a*mazing life

Running a marathon

2012-10-19T07:26:00.002-07:00

So I've decided to run a marathon. Sort of.

The other night, Aaron and I were on the couch and I was complaining (once again) about my inability to move forward with writing a novel. It's the thing I dream most about doing. But often it seems I'm much better at talking about it than actually doing it. And I can't blame motherhood on this one because I had plenty of years pre-Baby that I failed to come up with the goods.

In my "woe is me" monologue, I mad the comparison that if I decided this was the year to run a marathon, I would do it. Meaning, I would get a marathon training schedule and with Aaron's support, I would do my best to stay on schedule so I could be ready for the big race. And he would help me by giving me windows of time to go run. And on Saturday mornings, I would get up early so that bigger runs didn't get in the way of the rest of the day's activities.

That's when Aaron suggested that I do just that. Only, instead of actually running a marathon I would apply it to writing a novel. Brilliant, right? (Both Aaron and I thought so.)

So that's the plan. I've taken a 22-week marathon training schedule (for beginners) and applied it to writing a novel. On days of rest, I do just that. Rest. On running days, I've equated every mile to 10 minutes of writing (i.e. 3 mile days equal 30 minutes writing time). And on cross-training days, I have various options: story-boarding, reading interviews with other writers about their process, writing exercises and blogging. (Guess which one I'm doing today!)

It's been a week now, and so far it seems to be working. There are days that I leave it to the very end, and it's pretty much the last thing I feel like doing. Last night was one of those nights. I made the compromise to write 30 minutes rather than 40 (I think I actually did around 32). I like that it's an experiment and that I really don't know what I'll have at the end of the 22 week period.

But it's making me write. And that's really the point.

I want it NOW

2012-07-06T12:59:00.002-07:00

I should know better than to make bold statements about my intentions on my brand-spanking-new blog--in the first post mind you. I love that I even had the audacity to ask about your ability to stick to your commitments.

~~Two~~ five months later and I'm just getting around to ~~writing~~ finishing my second (second!!) blogpost.

And that daily meditation practice I wrote about...Wait. What daily meditation practice?

It's almost like having a baby made me completely forget everything I know to be true about myself. You see, there's this thing I do. I've done it for years. It goes something like this...

Life is moving along smoothly. I'm relaxed. Okay, so maybe it's getting a bit predictable. Well, not totally relaxed. And no, all my dreams have not yet come true. So I'm a little bit anxious. I want to make a change. I want to do something. Ideas start to percolate. The first one makes an aha! impression. The second pops with potential. The third is nothing short of inspired. And the fourth, it's so good it would be an act of stupidity not to do it.

I want to do them. All of them. Right now.

Here's a real life example, none of it an exaggeration: I'm in the third trimester of my pregnancy. So in this case, big change is coming and I know it. And I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to somehow "lose" myself in the act of becoming a mother. (It happens.) So I vow to myself (and maybe a few others) that I'm going to use my maternity leave to make sure this doesn't happen. Of course, Baby has priority. But I'm going to take on a few projects of my own just to make sure I'm still being true to Me. In fact, I'm going to launch a blog that focuses primarily on the topic of "motherhood and the loss of self-identity" and chronicle my personal attempt to incorporate motherhood into my pre-existing identity, while not letting it completely swallow me whole. Ideally, that will launch the first week we get back from the hospital. And just to make that one of my long-time dreams doesn't get lost, I'm going write a draft of that novel I've been working on (and off) for a while now. It's okay if it's a crappy first draft. Oh, and I think I'll learn Spanish. You know, while Baby nurses, I'll just listen to Spanish lessons on my iPhone. I've wanted to learn Spanish for a while now.

Yes, I seriously thought I would be able to achieve all three of these feats while on maternity leave. Now, any mother who reads this is probably laughing out loud about now. And the topic of whether productivity is even possible as a new mother is the topic of another post entirely. (And I write this as a woman who used to mentally roll her eyes when any new mom complained of how it was so impossible to get anything done with a baby.) And yet here I am, more than 12 months later as a new mom, and I'm only writing the second post for my blog. And no, I don't have a crappy first draft of a novel either. As for that whole learn a new language thing: no hablo espanol.

But that's not to say I'm giving up. I'm here, aren't I? Yes, I am attempting to modify the expectations I put on myself (some days better than others). But I'm working on it -- one priority at a time.

What about you -- do you ask too much of yourself?

A New Year's Resolution: Meditate Daily

2012-01-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's resolution. Typically, it's not my thing. But last month I read two articles about the benefits of meditation, and both articles seemed to be speaking directly to me. It just so happens that my new resolve to begin meditating daily coincides with the start of the New Year. And therefore, I'm calling it a resolution.

In Rachel Combe's article for the December issue of Elle magazine, she discusses "decision fatigue" and how it undermines self-control. As a new mom, I'm amazed (and not in a good way) at the number of decisions I make on a daily basis solely for the hoped-for benefit of my baby's well-being. What time should he be fed. How much should he be fed. What time should he go down for a nap. How many times should he go down. Did he sleep long enough? Does he need a bath? If he watches five minutes of Finding Nemo so I can cut his fingernails, am I giving him ADHD in the future?

It's exhausting. No wonder I find myself craving (and rewarding myself with) sugar and caffeine in the later afternoon/early evening. Every. Single. Day.

So guess what's good at fostering self-control. Two things: sleep and meditation. Since my ability to sleep is somewhat out of my control these days -- even if I go to be at 9:30 I'm lucky to get seven hours most nights -- I'll be focusing on the latter.

Similarly, in Whitney Joiner's article, "More (Will) Power to You" in the current issue of Whole Living (that I can't seem to find online) she lists the top seven methods of building self-discipline. Guess what tops the list. That's right. Meditation.

Last year, the one and only Gwyneth Paltrow also resolved to meditate (guess I'm not that original). Here's what her fancy friends had to say on the subject. And here's what friend and life coach extroadinaire, Suzannah Scully, has to say on the subject (if you're looking for someone who you can more easily relate to).

The year is still early, and so far I've managed to take five minutes every night (yes, all two of them) to focus on breathing deeply and reigning in my thoughts. So far there hasn't been any 'aha' moments. I'll let you know in a month or so how it's going, and what I think the benefits are. As for what I hope the benefits to be -- a little more mental strength and a whole lot less feeling crazy, worn down and out of control.

Once I get this meditation thing down, I'll focus on resolution number two: learn how to stand on my head...but more on that later!

So tell me, do you make New Year's resolution? And what's more, do you have the self control to make it stick?