Beyond the Balcony

A Giant Order of Cuteness

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 5 Apr 2026 06:32:00 -0500

April 2026. One of Danika's favorite things at the park was to pretend to open up a shop where she either sold different foods or magical items. It would then usually lead to us going on some epic adventure together. The imagination remains even if the cute, chubby cheeks are gone.

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Fear of Moving On

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 4 Apr 2026 17:12:00 -0500

Sometimes we stop moving forward because we get used to being stuck in the same place.

It’s safe there.

It might not make us happy, but at least it’s familiar. And if we’re being honest, we’re not convinced the next place will be any better. So we stall. We make excuses. We tell ourselves we’ll try tomorrow.

Why work hard if nothing really changes?

But that’s the lie talking.

Most of those fears aren’t facts. They're echoes of old experiences. Dark voices from past trauma. Protective instincts that once helped us, but now just keep us from growing.

Moving forward isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable. It’s uncertain.

But staying stuck doesn’t protect us; it just keeps us in the same story we’ve already outgrown.

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Feeling Seen

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 3 Apr 2026 15:39:00 -0500

I've had several people with late-diagnosed AuDHD (autism and ADHD) reach out to me in the past several weeks.

In every case, we've had something sadly in common. We've heard one of the following, or in my case (and several others), all of them:

"You don't look like you have autism and ADHD."

"Everyone is a little autistic and ADHD."

"I think people use that diagnosis as an excuse to get out of stuff."

"Why don't people with ADHD or autism just use the tools to 'fix' it and be normal?"

"Good thing you have a mild version of autism!"

All of those statements make the person feel invalidated, shamed, or judged, even if they’re often said with good intentions.

It also shows how misunderstood these disabilities still are, and how often invisible challenges and struggles are dismissed or ignored.

But these conversations have also made me realize something. I may struggle and often feel worn down trying to advocate for myself. But as a straight, white male, I also recognize that I move through the world with advantages others don’t. I’m given more benefit of the doubt than many women and marginalized people who are also AuDHD.

I’m still figuring all of this out myself. Some days, I advocate well. Some days, I’m too tired to explain my own brain.

But I do know this: allowing everyone to be heard without judgment makes all the difference. And that’s something we can all offer each other.

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Aware of Autism

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 2 Apr 2026 18:30:00 -0500

Today is Autism Awareness Day.

And just over a year ago, I wasn’t even aware that I was autistic and had ADHD (AuDHD). I grew up with all the stereotypes and stigmas, and convinced myself it couldn’t possibly be me.

Now I understand that being autistic can mean…

Struggling to feel like you fit in because you miss social cues or feel overwhelmed in social settings.

Having a vivid, powerful inner world fueled by creativity, imagination, and a different way of seeing things.

Finding that “simple” or “common sense” tasks can take a huge amount of energy and never quite become natural.

Seeing patterns and solutions that others might miss.

Feeling intense distress when something unexpected happens, like a knock at the door or a sudden change of plans.

Experiencing deep hyperfocus when something does click, and rising to the next level of learning and mastering a craft.

Getting overwhelmed by multi-step tasks or vague instructions that assume too much.

Having a powerful memory for passions, interests, and meaningful family moments.

Living with a brain where the filter doesn’t always cooperate with background noise, textures, sounds, and even emotions becomes overwhelming… and perceived rejection can hit hard.

But that same depth of feeling also means caring deeply, loving fully, and sometimes being the most energetic, passionate, and committed person in the room.

Still becoming aware of my brain.

And while there are real challenges, I’m also learning to appreciate the strengths that come with being autistic and ADHD.

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I'm the Fool

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 1 Apr 2026 16:30:00 -0500

Definitely feeling stuck and overwhelmed. And I had sort of hinted that all would be dancing bears and raining Skittles when April arrived.

Here it is.

Fitting, I am looking like a fool to have thought otherwise.

Does Blood Run Through Your Veins?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 13:31:00 -0500

Or are you one of the countless bots that seem to inflate my numbers and are trying to persuade me to download your app without even concealing the fact that you have no idea what my post is about?

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I know my stuff in 2026 hasn't been great. But I have years of articls and podcasts. If they've ever connnect then now is the time to consider throwing a little cash my way.

I Know Fresh Starts Are Unicorns

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 30 Mar 2026 12:05:00 -0500

I wrote and deleted this several weeks ago:

Not a Relaunch

Confession time.

My obsessive AuDHD brain is not only obsessed with restarts, but it also has specific rituals that it finds soothing and necessary, even if it actually adds more stress and drain by hopping to the front of the priority line.

The daily 'throwaway' and repurposed posts have been a major part of that obsession. Only one person actually cares if there is a post every single day on here. And that person cares so much that when they miss several days, they go back and try to 'catch up' to keep the 'streak'.

I've convinced myself this is mandatory before I can start podcasting, writing Substack newsletters, reviewing movies, creating short stories, start pitching, and numerous other things.

But it doesn't matter; but the mindset has proven harmful despite my brain finding it comforting. It has trapped me in a loop.

Even though it has been over a week since something has been posted. I am not going to try throwing together posts to fill in those slots.

Or at least, that is the plan. My brain isn't very happy with this.

It is time to move on. It is time to create new things and not allow every little hiccup to derail. Because the only person who cares is the same one who is harmed when he plays the game.

I then replaced it with another piece and continued with the 'daily post' strategy with grand ambitions, the next week I'd relaunch a glorious site with new podcasts, newsletters, and movie reviews. My brain needs and starves for the promise of a reset and some type of ritual to march towards its arrival.

This is despite what I wrote above and the solid knowledge and decades of evidence that there is no such thing as a perfect start, and there will come a day when I miss a post or have to finish something that feels messy and less than my grand vision.

I should just jump in. I need to jump in. But my brain clings to something nonsensical, yet I feel productive and hopeful.

When a movie review, podcast, or newsletter arrives, I hope that means the cycle is dead.

And I can accept a day of silence or a post that I work hard on, but still missed the mark.

No idea if any of this makes sense. But this is a bit of a peek behind the curtain of what all or nothing can feel for a person with AuDHD.

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Door to Door Annoyance

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 29 Mar 2026 17:05:00 -0500

I get freaked out and deregulated just by the doorbell. But add in a salesperson who is pushy and keeps trying to make a sale.

Not my thing.

Video Game Player

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 28 Mar 2026 22:12:00 -0500

Everett asked me why, in games like The Sims and Stardew Valley, I tend to romance multiple characters.

A major reason for Stardew Valley is to unlock cutscenes. You build relationships, you get what is called heart events, and you learn more about each character. I like uncovering all the stories that the game has to offer.

Video games also let us step into versions of ourselves that don’t, and sometimes can’t, exist in real life. They let us try on identities, choices, and paths without consequences.

I never even imagined being someone who hops around from partner to partner, and I was lucky enough to woo Emiy into marrying me, so the idea I have multiple options is pure fiction.

And I’m a very happy one-woman man.

Video games let us be someone we could never be and explore the “what if” without it meaning anything about who I actually am.

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Now For Danika in March 2016

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 27 Mar 2026 16:05:00 -0500

Her birthday, to be exact.

Still adorable. Just a bit older.

How I Know Everett Was Now in School

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 26 Mar 2026 15:13:00 -0500

Well, I guess I could have taught him how to do that face.

But March 2016 tells me he is now in Senrio Kindergarten in this photo.

Simple Things That Feel Magical

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 25 Mar 2026 15:04:00 -0500

1. Getting the stubborn piece of food unstuck from your teeth.

2. Discovering a childhood favourite holds up.

3. A hug from your kid.

4. Discovering there are more snacks in the cupboard than you thought.

5. A cool breeze.

6. The first spring flower pops up in the garden.

7. A new subscriber (hint, hint).

8. An unexpected compliment.

9. A freshly baked pizza loaded with toppings.

10. A pet cuddling up next to you.

Things I Want That Seem So Possible Yet Impossible

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 24 Mar 2026 11:29:00 -0500

1. Published novel

2. Making money from my site and newsletter

3. Feeling like I am financially supporting my family

4. Sense of control

5. Certified online critic

6. Landing steady work

7. Belief I am demonstrating true love

8. Managing my neurodivergence

9. Unmask

10. Write a play

Caring to the Point of Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 23 Mar 2026 08:51:00 -0500

Every task feels important.

Every decision feels loaded.

Every email feels like it could alter the trajectory of my life.

Every time I form an idea of a review or story, it feels like this is the one that must be my legacy.

So instead of calmly doing one thing, my brain panics and does nothing. Which, ironically, creates the exact problems I was trying to avoid.

King of Bots

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 22 Mar 2026 06:40:00 -0500

I sometimes fear my audience is mostly AI, trying to get me to watch torrented shows or black market medication. The comments don't do much to dissuade me.

Why “Just Do It” is Not Helpful Advice

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 18:56:00 -0500

A great Nike slogan.

Just a word salad for someone with executive dysfunction and overwhelm.

I want to 'Just Do It' every single day.

But the 'On' switch seems stuffed in the millions of drawers in my brain.

Executive Function in Practice

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 20 Mar 2026 18:21:00 -0500

You know the task.

You know you need to start.

But the start seems to be an X on a treasure map that also appears to be hidden.

So you dance in a circle instead, in hopes it will summon a clue.

Tough Spot

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 18:02:00 -0500

I am getting a slow trickle of work, but nothing consistent. I do have money owed, but how it is arranged with many creditors, it could still be weeks before I see it.

So, I am in a tough spot.

The money stress is a real barrier to getting me to focus and create.

If you've ever liked my work, then please either consider donating through Ko-Fi or Paypal or subscribing to my Life on the Balcony newsletter ot consider hiring me for some work.

So, Now It's a Countdown

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Wed, 18 Mar 2026 17:50:00 -0500

Because reasons, I probably won't do any kind of significant writing on here until the very end of March or the start of April.

You've been warned.

10 Things I Forget Too Often

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 11:29:00 -0500

1. Brush my teeth.

2. Eat lunch.

3. Check my email at the end of the day.

4. Check in on friends and family.

5. Make appointments.

6. Put on my mouthguard.

7. Actually make it to my bed.

8. Update my calendar.

9. If I took my medication.

10. Have a dance break.

Pounding

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Mon, 16 Mar 2026 09:38:00 -0500

I have an unbelievable headache. But I feel it is one of those brain has been working in overdrive, and I'm feeling an over-stimulated type of headache.

Going to nap now.

The Will, Still Finding Way

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 17:52:00 -0500

I haven't hidden the fact that I am in a financially rough spot.

Or that my energy is low and I'm frustrated trying to get over hurdles to actually create.

The will for success is there.

I'm still trying to work out the way with the brain I've been blessed.

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If my work resonates with you, please consider supporting it by subscribing to the Life on the Balcony newsletter, leaving a tip through the Support Me badge or my Ko-fi page, or even hiring me to write for your business.

Favourite Memories

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Sat, 14 Mar 2026 13:36:00 -0500

My kids' love for dressing up and imaginative play remains one of my most cherished memories. They still do it, but now on the stage in front of way more people.

What Next Week Means

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Fri, 13 Mar 2026 15:41:00 -0500

I am likely home alone for most of next week.

This could mean a run-in with the Wet Bandits. But it also means I’ll have more time to really focus on work.

My hope is not only to gain more freelance clients and gigs, but also to get ahead on the site, newsletter, and podcast.

I also know that my grand ambition is both my greatest strength and my biggest downfall. Because I’ve learned that’s usually how it works.

I’m going to take it gently and recognize that I probably won’t build an empire in seven days. But hopefully, I’ll end the week with a few new creations to share.

The rough plan looks like this:

Monday: The weekly podcast
Wednesday: The Substack newsletter, which will occasionally include neurodivergent reflections, and usually my MCU and Disney review series
Friday: Either a new release review or the next installment of my serialized fiction

On the other days, I’ll likely publish something on the site.

I also plan to unlock the paid tier of the newsletter. A few people have already pledged support, and I’d rather not keep that money trapped there. It will be a soft launch for now, but the goal is to start offering exclusive posts soon.

In the coming month or so, I also hope to release a PDF for sale and maybe a few other goodies as well.

It will all roll out with time.

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Been Stewing

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Spicer) — Thu, 12 Mar 2026 13:44:00 -0500

I've been sitting on a Substack piece reflecting on the myth that I'm 'easy-going,' and it has actually been 47 years of masking and internalizing all my stress, anxiety, and struggles. But I've wrestled with making it clear, but also feel I've written so much about neurodivergence and getting farther and farther away from writing about pop culture and entertainment.

But my brain has sort of seen it as a launch before I finally get into the review series about Disney and MCU and the short fiction series.

I've had a lot of delays the last few months. Struggling to get going on promised newsletters, podcasts, reviews, and other writing. Or even just getting my freelance career back to a breathable state.

But I'm going to take the next few days to breathe and focus on doing a pillow soft launch on Monday with a podcast and slowly roll out all that has been hyped up.

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If my work resonates with you, then please consider supporting me either by subscribing to my Life on the Balcony newsletter, throwing a tip my way through the Support Me badge or my Ko-fi page, or considering hiring me for your business.

Hey, I know I haven't written much lately, but I just need a few more days to strategize and recharge, and feel like I'm in control. If you ever loved my stuff, then a big help would be a small donation.