath a layer of convenience

Does the soul determine the profound;

What to exist and perish for,

When copious last breaths have been engaged in vain

And cowards of plenty have missed their beautiful conclusion

Yet revel, hedonistic sense that the frigid wind speaks to them

They deserve hearing the whispers of the universe as they rise and slumber

Ignorant to being the walking rotten

Like a salmon who’s climaxed life, still feels the water and for a glint knows it matters;

We, the fish; our climax to convince our school, truth.

Ever unaware that millennia past

The truth has at no time been found.

Still we swim the stream.

Friendly Advice for Resolution Triumph

2014-01-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

Broaden your New Year’s resolutions so you don’t fall on your face.

Just in the heart of the “New Year, New Me” mirror pics that come a very short time after the “Last year I did ______ and _______, and I’m really looking forward to _____,” year in review posts. I have to say, I’m rooting for you. But I’m also not naïve, and the only person that really has any business holding you accountable to your resolutions is yourself.

I personally don't give a shit if your reso was to lose ten pounds, stop drunk-texting your ex, or want this to be the year you quit peeing the bed. I don't have any business judging you, I already like you how you are. Regardless of what you’ve set yourself up for – one thing I don’t want to see you all do is knowingly let yourself down, shrug off your failure and move on. It’s a mental nut-shot to realize you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and come up short.

This year “Fail Friday” is on Jan.24^th, the 3^rd weekend of the New Year when the gyms start to become vacant again, the saturated fats and carbs start to fill half your plate again, the corner stores start selling extra-potent cigarettes again, and you settle for learning the basic greeting and all the swearwords of that new language you told yourself you'd learn.

Here’s my advice -- take it like water off a duck’s back, or get it tattooed on your neck, up to you.

Broaden the scale of your goals.

Understand???? I’m not talking “My New Year’s Resolution is to do stuff, and be vague." I mean set the same goals as you are now but with many more parts, so if one part of it doesn’t pan out immediately have another 80% of it bringing up the slack.

Let me give you stereotypical resolutions, and my revamped idea of them which will be patented and go down in history as:

“Friendly Advice for Resolution Triumph” or “F.A.R.T” for short.

Example 1:

Typical: I’m going to lose 20 lbs by summer so I can fit in my old bathing suit!

F.A.R.T: I’m going to move my body until I sweat regularly. Try to feel better about my body by watching what I eat, limiting my rest times and allocating time for physical activity regularly.

Typical Result: is that cake?

F.A.R.T result: 30lbs. down and smothered in babes.

Example 2:

Typical: I’m going to quit drinking, or at least not as much

F.A.R.T: I’m not going to get drunk for no reason, but when cocktail inspired events come up, I’m going to maintain a social level of drinking and hold myself accountable by offering to DD, or make plans for early the next morning so I’m not a hung-over sloth. If the party is a real shaker, I’ll stay on the level with everyone else and not be the drunkest person there. Everything in moderation

Typical Result: Vomit and pissed pants by February

F.A.R.T Result: You remember going to parties and social events the next morning, and you remember having fun. You don’t get hungover or talk out of your ass and don’t regret your drinking to the point that you feel the need to make a resolution about it.

To conclude, I hope your resolutions have the purpose of making you a more positive and better person – not a person that becomes down on themselves and feels like a loser because New Year’s resolutions actually require conscious effort and mindset. There is no fairy dust that grants wishes simply because it’s a new year. Life is not a video game, there is no reset button. Life is a like a ship’s voyage at sea, if you map it out and manage the helm, you’ll be able to overcome the heavy waves and get to your destination

Also stay positive, if your resolution was to lose weight and slow down on drinking and you got so hammered New Years that you spent the next day hugging the toilet puking – think of it as a jump start to your weight loss goals. There’s always a silver lining.

Happy bettering yourselves y’all!

As always thanks for reading and making this page a success, means a ton.

-Jegger