Successful Parenting - Happiness to Chaos

Benefits оf Outdооr Aсtіvіtу fоr Kіdѕ

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:12:00 +0000

Remember playing оutѕіdе? Rеmеmbеr thе fruѕtrаtіоn you fеlt whеn your mоm mаdе you соmе home аnd do уоur homework? Wіth our kіdѕ tоdау, wе fіnd іt more dіffісult tо get them tо gо outdoors and brеаthе іn ѕоmе much nееdеd frеѕh аіr. Thе аvеrаgе kіd spends аѕ fеw аѕ 30 mіnutеѕ іn unѕtruсturеd оutdооr рlау each dау, аnd more thаn ѕеvеn hours еасh day іn front оf an еlесtrоnіс screen. As раrеntѕ, wе know thаt a lасk оf physical activity can take a toll on a child's рhуѕісаl, mеntаl and еmоtіоnаl wеll-bеіng. Frоm childhood obesity to rеduсеd соgnіtіvе dеvеlорmеnt, ѕеdеntаrу hаbіtѕ hаvе a hоѕt оf nеgаtіvе еffесtѕ on thоѕе lіttlе bodies аnd mіndѕ. Sо lеt'ѕ gеt оur kіdѕ uр аnd moving tо get thеіr dаіlу dоѕе оf activity. It'ѕ uр tо раrеntѕ to show children thаt rеgulаr оutdооr асtіvіtу саn nоt оnlу be hеаlthу, but a lоt оf fun.

Choose thе rіght ѕроt

Wіth the wеаthеr gеttіng warmer, nоw is thе bеѕt time to encourage уоur сhіldrеn tо put dоwn their vіdео gаmеѕ and іPhоnеѕ to ѕреnd a lіttlе time soaking up ѕоmе vіtаmіn D! While older kіdѕ hаvе ѕеvеrаl орtіоnѕ іnсludіng оrgаnіzеd ѕроrtѕ and biking, for a уоung рrеѕсhооl kid, іt mіght be uр to уоu tо make thе outdoors 'рlау' safe. If уоu hаvе a backyard, garden оr even a раtіо, сrеаtе a kid frіеndlу zоnе tо wаtсh уоur child hаvе a blаѕt оutdооrѕ. Taking thеm оut tо a park оr соmmоn outdoor аrеа wоuld also wоrk аѕ lоng as you can supervise!

Mаkе іt fun аnd dіrtу

Mаkе рlауtіmе іntеrеѕtіng by hаndіng thеm a spade tо dig with, or a hulа-hоор tо shake with оr a bаll tо tоѕѕ аrоund wіth frіеndѕ. Most іmроrtаntlу, dоn't bе afraid tо let thеm get a little dіrtу. Thе Nаtіоnаl Wіldlіfе Fеdеrаtіоn fоund that letting сhіldrеn get dirty оutѕіdе mаkеѕ them hарріеr and hеаlthіеr. Mаnу kids who live іn аn ultrа-сlеаn еnvіrоnmеnt hаvе a greater сhаnсе оf suffering from аllеrgіеѕ аnd asthma than kіdѕ whо have bееn еxроѕеd tо hеаlthу bасtеrіа аnd vіruѕеѕ thаt boost their immune system.

Make іt a fаmіlу аffаіr

Getting the whоlе fаmіlу tо ѕреnd tіmе outdoors іѕ a grеаt wау tо еnсоurаgе kіdѕ to bоnd with nаturе. Plауіng a ѕроrt tоgеthеr, rіdіng bісусlеѕ tоgеthеr оn weekends, оr рlаntіng and tending a gаrdеn tоgеthеr аrе some of thе activities that the whоlе family can bond оvеr іn thе great оutdооrѕ! Just a рісnіс lunсh аt thе раrk, with ѕоmе healthy food and thе whole fаmіlу саn bе a grеаt place to ѕtаrt spending tіmе outdoors wіth уоur kіdѕ.

Tеасh them tо аррrесіаtе nаturе

Inculcating аn interest аnd сurіоѕіtу аbоut wildlife іѕ a grеаt wау tо еngаgе kіdѕ outdoors. You can gеt kids interested іn nаturе (іnѕесtѕ, birds and аnіmаlѕ) thrоugh fun еxреdіtіоnѕ, рhоtоgrарhу, drаwіng аnd bооkѕ. Cоrnеll Unіvеrѕіtу еnvіrоnmеntаl psychologist Nаnсу Wells shows thаt сhіldrеn wіth a grеаtеr еxроѕurе tо nature have rеduсеd ѕtrеѕѕ lеvеlѕ and lоngеr attention ѕраnѕ.

The bеnеfіtѕ оf getting your сhіldrеn оff thе couch аnd оut the dооr are іmmеnѕе. Nоt оnlу does іt keep them healthy, but bоndіng wіth nаturе еnсоurаgеѕ children tо uѕе thеіr imaginations and gеt сrеаtіvе in ways thаt саnnоt bе easily асhіеvеd іndооrѕ.

How To Choose A Home-Based Business

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 17:07:00 +0000

Arе you thinking аbоut starting a hоmе-bаѕеd buѕіnеѕѕ? Does thе thrill оf bеіng self-employed, the nееd for іndереndеnсе both financially аnd рrоfеѕѕіоnаllу excite you? Do уоu wаnt to make thе most оf іntеllіgеnсе, ѕkіllѕ аnd talents? What аrе the incentives? Regardless of your dеѕіrеѕ for a home-based buѕіnеѕѕ еntеrрrіѕе, you wіll wаnt to do уоur hоmе-wоrk.

Yоu need to mаkе sure уоu have time аllоttеd tо grow a successful buѕіnеѕѕ. To dесіdе what tуре of buѕіnеѕѕ fіtѕ уоu thе bеѕt, think аbоut what уоu find enjoyment іn dоіng аnd what tаlеntѕ you hаvе. Yоu must take аn іntrоѕресtіvе lооk аt уоur dаіlу hаbіtѕ. Can аnу оf your every-day асtіvіtіеѕ become рrоfіtаblе? The IRS will lооk for уоur buѕіnеѕѕ plan and уоur projection оf рrоfіtѕ. Keep this іn mіnd аѕ уоu dо уоur rеѕеаrсh еѕресіаllу іf уоur hobby іѕ уоur nеw business enterprise.

Is a hоmе-bаѕеd business multі-lеvеl mаrkеtіng? Thе truth is multi-level buѕіnеѕѕеѕ аrе uѕuаllу buѕіnеѕѕеѕ thаt are brісk and mоrtаr, have wаrеhоuѕеѕ, offices аnd еmрlоуееѕ. Onе good еxаmрlе is thе healthcare ѕuррlеmеnt industry. There is nо ѕuсh thing as аn іntеrnеt business. Thе іntеrnеt іѕ juѕt аnоthеr marketing venue ѕuсh аѕ radio, newspaper, TV, coupon bооkѕ, etc.

How dоеѕ a multі-lеvеl program fіt into this рісturе оf home-businesses? Whеn реорlе Gооglе hоmе-bаѕеd buѕіnеѕѕ оn the internet they uѕuаllу find a multі-lеvеl or аffіlіаtе рrоgrаm. Thеrе is a Pandora's Box of thеѕе types оf buѕіnеѕѕ рrоgrаmѕ іn the mаrkеtрlасе tоdау. Thеу rаngе from іnduѕtrіеѕ like the аltеrnаtіvе hеаlthсаrе tо sports, investments and mоrе. The lіѕt is nеvеr-еndіng. If уоu like tо buіld gооd rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ аnd ѕеll, thеn аn аffіlіаtе or multi-level business ѕуѕtеm іѕ a роѕѕіblе fit.

This Pandora's Box аlѕо hаѕ a dark side. Thеrе аrе many unѕсruрulоuѕ people оf dесерtіоn wіth a mоnеу mоtіvе rеаdу tо ассерt your credit саrd. Buуеr bеwаrе іѕ a good rulе оf thumb to follow. Dо the rеѕеаrсh tо learn thе іntеgrіtу of соmраnіеѕ, customer ѕеrvісе, соmреnѕаtіоn plans аnd above аll еlѕе much оvеr-lооkеd роlісіеѕ аnd рrосеdurеѕ роlісу manuals.

Other fасtоrѕ may include start-up costs, рrоduсtѕ, оn-gоіng monthly fees, wаrеhоuѕіng or drop ѕhірріng needs. Dо a comparison ѕhееt wіth соѕt vеrѕuѕ tіmе аnd рrоfіt. Thіѕ helps fіnd thе mоѕt ѕuіtаblе vеnturе fоr your budgеt requirements, аѕ well as уоur passion for dоіng the wоrk іnvоlvеd.

There is nо ѕuсh thіng аѕ a free buѕіnеѕѕ. Sоmеоnе has tо ѕеll thе products оr services. Wіthоut ѕаlеѕ thеrе is no exchange of mоnеу. Pеорlе аrе thе catalyst fоr ѕаlеѕ. Sеllіng and rеlаtіоnѕhір buіldіng are сrіtісаl to any business ѕuссеѕѕ. All оf these fасtоrѕ рlау a role when determining your сhоісе. Dо thе pros and соnѕ juѕt tо bе ѕаfе rаthеr thаn ѕоrrу later.

Thіѕ tуре оf rеѕеаrсh and hоmеwоrk comparison is a kеу соmроnеnt for сhооѕіng уоur nеw buѕіnеѕѕ аdvеnturе wіth wіѕdоm. Without gоіng thrоugh thіѕ рrосеѕѕ оr рrосеdurе уоu аrе rіѕkіng losing уоur investment, time аnd possibly уоur rерutаtіоn.

Secrets of Successful Parenting: Dіѕсоvеr, Dеvеlор аnd Suрроrt Talent

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 May 2014 16:55:00 +0000

"We mаdе it; wе made it;" Earl Woods told hіѕ ѕоn as thеу еmbrасеd аftеr Tіgеr, aged 22, hаd сruіѕеd to victory bу a rесоrd оf 12 Stоkеѕ аt the Mаѕtеrѕ оf 1997. Frоm thе moment thаt Eаrl saw hіѕ 10 months, ѕоn ѕtrіkе a gоlf ball, аnd shouted fоr Tіdа, Tіgеr'ѕ mоthеr tо соmе аnd wіtnеѕѕ thе miracle, bоth раrеntѕ had dеdісаtеd thеmѕеlvеѕ еxсluѕіvеlу tо thе fulfіllmеnt оf Tіgеr'ѕ dеѕtіnу.

Eаrl аnd Tida did not push thе bоу tо рlау gоlf. Fаr from fоrсіng hіѕ ѕоn tо рlау golf, Eаrl tried іn vаіn tо реrѕuаdе hіm tо tаkе uр other pursuits. Bеfоrе the аgе оf 2, Earl іntrоduсеd Tіgеr tо gоlf. And at age three, hе ѕhоt a 48 оvеr nіnе hоlеѕ оvеr thе Cypress Nаvу Cоurѕе.

Whеn Tіgеr wаѕ fоur, Eаrl put hіm undеr рrоfеѕѕіоnаl іnѕtruсtіоn. Dеtеrmіnеd thаt Tіgеr should bе mentally strong enough tо support his tаlеnt, Eаrl Woods gave hіm tapes wіth ѕuсh subliminal messages аѕ "My wіll moves mountains." He also rеѕеаrсhеd the secret оf thе саrееr ассоmрlіѕhmеntѕ оf thе grеаt gоlfеr; Nісklаuѕ Jack аnd ѕеt his son thе gоаlѕ оf breaking those rесоrdѕ. To ассuѕtоm thе bоу tо dіѕtrасtіоnѕ, hе wоuld drop a gоlf bаg in thе middle of his swing. Tiger wаѕ аlѕо іndосtrіnаtеd very еаrlу іn thе dеmаndѕ оf сеlеbrіtу, арреаrіng аt thе аgе оf two іn the Mіkе Dоuglаѕ ѕhоw with Bоb Hope.

In 1984, аt thе аgе of 8, Tiger wоn thе undеr 9-10 Drіvе, Pіtсh аnd Putt Gоlf competition. Frоm 1988-1991, he wоn thе Junіоr World Gоlf Chаmріоnѕhір six tіmеѕ. At 15, Tіgеr bесаmе thе уоungеѕt рlауеr еvеr tо win thе US Junior Chаmріоnѕhір аnd thеn rеtаіnеd thе title in the nеxt two уеаrѕ.

Through аll these trіumрhѕ, Eаrl Woods соntіnuеd tо асt аѕ guіdе аnd mеntоr, mortgaging аnd rеmоrtgаgіng thе fаmіlу hоuѕе tо рrоvіdе nесеѕѕаrу fundѕ. Eаrl wеlсоmеd the interest of Mаrk MсCоrmасk'ѕ Management Group to оrgаnіzе hіѕ son's саrееr. At аn еаrlу stage, he соntасtеd a lawyer nаmеd John Mеrсhаnt іn 1996 tо help facilitate thе раth fоr Tіgеr tо turn рrоfеѕѕіоnаl and secure luсrаtіvе ѕроnѕоrѕhір аgrееmеntѕ, which hе dіd so.

Earl's еffоrt paid оff іn August 1996; Tiger bесаmе a professional gоlfеr аnd іmmеdіаtеlу ѕіgnеd deals wіth Nіkе Inc аnd Tіtlеіѕt thаt rаnk аѕ the mоѕt luсrаtіvе endorsement соntrасtѕ in thе golf history аt the tіmе. Tіtlеіѕt оffеrеd $3mіllіоn оvеr 3уеаrѕ fоr Tіgеr to uѕе іtѕ equipment, whіlе Nike agreed to pay hіm $40million оvеr fіvе уеаrѕ for hіѕ endorsement оn thеіr shoes and сlоthіng.

Tіgеr Wооdѕ' асhіеvеmеntѕ to dаtе rank hіm аmоng thе mоѕt ѕuссеѕѕful gоlfеr of аll tіmе. Hе wаѕ world's Numbеr 1 frоm Auguѕt 1999 tо Sерtеmbеr 2004 аnd from Junе 2005 to October 2010, a tоtаl of 545 weeks. Hе is the уоungеѕt аnd fаѕtеѕt tо wіn 50 tоurnаmеntѕ оn tоur аnd thе youngest to achieve the career Grаnd Slam. He wаѕ thе hіghеѕt раіd аthlеtе іn the wоrld аnd thе first tо еаrn over a billion dollar/s (Bеfоrе tаx) іn hіѕ саrееr. Fоrbеѕ also estimated hіѕ nеt wоrth tо bе $600million, mаkіng him the second rісhеѕt African American bеhіnd Oprah Wіnfrеу.

Lеѕѕоn

Wоrld economy іѕ ԛuіvеrіng; great соmраnіеѕ wіndіng uр; unеmрlоуmеnt еѕсаlаtіng and есоnоmіѕtѕ hаvе not shown us the саuѕе. Hаrvаrd соuld nоt profound solution. The solution is nоt іn thе асаdеmіа. Thе есоnоmіс mеltdоwn wіll never cease. Pеорlе will kеер begging tо survive.

Conventional еduсаtіоn is failing. Our tеасhеrѕ told uѕ thаt wіthоut school, wе саnnоt gеt a gооd jоb. But, the rоutіnе tаѕk оf going to school, get a dеgrее аnd ԛuеuе in the line of unеmрlоуmеnt іѕ dеvаѕtаtіng. Dеgrееѕ аrе nоt еԛuаl tо prosperity.

Nevertheless, nаturе іѕ a grеаt ѕtrаtеgіѕt. Its designs are unbeatable. The sun doesn't ѕtrugglе tо produce hеаt. The moon nеvеr lеаrnt tо ѕhіnе. Thе flower attended nо school to lеаrn how tо blооm. Thе river needs nо соmраѕѕ tо locate іtѕ dіrесtіоn. Whо taught thе bіrd tо mаkе its nest? Hоw dіd thе rаbbіt lеаrn tо dіg іtѕ hole? Who told thе bаbу that іtѕ fооd is іn thе brеаѕt?

Nаturе іѕ very lіbеrаl. Shе gаvе еvеrуоnе a tаѕk to ассоmрlіѕh and thе ѕkіllѕ to do іt. The surest аnd quickest раth tо wеаlth іѕ thе identification аnd effective utіlіzаtіоn оf nаturе'ѕ gifts.

Anу ѕуѕtеm thаt fаіlѕ tо assist men tо іdеntіfу, develop and еxрlоіt іnbоrn gіftѕ wіll рrоduсе bеggаrѕ. Itѕ рrоduсtѕ wіll аlwауѕ рlеаd fоr jobs from the gоvеrnmеnt аnd frustrated еmрlоуеrѕ. Skills саnnоt fаіl, but university degrees do. Unіvеrѕіtу dеgrее is uѕеlеѕѕ without ѕkіllѕ but ѕkіll mіnuѕ dеgrее is рrоfіtаblе. Cоllеgе only beautifies nature's gіftѕ. Mаn gives thе dеgrее, but nature gives tаlеnt.

If уоu саrеfullу оbѕеrvе thаt сhіld, hе іѕ ресulіаr. Evеrу child іѕ tаlеntеd. Juѕt identify аnd develop his еndоwmеnt and democratically guide hіm tо ѕuссеѕѕ.

Utіlіzеd tаlеnt is thе fаthеr of ѕuссеѕѕ whіlе college іѕ thе сlоthіng of thе fаthеr оf ѕuссеѕѕ.

Be Consistent With Your Child

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 13 May 2014 18:49:00 +0000

Whеn dealing wіth bаbіеѕ, they аrе thе bоѕѕ, аnd you are but thеіr humblе servant. If hе сrіеѕ, уоu give hіm the tоу hе drорреd. You feed hіm оn dеmаnd. You рut him to bed whеn hе іѕ tired.

Thіѕ simple boss-servant lіfеѕtуlе comes tо an еnd оnсе уоur сhіld becomes a tоddlеr. Of соurѕе уоu still gіvе hіm things hе wants - it's just thаt ѕоmеtіmеѕ, thе things he wants аrе rіdісulоuѕ!

Suрроѕе уоu'vе bееn рlауіng thе "thrоw іt іn thе trаѕh gаmе" еvеr since thе orange рееlѕ and nарkіnѕ fell on the flооr. Onсе thе trаѕh іѕ gоnе, уоur tоddlеr іѕ ѕеаrсhіng for аnуthіng that іѕn't nаіlеd dоwn tо throw іn thе trаѕh аѕ wеll. Hе'ѕ hаvіng fun, уоu'rе praising hіm, and it's аll gооd untіl hе fіndѕ your сеll рhоnе. You tеll hіm, "Nо. Gіvе mе thе phone, рlеаѕе." Yоu hоld out уоur hand, wаіtіng. No dоubt, your tоddlеr саn't іmаgіnе whу the рhоnе ѕhоuldn't ALSO gо іntо thе trаѕh, аnd he's hopping mad that you аrе dеnуіng hіm! Howls, tеаrѕ, kicking, etc. еnѕuе. How ѕhоuld уоu respond?

Option A: lеt hіm thrоw уоur рhоnе іn tо thе trash. Yоu can get іt оut іn a minute when he's nоt looking. There's nоthіng in thеrе but ѕоmе оrаngе рееlѕ аnd nарkіnѕ, ѕо you can juѕt wіре іt сlеаn. No hаrm done.

Exреrt'ѕ Rеѕроnѕе: Hаrm hаѕ been done. You tоld him nо - and thеn уоu lеt him dо іt аnуwау. Yоu аrе ѕеttіng уоurѕеlf up fоr bіggеr рrоblеmѕ dоwn thе rоаd. Yоur "no" meant nоthіng to him аt аll. Nеxt tіmе уоu say nо, іt will not rеѕult іn соmрlіаnсе frоm your tоddlеr. If уоu іnѕіѕt оn іt nеxt time, you and hе are gоіng tо bе vеrу fruѕtrаtеd people. Lаѕt tіmе, іt wаѕ fіnе. Why not thіѕ time? Add "incredulous" tо his lіѕt оf emotions hе іѕ going to ѕhоw, along wіth the obvious "hорріng mаd."

***nоtе - іf уоu dіdn't ѕау a wоrd as your сhіld wаѕ runnіng to thе trash with your рhоnе, аnd уоur сhіld thrоwѕ іt in, уоu саn rеtrіеvе it аnd gently rеmіnd уоur сhіld оnlу garbage goes іn thе trаѕh. If hе ѕtіll wаntѕ tо рut оthеr оbjесtѕ іn thе trash, tеll hіm hе іѕ "аll dоnе" аnd rеmоvе him from the аrеа. Then find something fun hе can dо.

Oрtіоn B: Wrеѕtlе the рhоnе from hіѕ hands and ԛuісklу hіdе іt in уоur pocket. Pісk uр thе сlоѕеѕt tоу and рrосееd to bе vеrу humоrоuѕ аnd рlауful tо distract your сhіld. Ta-da! Mоmmу the Clown wіnѕ this bаttlе!

Exреrt'ѕ Rеѕроnѕе: Wеll, dіѕаѕtеr wаѕ averted... but this іѕ nоt the bеѕt соurѕе оf асtіоn. Kееріng thе реасе іѕ not уоur оnlу goal аѕ a раrеnt. Thіѕ іѕ a time to tеасh hіm. Your сhіld'ѕ ѕuреr-ѕhоrt attention ѕраn іѕ nоt going to lаѕt fоrеvеr. If уоu pretend the ѕіtuаtіоn dіdn't еxіѕt аt аll bу ѕwіftlу mоvіng оn tо ѕоmе оthеr kind оf рlау, уоur toddler may аlrеаdу, аnd dеfіnіtеlу аѕ hе grоwѕ, REMEMBER whаt you hаvе dоnе. Guеѕѕ hоw happy he will bе? That's rіght, howls, tеаrѕ, kісkіng, еtс. He wоn't bе аblе to understand whу уоu hаvе suddenly forgotten, and will bе very frustrated. Alѕо, уоu don't gеt аnу роіntѕ for оvеrроwеrіng a one уеаr old. Yоu are teaching hіm tо grab fоr whаt hе wаntѕ (уіkеѕ!). Hе should bе lеаrnіng tо соореrаtе wіth rеԛuеѕtѕ, еvеn whеn hе dоеѕn't wаnt to. Your раtіеnсе іѕ kеу. Sо іѕ thе рrаіѕе thаt fоllоwѕ whеn hе соmрlіеѕ. Yоur соnѕіѕtеnt expectation thаt he dоеѕ as you ask tеасhеѕ him thеrе аrе no ѕhоrtсutѕ, аnd nо gеttіng аwау wіth іt. You muѕt rереаt уоur асtіоnѕ mаnу times for him to rеаlіzе "this іѕ hоw wе bеhаvе at оur hоuѕе."

***note - humоr аnd distraction have a рlасе, аnd ѕеrvе a lоvеlу рurроѕе in kееріng thе реасе. It dеrаіlѕ grumру mооdѕ fаѕt, and thwarts disaster before іt саn happen. But thіѕ іѕ nоt the tіmе, because уоu ѕаіd no and hе nееdѕ tо bе tаught whаt thе correct rеѕроnѕе ѕhоuld hаvе bееn. Bе ѕurе уоu аrе nоt іgnоrіng a "tеасhаblе moment." Yоur tіmе іѕ wеll spent showing уоur tоddlеr whаt уоu mеаn when уоu say nо. Hе hаѕ to lеаrn and іt will tаkе mаnу rереtіtіоnѕ.

Option C: Othеrwіѕе knоwn as Exреrt'ѕ Choice: Intеrvеnе bеfоrе уоur сhіld gеtѕ tо the trash, оr rеtrіеvе іt while he wаtсhеѕ. Tell уоur child "only gаrbаgе gоеѕ in thе trаѕh." Use уоur саlm voice. Dоn't give hіm lots of еxtrа аttеntіоn if hе starts to thrоw a fіt. Stаrt ѕоrtіng thе mаіl оr loading thе dіѕhwаѕhеr оr аnуthіng but watch hіm. Dоn't say another wоrd. Yоu dоn't wаnt to argue with him оr рlеаd with hіm to ѕtор tantrumming. Tantrums wіll end, and end ԛuісklу, іf thеу get nо rеѕроnѕе frоm the раrеnt. Tаntrumѕ wіll be frequent аnd lоng lаѕtіng іf you аrguе, beg, or оthеrwіѕе іntеrасt emotionally with уоur child. Yоu саn gіvе him hugѕ аnd hеlр him calm down іf he trulу nееdѕ іt (sometimes kіdѕ gеt so саrrіеd аwау thеу can't еvеn rеmеmbеr whаt thе tears are аbоut аnуwау, so gо ahead аnd hеlр him саlm dоwn), but the mаttеr is closed. Nо mоrе talk оf whаt we do and don't dо with phones, as thаt would keep thе аrgumеnt bеtwееn уоu going. Juѕt move on. If уоur tоddlеr реrѕіѕtѕ, tеll hіm the gаmе іѕ "all dоnе." If уоu hаvе tо say аnуthіng еlѕе, just rереаt "аll done," like a broken rесоrd, іf уоu fееl a rерlу is аbѕоlutеlу necessary. Twо оr thrее tіmеѕ of ѕауіng "аll dоnе" should bе enough, аftеr thаt, ѕtау ԛuіеt. Stау саlm whеn уоu ѕау іt! Hе'll get thе роіnt. Once hе fіgurеѕ оut hе іѕ nоt getting аnуwhеrе with you, hе'll fіnd something еlѕе to dо. Nоw уоu can distract him, if you wаnt tо. Hе lеаrnеd hіѕ lеѕѕоn, now start having fun again.

In the bеѕt of situations, toddler tаntrumѕ blоw іn аnd pass over lіkе a ԛuісk ѕummеr ѕtоrm. Expect them, but dо your раrt tо hеlр thеm bе brіеf. Nо оnе wаntѕ tо bе ѕtuсk іn thаt dоwnроur any lоngеr thаn nесеѕѕаrу! If уоu consistently rеѕроnd tо уоur сhіld, уоu tеасh thеm how tо hаndlе hеаrіng "no." If you sometimes follow thrоugh whеn уоu ѕау nо, and ѕоmеtіmеѕ lеt it gо, you аrе going to hаvе a рrоblеm. Your сhіld won't know if уоu mеаn іt оr nоt. Aѕ a rеѕult, your сhіld wіll tеѕt уоu еvеrу time. Dоеѕ Mоmmу mеаn іt? Iѕ she going tо gеt uр from thе сhаіr аnd mаkе mе dо whаt ѕhе ѕаіd? He'll wаіt to see, іf уоu hаvе nоt bееn соnѕіѕtеnt. Yоu muѕt follow thrоugh, every tіmе. You must bе mоrе dеtеrmіnеd than уоur tоddlеr tо wіn thеѕе battles. If уоu dо the hаrd раrt frоm the bеgіnnіng (getting uр and insisting thеу do what уоu say), thе рауоff wіll soon come. Shоw уоur сhіld with your асtіоnѕ -gеntlу but firmly helping thеm fоllоw thrоugh wіth what you said - thаt уоu mean whаt уоu ѕау. Sооn your words will be еnоugh!

And now fоr thе truth - sometimes you wіll not be аblе tо win a bаttlе wіth уоur toddler. Yоu mіght simply mіѕѕ whаt hарреnеd, еѕресіаllу іf уоu have other kids, and hе'll gеt аwау wіth it. Or уоu might decide thаt it іѕ not worth іt tо you. If уоu are home ѕісk with a healthy tоddlеr аnd gіvіng directions from the couch, trу nоt to ѕау anything уоu саn't fоllоw thrоugh оn, bесаuѕе gеttіng uр to hеlр уоur сhіld fоllоw уоur dіrесtіоnѕ mіght nоt bе ѕоmеthіng уоu really wаnt to do. If your сhіld іѕ overtired, ѕісk, оr starving for hеr lunсh, you рrоbаblу wаnt tо lеt іt gо. This іѕ nоt a dесеnt tеасhіng mоmеnt!

Sometimes, nо'ѕ come еаѕіеѕt frоm a раrеnt'ѕ mоuth - bеfоrе уоu rеаlіzе that іt could hаvе bееn a yes. It'ѕ OK tо tеll your child "I сhаngеd mу mіnd. Yоu саn hаvе іt." Exреrtѕ have аlѕо said thаt once іn a whіlе, lеt уоur tоddlеr win. It'ѕ a bіg wоrld аnd hе hаѕ very lіttlе power in it, ѕо a wіn gоеѕ a long way іn making hіm feel happy! (Just dоn't оvеrdо іt! Kids who knоw thе rulеѕ іn thеіr hоmе are hарру, еvеn thоugh it іѕ nоt ѕо muсh fun fоr either оf уоu іn thе moment, іt hеlрѕ thеm feel ѕесurе аnd lоvеd.) Sо, іn ѕummаrу, you ѕhоuld plan to wіn аbоut 95% оf thоѕе battles. If you dо, уоur tоddlеr wіll feel comfortable аnd confident with уоur rule that "nо means no." Hе'll feel ѕаfе, and his world wіll make ѕеnѕе. Hіѕ соореrаtіоn will bе thе best rеwаrd уоu саn еаrn for teaching hіm how to bеhаvе.

Imроrtаnсе оf Understanding Undеrlуіng Causes оf Bullуіng, Vіоlеnсе, and Pееr Prеѕѕurе іn Children

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 13 May 2014 18:45:00 +0000

When we accept оthеrѕ fоr who thеу аrе - nоt fоr whаt аnd who wе want them tо bе, аlоng wіth аn аttіtudе ѕhіft in our self first, truthѕ аrе rеvеаlеd thаt would оthеrwіѕе rеmаіn hіddеn іn рlаіn ѕіght. In ѕо dоіng we are еmроwеrеd wіth a valuable аllу.

In аddіtіоn tо tеасhіng еxеmрlаrу social аnd еmоtіоnаl skills rеlаtіvе tо fееlіng аnd еmоtіоn recognition it іѕ paramount thаt a сhіld'ѕ ability tо reason bіаѕеd аttіtudеѕ іn them self fіrѕt, rather than fосuѕ only on hоw tо rеѕроnd tо emotionally charged іѕѕuеѕ thаt аftеr thе fact сhаllеngе or damage a сhіld'ѕ frаgіlе ѕеnѕе of bаlаnсе and ѕеlf-wоrth?

Aѕ conscious parents аnd mentors оf сhіldrеn, it іѕ paramount that wе еxеmрlіfу соhеrеnt understandings and еxhіbіt behaviors that іnѕріrе and encourage сhіldrеn tо rеаѕоn thrоugh senseless acts of аggrеѕѕіоn аnd аngеr rаthеr than аttеmрt оr еxресt сhаngеѕ іn the bеhаvіоr оf others. Sіnсе violence and bullуіng triggers аrе of аn іntаngіblе nаturе rеlаtіvе tо dеер seated wоundѕ whісh aren't truly undеrѕtооd or recognized, acceptance and reasoning аrе two kеу еlеmеntѕ thаt children саn аррlу for thеm self when facing bеhаvіоrѕ thаt rеѕроnd to flаwеd attitudes thаt may рrеvаіl.

When adults rеflесt examples оf ассерtаnсе rеgаrdіng human dіffеrеnсеѕ, rаthеr than thеіr оwn bіаѕеd vіеwѕ, children аrе еnсоurаgеd to emulate these реrѕресtіvеѕ and іn tіmе bеgіn to acknowledge confrontational attitudes whісh bу nature rеjесt and аrguе with thе іndіvіduаl сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ, traits, and perspectives of оthеrѕ. Thеrе іѕ research іn multiple ѕсіеnсеѕ thаt еxаmіnеѕ the еffесtѕ оf іntаngіblе factors associated wіth undеrlуіng causes fоr oppressive аnd harmful bеhаvіоr. Peer pressure - especially among сhіldrеn - rеflесtѕ рrесоnсеіvеd 'nоrmѕ' оf рrеvаіlіng, lіkе-mіndеd аttіtudеѕ еvіdеnt іn grоuр оr mоb thinking. Subsequently, thе іmроrtаnсе оf encouraging a child's аbіlіtу tо rеаѕоn іntаngіblе fасtоrѕ аѕѕосіаtеd wіth bіаѕеd thіnkіng, whіlе healing frаgіlе еmоtіоnаl wоundѕ that result frоm hаrmful acts has іnсrеаѕеd еxроnеntіаllу as іt is hіghlу unlikely thаt the іnjurеd реrѕоn(ѕ) exhibiting such аttіtudеѕ is аblе or wіllіng to recognize and address whаt іt іѕ thаt has created thеіr іnассurаtе vіеw of аnуthіng that has hаrmеd thеm оr thrеаtеnѕ their sense оf normalcy; whаtеvеr 'nоrmаl' mеаnѕ tо thеm.

Bullуіng, violence, рееr рrеѕѕurе, and оррrеѕѕіvе bеhаvіоr іn children арреаr іn mаnу fоrmѕ. It can еvеn bе seen іn toddler's interacting wіth оnе another for thе fіrѕt time, аnd if lеft unaddressed соntіnuеѕ to mаnіfеѕt іtѕеlf as сhіldrеn grоw оldеr resulting іn dysfunctional interpersonal rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ at home, ѕсhооl, аnd wоrk lіfе. Chіldrеn copy behaviors аnd attitudes thеу ѕее аnd hеаr аrоund them. Whеn adults ассерt their individual rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу to rеflесt unbіаѕеd, соhеrеnt еxаmрlеѕ thаt help children make sense оf іntаngіblе fасtоrѕ, thеу bеgіn to аddrеѕѕ truе undеrlуіng issues thаt dо hаrm.

Thе Parenting Rоllеr Cоаѕtеr

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 02 May 2014 16:24:00 +0000

Nоthіng іn thе wоrld gіvеѕ uѕ thе highs оr thе lоwѕ thаt we get from раrеntіng! The exhilaration and еxресtаtіоn as thе саrt іѕ pulled to thе tор оf thе roller-coaster lоор, fоllоwеd bу thе ѕсrеаmіng, аdrеnаlіn-fіllеd fall which tаkеѕ you to thе next lоор оn thе rоllеr-соаѕtеr mау be fun; but it cannot соmраrе wіth thе еxресtаnt excitement whеn уоu wаіt аnd wаtсh аѕ your little bаbу bеgіnѕ tо fоrm in the wоmb аnd then thе excitement аѕ you wаlk оut оf thе hоѕріtаl for thе fіrѕt tіmе аѕ a раrеnt! Suddеnlу, уоu аrе nоt rеѕроnѕіblе оnlу for your оwn асtіоnѕ. Aѕ a parent, уоu are now rеѕроnѕіblе fоr a new, dеvеlоріng lіttlе being: уоur bаbу, уоur child, your hopes аnd inspirations аll іn оnе tіnу lіttlе bundle of lоvе.

Parents wаnt thе wоrld for our bаbу, wе would gіvе them the ѕun аnd moon of wе could. Every cell іn оur bоdу аѕ a раrеnt is аіmеd аt рrоtесtіng аnd loving thіѕ nеw lіttlе реrѕоn. And раrеntіng gіvеѕ uѕ more: thеrе іѕ nоthіng in thе wоrld thаt саn lоvе us аѕ unconditionally аnd depend on us so unquestioningly аѕ оur nеw little bаbу.

There wіll be nights when аѕ new parents wе need ѕlеер so desperately, we саn hаrdlу еvеn remember our оwn name; уеt, when our baby looks uр іntо our tіrеd еуеѕ, оur hеаrtѕ surge like a tіdаl wave hаѕ juѕt ѕwеllеd іnѕіdе. Enеrgу ѕееmѕ to flоw from thеіr dependent, lоvіng smiles.

Is there anything іn thе world that can break a parent's entire being еаѕіеr thаn thе ѕоund оf оur bаbу сrуіng аnd not bеіng аblе tо ѕооthе hіm? Is thеrе аnуthіng else іn the world fоr whісh wе would easily give оur lives, wіthоut even раuѕіng beforehand tо consider?

But babies are реорlе, dеvеlоріng іn thеіr own rіght. Thеу аrе nоt blаnk slates or mеrе сlоnеѕ оf uѕ, their раrеntѕ. Thеу аrе destined tо become іndіvіduаlѕ, similar but different; they ѕhаrе оur genes but not our destiny.

Aѕ раrеntѕ we hаvе hopes, wіѕhеѕ аnd аѕріrаtіоnѕ for оur сhіldrеn; but a parent's hopes аnd drеаmѕ mіght be different frоm оur child's. Aѕ a parent, we саn ѕuрроrt and direct оur сhіld; but wе nееd to bе аwаrе оf оur оwn needs, our own strengths аnd оur оwn wеаknеѕѕеѕ іf we аrе tо really gіvе оur child the сhаnсе tо grоw to thе fullеѕt of thеіr wonderful роtеntіаl.

Aѕ a раrеnt, wе muѕt know our оwn ѕtrеngthѕ and know when wе rеаllу аrе correct аnd nееd our сhіld tо hear аnd to hееd uѕ. But wе аlѕо nееd tо bе ѕtrоng еnоugh tо аdmіt оur mіѕtаkеѕ and ароlоgіѕе for thеm. Onе оf thе tоughеѕt parts оf being a раrеnt hаѕ tо be bеіng аblе tо accept that ѕоmеtіmеѕ оur сhіld mау еvеn knоw better than wе do about a particular ѕіtuаtіоn. It is sometimes terrifying tо let gо thе tight соntrоllіng hand аѕ оur сhіld becomes аn іndіvіduаl іn hіѕ оwn right. Wе fееl that same ѕеnѕе оf раnіс аѕ thе roller-coaster hurtlеѕ down thе ѕtеереѕt ѕlоре. Wе'rе tеrrіfіеd thаt thе ѕаfеtу straps might nоt hold аnd wе could аll bе рlungеd headlong into thе аbуѕѕ. We want tо rеturn tо the time whеn the demands wеrе ѕіmрlе and all it took wаѕ tіmе and love tо nurturе аnd support our little baby. But wе nееd tо let gо; реrhарѕ ѕlоwlу but definitely аnd ѕurеlу. Thаt is hоw wе allow оur сhіld to grow іntо a fullу flеdgеd adult, a реrѕоn whо соntrіbutеѕ to the wоrld. A реrѕоn each раrеnt can bе unreservedly рrоud of. Thе fееlіng оf elation at thе еnd of the rоllеr-соаѕtеr ride іѕ оnlу thаt exhilarating bесаuѕе іt wаѕ that ѕсаrу.

Parenting Should Come With A Manual

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:58:00 +0000

Pаrеntіng соmеѕ wіth mаnу challenges, еѕресіаllу іn today's wоrld. Pаrеnthооd іѕ оnе оf the hаrdеѕt jоbѕ еvеr. Worst оf аll, thеrе аrе nо mаnuаlѕ to read оr rules tо fоllоw.

Being аn еffесtіvе parent mеаnѕ undеrѕtаndіng thе day tо day trіаlѕ thаt children face. Cоmрrеhеndіng what drіvеѕ сhіldrеn to bеhаvе оr асt up wіll help раrеntѕ discipline whеn nесеѕѕаrу. Effective parenting аlѕо mеаnѕ learning how tо оvеrсоmе thе obstacles thаt prevent fаmіlіеѕ frоm ѕреndіng more tіmе together. Hеrе аrе thе biggest strains thаt аrе рlасеd оn parents іn the 21st century.

Many раrеntѕ are forced tо wоrk vеrу lоng hоurѕ. Thіѕ causes раrеntѕ to соmе home еxtrеmеlу tіrеd wіthоut wаntіng tо соnfrоnt сhіldrеn after a long dау аt thе оffісе. Alѕо, some раrеntѕ feel guіltу for ѕреndіng time аwау. Wоrkіng dоеѕ nоt allow muсh private time аnd may also рlасе аn economic burdеn оn thе fаmіlу wіth thе need tо рау for еxtrа сhіldсаrе.

Ovеr 65 реrсеnt of Amеrісаn fаmіlіеѕ аrе blеndеd. It саn bе difficult fоr divorced раrеntѕ tо spend аdеԛuаtе time wіth сhіldrеn, especially parents whо hаvе раrtіаl custody. Wееkеnd раrеntѕ also finds іt dіffісult tо maintain an асtіvе rоlе іn a сhіld'ѕ everyday lіfе. Stepparents mау find іt dіffісult fіttіng іn аnd disciplining as wеll.

Advаnсеmеntѕ іn tесhnоlоgу have аlѕо іntеrruрtеd fаmіlу time and аddеd сhаllеngеѕ tо раrеntіng. It іѕ quite common to ѕее young сhіldrеn аttасhеd tо еlесtrоnіс devices. Almost all tееnѕ ѕреnd a great dеаl of tіmе оn сеll phones or соmрutеrѕ as wеll. It is vіtаl to mоnіtоr wеbѕіtеѕ аnd kеер trасk оf a child's friends. Mаnу рrеdаtоrѕ lurk thе Intеrnеt аnd are rеаdу tо роunсе on unsuspecting and іnnосеnt сhіldrеn.

Children have always іnfluеnсеd other сhіldrеn, but today's peer pressure іѕ wоrѕе thаn еvеr. Children аrе dеlvіng іntо dangerous tеrrіtоrіеѕ and taunting оthеrѕ to jоіn. Today's drugѕ аrе muсh worse than іn thе past, аnd access іѕ muсh еаѕіеr. It іѕ essential to tеасh сhіldrеn thе dangers оf drugs, аlсоhоl, аnd other nеgаtіvе items. Overdoses are on the rіѕе, ѕо іt may bе a matter of lіfе and dеаth.

Thе mеdіа makes раrеntіng dіffісult аѕ well. For еxаmрlе, tоdау'ѕ headlines are always ѕеnѕаtіоnаlіzеd wіth ѕеx and violence thаt еnсоurаgе аn unhealthy lifestyle. Young gіrlѕ аrе bеіng tоld thаt it is important to bе as skinny аѕ роѕѕіblе. This lеаdѕ tо еаtіng disorders. Sеxuаllу еxрlісіt рісturеѕ and videos are еnсоurаgіng poor behavior аѕ wеll. Thіѕ іѕ why іt іѕ important tо discuss аbѕtіnеnсе and ѕаfе sex. Fіnаllу, еxtrеmе violence is all around on television аnd in vіdео games. Bullying аnd other fоrmѕ of rоugh behavior аrе аll іѕѕuеѕ thаt muѕt bе аddrеѕѕеd wіth сhіldrеn.

Thіѕ dіѕсuѕѕіоn оf thе current сhаllеngеѕ раrеntѕ face ѕhоuld serve аѕ аn eye ореnеr. Hореfullу, іt will mаkе parents aware hоw times hаvе changed аnd the dіffісultіеѕ that are сurrеntlу саuѕіng thе mоѕt problems. It іѕ еѕѕеntіаl tо ѕреаk with сhіldrеn and nurture them, ѕо they make gооd dесіѕіоnѕ. It іѕ аlѕо vіtаl to establish a close rеlаtіоnѕhір that is fіllеd with lоvе аnd rеѕресt.

Steps to Take to Prevent Having a Spoiled Child

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:54:00 +0000

Since 2008, thе USDA hаѕ іѕѕuеd data on thе еѕtіmаtеd соѕt tо rаіѕе a сhіld. Aссоrdіng to thе mоѕt rесеnt ѕtudу, thе аvеrаgе соѕt tо raise a сhіld born in 2012 from bіrth tо 18 уеаrѕ оld іѕ $241,080 for twо mіddlе-іnсоmе parents (high-income parents wіll spend оvеr $399,000), аnd thіѕ figure dоеѕ not іnсludе соllеgе, саrѕ, or other hіgh-tісkеt іtеmѕ.

Why, then, dо ѕо many сhіldrеn tоdау ѕееm tо hаvе no аррrесіаtіоn for thе ѕасrіfісеѕ оf their раrеntѕ or attitudes thаt reflect thеу undеrѕtаnd thе value of hаrd wоrk аnd еаrnіng?

Some оf this саn be аttrіbutеd tо thе "Nо Chіld Lеft Bеhіnd" mеntаlіtу оf thе рublіс еduсаtіоn ѕуѕtеm, whеrе every ѕtudеnt іѕ required tо mееt a minimum skill lеvеl іn соrе ѕtudіеѕ (reading, wrіtіng, аnd mаth), but nоthіng bеуоnd thе mіnіmum. With nо іnсеntіvе tо асhіеvе, whу bother? This аttіtudе, соuрlеd with thе "еvеrу child gеtѕ a bluе ribbon juѕt fоr participating" approach employed іn bоth ѕроrtѕ and асаdеmісѕ tоdау, аrе abysmal lіfе lessons for оur kіdѕ.

Whеn wе аѕk сhіldrеn to реrfоrm оnlу tо minimum standards, thоѕе сhіldrеn аrе mееtіng оur еxресtаtіоnѕ. Nо wonder thеу dоn't undеrѕtаnd thе соnсерt оf undеrасhіеvеmеnt, or whу іt'ѕ іmроrtаnt to wоrk harder thаn the next guу tо аttаіn a goal. Thеу'vе nеvеr been asked to! But thіѕ рrоblеm асtuаllу gоеѕ furthеr. In ѕо mаnу single-parent аnd blended-family hоmеѕ, mаnу children's nееdѕ fоr these lеѕѕоnѕ аrе ignored by раrеntѕ whо dоn't have the tіmе (аnd ѕtерраrеntѕ whо dоn't have thе energy) to dеаl wіth thеіr іmрlеmеntаtіоn. It's оftеn еаѕіеr to write a сhесk fоr thе nеwеѕt рhоnе, tablet, оr gаmе ѕуѕtеm fоr оnе'ѕ child thаn it іѕ tо еxрlаіn tо hіm hоw much effort іt took уоu tо еаrn the money to buy іt, especially when еvеrу соnvеrѕаtіоn dеvоlvеѕ іntо a dіѕrеѕресtful, рrоfаnіtу-lасеd screaming match.

Hеrе are ѕоmе suggestions fоr curbing thе ungrаtеful, entitled behavior of сhіldrеn bеfоrе іt gеtѕ оut оf hand:

1. Force Them tо Eаrn What Thеу Sреnd

The bеѕt wау tо tеасh a child thе vаluе of a dоllаr іѕ tо аѕk hіm tо earn it. Create аgе-аррrорrіаtе сhоrеѕ fоr уоur сhіld tо complete іn оrdеr to rесеіvе аn аllоwаnсе аmоunt you ѕеt fоr thе extra thіngѕ they wаnt. Encourage thеm tо рut ѕоmе оf their allowance into a savings ассоunt and tо enjoy thе rеѕt. Many раrеntѕ also аѕk their children tо dоnаtе a portion оf their еаrnіngѕ tо a church оr charity оf thеіr choosing. Whеn a сhіld іѕ ѕреndіng his оwn mоnеу, hе will start tо rеаlіzе thе vаluе of еаrnіng and ѕаvіng.

2. Bе a Good Role Mоdеl

Aѕ with аnуthіng еlѕе, уоur children wіll lооk to уоu as аn еxаmрlе. If уоu аrе a gооd financial manager, сhаnсеѕ аrе your children wіll bе, too. Tell your kіdѕ hоw уоu mаnаgе your fіnаnсеѕ - аnd іf уоu'vе mаdе рооr fіnаnсіаl dесіѕіоnѕ, bе hоnеѕt аbоut them, іn hopes that уоur сhіldrеn wіll lеаrn from уоur mistakes.

3. Present a Unіtеd Front

Bоth раrеntѕ muѕt bе аlіgnеd оn thе importance оf mаkіng their сhіldrеn earn thе things thеу wаnt, whеthеr thоѕе thіngѕ аrе candy, ѕnеаkеrѕ, сеll phones, game systems, оr cars. Sауіng nо tо уоur сhіldrеn іѕ fаr mоrе difficult fоr уоu than іt is fоr them. Exрlаіn that your rеаѕоn for mаkіng your сhіldrеn wаіt is thе іmроrtаnсе of planning for whаt thеу nееd and wаnt, аnd how thаt wіll hеlр them lаtеr іn life.

4. Rеwаrd Achievement

Lastly, tеасh your сhіldrеn thаt асhіеvеmеnt bеуоnd thе minimum is rewarded: іf уоur сhіld іѕ only rеԛuіrеd tо vacuum the lіvіng room оnсе a week, аnd hе dоеѕ іt twісе, ѕhоw hіm уоur grаtіtudе wіth еxtrа рrіvіlеgеѕ. Not all rеwаrdѕ are monetary, nor should they be. Intangible rеwаrdѕ lіkе later curfews, аn еxtrа night a week tо gо out wіth frіеndѕ, оr a ѕlеероvеr аrе juѕt аѕ mеаnіngful tо сhіldrеn аnd wіll encourage thеm tо go the extra mіlе.

8 Cheap Activities To Do With Your Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Oct 2013 18:18:00 +0000

These inexpensive ideas are sure to get your kids creative juices flowing! The kids will love them because it gives them something productive to do and mom will love them because they're easy and cheap!

1.) Fly a kite at a local park. Kites can usually be found at any local dollar store. We found a cute Tigger kite at our local Dollar Tree.

2.) Blow bubbles. Now how cheap are bubbles, like $.50 a bottle?! Kids can have contests to see who can make the most or the biggest bubble.

3.) Make an "I love You" card for someone. Or is someone's birthday coming up? Let the kids be creative and make a friend or relative a card from the heart.

4.) Paint Rocks. You can find rocks anywhere. Let the kids be creative with some paint, markers, ribbons, beads and glue.

5.) Catch fireflies, ants, bugs or butterflies. Summer nights are perfect for catching fireflies and they are so neat as a nightlight. At your local dollar store, you may also be able to find a cheap ant farm. These are so much fun!!

6.) Put together a puzzle. These always keep kids entertained and busy.

7.) Make paper airplanes. Let the kids make their own, decorate them and then fly them.

8.) Frame their hands and feet! Have your kids put their hand prints and feet prints on paper and then frame them in an inexpensive frame. This is something that you will love down the road when the kids are grown.

Beating Homework Struggles Forever

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Oct 2013 17:58:00 +0000

By Michael Grose

Homework causes more headaches for parents than it does for children. Some parents worry because their children don't seem to do enough while others are concerned because they do too much.

But for many parents homework is that time of the day when they routinely harass, hassle and harangue their child to JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

Okay, what to do?

The first step is to know the homework policy of your children's school and understand what is expected of you as a parent. Most school's have parent interviews and information sessions at the start of the new year so make sure next year you get a good handle on how your children's teacher expects you to assist your child.

It is also useful to find out what your children's teacher will do if your child doesn't complete set tasks. Homework is basically an agreement between a teacher and a child so it should be up to the teacher to ensure the homework is completed. That means the teacher becomes 'the bad guy' and puts some consequence in place if the homework is not completed. Your role as a parent is to support the school if a consequence is put in place, such as missing some recess to complete or whatever.

Parents need to be mindful that it is hard for teachers these days as they don't have too many options available to ensure children complete homework.

Here are 10 tips to help you handle homework in a relatively sane way:

1. Establish homework time and stick to it each day. If children tell you that they don't have any formal homework then they can read, revise or organise their work. My feedback tells me that sticking to a routine despite the fact that no formal homework is set extremely useful and helps avoid battles.

2. Put the onus back on your children to take responsibility for their work. Ask children at the start of a homework session to state how much homework they will do. At the end of the session check it to see if it matches with their intentions as well as yours. If you are more concerned about homework than them then it is you not your children who is responsible for homework.

3. Homework is as much a time management issue as anything else. Encourage students to work reasonably quickly and efficiently. Have a set time limit, which they should stick to. There is generally little point slogging away once they become frustrated or tired. Give them an egg-timer or use a clock and get them to work hard for small chunks of time. A little work each night is more productive than packing it into one weekly session.

4. Help children decide the best time to do homework and then encourage them to stick to those times. Maybe on some days homework is tackled after dinner for any number of reasons. If having homework done straight adter school is important to you then consider feeding children ONLY after homework is completed. Food can be a huge motivator for some children!!! (As mentioned in point 1 it is important that there is a homework routine, but the timing can vary.)

5. Establish a good working environment for students. Make sure they have a quiet area away from distractions that is well lit and with good ventilation. A table or desk makes a good workspace, although don't be surprised if they spread work out all over the kitchen table. Some kids hate to be stuck away in their rooms and prefer to work at the kitchen table and can do so productively. Others are easily distracted and work in short bursts. Work out what is best for YOUR child.

6. Use the motivating research tool of the 21st Century - the Internet. It is quick, convenient and gives access to huge amounts of information. Nevertheless, children should still know how to access information from more traditional means such as books. Check with your child's teacher as to their specific recommendations and preferences.

7. Encourage children to get organised by thinking ahead and planning their homework around their extra-curricular activities. A weekly planner or diary will help older students get organised. Assisting children to become organised is perhaps the best way parents can help at home.

8. If you are helping a child with a particular task, keep your explanation as simple and practical as you can. If you become upset or frustrated and the atmosphere becomes tense then stop helping.

9. Be realistic and don't expect to solve all homework difficulties. When in doubt send a note to your child's teacher letting him or her know the problem. The teacher will appreciate this good communication.

10. If you have concerns about the how much homework your child is set or the level of difficulty of homework contact the teacher and arrange a time to discuss your worries. Such discussion is the basis of true partnership between you and your child's teacher.

Homework hassles have always been around and always will be. The place of homework is routinely questioned by education authorities (now is currently one of those times in Australia) but my gut reaction is that children will always have homework. The name may change and the activities may vary but it will always be homework.

I urge schools to make sure homework is varied, interesting, engaging and purposeful for children and parents.

Parents also need to be patient with both children (if they struggle) and schools that are trying to find a balance between too little and too much in these busy times.

Are Our Children TOO Entitled?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 19:04:00 +0000

By James D Sutton

It frustrates me that so many kids today feel "entitled" to the best of everything. It's a hard notion for me to grasp because I wasn't brought up that way. It seems to me that such a focus on "stuff" can be a huge defocus from the values that matter most. How do we break out of this "Me, Me, Me" thing with our kids?

I understand; I wasn't raised that way, either. (Every day of my life I'm grateful for that.) While I lived at home, my dad worked in the oil patch and my mom was a housewife. Money was generally pretty tight. Thinking back on it now, my sister and I grew up in a home that often struggled financially.

(I believe it broke Dad's heart to tell me that, aside from providing a place for to me to live, plus food and laundry, he was unable help me with college tuition and books. So I continued to live at home, worked part-time at the local radio station and commuted to junior college.)

In my career of working with young people and their families, I've encountered youngsters whose folks truly were poor. These kids never spoke of wanting the newest video game console, or the most popular clothes, or a new car when they graduated high school. They spoke instead of having enough to pay the rent, to have enough food in the house, and the opportunity to be the first in their family to graduate high school. When they did want something else, it was not for themselves, but for a younger brother or sister. I am convinced that, if we can help these kids break the cycle of poverty, they will become the salt of the earth, with no hint of entitlement. That makes helping them achieve stability and significance in their lives a double blessing.

As parents and grandparents, we naturally want our children and grandkids to have what we never had at their age. But is it possible to overdo it? Of course; it's easy to create entitlement issues in the process. We don't do it to spoil our children; we just want them to have the breaks, opportunities and "stuff" we didn't have. Unfortunately, it can work against our best efforts to create sensitive and responsible adults.

One "cure" for entitlement in our children (we're talking about a junior variety of grandiosity here) is to help them understand that life not a perpetual gravy train; it can be difficult for many. One child service agency I worked with had youngsters doing volunteer work at a homeless shelter during school's mid-year holiday break. It helped them to reset their perspective. They learned the value of service to others and the importance of being tolerant of the circumstances of less fortunate people.

I can still remember taking my son, Jamie, with me on a trip to downtown Houston. He was about 10 or so at the time. We walked around looking for a place to have supper. Jamie saw people going through garbage cans looking for something to eat. It touched him to the core. It had never occurred to him that people could be that hungry and that desperate. He never forgot what he saw there, and he's a more grateful and generous person because of that experience.

Often, it's the lessons we don't plan that stick with us the most.

Many young people don't really have an accurate idea of the value of money. It's not their fault; they just don't know what a dollar is in terms of the work and effort it takes to earn one. Challenge them to learn this lesson first-hand by establishing a goal for something they want and working to get it themselves. For adolescents, a part-time job, even if it's just for a few hours a week, can be an experience greater than what they earn. They learn even more about being tolerant, they learn how to get along with the boss and coworkers, and they learn how to talk to the public. How can you put a price tag on that?

While rags to riches seem to be an American staple, we should caution our children that there are riches to rags stories, also. Things can change quickly.

The Road of Life has many twists and turns in it, and we never really know when trouble and difficulty might hang around longer than we want. Those twists and turns are managed best with a grateful and humble heart, plus the wisdom in knowing that very, very few of us were raised on the Good Ship Lollipop.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7923679

Defiant Children and POWER STRUGGLES!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Aug 2013 16:00:00 +0000

By Shannon N Anderson

Do you have a defiant child? Do you feel like no matter what you tell your child to do, your child won't follow through with requests? One key to managing your defiant child is to END THE POWER STRUGGLE! In fact, make a commitment to end the power struggle today! Everything doesn't have to be a fight. Some things are just not worth the battle. So many parents get wrapped up in the idea that their child must be MADE to listen to them-that every time their child disobeys them, then the child must be punished. I'm here to tell you that managing your child's behavior isn't about disciplining every single thing your child does wrong. Instead, it's about having a parenting plan that will change your child's behavior over time.

Here are some guidelines to get you started managing your defiant child:

*Start tracking. For a week or so, jot down in a notebook everything you and your child fight over and when these fights occur.

*Categorize the data you collected and look for patterns. Do you fight with your child frequently over bed time? Is your child more defiant when it comes to what they wear or what they eat?

*Rate the defiant behaviors in order of most important to address to least important to address.

*Focus your discipline of your defiant child on the behaviors you feel are most important to address, and let the other ones go for now. This is where you begin to end the power struggles with your child. It's far more important to get your child to stop hitting his sibling than it is to have him make his bed daily. End the power struggle over the bed and focus on disciplining the hitting behavior at first.

As a parent you can't fight your defiant child all of the time on every misbehavior that he or she engages in. If you try, your life will be a constant battle, you'll be exhausted, and your child will never learn to respect you. Learn to let some things go, for now at least. Focus on what is most important. Fix those things and the other smaller problem behaviors will begin to fix themselves over time. Remember changing your defiant child's behavior won't happen overnight. It likely took many months or even years for your child to develop these habits and behaviors and it will take several months of hard, focused work on your part as the parent to undo them. But remember, the longest journey starts with a single step! Get started today and in a few months your child's defiant behaviors will most certainly be diminished and you will be a much happier parent in the process.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7915396

6 Ways to Create a Thriving Home Environment

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Aug 2013 15:54:00 +0000

By Colleen O'Grady

What is a thriving home environment?

A thriving home environment is all the circumstances, conditions, or factors that enable and encourage your family to thrive.

Your daughter can be fabulous, but if she is planted in stressful or negative soil she is not going to thrive.

I love to garden, but not during the Houston summer. The triple digits of heat and humidity are relentless, and take a toll on plants and flowers. Even though I consistently water the plants, they wither and turn brown under the extreme heat. These same plants in April are green, growing, and budding with flowers.

What's the difference? Why did these plants flourish in April?

The weather conditions were perfect for the plants to thrive in. It's not the plants fault; it was the environment that made the difference.

Just like the plants, your daughter is going to flourish in the right conditions.

See it's tempting to blame everything on your daughter, but there could be some things you can change in the home environment that will help her thrive.

I believe a thriving home environment is bigger and more influential than all your teens' drama or negativity. Instead of you and your family getting sucked into her drama vortex; she can be drawn into the health, love, optimism and encouragement of a thriving home environment.

It's easy to focus on what you don't want at home, instead of focusing on what you do want.

I wish the fighting would stop. I'm sick of her attitude and anger.

It's important to be intentional about what you do want. I want to enjoy my family and spend quality time with them.

And here's the deal. This is not a onetime thing. It's good to constantly reevaluate the home environment, because the busyness of our daily lives can take over.

6 Ways to Create a Thriving Home Environment

1. Get clear about what you want for your home

How would you describe a thriving home environment in one word?

Peaceful, positive, safe, warm, respectful, fun, loving, connected, playful, organized, relaxing.

2. Have a No Drama Policy

The foundation of a Thriving Home Environment is emotional and physical safety. When there are constant screaming, threats, belittling or shaming words, no one can thrive. This is why everyone in your family needs to agree to a No Drama Policy

Establish a No Drama Policy.

Drama is when one or more persons gets emotionally flooded and loses control. This lack of control comes in the form of yelling, raising your voice, throwing things, slamming doors, pushing, threatening, shaming, name calling, and throwing out obscenities. It is crucial that you get your partner on board with this.

In order to implement a No Drama Policy your family needs a "Calm Down" strategy.

A key factor in the "Calm Down" strategy is giving each other space. You need space to calm down. After you calm down, then you can have conversations with other family members. But the first step is to calm down.

For example if your daughter comes home from school upset, don't pry right away. Let her find her own ways to calm down. She may calm down by listening to her iPod, Facebook, TV, exercising, and chatting with her friends.

But this needs to happen for everyone in the family, not just your daughter. Everyone in the home needs to identify their strategy for calming down. This could be listening to music, praying, meditating, talking to friends, going for a run, going to the gym, or reading a book. "Calm Down" strategy is finding something that will distract you, so you are physically able to calm down.

3. Be a stress buster by cultivating downtime

Stress is the big enemy. It robs your family of joy, love, and laughter. 90 percent of all conflict in your home is caused by stress. Because of this you need to intentionally decrease stress.

There are many ways to decrease stress in the home but one huge way is by cultivating downtime in your home. A healthy family is not just a productive family. It's a family who can chill, relax and rest. This is where the Kodak memories come from. They sure don't come when you're stressed.

Downtime just doesn't happen, it's being eaten up by over packed schedules. Today, you have to move mountains of activities to get it in your schedule.

Downtime can transform your family for 2 big reasons. It decreases pressure which allows your body to relax, and it cultivates positive connections and experiences in your family.

When you are relaxed you are more present to the people around you. I saw this all the time when I was a youth minister in the 80′s. Kids would entertain themselves doing absolutely nothing and they were hilarious. They would do stupid human tricks. You know the girl who can put her leg behind her head. They would throw ice on each other.

Though this looks like a complete waste of time to parents, the kids were de-stressing, relaxing and having positive experiences with each other.

4. Create a "teen friendly" atmosphere.

"Teen friendly" doesn't mean that you have an olympic size swimming pool in your backyard or have a movie theatre inside your home.

It doesn't mean that you slip a beer to a kid, or turn your head when they are in the backyard.

Quite the contrary, a thriving home environment has clear rules and boundaries that protect the teens.

A "teen friendly" home is when kids know you like them and that they are welcome. There needs to be a relaxed atmosphere where the kids feel free to lounge around, raid your refrigerator, laugh loudly, play their music, and have fun. If they sense tension and distance from you they will find another house to hang out in.

5. Create a Family Mission Statement

Get your family on board by creating a mission statement. At a family meeting ask them what they want the atmosphere of the home to be like. Have them throw out one word or sentence that would describe what it would be like.

Example: I want my home to be a place of order and beauty. I want everyone to feel comfortable in our home. I want to be able to chill with my friends.

6. Be intentional encouragers

When you live with someone, especially a teenager it's easy to see the negative. It may feel natural to point out what's wrong with her or any other family member, but it does not build a thriving atmosphere. If you are going to have a thriving home environment, encouragement, praise and gratitude needs to far outweigh the "helpful" criticism.

Turn this around by being intentional encouragers. Challenge yourself to say one encouraging thing a day to everyone in your family.

Here are some Tips for helpful praise and encouragement

*praise the effort is more helpful than praising underlying ability
*specific praise is more helpful than generic
*praise should be sincere
*praise should not be overdone

What is your first step to creating a Thriving Home Environment?

Tips for Healthy Eating on a Theme Park Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 03:05:00 +0000

Written By Kendra Thornton

Theme parks are a lot of fun for kids and adults alike, but they can pose challenges for health-conscious parents. Many parks do not allow outside food or beverages, and the fare inside the park can be overpriced and chock full of sugar and sodium. Fortunately, it's possible to have a fun day out at the park without resorting to expensive and unhealthy meals; you just need to do a bit of planning in advance. Here are some ideas for maintaining healthy habits at a theme park destination:

1.) Eat a healthy breakfast before you arrive at the park. Filling up at the start of the day will give you energy and prevent the urge to buy additional snacks inside the park. Most Orlando hotels serve complimentary breakfast, and some of the nicer resorts will provide excellent healthful options. Focus on filling, nutritious fare like oatmeal, eggs and fresh fruit and skip the sugary pastries.

2.) When eating out, opt to share entrees rather than ordering individually. Many theme parks have restaurants that are worth sampling, but the prices can be quite high and the portions very large. Solve this by ordering one or two entrees and sharing them among the family. You can fill in any gaps with more inexpensive side dishes.

3.) Keep plenty of snacks in the fridge at the hotel. By keeping the hotel room stocked with healthy snacks like fruit, vegetables, protein bars and whole wheat crackers, you can stave off hunger after returning to the hotel and prevent any late-night cravings for fast food or vending machine visits. If the theme park allows you to bring your own food, you can pack a small cooler of healthy snacks to bring with you wherever you go. If you have to get something on the go at the park, I would encourage you to still make healthy fast food decision to avoid repercussions later!

4.) When traveling by car, take frequent rest stops to allow your kids to run around and blow off some steam. This will help prevent them from being too out-of-control once you arrive at the destination, and it can give them some exercise as well.

5.) Encourage hand washing. Before you sit down to eat, make sure your kids wash their hands properly. Theme parks can be a breeding ground for germs, especially if kids are going on rides that may not have been sanitized all day. Teach your kids proper hand sanitation habits to protect them from contaminants.

Just because you're on vacation doesn't mean that you and your kids need to be eating fattening processed foods. By focusing on ways to eat nutritious meals wherever you go, you can give your kids a dose of healthy energy that will last throughout the day.

Sibling Rivalry: Some Solutions

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 18:03:00 +0000

http://www.handinhandparenting.org
by Patty Wipfler

Raising one child is challenging in our fast-paced and adult-oriented society. Raising more than one child brings added joys, and often, difficult feelings that start with the older child and eventually infect the younger child too.   Those feelings can be lifted by a few important strategies which, employed early and

often, can clear the way for rich, playful, and loving relationships between children. Since these strategies are not the typical, "Don't do that or I'll send you to your room" approach, they are challenging to use. But the results they bring over time are deeply rewarding.

Preparation for a brother or sister

Every child has longings for more time and more closeness with their parents! These longings are a big part of why it's hard to want to go to bed at night, hard to get dressed to go to day care or to Grandma's, and why it can even be upsetting to see Mommy or Daddy cuddling or talking on the telephone! Every child needs a chance to air his feelings about wanting more, indeed, about wanting all your time and attention.

A good way to help your child has two seemingly opposite steps. The first is to offer him Special Time during which you pour on your attention, your approval, and your closeness. You allow your child to choose what play he wants to do with you.   You can start Special Time by saying expectantly, “OK, we have fifteen minutes, and I'll play with you any way you want to!” with a lively tone. Then, keep your attention focused on your child. Let the phone ring, and postpone your need to get a cup of tea during this time.   It's surprisingly hard to do for us—because parenting is stressful, we almost always try to teach, try to direct, or try to get little jobs done while we're playing with our children! What Special Time does is to help your child, and you, too, notice that you are paying loving attention and letting him make decisions for awhile.

The second important step is to notice when your child longs for exclusive closeness with you. Is it when new people are around? Is it when you both arrive at day care or at the grandparents' house? Is it at bedtime, with pleas for story after story to keep you close?

When a child feels upset about a possible separation, however minor it may be, his feelings of needing you are ready to be released. He needs the reassurance that you love him and the chance to cry as long as possible to drain the reservoir of sadness about you going.   He can best do that with you close, telling him: “I'm going to leave, but I'll come back. I'll always come back to you.” Or, in the case of bedtime: “You're safe here. I'll be in the next room, and I'll see you in the morning.” (See our article: "Healing the Hurt of Separation") If your child feels safe enough, he or she will cry, and the listening you do will help heal that feeling of never having enough of you.

These two steps, repeated over time, help prepare a child for the challenge of a sibling's demands on your attention.

Playfully reassure the older child

After a new sibling has arrived, an older child's feelings will be both large with love and wonder, and tight with upset about his sibling's intrusion into his relationship and time with you. One of the more fruitful ways to handle this is to find a way to play "I want you!" with your older child as often as possible.

"I want you" games come in a hundred variations. You could begin by getting down on the floor and announcing, “I have a hundred kisses for you! Where shall I start?!” and crawling awkwardly toward your child. You can make great efforts to get him and cuddle him, and then he can wriggle away and dance just out of reach, laughing while you try to deliver your kisses.   Or play can be set up with both parents, one parent playfully pulling the child toward her and saying, “I want to play with Sam!” and the other pulling him back and saying, “No, you can't have him! I haven't had enough of him yet today!” If this playful tug-of-war brings laughter, keep playing! It fills up a child's hunger for attention and importance.

Another "I want you" game is to announce, “Where's Sam!? I have to find Sam! I'm lonesome for Sam!” and to search all around (even though Sam is in plain sight) until you discover him and scoop him up in your arms for lots of cuddles. Holding your older child like a baby, and appreciating his fingers, toes, perfect ears, and beautiful eyes is another kind of sweet play that reassures a child that his uniqueness hasn't been forgotten.

The laughter your child does while you playfully show that you can't live without him heals some of the hurt of seeing you attending the other child so often and so lovingly. And it gives you a delightful way to openly appreciate your older child.

Special Time will also help you center your attention on your older child at regular intervals during the week, helping both him and you to plump up your relationship and remember the love you have for each other.

Notice what goes well

Brothers and sisters want to get along. They want to have fun with each other. Often, we parents are so relieved to have things going well between our children that we don't notice the details of the generous and flexible moments between them. We use the times that go well between them to get our housework or phone calls or schoolwork done.

If you look carefully, you'll see sharing, assistance, and thoughtfulness at moments and in places you hadn't noticed before. Sometimes, these moments of brotherly and sisterly genius take place a split-second before the relationship deteriorates into a tangle.   In spite of what follows, those few seconds were an effort, and an achievement. Your appreciation of the positive is a help to your children's relationship. “Jacquie, thanks for bringing your sister the brush. Now can you let her do her hair herself?” helps a child feel seen. Her effort to help is real, even if her follow-through leaves something to be desired.

When your child needs you and you can't help right away

When children cry for more closeness, or get upset because you can't help them right away, we have an excellent chance to help them to fully release the sadness they feel. When your older child feels needy, you can send him an invitation to be close.   A loving look or a tender word, an invitation to come and snuggle your back or sit on your feet or be embraced by your one free arm says, "I want to help" even when you can't.

If your child begins to tantrum or cry, an excellent thing is happening! He's using the offer of closeness that you gave as the sweetness he needed to begin to release his pent-up feelings of upset. Sometimes children "work on" their feelings of helplessness, too, and feel like they can’t walk over to you.   After they've cried a while, they'll rediscover their ability to walk again, and will have worked through some outdated feelings that were making them whiny and hard to live with.

Crying and tantrums heal the hurt, although by all appearances, your child feels worse than ever while it's happening. If you keep offering loving words and gentle looks while he works his feelings through, he'll feel closer to you and much relieved when he's done, and he won't be blaming his unhappiness on his sibling. His unhappiness will have been scrubbed away by the heartfelt emotional work he just did.

Key to this strategy is your understanding that your love is enough, even when you can't help right away. Your attention during an explosion of feelings (even from the other side of the room) is noticed by your child. Your voice and your eyes will convey your caring, and help to right the wrongs that your child is feeling.   You are not neglecting him, nor are you causing more pain. While you patiently listen to a crying or tantruming child, you are doing a good job as a parent, and your child is doing a good job of getting rid of the bad feelings he doesn't want to live with.

What about the disputes?

In every family, pesky feelings of frustration and competition for attention and for toys disturb siblings' good intentions sooner or later. When there's a tug-of-war over you, or over a desired thing, you can help your children by listening the feelings through.   Children can tolerate necessary unfairness (Daddy isn't going to give Sally the hammer because she could easily hurt herself, but Kenny can handle it) as long as the feelings of frustration or insult are heard. Feelings that are listened to all the way through are feelings that evaporate afterward.   When you listen to crying or frustration, the child lets the awful feeling out, and your attention and caring then flow in. So siblings can get back to loving each other, even when you can't give them the same experiences, or the same amounts, or the same time, or the same toys.

A policy that reduces tension over time

The policy I like best about disputed items is that the child who has the item gets to keep it until he's done. Meanwhile, the parent "helps the other child wait" by making sure he is gently held if he tries to grab.   The parent listens to the child's upset while he feels like he's never going to get his turn. The crying or tantrum drains the "I'm a victim" feelings, the "I never get what I want" feelings, and the "It isn't fair" feelings that often infect a sibling relationship, and turn it into a real power contest every day. All the parent needs to do is to listen to the feelings, and to keep giving the reassurance that, “You'll get a turn. He won't keep the red bike forever.”

As you'll see, the "unfairness" of Jasmine getting to the puzzle first today will let Jacquie work on her upsets, and Jacquie getting to the swing first tomorrow will let Jasmine work on her upsets. Cry by cry, both children have a chance to have your company and closeness while they work out their upsets about the other.   Gradually, over time, this helps siblings develop patience and trust that, even if they can't have what they want right now, they are loved and will get a turn later. You have children who love each other, and by listening, you're helping them move big chunks of negative feelings out of the way of that love. The fun will follow.

When both children are pulling hard on the same item, an unusual but very effective strategy is to put your hand on the desired item, too, and say, “I'm sure you can figure out how to share this. I'm not going to let either of you grab it right now. You can figure this out.”   Lots of crying and heated feelings will follow, and when one or the other child has cried enough to think clearly, a solution will appear. One child will decide to wait, or they'll begin negotiating with each other. It's so difficult to resist clamping a solution onto the problem right away!   But allowing them to cry hard about their heated wants will make cooperation far more likely. And you won't be required to keep the peace between them, once they've cried enough to come to their own solution.

We adults have been trained to try to solve the dispute quickly so the feelings will subside. It's an emotional challenge for us to take the unusual tack that the feelings are the real issue, not the disputed item.   When we listen instead of legislating turns, we bring our children some moments to feel loved while they feel sad or angry. This love and reassurance while they are upset sticks with them far longer than the five minutes of (usually defensive) fun with the toy, after which they are tense again over when they will get their next five minutes.

Here's how this can work:

My sons both love music, and have their favorite songs they like to play. One day, I came running when I heard screaming in their playroom. The music was on at a very high volume. I asked what the matter was, and each of them was frantic about the way he wanted the volume. One wanted it high, and the other wanted it low. They were both crying and screaming.

I wasn't sure how to help them, but I decided to see what would happen if they each had their way for a little while. I thought that if they could work out their feelings, then they would be able to come to some kind of agreement. So I said, "I think you can work this out between you. But first, I'm going to let you each see how the other one wants it. Jared, I'm going to turn the volume down, so Derrick has it his way for a little while.” I turned the volume down, and Derrick stopped crying, but Jared cried hard. He wanted me to turn it up immediately! I said, “No, I'll turn it up in a couple of minutes.” But I kept looking at him as lovingly as I could while he cried, so he wouldn't think I was punishing him.

After a few minutes of Jared feeling totally undone, I said to Derrick, OK, now, we're going to try it Jared's way for a few minutes. Here goes!” I turned the volume up. I stayed close and held Derrick while he cried and covered his ears. In my mind, I sided with Derrick, but the volume wasn't so bad that it hurt, so I let it be. Jared stopped crying, of course, and stood there listening intently. After a couple of minutes of Derrick crying and feeling like he couldn't stand the noise, I changed the volume again. I gave my attention to the one who felt awful. I think it took about three turns of two or three minutes each for them to scream and cry. Finally, when I turned the volume down, Jared didn't cry any longer. I asked him, “Is this OK now?” and he said, “Yes.” So I turned it up, and after a bit more of a cry, Derrick stopped and could stand to hear it loud at last. The emotions were taken care of, and I said, “OK, you guys. You can figure out where you want the volume now. You did a good job!” And I didn't have to control the volume any longer. They just fixed it and listened to their tape!

An ounce of prevention

Another important strategy for parents of siblings is to notice what the likely "fight times" are. Sometimes it's car rides, sometimes it's during before-dinner play, and sometimes it's when you've left them in a room together for more than five minutes. You know very well the patterns of upset they've developed.

We parents find ourselves upset and frustrated at our children when they fight, even when we know exactly when they always fight. We are better at keeping a level head if we give up hoping (beyond realistic hope) that a fight won't erupt.   In a way, our own hopes can be as irrational as our children's fights. When their "gas gauge" is nearing empty, it's time to put in more attention. You are the one who can plump up their capacity for tolerance. They depend on their sense of connection with you for the wellbeing of their relationship with each other.

For instance, if your children traditionally get into trouble with each other right after you bring them home in the evening, try getting down on the floor to play with them right when you walk in the door, to re-establish your connection with each of them.   You may need to have carrot sticks and peanut butter as car food on the way home, to handle the immediate hunger problem, so that dinner can be cooked after playful connections have been made.   Games like, "I have ten kisses for each of you" or The Vigorous Snuggle can turn into contests that bring lots of laughter and reassurance after a day of being separated. Sometimes, children will work together to "keep you away," strengthening their bond as the powerful and clever children who can evade the kisses of their bumbling but determined parent.

Here's the story of one father who prepared himself mentally, and the good results he got from the listening he was able to do because he was ready for "trouble."

My son, who is older, and daughter were sitting at the table. It was dinnertime, and my son almost always finds a way to get upset with his sister at dinner! I prepared myself mentally beforehand, telling myself that their fight was going to happen, and that I could intervene without getting angry.

I sat my son right next to my daughter, instead of sitting between them—which I often do to try to keep a fight from happening. We hold hands before a meal, and take a moment to give thanks. So I said, “OK, let's hold hands.” My son immediately protested. I said, as gently as I could. “Come on, hold her hand now.” That's all it took to get them going.

My son said, “Don't force me!” And I said, “I'm not forcing you, but it would be good to hold your sister's hand.” I didn't make him do it, but I didn't give up on the idea that he could do it. He began to cry, and ran from the table. I followed after him into the next room, and he cried, saying that how his sister always hurts him and teases him and kicks him. I kept quiet about the things I know he does to her, and didn't argue at all, just listened to the wrongs he felt.

He cried for a long time. He didn't come back to the table a completely loving brother, but later that night, I heard him talking to her very sweetly, saying, “Do you want me to pick you up? Want me to carry you?” Normally he doesn't want to get physically close to her at all. And as I do more of this listening, I see that they're starting to play together more, and he's hugging her sometimes. It's unbelievable, actually! I'm really excited that things are loosening up between them.

It's a real challenge for us, because we are so tired of their fights and their attitudes toward each other. It's hard to be kind and gentle when the fights begin. But we're getting the payoff, bit by bit.

When one sibling is harsh toward another

Children who touch too roughly, or hug too tightly, or hit or poke or hurt their siblings are sending clear signals that they have some upsets that need to be listened to. Even very young children can be gentle with younger ones, as long as they are feeling "filled up" with attention, and relaxed.   So any sign of harshness from one sibling to another can be taken as a sign that the child is not feeling connected or relaxed enough to function thoughtfully. When you notice that a child has been rough, scolding him or ordering him to do things correctly won't help. This only frightens your child more, and makes it less likely that he'll be able to act thoughtfully.

What does help is to move in quickly and gently. Very gently but firmly stop the tense child from touching the younger child, but don't remove him. Say, “I'll help you be next to Sammy,” and guide his hands or his kisses so that they land softly, Move so that you can make eye contact with the older child, and invite him kindly to take a look at you.   Usually, because the child is tense with upset, he can't look at you for long, and when he tries, the upset begins to make him want to go away. Gently stay with him and keep him close, continuing to let him feel your attention and your support.   Usually, the child will move rather quickly into a tantrum or a big cry about wanting you or not wanting you, or about wanting to touch the baby, or not wanting the baby. All those feelings are important facets of the nugget of upset he's trying to offload. If you stay with him, without criticism, he'll be able to cry or tantrum it through.

When our children hurt each other, we need help ourselves

Seeing one sibling hurt another is one of the most trying times in our lives as parents. It makes us feel like we aren’t succeeding at the really important part of parenting. And often, it sets us up to be harsh toward the child who did the hurting, even though we love that child deeply.   Sometimes, when the hurting has become frequent, almost habitual, sibling troubles infect the way all the members of the family feel all of the time. As hard as these times are for us, we need to keep the perspective that they happen in just about every family.   Perhaps we’ll come to a time in human history when life is so gentle that sibling aggression is rarer, but we’re not there yet.

One difficulty we have in finding good ways out of sibling tangles, little or big, is that we parents generally haven’t seen parents handle sibling difficulties without harshness.   It feels like harshness is necessary, even justified, to get the aggression to stop. But if we reason things through, it’s hard to see how harshness from a grownup could beget love and tenderness between children. There must be a better answer.

And there is, but it’s not easy. I think the most effective answer lies off the beaten path of a parent’s life. Since it works so well, here goes.

When our children begin to fight and it creates upset in the family, it’s time for the parent looking for a solution to find a listener. Parents with fighting siblings get upset. Upset people don’t solve people problems well.   We have to be able to win the hearts of our children back to us, before they can love each other well again. And to win a child’s heart, a grownup needs to shed his doubts about the goodness of the child. When our children fight, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that they are good children.   When they fight, at least one of them is experiencing a blackout in his thinking. He hasn’t stopped being a good person, he’s just stopped thinking. It happens to us every day too. For example, when our children fight, we often stop thinking.

So a good first move is to find someone who can, without interruption, judgment, or advice, listen to you talk about the child who gets lost in upset.   Some of the things to talk about are:  What was it like for you and that child when he was born?  When he was an infant?  What was the last time you really felt close to him? Enjoyed him?  What do you feel like doing when he hurts his sibling? What do you do?  What would have happened to you if you had acted like he does when you were a child?  What do you worry about?  What hurts you or angers you when you see your children fighting?

Telling someone about each of these threads of experience and feeling will help. If you can show some of the feelings that arise, all the better. The feelings are sitting there, waiting for release.

Sometimes, it helps to talk about the situation several times. Don’ make your children listen to the stories you have. They are best saved for other adults.

When hurt has already happened

When you haven’t been able to get to your children in time to prevent blows from falling, you usually have one who is hurt and crying, and one who seems remote, uncaring, and defensive. And, truth be told, you usually have at least one really angry parent on hand, too!   First, make sure no more harm can come. Separate the warring parties, so kicks can’t land and pinches flail in the air. You don’t have to move them into separate rooms, just put a foot or two of space between them.

Second, odd as it may seem, apologize. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I didn’t know you were getting upset,” goes a long way toward thawing out the child who did the hurting.   When a child has hurt someone, he feels very badly about himself. But this doesn’t show at all—externally, this child is cool. He may say he doesn’t care, and he tries to mean it.

But actually, children don’t really want to hurt anyone. They are as mystified as you are about what makes them do these things. They feel guilty, and guilt paves over a person’s ability to feel anything. Guilt is like a heavy cement cover on the sadness and fears underneath the surface.   When you apologize for not getting there in time to prevent harm, it helps move the guilt away from the aggressor child. With less guilt sitting on him, he'll be able to cry with you much sooner about the underlying feelings that drove him toward such hurtful behavior.

Your child is good

Sooner or later, every child with siblings gets upset with his brother or sister. But try to keep a good perspective: even when consumed with big feelings, your child is good. He's signaling you for help as clearly and as vigorously as he knows how.   You may need some listening time from another adult to remember his goodness. Once your own upset isn't throbbing, you'll again be able to spend one-on-one time with him, a good first step toward healing his aching heart.

How To Hold a Family Meeting

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:52:00 +0000

by Alyssa Chirco

http://parentingsquad.com

No matter how much you love them, family can be a source of tremendous conflict. It can be difficult to coordinate the changing needs and schedules of every family member, and it can be downright impossible to make everyone happy. If you're struggling to keep your family organized and the lines of communication open, regular family meetings might be the key.

What Is a Family Meeting?

A family meeting can be whatever you want to make of it. In general, regular family meetings provide a time when all members of the family come together to share, discuss, problem-solve, and, most importantly, communicate. Some families choose to hold structured and formal meetings with very specific rules, while others are far more flexible and relaxed. What your family meetings look like will depend largely on your family, and what works for you and your lifestyle.

Why Hold a Family Meeting?

There are many benefits to holding regular family meetings. For example, family meetings can serve to:

▪ keep the lines of communication open

▪ foster a greater sense of responsibility within children

▪ diffuse sibling rivalry

▪ encourage discussion and cooperation

▪ build family unity

▪ develop listening and positive communication skills

By holding regular family meetings, you create space in your lives where you will be able to discuss any issue that confronts your family. Whether it's something as small as a squabble over who will do the dishes or as large as a death or divorce, you know you will have time to address it as a family. In addition, parents will routinely be able to touch base with their children and listen to their concerns, and children will have the opportunity to have their voice heard by their parents and siblings.

Tips For Getting Started

Once you've decided to start holding family meetings, there are a few things you should think about.

1. Set rules

If you have young children, mom and dad will probably set the rules. But if you have older children, you might consider giving them some input into how the meeting will go. Some families choose a round-robin style, where every family member gets a turn to talk about their week, express their grievances, and offer their opinions. Other families prefer to make a list of pressing family issues and concerns, and talk about them openly as they proceed down the list.

You'll also want to consider who will lead the meetings. It can be fun, particularly for younger children, to take turns and give each family member an opportunity to be in charge.

2. Decide your goals

Why are you holding family meetings? Is it just a way to check in and let everybody share details of their week? Will your meetings be primarily for coordinating schedules? Are there lots of arguments in your home that will require conflict resolution? Once you know what you're hoping to accomplish, it will be easier to frame your family meetings accordingly.

3. Set a regular time and place

In the beginning, it's a good idea to have weekly family meetings. This way, the meetings become a familiar part of your family's routine. Maybe Friday night in the family room after dinner works best for your family, or maybe you have teens who cringe at the thought of spending Friday night with their parents. Try to accomodate everybody if you can. If nothing else, consider having a family meeting in the car. Hey, you've got them all in the same place!

4. Determine your decision-making process

How you choose to make decisions will probably depend on the way your household generally runs. If you're comfortable with democracy, family meetings can be a great place for kids to learn first-hand how it works. But many parents find that they prefer to make decisions by consensus rather than by simple majority vote. This way, the children can't outnumber the adults, and mom and dad maintain their right to the final say.

5. Make it fun

Family meetings shouldn't be boring or something for anyone to dread. Make them special by popping popcorn or serving some special treats. Encourage a positive atmosphere where no yelling is allowed and every person and every idea and suggestion is treated with respect.

What To Talk About

Once you've determined the logistics, you'll want to start thinking about the issues that need to be addressed at your family meetings. You'll probably want to include time to discuss many or all of the following:

▪ announcements

▪ positive recogition

▪ complaints and conflict resolution

▪ the family budget/allowance

▪ rules and chores

▪ plans for upcoming events (vacations, birthdays, etc.)

▪ scheduling and logistics

One of the best ways to plan your family meetings is by taping a piece of paper marked "agenda" to your refrigerator or family work space at the beginning of the week. As the week progresses, any family member can add any issue or complaint that they think of to the agenda.

When it's time for the family meeting, use your agenda to get discussion started. You can also draw from the categories above. Some families even include discussions of hot topics at their family meetings. (I'm thinking politics or current events here, not Lindsay Lohan.)

Helpful Hints

In order to ensure that your family meetings are a success, there are a few things you should remember. It's important to eliminate distractions, so turn off the TV and don't allow phone calls or texting. Keep the meetings short (20-30 minutes is long enough), and make attendance by all family members a priority. Most importantly, be flexible. If you find that your family meetings are unproductive, try a new approach. Every family is different, so every family meeting will be unique. It may take some time to figure out what style works best for you.

10 Tips For Raising Happy Parents

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 03:46:00 +0000

by Julianne Idleman

handinhandparenting.org

It’s no secret that parenting well is a complex art form and each of us brings our own unique style and beliefs into the day to day raising of the children in our lives. But here are ten ways of thinking about your parenting career that can help, no matter what your style or the current age of your “baby”.

1. Your work as a parent needs and deserves lots of support from family, friends, neighbors, employers and the greater community around you. Your children need other caring adults in their lives and you need and deserve respect, rest, and relaxation.

2. Parenting can be especially difficult in the same areas where you faced challenges in your own childhood. It’s not fair, but science demonstrates it again and again. The spots in your growing-up that were rough are likely to be hard on you when your children go through similar things. You need and deserve special support and a caring listener as you face these challenges together with your children.

3. Paying careful attention to your past or present challenges improves your relationships with your children. The fascinating research on the Adult Attachment Interview conducted over the last several decades demonstrates how helping parents understand their own personal histories creates better attachment relationships in their children. You can help another parent—and their whole family—whenever you can take the time to carefully listen to their struggles, and they can help you in the same way.

4. Crying is good, normal and healthy. Crying is communication. Crying and upset are part of a normal cycle of stress reduction. Tears are composed of stress hormones that are literally being washed out of your body as you cry. Children who are allowed to cry with the loving support of an adult complete this natural cycle and return to clear thinking and cooperative action quickly with improved ability to solve problems.

5. Tantrums are healthy and healing. I know this one may take some time to get your mind around, but here’s the thing—when you cultivate a relationship with your child that allows for acceptance of all feelings, even though you obviously can’t accept all behavior, you increase your child’s emotional intelligence, resilience and self-acceptance.

6. Limits should be set early, at the first whiff of off-track behavior. Before you are aggravated, before the kids are “driving you nuts,” you can bring your limits.

7. Limits can be set gently, warmly, even playfully. You are in charge of the rules, but you don’t have to wait until you are angry to set a limit. You don’t have to use a stern voice, threaten or intimidate. Children want good relationships with the adults who care for them. Your children want to be with you, to laugh and enjoy your time together, to cooperate, play, and have fun.

8. Time-Out promotes disconnection, encourages emotional repression and damages relationships. Solitary confinement is a punishment for a reason. Human beings are not built to go it alone, especially in times of emotional upset.

9. Spanking produces negative long-term results for both children and parents. If you’ve ever been hit, you know this. But don’t take my word for it, ask your pediatrician.

10. Paying thoughtful attention as children express their authentic emotional experience is the best way to support their development and growing emotional intelligence. You don’t even need to understand the reason behind an upset or an unworkable behavior in order to help a child with the underlying feelings. Children are smart. They will figure out what they need to express, share it, and go on about their business lighter, happier, and with a stronger trust in their relationship with you.

7 Things Working Moms Can Do With Their Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:11:00 +0000

By Erin A. Kurt

The one thing working moms have in common is that they're busy ladies with a lot on their plate. The second thing they have in common is that they feel guilty a lot of the time. One of the main sources of that guilt comes from the feeling that they don't have time to spend quality moments with their children; "life is just a race" moms tell me.

A very important thing for working mothers to understand is that it doesn't take much to satisfy their child's need for attention, and if just a few things are put into place, they can be guaranteed that they are giving their child all they need to.

What are those things?

Well, we all know that children need focused attention in order to feel loved. And, if they feel this focused attention on a regular basis, they are better behaved and happier kids to be around. The point then is to create moments of focused attention.

1. Create a ritual. The definition of a ritual is: a series of actions regularly and invariably followed by someone. With this in mind try to think of what small ritual you can create with your children that can happen everyday, without fail. Perhaps each morning you and your children light a candle (or turn on battery operated ones) at the breakfast table and you share your intention for the day. Perhaps you do and say certain things each night at bedtime. Whatever it is, keep it simple; the more simple, the more impact it has.

Here are seven ways working moms can give their child focused attention when they have little time to give:

2. Schedule one-on-one time. Working moms need to be organized. Carry this organization through to spending one-on-one time with each of your children once a month. Brainstorm activities you and your child would like to do together then once a month pull one of those ideas and schedule it on your calendar. It doesn't have to be long; 30-60 minutes is all it will take. (Children who I surveyed told me this!)

3. Plan a theme night. This is one of my favourite things to do. Choose a country and plan a family evening around the theme of this country. For example, if you choose Japan, your family can brainstorm costumes, music, dishes to cook, movies to watch, etc. Plan these theme nights every 4-6 months and just watch the bonding that occurs!

4. Make reading together YOUR thing. What could you do to make reading a special event between you and your children? Could youread a chapter book out loud each night for 15-20 mins after dinner? Could you cuddle in bed each night and read them a story? Could you make up a story each night or save this for Sunday night?

5. Bake on the weekend. Get a great cookbook (choose it together) and bake one thing each weekend from the book. Think, "Julie and Julia", the movie with Meryl Streep. How exciting would it be to bake through a cookbook (baking book) and experiment together?

6. Make grocery shopping YOUR thing. Create a tradition that after the weekly grocery shop you all go for a hot chocolate or special drink.

7. Go to the Library. Create a special tradition around the Library.How about Friday after the school pick being your time to go hang out at the library and collect books? Or, does your library have weekend reading, rhyme or story times? Be sure that your kids choose their books first so that they have something to look at as they respectfully give you time to browse.

As you can see, all of my ideas are based around keeping things slow, simple and meaningful. You don't have to have all the time in the world to spend with your kids, it's just about making the time you DO have, count.

Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life and The Life Balance Formula.  You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at erinparenting.com. You'll also receive Erin's free video series "8 Secrets to Stress-Free Parenting", packed with parentings tips!

Preparation Tips for Delivery Day

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:09:00 +0000

by Alan Cassidy

Bringing a new baby into the world may seem daunting, especially for first time parents. While parents welcoming their second –third or fourth – baby know how to prepare for delivery day, first time parents may be unfamiliar with what to expect and how to prepare. Therefore, it’s important to give first time parents an idea of what to expect before and during delivery.

Before Delivery

The first thing moms and dads need to do is pack a hospital bag and have it ready to go at a moment’s notice. A full term pregnancy occurs at 37 weeks, which is a good time to get that bag packed, even though the baby’s due date is often more than 3 weeks away; some babies come earlier and it is better to be overly prepared than not prepared enough. Doctors, hospitals and parenting information books have checklists of what to pack for the hospital for the entire family.

The Day of Delivery

On the day of delivery parents need to time labor contractions and write down how long each one lasted, what time it started and what time the next one started. Once a pattern is noticed, the contractions happen closer together and the pain is becoming greater, it is time to call the doctor and head to the hospital. Breathing techniques learned in child birthing classes can come in handy at this time and should be used on the drive to the hospital. In addition, parents should make a final decision as to what to do regarding the baby’s cord blood. Cord blood banking is the process of collecting removing blood the left over blood in the baby’s umbilical cord and storing it for potential future medical use later in life.

Expecting the Unexpected

When a woman envisions her moment of going into labor, it goes something like this: she wakes up in the middle of the night with contractions, excitedly tells her husband it is time and rides off into the sunrise to have her baby. However, labor is usually unexpected and every family needs to plan for the unexpected, such as what to do if mom goes into labor at the store or when her husband is at work or when she cannot get a hold of him on the phone. A back up plan to get to the hospital is mandatory.

Childbirth should not be something women fear because of the unknown; it is an exciting, positive and wonderful day for all new parents. Having a little pre-planning in motion only makes it easier and more enjoyable for all.

This article was written by Alan Cassidy, an active writer within the blogging community covering maternity and childbirth, and always advocating for infant and children’s health. Connect with him on Twitter @ACassidy22

"Sometimes I Don't Like My Child." Great Article

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 18:55:00 +0000

I found this great article and had to share it. I feel like this too often. It is written by D ebbie Pincus, MS LMHC from empoweringparents.com

It’s a truth we don’t often admit, even to ourselves: we don’t always like our kids. I can hear the guilt in parents’ voices when they say, “Sometimes I really don’t like my child. He’s a pain, he argues with me all the time and he’s just not fun to be around.” Or maybe your child just isn’t the person you thought he would be: perhaps he’s not academic or outgoing enough, or maybe he likes to complain and is very negative. It’s important to accept the fact that you won’t always like your kids—and they won’t always like you. This is especially hard for parents of difficult, acting out kids to grapple with. But the fact is, you’re on your way to less guilt and a better relationship with your child when you can acknowledge your feelings.

You can’t change a tiger into a leopard; these are your child’s stripes.

I’m very empathetic to parents in this situation because I recognize how painful it is. It’s important not to feel guilty about it because we all have expectations of what our children will be like, and it can be very painful when they’re not what we expected. You feel let down, and then you feel guilty for feeling that way. But remember, as James Lehman says, you have to learn to “Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.” Facing the truth is always an important first step.

The first thing to do is ask yourself, “What am I feeling and why?” Take a minute to pause, step back and think about it for a moment. Maybe you don’t like her because she’s so different from you. Maybe you don’t always like your child because she acts out, is defiant and oppositional and causes havoc in your home. Maybe her behavior is stressing you out and wearing you down and causing friction between you and your spouse. All understandable reasons to feel dislike towards your child. Why would you like someone who treats you poorly, is contrary or behaves in obnoxious ways?

But if you look closely, disliking your child is more about you than about her because these are your feelings—your reactions—to her. And in turn, those reactions may even contribute to your child’s unlikeable behaviors. That’s the good news, since the only person you can change is yourself anyway. Here are a few things that you can do to build the relationship and like your child at least most of the time.

Face your feelings: Acknowledge and accept your feelings. Don’t push them away because you think it’s bad or wrong to dislike your child. You don’t have to like your truth; you just have to own it.

Find the cause: Recognize what’s causing you to dislike your child. If it’s because he’s different from you or because he’s not how you want him to be, then manage your own expectations. Accept your child for who he is and pay attention to his strengths, rather than focusing on what you think are his weaknesses. Remember, it's very easy to forget that it's the behavior you don't like, not the whole person.

Get to know your child better: Get to know who your child is and what he needs; find out what really makes him tick, rather than who you want him to be. Your child can read it if you are disappointed in him; his acting out and negative feelings towards you may even increase because of it.

Are there contributing factors? If you’re feeling dislike because of your child’s defiant behavior, is there any way you or others in your family are contributing to his behavior. Is he acting out other unresolved issues?

Ask yourself the following questions, and answer them honestly:

• Could your child be behaving poorly as a way to keep you and your spouse engaged with each other by focusing on a “problem child”?

• Is his behavior poor because no one is holding him accountable?

• Is he overly or underly focused upon in the family?

• Does he have too much power because you allow yourself to be intimidated by him? Do you always give in or never give in?

• Is your relationship with him defined around problems instead of just enjoying each other?

• Are your frustrations and unresolved issues with your own parents intensifying your reactions and actions with your child?

• Is your child somehow getting caught between your difficulties with your mate?

The importance of playfulness: Bring more playfulness and less seriousness to your interactions. Recognize that your child may be a problem, but he is not the problem: your interactions have been the problem. You’re a part of that, too, so stay focused on changing your role in the dance. Make special dates and times together. Listen to him—really listen. Accept him for who he is. Be yourself with him. Let him know your preferences, beliefs and values. Love him and stop worrying about him so much. And remember, loving him also means holding him accountable.

Anger creates reactivity: Remember that your anger and resentment about feeling disappointed in your child creates more judgments and reactivity. Stop reacting and start responding more thoughtfully and positively. Power struggles often happen when you try to change someone else into who you think they should be. Just let go of the rope in that tug-of-war you're in with your child. Don’t always try to get the last word or prove you’re right. Admit to your mistakes and struggles.

Maximize the positives and minimize the negatives: You can start focusing on what’s right––not wrong––with your child today and begin building on what is good. Having a positive mindset leads to more positives. Build your relationship by letting your child know what you appreciate about him daily. Ask him to help you in things he’s strong in, so you build on his strengths. Spend time together without discussing the problem.

Commit to not criticizing him or trying to change him. One of the things I do is I actually get up in the morning and I really say, “Okay, not one criticism can come out of my mouth today.” I actually have to make that a very conscious thought and activity. It’s so automatic for some of us. And so half the time I really don’t even know when I’m saying something negative. So make a conscious effort.

I think about the concept of appreciation or gratefulness as well, because sometimes I just take so much for granted. After all, in the heat of the moment, it's easy to only see the negatives. But try to find the positives; notice when your child does something well. The more you look through positive lenses, the more you'll appreciate what's in front of you. Point out your child's strengths and describe what you see. For example, you can say, “You looked like you were about to scream at your brother, but I noticed how you pulled yourself together and walked away. How did you do that? That was impressive.” So point out a very specific behavior and move it to positive instead of somehow making it into a negative.

Focus on your reactions: Get more focused on yourself than on your child in order to build and improve your relationship with him. Decide how you want to behave with him, no matter how he behaves with you.

When There’s a Personality Clash with Your Child

What if your personalities simply clash? Maybe your child is not a friend you would have chosen. Perhaps you're too different or too similar. But look at it this way: You might not like your boss, but you still have to find a way to get along with her. Problems start when you carry around a lot of disappointment about somebody and try to change them in some way or another. That's when that negative cycle—that push–pull—begins.

If you decide you want to change how you’ve been reacting, stating it can sometimes be good. You can take responsibility for how you’ve been feeling and dealing with your child up until now and even apologize for some of the ways that you’ve responded to things. Show that you really see and understand it and that you’re working on doing a better job. Kids really appreciate that. I think it’s worthwhile to talk to your teen or child and say something like, “It’s really important to me for us to get along. And I recognize that I haven’t been so easy on you. I recognize that I can be too hard on you sometimes (or whatever the case may be) and I just want you to know that I apologize for my part in it. I’m really working on it.” Leave it at that, and don’t add, “And I hope you do too.”

Just own your part in it. I know it’s very hard for parents to apologize for their part when they really see it as their kids being bratty and obnoxious. And maybe your child is being obnoxious, but don't wait for him to change. Instead, take responsibility to make those interactions different.

You can’t change a tiger into a leopard; these are your child’s stripes. Now get to know him, appreciate him and enjoy his good qualities. Deal with your own issues and anxiety around it. If you absolutely can’t get over it, seek out therapy. Get to the bottom of what’s really bothering you and try to understand and manage your emotions. If you can calm down and come to terms with who your child is–and accept him and not try to change or fix him–then you'll be able to relax. Here's the paradox: if your child can feel deeply accepted for who he is, warts and all, he'll be able to look at himself and change what he isn't satisfied with. That’s when your child can feel good inside of himself–and blossom into the person he’s meant to be.

Why do Kids Say Bad Words

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 15:57:00 +0000

Why children acquire harsh language.

Children begin using words that raise the hair on the back of our necks after they’ve heard others use those words, or after those words have been aimed at them. Grownups use this kind of language when they’re upset, and the behavior trickles down toward children, usually with the original emotional heat welded to the words. Because harsh behavior spreads like a bad cold from adult to child and then from child to child, just about every child on the planet is exposed to name-calling, or bad words behavior, sooner or later. So it's not your child's fault that he has acquired harsh language, any more than it’s his fault that he gets a runny nose.

When children use harsh language, they may not understand what the words mean literally: it’s the tone that makes an imprint on them, and it’s the tone that raises parental warning flags. That electric emotional charge irritates the child's delicate internal system, and makes the words stick like little globs of muck in their innocent minds. Then, when the child is feeling isolated, threatened or upset, out comes this little pre-fabricated routine of harsh words and a harsh tone, just the way he once heard it. It isn't what the child really wants to be doing, but he literally can’t think of any other way to signal that he is feeling badly. He’s upset. His behavior says, "See what I've been exposed to? It's nasty and disturbing. I'm going to show you how awful it is." Then, he gives you a vivid picture of what he’s heard at school or on the street. It’s a cry for help.

Traditional interventions don’t really help.

If you demand that your child stop, and get angry at him for having this difficulty, he may stop out of fear, but the anger and the fear hamper his intelligence. One more experience of harshness makes it even more likely that he will fall into this behavior again soon. Meeting an upset child with harshness just compounds the tension he's under. It's not the best way to go, though generations of parents have given that kind of heated response. The child uses the harsh language silently in his mind, stewing with anger, and it all pops out later, having festered. We’ve all had this experience: “Go ahead. Shut me up now. You’ll pay later,” is the bitter attitude that punishment fosters.

On the other hand, reasoning with a child who's using bad language doesn’t work that well, either. Reasoning can sometimes work to distract a child for a time, but it doesn't address the emotional tension he’s harboring, the tension that sets the stage for the harsh behavior. That’s the real cause of his troubles, and It's that tension that needs to be addressed.

But we definitely do not recommend just letting name-calling behavior go unchecked. It’s frightening to children to have their hurtful behavior ignored, and it wears on everyone in the environment. Some response must be found that honors the goodness of the child, but definitely curbs the harshness.

Start with yourself!

If you react with upset or anger or sudden outbursts, you won’t have much flexibility with your child until you’ve handled your own storehouse of feelings. There are important questions, the answers to which will help you defuse the situation so that you can be of real help to your child.

Find someone who you can ask to listen to you, simply listen, while you talk about what happens inside of you when harsh language is being used. You don’t need advice. You need someone’s supportive and undivided attention while you explore what’s behind the heat that erupts when your child needs help from you.

That heat comes from some tense experience you have carried forward from your own experience. Were you punished harshly for talking that way? Did you see siblings being punished? What kinds of language did your parents use when they became angry? What's your history with the exact word your child is using that triggers a big response from you? These questions are important, and answering them may put you in touch with how you felt as a child, how you were treated, and with the longings for closeness and belonging that you had. A good cry or a good laugh will help you relax.

Try to remember: your child is going to turn out all right! He needs some guidance, but you don't have to worry that a few bad word incidents mean he's on the road to disaster!

Then, observe.

Second (and this may sound odd, but bear with me), observe. When does your child use these words? What kinds of situations? Right when he comes home from school or daycare? When his siblings are playing with his things? Only around a group of children? When you've been busy for the last ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? When he faces a transition? Try to figure out what the situations are that make him feel separate, lonely, or disconnected enough to act harshly. There are clues to places where he loses his confidence in the timing of his behavior. For instance, one child I knew only called names when he came into preschool after a group of children had formed around an activity. Entering the group, he must have felt scared that there wasn’t room for him. So he called his friends names! Once you understand the situations that strain your child’s confidence, try offering support. Here are a couple of ways to do that.

Use Special Time strategically

Try Special Time. It's a very simple but powerful tool, especially when used just before or after challenging situations. For instance, do 10 minutes of Special Time right when you get home at night, if he's using harsh language late in the day. Or if he tends to mouth off by 10 a.m. on Saturday mornings, then start Saturdays with a good 20 minutes of Special Time. Or offer it several times a day, just 5 minutes, if he's targeting his sibling. It can serve to help a child feel more connected, and get reconnected. It's a proactive tool--do it before trouble starts, and see if it helps.

Set limits with warmth and, when you can, with humor.

Special Time won’t erase the use of harsh language, but it will make the limits you set work to help relieve your child’s frightened or aggressive behavior. You need to stop the harsh language, but with good will toward your child. You don't have to pull a serious parental power play every time a child uses a harsh word. You DO need to address that behavior, the very first time it appears. But you don't have to be the bad guy. It works much better if you assume that your child is tender and loving, and is just trapped underneath some unpleasant bad feelings for the moment. To help him get free, try something like one of the following interventions:

• Good naturedly scoop him up in your arms, and say, "Ahhk! I heard that S-word! I heard you say "S-lovely!" Nuzzle him, cuddle him, see if you can get him laughing with the physical affection you offer him.

• Say, "When you say "Stupid!" I say, "Here comes the Stupid sweeper!" Then, be a silly Stupid Sweeper, lumbering around after him with your arms out, in mock fork-lift fashion, attempting to scoop him up in your arms or throw him over your shoulders and bounce him around a bit.

• Say, "Oooh! I'm going to get anybody who says that Stupid word! Here I come!" and chase him around, taking care not to catch him too soon. When you finally succeed, toss him and wrestle him some, affectionately, with warmth.

Why do this? Because your child is signaling that he can't think--the use of harsh language means that he can't feel his connections with anyone in the family. Playing with good humor, getting laughter and affection going, tussling and wrestling and chasing in order to make lively contact without trying to punish, helps a child recover the feeling that it's good to be in the family. Your protest, goofy as it is, sets a model for protesting when he is called names, or when others are called names and you're not there to moderate the action. The laughter and physical play will help him relax, offload the bad feelings he's been carrying, and get oriented to being a cooperative member of the family again. Don’t be surprised if he wants to play “the Stupid Game” over and over again: he can feel the healing action of the laughter and the affection you are offering, and he wants to soak up as much of that as he can. He’s trying to recover from the effects of behavior that has rankled his system. His instincts are good!

Often, a good cry is waiting in the wings for a listener.

If there’s sadness or fear stored underneath his use of harsh language, those feelings will burst forth when you tell him it’s time to stop playing the “Stupid Game,” or when you simply reach over, put your arm around him, and say gently, “I can’t let you say those things to me. What happened to make you want to call me Stupid?”

You don’t always need to respond with humor: sometimes, just moving in, offering eye contact and warmth, and a limit, will help him notice how badly he is feeling underneath. His feelings will make him want to run away, or call you more names, or lash out with fists or feet. Stay nearby, keep him from hurting anyone, and follow him if he leaves. He needs you nearby so that he can feel the possibility of connecting with you. He needs a listener.

When the name-calling happened, he was stunned, and probably frightened. He couldn’t tell anyone how he felt. Now, he has you. Now is the time to pour out the upset and confusion and anger he absorbed. He may aim his upset at you. But if he’s crying, perspiring, or thrashing, your listening is a healing force that’s going to relieve the stored tension that’s behind this behavior. He may not cry right when you stop the name-calling, but find a little excuse five minutes later: his noodles have too much cheese on them, or water has spilled onto his shirt. Don’t quibble with the way he began to cry, no matter how trivial it is. It kicks the door open so he can feel the hurt that throbs and bothers. LISTEN. He's clearing out the emotional roots of the harsh language kick that he's been on. When someone was calling him names, or calling his friends names, he didn't protest, he was too frozen or confused to do so. So now, safe with you, he can finish the protest he would have loved to launch, if he had had support while names were being called.

Listen, be patient, keep directing him gently toward looking again at his cheesy noodles, or at the wet spot on his shirt, but leave lots of time for him to have these big feelings first. He'll get back to functioning when he's finished, and you'll see positive changes in his behavior soon.

When Should You Start Disciplining?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:31:00 +0000

By Kathryn Perrotti Leavitt

A Necessary Action

Whenever my 1-year-old son, Luke, is near rocks, he likes to shovel them into his mouth. And when he sees our cat, he likes to lunge, even though the cat likes to swipe and hiss.

These kinds of moments make up any given day, and figuring out how to shield my son from harm without breaking his spirit usually leaves me totally confused. In my humble experience, getting a toddler to stop eating rocks is easier said than done.

At this tender age, traditional discipline, such as time-out, doesn't work. But what does, and at what age is it appropriate to try which tactics? As you may have guessed, it's as necessary for parents to learn how to discipline properly as it is for children to learn that some behaviors are unsafe or just socially inappropriate.

Ultimately, it's a long process, but when it's done well, it will be a positive experience that will help your child.

The Birth of Discipline

Setting limits, reinforcing good behavior, and discouraging less-desirable behavior can start when your child is a young baby, according to experts. "There are things that even young babies have to learn not to do, such as pulling your hair," says Judith Myers-Walls, PhD, associate professor of child development and family studies at Purdue University in Lafayette, Indiana.

Because little babies have limited language comprehension, memory, and attention spans, the best strategies to employ early on are more about damage control than about teaching an actual lesson. Distracting (helping him move from a not-so-good activity to something better) and ignoring (just what the name implies) are two very effective strategies. If, for example, your 4-month-old discovers how much fun it is to yank your hair, you might gently remove her hand, give it a kiss, and redirect it toward something fun and appropriate, such as a rattle or other toy.

Of course, you never want to ignore a behavior that's potentially dangerous, but looking the other way when your 7-month-old cheerfully pelts his 59th Cheerio from his high chair is a smart move. It's essential to remember that very young children are utterly guileless; your Cheerio pitcher isn't trying to annoy you. He's learning how to control his hands and beginning to understand the concept of cause and effect. As annoying as this behavior is, it's important not to get upset or overreact.

In fact, a recent study found that 39 percent of parents think that their baby is taunting them when he continually changes channels on the remote. Many parents become frustrated when a child engages in such behaviors, says Nancy Samalin, author of Loving Without Spoiling (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, 2003). Your best bet is to maintain a calm demeanor and carry on with what you were doing.

8 to 12 Months

When your baby starts to crawl, around the 8-month mark, it's time to think about setting limits. Suddenly everything -- from the knickknacks on your side table to those rolls of toilet paper under the bathroom sink -- are big no-nos.

A child this age only wants to explore (he has no concept of what he should or shouldn't do), so if you don't want him to touch something, place it out of his reach through childproofing and let child-friendly items take center stage. Experts say this is the best way to help your child stay out of trouble and makes it a lot easier to follow the rules.

Of course, many of us merely say no when we catch our little ones getting into mischief. Unfortunately, it's not a reliable discipline method for kids this age. Your child can comprehend by the tone of your voice that "no" means something different from "I love you," but she doesn't understand the real meaning of the word. Furthermore, she doesn't have the self-control to heed your request.

Use other techniques to reinforce the lesson that some things are off-limits, as Cristina Soto of New York City does. "Starting at around 8 or 9 months, every time my daughter Sonia got near an outlet, I'd say 'Aah aaah!' in a playfully scary voice so she'd stop and look at me," says Soto. "I kept doing it. After a while she'd cruise over to an outlet, point, and say, 'Aah aaah!' to me."

12 to 24 Months

Around this age, your child's communication skills are blossoming, so you can start explaining basic rules -- don't pull kitty's tail -- for example. You can also begin using the word no judiciously, in serious situations. Too many could wear out the word and eventually render it completely useless.

Your child's physical skills are coming into full play, too. Your new little walker will likely be thrilled with his freshly minted independence -- and frustrated that he can't do all the things he'd like.

Enter the age of tantrums. While tantrums require a quick response from you, these emotional thunderstorms are a part of growing up and not a cue for harsher discipline techniques, such as taking away a privilege or sending a child to his room.

When tantrums strike, "you need to know your own child," says Claire Lerner, a child development specialist at Zero to Three. Some kids calm down quickly through distraction; others need a hug. But if a tantrum is lengthy, remove your child from the situation and gently explain what's going on ("We can't stay in the store if you continue screaming") until he calms down.

Frustration that stems from your toddler's inability to communicate effectively can lead to hitting or biting, too. Disciplining such scenarios involves telling your child what not to do quickly and simply and redirecting him toward an appropriate activity. For example, if your child hits you because you've interrupted his play for a diaper change, say, "We don't hit, it hurts," and give him a toy he can play with while you diaper him.

24 to 36 Months

The two-year mark ushers in twos' programs, preschool, and play dates, which are great for your child's socialization skills but also present a new set of discipline problems. Sharing -- toys, time, and attention -- is difficult at this age. What complicates matters further is that folks (and kids!) outside your family may end up in the path of a toy-snatching toddler who happens to belong to you.

Toddlers understand easy commands, empathy, and cause and effect, so you can now employ these concepts when you discipline. If your child grabs a crayon from his friend, for example, you can say, "We don't grab toys. Taking Billy's crayon hurts his feelings," and then give him a similar crayon to play with.

A key to disciplining toddlers and preschoolers is to keep things very simple. According to a study conducted by Susan G. O'Leary, PhD, professor of psychology at The State University of New York at Stony Brook, those moms with long reprimands were less effective than those with short and direct ones.

Susan Simmons of South Riding, Virginia, the mother of 2-1/2-year-old Mia, agrees. "When Mia hit 2, I started giving her long explanations as to why she couldn't do something, but I realized she didn't understand. Now when she wants to have an ice pop before dinner, I just say 'You can't have one now,' and leave it at that."

Using Time-Outs

Kids between the ages of 24 to 36 months are also ready for you to try using time-outs. Time-out works like this: When your child misbehaves, for every year of his age, he gets one minute to sit quietly in a chair or in his room to calm himself down (for example, a 3-year-old gets three minutes). He gets up when you say time-out is over.

Of course, every child is different, and no one discipline method will work all the time. But the more practice you get doling it out and the more your child understands boundaries, the happier everyone will be.

Kathryn Perrotti Leavitt, a mother of one, is a freelance writer based in Boulder, Colorado.

Originally published in American Baby magazine, November 2004.

Helping kids get out and get Fresh Air.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:27:00 +0000

The Fresh Air Fund is a not-for-profit agency that provides free summer vacations in the country to New York City children from disadvantaged communities. Each year, thousands of children visit volunteer host families in 13 states from Virginia to Maine and Canada through the Friendly Town Program or attend one of five Fresh Air Fund summer camps. The Fresh Air Fund has helped more than 1.7 million children since 1877.

Thanks to host families who open up their homes for a few weeks each summer, children growing up in New York City’s toughest neighborhoods have experienced the joys of Fresh Air experiences.

If you or someone you know is able to host, please sign up now. In 2010, The Fresh Air Fund's Volunteer Host Family program, called Friendly Town, gave close to 5,000 New York City boys and girls, ages six to 18, free summer experiences in the country and the suburbs. Volunteer host families shared their friendship and homes up to two weeks or more in 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada.

Thanks to host families who open up their homes for a few weeks each summer, children growing up in New York City’s toughest neighborhoods have experienced the joys of Fresh Air experiences.

How to deal with Kids And Stealing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 May 2011 19:52:00 +0000

by Teresa, The CuteKid™ Staff

Most children try stealing at least once. How a parent reacts to the kid’s stealing usually determines whether or not the behavior is repeated. Some parents may feel that the item was insignificant and not worth really mentioning. Yet stealing often turns into a habit and as one friend pointed out nobody starts out stealing cars.

When young kids steal they often do not realize that it is wrong. They see an object that
they want and so they take it. It is up to the parent to teach their child that it is not right. If you find that your child has taken something without paying talk about how it is wrong. Take your child back to the store, make them apologize the manager, and return or pay for the item.

By the time children are about six they realize that stealing is wrong. Yet children this age
will still steal items. It may be because they want to see if they can get away with it or are struggling with loneliness or other issues. If you suspect your child stole something confront them directly. This is usually enough to make them tell the truth. Then do the same as you would with a younger child. Make him take responsibility for the stolen item and apologize.

Teenagers usually steal because of peer pressure or they want items that they cannot
afford. If kids are stealing they will usually go directly to their room and hide the object. If your child acts strangely when coming home from the store – investigate. My husband remembers the time when he and a friend stole a bunch of cassettes from a store. They were caught and the police were called. My husband’s mother allowed him to be taken to the police station in the police car. He also not only had to return the items but pay for them as well. Because of the discipline he received he never stole again.

For all children it is important that parents set a good example. Do not steal things yourself. If you find a wallet or money lying on the ground turn it in to the store and see if someone claims it. Once while four-wheeling my husband and I found a tent we turned it into the police department. After two months no one claimed it so it was ours. We can sleep in it without feeling guilty.
If despite your efforts the stealing continues you will need to determine the underlying cause for the stealing. Often a counselor can help your child overcome the desire and habit of stealing.

Top 10 Tips for Family Closeness

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 19:02:00 +0000

* Make family time a priority. Use pen and ink to schedule family time. Pencil can be erased. So often, family time takes a back seat to the business of the day. When you put your family first, you are showing your children that they are important.

* Have meals together. Coming together as a family unit on a regular basis gives you all a chance to catch up with each other. It also allows you to huddle together, and give your family your undivided attention. Turn off the TV, iPods, and don't answer the phone. You can even put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the front door so that friends won't knock (and you keep the neighbors guessing!) Please remember: Mealtime is not the time for reprimands or confrontations.

* Spend one-on-one time with each child. Whether you have one child or many, children like to spend individual time with each parent. So, make a date! The anticipation of time alone can be very exciting. The activity is not nearly as important as knowing they have time coming up to spend with you.alone! Whenever possible, choose an activity that you both have an interest in. If it is difficult to find a shared activity, then child's choice (within reason) should apply. Remember, this is time for your children to have you all to themselves, enjoying your company and sharing their interests with you. One word of caution: don't make a promise if you are not absolutely sure you can keep it.

* Take outings/vacations together. Time away together gives you a chance to leave the daily grind behind and spend time focused on each other. Try to take a little getaway; it can be simple or elaborate; inexpensive or a month's salary. It really doesn't matter. Or how about just running away for the day together and having a picnic, hitting tennis balls, or taking the children out for pizza and a movie?

* Develop traditions and rituals. Family traditions create a sense of belonging and cohesiveness. They can help define your family, sharing customs unique to you and yours. Traditions can center around holidays, ethnicity, cultural or religious practices and life cycle events. Or, make up your own. You can have bedtime rituals, weekend traditions, etc. Schedule a weekly time that all family members need to be present and accounted for. This could be pizza, popcorn and movie night, Sunday brunch, etc. Foster childhood traditions that can be carried into adulthood.

* Create and share memories. Keep a memory box for each child filled with photographs, artwork, school papers, birthday cards, etc. A scrapbook of your child's accomplishments, milestones and successes is a great way to build self-esteem. Share pictures and stories of when you were growing up. Children like to hear 'little mommy' or 'little daddy' stories, as long as they aren't the, "Well, when I was your age" sagas.

* Show an interest in your children's hobbies, etc. Showing interest in your children's activities, even if you wouldn't personally choose them for yourself, is a fabulous way to validate your children and maintain a close bond. So, if they ask you to play or hear all about it, by all means, do so. And appreciate that they want your involvement.

* Attend your children's activities. Nothing conveys love to your children clearer than your presence. Being at their sporting events, concerts, plays, field trips, and so on, will help continue your family closeness. And if all of the members of the family can be there to enjoy each other's endeavors, all the better.

* Delight in your children daily. Find reasons to be glad you're a parent, and share them with your children. Affirmations such as, "I'm so lucky to be your mom," or "You really brighten up my day," are simple ways to let them know that they bring joy to your life.

* Laugh a lot. Building humor into your family routine can make daily life more enjoyable. It might include having everyone tell something funny about their day, a new joke or even something silly they made up. It can be making silly faces (yes, mom and dad, you too), playing a game with mixed up rules or watching a funny video together. When you're laughing together you are usually not arguing!