Advice In Love Relationships

Love Making Can Spice Up Your Marriage and Keep Your Husband Healthy!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:44:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

Really??!! Love making can spice up your marriage and keep your husband healthy? Ask Oprah and Dr. Oz.

Just recently Dr. Oz, America's favorite doctor, told an Oprah audience that women can ensure that their husbands live longer and stay healthy by engaging in love making with their spouse at least 4 times per week. Of course, the men in the audience were quite happy with Dr. Oz's revelation.

Medical scientists confirm that married men engaging in regular love making increases the happy hormones in the brain, add to their sense of contentment, reduces the incidence of heart attacks and strokes as well as strengthens their relationships with their wives.

Unfortunately however, a 2004 study by the National Opinion Research Center found that the typical American has sex 66 times per year while young American married couples have sex just 84 times a year. This means that instead of the calculated 130 to 160 times per year (this calculation is based upon 7 -11 days abstinence each month) that married couples reportedly should engage in love making, most couples are severely deficient in couple intimacy.

Furthermore, since couples on the average engage in love making only 1 to 2 times per week, is it possible that intimacy on other levels is lacking also? So, what's a couple to do? Added to this, every couple has a life outside of physical intimacy. With growing children, jobs, careers, extra curricular activities, advanced studies, sports, etc., who has time for all this intimacy?

Besides, are there any real benefits to be derived from really getting to know your spouse? That question was answered recently by Doug and Annie Brown, a couple who conducted their own research in this area. As written by Mike Celizic, TODAYShow.com contributor, after Doug attended a conference in 2006 on "Sex and Pop Culture" in Florida he shared what he learned with his wife.

Imagine his abject glee when his wife suggested that they commit themselves to a marathon 101 straight days of love making! (You've just got to read the whole story!) Did I mention that they have three children and a very demanding job between them?

At the end of their intense intimacy escapade, besides being exhausted they found that they enjoyed several unexpected benefits. These included increased emotional intimacy, increased interest in each other's lives as well as greater involvement with each other as a couple. Which, according to them, further enhanced their marriage because they came to realize the greater and deeper value of taking care of the couple.

Of course, no one is advocating that you and your spouse engage in 101 continual days of love making. However, the merits of engaging in love making 4 times per week will certainly add a richness to your relationship that you might never have known was possible plus, according to medical science, add years to your husband's life.

So then, for all you adventuresome romantics who are reading this and want to know what in the world to do to make your lovemaking new each time, get a copy of 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets to help you fire up your love making like never before! And in the process, improve your husband's health, happiness and longevity.

How about that for unbelievable rewards?When you and your spouse are enjoying the plethora of benefits from your foray into increased love making don't forget to thank Oprah and Dr. Oz for sharing this information and encouraging your new found couple intimacy.

Communication in Marriage - Key to Improving Your Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:36:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

Communication in marriage has always been touted as key to building a happy marriage, maintaining an already happy relationship or improving upon what you've already built. Couples who have been happily married for decades stand by it. Those wanting to have better relationships must and should start with creating an atmosphere of open, honest and inclusive communication with their spouse.

What then is communication and how should it work in your relationship?

The answer begins here with two articles written by Forest Anderson and will continue as you travel throughout your married life.

His first, Effective Marriage Communication Tips - Part 1, provides instruction on taking care to meet the communication needs of your spouse. One such need has to do with the timing of your communication.

I'm sure many men would agree that we women sometimes approach them at the wrong time. Some women are famous in their marriage for interrupting the husband's favorite sports broadcasts in search of having a serious conversation with said husband during that sports broadcast. Talk about sparking an explosive interaction. Timing is indeed everything!

The second in this series Effective Marriage Communication Tips - Part 2 delves into avoiding negative patterns as well as encouraging creating appropriate behaviors that will increase positive communication in your marriage.

The power and value of healthy, open, honest and inclusive communication in your marriage cannot be underestimated or overrated. Although this type of communication is work, the benefits to be gained can only be told, expressed and celebrated by those married couples who actively practice this level of communication.

Communication has many levels and facets within marriage. At best, your communication will always require stengthening and becomes easier when utilizing tools devised to provide just such help. Click here to further explore your Communication Fitness and improve your marital intimacy. You're worth it and so is your spouse!

Create Astounding Joy In Your Life - Practice an Attitude of Gratitude!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:40:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

Friday, June 13, 2008's post on The Power of Gratitude gave rise to locating and sharing quotes from others on how they view, practice, then share gratitude and thankfulness for everything.

These vignettes are offered to encourage you to view your life's events differently. Differently in the sense that you can achieve another level of life acceptance and appreciation. Yes, you too can create astounding joy in your life by practicing an attitude of gratitude!

When you've read the listing below, you might wish to record your own statements of gratitude and thankfulness or seek others to add to your collection. Whatever you do, practicing gratitude, thankfulness and thanksgiving daily will add great contentment and fulfillment to your life.

Here then for your enrichment are a number of quotes on gratitude!

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
--John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you?"
--William A. Ward

"For today and its blessings, I owe the world an attitude of gratitude."
--Clarence E. Hodges

"In all things, give thanks."
--Holy Bible

"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues."
--Cicero

"Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart."
--Seneca

"Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that thankfulness is indeed virtue."
--William J. Bennett

"A grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things."
--Plato

"Whatever we are waiting for -- peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance-- it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart."
--Sarah Ban Breathnach

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
--Albert Schweitzer

These quotations provide a view of how to create astounding joy in your life by practicing an attitude of gratitude across all lines of your life. Some have said "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade." What better way to make that lemonade than to offer continually and constantly thankfulness and gratitude for all that you have, all that you are and all that you plan to become?

The Power of Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

What is the power of gratitude? One might even ask what is gratitude?

Well, let's just begin with a simple scenario.

The alarm clock just blew you out of your sweet reverie. It's 5:00 a.m. and the start of another day. You roll over, groan at the prospect of having to get up but, get up you must. Thoughts flood your mind of what has to be done but what you want instead is to pull the covers up over your head and go back to sleep. You're just not ready for another day! You'd rather eat a bucket of nails than to face life and what it has to offer.

Is this how you wake up in the morning? Are you protesting the rigors of life, your job, family life, your spouse? What kind of day are you going to have with this attitude? Can you guess?

On the other hand, what would your day be like if you flipped the script? Let's try that again!

The alarm clock goes off at 5:00 a.m. but you're already awake. You shut it off as thoughts of thankfulness fill your mind. Although you have a busy day ahead you find yourself ruminating about how blessed you are to be who you are, to have what you have, to be healthy with a healthy family, to be married to whom you are married; you're just happy.

With this frame of mind, you embrace the rigors of the day ahead of you even though you know it's going to be taxing. With that, although you don't know it, your heart beat and pulse are steady and measured; your muscles are relaxed and you have a ready smile for your spouse, your family and the world.

What's the difference? Gratitude! Again, the question is asked, what is gratitude?

Mirriam Webster's Online Dictionary defines "gratitude" as the state of being grateful or being thankful.

So, the first scenario offered groans and protestations of what is to come while the second awoke with a sense of gratitude and thankfulness. We can only imagine how each day progressed and ended. Just for the sake of examination however, let's focus on the second.

Gratitude and thankfulness go hand in hand and when practiced, provides you with the added benefit of enjoying the rightness of your world even when things get turned upside down as they sometimes do. What then does this do for you, your spouse, your marriage?

Marriage in itself is a many faceted relationship that has its ups and downs, its highs and lows, its triumphs and disappointments. Whatever then can make it sweeter, happier, more inviting and wholesome has great benefit and can be embraced by both parties.

Broadly speaking exercising gratitude and thankfulness daily for all that you have and specifically expressing it to your spouse continuously encourages greater and better rewards from your spouse. This is the power of gratitude within your marriage.

I call this the "circle of beneficience." Simply put, the circle of beneficience within a couple is when one spouse shows gratitude to their spouse and the remaining spouse responds in kind. The fun begins when one spouse attempts to practice more gratitude than the other. Practicing gratitude on this level shows not only that you love your spouse but that you appreciate who they are and whatever they do for you, with you and to you.

Showing gratitude is a simple thing with far-reaching benefits. Just saying a heartfelt "thank you" or sending a card or flowers or other tokens of appreciation on days other than birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries (but don't forget those days as well) to show your gratitude does wonders for your spouse and will do wonders for you.

Try it! The power of gratitude then is its ability when practiced to change your marriage and change your life. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the benefits and much happier as a result.

Not only is practicing gratitude one of the many things you can do to enrich, enhance and make your marriage happier but Your Journey Into Joy Includes These as Well!

Dating Your Spouse - Discover the Benefits of Dating Your Spouse!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:05:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

What can you gain from dating your spouse? Actually, your dating discovery can become endlessly exciting. Among the benefits of dating your spouse again are staying in love, increased marital connectivity, intimacy, a sense of contentment and peace, greater hopefulness, heightened creativity, and the ability to really enjoy the smaller as well as larger things in life.

Health practitioners also state that added benefits to happily married couples is they not only handle life's stressors better but they also live longer than their unhappy counterparts and singles. That's something to think about.

Many couples are struggling to connect with each other and want to know how. Could the secret to that great connectivity be as simple as answering the question, "Are you still dating your spouse?"

Having spoken to many married couples and read the reports of a slew of interpersonal relationship coaches and marriage counselors one answer to a couples longevity can be found in the fact that they never stopped dating each other.

The intriguing element here is that the most ardent of these couples said that not only have they continued to date throughout their marriage but they cultivated being best friends to each other as well.

So, what does continuing to date your spouse after marriage really mean? And, what are the benefits, if any, of continuing to date each other? Well, what does it mean to you and your spouse? What did you do when you were dating? What moved you, excited you, and drew you closer together? What have you learned about each other during your marriage that you can translate into your dating experience? The benefits of continuing to date each other during your marriage are only limited by your imagination and shared experiences.

Each couple is different; what works for one will not necessarily work for another. What is important is that you to discover the benefits unique to you. Take time for the couple regularly and you will strengthen your marriage and gain a number of valuable benefits; some possibly far beyond your wildest dreams.

So, when should you start dating each other? Right away! Put it into your weekly schedule; plan for and make arrangements for it (babysitter, homework help, parent care, etc.) and refuse to allow anything to get in the way of your night out with your spouse (except the most obvious of things, i.e. sickness, accident, etc.).

Don't know what to do or want some creative dating ideas? These 100 + Romantic Date Ideas might be just what you need to get your creative dating juices flowing again.

Here's to your Dating Discovery!

8 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:42:00 +0000

When I read this article I found it to be on target for couples who really want to "get real" with the many possibilities that can derail their happy unions. Although many realize that staying together happily requires work, some just don't realize the level to which this work must rise in order for them to successfully stay on track.

Therese J. Borchard of Beliefnet provides details of just one level of the work required to enrich and enhance your marriage. Quoting the work of Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth" Ms. Borchard brings home the fact that like any other success, marriage success takes planning for the right things as well as ways to avoid the wrong things.

No matter what, the best plan for success is one you've acknowlegded, rehearsed and decided to adhere to in times of stress and temptation. The 8 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage listed below is a good place to start.

Therese J. Borchard
Beliefnet

According to Peggy Vaughan, the author of "The Monogamy Myth," 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage. In other words, the person who stays monogamous within her marriage is among a growing minority.

Twelve years into my marriage, I can appreciate that statistic. Eric and I are getting to the hard part, where the pressing responsibilities of raising kids and growing two careers could easily blow apart the vows we recited on our wedding day.

Because I want my marriage to stay on the happy side of the statistics, I've gathered these tips for how to make marriage absolutely affair-proof.

1. Nurture Safe Friendships: This is the most important affair-preventer in my life.
No marriage can give you everything.

No marriage can give you everything. A husband is going to have interests that his wife will never care about like fishing, hunting, or golfing. So he's less likely to stray if he can find some good guy buddies with whom to fish, hunt, and golf.

2. Recognize the Drug: Depressives and addicts are especially prone to affairs because of the head rush that comes with infatuation. The spikes in dopamine and norepinephrine we experience upon connecting with someone new fools us into thinking that the sexy man or attractive woman at the bar holds the key to our nirvana and the end to our problems. This is the same as, say, the high from cocaine. Recognizing that that rush is not real, meaningful, or lasting, can help a married person to "just say no."

3. Keep Dating: I'm serious here. Visiting with your spouse with some regularity--just the two of you and no one else--will bring some very definite rewards to a marriage. By dating, you will learn how to talk to each other again.

In her book, "Mating in Captivity," Esther Perel urges a client to imagine her spouse as if she has just met him, to put him into that mysterious category again. This is really hard when you got a little one screaming, "Wipe me!" from the bathroom. However, when you can pull it off, I find her theory very effective.

4. Find a Creative Outlet: People get lured into emotional and physical affairs because the infatuation provides an exciting, stimulating place where they are energized.

So to stay affair-proof, you have to find other sources of stimulation and excitement. For me, my blog is that outlet. I can't wait to log on each day to see what all of my dear readers have to say. When I get overwhelmed by the domestic chaos of our lives, Beyond Blue provides me that outlet where I can create something new, where I can run away, however temporarily, from the stress.

5. Hang Out with Happy Couples: If you're hanging with a bunch of guys (or girls) that see nothing wrong with sleeping around, you are much more likely to do it yourself. The good news is that the opposite is also true. If you have a set of friends committed to their marriages, you will be less likely to cheat on your spouse.

6. Learn How to Fight: Wait before saying something really ugly, and make sure you weren't tired or hungry, or in a stressful situation. I'm not saying that you can't confront your spouse if you're tired, hungry, or stressed, because then we'd live in a silent world. But, it's a good idea to recognize situations that tend to accelerate arguments.

7. Be Nice and Listen: "Duh," you're saying to yourself. But think about it. This is the hardest part about marriage. Listening. Keeping your mouth closed when the other person is talking.

In my conversations with men and women who have had affairs, the number one reason for pursuing the affair was this: "She listened to me. I mattered to him."

8. Remember These Tools: Never forget that you have a toolbox of resources to draw on when you feel tempted by an extramarital affair. Here are some tools offered to me by those healing from affairs, insights to keep in mind when you feel that familiar head rush and are tempted to abandon logic for a thrill:

Don't go there: Don't put yourself in a threatening situation. Skip the conference in Hawaii with the colleague who flirts with you. If you absolutely have to go, avoid all opportunities to be alone with him.

You've got mail: When you don't know if your email crosses the line into inappropriate language, send it to yourself first. Read it again, and ask yourself: would I feel comfortable showing this to my husband?

Dress with intentions: One woman told me that she saved her lingerie for her husband, and wore the ratty old underwear to the high-school reunion where she'd see a flame from the past.

Talk about your spouse: A guy friend told me that whenever he is alone with a woman he finds attractive and things are getting uncomfortable, he'll start talking about his wife--what her hobbies are, and how much he loves her. It immediately kills the mood.

Want the spiritual version of this article? Check out Beliefnet.com

Therese J. Borchard, blogger of Beyond Blue, is the best-selling editor (with Michael Leach) of "I Like Being Catholic, I Like Being Married, and I Love Being a Mom." After her Prozac pooped out, she didn't like much of anything, so she compiled "The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World," which was featured in Real Simple, Parenting, More, Working Mother, Psychology Today, Fit Pregnancy, the Chicago Tribune, Salon.com, and Beliefnet.com. Her syndicated column on young-adult spirituality is distributed by Catholic News Service, and her work has appeared in LadiesTM Home Journal, Parenting, American Baby, Working Mother, Publishers Weekly, the Washington Post, and Beliefnet.com. She lives with her husband, Eric, and their two "spirited" preschoolers in Annapolis, Maryland.

__________________________

This article is just the beginning of your journey to joy in solving your marriage problems. Additional resources are available to you at
Renew Your Relationship with Marriage Fitness - Made Just For You!

Famous Quotes on Love and Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 20:43:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

So often we forget the meaning of love and happiness. The famous quotes listed below are but a fraction of what might be said about each and we offer our thanks to MyFamousQuotes.com for allowing us to share them here .

These are befitting the mission of this blog; the mission of bringing couples into synergy within their relationships and encouraging continued growth of love, happiness, friendship and intimacy.

When you take time to meditate upon the good things in your relationship you will be able to reconnect with the goodness, energy, love, power, comfort and hope that your love provides.

Your best is our desire. All the best to you as you re-discover the best in each other and may God smile on you continually as you seek to rise to the height of divine love as He has prescribed in His instructions.

Love

The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. - Lydia Maria Child

Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. - H.G. Wells

The first duty of love is to listen. - Paul Tillich

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. - Henry Drummond

Happiness

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times. - Anonymous

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. - Benjamin Disraeli

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
_____________________________

The best is yet to come.

10 Things I Love About Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 22 May 2008 16:37:00 +0000

In this new millinieum, divorce rates are skyrocketing. This shows that many people have forgotten why they selected the mate they did; why they got married and the fun, joyful, lovely benefits they get from being married.

The list below is a reminder of the things that connect you and your spouse to the soul of your decision to marry. Joy comes from remembering and rekindling the love you shared in the beginning. If you're having difficulties that seem insurmountable, you can use these reminders to help you begin again.

Author, Heather Long in Her Own Words

I know I've mentioned that I love lists, so here's one for Friday. Since Friday is the end of the week, it's important to end on a good note. So check out my 10 things that I love about Marriage and have a great weekend! Don't forget to take some time that's just for the two of you.

10. Conversation - I love the fact that I have someone to talk to. Even when we disagree or we don't have a lot of time, we can talk about a lot of different things and he'll listen to my diatribes about things he has no interest in just because he wants to hear what I have to say.

9. Someone to which I can Say No - Yep, you heard that right. I love that he can tell me no whether it's to a question about whether he wants to do something or to a wild idea that I have about an investment. He keeps me grounded despite how practical most people think I am. His ability to say no helps us define our boundaries.

8. Compromise - I love that marriage is all about compromise. I love that it means sometimes when you feel passionate about something, that it's important enough to the other person to allow that to sway them.

7. Companionship - I love having someone to go and do things with, even if it's something mundane like the grocery store or a court date for a speeding ticket. (Yes, he went once). It's nice to have someone there when you go to the movies and do the fun stuff, but it's even better when he's there in the lonelier times when you're fighting with something.

6. Laughter - I love the ability to laugh or make a joke. Sometimes it's not always appropriate, but marriage helps you find the funny bits - even the unintentional ones. Like the night a person called trying to sell something on the phone. He really, really wanted me to buy it, but I was trying to be polite. After five minutes my husband said, "She said no Butt-Head get off the phone." It was embarrassing and it was hilarious all at the same time.

5. Understanding - I love that he gets it. I love that even when he doesn't get it, he wants to get it and when he doesn't get it and he doesn't want to - he tries anyway.

4. Trust - It doesn't matter if we agree; it doesn't matter if we're on the same page - as long as we share trust - I know he will be there for me.

3. Friendship - I suppose this should be number 1, but what I love most about marriage is the deep and abiding friendship that exists.

2. Shared Responsibilities - No matter how tough it is, we're both there to deal with it. This is about more than just the friendship; this is really about sharing the burden of the children, the work, the financial support and the emotional support.

1. The best thing about being married? The fun, whether we're reminiscing about our wedding day, the first day we met or the first time we went skiing. The fun we have when we try to surprise each other with new gifts. The fun we have learning new things and growing together. The fun we have when we make up. The fun we have when we get a chance to just hang out and be a couple over making eggs, picking out a movie or strolling around the bookstore.

More about Heather Long

Heather Long is an avid writer, author, wife and mother, horse breeder, exercise enthusiast and marriage advocate writes provocatively about her 10 + years of marriage and the joy of it all. She currently lives in Wylie, Texas and has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

http://marriage.families.com/blog/10-things-i-love-about-marriage

Free Relationship Advice: 4 Simple Steps to Stop Doing Most Anything

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 22 May 2008 02:24:00 +0000

By Margrit Harris

Many couples get into relationship trouble when they ignore the needs and wants of their spouse. Giving attention to the little things in your relationship is tantamount to having a happy, successful marriage.

Below, relationship expert Margrit Harris shares some simple but powerful steps to take to reduce the number of behaviors that negatively impact your marriage.

Ms. Harris writes...

Can you imagine what your relationship would be like if you could stop…

• Being so sensitive

• Getting mad so quickly

• Feeling left out

• Telling little white lies

• Flirting to get attention

• Giving him the silent treatment

• Ignoring her opinion

• Getting your feelings hurt

Are you plagued by any of these or other similar annoying behavior?

You’re about to give your loved one a great gift! Yup, you’re going to stop doing what drives you and your partner crazy.

How?

By following these

4 Simple Steps to STOP Doing Most Anything

Step 1 - New Behavior

First of all you need to decide what you want to replace your unwanted behavior with. If you only think about what you don’t want to do, your behavior cannot change. You must carefully consider what you want to do.

Step 2 - STOP Sign

The next time you find yourself starting into your unwanted behavior do this. Imagine a huge STOP sign popping up in front of you. Literally stop whatever you are doing and replace it with the New Behavior.

Step 3 - Rehearse

In the privacy of your home mentally rehearse or physically act out your New Behavior (what you’re going to do and say) in multiple situations you find you kick into your unwanted behavior. Do this more than once. Do it every time you slip back into the old behavior.

Step 4 - Secret Signal

Get your partner involved. Between the two of you decide on a secret signal, a signal that she or he will give you when she or he sees you getting into your unwanted behavior.

That's it, real simple yet very effective.

This will be a great help to you and will do another very important thing, by involving your partner it shows her/him how serious you are about changing.

Follow each of these steps carefully and review them from time to time. Don’t expect perfection the first time you’re out there, but keep working at it.

Remember, it probably took you a long time to develop your unwanted behavior; it will take some time to apply and live your New Behavior.

Good luck and God bless.

---------------------------------
Margrit Harris, Your Relationship Expert, provides Helpful Answers to Tough Relationship Questions for life and business. Business clients include Wachovia Securities, Morgan Stanley and a variety of small business executives. While life clients range from college students to seasoned professionals. Author of StrataTips, practical weekly free Relationship Advice, and the life changing Relationship Tests called Awareness Tools.
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The power of making your marriage better comes by way of not only changing unwanted behaviors but rewarding the good behaviors that result. What better way to increase the intimacy and happiness quotient of your marriage than to give your spouse an unexpected gift of Tantalizing Intimacy!

Learning To Love

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:01:00 +0000

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dr. Baucom is a relationship and expert marriage counselor who writes for the benefit of strenghtening couples in their quest for a happier, healthier, longer-lasting marriage
relationship.
__________________

My daughter was recently in her school's performance of Fiddler On The Roof. She was one of the daughters. If you don't know the story, it focuses on the changing culture of marriage, from one where the marriage is arrainged by family and community to one based on mutual attraction.

In one of the songs, the main character asks his wife if she loves him. She replies that for 25 years, she has shared his bed, made his meals, tended his house, raised his children -- so what kind of question is that? The point is, love wasn't even a question or consideration. But after some back-and-forth, they decide that, indeed, they love each other.

This led me to think about what I know about marriage. And here is what I think about the question of love: we fall in love to get together, then spend the rest of our lives learning to love the other.

You see, the initial attraction is really about "I." I feel a certain way, so I know I am "in love." But it is driven by my need to feel that way, my need to be with the other person, my need to have my needs met.

But love is a verb, something I do for the other. So, it takes the rest of my life to learn how to attend to my spouse's needs. From my desire to be with my spouse comes my desire to meet my spouse's love needs.

We are "fooled" into commitment by the overwhelming feeling of attraction, then we have to put forth effort to create a sustained relationship. I say "fooled" because our culture has us believeing that this love is the foundation of a relationship. It is not. It is merely a temporary starting point.

My feelings will calm over time. The overwhelming need to be with someone that marks the infatuation portion of a relationship is not sustainable on its own. It's like placing a flame in a bottle. Eventually, the flame will burn all the oxygen in the bottle and be extinguished.

So, there has to be some "fueling of the fire." This is "love," the verb. When I act in loving ways, I fuel the fire, keep it burning. If I stop tending to the other's needs because I don't feel that infatuation, the relationship will slowly (or not so slowly) die away.

When we keep believing that "love" (infatuation) is the heart of a relationship, when that feeling is gone, we believe we are no longer in love. That is not the case; we have just failed to fuel the fire.

Reality TV has proven that any two people, given the right circumstances and settings, can fall into love (chemistry of infatuation). But story after story shows that it is harder to make the switch to "true love" that comes from action. Choose action, and don't be fooled by chemistry.

So, What Exactly Is Love?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:30:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

So often, love is seen as an emotion that gives you a high when your lover is around but takes a steep nosedive when absent. But, the question "what exactly is love?" begs to be answered. To be very succinct love is more than an emotion; it is a decision.

A decision, you say. Yes, love is a free-will decision.

Who among us hasn't heard stories of those serving in wars who gave their lives in order to save their comrades? We've heard stories too about the mother who’s young child was caught under a car and with the physical strength of a well oiled body builder lifted the car to save that child's life.

Many are the stories told also of the husband who took the brunt of some object’s momentum in order to save his wife from losing her life in a life-threatening accident.

Or what about the husband or wife who gladly stays by the side of and cares for their catastrophically ill or injured spouse whose condition has been diagnosed as a lifetime condition?

Love in each of these cases was a decision, a commitment that was made long before it was tested by these and so many other circumstances.

True love takes any challenge and makes it look like child’s play. However, child’s play it is not. To be sure, the power and scope of love is sometimes incomprehensible but it can be achieved.

These are examples of what love does but exactly what is love?

The inspired answer is given in the oldest, most often printed, most often read book in the world.

Love is patient;
Love is kind;
Love hopes all things;
Love bears all things;
Love endures all things;
Love suffers long;
Love does not envy;
Love does not boast of itself;
Love acts according to good form and taste;
Love rejoices in truth and right;
Love believes all good things;
Love is not easily provoked;
Love never fails.

So then, love IS a decision! In every progressive step listed above, loving involves making a decision.

But, who loves like that? Indeed in today’s society, love like this is hard to find. However, anyone can decide to love like this.

Once the decision to love unconditionally is made, tools found at Keys to Building a Stronger Marriage are available to strengthen that commitment so that the joys of and the decision to love will last for a lifetime. The marriage journey of you and your spouse will answer in a very personal way the question "So, what exactly is love?" You'll not only be satisfied with the answer but will have a happier outcome than you ever thought possible.

Let your journey begin!

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Those most successful in their loving relationships seek out and utilize supportive tools to ensure their relationship and marriage will stand the test of time. It's obvious that you want your own relationship to be the happiest it can be. Here then are some additional tools for you to choose from to help you achieve your goal.

Noted Relationship Coach, Sherene McHenry, Ph.D., provides ten provocative tips to couples who want to kick their relationships up a notch and then some!

Your Marriage Can Enjoy Happily After - Here's How!

This powerful ebook by author Stanley J. Leffew will move you to a higher view of yourself and your relationships. The power of loving yourself comes through loud and clear and is an inspiring journey into discovery of what constitutes real love.

How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime

Every marriage has a bank account from which the couple can place deposits or from which they can make withdrawals. Couples who make more withdrawals than deposits get into deep challenges.

Just ask Mike Bova. He often made greater withdrawals than deposits. Soon, his spouse insisted that he "come clean" regarding the "trouble" they were in. Find out what happened at

The Marriage Bank Account

Are you ready for your marriage to not only be happy but actually thrive? You’ll want to read what Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. has to say about unlocking the secret of having a successful, happy marriage.

Discover the Secret of Creating An Amazing Marriage!

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This is only the beginning. I will be posting more information periodically. If you are already a happily married couple, there will be offerings for you that will assist in making your relationship even better.

Should you, however, be experiencing some marriage problems within your relationship, remember that your marriage can be infused with new life, intimacy, happiness and joy. It takes making a decision to renew the love you’ve built between each other.

This blog will provide ongoing information designed to give you the tools you need to build a stronger, longer lasting, happier relationship. Please stop by often.

Secrets to Long-Lasting Loving Relationships You'll Use For a Lifetime!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:19:00 +0000

Estelle T. Dunomes

It's Spring! Love Is In The Air!!

Spring is an absolutely fabulous time of year. It's a time of renewal, replenishment, reinforcement and reinventing of nature or even oneself. And, for so many of us it too is a time for love. It's in the air!

Whether you are already in a relationship or are anticipating getting into a new relationship, one thing is sure to be on almost everyone's mind. Love relationships are desirable, inviting, invigorating, fun, fulfilling, hopeful, strengthening, health improving, comforting and so much more. That's the joyous part but very few understand the work that is involved in making a relationship long lasting and satisfying.

Although we‘re made to have a soul mate, it isn't supposed to be so hard keeping things together. For confirmation of this just ask the many couples who break up or get divorced each year. They'll tell you they never learned the secrets of achieving a long-lasting loving relationship.

There are a few however, who get it right and have fun applying the secrets to their own relationship and love doing it. One such person who took seriously his job of preparing for and having fun with his soul mate is relationship expert and best selling author (as seen on Oprah and other nationally syndicated shows, in magazine articles, and newspapers), Michael Webb.

Having been dubbed the "World's Most Romantic Man" Michael continues to practice the secrets that have kept him and his wife, Athena, blissfully married for more than 16 years.

Michael’s commitment to his marriage and some of the Secrets to their success includes:

• Deeply understand your partner
• Show your love in unique ways often
• Never stop dating
• Spark and fuel intimacy

And so much more.

Make your love relationship what you want it to be.

Click Here to Discover the Secrets to Making Your Relationship Last a Lifetime!