Bits and Pieces...

Look back at 2012 and New Year Resolutions for 2013

2012-12-31T07:21:00.000-08:00

There is one thing I have wanted to do very much on this day (31.12.2012), yet it’s coming to its end soon in another three hours. That’s the only thing I regret that I don’t and cannot do in 2012. Whether or not it’s possible to happen in the future, it’s not up to my decision alone. Truly, let’s fate and destiny decide.

Looking back at this nearly-ended year, there have been considerable changes and almost as many changes as I had in 2011. Resulted from Nov 2011, I had a very happy first quarter of 2012. It was a period of joy, sweetness and success. The second quarter was so-so; third quarter getting worse; and last quarter down in the valley and just starting to climb up again in Dec. If I draw a line graph of how much I liked about each month or how happy I was, my graph should have been like this:

I am glad that I have taken up swimming and inline skating although I am still a beginner. At least I tried sth new this year. Thanks for inspirations.

I went to Kep (Nataya Resort) in Jan; Koh Dach in Mar; Sihanouk Ville in Jul; Bokor Mountain in Aug; Buddha Center in Kandal in Sep; Prasith Mountain in Oct and again in Dec; Oudong Mountain in Dec. I have travelled much more than before, and I love those experiences so much.

I quit the job at the Embassy and now work for a private company with its headquarter based in Hong Kong. I am glad that I am here doing the things I have wished for and learning things I have never learned of. In the nearest future, I am not thinking of moving elsewhere again.

My elder brother is now in France to pursue his master degree. He left in Sep. Dad is now retired, so he is home with Mum. At least Mum still has Dad when the two sons are at overseas and the daughter rarely stays at home. I wish my Mum was easy-going and loved herself more. I wish I were better at cheering her up.

As of this term, I have totally completed seven papers of CAT assuming that I pass the one in this coming Jan’s final exam. The grades I received in 2012 were quite satisfying for FA2, MA2 and FFA except for FAB which I just took on last Saturday. It was as bad as expected.

Here comes the New Year Resolutions.

I will be committed to learn swimming better. If possible, I might do some inline skating alone without my brother.

Regarding the new job, I am really committed to it. I will put all my effort in it during working hours. Since I claim that my learning style is to ask and answer questions, I will try to ask as many questions as possible to myself or my immediate supervisor. At my free time, I will read materials relating to constructions, accounting standards, taxation and any news which tell me what’s going on around here. At the same time, since the last two papers of CAT program are the hardest ones which require more reading and analysis, I will also have to spare lots of time to devote to them. It’s really hard and boring to read and read, yet it’s one of the things I really have to do in order to be that someone whom everyone will look up to. Really, it’s not so easy to reach there, but what I can do is to do it and see if I can get there.

While spending so much time on reading for work and study, I guess I will have less time for my family again. Well, I will at least be with my Mum and Dad half-half day during holidays and weekends. Help do some household chores. Talking about this, my room is quite messy right now. :D

If you ask me where I want to go for travelling in the coming year, I will say that I want to go almost everywhere both in and outside the country. I really love travelling, either adventurous like trekking in the forest or on the mountains or luxurious like staying in boutique hotels and doing shopping overseas. At the time being, I do love travelling that does not cost much but fun, like going somewhere I can simply see the natural views of the mountains, rivers, trees, flowers, and the likes. Most importantly, I wish to find someone who appreciates the same thing and be there and always with me, physically or by soul.

I have spent one hour writing this post. Time is running down to two hours remaining. People are counting down everywhere. Every year I count down at home. Remember last year I was in front of FB and waiting for posting wishes when the clock stroke 0:00am. There is one thing more special than last year. I am counting down not only for the coming of year 2013, but I am counting down to celebrate the birthday of my dearest Mum! I gave her a surprising birthday cake after coming back from work. This is the first time I have celebrated her birthday. There will be more coming up next next year. I love to see her smile, and it is the biggest gift I received in this year end. I wish her good health, joy and happiness.

Dear readers, if you haven’t finished your last year resolutions, put them back on the list and add more. Yet, there are things that action is better than word. Do them now or you will regret next year end. Wish you all the best and happy New Year 2013.

What travel makes me feel...

2012-12-11T06:28:00.004-08:00

Trip to Udong Mountain, the third trip I went by car or bus in year 2012! Actually this is a year in which I have traveled a lot more than ever both short and long distances by any means of transportation. I love year 2012 and it signifies a great start of my wish of traveling. Thanks to those who have brought me to places where all are my first times to be there. I feel that I am so minute and limited, just like a frog in a well and can see only the sky with the size of a circle. The world is actually incredibly so wide and border-less where I cannot explore all throughout my whole life.

I love the feeling of exhaustion after traveling, the hurt of muscles after long-distance walking, biking or trekking, the memories I can gather with people I travel with, the unexpected goods though along with the unwanted bads…

There is a wish that I have wished for, stopped myself from wishing for, but still somehow wish for no matter what. It’s there and still irreplaceable whenever I travel on the same roads and see the same views…

Buy sth to eat before climbing the mountain

Half way...

The pagoda

From the top of the mountain

View from half way

Arrived at the top ^^

Concluding end of the month

2012-11-30T07:10:00.000-08:00

Do you believe in superstitions, horoscopes or fortune-telling? Well, I believe that everything has been destined, but I was not superstitious enough to believe that futures can be foreseen. I experienced these three things in the same month which foretold me the same thing, and it somehow came true.

I have never believed what that white dot on the ring-finger and the accident on it can tell me the thing; I have never felt that a horoscope really tells my story; I have never touched by the words of a fortune-teller; only until what I experienced in this November.

The white dot was there for quite long. As long as it was there, nothing had happened, and I was quite happy with what I was having. Until it came further out and until I had an accident and injured solely that finger, I had to cut off the part of the nail with that white dot. Since then, my feelings were getting worse. Was I so superstitious that I made myself feel bad or was it the other way round? At the same time, someone read a horoscope text of mine on Nov 12. The horoscope was published weekly for Nov 9 – 15. It read that the waterfall that once had water flowing is now dry…What does it tell me? I was trying to interpret and related it to what had happened. There were some correlations. I have followed all the four horoscopes of Nov. They are really telling my stories.

Whether they can foretell or future can be foreseen, I believe that what is destined to happen on me will actually happen on me. It is a lesson which I am destined to face up with and learn to stand back on my feet no matter how hard it is. My soul is weak, but I will make it stronger from time to time with every hardship I am destined to endure and pass through. I believe that I am destined to receive what I am seen to be worth for with the hard work, love and time I have put on it.

Blog Privacy -- CANCELLED

2012-11-18T03:54:00.002-08:00

Dear Visitors and Readers,

I have decided to take back my decision in privatising my blog as I cannot find a valid reason to do so. I love to write and it helps improve my critical thinking and writing ability.

I will continue writing whatever topics influencing me.

Regards,
Leng

Something Behind That

2012-11-11T02:04:00.002-08:00

What do you see in this picture? ‘It’s rain.’ You may answer. Is it simply rain? ‘Why not?!’ Certainly, it is, but only for you. For someone else, it is more than just rain. That’s when we come to define a thing with our own experiences.

A thing is more than what it naturally is, and how it exists in people’s mind varies depending on the unique or sometimes shared experiences of people.

Rain is not only a natural phenomenon but a precious gift from the God for those people who have been suffering from drought. On the other hand, for those whose house was blown away by a storm and whose loved ones died in a flood will find rain a threat or an inducement of sad memory.

Similarly, rain can associate with romance. Some people have described rain being a symbol of romance because loving couples hug to give warmth to each other; they walk under one umbrella under the rain or so. From their view, rain is sweet and wonderful. Some people might, conversely, describe rain as a symbol of darkness, loneliness and sadness because parted couples are no longer hugging each other. They feel cold inside and it makes them feel sick and helpless.

Every single thing has its concrete meaning, but for different people it symbolizes something else which is not known to others besides themselves. Even a single leave can make you feel sad or happy because there is an untold story behind it.

Blog Privacy

2012-11-09T23:08:00.001-08:00

Dear Visitors,

I have been writing articles in this blog for quite some times. Only in two week's time, I have been here writing things for 4 years. There have been more than 40,000 page views since I put the view counter two years ago. It is a stunning number for me. There are more than 100 views every single day.

Yet, for some reasons, I wish to turn the privacy of the blog to 'PRIVATE' effective from the end of November. I am not sure if there are followers who have been following my updates. If there is, please accept my apology. I may come back to be a blogger again some day.

Thank followers and visitors for your support. You have given me motivation to write to some degree.

Best wishes

Bookworm (Jocelyn)

New Job, New Challenges

2012-10-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

Third place! It's the third place I have been working at in merely one year and a half. This new job started in October, and I don't expect to leave within the next few years since the environment here is quite acceptable and have great opportunities for my development. I plan to settle here and adhere to my career plan.

I was glad that I got a job soon after I graduated from one of my universities and learned a lot from the first workplace. I liked everyone as well as the work there. However, with the interest to learn about an embassy's accounting, I quit the first job and started my exploration at the second place. It was a great exploration. I have learned a lot from there too. It was a great opportunity of course. After staying there for one year, I am glad that I have come back to the private sector and started to follow my career plan with the new greatly energetic work team here.

I alert myself to work hard at this place and never again search vacancies on websites within the next two years. I am satisfied with the working environment here and wish to develop myself together with the growing of the company.

Wish I am blessed with the best of luck. ^^

Biking Project: My Bikeprint on Every Road in Phnom Penh City

2012-09-23T07:30:00.001-07:00

It's not out of a sudden that I come up with this idea. My first and original intention of biking was to explore Phnom Penh on my own in the most environmental-friendly way. However, it has somewhat been altered which I didn't expect to, but overall I have appreciated it. Now my original intention has emerged again, and I will realize it no matter what.

Phnom Penh is not too big to be explored by riding a bike. The total land area of the city is 678.46 squared km which is divided into 8 districts of similar sizes. However, I cannot go through every road in one time of biking. Hence, I decide to draw up a master plan for my biking project. Here is a summary of the plan.

Intention: There are three goals of this project:
- First goal is to bike on every road in Phnom Penh City.
- Second goal is to familiarize myself with how one road leads to another road.
- Third goal is to take note of renowned and significant buildings or areas where I see during my bike trip.

Destination: On the map, I will start cancelling out the roads I have been traveling on and are very familiar with. I will leave them as a concluding part of the project though. Among the 8 districts, Chamkarmorn, Daun Penh and 7 Makara should be my most familiar areas. I think I shall cancel quite a lot of roads in these areas.

Duration: I think I will not take quite long for this project. I will complete it within three months.

Frequency: This project will be carried out at least once in a week in a two-hour biking duration each time.

Report: Each time of my exploration will be noted down and will be posted in this blog for records.

It does need strong commitment to carry out this project. However, I determine to stick to it no matter what. In addition to commitment, I might also need courage to go around every small roads in the city where might be too quiet to go in.

Let's see if and when I complete it. ^^

Note: This plan might not be carried out in this October.

How to deal with unsatisfactory situations in a LOVE relationship?

2012-09-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

Preface

*************

LOVE starts with a special feeling you have toward an opposite sex. He/She is someone who can make you happy especially when you are down; who can give you a secure and warm feeling; whom you think of from time to time; whom you feel like staying close to; and whom you want to build your future with. These are temporary feelings which may disappear after a period of time depending on whether he/she is your true love.

People have different ways of thinking and handling of love. What I am writing here is not research-based or formally experimented, but they do come from my own experiences and personal views on this particular topic. It’s at your own discretion to follow or not to follow. Since this is a female author, my points of views are more on the female side although to some degree it also works with males.

The greatest inspiration to write this topic comes from FACEBOOK.com, where I’ve seen so many heart-breaking status updates from my FB friends. I once posted those incomprehensible unhappy statuses too. Instead of making me feel better, I found that those statuses made me feel worse after I posted them. I have understood a lot about the disadvantages of posting unhappy statuses. They will not receive ‘LIKE’ or be commented much because readers do not like them, and they think that you will not tell them either on FB and don’t know how to comfort you, so they simply don't comment. I do suggest that heart-broken people should post anything that win applause and laugh, or at least a smile, and that can make them happy through comments with friends.

Keep in mind that do not let love rule over you but you yourself should have full control of it. I hope you enjoy reading my article and receive the messages I would like to deliver to you.

Jocelyn (T.L)

2012. 09.15

_______________________________________________________________________

LOVE is multi-faceted, and it depends on how we look at it and position ourselves in a relationship. Any love relationship will surely give the parties two feelings concurrently – happiness and pain. There is no such relationship that one experiences its good and sweet part without having to endure some degree of bitterness and suffering. It depends on how well and positively we treat the relationship so that happiness and joy will overwhelm any unpleasant feelings that might emerge from time to time. We can experience the feeling of being in love in several ways.

When you fall in love with someone, it does not necessarily mean that he/she will love you in return. In such situation, it will result in a single-sided love. As the words suggest, single-sided love is to love from one side while the other side silently or clearly rejects it. I shall divide single-sided love into ‘to love’ and ‘being loved’ single-sidedly. While ‘being loved’ by someone only makes the person feel disturbed and uneasy, ‘to love’ someone is more undesirably and inevitably painful if you don't know how to save yourself.

If you are lucky enough, you love the person who also has the same feeling toward you. This is called ‘mutual love’. Couples who have come into a love relationship generally wish that it can bear fruit as a result, i.e. they can form a family in the future and live happily. Reality is always cruel to most loving couples. After some times, when they just find out that this He or She is not someone whom they expected previously and so break up and find a new one; or when there might be family objection; or when they themselves feel that they are not good enough for his/her partner and so leaves the partner; or many other unsatisfactory factors, the once mutually-loved partners might eventually break up. The love they have built can be so profound for one side or for both sides that they will certainly feel like being cut pieces of flesh from their bodies when they do have to loosen their hand once having firmly held.

How to handle a love relationship when it comes to a situation that we don’t wish for? How should we save ourselves when we come to love someone single-sidedly? How should we treat ourselves after the relationship breaks up?

My theories of how to handle love are simple.

- Love is to sacrifice. You should not expect to get something in return when you give it away. It works well with single-sided love. If you do really love him/her, you will wish the person being happy without you or with someone else. To link to this, to avoid unpleasant feelings, you should not expect too much what the person will do for you. The more you expect to receive, the more you will feel disappointed, and then the faster you will break up and dump yourself into the valley of depression. Bear in mind that do not demand from your lovers, let him/her give you what they can and are willing to. Love is not an investment which you always have to weigh between risks and returns.

- Love is to let go. In a single-sided love, you can choose to wait for the person or to find someone else. You might argue that ‘how I can find someone else when my heart is occupied by him/her?’ Believe me, what you should do is to open up your heart and expose yourself to more outdoor activities with friends and colleagues. You don’t have to try to forget him/her because this attempt will only keep reminding yourself of the person. You don’t have to find a substitute either because you may make a wrong decision. Just let it be and the right person will come up. Remember this, if he/she is yours, is yours.

- Love is not everything. Everyone enjoys the sweet part of love but can hardly bear with its bitterness. Love failure does not mean end of the world. ‘How can I live without you?’ Yes! Of course, I can! And I can live very happily. A love relationship is just one of the experiences which make up a big jigsaw of your life. You can still see what the picture is despite losing a small piece of the jigsaw. Perhaps you might get a gold piece to replace a wooden one.

To say is easy, but to do is more than difficult. True love is like heaven and is almost a miracle. You might have to tour around the globe and still cannot find one. But when you are destined to get it, you can just turn round and find the person. Do not try to fight for someone who doesn’t love you in return. Force does not end up with happiness. Do not keep your heart closed because of a failure. It’s natural to feel depressed after a break-up or rejection, just cry out without shame. But do not forget to wipe away the tear, clear your mind and stand up again. The beautiful world and the right person are just outside the door and are waiting for you to reach out.

True love is to love unconditionally. – Jocelyn

Cambodian Buddhist Center

2012-09-09T20:38:00.001-07:00

Located at about 30 km from Preah Monivong Bridge, Buddha Center is far beyond Kean Svay District in Kandal Province. It covers a huge area where we can see several temples, some of which have been completed and some are in the progress. The whole area tells stories about the birth, death and the holy things Buddha has preached and left for the Buddhists.

Due to time constraint, I didn’t go around every corner of the area but went in shortly in each section. The environment was very pleasing and peaceful because I could see many types of greenery under the blue clear sky, and I could inhale the fresh air while studying the structures of Buddhist temples. I love the tranquility of the area and wished I could stay longer.

According to a laywoman who went to offer help at the Center for its renovation, many laypeople from overseas have bought pieces of land around the Buddha Center to extend it and have donated funds to build temples within the area and to renovate it. The whole development plan might be completed within another year. I believe that once it’s fully renovated, many people will be well-informed of the place and start visiting it.

I was impressed by the natural environment of the area, the big buildings of temples, the sculptures on the wall, the statues of Buddhas, the hard work of the monks who were spending their afternoon to clear the bamboo trees to build a path to the other gate, and the commitment of the laywoman who helps without asking for return but only for good deeds.

One year later I believe that it’ll be fully developed, and I will visit it again.

Travel along National Road #1, Buddha Center is in the red circle.

The whole area of Cambodian Buddha Center is the big square. There are two entrances as we can see at the lower part of the picture. You can see the intersection on the second entrance which is the main entrance of the area.

The main entrance of the Cambodian Buddhist Center.

The Buddha Statue at the intersection.

The first temple we could see after coming from the intersection.

The pond is surrounded by many old bamboo trees. The view is just so magnificent.

The entrance to one of the temples.

In the open field out of one of the temples.

Really don't know what it is called. From distance, it looks just like grapefruit but actually not.

In the open field.

Angkor Wat in the middle of a lotus pond. The best view of all. ^^

One of the big Buddha Statues.

One of the biggest temples being constructed. Within it, there is a big hall being decorated and painted.

Inside the biggest temple. The being-constructed hall.

Power vs Right

2012-08-27T22:22:00.002-07:00

Cambodian Constitutional Law, Article 31, stipulates ‘Every Khmer citizen shall be equal before the law, enjoying the same rights, freedom and fulfilling the same obligations regardless of race, colour, sex, language, religious belief, political tendency, birth origin, social status, wealth or other status.’

I doubt the above article is practised in daily living. Are we equal? Asking this question, I remind myself of one quote from the ‘Animal Farm’ in which the pigs who represent the ruling bodies announce that ‘All of us are equal, but some are more equal than others.’ It’s true enough that all of us are equal mentioned in the law; in real life, however, we are not. The rights we can ‘enjoy’ are only those allowed by the ruling bodies and people with high social status because they are actually those who decide what we can do. Those people can otherwise enjoy the rights without restrictions. I am going to focus on road traffic in this writing.

What do you feel when you are stopped by the police for some high-ranking government official’s vehicles to pass by? Are we equal to use the roads while we have already paid the road tax? In this sense, we are not equal although we are said to be given the same right to use the road. There is such an resentful excuse that they are busy people who have to be in hurry to deal with important issues. Sometimes I feel that it’s just a kind of show-off. At the same time, I don’t think that all of us are actually fulfilling the same obligations. This morning I witnessed a bias traffic police officers did to the road users because of their differences in social ranking or political status. Two cars turned right one after another while the red light was flashing on. The first car was a Lexus with a note on the windshield that it’s a government official’s car, while the Camary following is a car of general public. To my surprise, the Lexus was let go when the police saw the note, while the Camary was stopped and the owner was invited out of the car and ‘lectured’ on her breach of the traffic law. It is apparent that they were treated unequally. This should be one of the reasons that I despise the traffic police officers, and please accept my apology if any of the readers here actually is or has a good traffic police officer as relative or friend. The traffic officers tend to seek to fine women and girls rather than men because they rarely complain and just give away money to settle the fine. Are rules of laws work better on women than on men? I guess so. I believe that there should be some officers who have conscience, who wish to maintain a society governed by law, and who also wish to serve the general public equally, but it is someone up there who distorts their belief, choice and commitment.

In this unequal society when power and wealth are valued, everyone seeks to obtain them so as to be feared of and to avoid fulfilling the same obligations as other people do. I resent this power. I wish for another holy power which can defeat it. We wish to be EQUAL and actually EQUAL.

Enthusiasm in Sports

2012-08-15T07:44:00.002-07:00

I have been inspired of doing sport since 2011.

During my childhood, I didn’t do sport much. I was quite discouraged to do sport because I hated perspiring. Another reason could be that I was afraid to get hurt. I strongly believe that these passive attitudes toward sport should have been the root reasons for my unhealthy growing with dissatisfied height and strength.

It can be of no use to do sport now in order to grow taller because my bones are mature now and might not grow but deteriorate. However, I still strongly believe that sports do goods to both of my physical and mental health although it does not work for the growing of my height.

The first sport that I was keen in doing and still like to do is badminton. It doesn’t mean that I can play it well, but I do enjoy the moment I strike the shuttlecock hardly. I find it a good sport to reduce stress. I have played badminton for the longest period; however, I haven’t played it in a closed room where I am not disturbed by the wind and other environment factors. The only thing I don’t like about badminton is that I need a partner to play with.

The second sport I have taken up was biking. I love it most because it enables me to get to know places I have rarely been to. It saves cost to travel and to explore Phnom Penh. It kills time during long holidays when I am alone without the accompanying with friends who return to their hometowns. I can do it alone by myself. Also, it gives me good memories.

I started thinking of learning how to swim after I came back from a Koh Kong trip in 2011. I had searched for information regarding the clubs where provide teaching instructions. Also, I tried to look for a partner who was also interested in learning how to swim. Luckily enough, I found VIP Sport Club and my classmate at CamEd. In April 2012, we have started the swimming lessons. I have learnt only freestyle which is the style I love the most. I had only four classes with my instructor, and I have been learning all by myself so far. I enjoy swimming though alone. I plan to swim in a more standard pool like the one in the Olympic Stadium soon.

Guess what? I have also taken up roller-blading! When my younger brother came back from Singapore for his vacation in May, he proposed to play roller-blading. I also wanted to play it although I had a painful experience many years ago in the roller-skating court near Hun Sen Park. We bought three pairs of roller-blades at US$25 per pair and started to learn how to walk in our house. After one week, we started skating at Koh Pich on Sunday mornings. I fell down many times and got bruises although I have put on protections. Learning roller-blading without a couch is quite dangerous, and so far I have only learned how to turn. :D

I am eager to try all kinds of sport now. I am quite interested in dancing and Tai Kwan Do. I admire dancers who can move their body with the rhythm of the music. Dancing should be very hard for me to take up because of my awkward movement and poor sense of music. Aside from dancing, I wish I could learn Tai Kwan Do or Kung Fu which I could use to protect myself. Who says girls are weak? Who says girls cannot protect themselves? At all times, I do wish to learn how to protect myself with my own fists and knees. I might check out how to do it. ^^

My enthusiasm in sport is burning hot, and I think I might take up more in the future. I will try every sport (normal and extreme) based on my physical and financial ability.

Seeing off...

2012-08-13T05:28:00.001-07:00

It was the second time I have seen my younger brother off at the airport who went back to Singapore for his undergraduate study. He will have to go for another two years to complete his bachelor degree. ^^ Actually, it was not quite special to see him off because I used to do it before. What made it special on August 11 was that I also saw a Singaporean off on the same day.

A female intern named Tan Wen-Yi joined the Embassy for a one-month internship. We didn't talk much for the first two weeks though because we rarely saw each other. Until the reception of Singapore Scholarship Award Ceremony when we and Wuisiong started talking about travelling around Phnom Penh and to the countryside esp to Bokor Mountain. To our surprise, Wuisiong suddenly proposed to go to Bokor Mountain on his newly-bought car a few days on a Saturday morning after the conversation during the above-mentioned Ceremony! I could not believe that we could make it even it's not planned ahead and only a short travelling time! We have got to know Wen-Yi better during the short trip and have got closer.

She finished her internship on August 10 and left for Singapore to continue her study in Year 4 at NUS. Wish she good luck with her final year. ^^

By the way, I had an exciting time with Wuisiong and another male intern, Eric, after seeing off Wen-Yi at the airport. We went for karting at Kambol along National Road 4! It was a special experience to play this sport. I was terrified to accelerate at first because I was afraid that I would get hurt if it crashed. However, after the first round, I acelerated as fast as I could and drove and sped up crazily as if I was playing the racing game on my pc.I loved my speed! Hoohoo....

Just forgot to take down some pics of the karting field...:(

Escape, good?

2012-07-23T02:35:00.001-07:00

There are so many memories that you cannot just erase when you want to. Perhaps sometimes you tell yourself that you will erase everything, but actually you don’t want to because you still value it somehow. You might not try to remind yourself, but from time to time it keeps emerging in your brain.

I haven’t been angry with anyone, and there is no one to be blamed either. Things just went wrong between us, and we could not do anything about it but just to give up and forget it. Or perhaps, there is another way we can solve it and stick to what we were having, but commitment was too weak to make things sustain. Commitment to continue needs to be built on both sides, yet different commitments were built and adhered to. We were meant to go onto two lines that were not supposed to meet again.

I have tried to keep myself busy by involving in several activities and keeping myself more active, alone or in group, with friends or with unknowns, so as to forget something that went wrong. It might not be a good choice to escape, but it might not be good enough to face up with it while I know I am not that strong enough. Still, I could not fall asleep easily these days because things just keep floating up but never sink.

No matter what has happened, I am still enjoying writing. I find it the best way to calm myself down and to hamper my emotion from going wrong.

21.07.12_A Visit to Choeung Ek Genocidal Center

2012-07-22T07:22:00.001-07:00

An idea of going to Choeung Ek suddenly emerged again when I received a msg from my swimming partner on that morning that she could not go swimming with me. I used to think of biking to Choeung Ek several weeks ago, but there was a reason for not being able to realize it. Finally, I did it, and on my own.

I kicked off from my house at 6am and headed to the Northwest. Thinking of taking a detour, I rode into blocks of unfamiliar roads in Boeung Tumpun. Consequently, I got lost! I could not find the road to Tumnup Thmey road. How poor I am in geographical location! Instead of taking a detour, I spent longer time to find the way out and got onto the intended road. Along Tumnup Thmey road, the traffic was worse than ever esp when the road was badly destroyed by recent bad weather. It was actually raining slightly on the way too until I was halfway on the Chamkar Dong Road. This road was in better condition, though traffic was also quite heavy.

To note whether I almost got to the destination, I looked on my right hand side for the school named ‘Tuol Ampil’. I turned left to a small road soon after I saw the school. Unfortunately, soon after that, I realized that I was wrong again because the road led me to a pagoda in a quiet area. Asking for directions from the locals should be the best solution. I got it! In the end, I found myself riding on a plastered road which was told to head to the Center. The road was newly built and so was very convenient to ride on. I thought, possibly, that there had been increasing number of visitors going there, so the road was built up.

The main gate of Choeung Ek Genocidal Center

Tower where skulls of victims are being kept.

I arrived there at around 7am. The Center is scheduled to open at 7:30am. Luckily, the main gate was open earlier than usual and only that the museum inside was still closed. I parked my bike. Without ticket, I could go into the site and toured around every corner from the main gate to the rear site. The environment was very inviting and comfortable. I could smell the fresh air in the early morning. Without a guide, I got to know the place by myself by reading the notices on various boards.

Schedule for movie clips

One of the boards giving info about the description of location.

Descriptions about Choeung Ek Genocidal Center

It was quite frightening to walk alone at the rear site where victims were executed and buried. There were many ditches covered will hollow water and green grass. Yet, it’s still not as frightening as the heavy traffic on the way here.

It is where we can relax.

The rear site...make sure you don't step into the ditches. Scaring.

I felt sorry that I was not there at the right time when the movie clips and museum were to be open. Movies are to be broadcast at 9am. When I was about to leave, I talked to an officer in charge there. Accordingly, there are around 300 to 400 visitors a day, more than 80% of which are foreigners, and around 20% are locals who do researches about Pol Pot Regime or who have indirectly or directly dealt with cases at ECCC.

It’s great to have visited the place and to know about our history, as a Cambodian. I have never visited Tuol Sleng either, so I guess I will visit it very soon. ^^

More but keep it short...

2012-07-18T03:19:00.000-07:00

My life has always been so perfect that I haven't encountered problems that made me down until now. Everything has been right with me, and I have been enjoying. What's wrong with my luck in 2012? I have felt so dump this year. I have been through a period of dissatisfaction of several things. They could even make me sad. The worst thing is that I have had a feeling of being ignored.

I hope that starting from August, I will be reborn and will be able to recover my luck and physical and mental happiness.

Wish to feel blessed.

Just bike...

2012-06-23T05:17:00.002-07:00

I haven't touched my bike for almost one month. It was totally covered with dust and you will feel quite gloomy when you look at it. I haven't biked to all the corners of Phnom Penh yet, and I don't think I will be able to do it because whenever I bike, I feel like going to places I am familiar with and dare not go beyond that boundary.

This morning I got up at 5:30 am and suddenly thought of going biking instead of going swimming which I have planned for since last week. I haven't swum for two weeks either. Really, I have been getting lazy with exercising when I have to do them alone.

The views around the riverside area are always the most inviting which inspire me to go there whenever I go biking on my own. The sunshine is warm; the wind is fresh; the grass is green...

There are many things floating up in memories...

All about feelings...

2012-06-17T04:41:00.001-07:00

I hate these feelings, the feeling of not being able to find someone to talk to when I wish to release my feelings, the feeling of being afraid that the one(s) I wish to talk to does not want to talk to me, the feeling of being lonely although many people are around me.

These are such fucking feelings that I wish to avoid from having and that I wish to eliminate when I start to have them. But I cannot do anything about it because it’s just all about my personality that I need someone to talk to when I am not happy. When I am rejected esp by the person I wish to talk to most, the feeling will be doubled.

I am sensitive and emotional. Once I am rejected once or at most twice, I will feel discouraged to ask for it again. It might be partly because I am angry with the person, but it’s mainly because I don’t want to add disappointment to my current dump feeling. It’ll simply end up with depression.

Am I not strong enough to be alone?

How I define 'strong'...

2012-06-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

I would define a strong person as not being physically muscular but emotionally steady and joyful at all times regardless of whatsoever happening to him.

He can still wear a pleasant smile on his face although his heart is bleeding.

He can enjoy the hardship with which he is dealing with hope and courage.

He can view blames as advice, failure as lesson, and hardship as development.

He can forgive and forget how hurt he suffered and lead a new life.

How many of us are strong? How many of us can do so?

We are not strong enough to do everything by our own. We cannot smile when we are down. We complain more or less when we encounter hardship and can be easily discouraged to walk on. We are sad when we are blamed because we never consider those blames are advice people are giving to us though in an unpleasant way. We fear of failure and don't want to try again because we don't want to be disappointed for the second time and especially we don't want to lose face. We fear of hardship and wish to do any routine jobs that are easy and comfortable. We want development in our skills and spirit, but we are afraid of being suffered from the difficulty after we decide to step out of the soft pillows we are lying on. We feel unfair to forgive and forget someone who used to do ills to us. As long as we feel like taking revenge, we will lead a life of sorrows and depression. Learn to forgive people or at least to forget that there used to be someone who hurt us. Open ourselves to the beautiful world again. There is always a colorful rainbow and fresh air after the rain.

Outing with Family

2012-05-22T03:13:00.000-07:00

I love my family!

This is a special month and a special year because my family ate out to celebrate Mother's Day. We did it one day in advance (on Saturday). I proposed that we go to Pizza Company at Sorya Shopping Center. I wished to take my Mum to Sorya because she has never been there before since its establishment. Meng was not yet back from Singapore, so there were only four of us. However, I could see that she was very happy after dining. We did have a great time and planned to have another time after Meng was back. Plan was satisfactorily carried out. Meng came back on 16th and we had another good time with the existence of all family members at Pizza Company Riverside last Saturday.

It was just a start to encourage my Mum to go out more. This year I have brought to her to Chamkar Pring Dream Park, and now to Pizza Company at Sorya Center and River, and I will take her to other places, though not far from Phnom Penh. I am thinking of taking her to Koh Dach. I hope this will succeed soon. ^^

Mum and Dad at Chamkar Pring

Dine out at Pizza Company Riverside

Recent Emotional Issue

2012-04-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

I went to Central Market with Lina this evening after a short reunion with Nith and Minea. It’s been for many years I haven’t been to the market. Roughly counted, it should have been around 10 years. On the first day of this Khmer New Year, I went to Wat Phnom to welcome the new angel with my friends. It must be also so surprising to tell people that I haven’t been there for approximately 10 years either. Am I a Phnom Penh-er? But I have never been to and haven’t been to many places for ages in Phnom Penh. This should be very surprising unbelievable when people know this. There are many things else and many places else I have never been around Cambodia. Only started from last year, I started walking around the riverside in front of the Royal Palace. Never before have I enjoyed walking and eating out with friends. Everything seems to have started from last year—the year of revolution.

Perhaps I have stayed at home so much rather than going out in the past, so recently when I am rather financially independent, I wish to go to wherever I can, do whatever I’ve dreamed of and wish, eat whatever I have feel like…I wish I could enjoy this alone, but I can’t. I don’t like being alone in whatever I do. I wish to do them with friends or loved one; however, no one is at all times free to fulfill my desires. I wish I could learn to enjoy independently. Once I could learn it, I would not have to bother people. I wish I could travel alone so that I wouldn’t have to depend on people’s decisions. Rather, I would be able to go wherever I wished and to do whatever I wanted. It gives me bad feelings when my requests are turned down. Except for some cases, I rarely turn down people’s requests to me because I’m too weak and too dependent to reject ones. Only one accompany will just be enough to satisfy me.

Again, I wish I could be more independent—to be able to enjoy though alone. The new wish for the new year!

What's on my mind?

2012-04-15T03:45:00.004-07:00

I am OBSESSED with so many things, things that I cannot control myself not to think of . I cannot describe myself as being bothered because I feel happy to think of them; however, when they come to me and stay in my mind every sec like this, I feel almost unbearable. I hope I know how to manage them well and keep myself in the best condition to do other things simultaneously.

I think I really have to swear it again. Cross my heart! I believe I can do it and must do it.

Memories around Trip to Koh Dach

2012-03-27T02:44:00.000-07:00

Biking is the most environmental friendly way of travelling. It might allow you to go as far as across from one country to another with low cost and extreme joys.

I am glad that I have been to Koh Dach and it’s even more delightful when I can travel on a bike. Certainly, it takes time to do it and is exhausting. However, nothing is better than travelling with a friend and enjoying the country views and fresh air.

On 24.03.12 Saturday morning, we left home at 6:30. Along the way to the port to Koh Dach, we had breakfast in a small family-owned canteen. It was quite a long distance between Chroychangva Bridge and the port. The port is located in a small road after you turned right into the gateway of a Chinese Temple (Fu De Miao) along

National Road

6A. For bike, one person is charged 1000 Riels. No longer than 15 minutes, the ferry deported at the tip of Koh Dach. Instead of riding directly toward Koh Dach, we crossed the bridge of Koh Oknha Tey and toured around the island for the whole morning.

Koh Oknha Tey

People on this island earn living by growing various plants. I could find fields of taro plantation, corn plantation, banana trees, papaya trees, and other plantations. Houses are located separately one from the other and within each of them there were always some trees and plants such as coconut or mango trees. Horses and cows seemed to be their means of transportation in carrying food stuff and ploughing the fields. We went around the island and stopped by here and there to take pictures, to look at the plantations, and to relax. It was a great morning!

At 11:00am we crossed the bridge back to the intersection. Instead of finding a place nearby to have lunch, we decided to head to Koh Dach Beach. Although the weather was quite gloomy the whole morning, the sun shone brightly up above our head while we had to take a round an hour to bike from the bridge to the beach. I was glad that I was perfectly protected from sunburn.

Koh Dach Beach

We met a little girl halfway to the beach. She was one of the vendors there and offered to guide us all the way to the destination. At around 12:10pm, we finally arrived at the entrance. Standing from the distance high above from the ground, we could see an amazing view of the beach. Around five lines of bamboos plates were well arranged to allow motorbikes and bikes to ride on conveniently from the high ground toward the riverbank. We could see many small huts laying both at the riverbank and a little bit far into the river. The sand was incredibly white although it was not as white as that we find at seashore.

A set meal including a roasted chicken and rice in total costs $10 after bargaining. We did not buy the set meal from the vendor there. It is too much for two people to eat. Instead, we bought various snacks for lunch. We had the food, played with the water, chatted, and enjoyed the great view of the river and cool fresh air after a whole morning cycling. The environment was so relaxing and peaceful. Not many people were there on the day. There are more people going on Sundays and holidays, according to the vendor. We left the place at 3pm unwillingly. We took another road aside from the one we came from. After around more than half-an-hour riding, we went pass a port going to Bak Kheng. We decided to choose the detour to go back the mainland and we were going to Bak Kheng, another unplanned destination of the day.

It made me more exhausted on the way back because my bike had some problems. I am excited to have a whole day of cycling and relaxing at the seaside-like riverbank although my legs and shoulders almost split off from my body.

I am planning to take my family there once in the nearest future.

Readers, you haven’t known Koh Dach, have you? Why not try out one day?

HOUSEWIFE

2012-02-28T06:47:00.002-08:00

I pity HER who is a full-time housewife who stays at HOME all day, 7 days a week, and almost 360 days a year. I feel sympathy that she doesn’t free herself from the cage of the house and go to enjoy the world she has detained herself from. In her mindset, she predetermines that the world outside the house is full of dangers and keep telling her family members who commute along the road each and every day to be more careful and wait at the front door anxiously and even nervously when they come home late.

She knows nothing besides housework, and it is the only thing she can perfectly manage, so when dealing with matters out of her scope, she has nothing to do but worries days and nights, keeps asking the progress of the issues, and only after they are solved, she then felt relieved. In her mind, she is suffering when she cannot hand her hand out.

Talking about businesses and politics, about education and technology, she is out of the crowd. Her children are very in, while she is absolutely out. They use words in connection with hi-tech which is so alien to her. She wants to learn those words so as to communicate or at least to know what they are talking about, but she blames herself for being so dump that she cannot catch any.

She feels so lonely at home alone while her children and partner are out to work. She has no one to talk to, but when they are back, they find her talk a lot and start to feel bored of her. She just wants someone to talk to or at least listen to her.

I feel sorry for this lady—a full-time housewife at all times.

My dear housewives, I know you have contributed your whole lives in managing the housework, but I love you more when you can enjoy your lives as I know I can take care of myself. Please think of yourselves now!

Housewives! I know you want to see the outside world. Please do feel free to step out! The world is not as evil as you assume. Perhaps sometimes it is, but only with the BADS we have experienced that we will know what the GOODS are and that we will know how to value them. Please! Do not too anxious and worried to keep yourselves waiting for them to come back from work or school. Believe me. They know how to take care of themselves and if there are bad things actually happen, they are destined. Again, they learn from their fault, so you don’t have to give too much care even though care is indeed needed. Please! Do not devote all your time to a family although of course a family is important, a personal time for you is also what your children wish that you could have and enjoy yourselves. Please do upgrade yourselves. I believe that it’s hard for an already-experienced full-time housewife to learn the things blossomed in this modern world, but more or less you should try to know what they are.

The best choice is that you should not be a full-time housewife. Please do not accept the request or offer to stay home after getting married. Perhaps you inevitably have to end your work, but please do not keep yourself at home all day long. You should not end your social life—interactions with friends and colleagues make life more enjoying and meaningful. You may also keep learning new things and following the footsteps and pace of the people around you so that you will be able to contribute ideas when things come up.

BE a PROFESSIONAL HOUSELADY!

Valentine's Day--Love quotes

2012-02-13T07:19:00.000-08:00

You are my valentine! <3

Love is not finding someone to live with; it’s finding someone that you can’t live without.—Rafael Ortiz

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.—Karen Sunde

Where there is love, there is life.—Mahatma Gandhi

My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We’ll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.--by Frederick Saunders

For twas not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart
Twas not my lips you kissed
But my soul.--by Judy Garland

What I need to live has been given to me by the earth.
Why I need to live has been given to me by you.--Author Unknown

The following quotes are by Jocelyn:

Don’t give me fresh flowers because they will just dry away; but please do give me fresh memories because they will stay with me forever.

Chocolate is not sweet enough without your kiss along with it.

You don’t have to show me your heart because I can just see it clearly through your eyes. It’s genuinely true!

No one has ever given me the feeling I have received from you. It's unique and irreplaceable.