Beyond the Balcony

About Two Months Late

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 25 Apr 2026 18:09:00 -0500

Danika's birthday, along with her amazing Wings of Fire cake, made by mom.

Reason #1456 That I Love Danika

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 15:17:00 -0500

She made the Bunny headband herself for Easter. She also gave herself a bunny tail when she actually got out of her PJs and got dressed for the day.

I Realize It is Almost May

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 23 Apr 2026 21:58:00 -0500

It is about time to relaunch that newsletter, podcast, and movie reviews, isn't it?

Do You Want Your Movie Reviewed?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 22 Apr 2026 16:36:00 -0500

I've had a few PR folks reach out to me for potential interviews with their clients or to provide screeners for their clients' movies. I just want to publicly make it clear I am more than open to doing this, and have over a decade of experience reviewing and analyzing movies. Check out how to contact me over here.

Fresh Starts Are a Myth

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 21 Apr 2026 14:02:00 -0500

Yet I keep chasing them.

Instead, I should stay put and work with what I have

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If my work resonates with you, then please consider supporting me either by subscribing to my Life on the Balcony newsletter, throwing a tip my way through the Support Me badge or my Ko-fi page, or considering hiring me for your business.

The Thing About Relationships…

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 13:35:00 -0500

Many know that people with autism and ADHD can struggle with communication.

The lesser-known reality is how they understand the relationships themselves.

How close are we, really?
What level of trust is appropriate?
What does this connection actually mean?

For many of us with AuDHD, relationships can feel undefined and hard to measure. We often show up with intensity and passion in the moment without realizing it might come across as “too much” to others.

From the inside, it doesn’t feel excessive. It just feels honest. It is less about the actual relationship but the event or moment we are in.

Learning that this is part of how my brain works helped explain 47 years of confusion and why I’ve misunderstood relationships, and how I’ve sometimes been misunderstood in return.

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What Low-Support Really Means

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 19 Apr 2026 22:08:00 -0500

There’s a good chance your idea of “low-support needs” autism looks very different from what it actually feels like, especially when ADHD is mixed in for an extra-spicy cocktail.

Yes, some autistic people have what’s often called “profound autism,” and may be nonverbal or need significant daily support. That reality matters.

But many of the same core struggles exist for those labelled “low support,” but they’re just less visible, often hidden behind masking.

They still struggle with:

• Needing routine, while also craving spontaneity

• Emotional dysregulation, where everything feels intense

• All-or-nothing thinking

• Rejection sensitivity

• Communication struggles

• Experiencing the world in ways others don’t understand

• Being seen as “immature” or “weird”

• Deep hyperfocus on specific interests to the sacrifice of all else

• A “spiky” skill set by excelling in some areas, while struggling with things others find simple, like tying shoes or knowing which foot to put on each shoe

• Unpredictable energy

• Sensory overwhelm that can cause your brain to go haywire

A 'low-support' AuDHDer often gets labelled things like “too much,” “immature,” “obsessed,” “lazy,” “scatterbrained,” “hyper,” “rude,” “undisciplined,” "weird', and “loud.” This means they carry years of shame, masking their true self, and losing their identity and self-worth.

And all the while, being told you’re “lucky” to be low support.

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There Is Almost Never Just One Way

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 18 Apr 2026 15:50:00 -0500

Well, Dang It!

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 14:39:00 -0500

You may notice ads have disappeared from the site. The reason is that Google AdSense requires verification after I have made a certain amount of money. Unfortunately, the verification requires a photo ID in the form of a Driver's License, Passport, or National ID. I don't have any that aren't expired. I don't have any money to make them unexpired. So, no ad money for the foreseeable future, and yet another thing that I need to make money quickly to be able to pay for (theatre dues, taxes, line of credit, shoes, phone plan, Microsoft Office subscription, costume accessories for a musical).

Of course, one way I could pay for that is through ads, if you know, I had the money to reinstate them.

This is my life right now.

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The Up and Down of AuDHD Energy

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 14:20:00 -0500

AuDHD can feel like needing to do something urgently, but your brain is a bouncing ball in a rolling barrel.

A “simple” task transforms into a climb up Mount Everest. A mundane chore feels like your bones leaping out of your skin.

And then, out of nowhere, you can write an entire play, plan a full camp program, or brainstorm a festival in an afternoon.

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Low Support Needs Doesn't Mean Low Challenges

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 15 Apr 2026 15:22:00 -0500

And I'm feeling it.

I am feeling rejection sensitivity.

I am feeling the communication difficulties.

I am feeling a brain that processes things differently.

I am feeling the time blindness.

I am feeling the executive dysfunction.

I am feeling the sensory overload.

All while packaged as someone who 'should do better' and 'try harder'.

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I'm Spiralling; Love a Lifeline

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 11:12:00 -0500

I recognize the site has not recently been filled with movie reviews, new podcasts, or newsletters. My career is not what you'd call skyrocketing. My emotional and mental health would be in a similar state. I'd pull a, Sherlock Holmes here and deduct that the two things are connected.

What is true is that I've got a line of credit, taxes, and money owed that I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by, and my current executive dysfunction, rejections, sensitivity, dysphoria, and struggling to figure myself out as an AuDHD adult have made it all incredibly hard to get the career in gear.

But I plan to create. I will create. But if there is any chance you'd like to show some gratitude for my work through the years and would love to help me out, sending a bit of my money my way as a thank you would be incredible.

You can do it through Paypal.

Or you can throw a donation through Ko-Fi.

You can consider getting a paid subscription to Life on the Balcony, which will soon launch a paid tier with exclusive newsletters like the Disney movie reviews and a serialized fiction story.

Or you can reach out to me to do some work for you.

This too will pass, but a generous and kind donation will help get things in gear.

Thank you.

Nut Shot Theatre

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 13 Apr 2026 15:39:00 -0500

I felt like it was about time I’d get hit in the nuts again.

As a character in a production.

I had a streak going that was broken for a bit there. It is like a warm blanket with a minimal risk of that blanket causing you to walk funny for a few hours after.

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Hello, Great Show!

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 06:50:00 -0500

The Spicer family and friends went to see Community on Stage’s production of Hello, Dolly! and it's a must-see!

It was incredible reconnecting with so many wonderful people and reuniting with the COS cast and crew, we shared the magical experience of 'The Music Man with last year. Playing Mayor Shinn remains one of my favourite roles, and seeing everyone again reminded us just how much we’d love to work with this group in the future.

As for the show? Wow. One of the best community theatre productions I’ve seen. The waiter dance number is epic with some amazing moves and lots of fun moments. The production is full of life, comedy, and energy.

The entire two hours flew by, and the audience was completely enraptured throughout. There are so many standout performances, and the live orchestra elevates everything. I already knew Jennifer Lynn Mountain was dynamite on stage, but her direction here is phenomenal. She really knows how to bring the best out of performances, creates memorable moments, and brings vibrance that goes beyond the script.

And maybe the best endorsement: Emily has tried to watch the movie three times and fell asleep every time. But she laughed her way through this entire production and absolutely loved it.

There’s one more show this afternoon, plus performances Thursday (understudy night), Friday, and Saturday next weekend. Highly recommend checking it out if you can.

Top 5 Biggest Roles

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 13:58:00 -0500

What I consider my five biggest roles as a performer since the end of 2023:

1. Mayor Shinn (The Music Man): By sheer volume of dialogue, this is the third-largest role in the musical (despite having no songs, which is rare for a part this big, but maybe it was originally written to keep the tone-deaf uncle busy). It stands as my biggest role because every time Shinn is on stage, he becomes the blustering focal point, driving the narrative and tone of the scene. The real challenge was balancing being the antagonist with enough charm and humanity to make his redemption feel earned at the end.

2. Mr. Beaver (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe): Not a lead, but a key supporting role that helps ground the audience and establish the tone in the first act. I also had the absolute joy of playing opposite my incredibly talented wife, Emily Spicer, as Mrs. Beaver. From what we were told, we became a crowd favourite and the emotional heart of the show.

3. Dorothy (Thank You For Killing a Friend): My first murder mystery dinner show, which meant interacting with the audience while still moving the story forward. Dorothy essentially broke the fourth wall, acting as the bridge between the audience and the unfolding events. I also had to attempt a Bea Arthur-style performance, and I had my first-ever solo song; we'll see if that becomes a one-time thing. It was also my first paid acting gig, which gave it another challenge and importance.

4. Husband (Entries): A completely different kind of role, written and directed by the very talented Alissa Cooper. This was my first deeply dramatic performance with no big comedy or over-the-top moments. Just a man wrestling with his marriage and his direction in life as he goes farther from God. Performed entirely as a monologue, it challenged me to hold an audience’s attention without ever playing off another actor.

5. Aunt Spiker / Worm (James and the Giant Peach): My first on-stage appearance in a dress (though not my first time overall due to all my years at camp). The real challenge here was playing two major characters and making them feel distinct from each other in voice, movement, and energy.

There’s no real reason for making this list. I’ve just been reflecting on the range of roles I’ve had, as I have another different character coming up soon. It should be a lot of fun and hopefully become another memorable role when the stage gets a little Frozen this May and June.

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The AuDHD Creative Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 14:53:00 -0500

Common AuDHd strength: Incredibly creative, passionate, and imaginative with great instincts and unique takes on the things they love.

Common AuDHD negative: 'All-or-nothing' mentality where you constantly struggle with anything you create, perform, or craft, either being worthy to be seen or being set on fire, instead.

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They're Back

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 9 Apr 2026 13:48:00 -0500

Geese on a roof. The sign of the arrival of Spring in our neighbourhood.

What Neurotypicals Don't Understand About Neurodivergents

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 8 Apr 2026 14:05:00 -0500

Daily things many neurodivergent people experience that most neurotypicals don’t fully grasp (from my experience):

Not doing something rarely means “I don’t want to,” “I don’t care,” or “I’m lazy.” Executive function challenges often mean we’re overwhelmed, can’t figure out where to start, or the task just gets lost in an overstuffed mental filing system.

An interruption when we’re locked into a task isn’t a minor annoyance. It’s like being yanked across hot coals, dunked into a piranha-filled whirlpool, and thrown into a giant dryer, only to crawl back to work that is now written in a mysterious language.

“Special interests” can look like obsessions. Addiction can be more common for us. But these interests are also what make us feel alive, help us regulate, and often bring out our best creativity, innovation, and productivity.

A “simple” task is almost never just one thing. Taking out the garbage involves remembering where the bags are, managing smells, avoiding distractions so you don’t forget something, preparing for outside conditions, and pushing through sensory overload, then coming back inside like it was nothing.

Doing a boring task can feel like negotiating with your brain the entire time by bribing it with rewards, fidgeting to stay grounded, bouncing about because your bones feel like they're about to leap out of your skin, or trying to manage the strange, suffocating feeling that comes with forcing focus.

Some days, a task takes seconds, and you feel like you deserve a medal.. The next day, it’s like you’ve never done it before. Every day is a gamble of energy and focus.

Sensory issues can shift from day to day. One day, a pot clanging sounds like an explosion. Another day, you don’t notice you’re sitting on something sharp.

Many neurodivergent people live with a constant fear of disappointing others or failing. So if you’re frustrated with them, chances are they’ve already been ten times harder on themselves.

“Just one more little thing” can feel like adding a cantaloupe to an overflowing fruit basket.

Sometimes, we just need space to be weird, playful, or silly without judgment or eye-rolls.

We don’t always recharge through sleep. Often, we need time alone to decompress and process. “Hiding away” isn’t a lack of love but how we reset and process.

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10 Things That Being NeuroDivergent Make Sense

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 7 Apr 2026 21:10:00 -0500

1. Talking to self

2. Being soothed, making up, and talking through the matches on a wrestling show or going through the inning-by-inning score of a baseball game

3. Certain smells or sounds cause major pain

4. Feeling clothing tags are the minions of the devil

5. Would repeat phrases or sing the same line over and over as a way to create joy and comfort

6. Eat certain foods fast, or they felt like they'd grow into monsters in my mouth

7. The need to run and slide on a floor when feeling strong emotions

8. Getting uncontrollably annoyed and frustrated by social posts or events that seem unethical or cruel

9. Certain tasks never seem easy

10. Wanting to do something so bad, but never figuring out how to start

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Reset is Driven by the “Normalcy” Myth

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 6 Apr 2026 15:11:00 -0500

Some may want to call me out on the claim that I struggle with perfectionism based on the seemingly rushed, throwaway, or insignificant posts on this site. A place I want to turn into a meaningful part of my career.

I tell myself these types of posts are all building toward a future reset where everything clicks and shines with magic. The current posts soothe my brain by achieving a daily streak, providing a balm of productivity and control. One day, the site will be the home of raining Skittles and dancing unicorns with nothing but perfection dripping from every corner.

The relaunch promises things will be done right.

The normal way.

The neurotypical way.

But that version of “normal” isn’t real for me.

I'm neurodivergent, always will be, no matter how many resets.

If I create consistently, it’s going to be messy. It’s going to be uneven. It’s going to break whatever invisible rules I think I’m supposed to follow.

I was struck by a realization that’s been sitting quietly underneath all of this:

My obsession with resetting isn’t really about improving my work.

It’s about trying to become someone I’ll never be.

The people who connect with my writing wouldn’t want that version of me anyway.

Everything I’ve built from my voice, the perspective, the weirdness, the honesty, comes from the way my brain is wired.

Resetting is denying who I am, and how I create.

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A Giant Order of Cuteness

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 5 Apr 2026 06:32:00 -0500

April 2026. One of Danika's favorite things at the park was to pretend to open up a shop where she either sold different foods or magical items. It would then usually lead to us going on some epic adventure together. The imagination remains even if the cute, chubby cheeks are gone.

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Fear of Moving On

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 4 Apr 2026 17:12:00 -0500

Sometimes we stop moving forward because we get used to being stuck in the same place.

It’s safe there.

It might not make us happy, but at least it’s familiar. And if we’re being honest, we’re not convinced the next place will be any better. So we stall. We make excuses. We tell ourselves we’ll try tomorrow.

Why work hard if nothing really changes?

But that’s the lie talking.

Most of those fears aren’t facts. They're echoes of old experiences. Dark voices from past trauma. Protective instincts that once helped us, but now just keep us from growing.

Moving forward isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable. It’s uncertain.

But staying stuck doesn’t protect us; it just keeps us in the same story we’ve already outgrown.

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Feeling Seen

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 3 Apr 2026 15:39:00 -0500

I've had several people with late-diagnosed AuDHD (autism and ADHD) reach out to me in the past several weeks.

In every case, we've had something sadly in common. We've heard one of the following, or in my case (and several others), all of them:

"You don't look like you have autism and ADHD."

"Everyone is a little autistic and ADHD."

"I think people use that diagnosis as an excuse to get out of stuff."

"Why don't people with ADHD or autism just use the tools to 'fix' it and be normal?"

"Good thing you have a mild version of autism!"

All of those statements make the person feel invalidated, shamed, or judged, even if they’re often said with good intentions.

It also shows how misunderstood these disabilities still are, and how often invisible challenges and struggles are dismissed or ignored.

But these conversations have also made me realize something. I may struggle and often feel worn down trying to advocate for myself. But as a straight, white male, I also recognize that I move through the world with advantages others don’t. I’m given more benefit of the doubt than many women and marginalized people who are also AuDHD.

I’m still figuring all of this out myself. Some days, I advocate well. Some days, I’m too tired to explain my own brain.

But I do know this: allowing everyone to be heard without judgment makes all the difference. And that’s something we can all offer each other.

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Aware of Autism

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 2 Apr 2026 18:30:00 -0500

Today is Autism Awareness Day.

And just over a year ago, I wasn’t even aware that I was autistic and had ADHD (AuDHD). I grew up with all the stereotypes and stigmas, and convinced myself it couldn’t possibly be me.

Now I understand that being autistic can mean…

Struggling to feel like you fit in because you miss social cues or feel overwhelmed in social settings.

Having a vivid, powerful inner world fueled by creativity, imagination, and a different way of seeing things.

Finding that “simple” or “common sense” tasks can take a huge amount of energy and never quite become natural.

Seeing patterns and solutions that others might miss.

Feeling intense distress when something unexpected happens, like a knock at the door or a sudden change of plans.

Experiencing deep hyperfocus when something does click, and rising to the next level of learning and mastering a craft.

Getting overwhelmed by multi-step tasks or vague instructions that assume too much.

Having a powerful memory for passions, interests, and meaningful family moments.

Living with a brain where the filter doesn’t always cooperate with background noise, textures, sounds, and even emotions becomes overwhelming… and perceived rejection can hit hard.

But that same depth of feeling also means caring deeply, loving fully, and sometimes being the most energetic, passionate, and committed person in the room.

Still becoming aware of my brain.

And while there are real challenges, I’m also learning to appreciate the strengths that come with being autistic and ADHD.

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I'm the Fool

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 1 Apr 2026 16:30:00 -0500

Definitely feeling stuck and overwhelmed. And I had sort of hinted that all would be dancing bears and raining Skittles when April arrived.

Here it is.

Fitting, I am looking like a fool to have thought otherwise.