mykokohat jokes

Green vegetables

2012-08-28T20:12:00.006-07:00

Sandy said to his friend Ron, 'My wife sent me to the greengrocer's to buy some green vegetables."

'So were you able to find some?" asked Ron.

'Well, when I reached the shop, I asked the manager, 'My wife wants some green vegetables. Have they been sprayed with any harmful chemicals?''

Sandy continued, 'The shopkeeper told me, 'No, why don't you do it yourself.'

Indian Premier League

2012-08-28T20:12:00.005-07:00

A man enters a pub with his dog. The Indian Premier League Cricket match is on between the Mumbai Indians & the Delhi Daredevils. He settles himself & asks the bartender how the star performer Sachin Tendulkar is doing. The bartender says Sachin hit a half century. The dog jumps up, and runs around the bar-stool 50 times.

After another half an hour, the bartender reports that Sachin hit a century. The dog reacts by jumping up again and running around the bar-stool a hundred times.

The bartender is amazed & says, "That dog of yours is something! What does he do if Sachin Tendulkar's team wins?

"I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 3 years!"

Bank robbery-Funny joke

2012-08-28T20:12:00.003-07:00

There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.

When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"

"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."

Really funny jokes-Divorce is easy

2012-08-28T20:12:00.001-07:00

Sam : You know what, it's really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man is just required to say "I divorce you" to his wife 3 times and it's done!

Jack : It's even easier in the US. All a man has to say is "Yeah, that dress makes your butt look fat" once

Funny jokes-The replacement

2012-08-28T20:11:00.003-07:00

Harry who played trombone in the opera was in a fix. He had committed himself to another act at his sister's party on the same day he had to play in the opera. He tried hard but could not find a replacement. Finally he approached his household help and convinced him to do the replacement. "You can take my other trombone. Just watch what the guy next to you is doing and it would be all right".

Next morning he asked the household help how it went.

"It was a Catastrophe. Your colleague also sent his household help to replace him".

Hilarious jokes-Toss a coin

2012-08-28T20:11:00.001-07:00

Peter had planned on watching the football game with his friend Harry.

Peter arrived late and the game had already started. Harry asked him, "What kept you?"

Peter replied, "I could not make up my mind between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin."

"So what took you so long?" asked Harry.

Peter answered,"I had to toss it 40 times."

Funny jokes-Do you know

2012-08-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”

Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”

Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”

Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”

Really funny jokes-Group of biologists

2012-08-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

A group of biologists are traveling in a truck to conduct some research in a hilly region, when the driver loses control of the vehicle. The truck overturns and runs down the hills, crashing at the bottom & killing all the biologists.

All of them arrive in Heaven. They are all asked a question, "If you are in your casket and you could hear your friends and family mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy who is a good botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the best botanists of all time, and left an eternal contribution to the world of botany."

The second guy who is an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."

The third guy, who is a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "

Good jokes-How to recognize where a Driver comes from

2012-08-28T20:03:00.001-07:00

Tip to recognize where a driver comes from

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Has to be from Chicago.

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Has to be from New York.

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Has to be from New Jersey.

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Has to be from Boston.

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Has to be from Los Angeles.

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Has to be from Ohio, but driving in California.

7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Has to be from Italy.

8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Has to be from Seattle.

9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Has to be from Texas.

10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: Has to be from West Virginia.

11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Has to be from Florida.

Really funny jokes-Osama's death

2012-08-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

Before he was killed, Osama Bin Laden was known to believe in astrology and went to an astrologer to ask him when he will die.

The astrologer told him that he will die on an American holiday.

Osama asked him, "How can you be so sure of that?"

"Well, any day you die will most certainly be an American holiday".

Funny jokes-A definition of age

2012-08-28T19:58:00.001-07:00

Age defined perfectly :

Youth is when you smoke, drink, and are naughty all through the night, and the next morning you still look like you haven't been doing any of that.

Middle age is when you smoke, drink, and are naughty all through the night, and on the next morning, you look like you have been smoking, drinking and have been naughty all through the night.

Old age is when at night you neither smoke nor drink, nor are naughty, yet on the next morning you look like you have been smoking, drinking and have been naughty all through the night.

Really funny jokes-If you can understand it

2012-08-28T19:54:00.001-07:00

Do you know Psychology is actually Biology.

Do you know Biology is actually Chemistry.

Do you know Chemistry is actually Physics.

Do you know Physics is actually Math.

If you understand it and able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Mathematics.

If you understand it, but unable to prove it, then publish in a periodical/magazine of Physics.

If you cannot understand it, but are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Economics.

If you can neither understand it nor are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Psychology.

Clean jokes-Fifty thousand dollars for a Dog

2012-08-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

An economist had finished his day at work and was leaving for home, when he noticed a small boy call out to him from the footpath where he was sitting with a dog. The boy said, "Sir, would you like to buy a dog."

The economist was surprised by the approach, but asked nevertheless, "How much are you selling the dog for?"

The boy replied "Twenty thousand dollars."

"Twenty thousand dollars for this dog!" the economist exclaimed. "Does he know any special tricks to make him worth so much money?"

The boy replied, "Sir, this dog never made a dime in his life. If you take into consideration the expenses on his food, I think you will lose money on him every year."

The economist did not want to let go the opportunity to lecture the boy about the principles of economics and explained to him the fact that a commodity needed to yield more returns than it consumed to equal a purchase price. He finished by saying that the five dollars could be the maximum sum that should be expected for the dog, that too from somebody who just wanted a companion. Feeling satisfied with the knowledge that he had imparted to the young boy, the economist went away.

A few days later, the economist again noticed the small boy was again sitting on the footpath but this time there was no dog in sight. He asked the boy, "Did you get the five dollars for your dog?"

The boy said, "No, I got twenty thousand dollars for him."

The business man was stunned. "How on earth did you get twenty thousand dollars for that dog?" he asked.

"It was a piece of cake," replied the boy. "I traded him for two ten thousand dollar cats.

Really funny jokes-Trip extension

2012-08-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

A guy goes to a travel agent to book a three-week cruise for himself and his wife. A few days before the cruise, the travel agent informs the guy that the cruise is canceled, but he can get them on a seven-day cruise instead. The guy agrees & goes to the the drug store to buy seven medicines for motion sickness and seven condoms.

The next day, the agent calls again to inform now he can book them on 10-day cruise. He guy gives his confirmation and goes back to the drug store to buy three more medicines for motion sickness and three more condoms.

Two days later, the travel agent calls once again to inform that he has a 15-day cruise available now & whether the guy would be interested in taking it. The guy again says he is ok with it & goes back to the drug store to buy five more medicines for motion sickness and 5 more condoms.

Finally, the attendant at the drug store asks him, "Man, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?"

Funny jokes-Harley and dog

2012-08-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

Do you know the difference between a Harley Davidson and a dog?

The dog can get in the back of the pickup truck by itself.

Light bulb jokes-Nurses

2012-08-28T19:22:00.001-07:00

How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, as they simply have a nursing assistant to do it.
As many as the doctor orders.

How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend five hours in the waiting room.

Aviation jokes-Basic Flying Rules

2012-08-28T19:20:00.001-07:00

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2. Do not go near the edges of it.

3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Really funny jokes-Wife or mistress?

2012-08-28T19:16:00.002-07:00

There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.

The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."

The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."

The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with both of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."

Hilarious jokes-Razorback hogs

2012-08-28T19:16:00.001-07:00

President Obama was back in Washington DC after a tour and as he got down from the helicopter in front of the White House, his staff noticed he was carrying 2 baby piglets, one under each arm.

The alert security guard salutes and says, "Nice pigs, Sir."

Obama replies, "You are mistaking them for pigs. These are genuine Razorback hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the other for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The security guard salutes, and comments: "Brilliant trade, sir."

Really funny jokes-Statistically speaking

2012-08-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Pete, a statistics student, while driving his car, had a habit of accelerating hard before arriving at any traffic junction, zoom past it, then slow down again once he had passed it.

One day, he gave a lift to an acquaintance, who was panic-stricken by Pete's manner of driving, and asked him what made him hurry over the junctions.

Pete replied, "If you look at it statistically, you are far more prone to have an accident at a junction, so I ensure that I spend the least time there."

Kids jokes

2012-08-28T01:38:00.001-07:00

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"

Blonde jokes

2012-08-28T01:37:00.000-07:00

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Work and Office jokes

2012-08-28T01:36:00.000-07:00

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Really funny jokes-Eternal suffering

2012-08-25T21:57:00.003-07:00

Jerry dies in a car accident and goes straight to hell to suffer eternally at the hands of the devil. As he passes deadly pits and screaming sinners, he saw a man getting cozy with a beautiful lady. He recognized the man - he was a cunning lawyer who had died a couple of years ago.

"This is not fair!" Jerry exclaims. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer is having fun with a beautiful woman."

"Be quiet!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

Really funny jokes-Victim of imagination

2012-08-25T21:57:00.001-07:00

Michael was a victim of his imagination and suffered from diseases that did not exist. One day, he staggered into the house bent forward, looking for a chair, and still curled into a half-moon shape, dropped into it.

While struggling to breathe, he said "Jane, it has hit me at last. It came without a warning. All of a sudden I found I could not straighten up. I can't even raise my head."

When the doctor came to see Michael, his wife asked the doctor, "Will he survive?"

"Well" the doctor said, "it certainly would be a great help if he will unhitch the second buttonhole of his vest from the top button of his trousers."