Serenity Horizon

Now everyone can fly, without Red Bull!

2014-05-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

With the recent event of a South Asian Airlne service (No, not that one, don’t worry) launching low cost domestic and international flights in India, I am expecting a humongous crowd flocking to it. By humongous crowd I don’t mean Dadar Station, locals will be hellish as always, no good news there. More than the mango people, I am actually expecting a Kingfisher kind of a crowd wanting to avail this on a desperate level. Why Kingfisher, you ask? It’s because we are too snooty to travel in a train and too stingy to travel by Jet Air. Also known as the rassi jal gayi par bal nahi gaya types. We as in I include myself as well, are such bitches and dawgs who would come up with jokes even if we are given free tickets on an Emirates or Lufthansa flight. We are so evil that we wouldn't mind paying few extra bucks to travel by Air India only to get some material for humor. And yeah, we will keep doing this. So some of the things that may happen (may okay? I didn't say will) if we go the railways way for flights.

We will have to start booking for our 2016 flights now. I mean right now.
We will have 10027 Mumbai-Delhi Up and 10026 Delhi-Mumbai Down flights.
The only choice of seats would be Cramped up at a window, Cramped up at aisle, Cramped up at middle. (This is coming from a 5’10” girl).
There will be a Ladies and Senior citizen quota that will not make a difference.
There will be a Tatkal service that will bring out the Hulk in every Bruce Banner out there.
And the inner Hulk will smash the keyboard at least once when Makemytrip and Cleartrip will show Service Unavailable after logging in.
There is a bright possibility of seeing WL2366/WL997 and feeling flabbergasted as to why would someone book after WL100? Height of optimism.
Travel booking portals will give 50 Rs off on domestic flights and lodges coupons. And still terms and conditions would apply.
We will be able to successfully book your ticket after investing 5 hours, One pack of Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Old Monk.
No boarding passes for Wait Listed passengers. They will have to do jugaadwith the Airline counter at the airport.
Instead of tags, we will get stickers sponsored by Bank of India or Vicco
There will be no limit to check-in baggage, because they are aware that even if they set a limit, we will still carry bags big enough to fit our grandparents inside for a one week trip.
No limit to cabin baggage as well to allow every passenger to smack the faces of the seated aisle passengers with their big ass bags.
We will be asked to reach at least 10 minutes before the plane leaves the runway. Those 10 minutes are allotted to buy Bisleri and Filmfare from the aerobridge before we board.
We will be allowed to carry Milton water coolers and Ludo board game.
For security checking, there will only be one metal detector present and we can choose whether to walk through to it or not. We are all good people. The plane people know it.
Once we board our economy level flight of economy flights, we will be greeted by nobody.
We will hear Khoya Khoya Chand lounge music inside the cabin, or if we are in luck, Hotel California.
If we manage to get a window seat, a shameless pot bellied uncle would be already sitting there thinking jab aayega tab dekhenge, abhi baith jaata hu.
If we are sitting near the emergency exit i.e. Apatkalin Dwar, the stewardess will not come and tell us what to do. Because the window will be red with a glass case for a hammer next to it. The hammer would be missing to scare the daylights out of us.
Once everybody settles in their seats, there will be one stewardess wearing leggings and kurta giving safety instructions.
The stewardess will give the safety instructions in the regional language. Like, Tumcha seat cha khaali aani varti kaahich naahi. Oxygen level zar kami jhala tar vitthalache nav ghya OR Ee flight vellathil mungya guruvayurappane villikka, seatinde adiyil jacket onnum illya. Pinne belt ketti vekka, namade pilot number one kudiyan aanu.
The seat belts would be made of Velcro.
The stewardess will actually end the safety instructions with this joke “Aage do dwaar, peeche do dwaar, dono nahi khule, toh Haridwar” and then wink at us.
We shall be asked to switch off our cell phones and all other devices. We will still sneakily use it because nobody will give a damn.
The flight will take off 30 minutes late and the lavatory will have a queue outside even on the shortest 35 minutes Mumbai-Pune flight.
In the back of our seat pockets there will be a brochure of airlines with a “wide selection of refreshments” priced 2 Rs less than the M.R.P of course. We can have bread butter and bread jam with tea, coffee and rasna sponsored by Kissan. Meals will be sponsored by Anand Bhavan. Lassi and Chhas by Amul.
Once you are done the stewards will come to you with Rajnigandha and a tray full of tips that they had put themselves to get the ball rolling.
The flight will land 30 minutes late by default because it will be last carrier to get the landing permission. We may also have to walk at the runway a little because it may not exactly stop near the aerobridge.
And lastly, there will be a fleet of attendants who would fling your bags at you from the base of the plane because the stoppage is only for 10 minutes.

Either ways it's going to make travelling easy for impatient weirdos like me who cannot sit quietly for more than an hour. Because you know, Banglaore-Goa for Rs 990 is not bad at all! Too bad this is after the goafest (sorry Indian Madmen).

P. S. If I have offended someone in this post then my job here is done.

Laters!

The Unfinished Embrace

2014-05-25T09:18:00.001-07:00

Ayesha sat near her balcony gazing at the dimly lit road. Her deep round eyes had turned red and shallow. It has been a week since she lost the guardian angel of her life, her Granny. Ayesha loved her Granny more than anyone else in the world. ”It was too soon” she mumbled. She gently rubbed the faint white line that ran through her wrist. A line left behind when jewelry or a thread is taken off after a long duration of wearing. Ayesha had taken off the sacred thread meant to ward off evil forces. That thread also signified the blessings of Ayesha’s Ganpati Bappa. She was a believer more than a follower. But she was angry with God for taking her angel away from her. She was angry she couldn't see her for the last time and embrace her for the last time. She couldn't study and didn't have a single friend in college she could share her pain with. But Ayesha was a fighter. “You know you have to be strong when you have no other choice” she thought.

Ayesha lived as a paying guest in a huge bungalow in Pune. A 300 sq feet room with a bath attached was maybe a bit too big for an 18 year old Engineering student. But Ayesha was very different from a regular girl. She was fiercely independent and intellectual. She couldn't bear the idea of sharing a room with a “bimbo”, a term she used for all her college friends. She had issues getting along with people in general so Hostel was not an option for her. Getting a mini apartment to herself where she could cook, read, study and enjoy a cup of coffee all alone was a dream come true for her. But something was different about that particular evening. It was quieter than usual. It was breezier than ever. That was one evening when Ayesha felt lonely. “Maybe it’s because of what I am going through” she thought.

The room was dimly lit. Ayesha had the usual disappointing dinner from a local tiffin service and sat on her bed with her laptop. The room had minimal furniture. A wardrobe, a computer table, a single bed, 2 chairs and one table with a hot plate and essential vessels. These few things meant the world to Ayesha because she didn't have to share them with anyone. Ayesha got up from her bed and opened her wardrobe to take out her moisturizer. It was the chilly month of December and she wanted to apply it before bedtime. She kept back the bottle of moisturizer at the far end of the wardrobe rack to make sure it doesn't fall off the edge. Ayesha securely locked the wardrobe and checked the latch of the main door. She then switched on the night lamp which imparted a dim glow to the entire room. Ayesha checked her phone, it was way past midnight. “I must sleep now, early morning practicals tomorrow.” She said to herself. Her bed was at one end of the room close to the balcony so she wouldn't feel closeted. She took her blanket and faced the wall, her back facing the rest of the room. She was a light sleeper which made it a usual thing for her to be awake even with her eyes closed.

There was a gentle screeching sound made by the latch of the main door. Ayesha swiftly opened her eyes but she lay still. She was not sure if she actually heard something or it was a state of lucid dreaming. Her breathing had increased rapidly but she made sure not to make a peep. She heard a loud noise of a heavy object falling near her wardrobe. She froze. She just couldn’t turn her back towards the room and see what was going on. She just didn't have the courage to get up and switch on the light. Her bones felt like jelly. She couldn't muster up enough courage to even scream. She could sense a thick cloud of silence engulfing the room. She felt someone’s presence in that silence. The presence kept moving closer to her. She still hadn't turned her back towards the room. She didn't want to see whatever she was feeling. She wanted to scream real bad by then but she had lost her voice to fear. Her eyes were wide open when she felt someone sit by her side. She felt a very strong presence of someone sitting and adding a good amount of weight to the small bed of hers. That moment she realized she is going to die and her mind just stopped working. A few seconds passed by when Ayesha was completely sure it was not an illusion since the weight on her bed and that silent cloud of presence was still there. It seemed very real to her until she felt a hand graze her forearm placed on her hip in a firm yet gentlest way possible. Now the moment seemed morbidly real to her. She gathered all the courage left in her and squealed “Noooo”. And, everything stood still. In the next moment, the presence was gone. The hand grazing her forearm was gone. The weight on her bed was gone. The thick cloud of silence was gone. The room went back to a being a dimly lit breezy space.

Ayesha somehow managed to bring herself to get up and switch on the lights. She first looked at the latch which was exactly the way she had left before going to bed. She then looked at her wardrobe which lay slightly open with the weight of the moisturizer bottle tumbling down. “How can the bottle fall from so far? I had kept it at the end of the rack” She thought. She sat her bed and looked at the side where she felt the weight. Ayesha was a brave girl; she did not create a scene or call up her family living in Mumbai. She went into a state of taciturnity. A tear trickled down Ayesha’s cheek. This was the first time she had experienced paranormia. Everything had gone back to being normal. It felt like the silence after a storm. She thought if it was an evil entity, how it could simply leave the moment she said no. “I was really scared. It could have harmed me. But it didn't. The touch felt very real and yet gentle. Could it be my.....” She thought. “There is no I will ever know if my angel visited me one last time...It will always remain an unfinished embrace.....” She thought.

Review of The Xposé :- Violation of your Intellectual Property

2014-05-21T04:29:00.003-07:00

P.S. Himesh gave the music, story, money and the sex appeal to this movie. Which means he was pregnant with this movie and when the movie came out, so did the extra flab.

Irrfan Khan enters on a melancholic note in a deserted theater. Breaking away from all stereotypes his name is Alec and he wears a fedora. He looks stoned and broke. That’s all you need to you know about him. In a Mumbai autowaala se bhi worst accent, he goes back in 1968 where a heroine in a red dress is pushed off a building. Cut to her funeral scene where the characters are introduced one by one. The good cop bad cop/ aadhi nangi and puri nangi heroines, Sonali Raut and Zara Afroz respectively. They are roomies and they both hate each other. This is news that 2 girls don’t get along. Some generic aunty is the landlord/manager/caretaker to the good girl once she moves to the bungalow. Next in line is the director himself Anant Mahadevan who plays, guess? A director! Collectively shaming all the directors both dead and alive, Anant Mahadevan is a South import who makes it big (no pun intended) in Bollywood. Then enters our very own Blues/Jazz/Dandiya crooner...Himess Bhai!! He plays an anorexic cop (lolmax). Like every Bollywood cop he wears a fake black Ray Ban aviator. But hey, he wears it at night, during rains, inside the police station and maybe even when he poops. He has serious temper issues and is known as the “paagal of the police peepals”. We all agree to half of that sentence. He holds a cigarette but doesn't smoke it. Bola na, paagal hai! He gets suspended from shooting an MLA (kejru alert) coz Gussa aa gaya tha. So after only one and half years in jail he is set free. And for some reason Anant signs him up for a movie. So the mad cop, who refers to raja ka nanga beta to declare his grandeur, is transformed into Blue blazer-Yellow Pants-Rainbow Aviators-Tamil puking actor. Cut to a couple of insignificant people who I don’t feel like writing about. Then enters, the man himself, torch bearer for Delhi NCR, mascot of all the Gurgaon boys you ever wanted to slap the shit out of, Mr One-Yo-is-not-cool-enough-so-I-have-two-Yos-in-my-name Honey Singaaaaa. Unlike his songs, here in the movie, there is no statuary warning issued that he is present so you can run away. He is a lecherous looking music composer notorious for selling same tunes to different directors or as we popularly know, Anu Malik. Jesse Randhawa plays his girlfriend who makes parallel cinema. She is dusky, tall and her hair is cropped so you believe this parallel cinema has to be an intellectual thing she does. Then, enters a baniya looking cop in the next scene who says heroine ko dhakka maara hai, it’s a murder. Thank you for telling us, we were assuming she was measuring the height of the building by jumping down with a tape. The story begins by a collage of all these annoying turd faces into a single frame, which secretly means one of them is the killer.

Himesh Bhai has a sautela bhai who did him wrong. Please don’t ask me how. My attention span is worse than a hummingbird. He looks constipated and bleached throughout the movie for some reason. The story moves on to the shooting of a Hindi film where Himess reaches late coz he is not a hero but a superhero (somewhere Ironman, Superman, Batman and Captain America died a little inside). He doesn't rehearse, never puts on makeup,q never follows the script, doesn't shake hands and generally is not civil. In short, he plays a cocky son of a bitch who mouths corny dialogues instead of normal conversation. This will remind you of Akshay Kumar from Once upon a time in Mumbai Dobara. Cut to the slutty heroine accusing Mr Yo Yo ji of using her so he makes an I-AM-A-PIMP face and asks her to go to hell. Mr Yo Yo ji says sorry with a Dairy Milk and proposes to Jesse ji in a way that every girl will remove that part of a love story from her wish list forever. So next, on one side of the set, Himes, another shah bhai and slutty heroine are shooting for Ujwal Nirmal Sheetal (I know you all are thinking about that white saree scene now) and on the other side; good heroine is shooting for another film Reena Mera Naam. There is a fire on that set and Himes bhai rushes there to save the good heroine. Now the good heroine is so mad in love that she quits smoking for him. But Himes who is also in love continues to hold an unlit cigarette throughout coz he is simply mad.

Yo Yo is now caught because he gave the same music for two films and he laughs like a lunatic. I don’t know why. You also please don’t try and figure out why. Now both the shitty films release on the same day. In spite of the transparent wet white saree playing the lead in the movie, Ujwal Nirmal Sheetal flops because the director of the other movie plays dirty tactics with the help of Irrfan Khan. Now, a very angry Himes bhai calls up that director and threatens him by telling him a medical condition he has, he pees more blood than the director has in his body. (UTI, bro). Now there is a post award The Great Gatsbhai themed party where the slutty heroine seduces Himes. He tells her he is a 40 year old virgin like Salman and refuses to even friend zone her. Then begins a song where everyone looks high as shit and dancing to ice cream khaungi. (I am trying hard to not crack jokes on that). Courtesy puraani dushmani, the actresses trash talk and start a catfight (yay!) and the good girl’s ex breaks it up (nay). Cut to the scene where the slutty heroine falls off the roof. We have come to the beginning now. Now this scene has been played over 300 times in the move for no reason. Next we see the funeral scene again where her coffin is buried in the graveyard. The coffin looks like it has been designed by Maganlal Dresswala. The question arises, who did it? Who? Do I give a shit? Obviously No!

Now I dare you to watch this movie. I double dare you to watch it till the end because I didn't. If you manage to sit till the end and tell me who did it, I promise I will take you out for dinner. If you are a fan of Himesh or Yo Yo for any reason, I will take you to a shrink

P.S. My guess is, that the killer is the person who doesn't wear a Fedora. Now go figure.

Madras Cafe Review : - A must, must watch

2013-08-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Madras Cafe is a political espionage film set in parts of India and Sri Lanka. The film starts off at the back drop of the Sri Lankan Prime Minister assassination. Major Vikram Singh (John Abraham) confesses the incident in his career that changed the face of Indian politics and his life. Thus begins Madras Cafe in a flashback narration. It dates back to about 3 years before the assassination of a former Indian Prime Minister. The Sri Lankan civil war fought between LTF and the Sri Lankan military was disrupting the politics and economy of the country. Thousands of innocent civilians lost their lives. Indian peace-keeping forces were made to intervene leading to a loss of many hundreds of soldiers. After the Indian peace-keeping forces were made to withdraw, Vikram Singh was appointed by a key bureaucrat Siddharth Basu (Robin Dutt (RD)) in the intelligence agency RAW to head operations in Jaffna much to the disparity of his wife Ruby (Raashi Khanna). Thus begins his journey to Sri Lanka and back getting entwined and entangled in unjust military politics. He meets British wars correspondent Jaya Sahni (Nargis Fakhri) who intrepidly wants to reveal the truth and politics behind wars. In Jaffna, Major Vikram Singh is reporting to Bala (Vikram Belawadi). In his peace keeping attempts at Jaffna, Major Singh falls prey to bureaucracy and discovers traitors in his own organization. Whom to trust or not? And how this war leads to the assassination of our Ex-Indian Prime Minister is solely left for Major Singh’s and his team to investigate. How Major Singh manages to uncover the truth at the cost of his own life being trampled is how the movie goes forth.

The writing is fresh and mature at the same time. A very difficult feat to achieve. The screenplay is multifaceted yet comprehensible. The age old belief of a film being good only if it's ambiguous in certain aspects is well broken by the screenplay of Madras Cafe. At no point the audiences are left with loose ends or questions as to what is going on. There is suspense and edge of the seat flow in the movie, yet no anticlimaxes. At one point you want to hold your head and say I wish this didn't happen or this could have been averted. This is what I said.

The performances are given justified screen space which is another very good thing about this movie. There are no star obsessed scenes and each character carves a niche in his or her own screen space. Whether it is the LTE chief Anna (Ajay Rathnam) or the Tamil Rebel, Leena Maria Paul, each character leaves a mark on your mind. There are no songs (Yes!) that tarnish the magnitude of this movie (Thanks a ton for that, I literally cringe when a movie breaks in to a song for no reason). John Abraham does full justice to his role and hats off to him for producing a movie on a sensitive topic like this. Nargis Fakhri and Raashi Khanna have a short yet concise role in the movie and they do full justice to what is required.

Last but not the least, the director Shoojit Sircar's artistic visualization and creativity adds the touch of ultimate class and crispness in this film. It turns out to be a spectacular treat for the audience and you are left with a lasting impact. Not just a must watch, you better-book-your-tickets-right-away-watch. Take a bow, Mr Sircar :)

The story is meshed up between facts and fiction. Still, it manages to paint a very clear picture in our minds about the incident that changed the face of Indian politics over two decades ago. This film is a very bold attempt at political cinema. There are some stories that must be told and some that should not. This film borders at the very edge at the times of censorship and controversies stirring up at the drop of a hat. I just hope more and more filmmakers are encouraged to make such movies. This isn't off beat cinema, this is quality cinema.

Rating: - 4/5

I will not celebrate our Independence unless....

2013-08-15T03:51:00.000-07:00

Image Courtesy: - http://mysterious-kaddu.blogspot.in

I am not being cynical. It's about being realistic. No country is perfect. We as citizens are responsible for it. But are we the only ones responsible for it? Sure, this country has its own good aspects too. But as a common man all I can see is my vote, my taxes, my efforts and my personal space being compromised, trampled and reduced to garbage. The following are the reasons I haven't wished anyone on this day. We are full of contradictions, anger and frustrations. How can we say that we are independent? Playing ae mere watan ke logon, yeh desh hai veer jawaanon ka and then giving undue importance to news about sanjay dutt being released when our brave army men are dying is not patriotism. Carrying flags around during the day and the same flags found in trash by evening is not patriotism. Posting statuses on Facebook about your love for the country and then participating in everything that accumulates to the lawlessness and filth in this country is not patriotism. Addressing India as Bharat Mata and leering at every maa behen on the road is not patriotism. Wearing white to symbolize peace and then going ahead to celebrate "festivals" by getting drunk and making a fool out of yourself is not patriotism. Saying out "Atithi Devo Bhava" and treating athithis as money bags and fair skinned druggies who can be mugged and raped is not patriotism. Giving patriotic speeches in Hindi and casting out people who cannot speak English as dumb and uncouth is not patriotism.

If you truly love your country, work towards making your surrounding a good place to start off with. If each and every citizen could genuinely do his/her duties rightfully, we can at least hope for a better tomorrow. We can't change the government or the bureaucracy that rules us but we can at least hope for laying down a good foundation leading to a strong structure for the future generations to come by. As of today, the only free people are the politicians, the criminals and the animals that comfortable sit or sway by on the roads meant for human transportation. And we as law abiding, tax paying and helpless citizens have the absolute freedom to shop at supermarkets and get amazing discounts on this day. (I walked in to one store to get some fruits and had to get out in less than 30 secs from the fear of being trampled by greedy shoppers looking for free groceries).

I will not celebrate our Independence unless....

1. A person has the freedom to report a crime or law being broken without of fear of landing in trouble.

2. A person has the freedom to do everything the ethical and lawful way and no the "chai paani" or "jugaad"

way.

3. A person is allowed to vent his frustration and has the freedom of speech without the fear of being arrested.

4. A person is free to vote for a candidate on the grounds of being the best and not the only known face among thugs.

5. A person gets the worth of the taxes he pays for the infrastructure and not the man hole deaths and pot hole accidents.

6. A person has the freedom to use his right to information and not being mocked as "kya kar loge jaanke".

7. A child has the freedom to trust the elders he mixes around with (including parents and teachers) without the fear of being tortured or molested.

8. A man can demand justice on grounds of being wrongly accused of crime against women. (Being feminist is a good thing, but men should have equal rights too).

9. A man can freely say that it's a country where men and women are treated equally. No unfair advantage is given to women.

10. Elders can peacefully stay at home without the fear of being killed by servants or watchmen.

11. A woman has the freedom to give birth to a child in a mid-level hospital without fearing about the child being stolen.

12. A woman has the freedom to divorce her husband without being labelled as loose.

13. A woman can be out with her friends dressing the way she wants.

14. A woman can walk in a crowd without the fear of being groped and molested.

15. A woman has the freedom to break up or dump a guy without the fear of being killed or acid attacked by the guy.

16. A woman is allowed to be dark, fat or loud mouth without the fear of being judged.

17. A woman is allowed to be opinionated and bold without the fear of being called "dented and painted".

18. A woman is allowed to study and pursue her dreams without the fear of being accused of "getting too much of freedom".

19. A woman is allowed to eat as much as she wants and not forced to do jobs of a maid just as a "pre-requisite for marriage".

20. A woman has the freedom to chose whom she wants to marry.

21. A woman has the freedom as to when and whether to bear a child or not without the fear of being called "barren".

22. A woman has the freedom to approach the protectors of law and order without the fear of being raped or slapped.

23. A woman irrespective of her social status or caste has the right to lead a respectful life without the fear of being gang raped and set on fire.

24. A woman is not given away with money to the highest bidder in terms of job and qualification. She is married with dignity.

25. A woman can date or dump as many guys as she wants without being feared to be called a slut. Since the same thing a man does is termed as being a stud.

Raanjhnaa: - A movie that will truly touch your heart

2013-06-23T06:17:00.001-07:00

The heart of this story, a witty little kid Kundan is the son of a Tamil priest living in Varanasi. It was love at first sight when he saw the angelic little Muslim girl Zoya, the daughter of a professor. The love grows as the little boy turns into the Banarasi Babu Kundan (Dhanush). The teenage school love never seemed so endearing as it does portrayed by Kundan. One fateful day, under the influence of the movie Saajan, Kundan gathers some bro-couragement from his friend Murari (Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub) to approach Zoya (Sonam Kapoor) and then gets slapped. 15 times. She finally caves in to meet him as his "consistency" impressed her. As she falls for him, the family of the girl finds out and sends her off to Aligarh. Kundan is shocked and promises Zoya that he will wait for her. 8 years pass. Zoya gets into JNU and life changes for her. Kundan is still the same small town boy still waiting for his childhood love despite of the advances of his childhood friend Bindiya (Swara Bhaskar). Bindiya is madly in love with Kundan and has an eternal hope of marrying him. When Zoya returns back to Varanasi, Kundan gets the rude shock that Zoya is in love with a student leader Akram (Abhay Deol). Kundan swears to get over Zoya and get married to Bindiya on the same day as Akram marries her. Then, with a dramatic twist, life changes for everybody and the love turns deplorable.

The story is very fresh and yet has an old world charm to it. A realistic love story after ages, if I may say. The film is written by Himanshu Sharma, the writer of Tanu Weds Manu, another simple and warm film. This film is much evolved than Tanu Weds Manu, both directed by Anand L. Rai. The film touches your heart in every way possible. It has some gem of dialogues that will have claps from the front seats to the last ones. Very difficult to achieve. The music isn't again thrown in but blends with the movie. A. R. Rahman has fused in soulful tracks with Banarasi flavor in it. The film is slightly sluggish towards the end but makes up to the viewers with some intense performances. Sonam Kapoor looks ethereal and gives one of her best performances till date. I guess no other contemporary of her could have managed to give such an intense yet effortless performance. I am personally a critic turned fan now. Dhanush shines through the movie. His comic timing, intensity and sheer effortlessness with an endearing South Indian accent is the highlight of this film. I wouldn't say he has an amazing depth but he has a lot conviction in what he doesn. Abhay Deol with very little to do still manages to carve a niche as he always does. The supporting cast also has done a wonderful job.

Move over cotton candy romance. This film is made from the heart and pierces right through the viewer's. I eat my words and not ashamed of it, this movie is a must watch.

Rating: - 3.5/5

Chapter 3: - The First Lie

2013-05-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

Back to Chapter 2: - The Long Red Bindi

The fort game was the one thing Piya looked forward too. That was Geeta's quality time with Piya. Piya that day had carefully arranged her toys, tied up dupattas and kept her tiny utensils in place. She was waiting for Geeta. The only difference was that Piya had a guilty conscience that day. Piya knew she did something wrong. Piya knew she might get punished that day. Piya was grew anxious. It was something she did. She did repeatedly. She had lied. For the very first time. It all started a few days ago.

It was an accepted fact that Piya hated school. The reason however was not known. She was good in studies and was promoted to the first grade by skipping the senior year kindergarten. She was the only student in her class who could read newspaper headings and sub-headings. Teachers pampered her. Her classmates loved her. Still, Piya would every day cry for the first couple of hours when Geeta left her in the school. Geeta would stand outside her classroom to make sure Piya was okay. Geeta would get late for work every day by at least 3 hours. The teachers explained to Geeta that her waiting outside the classroom would spoil Piya even more. Geeta was asked not to leave Piya to school everyday to ensure the separation was easier. So, Geeta arranged an auto for Piya that would pick and drop her to school along with a couple of more kids from the same locality. Piya was terribly upset for a week or so but due to the lack of familiarity with the auto driver, she threw no tantrums for school. Everyone in the family was relieved that Piya was disciplined to some extent.

Like everyday, Piya was waiting for her auto to come and pick her up. Teary eyed, she looked back at the window where Amma stood to wave goodbye to her. Amma very well understood that Piya had no intentions of going to school and there was no way she is going to fall for her puppy face. The auto arrived at 12.15 pm to pick up little sad Piya. Piya waved goodbye to Amma and sat inside the auto on her favorite corner seat. There was something cooking in Piya's mind that day. There is no way I will attend school today. Piya had a plan. A plan that was going to get her into trouble.

As the auto arrived at the school gate, all the kids in the auto gathered their school bags, water bottles and got out of the auto except, well Piya. Piya refused to budge. The auto driver asked her to get down and go inside the school premises. Piya refused. The auto driver was startled as he had no clue that a child over 5 years could be so adamant. He decided to ask the Sports Instructor of the school to help him out. Every child in the school was petrified of Jadhav Sir except for little Piya. Not that she was a brave heart, it was a sheer example of how ignorance could be a bliss. Jadhav Sir intervened and asked Piya to step out of the auto. He even blew his whistle to scare her. Piya looked away and said No. Jadhav sir gently held Piya's hand and tried to yank her out of the auto. Little Piya caught hold of the seat in the auto and refused to budge. Jadhav Sir was left with no choice but to scoop Piya in his arms and carry her inside the school premises. He did exactly the same and asked the auto driver to leave. He let Piya down and told her to straight go and sit in the classroom. Piya was fuming. Tears trickled down her chubby cheeks. Tears of shame and disappointment they were. That was a one of a kind incident in that school. At least one of a kind for a child as old as Piya. Jadhav Sir was surprisingly amused and decided not to report the incident to Piya's mom. Piya still had a chance.

Next day, Piya silently got ready for school. She didn't threw any tantrums to skip school. Amma was a little surprised with Piya's improvement. Something is wrong for sure, she thought. Piya got dressed, had her favorite lunch and left home smiling at Amma. She went downstairs and stood waiting for her auto. She hopped playfully and had a mischievous grin. The auto arrived and Piya sat inside. She started mentally rehearsing her new plan of action. This will definitely work. Piya smiled. The auto arrived at the gate and Piya started coughing. She told the auto driver she was extremely unwell and asked him to take her back. The auto driver had no choice but to take Piya back home. On the way back home, Piya felt an air of freedom. The same journey that used to make her sad seemed so blissful then. She was continuously wheezing and coughing to ensure that the auto driver didn't suspect her.

Once Piya reached her door step, she had a complete monologue prepared. The moment Amma opened the door, Piya began her performance. Evading eye contact, Piya chirped "Amma, see no, the school has holiday today. They didn't write in the calender also. I had to go and come back. I will tell teacher tomorrow, this is not correct." "Very bad, alle Amma?" Amma was puzzled. She didn't know whether to believe Piya or not. In spite of being suspicious, Amma bought the huge cooked up story served by Piya. Not that Amma was gullible, she trusted Piya a lot. Everyone in the family did. They knew very well that Piya can never lie even if she wanted too. She was a terrible lair. So, Amma told Piya to change into her PJs and go to sleep. Those words sounded like honey to Piya. Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! She gave herself a mental high five and went inside her room to change. Piya was careful and didn't let her gleeful squeak out. She didn't want Amma to suspect her. After all this was one plan that worked. Piya decided she is going to do this every time she didn't feel like going to school. The only issue was that she did this for the consecutive two days.

On the third day of Piya's "No School Day", Amma grew suspicious. She called up Geeta and asked her to give Piya's class teacher a call. Geeta did. Geeta didn't like what she heard. Piya has started lying. This was the first time Geeta was furious over Piya. Geeta had a terrible temper. Everyone in the family had been a victim to it. Her brothers were scared for Piya. They stood guarded for little Piya that evening as they knew Geeta has no control over her temper. Geeta at her work place was growing impatient. She decided to go home early that day. Piya has had it now. But how am I going to punish her? Geeta decided to be strong. I have to discipline her. She was fuming with rage. She could be waiting for me to play the fort game. No. I have to be strong.

What was going to happen next? It will be revealed in the next chapter. :)

Chapter 2: - The Long Red Bindi

2012-10-13T05:35:00.002-07:00

Back to Chapter 1:-The Endearing Dilemma

Sleep and sadness took over Piya’s eyes. She didn’t want to say goodbye to Geeta. She held back her tears in her big almond shaped eyes and bid adieu to Geeta. It was late and time for Piya to sleep. Though Piya had a penchant for movies, she was not allowed to stay up late since Amma wanted her early to bed and early to rise. There was a Hindi movie going on television that night, a rare sight in the typical South Indian household. Piya made her puppy face and asked “Amma, Salman picture”. "Illya" (No) said Amma sternly. That was curtains down for Piya. Piya was a very different child who never sought answers, argued or even asked anything for the second time, no matter how badly she wanted it. A rare combination of understanding and ego stood out in her personality. She was a surprisingly matured person for her age. So, little Piya dressed in her favourite white PJs with hair plaited neatly crawled on the bed next to Amma and held her hand. Piya couldn’t fall asleep without holding Amma’s hand. After a long hard day at work Amma’s arms again, had no rest. The television was switched off after the daily dose of news and lights went off after the daily dose of funny anecdotes from Milind. Piya hasn’t fallen asleep. The room was silent. Piya slowly freed herself from Amma’s protective hand around her and looked out of the window over to the dimly lit road. It was silent and serene. She could hear the leaves swaying with regular gushes of wind. It was a slightly cold and breezy weather. Something caught Piya’s attention. The building right in front of her had a home where people are awake and watching, oh yes! Salman Picture. Piya was overjoyed and though she could barely decipher what was going on in the movie, she made sure she still looked attentively over without squeaking. After about 10-15 minutes, the obvious happened, Piya got bored. She then came back to bed and started thinking, her favourite past time. She was wondering what Geeta could be doing at this time. Would Geeta had let me watch Salman picture? Maybe yes.

Geeta was in her late 20s, ambitious, charming, funny, head strong and deeply devoted to her parents. Geeta was Piya’s mother. So who was Amma then? Amma was Geeta’s mother, Piya’s Grandmother, Saraswati. The only person in the world Geeta could trust who could take care of her little bundle of joy, Piya. Piya was oblivious of the situation her parents were going through. They wanted to make sure their careers didn’t hamper Piya’s childhood in any way. So Piya became Amma and Acha, Geeta’s Father Ravi’s 4^th child. The most pampered and most loved of all. With Geeta being an ultimate prankster and a tomboy all through her life, having little angelic Piya was a welcome gift from life for Amma. She always wanted Piya to be very different from Geeta. And how she succeeded in the feat is a different story altogether.

Back in her apartment, Geeta was flipping channels and looking for something interesting to watch. She comes across a Salman Khan movie and clapped with excitement. He was Geeta’s favourite. She misses Piya. No I am not going to watch any movie without my Piya. Geeta switches off the television with a heavy heart and picks up the newspaper. Not one, not two but four different newspapers. Not that they carried different stories or events across the city, but Geeta’s love for reading knew no bounds. Once she finished reading her newspaper, she picked up her bible, The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and curled up in her bed. She reads, reads and reads. She read till her eyes were heavy with sleep. She can’t help but miss little Piya by her side. She wished Piya was there to chirp endlessly, which Piya did every waking minute of her life. Avoiding thinking about Piya, Geeta went to sleep.

Geeta was a disciplined early riser. It didn’t really matter what time she went to bed, she would religiously be up by 6 in the morning. And the couple of early morning hours were very precious to Geeta. She called it her thinking time. With a sweet and strong cup of piping hot tea, Geeta was standing in her veranda, gazing at birds chirping, clouds moving, trees swaying and oh, I am late for work. Geeta was perennially late, fashionably though. She took a quick shower, skipped breakfast like every day and packed her handbag with the newspapers and books. Kohl lined eyes and a big long red bindi were indispensible part of Geeta’s personality, she looked every inch an Indian dusky beauty. Geeta rushed out of the building and called out for an auto to reach the station making sure she didn’t share the ride with anyone. On the way she gets about 5-6 calls which enquired what time she would be reaching office. Geeta cleverly dodged her excuses for being late and kept saying that she will be there soon. Geeta finally reached station and stood waiting for her train to arrive. She had a definite spot where she stood every day since she knew that is one way to ensure she rushes in the First class compartment first and grabs her window seat. She accomplished this feat every day! In Mumbai! She stood near a snacks stall and an elderly feeble woman approached her. Geeta was appalled at the sight of an elderly lady begging for a living. Instead of giving money, Geeta took the old woman to the stall and asked her to eat something. She paid the stall guy and made sure the old lady got a cup of tea and pack of biscuits. Geeta held back her tears and went back to her spot when the train was just about to arrive. The train arrived and whoosh, with one swift movement, Geeta was in the train. She sat comfortably in her favourite window seat with a smile of accomplishment and embarked the journey to work. Looking out of the window was a familial hobby. Geeta saw trees, huge buildings; slums, offices and people pass by when the trained speedily moved through Central Suburban Lines of Mumbai.

Geeta reached office and gave a warm smile to everyone. Her pearly sparkling smile with an unbeatable charm made people forget that she was almost an hour late for work. Everyone at work loved Geeta’s sense of humour and her dynamic personality. Always the leader of the pack, Geeta had a history of quarrelling crazy with her seniors and yet getting away by making her point clear and heard. Geeta worked dedicatedly without really caring about the number of hours she was actually supposed to put in. She over committed and over delivered. Adored by her colleagues and revered by the juniors, Geeta was a born star.

As the evening approached, Geeta was wondering if she could get home early and spend some time with Piya. She wanted to surprise Piya by playing her favourite game, The Fort game. This game was nothing but building a fort of curtains and putting all of Piya’s toys in one place and letting her play on her own. Maybe I can get home early today. Wonder what Piya must be doing. Geeta was sitting in her cabin looking at Piya's picture in her purse.

:)

Next Chapter 3: - The First Lie

Heroine:- Glossy mash up of Dirty Picture, Fashion and Page 3

2012-09-21T08:08:00.001-07:00

If your are expecting an aesthetic movie dealing with the emotional baggage of a Bollywood film actress and a Diva, then stay home. This is not what you are actually getting. Heroine is a thorough commercial masala movie. Sadly, this movie goes into a loop of never ending ordeal of an actress. Just when you see some spark of depth in the movie, it goes back 15 minutes and you sit there thinking what the hell is going on.

Starting off as a typical dark-face-of-fame moment, the movie gives a lot to look forward to. But as the movie moves on, you get a feeling of déjà vu. The film is completely soaked in clichéd moments. The moments which you have seen and read hundreds of times. Till the first half of the film, there is no depth and novelty in the film. Once the second half of the film begins, there is some kind of innovations introduced. There are some very good moments where you can see the Bhandarkar brand of direction, but again towards the end, you are thoroughly disappointed with loose ends in the story and abrupt ending of the movie. This movie will be a commercial hit for sure, but to be honest, it is nothing like what we all are expecting it to be.

Casting is near perfect. Arjun Rampal and Randeep Hooda have managed to cleverly cut their sliver off the movie carved only for Kareena. Kudos to them. Rest of the supporting cast of Ranvir Shorey, Shahana Goswami, Lilitte Dubey and Helen which were kept under wraps, shine through in their little but important roles in the movie. Lucky mascots Atul Kulkarni and Manoj Joshi were missing from Bhandarkar's most awaited and expensive venture yet. Rest of the few casts were shuffled from his last few movies. Yawn. Technically the film is a treat to watch, with good music, cinematography and crisp editing. Although I personally wanted the movie to extend just 10 more minutes to tie up the loose ends and give some insight but it didn't. Disappointed again.

A special mention to Kareena Kapoor who has single handedly managed to pull off the movie with a good story and weak script. She has given her 200% in the movie proving yet again why she is the highest paid actress and a brand herself. Playing the role of Bipolar disorder affected, alcoholic actress Mahi Arora, who has failed in her relationships as well as her career is a real tough nut to crack. She is the only reason why you will sit through the entire film since her presence just doesn't let you budge from your seats. He styling is very chic and international. She looks every inch the vulnerable, troubled soul unaware of her own beauty and charm. There are moments where you hate her, there are moments where you love her. And there are just moments. Some moments which pierces right inside you. Watch her out in the scene where she haplessly says yes to social appearances like weddings just because she has nothing else to do. Watch this movie only for Kareena.

All hardcore Madhur Bhandarkar fans are going to term this movie as a thorough disappointment. It's hard to believe that is the same director has made cult films like Satta, Chandni Bar, Page 3, Corporate, Traffic Signal and Fashion. And now Heroine, a film that fails to evoke any emotion or even reaction from the audience. The film literally sinks to rock bottom if it wasn't for Kareena's memorable portrayal of the complicated grey character of Mahi Arora. If you have not seen Madhur Bhandarkar's earlier movies, this movie might be a little new for. But his fans are not really going to like it. Watch this film only for Kareena's efforts and her sheer ethereal presence in the movie.

2.5/5:- 2 for Kareena and 1/2 for a handful moments of depth.

Barfi!-Happy tears :') tch tch :')

2012-09-17T11:36:00.001-07:00

Barfi! is another masterpiece created by Anurag Basu. After his last film Kites failed to impress me enough, Barfi! is simply a treat to watch. Barfi! is a light hearted movie which is entertaining and endearing to the core. It paints the lives of specially abled individuals with the hues of their hidden emotions bringing out a painting which simple leaves you in awe of the painter with few happy tears trickling down your cheeks.

The technical aspects of the movie score a perfect 10. Shot in the exotic locations of Darjeeling, the film has a very refreshing feel to it. The cinematography by Ravi Varmanhas captured the essence of Darjeeling and blended it into the film beautifully. The film in spite of having an otherwise artistic essence, it doesn’t really get monotonous thanks to the wonderful direction and cinematography. The music is again very subtle and not blaring on your face for no apparent reason, so is the background score. A cute track Picture Chaalu plays in the beginning of the movie. Rest of the songs are melodious and the song Phir le aaya dil is going to linger in your mind for a long time. The costumes are again very subtle and apt for the characters as well as the locales. Few portions of the film were shot in Kolkata, set in the rains and puchkas, they’ve played a pivotal role in the film. The editing somehow could have been a little better. That is the only complaint I have. About 15 minutes shorter, the film could’ve achieved the not-a-single-dull-moment feat successfully. However, there are no disappointing or ambiguous parts in the narration of the movie done by Ileana D'Cruz. Anurag Basu has finally moved away from his dark direction genre to a light hearted and funny one. It’s not fair to term it as a Romcom but yeah on a broader scale it definitely has its share of romantic and funny moments. The humour is again very clean and comes solely from the endearing antics of Ranbir Kapoor. Surprisingly, the story has a pinch of every genre in it, romance, comedy, suspense and also a bit of juvenile funny action.

The actors are truly the soul of the movie. Ranbir Kapoor has always pleasantly surprised his audience with his mature performances in movies like Wake Up Sid, Rocket Singh and of course my favorite film Rockstar. This film is no exception. In fact you can say that he has raised the bar for himself and also for other newbies around him. Watch out, the Kapoor kid is here to stay. He plays Barfi, a deaf and mute guy staying in Darjeeling. He is full of life and pranks. He has so much of positive energy around him which immediately lights up everyone’s lives. Everyone associated with Barfi loves him. Even the fat and mean cop Saurabh Shukla who is always out to nab Barfi due to his innocent robberies, has a tiny soft corner for him. Barfi falls in love with Ileana D’cruz (Shruti), who moves to Darjeeling with her family. Shruti is sensible and a simple girl who has been under constant influence of her family’s decisions more than hers. Ileana plays the perfect coy and sensitive Bengali girl. She has her moments of realizations leading her to show of strength. She fits perfectly in the role essayed for her. Short lived romance with Shruti and a heartbreak leads toBarfi getting depressed and landing up in undesirable circumstances where he reconciles with his childhood friend Priyanka Chopra (Jhilmil). Jhilmil is an autistic girl from a rich affluent family where Barfi’s father works as a driver. How the friendship turns to love with Barfi caught in the middle of emotional crises is when the story beautifully unfolds. Priyanka here has swept me off my feet. No actress in this time and age would have the guts to pull off a role like this, at least not her contemporaries. At her endearing best, she deserves a special recognition for this. Watch out how she manages to outshine Ranbir towards the end of the movie. You don’t really cry or feel sorry for this autistic girl in love with a deaf and mute guy, but you can’t escape the sheer innocence of their love at the same time. The magical aspect of this movie is that just when you are about to cry feeling appalled for the innocent Barfi and Jhilmil, they manage to light up a smile on your face in one way or the other. Minimal and brilliant dialogues yet again prove that Silence is Golden. The rest of the story will be under wraps because I want you and watch it. Like NAAOOWW J

All in all, Barfi! is an extremely heart warming film you must go and watch.

Rating:-4/5

Chapter 1:-The Endearing Dilemma

2012-09-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

Amma walked into little Piya sleeping peacefully. Amma knew Piya is awake and was trying her best to avoid school like she always used to. Crisp cotton saree draped neatly, hair neatly tied in a bun, tall, fair and pleasantly plump. One look at her and you could say that Amma was a disciplinarian. Ignoring all the puppy faces and feline noises Piya was making, Amma asked sternly, “So what’s the excuse today?” Piya covers herself over with a blanket and says “Er, I feel a little heavy in my heart, maybe I should sleep Amma, no school Amma, please na.” Amma simply burst out laughing and called Milind in the room, her blue eyed son in his late 20s. “You heard what she said? It seems today her heart is giving her trouble. This is what happens when a little girl watches too much television.” Milind doted on Piya since the time she was born and he poured all his affection on her. Piya was more like a daughter to him. He covered Piya over with a blanket and took Amma out of the room. Amma was caught up with packing lunch boxes and ensuring that the men of the house leave for their work on time, so she saved Piya for the last since her school was in the afternoon. Meanwhile Milind’s elder brother Vineet, the ultimate prankster of the family, tiptoed over Piya’s room and woke her up again. He pulled Piya’s ears and she screeched with anger. That was Vineet’s agenda for the day completed successfully. Acha came out of his room with a comb in his hand and dressed up for the day. His moustache was just like the Army men which gave him a very stern and intimidating demeanour. He was very particular about how well his shirt is ironed and how perfectly his trousers fit. “Early morning this boy starts troubling my little doll”, Acha yelled out to Amma. Hearing Acha’s voice, Piya decided to persuade him that she doesn’t want to go to school. She quietly walked towards him like a little girl burdened with a heavy heart. Acha then made her sit on his lap and attempted at cajoling her. ”You are a good girl no? Good children never say no to education. You know how difficult it is for some people to even get an admission in a school?” By now, Milind chirped in “Amma let her stay at home na, even I have a holiday, I will play with her” Acha sternly said “Milind, it’s because of you that this girl is getting lazier day by day, stop pampering her like this. Piya will go to school, won’t she?” Piya nodded along with least interest and had by then accepted the fact that she had to go to school at any cost. Sigh.

Since the time Piya was in her kindergarten, she had developed the knack of making up the most unique and funny excuse to avoid school, everyday! Not that she was bad in her studies or had no friends in the school. She was the only student who was sent from junior year kindergarten to the first grade directly since she had brilliant communication skills and was much more evolved for her age. The teachers absolutely adored her in spite of her absenteeism and reluctance for school. A baby face, dusky complexion, jet black curly hair and an impressive height, Piya came off as a typical South Indian kid from her looks. But unlike other South Indian kids, she was least interested in pleasing teachers or being the first one to answer every question. She had a little world of her own where everything had to be real and sensible. Her classmates thought of her as an arrogant girl but still somehow mustered up some courage to interact with her. Once they got to know her , they realized that she is she a friendly, kind yet reserved girl. She used to cry silently missing home unlike other kids who wailed at the drop of a hat. She hated to be away from home and her teachers knew it. Tears used to keep dripping on her big, round cheeks and she used to wipe them off while writing in her notebooks. The handwriting was consistently bad. It was legible but very bad. She surely couldn’t seem to care about it.

Somehow Piya managed to pull of the day and came back home in the evening. Before Piya started lazing around, Amma caught hold of her and made sure she took a shower in hot water with Dettol. Yes! Hot water shower with Dettol was a painful and unavoidable ritual maintained by Amma. And mind you, nobody could escape it. Amma made Piya wear clean clothes meant only for the home and then let her into her own world. Piya was allowed to watch as much as cartoons and television as she wanted to. The family was very liberated and never believed in troubling little kids with studies every day. Piya was looking out of the window and waving out to a little monkey perched on a dense tree next to their house. Kids from the other buildings used to do the same thing but again Piya was keen about knowing as to how can one stay on a tree. She was engrossed in her thoughts. Spotting her deeply engaged, Amma told Milind that she sometimes gets worried as to what this girl is thinking because she never tells anything to anyone. Piya was still looking out of the window and she kept checking the time. It was 4.30 and she saw Acha coming back from work. She was overjoyed and opened the door, something Piya did every day. Acha loved curling Piya's hair with his tiny comb, he made sure he did it everyday. She played with him for a while and went back at her window to see the world outside. The clock struck 8.30 pm and she ran inside her room. Acha was comfortably watching a cricket match which was the one thing that the entire family was crazy about. Piya said nothing and made a puppy face. Acha knew it was time for Popeye the Sailor man so handed over the remote control to Piya and made a huge sacrifice. Halfway through the cartoon show, Piya heard the doorbell ringing. Something struck her and she ran over to the door. When she opened the door, there was this beautiful dusky woman with a big red bindi and a nice smelling perfume, beautifully painted long nails and a wedge heeled shoes. This woman lifted Piya in her arms and gave a peck on her cheeks. Amma came out of the kitchen and said “This is nice. You come and Piya forgets our existence.” Everybody gave an affirmative laugh and a warm welcome to the woman. Amma quickly served dinner for everyone. The dinner was typical vegetarian simple meal which belonged more to the culture of Mumbai city where they lived since 2 decades than from Kerala which was their native place. The food was made keeping Piya in mind. Food was less spicy, less oily and off course tasty since Piya was a big foodie. After having a sumptuous meal of dal,rice,salad,curd and papad, Piya would be fed at least one spoon of rice again turn by turn by every member of the house. Only then everyone else would start eating their meal. When everybody else was busy eating dinner, Piya served water and passes around papads or pickles for everyone. She was a typical girl who wanted to learn everything that her Amma did.

Piya is aware that this woman is going to leave after dinner. She felt a lump in her throat. But she knows she can’t leave Amma and go. So what will Piya do now? What is this endearing dilemma as to who she loves more? Next chapter will reveal it all J

Next Chapter 2: - The Long Red Bindi

Gangs of Wasseypur

2012-08-09T11:39:00.002-07:00

I am completely bowled over with the masterpiece Gangs of Wasseypur, created by the ace director Anurag Kashyap. I am not including this under movie review because I can’t write an unbiased opinion and feedback over this movie. This is a personal post dedicated to a milestone in innovative Indian cinema. Consider this as a fan babbling, you will know why once you read the post. Also what makes me proud is that the movie is completely desi. I can be assured I don’t have to look out to Hollywood directors for entertainment or refer Global Masterpieces like Persian and Iranian for substance. This film freaking has it all. It’s entertaining, engaging, raw, original, real and simply superb.

The casting:-

In the era of making movies where the only success formula is to have A list actors and their controversies, superheroes and their gadgets, Anurag Kashyap has managed to get memorable performances out of little known to unknown actors. How many of us really know the background of the stone hearted puppeteer of the revenge saga Ramadhir Singh? Google him and you will know what gives him an amazing nonchalant style of acting which makes him the most feared character at the same time in his first movie. Manoj Bajpai as Sardar Khan gave an engaging performance in the first half of the movie. He had made an unspoken statement which marked his territory as the ultimate baddie, who had taken the audience by storm with his character Bhiku Mhatre in Satya. The movie simply does justice to him. Nawazuddin siddiqui, who plays Faisal Khan, pulls of the entire second part of the movie by stepping into the shoes of an actor like Manoj Bajpai. Every character in the first and the second part of the movie remains etched in your mind. Starting from the man whose murder started it all, Piyush Mishra, the sutradhar of the saga, the merciless Ehsaan Quereshi who is a butcher and the accomplice of Ramadhir Singh, the policemen, the guy who supplied guns without saying a single dialogue in the movie, the gunmen, the accomplices, the strong and bold women like the dutiful begum Nagma Khatoon, femme fatale Durga and Mohsina the pillar of strength for Faisal Khan, Zeishan Quadri who plays the semi dumb and dangerous goon Definite, perpendicular and tangent are memorable in their tiny roles, the guy who was shot after getting his head shaved and just about everyone. The casting is exhaustive but fits every role perfectly. The actors deliver performances so real and perfect, that you almost feel like you are a part of the V for vendetta saga.

The Locations and Styling:-

Again, this movie was entirely shot in remote locations of Varanasi, Bihar and Chunnar and not Manhattan or Paris. The locations and sets are few and distinct. When screenplay moves swiftly across the streets of “Dhanbad”, you feel getting involved into the movie. With the gradual progression of eras from introduction of Dhanbad in the 1940s to the current situation depicted in 2000s. The styling has been done perfectly and the generation leaps are introduced in the natural flow of the movie. The film posters stuck on walls, movie theatres, youngsters mimicking trends of the actors and real life using reel life dialogues and theories give out some hilarious moments to watch out. When Nawazuddin is out to kill the guy who shot his father, he shaves the guy’s head and makes him wear aviators. Later on shoots him after a dialogue and a laugh of his share saying Shakaal lag raha hai be.

Music:-

Nope this movie has no item song, who’s who of music industry or promotion tracks sung by Mika Singh. Sneha Khanvilkar has created unconventional music of violent and sexual innuendos for every turning point in the film. The music is not thrown in and will not be appealing as standalone music tracks. The music is made for the story and not the other way round, which is what happens in most of the Hindi movies. Teri keh ke lunga, Womaniya, Hunter, Ik Bagal in both the parts of the movie, Jiya tu at the end of the first part and Soona kar ke songs were blended perfectly into the first part of the movie. In the second part, not too much of variety in the songs but check out Chee chaa ledar song sung by a 12 year old kid who sings in trains, pitched in at the perfect moment of chasing depicting the meaning of the song.

The dialogues, screenplay, story and script:-

Oh the dialogues!!!!! I still can’t stop laughing over the fine dialogues of the movies. I am not even embarrassed to say that probably I was the only girl in the theatre who understood and laughed out loud at every dialogue of the movie. Needless to say there were only couple of girls there. Anyways. Moving on. I can’t mention any of the dialogues here, you must watch the movie and I won’t let out any of the pearls for sure. The dialogues are not metaphors or hyperboles. They are simply spoken with no thought or expression. The dialogues are raw and in your face making you gawk with your mouth wide open. The thought is Oh man did he just say this??? The body language of the actors is so natural that it is difficult to believe that they are acting and not really killing people. Blood spurting, magazines exhausting and the Kattas swivelling and shooting bullets will leave you with a realing impact. The lengths of the movies are a little disappointing but it is so engaging that the audience are going to realize when they run out of popcorns and colas. A crispier editing would have been a saviour for the average movie goer who likes to be simply entertained. Either ways, the scenes have been fitted perfectly like pieces of a jigsaw going from present to past which keeps moving from the first part and continues to the 2^nd reaching a point where the 1^st part started. Simply beautiful. The Dhanbad coal mafia story woven around the families which are reeling under the impact of the Qureshis and Pathans rivalry causing series of murders and vengeful tactics is the least expected entertaining story you can expect.

Okay, so now that I have said enough about the Oh so awesome movies, you go and watch it now. And if you haven’t even seen the first part yet, go for a double whammy watching both the parts on the same day. I am planning to, AGAIN. Anybody want to join??? ;)

Rating:- 4/5

Why I would rather die than live in this country as a woman....

2012-07-17T08:15:00.001-07:00

I am appalled. I am pissed off. I am in tears. The recent Guwahati incident has exacerbated my dormant rage against chauvinistic and sick men in our country. Not that feminism is a new thing for me, those who know me personally are aware of how strong minded and independent I am. Time and again I have stood up for myself, friends, family and acquaintances sadly attracting the hate from men. Not that I have ever said women are superior to men, all I am saying treat us equally and humanly.

Rape and molestation has become an everyday thing for us. We read it in the headlines, on almost every third page of the newspaper depending on the proximity of the incident. We are helplessly seeing husbands raping their wives, father raping their daughters, infants as old as couple of days old being raped by sick men, women as old as 80 year old being raped by sick bastards, friends gang raping girl who agreed to have an evening out with them, teachers molesting students who are expected to bestow the wealth of education, doctors raping patients, women in labour i.e. in the most painful and vulnerable moment of her life being molested by doctors, women molested in their work place by superiors taking away the right to be independent and infinite number of shocking incidents. Women are asked not to step out of the house after 7, so what about the rape incidents occurring in broad daylight? What if the protectors turn attackers? What can a woman do in this case? The recent Khap Panchayat decision on banning cell phones and love marriages for women has enraged me to no end. Why can’t she have a cell phone? So that she can’t call for help when 10 men are molesting her? Why can’t she have a love marriage? So that she can be raped by her father in law and 10 other men when she marries a man she hardly knows? The woman will wear whatever she wants. If a women dressing provocatively is an invitation to rape so why aren’t men who are scantily dressed also raped? And are you saying an infant raped and killed was wearing a cocktail dress or the dalit woman raped and set ablaze was in a 2-piece bikini??? Blaming a woman’s decency for rape is just like blaming the dead man’s provocation for murder. If the rapists were provoked, so were the murderers right? IT IS THE SAME THING. One kills the body and other kills the soul. That is the only difference.

Right from the time a girl is born in our country, she is considered as a liability. Her dowry and marriage expensed drive people in our country to kill them even before she is born or in most of the cases after she is born. Babies as old as a couple of hours are left to die in garbage cans. They are thrown away from hospital windows. The dowry deaths are still prevalent in our country. After marriage, a girl changes her name, leaves her family, goes to a new place, takes up the responsibility of the in laws and still they want money from her??? Why the hell does the girl’s family need to give money? Ladki bhi do aur paisa bhi? Brides abandoned on the wedding day for dowry is a common thing in our country. Stop giving and taking dowry. The worse could happen is that the girl will happily stay in her parent’s house for a longer time but she will eventually find a groom and not a money hungry trader. Why? Why can’t people join hands and make weddings as a joyous occasion depicting union of two people than a filthy display of wealth for insignificant ill-wishers which makes the family of the girls a scapegoat? Why? According to the NCRB, approximately 6,000 women are killed in India every year because of dowry. Unofficial estimates are as high as 15,000 deaths a year. In other words, between 16 and 40 women die every day because of dowry.

The girls are not fed properly in certain parts of our country. Can you believe that? This is the sad truth of families that make young girls work like maids so that they don’t put on weight and stunt their growth. The fact that women are objectified on the basis of their looks is bringing down super confident and talented women. The obsession with fair skin in our country is putting millions of dusky women into depression. Why? Aren’t dusky women beautiful? Is a woman only beautiful if she is reed thin and fair? Then why don’t you go buy a mute mannequin from a store and marry her. That’s what the chauvinistic men want, right? Fairness cream ads, anorexic models, weight loss stories, correcting imperfections of your body and face, anti aging products, endowment and reduction packages, and what not. Why? Never seen men being objectified like this? Age makes women old and men mature? Why? Women must themselves have the confidence to chuck off people from their lives who objectify them and be happy with the grace and womanhood she is blessed with.

A strong confident girl is brought down time and again by her brothers, uncles, friend and even her own father. Why? Why can’t men accept the fact that a girl can be intellectually gifted, she can also have business acumen, she can also be a gadget freak, she can also be creative, she can be funny and hell yeah, she IS smart. I have personally been offended time and again by men for being blunt and honest. If men make objectionable jokes they are funny, but if women make such jokes they are supposed to be teased and hit on. Ambitious and confident women have been bombarded with statements like dekho yaar job hi karlo agle kuch saal mein toh shaadi karni hogi na, ghar ke kaam seekh lo pehle warna sasural mein kaise rahogi, tumhaara toh pati hi tumhe theek karega, tum ghar par rehke bachhe sambhaalo paise main kamaaunga, tumhe naukri/padhaai ki kya zarurat hai pati/pita kama toh rahe hai, and loads of other sentences. I will not buy the fact that these thoughts belong to the rural population of India since every woman I know has faced chauvinism at some point of time in her life. Stand up for yourself girls. Don’t get bogged down by these chauvinistic remarks.

Official statistics collaborated Pan India in 2010

Rape Victims

There were 22,193 victims of Rape out of 22,172 reported rape cases in the country. 8.9% (1,975) of the total victims of rape were girls under 14 years of age, while 16.1% (3,570) were teen aged girls (14-18 years). 57.4% (12,749) were women in the age-group 18-30 years. 3,763 victims (17.0%) were in the age-group of 30-50 years while 0.6% (136) over 50 years of age.

Offenders were known to the victims in as many as 21,566 (97.3%) cases. Parents / close family members were involved in 1.3% (288 out of 21,566) of these cases, neighbours were involved in 36.2% cases (7,816 out of 21,566) and relatives were involved in 6.2% (1,344 out of 21,566) cases.

Kidnapping & Abduction

These cases have reported an increase of 15.7% as compared to previous year (25,741).

Dowry Deaths

These cases have increased by 0.1%over the previous year (8,383).

Torture (Cruelty by Husband & Relatives)

Torture cases in the country have increased by 5.0% over the previous year (89,546).

Molestation

Incidents of molestation in the country have increased by 4.9% over the previous year (38,711).

Sexual Harassment

The number of such cases has decreased by 9.5% over the previous year (11,009).

Immoral Traffic

Cases under this Act have registered an increase of 1.0% during the year as compared to the previous year (2,474).

Dowry Prohibition Act

The cases under this Act have decreased by 8.3% as compared to the previous year (5,650).

In India, according to National Crime Records Bureau's i.e. NCRB in 2005 Crime Clock, there is,

§ 1 crime committed against women every three minutes

§ 1 molestation case every 15 minutes

§ 1 sexual harassment case every 53 minutes

§ 1 kidnapping and abduction case every 23 minutes

§ 1 rape case every 29 minutes

While you are reading this article, crimes are committed on at least 3 women, one woman has been molested, one woman has been abducted and one woman has been raped in India.

And those are only the reported and recorded statistics. What’s more,

§ Four out of 10 women in India have experienced violence in the home.

§ 45% of women have suffered at least one incident of physical or psychological violence.

§ 26% have experienced at least one moderate form of physical violence.

§ More than 50% of pregnant women have experienced severe violent physical injuries.

These are the official statistics and the crimes against women are highly unreported in our country.

The state wise accountability for crime against women is shocking. The websites below have a detailed account of state wise crime frequency occurring in a country that is lovingly referred as Bharat Mata.

Statistics courtesy: http://www.wikigender.org/index.php/Crime_against_Women_in_India,_2010

http://infochangeindia.org/women/backgrounder/violence-against-women.html

I hope this is passed on to every individual out there who is unaware of the atrocities over women in this country and still believes women are worshipped in India.

Cocktail - Perfect blend of Love, Friendship and Fun

2012-07-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

What would the desiversion of Vicky Christina Barcelonalook like? Cocktail is the answer. Not exactly a rip off but the plot looks more or less the same. After the offbeat psychological drama film Being Cyrus, Homi Adjania has attempted a light hearted RomCom flick, which has been pulled off quite well. The seductress falls for the ultimate casanova who is in confused for his feelings for the distressed miss goody two shoes. Sigh.

Cocktail begins with the sketching of the cheesy character Gautam Kapoor (Saif Ali Khan) who is staying in London with his uncle Randhir Kapoor (Boman Irani), who is an equally colourful man married to a British woman. Gautam is the guy your mom warns you of. A guy any good girl would helplessly fall for because of his charming persona. He is goofy, nice at heart, wild, romantic, sensitive and a womanizer. All the wonderful shades of his character are beautifully unveiled in the due course of the movie. Cut to Meera Gupta (Diana Penty), the introvert, desi damsel in distress. She is a victim of being lured into a hoax marriage by Kunal Ahuja (Randeep Hooda), who conveniently abandoned Meera and absconded to London. She is a beautiful, intelligent and the typical girl any mom would want to take home. She comes to London looking for her husband who shoos her away mercilessly telling her he is going to divorce her in a couple of weeks. Enter Veronica D’costa (Deepika Padukone), the ultimate spoilt kid and a victim of neglected upbringing. She is brash, sultry yet pratical. She proudly carries the I-DON’T-GIVE-A-DAMN attitude and throws it on others just like that. One moment you like her and the other moment you detest her, but you can’t escape her charm. She is the girl Mammas boys stay away from. She meets Meera at a utility store’s restroom. Appalled by Meera's husband’s conning her, she takes her home and lets her stay as long as she wants too. There begins a friendship so strong yet so much fun. The camaraderie captured between two people who are poles apart is just impeccable. Gautam enters their life and joins in the fun when he starts dating Veronica. The threesome fun-some have a blast in this “Frenaissance“, with each of their feeling cut sorted in its right place. No feelings or complications until Gautam , who is 32, keeps dodging of the marriage talks with his homely typical Punjabi mom Kavita Kapoor (Dimple Kapadia). Tired of these never ending questions he decides to fake a serious relationship with the help of his uncle Randhir. Kavita aunty lands up at their house and mistakes Meerato be Gautam’s girlfriend. The mom is impressed and she starts the melodramatic scenes of the typical kada-for-my-soni-bahu, etc. There begins a series of complications and moments of family love yearning where Gautam and Meera fall for each other and on the other hand Veronica is dreaming of a normal life that she can have with Gautam forgetting the fact that they had both agreed to just have a fling. She realizes how much she loves him and how much she wants to be like Meera. The rest of the movie drags a bit and becomes predictable but definitely not boring.

The story is repetitive yet interesting to watch since its portrayal is very new. The dialogues are good but some are cheesy to the core. The songs are catchy and put in at the right moments. Tumhi Ho Bandhu and Yaariyanare the ones you’ll hum along. Background score by Salim Sulaiman is very apt for the story. The styling in the movie is refreshing and trendy. Watch out for a lot of Meera from Cocktail trend catching up just like the Meera from Love Aaj Kal trend.

The casting is perfect. All the actors have given their 100 % to the character and the film definitely doesn’t lack anything when it comes to performances. Saif Ali Khan with his endearing performance makes you forgive and forget his last disaster Agent Vinod. Diana Penty looks fresh and promising but still seems stiff at times. Deepika Padukone, unexpectedly, has given her best performance in this movie. The movie is a pleasant blend of fun, love, friendship and humour, which is exactly what everybody is expecting from it. Give this Cocktaila try, u won’t regret it. J

Rating :- 3/5

When to say goodbye....

2012-07-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

The 6 kinds of people you should say mentally goodbye to.....

This post is a random thought that popped up into my mind late night....I have seen people holding on to entities which causes immense pain to them...With saying good bye I don’t mean be a loner, get rid of acquaintances, friends and family and go all out. All I mean is learning to look beyond such circumstances and not include them in your beautiful life...All I can say is learn when to say goodbye....

1. Those who constantly demand perfection from you, could be anyone, friend, family or spouse. The family is generally guilty of this folly, though not literally guilty. They don’t respect your opinions, your creative horizons or your individuality. I say, who cares!!! In the end you will be questioned only if your ventures are not a success...Nobody will bother how you succeeded, in any sphere of life, be it love, career or studies. No matter what you do they have a sarcastic remark or a smirking face? You did enough...still not good enough...??? Just say goodbye....

2. Those people, who are simply narcissists, can get really annoying. They can be so full of themselves that they never notice that you exist anywhere in their life. The only reason you are in their life is because THEY need you and THEY want you. This person could be anyone in your life...in any of your arenas of life...You are never taken into account for this person. It’s me me me me me...never you??? Just say goodbye...

3. The opportunists are the ones that can be easily recognized but not easily got rid of. These people will know how to use you and every person they meet in some or the other way possible. Just look out for them when you need them and they simply vanish. Once they have got every bit of utility out of you, their job is done leaving you feel used and fooled. Learn to say a firm NO. Recognize such people and avoid them the sweetest way possible...Just say goodbye...

4. Those people who take you for granted because you love them and they know it. These are the worst kind of people. I swear. Worst part is they exist everywhere. They not only hurt your feelings but also bring down your moral. They know you’re never going to leave them, say no to them or talk back to them. This is the best weapon one can use. They treat you like a doormat. They ensure your confidence goes down and you feel horrible about yourself...Give them a surprise...Just say goodbye...

5. The negative energy carriers, if spotted anywhere, just run miles away from them. They are insecure, incompetent and simply not worth your time. They are such party poopers I tell you. These are the kind of people who not only say my glass is half empty, but they also say that I am so unlucky that I got a half empty glass of water that i should probably fill poison in it and drink it. RUN !!! JUST SAY GOODBYE!!!

6. The players and liars, usually they wreck your faith in love. These people are by far the most dangerous people ever. They gain control over your mind and then play around with it. You can’t live with or without such a person. They lie, they hide their feelings or masquerade their true self from you. Keeping you guessing and forever on the edge is a worst thing you can do to someone. The moment you decide to walk away they pull you back and push you back in the same pit with complete disregards for your feelings. Just pull yourself together and walk away even if it hurts like hell...Just say goodbye...

Bol Bachchan- Pure entertainer

2012-07-06T07:26:00.002-07:00

Rohit Shetty has done it yet again. Bol Bachchan is nothing short of a masala puri, tasty and light. The official remake of cult classic Golmaal, has joined the ranks of his previous releases All the Best and Golmaal, which personally were my favourites. I was a little disappointed with Golmaal Returns and Golmaal 3 but definitely impressed with Singham, a movie that marked Rohit Shetty as an ace in the genre of action.

The film is shot extensively in the exotic locations of Rajasthan. It starts of as a run of the mill needy-family-meets-influential-rich-family story and the characters are later skilfully blended into it. The film has a consistent and strong plot which is the icing of this very funny cake. Abbas Ali (Abhishek Bachchan) lives in Delhi with his sister Sania (Asin Thottumkal). They are legally fighting for an ancestral property which they lose. Shastri Chacha (Asrani), a family friend, advices Abbas and Sania to temporarily move to his village Ranakpur where he assures Abbas that he will get him a job at his owner's place. The owner is an English and honesty loving, bullet riding; Aviator glasses sporting, powerful Prithviraj Raghuvanshi (Ajay Devgn). Once they land up in Ranakpur a chain of events leads to chaos and misinterpretation about Abbas’s identity which keeps snowballing into one big, fat innocent lie. In the middle of this “Golmaal”, Abbas falls in love with Radhika (Prachi Desai), Prithviraj’s sister. She becomes his confidante and from here, starts the topsy-turvy journey of a single person acting as two different entities. The cover up and goof ups leading to the truth uncovering is one heck of a hilarious journey.

The casting is perfect to the T. Ajay Devgn plays his bit with so much ease that you literally forget he is the same actor who played the intense Singham in his last release. His English will leave you in splits as much as they have in the promos. The movie is 10 fold of that, rest assured. His comic timing is impeccable and you can’t help but laugh even when he turns into a scary angry man. Abhishek Bachchan has put in his heart and soul in the movie, giving a tough competition to Devgn’s comic timing. This movie should hopefully shut all AB Jnr’s critics up. Personally being his hardcore fan, this film was a treat for me. Krushna Abhishek in his bit has been a hilarious contribution to the entire fun filled madness of the movie. Archana Puran Singh was again good but a little overboard with her expressions which were not required. Asin and Prachi have played their part well. Prachi Desai looks gorgeous and kudos to her stylist for bringing in a fresh air of fashion for the viewers. The pace of the movie is good. The screenplay is crisp and clean. Music is average and thankfully not thrown in needlessly. The madras cut action and Shetty’s trademark blowing up of cars make up for entertaining action sequences in the movie.

The best thing done while promoting the movie is that they have not let out the core hilarious scenes of the movie which adds to the shock value and humour quotient of the move. After a long time, I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of a movie. Again the humour is clean and situational. The story moves very sensibly and you don’t no brainer moments. Watch out for Abhishek Bachchan. HE WILL SURPRISE YOU AND LEAVE YOU IN SPLITS.

The end kind of disappointed me a bit. The film loses the comic grip turning to the tried and tested formula of climax in Hindi movies. The usual chaos and happy realization moments turn a tad boring. They can be forgiven as rest of the movie is simple superb. Definitely, a through entertainer. Go book your tickets now J

Why I can't face Facebook anymore.....

2012-07-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

Welcome aboard to my futile, never-ending ranting about cool things. Yes, you heard it right. I hate FACEBOOK. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. The social networking frenzy which was an addiction before has now simply turned to one of the modern day monsters, ripping people off their ethics and common sense. Why so bitter Priyanka??? That's because I log in to my Facebook account to catch up with friends, share some pictures or videos but I am made to go through experiences that one has in a past life analysis. Read on, you'll know.

1. It effing changes......every minute!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the hell does this frigging thing change by the minute will always stay a mystery to me. An unresolved bloody mystery that even Lord Voldemort couldn't think of. The minute you get comfortable with the interface, they introduce hidden buttons, hidden tabs, hidden monsters etc. And you spend 1/3^rd of your day, trying to figure how to use the new features and voila, it changes again. They now have video chat which will pop up and catch u in the worst of your face when you are hogging on Oreos (which is what I am doing right now) and ensure you never get a video call from the same person. New features added to chat, messages, and tiny popup messages which according to me say “Did you know ?? Now Facebook has this brand new shit which I can bet my ass on that you will never figure out, boo hoo to you, little retarded noob “.

2. The apps requests I get...nuff said.

Oh, I bet most of you out there are sick of the shit load of game requests people send. I know, I know most of them don’t even know how it just gets posted on to people’s walls. But seriously, how do people even land up on such pages and apps???? STILL???? Love percentage, marriage date; next kiss date, next pee schedule, etc. Are you consulting Facebook for life's milestones? Photo of the day, friend of the day, stalker of the day, burglar of the day.... F*ck enough man!!!!! I know Farmville was at a time the best remedy for dealing with emotional crises but still??? I am sure most of my crops have snakes slithering on them and my farm animals must have turned into vampires since I realized I am an adult. And btw, who is such the dumbass that came up with Glassdoor??? WHO THE HELL CONNECTS PROFESSIONALLY ON FACEBOOK???? One more Glassdoor request and I am going to smash it on the sender’s face.

3. Status-Having fun at xyz’s house, not enough fun to get log the f**k off Facebook though.

Photos-Only 2377 pictures of you gulping pint after pint at a friend’s house.

Why people why???? Can’t you just go to a place to relax and hang out??? Is it really the need of the hour to click pictures from every angle possible?? You want to click for memories??? Do that. But why are you spamming people with them??? Putting out statuses about hanging out at a club, local grocery store, at the kennel of your neighbour’s dog is not cool. It is clearly obvious nobody is talking to you and you’re a loner out there.

The duck face shit strewn all over Facebook. Semi naked chicks posting pictures taken in their bedrooms and bathrooms are a rage. There will be about 300 likes and 200 comments with lots of muaaahhhh, awwwws, bhowwwws, never mind. The heart and kiss symbol thrown in by every girl with the kewl lingo makes me shut my lappy like Ranbir Kapoor in the Ultrabook ad. That is the only way they can look cool it seems. Please get a life.

4. Groups, lists, battalions, army....F**K!!!! Give me a break!!!

I am sick of the friend "sorting" Facebook does. I don’t want to create 100 lists and categorize my friends. I am not Monica from FRIENDS. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!!! I am happy with knowing I have only friends and acquaintances in my list, why the hell should I sort them into close friends, good friends, school friends, college psychos and potential killers??? I will not, so get lost!!!

Groups are the things that drive me to the wall. Firstly, did u ask me before adding me there??? What if I am not into neighbourhood soccer suckers? I am not into that shit, don’t you get it? Its okay if you add me, I mean it has a rude option to “Leave the group” with a door thingy. I find it rude okay?? You force me to storm out of the group by posting incessantly every hour. I get a notification about it every minute!!!! Else, the annoying group chat pops up and I sit there witnessing people I don’t know or care about flirting, fighting and trolling.

5. The like if you get, share if you care, post if you dare, 1 $ for every share....What is the option of not giving a tiny rat’s ass???

I am sick of pictures shared by emo pages like I will love you till the end, You are only mine, I am a retard, etc .They say, like if you agree, share if you agree and the worst part is, like if you GET it. Why wouldn’t I GET IT you freaking idiot??? You think I am caveman with a club in his hand and a beehive for hair sitting with a laptop I stole from the city??? I do get the sad or “funny” thing you just posted but I have better things to do than liking and sharing it.

Also, the gory, mutilated, bloated, tampered pictures of sick people and babies all around the world makes me want to poke my eyes till I go blind. Seriously, I very well know half of them are doctored to increase web trafficking, yet they are depressing. I would rather watch India TV news channel since they are masters of exaggeration. 1 $ for every share is the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard. Please stop playing around with people’s emotions. Also what is with the LONG, REALLY LONG stories about two lovers either dying and the soul searching???

6. It's breaking relationships. Really :(

Today, if you are really serious about your guy/girl, the ultimate plunge is updating your Facebook relationship status. Yes, you heard it right. Couples fight, cry, argue and even break up over this silly thing. I have never understood why it is so important, especially for girls. And guys keep looking out for better options on Facebook and cheat on their girlfriends "technologically". The hottie from Chandigarh wearing revealing is-it-there-or-is-it-not-there skirt is the sensation among all her friends. you talk to her and you end up alone. Finished. Sad. Just SAD.

7. The "SECURITY"......

Facebook security and sharing filters is nothing short of a heritage Fort. You can hide it from a, show it to b, show it later to c...what not!!!! This feature is known to about 20% of the people which is saddest part. Also, if you're account is so secure, why do I still keep getting friends requests from distant countries with messages like "I may or may not be a man of your taste but your beauty is such that will enchant any man" from a 60 year old man????? Point to ponder upon........

Shanghai- Caustic, honest and in your face Movie.

2012-06-10T09:59:00.001-07:00

This film made me curious and eager right from the first promo that was out. This film is not here to make you cry. This film is not here to make you laugh. This film is here to make you think. It stands right there in your face. This film hits you hard at the little patriotic corner of your heart. It makes you cringe and feel helpless. This film doesn’t say anything that we don’t know of, but says things that we brush under the carpet. Things we all know but are scared to talk about. Things we read about. Things we feel helpless about.

The film, adapted from the novel ‘Z’, given a soul by Dibaker Banerjee and Urmi Juvekar (screenplay), starts off with a backdrop of political hooliganisms happening in the undeveloped town of Bharat Nagar. The Chief Minister of the State, Supriya Pathak as Madamji, is worshipped by her party workers who are nothing but a group of self proclaimed social reformists called the Morcha, working for the “PRAGATI” of the town. The hooliganism cutting to seemingly innocent and visually negligible characters played by Pitobash Tripathy as Bhagu and Anant Jog as Baggu, keep you hooked on the screen for a couple of minutes without realizing what exactly they are up to. Cut to Emraan Hashmi as Jogi Parmar, an adult film maker. He is rusty, evil, but a cheapskate with a heart. He seems like a guy who will indulge in any immoral activity for a dime. You will yet not despise him. His ‘STD blocked hai’ line will make him endearing to you for a moment. This film then moves on to Abhay Deol as T.A Krishnan, the regular Tamil Brahmin intelligent bureaucrat you will come across. The ex IIT alumni is a man with high morals. He is applauded as one of the most sought after officials in the bureau. Cut to Prasenjit Chatterjee, the soul of the film, playing Dr Ahmedi. He is a socialist professor and political activist. He is out to save the bustling city of Bharat Nagar from an upcoming infrastructure project backed by the ruling political party that will wipe out the existence of the local population. In spite of death threats, warnings foreseen by his adheren, Kalki Kochlein as Shalini Sahay, Dr Ahmedi lands up in Bharat Nagar. Dr Ahmedi looks out for Shalini and the chemistry between them has a short span on screen but it is captured enough to let you into their world. Fate turns around for everyone when Dr Ahmedi is attacked in the middle of a crowd of more than 100 people and the attack is masqueraded as an accident. His wife, Tilotama Shome, lands up in Bharat Nagar to be by her husband’s side. Farooq sheikh as Kaul, Principle Secretary at the CM’s office, leads on T.A Krishnan and sends him to Bharat Nagar to investigate into the “accident”. To write the incident off as Police force negligence, lack of co-ordination in the force, a premeditated murder or just an accident, is left at Krishnan hands for disposal. In terms of on camera, the movie is swept off by Abhay Deol. The seemingly harmless humble man is the surprise element of the movie. In this chaos of uncovering the truth and investigation, Krishnan uncovers the multi faceted ruling party that seemed as a sheer facade with shocking revelations which you ought to see in the movie. The last 5 minutes of the movie is going to leave an impact on you. And the last 30 unspoken seconds actually says it all. Trust me. But that, I am not going to tell u ;)

The movie has an amazing stability in the script. No loose ends. Nothing is left unexplained, yet nothing is explicit. You are going to figure crucial bits of the movie yourself. The editing is done aptly making it short, crisp and cut almost to perfection. The costume designing by Manoshi Nath and Rushmi Sharma is tailor made for the characters, literally. The music by Vishal and Shekhar is just right for the flavour of the movie. The songs aren’t thrown in just for the heck of it, including the item song Imported Kamariya.

The real star of the movie is Dibakar Banerjee. His realistic direction yet again leaves you gasping for more. He keeps it simple and sensible. That’s one thing you will see in his last releases too. Either Khosla ka Ghosla or LSD, Oye Lucky Lucky Oye or Shanghai, the unfeigned attempt at movie making is reflected in every frame of the movie. Standing ovation is what he deserves. The only complaint I have is that there were obvious differences in the re runs of the most crucial scene of the movie. In every rerun the scene looks different though it is the same. Spot it if you can once you see the movie. Other than that, it’s absolutely worth watching, again and again AND AGAIN. Superb, mind blowing movie of the year!!!! GO WATCH IT NOW!!!!

Rating-4/5

My doll now heading to her dollhouse :)

2012-06-08T02:22:00.000-07:00

So just a few days to go for the big day, my little doll must be busy pampering herself. I remember the overwhelming walk we had, where I told you that I will write and say whatever I want because I am very bad at expressing myself in person. I did it only because I didn't want to cry thinking how much I am gonna miss you. Our friendship began in the most unexpected way. We never really expected that we were gonna hit off so well. But we did. And HOW!!!!!

With you, Raju Uncle and Anju Aunty around, I never really missed home. The homesickness just disappeared with all of you around and I found a big sister in you. I knew how I used to just wait to get home from college so I could go for a walk with you. The chocolate bars we shared on the late night walks will forever keep these memories sweet and special. We never rally walked, we just talked. TALK TALK and TALK. It was amazing how we could never run out of things to talk about. And the longest silence that we had was of 2 minutes when I had a lump in my throat thinking when are we gonna go out for walks again.

You stood by some of the real bad times of my life. When I had no one to understand what I am going through. I remember breaking into giggles when you tried to say say something serious because darling, NOBODY can ever take you seriously. You are that cute. I felt at ease, I felt at home with you. This is only way I can sum up to what I feel for you.

Coming to the good times, oh there are just so many. I mean I can't really count. The girly talks and giggles we had. The Amul Chaas walk in the summers. The chocolate hunts every time we had to discuss something important. The CAD B escapades to give into chocolate cravings. The late night walks. The goose incident that scared the daylights out of you. The countless lunches and dinners we had. How my driving freaked you out initially. The little shopping trips we had. The handicrafts place you took me to. The bhel chowk trips. The movies we saw. The french fries smuggling we did. The little picnic at my place. The midnight masala bhaat I made that you loved (I am still trying to make it the same way, probably it was one special time for you) The yummy sandwich you made. It's just countless Dee. I am so gonna miss everything. It's all just going to be etched as my special years in Pune with you :) (I am almost gonna cry now)

I can't begin to say how happy I am for you. I wish you all the happiness and success in your future endeavors. I know I am gonna miss u like crazy, even more when I move out of Pune, coz then I will really not know when I am gonna see you. But more than anything I am super excited and happy for the beautiful life you are gonna begin with Jiju. You make a wonderful couple and I wish God bestows all his blessings on both of you. Cheers !!!!!!

P.S DO NOT mention this post when I am gonna be there for your wedding. Coz I have promised myself I am not gonna cry :'(

Tips for young people to become normal

2012-06-05T02:53:00.002-07:00

You are the future of the nation. You are the most powerful resource of the country unless you are an engineering student. Then you are just a goon in making. I am talking about YOUTH. Some tips listed for you people to realise what ”YOUTH” is not about and help you not behave like something that rhymes with it ;)

1. It’s my...repeat after me you little retarded monkeys....it’s not mah...it’s my...

Saying ma for my, just looks like a faux attempt at proving how much you love your mother. Seriously guys and gals, have you never been to a proper school??? Are you so oblivious to the concept of grammar and pronunciation??? (Once again someone says “pronOUnciation” I will slap the shit out of them) Why do you tawk lyk dis? Are dyslexic? Are you blind? Do you just smash your forehead on the keyboard instead of typing? I swear I feel like throwing a copy of The Wren and Martin on your face when I see the mass murder of English language like this.

2. You are LOLing...OMGing....BRBing...WTFing...I am boiling....

You have serious issues here okay? What the heck is saying LOL when someone says something funny? Are you a seal? No maybe you are a pig? Laugh no, you numb heads. Why do you have to say LOL?????? OMG ??? WTF???? Please talk to me just once, I will tell u how to say the complete sentence with utmost aghast. It is more liberating you see.

3. Pull up your pants....Pull down the top....please!!!!!

Yes please. Wear your clothes the way they are meant to be worn. I don’t care if you’re a Calvin Klein fan or a Rupa chaddi fan. I frigging don’t want to see your Grand Canyon. And girls, I don’t want to either of your Grand Canyons. I don’t want to see cellulite oozing thighs. I don’t want to see huge bellies and asses bulging out of poor little denim cages who can’t contain them. Even if you have a great body, why on earth are you flaunting it for no apparent reason? There is a time and place for it. Don’t expose inappropriately. Why can’t you dress up like a sane person? Just go full Monty if the clothes bother u so much. Much easier to achieve what you want.

4. You look like a crossbreed of peacock and a diseased rooster.

The macaw hairstyles, neon coloured extensions and highlights, the weird facial hairstyles, etc. All this reminds me of roosters who mated with peacocks and produced off springs like you. You look UGLY, HORRIBLE, And STUPID. There it is. I have burst the bubble??? Go frigging get a normal person haircut. Girls, what is with the weird rainbow makeup???? You know if someone hurls a bucket of water on your face you will look like a colour palette that was washed ashore by Tsunami. Get your frigging brains repaired. YOU LOOK UGLY. SIMPLY UGLY.

5. What is life without Gizmos??? Facebook and Twitter??? Worth living.....

Bunch of kids with Playstations and Ipads make me cringe to no end. What the hell is wrong with you people? Haven’t you heard of outdoor games? Do you even know what sky looks like? Do you know how to run or play? Off course you don’t because you are busy moon walking to faux coolness. Yes, there is a life beyond social networking sites. I have seen people going to gatherings just to click pictures and upload them on Facebook or update a status like having so much fun at the party. If you’re frigging enjoying so much, why the hell are you on your smart phone? And for your information, nobody wants to see 347 pictures of the last night barbeque with friends. People prove their love by over mushy picture indulging in PDA and by CHANGING their relationship status. Such a wannabe thing to do I swear!!!!

6. Get your act together. Don’t go with the herd unless you are a cow....

Seriously, bitches that pretend to be a storehouse of wisdom will get you shot. If following socialist hotties is your thing, go with Brinda Karat. The worst that might happen then is you will have no friends left. When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intellectual chops? Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a train station because everyone seemed to have one. Personally, I swear I don’t read books and I have said that honestly on my Facebook profile. And I am not considered a retard because I don’t read.

7. Stop giving a damn about the EPL , IPL and also CPL, u might get a GP....never mind....

Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY cares if you’re supporting Man U or Barca. KKR or MI. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jerseys you buy from a trip to Thailand or Bandra, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places. They won’t pick u in the team. Enjoy watching the game, get competitive, play football like hell in your REAL life, its cooler. Find some other goddamn purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2007.

8. Commitment phobic??? So is everyone right?

Yup it’s true. Not believing in love is the latest thing to do. Friends with all kinds of benefits are around so who needs a companion??? Who needs commitment??? Who can actually LOVE someone??? Seriously you idiotic kids who don’t believe in the institution of marriage, you will die alone on a rocking chair with your macaw gelled grey hair and a Blackberry in the hand.

9. You booze, you fag and you get stoned every Saturday night? Wow your parents are really lucky!!!!!

True isn’t it?? You can’t be cool if you are teetotaller??? You can’t be cool if you don’t do drugs??? Fagging helps relieve stress??? Hookah parlours need regular attendance from you??? Say no friends. Don’t give in to pressure. Understand what this abuse will do to your body in the long run.

10. You are here only because your parents wanted to.

Don’t insult your parents. They may not be a gizmo freak retard like you but they are still parents. They endure your bull shit only because they love you to the core. You will land nowhere if u disrespect them.

When I saw the God of Music and the God of Cricket

2012-05-29T11:12:00.002-07:00

One thing that u should know about me is that I am the last person to be star struck. I will not even take the pains of getting up from my seat and leaning out of the window if there is a film star calling out to me :D Exaggeration but somewhat true :P But yes, there are people I admire from the bottom of my heart for their sheer talent and intelligence. People mainly behind the camera are the real stars for me. A R Rahman is what music is for me. Almost all his tracks are there in a playlist in my phone. Songs come and go but a Rahman track stays put. No matter how old it is. So you can guess how crazy I am about Mr Rahman. His humility is what won my heart. A man of his stature and fame is so humble about his achievements. Its just unbelievable. So, in the middle of my semester exam, taking utmost pain of travelling, spending one entire day for this and then burning the midnight oil next day for the exam. I did it all. I did it all for the A R Rahman Concert on 26th may at D Y Patil Stadium, Mumbai, organized by The Times of India Group. And my oh my, it was all worth it :) But my exam was not good (It was all out of course and I was so sad).

The way to the stadium was one heck of a journey. Nerul never looked so crowded. It looked like the entire city was there for the concert. Once the traffic woes ended, there were about 8-9 gates. Somehow me and mom managed to reach our seats. The summer in Mumbai definitely kills you. Specially kills me because staying in Pune most of the times, I am absolutely used to a non humid weather. Anyways, I am gonna list down stuff I loved and also the stuff I loathed about the concert.

One remarkable thing I noticed, that the ushers and the security professionals were surprisingly efficient with the impatient and mammoth sized crowd. There was no chaos or confusion. Moving on to the concert, it began about half an hour late than it was scheduled which was perfectly okay. I was expecting a delay of good couple of hours. That shows how professional the event organizers and the artists are. Ranjit Barot started with the drums and then came Mr A R Rahman. He sent the audience in a tizzy with his Nadaan Parindey track along with the awesome Mohit Chauhan ,which was followed with his other hit numbers from Rockstar, Tum Ho and Jo Bhi Main. Karthik was the surprise package who sang Roja Jaaneman and Hosanna in his amazing versatile voice. (I am absolutely head over heels in love with him). The one singer I was looking forward the most was Javed Ali. Oh man, he has the most soulful and soothing voice ever. He belongs to the genre of singers like Mohd Rafi, Sonu Nigam and Shafqat Amanat Ali. Javed Ali sang the sufi numbers along with Mr Rahman and some of his hit tracks. Harshdeep Kaur won hearts with the Katiya Karoon track. Natalie Luccio, a very talented Canadian-Italian singer sang beautifully alongside Mr Rahman. The concert ended with the electrifying Sadda Haq track uniting the audience and curtains came down with the the Vande Mataram track. Amazing professionalism portrayed by all the artists, ensuring their good three hours on the stage was well spent.

The OMG moment of the concert was when THE Sachin Tendulkar walked up the stage to greet A R Rahman. The whole stadium was roaring and cheering for him. He could barely even start talking and the audience almost deafened the stadium with applause. That was the most unforgettable moment ever. To be honest he just stole the show and Mr Rahman's thunder.

The things I hated about the concert was firstly, there was no host. I mean not even someone to introduce the singers from AR Rahman's troupe. That was just so unfair and disappointing. There were people who had no idea who Javed Ali is. It's just unfair to expect the audience to know everyone who is performing. A hardcore fan like me couldn't recognize few of the artists. That was just plain irresponsible. I mean the concert started abruptly and Mr Rahman came out of nowhere and started singing. And so did the other singers. It was utterly disrespectful towards the artists who are giving their best on the stage.

Secondly, in the middle of the show they had shown the credits, which prompted many people to leave the show. I mean it's the common perception of people that credits only means the end of a show. Once the credits ended, the show resumed. That was just stupid. Plain stupid.

Anyways, I had fun and sang along loudly to all my favorite songs. I can't resist okay??? Now getting back to my exams!!!! Bye Bye for now!!!!

Department-The funniest movie of the year

2012-05-19T06:09:00.002-07:00

First things first, this review is nothing like a professional or an unbiased review. So don’t expect me to be nice. This post is actually my frustration jotted down in a very subtle way. Trust me, very subtle. I missed an exotic lunch for this. I wasted 3 precious hours of my life for this. I gave up watching Ishaqzaade for this. I risked my mental peace simply because I used to be a diehard RGV movie fan. Sadly, neither I am a RGV fan anymore nor a Sanjay Dutt fan. Curtains came down for me today.

This film starts off with Inspector Shivnarayan (Rana Daggubatti), an encounter specialist, running in slow motion wearing a police uniform, giving u a feeling of multiple déjà vu. There is a loud fight scene and then the movie moves on to Mahadev Bhosale (Sanjay Dutt), the DSP of an encounter squad. Again, there is a loud fight scene in a bar/naked stoned chicks dancing place. By now, if your ear drums are intact, the movie moves on to a weird man talking in the background about Mumbai and a shootout scene at Juhu beach. Shivnarayan is suspended and Mahadev asks him to join the department. Honestly speaking, if you really don’t concentrate like you did in your math classes, you are never going to figure out which department this is. I’ll tell you, they do dishum dishum and dhichkau dhichkau. That’s the frigging department. You’re welcome for the valuable piece of information I shared. Anyways. Moving on, somewhere in the background, there are 2 poor ladies thrown in the movie, Bharati (Anjana Sukhani) as Shivnarayan's wife and Padmini (Lakshmi Manchu) as Mrs Mahadev Bhosale. Their only screen space in the movie is to make dinner and dialogues like “uff aap sirf kaam ki baatein karte rahoge kya??” which are effed up and clichéd to the core. Also, they provide moral cleansing speeches in the movie. Moving on, the cops start the baddie hunting and killings. Cut to Sawatya (Vijay Raaz), a semi clad Mumbai Don, who by the way is the most malnourished don ever. EVER. His henchman is D.K. (Abhimanyu Singh) and his gun moll Naseer (Madhu Shalini) who is a really filthy looking creature, not a girl, CREATURE. The Sawatya gang scenes are insanely hilarious; they talk like struggling dons from UP somehow adapting to the life in Mumbai and the city’s accent. Cut to Mr Sarjerao Gaikwad, a gangster-turned politician played by the living legend (I am still in tears for RGV wasting an actor like him). How could Mr Bacchan stoop to such a level? Was he kidnapped and threatened to do this movie?? Maybe. He should end this friendship favors immediately. RGV is killing his career(remember RGV ki aag?? okay okay don't cry now, it's okay) . Mr Sarjerao walks with his hands on the waist like a Assamese Bihu dancer and ties a bell around his hand which keeps reminding you what to say when people ask “movie achha tha kya?” The moral tiff between Mahadev and Shivnarayan takes the film to a different tangent and then you lose like what is 20 years of your life. The movie just drags. Horribly long. One spoiler, you are not going to see the true villain till the end, which makes you want to shoot yourself right in the head. The ending was very predictable though I don’t know who is going to have the threshold to hold on till the end. That person will get a special standing ovation and a round of slow clap from me. Promise!!!!

The camera work is pathetic. It moves so much and pans deep into tea cups, shoes, chairs, eyes, foot, toenails, also on every objectionable place in the body. It gives you migraine attacks because the camera keeps moving and makes your head spin for no apparent reason. The fight scenes make you laugh like hell. The item song about sugar girl is irritating and she dances as though she get convulsions by the second. The semi naked mad woman gives a nirvana expression when she is passed around like a plate of appetizers by men. Nauseating.The cuss words in the movie are very less compared to the cuss words I hurled at the screen. The song with Ganesh Acharya made me almost cry. He looks like rotten, darkened Bappi Lehari in it. There are some dirty scenes in the movie with Abhimanyu Singh and the moll girl/slut that makes you throw up; I really wanted to ask for a paper bag in the movie. The surprise package is Deepak Tijori, with only three fourth of his eyebrows and beautiful kajal adorned eyes. The dialogues seem like written by someone with some imbalance in the grey cells with a sole ambition of screwing the audience's senses. There is one which is "duniya mein sirf do tarah ke log hote hai, ek samajhdar aur dusre ch*****". After paying money for this movie, you discover which category you belong to. Sanjay Dutt disappoints you horribly and all you want to do is grab him by the neck, hurl him somewhere and show him Vastav on a DVD. Rana Daggubatti has made an honest effort to save the movie which falls flat on the face. Someway I am going to hunt RGV down, pluck each of his hair out, make him bald and take 300 bucks from him. To tell him what slow pain is and how you feel when you pay for it. Horrible man. He is going to hell for sure.

Final Verdict: Honestly speaking this movie is insanely hilarious in a sadly unintentional way. I’ve never had so much fun in a movie theatre and never have I behaved like a tapoori yelling bhag jaa saale kutte every 2 seconds. (Other cuss words spoken cannot be mentioned here) Don’t watch it even if you are being taken away on a gun point. Dying is better. I swear!!!

P.S (For girls) Rana looks incredibly hot in the movie. Every scene he is on, is a treat for the eyes. Paisa wasool girls (wink wink).
P.S (For all) Anybody helping me to marry Rana Daggubatti will get half the amount of gold that I am going to wear on the wedding day. Thank you.

Relationship-A ship that you voluntarily get on even though you know it drowns you

2012-05-14T11:03:00.001-07:00

“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage”-Ambrose Bierce

Being in a relationship is so clichéd that it takes away every ounce of sense you have. It makes you impractical, insecure and negative. Initially everything seems like the Mills and Boons sagas, later comes the real Pyaar ka Panchnama. Stuff I have written in this post is something that I have observed over my few years of existence and being an agony aunt for my friends. Consider this as my long due ranting about gals and guys who mess up their relationships. THEY PISS ME OFF!!!!!

Disclaimer -The following points contain some harsh hitting truths. Readers addicted to movies like The notebook are advised not to read any further. Also, anybody differing from the stuff written here can go fly a kite :D

Mantal Bwoyz

“The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for women and around thirty-seven for men”-Aristotle

Okay I am being a feminist here but I’ll start with the boys first. Sorry to all my friends out there but no matter how much you guys bully me that girls are the combatants in a relationship, I do beg to differ that we are not the only ones.

You love challenges....only!!!

Yup boys, it’s true. You guys need to chase the girl. You guys are accustomed to rejection so much that anything that comes easy to you is worthless. Until and unless a girl throws tantrums, she is not desirable to you. Classic case is our Archie, Betty and Veronica. In the end the rich snobbish bitch gets the guy. The girl next door stays indoors and just cries!!!
P.S Any resemblance of the above content to the blogger will be entertained with exotic cuss words. Thank You.

You guys pretend to be insensitive!!!!

What is wrong in crying? What is wrong in expressing? What is wrong in being sensitive to things? What is wrong in being hurt and admitting to it? It questions your masculinity??? Your testosterones have to be at the surface level to prove that you are the “MAN”. And you hate it whe we cry at the movies. That is not going to change, so go take a hike.

You have never understood women....you never will...

We have annoying little habits. Yes we talk a lot. Yes we tend to get neurotic at times. Yes we get jealous like hell when you even talk to some girl. Yes we do keep making plans about “us”. Yes we do that because we love you. You guys just call women obsessive if they care and a stone if they don’t. So what the hell are we supposed to do???

Commitment phobic?

Why do you guys feel we have a gun and a wedding ring in our pockets??? Why do you guys feel we are going to gag you up and force you down the aisle??? No, we are really not always putting ourselves out there and making marriage plans with you guys. We also prefer living in the moment and see how things go. And I am talking about sensible women out here ok? Not the ones straight out of a Karan Johar or Yash Chopra movie.

Insecurity and chauvinism?

This is the one trait in men that drives me up the wall. Women are pretty objects and they supposed to be the same all their lives. They can’t have brains. They can’t have a sense of humour. They can’t have career goals. They can’t be a techie or a geek. A woman is desirable if she is smart, but not if she is smart”er” than a man. Then you bring her down by reaffirming the fact that the place of a woman is in the kitchen. But guys please remember there are knives, rolling pin, pans and BUTCHER'S KNIFE in the kitchen so beware when the woman is pissed off and comes out of the kitchen :D
P.S Any guy out there saying that he prefers equality in gender is most welcome to talk to me for half an hour and I will bring out the hidden chauvinist in him :D

Little things we love J(Sentiness expressed here)

All women aren’t gold or platinum wedding band diggers, my bros. Even a small candy bar makes us happy just because you get it for us. We don’t want you to remember every little detail but we want you guys to remember how much you love us. We don’t want a routine attendance phone call every day. The occasional cute texts and calls when you really want to talk to us make us happy. And no unlike what most of my friends think, women are not going to exchange every gift you give her and get a better one :D Dedicate songs, care about her feelings, and just listen to her when she is mad. Women just need to feel special. That’s all J

Bawli Chhoriyan

“Women-can’t live with them or bury them in the backyard without the neighbours seeing”-Sean Williamson

Ahhh now the boys are going to love this part. I am so sorry my gal pals, but this is the truth whether you lasses agree with me or not. Hope this brings in some enlightenment for you.

You want to be a mom or a girlfriend???!!!!!

Yes we all do that. Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet? Why are you smoking/drinking? Why are you with that trouble maker friend? Why aren’t you focussing on your career/studies? Why don’t you get serious in life? Why do you wear that shirt? Why don’t you change your hairstyle? Why do you breathe every 0.2245 nanoseconds? SHIT give them a break!!!!! They get enough of this at home, they need a companion, not a caretaker.

Marriage is a part of life and NOT the reason for existence!!!!!

Yes girls it’s truly not. Live in the moment no? Why do you start planning the future the minute you start dating someone. It is not acceptable if you keep dropping hints to your boyfriend, show him ring brochures for fun, telling him my 1874 friends got married this year, etc. He is not going to propose till he really wants to marry you so spare yourself the trouble. It’s acceptable when the biological clock is ticking, but not when you’re really young na? Just cut men some slack??? If it’s meant to be, it will happen, so just relax.

The trump card!!!!

Okay I accept it, I have done this cardinal sin too. Women are sensitive, really sensitive. Men gotta accept this truth first. But crying for everything under the sun is not a pretty thing. It’s irritating. It’s ok if he said something mean, men really don’t mean to be mean. So many ‘Ms’. Moving on. Being mean is our forte no? Don’t rant about things he said a fortnight ago. It’s ok. Anything men say is null and void within 24 hours. They have a memory span of a little hamster (not goldfish because it's a myth that it has a memory span of 3 seconds, it's 3 months actually). Use it to your advantage. They pull your leg coz they like you, don’t take out the sword for that. Take his jokes with a pinch of salt and tequila. Pull his leg instead. It will be fun. And please ladies, spare him the horror of gossip. You have gal pals for that no? He really doesn't care which friend of yours got fat, who is spending how much on her wedding trousseau, who is the bitch and who is the bechari. HE REALLY DOESN'T CARE!!!!!

Jerk is the love of your life?? Friend zoned the nice guy???

You want true love? You want a nice guy. He is right out there. You friend zoned him because he is nice to you, because he cares for you, he probably even loves you. He just wants to see you happy so he entertains your ranting when you fight with the jerk you are in a relationship with. Grow up girls. Don’t go after jerks. They are simply not worth it!!!! And just don’t fear to walk out of a relationship if it hurts you; trust me there is nothing wrong in being single. You will not be arrested. Be with someone you can feel secure and comfortable with. Be with someone who you don't need to put up a facade with.

Get a life ladies!!!!

Taking relationships and men as the whole life and not just a part of it is the worst sin women commit. Don't be around him all the time through physical presence or the electronic means of communication. Too technical man. Moving on. It's not necessary to ping him every time you see him online just because you are dating him. And please Facbook has no vital role in the relationship. It's not acceptable to fight over comments, likes and friend requests unless you are 13. Even men lose respect for you if they are the only agenda in your life, trust me!!! I am not saying act pricey but come on, how difficult is it to get a life and space of your own? A space where your guy is not there? You don’t have to ask him to accompany you everywhere you go na? And if a guy does accompany you everywhere he is a pakka vehla. Dump him now!!!

Little things matter the most J

Okay so he is not Mr Gerry from P.S I love you or Mr Noah from The Notebook. He is not Jordan from Rockstar (I love him ok?). But he still loves you right??? Just appreciate the little things he does for you. Don’t get judgemental on everything he does for you. Don’t compare. Don’t expect too much. And you will be pleasantly surprised. They may not be the smooth talking heroes straight out of Rom Coms and chick flicks. They are real men. Just appreciate them for their honesty J.

P.S Any questions or jokes about my relationship status will not be entertained :D

Daily soaps bring tears to my eyes :’-(

2012-04-26T10:14:00.001-07:00

Yes I know I am not the only one. Most of you out there hate daily soaps from the core of your heart.

They are stupid. They are annoying. They are a complete waste of time. I can keep going on like this. But I won’t, for the only reason that I have sworn not to use cuss words on my blog. Though cussing is thoroughly entertaining (:D), it’s definitely inappropriate. So I will express my innermost abhorrence in the most virtuous way I can.

The era of this shit saga started with Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, followed by 9000 serials starting with ‘K’. The casting stayed put, one righteous bahu, one good family and one bad family, one vamp who wore noodle strap blouses and 3 feet long bindis with purple/blackish red lipstick, one handsome lead actor who had no idea what he was doing in the show and millions of other irrelevant people. background scores with hissing and weird jungle noises. they've ruined lot of bollywood tracks for me btw. The show starts off well and then the plot just drags. The good family lost all the "property" because of the vamp. The only way of revenge was to marry the baddie. One character dies and comes back in the most bizarre ways, questioning your intelligence (the shittiest thing ever in the history of Indian television). The housewives were so addicted that they had no idea if the hubby and kids are home, because Tulsi was gracing and occupying 80% of the screen. By Lord’s grace this era came to end couple of years ago and the families were happily back together.

Then came this era of social causes, it is still going on. Out came the “attyachar” on women. And finally people came to know what happens to women in Haryana and Rajasthan. Yes the “attyachar” includes rainbow coloured ghagras and mammoth sized jewellery usually adorned on elephants in Kerala. They sobbed and sobbed. And they sobbed. And they frigging just sobbed. And we had no life of our own.

This era also included the era of talent hunt shows. 70% of the population in India were wailing on national television, on some or the other channel. 25% percent of the population were cracking sick jokes, dancing and doing other “talented” acts. The other 5 % was bearing the brunt. So this 95% of the population demanded celebrities to come up to the stage and dance/sing/make faces with them. They were also fainting, crying and getting hugged by the judges. The judges also occasionally got up from their seats and went out for a smoke, the audience assumed it to be anger.(I am going to write a post dedicated to this shit very soon)

Then there were young rebelling boys and girls, wanting-to-get-stardom era of shows. Couples involved in infidelity, people wanting to date, exchanging parents, couples locked up in a house, Chandigarh Dilli ke road waale and people living in some shit villas. Includes all the badass channels here. All they did was abuse and yell; we couldn’t hear any (sadly). Then they yelled tune haath kasie lagaaya saale kutte / kutti. Then there were emotional breakdowns, where they ensured the tears came out anyhow. They might have poked their eyes themselves, but they managed to weep. And we managed to believe all the crap we were seeing.

And now, we have the simple-living-high-thinking era of shows. Same garish shit but wrapped with a garb of simplicity. Somehow these shows manage to catch some eyeballs and few dumb brains, it leads to the same iss baat pe party ho jaaye, tumhaari himmat kasie hui is tarah baat karne ki bullshit. The shows have stories involving cougar relationships, elderly couple’s “majburi” marriages, the other woman breaking house, young girl falling for an older man and other shitload of things. A lead couple made out on national television and made everybody uncomfortable, questioned our morals. And btw everybody is still watching the show simply because people are addicted to it.

I just miss my old meaningful entertainment like Hasratein, Just mohabbat, Tom and Jerry, Aahat, Hum Panch, Zee Horror show, Sarabhai vs. Sarabhai, Khichdi and the list can go and on. Back then television used to be a source of entertainment. Now it’s another trigger to my migraine condition :’(

Review of Vicky Donor

2012-04-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

The film starts off at a slow pace. Dr Chaddha (Annu Kapoor) plays an infertility specialist. The typical emotions of childless couples are treated with a lot of thought yet not heavy on the heart. In the midst of his chaos to find a perfect sperm donor, he bumps into Vicky Arora (Ayushmann Khurrana). A typical aviator shades sporting cool Punjabi dude. He has portrayed the role of Vicky with a lot of conviction. His acting is just effortless. He just breezes through the movie and sweeps you off your feet with his cute boyish charm. His antics are just adorable. Vicky puttar needs a job to earn respect because he has no interest in his family business. The whole Punjabi family scenes are hilarious. His widowed mother (Dolly Ahluwalia) and his Grandmother (Kamlesh Gill) are the surprise package in the movie which I will keep mum about. Go figure it out yourself!!!!

Dr Chaddha does his best to convince Vicky to be a sperm donor. He eventually agrees because he has a heart and needs money. The bonding between Dr Chaddha and Vicky develops with time. Vicky is earning well and his family has no idea how. The childless couples are blessed with babies so the noble deed has paid off.

He falls for Ashima Roy (Yami Gautham) a divorcee, working in a bank. She plays an independent and practical Bengali girl. She has essayed the character almost perfectly. For her first movie, she has an amazing mellowness in her acting. Their chemistry is appealing. She has no idea what Vicky Arora’s "handicrafts" business actually is. Pani da rang sung by Ayushmann will be stuck in your mind for a while. They decide to get married and the family drama begins. The family chaos is kept short and amusing which entertains you to the core. The wedding scenes are insanely hilarious. The blend of Bengali subtlety and Punjabi spirit is beautiful. The Bong transition to the Punjabiyon di masti with the song Rum Whisky, will have you in splits. After the happy wedding, comes a bad news which changes everything for the couple.

This movie gets a little slow & predictable towards the end, but it’s definitely not boring. Shoojit Sircar has ensured it doesn’t. The subject is treated in a sensitive yet entertaining way. It will not make you cringe or uncomfortable even once.

In an era of films where even a looking at someone can be made vulgar (enter akshay kumar’s shitty aiieeh aiieeh in houseful 2), this film is clean and good. Go watch it now if you haven’t seen it yet. Go now!!!!!

Rating-3/5