My Emotions !

I am Saffron ( S )

2019-06-03T09:04:00.002-07:00

I am Saffron

the Sun has risen at dusk
the Monk with the wrinkles
holds My Beliefs aloft
tranquility breezes in
soothes my nerves
I was a relic, a past
But now, I have surged up
like a tide in the Ocean
and, I announce
Saffron I breathe
Saffron I breathe
Saffron I breathe
Saffron - my existence

Copyright @ Ajay Pai
May 23rd 2019

When I drink Whiskey ~ (S)

2019-06-03T09:01:00.003-07:00

It is so easy
to drown my troubles
in a glass of whiskey
the sorrows fizzle out
like the froth in whiskey

as I sip a mouthful
happy days of yesterday
breach the brim of my hopeless heart
and, I mourn for my glory days

I gulp an another sip of whiskey
But then, like the ice cubes
the imprints of my happy days
keep floating to the surface of my thoughts,
I stifle a giggle
And, I soak myself, yet again in whiskey

Copyright @ Ajay Pai
28th May 2019

Me, a fool? (S)

2019-06-03T09:00:00.001-07:00

What do I say?
What should I call, myself?
A fool?

Why do I love someone?
Why do I fall for someone?
Why do I hurt myself?
Over and over again.

Because I am a fool.

Time and again
I feel I have found my love
But, none can hold -
a passing breeze, can they?

I am here holding onto my breath
for want of love
and, to be fooled again.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 29th May 2019

Lilac Wine ( S )

2019-06-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

Lilac Wine. (S)

O' my Moonpie
pour me some lilac wine
smear it on me
with your wholesome lips
let me taste the sweetness
soak in the dizziness
and, be unsteady.

O' Moonpie, my heart is heavy
for I've lost my love
my tears have dried up
my heart is now a grave
and, I mourn a silent wail
making my soul a barren land
pour me some love
sink me in lilac wine
until I am giddy
until I am unsteady.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai
3rd June 2019

O' blackbird

2018-03-05T06:34:00.001-08:00

Do not fly away, O’ blackbird

Come a little closer

And, sing me a lullaby

My eyes are sunken

Help me sail through this night

People around are so mean

They trample

They stomp

Nobody cares if you fall

Why do I wail, O’ blackbird?

Let me know the reason why?

O’ blackbird, sing me a lullaby

I want to sleep tonight.

One and one is two

2017-12-04T09:44:00.001-08:00

How sure are you, that you say

One and one is two?

I have fallen in love

and, I have lost every single time.

love has lost its spell on me

Yet, I am here to give it a try

I may be dry

But, I am sure I want to give it a try

To feel the love in my tummy

And, to be lost with a smile in her thoughts

let me wander in her dreams

let me watch her smile.

And, Then I will sing

one and one is two.

©Ajay Pai Dec 2017

Why did you run away ?

2017-11-07T10:21:00.004-08:00

Why did you run away from me?

Without a clue … a sign

Yeah, it is true that I hold an empty account

And, that I do not drive a car

Is that the reason why?

Gaze into my eyes

And, you’ll see the light

Of love

Just the way every inch of my skin

Has felt your caress

that ran down through your fingers

I am sitting here feeling numb

Not knowing what to do

With an empty glass of sorrows

And, a room full of darkness

how do I say, without tears
that it hurts?

(Why did you run away from me?

Without a clue … a sign)

Copyright @ Ajay Pai

November, 7th 2017

Image courtesy : AJ's personal archives

Sleepless Nights

2017-09-21T11:38:00.001-07:00

The sun has never set today

Thus, keeping me awake

And, has taken away from my embrace,

the warm, cosy night.

A #micropoem titled *Sleepless Nights*

Love sighs

2017-09-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

My heart was brimming with love, for you

But you cut my lips

and then left me to die, bleeding

On that day on Valentines

Yet I sang for you

with my heart and soul

on that day on Valentines

My love, How I wish

I could see you tonight

before I fall asleep

send me your love,

Mend my broken heart

Call out my name - AJ

as huskily as you could

and, leave me alone

to drench in your sighs

Sep 17th 2017

Her sexy kohl eyes

2017-09-16T10:34:00.004-07:00

Feed me , feed me some love

Feed me with your sexy kohl eyes

Stir it with nectar

And, whip it with honey

add some chocolate

Turn it to brown

And, turn me on..

( feed me some love)

Kiss me now

Hold me in your grip

Burn me down

lets beat the odds

And, fight the dark.

(Feed me some love)

Love me in June

Caress me in November

Wink me a goodbye in February

Hold me, hold me tight..Will ya!

Here, I summon you

To sit across the table

And, let's make some dirty love on the streets

( feed me some love)

Sep 14th 2017

If i were that Homeless man?

2017-08-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, I was hunting for hotels for my luncheon. As there are not too many options at Royapettah, Chennai, the area where I dwell, I decide to have my lunch from a hotel which is nearby where I reside.

As I progressed to the entrance, I see an old man approaching me and mumbling something. As he appeared extremely ugly, shabby and malodorous, I decide to give him an ignore and went in to order food as nothing came about.

But then, I knew from within that my conduct was inappropriate, considering his age factor. When this thought started pricking me, I decide to approach him. As he saw me approaching, he got down to talk to me in English and politely requested me to buy him some food. This behavior of his intrigued me. Somewhere, I felt, he may have been cast out by his family members. First time ever, I decide to buy someone, who is neither my friend nor family, something which he had asked for, and, that too for a homeless man. I ordered food for him, got it parceled and I paid the bill for the gentle old man.

I became busy with munching down my lunch and by the time I was done, I could see him nowhere in the vicinity. He had already left.

I walked down the junction, crossed the lane and I hear a weaker voice trying to reach me from far behind; “Saar, saar. I bless you from bottom of my heart. You have provided food to an orphan a homeless”.

I could very easily relate to the word orphan and the emotions attached to it. My eyes got all teary. I requested him for a photograph with him and he replied with a smile “with all my heart, and with pleasure”. (in English)

What could be his story?

I could be that homeless man tomorrow, who knows. Despite we cling on to our family and friends, we live a farce life, where we make ourselves believe that we are amongst those fortunate who are bound by all family and friends. Maybe, this gentle old man, also had the same feeling, until life knocked him down.

August 12th 2017

My Virginity - June 22nd

2017-06-21T12:50:00.002-07:00

Knock me down, kick me off

But,

take me away from the night

that falls tomorrow

my fists are clenched

and, the heart is cold

as you drag me to the podium

I see no angels up there

But, vampires

With their masks on, waiting

It is there on the podium

they’ll pronounce me as a husband

And, the night that ensues

Will blow away from me my virginity.

Cancer - A slow death

2017-06-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

They never bought me toys

We were poor

Now that I could buy toys

They say, I am grown up

Some dreams remain

unfulfilled

And then, you realize

You've been consumed

by your own dreams, chasing

So is love, for me

premature was its death

in the womb of my heart

Just like a broken toy

The lump of love

has now hardened like cancer

It has begun to feed on my life;

Slow and painful

Would be my death.

Stolen

2017-06-12T23:48:00.001-07:00

It’s unbelievable how the happiest moment of your life can turn into the worst within minutes. I guess, that’s how people who have been in train wrecks or tsunamis feel, that is, if they have survived to tell the tale. I feel exactly like one such survivor right now.

My wife and I are separated. Not legally yet, but on all other planes, we are. I guess, some relationships are not meant to be. But come to think of it, every relationship does have a silver lining. Ours is Ishaan.

Ishaan, as the whole world knows by now, means the world to me. It is inconceivable that I think of my life sans Ishaan. If I breathe, it is in the hope that I might see my little one and perhaps he might get to know this accursed being, that is his father.

Well, though Ishaan was snatched from me unlawfully, and all my attempts to reconcile with my wife failed, my heart ached for Ishaan. I sometimes wish she'd let me know the reason why we aren't together and why I have to seek permission to see my own son. I couldn’t stop my parents-in-law from forcefully relocating my son to their house, but how could I give up on seeing my son? He is a piece of my heart and without him, I’m sure my heart would stop beating.

Taking legal recourse, I was “granted” two hours, every second Sunday of the month to see my son. I’m not sure if you’d understand how empty and meaningless 29 days of the month feel and how I live them with the only hope of seeing Ishaan on the one day that I’m entitled to see him. But when that day comes, I’m unbelievably excited, my heart beats like it is compensating for all the other days of the month, and I can’t stop thinking of all that we’d together.

Yesterday was ‘that’ day. Our day together. Ishaan and I.

I’m supposed to meet my own son in a public place, not in the comfort of my own home, where he can leave memories for me to relish in his absence. Hell, not even in the city where I stay. Though we both stay in the same city, we both have to travel to another city to meet each other. Sounds pretty twisted, I know, but there’s no limit to what someone can do when they have decided to put you through pain. They will not even stop at putting a child through the same pain.

As would be expected, I arrived before time at the mall to meet Ishaan. After a longish wait, I saw him. My sweet, innocent son, holding hands that were invisible handcuffs. All of 3, he looked like a fine young man. When had he grown so big? He was walking now, which meant I had lost watching him crawl, trying to stand up, fall, and try again, I had missed watching him teeth, taking him to his first haircut, and in short, all the firsts that’s typically father and son. His unsteady gait beckoned me to hold him in my arms and his smile brought tears to my eyes.

When I finally picked him up and held him close, I’m sure everyone could hear my heart break. Under the watchful eye of his grandparents Ishaan played with me. He’d hide and ask me to seek, he’d run and play catch, he’d laugh and speak, like he had never forgotten me. When he helped me pick up clothes and toys for himself, I was so proud of his choices.

But this camaraderie was getting too much for his grandparents, who I believe, did not expect Ishaan to get friendly with me like this. Cruelly, they snatched Ishaan from me and took him away. I was threatened and abused in full public view and told to stay away from my own son. They told my son I’m a bad person and ordered him not to go to me. There’s even a video of the incident captured by me as I was taking a video of my child.

I’ve never felt so broken. My life turned upside down in a matter of minutes.

I wonder what Ishaan felt that day. Did his little mind believe the lies or did he trust his dad? I hope he did the later. If he ever gets to read this someday, I want him to know that he’ll always be a part of my heart and soul.

#papa #IshaanAPai #Fathersday #dadslove

बदनाम में हो चला

2017-05-22T10:29:00.004-07:00

आज होंठ मिल ही गए नशे से, ग़ालिब

और, बदनाम में हो चला

होंठ मिले जाम से

तो पता चला की नशा क्या है

तब आई वो

इतराते, मुस्काते

तो अखियां छलक गई

और दिल काँप उठा

उसकी नज़ाकत

उसका प्यार

और उसके ज़हरीले धोखे

नज़र मुझे आए

फिर भी करता हूँ प्यार उससे

गहरा, जितना है ये नशा

घुली है वो नस -नस में मेरी

जैसे हो ज़हर

पीउँगा तब तक,जब तक होश न रहे

और

आग़ोश में न ले वो मुझको

पिऊंगा में

टोको न कोई, रोको न कोई

आएगी वो एक दिन

जनाज़े पे मेरे

देखूँगा में तब

क्या लिपटी होगी वो कोरे सफ़ेद में

या होगी वो लिपटी रंगीन गुलाल में

Silent Moans

2017-05-06T13:48:00.001-07:00

It is 1 am

And, I am sitting’ straight

On my bed waiting for you

The night has grown darker

and, I am up for you

silent is the night

and, empty is my glass

won’t you come home

and, pour me some red wine

sneak-in, hushed

I’ve left the door ajar

let us make some hay

When the night is dark

Touch me once

kiss me twice, make me yours

and, i'll whisper into your ears

tender silent moans

May 7th 2017

Image courtesy: Pixabay

Daffodils - A song of love

2017-04-27T13:21:00.002-07:00

Like those daffodils

Which sway in the breeze

Swing me in your arms, girl

Just like those daffodils

swing me..

It was just the other day

Not so very long ago

You sang me a song of love

it was the day

when those daffodils bloomed

Sing me once again

That very song, of daffodils

And of love, where the breeze

Sway us just the way it did

to those daffodils

Let us glow

Let us shine bright

Just the way a daffodil does

As you sing the song of love

Swing me in your arms, girl

Image Courtesy: AJ's personal collection

Steal a secret

2017-04-20T11:00:00.002-07:00

Let me tell you something
Mm, tell ya all somethin’
That something
Which will drive you crazy
You’ll raise an eye brow
Drop a jaw;
Listen ya all
Let me blow into your ears
This secret.
A cringing secret, a dark secret
A well-kept secret
but, my lips are sealed.
Hey, Girl
Kiss my lips, a wet saline kiss
And steal this secret;
Kiss me will you?
Else, I shall spill the secret .

**********************

Originally published on October 26, 2016Coimbatore on my FB page.

Steal a secret - A fun song that has to be sung with a tinge of naughtiness / Or, should the tone be of cockiness?
(I have edited this song umpteen no. Of times).

Copy right @ Ajay Pai 2016

Image Courtesy: AJ's personal collection

A Beer song

2017-04-11T11:57:00.001-07:00

Statutory warning: Drinking they say is injurious to "Your" health (not mine) People in their right senses not to read this poem.

Hic-a-one, hic-a-two, hic-a-three,

No, hic-a-four, I plea,

Stop, stop, stop, I feel so light,

A belly in my fire, and I dance with delight.

Tap-a-tap-a-tap, I laugh with glee,

Bu-aha-aha-ha-ha-oha-ha, wild and free.

There's a belly in my fire still,

Dancing to its own whimsical will.

I plead to the girl in polka dots ,

To help me arrange these words in rhyme.

She smiles, her dress swirls,

and she says with a grin,

"I'm tipsy, and your words are spinning within."

And then I see, my belly's in the fire,

But where does it fit?

I'm lost in desire.

Ah-whistles-whistles-whistles-ah,

I hear a bear,

In the beer,

it says, "Hic-a-hic, without a care."

A chic chick joins,

and we're a merry pair,

Hic-a-hic, hic, hic, hic,

without a single snare.

Oops, I'll come back tomorrow,

to craft my lines,

For now,

I'm just hic-a-hic, in rhyme's sweet shrines.

Image courtesy - AJ's personal collection

In the name of Love

2017-04-08T10:49:00.001-07:00

You've tied me to the wind,

Crowned me with florals of thorn

Lashed me with your eye lashes;

Unshackle me, once

Let me carry you on my clipped wings

To the cloudy skies of orgasm.

A micro poem written on the Valentine's day.

Let our whispers moan

2017-04-04T10:26:00.003-07:00

Lolita, how shall I do you?

Now that you blew me a kiss

I'd breach the line of fire

Here, on the man's land

You were a taboo, until last night

But then, now we smoke -

The same sweltering breathe

Drenched in the red wine

Hey Lolita, how shall I do you?

I am scorching, crush me some ice

Let it trickle down

To the point where our desires encounter

Let's fuse into the heaven of love

Blow me a day, blow me a night

Let our whispers moan

To create a flawless match

And, this is how I'd planned our sultry night

Image courtesy: Pexels

A song, narrating the way to plan your sultry night. ;) ( ensure you are above the age of 18 years).

A Mismatch

2017-03-26T10:36:00.002-07:00

I watch the sky

And wonder,

If it would rain on this summer day?

It sounds so wrong

Sprinkles and the sunshine

All together

I am certain

Made for each other

They were not

Image courtesy: AJ's personal archives

Written on Jan 21st, 2017

The Awakening - A Prayer

2017-03-24T08:38:00.003-07:00

It was pure bliss this morning. I truly saw "GOD" in my dream. This is how i felt when i woke up from my dream.

O’ Purushothama, my supreme lord

Now, it is time for you to walk alongside me

But then,

You descend upon me merely in my dreams

Reflecting it as an illicit affair between us

Yet, the scholars hail you

as a manifestation of the purest essence

O’ lord, you are eternally pure

Am I blessed by you?

O’ Krishna, my dark complexioned lord,

whose every act is righteous

The sight of you this morning in my slumber

In your golden aura was purely a bliss

I take refuge in you

Unveil your benevolence upon me

It is this awakening which is a hindrance

Sing a lullaby

Put me to sleep forever

Enabling my dream,

Where I get to see you forever.

Image courtesy - AJ's gallery

How is father's love any lesser? Series-1

2017-03-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

No, I am not an activist.

I am the father to a 2.5-year-old child.

My love for my child is in no way lesser to that of his Mother.

Yes, I do not have a womb. But, I have a heart that lactates.

The Embrace of - My Son

I took my lil Chimp in my arms, held him close to my heart, he brushed his face along my chest. All of a sudden, I had a lil lump in my heart at that very moment. My eyes went moist. A stream of joy trickled down freely down my cheek.

Being a father is an emotion which cannot be put in words and explained.

The heart that lactates

It was a similar night,

when crescent moon

kindled the skies,

a tiny Lil star twinkled,

my lil child was born.

I bore him in my heart,

The heart which lactates.

Ah, mortal

You measure it not!

Image courtesy : AJ's archives.

to be continued...

Mark my words - A curse

2017-03-15T13:24:00.002-07:00

Old Lady, feel your breasts

Know, they’ve begun to sag

Your eyes will soon begin to bag

Count your moments, now on

Sooner, in your palms you’ll see stains

of the wounds of my past.

You’ll hear this world call out your name

in disgust;

in such abhorrence you’ll breathe

your last with no one around

like an orphan

and, on that day I would come to life

to ask you, how it feels

of having to perish as an orphan.

Mark my words

Image courtesy: Pexels