Grace Notes

Love Lost

2015-02-27T06:34:00.001-08:00

From the moment she fell, she loved with a full and pure heart

Till pain and darkness tore her apart

Measured daily by her homemaking tasks-

Love by a measuring stick? Oh how would that last?

She held onto hope that again her heart would be filled

Time marched on...the hurt remained, still

Blame was placed always, such a heavy weight to bear

For if she did everything wrong, then why was he still there?

Crumbled on the floor, to God she cried out!

He opened her eyes, and erased her self-doubt

The path had to change to know love's truth as it should be

He stood firmly, choosing not to follow the change..therefore, she had to leave....

By: Jamie Campbell

Wilderness

2015-02-27T06:33:00.001-08:00

The "wilderness" is needed and a valuable place to realign our priorities, deal with our issues, regroup and refresh our spirit.

But we weren't meant to stay in the "wilderness". At some point, we need to pack up our tent and move forward.

Allow God to lead you to the promised land!

Building My Wings

2015-02-27T05:22:00.001-08:00

It's time to depart

Ole self-defeating friend

....a side of myself

That just has to end

I grasped the carousel tightly

As we'd go round and round

You spoke such harsh words

Yet no one heard a sound

I accepted the shackles

When I hitched that ride

In tow for the long haul

Losing my ability to decide

I fought you at first

Yet it was to no avail

Then came acceptance paired with denial

Following on up the trail

I'm severing the grip

You've held tightly onto me

The doubt, the degradation

Thinking I'm unable to lead

Now I'm reclaiming my identity

Just so you know

Gazing in the mirror, I say

This part of me has to go

I'm free I think

But wait! Not so fast

Be patient my dear

Wounds heal with time -though the pain won't last

As I pray myself to sleep, I think

Tomorrow's another day-it's fine!

I'll just keep building my wings

One feather at a time!

By: Jamie Campbell

Love Lost

2015-02-19T10:17:00.001-08:00

From the moment she fell, she loved with a full and pure heart

Till pain and darkness tore her apart

Measured daily by her homemaking tasks-

Love by a measuring stick? Oh how would that last?

She held onto hope that again her heart would be filled

Time marched on...the hurt remained, still

Blame was placed always, such a heavy weight to bear

For if she did everything wrong, then why was he still there?

Crumbled on the floor, to God she cried out!

He opened her eyes, and erased her self-doubt

The path had to change to know love's truth as it should be

He stood firmly, choosing not to follow the change..therefore, she had to leave....

By: Jamie Campbell

Back to Blogging

2015-01-18T21:26:00.001-08:00

It's been almost two years since I've blogged. So much happened within the last two years. My writing and journaling continued but not on the blog. Now, I will begin again, sharing my journey of growth through faith.

Hopefully you can identify with my testimony and daily struggles. If one person can relate and find solace in my writing,then it's not for nothing!

May God bless you!

The Act of Emptying

2012-04-16T14:42:00.005-07:00

In your relationship with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-even death on a cross!

Therefore, God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the Name that is above every other name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Chris is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11 NIV

The thought of Jesus having all the power above everything, in His divine nature, yet emptying Himself of His power to take the form of man; is a mind-boggling, awesome act! Imagine having power above all things, and setting it aside to just help one person.

Jesus, our Savior did this not for one person...but for the entire world!

Imagine facing temptation, pain, torture, and death, to save the world from sin; but also having the full Divinity of all power to escape it all. This is truly the ultimate sacrifice, that has only been fulfilled by Jesus. On the third day, Jesus rose again to offer us all His saving grace through the Holy Spirit. Ghandi, Muhammed, Buddha, and many other religious leaders did not fulfill this incredible feat. Only One can save us, and His Name is above every other name, Jesus. Every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Jesus sacrificed Himself in every way as a man, to glorify our Father in Heaven. He is God Who put Himself aside. He modeled for us the WAY to go to the Father, through love, prayer, and humility. Jesus performed many miracles as a man anointed by God, with complete dependence on His Father. He demonstrated the ultimate form of faith, in the form of man. Thus, He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life....

We, as humans are filled with ourselves, but in direct opposition to the nature of God. When we are filled with ourselves, we become self-serving and end up miserable. I know, I had been so filled with self that I could not see anyone else.

A sure way to become filled with the essence of God through the Holy Spirit is to continually empty ourselves. Unlike Jesus, we are not Divine when filled with self. As Jesus, rendered void His power; we must shed ourselves of our own will. Like Jesus, we must become dependent on the Father. We must die to ourselves by coming to the cross...many times. We must be transformed by the renewing of our mind, as the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:1-2. He doesn’t say renew your mind once. It’s the “renewing” of your mind through the help of the Holy Spirit, which is daily and constant.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 NIV

Everlasting life, salvation, redemption, satisfaction, peace, joy and love above all is found at the cross. We can not come to this place through our own work or will. We are not capable of saving ourselves. All glory goes to God and through Him all things were made!

So our dependency on God is essential. It’s one of the main ingredients in which we need to fill ourselves with once we start the process of emptying ourselves.

What we are capable of doing, is to make a move toward God through faith. We are capable of reading His Word and patiently listening for His guidance, seeking God in all things. God is faithful, and He wants to do great things for us!

I am so grateful that Jesus emptied himself for us. It’s hard to empty out myself of my own will and it’s a process that takes faith, time and deliberate daily prayer. Growth does not happen overnight, and each day Jesus’ grace is sufficient for the us as I believe He is doing the work on my heart as a believer. Which brings me back to the magnitude of the power and strength of our God.

It takes time, a long time for us to empty ourselves, and it’s something we have to do over and over again. But Jesus emptied himself at once to become man so that we can have eternal life. He left His power at the throne in heaven to experience everything we experience like pain, defeat, sorrow, struggles, temptation.... He did the unimaginable, and gave it all for us.

I am in complete adoration of our God who is capable of doing all things beyond our ability to even comprehend His greatness! Even the angels in heaven, who are supernatural beings created by God can only mutter the phrase “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come”, when faced with God’s presence at the throne. The angels repeat this phrase over and over day and night because His Glory is just that incredible...too dumbfounding for us to put into any other words.... too astonishing to comprehend. The angels could only mutter a phrase that seems so simple but so very powerful, bowing down fully worshipping our Lord Almighty.

Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was, and is, and is to come.” Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne and Who lives forever and ever. The twenty-four elders fall down before him Who sits on the throne and worship Him Who lives forever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they were created and have their being.” Revelations 4:8-11 NIV

Consider this:

When we think of Jesus while He was on this earth, do we think of Him as only God, or only man? Do we think that we cannot relate to Him because He is the Son of God, Almighty?

He came down to earth in the form of man, to show us the Way, the Truth and the Life by experiencing the trials that we all face. But most importantly He experienced the greatest trial and pain of all through His ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross to save us from sin and grant us eternal life everlasting. Jesus is the greatest teacher to ever walk this earth, modeling the Way for us and connecting us to our unseen Father in Heaven; giving all glory to God our Father.

We can bring all of our troubles to Him, for He knows what we are feeling and He will comfort us all the days of our lives.

Sifting through the "Mire"

2012-01-06T19:43:00.000-08:00

I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Psalms 40:1-2 NIV

What is your mire? Mire= sediment at the bottom.

Mire can be buried pain, unresolved anger, hidden sin, a great loss, failures, rejection or fears.

When we bury pain alive, it keeps popping up in our lives at unexpected moments. God wants us to have courage to face our "mire". Once we face our pain with the help of God, we can bury our pain dead!

"Freedom from the pit of darkness demands confrontation of our past, straining every experience through the truth that "all" things work together for our good. The will of God admits no defeat and penalizes no one! We can allow our past to defeat us or empower us. Harnessing the power of the past is a compelling weapon in the war against darkness."

Mary Southerland

This article by Mary Southerland, struck a chord in my gut. Facing pain is scary, but once we face it head on, it loses its power. After we face it, something incredible happens inside...we are free! This can be achieved through God, Who loves us and wants us to live abundantly in all areas of our lives. Trust God! Confess to him your pain, especially the pain you keep hidden deep within your heart. God wants to use us to bring more people into His kingdom. But many times, we need to do some pruning in areas of our lives, to allow God room to work through us in a more efficient way.

When you prune a tree, new branches are allowed to grow in a beautiful, full fashion. Unlike a tree that is never pruned. The tree that is not pruned will grow, but at a much slower pace. Wild branches get in the way, hindering growth.

Or like my spare bedroom that is filled up with junk. Some things in that spare bedroom are precious and are of good use to me, but I cannot get to those precious items because the junk is in the way!

With the start of 2012, I vow to prune my "tree of life"; to clean my spare bedroom. I do so desperately want God to work in and through me to help others. I have found my firm place to stand, my rock (Jesus). But I must continue to sift through the "mire" in my life to further my growth.

Some people feel that they must live good, balanced and healthy lives before they come to Jesus. I can testify that Jesus will embrace you wherever you are in life, no matter what troubles you face or character flaws you possess. He will live in your heart and cause you to WANT to change and grow for the good of all. He ignites a fire in your spirit that compels you to step forward in your journey towards His kingdom.

My spirit knows God's love, grace, strength, compassion and truth. And I anxiously await for my tree to bear good fruit, fruits of the Holy Spirit. But I must commence in pruning.

Thank you, Jesus, for saving me from the pit of mud and mire that I once swam in. Help me to sift through the mire so that I can be an efficient vessel for You to work through. Amen!

The Power of Words and the WORD which is Perfect

2011-12-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

As I am growing in Christ in my spiritual journey, I have come to know the absolute power of God's Word. I remember from a young child, learning about the Bible and the Truth and Power it contains within its pages. I recall watching scary movies and visions of a priest holding the Bible and casting out the demon of a possessed little girl. I was educated through religion class as a Catholic, and learned the Good News of the birth, death, and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. This was ingrained in me and known by me, but I never knew how essential it was for me to apply the teaching and Biblical principles to my life. I really did not know how.

We can know all kinds of things but if we don't act on that knowledge...what's the point? It was not until I got to the point of complete brokenness, that my eyes and ears were open to the TRUTH. The TRUTH I am speaking of is Jesus.

HE IS the Life the Way and the Truth!

And until I surrendered my selfish motives and ambitions; I was lost within my own heart, mind and spirit. I was looking through life with muddy lenses.

No clear focus.

I replaced my own perspectives for God's, and the lenses became clear. Since then, I have been in a stage of revelatory growth. And growth is hard work BUT, it's a process I will commit to for the rest of my life. And it's exciting, scary (sometimes) and only complete with full submission to the Lord. I've found my greatest moment of peace while allowing God to take reigns of my life. And as the old saying goes "I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I used to be", is true of where I stand now.

But where I stand now, through Christ, I've been given tools and Godly Wisdom to practice in my day to day living. This Godly Wisdom comes through His WORD (the Bible), prayer (relationship) and through Godly people who were put in my path. And I know, these beautiful people were not put in my path by accident! And I will stay the course of relying on God's Wisdom.

All Glory goes to God! I am nothing without Christ!

Memphis, TN

2011-12-22T05:53:00.000-08:00

Another cool pic, from my nephew taken on the River!!

Christmas Story (5)

2011-12-22T05:37:00.000-08:00

Matthew 1:18-25

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ took place. When Mary his mother was engaged to Joseph, before they were married, she became pregnant by the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband was a righteous man. Because he didn't want to humiliate her, he decided to call off their engagement quietly. As he was thinking about this, an angel from the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,"Joseph son of David, don't be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because the child she carries was conceived by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you will call him Jesus because he will save his people from their sins."

Now all this took place so that what the Lord had spoken through the prophet would be fulfilled:

Look! A virgin will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and they will call him, Emmanuel.

(Emmanuel means "God with us")

When Joseph woke up, he did just as the angel from God commanded and took Mary as his wife.

But he didn't have sexual relations with her until she gave birth to a son. Joseph called him Jesus.

Christmas Story (4)

2011-12-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

Luke 1:67-79

John's father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied,

"Bless the Lord God of Israel because He has come to help and has delivered His people. He has raised up a mighty Savior for us in His servant David's house, just as He said through the mouths of His holy prophets long ago. He has brought salvation from our enemies and from the power of all those who hate us.

He has shown mercy promised to our ancestors, and remembered His holy covenant, the solemn pledge he made to our ancestor Abraham.

He has granted that we would be rescued from the power of our enemies so that we could serve Him without fear, in holiness and righteousness in God's eyes, for as long as we live.

You, Child, will be called prophet of the Most High, for you will go before the Lord to prepare His way.

You will tell His people how to be saved through the forgiveness of their sins.

Because of our God's deep compassion, the dawn from heaven will break upon us, to give light to those who are sitting in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide us on the path of peace."

God Dances

2011-12-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

God dances when we use our abilities, gifts and talents. I believe this...I know this. We were created by God, and He made us with our own special abilities, our own personal gifts, and talents. The artist, dancer, musician, singer, athlete, speaker, mathematician, designer, etc, all were created to express these talents. Think for a moment about your own talents. Where do you think the passion to drive that talent comes from? Maybe you have not discovered your God-given talent yet? It's there, I can assure you. When you realize the special talent God has given you, the passion to express your talent will forever burn. Some try to quench their talent through self-doubt, insecurity, fear. But it will not go away. Some will persevere in building a livelihood based on their talents. Others will express their talent, just because they know that they have to; regardless of whether they build a career around it or not. Your talents are predestined. They were there before you formed your first thought. And to not embrace your talent, is denying God a gift he has given you.

As a young girl, I will never ever forget how I felt when I danced. I studied Ballet and thrived in the art of dance. The music would ignite the movement of dance. Each classical piece would awaken my muscles, set sparks to my bones, and bring elation to my brain. It was a "high" in such a spiritual sense. So when I danced, I now know God was dancing with me. How can anyone doubt the existence of God? Whatever your talent may be, think of how you feel when you express and share your talent. Remember that God created that talent within you, and He is glorified when you use it. That passion and pure love that your talent provides to your soul, is God in all His Glory! God dancing!

By: Jamie Campbell

New Orleans Lights

2011-12-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

New Orleans, Louisiana! Cool pic taken by my nephew, from the riverboat. He works on the river so he has been taken some good pics of the different ports. Who Dat!

Christmas Story (3) Mary visits Elizabeth

2011-12-18T06:29:00.001-08:00

Luke 1:39-55
A short time later, Mary hurried down the hill country of Judea. She went into Zechariah's home, where she greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, her baby moved within her. The Holy Spirit came upon Elizabeth. Then in a loud voice she said to Mary; ' God has blessed you more than any other woman! He has also blessed the child you will have. Why should the mother of my Lord come to me? As soon as I heard your greeting, my baby became happy and moved within me. The Lord has blessed you because you believe that He will keep His promise.
Mary's Song of Praise
"With all my heart I praise the Lord, and I am glad because of God my Savior. God cares for me, His humble servant.
From now on, all people will say God has blessed me. God All-Powerful has done great things for me, and His name is holy.
He will always show mercy to everyone who worship Him.
The Lord has used His powerful arm to scatter those who are proud.
God drags strong rulers from their thrones and puts humble people in places of power.
God gives the hungry good things to eat, and sends the rich away with nothing. God helps His servant Israel and is always merciful to His people.
The Lord made this promise to our ancestors, to Abraham and his family forever!

Christmas Story (2)

2011-12-17T08:06:00.001-08:00

Luke 1:26-38

And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God into a city of Galilee, named Nazareth to a virgin whose name was Mary.
And the angel came unto her, and said, 'Hail, thou art highly favored, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women. And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said to her, 'Fear not, Mary; for thou has found favor with God. And behold, thou shall conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.
He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God shall give unto Him the throne of his father David. And He shall reign over the house of Jacob forever; and His kingdom there shall never end. Then Mary said to the angel, 'how can this be, seeing I know not a man? And the angel answered and said unto her, ' The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee; and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee; therefore also that Holy Thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And behold, thy cousin Elizabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age; and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
For with God nothing shall be impossible. And Mary said, 'Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

My Poem -Flash Thoughts

2011-12-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

In with the new

Out with the old

but just for now

my life is on hold

My God is good

Oh yes, I know!

He shows me the path

where I must go

In peace I stand

while the walls close in

Everyday I move forward

where light will begin

When God, when?

Show me patience, I pray

I believe, I believe!

You will deliver me on Your day

I will give thanks daily

for the blessings I receive

I will share the love You give me

Hoping others will believe

Waiting is hard

but I know You are teaching

I will stay happy and grateful

even as my life is screeching

Your love is everlasting

for this I know is true

Each step I take daily

I will keep my focus on You

by: Jamie Campbell

A Christmas Story

2011-12-15T20:48:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 40:1-11

Comfort for God’s people

1 Comfort, comfort my people!
says your God.
2 Speak compassionately to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her that her
compulsory service has ended,
that her penalty has been paid,
that she has received
from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins!

3 A voice is crying out:
"Clear the LORD’s way in the desert!
Make a level highway in the wilderness for our God!
4 Every valley will be raised up,
and every mountain and hill
will be flattened.
Uneven ground will become level,
and rough terrain a valley plain.
5 The LORD’s glory will appear,
and all humanity will see it together;
the LORD’s mouth
has commanded it."

6 A voice was saying:
"Call out!"
And another said,
"What should I call out?"
All flesh is grass;
all its loyalty is
like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass dries up
and the flower withers
when the LORD’s breath blows on it.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass dries up;
the flower withers,
but our God’s word
will exist forever.

9 Go up on a high mountain,
messenger Zion!
Raise your voice and shout,
messenger Jerusalem!
Raise it; don’t be afraid;
say to the cities of Judah,
"Here is your God!"
10 Here is the LORD God,
coming with strength,
with a triumphant arm,
bringing his reward with him
and his payment before him.
11 Like a shepherd, God will tend the flock;
he will gather lambs in his arms
and lift them onto his lap.
He will gently guide
the nursing ewes.

Temporary Home

2011-12-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

I am reading a Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. In it he talks about how our time spent here is temporary compared to the everlasting life in heaven. It's our "temporary home". This morning my daughter was singing this song which touched me in a deeper sense than it had before. I knew the meaning behind the song, and always cried when I heard it (especially when my daughter sings) of course. But the meaning was cemented more especially after reading this book. "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:18

Question to consider: [taken from A Purpose Driven Life]

How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?

This video was taken of Emily last year for talented music:

Sandpaper and My Soul; Undertaking Restoration

2011-12-10T09:30:00.001-08:00

written by: Jamie Campbell

I am in a season of reconstruction. My invisible boundaries are now lined with barricades and construction tape. It’s a sensitive project, restoring my soul that is. It’s a paramount and essential task in which I can rejoice in God! I prayed to Him to help me see the wrongs in my life, to make the changes where I need, and to guide me to where I need to go. God answered me by taking sandpaper to my soul, stripping me of all excess, making me aware of my complete dependancy on Him. I was always a believer, but life and it’s many props got in between God and I. My husband and I were blessed with a prosperous life, but lost sight of a Force that would keep us grounded. I am cognizant of my failure to keep Him in the center of my life. John 1:3 (NIV) Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

When undertaking a restoration project, the old must be stripped away. The old way of thinking, the old self-centeredness, the old negativity, the old stubborn attitude; all must be sanded down. And I can testify that the feel of sandpaper is rough against the ways I must shed. But the hope in my soul is more alive and vibrant than ever! I feel the lightness of losing the excess. In my bareness, I see a new path, a new life; and I can embrace the comfort and protection of my God who is working earnestly to restore me. I can see that it starts and ends with HIM, and all things added to my life should be glorified in Him.

I used to thank God here and there. I truly felt that I had a thankful spirit. I knew that I had blessings in my life and I thought I was grateful. But now with the bareness and brokenness I carry, I can touch the true meaning of thanks. My spirit is engulfed in gratitude to Christ, for saving me from myself. And through reading His Word, I understand the need for a strong foundation. Therefore, the restoration project commenced in me, seeking to start with Christ.

I am more humble now for there is no excess to feed my pride. And while I am “under construction” and the new, strong building blocks are put in place through God’s Word, faith, family and Christian support; there are still little cracks that reveal themselves, requiring more sanding. I was meditating on my need to be humble and how I now can feel true humility in my circumstance. In my spirit came a new revelation. My husband and I both loved to give when we had money. We both enjoyed treating others to meals, giving gifts, and helping others by means of donations. We are now not in the position to give to others. We are on the other side, where we are on the receiving end of gifts and blessings from family and friends. I can say that I don’t like to be in that position, it’s a very hard spot for me to be in. Blessings from my parents, my sister, my husband’s sister and brother-in-law, close friends, have been given to us in our time of need. And in receiving these gifts from loved ones, my emotions overwhelm me to tears of gratefulness. At the same time, the pain of losing control as the giver splinters my soul. There’s a sense of control as the giver, and the receiver is blessed but also indebted to the giver. I realize that I’d never been able to fully accept a gift. In past, if someone gave me a nice gift; I would quickly want to return the favor. Instead of me just accepting a gift, I had to regain control by making sure I gave back. I am sure this is not an uncommon feeling among others, at least I don’t think it is. But by reflecting on my reluctancy to receive gifts or help, my pride was illuminated. It’s a pride thing in me. And pride is the opposite of humility. So another crack was revealed in my restoration project. I can still return the favors to those who helped us out, when I am on more stable ground. I will feel indebted to those who so graciously blessed us in this time of need. But I will let go of the pride and shame in my heart, when someone wants to bless me. This is a tough crack to repair, and possible requires more grinding. But I will move forward through this by leaning on Christ to help me in those areas. I remind myself daily, that God gave us an everlasting Gift. That Gift was His Son, Jesus. I would not be “under construction”, building a new and solid foundation in my life, if I reluctantly received Jesus in my heart. Thank you, God for sacrificing Your Son for usall.I am forever a child of God! And my soul is catching up to my renewed spirit in YOU!

Humble Pie and I

2011-12-06T07:28:00.001-08:00

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's just thinking of yourself less often." C.S. Lewis

I get it now, God. Forgive me for being a slow learner. I must be humble.

My job is a job of service. I clean homes to contribute to the needs of my family. This is not the type of job I envisioned for myself, I supposed to do something creative; express myself artistically. God tells me I must wait, I must first learn how to be humble and serve others. I had an easy life up until several years ago, and I neglected to appreciate the life I had. I was a stay-at-home mom, and lady of leisure. Prudent, not I. I was the wind, flighty and shifty. The only thing that grounded me was my children. I wanted to be the best mom I could be and give my kids every opportunity at success. I would shift into mommy position, then to me position, mommy, me, mommy, me. My barometer did not pick up my husband. I'd see him in my forecast, but he was death to my wind-he was the windbreaker, so I'd shift my course.

My husband is a logical man. And I so needed him for balance. But I would not hear his insightful words of wisdom. "We need to budget, we need to be consistent, we need to plan for the future", he would say.

I would agree...then get back to me.

Oh! the things that consumed my life back then! How silly and insignificant they were. Tennis, shopping, indulging in gossip and drama, filled up my daytime activities. Once the kids got home from school....I'd hyper focus on them. Yes, God ....I am getting it! Of course, I would have to "walk through" these hard times to see just how crooked my path was. And I thank Him for holding my hand as I "walk through". God welcomed me into His Grace, strengthening me in every step. I asked God to help me, and I know that He is. As I was cleaning a home yesterday, He revealed to my heart that I am learning to be humble. I am not the girl with the latest fashions anymore. I am not the girl who gets her hair done every six weeks, anymore. I don't have time to focus on me anymore. As I look into the mirror, I see the change. I am not the kept woman I once was. I am stripped of vanity, and back to basics. This is my lesson. Be humble.

When I think of how long we have been in this financially deficient state, I realize that God is waiting for my lessons to fully take root in my heart. It's easy to realize a lesson being taught and think, "oh I get it now"; but to walk through that lesson daily for some time, gives truth and staying power to the lesson. God knows I am stubborn, so I am sure he wants to make sure I will not return to my foolish ways. And learning to be humble is just one lesson, of many He is teaching me.

Why Me God? It's all about ME!

2011-12-04T20:26:00.001-08:00

I sat in an unfamiliar church, almost two years ago, frustrated

and desperate for answers. I was desperate for answers to why

my marriage, finances, and life was crumbling around me. I am a

Catholic, with faith. But I surrendered, completely to Jesus, in a

church so foreign to what I was used to. This church is Church of

the King, a non-denominational Christian church. A spark in my

spirit happened there, igniting a true, and bold faith. My

emptiness was filled and my journey, following Christ, began.

For months prior to that day in the unfamiliar church, the

dialogue with God and [myself] raced continually in my mind,

assaulting my spirit. I could not shake these thoughts, I could not

turn them off. "Why God! Why is this happening to us? Why is

this happening to me? Please help me! We are broke, Lord...we

had so much, now we have nothing! How are we going to

survive? My husband is hitting a wall at every turn, looking for

work...WHY!? And I am just a stay-at-home mom, with no college

degree! What can I do, how can I be of any help to our situation?

I know You hear me God! Please answer me!"

I was fortunate and blessed to stay at home and raise our 2

precious children. We had a very comfortable lifestyle, and I

never thought our money tree would quit bearing fruit. My

husband worried about our financial security even when we were

secure. Not me, though. Nope. How could I understand the great

responsibility he had on his shoulders? I was spoiled by him, and

I had never been in his shoes; the shoes that carried the weight

of fully providing for our family. He felt that I did not appreciate

him and his efforts to give us a nice life. I thought that I did

appreciate him, really I convinced myself that I was appreciative.

But I was not. And I know that, now. I took so much for granted.

I was so selfish, but could not see it. How could I be selfish? I

gave of myself fully to my kids. I enjoyed helping others, and

have compassion for others. I am very generous. I am a pretty

good person, in my own standards. My love for my husband is

genuine. And my kids are everything to me. So why did I feel so

wretched?

I spent years reading through self-help books, searching for a

solution to our never ending battle of wills. We were both very

strong-willed, and we’d fight to be right. We would both stand

firm on our opposing views, neither wanting to give. But I would

usually be the first to cry mercy, just because I’d grow tired of the

stand-off. Ironically, I despised fighting. I grew up with my

parents who had many verbal arguments, and I vowed to not

fight like that in front of my children. My husband grew up in a

similar environment where screaming was normal. We both

agreed (when our children were 1 and 2 years old), that we did

not want to repeat that behavior. So we tried to shield our kids

from our arguments. It was easy for us both to be vocally expressive, but we only heard what was coming from our own mouths. The art of listening to each other, was just not there. And because we were trying in earnest to not argue in front of the kids, we developed the Cold War fighting style. Silent treatments and snide remarks replaced the yelling. And who were we kidding? That could only last so long before one of us would explode. This is how my husband and I dealt with disagreements, and money was the trigger.

About 3 years ago, our world came crashing down on us. My

husband construction company was forced into bankruptcy. His

greatest fear realized, and all of his resources to make

money, vanished. Our bank accounts were frozen, leaving us

financially paralyzed. Life as we knew it, would be a thing of the

past. Luxury and lagniappe, gone. No longer would I be playing tennis four days a week, having lunch with the girls and hanging out at our club. That was my daily life. When the kids would come home from school, off we’d go back to the club where they would play tennis, swim and have fun. This type of luxury would be the first to go, and it was a major blow to the carefree and spoiled spirit I possessed.

Soon after we would feel the jabs from losing material possessions that I took for granted. We had to sell my new Suburban, some jewelry, equipment, season passes, furniture...anything to give us some cash to survive until things got better. And we assumed things would turn around quickly, my husband was a master at overcoming a rough patch. But this was not an ordinary rough patch. And everyday that passed, my husband’s spirit broke a little more. He figured he would re-build his company, and he’d get more jobs. But at every turn we faced a wall. My husband had always been extremely independent and industrious, and our new reality was killing him inside. Our house went into foreclosure and collectors were calling us daily. We tried to keep our faith in God, but hopelessness was taking root in us both. I filled out countless applications, with no luck in finding a job. I could have worked nights and weekends at a retail store, but I could not be away from my kids especially since they are reaching the teen years, at 12 and 13. So I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.

Occasionally, I would run into my bathroom and crumple myself on the floor, crying out to God. “What am I supposed to do, God? Please help me help our family! Please help my husband find work! He is giving up, God...he is broken! And I cannot take this any longer!”

Several months prior to my episodes where I would plead with God, a friend told me about her church, in passing. It was just a general conversation where she asked if I had ever gone to her church, and she shared how much she loved it. She described the church as a Bible teaching church where lessons from the Bible were made current and relevant to our every day lives. Life applications from God’s Word. I was intrigued but I was Catholic. And yes, I know I know...fellow Catholics, we hear the Gospel in church then the priest talks about how to apply it to our lives. But I was not connecting to the homily at my current church. I was interested in hearing a message with a connection. Though I was curious about my friend’s church, I stayed at my current church. It would not be until months later, while crumpled hysterically crying on the bathroom floor, when I had a strong feeling on my heart to go there. Today I know, that the strong impression I felt, was God telling me to go there. But at that time, I did not realize He was with me the whole time.

As I sat in this Christian Bible church, I felt a warmth in my soul. I hung on to every word of the Pastor, and the Word of God penetrated my heart. That day I learned so many things in 60 minutes of teaching. I surrendered my heart to Jesus that day, and the feeling of peace and joy overwhelmed me to tears. I was home at last, and I had lots of work to do. The Bible is filled with answers to life’s questions. I needed to dig deep into His Word. I made the decision to put God first, study His Word daily, and to pray in a way that would please God.

This was the start of my walk with God, with Jesus in my heart and the Holy Spirit as my guide. I was beginning to see how selfish I had been. He revealed things in my heart that I had neglected to see. I was too busy seeing everyone else’s problems, especially my husband’s. Receiving the gift of Jesus into my heart, magnified my need to look within and search my own heart. I needed to shed my own willfulness and become obedient to His Word. God showed me how selfish I had been. He illuminated my character faults and taught me how I had a pattern of wrong thinking. I had lived this way for so long, and it would be a challenge to change. But I welcomed this challenge to change with excitement because I knew that Christ was working on, in and through me. The Holy Spirit keeps revealing so many answers to why I am here, right now facing hard times. Our struggles with financial problems are only a byproduct, a symptom of our true problems. Our marriage was spiritually bankrupt, I used to put God in a box, and I neglected apply His Word to all areas of my life. For years I had built up resentment in my heart towards my husband. I felt hurt by him because he would rather spoil me with material things, than give his time. If there was something he didn’t feel like doing (with me), he just wouldn’t do it. Period. And I became so rebellious towards him in a passive aggressive way, because of my resentment. Through Christ, I had to realize to let the resentment go, let the anger go, and pray for God to work on his heart. I could not change the past. I could not change my husband. And while I may have felt hurt by my husband, the pain I caused him through careless spending and irresponsibility was incredible. Plus, I not only hurt him, I hurt our family. I had never held myself accountable for the many mistakes I was making, it was easier for me to put the blame on my husband. My feelings, my thoughts, my points and views, my hurt, had such a grip on me because I thought too highly of myself. And because I was self-righteous, I could not see or hear the views, thoughts or feelings, my husband was having.

I spent the next year growing in Christ, and leaning into him. My faith in God is stronger than it ever was. I cannot get enough of His Word, and I feel liberated and full in spirit. I have hope, and peace like never before. And he gives me the strength to move forward. We still, are in extreme debt. I now clean houses to help contribute to the needs of our family. My husband is still trying to recover his business, and get work, with very little breakthrough. We are now approaching 3 years in this financial drought, but the length of the duration tells me that God is making sure I am fully equipped for the next stage. It also tells me that I have more growing to do before it gets easier. I know that He is making me walk THROUGH this for a reason, and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me. I Praise God, and thank God, for allowing me to face these hard times. Had it not been for these hard times, I would still have a long distance relationship with my Creator. Instead, He saved me with His Grace and drew me into His Love.

Philippians 2:1-5 NASB

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

Welcome To "Grace Notes"

2011-12-02T15:53:00.001-08:00

Welcome to my blog!
My mission is to share my journey of growth in Christ. I am from a Catholic background, where I learned about Jesus, Faith, and the Gospel. I thought, through all of those years, I had a relationship with God, and Jesus was in my heart. But it was not until I had to face "hard times", that I found Him waiting to hear from me. He wanted me to seek Him, to call on Him, rely on Him, and I did....I cried out to Him in desperation because I did not have the answers to my problems. I did not know what to do in my situation.
My situation...my 'hard times', was and is a common problem that many are facing today, the financial pit-fall...an economic crisis. I know that I am not alone in my financial INSECURITY. But I do know that I have found Someone who brings with Him, peace and contentment; SOMEONE who brings Truth and clarity into my troubled heart.
This financial problem is a byproduct of something bigger, a brokenness in me that I neglected to see for so long. I can honestly say that I am thankful to God, for allowing my husband and I to fall face-down losing all monetary security. This fall is growing- up the girl in my mirror, finally maturing her emotionally... at age 41!

Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come to You. Hide not Your face from me in the day when I am in distress! Incline Your ear to me; in the day when I call, answer me speedily. Psalms 102:1-2 phoebew