Seed Thoughts

Giving Thanks

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 21:38:00 +0000

Today is Thanksgiving, so of course it’s the day to give thanks. A day to stop a moment and think of the many blessings in my life, to even stop wanting “more” and truly focus in on what I have, not what I don’t have and be genuinely grateful for it. That’s what today is all about. But I have recently come to have a whole new perspective of giving thanks.

One of the things I love about Scripture, is that no matter how many times you read a verse, or a passage, it can always still speak to you in a fresh new way. No matter where you are in your understanding of it, there are always new levels, new depths.

There are times in reading Scripture that I just don’t get it (honestly)! There are times I do get it and like, love or even dislike what I’m reading. There are times when I’m reading it, that I’ll think, “great story,” or “that’s such a good lesson.” And then there are times that while reading, studying or learning about a particular part of Scripture, when I am blown away (startled, stunned, in awe) by the revelation I get from it!

So it is with this passage: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thes. 5:16-18, NKJV) Honestly, for a long time I thought it was a nice Scripture passage, a good thought, something to work toward. Then came adversity, pain, sorrow and loss. Not just a little either, but wave, after wave, after wave of it.

Then this particular passage seemed to have a different message altogether. It became more of a “suck it up, deal with it and be thankful for it because this is what God has for you.” And I didn’t handle that message well. Why should I rejoice about this pain and loss I’m dealing with? Why pray, it doesn’t seem to help? Why the hell (sorry if I offend some with this, just keeping it real) should I be thankful about losing my precious babies to miscarriage, 4 times? This may be God’s will for me, but He can’t make me like it!

Pretty harsh, huh? I guess you could say I was a bit angry… The anger eventually faded and I wasn’t nearly as bitter, but I still didn’t get it. How could I be thankful about all these things (the miscarriages, husband losing job, financial devastation, loss of relationships, etc) and how could they be God’s will for me?

Then came the revelation. And oh, how freeing it was!

“Rejoice always” doesn’t mean to be happy about the bad things that happen in life, but rather to allow the joy of the Lord to rise up from within you, no matter what the situation or circumstance is. The joy isn’t from the experience, it’s from the Lord! It’s from knowing that no matter what, He loves you, He cares about what you’re going through and He will always be there for you, even in your pain . . . especially in your pain!

“Pray without ceasing” doesn’t mean to devote hour after hour, sitting all alone, asking the Lord, over, and over, and over again, to change your situation, focusing on your problem, but not on your God. Instead, it means to take a moment, here and there, randomly, throughout the day to talk to Him. As your God, as a Father, as a Friend. It means to talk to him about the needs you have, but also the needs that others have. It means to acknowledge His presence in your life. It means to be real with him and to allow Him to be real to you. To pray without ceasing is to have a conversation ~ not a monologue. Speaking with Him (not to Him) helps you to see more than just your problems, it allows you see your blessings too!

“In everything give thanks” doesn’t mean you have to thank Him for the storm, pain, loss, or problems in your life. It means that in both good times and bad, there are things to be thankful for. Things that may have nothing to do with your situation! It is possible to be thankful for friends, your health, your home, even clear skies or cool temperatures, and so much more, in the midst of a personal storm. There is always something to be thankful for. Being thankful for these things may not change your situation, but they’ll change you! When you have an attitude of thankfulness, you take our eyes off the misery or enormity of your situation. You then get the gift of sight ~ seeing that this life is not all about you, that this life is not all about this life. Thankfulness strengthens you and enables you keep going, to make it through to the other side.

“For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” doesn’t mean that it is God’s will for you suffer or go through the tragedies of life. It doesn’t mean that He is looking around for someone to torture with a terrible life situation and finds you, so there you have it. No! It means it is the will of God to have a thankful spirit, so you are open to Him, and He can work in you, even in the hardest of times. It is His will that you are able to take your eyes off yourself and see Him. It is His will that you are able to trust Him and see all He has done for you, your loved ones, and the whole world, even in the midst of your trials.

The pain and the suffering are real. The storms, tragedies and trials of this life, they are real. But so is my God. He is real. And if I remember who He is and if I am thankful for whom he is and for what he has done for me, He will hold me up, He will get me through, and He will teach me something in the process. If I don’t hinder his work in my life, by the hardness of my heart, which is accomplished through being ungrateful, then He will help me overcome. Then, through His grace and mercy, He will see to it, that the pain, the tears and the experience wasn’t wasted. But instead He will use it, not only for my gain, but also to help others to get through their pain, tears and experience as well. And for that, I am giving thanks!

She Writes . . . Finally

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:04:00 +0000

Hello blogging friends! I hope some of you are still around, because I'd love to reconnect!

~~~

She writes again ~ finally! It has been a long time, a very long time, since my last post. I have missed blogging. I have missed my blogging friends. But . . . I had no words. Oh sure, I could put a few thoughts together, but then everything went blank. In a sense it was writer’s block, but it wasn’t just writer’s block. More accurately it could probably be described as life block.

Have you ever experienced a life block? It could be known by other names ~ the desert, the wilderness, the valley, or . . . hell. The term doesn’t really matter, the point is, it’s a very lonely, dry, tumultuous place to be. This particular season of my life lasted seven years. And that, my friends, is a very long time. I do believe though, finally, that I am coming out of this desolate time. I do believe that things are starting to turn. I do believe that no matter how distant from me God seemed, the truth is He was right there beside me, holding me up, and sometimes even picking me up.

There is much I don’t understand. Things I don’t have satisfying answers to. But I do know this, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NLT) The truth is we are all on a journey and that journey will be filled with good things and bad.

I have always considered myself a fairly strong, optimistic person. But when the bad outweigh the good, substantially, for an extended period of time, a person can get weary. And that’s how I was . . . weary, worn-down and barely holding on. Or maybe I wasn’t even holding on anymore, maybe Someone was holding on to me (which is probably more accurate).

Here is a glimpse of some of the “trials and sorrows” that were the substance of my life block:

~ Infertility along with four miscarriages

~ Significant financial loss due to an investment gone bad

~ My husband losing the job he held for sixteen years and unemployment for over a year

~ Selling our home to live off the equity

~ Watching the church we loved and poured everything into completely implode

~ Failed relationships with friends and church leaders

~ Betrayal by Christian friends and business associates

And here is the “I have overcome” that sustained me:

~ I have a beautiful, healthy, kind-hearted, sweet-spirited daughter who is a constant source of joy, love and laughter, that I love more than life itself.

~ Strong, powerful lesson learned about the role of finances in our lives.

~ My husband lost his job, but not his identity and freedom from the oppression that came with his job.

~ We were able to sell our home quickly in a down economy and had enough equity in our home to be able to live off of.

~ Finding an even better church that we love, one that is stable, strong, Christ-centered and God-seeking, that has shown us love and given us time to heal and refresh our weary souls.

~ New relationships with healthy people and mature church leaders.

~ Valuable lesson that the term “Christian” should in no way allow a free-pass, but rather to use time, prayer, observation and discernment as a way to consider the establishment of trust.

It’s true that I’ve had substantial trials and sorrows, but I have come to believe that it has not been in vain. I have learned and grown so much through this time. It has been firmly, deeply, rooted in me that God will never leave me nor forsake me ~ regardless of how I feel. Maybe someday I’ll have more answers, and then again, maybe not. Somehow it doesn’t seem as important now.

I’ll write more about it in the future I’m sure. And a lot of it probably won’t be pretty. But it will be real. Because that’s the only way I know how to be.

For Everything There is a Season . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 14:00:00 +0000

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. ~ Ecc. 3:1

I don’t think truer words were ever spoken. That’s what life is all about . . . seasons. There’s of course our calendar seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, which mark the passage of time and the natural order of nature. But beyond that there are seasons which mark life itself. There is childhood, youth, adulthood, middle-age, and oft-dreaded old-age (though I personally think each age and stage offers its own pros and cons and should be celebrated regardless).

While it’s true that the calendar seasons are measured equally in length, that cannot be said of the seasons of life. There are times when a season we are particularly enjoying would last longer, and there are times we are experiencing a season that unbearably painful that seems to never end. But eventually it does, because that’s the way seasons work.

It’s possible to be stuck in a season, but that’s only because while the season changed and moved on, the person didn’t. Have you ever seen or known a middle-aged prom queen, still trying to live in her former glory, wearing clothes that are not appropriate and engaging in behaviors that are definitely not appropriate (or a similar scenario)? Eeewwww… That’s a picture of an unhappy person! How could she possibly be happy living in the past, rather than embracing and functioning in the present (whatever that may look like) and hoping toward the future. It’s impossible to get in your car, and drive to a far away location by only looking in the rear-view mirror. The same can be said for life.

Some seasons we wish we didn’t have to go through. Seasons like that of a debilitating illness, death or divorce. Or perhaps the loss of a job, a home, or a treasured relationship. The betrayal of trust, innocence or childhood. None of these are seasons that any of us want to go through, but they happen regardless. We cannot choose our seasons; what they may be, when they may happen, or even how long they last, but we can choose how we handle them. It’s up to us whether we merely experience them or actually allow them to define us. It’s been said that we can be a victim or a victor, not both… I agree with that.

As unpleasant as they may be, it’s the tough seasons of life that strengthen us and enable us to grow and become more mature. Through the process we develop wisdom, which we can then use, and share, in future situations or experiences. Of course that’s up to us . . . some people never seem grow in wisdom, but then again, they’re often not teachable in other areas of life either! The thing we are able to take comfort in though, is if we belong to Jesus, we have a promise that none of our experiences will be wasted, rather, that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes (Rom. 8:28).

The really good news though, is life’s not all about the tough seasons! We experience seasons of happiness, new beginnings, light-heartedness and, blessedly, smooth sailing! There are seasons in our life when all is well, we are pleased with the way things are going and we are a source of encouragement for others. Sometimes we experience seasons when we’re amazed and grateful at how happy, lucky, blessed, fortunate, favored, fulfilled, prosperous, or successful we are. There are even times when we are so filled with joy and elation we could shout from the rafters, “The sky is blue and the birds are singing!” or even, “The hills are alive with the sounds of music!” (I don’t recommend it though!)

Yes, there is a time for everything, for every activity, under heaven. There is a time for the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the simple and the difficult, for strength and weakness, for prosperity and lack, for recreation and for work. It has always been that way, and it will always be that way. The Bible assures us that, While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease (Gen 8:22). As long as the earth remains there will be seasons, and they will change. A common and comforting mantra for many during the difficult seasons of life is this too shall pass. And it always does.

A Time For Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:23:00 +0000

Seasons have been on my mind lately. Probably because I’ve recently walked through an especially trying, dry and difficult season, and I am now eagerly awaiting a new season, one that’s full of blessing and favor. I have every confidence that the Lord will use the last season, as painful as it was, to benefit me in the new season. He’s good that way.

It has been a long time since I’ve written any type of a devotional. And a much longer time since I’ve done a series! So I am now about to tackle both. Time after time, I find myself returning to the beautiful passage of Scripture in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. There really is a time for everything – whether we want it that way or not. Life happens. So does death. And everything in between.

I think most of us would prefer if only the good things happened, like life and love and laughter. But if that’s all we knew, I don’t think we’d grow very deep. It’s the pain, sorrow, and trials we walk through that strengthen us and build our character. If we never experienced sorrow, would laughter really matter? It certainly wouldn’t be special. Would beginning be as exciting if there was never any end? I don’t think that it would. I’ve heard it said that everyone wants the mountaintop experience, but not the valley. However, it is in the valley where fertile soil, growth, green, vibrancy and life are evident. The highest of mountaintops are often rocky and sparse . . . but it does offer a great view!

I’m looking forward to diving in to this new series, A Time For . . . I think it will be an interesting, challenging journey, and I’m certain that I will learn and grow from it. The time is right for this new series. We live in perilous and uncertain times, but we don’t have to fear them because God is in control. I hope you will join me on this journey – I think God has a lot to say about it.

A Time For Everything:

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. ~ Ecc. 3:1-8 (NLT)

Introducing . . . A Change . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:33:00 +0000

The time has come to make a change! And though I don’t usually like it, sometimes, change is good! God has been once again giving me words to write, and I find myself returning to the reason that I began this blog. To write the words He gives. To offer readers an honest look at an imperfect life (mine), to speak truth, to be real and relevant, and to always honor Him. I love that I learn and grow with the words that I write, because they seriously do come from Him. In fact, sometimes it’s not till I re-read a post I’ve finished that I say to myself, wow where did that come from?

With that being said, the change that is being made is that Seed Thoughts will no longer host my book reviews. I’ll still be doing book reviews; however, I’ve added a new blog that will solely be for and about books! The reason for the separation is really quite simple. In the two years that I’ve been doing this blog, I’ve been blessed enough to receive many wonderful readers, and I’m thankful for them all. But not all of them have come for the same reason. Some of you wonderful readers are interested in my blog posts, thoughts, devotionals, character studies, etc. and some of you are really only interested in the book reviews. Either way is ok and I’m thrilled to have readers, no matter what the reason!

This new blog I’ve begun is called Tracy’s Book Nook. It will be home to all past and future book reviews. The actual blog address for the new blog is http://tkbooknook.blogspot.com. It is my hope that those readers who are interested in the reviews will be kind enough to begin following that blog as well. For a time, I will continue to announce any new reviews here on Seed Thoughts and direct or link to Tracy’s Book Nook.

I am honored and thrilled to even be addressing “my readers” because it continues to amaze and humble me that you’re even here. It is my sincere desire to speak of things that matter, share the words and insights of the Lord, invite you into my life and connect with you. I offer my deepest thanks for continuing to stick with me throughout this journey. I pray God will honor and bless your time, for choosing to spend it here at Seed Thoughts and now also at Tracy’s Book Nook.

The beautiful blog design for Tracy’s Book Nook (as well as Seed Thoughts) was created by the lovely Jill Samter. If you’re interested in a new blog design, or simply an element (like a header, signature, blog button, etc.) consider using Jill to create it for you. The cost is minimal and all proceeds to go charity. Click here to view some of her creations or to get more information.

The Miracle of Rising Up . . . Again

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:11:00 +0000

Sometimes, the miracle doesn't look like what we think it should. Sometimes we miss it completely because we're looking for something else. Sometimes we can only see it in hindsight. Sometimes the miracle is rising up each time we fall or we’re pushed down by the enemy. Thank you Lord, for your miracles, no matter what they look like!

These are the words that hit me the other day. Like a proverbial Mac truck! I have just gone through a time in my life that has been . . . well, difficult. In the last five years, we’ve experienced fertility issues, three miscarriages, a huge financial burden, betrayal, attacks on our character, the demise of a church we loved and poured everything into, the loss of relationships, the death of two beloved pets (just months apart), isolation, and the silence of God. Yep, it’s been a difficult time.

It would be easy to blame all of this on some great big sin in our lives, but it wasn’t there. Of course, we’re not sin free, but we weren’t in rebellion, or choosing a lifestyle of sin over a lifestyle of loving God and worship. It was “just” a time of warfare. For some reason, our enemy, the enemy, pursued us with a vengeance. We knew we were under attack, and we fought it the best we could. We kept going, we kept praying, we kept believing, we kept praising, we kept on keepin’ on, rising up each time we were taken down . . . for a time.

I have always believed that a person can endure or deal with most things if it’s only for a time. But when that time goes on and on, and the attacks are relentless, when the burden is unbearably heavy, and you have no reprieve, it’s easy to get weary. Deep down, doggone, wiped-out weary.

That’s where I was. My prayers, pleas, cries, and questions went unanswered. I believe in miracles. I’ve seen other people receive miracles. That last moment save, when all seemed lost, and the miracle happened to them. I rejoiced with them, while wondering, where was my miracle, my save? Especially regarding my miscarriages. I mean, I knew that God could intervene and save my babies, but He didn’t. I concluded that either God was not all-powerful, or He just didn’t care.

I wrestled with that. I wrestled with God. I poured out my anger, my pain, my questions, my blame, I just poured it all out. Time after time. And finally, after such a long time, things got better. The assaults haven’t stopped completely, but I’m feeling strengthened and victorious. I don’t have answers to the seemingly endless questions that have been plaguing me, but I have peace. I feel as if the large, dark and ominous cloud that has been hovering over me has been pushed away and has been replaced by glorious Light. God has shown me once again, that I am a victor, not a victim. That I am an overcomer, not merely a survivor.

And finally I know, finally I get it. I received my miracle. I received the miracle of being able to rise up each time I was taken down. Yes, the fight was long, drawn-out, unyielding and brutal. Yes, the enemy won some battles. Yes, we suffered major casualties, but . . . we survived, we got through and we rose up, again and again and again. We were bruised and bloodied, but we were not defeated. I am stronger for it, we are stronger for it. Through the midst of it all, our marriage did not suffer. And we know, without a shadow of a doubt, that what the enemy meant for evil, God will use for good.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ~ Romans 8:37

Confessions of a Desert Dweller

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 19 May 2010 16:22:00 +0000

I am a desert rat. That is to say, I grew up in the Phoenix area and have spent most of my life here. In the dry, hot, dusty desert. Many people say they can't see beauty in the desert. Not me though. I think the desert can be quite beautiful. Beautiful, mysterious, treacherous and deadly. Very deadly.

Because I have spent most of my life in the area that is known as the Sonoran Desert, I have a fair amount of knowledge and respect for the desert. I know a bit about the types of critters that abound in the desert, the weather that is common to the desert, and basically, how to survive in the desert. There are three things crucial to survival in the desert – shelter, food, and most importantly, water. With the intensity of the heat, sun and dryness of the desert, all three are critical. A person will not last long without any of these truly life-saving items, but most especially water. There's no need to fear the desert if you know, have, and utilize, what is needed to survive.

While I've been talking about the physical desert, the same can be said of the spiritual desert. For some time now, I have been in the desert. I have been wandering lost and alone in a spiritual desert that has been dry, intense and void of life. It's been a long journey, and at times I wondered if I would make it. Or would I, like the Israelites before me, perish before I got to the Promised Land?

I'll admit it; there've been times in my Christian life that I've smugly wondered what was wrong with those people. After all, they were God's chosen people! He delivered them from captivity and led them in the way they should go, amid signs and wonders, toward the Promised Land. So, He hung out with just Moses for a bit on Mt. Sinai , that didn't mean He'd abandoned them. Why'd they have to make that stupid golden calf idol? What happened to their faith?

Boy, have those thoughts come back to bite me in the backside! No, I didn't make a golden calf to worship, but that doesn't mean that I didn't lose faith either, because I did. I came to believe I was all alone, that God had abandoned me and that I would die in the desert, having never made it to my Promised Land (if there actually was such a thing).

But you know what? I'm coming out of the desert. I am no longer desert dwelling. And I can see that God neither turned His back on me, nor abandoned me. And like the good Father He is, He lovingly showed me what I did wrong.

I know what is needed to survive in the physical desert (water, food, shelter) and I know that knowing about them isn't good enough, I have to use them. It's the same with the spiritual desert. I know that to survive in a spiritual desert, these things are of utmost importance . . . reading my Bible, prayer and worship. But knowing and doing are two very different things.

I didn't read my Bible. I stopped - completely. I had no interest in it. It wasn't exactly out of rebellion, but rather, when I tried to read my Bible, I felt as if all the promises, all the encouragement, all the love was for everyone else, not for me. Honest! I understand that I (we) have an enemy who is waiting desperately for an opportunity like that, to whisper in my ear, you are nothing, you are worthless, this Book is not for you. But understanding this with my head and feeling it with my heart are two very different things.

I didn't pray. Why would I? After all, I felt as if my prayers were unimportant, wrong and falling on deaf ears. It had been a few years since my prayers were answered the way I thought they should be – whether the prayers were for me, someone else, or a broader situation. I wondered how could I have such a track record of praying wrong? It got to the point that I wouldn't pray for someone because I didn't want to "cause" them to not get what they wanted. Of course, I knew that I didn't actually have that kind of power, but understanding with my head and feeling it with my heart are worlds apart.

I didn't worship. Well, that's not completely true. Like water in the physical is needed more than anything else, and even a small amount will carry you along, worship in the spiritual works the same way. I didn't choose to worship because I never felt like I had it in me to do so. But I did. Even though my flesh was weak and weary, my spirit responded to promptings of worship in church, on the radio and on my Ipod. And those moments, when my spirit responded in spite of me, I was sustained. It got me through. God is wonderful and amazing and He deserves my worship, no matter what I'm going through, but I sort of forgot that. How like Him though to prompt my spirit, with His Spirit, to do the one thing that will carry me through.

What my spirit knew was that in worship, it wasn't about me, but about Him. Worship is about who God is, and who He is doesn't change, no matter where we are or what we're going through. Circumstances can't stand in the presence of God, the Creator of the Universe. We worship God because He is worthy of our worship, but it's for us too. It strengthens us, builds our faith, lifts us up and encourages us. It helps us to go on. Just like we need water to survive in the physical, we need worship to survive in the spiritual. That's true whether we're in the desert, the valley, the Promised Land, on the mountaintop, or somewhere in between. Have you had your worship today?

Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth! Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation. ~ Psalm 100

To Begin Anew

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Mon, 17 May 2010 22:35:00 +0000

It has been so long since I’ve actually written a blog post, I almost feel as though I should begin with by introducing myself. How about just an update? For those of you who’ve been reading my blog for only the last six to nine months, it may seem as though book reviews are all I do. That isn’t truly the case. For those of you who’ve missed my actual writing, I’m pretty sure it is back now.

First, I had decided to use a pen name for my writing and online presence, and had some really good reasons for doing so; it was interesting, fun and security-minded, which I thought was wise, in this open-information age we live in. The one reason I never acknowledged to myself, much less others, was that a pen name was different. It belonged to someone else. A writer. Someone with talent, confidence and purpose. Someone not me.

But alas, God spoke to me about that (as He will do when allowed), and quite directly told me that if my real name wasn’t good enough, no pen name in all the world would ever be good enough. Ouch. See, the name was not the problem, my perception of myself was (and is) the problem. So now, He and I are working on that. And I have returned to using my real name, because according to God, it (and I, by the way) is good enough.

Second, the reason I have written nothing except book reviews for the last half a year or longer, is because I haven’t had the words. Now, those of you who know me personally may laugh, because the idea of me not having words is actually pretty funny. But what I mean is this, when I write, my words are not my own. When I write, the words that are transferred from my mind, to my fingers, to the keyboard, then the screen, are really the words God gives me. In truth, they are His Words.

The reason I haven’t had words to be able to write is because I have been isolated. I have been distant from God, wandering around in the desert (which felt an awful lot like Hell), desperately putting one foot in front of the other to just keep going. In this awful place I experienced the weight of depression, oppression, and self-pity. I allowed anger and frustration to rule in my life. Sounds like a great place to be, right? I have not experienced darkness and heaviness like since before I became a Christian eleven years ago.

The good news is, I’m back! I have my energy, my zest, my enthusiasm, and most importantly, my faith back. The one blog post I’ve written so far in 2010 was called I Will Not Grow Weary. In it, I spoke a bit of what I’d been dealing with, and how I felt that my theme verse for this year (personally and on my blog) was from Galatians 6:9, And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. But I was weary, and I almost gave up…

But God! I love way that sounds! But God would not give up on me, and He wouldn’t let me give up on me, or Him, either. It didn’t matter what I was feeling, God came along, and He held me, and He lifted me up, He comforted me, and strengthened me, and He brought me through. Yes, I was battered and bruised, but I made it through. But God wasn’t finished… He’s showered me with love, put a song in my heart, filled me with hope and if that wasn’t enough, He’s given me words! Because once again, I’m aware that my words are not just for me, and He will accomplish His purposes with them.

My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. ~ Isaiah 55:8-11

In closing, I excited to be able to begin anew. I have two new blog posts that are coming soon. In them, I will expand on what I’ve alluded to here. I will also continue doing book reviews, but will probably not do as many. All book reviews will state that in the title, whereas a normal blog post will merely have the title. There may be some aesthetic changes to Seed Thoughts, but for the most part it will remain the same. I’m so glad to be back and look forward to spending time here with you all again!

Sowing Seeds,

Tracy

Farewell Kurt ~ Enjoy Your Retirement

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 00:27:00 +0000

In honor of Kurt Warner's retirement announcement today, I've decided to re-post this blog entry, that I first did one year ago, for Character Counts. Thanks Kurt, for being a rare class act in the professional sports world. You will be missed.

~

Once again, it was really easy to choose the person I wanted to spotlight and honor for Character Counts. And once again it is loosely associated with timing. I have lived in the Phoenix area for most of my life. In 1988, we got our first NFL football team – the Cardinals (formerly of St. Louis). It was rather exciting for us, but the Cards have just never really done much since they’ve been here. This year that changed, when they went to the Super Bowl as a Cinderella story, led by quarterback Kurt Warner. No, we didn’t win, but we certainly didn’t lose either.

I chose Kurt Warner, not because of the Super Bowl, or because he is a really good quarterback, but because he is a really good person and man of God. In order to maintain brevity, I’ll not focus on his professional history or accomplishments unless they pertain to a point I am making. Kurt doesn’t want professional achievements and statistics to be his legacy, but rather he wants to be known and remembered for serving and for using his privilege to help others. It was announced during the Super Bowl, that Kurt received a very special award – the Walter Payton Man of the Year Award (which is given by the NFL, honoring a player's volunteer and charity work, as well as his excellence on the field). As much as he wanted to win the Super Bowl, this means even more to him.

Kurt was born on June 22, 1971 and was raised in Iowa. His family was Catholic, but not devout. When he was six, his parents divorced. He grew up playing football for his high school and then played college ball for University of Northern Iowa. After college, his quest to be a professional football player was very rocky and filled with much adversity.

While in college, he met his future wife, Brenda, in a bar. Though they had a good time that night, when they were leaving, Brenda thanked him for the good time and said since she was a single mom of two children, one seriously disabled and the other a baby, and living in her parents basement, she understood if she didn’t hear from him again. He brought her roses the next day and asked to meet her children. (Brenda was a veteran of the U.S. Marines and was divorced. Her older child, a son named Zachary, was dropped by his father when he was four months old and became severely brain damaged, as well as paraplegic. Brenda became pregnant again when Zachary was two years old. When she was eight months pregnant, her husband left the family because he couldn’t handle it anymore.)

Kurt didn’t let these difficulties deter him from dating Brenda. The two dated for five years before they got married in 1997. Throughout this time, Kurt struggled to build his career and never gave up, despite the adversity he faced. When they married, Kurt adopted Zachary and Jesse, and today the family has expanded to a total of seven children. In 1996 Kurt became a Christian and became completely sold out for Christ. He now sees his role here is not to play football and win games, which is merely his job and platform. His role, purpose, is to win as many people as he can to Jesus.

Wherever Kurt and Brenda are living for his work, they are very involved in the community. He speaks regularly at churches, schools and other functions. They began their own charity, Kurt Warner’s First Things First, founded in 2001, to help those less fortunate in the community. Through the foundation, they’ve, given a house to a family who lost theirs in Katrina, provided a single father in need furniture for his home, taken (not just sent) needy families to Disneyland, and provided game tickets to disadvantaged and at-risk youth through faith-based social service agencies. Kurt has helped in community projects like building a school and filling stockings for 100 foster children at Sunshine Acres Children’s Home, in Mesa, AZ. (There are many other ways they are involved, but I’ll leave it at this.)

Kurt is both respected and reviled for his faith and good works. Some people (other players, media and ordinary folk) mock or avoid him for his faith, but that doesn’t stop him. You may not hear him mention Jesus in every interview, but that’s not because he’s not saying it. A great frustration of his is how often his witness and testimony are edited out of anything he says. He even brings his Bible to every press conference he participates in. He is a Christian who believes completely that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48). Yes, he has his detractors. Still, a lot more people look up to him for his faith and good works, and also for his attitude, his integrity, his perseverance, his optimism, his experience, and his character. His very good character. Yes, I believe that Kurt Warner is a hero, but not because of his performance on the field. It is because of the life he lives, the way he leads and the example he sets. Kurt Warner is a man who knows that Character Counts!

If you are interested in finding out more about or contributing financially to Kurt's First Things First Foundation simply go to the website at http://www.kurtwarner.org/.

I Will Not Grow Weary

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:55:00 +0000

The holidays, and another year, are now behind us, and a new year has begun. For many people, 2009 was difficult, challenging, or just plain hard. I know it was for me. There was a storm in my life. Actually, a storm may not exactly cover it, because it was more like storm, after storm, after storm.

If you’ve read Seed Thoughts for long, you know we experienced our third miscarriage last spring. In some ways, that was the least of what we had to walk through. It was a battle and it thoroughly exhausted me, but it did not defeat me. However, in the last few months, I just felt weary. Flat out, wore out. But because God is good, and He is faithful, he brought the above scripture to mind over and over. And He sustained me.

I don’t know why we had to battle through such a long and overwhelming time, but battle it we did. And God never left us. When I could no longer raise myself up, He did. And I would tell Him, but God I’m weary… And once again He would give me the above scripture. So, I didn’t give up. I just kept on keepin’ on. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, I kept praying and praising, and I kept serving and giving. And you know what? By the grace of God, I made it through.

God is good. He is faithful. And when the storms of life threaten to sweep us away, if we will cling to Him, our Rock and our Foundation, we may sway in the torrent, but we will not be overcome.

So now, with 2010 upon us, I have decided that the theme verse for Seed Thoughts and for me personally is this: And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. ~ Gal. 6:9

I am ready for my harvest of blessing. In the Psalms we read: Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. ~ Psalm126:5 I have done plenty of sowing of tears, and now the harvest of joy is upon me. It has already begun. The most recent tears I’ve shed, have been tears of joy because God is good and He is faithful, and He has blessed me with His love, with His grace, with His mercy and with His favor.

Trials, tribulations and storms come. They affect us all. But we have a choice to hang on to our Rock, or to give up. It is a matter of choice. It is a matter of will. So I declare in this New Year, I will not grow weary and I will not give up. Rather, I will overcome, and I will thrive, and I will live in joy! Amen!

Just Holding On...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:23:00 +0000

I guess it's time to re-connect with everyone here. I know I haven't been around much. Other than a few book reviews and the His Princess letters, I haven't been around at all. For once, I don't have much to say. I haven't written any blog posts (I'm sorry), I haven't written any fiction, and I haven't been around to visit any of you wonderful bloggy friends.

Today would have been my due date for the miscarriage I had in May. As much as I thought I had dealt with it previously, the grief has come back in full force. The six year journey of trying to have children has taken a toll on me, though I am SO thankful that we have had one. In addition, we've been dealing with another devastating situation for the last two years, which thankfully, is now behind us. However, now that it has passed, I'm feeling the weight and sorrow of that as well.

I know that there are so many people who are suffering greatly with trials much larger than my own and that I have much to be grateful for. And I am. Really. But I am also weary. A body can deal with a lot for a long time, but a time comes when you're so tired of the struggle that it takes what remains of your strength to simply hold on. That's where I'm at. It's where I've been for a while now. But I am holding on. I'm holding on to Jesus and I'm holding on to hope. Hope that next year will be better and I will be stronger, hope that God will restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), and hope that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).

As this year draws to a close and I experience these feelings of loss, sorrow and weariness, there is one Scripture in particular that is speaking to me. And as such, I feel that it is appropriate to become next year's theme for Seed Thoughts. It is:

Thank you all for the friendship you've shown me since I began this blog a year and a half ago. Truly this whole experience has been a blessing. Thank you too for your patience in my lack of posting lately. I'm sure I'll be back on track soon. God is faithful and He will see me through.

ICE ~ Identity Revealed

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 21:53:00 +0000

I have posted this list before. It is something I put together several years ago, for a class I was helping to teach. It is something I have returned to time after time, because I often need a reminder of what, who, or maybe more importantly, whose, I am. I return to it this time, because I thought it would be a wonderful way to begin ICE, my journey of exploring Identity, Character and Emotions.

Obviously, this goes to the Identity part of ICE. Whether this is new to you, or you already have a deep understanding of your identity in Christ, when you read this, pause for a moment and allow each sentence to penetrate your heart. It just might be what you need today!

If you are a Christian, you are:

You are blessed and highly favored ~ Luke 1:28
You are made in the image of God ~ Genesis 1:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14

You are a child of God ~ John 1:12, Romans 8:16-17
You are more than a conqueror ~ Romans 8:37
You are a citizen of heaven ~ Philippians 3:20

You are chosen and adopted sons and daughters of God ~ Ephesians 1:4-5
You are strong in the Lord and in the power of His might ~ Ephesians 6:10
You are holy ~ Eph 1:4, Col. 3:12

You are righteous ~ Romans 3:21-24, 2 Cor. 5:21
You are anointed ~ 2 Cor. 1:21-22
You are a saint ~ Psalm 52:9, Romans 1:7

You are forgiven ~ Eph 1:7-8, Col 1:13-14
You are free ~ John 8:36
You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood ~ 1 Peter 2:9

You are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ ~ Romans 8:17
You are God’s workmanship ~ Ephesians 2:10
You are the apple of His eye ~ Psalm 17:8

You are His delight~ Psalm 18:19, 149:4
You are the one he died for ~ Rom. 5:8, 1 Th. 5:10
You are loved ~ John 3:16, John 15:12-14

Would Be Funny, If Not So True

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:50:00 +0000

I've seen this before and for some reason, really felt inspired to post it here today. I hope you will join me in mourning the loss...

~~~

Obituary printed in the London Times
by Anne Whitfield

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

~ Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
~ Why the early bird gets the worm;
~ Life isn't always fair;
~ and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

~~~

2009 update: At the original time of posting this article I didn't know who wrote it and simply found it online. Since then I have found the writer. She deserves the kudos for writing it.

Note from Lori Borgman: This piece was first published March 15, 1998 in the Indianapolis Star. It has been "modified" and "edited" by others and circulated on the Internet, even sent to me several times. Imagine my surprise to see it attributed to some guy named Anonymous. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I take having my work circulated on the web as a compliment.

Our Deepest Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:14:00 +0000

I first saw this amazing poem, in the equally amazing movie, Akeelah and the Bee. Some time ago, a blogging friend, Valerie from Simply4Him put it on her blog. Today, I was reminded of it, and wanted to add it to my own blog as well. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. It really is powerful!

~~~

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet Pea!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:51:00 +0000

Image used by Permission http://www.tapestryproductions.com/

On this day, two years ago, I was given my greatest gift. At 9:30 AM, on Sept. 18th, 2007, my precious Sweet Pea was born. When she was born, I experienced joy unknown. I was so grateful that God would entrust such an amazing and beautiful gift to me.

It has been such a great time, watching her to learn and grow. It has been such a great time, watching me learn and grow! I have discovered that one of my favorite things is the sheer delight that comes with hearing the squeals of laughter she so often engages in. And I’ve discovered the helplessness associated with knowing she’s sick in some way, and there’s little I can do to help her.

I find myself completely enraptured by this sweet little life that I’m helping to grow. And I remain so very, humbly grateful for the chance to be her Mommy.

Our camera is not working correctly, so there haven’t been any recent pictures. However, we’re having a little party tomorrow for her, and I have a friend who will be taking pictures, so I will post them next week. Now, I have much to do to prepare…

An ICE Re-Creation

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:10:00 +0000

So, God has given me focus. That’s good, right? I don’t have a lot of time these days to do much writing because my almost 2-yr old simply doesn’t understand that I need time uninterrupted to do so. There are some, who can be in the middle of a thought, lay it down to attend to something else and then come back to it and pick up right where they left off. I am not one of them. I can easily do that with reading, but not with writing. Reading and writing reviews is easy for me to do on the go, which is why I’ve been doing a lot more of them lately.

But back to my focus. I wanted to make sure that when I do have time to write, I’m writing what God is directing me to write. Here’s where the focus comes in. I mentioned previously that after much prayer, God gave me an acronym to remember to use for the direction He is leading my non-fiction writing in. That acronym is ICE and it stands for Identity, Character and Emotions.

When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family (as many of us have), there is often a deficiency in these areas. We maybe don’t understand that we have worth, so our character is weak, and our emotions are shut down, hyperactive, or simply all over the place. It all kind of goes together. If these basic things are not shown or taught correctly during the formative years, it does affect adulthood. But it’s not true that old dogs can’t learn new tricks. Especially if we have God on our side!

When I got saved, after living a dreadful heathen lifestyle, God really had to get a hold of me and re-create me. The Bible tells us that when we are born again, we become a new creation, the old has died and the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17). And of course that’s true as far as God is concerned. But we often have to be proactive about the change we are going through. I believe it is possible to get fire insurance – that is to believe and confess that Jesus is Lord and ask for His forgiveness, but then remain basically unchanged. But what a weak walk that would be!

For those who desire more of God than simple life insurance, there is more required. Not a set of rules to be followed, but a life spent seeking, worshipping and serving God. We are transformed into His likeness through the studying of His Word, conversing with Him in prayer and our acts of service (I often say we are not saved to sit, but saved to serve).

When we immerse ourselves in the Word of God, and allow it to, it will change us. We are to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Rom. 12:2), and we do that through the Word of God. But it requires our will to choose to read it, and let it in. That’s what I’ve been doing since I’ve gotten saved. I am now a much different and better person, but I still have a ways to go.

So my focus now is ICE:

~ Identity ~ To know, understand and believe who I am in Christ.
~ Character ~ To develop Godly character traits and reflect the Character of Him who made me
~ Emotions ~ To experience healthy God-given emotions, but to rule over them rather than let them rule over me.

I am excited about this new focus God has given me, and look forward to exploring it. I am thrilled to have you along for the journey. Be sure to look for more ICE posts to follow.

I Am "The Clay"

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 23:36:00 +0000

This is me. No, I’m not the woman shown, but it is a picture of my life. And maybe yours too. It has been just over 10 years now since I’ve turned my life over to Jesus. When I first came to Jesus, I was a wreck. I had been a heathen for about 18 years (I knew Jesus as a child) and was really good at it. I was broken and bruised from years of dysfunction and mistreatment – some of which was inflicted by others, while some I inflicted on myself.

I was so relieved and grateful to learn that I could come to the Holy, Righteous God, regardless of what I’d done. He received me as I was, filthy with sin, and washed me in the blood of Jesus, making me white as snow, righteous not because of what I’d done to earn it, but because Jesus made me so. And soon I learned that God loves me enough to accept me as I am, but He loves me too much to leave me that way.

Soon after I got saved, I found that I wanted more and more of God. I couldn’t get enough of the Bible and read it all the time. I also discovered, with great wonderment and awe, those wonderful things that are Christian Bookstores! And it was in my first Christian bookstore, only a few months after I came back to Christ, that I first saw this painting, The Clay by Ron DiCianni.*

When I saw this painting, I literally gasped! Of course, I had to get it. In that moment, I was able to “see” perfectly the image of the Scripture, “Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8) We are all clay in the hands of The Potter, who forms and fashions us into the image He has for us. He sees us as the masterpiece He created us to be, then lovingly, patiently molds into that image.

Sometimes the outward image is not a true representation of what we are. We may look right on the outside, never showing the flaws, cracks and imperfections that appear on the inside. Often times we know this, and work very hard at portraying a beautiful outward shell, knowing that is what is inside is anything but. However, God sees our inner condition, and He is always there to repair, restore and rebuild us from the inside out. But it is not a passive process. We have a part to play too.

God is always a Gentleman, He will never force us to accept Him, and He will never force us to change. We have to willingly allow Him to work on us, and trust Him to do what is best for us. His Word is one of the tools He uses to help us to change. It is filled with wisdom, correction, comfort, guidance, and love. I'm passionate about God's Word and the way it transforms us, if we choose to allow it to. It is alive and powerful. Because of it, I have gone from broken to beautiful, from victim to victor and from a survivor to an overcomer. It is only by the power, patience and grace of God, my loving Father and Potter, that I’ve done so.

*You can find The Clay and other artwork by Ron DiCianni at http://www.tapestryproductions.com

To Trust and Obey

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:00:00 +0000

What I know is this. God will use me. All I have to do is trust and obey. When I began this writing journey a year and a half ago, I didn’t have any idea where it would take me. I just knew God told me to start writing again and make it more public. So I trusted and obeyed. And it has been wonderful!

I’ve found that by following the Lord’s leading, He has used me for His purposes, and I have received the benefit. God is so good! He owes me nothing and gives me everything! The season I’ve been in has been B U S Y . . . With a toddler running around, church activities, attempting to be a domestic diva (ok, so I’m more like a domestic dunce), starting a new home-business, and having a super-abundance of books to read and review, my writing time has diminished. And I haven’t been happy about that. However, God has shown me that it’s just for a season, and I will get back to writing more. Lot’s more.

Just because I haven’t been doing a lot of writing though, doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking and praying about it. And once again, God has come through. He is dumping so much into me that I have to write down all the ideas so I won’t forget. He’s been giving me tons of ideas for blog posts, devotionals, articles and fiction books.

Another thing I’ve felt the Lord leading me toward is speaking engagements. I don’t know what it will look like exactly and I don’t know when it will happen, but again, all I can do is trust and obey. So believing this will happen someday, it is my desire to prepare. As it has been said, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity (Seneca, Roman philosopher, mid 1st century). Of course it’s not luck that I’m waiting on, it’s the Lord, but the principal is the same, right?

With that in mind, I’ve been praying that the Lord would reveal what my platform would be. After all, all speakers have to have a platform right? Once again, God has not let me down. He first gave me the acronym ICE, meaning Identity, Character and Emotions. All of these have been very important to me since I’ve become saved, because I have really worked hard at knowing my identity in Christ, having good character, and mastering my emotions, rather than allowing them to master me.

After ten years, I’m happy to say that I am well on my way to being the person God created me to be. Growing up dysfunctional, I never had any of this modeled for me, so God has had a lot of work to do. But He is faithful, and He will not quit on me. After all, it says in Phil. 1:6 “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

So as I have time, I will write on the things that God has been revealing to me. I am really excited about this new turn in my journey, and I’m thrilled to have you along for the ride! Stay tuned, it’s going to be good!

For Everything There Is A Season

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:00:00 +0000

For everything there is a season. This is a thought that has been going through my mind a lot lately. It is something I’ve been living. It’s probably something you have been living too. Seasons in life change, much like the changing of seasons in nature.

It hasn’t been easy for me to blog lately. Sweet Pea is full-on into everything now, which is quite prohibitive when it comes to doing any actual thinking or writing. And our laptop was broken and being repaired for nearly a month! While I do my writing on the desktop in the office, I usually read on the laptop because it is in the family room, and the desktop is in the office – with too much for Sweet Pea to get into.

So I haven’t been around much. But I miss visiting with you all, and sharing my thoughts. I know that this time will pass (and it will probably seem too quickly at that), but for now, I’m just not as present online in the blogging world as I would like to be. It’s true that I could write at night, and that’s what I’m trying to get back to, but with chasing a toddler all day, I’ve been pretty drained lately and my thoughts simply don't want to be coherent at night any longer.

Still, I will try to visit and post more, because I miss it, I really do. And I miss you all. I’m still happy to be posting the letters from His Princess and the book reviews, but I miss writing. All of this has gotten me to thinking about the “seasons” passage in Ecclesiastes. I’ve been dwelling on it a lot recently, and I may even attempt to do another series based on this passage of Scripture. We shall see.

And there is the finality of another season. Since I've been blogging, I’ve shared my struggles with having another baby. The struggle is now over. We have decided that after all the difficulties in actually getting pregnant, along with the three miscarriages, and the fact that I am now 40, it is time to stop. Actually, God has shown me that this season is finished. Sure, I could fight it, but that would be pretty fruitless, because I know God’s plan is always best. And for the first time in seven years, I’m at peace with where we are in having a family. With God’s revelation, He also bathed me in peace and love. And I know that one day, I will meet my other children in heaven. Oh what a wonderful day that will be!

So, I will stop fighting the tide, and simply be grateful for the amazing and wonderful gift that He has given me in my daughter. And I will ~~get through~~ enjoy these toddler times and trust that one day, I will no longer say “no” 3648 times per day. And I will try to appreciate all the seasons, whatever they are.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. Ecc. 3:1-8 (NLT)

Do Not Go Gentle...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:20:00 +0000

About two months ago, I began going to physical therapy three times a week. I’d like to say it’s because of an old sports injury, or a wild freak-accident I’d been in, or better yet, that I’d hurt myself rescuing a helpless kitten escape a burning building. You know, something cool like that, but that wouldn’t be the truth.

Sadly, the truth is much less thrilling than any of that. The truth is that I turned 40 this year. Yep, the big 4 0. It is no longer possible to deny that I am middle-aged. But all in all, that hasn’t bothered me too much. After all, my experience has shown me that each decade of my life is better than the previous one.

With ~~aging~~ maturity though, also comes some unwanted things. Things like aches, pains, strains and cracks. Things like not being as fast, fit or flexible. And the understanding of what itis’s are: arthritis, tendonitis, bursitis. I’m now learning the importance of core conditioning and strength training, not for vanity sake, but for health sake.

Some of this is to be expected after all, because we do have earthly bodies that are already in a state of decay and dying to this life. There is no fountain of youth, magical pill, or expensive surgery that will grant us immortality. Unless we meet our demise early in life (which is always possible), old age will creep upon and overtake us. That is merely biology.

But one day, our bodies will last, and we will be pain and illness free. God has prepared for us an eternal and glorified body, to be dwelled in when this fleshly body wears out. One day the aches will be gone, a distant memory of a time when things weren’t perfect and pure. I love the hope, assurance and comfort I get from the following passage of Scripture:

“For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodiesWhile we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.” ~ 2 Cor. 5:1-5

Until that time comes, however I intend to do what I can to be, and live, healthy. Simple activities like eating well, stretching, strengthening, and getting enough water and sleep are great ways to put off the inevitability of old age. Yes, it will come, but I'll not just sit back and let it overtake me. I am reminded of one of the few poems that I actually like. I first heard it in high school and it struck a chord with me even then. I hope you enjoy it too.

~~~

Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night
By Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And The Winner Is...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:07:00 +0000

For my very first give-away, Michelle Gregory has won the prize! Michelle, I have a copy of Blue Like Play Dough by Tricia Goyer for you. Email me your address and I'll get it sent to you right away, so you can read it before you meet Tricia in a few weeks!

A Sacrifice of Praise

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:00:00 +0000

Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name. ~ Hebrews 13:15 (NLT)

Have you ever made a sacrifice of praise? I thought I had, until the time came that I really knew I had. It seems like such a simple act, to praise God, and really it is. But this particular Scripture makes reference to a sacrifice of praise. A sacrifice.

The thing about a sacrifice is that there is cost involved. Think about it. If we can easily, even glibly, do something without giving it much thought or consideration, it is not a sacrifice. If we throw $20 into the offering plate and we still have plenty left over to pay the bills, go to lunch, buy a new purse or pair of shoes, and hit Starbucks a few times, then we’ve given an offering, but not a sacrifice. On the other hand, if we use the money we’ve been saving for our annual vacation (or whatever), to help a family who has lost everything in a fire (or something else), that is a sacrifice.

A sacrifice is not always the easy or pleasant thing to do, but it is the right thing to do. A good parent will sacrifice their own wants and desires to provide for and take care of their family. Most of us would even go so far as to sacrifice our own life, if it were to protect or save the life of a loved one. And of course we have the amazing example of Jesus, who came as the Lamb of God, to be sacrificed, in order to reconcile us to God.

A sacrifice of praise comes from a broken heart or a shattered spirit. It is not given without pain, because to praise in the midst of sorrow is a sacrifice. To choose, or will yourself, to rise up above the circumstances that are pulling you down, and praise the Living God, no matter what, is a sacrifice. When you are feeling crushed by the heaviness of grief, or are being mercilessly battered by the storms of life, and you choose to believe, to say, “Nevertheless, God is good,” you are offering a sacrifice of praise.

The first time I offered to God a sacrifice of praise was after my first miscarriage. I was hurting and I was angry. And I didn’t understand why I lost the baby it took me so long to conceive in the first place. For a while I went through the motions, but that’s all they were. I’d go to church, and was present in body for worship, but not in spirit.

Then one day during worship, I stood, and I bowed my head, and I began to cry. In that moment, I spoke to God, telling Him, “All I have to offer is my pain and anger, but if you want it, I give it to you.” And then I began praising Him for who He is. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t full of energy and life, but I did it. I remembered that God is good, even in my grief. I gave him a sacrifice of praise.

When worship was over, I was changed. No, the pain wasn’t magically all gone, but I felt the peace and love of God. I found that when I praised God in spite of my hurt, it strengthened me. I was able to experience the loving comfort of my Abba Father. Since that time, I’ve had other occasions to offer up a sacrifice of praise, and every single time, God has met me there, and comforted me.

Giving a sacrifice of praise during a time of sorrow isn’t easy, but it is important. Not for God, not to stroke His ego, but for us. It is through our sacrifice that we are able to let go of the pain and begin to truly heal. God longs to comfort us when we are hurting, but He is a Gentleman, and will not force Himself on us. He is there though, waiting for us to allow Him to. And it is only then, when we are willing, that He can give us beauty for ashes.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~ Matt. 5:4 (NKJV)

God is God and I Am Not

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that for God. For it is written, “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,” says the Lord. Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good deeds. ~ Rom. 12:17-19, 21

Yesterday morning, during my God time, these were the verses that jumped out at me. I finished reading, and literally said out loud, “Blah, blah, blah.” Yesterday was not an easy day for my husband and I. We were put in the position of having to deal with consequences that came from trusting someone we shouldn’t have, who subsequently betrayed and hurt us deeply.

Even though I’d forgiven this person, and turned them over to God, I didn’t want to read the above verses. I wasn’t in the mood. I knew what we’d soon be facing, and my stomach was churning. Nevertheless, I prayed and I asked God for His mercy, grace and favor, to get us through the day.

Not long after that, when we were in the midst of our “stuff,” we abruptly and unexpectedly came face to face with this person. To the best of our knowledge, this person was not going to be there, and was in fact there for a different reason. We were stunned. There was our enemy, the one who’d so casually betrayed and hurt us, the one we’d hoped we’d never see again. The one we certainly didn’t expect to see on this day.

As I sat there, feeling as if we’d been sucker-punched, I was questioning God, why? Why are we face to face with our enemy? I mean, God is the God of the Universe! He is the Lord God Almighty! He is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent! He could have done something, right? Well, He did. He reminded me of these Scripture verses I’d read just that morning. He’d spoken to me through His Word, and reminded me that He was in control, and that even if I didn’t see what was happening, this was in His hands.

Phew! I gained some peace by this and hope that though this situation was excruciating, it wasn’t the end, and that if we remain honorable, God would use it for good in our lives. I believe that. I also believe that God is good, and He can be trusted, with my life, with my heart and with my hurt. Sometimes I just need to remember that God is God and I am not. And I am so grateful that He loves me enough to teach, guide and correct me through His Word and through other sources. I am so grateful that He loves me enough to accept me where I am, but He loves me too much to let me stay there.

My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. ~ Prov. 3:11-12

To Tremble

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 17:28:00 +0000

But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God – all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God. ~ Rom. 5:8,11

I am so grateful for God’s goodness and mercy. I am so thankful that He loves me, forgives me and accepts me, that I can call Him both Father and Friend. I read His Word, talk with Him, and make a joyful noise to Him. In addition to Father and Friend, He is my God, my Healer, my Creator, my Reedemer, and my Provider. In fact, He is everything I need.

Knowing God in so many ways, it is easy to be comfortable around Him. To be just me. I know Him so well, as a loving Father, full of mercy and grace, meeting me wherever I am and accepting me with whatever I have to bring Him. This is comfortable and comforting. It’s safe.

Sometimes though, too often really, I forget another part of Him. I sometimes forget that He is Holy. I sometimes forget that I could not stand in His presence, because His Holiness would drop me and my un-holiness like a rock. I forget that He is the Righteous Judge and that my “good works” are as filthy rags to Him. Sometimes I’m so comfortable with boldly coming to the throne of grace that I forget to tremble in His presence.

My God is a Holy God, Mighty and Righteous, the Source of all power, He is the Beginning and the End. Yes, it’s good for me to know Him as my Daddy and come to Him as His child. But it is also important that I know Him as Holy, and that I should display humility when I approach Him, and that sometimes, I should not forget to tremble.

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come. ~ Rev. 4:8

Years ago, I heard a song by Nichole Nordeman that was called simply Tremble. It was on her This Mystery CD. I don’t think it was ever released as a single, but can’t remember for sure. This amazing song always reminds me of Who He is, and that yes, I should remember to bow before Him and tremble. I’ve included both the lyrics and the video below. I hope you enjoy them.

Link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R5x-AQYKqQ

Have I come too casually?
Because it seems to me
There's something I've neglected

How does one approach a Deity
with informality
And still protect the Sacred?

'Cause you came and chose to wear the skin of all of us
And it's easy to forget You left a throne

And the line gets blurry all the time
Between daily and Divine
And it's hard to know the difference

CHORUS:
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not,
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

What a shame to think that I'd appear
Even slightly cavalier
In the matter of salvation

Do I claim this gift You freely gave
As if it were mine to take
With such little hesitation?

'Cause you came and stood among the very least of us
And it's easy to forget you left a throne

CHORUS:
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not,
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

The cradle of the grave could not contain Your Divinity
Neither can I oversimplify this love

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

You Lead Me Lord ~ Psalm 139, Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 29 May 2009 11:00:00 +0000

"O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." ~ Psalm 139:19-24

This is a tough one. Have you ever been hurt by another person before? Betrayed, slandered, mistreated, abused, or violated? Have you ever witnessed injustice, cruelty or prejudice? Have you ever been a victim of circumstance or persecution? Of course you have, you’re human! We all have. We live in a fallen world, overcome by sin, and we’ve all experienced, and caused, by the way, pain.

As Christians we are admonished to forgive. Forgive, forgive, forgive! Jesus said we are to forgive a person who hurts us seventy times seven, meaning as often as we are hurt or offended. We are to forgive if we want to be forgiven.

Forgiveness isn’t natural. It isn’t what we want. What we want is payback, vengeance, justice. We are humans, and we have human emotions and desires. When I read the above verses, I love the raw honesty of the Psalmist. He is being real with his emotions, strong and passionate as they are, as he cries out to God for intervention.

No, forgiveness isn’t natural. But it is necessary. It is necessary for our own sakes. When we hold onto the offenses that are done to us, we become steeped in anger, and that anger turns to bitterness, animosity, hostility and hate. And those emotions are destructive, not to the person who hurt or offended us, but to ourselves.

If we choose to forgive our enemies, we free ourselves from an ugly and dark self-imposed prison and we free God to act on our behalf. He will vindicate us. God is the judge, and He’s got our backs! It says in Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

Offering forgiveness doesn’t simply mean the offender is getting off without penalty though. Simply put, actions have consequences. One way or another. Forgiveness can be instantaneous, but I think (in my case anyway) that’s more the exception than the rule. We have very real and strong emotions that we experience when we are harmed. That’s natural. And we often have to allow ourselves to experience them before we are able to choose to let go, heal and forgive.

When we make that choice, it doesn’t necessarily make all of our feelings go away, but rather it allows God to come in and begin to do His work in helping us to heal. His healing further allows us to let go and move forward. It is then that we are able to follow His lead and live the life He desires for us to have.

And it is only after that, after we’ve allowed God to show us the dark places in our hearts and heal us, that we are truly able to follow His path, ascend His hill and stand in His holy place.

“Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” ~ Psalm 24:3-5