Country Cook

Mini Apple Pies

2012-06-02T16:59:00.001-07:00

Adapted from Paula Deen's Cookbook

You will need:

4 teaspoons butter

3 McIntosh apples, peeled, cored, and sliced
3 tablespoons sugar (I used Splenda)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

15-ounce package refrigerated rolled pie crust
2 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar

How to make it:

First, preheat your oven to 400°F. Spray a large sheet tray with nonstick spray.
Heat your butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat until it has melted. Then, add the apples, sugar, cinnamon, vanilla, and lemon juice. Cook, over medium heat, occasionally stirring, until the apples are soft. This usually takes 10 to 15 minutes. Remove from heat; let the filling cool down some. (About 15 minutes.)

On a lightly floured surface, use a circular cookie cutter to make nine circle cutouts in the dough. Spoon some of the filling onto each dough circle. Make sure there is room on the edges (1/2 an inch to 1 inch) so the filling doesn't leak out. Now, cut out nine more circles in the dough for the tops of the mini pies. Then, seal the dough together on the edges by pressing them with the tines of a fork. Prick the top of each pie two or three times to vent.

Bake until golden, about 20 minutes. Warning: some of the filling may leak out. Take the mini pies out of the oven so they can cool on a baking sheet rack for 5 minutes. After the 5 minutes is up, sprinkle with powdered sugar while still warm. Serve them warm or at room temperature.

Enjoy!

Bible verse:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

To me, this verse means that you should not worry because God has it all under control. Even if your life seems like everything is going wrong, God knows what he's doing. Be calm, because God is taking care of all the things that worry you, big and small. This is a huge leap of faith, but you will feel so much better, and a lot calmer, when you are able to do this. So, start with the little things: Don't worry about what clothes you are going to wear tomorrow, or if a roof leaks after a storm. God has it under all control, you can trust him.

Recovery Challenge - Day 30

2012-05-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

List your stats again. Did this help you at all?

Height: (STILL) 5'2"
Weight: 104
I would say it helped a little. My life has actually been looking a little better lately. School hasn't been too bad, and my hair has started growing back. YAY! Sadly, my issues at home and with my family are still pretty awful... Over the course of my eating disorder, I have learned a lot of things that I probably would have never learned without these experiences. I wish it was easy enough to just flip a switch and turn off my eating disorder, but it isn't. I will continue to work on it, and dream about the life I want to have in my future, so hopefully it will eventually come!

Recovery Challenge - Day 29

2012-05-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

Challenge yourself again in some way today. Whether it be being more social, eating more, eating another fear food, etc. Explain.

I have tried to be a little more social. Which, for me, that means going from "Not looking at anyone, talking to anyone, or acting like anyone is even near me." to "Looking more people in the eyes, smiling, and helping people on math questions they have (even though that one really annoys me)."
Plus my mom is making some kind of chicken recipe in the crock pot with chicken, onions, cheese, and rice. It smells super delicious, so maybe I will try some for dinner tonight too!

Day 28 - Recovery Challenge

2012-05-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

What do you need to improve on in order to advance mentally and or physically towards recovery? Explain how you plan on actually moving forward with these goals!

Since I have found out that it is impossible (in my situation) to try to change anybody else, or even try to get them to understand, I still need to do my best to heal. I can try to focus on only me, and not worry about anyone else. I can try to avoid arguments (even though some of them are extremely hard to avoid). I can work hard at everything I do now so I have the life I want to in the future (doing good in school, etc.). I can keep a positive attitude and look forward to the things coming. Finally, I still must try to convince myself that it is okay to eat all the yummy foods I crave all the time.

Day 27 - Recovery Challenge

2012-05-09T16:50:00.001-07:00

Create a letter of everything you would write to your eating disorder as if it were a real life person.

Dear ED,
You have come at the perfect time in my life. I was in need of a way to cope with all that was going on. You made me feel good... but only for a short amount of time. You have caused me a lot of misery, both physical and mental, as well as emotional. Turns out, you have done absolutely nothing to boost my self esteem or give me more friends or make me feel any better about myself. You are pretty much all I think about... which has made school so much harder, which I do not appreciate. Yes, you may be a coping mechanism... but a deadly one. I do not want to live with you any longer. This is easier said than done, as I know it isn't possible to just say goodbye and move on with my life. Yet, one day I will be happy and you won't have a part in my life. I will eat without worrying about you. I will exercise without worrying about you. You will not hold me back from the things I really want to do.
Cassidy

Day 26 - Recovery Challenge

2012-05-07T11:47:00.001-07:00

Eating disorders often come hand in hand with social anxiety and or depression. Start 1 conversation today with someone you don’t normally speak to. How did it go?

Oh gosh. Yep. Instant anxiety just reading this one. I might need a few days to complete it.

UPDATE: I have yet to complete this one...

Day 25 - Recovery Challenge

2012-05-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

What are your ‘fear foods’? I CHALLENGE you to eat one today. Dare you. Do it.

Bread, anything with a lot of sugar or fat, anything fried, peanut butter, butter, ice cream, pizza, cheese, pancakes, syrup, doughnuts, pasta.

UPDATE: I was really afraid of doing this challenge today.But I did end up completing it. My mom was watching TV on the couch, while eating chips and salsa. So, I had half of a chip, dipped in a little bit of salsa. It was good :) My mom was proud of me.

Day 24 - Recovery Challenge

2012-05-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

Where were you in terms of your eating disorder 6 months ago? Describe how you’ve changed.

Six months ago was December. I had only had an eating disorder for a few months at the time. It was pretty bad in December. I was probably eating about 700 calories a day. I was reluctant to add any more food to my diet. I had to get my blood drawn. EEK. I was always dizzy and exhausted. I even saw myself as too thin, yet I couldn't make myself eat more... it is so weird how anorexia messes with your brain. I was having to regularly see a cardiologist to monitor my heart because it was so weak. I spent 100% of my time thinking about food and calories, I couldn't even focus at all in school. I was always in a bad mood.
Currently, though, I'm able to focus a little better in school. I have made it to my goal weight.(My doctor said she's never seen someone's weight recover so quickly) Sadly, I see myself as morbidly obese... even though I am barely in a normal weight range. My hair has started to grow back a little (even though it's still falling out). Usually I eat the same foods every day, although some days I am able to change one food item. I'm trying hard to recover, but its so hard... especially when your own family doesn't support you. I just wish things were better...

Day 23 - Recovery Challenge

2012-05-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

List 2 positive things that happened to you today.

Well.... don't have much homework! That's good. I took some pictures of my dog (who had surgery last week) wearing his cone. The pictures turned out really cute. I love dogs :)

A positive thing that happened yesterday that I really wanted to share would be my experience with my Spanish teacher. I had to go to her classroom after school to take a test. When I got in there, she asked me if my brother drove me home. I told her no, because we fight a lot. The conversation led into all the issues going on in my family... and after I finished telling her all about it, she told me that if I ever needed someone to talk to, she'd be there to listen. Then she told me that when she was a kid, her parents didn't get along and ended up divorcing. And that when they separated, it was better because she didn't have to see them fighting. After I left her classroom after I took my test, I thought about what she was saying. Wow, my teacher had to go through this when she was a kid and seemed to know what I was talking about exactly. Then I thought about it some more. She always brings her lunch to school and I see her put it in her fridge in the room. She eats super healthy, which made me feel good because I feel like people think I'm weird because I eat so healthy. She is a triathlete. She raves about her children and husband and things they do together all the time. She has a nice husband, even though her parents didn't get along at all -- I'm worried that I'm going to marry somebody like my dad.... it gave me a lot of confidence that there are nice people to marry out there. From just that one conversation, I gained a BUNCH of respect for her. So, there really are teachers that care about you! :)

Day 22 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Describe your goals for your future.

I'm glad I get to write about this one. I spend a bunch of my time thinking about my future. Well, based on the plan, and the specific high school I go to, I will already have the first two years of college finished when I graduate high school. After that, I hope to go to the University of Tennessee to finish up college. Then I plan to get a job, I'm interested in Architecture, Interior Design, and Nutrition currently. I want to save up for a nice house,with pretty flowers and an apple tree (I love apples). I hope I will have a very decorated, happy, and colorful house with a great kitchen and a huge closet. Also, I hope that my eating disorder is gone so I can enjoy food in the future, cook, take amazing pictures, travel, make friends, volunteer at an animal shelter, and have a dog. I might get married... but I'm going to be very picky about that, because I don't want to end up unhappy (bad experiences) and I probably wont have kids, but if I did, I would hope it was a girl.

Day 21 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-30T11:42:00.002-07:00

Who has been the biggest contributor of your recovery in your life? Explain.

My mom. She is always there to support me, cheer me up, listen, and help me the best she can. I am so thankful for my mom.

Day 20 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

I feel eating disorders have somehow been glamorized. Explain your opinion on this.

Yes, I believe eating disorders have been glamorized. Lots of people have told me that they wish they could trade places with me for a week so they could be skinny. Well, if people really understood what I was going through, NONE of them would want to trade places with me for even a second. A lot of people think that they want an eating disorder to be skinny. They don't, they just want to lose weight. An eating disorder is miserable, and never goes away unless you get some serious counseling. I feel like people need to be educated better about eating disorders.

Day 19 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Has your eating disorder ever held you back from something? If so, explain.

Luckily, I haven't had an eating disorder for a really long time, its been less than a year, so I haven't missed out on too much. Now, if my eating disorder continues for years and years, (which I hope it doesn't) I can assure you it would hold me back from numerous events. In the past 8 months, I have missed out on a few things. It has held me back from making friends and having fun. There haven't really been any exciting events in my life in the past eight months that I could have missed out on.

Day 18 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

Here’s a challenge. Come up with a hobby you’ve never done or haven’t done in awhile that has NOTHING to do with eating or exercising or cooking. Totally non eating disorder related. What is your hobby? Why did you chose it?

After thinking about it for a while, I chose needlepoint art. My mom can do needlepoint pictures and made a few for when I was a baby (of bears and the alphabet). I thought they look really cool, so I would like her to teach me how to do it sometime.

Day 17 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

What does being fat TRULY mean to you?

This one is hard for me to answer. I know most people are expecting some in-depth answer, but to me, being fat means eating more calories than you burn and being overweight. (I would say something like being jiggly, but I know "skinny" people who are jiggly.) And I would say being unsatisfied with the way you look, but even underweight, I still think I'm fat. Maybe it's more of an emotion?

Day 16 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

How would you help a close friend or family member if they developed an eating disorder?

I would make sure they were getting all the medical help they needed. I would willingly offer any kind of help that person needed to make sure they were doing okay. I would do everything I could not to promote an eating disorder... talk about weight, food, negative body images, etc. I would support this person and be there for them if they ever needed to talk. And, I would be willing to make any adjustments/changes to my life if the person needed it.

Day 15 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-09T06:16:00.000-07:00

Post a picture of you before you ever developed an eating disorder. What emotions were you feeling in this picture? Describe your picture.

This was Spring Break 2011. I was on a Royal Caribbean cruise with my family. My mom and I went to the beach together. We were eating lunch. I don't remember exactly what I got to eat, but it looks like watermelon and a piece of chocolate cake were left on my plate. Of course, I know I ate a lot more than that before this picture was taken. I chose this picture because I know I didn't have any sort of eating disorder at this time.
I was going to pick a picture from my trip to Wyoming in August 2011 (right before my eating disorder occurred) but I felt I was not eating normal at the time, so I guess my eating disorder had already started by then. I had lost a few pounds, but not much. I was still eating a variety of foods, but not quite as much as before.
In this picture, I this was me at normal weight. A competitive swimmer. Before I lost 23 pounds. (I've gained back about 10 at the moment) Eating whatever I wanted... when I was hungry. My brother had been harassing me about my weight for a long time. It was just starting to bother me. I hadn't really even thought of the idea that if I ate less, I would be skinnier. I didn't even think I could get fat though... when I looked at pictures of me at this time, I thought "If I could just lose weight I'd have more friends. I'd be happier. I'd be prettier. People would like me more. I'd look better in my clothes. I'd have a boyfriend. etc..."
Well, now I realize none of that is true. Losing weight has made me have no friends, always angry and never happy, uglier (in many ways), and I look worse in my clothes (they're practically sliding off of me now).

Day 14 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

How do your friends and family feel about your eating disorder?

I don't have very many friends, and only one really knows about it. She doesn't quite understand anything about my eating disorder at all, so sometimes it's frustrating to talk to her, even though I really appreciate her listening to what I have to say. As for my family, my mom is my biggest supporter. She will do pretty much anything for me to recover. She understands it the most. My dad thinks I'm crazy and can't understand why I don't eat. He doesn't have much tolerance for anything. My brother is angry because it takes attention away from his "perfect little life" and people are paying more attention to me. I don't think my dad or brother want to understand my eating disorder or will ever try to understand it. My mom's parents are extremely worried about me. They frequently email and call me to check on me. (Since their daughter had an eating disorder and passed away, I can understand why they are so concerned.) As for my dad's side of the family, they know I have an eating disorder, but they don't bother to spend their time checking up on me. I never talk to them, and they probably all have the same opinion about me that my dad does... that I'm crazy...

Day 13 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

Do you believe you can ever fully recover from an eating disorder? Explain.

I want to believe that I can fully recover. It will take a long time and won't be easy, but I hope I can recover. I think I will be able to eat a variety of foods, but I'm not sure if it's possible for me to ever eat a food without looking at the nutrition facts first. I hope it is possible, and I also hope I will continue to eat healthy foods while also being able to enjoy desserts. But I don't think I will ever be able to stuff my face with desserts like I used to do sometimes. I hope that one day I will be able to look in the mirror without seeing every flaw too.

Day 12 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-06T14:32:00.003-07:00

Post a picture of 1 thing you ate today.

I had my usual bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. But... I got carried away with my photography so I uploaded a few more pictures of some of what I ate today.

Granny Smith Apple and Kiwi

Kiwis always look amazing when you hold them up to the light.

I love Chobani Greek Yogurt.

Day 11 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-05T11:38:00.001-07:00

List 10 PHYSICAL features you like about yourself.

1. My teeth (I just got my braces off)
2. My fair skin.
3. My eyes.
4. My hands

Hmmm..... I'm out of things that I like about myself. This shows my confidence...

Day 10 - Recovery Challenge

2012-04-01T11:06:00.001-07:00

Does anyone in your close family have an eating disorder? If so, do you think it had an impact on you developing one?

My aunt, on my mom's side of the family had an eating disorder as an adult, but I don't think it had much impact on me because she died when I was around six years old. I was too young to pay attention to how she ate the few times I saw her. On my dad's side of the family, they are almost all compulsive over-eaters. They become overweight and practically starve themselves to lose it quickly. Then overeat and gain it back right away. They'll eat/snack when they aren't hungry at all. They frequently talk about their weight, diet, and "good/bad food". Technically not an eating disorder, but not a healthy relationship with food. Sometimes I feel that this is what gives me a fear that I might one day have a lack of self control of what I eat and end up overweight.

Day 9 - Recovery Challenge

2012-03-31T08:52:00.001-07:00

Create a list of all the negative things your eating disorder has given you.

1. I've lost a LOT of hair... and its still falling out.
2. I've lost the few friends I had before this happened.
3. I haven't been able to make any new friends.
4. I'm really sensitive to pain, every little thing hurts really bad.
5. Depression
6. I have trouble concentrating.
7. My whole body is covered in little hairs. (Lanugo)
8. My heart is really weak, since my heart rate got down to 35. (now it is 60)
9. I have no muscles or energy.
10. I get dizzy every time I stand up.
11. My legs cramp really bad at night.
12. My nails are so thin that they bend.
13. I'm always cold.
14. Things that I used to enjoy aren't fun anymore.
15. I'm always restless or anxious.
16. Holidays are no fun... what is Easter without chocolate? Or Thanksgiving without pie? Or a birthday without cake?
17. My family (home) is always complete chaos.

This list could go on and on. On the bright side, after staying up all night vomiting from a stomach problem (I'm really sensitive to hormones) I didn't feel up to having oatmeal this morning... so instead I ate a bagel! Huge accomplishment for me! Especially since I am afraid of bread. But, I enjoyed it! :D

Day 8 - Recovery Challenge

2012-03-30T06:51:00.001-07:00

Create a list of all the positive things your eating disorder has given you. (This day should be short haha.)

1. I don't judge people so quickly
2. I learned that its better to be healthy than skinny
3. I'm more positive
4. I care more about what a person is like on the inside and not so much about the outside anymore.

Day 7 - Recovery Challenge

2012-03-29T06:01:00.001-07:00

Do you think the media contributes to the growing rate of girls developing eating disorders younger and younger?

I can see how the media can have an impact on girls getting eating disorders. They look in a magazine and see a super skinny model and think "I need to look like this to be popular/liked/attractive". For me though, if the media had any impact on my eating disorder, it was small considering there are so many other things in my life that most likely triggered my ED. I am well aware that lots of pictures in magazines are Photoshopped... but sometimes I guess I wish I had "a flat stomach like that model..." even though I know that the model's stomach isn't even that flat in real life. People have a misconception on what the "ideal female" looks like, and the ones in magazines aren't normal females. I don't believe the media contributes to girls getting eating disorders at younger and younger ages because the age I am is "prime time" for an eating disorder to occur.