MyDailyJokes

Badu Telpon Amir

2016-12-27T18:54:00.000-08:00

badu telpon amir
badu: "mir, kamu mau pinjem uang?"
amir; "pinjem uang apaan? nggak aku nggak pinjem, kenapa?"
badu: "ini di inbox message FB, kamu pinjem aku uang."
amir; "ohh pantes aku nggak bisa buka FB aku, kayaknya dihack tuh FB ku. jangan kasih pinjem, hacker tuh."
badu: "iya aku juga udah tau kok, pasti FB kamu dibajak, tadi kamu eh dia mau pinjem uang 4 juta, minta kirimin, dia kasih nomer ATM nya, aku udah tau itu hacker, jadi aku kirim aja 3 juta, nah jadi dia rugi sejuta kan, rasain!!"

2016-12-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

Sehat itu ketawa ... Ketawa itu sehat ....

Suatu pagi, seorang anak lelaki kecil bernama Samun keluar dari kamarnya dan bertanya pada neneknya,

"Nek, mana Papa dan Mama ?"
"Mereka masih di dalam kamar...!", neneknya menjawab.
Samun tertawa, kemudian sarapan sendirian lalu pergi bermain. Ketika pulang, hari sudah siang. Si Samun bertanya lagi pada neneknya,

"Di mana Papa dan Mama ?"
"Mereka masih di dalam kamar...!", neneknya kembali menjawab.
Samun tertawa geli, lalu menghabiskan makan siangnya dan pergi lagi. Malam harinya si Samun baru pulang untuk makan malam. Sebelum makan si Samun bertanya lagi pada neneknya,

"Di mana Papa dan Mama ?"
"Mereka masih di dalam kamar...!", neneknya kembali menjawab.
Samun tertawa geli.

"Kenapa kamu tertawa - tawa ?!?!", tanya neneknya dengan nada meninggi dan keheranan.
Si Samun menjawab "Semalam Papa masuk kamarku untuk minta baby lotion, tapi saya beri lem Gorilla super Glue .... " 👹™

2016-12-26T20:05:00.002-08:00

Kejadian ini dialami Togap, pada saat Pendadaran Kimia Analis Bogor.

Profesor Samun : "Sebagai seorang calon analis kimia apa yang kamu pikirkan dan kamu lakukan jika ditengah jalan melihat kotoran sapi?"

Togap : "Saya berfikir bahwa kotoran sapi dapat digunakan sebagai pupuk dan bila jumlahnya sangat banyak dapat di gunakan sebagai Gas BIO." (Jawab Togap dengan lagak seorang analis ulung)

Profesor Samun : "Oalah.. Gap.. Gap.. Kalo ada tai sapi dijalan ya.. minggir aja.. jangan sampai keinjek.. begitu aja kok repot...!"

Togap : "Iya prof.. Terima kasih." (Sambil manyun) 👹™

2016-12-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

Ada 2 orang sahabat, si Samun & Togap. Suatu hari mereka sedang bermain tebak-tebakan.

Samun: "Dengar dan simak baik baik, jawablah pertanyaan ini dengan 'benar', berapakah 4x5?"

Togap: "Lu bego ya? Ngasih pertanyaan gampang banget! Ya 20 lah..."

Samun: "Salah!"

Togap: "45!"

Samun: "Salah! Kan udah gua suruh dari pertama, jawablah pertanyaan ini dengan BENAR! Jadi jawabannya 'BENAR'!"

Togap: "Sialan loe!!!" 👹™

2016-12-26T20:02:00.000-08:00

Pada suatu hari Togap mau membeli HP. Setibanya di counter ia minta diperbolehkan mengutak-atik HP yang ingin dia beli. Samun sang penjaga counterpun memperbolehkannya.

Setelah semua sudah di cek dan di utak-atik, Togap bertanya,

"Kok gamenya itu-itu aja sih?".
Si Samun menjawab, "Ada satu lagi om!". "Game apa???", kata Togap.
"Puzzle!", jawab Samun .
"Ha... Puzzle? di menunya gak ada tuh? Cara maennya gimana?", tanya Togap.
Dengan santai Samun menjawab, "Banting aja tuh HP, kan pecah,terus cobs susun lagi deh. Puzzle kan?". 👹™

2016-12-26T20:00:00.000-08:00

Togap sedang mengeluhkan kebiasaan temannya Bejo kepada dokter Samun.

Togap: "Begini dok, teman saya ini sangat suka sekali merokok, sehingga mengganggu yang lainnya. Saya sudah sering mengingatkannya akan bahaya merokok, tapi dia tetap tidak peduli. Jadi saya minta tolong sama dokter, gimana caranya biar teman saya ini berhenti merokok..."

dokter Samun: "Hmm... Gini aja! Mulai besok sebelum dia bangun tidur, kamu ambil semua rokoknya lalu masukan ke anusmu. Mudah-mudahan itu bisa membuatnya jera."

Togap: "Baik, terima kasih dok."

Keesokan harinya, dengan penuh harapan Togap mempraktekkan apa yang dianjurkan dokter Samun. Satu persatu batang rokok milik Bejo dimasukan kedalam anusnya, dan itu dilakukannya setiap hari. Satu minggu kemudian Togap datang kembali menemui si dokter Samun.

dokter Samun: "Gimana? Apakah berhasil?"

Togap: "Berhasil dok!"

dokter Samun: "Bagus!!"

Togap: "Tapi saya mau minta tolong lagi sama dokter.."

dokter Samun: "Tolong apalagi?"

Togap: "Dokter bisa nggak menghentikan kebiasaan saya?"

dokter Samun: "Kebiasaan apa??"

Togap: "Memasukan rokok kedalam anus..." 👹™

2016-12-26T19:58:00.000-08:00

Samun: "Hei, Gap! Lihat tidak ... wanita cantik di sana itu selalu tersenyum ke arahku, lho."

Togap: "Huu ... masih untung dia cuma senyum! Tahu nggak, dulu waktu pertama kali melihat wajahmu, aku hampir mati ketawa !!!" 👹™

2016-12-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

Suatu hari ada seorang anak dan bapaknya dalam perjalanan ke luar kota, sebut saja Samun dan Pak Togap Pak Togap sehari-harinya bekerja sebagai supir dan anaknya Samun sebagai keneknya, saat ini mereka sedang berada di daerah Pekalongan.

Pak Togap: "Mun kamu lapar gak?"

Samun : "Iya pak, dari tadi pagi belum makan, aku lapar banget nih..."

Pak Togap : "Kalo gitu kamu beli nasi bungkus di Warteg! Nih kunci mobil, kamu bawa mobil aja biar cepet! Jangan lupa beliin juga buat bapak ya?"

Samun : "Warteg itu apa sih pak???"

Pak Togap : "Warteg itu Warung Tegal, begoo...!"

Samun : "Aku berangkat dulu ya pak?!"

Setelah ditunggu sampai 2 jam, Samun baru datang.

Pak Togap : "Kok lama banget beli nasi bungkusnya!?"

Samun : "Ini udah termasuknya cepet pak, biasanya dari Pekalongan ke Tegal kalo macet nyampainya bisa 4 jam!"

Pak Togap : "Hah!!!!...." 👹™

2016-12-26T19:54:00.002-08:00

Pada suatu hari Togap sedang mengantar anaknya, si Samun ke sekolah. Ditengah perjalanan, Togap bertanya pada anaknya.

Togap : "Nak, apa kamu sudah cek kalo peralatan sekolah kamu sudah lengkap?"

Samun : "Sudah pak, semuanya telah saya masukkan kedalam tas!"

Togap : "Apa kamu sudah membuat PR?"

Samun : "Sudah pak, semuanya telah saya siapkan didalam tas!"

Togap : "Bagus, itu baru anak ayah..!"

Sesampainya di sekolah, Togap kembali bertanya pada anaknya.

Togap : "Lho nak.. Mana tas kamu??"

Samun : "Tas saya ketinggalan dirumah pak..." 👹™

2016-12-26T19:52:00.001-08:00

Togap: "Waktu anakmu kejatuhan buah kelapa, kenapa kamu tidak menolongnya?"

Samun: "Aku takut."

Togap: "Takut apa?"

Samun: "Takut turun dari pohon kelapa yang aku panjat. 👹™

2016-12-26T04:04:00.000-08:00

SAMUN dan ibunya....
.
IBU : Mun.. Kamu ga liat BH mamak?
.
SAMUN : BH yang mana Mak?
.
IBU : yang warna hitam.. Yg Ada sobeknya..
.
SAMUN : Ada dlm tas sekolahku Mak..
IBU : mau dibikin apa?
.
SAMUN : dibuat prakarya Mak.. Kemarin pak Guru suruh bawa Tempat Susu Bekas.. !👹™

2016-12-26T04:00:00.001-08:00

Suatu hari Togap minum kopi di warungnya Samun yang biasa dikunjunginya, tiba-tiba Samun bersorak gembira dan terus datang kepadanya.
Togap : "Kenapa Mun? kok seneng banget sih?"
Samun : "Saya baru baca surat dari Istri saya di Kampung. Suratnya sampai baru tadi."
Togap : "O ya....Apa katanya? Tentu good news dooonk..."
Samun: "Dalam suratnya dia bilang dia sudah melahirkan. New baby! Ayo... saya lagi senang saat ini. Saya beri kamu free makan and minum hari ini!"
Togap : "Waaah selamat jadi bapak yaaa....! Tentu harus cepet-cepet pulang
kampung donk?"
Samun : "Iya lah... saya sudah tiga tahun ini gak pernah pulang kampung dan ketemu istri saya."
Togap : "?????????????" 👹™

Badu Gaptek

2015-10-02T10:26:00.001-07:00

badu dan amir disuruh guru memindahkan dua komputer dari satu ruangan ke ruangan lain

badu: "wah komputer ini berat banget."

amir: "ah yang ini enteng, padahal yg ini hard disc nya 500 GB, yg kamu angkat itu hard disc nya hanya 250 GB, harusnya lebih enteng dong."

badu: "walaupun ini cuma 250 GB,tapi ini kan komputer lama, filenya penuh, itu komputer baru, filenya baru sedikit, jadi itu lebih enteng."

#badu #gaptek

#badu #bin #bintoro #jokesaboutbadu #luculucuanbadu

badu, bin, bintoro, jokes about badu, luculucuanbadu,

Pelajaran Sejarah Dunia

2015-10-02T10:23:00.001-07:00

pelajaran sejarah dunia

guru: "tepat tengah hari Julius Caesar tanya pada prajuritya: 'prajurit jam berapa sekarang?',

coba apa kira2 jawabnya?"

badu: "kaisar, sekarang jam ex ie ie tepat."

#badu #bisaangkaromawi

#badu #bin #bintoro #jokesaboutbadu #luculucuanbadu

badu, bin, bintoro, jokes about badu, luculucuanbadu,

TIPS Tahan Lama di Ranjang tanpa obat

2015-09-29T23:56:00.001-07:00

TIPS Tahan Lama di Ranjang tanpa obat

1. Pastikan suhu ruangan cukup nyaman ( suhu sekitar 25C)

2. Gunakan bahan seprei dan sarung bantal guling yg lembut dan pastikan menggantinya selama 5 hari sekali shg terjaga kebersihannya

3. Jika Anda suka boleh gunakan pengharum ruangan atau aroma therapy yg lembut

4. Letakkan kebutuhan penting Anda seperti minum, camilan, buah atau buku dan alat tulis serta Handphone dan remote AC di meja dekat ranjang sehingga mudah mengambilnya tanpa turun dari ranjang

5. Jika Anda suka nonton TV maka letakkan TV di depan ranjang dan pastikan remotenya dalam jangkauan shg Anda tak perlu turun dari ranjang

6. Siapkan pispot utk orang sakit dan letakkan di bawah ranjang shg jika Anda mau buang air kecil tetap bisa dilakukan tanpa turun dari ranjang

Jika Anda lakukan semua persiapan di atas maka Anda bisa berjam-jam di ranjang dg nyaman. Bahkan sambil ngemil dan ngopi juga ga papa.

Jangan berharap cerita yg engga2 ya, krn yg nulis ini orangnya alim.

Kabayan pergi ke Amerika

2015-09-29T23:51:00.001-07:00

Jadee,,, critanya,,

si Kabayan pergi ke Amrik nii,, pas lagi bulan puasa juga,,,

Sesampai di Amrik,, udah deket jm buka puasa critanya nii,,

Lalu si Kabayan telefone operator :

Kabayan : operator,, different time between Cikoneng-West Java? #pk logat Sunda tea,,# and here ...

Operator : one minute please

Kabayan: tanpa basa basi membanting gagang telefone smbil berkata:

" EDAANN!!perbedaan waktunya cuma 1menit euy,,!!!"

Jokes | How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood

2012-07-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 mo. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

CAR TEST: Forget the Miata and buy the mini van. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family size bag of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There! Perfect!

CRAFT TEST: Get an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now get a toilet paper tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas tree. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of CoCo Puffs and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations, you have just qualified for a place on the play group committee.

TELEVISION TEST: Learn the names of every character from 'Barney and Friends', 'Sesame Street', and 'Power Rangers'. When you find yourself singing, "I love you, you love me" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers.

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | Unintentional Resume Bloopers

2012-07-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

Unintentional Resume Bloopers

"Resumania" is a term coined by Mr. Robert Half, founder of RHI Consulting's parent company, to describe the unintentional bloopers that often appear on job candidates' resumes, job applications and cover letters.

Here's some examples:

"I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise."
(And an eye on the "e" section of the dictionary, evidently.)

"Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."
(No problem ...)

"Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
(Glad to hear it.)

"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
(And bonuses "tied to" his shoe size?)

"I am very detail-oreinted."
(With the possible exception of spelling)

"I can play well with others."
(We'll be sure to tell your mommy.)

"Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
(A new twist on work-family balance.)

"Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."
(Have you considered law school?)

"My salary requirement is $34 per year."
(They say money isn't everything.)

"Served as assistant sore manager."
(Ouch.)

"Previous experience: Self-employed - a fiasco."
(Definitely to the point.)

"I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."
(And they say loyalty is hard to come by.)

"Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
(We're glad you're not bitter.)

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | Family Argument | Quick Jokes

2012-07-01T08:46:00.002-07:00

Family Argument

A man was walking through the grounds of a university one morning when he noticed a young blind woman struggling with her Guide-Dog. The animal was resolutely pulling in one direction, she in another.

When he offered assistance, the woman replied, "No thanks, this is a family argument. The dog knows I'm supposed to go to a lecture right now -- but I want to miss it."

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | How To Identify Where A Driver Is From

2012-07-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM:

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Manhattan

2. One hand on wheel, making gestures out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New York City

3. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun on lap: Los Angeles

5. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: From Iowa, but driving in Los Angeles

6. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: Quebec

7. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: Chicago

8. Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: Arkansas

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | A Little Girls' Prayer | Quick Jokes

2012-07-01T08:39:00.001-07:00

A Little Girls' Prayer

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | Rich Woman | Quick Jokes

2012-07-01T08:30:00.002-07:00

Rich Woman

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."

"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelery."

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | Beauty Make-Over | Quick Jokes

2012-07-01T08:29:00.002-07:00

Beauty Make-Over

In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired model. I showed the stylist the trendy new cut I wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on my thin, graying hair.

I was delighted by his cheerful attitude until I recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Jokes | How To Make Babies | Quick Jokes

2012-07-01T08:20:00.002-07:00

Making Babies

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, Guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

Source: http://www.laughandlift.com/

Pictures | How To Spend Quality Time With Friends / Coworker / People

2012-07-01T04:25:00.000-07:00

How To Spend Quality Time With Friends / Coworker / People

source:

http://www.funzug.com/index.php/humor/ow-to-spend-quality-time-with-friends.html

http://www.blackberrycool.com/2005/11/13/blackberry-users-are-some-powerful-people/

http://sosbud.kompasiana.com/2011/03/13/blackberry-di-tengah-kita/

http://www.myspace.com/lilpetetoronto/photos/11591470

http://indahkusumadewi.blogspot.com/2011/03/apa-sih-yang-bikin-blackberry-alias-bb.html

http://news.cnet.com/obamas-new-blackberry-the-nsas-secure-pda/