JT's full of herself

Old Women Are

2012-05-27T09:30:00.001-07:00

a soft place to land
many are grandmothers
in their view of the world
the nurturing and feeding of our souls
are among their accomplishments

their joy reflects
our own goals and dreams
even as their eyes cloud in
remembrances of days when
the sun shone on them alone

When promises were as sweet
as gardenias in the sun of July
and days unfolded like envelopes
Unanswered questions had no fear
nor loomed like low hanging fruit

Their patience with us, the aged children,
is endless like the stars in their faces
like the stars that they are.
Shine my lovelies as I need your light
and you need to give it.

I love HTML

2012-05-24T06:43:00.001-07:00

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I'm tired of hating myself

2012-05-23T07:52:00.001-07:00

To Things I No Longer Eat

2012-05-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

You are what you eat

I miss the creamy slide down my throat
sweetness lingering on my tongue
slip-slide on my lips

The crunchy crispness
of a chip, the salty swing of onion rings

Nuts and nougat I no longer eat
How I love salty, greasy and sweet

Ding Dongs, Twinkies and Zingers hear this-
While I will occasionally visit
I no longer live here.

My Boobs Are Grounded

2012-05-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

that's where the weight loss is.
Always been ample in that area
now my sacks are being depleted.
the air is escaping
they're going flat.

Once proud balloons aloft
the gravity of life and years
cause and effect
influence their float and sputter.

Earthbound and useless
flights aloft
have become rare.
Kept mostly in the hangar
they are grounded.

CBC

2012-05-18T13:30:00.002-07:00

Stand Up and Soar

2012-05-16T13:41:00.003-07:00

A Poem to Black Birdie
Skiing, skating, floating
in air, wind in hair, surfing anywhere.
what makes it go?
it's all me baby, all me.

the glide back and forth
under my feet
the swish swish of the tires
a tribal swing
a metronome in motion, a waltz with the wind.

It's like asking - why fly like a bird-
don't we all want to stand up and soar?

2012-05-14T06:56:00.002-07:00

Time I Have
I've realized many things while on disability. One such thing - it seems one has time or money.

When I first left the world of work all I wanted was time. Time to read. Time to sleep in. Whatever.

Now I want to go out to dinner. I want to see movies. I want nice clothes. I want a savings account.

In life there are choices. And time I have.

Entangled in the Minutes

2011-12-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

Time is such a relative thing. Hours go by in a snap, moments take miles. It all depends on where one's head is.

My last three months have been like watching an hourglass fill. Months previous slipped away like unencumbered sand. Time is a thing that cannot be held in a grasp.

When you're entangled in the minutes, life happens. Grab what you can and don't let go. The golden moments elude us the most in remembrance.

I'm the One Who Changed

2011-11-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

This Dream

2011-11-17T09:52:00.000-08:00

Why can't I just wake up from this dream, back in time, back into my twenties. I would do so many things differently.

I would never have stopped having sex. I would never have stopped working. I would not have let go of old friends so easily. I would have loved harder, laughed longer, lived more wisely.

I would have saved money, even a dollar a week. I would have flossed every day. I would have married, maybe had a kid, a family. I would have started something and stuck with it.

I wouldn't have spent my college years high on pot, 24/7. I wouldn't have been drunk every evening. I wouldn't have slept with every man who said I was beautiful.

All I can do about the past is remember it differently. That's the only spin I can put on it. Today is the day I can be effective.

And so I awake...into today.

Pictures of Me

2011-11-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

I like this photo. I know there are spots all over it, but I still think it's a good photo of me.

I don't have many photos of me through my ages. Recently there are volumes, but that wasn't always true.

I would experience new things without a camera. I would go on vacations without a camera.

I would have much rather had photos of me at 21 or 35 or even 42, and maybe one or two exist, but for the most part nothing. As a child there were many but I want to see myself in my glory days, my 20-30s.

Sometimes I feel like an old hag, fat and gross. I want to remember that I was young and beautiful. I wasted that beauty on brownies and pie and of course time.

Although the years are still gone... I am reclaiming that beauty.

Yesterday

2011-11-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

Not on her Trikke

2011-11-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

I am going to admit a deep shame. I have not been on my Trikke, Black Birdie, for almost a month. I have been doing a lot of walking, so I'm still getting exercise, or so I tell my stomach and thighs.

I don't know why, but I just don't have the energy. And energy is not like money in the bank. If you save it, it doesn't accrue.

All I have to do is get on Birdie and it comes back. "...Ahh, yes. This is what it's all about," floods through me. The swish, swish of the tires calm yet invigorate.

My account accrues.

How Long Does "Good-Bye" Take?

2011-10-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

It's been two months since I "broke-up" with my best friend. I just couldn't do anything right anymore. Except walk his dog, (although he may have had some suggestions on that front as well).

I thought I'd be friends with that guy for the rest of my life. And I was happy about it.

We would take his dog Boomer to the beach and end up talking and talking while Boomer chased the ball.

We would carve on our Trikkes together and he would wait for me. His fitness level increased so that it was too slow for him to hang back with me. He was like that, sort of ahead of me in everything.

When we started the Trikke magazine it was his vision that glued the details together, although the mag was my idea. It was his writing skills that made it a success, his designs, his content, his photos, his experience as a high school newspaper editor.

There isn't much room for teamwork with a perfectionist as they are the only ones who can do it right. And so things fell apart.

I wasn't the writer he thought, from reading this blog. Articles I turned in were always a "good first draft." My photos were never clear enough, my designs were not hip. I was negative, dark, too self deprecating. I didn't work hard enough, long enough.

When I excelled in marketing he pulled me from the project, saying my focus should be with the mag. I stalled.

After about a year of scrutiny under a very watchful eye and sharp tongue, I broke. I left the magazine, I left a future and I left my best friend. I did it for me.

Of course it doesn't feel good. I know it should. Maybe on my deathbed I'll feel victorious. Right now I feel like a huge loser. Where is the victory in that?

How long before I can forget and move on? How long before I can say good-bye for good?

How long does good-bye take?

Workin' for the CBC!

2011-10-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

In another life I volunteered to do some work for the California Bicycle Coalition, at a fundraiser for the Bikestation, way back in June of this year. And now it is time to step up.

I will be authoring their annual fundraiser, for lack of better word choices. Or, I will be putting together their online auction to run with their annual bike summit next month in Los Angeles.

This project has come just in time to save me from myself and an everlasting ennui stemming from too much time on my hands. I can only knock myself out on my Trikke so many times a week. And that I do.

The CBC is an advocacy group for bicyclists, by bicyclists, that helps educate and inform about bike safety issues facing bikers. They interface with CalTrans, write legislation and communicate with lawmakers in California, as well. Among other things... they were proponents of the 3-foot law in which cars must allow at least three feet in passing a bike on the street.

As a Trikker, I can ride in their wake. I use the same streets, abide by the same laws. We are a good team we Trikkers and bikers. Eventually everyone will agree.

Saying Good-Bye

2011-10-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd use that pic to say good-bye with, but I have officially left the Trikke world behind. I have closed my facebook account and said the good-byes that I needed to say. So it is now over.

It was a good world to be a part of for a while, but I guess I'm not a joiner or a group person. Never have been. I tried for a while, but it just didn't fit.

So I'm where I was a year ago. All I lost was some time and my best friend who I guess really wasn't. Good-bye Trikke world and all its inhabitants.

Why does that sound like "good-bye cruel world?" to me? It isn't...

Fire and Ice

2011-10-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

his weather changed like mercury.
his clouds form and darken, then
sun breaks through.
the heat of his ore
the cold of his ice
smelted and sculpted
me down
until
a splinter
of myself
is left.

The Jake Update

2011-10-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

My old man kitty Jake, (14+ years) fell off my fifth floor balcony last week. It is true that cats are not as sure-footed as most think. They can be downright clumsy. Yet, that is not the slant I want to take with this post.

From what I heard, the manager heard a loud thump. She went out to see what it was and found an injured cat. White with grey on his head. Not knowing what else to do she called animal control. When they arrived 45 minutes later and picked him up, his bowels emptied. (No shit!)

The opinion was he was going off to be put down. That is what I was told when calling after not being able to find him in my apartment. I thought he might have been lost in the building.

It was one of those rough nights of the soul with little sleep to escape with. Next morning with a call to the Humane Society, I found Jake was still alive and ready for pick-up. WOW!

He was in bad shape. Falling five flights is like being hit at 25 mph. His back legs swayed back and forth as he walked. He whimpered for two days. I got him to the vet on Friday and was told if he's not better by Monday I should put him down. He got pain meds.

A cat on pain meds is a sloppy thing. They become very wobbly and their eyes are drunken. On Sunday he was visibly better. He didn't need meds that day. He started eating again and talking to me. I sat with him and held him (when he was ready) for five days.

I remember the doctor telling me Jake has a bigger problem, which is probably why he fell.
But today he is much better. It's been eight days now. I am so reminded time heals all wounds. And yet it seems so long when one is entangled in the minutes.

Jake's Got 8 Left

2011-09-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

Jake on Monday

My senior cat Jake (14 plus years old) has eight lives left after he fell off my fifth floor balcony Tuesday night.

I spent all Tuesday night thinking he was dead. When I called the animal control people I found out he was not. I went Wednesday to get him out of jail.

He is not doing well. He is breathing funny, real short breaths with a noise like it's hard to breathe. I think he is in pain and not in shock (his gums are pink and his paws warm).

I'm not sure what to do today, I am just leaving him alone to relax and heal for now. Usually I tell him to quiet down because he wails at me. This is one time I wish he'd complain. Then I'd know he was all right.

Back From The Brink!

2011-09-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Jake Domino likes the smell of my Crocs

Message of Gratitude

2011-09-27T10:44:00.001-07:00

Bikestation Grand Opening, Long Beach, CA

2011-09-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

My Trikke, black Birdie

For almost four months I have been a client of the Bikestation in downtown Long Beach. I love the convenience and helpfulness of its employees. When I recently needed some minor wrenching done on my Trikke, it was done for free.

And so I went to the grand opening, September 15, with the politicians and citizens of Long Beach. Door prizes were given out including two free one-year memberships and a basket of bike goodies as well.


Mayor Foster at Ribbon Cutting

The Bikestation in Long Beach was the first in a chain across the USA. It is centrally located next to the blue line, the metro and the LB Transit systems. The organization was founded to make it easier to bike not only in Long Beach, but to also help those who commute using bikes.

Their mission is to make biking an integral part of the transportation mix, because with more bike usage we get cleaner air, safer streets and healthier living.

The Bikestation offers repairs, accessories, rental bikes, lockers, restrooms, changing rooms, showers, bike tours, free air and water if needed. For members they offer convenient 24/7 access to bikes stored away from home.

The Ramp

The Bikestation is Trikke friendly and is willing to work with all kinds of vehicles that are human or electric powered (no detailed repairs on Trikkes or Pon-es. For those repairs see SouthBay Trikke). Some locations have charging stations for electrics.

I guess you could say I'm a fan. While there is only one elevator working in my building of many motorized wheel-chairs, it's the only convenient option for me. Plus, I get an extra workout walking to and from the Bikestation. Thank you Long Beach for being so bike and Trikke friendly!

Girl Power

2011-09-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Trikke Tri-bred Pon-es

Photo by SouthBay Trikke's, Sean Tice

Just Because I can...

2011-09-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Sonya Tayeh!