Home Is Where the Office Is

How to Keep Calm When You're About to Lose Your Mind as a Mom

2021-09-01T11:09:00.002-07:00

How do you calm yourself when you feel that your kids have pushed you to the edge? We've definitely all been there, and some ages and seasons of life are more challenging than others. It's a question I've been getting a lot lately from moms of kids of all ages, so I did a little #Momsourcing to see what we could learn from each other. Here's what I heard from our wonderful community of Home Officers.

1. Step Away - This can be accomplished in a variety of ways, but the important thing is giving yourself a moment and allowing the adrenaline to subside so that you're able to respond in a more thoughtful and appropriate way. Reacting is easier than responding, but it's also what leads to our biggest moments of regret. Here's what has worked for some of you:

- Hand them off to your significant other while you take a walk, or send the kids to their room for a few minutes while stepping outside into the yard or patio. (from Yvette E.)

- Give yourself a time out, which may confuse your kids at first. This can be a great model of showing how everyone can get frustrated or angry at times, but we can choose not to act, and we can give ourselves permission to take time to cool down. (from Petra D.)

- An alternate to giving yourself a time out is calmly announcing you'll be taking some time to think about an appropriate consequence for their behavior. This move not only gives you time to calm down, but it REALLY gets your kids' attention and sparks them to evaluate their own actions. (from Sally M.)

2. Music to Soothe the Soul - This was something I heard from many moms, and I definitely can relate. Hearing a song that touches on exactly how we're feeling or offers encouragement and hope in better days ahead can lift us up and refresh us in a matter of minutes. While it might not solve the challenge at hand, it gives us a few minutes to regroup, drink in a dose of optimism, and move forward. Some recommendations from our community:

- It Won't Be Like This for Long, by Darius Rucker (from Amber R.)

- You're Gonna Miss This, by Trace Adkins (from Yvette E.)

- Don't Blink, by Kenny Chesney (from Terie M.)

- It's a Beautiful Day, by U2 (this one always shifts my state of mind to be able to look for the sun to break through the clouds)

3. Get a Move On - Although I grew up competing in sports, it hasn't been until the last couple of years that I've realized how critical exercise is to the health of my mind. It's great for the bod, too, and that's a nice perk, but in order to keep our hormones and chemical makeup and all that stuff more balanced, we need to get that blood pumping regularly. I know we all saw the difference in our kids during the pandemic between the days they laid around the house and the days they ran around outside. The attitudes were night and day! We're no different. As one mom shared, "I remind my kids that exercising makes me nicer," and that's such an important thing to remember when it's hard to give ourselves permission to take time away from them to exercise. Here are some ways to get some exercise in:

- Turn on party music and have a dance party with your kids for 15-20 minutes

- Go on a 20 to 30-minute walk. Go alone, take a kid, take the family - however you can make it work.

- Find YouTube videos to work out with - there are Yoga programs, Kickboxing, Resistance Training, whatever you're interested in.

- Commit to 10 Burpees, 10 pushups, and 10 sit-up/crunches per day. If you haven't done any of these for awhile, be prepared to get humbled. Laugh at yourself. But then remember that practice makes improvement!

4. Connect with other Moms - We truly can't do it all, and we certainly can't do it all on our own. But let's face it, there are seasons of our lives when making new friends is not easy. This is when we have to be brave, we have to reach out, we have to make the first move. I am not a natural at this at all, and I get terribly anxious that I may get rejected. But the more I try to reach out, the easier it becomes. Here are some things that have worked for me:

- Mothers of young children, look up your local MOPS. This is a national organization, so they have groups nearly everywhere. My local parish had an evening MOPS group, which made it possible for me, a working mom, to participate. It was my lifeline many times, as I got to know other moms who were just as baffled as I was about different parental navigations. Some of the women I met there are some of my closest friends a decade later.

- Get to know your neighbors with kids. I have been so very fortunate to live in two different neighborhoods where there were other young families. I was extra fortunate that these other families were so open and hospitable and easy to connect with. Impromptu potlucks, slip-n-slide invitations, or even an evening suggestion of a walk around the neighborhood helps build bridges bit by bit.

- Volunteer to be the team mom. I know, this may sound nuts, but raising your hand for this responsibility makes you the point of contact for all of the parents, and it gives you reasons to interact and to start to create connection. You now have an excuse to be the first one to say hi to everyone on the field. Once you learn some names and faces, suggest a potluck before or after practice. If that goes well, see if any moms would be interested in a coffee meetup or a moms night out. If you strike out with a suggestion, that's ok. Try again a week or two later.

- Organize a Home Officer Network Lunch. This is something I've done off and on for a few years now with local friends and neighbors. It is always a little nerve-wracking to send the invitation (what if NO ONE shows up???), but what I've learned every time I make the suggestion: the people who need to be there do show up. Sometimes it's just one person, sometimes it 8 or more. The connection and conversation is always uplifting.

We've all been there, and we will all be there again at some point. Losing your temper, raising your voice, slamming a door or cupboard... these might happen, but we can continue to learn new strategies, try new approaches, and make different decisions. It's ok that we're not perfect every time. The goal is to try and do better next time, just like we tell our kids.

Looking for ways to connect with other work at home moms or household CEO's? Join us on the Home Officer Network Facebook Page or Home Officer Network Instagram.

Conversation Starters - When You Don't Know What to Say

2021-05-28T14:36:00.008-07:00

Recently, I asked our Home Officer Network and some other online Parenting groups what some of their favorite conversations starters were... now that conferences, trade shows, (and family reunions) are coming back in full force. While I was desperately hoping for good tips, what actually happened is that a whole lot of people made it known they are in this same quandary.

I AM NOT ALONE!

So, after much research and many conversations with several of my more effervescent friends and co-workers, here is a handy, dandy list of conversation starters that may provide inspiration and confidence as you find yourself face-to-face with a contact, client, airport, or tradeshow floor.

1. Where are you from? (Provided by one of our favorite Home Officers, Giovanna P.)

This is a great starting point because it naturally flows into questions, such as, "Did you grow up there?" or "What's the one place anyone has to visit if they go there?" or "If you couldn't live there, where would you want to live?" I observed this kind of where-are-you-from interaction the other day between two women who realized they had both lived in New York City in overlapping years shortly after finishing college. They got to compare notes on what parts of the city they had each lived in, what their favorite restaurants were, and other fun, reminiscent exchanges. There's a lot you can do with this question.

2. Now that travel seems to be opening up, do you have any vacation plans that you're excited about?

Come on, people. We can at least leverage the fact that hardly anyone has been anywhere for over a year, and everyone is planning on making up for lost time. Give someone the opportunity to wax poetic about finally being able to head for Cabo or voyaging to the Grand Canyon, or flying across the country to finally see their parents/kids/best friend/favorite golf course! This is something EVERYONE wants to talk about.

3. What's the most unusual job you've had?

While maybe not the very first topic of conversation when you are face to face with a new person or walk up to a group, it's a good piece of kindling to put on a dwindling conversation fire to reignite it. Everyone's got an answer for this one, and it's usually great for some comic relief.

4. When you're looking at the industry (economy, upcoming season, etc.), what's the one thing that's keeping you up at night?

This is a good one for almost every social setting, because if you're at an industry event it clues you in on how someone else is viewing upcoming obstacles or roadblocks. You might get insight into something you had not been aware of. If it's among friends or acquaintances, it might spark conversation about concerns about how to keep the kids occupied or off electronics for the summer, or whether or not solar panels are finally the way to go, or how to break up with their current hairdresser. You never know, someone in the group may have a suggestion or recommendation to help move toward a solution.

5. What was the last (or first) concert you went to?

Many people are aching to attend a show of some kind, and the idea of going to a concert just feels like a distant dream. Being able to share the fun, possibly nostalgic, memories of seeing a live performance brings a lot of energy, and sometimes humor, to the conversation. If we're talking about first concerts, no one can ever believe mine was M.C. Hammer. (Can't touch this.)

6. Have you picked up any new hobbies during quarantine? Or re-visited old ones?

It seems that many people I've talked to have either developed an interest in something new over the past year or have sparked new interest in an old pastime. Puzzles, roller skating, knitting, guitar, cooking, soap-making, a new language, painting... we've been pretty creative in finding ways to fill our down time, and this is an opportunity to discover a new side to the person you're talking to.

7. If you had to choose only one streaming service, now that we've all been bingeing shows and movies, which would you go with? Netflix? Amazon Prime? Hulu? One of the new network bundles, like Discovery Plus? Why?

This is a play on our quarantine standby of, "I need a new show to watch. What's have you seen that's good?" By asking about the platform, you can potentially learn their general interests and possibly even come away with new ideas for binge-worthy shows without having to ask that question outright!

Some other solid tried-and-true approaches:

If you know the person has kids or pets at home, another one of our favorite Home Officers, Danielle W., suggests asking about them. She says, "I love to see the joy when someone shares about a loved one!"

Ask what projects they are currently work on. You never know if they'll dive into a description of a work project or home project, but it usually leads to something interesting you can build questions on.

Throughout my research on conversations starters and networking, a common theme came up regarding how you walk into a setting and approach and greet others. Over and over again I saw an emphasis on greeting others with a smile. A real one! One that reaches your eyes (and we've all gotten pretty good at that due to a lot of mask-wearing)!

So, now it's your turn. What are your best conversation starters?

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Children's Chores - A Job or a Responsibility?

2021-02-25T10:29:00.002-08:00

A couple of years ago, I was having lunch with an old college friend who teaches French at a public school in Orange County, California. I was sharing my struggles with implementing chores for my 2 girls, where we had found some success, and where we were hopelessly floundering. While his own kids were toddlers and younger, he shared that he could tell within a week or two of classroom time at his school which kids had chores at home and which did not. Those with chores were typically more likely to complete their homework and also have generally better behavior than those without. There were always exception, but he found this to be true throughout his 15+ years in the classroom.

Not even a week later, I was chatting with another college friend who teaches at a private girls' academy in Seattle, Washington, which attracts the daughters of tech titans, and other families of wealth and privilege. The subject of chores came up again, and she shared her observation (without any prompting from me!) that she could tell within the first week of a new semester which girls had regular chores and which did not. It was reflected in their sense of responsibility to complete all homework assignments, their participation in group projects, and general behavior. I was intrigued to hear these observations.

Chores are one of those parenting "things" that attracts a lot of opinions, approaches, methodologies, and frustrations. And I feel like this pandemic has bubbled it to the surface in a new way, as we've all been forced to live within our own 4 walls a whole lot more than we ever have. We haven't liked what we saw: dirt, grime, piles of clothes (mostly sweat pants), the build-up around the faucets and sinks, and the dishes! So many dishes! (How and why do they eat so much, all the time???) We've all been living in it, so I know a lot of families (ours included) who are making a point of ensuring we all take care of it. But here's one point that is very sticky: to pay, or not to pay? That is the question!

I conducted a poll in a few parenting Facebook groups to see if there was a leading sentiment on the subject of paying kids for completing chores. As it turned out, the results were very interesting:

Out of more than 70 parents, 38% said they did not pay their children to do chores around the house. And while a couple of parents joked, "Kids do chores?" other parents offered some additional insight into their line of thinking:

We have set chores that we don't pay for, it's just her responsibility and contribution as a part of being in the family. - R.A.

And the age of your kids might factor in, too, as this mom shared:

My kids have jobs. They all started working at 14, so I don’t have to supply them with “fun” money. I don’t get paid for housework, neither do you... - A.R.

Coming in at number two: 34% of parents shared that they pay their children a weekly allowance for doing household chores. We happen to fall into this camp, though I will admit that while we're extraordinarily consistent in our expectations that the assigned chores are completed, our kids do have to remind us about the payment part. Here is what some other parents shared about this approach:

When he was little, I would give him a roll of quarters at the beginning of each week. If I asked him to do a chore and it wasn’t done, he owed me 50 cents. However many quarters he had at the end of the week were his allowance. When he started to get older, I gave him ten $1 bills...that hurt a little more when he had to hand one over! Since I was a single mom, I also took money for sass. 😉 - L.J.

As it turns out, my husband and I had just adopted a similar approach with our girls. During the week, if there is any talking back or they say “No!” when asked to help with something, they get a deduction from their next payday. If they are proactive, however, and do something helpful or kind without being asked, they can earn back that deduction. It's early days, but so far it's been helpful in reducing battles about finishing chores.

Another 25% said they pay their children per chore, while the final 3% shared they would pay for their child to complete a special project. I particularly appreciate this perspective:

If my kids need to raise money, I will give them (cruel &) unusual chores that are worth money to me to have done (such as vacuuming my car), but never will I pay them for doing chores around the house. I'm trying to raise feminist boys with a strong sense of community and personal responsibility, after all. ♥️ - S.M.

The over-arching theme from my non-scientific research was that many participating parents feel it is important to them that their children contribute to the maintenance and upkeep of the home simply because they are a part of the family, and it is every family member's responsibility to take part in caring for the home environment, regardless of whether they choose to compensate their children for this expectation or not.

Responsible, contributing member of the family. That's a common goal for our children!

Thanks to the many parents who participated in my poll! I look forward to sharing more results in the near future! In the meantime, what has worked best for you when setting up chore expectations for your kids?

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Don't Like Your Child's Tone? Maybe It's Time to Change Your Own

2021-02-18T11:12:00.007-08:00

I heard it on a John Maxwell podcast on "Communication," and the words have been repeating again and again every time I see one of my kids.

Talk to me as though I have a "10" on my head.

The point Mr. Maxwell was making is that whenever you talk to a person, they know how important they are or how you feel about them by the tone of your voice. If we talk to someone as though they are "10," they understand they are incredibly important and valued, and then they respond as a "10." If we talk to someone as a "1," they understand they are the last person on earth we want to interact with, and they respond with that rejection, defensiveness, hurt, or anger. And there's an entire spectrum in between.

This struck me at my core because I thought of how often my kids run into my home office with a question, a story, a request, a problem... and I meet them as though they are a mere "5." I know I have to tolerate their presence because I am their mother, but I might be in the middle of something. In those moments, far too often, I send the message very clearly that I am bothered and not thrilled to see them.

How fun is that?

No fun at all.

I don't want my kids to ever believe they are just people to be tolerated. They are THE most valuable beings in my world. And it's on me to communicate that fact in every interaction, not just when I feel like it.

The other thing that I've had to be honest about is that there are times I really dislike the tone they use for their siblings. And sometimes the tone they use with me! But where did they learn it? Why do they think it's ok to speak to family members as though they are a mere "5?" Or a (gasp!) "3?" Well, all signs point to learning it from me.

I am reminded of the book, "To Kill a Mockingbird," and how Scout and Jem always felt free to interrupt their father, Atticus Finch, when they had an important question. He always made a point to patiently listen and provide an answer. Granted, this is a work of fiction, but I was always impressed by his commitment to being available to his kids, no matter how inconvenient.

So, over the past couple of weeks, every time one of my girls interrupts me, or bursts into my home office, or catches me at a less than convenient time... I envision a crown on their heads with the number "10" encrusted in diamonds, and you know something? It's made a difference. It's not perfect, but I'm being more mindful. And that is success in my book.

I'd love to hear from you: How do you signal to your kids how important they are, especially in those less than convenient moments?

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Recharging in the Micro Moments

2021-02-04T13:07:00.008-08:00

I read something recently about becoming aware of the "micro stressors" in our day, like not being able to find the tween's favorite face mask (hello 2021), or the 8-year-old suddenly finding it necessary to crawl into bed with me every night around 3 a.m., or the computer deciding to reboot exactly 2 minutes before the Zoom meeting with our top client's Executive Team. *sigh*

We have a lot of those micro stressors, and they tend to build up into just plain old continuous stress. The inconvenience of that, however, is that we don't necessarily have access to our usual activities or go-to indulgences to recharge and relax. I, for one, am craving a vacation beyond a lap around a different neighborhood. I'd love a romantic dinner inside our favorite Laguna Beach restaurant. Or a huge Super Bowl party with friends and kids and shared chip bowls and all! Ok, maybe I'm never going to look at a shared chip bowl again. But, you get it.

So, to combat the micro stressors, I asked our community of Home Officers what they are doing to recharge in the micro moments.

While many of us can relate to Leeza J.:

The DJ on the radio said we needed to take a moment to count to three and have a quick breath. That was my free time for the day.

or Tami H.:

I lock myself in my bathroom occasionally…

(Same, Girl!)

There were also some great steal-worthy tactics:

Waking up an hour earlier to get ready, have some FaceTime with friends, and a cup of coffee in the dark... quietly – Miriam D.
I’ve been going for a run with the babies in the stroller. It’s the only time they stay quiet, and I can have time to collect my thoughts. Oh, and of course my glass of wine once they go down. – Whitney G.

Many Home Officers are getting their steps in or getting a change of scene, even if it's just out the back door...

Walks throughout the day. Family and/or dog optional. Becky D.
Up early taking walks, staying up too late reading. – Megan M.

Long dog walks, reading in my back yard... – Jill R.

Yoga in my backyard using the Peloton app. – Julie V.

And how about some phenomenal micro multi-tasking moments:

Listening to a book while cooking. – Paige G.
I BLAST music in my noise cancelling air pods and do chores. If I can't be productive at work, at least I can dance around cleaning the floors in a good mood! – Kelly D.

And this one really made me think about how I can be more mindful of my own surroundings and appreciate the good that's happening right next door:

Listening to my neighbor playing scales on his piano. He's getting really good! – Elsie B.

It's impossible to know what the world and our schedules will look like in the next month or even the next year, but we do know that stress - micro and otherwise - is a part of this journey called life. We may not have an hour to go get a massage or have access to your Orange Theory gym just yet, but we can still take care of ourselves in those little pockets of time.

Me? I'm going to go brew some loose leaf tea and watch the tea leaves unfurl. It will take 3 and a half minutes. I'll feel a little bit calmer.

What are you doing to recharge in your micro moments? I'd love to hear more ideas!

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This Country Needs Its Mothers

2020-06-01T16:31:00.001-07:00

She loves unconditionally

She protects with ferocity

She provides with tenacity

She encourages with pride

She corrects with consistency

She teaches with foresight

She weathers with perseverance

She listens with understanding

She counsels with wisdom

She considers with respect

She challenges with reason

She celebrates with joy

She suffers with worry

She embraces with gentleness

She reaches with confidence

She waits with patience

She carries with strength

She loves

To the baby crying softly, your Mamas are here

To the child feeling lost, your Mamas are here

To the teen seeking answers, your Mamas are here

To the man who couldn’t breathe, your Mamas are here.

To the country demanding better, your Mamas are here.

Working from Home Due to COVID-19 - What I've Learned in 14 years of Remote Work

2020-03-27T15:21:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the wonderful world of working from home! The COVID-19 pandemic has delivered many new faces to this particular environment, and I want to offer a little perspective as a remote worker since 2006.

A little background - I worked in both health care and corporate office environments from 1997 - 2006, then began my own productivity consulting business until 2008 when I had my first daughter, and then signed on as a remote employee for a company located on the opposite coast So, I've:

a) Worked full time in an bustling office
b) Pioneered a sole proprietorship - working from a home office /workspace
c) Assimilated into a remote work environment with team mates and clients in a variety of time zones
d) Attempted to conduct regular business responsibilities with young children when childcare wasn't available or a child was sick

And as of March 16th:

e) Struggled to feel productive and/or successful as a - full-time remote worker - parent - short order cook - home school teacher of elementary and middle school - wife - friend - daughter, and dog walker (in no particular order).

Here is something you need to know. What each of you is experiencing as a new work-from-home employee, or even a seasoned work-from-home employee, is that this is NOT what remote work typically looks like. At. All.

What we're all experiencing is a bunch of people, businesses, health professionals, schools, etc. trying to figure out what to do, when to do it, and how to make it happen. The pot is boiling over in the heat of trying to manage all of the things, all at once.

I believe the pot will reduce to a simmer in just a little bit. We're re-calibrating, so it's ok to give yourself a minute and admit things are not going particularly well. We'll figure it out. I really do believe that.

But you need some answers and perspective on how to handle the new world order. Here's what I've learned from 14 years of remote work and 14 days of COVID-19:

Shower and get ready for the day. Our mothers did not raise us in a barn. And while we may not need to don pearls and heels, let's do a little better than sweats and messy buns and set a good example for our kids. Taking care of the outside helps us take care of the inside, and it signals our brain that it's time to get things done. I promise you'll be dramatically more productive if you purposefully dress for the day. Plus, your significant other (SO) will appreciate the effort you show in your appearance. It's a small way of letting our families know we love them and we haven't given up hope - yet! Save the sweats for the weekend!
Schedules are good, but they are not God. We started off with color-coded high hopes, didn't we? But now things have gotten real. It's worth having a general idea of how the weekdays should go, but we've got to be flexible. I've talked with the co-workers I meet with most often and asked if I could protect an hour each day from any type of meeting. I'm aiming for 9 a.m. every day to get my 2nd grader through some online learning. Getting up and running with the teacher's initial instructions just about did me in on Tuesday, I'm not gonna lie. But we figured some things out, and now we're accomplishing 30-45 minutes of focused school work every morning. Next week, I'm going to try and add in an additional 30-45 minutes in the afternoon. Many co-workers are in the same boat, so they've been wonderfully understanding and accommodating. My favorite times of the day are when I can yell to the kids that it's "recess" and not allow them to come inside for an hour.
Communicate! If you and your SO are both working remote, there will be dueling meetings. Neither of you are mind readers, so it's important to look at calendars together and see where there's room to trade off child-monitoring duties. There will be conflicts and there will be unexpected interruptions, but the more you can keep each other in the loop and also commit to doing your best to address the needs of the family, the more successful you'll be. Be aware, I'm not promising Success! I'm just saying More Successful. :)
Question deadlines and extra meetings. We've never experienced this type of thing before. Ever! So, as employees, we need to question expectations here and there and give our leaders a reality check if they seem wildly unaware of what's currently possible. When deadlines or random team meetings are given that don't seem realistic or necessary, inquire if it can be pushed back to a certain date. Ask questions as to why the deadline is what it is. Ask what the intended outcome is for a new meeting. Some deadlines are what they are. Other deadlines are just there because they've always been that way and there's never been a reason to question them. Now there's a reason. And if someone's just scheduling a meeting to "check in on how everyone's doing?" Suggest sending an email check-in. Ain't nobody got time for MORE meetings right now.
Hug your kids. Many of you are probably more astute than I in this area, but it dawned on me just a few days ago that no one was hugging my kids right now except for my husband and me. Usually they have friends to greet, or close family friends who give them a squeeze, or coaches to give them a high-five, or classmates to play tag. Don't get me wrong, I usually hug my kids every day. Now I'm just focusing on hugging them every time I see them every day. It kind of bugs them. But kind of not. They keep hugging me back.
Get outside. Unless you have been ordered to shelter in place or can not safely venture out, take a walk and recharge your soul every day. We need that vitamin D from the sun, we need to see something other than our four walls at home. Walk the dog. Walk your kids. Walk your SO. Stay 6 feet away from everyone else - but do say hello! It's important. Do it.
Acknowledge your contributions. Living inside a 3-ring circus can make it difficult to understand what we may have achieved in the course of a day. I think we all have this need to prove that we are getting work done, ensuring our kids are doing their schoolwork, cooking THREE MEALS A DAY EVERY DAY, and being excessively witty on social media. So let's flip the "To-Do" list on its head right now and take a minute at the end of each day to write a "Was-Done" list of what you did accomplish that day. The list may be: Showered. Finished one article. Proofread client's executive summary. Got AM to eat half a sandwich. Paid the electricity bill. Followed up with the Development Team. Thawed chicken. Write it down. And then check each of them off that list, if you like! By the end of the week, you'll be able to see what you contributed to the different parts of your life. We each need to feel competent and valuable. Seeing this list helps.
Minimize the wine. Look. I love me an Interesting White. But the funny thing is that all of this is happening during Lent, which is when I give up alcohol for 40 days. I miss my glass(es) of wine at the end of the day, but I'll tell you something interesting. I'm actually thankful that wine is (literally) off the table right now. Now more than ever, I need to be present and in tune with what's happening around me. I think with the stress and uncertainty of the current times, it could be very easy for an end of day glass to turn into 3 or 4. That's not good for any of us, our kids, or our relationships. Consider your consumption, and be bold in reigning things in for the time being.
Love your SO. This is a lot of quantity time together, and there is a lot of responsibility that is squarely on the two of you right now that you may not have had to manage before. I feel fortunate that my husband and I have both worked remote under the same roof for 4 years, so this is not new in some respects. The home-schooling and lack of kids' sports IS new, and it's a little trying. Sometimes A LOT trying. But remember that you are a team. Be kind to each other. Be sweet to each other. Remember that thing about hugging your kids? Hug that lug you live with, too. A lot. You each need to feel the love and support of the other, and your kids are looking to you for stability and familiarity. Give it to them.

Things are not easy, but we're going to get through this. And working from home may feel crazy, but it's not always going to be like this.

I'm a praying person, so know that I'm praying for my community of moms out there who are dealing with new and unfamiliar territory. If I can be a sounding board or offer suggestions about remote work challenges, please post your questions here. I don't have all the answers, but I've been there, done that for awhile.

Any any home school moms out there: You are my heroes. Please send help. I'm happy to learn ALL your tips for success.

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How to Dress for Home Office Success

2019-11-24T16:53:00.003-08:00

"Wow! You look great! Where did you have to go today?"

These are the words that completely changed my work life about 10 years ago.

What caught my husband's eye when he came home from work that day?

Well... I had showered and washed, dried, and styled my hair. I was wearing jeans and a casual, but clean, top. I may have slicked some Vaseline on my chapped lips. In other words, I was not in my usual home office attire: yoga pants, loose sweatshirt, pony tail. The thing is, I didn't have to go anywhere that day.

Yes, I had put some effort in preparing for the day, and, interestingly, I felt satisfied in a way that I had not for quite some time. I had been really productive and focused all day. My interactions felt more animated and engaged during my conference calls.

It was in that moment - seeing and hearing my husband's reaction and realizing how such a small investment in self-care had positively impacted my whole day - that I decided I needed to start dressing for home office success.

As someone who has worked from home for 12+ years, I am all-too-familiar with the temptation to cut self-care down to a minimum in order to keep all of the other moving parts, well, moving. Pulling on pj pants or yoga pants, throwing my hair in a messy bun, not showering until noon... it didn't seem like a big deal. One less thing to find time for. One less "to-do" each morning. In fact, for awhile it felt luxurious to not have to care.

But then to get such a HUGE reaction to simply being showered and dressed in clean clothes, I had to admit that there was nothing noble in being a sloppy joe. I was being lazy, plain and simple.

It's All About the Presentation

Science has proven that forcing yourself to smile actually does make you feel happier and decreases stress. I'd make the same argument that forcing yourself to dress for work does make you feel more focused and increases productivity. It's a morning ritual followed by office workers around the world, getting them into a state of mind that it's time to go to work.

"People engage in rituals with the intention of achieving a wide set of desired outcomes, from reducing their anxiety to boosting their confidence, alleviating their grief to performing well in a competition." - Why Rituals Work

As a home office worker, this morning ritual is just as important and just as effective. Those steps of transitioning from what you slept in to what you'll work in, the act of getting rid of that bed head and purposefully being satisfied with what you see in the mirror, these are steps intended to get you in a state of mind that it's time to go to work.

I'm admittedly a jeans and tank top kind of girl, so please understand that I'm not asking you to put on heels and pearls (unless that's your thing). Here are some general criteria I consider when I'm getting dressed for the day:

Would I feel comfortable meeting my husband or friend for lunch in these clothes?
What would my confidence level be if I ran into a client or industry peer at the grocery store?
If my webcam turned on during a team or client conference call, would anyone (including me) be uncomfortable with what they saw?

Hair and makeup doesn't have to be Academy Award-winning, either. A neat and tidy low ponytail can look very put together. Mascara and tinted lip gloss cover a multitude of sins. Have a go-to, low maintenance look that you can finish in 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes in the morning will pay off in hours of increased focus and productivity.

He'll Appreciate It, Too

As a full-time working wife and mother, it's extremely easy to fall into a routine of tasks and schedules. Conversations with the husband are less about hopes, dreams, and aspirations and more about the kids' bowel movements and figuring out if we achieved enough minutes for the 2nd grader's weekly reading log.

I know I appreciate it when I see my husband put in a little extra effort: that random text that he's thinking about me, or smuggling a bar of chocolate past the kids into our room to share while we're watching Netflix. The fact that he REALLY noticed that one day that I put a little effort into my appearance was a healthy wake up call that he still LIKED what he saw. And I liked that he liked what he saw. We're married! That's one of the many benefits of being married - enjoying our partner. One way we can show that we care is to not completely give up on our own appearance. A little effort goes a long way. And you know something? He's worth the effort! And so am I, frankly.

Try It. You'll Like It.

You can take my word for it, or you can try it and see what happens. Here's what to do:

1. Pick a Test Day

Put it on your calendar and allow an extra 30 minutes dedicated to getting ready for the work day. Maybe you wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual, or maybe you take time from some other morning ritual, like scrolling through the news or social media. The important thing is to make the decision and stick to it.

2. Decide How High the Bar Is

Is the criteria simply that you and your clothes are clean? Or do you want to be put together enough that you could meet someone for lunch (even if it's just the local fish taco or sandwich place)? Have a level that you're aiming for. It will help you make decisions about what clothes you wear and how much time and effort you'll put into hair and make-up.

3. Be Intentional About the Start of Your Work Day

On the test day, once you've put yourself together, make the mental note that you are now beginning your work day. You got ready for work, and now you are going to work. It's a small detail, granted. But it matters.

4. Note How the Day Goes

If it comes to mind, notice what the day is like compared to your typical work day. What is your level of productivity? What are your meetings like? How is your general mood? Is it business as usual? Is it better? Is it worse? How are others responding to you (whether they can see you or not)? Make some actual notes about what you liked or didn't like.

5. How Does the Family Respond?

Did they notice? What did they say? How did their response make you feel?

The option of not dressing up every day is a great benefit of working from home, but "not dressing up" doesn't have to mean dressing like a college student during finals week. How you present yourself to the world is a reflection of the work you contribute to the world.

I'm willing to predict that by putting specific effort into your personal appearance, not only will you have an added sense of confidence, you'll feel a little more focused, be a little more productive, and maybe feel a little more motivated to get out of the house and do something fun with the family!

How to Raise a Community-Minded Family

2019-11-20T07:18:00.002-08:00

It's a topic that seemed to strike a chord with my Home Officer Network last week: how do we involve our kids in activities that help them develop that sense of community, the importance of giving back, and overall gratitude for the things we have that are so easy to take for granted?

While there seems to be more opportunity during the holidays to find a variety of volunteer and donation opportunities, we all came to consensus that this empathy, kindness, and giving spirit we wanted to instill in our families was not about a one-time event. This is where I, once more, was so grateful for the collective wisdom and experience of this group of moms.

For Tweens and Teens

There are more opportunities for kids 12 and older to do more hands on volunteering, for example in food banks or toy drives. However, two moms shared about Lion's Heart, which is a volunteer organization specifically for kids in 6th - 12th grade. All it takes is finding a local chapter or forming your own with between 3 and 20 kids. Home Officer Kelly shared that she and her daughter had really enjoyed putting their own chapter together because it was the opportunity to invite their existing circle of friends with similar values and goals to participate in something that had purpose and meaning to them. The time commitment is reasonable, with a requirement of attending 4 meetings per year. They elect their own officers and decide on service projects to complete as a group. The organization not only provides listings of age-appropriate volunteer opportunities but tracks the kids' volunteer hours, as well!

For Toddlers to Tweens

The opportunities to do hands-on volunteering with this age group seems to be more challenging, but Home Officer Elsie found a solution that caught our collective attention. In 2011, The Great Kindness Challenge was piloted in 3 elementary schools to help create a more positive, unified, and respectful school environment. It is now a national week-long event, but an offshoot is a Family Edition that encourages families to work together to bring specific acts of kindness into their own communities. The Family Checklist includes tasks such as, "Hold the door open for someone," and "Smile at 25 people." The checklist is simple and varied, practical and community-focused. It reinforces those thought processes and attitudes that value our fellow human being.

I am reminded that, although we might fantasize about changing the world in a dramatic way, what is truly important is the possibility of changing the world for one person in one moment. And the sooner we can get ourselves and our children into the habit of looking for and acting on those moments, the greater the ripple affect we can have within our communities.

What have your experiences been in finding ways for your family to volunteer or give back in your community?

The Miracle of the One Minute Rule

2019-11-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

Those of you who have read The Happiness Project , by Gretchen Rubin, are familiar with this little gem, but it is one of those life rules that saves me on a regular basis. If I come across something that can be done in a minute or less, I do it right then and there. The minute that it costs me up front is FAR LESS than the mental space, worry, and inevitable clean up of the larger problem I caused by neglecting it in the first place. How many times a day do we think to ourselves, "I'll RSVP to the event this afternoon." "I'll remind that client about the conference call in a few minutes." "I'll confirm with my boss later." When? When I have more time? More time than 60 seconds?

The more those quick little tasks add up in my brain, the more overwhelmed I feel. And so, the rule: If it can get done in less than 60 seconds, do it now! This applies to household stuff too. Dumb stuff... like making the bed. My whole life I was told to make the bed, and it seemed like such a time waster. I had places to go, people to see, things to do! Why would I stop the world and do something so mundane?

But you know what? I timed it. It takes me exactly one minute and 10 seconds to throw it together and make it look like a hotel bed! And what a mental relaxer it is to have a crisp, pleasant, freshly made bed as my work companion, instead of a pile of sheets, blankets and pillows, since my home office is now set up in my master bedroom.

Co-worker needs a yes or no answer to a project question? Type and hit 'Send.' The meeting planner needs to know black or white linens? Text the answer. The dryer sheet that's been lying in the hallway since last night? Pick it up and throw it away. You're thirsty? Stand up and get a glass of water or a cup of tea, for heaven's sake! It's the little time savers that can make all the difference in keeping your precious mental space clear for the big decisions, technical projects, complex sports schedules, and major health conversations that tend to pop up both regularly and unexpectedly at this phase of life.

Easy Dinner Faves

2019-10-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

Working from home can sometimes be deceptively luxurious. You might think you'll have time to start dinner, or run a load of laundry, or vacuum a room - and occasionally that might be true - but most often you don't. Dinner prep is usually just as rushed for me as it is for any other working parent. But then you hear through various news reports / books / blogs / magazines that family dinners are so important!

Your family will fall apart if they don't eat dinner together!!!

Well, maybe that just feels like what "they" are saying.

Despite a decent attempt, dinner feels like a battle to be won, not an event to be enjoyed. I guess it was a bit of a relief to find that my fellow Home Officers often feel the same way. With meetings and deadlines and carpools and homework and soccer and softball and conferences and dog walks and heaven-knows-what-else, getting anything in our kids' stomachs for dinner can feel like a triumph! But I know that they are just as sick of Breakfast-for-Dinner-Tuesday (Wednesday/Thursday/Friday) as I am.

This month at our Home Officer Network Lunch, we discussed our favorite go-to family meals and did some recipe sharing on the Home Officer Network Facebook Page. Some general observations from the group:

Chicken seems to be the protein of choice
Everyone needs more good CrockPot recipes
We all eat out way more than we think we should\

But that's how we keep our sanity
And that's ok

For your family-feeding pleasure, here are the submitted recipes in one convenient list. Please feel free to submit your own in the comments!

How to Roast a Chicken: The Ultimate Recipe - This is a recipe I do at least every other week, though I do add a few cut up red potatoes and carrots in the roasting pan. I prep it during my lunch hour and then let it roast all afternoon. Nothing smells better. Note: not fast, granted, but surprisingly easy.

One Skillet Chicken with Lemon Garlic Cream Sauce - Miriam D shared this family favorite, and I'm thinking I'm going to give this one a try without the cream to see if I can pull of a dairy-free version! I'll keep you posted.

Quick Easy Hawaiian Haystacks - This is one that Lisa E's kids request as their birthday dinner, they love it so much! And the toppings are so versatile, your child can be as creative or predictable as they want.

Taco Tuesday Bowls - Cindy L shares this simple equation: Slow cook chicken breasts for pulled chicken + canned black beans + canned Mexican corn + rice + avocados + salsa + cilantro + tortilla chips + shredded cheese. + tortillas should the bowl not be sufficient. You're only cooking the chicken and rice!

Laura's Quick Slow Cooker Turkey Chili - If you're into turkey rather than chicken, Terie M shares this fall staple.

How to SearSalmon Fillets – Cindy also shared this magical recipe (I ALWAYS need a better way to cook fish!!), with the note that they enjoy this almost once a week. It takes 15 minutes to cook the most amazing salmon. She usually makes rice and roasted vegetables right before, so the oven's already warm.

So, dinner might not be any picnic, but it's nice to know that we're not alone in our constant struggle for fast, easy, crowd pleasers. Keep sharing your recipes and let me know which ones you try - and what the fam thought!

The Secret to Home Office Productivity in 5 Steps

2019-09-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

"I'm so jealous! You get to work in yoga pants." Or, "I'd love to be able to work from home and spend more time with my kids."

Here's the thing: working from home can have a lot of benefits. For employees, it can provide flexibility and improve the work-life continuum (or as I like to define it, the balance of love-to's and have-to's), and for employers, it can reduce overhead costs, increase productivity, expand the pool of potential employees, and reduce employee turnover. Without the proper guidelines, however, what should be one of your company's greatest assets can become a major liability.

Here are the 5 Steps to making telecommuting or working from home work for you and your boss:

1. Enclosed Office Space

While many experts recommend setting up a dedicated work space, I'll go one step further and say it's most beneficial to set up an office space that has a door that you can close to remove yourself from your personal world. I was working from home when my first daughter was born, and during the hours that my husband took care of the baby, I quickly came to understand the necessity of a closed door. Crying babies, barking dogs, or riotous scenes from the latest Netflix binge are all things that your clients or co-workers just don't need to hear during conference calls. If a separate office is not possible, get creative and set up your work space somewhere that still has a door to reduce outside distractions. And yes, I've sat on the floor inside a walk-in closet for extra noise insulation. #BeenThereDoneThat

2. Dress for Success
Forgo the yoga pants and messy bun. "Working from home" doesn't mean "withdrawing from society." Does your work day start at 8 a.m.? Get up an hour early, take your shower, put on clean clothes that you wouldn't mind your boss or client seeing you in should your web cam accidentally default to "On" when logging into a Zoom meeting. (Yes, that happened. To be fair, it was 5 a.m. my time. Face meet palm. Ugh!). These basic daily habits prepare your mind for work mode. You'll be more productive, more inspired, and if a friend reaches out last minute for a lunch date, you'll be ready to go. Plus, as a work-from-home parent, you're modeling the tools for success for your kids. Show them what "good" looks like. Your partner will appreciate your efforts, too. #LookGoodFeelGood

3. Set Work Hours and Let Your Family Hold You to Them!
Working from home can provide tremendous flexibility. But "flexibility" means different things for different people. For me, it means that if I want to take my daughter to art class 1 day a week, I'll make up those 2 hours over the other days. Or, depending on the projects I'm working on, I can work on my laptop from the bench outside the art studio. For others, it might mean they work when and where they want and need to. Different professions require different availability. Regardless, the more important definition is: When do YOU typically work? Working from home can become an all-consuming obsession that wreaks havoc on the family. Don't let it. By defining your work hours and letting the family know, you (and they) can schedule the real world around them. It's a work-life continuum, remember? The "life" part, particularly family life, is key. #WeAreFamily

4. Have or Request the Tools You Need
A laptop of choice, a reliable internet connection, and cell service with a good signal. These are the most basic of needs. Without any of them, working from home can be nearly impossible. Most employers provide these basics and often many other technological tools that are important to your particular business. But if they don't, or if you are a gig worker or entrepreneur, take responsibility yourself. This is not the place to "make do." You shouldn't ever have to make excuses to your customers for not being able to communicate. That's why even though I live in a great neighborhood in Southern California, I have an honest-to-goodness, old school land line. Cell reception with every local carrier in my neighborhood is awful, but I'm on the phone with clients for hours every day. I MUST have reliable phone service, so land line it is! If any one of your necessary tools is not working consistently, fix it. Immediately. #ThatIsAll

5. Be Committed
Not everyone can work from home. It takes someone who can stay on task on the daily and remain highly productive and self-motivated. Sure, you may occasionally throw a load in the washing machine while you're steeping that next cup of tea, but regularly tuning in to a favorite TV show or getting lost on Insta several hours a day may be a sign this isn't the gig for you. Staying connected to your boss or co-workers can be an important tool in staying in work mode. Whether it's a daily or weekly chat with your boss, staying on top of updates with your co-workers to keep them in the loop, or even participating in the occasional "water cooler talk" via text or Slack, internal communication is critical to help maintain focus. #EyesOnThePrize

Follow these 5 steps, and you'll be a #RemoteRockStar!

5 Steps to Being a Carpool Queen

2019-09-17T08:29:00.002-07:00

There's a bus to the elementary school, but not to the middle school. This had been my most terrifying realization over the course of the summer.

I was in desperate need of finding a carpool. It was the only way to survive, as far as I could tell.

However, all of the carpools I knew of in our neighborhood were already full, or schedules were different, or neighbors had forgone the 3rd row seat when they bought the new car. In any case, desperate times call for desperate measures, so after hauling the middle-schooler the 40-minute, 1.5 miles to and fro for the first week, I got creative. And brave.

I remembered my daughter's classmate from last year who had rode the elementary-bound bus, searched piles of not-yet-filed/purged paperwork, and cold-texted the boy's mom with this slightly stalker-ish text message:

"Hi K---. This is Jen, E--'s mom. She was in M--'s class last year and they took the bus together. Would you be interested in carpooling to the middle school this year? We're looking for another family or 2 to alternate weeks with. Thanks,"

Within an hour...

"Oh that would be great!"

We're so often all in the same parenting boat, and yet we put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all on our own. To power through and just get 'er done. At least, I know I feel that way. But one thing I've been learning over and over again these past few years is that when I reach out to other parents and ask for specific help for a specific situation, they not only are happy to help if they are available, but they now have permission to ask me for help. It breaks the seal, so to speak.

During our September Home Officer Network Lunch, one mom asked how to find or start a carpool. The ensuing conversation produced some great insights and guidelines to help you claim the crown of Carpool Queen.

1. Establish the schedule and stick to it

It’s so much easier to know what you’re personally responsible for and to make it a part of your routine if the schedule gets defined up front. It’s also comforting to be confident that the other parents are committed to their dates and times, too. If certain schedules are going to be consistent challenges, speak up and try to establish a trade, adjustment, or solution.

2. Be reliable

As much as we’d like to say this goes without saying, we’ve found it actually does need to be said. If the designated pick up time is 7:40, aim to be there at 7:35. Yes, people notice if you’re consistently late.

3. If you can make it work, just say yes

Parents get in a bind for a variety of reasons, so if it’s someone else’s day and they send up an emergency request for someone else to cover their shift, jump in. And then know that when you’re the one who needs some help, that parent will be happy to jump in and reciprocate.

4. Give advanced notice and alternatives whenever possible

Work travel, dentist appointments, and family obligations are often on the calendar ahead of time. Once you know you’ll need coverage from another parent in the group, reach out one on one to find a sub and then announce the situation and solution to the group as soon as possible.

5. Remember that at the end of the day, you are responsible for your own child

As inconvenient as it is, there will be days where a last minute wrench is thrown in the works, and you’ll find out your child won’t have a ride from the usual parent that day. Let cool heads prevail, and be thankful that the vast majority of the time this carpool situation is actually really great.

And that question of how to find or start a carpool? The group had several suggestions:

- Hunt down the parents of your child's former or current classmates (my current methodology)

- For extracurricular activities, ask the coach, director, teacher if they know of other families who are interested in carpooling. In one mom's case, the director connected her immediately with a mom who she knew lived on the same side of town!

- If your child's team or organization uses an online message board, post a message there.

- Post a message on your neighborhood blog, such as Nextdoor. Of course, meet any interested parties first, meet their kids, and confirm that they are indeed a part of whatever activity / school / organization you're trying to arrange transportation for.

The sidelines of games or audiences of performances are great opportunities to get to know the parents of your kids' peers. Step out of your comfort zone and connect with those parents. Over time, familiarity and comfort levels increase, and barriers come down. It's ok and normal to be vulnerable and ask for help.

Remember, in that ask, you're also offering help in return.

Spoiler Alert: There Is No Such Thing as Work-Life Balance

2019-06-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

“I really see this as an opportunity to have better work-life balance.”

I’ve heard this more times than I can count from newly initiated home officers. My usual response is to smile and nod. No need to rain on anyone’s parade. But it’s a topic that unfailingly pops up within a few months – sometimes within a few weeks.

“Why does it feel like I’m working even more?”

Here’s the thing. While many companies claim to value the importance of work-life balance for their employees, the reality is that no one seems to have a solid definition of what that means. That’s one of the most difficult things for a working parent – especially a work-from-home parent – to discover: the fallacy of work-life balance.

Small Business Trends put out a nifty infographic that breaks it all down, and one little nugget that stood out to me like a neon sign was that out of the 38 countries studied, the U.S. ranked 30^th in work-life balance.[1] (The Netherlands ranked #1, by the way.) Now, it’s one thing to look at data and statistics and see a story come together - which is what I spend many of my waking hours doing for my day job – but it’s another thing to get the day-to-day stories from the individuals who are living the imbalance.

One thread that is consistent through a lot of the research and the individual stories, is the perception that work-life balance ends up being defined in some iteration as a person spending 50% of their time doing home activities and 50% of their time doing work activities. Well, that’s just plain silly, if we’re honest with ourselves. The concept of balance, itself, is challenging, because we’re trying to find some kind of equality that can be measured. The most obvious measurement at our disposal is time. However, in my experience, life rarely lays itself out in nice, neat, consistent increments of time. If we have one day that runs “like clockwork,” we joke that we better go buy a lottery ticket because it’s our lucky day!

Work-Life Integration: Harmonizing the Love-To’s with the Have-To’s

One concept I have embraced wholeheartedly is that of embracing work-life integration. There is no hard, separating line between time at home and time at work. My job is not a factory or an assembly line. There is no quota of widgets I must assemble before the end of my shift. Technology has put an end to “my time” vs. “company time.” We carry our work responsibilities in the palm of our hand. “On the clock,” is a fluid concept, and as a result, our concept of balance must become fluid as well.

A piece of advice that I love is to manage your attention, not necessarily your time. ‘Cause let’s face it – every aspect of our lives has some level of have-to’s, whether with family, friends, work or for yourself:

Doing dishes
Folding laundry
Cleaning toilets
Putting ink in the printer
Covering someone’s meeting
Having the tough conversation with the employee, co-worker, or boss or customer
Scheduling lunch with that acquaintance, relative, co-worker, family that sucks the life out of you
Going to get my mammogram

But all aspects of our lives also have a level of love-to’s:

Sleeping in
Taking my kids to the beach
Planning my new veggie garden
Enjoying a good, strong cup of black tea (preferably Assam)
Having a date night at the new restaurant I’ve been dying to try
Finally getting the thumbs-up on that one project
Glowing with pride when my team is recognized for a client’s success
Being invited to be the keynote at THAT event

By managing appropriate attention on the have-to’s and the love-to’s, we can appreciate a level of satisfaction, even achievement and enjoyment, that also comes with every (or almost every) task.

Example:

I like how the kitchen looks when the dishes are done and the counters are cleared.

I appreciate that the elephant is no longer in the room regarding the employee’s departure.

None of these fit in a nice, neat box of time or energy. And they typically don’t fit easily into a daily schedule. That’s ok. There is no balance. There is integration, and that allows for the fluidity to harmonize the symphony of have-to’s, love-to’s, need-to’s, and want-to’s.

Identifying the Work-Life Continuum

No two lives are the same, so the elements of your work-life continuum may look different from mine, but I like to identify the realms of my life that deserve to be elevated and integrated. For me, those are: Family, Work, Friends, Self. It’s a noble and worthy goal to aim for achievement and enjoyment in these realms on a regular basis.

But, guess what. It might not be possible to allot attention to each of those realms every single day. We must be realistic about our time frames and allow the notion of daily schedules to relax a little it. Laura Vanderkam, one of my favorite experts on time management and productivity, blew my mind with the simple strategy of looking at time in terms of 168 hour blocks (1 week), not 24 hour blocks (1 day).

Boom, goes the dynamite!

The example I cling to is that of exercising 4 days a week. In her book, Laura points out that if we hold on to the notion of a 5 a.m. workout - and I am not a morning person - and I am trying to hold myself accountable to that schedule 4 times in one week, I am setting myself up for failure. But what if I wake up early on Monday and do a workout at 6 a.m., and then I do a lunchtime yoga class on Wednesday, I go for a 2-mile walk after work with my daughters on Thursday, and we go for a family hike on Saturday – voila! There is my 4-day-a-week workout!

Be the Change You Want to See in Your Schedule

Before I had my first daughter, I worked long hours, I volunteered for every committee, every project, and every conference or work trip I could get my hands on. I loved it, and my zest for work was limitless. Then I had my baby, and as much as I wanted to work longer hours or go on those work trips, the reality was that I wasn’t as willing or able to put in 60+ hours a week or be away from home.

Now that my kids are older (and I guess I’m a little older, too), the glamour of work travel or having my name on dozens of committees doesn’t have the luster it once had. My goals are narrower and more focused on balancing the needs of my family, my friends, and my workplace. I’m less inclined to travel every single month. I’m not as active in professional associations as I once was. I still work hard, and I’m probably more meticulous on the projects I tackle. Quality has taken precedence over quantity. That’s where I am today. Next year or five years from now will probably be totally different, and that’s to be expected. Ten years from now, we’ll probably be empty-nesters, and that will be a whole new thing. You'll probably find me in All of the Professional Associations!

All that to say, whatever is important to you today is important. It may look different next year or even next quarter. That’s called “life.” But you can’t sit back and wait for your co-workers, your boss, or your family to take a look at you and say, “Hey, it looks like we should rearrange some things for you right now. Your life appears to be wildly out of balance.”

Know that it’s ok to admit that there are current realities about your situation that may be influencing you to shift your priorities. That shift may impact how much time or effort you allocate to Family, Work, Friends, and Self. Also, recognize that your current reality will change soon enough, and a new shift in priorities will occur. Allow yourself to request adjustments or changes in your responsibilities or participation. And above all, communicate, communicate, communicate. Your peers or supervisor may have a great solution or idea to help address your priorities.

3 Things You Can Do

Working from home, remote work, tele-commuting, whatever you like to call it, has a lot of benefits, but the challenge of work-life balance can sometimes make the most independent home officer crumble. Here are the 3 things you can do:

1) Recognize the have-to’s and love-to’s

There are things we have to do in all aspects of our life that we don’t necessarily enjoy, and there are also things we absolutely love that we don’t always have time for. Identify what those things are and make an effort to incorporate love-to’s into your weekly routine to balance out those have-to's

2) Identify your realms

Each of us has areas of life that we really care about. Know what those areas are and be intentional about devoting some amount of time to them throughout the week. Those areas for me are: Family, Work, Friends, Self.

3) Initiate change

The professional association commitment is too much? Start to taper it a bit, or let the group know you’re taking a break to focus on some other matters. Or maybe you’re ready for a larger commitment to the association and all the networking that entails. Let it be known. Take the step that will help you feel a little more in control of your destiny.

No, Virginia. There is no work-life balance, but that doesn't mean all is lost. Seek balance in what you love to do and what you have to do, and know that things are pretty darn good.

The Key to Home Office Sanity i.e. Leave the Cave

2012-11-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

As we home officers know, there are so many advantages to working from home. For one, you're always home, so the issues of scheduling the cable guy, the plumber, signing for that critical package - no problem!

On the other hand, you're always home.

It can become way too easy to become a hermit, and so I, like many others who work from home, have made a commitment to leave the house for an hour at least 3 workdays a week.

Stumped on ideas of what to do?
- Join a local gym and do a 30-minute workout
- Schedule lunch with a friend or neighbor
- Take the dog for a walk
- Get that oil change - finally!
- Run that errand you've been putting off forever
- Pick up the birthday gift(s) for any upcoming birthday parties
- Do your weekly grocery run (remember to make a list! Or even a meal plan!)
- Go to the local park and read on a park bench for awhile
- Indulge in a hobby: visit that craft store/tea room/art gallery/bookstore/Apple store/arcade - whatever
- Etc.

What hour-long escapes work for you?

Office Space - Guest blog by Joseph P.

2012-11-21T07:21:00.000-08:00

Once again I am thrilled to have Joseph Powell as my guest blogger! You all enjoyed his writing as much as I did, and his guest blog is in the top 3 most visited posts. His website was recently updated, and I'm officially in love - be sure to check it out. And now, enjoy his words, his wit, his wisdom, and his beautiful work!

Somebody knocked on my door a few weeks ago and wanted to know if I had a screwdriver. Aside from the fact that my first thought was whether or not I had orange juice, it made me realize something. In the nearly eight years that I have lived here, that's maybe the fourth time a neighbor has knocked on my door. For anything.

I live in the middle of downtown Denver. Living here was appealing to me because I could walk most places, access bars and restaurants easily, and I worked two blocks away. I did look at Wash Park (It's really Washington Park, but you can't just say that out loud) and it was a little too...well, it wasn't for me. I drove by there one weekend and there were so many thirty-something couples with strollers and labradoodles that I thought there was a Pinot Grigio giveaway going on.

I moved into this building when I transferred here with my company. During a break in the interview process, I walked up the street and found this spot only two blocks away. It was built in 1890 and its exterior is a combination of Renaissance Revival and Richardsonion Romanesque styles, which means that it has some stained glass and curved windows. It spent nearly a century serving the citizens of Denver as a stock company as well as a medical office building. In 1998 it was converted into lofts. And by 'converted into lofts' I mean divided up into apartments. As you know, any living space with a pipe running through it is now a 'Loft', even if it's on the ground floor. Those are the rules.

My space is 680 square feet.

I say 'space' because that's what everyone calls it. “What great space you have”. “What fantastic space.” I'm not complaining. It has very high ceilings, four huge windows and has a very 'artsy' feel to it. It feels much larger than it is. It's comfortable and feels good to be in. It has exposed brick and holes in the cement. I've made it my own with my artwork and casual style, which looks a lot like what I would imagine Crate and Barrel to be if Tim Burton were the CEO. It's perfect for me. But in a way, I've failed it.

The whole point of living downtown is to be involved in the world around you. I can walk to a professional baseball, basketball or football game. I can attend plays and shows at the second largest performing arts center in the US, which is just two blocks away. I can attend concerts. I can watch parades, walks, protests and marathons from my living room as well as make eye contact with people attending a board meeting in the bank across the street from my bedroom while I'm hopping up and down on one foot in my underwear trying to put a sock on. I just don't do as many of those things that I should. I do some. I'll let you guess.

I'm not shy or withdrawn or anything like that, but I enjoy my alone time. I tend to keep to myself when I'm not out working and when I'm working at home this place is, ironically, fairly secluded. I don't even know my typically young neighbors by their names. I see them in the hall and recognize them by sight. I know the Hollister Store that lives downstairs and the SNL skit across the hall who likes to leave notes on my door suggesting that I medicate Bentley because he barked once while he was sleeping. I love that guy. There's Cirque de Minaj. He or she lives up a floor. Right below me is American Express. I call him that because he owns more clothing and fragrance than anyone I have ever seen. Riding in the elevator with him is like being teargassed at Saks.

The point! At least my digression skills are sharp. The point is that I love my place and it's productive for me, even though it's small. I have a narrow desk in my bedroom that I use and which contains materials and supplies, mailing labels, business cards, DVDs, etc. It also supports a large monitor that I use to edit portrait and commercial work. Sometimes I work at the kitchen counter and occasionally I work on the sofa. I don't need the routine. I just need to know how my flow goes. That's right. Joe needs to flow. I might be working at four AM with no lights on so it's important that I don't have to think too hard about the process.

I am not really overwhelmed with organization and yet organization is everything. I know where it is if I need to get to it. What I do have is a living arrangement that works for me personally and professionally, which I think is a very important part of working. It isn't about obsession. I'm not one of those people who “can't cook if the kitchen isn't spotless.” Goodness. I'd never cook if that were the case. I'm just one of those people that likes to feel at peace with my environment.

About a year ago, I had gotten up at about five and it was freezing cold, so I put on some wool socks. I started putzing around in the kitchen, emptied the dishwasher. Brrr. Grabbed my bathrobe and put it on for warmth. I put some music on, as I often do when I clean. I bagged up the trash and realized I'd need shoes to take it to the chute down the hall. No shoes. I squeezed my socked feet into a pair of flip-flops.

It's important that I tell you that I edit quite a bit of video for projects. So, the search for decent and affordable royalty-free music is always on and I download a lot of weird stuff to my ipod for inspiration.

I grabbed the trash, opened the door and there was a group of about five, twenty-something, well dressed and attractive people standing in front of the elevator.

I was wearing:

Daffy Duck boxer shorts

A Westin Heavenly bathrobe

Wool socks with flip-flops

A t-shirt that said “Hello, my name is Queen of the #!$@&%*! Universe”

And holding a bag of trash while blaring out of the ipod was “You light up my life” by Debbie Boone.

...

Probably be another year before somebody knocks on my door again.

Enjoy Joseph P.'s work at Champa Street Productions.

http://www.champastreetproductions.com/

Follow Joe on Twitter @ChampaStreet

Guest Blog: Confessions of a Working Mom-aholic

2012-10-03T07:50:00.002-07:00

This week's guest blogger has been a bit of a life line for me as a working mom. I worked with her husband years ago, and after I left for a different opportunity, she reached out to me when she heard through the grapevine that I was expecting. She was too! In true "Megan" fashion, she organized a group of about 8 first time moms to meet on a weekly basis. These were her friends, acquaintances and even a woman who happened to be getting a pedicure in the next chair over! All of these women now have 2 children, (that pic was of her at about 9 mos pregnant with baby #2 - of course getting ready for a work function!) and we're all still connected and meet when we can - mostly for a mom's night out. Since those "new mom" days, I've witnessed numerous examples of her organizing and connecting people, always with amazing results. It is, therefore, very fun for me to learn more about what makes this Super-Mom and Super-Friend tick! Enjoy!

Yes, I admit it. I am addicted to my job… and addicted to being a wife and mother. And, while we’re at it, I am a chronic over-achiever too. This combination makes for a busy, exhausting, and crazy life… but it’s my life, and (even though I may complain sometimes) I really wouldn’t change a thing. I feel so fortunate that my full-time job allows me to work from home so that I can do things that I would NOT be able to do if I worked in a traditional office setting. Also, I am very lucky that I have an incredible support system of my husband, parents, in-laws and a nanny who all make it possible for me to function every day. In our household, it really does “take a village.”

In no particular order, here are some of the perks that I am able to enjoy due to being a working-from-home-mom: Hearing the giggles from downstairs while the kids happily play with their nanny; picking up my four-year-old daughter from preschool and being the first one to hear about her day; taking my 16-month-old son to Gymboree and hearing him proudly shout out “bubble!” every week during parachute time; going to the gym at 10am and calling it my lunch break; wearing pajamas or workout clothes all day if I feel like it; saving time and energy wasted on commuting and general work place drama; grocery shopping alone (ahhh… just saying it makes me feel relaxed) and prepping dinner mid-day so I am a step ahead in the evening; reading for pleasure when I am traveling for work; and sneaking in lots of extra hugs and kisses from the kiddos throughout the day.

However, a set-up this great does not come without sacrifice. Here are some of the struggles I face as a full-time-working-from-home-mom: Hearing the giggles from downstairs while the kids happily play with their nanny… instead of me; having to leave the family and travel for work about 6 times a year; not having any “transition” time between work and family (no commute means the minute I appear from my office I am fair game); seeing my office turn into a glorified storage room for everything we want to “hide” from guests who may drop by; facing millions of distractions in the form of projects around the house I SHOULD be doing at night but that never get done because I am so tired; often having to hide in my office when I am dying of hunger or thirst because I am trying to avoid an unexpected run-in with the little ones; and spending all day and night attached to my iPhone like an umbilical cord.

How I feel about 10 times each day:

But back to this work-aholic and mom-aholic thing and why finding the perfect balance between the two is such a constant struggle for me. I am one of those crazy people who always HAS to give 150% to anything I do, or I will just torture myself later in annoyance that I didn’t. It is something that started when I was young and now it just follows me around like a curse that I cannot get rid of, even if I try. For example, on top of raising two kids and working full time, I am involved in my Moms’ group at church. And, by involved I mean I have been a small group leader for the past few years and am now the Co-Coordinator of the group. It adds a lot to my plate, but I love it and I feel good about my participation in it. Being in this group has allowed me to meet some amazing women who help me stay sane when things get really hectic (like delivering meals to my house for almost 3 weeks when my second child was born!). Sometimes, even we “super moms” need to take off our capes and relax.

Now it’s time for another confession… I have recently realized that, no matter how hard I try, it truly is impossible to give 150% to EVERTHING at the same time. As they say, something’s gotta give! For example, my four-year-old recently started AYSO soccer and I am learning that I am everything BUT the ideal soccer mom right now. With so many other priorities on my plate at work and at home, soccer has had to take a back seat… and it is killing me. It is killing me that I am not able to step up to the plate and be “team mom” or bake homemade treats for the kids after the game (ok, I wouldn’t do that anyway… I don’t bake. But you get the point). Everything in my nature tells me I am being a slacker and letting someone down (My daughter? Myself? The Coach? God? Ok, probably not God, but I always throw in a healthy dose of Catholic guilt in any situation). As much as I want to be the leader and my usual volunteering self… this time I have decided it’s time to say “when”… i.e. “stick a fork in me, I am done”. I know I am doing the right thing by letting this go, but it still bothers me. I can’t help it. I guess there is always next year… hahaha.

At the end of the day, all that really matters is my precious little girl who (bless her heart) tells me EVERY day, “you are the best Mommy I ever had!”, my sweet little boy who snuggles up to me and sucks his thumb every chance he gets, and my incredible husband of 9 years who always has my back. Amazingly enough, they do not blame me for being a work-aholic and I know they appreciate that I am a mom-aholic. Do I get enough sleep? No. Do I get to see my friends enough? No. Do I get to join in on fun stay-at-home-mom play dates? No. However… I DO get to help provide for my family’s future and ensure that my kids will get the same Catholic education that my husband and I benefited from. I DO get to see my kids WAY more than the average full-time working mom does. I DO get to enjoy un-interrupted adult conversation every day (sometimes even at a fancy restaurant or country club!). And, I DEFINITELY feel a sense of accomplishment at night when my head finally hits the pillow. So, if this resonates with you and you want to join me in the Working Mom-aholics Club… come on down! I will be happy to organize the meetings, just don’t ask me to bake anything. I don’t bake.

When Life Is a Moving Target - Guest blog by Katrina Ávila Munichiello

2012-09-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have been a fan of today's guest blogger for quite some time. She is a lover of tea, as am I, and she is the most wonderful writer. Her book, "A Tea Reader: Living Life One Cup At A Time," is one of my comfort foods. So, it is with great delight to be able to share her living/working/juggling reality here. Enjoy!

I need a schedule.

This is the recurring thought that enters my brain on daily basis when I realize I'm not exercising or writing enough or organizing the house the way I'd like. But my life right now is kind of the epitome of the idea of "We plan. God laughs." I have three kids ages 7 and under, which means one is in school during the day, one is in school half days, and one is home with me all the time. They're not in daycare or afterschool care and we don't really have a babysitter. So, everything I do revolves around other people's schedules. I have become the master of squeezing projects into small chunks of time, planning articles in my head while driving to gymnastics or soccer or drama class, and making assessments about which household chores REALLY don't have to be done THIS week.

The crazy part of all of this is that I hadn't intended to work. I was going to be a full-time stay-at-home mom as long as we could make the numbers work and when the kids were a little older I'd return to work. After my second was born I started blogging as a hobby. I rediscovered my love of writing and "met" wonderful people who inspired me to consider doing more. Then someone I'd met through the blog asked if I'd do some copywriting. That led to writing articles and, eventually, a book. When I received a call last winter asking me to serve as Contributing Editor for the relaunch of Tea Magazine (www.teamag.com) I jumped at the chance. When I was promoted to Senior Editor I suddenly realized that I was now really, really working. Suddenly this full-time stay-at-home mom realized she had a full-fledged part-time job with people depending on her.

I have come to accept that planning out dedicated writing time is the only way that I will be able to do my job well. I have also come to accept that that "schedule" will never be as consistent as I would like. For awhile all my writing was done at night. As soon as the kids went to bed, the laptop came out. It was not uncommon for me to still be logged in at 1 a.m. It didn't do much for my sleep deprivation but honestly, with little kids, sleep deprivation was just life. As the kids got busier during the day, my ability to stay up that late went by the wayside. Suddenly, falling asleep on the couch at 10 (sometimes in the middle of typing a sentence) was not doing much for my productivity. Then I hit that wonderful period where the oldest was in school, the middle was in preschool, and the youngest napped at the same time. I had two full hours, three times a week, to write. I was awake and alert and other people were actually in their offices if I needed to do interviews or get in touch with people. Then summer arrived and everyone was home. I tried to wing it. I'd just fit in work when I could. As everyone probably could have predicted, it didn't work. I only found time to fit in the assigned work. All the other projects I wanted to do never materialized. I just never felt as good about what I got done, knowing that with more time I could have done more.

So now we're back to school and I'm facing new schedules. The youngest child's nap no longer aligns with the middle child's school time so there is at least one child needing time and attention all day. Perhaps this is when I set days each week when I will get up before everyone else and work. Or maybe it's handing off bedtime routines to my husband (who is always on board to do whatever will help me juggle!) a couple of nights per week so my work can start at 7 instead of 9. Or maybe it's time to tell create a "job" for child #2 that she can do while I do some work in the afternoon. We can share an "office" at the kitchen table. I'm not sure yet, but I know I can't operate without a plan.

In case you're wondering, this post was written at the kitchen table while two kids ate lunch.

Katrina Ávila Munichiello is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom in Massachusetts. She currently serves as Senior Editor of Tea Magazine, writes the Tea Pages blog (teapages.teatra.de) and is the author of "A Tea Reader: Living Life One Cup at a Time" (Tuttle Publishing, 2011). She can be found on her website at www.kamwrites.com or by emailing kamwrites@gmail.com

I Don't Have a Magic Wand - But I Do Have the 4 F's

2012-08-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

I'm so thrilled that today's guest blogger agreed to impart her organisational wisdom here today! (Yes, that's an "s" in organisation). Helen Butler, of Australian-based Clutter Rescue, has been one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter (Follow her @ClutterRescue), with her practical and easy tips on how to get your home, office and life in order. Enjoy!

When you’re juggling children, work, friends, partner, and life in general things can get busy! Finding time to keep your office paperwork under control can often be the last thing on your mind!

But what if there was something that promises to reduce the time in your office, to get done what you need and still have time for all the fun things in life?

No I don’t have a magic wand - but I do have the 4 F’s!

The 4 F’s will help you decide what to do with each piece of paper that comes into your home or office. The key to complete success when using the 4 F’s is to:

1. Allocate time. Whether that’s daily or weekly you have to focus on organising your paperwork or it will continue to grow around you.

2. Be decisive. If you can use the ‘touch it once’ policy to make decisions quickly and then move on to more fun things.

3. Enlist help. Whether that’s your children, partner or flat mates, everyone in your home needs to take responsibility for paperwork.

4. Set up systems that work for you and that look good – then you’ll be sure to use them!

So what are the 4 F’s?

Finish It

Decide if this paperwork can be dealt with immediately. If so do it! If you need a little longer put it into your ‘Finish It’ category and deal with it by the end of the day.

Forward It
Decide if this paperwork is really yours to deal with. If not pass it on to the right person.

Paperwork that can be forwarded includes forms already filled out, something you’ve borrowed or something of no further use to you but of value to someone else.

File It

This is likely to be your biggest paper pile and contains documents you need to file for future reference. Only keep items you absolutely have to keep.

Unless it’s tax-related set boundaries on how long you are going to keep certain paperwork (for example the electricity bill).

Fling It

This is my favourite category! If you can get rid of it do it now! Only keep documents you need for tax or future reference, and anything out-of-date goes.

I know that if you start to use the 4 F’s you will feel more in control of your paperwork – and can get on with what matters in life!

______________________________

Helen Butler is Director of Clutter Rescue (www.clutterrescue.com.au) and an Accredited Expert Professional Organiser with the Australasian Association of Professional Organisers. Helen works with busy Mums to bring calm and clarity to their Space and Time.

My Working Reality - Guest blog by Joseph P.

2012-08-22T08:28:00.002-07:00

I've known this week's guest blogger for more than 15 years when we met on a college exchange program in France. He was our own private comedian and an artist in his own right, even then. It is no surprise that he has pursued and perfected an art and made it his own business. Working at home as your own boss can have even greater pressures than working at home and having a remote boss. As I told him, Joe's depiction of his work-at-home experience is worthy of a publication such as The New Yorker. I won the lottery in guest bloggers! Enjoy!

Entrpreneurial Home Officer/SINK

Years ago, I used to dream of working for myself at home. And I imagined that if I ever had the opportunity, my schedule would be like this:

6:00AM Cartoon bluebirds, singing softly, fly in the bedroom window, pick up edges of duvet with their tiny little beaks and gently pull it back. Stretch dreamily. Sigh and open eyes. Pat dog on head.

6:15AM Enjoy freshly-brewed Turkish coffee and take the dog outside for a short walk, greeting people on the street. Dash over to patisserie across the street and select a steaming hot croissant. Discuss weather with baker.

6:30AM Nice, long, hot shower. Slip on some khaki shorts and a clean golf shirt. Bluebird hands you new cologne you purchased the day before. Mist a little on. Admire yourself in mirror. Realize you've lost about five pounds.

6:45AM Breakfast of two egg whites and one yolk, scrambled. Eat with now-cooled croissant. Finish coffee.

7:00AM Begin work. Monitor social media accounts, send out project previews. Take an hour or so to do some e mail marketing. Finish materials for printer. Check on client printing projects.

11:00AM Lunch break until Noon. Picnic at the park if the weather is good. Grab a shiny apple to take with you as you head out the door. Read book. Eat cold chicken salad on a baguette with a little cheese. Watch dog romp and play.

12:00PM Resume work. Take a moment to tidy the house a little, empty dishwasher, put in a load of laundry.

5:00PM Knock off for the day, take the dog out for a long, leisurely stroll. Return home. Feed dog and quickly slip into new shirt and chinos. Meet friends at new rooftop patio bar down the street. Laugh hysterically. Catch the eye of an attractive someone and smile. Return home with a head full of hopes and dreams.

8:00PM Watch hip, popular movie while eating sushi and trying out the Sake received as a gift last week.

10:00PM Climb into bed with sleepy dog. Read a little more. Fall fast asleep, excited for the next day.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't even like sushi.

As it happened, I had an opportunity to work for myself full-time in January of this year and I made the decision to take my freelance business to the next level. Overall, it hasn't been nearly as difficult as what I read. I didn't have a lot of things it was said I should have. I didn't have six months salary saved up, I didn't have fifty grand in the bank and I wasn't debt free. I was presented with the opportunity on fairly short notice (that's another story) and realized if I didn't take it then, I probably never would. It's not really easy, mind you, but I do have 15 years of sales and marketing experience. And I knew in my gut I could make it work. My daily schedule, however, is slightly different than I imagined:

10:30AM Wake up when pigeon slams into window. Roll over in bed and hear a retching noise from the dog that sounds as though moisture may be involved. Carefully navigate legs to side of bed. Open eyes, grab almost-dead phone, look at the hour and experience the brief “Sweet mother superior, I &%$#!! overslept again” moment until remembering that you didn't get home until 1:00AM from work.

10:35AM Stumble out of bed, grab laptop, move aside Chinese take-out containers from last night and check social media sites, e mail and respond to any immediate client needs. Post fortune cookie wisdom to Facebook.

10:45AM Sit in a vegetative, trance-like state and peruse Failblog to keep eyes in focus and not fall back asleep. Laugh and wince at people falling off their bikes and skateboards.

11:00AM Realize that coffee isn't going to make itself. Decide it's not worth the 1.5 minutes it takes to make and put on gym shorts and t-shirt, attach leash to dog and go down to the Starbucks next door. Become distracted by something while dog poops in middle of sidewalk in front of stern-looking business woman who looks like she has a cat preference.

12:00PM Grab leftover Chinese food and eat while you start to work. Realize that you have an appointment at 4:00PM. Update Facebook, Twitter and Website. Momentarily panic that there is only enough work scheduled to pay bills through next month. Make a few calls to people. Take dog outside for a quick stroll.

3:00PM Shower, shave. Notice you are out of toothpaste because shopping didn't happen yesterday. Rifle through travel kit like a drug addict looking for money. Receive telephone call from client wondering when their project (started yesterday) will be delivered.

4:00PM Arrive at appointment. Discuss project until 5:00PM. Convince yourself that bags under the eyes are perceived as “Artistic”.

5:00PM Rush home. Resume work until 9:00PM. Upload 20GB of media for hosting on an internet connection that you would swear has the word “Edison” printed on it somewhere.

9:00PM Realize dog hasn't been outside since two. Dash outside for a good half-hour walk, hoping it will erase the guilt of not taking him out earlier.

9:30PM Resume work until 11:00PM. Order pizza. Drink beer found in back of fridge.

11:00PM Watch bad movie that happens to be in iTunes account.

MIDNIGHT Wake up on sofa with paw in eye. Carry dog and self to bed.

Jealous yet?

Alright, maybe it's not like that every day. I'm also a little dramatic at times. But it represents many days in my life as a professional photographer.

Working from home is, maybe, a little different for me than many home “Officers”. Obviously, if I'm not out shooting, I'm not working. So, an important part of my job is, in fact, not being at home. It's being on-site. It's meeting people to discuss projects. It's also being up waaaaay past my bedtime, or rather, what my bedtime used to be and getting up so early that I run into bachelorette parties occasionally on my way to work. I photograph, primarily, commercial and residential real estate, events and conferences. That means my work schedule usually depends on light, access, availability and scheduled event times. And it involves taking a lot of photographs. A whole lot. I traveled for a three-day event a couple of weeks ago and shot 4500 over three days. I will deliver close to 1500 fully edited photos by the end of this week. And I'm writing this blog post now because, frankly, I need the break.

That means I'm spending this week at home. Editing, cropping, balancing color, skin smoothing (not you...your skin is perfect...but everyone else) and lightening shadows with a lot of different software. For conference photographs, it isn't that involved. I may spend one to five minutes making adjustments on any particular photograph. Multiplied by 1500. I usually spend a little more time on the woman I meet at every event that says “Make me look like a movie star” (and, yes I sometimes wonder if she thinks I'm George Lucas or something) but who I know will feel great if she sees that her photo came out perfectly. Commercial real estate photos are quite a bit more involved. I spend much more time removing pipes, vents and holes where a light is supposed to be. I make pools that sparkle, sunsets that insist you ride off into them and fields worthy of the Von Trapp children. Residential projects are a little less involved as they usually need to be delivered within 24 hours.

I'm normally an early riser, so I'll get quite a bit done before 9:00AM. Then I'll grab a shower and wake my beagle for a walk. Bentley doesn't jump out of bed at 6:00AM every day like other dogs. You have to actually go in and physically get him out of bed. Then I'll come back in and resume working until about noon or one, grab a bite for lunch and work fairly steadily until five or six. Today might be seven. I make a fair effort to stay on task. Anyone who works at home successfully does because it's too easy to become distracted. I do, however, take time during the day to empty the dishwasher, take the trash out, throw in a load of laundry. These are minutes. Not hours. I have to. If I don't get away from the computer for a few minutes each day, I'm pretty sure I'd spend the rest of my life shuffling around in a bathrobe mumbling to myself.

When you work at home, life happens. Sometimes you need to handle things and as long as you are productive, nobody really cares what the particulars are. That's kind of the trade-off. You get your work done, but you have a little more flexibility and can work a little more comfortably. I'm not going to get into what I look like right now, but let’s just say that if you saw me, you'd probably think I was a Picasso sketch.

And I know what you're thinking. “This guy doesn't have kids or a spouse or an impatient boss!” Did I say that? I don't remember writing that. But it's true. I don't. I'm a SINK. Single income, no kids. If you are married, you both have jobs and don't have kids, you're a DINK. And if you're married, both have jobs and have kids, you're..well, you're a DIK. I don't have to deal with cupcakes for preschool graduation or princess dress arguments and I don't have to justify what I do to anyone except the client. I don't even have to shower for three days if I don't feel like it (and you can hold it right there, because even though I might not know you, I know you have done this). So even though the worst thing I'm going to encounter during my day is workmen hanging outside my building windows and the occasional next-door neighbor-fight-through-the-wall-that-I-always-stop-and-listen-to-because-it's-hysterical, I don't have a second income either. I'm entirely responsible for the bills, taxes and unexpected visits to the vet. So what I give is what I get and if I want to support myself, then I have to be focused and diligent.

What I do have is the ability to be mobile. I am not usually tied to a printer, landline or quiet area for conference calls. As long as I have my laptop, smartphone and a decent internet connection, I can work from anywhere. So that means I often take B to a coffee house patio when it’s nice and work from there. The parks around my place have free wi-fi, so I can even work from a bench in the shade for a couple of hours (provided I'm not retouching the movie star) if I want or hunker down at a table in the public library once in a while. I can even have a beer during the day as long as I don't have a shoot or appointment scheduled.

Ok, see. Now you're judging me. Yes, I have mobility and can work in a park with my dog and drink, but I still have to get it done. That is, provided, there is work to do.

Work isn't assigned to me. I have to go out and find it. So that means when I'm not immediately occupied with editing or shooting, I need to be selling. I send out e mail marketing, I make telephone calls, I design advertising and I follow up on leads and referrals. Today at 6:00PM I received an e mail for a potential job in November. They have to be replied to as soon as possible or I risk losing the job. I network. I am constantly challenged to find creative ways of finding new business. If you aren't organized to some degree, these things don't happen. There isn't an office assistant, unless you count Bentley, and the whole 'no thumbs' thing really makes that unworkable.

There is a popular restaurant a couple of blocks down the street from me. I saw on Facebook that they had a patio wine tasting every Thursday at five during the summer months, so I called them up this spring. I asked if I could come and shoot the event each week at no charge to them. In exchange, I would have an opportunity to network with local business people and exchange business cards. It has worked very well. I go every week if I'm available, chat with people, have a glass of wine, shoot great journalistic-style photos, email them to people the next day and publish a gallery for the restaurant. Not only have I received several paid projects, I have been able to bid on several events for the slower months coming this Winter and my photographs are being featured in a presentation that the manager is making to her corporate office. Potentially, my work will show up on their Facebook page with my web address on them. They have nearly 30 restaurants nationwide. I've also made some great friends.

See? That's working for yourself. Big deal if I get to drink and eat all the wine and tasty appetizers I want for free. Last week they switched it up and it was a “Boys Night” scotch tasting.

Cartoon birds woke me up the next day.

Check out Joseph P.'s work at Champa Street Productions.

http://www.champastreetproductions.com/

What Works For Me - Guest blog by Tami B.

2012-08-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so thrilled to have Tami B. as this Wednesday's guest blogger. We've known each other since elementary school, and it's so fun to be able to learn from this side of her life - the professional home officer side. She was smart, witty and organized then, and she's even more so now! Enjoy!

Wife, Mother, Home Officer

From the time my son was born and my daughter was 16-months-old until they were 3 and 4, I worked part-time from home with them at home with me.

That was one of the most challenging – and exhausting – things I ever tried to do.

I often think of that time as the “Dark Years,” as I finished up a great many work “days” in a dark house at 2am.

When the opportunity came up for me to start working full time, I knew it was time to get the kiddos in preschool.

Leaving them each day was hard, but I was also a little giddy at the thought of getting to work in a quiet house. During the day!

I was working on two separate projects, so I installed a software program that would record the time I spent working on each.

During that first week of full-time work from home, I took 15 minutes here to vacuum, 10 minutes there to switch loads of laundry. Little breaks throughout the day.

At the end of the week, my house was spotless, I was the most rested I’d been in years, and I’d put a complete homemade dinner on the table every night.

On Friday afternoon I checked the totals on that time-tracking software. During my first “full time” work week, I’d actually only worked 21.5 hours.

Oops.

When I really looked at how much time there was in the day, I realized that I only had 7 1/2 hours between the time I got back from dropping the kids off at school and the time I had to leave to pick them up. For a while I tried chaining myself to my desk – working all day with no breaks – just so I wouldn’t have to try to make up work time after the kids were in bed. That just made me crabby.

After a lot of trial and error, this is what I’ve figured out that works for me:

1) Starting Early

I start my work day about an hour before my kids (or husband) wake up. I’m most productive in the mornings, so this is a great time for me to answer emails or get other little tasks out of the way. When the kids wake up, they come find me, and we take time to read a story or play with Legos, so I get a break knowing that I’ve already accomplished something that day.

As an added bonus, this frees up time later in the day to do something fun with the kids or to work on a personal project. (Yeah!)

2) Have a Designated Work Space

Preferably with a door that shuts or some other way to close it off at the end of the work day. I need some separation between work and home.

I started off working on the couch with my laptop on a little table. After several months and a noticeable increase in trips to the chiropractor, I bought myself a big girl desk and an actual office chair. I also painted my office just the way I wanted and hung some of my favorite pictures. I love this room, which is good, since I spend such a large portion of my day in it.

I keep my work space pretty neat. Clutter lowers my IQ by several points.

Yes, there are 4 monitors there.

3) Have a Plan

Without the rhythm of an office and other people around, I found that it was really easy to spend the entire day at my desk answering emails, never getting to that presentation I needed to prepare, never eating lunch.

I ended up creating a flexible routine with blocks of time each day. There’s a block of time to answer emails, a block of time mid-morning for reading and research, a block of time in the afternoon for more creative tasks. I can take advantage of the flexibility I have working alone to use the time in the way that best suites me.

I also have fifteen minute blocks every day at 9am and at lunch time to do at-home things. Water the plants, start laundry, get the mail. Little breaks help make me more productive the rest of the time and keep the house stuff from getting too out of control.

I still haven’t figured out how to make time to cook dinner that doesn’t involve food from the freezer or how to get more than six hours of sleep, but for now, this works for me.

Have Office, Can Travel

2012-07-02T09:50:00.003-07:00

Home Office "Pro" #11 (I'm arbitrarily starting with #11 just because I'm sure there are at least 10 other "pros" I've mentioned to working from a home office since beginning this blog): Have Office, Can Travel.

This is something the Man of the House and I have talked about frequently for many years but have never actually exercised. The fact of my job is that all I need is a phone, a computer, internet access, and a door, so it doesn't matter if I'm at home or in a train cabin en route to Paris (as long as it has Wi-Fi). I can do my job. So, when the annual family reunion came around 1000 miles from our home, and I pointed out I have zero PTO hours available, we decided this was the time to take advantage of this working reality.

Welcome to my temporary office at Ye Olde Residence Inn:

As the horrible saying goes, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a relative around here, so this provides multiple child care / family entertainment options (a concept that is completely foreign to us, by the way, as the single closest relative to our home is over an hour away). Beads and Bunny can go hang out with Daddy, cousins, and such, and I can hole up here and get things done. My actual working hours are flexible, so I'm working on East Coast hours in order to be able to enjoy some family activities in the late afternoon. It requires me to be up and at 'em pretty darned early, but I get the best of both worlds and can have snippets of vacation in the late afternoon/early evening hours.

I would be remiss if I didn't point out that this concept could quickly become a "con" for the workaholic. Or, rather, the workaholic's family. While it's a nice to be able to do this out of necessity, I don't condone this for many, if any, family vacations. Because of our mobile universe it's easy to continue to work at all hours of the day and night no matter where you are. That doesn't mean you should. But I'll leave that for another day.

Great article, by the way, on Yahoo! Shine today: 9 Things Never to Say to Working Moms (Thanks for sharing, Joe!)