Beyond the Balcony

Desperate But Passionate

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 7 Oct 2026 15:05:48 -0500

I had no faith I'd land a job with a copywriting agency. I didn't think I had the experience. I didn't feel I was in my element. Then, at the interview, I was offered a paid trial post that was actually for a client, and the next thing I knew, I was being offered more and more work.

It was the best pay I had in a long time. It wasn't full-time, but I'd have a few pieces a week. It was decently consistent. I was confident I'd pay off debt and have financial breathing room that would let me focus on some other projects on the side rather than fill it up with low-paying, high-turnover work.

It lasted about two and a half months. Some misunderstanding. Some miscommunication. Lots of autistic burnout. Job gone. Never told me they were done with me, but I haven't been offered work for a few years now, and they keep saying that they're good when I reach out.

I've never had any copywriting work since then. I feel like that field may have passed me by. The idea of selling isn't my ingrained skill. I like telling stories. I like researching. I like analyzing. I like pouring out my soul.

But I also need the money. Maybe a surprise offer like the one that lasted a short time will come my way. Maybe work is just about to burst.

I hope so. I really need it right now.

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What If I'm Not Good Enough?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 7 Oct 2026 14:07:14 -0500

I spent all this time dragging my feet. Making excuses. Adopting habits and routines that kept me farther from what I want. I grasp at the compliments to try to push on, but allow those criticisms and rejections to stop further steps.

What if after all this time, all these dreams, everything I've reached towards, is truly unattainable?

I'm not good enough.

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Ideas I'm Sitting On

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 7 Oct 2026 08:56:10 -0500

Reflecting on all the things I don't understand.

Why I always gravitated towards creatures and monsters.

How shame is one of the most prevalent parts of being AuDHD or neurodivergent.

How movies helped construct my understanding of the world.

Crippling disabilities of being low-support needs.

Exploring movies that were panned on release that eventually became heralded as classics.

The classism and prejudice that come with current reliance on smartphones.

How society looks down upon play in adults and how that is alienating to many.

Write about some of my more insane dreams.

How addiction often needs to be replaced by something healthier rather than just killing it.

Lighter stuff too, I'm sure.

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Drip Drip Drip

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 6 Oct 2026 16:12:10 -0500

I am aware that I am posting pieces better suited for Facebook or not posting them at all. It seems like I keep promising more, but then just drop a tiny little paragraph of words that can't possibly mean anything to anyone. But right now, this is the best way for me to collect my thoughts and transition back to creating what I am passioante about.

It's just a small little drip that hopefully will lead to a creative downpour.

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The Scariest Childhood Character

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 6 Oct 2026 14:51:26 -0500

The correct answer is Guy Smiley.

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Not Sure

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 6 Oct 2026 13:26:08 -0500

These two words keep floating through my mind.

Not sure if I'll get out of this slump.

Not sure if my next pitch will land.

Not sure how to make friends.

Not sure if I'm actually a good person.

Not sure if my audience has actual humans rather than bots.

Not sure if I believe what the person told me.

Not sure if I'm good enough.

Not sure.

But that is different than not trying.

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Touch of Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 6 Oct 2026 09:37:19 -0500

I actually hung out with someone. I think that isn't something I've done outside of rehearsals and group gatherings for over 2 years. I actually shared my struggles, thoughts, and ideas, and listened to another person bare their soul, too. It was necessary. It was healing. I need to do it more even if I feel like I'm barely finding time and energy to put on socks.

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I Hate Chasing Down Money

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 5 Oct 2026 15:22:09 -0500

You know what is not quite as bad as begging for money on this site, because I am broke and overwhelmed by debt?

Chasing down clients who owe me money. Not tons of money, but still money I am due from the work I've done.

It not being a huge amount of money is the worst part. It makes me feel petty and cheap when I have to send my fifth reminder that I still haven't been given the payment for work completed.

The worst is when it is an incorporated business that likely wouldn't even notice the amount I am asking. It is probably what they spent on a lavish lunch.

So, why do I have to wait months to get paid?

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How Much Am I Influenced?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 5 Oct 2026 14:49:29 -0500

Sometimes, as a critic, I ponder if my take on a movie, either being lenient on it or being hard on it, has to do with my knowledge of what the general consensus is. Or even knowing I was given this screener and not wanting to harm a potential relationship.

I don't think I ever knowingly do this. I do think that the general mood or atmosphere for a movie can have an impact on how a critic sees it. A movie that is bashed around the place for being cheesy and poorly written is going to have that stink when you go in, even if you find parts of it charming, while a movie that is praised for being purposefully goofy and silly could cause you to elevate those charming bits to pure genius.

My hope in this next chapter of my career is trying to avoid as much of the general consensus as possible before seeing a movie and being as real wth my response to a picture, no matter if I'm aware others say it is dumb.

The reality is I am kind of quirky. I like weird things. I tend to connect with things differently than many other critics. I think that is a good thing. It is great to have different perspectives. I hope I can communicate why a certain movie is a home run for me when it struck out with everyone else. Maybe my readers will get value even if they don't like it as much as I do.

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Creative Dysfunction

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 5 Oct 2026 14:13:10 -0500

I never struggle with writer's block.

Or at least, the notion that I have no idea what to write or that nothing is coming to mind.

What stops me cold is that I have too many ideas. I want to write about everything that jumps into my mind. I get excited by so many possibilities. Then ambition overwhelms me, and I don't know where to start. I end up doing nothing.

I start on one piece while my brain has already jumped to six others that I can't stop obsessing about.

Not entirely sure how to solve this problem. Other than that, I need to stop feeling like each piece needs to be epic. Instead, just writing little bits of each thing and letting it take me where it will go.

While also committing to my writing priorities right now being landing work that pays and focusing on movies for the site, newsletter, and podcast for now. And if something else sneaks in, that is okay too.

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It Might Be Time to Review 'Powder'

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 5 Oct 2026 12:59:10 -0500

For some crazy reason, one of my most-read pieces is a short little follow-up to a podcast where we went down a rabbit trail about Powder. I've never seen the movie. I doubted anyone even thinks about the movie today. Yet, many are Googling Powder and finding their way to my site due to that short little piece.

It only feels fair to finally deliver for those searchers and have a review of the movie. It is even available on Disney Plus, so I have no excuse. Maybe I'll be shocked, maybe I'll love the movie about the pale, bald teenager who can harness electricity and jump into mud puddles.

Did I mention I know very little about Powder?

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Series Lost to Oblivion

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 5 Oct 2026 12:07:56 -0500

What are some of the best series that aren't legally available to rewatch today for various reasons?

Wuzzles is one because of rights issues between Disney and Hasbro.

SCTV will have clips sometimes surface on YouTube, but there is no way to watch entire seasons, to my knowledge.

Ed mostly seems lost due to music rights issues.

WWF Superstars of Wrestling from 1986 to about 1990 is mostly lost due to legal entanglements surrounding the name, so WWE doesn't show it on Netflix or YouTube.

What are some others?

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Opportunities Better Before They Come

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 4 Oct 2026 15:31:17 -0500

If only I had a few hours to myself.

If only I had gotten that extension.

If only the editor would give me a second chance.

If only that popular person would promote my work.

If only I had the funds to see more movies.

If only I got screeners.

If only I got a subscriber or donor.

If only...

All these things come at some point, and I need to be better at recognizing them for what they are. Answered prayers waiting for me to seize that moment.

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Against the Grain

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 4 Oct 2026 12:26:10 -0500

I feel any critic who truly immerses themselves in a work will have that moment when their feelings and views are opposed to the consensus. This is when the worth of a critic is truly judged. They must reflect what it is that connected with them or didn't connect with them when the reverse happened to respected colleagues. This is why I valued The Movie Breakdown because it was two critics with their own experience, preferences, and background sharing their views on the same movie, and often even if we agreed on recommending or not recommending a movie, we had some very distinct perspectives on what the movie was trying to say, and why or how it specifically spoke to us.

Good film criticism is always a conversation. The best reviews are often those that articulate an opinion very different from your own. My hope is that my return to film criticism can be a deeply honest one, where I truly share my journey with a film, and it can bring something useful, entertaining, and valuable to the readers outside of just a recommendation.

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How Do You Really Feel?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 3 Oct 2026 14:34:48 -0500

I ponder this a lot. So many people are quick to compliment or declare their affection. But how much does it hold after it has been uttered? How much do they cherish moments with you? How much do they care if they never see you again? How will they be there the moment you need someone?

My hope is that I can be a person who truly cares as much as his words claim.

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My Favourite Ladies

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 3 Oct 2026 13:40:21 -0500

This summer at Canada's Wonderland.

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A Year of Stories in My Head

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 3 Oct 2026 11:06:55 -0500

I read about something. I learn something. I experience it. I watch it. I play it. I live it. There is always a detailed story, article, or review that comes to life. I often process and think through things in terms of telling a tale or working through key thoughts in the style of prose. This has meant that for the past year, I've had many articles and reviews that have just lived inside my head. They've never been allowed out. They've never been allowed to become real. Because I convinced myself things just had to be perfect before I let these precious stories peek out.

I was wrong. Hope to slowly correct that.

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Brain is Blah

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 20:27:57 -0500

So, why bother writing anything? Because I'm trying to shake a habit. Yes, it makes no sense to anyone except my neurodivergent brain.

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Favourite Video Game Genres

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 18:28:55 -0500

Graphic adventure games - The Secret of Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle, Gabriel Knight

Simulations - Total Extreme Wrestling, Sim City, The Sims

Life Sim - Stardew Valley

Adventure RPG - The Legend of Zelda series

Puzzle Games - Wend, Pinpoint, Crossclimb

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Apples

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 16:06:43 -0500

The crunch. The munch. Something we should eat more. But our brain says chips provide it all better. That candy is far sweeter. Even if it means the doctor stays away.

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Where Will This Site Land?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 15:52:05 -0500

My site still has the biggest audience of all the things I do. But I currently feel like Substack gives me the most control and potential to grow an audience, and yes, that dirty word for a creator: 'monetize'. I think I may start doing more reviews over there and see if it can grow my Substack without necessarily hurting this site. I also feel like I need ot really decide what works best on the site and what works best in newsletter form.

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One Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 15:23:18 -0500

Can make you lose a friend forever.

It can also make a new, lasting one.

Can end your current employment.

It can also open up a whole new career.

Can end your life.

It can also make you feel more alive than ever.

Can leave you in deep and dark debt.

It can also bring you untold riches.

One choice.

It holds more meaning than we know before we make it.

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What Is This Movie?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 13:43:19 -0500

I look at my spreadsheet of every movie I've reviewed since The Movie Breakdown launched, and I'd say there are at least 30% that leave me scratching my head and wondering what this movie is and when the heck did I see it.

Sadly, sometimes these are even movies I gave three stars or above.

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Sometimes...

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 13:21:14 -0500

It can be really hard seeing other creators who seem to have it all together. They have been at this for a few years and are achieving far more success than I have. In a place where they aren't begging for money. Where they don't have to wonder if they can afford shoes without holes this month. If they hope they may actually be able to buy their kids a Christmas gift this year.

But I also know the creative field is unpredictable. Maybe I'll land a gig in an hour. Maybe my audience will explode. Maybe an unforgettable opportunity will present itself.

Sometimes, it can be hard.

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Something Scary?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 12:42:39 -0500

I'll try to review a few horror movies this month.

Maybe devote an episode of The Movie Breakdown to my favourite scary flicks.

I would also love to try to write a horror short story, or possibly launch the serialized fiction with a horror bent this month.

Something to honour the scariest month of the year.

Those pumpkin lattes! Shiver...

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