No Hope for Gomez

My Zombie Apocalypse Plan

2013-04-15T07:48:00.000-05:00

It used to be that only preppers and people with a high level of government clearance had the foresight to create a plan for the end of the world. A set of backup scenarios; food supplies scattered around the country side, escape routes out of the city, a bomb shelter here or there, that kind of thing. But these days any halfway intelligent person needs to have some kind of plan, and as I’ve

2013-02-01T04:12:00.002-06:00

Do I wish that everyday were a Friday? Probably not, then I'd have to work every day of my life. Fridays are defined by their Saturdays and Sundays, so an endless repeating stream of Fri/Sa/Sun, then? Nah, Fridays would take on a Monday like quality, and I don't want to give up my Friday feeling. Optimal week plan? Monday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and repeat. This also significantly increases

Leverage on Victorian Era Love

2012-11-05T08:08:00.000-06:00

Leverage on Victorian Era Love: How did people survive in Victorian times? He tries to imagine writing out a letter long hand with a quill. Perhaps running out of ink and having to wait till Monday to buy more. Then finishing the letter, sealing it, and riding off to some kind of post office in the next town over. Waiting in line. Paying up and trying not to scream when he finds out the last

2012-10-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

If not for the book, watch this one for the hair!

2012-10-05T17:43:00.001-05:00

Don't worry, calm down, it's almost Monday...

This thing about shoes – a male perspective

2012-10-02T09:18:00.001-05:00

I believe that there is a strong possibility that women have a secret mission. Subconsciously, at least, they feel the need to obtain a single pair of shoes for each day of the year. They may not be aware of this themselves, but ask any woman who owns less than 365 pairs of shoes whether she has enough shoes, and you’ll have your answer. At least for that year. But why is this? Ask any man to

This Week's Questions

2012-09-20T03:48:00.000-05:00

So far, being alive is probably one of the most complicated things I’ve attempted. In fact, all the other complicated things seem to stem directly from it. Even today, many years after my (alleged) birth, strange and worrying questions keep arising. Here is the list of things I could use some help with this week. If you have any answers for me, just jut them down in the comments below: - Ever

Free sequel to No Hope for Gomez!

2012-09-10T06:19:00.001-05:00

For a limited time only, get a free sequel to the award winning No Hope for Gomez! with the purchance of any of my novels. This sequel is not available anywhere else. No Hope for Gomez (paperback) Unspent Time (paperback) Unspent Time (Kindle) Unspent Time (other eBook formats) Simply forward your receipt to nohopeforgomez@gmail.com to register for your free copy. Unspent Time

The thing that makes people interesting...

2011-11-04T03:11:00.000-05:00

It is not uncommon for writers such as myself to have a keenly developed interest in their fellow man. To be able to spend hours just looking at people, listening to them, finding out all the interesting little synchronicities and ambiguities that make them them. It’s all precious information to the writer brain. From the way people carry themselves, to their wardrobe of choice, to their

Goki Feng Ho, the second part of my Journey...

2011-09-30T14:48:00.000-05:00

My own spiritual journey with Goki Feng Hoo, the ancient Chinese art of decoding car license plates, started when I spotted the following plate on a French car as it passed me when I was vacationing in Alsace: 154–GP–657. All beginnings are said to be humble and you are sure to be underwhelmed by this revelation. This particular plate is so obvious, so straight forward, that it’d take a very

Mystics predict future accurately?

2011-09-23T03:27:00.000-05:00

I’ve recently become a master in Goki Feng Ho, the ancient Chinese art of decoding license plates. It has, you can imagine, changed my life dramatically and for the better. Like most practitioners, I’ve always had this suspicion that there’s more to life. That we can’t be mere random collections of molecules with no higher purpose than figuring out how not to soil ourselves while we keep our

Free book from Winner of Forewords Books of the Year.

2011-08-31T02:52:00.000-05:00

As "No Hope for Gomez!" has just won the Book of the Year award, I thought it would be nice to celebrate by giving away a free sequel to anyone who can bother to download it ;) Things start to spiral out of control for Gomez when he tries to win back his ex-girlfriend during a very strange New Year's Eve party. Clinical studies have shown that reading the "Random Acts of Senseless Kindness"

Journey

2011-07-19T08:07:00.001-05:00

Looking into my past lives. Am convinced some of these still owe me money.

Summer of Gomez Winners Announced

2011-07-13T07:26:00.000-05:00

"Every once in a while you come across a novel so fresh and new it reacquaints you with feelings of childhood wonder. The novel my neighbor, Warren, wrote was my first example of the exact opposite of this." -- Gomez in 'No Hope for Gomez!' Blogger Kindle Winner: Serena from SavvyVerseandWit.com Reader Kindle Winner: Arthur Hall (US) Reader iPod Winner: Lynn Bassler (US) Limited edition

Yet another cover-up at mysterious crash site!

2011-06-30T02:38:00.000-05:00

I have recently uncovered the last taped conversation of ace reporter Kent Worthington. According to my calculations, it was made a day before his mysterious disappearance, and I dare say it contains some vital clues… (Some names may have been changed to protect my innocence) Kent: Colonel, what can you say about the reports of an object coming down over the Boswell fields? Colonel: It

Curious Case of Mr. Miller

2011-05-23T15:14:00.001-05:00

Blog entry: Saturday. Decided to do a little detective work and find out what made one of my fellow drug trial participants pass out. Headed over to the hospital and queued up at the front desk to ask if there were any visitor’s hours that day. “Sure,” the nurse told me. “Who did you want to see?” “A Mr. Miller. Mr. Joseph Miller. He was brought in two days ago.” The nurse consulted her computer

Is it like listening to you talk?

2011-05-15T03:26:00.000-05:00

As you probably know, to become an internationally best-selling author, you need to sell three books. This is not an easy task, but once you’ve managed to rack up these three sales, the rest is more or less a done deal. Now, these sales themselves will not put you on the best-seller lists. They won’t even put you within a million spots of the bottom of the lists, but what they will do, and what

The Summer of Gomez

2011-05-09T07:17:00.000-05:00

It's the Summer of Gomez!Get free books and win a Kindle or iPod. As reviewers have been calling “No Hope for Gomez!” the perfect summer read - light, fast, fun - I decided to give this summer's Gomez readers some exclusive content and the chance to win prizes. About No Hope for Gomez! It's the age-old tale: - Boy meets girl. - Boy stalks girl. - Girl already has a stalker. - Boy

The Dorkiness Equation -- PartII

2011-04-21T11:55:00.000-05:00

Read part I first. I understand if at this point you are in awe of me. If you have trouble believing anyone could be this insightful. And that’s fine. That’s natural at such life changing moments. But, really, I cannot take full credit. I happened to witness an event early in my professional career that gave me a vital clue to the puzzle. Without it I would not have figured this out. I had

The Dorkiness Equation.

2011-04-15T08:18:00.000-05:00

I’ve finally figured out why we laugh at someone when they do something dorky. When they almost trip, when they stub their toe, when they stack a number of paper cups, only to find that the bottom cup wasn’t quite empty. For years I assumed it was some kind of mean streak we have tucked away deep inside our subconscious. We might think we’re nice people, ready to lend a helping hand, ready with

How to make less money, Fast!

2011-03-10T11:56:00.000-06:00

More and more readers are threatening to buy my weird little novel ‘No Hope for Gomez!’ and in the process make me disgustingly rich and popular. As I always hated the popular kids in school, and I have a profound distrust of the rich, I’ve obviously been working hard at staying piss-poor and disgruntled. So far, so good. I’m very disgruntled and, better yet, I’ve found another way of making

15 year old Chat discovered...

2011-02-17T12:13:00.000-06:00

The following mysterious chat was found buried in a temp folder on a defunct server. It is presented here in the hope that someone might be able to shed some light on this. Internet chat started at: 17:05 Instant messages are being archived on this computer Graham: Mr. Porter, I hope you remember me. I bought a rather expensive chest of drawers in your antiques store last week. Gomez: That

Win a copy of No Hope for Gomez!

2011-02-07T10:43:00.000-06:00

It's the age old tale: Boy meets girl. Boy stalks girl. Girl already has a stalker. Boy becomes her stalker-stalker. Learn how this works out for him in "No Hope for Gomez!" As a mildly interesting coincidence, you can actually win a copy of this book by becoming an email-follower of this blog. Or, if you are one of the bright, heroic people already following, then just jot

Wedding or Funeral?

2011-02-02T08:56:00.000-06:00

There is nothing more cool than making fun of the innocent, and there is no-one more innocent than me. (Ok, so neither statement is actually true, sue me.) So why not make fun of myself? This is what I thought when I came across a facebook picture taken of me at a wedding I attended last month. This was one of those deals where someone catches you unawares and immortalizes an expression you

Why the first cut is the deepest…

2011-01-18T15:18:00.001-06:00

I was attacked by my hairdresser. I was butchered and left for dead. It taught me a very valuable lesson: don’t insult your hairdresser. Ever. No matter how rude and obnoxious she is. Unless you are fully prepared to throw off the gown and walk out the door, you'll have to grin and bear it. I pissed my hairdresser off and paid a terrible price. Here's what happened. I was a bit annoyed because