The Journey

Di Mana Kan Ku Cari Ganti...

2011-10-07T08:58:00.000+08:00

Di manakan ku cari ganti

Serupa dengan mu

Tak sanggup ku derita dan berhati patah

Hidup gelisah

Alangkah pedih rasa hati

Selama kau pergi

Tinggal ku sendirian

Tiada berteman dalam kesunyian

Dunia terang menjadi gelita

Cahaya indah tiada berguna

Keluhan hati ku menambah derita

Kini kau jua tak kunjung jelma

Di manakan ku cari ganti

Mungkinkah di Syurga

Untuk teman ketawa

Menangis bersama selama-lamanya

Early morning I wake up because last night it was the same nightmare I have..What is the meaning if you keep on dreaming of the same thing over and over again? I hope nothing bad will happen to me and my family..In my dream, there was this song playing all along and never stop..It was a song by Late P.Ramlee, the greatest song writer, producer and also an actor..A story of a lost-love of a lifetime..Ya Allah, kenapa Engkau selalu berikan mimpi yang sama setiap malam? Apa sebenarnya maksud disebalik mimpi Mu? Dan kenapa dia yang harus ada dalam mimpi-mimpiku? Padahal hakikatnya, bangun ku..Dia tidak lagi dengan ku..Perit, Sakit tidak tertanggung Ya Allah..Tolong lah dan kasihankanlah hambaMu ini Ya Allah..Jauhkanlah hati, perasaan dan fikiran ini darinya..Hilangkanlah ingatan kepadanya..Hilangkanlah perasaan kepadanya..Kosongkan Hati dan Fikiran ini sebagaimana dia..

Layak kah aku untuk hidup dengan gembira? Layak kah aku untuk hidup tenang? Layak kah aku untuk hidup dengan sebaik-baiknya? Ya Allah, hanya Engkau Maha Mengetahui dan Memahami kehidupan yang tlah ku lalui dan yang sedang ku lalui saat ini..Setelah sekian lamanya cuba memendam segala kenangan-kenangan pahit, tidak layak kah lagi untuk hambaMu ini hidup tenang dan gembira? Tlah ku cuba untuk menguatkan diri sekuat mungkin, tapi kekadang bila ada dia muncul di mana-mana walaupun hanya bayangan dan pertanyaan demi pertanyaan yang ditujukan tentangnya, itu sudah cukup kuat untuk melemahkan diri ini..Ya Allah, hambaMu sudah tidak mampu menanggung segala ini sendiri Ya Allah..Engkau Maha Mengetahui, bantulah hambaMu ini untuk menjalankan hidup dengan tenang dan gembira..Berikanlah kegembiraan padaku walaupun hanya secebis..Amin Rabbil Alamin..

Bloggy, Sorry...Once again, I failed!

=============== Mode : Conflict of Emotions : ON ===============

Broken Heart-ed...

2011-10-06T04:27:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Aloha Bloggy...

Bloggy, I miss you..Haven't use that word for quiet some time now..Do you miss me? Is anyone even miss me or even notice me alive here? Nahh, I don't think so..Coz if they did, I wouldn't be alone before, now and maybe later or should I say forever? Only HE knows..Ya Allah, lama sangat dah tak menulis..Da macam kekok plak, but know what..This Bloggy is all I have now, eventhough you're cannot talk or respond to any of my writings on you, but I know that you will olwez there for me..Listen to all of my tears, happiness, sorrows and what's best is that you olwez letting me express everything to you, like you know I don't have anyone to share with..Bloggy, i miss her..Before I ever have you, I have someone that is most important for me and she has everything that you have but what makes both of you differ is that she is a person..A real person..That shares everything with me..You know who am I talking about, right? Yahh, she's the one..The one and only..If you saw her, please let her know that I really miss her and need her now..

Ya Allah, hidung ni asyik keluar darah jer..Tapi malam ni paling banyak..Sampai wat saya tak dapat titon..nak lelap je, sesak nafas..Susah, kalau biar nanti mati dalam tidur lak..hehe nanti tak sempat mohon maaf dan cukupkan bekalan..Ya Allah, kenapa dugaan yang Engkau berikan pada hambaMu ini kekadang terlalu berat sampaikan terasa tidak tertanggung lagi? Ya Allah, tolonglah ringankan walaupun sedikit dugaanMu ini Ya Allah..Kerana hambaMu ini tidaklah sekuat itu untuk menanggungnya..Maafkan ku jika permintaan ini melampau Ya Allah, bukan niat hambaMu ini untuk tidak mensyukuri tetapi berikanlah dugaan setimpal dengan kekuatan, keadaan keliling dan juga tahap kesihatanku Ya Allah seperti yang Engkau sedia maklum..kerana sekarang hambaMu ini sudah tidak sekuat dulu Ya Allah..DugaanMu telah banyak merampas sisa-sisa kebahagian tinggal untuk hambaMu ini..Sudah tidak terdaya lagi hambaMu ini pertahankan diri ini Ya Allah..Hanya Engkau Maha Mengetahui segala baik dan busuknya isi kandungan alamMu..Allahu Akbar..

Hari demi hari badan sudah menunjukkan simptom-simptomnya..Ya Allah, jika inilah masa terakhir sisa-sisa hidupku, berikanlah sedikit waktu lagi untukku berkhidmat kepada kedua orang tuaku Ya Allah..Walaupun ku taw yang ku takkan pernah dapat membalas segala budi mereka sampai ke mati skalipun, tapi biarlah puas ku berkhidmat kepada mereka, menyenangkan hidup mereka walaupun hanya sementara..Bloggy, jika kiranya sudah lama ku tidak menjengukmu, bantulah aku untuk memohon ampun dan maaf kepada semua orang terutama kedua orang tuaku..Mama, papa..Maafkan anakmu ini dunia akhirat..Terima kasih atas segalanya..Kepada adik beradikku serta kaum keluarga yang lainnya, maaf dari ujung rambut-kaki..Tolong halalkan makan minumku..Tidak pernah terniat pun di hati ini untuk sengaja berbuat salah kepada semua..

Time now shows 3.51 AM, and I still awake..I can't sleep..My nose still bleeding..Does anyone here knows how to stop this? It happening every single night now..Gosh, I felt like I'm dreaming..This is was the nightmare that I have been trying to avoid but finally..It comes to me without any invitation..So Rude! LOL..Bakata pepatah P.Ramlee..Cobaan!!! Wow, Bloggy..Finally, I'm smiling like this =)..Betul kata someone tu, jika ada masalah cuba ukirkan pada penulisan..InsyaAllah, akan rasa lega walaupun sedikit..And someone has asked me so many times where's my smile? He said the cute smiley on my face has gone..The answer? I also don't know..Do you know where's my smile has gone Bloggy? Could you help me find it? I need it..Seriously need it..Just don't know where to find it..Help me guys! Help me..

This is me now...

And I want to make-over myself and become this..

============== Mode : Searching....tet tet tet : ON =============

If time is all I have

2011-09-29T15:08:00.000+08:00

When you wake up
Turn the radio on
And you'll hear this simple song

That I made up
That I made up for you

When you're driving
Turn the radio up
Cause I can't sing loud enough
Hard these days
To get my message through

If time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

When you marry
And you look around
I'll be somewhere in that crowd
Torn up, that it isn't me

When you're older
The memories fade
But I know I'll still feel the same
For as long as I live

But if time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

Won't you say my name, one time
Please just say my name

But if time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you
Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

If time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

Won't you say my name
When the song is over

I hope you'll find peace...

~ Past, Present but for sure not Future ~

2011-08-24T21:01:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum everyone and Aloha to you......

Fuhhhh, again..Bloggy, I am very sorry for leaving you for quiet a while...Well, any new stories from all of you? Haha bet not....but me, a lot...Just that I cannot share all of them because it just wasting my time and I beleive wasting yours too..Wanna let you guys know that I am in Sabah now, my hometown..There's so many things need to be done here and there...

Well, guess what..I'm moving on now without "him" (you-know-who)..Don't ever dare says I don't do anything to get you or even hold this relationship..As you said, try to think what we have done wrong and make it right as the time passes by...I do like what you said but you I get in return?

I'm only here for 4days, means I have left you for only 96hours...What you do? Have you ever think or even thought what I have done for you, for our relationship? In these 96hours, you searching and looking for other girls..Is that the way how you remind yourself about the things that you need to get it right and settle it? Is that the way how you want to make up things with your girlfriend/soulmate/your lover (finger cross)?

I admitted what I have done wrong previously, but do you realized that what you do now is trying to make things even worse...You choose to be a jerk instead of being a man of responsibility...Yes, that is what you are...A Jerk! While having problem with your so-called lover, your looking into other girls wall of body-frame! What type of man are you?

I remembered every single words that you said to me....

Him : You keep on talking about marriage...

Me : That is what my family ask and I just said it....

Him : Don't ever think about it when you don't have money...

Remember this? Fine! You said it...Kata tidak berduit untuk berkahwin tapi 'gatal' hendap badan wanita...

Big boobs huh? Is that it? Is that what you want from a girl? Sampaikan girl tu dekat seberang benua kata sanggup pergi sana demi that stupid words 'big boobs'! Awek dok sabah ajak balik sekali, what you said to me? You don't have money and don't have leave...So means, you can travel to anywhere just to look for a girls with big boobs and money is not a matter to you huh? Haha..Can't beleive it...

A man that known with his loving attitudes, known with his loyalty, known with his love towards his lover, known with dedication towards his work just to look for money to get his girl...Is actually a Liar! A big fat liar! Seriously, I don't know what else you have done on my back or without my notice...but Allah Maha Mengetahui, Adil dan Mengasihani...

You know what, I thought by losing you from my arms is a big mistake I have done in my entire life because of the love you have given me before...But, now...It turns to a relieved feeling...At least I know the real you before I get attach with you in to a sacred bond where I think you, yourself never think about it when you ask a girl to be your partner for life...

Let this die with all your dishonesty, insincerity, unfaithful and all your liars towards me...There is no differences between you and a guy that looking for a prostitute to fill their lust because that is what you really are...After what you have done to me...Even you are more professional than them, because you know how to act like you are innocence...Such a hypocrite person...

With your friends that knows me, you acting like you are the king of love and how much you admire, love and miss your girl...But with people that so-called friends knows you since you are in school, each one of your hypocrisy fading away and show the real you...Faker! You only knows how to condemn people that treat prostitute or girls with no manners, but the truth is that you are one of them too!

=================== Mode : Aversion : ON =================

~ Hanya Ingin Kau Tahu ~

2011-08-11T07:42:00.001+08:00

Ku telah miliki
Rasa indahnya perihku
Rasa hancurnya harapku
Kau lepas cintaku

Rasakan abadi
Sekalipun kau mengerti
Sekalipun kau pahami
Ku pikir ku salah mengertimu

Aku hanya ingin kau tahu
Besarnya cintaku
Tingginya khayalku bersamamu

Tuk lalui waktu yang tersisa kini

Di setiap hariku
Di sisa akhir nafas hidupku

Walaupun semua hanya ada dalam mimpiku
Hanya ada dalam anganku

Melewati hidup

Rasakan abadi
Sekalipun kau mengerti
Sekalipun kau pahami

Ku pikir ku salah mengertimu

Aku hanya ingin kau tahu
Besarnya cintaku
Tingginya khayalku bersamamu

Tuk lalui waktu yang tersisa kini
Di setiap hariku
Di sisa akhir nafas hidupku

Aku hanya ingin kau tahu

Besarnya cintaku
Tingginya khayalku bersamamu

Tuk lalui waktu yang tersisa kini
Di setiap hariku
Di sisa akhir nafas hidupku

Ya Allah, sakitnya menyintai seseorang yang telah kabur cinta dan kasihnya...Harapan yang ditanam sia-sia..Penantian yang dipupuk menjadi abu-abu kosong...

Walaupun dia ada disekitarku, namun seolah-olah kami tlah menjadi orang yang asing dan saling tidak kenal antara satu sama lain...Segala perancangan dahulu sudah luput dek waktu dan tidak kelihatan lagi..Kata-katanya, perilakunya, riak wajahnya...Sudah diam tidak berkata lagi..Diam, tiada manjanya lagi...Diam, tiada keserasian lagi...Diam, tanpa kata-kata lagi...

Ya Allah, Engkau maha mengetahui...Sakitnya menyintainya...Peritnya mengharapkannya kembali...Penatnya menantikan senda guraunya kembali...Tapi, cinta terhadapnya tidak pernah kurang...Adakah dia tahu, angan-angan terlalu besar untuk hidup bersamanya? Dan sekarang angan-angan itu dia yang padam hari demi hari...Memang dia tidak pernah meluahkannya, tetapi perilakunya telah memberi seribu satu petunjuk bahawa angan-angan itu adalah mimpi semata-mata...

Kekadang rindu terhadapnya sudah tidak tertanggung lagi Ya Allah...Rindu Teramat Sangat Hinggakan hariku penuh dengan air mata semata-mata..Bangunku, tidurku...Semua memorinya menghantui...Kuatkanlah semangat hambaMu ini Ya Allah...

Sekuat manapun hunie menjerit, hunie tahu hubie tidak akan pernah dapat mendengarkan suara hati ini....Malah hubie akan semakin menjauh...

================= Mode : Hopeless : ON ==================

~ Kisah Sedih Di Hari Minggu ~

2011-08-10T08:21:00.000+08:00

Sabtu malam kusendiri
Tiada teman kunanti
Di sekitar kulihat diam
Tiada seindah dulu

Mungkinkah ini berarti
Aku telah patah hati
Walaupun kuberkata bukan
Bukan itu

Penyesalanku semakin dalam dan sedih
Aku serahkan semua milik dan hidupku
Aku tak mau menderita begini
Mudah mudahan ini hanya mimpi
Hanya mimpi

Kisah sedih di hari minggu
Yang selalu menyiksaku
Kutakut ini kan kubawa
Sampai mati

Penyesalanku semakin dalam dan sedih
Aku serahkan semua milik dan hidupku
Aku tak mau menderita begini
Mudah mudahan ini hanya mimpi
Hanya mimpi

========= MODE : Down : ON =========

~ Jangan Kau Pergi ~

2011-08-09T08:58:00.000+08:00

tak pernah kurasa begini
kumenyintaimu sepenuh hatiku
ternyata hanyalah dirimu
yang mengerti aku sepenuh hatimu

ku inginkan selalu terhentinya waktu
supaya kita terus bersama

jangan lah kau pergi tinggalkan diriku
sendiri jauh darimu
ku perlukan kamu inginmu selalu
temani jalan hidupku
ooooo

ternyata hanyalah dirimu yang amat ku rindu
kurindu selalu
kuinginkan selalu terhentinya waktu
supaya kita terus bersama

jangan lah kau pergi tinggalkan diriku
sendiri jauh darimu
ku perlukan kamu inginmu selalu
temani jalan hidupku
ooooo

janganlah kau pergi tinggalkan diriku
sendiri jauh
ooooo

jangan lah kau pergi tinggalkan diriku
sendiri jauh darimu
ku perlukan kamu inginmu selalu
temani jalan hidupku
janganlah kau pergi
.......

=============== Mode : Don't Leave Me : ON =================

~ Merindukanmu ~

2011-08-05T00:32:00.000+08:00

MERINDUKANMU Saat aku tertawa di atas semua
Saat aku menangisi kesedihanku

Aku ingin engkau selalu ada
Aku ingin engkau aku kenang

Selama aku masih bisa bernafas
Masih sanggup berjalan
Ku kan slalu memujamu
Meski ku tak tau lagi
Engkau ada di mana
Dengarkan aku ku merindukanmu

Saat aku mencoba merubah sgalanya
Saat aku meratapi kekalahankuDengarkan aku ku merindukanmu =============== Mode : Empty : ON ==============

~ Call... ~

2011-08-03T12:36:00.001+08:00

Bloggy, aku call dia tadi....Saja-saja tanya khabar dia...Haritu, si budak cakap kalau rindukan dia just call and tell him directly...And I did! But, when I said it...He fall silent....Does he really feel what I feel? Or is it wrong by telling him that? It's okay, at least I told him what I felt, it's up to him to accept it or not...Ya Allah, kalaulah dia jodohku, maka berikanlah jalan untuk kami berdua saling faham, hormat dan sependapat..tetapi, kalau dia bukan jodohku, maka kuatkanlah hati ini, berikanlah ketenangan kepada fikiran ini untuk menerima kenyataan ini dan seterusnya meneruskan perjalanan hidup ini seperti yang telah Engkau tentukan...Amin Rabbil Alamin....

================= Mode : Relief : ON ===================

~ Dying Inside...102% Damaged! ~

2011-08-03T12:08:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Ellow to all of you.........

Wish to all Muslims from all over the world a very Happy Fasting Month! Alhamdulillah, today is my third day fasting...Hopefully this year I can do Full, InsyaAllah...

Ya Allah, dugaanMu teramatlah kuat untuk ku tahun ini..Pelbagai masalah yang datang berkunjung...But I'll keep on remind myself that..Pasti semua ini ada hikmah disebaliknya dan Engkau sayangkan umatMu maka Engkau uji mereka-mereka dengan segala dugaanMu...

Have you ever miss someone so much but you just cannot say it and keep it to yourself? How does that feel? Does it hurt? Badly? I feel it now...And it's killing me day by day, some people told me to just let it go and say it to the person, but some say better keep it to yourself because even if you told THAT person, he/she will have no interest specially when you have been separated from each other or you guys have argument and ended up taking time away from each other...

It's hurts! It hurts so much! Like the whole world turns down on you..Feel lonely...No one to talk too..Hubie, I miss you! I will keep on saying that to myself because I really miss you! You have gone away from me, the life that we use to have, the calls that makes my day brighter each time I have problems, a sms that you sent me everyday...You! You! Aidil, I don't know if Allah makes you feel the same way like I do but honestly deep down inside me...I'm dying missing you! Missing the moments with you! I don't know what makes us changed to what we are now..When I ask you, you only will answer...I don't know!

Hubie, I will not force you to love me like you do previously because I know people do changed, and when they do, no one and nothing can makes them turn back...Even if I keep on telling you that I love you, I miss you, I need you...You will not feel the same way anymore..Cause most of the time now hubie banyak mendiamkan diri dah..When I ask you out, no more respond from you..Adakah ini salah satu hint? Yang memang kita sudah tidak ada apa-apa lagi malah berkawan pun tidak boleh sama sekali? Or you have found someone that makes you happy more then when you with me? Kalau benar, hunie doakan semoga hubie berbahagia selamanya because each person in this world deserve it, cuma yang hunie minta tolong beritahu, tell me something, jangan diam kerana diam hubie banyak menyeksa hunie...

I'm counting days now, I have 18 days left here..I hope something will turns good for me before I'm leaving this place for good..Ya Allah, hanya padaMu hambaMu ini berserah..Jika bagi dirinya hambaMu ini tidak pernah berusaha untuk mendapatkan dirinya, Engkau tolonglah berikan satu, satu saja petunjuk agar dia faham segala-galanya...Adakah dia sudah lupa apa yang telah hambaMu ini lakukan semata-mata melihat dia happy walaupun sekejap, kerana hambaMu ini tahu yang dia lebih pentingkan kerja dari segalanya Ya Allah...Baginya, cukup berjumpa makan bersama, itu Engkau maha mengetahui segalanya Ya Allah, hambaMu hanya perlukan kasih sayangnya, sifat ambil beratnya, sifat penyayangnya yang dulunya menjadi pengikat kami berdua...

Kalaulah hunie boleh terus tanya dengan hubie, kenapa sekarang hubie tak mesej hunie dah, dulu pegi kerja, sampai office and balik kerja hubie selalu mesej...sekarang dah takde langsung dah? Kenapa bila hunie mesej je hubie susah sangat dah nak balas, hanya mesej-mesej yang penting sahaja baru hubie balas? Hunie saja nak bawa hubie pergi tengok wayang macam kita buat selalu, tapi tiada balasan dari hubie...langsung...napa hubie? MasyaAllah, peritnya perasaanku bila merinduinya dan tidak dapat luahkan...Ingat tak, hunie mesej hubie time hunie makan dengan si budak di kampung baru..Pun hubie tak balas, hubie kata sebab dah tidur..tapi kalau dulu, bila hubie terjaga jer dari tidur, mesti hubie balas mesej tu kan? Napa sekarang hubie? Hunie nak tau kenapa je....Kalaulah hubie dapat berikan jawapan yang sebenarnya...Ya Allah, berikanlah ketenangan kepadanya moga dia dapat kawal kemarahannya yang semakin hari semakin menjadi...Amin Rabbil Alamin...

Banyak pertanyaan yang ingin sekali aku tujukan kepadanya, tetapi aku tau yang dia tidak mungkin akan ingin mendengar lagi...Ya Allah, seperti yang Engkau tahu...HambaMu ini tidak punya sesiapa di kota besar Kuala Lumpur yang dahulunya hambaMu punya dia untuk meluahkan, berkongsi dan menumpang kasih..Tetapi sekarang dia sudah menjauh..Berikanlah HambaMu ini kekuatan dan ketenangan Ya Allah...Hanya Engkau yang mengetahui segalanya terbuku di hati ini...

I MISS HIM SO MUCH, BLOGGY! IF ONLY HE KNEW....

Letting Things Go

2011-07-25T08:32:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Aloha to all of you.....

Hope everything is goin great on you guys side because on my side, every single things is wrong...Just wanna share things I felt lately.........

I'm tired of dreaming of a life i will never have~
♥Everyday, I Wait For A Text.
♥Everyday I See You I Wait For A Hello.
♥Everyday I Check My Facebook To See If You Wrote On My Wall or Sent Me A Message.
♥Everyday I Tell My Friends How Much I Miss You.
♥Everyday I Find Myself Let Down.
♥But Everyday I Still Find Hope.
♥ LOVE ♥

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ..Hetty..Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

You, a moments wif you making me happy in the past...But now, memory of you makes me hurt a million times...Day by day, you gone away from OUR life!

You, you have chosen your own life...Choose to be silent, will not making things okay for now or like it was before!

No matter what the decision will be, I am ready and I have chosen my own life too.....All I wanted to say is I am very sorry for all the mistakes I have done and thank you very much for everything....

================== Mode : Trying To Forget : ON =================

Lover of Sadness

2011-07-21T05:42:00.000+08:00

My heart is disturbed..

My heartbeat asks why I should trust you...
Deceitful words, false promises, your love is a lie..

My only wish in the world was that there be someone..

Who would be mine and mine alone, who would be faithful to my love..

But you broke my heart again and again, sayang..

My heartbeat asks why I should trust you..

Without you, I'm incomplete; this is not a joke..

My breath is yours, my dreams are yours, my life is yours..

Without you, death is preferable; what else can I say, my love?

Why is it changing? This heart fell in love with you!

Why is it changing? This heart was stolen by you.

Why did my heart fall for you? Why?

Every path seems full with loneliness..

As the wind comes, secretly the sky is crying..

I am separated from you today, seems like I am separated from myself..

Coming, a memory of you is coming, keep on coming..

Who have thought such a day will come..

That every moment will be empty without you..

Like a wanderer I am wandering here and there..

Looking for the love that we used to have...

But, now I realized..Everythin has changed and the love that I used to hold on tight has gone..Away from me!

I'll learn to walk down the road alone now...

I'll learn to make a decision on my own...

Without you beside me anymore...

Perihalku sudah tidak penting bagimu..

Hati dan perasaan ini sudah tidak kau pedulikan lagi..

Knowing that you don't care anymore, I wish you all the best in everythin you do..

And if you want to take anything, you know where to find me..Thank you for everything you have done for me and Sorry for every single mistakes that I have ever done..

============== MODE : Unknown Feeling : ON ==============

Everything happened for a reason...

2011-07-10T16:47:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Aloha again..

Fuuhhhh, it is a very long time I didn't post anything on my bloggy. So sorry bloggy, was so damn busy wif the FB Games..Lol :P...By the way, How are you guys? Everything's good? Well, not for me tho :( Here it is...

First, I have to reject the Job of my dream because of Eid..... Second, Got so many arguments with the people around me and most of them are a bad issues.... Third, Money problem (Even Billionaires still have this problem :P)...Fourth, lost of Confidence and Passion towards the work that I am doing right now...Fifth, oh my gosh...there are a lots of them...Will need a bigger space to tell it, so lets stop!!!

I am still wondering what am I doing right now for myself? What have I done for my future? The answer is..."Nothin, I am still not clear with my Future" and yes, I know this answer is unacceptable when you, yourself does not know what you do for yourself and your future...But believe me, that is the truth...

What I do know is, I want to take a very long break from all this things and once I have done with it...I will return and plan what best for me and my family...I can't wait to go back to my hometown and spend all the time with my family specially my youngest sisters...I missed all of you so much!!!

Fasting month is around the corner, then Eid festive will come...!!! I'll be home by then, oh gosh...If only I can sleep and when I wake up I'll be on my bed in my family's house :( ..... Mum, Dad, I missed you guys a lots! I am so not Me anymore now...Hopefully there is still a tickets for me to go back home soon!!! I am all alone in this big city, no one to talk too, no one I could share the feeling, no one could understand me as both of you do!!!

Micheal Buble ~ Home

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
â€œI'm fine baby, how are you?â€�
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

==================== Mode : Home Sick :( ==================

What a Happy Month (,")v

2011-06-18T04:23:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Hi Guys,

Hehe so sorry bloggy because it's been a while I didn't visit you...Don't get mad first cause I have a happy story to tell ya! =) It's about my days within this month! Actually a week ago I'm about to go to Pavilion to meet up with my friends but have to canceled it cause I'm at another place at that moment too; accompany Ibu and Adik Midi for their shopping...It's tiring but I'm happy because I have never been shopping in Sogo or any place nearby. A lots of things there to see and if you have the budget for sure you'll invest your money there for nothing haha :P

Ibu and Midi got their Bag and Handbag after a while wondering around and made up their minds hehe, as for me don't have budget so I'm planning to do window shopping first for my New Working Place :D but in the end, Adik Midi bought me a Heels which I've been dreaming of wearing...YEEAAAYYY!!! There is so many thing happened this month, and I guess June 2011 is my lucky month :D I got so many happy news comin' this month. What a relief! As for Adik Midi, Congratulation cause finally got the course and the institution that you've dreamin of and as for my sister; Jijah; Congratulation too cause finally you managed to get your PTPTN..haha :P

As for my special someone; Mr Aidil; congratulation sayang because you have passed your chargeman examination. I am very happy for you. Wish you all the best and do remember; you have to work even harder in your next chargeman practical. I can't wait to move to my next step in life, hopefully this is the correct decision for my future so that I can change my life and I can help my family to get a better life. Amin.

Alright, enough with other people....Let's talk about me...Why I said it was my lucky month? Well, I have been dreaming of working in a bank...Guess what? I finally got it! Hahahah I am very Happy! I am the happiest person alive! LOL Thank you Allah! Alhamdulillah! Finally you showed me the way, the best way for me and my future! Hopefully! Okay guys, enough for today! Hehe a lots of good memories have to kept for myself...Wish anyone who visit and read my bloggy will find and receive their own good news and happy moment..Alright Guys, take care and have a good one! See ya! Ciaaooo! Muahhhxoxo!

=============== MODE : Happy : ON ===============

Trying to understand..

2011-05-22T19:41:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Aloha to all of you...

Wow, it's been a while....Miss u a lot Bloggy muahxoxo! Hehe well here I am again...Writing about my life...I know, it's kinda boring but Bloggy is the only one that I can share things with. Anyway, how's life there? Mine? Bored as always..just full with interview session (LOL)..Actually I am trying to get other job, a better one! Not saying that my current company is not good, just that I'm looking for a new experience here and talking about new experience, I mean it..I'm desperately looking for a new job! Hopefully will get a better job as soon as possible..Amin Rabbil Alamin...

To be honest, I'm getting bored with my life now. What I do. Where I am. Whom am I with. People keep on saying "there are people suffering more than you do", but do they know that suffering is a subjective and there is a lots of different situation that can make us suffer than what we can bare. Hmmm, I'm tired of telling the same thing over and over again. just let them think whatever they want to think. I can't stand it anymore. Ya Allah, help me! But no worries, I'm getting over it day to day. Well, that is why I am still here where I am now. I need changes, and to get it done, I'll have to sacrifice a lots of things too. My career, my life, my love, my thoughts, my feelings...But for Long-term life assurance, I think that is the best way I have to take to help myself and my family.

I'm tired! Really tired! When you have done something wrong in the past, should you be punish for it? Like making you feel guilty all the time and treat you like you you don't deserve to be treated nicely anymore..Or maybe it's just because me, myself...Hetty, It's time! No turning back! Bare that in mind! What ever happen the next day, the day after it, and in future you have to be strong to face it. Remember things getting worse when you still hope for the old ones come again. You have to move on like how they move on without you!

I'm trying to understand here. For what will I get in return, what I should do, where I should be, what I can do to make my life better and so on...Ya Allah, Jagalah HambaMu ini. Berikanlah segala petunjukMu. I really need your guidance. I don't want to put anything or anyone more important than myself anymore. I have to walk this road alone because I know no one will able to join me on for good or bad. I have only You now! Thank you! Alhamdulillah!

I just wanna be happy.....

2011-04-28T19:19:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum to all of you and Hi....

I want to share a song that fits what I felt now..It makes me think..It makes me feel alive again..It makes me stand up again after I fell down..and what the most important thing is that this song taught me how to let go things that doesn't belong to you even you love it most..I hope you guys will feel it too..

Leona Lewis - Happy

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose, you can't have everything
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain 'cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by
So unhappy, but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ya
Just wanna be happy, ya

Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role, slowly disappear, oh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here
But I can't stand by your side, oh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, oh, happy, oh

So any turns that I can't see
Like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim, don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
I just wanna be happy, oh, yeah, happy, oh, happy
I just wanna be, oh, I just wanna be happy
Oh, happy

I've learned by loving someone doesn't mean you will get him/her in the end, you must learn to let go for your own happiness and not to hurt your loved one feelings again. In the end, just pray for what is best for you and his/her happiness ~~

========== Mode : Searching for Happiness : On =========

Should I or Shoudn't I?

2011-04-27T12:42:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum Semua and Hi Again...

Well, It's been a while since my last post. Actually I want to express my feeling here everyday because I don't know to whom else I want to talk to cause I don't have anyone near me that can understand what is actually I felt inside. I've tried to deactivating myself from any contacts from the outside world. But, after a while.....I'm getting more confused each day of what I should do and what I shouldn't do? Can anyone here help me?

I thought I can make it by not contacting anyone anymore, specially him. But honestly, I missed him A LOT like I've never miss anyone. What should I do? Can I move on? I can't lie to myself anymore. I love him so much but he has changed. Am I crazy by missing someone that doesn't really care about how I felt or what I really think when I hold him up whatever he is doing now that can damage himself?...yes, maybe not now but soon and later. I told him millions of time not to choose that way just to make the stress away. There's a lot of things we can do instead of that thing.

Maybe for some other people they can survive by watching their loved ones dying later, but NOT ME! Don't ask me why, because I can't really give an answer to that question. I've watched someone losing their loved ones because of that thing before, it's hurt more than everything. Because by that time, you must have planned to live your life with him/her until your last breath. Getting old together. Sharing things and life moments together, but till when it will last? If that things can take someone life in just a second...then I'm willing to lose that life now then later.

I can't imagine to be in that situation when we have so may plans to do if we be destined to be together someday. I wonder if you ever think about that? That's the other thing. But now, I don't think you can tell any truth to me anymore. I have tried to hold on, but still you doing that thing on my back. The thing that I hate the most. You keep on telling me you will not doing it in front of me but Hubie, Allah Maha Besar dan Adil. He will still show me the thing that for me is wrong even how hard you try to keep it for yourself. And as you know, you hurts me by doing that to yourself.

You are my everything, you are the second important person after my family. I don't know if you ever realize that. That's why I have tried my best to keep you in good circumstances. It's not my intensity to impede your movement. Never! You said give you some more time for yourself, but if you keep on doing that thing to yourself as the time that you needed pass...do you think you can stop doing it again after that? Because I know, if someone started it and continue with it for a period of time, you'll become addicted. and it is hard for you stop and I don't think I can bare it anymore that time.

And now, after a few days we haven't meet each other I have tried to go around places and keep myself busy not to think of you and Alhamdulillah..I finally managed to. But, this friday I will go to your house as your mother has invited me to come for the 'Kenduri' and deep down inside me I want to go but I don't think I can bare to see you again after what happened between us. We have tried to make things right again, but I realized that as much as we both arguing things, it will never change back to love we use to have. You will keep doing the thing I don't like and vice versa. And honestly I can't take it anymore Hubie. I don't want to hurt my own feelings and yours.

So, what should I do now? Ya Allah, help me...........

======== Mode : Love, Depressed, Confused, Missing, Hoping : On =========

Hancur...

2011-04-23T21:02:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Aloha semua...

Trasa lama sangat plak tak menulis kat blog ni. Maaf, ingat nak menghabiskan masa dengan seseorang sebab rindu giler kat dia tapi ternyata........saya sorang saja yang rasa macam tu. Konon banyak plan minggu ni, tapi semuanya hancur, musnah bersama harapan yang ada. Kepada sesiapa yang mengenali diri ini and sesapa saja yang mengenali dirinya, saya memohon maaf atas salah silap saya sepanjang perkenalan. Mungkin betul apa yang dia cakap, saya tidak pernah memahami dia. Kalau betul, saya redha. Cuma saya pohon pada yang Maha Esa, semoga dibukakan mata dan hatinya dan biar dia tahu apa yang sebenarnya tersirat dihati ini. Saya cuba untuk memahaminya, tapi semakin hari semakin dia jauh, maka lebih jauh lagi kali ini.

Dia bercerita yang dia ketawa and gurau-gurau dengan orang tempat kerjanya, saya pun terfikir....Saya juga nak dia gembira dan ketawa bila dengan saya tapi bila saya cuba buat lawak, dia ambil serius benda tu and marah lagi. Ya Allah, semua yang saya buat salah pada matanya. Saya harapkan masa-masa gembira dan gelak tawa bersama sahaja. Pernah tidak dia terfikir, kalau dia masih betul-betul perlukan hubungan ni, tidakkah dia terasa yang kami sudah semakin menjauh satu sama lain? Tidakkah dia pun terasa ingin kembali gembira and bahagia? Dia gelak and gembira dengan orang lain, tidak bolehkah dia begitu jua bila dengan saya? Sejujurnya, saya buntu and tidak tahu apa yang harus dilakukan lagi. Ya Allah, berikanlah petunjukMu Ya Allah, apa yang baik untuk hambaMu ini.

Ya Allah, hambaMu ini tidak meminta apa-apa lagi Ya Allah, cuma semoga dia sedar dan lebih peka pada persekitarannya terutama dengan perasaan orang-orang yang rapat dengannya. Pada hambaMu ini, kuatkanlah semangat, hati, pemikiran dan juga imanku. Amin Rabbil Alamin.

I am not as strong as you.......I am not as obstinate as you.....and I am not as hard-hearted as you are...Maybe this is all because of me, but you know why I did that..The reason..But, I know..No matter what I told you, you will not believe on it anymore. I'm tired, really tired....This is hurting me more than everything....I have tried to be as strong as I can but each time I heard your voice, it hurts me again...By hearing your voice, like you have moved on and pretend like nothing has happen....I just need to know the truth, is that wrong? Whenever I asked you, you will get mad....I need certainty, when you think you cannot hold on then be true to me so that I can move on with my own life and release you and all our memories.

I loved him, I am still me but he is not him anymore. Am I that bad till I can't have a true and sincere love in my life? I think I used to have it in my life previously but I just don't realize it till it's totally changed and away from me now.

Honestly, I don't know what to do.....I wish someone was here and tell me what to do...

Apa yang aku rasakan sekarang sudah tidak bermakna apa-apa lagi padamu....

Pernahkah kau bicara
Tapi tak didengar
Tak dianggap
Sama sekali..

Pernahkan kau tak salah
Tapi disalahkan
Tak diberi
Kesempatan..

Ku hidup dengan siapa
Ku tak tau kau siapa
Kau kekasihku tapi orang lain bagiku..

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskanlah..Kau begitu..

Kau tak perlukan diriku
Aku patung bagimu
Cintaku bukan keperluanmu..

================ Mode : Hancur : On =================

Jar Of Hearts..Don't come back to me

2011-04-20T20:42:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum semua vs Aloha Everyone....

Today I'm not gonna share anything about my routines cause it's nothing special. But, I've found a song of my life..I love it very much! If only I can be as strong as the girl mentioned in the song =')

Well, here it is.......

A JAR OF HEARTS by Christina Perri ~~

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love
I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Hope you guys will also love as much as I do ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
Love,
Hetty Juladi@VolkskieBaybee

=============== Mode : Listening to A Jar Of Hearts : ON ================

Rindu dan Cinta...

2011-04-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum dan Aloha semua...

Bertemu lagi kita =) Apa macam hari ni? Semua okay ke? Harap-harap semuanya okay. Hari ini saya nak bercerita, bercerita tentang cinta. Cinta kepada Tuhan, keluarga, teman and bakal teman hidup. Siapa kat sini yang duduk jauh dari family? Mesti akan faham apa yang saya rasakan. Tapi apakan daya, fikir kerjaya dan masa depan harus tabahkan hati. Nak tolong family specially my beloved Papa and Mama. Sudah cukup dorang bersusah payah dahulu untuk membesarkan saya, sekarang giliran saya untuk menyenagkan hidup mereka walaupun hanya sedikit kesenangan yang saya dapat berikan pada masa ini. Mum, Dad, i love you soooo much. Thank you for everything!

Cinta kepada Allah..

Alhamdullilah, walaupun aku mendapat pelbagai dugaan hidup sendiri di bandar besar ni tapi aku masih kuat and syukur kepada Allah SWT atas segala kekuatan yang telah diberikanNya. Semoga hambaMu ini sentiasa dilindungi dari segala kejahatan dunia.

Cinta kepada keluarga...

Tiada cinta sehebat cinta terhadap keluarga! Mama, Papa, Abang, Nenek, Makcik-makcik, Pakcik-pakcik and adik-adikku! Aku menyayangi kamu semua! Akan terus menyayangi walaupun kita semua tidak serapat dahulu, tapi aku tahu..sejauh mana kita terpisah..seberapa lama kita tidak bercakap antara satu sama lain, kita tetap sedarah dan itu memang tidak akan terputus.

Cinta kepada Teman-teman ku....

Aku rindu kamu semua! Sangat-sangat! Waktu bersama tiada yang dapat menganti. Tika bersama, bagai dunia milik kita and hanya kita yang ada didunia. Dalam susah, senang, sedih, gembira...kamu selalu ada! Terima kasih kawan! Semoga hubungan kita kekal sampai bila-bila~~

Cinta pada bakal teman hidup....

Tiada kata-kata yang dapat ku luahkan lagi kerana segala-galanya terbuku dihati dan kekadang segala perasaan itu lebih suka duduk dalam hati dari diluahkan. Sayang, aku sayang dan cintakan kamu! Kamu selalu ungkapkan..." Semoga cinta dan sayang kita bertambah hari ke hari"..Apa yang dapat ku katakan hanyalah..InsyaAllah dan men Amin kan kata-katamu. Terima kasih atas segala sayang dan cinta yang hubie telah berikan sayang.

Akhir sekali...Cinta yang tidak akan mati...

Kepada Arwah datuk, pakcik dan makcikku yang tersayang...Cinta dan kasih sayang kalian sentiasa hidup walaupun kalian sudah kembali kepada Maha Pencipta..Al-Fatihah..

Untuk tatapan..

Aku ingin engkau ada disini
menemaniku saat sepi
menemaniku saat gundah

berat hidup ini tanpa dirimu
ku hanya mencintai kamu
ku hanya memiliki kamu

aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu
sungguh ku ingin kau tahu
aku rindu setengah mati

meski tlah lama kita tak bertemu
ku slalu memimpikan kamu
ku tak bisa hidup tanpamu

aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu
sungguh ku ingin kau tahu
ku tak bisa hidup tanpamu
aku rindu…

================== Mode : Reindu yang Teramat : ON ===================

Keliru..

2011-04-18T02:59:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum semua..

Hi everyone, how are you feeling today? Hope everything okay on your side. By the way, I am so confused right now. Don't know to whom can I express the feeling that I felt inside me. I am so happy for the past week, but today I don't know. It's about him again, all about him. Sayang, maafkan hunie kalau hunie ada menyinggung perasaan hubie. Takde niat.

Me : Do you love me?

Him : Why you keep on asking the same question over and over again? Like I don't give or show any love to you.

Me : No, that is not what I meant. I like to ask that question so that I know my love always be with you and you remember me all the time. And when you answered that question, it makes me calm and happy.

Him : For me, no. I felt offended. I know I've done a mistakes.

Me : I'm sorry..I'm sorry..I'm sorry..

I didn't mean to hurt or offend you in any ways sayang. I couldn't do it. Never think about it ever. I've tried to be the best for him, but still..There are still things I made him feels bad for himself. I didn't mean anything. He still think that I'm still me, the one has her ego and full with jealousy. Honestly, I didn't mean anything when I ask him that question. I have learned to let go, give some space and trust. I'm not the old me. I've changed, but on his mind..I'm still me that always mock him.

Sayang, I love you so much. I am so sorry if I have said something wrong. I've tried the best I can. I don't know if you can see what has changed in me. I don't want to push you anymore. If you want to believe it then it's good for me, but if you still think that I'm still the person full with her ego and jealousy, then it's also fine with me. It's your choice tho. Just want to let you know, I love you with all my hearts.

Is he happy whenever he with me? Because, after so many things happened between us. Seems that everything has changed, his thoughts, his attitude. Tamakkah aku jika aku masih harapkan dia disisi bila sebenarnya dia masih ada perasaan ragu-ragu padaku? Penting diri sendirikah aku jika aku masih ingin selalu dia ada didepan mata? Adakah perubahanku tidak cukup untuk menyakinkan dia lagi? Ya Allah, hanya padaMu hambaMu ini memohon agar Kau tunjukkanlah jalan yang terbaik buat kami berdua. Kurangkanlah panas barannya dan berikanlah pemikiran yang lebih matang pada hambaMu ini agar kami saling dapat memahami antara satu sama lain tanpa perlu bertikam lidah lagi. Amin Rabbil Alamin.

Sayang, hunie tidak selancang dulu. Tapi hunie taknak lagi sembunyikan apa-apa perasaan dari hubie. Hunie sebenarnya terasa sangat-sangat time hunie call hubie bagitau minyak rambut tak ada kat jusco, hubie terus nak melenting je. Bukan nak mengungkit, tapi hunie penat balik keje. Hunie call hubie bagitau saja nak hubie tau, tak ada pun nak minta atau paksa hubie temankan pegi ke sana ke mari tuk cari, tapi hubie terus tinggikan suara. Sayang, maafkan hunie kalau hunie masih tidak sesempurna yang hubie nakkan. Hunie masih mencuba. Harap hubie faham. I love you sayang! Allah je yang tahu..........

================ Mode : Alone and Helpless : ON ================

What I felt now..

2011-04-17T02:12:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Aloha Everyone..

I wanted to share the feeling that I have now with you guys. I am so scared of a thing that is unclear for me. I don't know why or what I'm scared of right now. All the changes and all the things that happened before makes me even more scared. Is it normal? I keep on dreaming of a thing that is bad happened in front of me. Even it's only a dream but it's sooo real to me. Ya Allah, semoga apa jua maksud disebalik mimpi-mimpi hambaMu ini hanyalah mimpi semata-mata dan tiada membawa maksud apa-apa.

Untuk peringantan kepada diri and orang-orang sekelilingku, If I have done anything bad to you guys. I hope you guys will forgive me. And to my families, friends and also my beloved Aidil, tolong halalkan makan minum sepanjang hidupku ini dan tolong maafkan segala salah silap sepanjang hidup bersama. Just want to let you guys know that I love you all so much. Mama + Papa, thank you so much for everything. I miss you guys a lot.

To my beloved Hubie, "Aidil", I know you don't like me saying all this but I just want to express my feeling sayang. Kita takkan tahu bila nyawa hilang dari jasad, Allah bila-bila masa boleh mengambil hakNya so sebelum apa-apa jadi, I think it's better for me to write down whatever thoughts that I have now before it's too late. Sayang, I love you..I miss you! Forever will be.

All I need in life just that to see all my beloved people lived their life happily with or without me.

=================== MODE : Scared and Hopeless : ON =====================

Alhamdullilah..

2011-04-16T02:14:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum semua =)

Harini saya gembira sangat-sangat, Alhamdulilah. Syukur pada yang Maha Esa. Nak tahu kenapa? Saya dapat kembali orang yang saya sayang. Semoga selepas ini hubungan ini semakin baik, jujur and sejati. Amin Rabbil Alamin. Ya Allah, kepadaMu hambaMu ini memohon. Moga hambaMu ini dapat rahmat sentiasa dariMu. Orang kata penantian satu penyeksaan, tetapi bila kita hendakkan yang terbaik maka penantianlah yang harus kita lalui untuk mendapatkannya kerana dari penantian itulah kita akan dapat berfikir apa yang terbaik buat kita and agar kita dapat melaksanakan apa yang terbaik itu. Terima Kasih Sayang! Hunie akan cuba menjadi yang terbaik sekarang untuk segalanya, hunie harap semoga selepas ini kita akan jadi lebih terbuka and jujur antara satu sama lain, jangan jadikan perasaan salah satu tembok untuk kita saling menyembunyikan apa-apa. Ya Allah, semoga hubungan kali ini yang terakhir untuk hambaMu ini and semoga ia berkekalan sampai hujung waktuku.

Setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya. And I believed in it! Don't you guys? Well, today I'm going to write something fun for me eventhough the i didn't do anything the whole day, just stuck in my room and playing games. This evening, I've sent a message to my beloved Hubie ask what he wants for dinner, then he says he want to take me to a restaurant called Chop and Steak (known as The Ship previously because all the decorations there was actually a real ships that now became the restaurant's kitchen..hehe)..and I said.."Yeah, why not because it's been a long time since we've been there"..So, I went to pick him up..Guess what happen..Hehe his mom just came from Melaka and wanted to have Rice for dinner, poor my baby he can't have his Western Food for his dinner..Then, we ended up having dinner in Tomyam Restaurant located in Sungai Besi and he ordered the soup that he liked the most..Which is "Sup Ekor" hehe..I can tell you, it's so damn spicy..only he and his mum can finish it ;)

Besides having that soup, we're having Telur Bungkus, Kailan Ikan Masin and Kerabu Sotong and I only can eat Telur and also Kailan cause besides that they are all spicy and I'll be dead if I eat them more ;P

And now, I only can tell you I'm fully loaded with food haha. Thank you so much sayang for the treat. I Love You! Muahxoxo!

============= MODE : In Love With Mr. Aidiel Moody : ON ================

Changes..

2011-04-14T17:09:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Hi again..

How are you guys feeling today? Hopefully everything in a good shape..As for me, it's been a bored and hard days for me. Know why? Well, I'm also not sure why. I missed someone! I won't stop telling you guys this because this is what I really felt now and maybe forever will be..

Me : You have changed.

That Someone : Yes, maybe. People changed.

I hate that words! I know. It's a fact, but why people need to changed? So suddenly. I know I've changed too, but not totally changed till people near me don't know me anymore. Am I the one that suppose to be blame on this alone and he/she didn't do anything that become the reason as well all the things before happened? Or he/she has forgotten everything about me and move on? I've been thinking a lot...I mean it..A LOT! I've accepted all the things I've done wrong before, but am I totally the one who is wrong here? Like all I've done previously is totally wrong and doesn't count and not important at all. Nahh, let's move on. I'm tired and I believe he/she is too.

I'm counting days now..Hopefully tomorrow and the day after will be a good thing for me and something good waiting for me. HETTY, YOU HAVE TO LET GO, FORGET EVERYTHING AND FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE! That's the words I used to remind to myself. Orang kata cinta tidak semestinya memiliki, I dah nak balik to a place where I belong and where there are people who I know will be there no matter in good or bad times. My Family! I love you guys a lot! And I really miss you guys!

Sayang, whenever you read this. I just wanted to tell you that I missed U! I missed U a lot! Eventhough we are still seeing each other, but things have changed between us and I do believed that you felt it too. I accepted and admitted all the bad things I've done towards you before, hopefully you will forgive me. I do hope you can feel the same way too towards me. I know I might not see My Faizal Tahir Muk again because all the bad things I've done before, but I'll keep on waiting for him to come back to me as much as he has awaits for me in the past. I love you sayang, and I will always be!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: MODE : MISSING AIDIEL: ON :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dunia..Dunia..Pelbagai Ragam!

2011-04-13T12:42:00.000+08:00

Hellooo..Hellooo..Hellooo..

Hi semua, macamana hari ni? ada okay tak? Hehe macamla ramai sangat follower nak cakap camni..haha :P Btw, I nak share something today. Semalam balik rumah dapat cerita yang memalukan kaum perempuan. Tak sangka kaum sendiri sanggup memperlakukan sedemikian rupa pada kaum sejenis! Ish3. Kesian kat member kiter tu. Ada lak sorang hamba Allah tu, tangkap picture member kiter ni time dalam toilet. Kesian member tu, takde cari pasal dengan sesapa tapi ada je orang dengki kat dier. Sabar ye awak! Kepada orang berkenaan, tak sedar diri ke..awak pun perempuan! and dah berkahwin pun! Patutnya matanglah! Ini tak, macam2 hal plak dia buat. Ingat sikit! Awak buat kat orang, Allah akan balas yang setimpal. Tak sangka still ada lagi orang2 giler and tak waras macam dia tue! Haiizzz..

Haiiiii.....Dunia...Duniaa..

Alritey everyone, jadikan ini sebagai satu pengajaran and kepada sesapa yang terasa nak buat hal bodoh ni kepada someone..I advise you NOT TO! Because you're about to ruin someone's life if this things getting big one day..! Renung-renungkan dan Selamat Beramal :D