Maggie's Raggedy Inn

Emily Dickinson Promise of Youth

2012-01-22T11:03:00.000-08:00

Emily Dickinson - poet - In this photograph we can see the beautiful promise of youth, yet life was to bring her many trials and hardships.

Today I am working on a new plan for the rest of my life. Yes at times we have to step back and do some serious thinking about what we really want to do with the precious years we have left on this earth. Like Mom used to say, there is no promise of a tomorrow and the older we get the more we realise it. The sad thing is that for many of us in midlife, we think that new possibilities are few and far between. What a waste.. midlife is an exciting new adventure waiting to happen. Yes we feel more tired and have accumulated a truckload of rough hits and losses but damn, we have gained so much wisdom that it is a shame to keep it tucked away inside our fear filled and aching body.

Words of wisdom for today......

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen."

William Butler Yeats An Education

2012-01-20T19:24:00.000-08:00

Education is not the filling of a pail,but the lighting of a fire. William Butler Yeats

In a period of change it seems that we become much more aware of everything that is going on around us. We look at our situations objectively and know that we have to understand things clearly. We search for answers and seek information. That is why the self help writers are making a fortune these days. People are struggling to deal with a fast moving world that is filled with too much stress, too many obligations which lead to more stress, health problems and far too many social isssues that we can ever hope to over come as a society.

In times of change we tend to pick up a book seeking to find a ray of hope from the author; so that they will tell us how to get through whatever challenge we are facing.The more we read, the more we find those answers and the further we move along in our quest to reach our chosen destination. Along the way we become stronger and yes in the end we do change... I hope!!!

Jane Austen What is right?

2012-01-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

What is right to be done cannot be done too soon.

Jane Austen

I wonder what Jane meant when she wrote this?

Well I will take it to mean that at some point we just know what has to be done.At some point in our story, we have to make a decision about what we know in our heart, to be the best decision for our well being. We have to let go of the control, lose the toxic security and face the storm.

I am in that storm and the next two weeks will be unsettling and very difficult. It is one of the unwritten laws of nature.... make a change and the wild winds will blow and shake you to your core, demanding that you shed your old self and create a new you. Look at the life cycle of the butterfly. It must break through and fight its way towards freedom and fly beautifully towards a new life.

May I find the strength of that butterfly!

Rudyard Kipling

2012-01-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

Rudyard Kipling 1865 -1936

Yesterday I heard some very disturbing information at work. Disbelief would be the only way to describe it. It is at times like this that I am grateful that I learned how to knit as a child. The repetitive movement of the knitting needles seem to soothe the hurt and allow me to think things over in a calmer state of mind.

Life is not easy and no matter how old we get, we continue to be amazed at the ignorance of human nature and their need for power and control. It takes a weak man to use his ego to bring down others, especially a female who goes against the control.

Ahhh such is life and there has to be reasons for it. The lesson here is to remain calm, remain solid when attacked with untruths and live through it with kindness and the knowledge that they are to be more pitied than to waste your anger on them. This too shall come to pass as my Mom used to say.

Please read this poem which is hanging on the wall here in my office written by Rudyard Kipling. On days like today, I read it to remind myself how I have lived though so many events in my life and today the words are very fitting.......

IF.....
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream and not make dreams your master;

If you can think and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'

Or walk with Kings nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it

And which is more you'll be a Man, my son!

We cannot change people ......

2012-01-13T09:54:00.000-08:00

Today I am working on a heavy report that will definitely change my direction at work, in fact it may be the final chapter after 12 years of trying to make something work. I have tried so hard to find solutions and I have sacrificed my health, relationships and even worked on a volunteer bases for years because there was no funding to pay me. I think that I have reached the point where I have no choice but to search outside of my work place and I have faith that something positive will come from it though so I do not see it as a negative. By chance I just found this site in an email message, funny how it just happened to appear and is telling me exactly what I need to know... life is full of wonder and if we seek we shall find... So I will pass on the message and this quote that I found in the email......

"We cannot alter external things, nor shape other people to our liking, nor mold the world to our wishes but we can alter internal things, our desires, passions, thoughts, we can shape our liking to other people and we can mold the inner world of our own mind in accordance with wisdom, and so reconcile it to the outer world of men and things"

James Allen

Just click below to get your Free Copy of Above Life's Turmoil,by James
Allen from Christopher Westra's website

http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=PX0Z7&m=InzRI85OR9DX4n&b=KVnpdwyvHkeOMJ5FdiiX6Q

You can find more information about this by checking out his site.

http://christopherwestra.com/

Go in the Direction that makes your Heart Sing

2012-01-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

Maybe I really do have to walk away to start again..... ?

Before getting ready to work on the strategic plan for work this morning, I decided to check my email and found this quote " Go in the direction of whatever makes your heart sing and let God work out the details"

No matter how hard I try to hold on to what I am expected to do and how much I worry about being able to pay the bills if I do decide to make a career change, I have to believe that things will work out. Fear has me constantly searching for signs to lead me in the right direction and see things clearer. This little message was certainly a powerful one. To read more about it follow this link to Cynthia's blog.

thttp://cynthiaoccelli.com/2012/01/barriers-to-embracing-your-purpose-in-work.html

Working the Imagination

2012-01-11T17:46:00.000-08:00

This is how we should all spend our days, laying on a soft bed, taking in the sun. Ditz doesn't have a care in the world it seems... life is good!

Another day about to end and I think I will go to bed with a good book and read myself to sleep. I spent the day working on a strategic plan for work and I think I really made some positive decisions on how to solve some of the problems at work.

Yet deep inside, I know that it will be a real uphill battle to implement the changes, for humans hate changes for the most part. Last year when I tried to make a few changes I took a lot of flack for it and this year will be even worst for the changes are even bigger. I am already feeling the pressure.

The question here is what changes am I going to make for myself ? It all comes down to my financial security because if I won the lottery, I definitely know what I would do. I just heard that a friend who had battled cancer last year and thought she beat it, got bad news, the cancer is back. We all thought she had beaten it and that she was safe, but now that it is back so soon, it does not look good. She may not have a chance to make changes. I do but will I?

Words of wisdom for today:

My Mom used to say " Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today"

When to call it Quits

2012-01-10T13:13:00.000-08:00

Yes Ditz loves the computer and I do believe wants to write her book as well!

Quote for the day....

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

I just found this quote in an email and I believe it is another little sign for me to say, " Enough" I certainly feel that I am in a hole and have been for years, I keep digging but I am just dragging myself further and further down. When I take the time to look up, I realise that I am just getting more and more tired and I am not getting anywhere. If I do not make changes, I am wasting my time.

I think that there are many others like me out there digging themselves further into whatever situation they find themselves in. Why do we allow ourselves to do this? Is it because old habits die hard? Are we afraid of change? Are we stuck in the past? Are we financially dependant on the position we are in right now, like a job that is sucking the life out of us? Do we feel others will look badly on our decision?

Well here's to hoping that we can all make the changes that we have to in 2012. Lets stop all that digging and get out of that hole that we have chosen. There is another way to live a better life!

A Radio Interview

2012-01-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

Never let yesterday's disapointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams........

You never know what awaits you when a day begins. Today I woke up planning to do a lot at work. I had an early meeting about a new direction for the Museum and so my head was focused on convincing the government and myself that we should go ahead with the big project that I conjured up last fall. The discussion went well and ended on a positive note with me having to do a lot more paperwork of course. One distractuon lead to another and my day slipped away as they usually do without getting many things crossed off my to do list.

Then late this afternoon I had a call from the CBC for an interview about my neighbour husband who was murdered on December 26th in Grenada. I have been following this story since it first happened and have loss sleep over it wondering about my neighbour and how she is doing. Today was her husbands funeral and an international media is covering the story. How they found me for an interview is strange and to listen to myself on the interview is even stranger for I have been the one searching s for links online ever since it happened. All this to say we can never know what a day will bring. Also we should count ourselves lucky to have ordinary problems and not be in a situation like this woman.

I have added the link below if you want to listen to it. It all seems too crazy to be true.

http://www.cbc.ca/breakaway/gaspesie/2012/01/09/a-death-in-grenada-hits-close-to-home-in-cascapedia-ste-jules/

Knitting and Thinking about Life

2012-01-08T13:54:00.000-08:00

My latest creation which I added to my Etsy shop.

Today I spent some time organizing my knitting room. I have to admit it was rather messy. I spend a lot of time in here and things tend to be left laying around for it is a no stress zone, until I decide that I have no room left on my desk for a cup of tea. I know then it is time to pick up my odds and ends of yarn and sort them for future use.

I call this a no stress zone because it is here that I find time for myself away from all life's responsabilities. I do alot of thinking in this little space, searching for solutions as to how I could find a way to live a more simple life, with time to do the things that I want to. This year I am focusing on writing my book and so I sit here knitting away writing the story in my head... it is so easy as the story unfolds like a movie in my mind.

Unfortunately I have to get it typed up and that takes much longer. I need weeks of peace and quiet to transfer my thoughts to paper. I need to find a way to have that time and that is what this blog is all about... .. having the financial means to write my book in 2012, while still paying the bills.

Words of wisdom for today....

Change is the law of life and those who only look to the past or present are certain to miss the future, John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Knitting Addiction

2012-01-07T18:53:00.000-08:00

I do believe that I have a knitting addiction. I know that I could spend hours knitting away my time creating slippers, hats, scarves cats and so much more. I was just looking at the Knitpicks site again at all their beautiful hanks of wool. I added more balls to my shopping cart and then when I looked at the price of it all I carefully closed it down. I feel like I am a kid playing with a big bunch of wax crayons, akways trying to mix the colours and seeing what I come up with. Unfortunately it is a costly habit and I have to say that I think my wool stash is out of control. Yet I tell myself that I do not have any other addictive bad habits, no I do not smoke, drink nor gamble etc, so what is a few more balls of yellow wool. I will most definitely be knitting something with it....

The Importance of a Life Vision

2012-01-06T18:56:00.001-08:00

Just a short post today as I am really late writing this one. I just got home a little while ago after a busy day at work and then some shopping errands, supper with Pierre and a visit from my sister and a long Skype call with my daughter.

Today I thought a lot about the importance of having a vision for our lives. So many of us move though life just going from one thing to the other without knowing exactly what we should expect for ourselves. Just imagine if we knew exactly what we wanted and could see ourselves living that life. So many books have been written about visualizing ourselves in our dream life. We all read the SECRET and yes it did give us a certain hope that we could create a better life if we would only believe it could happen. Yet we also learned that it takes more than just wishful thinking to get to where we want to be.

We must have a real life vision.... a clearly defined destination and a roadmap that will allow us to weave our way though thick maze of a complicated jungle called life. The only way we are going to get through all the obstacles, hurts, disappointments, losses and failures, is to be able to clealy see our vision through it all and keep working towards it.

This is my focus for I have my life vision clearly defined at this point in my life. I will get that book written, I will not let myself leave this earth with my stories untold.

Words of wisdom for today and I cannot remember who wrote it...

Birds live their life in the air

Fish live their life in the water

Worms live their life in the earth

We humans live our life in the mind.... lets make sure that we keep that mind healthy and full of positive fertile possibilities.

Today's Lesson

2012-01-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

This is the way I would love to spend my winter's days......yes that is me in the red coat!

I went to work today, the first day back of the new year. By the time it was over, I realised that the job itself is still the same but I have changed in many ways.

My desk was still cluttered with files waiting to be processed. I was still waiting for promised funding to come in and I had the same type of phone call trying to bring in other funding that was supposed to help me run the non profit organization. Yet no one in the government office seems to know where the money is.... yet it was also promised in a news release by the Minister.

I found myself back into the craziness of a job that will never change for it depends on politics and promises that I have to fight for on a yearly basis. I never know how I am going to pay the summer staff nor how I am going to operate a cultural tourism institution with out any money. Then I have to go begging to try and bring in enough to get through another year without any help from anyone.On top of it all I am alone to fill in all requests, do the paperwork, manage and build the exhibitions, do the marketing, manage the small staff, answer the phone and be an all around nice person all the time and take the flack for every problem that arises? A crazy way to earn a living for sure. Yet I do love much of what I do and I do believe that the institution has great potential but I can no longer work in the same way.

Yes I learned a real lesson today and its that the only way things will change, is if I change and this is what this blog is all about this year. Me, changing the direction of my life for my own well being. I can stay exactly where I have been for the last 12 years and struggle through the frustration or I can make a change towards a new possibility.... time will tell. Change means breaking a life pattern... ouch!

Words of wisdom for today.........................

Every act of creation begins with an act of destruction.

Picasso

Quit your Day Job

2012-01-04T06:11:00.000-08:00

Looking out my kitchen window on this winter morning and wondering about my future....

Okay here it is Wednesday morning and my mind is working overtime. I am doing a lot of thinking and working through different possibilities to focus on in my business plan. Basically we all have to make a living and to do that we have to work so that we can afford to pay our bills. So why would anyone want to take a risk and quit a job when the economy seems to be in such trouble. Is it just being crazy to even consider walking away from the one thing ( my day job) that keeps it all going?

Have I finally gone bonkers, off the deep end, around the bend etc. Maybe and maybe not? This is not a new idea that I just came up with out of boredom. I have thought seriously about it for years, in fact I always wanted to work for myself. I used to see myself working in my little craft room and having Mom come over and visit. I missed out on that for she passed away in 2006. Yes it seems it has been since forever that I wanted to work at something that would allow me to use my creative side.Yet fear of poverty has kept me working just where I am . My day job is certainly not boring. Actually it keeps me wide awake at night and I do like many aspects of it but the stress of it, is not doing me any good. So at 55 years old, I want to find an easier way to live the rest of my life. I also know that I was born to be a writer and my day job will not allow me the head space to write without interruptions of the stressful kind.

So I am at a crossroads in life. I want to write and yes knit and paint and sew and be that silly little girl who buys too many books, wool, and fabric. I am lucky for I think I am in good health, except the worry about what to do with the rest of my life, is exhausting me and has for years. I have been fortunate to remain very young at heart and I do forget that I am supposed to be a serious grownup at this point in life. I have accumulated my share of hard times, believe me, yet like my mother, I have been able to get through it and see the good side of life.

Okay well back to work and let's see what this year will bring? Will I actually be able to "Quit my day job". Join me on this venture for I am sure many of you are searching for the same thing!

Just a note in passing, spread some kindness today, especially to those suffering from the cold temperatures and that includes our four legged friends.

The Business Plan

2012-01-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

Just a short post today as I am really busy working on my "business plan". I thought about it all last night and today I want to get some of it written down in some sort of order. I have a book called Write it down Make it happen by Anne Klauser. You can find it on Amazon or Chapters book site. In her book she basically says that to get somewhere you have to be clear about your thoughts. Writing it down helps us figure that out. If you are looking for direction, check out her book.

The picture that I have added today is a stitchery that I made a few years ago. It was a very difficult time in my life and I remember staying up until, I think it was one in the morning, working on this. It became my focus and I hung it on the wall in front of my door entrance, so that each time I entered the house I would see it and it would remind me that anything is possible. It still hangs in the same place and yes I still look at it everyday. I hope that it will inspire you as well.

Okay well I have work to do , so stay tuned for my next posting. Together we have to make miracles happen in 2012!

The Power of Focus in 2012

2012-01-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

This is where I will build my shop, right next to the wishing well in my back yard! The house in the background is the house I grew up in and now belongs to my sister Carol. How lucky I am to be living on Daddy's property. My parents are both gone now but I still feel a strong connection to them living here.

Okay so the New Year has begun and now it is time to get to work. No more excuses, no more time to waste. It is time for action. But where to begin with so many ideas and plans and wishes and dreams? How do I zero in on what I want to do and what is the best direction for this experiment. As I sit here at my desk in my messy little office, I realise that I have to "FOCUS". Nothing is going to work unless I get rid of the clutter, evaluate the situation realistically and move forward with a plan. This is not easy to do and I am going to have to move out of my comfort zone and face my fears. Focus is a very difficult thing to do, believe me.

So here is the plan for now...

1. Get rid of some clutter.. out with the old, make place for the new.

2. Write down my objectives and what I want to accomplish in 2012.

3. Finish anything that is really important that I did not finish in 2011 so that it no longer weighs me down.

4. Make a list of what I really need to obtain my objectives.

5. Write a new mantra in my journal and repeat it over and over again.

6. Organise the creative space that I have now to ease my way of working.

7. Get outside for some fresh air and exercise to think things over everyday.

My Mantra for 2012

This is a new beginning and I will find a way to write my book. I will find a way to build a small addition on my house so that I will have an organised place to work and be creative. I will learn to live a simplier existance and will overcome my fear and follow my heart's desire. I will find a way to earn a living through this experience!

Okay that's it for today, I have work to do!!!

Happy New Year's from the Inn

2012-01-01T08:48:00.001-08:00

Here I am on my 55th birthday on June 26th, 2011. I am the one with the dark hair sitting beside my sister Marlene and her husband Charles at my sister Carol's.

Happy New Year Everyone! Today is the day that we are all supposed to be making our new resolutions for 2012. I have my new journal and am filling it it with thoughts, plans and dreams. I do it every year and at the beginning of each new year I look back and see what I have accomplished. Some things get done, mostly the necessities but the dreams seem to always take second place and I never find the time. Is it an excuse? Is it my fear of failure? I know I am not alone because most dreams take a back bench to real life.... how sad isn't it?

We have real bills to pay, real obligations to deal with and we have to live a serious life.... right? The conclusion that I am now dealing with is, why can we not live both.. our dreams and our real life. Why do we always have to choose the serious heavy path filled with serious obligations that we have somehow created? How come we cannot seem to blend the both together for a happier, healthier, better quality of life? Are we too programmed by this modern busy life, to only follow the straight and narrow path that we all fail to do in one way or another. Oh yes we trudge off to work each day despite our hidden dreams because we have to somehow keep control of that overflowing serious life that we have built. We do not want to find ourselves living on the street because what would friends, family and neighbours think of us. That alone instills enough fear to keep us setting the alarm clock each morning for the rest of our lives. But does it really make sense?

Yes we can read a hundred books on the subject of how to change, how to overcome, how to wish ourselves to success, but in the end it all has to do with that little speck of energy that we call ourselves. No one can make us do anything until we decide to find the courage, plan the dream, fight the fear and move ahead.

Here is a wise little quote for the day from Neale Donald Walsh...

There is a little light which cannot be extinguished. It is inside of you. It is you!

And I have learned through the years, that that little light cannot be silenced.... no matter what, the "flame" remains despite our best attempt to live that serious life that society has determined for us.

This year I am going to try everything in my power to change my life and let my little flame glow and in doing so, I will hopefully pass it on to others. Imagine the possibilities if we all follow our light.

Have a great year everyone, may we all have a million reasons to smile in the year ahead.

A New Year's Wish

2011-12-31T05:32:00.000-08:00

This is Louise a woman of substance, a role model for all of us women, a woman I have promised to give a voice too, for she like so most of us, lived a life of doing what was expected , yet what a life she lived in her golden cage. She is one of my projects for the year ahead, to write her story........ I need your help!

On this last day of the year I, like millions of others I am sure, is caught between thoughts of the passed year and the new year that awaits all of us. We give thanks for overcoming the challenges of 2011 and for all the good things that came our way. We also dream and make our wishes for the year ahead, filled with hope and possibilities.

I am certainly on a mission to make 2012 a year filled with a new direction. Yes I will dream big and it will take every bit of courage and strength that I have, to get to where I want to be next year at this time. In the year ahead I intend to live according to my terms. To do that, I will have to work hard, really focus, stay healthy, positive and find a way to support myself financially while doing it. I will have to design the life that I was intended to live and overcome the fears that have held me back. The troubling thoughts that have always made things more difficult for me was that I was a very different creative little soul and that somehow it was not the right way to be and was not well looked upon. Somehow thoughout my life, I was made to feel that it was not the right way to live a serious life and so I kept it well hidden until I hit middle age and even now I push it back most of the time. I always knew though, that there would come a day, despite my determined attempts to live what was seen as a "normal" life, where I would have to take a step forward and do what I wanted and hope for the best.

Therefore I will use the serious side of my character and develop a realistic plan for my BIG DREAM and then work towards it. I must not let anything get in my way. Yes I know that life rarely goes according to the best laid out plans but I have to be willing to overcome whatever life puts before me. I have to keep working towards my possibly ridiculous and unrealistic goals and dreams through this experiment I have set myself up for in the New Year.
To accomplish this I need the help of a community for no one can do something like this alone.

Have a great New Year's Eve....take time to count your blessings and plan your year ahead. Don't be afraid to go for your dreams as well for tomorrow is the start of a new beginning for all of us!

Time to Get Organised on December 30th

2011-12-30T05:54:00.000-08:00

My Mother, who was my best friend and will continue to be my inspiration on this life changing experiment journey.........

Well the New Year is almost here and it is time for me to get organised. There are only two more days left in 2011 and I am feeling the rush to get myself organised. I cannot put it off any longer if I am going to succeed with my plans for 2012.

Yes, on a day like today many people are going to be thinking about making their New Year's resolutions, knowing inside that they will probably fail by January 15th because the reality of life stopped them, any exxcuse is a good one.

I have to do better than that, I have to succeed, although I am not exactly sure of how I am going to do this, only that I want to achieve results.

Now you may be asking me what it is I want... good question on your part but a difficult one for me to answer. I guess by this time next year, I want to be able to say that I am living my life on my own terms. I want to be living a much more simplified version of my life with out the heaviness of stress and using my time to do the things I want to do. Life goes by so fast that by midlife, we realise that time can run out. Mom use to say,"there is no guarantee of tomorow, so make the best of today" .

I do not know if it is possible, but I am certainly going to try. I see myself with a bigger space in which to work because right now I am living in a somewhat cluttered existance. It would not be so bad but I have so much stuff that I intend to use on this journey towards successfully completing my experiment. I will explain more about that on another day. I also see myself finally writing that book that I have spent my whole life waiting to write. I have two on the go right now, one based on a real woman and one a woman based on many of the women that influenced my life. Both books are pulling at me to work on them and give them a voice. Yet my day job with all its stress consumes all of my time.

Therefore this experiment is about finding time, it is about making choices, it is about overcoming obstacles that will stand in my way. One of the lessons that I have learned very well is that when you decide to make changes in your life, unexpected problems will appear... it is one of those natural laws of nature, much like the law of gravity.

One of the first things I have to do is learn how to use this blog and design it so that it will work for me and be inviting for you to come back to visit. Please have patience with me and I will work at it.

Okay now I am off to get some housework done and wake my daughter who leaves to go back to University today. I am feeling that sadness of missing her already and yet I know we cannot hold on to anything in life for it is constantly changing and we must go along and accept the changes with expectation and all of life's possibilities.

Woke up in the Night and did some Thinking

2011-12-29T06:34:00.000-08:00

Here it is December 29th and it is a cold windy day here in the Gaspe. I had planned on taking my daughter shopping today but it looks like we will be house bound again. That's okay as I am sure we will find lots to do.

Last night I woke up thinking of my experiment project for 2012. I went over many of the details of it and know that I need to get my ideas down on paper if I am ever going to get it started. It will mean big changes for me and I wonder if I will actually be able to carry it through. I plan on writing the details and progress of this experiment thoughout 2012 on this blog. It will be exciting and this will be the place that I will keep a daily journal of my activities. I will in fact be my own experiment, scary to think of it...

I hope that you will follow along as I am sure that many parts of it will reflect your dreams as well.

By the way here is a quote to think about until tomorrow...............

Inspiration is that strange voice that takes man out of himself to be everything he is, everything he desires, another body, another being. Beyond outside of me , in the green and gold thicket, among the tremulous branches, sings the unknown, it call to me....

Octavio Paz

A Rainy December Day to make Decisions

2011-12-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

It is raining outside this morning, strange weather for the 28th of December. This is a stay at home day and I plan on spending it with my daughter who is home from University. She is an amazing young woman ... yes I know you would think that I am saying that just because I am her mother, but no, it is because she is just so full of possibilities. She is so much like me, yet so much more. She reminds me of my mother in so many ways and we laugh about it. Imagine a 23 year old going out and buying greeting cards on sale? Well that is exactly what my mother used to do and I remember watching her show me all the cards that she would buy for upcoming situations.
Well when Erin came home yesterday with a stack of cards of her own and showed them to me with such pleasure that it took me back to my Mom who I still miss so much even after 5 years. In fact I decided to give her Mom's treasured card box that she used to keep all her cards in. I have given it to her so long ago and after she died, I picked it up and kept it as a way to remember her thoughtfulness. She loved to send cards to anyone who was sick, was having a birthday, or was having a baby etc. I hated to part with the box that still held many of Mommy’s cards but I knew she would smile if she seen Erin adding more of her own cards to the old supply. How lucky I am to have such a connection to the two women in the world I love the most.
Today Erin and I planned a day of crafting together. We will be painting mixed media, knitting and watching movies. We are so much alike. She says I created a monster as she knits and takes such pleasure in doing the things that I love to do. The picture above was taken when she decided to organize my wool stash.
Yes it is a snuggle in day but it is also a day for me to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Serious stuff as I wonder about the direction that I want to take. Heavy decisions are playing over and over in my head whilst I go about my day.
This is not a new situation for I have wanted to move forward with these changes for years now. The sad thing is that the only thing stopping me is my fear of being able to survive financially. Yet if I do not find the courage, I know I will pay dearly for settling like most people. We have so many responsibilities and our instinct for survival is what keeps most of us trapped within our day to day situations. I am going to try and open that door that leads into the unknown and towards the possibilities.... time will tell and I will keep you up to date on how I am doing.

Christmas is Over once Again

2011-12-27T09:59:00.000-08:00

Here it is December 27 and the rush of Christmas is over once again. The frantic pace of the last week has lessened. The gifts have been picked up, the leftovers used up and the house has become more relaxed. Thoughts of another year ending makes me think about all that has happen in 2011. As I look back, I feel both a sense of gratitude and a sense of loss. So many years have passed, all in a rush it seems, with never enough time to do the things that are most important to me. My life is always lived in an emergency state of being, aways running, always trying to do so many things and missing out on what is really important. It is crazy and makes no sense anymore.

With the New Year just days away, will I be able to change things? Will I be able to find my way towards a more peaceful way of living. Will I have the courage to change what must be changed, knowing that if I don't, I will be working against time and what really matters to me.

To move away from how I now live, I have come up with a new project that I will focus on the in the year ahead, It is a vision of how I plan to live the rest of my life.... simplified.

I will keep you posted on my future plans through this blog which I plan on writing on a regular basis ..... I promise... yes I must!!!

Thanksgiving Day Thoughts

2011-10-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

Here it is fall again. It seems that this time of the year is a time of reflection for me. The rush of the summer is over and I feel an intense fatigue. It is the same every year, yet each year it gets worst and my thoughts of changing my life becomes more desperate.
This is the Thanksgiving weekend and a time to clean everything up before winter sets in. I dug up the garden and Pierre cut the lawn for the last time this year. Many people do not like the fall, yet I love it. It is a time to slow things down.... to get ready to settle in for the long cold months ahead.

For me it is also a time to think of my future.. should I stay or should I go as the song says? I have dedicated 12 years of my life to saving a museum and as time goes on, the weight of the responsibility becomes heavier and more stressful. Without any recurrent funding, I am left to deal with all aspects of its management. I have known for years that it is too much for one person to handle and yet I have continued because it kept my bills paid, although much of the time I was only a full time volunteer because I had no money to pay myself. Nothing will ever change because the government has no money to support heritage institutions and we all end up scrambling and competiting for the few dollars that is available. Without funding, I am expected to make it work by a community that does not understand what it means to keep it going with nothing. They do not realise that I cannot make miracles, yet I try each year at the expense of my health...... which is why I end up so depleated at this time of year.

Therefore when October arrives, it brings forth my ever-growing desire to walk away and earn my own living. I have wanted to use my imagination and creative skills to make a living ever since I can remember. I have wanted to write a book since I was a small child. I feel very strongly that this is the time to do it and all that is stopping me is the natural fear of walking away from the security of next year's pay check.. although I have no funding for that now anyway.

As I sit here sippingy my herbal tea while waiting for my tomatoe relish to finish cooking so I can bottle it, I imagine what a simple life would be like. I cut up a pumpkin to make pumkin bread as Erin, my daughter said hers was delicious and that I most definitely had to make it. I feel the pleasure of taking the time to slow life down and taking the time to do the real things in life.. cooking a good meal, cleaning out corners that I never have time for, knitting a scarf which will be so warm for the winter. If only I could find the courage to walk away from the hectic pace of a stressful job and begin again at 55 to live the life that I was supposed to live and write the stories that fill my imagination and paint and stitch the things that bring me joy.

Yes I am grateful for all that I have, for I am so fortunate on this beautiful day to have my gifted daughter, a man in my life who I love and a home to keep me and my small family of pets safe and warm. So many times I have overcome my struggles and succeeded to keep on going.. it actually amazes me and I am so thankful that I had the strength to stay standing. Yet I still have a road to travel to get to where I must go to fill my path on this earth.

The story continues..........for I will write my book and my life will be of my choosing.......

A Brother finds his way to Heaven's Hockey Team

2010-11-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a busy day for me trying to get as much done as possible. I seem to be always chasing time, trying to do this and that and a bit more of everything. Like everyone I have a story, like everyone my life seems full of things I wish I could have time for, people I want to spend more time with, always , always more time.

Last night I came home from work and had that telephone call that changes things in life. My brother had choked twice and now the family was called to the nursing home as he was in danger. For 11 years he has been battling a disease that left him fragile. His memory slowing disappearing until he ended up bedridden at 63 years old in a home for old people who are at the end of their road. He could no longer even move in bed, could only drink from a straw and was forced to eat a few spoonfuls of mush and ice cream to survive on a daily basis.

When I got to the hospital I already knew that he was on his way to heaven. This was the final scene and together as a family we would be there to help him make the transition to a softer, kinded place where Mommy and Daddy and my other two brothers Hurd ( died at 48) and Royden ( died at 44) would be there to meet him.

He softly took his last breath with his three sisters, his wife and two sons at his bedside. In a moment of silence, he left us and his shell of a body that was so thin that it was only a reminder of the man that he had been.

Today we mourn Blair, we cry and feel the emptiness, yet we are grateful that his earthly sufferings are over. We will go through the process of a funeral and will then return to our lives to slowly absorb the loss and reflect on who we are in this world of wonder that is always changing.

Life is fragile, handle with care and be gentle and forgiving of yourself. Do not let your hurts determine who you are, and do not allow others through their shortcomings destroy that amazing spirit of youth that you were born with. Chase your dreams and let no one close the doors to them, no matter what hurdles you have to jump through to get to them.

Blair I hope that there is a Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey team in heaven and that you are given a brand new pair of skates when you join that team.

Another Cat Found at the Old Barn

2010-11-15T03:39:00.000-08:00

Well well well.. another cat was found yesterday at the old barn. This young cat was once a well cared for cat living in a loving home.

.......Elizabeth's Story.....

One day her owners decided to go for a drive and without them knowing, Elizabeth had jumped in the back seat and hid. She never thought that the doors would close and that she would be trapped inside. She was so afraid that she curled herself in a little ball under the back seat and shivered from fear of being in the strange environment of a moving car. When the car stopped at a shopping center, the door opened and she jumped out without her owners knowing that she was there. She ran across the parking lot and into the park and up a tree before she stopped. She sat there for a long time wondering what to do for she knew she was lost. Later that night she walked back very quietly to the parking lot thinking that her owners would be there waiting for her. She looked all over and found nothing familiar. She began to meow but a large dog who was taking a walk with its owner began to bark and chased her back into the park.

The days passed and she watched and waited but her owners never came back. In time she realised that she would have to find her way back to her house on her own. Life was very difficult for this little cat who had been so spoiled with love and kindness. She missed her food bowl and her warm wool bed. One day as she was walking on an old branch to get across a brook, the branch snapped and down she went into the icy cold water. She hit her back leg against a sharp rock and could hardly move yet she knew that she would surely freeze if she stayed in the water. She struggled to get up on the bank and lay there too weak to even meow.

Erma the old barn cat had been sitting in the upper window of the old barn out behind Maggies Raggedy Inn when she heard the branch snap. She went to investigate and found Elizabeth in pain. Erma was a strong cat and had carried many babies in her time. Elizabeth was almost grown and was really too big to be carried by another cat but she knew that it was the only way to save her. She had to take her back into the warmth of the hayloft where she could be looked after. Her back leg was probably broken but she knew that with time it would heal and she would be able to walk again. She picked her up by the neck and carried her back.

The weeks passed and Elizabeth grew stronger. Just like Erma has predicted , her back leg did heal and she was now able to walk with a limp and look after herself. Elizabeth still thinks about her owners everyday and looks out into the wide open spaces wondering where they have went. She still thinks of trying to get home but by now she has lost their scent and no longer knows where to go because it has been too long since they seperated. The old barn is her home for now but she has never lost hope that maybe one day they will find her.

Ah yes ... every cat has a story!