Get It Together Or I'll Shoot!

Updates March 28, 2010...on hiatus of Dave Chappell Kind!

2010-03-15T13:19:00.000-04:00

Side Eye Approved!

2010-03-10T08:51:00.001-05:00

There comes a time in every man's life where he must give the side eye to the bullshit that those around him, let alone afar, must present to him as 'the social gospel' to cover up an issue, problem, etc on the home front *or some damn place*.

Singer, Jennifer Hudson, commented on the joys of motherhood as well as the progress of her now seven month old son, David Ortunga II and how he enjoys the family pets *dogs by the way* and even mimics them. Was it really necessary to mention the mimic part?

Ms. Hudson gets the side eye for not being privy to the very fucking fact that her statement possibly translates into her son barks, wags his tail and roll about the floor as if his name is Spot. Some things you keep to your fucking self J-Hud.

Since people are still buzzing over the Oscars, I would like to point this out. Actor, Ryan Reynolds showed up to the red carpet and ceremony alone -- without lovely wife and actress, Scarlett Johansson. When the A-list actor was asked about her whereabouts he stated "she is in New York working on Broadway...she's doing a show there. The lights on Broadway stages never go out for anything or anyone".

Mr Reynolds gets the side eye if either he or anyone in the know believes that shit of an excuse he had rehearsed for a few hours. His wife was working alright. That is if you consider hanging out or literally fucking around with Guns and Roses front man, singer, Axl Rose, during her stay in New York at the time of the Oscars, one of, if not THE MOST prestigious award platforms for thespians and directors alike.

Could the actor be alluding to problems in the marriage? Eh, could be as many already say that that is practically a damn wrap. Although I don't condone infidelity, if you are going to commit it, do it right and do it well. Don't ever drop the fucking ball in caliber by dealing with someone who can't hold a damn candle to your spouse in physical attraction, contribution and whatever the hell else that can come to mind.

I bet singer, Alanis Morrissette is somewhere laughing her ass off. Really, Scarlett? Axl Rose?! I have to shake my head on that one.

Discuss.

Hulk Hogan Pitches VH-1 Reality Show

2010-03-10T08:13:00.001-05:00

Since he has finally come to terms with the fact that his ass is too old to still be getting in the ring, Wrestler, Hulk Hogan, is pitching a new reality show to VH-1! The show may be entitled 'The Next Hulk Hogan' in which he sets out to find the next big thing that ever hit the professional wrestling circuit.

If you are one who believes that it is about fucking time that he pass the torch, I couldn't agree with you more. As a matter of fact, the time is long past due for him to hand over the yellow velcro shirts to some young man who has dreams of becoming a household name in professional wrestling/wrestling entertainment industry -- too bad it won't be to his fragile and injury prone son.

Speaking of young man/men with dreams of becoming a household name in professional wrestling, WWE chairman, Vince McMahon's show, NXT, is doing very well as a reality show focusing on the very same thing as Hulk's potentially pending project. I have to ask, do you think that singer, Jennifer Hudson's fiance', David Ortunga, will win on the merit of being associated with the singer alone?

Discuss.

Just For Laughs

2010-03-10T07:51:00.001-05:00

What in the ghetto 'Kung Fu Panda' hell is this fashion fuckacity? Sad thing about it is the very notion that this motherfucker more than likely thinks he looks 'fresh'.

Discuss.

Busted Doing 'The 69'

2010-03-10T07:32:00.003-05:00

This is the type of shit that no one can make up but all I can fucking say is that these two dumb asses literally brought this on themselves *smdh*.

Corporal William Murphy, a cop, while on patrol early Sunday morning at a mall in Orangeburg, South Carolina, noticed a parked Chevy conversion van rocking. When he shined a light though the vehicle's back window, he spotted Shanna Byrd, 30, and Ronald Braxton, 32, in the 'altogether'; meaning in 'The 69' position as reported in the Orangeburg Department of Public Safety Report in which Byrd and Braxton had their faces in one each other's groin area for simultaneous oral sex. Evidently these two did not respond after being bathed in 15 seconds of portable police spotlight, Corporal Murphy started knocking; which did not please Braxton, who uncoupled from Byrd.

Murphy identified himself only to be accosted by Braxton who refused to open the door to be arrested for participating in the sex act, in public, with Byrd. However, they were both arrested upon having a post-coital cigarette as a standoff protesting their arrest in engaging in what comes naturally to SOME men and women *considering that NOT all women like to suck dick no more than SOME men like to eat pussy*.

The interesting thing about it is not only would they have not been arrested if they had have done this shit in the privacy of their home or at a local lodge but if only they had kept still rather than bucking to the sucking and licking like wild banshees in a parked van underneath a light pole, their asses may have gone undetected.

Sex, of any kind, should be restricted to privacy between consensual parties. No one, aside from a damn pervert, wants to see people fucking in any public arena no more than they would walking in on it purely by motherfucking accident. How embarrassing! Speaking of embarrassing, I am doubly sure that there is nothing worst to be arrested for -- or is there?

Discuss.

If Michael Jackson Was A Cult Leader.....

2010-03-10T07:05:00.003-05:00

........then this confused motherfucker would be a devout follower. Offer him the poisonous kool - aid in the name of the late legendary singer and watch him fucking drink *smh*. Take a look at the clip *assuming that you can handle the fuckacity that also includes the light skin vs dark skin beauty debate (lower site intro music by clicking pause on its music link)*.

Celebrities usually don't know most of us from the six damn days from Sunday; it is wise for those who are into celebrity worship to be able to decipher reality from all that is not. There is nothing wrong with admiring a celebrity for his accomplishments or talent *assuming that he/she really has it* but there is something really wrong with obsessing over that celebrity for his/her accolades. With that in mind, aside from being an inspiration to do better for one's self, no celebrity's accolades really translate as a benefit to a fan/follower. What say you?

Just Wanting Attention

2010-03-09T01:20:00.001-05:00

Actress, Halle Berry, will be on The Tyra Banks Show today dispelling ~~selected~~ lies and rumors told about her ass over the course of her career in addition to perpetuating a few of her own.

So, if any of you are expecting her to discuss allegations of how she fucked her way to the top as well as for an Oscar, you will be gravely disappointed with today's show.

Singer and ~~tried to be an actress~~, Mariah Carey, is letting it be known for the 50-11th motherfucking time that she is not pregnant! She is just dealing with the old age spread that creeps up on a lot of women. That is all.

So much for that talk about her husband, Nick Cannon tearing that pussy up, huh?

As you may know,Rapper, J-Kwon, better known for the song, 'Everybody Get Tipsy', had been reported missing by MTO aka mediatakeout.com last week and may be the victim of foul play. In other words, the young rapper was insinuated to be dead.

Well, unless the dead can now pick up the phone and make motherfucking phone calls to studios and record execs, the rapper is alive and well. He just needed some time to form ideas to contribute towards his next album project.

Being AWOL for a few days a publicity stunt? Eh, could be although stupid as hell should it have backfired as a promotional tool. Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez, anyone?

Discuss.

Old Heads Unite!

2010-03-09T00:56:00.002-05:00

Why the hell can't rappers, of a certain age, just bow out fucking gracefully is sure as hell beyond me.

However, this is testament that no matter how far DOWN a man's balls drops, he still has something that he wants to motherfucking prove to the masses, peers and to anyone who will just STILL give his ass the time of day!
With that in mind, I present to you the following:

Rapper, Ice Cube has a music project in the works entitled 'I Am The West'. Cube, known for his gritty, in your motherfucking face rap lyrics detailing west coast living and political views, will be working with super producer/former fellow NWA band mate, Dr.Dre.

One thing for certain, it is damn good to know that these two old heads in the game finally put aside their differences for a common goal; to get in the studio and do what they love most -- making music.

Speaking of old heads, rapper Snoop Dogg is trying his hand at comedy!

Yes, old man Snoopy is getting ready to try his hand at being a funny man aside from being once as gritty as ~~O'Shay~~ Cube. His ass will be teaming up with comedian, Mike Epps for tour dates.

Don't be surprised if the two have a movie in the works and lets fucking hope for their sake that it would have better reviews than 'The Wash'.

Discuss.

A Random Thought On Food Stamps

2010-03-08T02:48:00.002-05:00

Please keep in mind that this is a random thought that is in the 'what the fuck' category. Feel free to weigh in as I am always looking for other views on all things discussed. Here we go.....

I have got to ask: why in the fucking hell some people who receive government assistance -- particularly food stamps, negotiate their damn stomachs and possibly their children for the latest fashion? Is it really okay to give their assistance to someone for a cash payout in order for them to stay fashion forward? Is it fair to assess that their mentality is to go hungry, subject themselves to hunger pains for the sake of looking good or 'dapper don fucking fresh' at any and all cost?

Discuss.

She Did IT

2010-03-08T02:24:00.000-05:00

Actress and comedian, Mo'Nique, obviously really did the damn thing in the movie, Precious! Mo won an Oscar for her performance in the motion picture which grossed roughly $10M in its first week in selected theaters.

Yes, she silenced the motherfucking haters who said that she didn't have the 'acting chops' that would ever be Oscar worthy. Therefore, I must ask the haters: sausage or bacon to go with that egg on your motherfucking faces?

By the way, she thanked her ~~wife~~ husband for his support. You know how Sidney does it..open marriage my ass.

She Can't Be Killed!

2010-03-08T02:11:00.000-05:00

So much for parts in which Queen Latifah's character goes from defiant to bloody swizz cheese by a movie's end! How the hell she pulled this off, no one knows; however, we will leave that up to the discretion of man's imagination *snickering*.

The actress, singer and award winner has managed to get a clause written in her contract in which her character, in future and pending motion pictures, will NOT be fucking killed under any circumstance.

Is this a testament of her power in the industry or her doing what she gotta do to make that shit happen?

Discuss.

The Weekend Round Up

2010-03-06T04:07:00.001-05:00

Normally, I don't update over the course of the weekend but white people have been JUICILY motherfucking busy! Do you hear me?! So lets espouse on some of their come ups to fuck ups for the weekend round up, shall we?

Oh hell yeah! Team Kate all the damn way! Kate Gosslin is definitely on the come up since she dropped her dead weight man CHILD ex husband, John. She has improved with not only a new look but a new attitude to go along with it. Why isn't she looking so stressed anymore, you ask? The former Mrs. Gosslin learned to let shit go to pursue other endeavors that will pay off well. For example, a new show and much more media attention than what John could ever fucking dream of.

Also, Kate will be on this season's Dancing With The Stars. The mother of eight stated, during an interview, that she plans on keeping her ensemble very classy rather than provocatively revealing for the show out of respect for the fact that she has kids. HELLO, paging Pamela Anderson -- for starters.

Since everyone in Hollywood is speculating who the hell actor, Gerard Butler, will have on his arm for the Oscars this Sunday night, we do know that Queen Latifah aka Dana Owens will be one of the presenters. Be on the lookout for her life partner, celebrity fitness trainer, Jennette.

In a case of 'good luck with that', NFL athlete, Big Ben Roethlisberger, has decided to file a damn lawsuit against the Nevada woman who accused him of rape/sexual assault in 2008. Why I say good luck with that, you ask? Well, shit, the motherfucker has just been accused and currently facing charges of committing the same damn crime as of late in Milledgeville, Georgia.

For those of you who don't know, Milledgeville is a small town just east of Macon, Georgia. By the way, Roethlisberger has a home in the sleepy town and is therefore a part time resident there in the off season. Did you know that? My ass didn't either.

Speaking of off season, somebody pass this motherfucker a note!

Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo plays recreational soccer during the same time and the Cowboys don't give a fuck although they are in a damn near $100M agreement with his ass. Why, you ask? The team is a shit and a handshake away at being tired of him and may be looking for a way to get rid of his ass ANYWAY! Can someone say, hire a seething with envy player *on the opposite rec team, for example* to severely break one of Romo's legs to get him officially removed from the Cowboys team?

C'mon, Romo, get a fucking clue! You bust a leg, under any circumstance, engaging in your past time, your pro football career stand a high chance of being over.

Former Playboy playmate, Kendra Wilkins, was subtle in letting the damn cat out the bag on her happiness as the wife of NFL athlete, Hank Baskett and mother of his child. In short, the broad was doing her own damage control by feigning happiness which she alluded to by saying that she has been fairly depressed since giving birth and really haven't been taking care of herself as she has been giving the media the impression she has. For example, Wilkins has admitted that she is no longer hygenically inclined as she once was prior to the marriage and child and a lot of people are speculating, due to her actions, that she is no longer thrilled by her choice in mate as shit is no longer quite how she would have expected.

The reason being, you ask? Again, simply put, without honing in on the speculation or impression that the former bunny now feels as if she did marry the 'wrong black man', she may have come to the realization that she was marrying as a bargain that obviously backfired -- fuck the love and the convenience considering that she didn't think that she would ever have to trade the 'fun in the sun' atmosphere totally to have her ass end up in Indianapolis. Hell, Philly sufficed -- at least according to her. Talk about getting what you thought you wanted only to find out that it really wasn't *smdh*.

This conclude the weekend round up.

Discuss.

Did You Know?

2010-03-05T11:04:00.004-05:00

First off, I just want to say thank you for bearing with my ass during my site's technical difficulties. You didn't have to but I'm glad that you did. Let's get shit popping with today's stories, shall we?

Tupac Shakur is now credited as being the pioneer behind integrating hip hop music into the porn industry. I gather he was tired of the cheesy ass music that accompanied the 'fuck flicks' that many have come to know and love and opted to do something about it.

This is rather interesting considering that the late rapper's music has been selected as part of the play list at The Vatican.

This is some true to life Saint - Sinner shit right here. What say you?

In the case of 'what is the point of using what you got to get what you want if your ass isn't smart enough to hold on to it to begin with', female M.C, Trina, is really using the loss of her cellular phone, with the racy pics, as a ploy to extort money from NBA athlete, Kenyon Martin. I thought those two were on good terms. Didn't you?

Discuss.

The New Conan Is...

2010-03-05T10:53:00.001-05:00

Actor, Jason Mamoa, will reprise Arnold Schwarzennegar's role as Conan in upcoming projects.You may know this dirty looking motherfucker better as Lisa Bonet's current beau and father of her youngest daughter.

The actor inquires as to 'fucking why' would he have to seek Schwarzennegar's approval or advice on researching the role as he has 'everything covered'...so I digress but here is a piece of advice for the actor, get your lanky looking ass body right by packing on the necessary MUSCLE to do the character justice. Just saying!

Discuss.

Don't Do Business With Rihanna!

2010-03-05T10:43:00.003-05:00

To those of you who may be contemplating working with a celebrity, make sure that Rihanna sure as hell isn't one of them. Why, you ask? Simply put, the broad may 'jip' your ass in the process.

This time, her willingness to exercise foul business practices has gotten her ass in the middle of a damn lawsuit.

The singer has not paid her personal trainer, Cindy Percival, roughly the $30K she owes for keeping her in shape or excellent physical condition. Yes, that's right nay sayers, Rih Rih had a trainer to keep that fine ass body of hers tight!

Unfortunately, if she doesn't come up with the payment for services soon, Percival may feel compelled to Chris Brown her *kidding*. Would it be just due? According to some, possibly.

A fit piece of advice to the Rihannamites of the world, it is only fair practice to pay for services rendered. There is no blessing in jeopardizing a man's livelihood for the sake of motherfucking vanity.

Oh and by the way, for you Illuminati theorists/experts, she will be featured in a DVD called 'The Demonic Possession of Jay - Z and Rihanna'.

Discuss.

Naomi Is Free To Beat The Shit Out Of Next Victim

2010-03-05T10:27:00.001-05:00

Supermodel, Naomi 'beat that ass' Campbell, has beaten the rap relevant to her latest penchant for violence.

Her latest attack, involving her driver, has been resolved simply because he decided to apologize to her ass for his remarks towards her. It is not known what the 27 year old driver said but it sure as hell was enough to get a rise out of her ass to fuel an attack *smh*.

Since he apologized, Campbell is no longer wanted for questioning by the authorities in Greater Manhattan.

This goes to show how fucked up the judicial system really is. Since when did a motherfucker have to say he is sorry for causing his attacked? Talk about a case of 'if you didn't say shit in the first place, this wouldn't have happened'. There is more protection for the assailant than it is for the victim. Therefore, negative behavior goes rewarded just as much as it does justified. What kind of shit is that?

Discuss.

Professional Athlete Gone Wild

2010-03-05T10:03:00.004-05:00

Take a look at Ocho's rendition of being 'born free'.

Note: If you want to hear the audio on the clip, just scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the pause button *that will stop the site's intro music*.

I'm not certain what the hell NFL athlete, Chad ~~Johnson~~ Ocho Cinco, was thinking but there is a fine line between antics and mental instability in relevance to garnering media attention.

Didn't comedian, Martin Lawrence, get arrested for the same motherfucking thing roughly a decade ago?

Oh wait, Lawrence was brandishing a 9mm in addition to his flashing his 'love gun' of course....so I digress.

Discuss.

UPDATE: Technical Difficulites...Back Tomorrow

2010-03-04T11:29:00.004-05:00

I Wish This Shit Would Just STOP Already

2010-03-03T08:11:00.006-05:00

How many fucking Spider Man movies can one make? What other arch nemesis is there for him to do battle with? Stan Lee, I'm going to need your ass to stop this shit already! It has been ran through the ground -- maybe that is why Toby Mcguire left it alone.

Anyway, here is the new Spider Man, Twilight star, Robert Pattinson. Yes, Pattinson has officially secured the role of Spider Man for the upcoming projects.

I just have to ask: what ever happened to finding someone to fill out the Spider Man costume *not that Tobe Mcquire did it any justice? Flat ass and no contours what so damn ever *smdh*.

Chad ~~Johnson~~ Ocho Cinco has been slated to participate in this season of 'Dancing With The Stars' -- a show on my 'I wish this shit would just stop already' list.

Discuss.

Ho Tactics 101

2010-03-03T07:56:00.002-05:00

Rapper, Trina has very racy images of her leaked on the world wide web. The female rapper, dubbed as 'The Baddest Bitch', purportedly lost her damn cellular phone and was seeking frantically to recover it -- but to no avail.

Could she be pulling a Willie from Day 26? You know he was reported as experiencing a similar incident while sending reveal all photos of his ass to his wife via e-mail.

You decide should you click here to see for yourself...but I must warn you, it may not be safe for work but it may put those HIV/AIDS rumors to rest.

A little advice, if you truly value your privacy, as well as those you interact with on any level, either don't take provocative motherfucking pictures of yourself let alone other parties wittingly/unwittingly involved or register a damn pass code on your cellular phone should it come up missing, lost, or stolen because anything you have on it may be used against you for personal gain if not to regally destroy your ass in addition to those included in your shenanigans.

In other ho ass news, For The Love of Ray - J contestant, Caviar is indeed what she denied several times over on the show while vying for Ray - J's affections on the show -- a prostitute....and a motherfucking cheap one at that!

To check her out and see her going rates, click here

When will motherfuckers learn that whatever is done in the damn dark will sure has hell come to light? Stop with the games and just owe up to your shit and keep it pushing *GEEZ*.

Discuss.

Anita Baker:Avoiding Jail Time At All Cost

2010-03-03T07:16:00.002-05:00

Legendary singer, Anita Baker has been ordered to hand over damn near 60% of her fortune or be incarcerated as part of her divorce proceedings from her husband, Walter. Needless mention, rather than risk any jail time, Baker, agreed to award the leaching ass bastard just that. Now, she has every motherfucking reason to sing through her damn teeth.

Most people would love to marry for love rather than convenience. However, conventional marriages have been the norm for many years -- so much to the point that love is a fleeting emotion that most don't even know what it is and don't give a flying fuck to find out! It is about being selfish and self absorbed with personal gain and to hell with the feelings or well being of another...bringing me to my point -- let this be testament on how important it is to protect your assets by marrying within your 'rank' if not with a firm prenuptial understanding *in addition to love*.

In other words, meaning marrying someone who has just as much to contribute to your union as you do considering that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. There cannot be anything fucking worst than having to give up a large portion of your success to someone who had nothing to do with it to begin with. Just saying.

Discuss.

She Really Has A Problem

2010-03-03T06:51:00.002-05:00

Model and runway queen, Naomi Campbell, is wanted for questioning by the police upon tightening up on her male limo driver's ass during a confrontation in midtown Manhattan yesterday!

This broad is either screaming out for help and no one is listening or she is really smelling her ass because her penchant for violence, without reprimand, is spinning completely out of motherfucking control.

May I suggest a tall cold glass of 'bitch have a seat'? No one, at least from around my way, gets away with the shit she pulls without having his ass royally handed to him in more ways than one. With this in mind, I gather that she has not run across the RIGHT ONE -- yet.

In other words, there is always that special someone waiting on the day to pull a particular man's 'bitch card'. Therefore, Ms. Campbell.....slow your roll because a just due ass whipping with your name on it could be just around the next corner.

Discuss.

Hillary Duff?!

2010-02-25T11:51:00.005-05:00

This is supposedly Hillary Duff. I am not one to deny or confirm.

However, one thing is for damn certain -- she sure as hell can deep throat a motherfucker. I bet her gag reflexes are well below the negatives....smdh at the fact that neither had the fucking decency to CLOSE the damn blinds before engaging in this act.

Discuss.

Did You Know?

2010-02-24T01:24:00.000-05:00

Actor, Don Cheadle was pissed off with former president, George Bush for interfering in a movie project he was interested in pursuing.

Cheadle was interested in being portrayed as the late iconic musician, Miles Davis in a biopic. Aside from Bush, in the actor's opinion, fucking up an opportunity of a lifetime, he also blames the ex - president, just as much as the government, for the economic mishap that the US is experiencing.

Calling out a president -- past or current in addition to throwing a jab at the government?! You are one bad motherfucker, Mr. Cheadle! However, you may want to watch that shit before you get your ass blackballed. Isaiah Washington, anyone? Just saying, Mr. Cheadle, just saying.

Discuss.

Rapper Turned Thespian

2010-02-24T01:09:00.000-05:00

Mandingo looking rapper, 50 cent is really taking acting seriously!

Rap's chocolate hulk is going to shed damn near 100 pounds *about 60 to be exact* for his role as a college football player in Mario Van Peebles' upcoming movie, 'Things Fall Apart'.

Although I commend his ass on doing something that he obviously enjoys but one has to wonder what toll that dropping a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time only to pick it up a short time later has on man's body -- that shit CANNOT be healthy....especially if he does it often. As you know, this ISN'T 50 cent's first time going from bulk to bony for a role.

Discuss.