A Swiftly Tilting Planet

2nd Chance

2012-01-31T03:05:00.001+08:00

Salam.

I admit the title of this post is annoying. It's very, unlike me, in a manner I can't quite explain. Yet that is exactly what this is about. Second chances. Alhamdulillah, I made it through the first semester. On to the second one. This time I need to make it count. Microeconomics have, surprisingly (surprising because it's Microeconomics, the final exam was so hard I'm surprised I didn't end up with a C), made a dent on my CGPA. I need to fix that in order to actually graduate with a Master's degree. InsyaAllah this time will be better.

I have quitted my part time job and might or might not be doing something else next sem. Being an RA is hard because you can't really work on your own time and they don't pay you on time. Only after 4-6 months. I'm planning to work in a bookstore instead as they offer employee discounts and you can plan your working hours in advance and most importantly no late night text messages giving you assignments with a 24 hours deadline. Sure, beggars can't be choosers but my aim is to complete my studies, not work. Working is just a means to paying my car fuel. Actual work can wait until September when I finish my coursework InsyaAllah.

I'm also thinking of signing up for the gym again. I need and miss that a lot. Early mornings in the gym helps to straighten the day out. However, that depends on my finances. My fund is running out after the phone purchase and I'm still waiting for my 4 months wage from PSPTN to get cleared. I honestly hate them for this. I've been forking out money for car maintenance out of the wrong account because of them.

Oh well let's pray for that to fall into place soon. Here's to a new semester with better time, money and emotion management. Amin.

..can't believe I've a personal blog at this age. But writing is very therapeutic, helps me put things into perspective. Lessens the number of emotional breakdowns. And oh my father's planning to take up the Diploma in Islamic Studies program offered by IIUM which I am praying with all my heart that he sticks to. Who knows, he might end up doing a PhD if he goes through with this. Formal learning is one of those things that one should never stop pursuing. >___<

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Little Pieces of the Nothing that Falls

2012-01-12T11:45:00.001+08:00

Salam.

And so I downloaded Blogger-Droid, a Blogger app for Androids. A Samsung Galaxy Note, one of those not-so-little things that I can't help but be grateful for other than the room I am living in, the car I am driving, the food that I eat and the chance to just be here. These things have helped me a lot. I can't believe how much the car have contributed during my lonesome stay in KL these past few months. The downside of not having a lot of friends.

With the subject matter of 'masters' being mentioned, I can't help but announce that I have unofficially failed my first semester. Leaving me with only one chance left to fail. The fall however is surprisingly not due to Econometrics but Microeconomics (with a high probability of failing Economic Development too). I simply cannot meet the 70% needed to pass. My carry marks was 42%, a very comfortable rate if I were doing my undergrad. However the passing mark is no longer 50% and my bad performance during the final exam made it very close to impossible to pass.

Goodbye trade, it was nice to be able to tap into your area. With the fall of this semester I am no longer allowed to take Economic Development, a pre-requisite to specializing in Trade and Development. I have yet to make up my mind on what area to pursue next. It is either Financial Economics (not the same as finance that deals with corporate finance, this is more on the macro side of finance which talks of interest rates, government deficit and so on) or Islamic Economics (which I am not very keen of due to the very heavy reliance on philosophy, something that I simply cannot master).

Turth be told I am very tired of the judgemental remarks I've received over my choice of field (specifically regarding it not being Islamic Economics per se). Admittedly these events are isolated but they still attract the attention of my inner bitch. The reason why I've been preferring trade over IE is because I simply do not have the intellectual capacity to contribute to the macroeconomics of IE. And yes, Islamic finance may be your field of interest but I cannot imagine myself going into microeconomics.

Still, thank you for believing that I can contribute to that highly complicated area of study. It is nonetheless a compliment that I, unfortunately, hope to hear no more in the future.

And so, the soul searching continues. I believe that I have failed this semester because my heart was never in the right place to begin with. The bitterness over my father's decision for me to continue my studies straight away was carried with me on my first day of returning to IIUM. Indeed that is very childish but once you start a journey on the wrong foot it is bound to end ugly. And when I finally came around to my senses it was already too late to make a difference. I promised myself I will realign my focus with my fate and make it through next semester. There is afterall, always a reason and a part to play which is bigger than one's dreams and wants.

Forgive my style of writing, I am feeling very English today (and the errors as I have no spell-checker).

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The Parting Glass

2011-07-25T01:40:00.003+08:00

But since it falls unto my lot,
That I should rise and you should not,
I gently rise and softly call,
Good night and joy be with you all.