{walker whimsy}

T Turns Two ~ The Party

2013-05-16T14:58:00.001-06:00

Hola!

Guess what? I now have a TWO year old! I remember when Talen was a few weeks old thinking about how far off this was, but it's here in the blink of a sleep-deprived eye! *sniffle*

We celebrated a few weekends ago with a party and a trip to the Denver Aquarium and the Denver Zoo. It was insane in a good way. I did MUCH better this year planning and prepping for the party ahead of time. I didn't try to make four different types of cupcakes with homemade marshmallow fondant Sesame Street characters. I didn't blow tons of money. I didn't hot glue googly eyes to fifty suckers. I didn't stay up all night long making junk. We had pizza (not homemade). Boom!

I only went slightly overboard this time. Progress, my friends! I also forgot to take pictures beforehand, so I snapped these when we got back from Denver. Forgive me, photography gods. I am only human.

I made a pull-string mustache pinata (and for the record, I HATED how it turned out) ...

Post candy collection frenzy

And cardboard mustache signs ...

And party hats ...

baaaaad picture, but you get the idea, right?

And blower doodads (which are REALLY disgusting when they get full of kid spit and then someone blows one in your face and ... yeah) ...

And "stash" jars for goodies/favors ...

I drew mustaches on the bathroom mirrors ...

And made mustache garlands ...

cut from black felt and glued to jute twine

I stuck mustache stickers (from Hobby Lobby and Target) on an ungodly number of things ...

Because they're awesome, that's why.

And I made whole bunch of accordion folded paper circles which I turned into a garland for ...

Why is my house all hazy?

A photo booth! This was THE BEST!

I pinned a white sheet to the wall (with some streamers, the garland and a mustache sign), printed out a few props (which I found here and here), affixed them to some bamboo skewers with hot glue (pointy side up!), reinforced the backs with toothpicks and cardboard pieces where necessary and VOILA!

ze props

ze close up

That is sooooo not how they said to do it on the site I downloaded the printables from, but in the classic words of that one black lady meme, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Despite my improvisation, it was a huge hit.

the birthday boy

T's great grandparents (I LOVE THEM!)

Mimi & Pop Pop with the grand babies (one of whom is
evidently not impressed)

Grover and T's uncles

T and his Daddy ♥

My brothers and I
(don't be scared now, we're only as weird as we look ;)

We also had chocolate cupcakes in the shape of a mustache, but I forgot to take pictures. Apparently my subconscious knew it was underwhelming. They tasted delicious, though!

I'll share some pics from our Denver trip (which we barely survived) later. I really mustache ...

Sorry. Not sorry.

*<|:o{)

P.S. I'm working on May's POTM as you read this! Also, I'm eating ice cream. Nom nom nom.

Hey!

2013-05-09T09:00:00.002-06:00

Hey, you guys!

It's been a loonggg time. I haven't felt inspired to write in what feels like a gazillion years. Of course, now that the mood strikes, I'm exhausted, there's chores to do, the house is a disaster, Grover is working, and I'm attempting to feed a very independent eight month old (when you put food in her mouth, she spits it out, then puts it back in ALL BY HERSELF ... sigh) while assuring the toddler that his peanut butter toast will indeed be ready before he starves to death.

Really, kid.

You're going to be okay.

During my unplanned sabbatical I became the proud owner of a two-year-old and ... uh ... did other stuff.

Pretty much everything else I completed escapes me at the moment.

I did manage to feed the children at least twice. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, UNIVERSE?

I also had another epiphany (are these getting old yet?). Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to not be myself. Does that make sense?

Be crafty! Be cool! Be innovative! Learn how to juggle! Turn the house into a perfectly decorated oasis with a budget of one penny! Blog about EVERYTHING! Take perfect pictures! Stop stubbing your toes ten times a day! Put real clothes on! Remember your age! (Seriously, I have forgotten several times this past week.)

DO THE SPLITS WITHOUT GETTING STUCK ON THE FLOOR ~~AND SCREAMING A BUNCH OF CUSS WORDS~~!!!

Yep. As evidenced by T's first Parent & Me dance class last week, that last one is DEFINITELY not happening.

I think maybe this is part of the reason I go through long stretches where I don't want to write ANYTHING. Like, not even my own name. Luckily, I see a light at the end of this tunnel. Until the next one comes along, that is.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to say "hi". Other than our chronic inability to take a decent family photo, we're just peachy :)

Family photo attempt number 643, in which the newly minted two-year-old flat out refuses to look at the camera.

Hope all is well with you and yours!

That Escalated Quickly

2013-04-23T14:50:00.001-06:00

I said I wasn't going to do it.

And I haven't.

Yet.

To what am I referring? Nope, not marijuana.

I am referring to going half out of my mind planning and executing a birthday party for a two-year-old.

Making lists upon lists of things to do.

Spending oodles of money.

Making much ado about nothing (not the birthday itself, just the idea of spending hours of my life planning a party for someone who won't remember it and really just wants "CACK-O-LAT CAKE, MOMMY!")

You, know. The usual.

So far I have decided NOT to fill up 100 helium balloons (like last year), bake 10 homemade pizzas, crochet favors for every party guest, place said favors in hand-folded origami boxes, hand-sew hats and aprons for all the children, make Grover a costume, attempt epic feats of cupcakery, decorate any and all available surfaces, and then feel bad because I didn't manage to DO IT ALL.

Also, I'm probably not going to manage to re-paint the entire upstairs, stain the transition pieces for the new floor, figure out a way to turn the sofa white again, scrub every surface, make art for the painfully bare dining room wall, or even dust.

If any of this bothers you, you're welcome to babysit my children for a week or two and see how productive you are ;)

I will not give in to the temptation to turn this into a no-holds-barred mommy smack down competition.

I will not scour the Internet for hours waiting for inspiration to smack me in the face.

And by God, I will not feel like a failure because I refuse to join this party insanity.

NOT GONNA DO IT.

Not that I'm gonna do nothing. I'm just not gonna try to do EVERYTHING.

Now, someone come tie me to a chair until Sunday evening.

No, really.

Sometimes you can't do it all, and that's okay.

*stuffs screaming, kicking, perfectionist self back into box*

Really.

Darling Daffodils Crochet Pattern {POTM}

2013-04-18T20:58:00.000-06:00

Hullo peeps,

Mother Nature bequeathed 18 inches of snow upon us Monday and Tuesday, which put a damper on anything spring-ish. These happy little flowers will have to tide me over until all this white powder disappears ...

Not THAT kind of white powder ... or that kind, either.

Behold, daffodils!

And here, my friends, is the pattern:

(G hook, Red Heart Super Saver yarn in yellow and uh ... yellow-er)

Abbreviations are as follows:

ch = chain

sl st = slip stitch
sc = single crochet
dc = double crochet

tc = treble crochet

picot = ch 3, sl st in 3rd chain from hook

For the petals:

Ch 10, join with sl st to form a ring. *sc, 2 dc, ch 1, tc, ch 1, 2 dc, sc*. Repeat from * to * five more times. Sl st to first sc. Finish off.

For the center:

ROUND 1: In a magic adjustable ring, ch 1 and sc 4, then join.

ROUND 2: Ch 1, sc in same, 2 sc in each sc around, join.

ROUND 3: Ch 1, sc in next stitch, *2 sc in next stitch, sc in next two stitches*. Repeat from * to * around, then join.

ROUND 4: Ch 1, sc in each sc around. Join.

ROUND 5: With color 2 (if desired), ch 1. Sl st in next stitch, picot, then skip a stitch and sl st in the next one. *Picot, skip a stitch and sl st in next*. Repeat from * to * around. Join. Finish off.

Sew pieces together. If desired, thread the ends through the flower center, tie knots in each, and trim.

Voila! If you really want to be original, soak them in tuna juice for that weird fishy smell ...

Questions/any mistakes/adoring praise in the comments, please ;)

Here's hoping spring makes an appearance soon!

More {crochet} stuff here!

Make Yourself Make

2013-04-10T07:00:00.000-06:00

Impossible.

No way in hell.

I can't.

I suck at it.

Are you kidding me? I can't even get out of my pajamas!

This is my regular/random thought process when I think about sitting down to craft. >>>

>>> Actually, I don't really like the term "craft". It conveys images (for me, anyway) of mommies sitting around a table making topiaries out of hideous floral fabric and their children's saved belly button lint (it's a keepsake, you guys.) and secretly judging each other because your child's belly button lint is definitely the wrong color and OMG you are SUCH a bad mom.

And is that a STAIN on your WRINKLY khaki capri pants? For sooth ... thou art BANISHED. <<<

Okay, I may have a slightly bad attitude about the whole thing. AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE POINT OF THIS POST. Sorry for being so judgy. And I'm not even sure what color my "khakis" used to be, so maybe you have something there ...

ANYWAY, I recently realized I have an epic list of excuses when it comes to finding time to ~~make floral belly button lint topiaries~~ create. This and that, that and this. The floor's dirty. The children aren't sleeping peacefully at the same time (HA!). There's things to scrub and dishes to stare mournfully at and, yeah.

LOTS of excuses.

Unfortunately, when I don't spend time creating (whether crocheting or fill-in-the-blank or making keepsakes), I tend to get a bit loopy. And grouchy. And weepy. It's like all this energy inside me is trying force itself out my nose and I'm just like STAHP. You suck at making stuff anyway; go alphabetize something and stress eat.

Perhaps this is because I'm a semi-creative (up for discussion) left-brained type-A person with a truck load of self-doubt and a perfectionist complex?

Maybe that's why I feel crazy all the time.

Also, these two ...

And this little one ...

Absolutely no idea who she inherited the attitude from ...

I'm slowly coming to realize, however, for the sake of my sanity (*evil laugh* What sanity?) and the sake of those around me, I need to set aside time to make things ~~out of hideous floral fabric~~ and I need to do it REGARDLESS of the end result.

In short (and rather un-eloquently), I need to make myself make.

If that means I am in yoga pants for the next nine years, well, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Actually, the cookie didn't have time to crumble ... neither did the leftover Easter candy ... or the potato chips ... or the brownies ...

GET IN MY BELLY!*

*the only line I know from Austen Powers ... most likely wildly out of context. So there.

Five Tattoos You Wish Were Pranks

2013-04-01T22:12:00.000-06:00

Happy April Fool's Day! I told people I'm becoming a professional beet farmer.

... they believed me.

One perk of the beet farming profession? The puns.

BEET IT! BEET IT! OPEN UP YOUR MOUTH AND EAT IT!

Wow. That sounds really inappropriate. Must be 'cuz I'm up late.

Now, on to the ~~show~~ soul-crushing sadness that is humanity!

Here ya go:

... except this tattoo

Oh yeah. I am DEFINITELY a bad ants with my one
nipple piercing (WHY?) and lack of basic spelling ability ...

This one speaks for itself.

If you're going to have indelible proof of your
over-inflated ego , PLEASE spell it correctly.

Okay.
After I chew you out about your complete stupidity and lack
of grammatical acuity, you may do your worst.

What is the one thing I wish wasn't a prank? Google Nose.

Mean Girls reference.
If you haven't seen that movie, you are missing out.

Really. How cool would it be to be able to see if a perfume smells like a baby prostitute BEFORE you buy it?

Am I right?

Also, how many of you actually smelled your computer/smartphone screen?

*sheepishly raises hand*

.... WHAT?!?

It's a great idea.

As is becoming a professional beet farmer.

CAKE! Everybody loves cake.

2013-03-29T21:22:00.001-06:00

I signed up for a DietBet. Everybody puts $30 in the pot and the people who lose four percent of their body weight in four weeks split it. I was all, "Pshaw, four percent? PIECE OF ~~CAKE~~ TOFU. I SO TOAD-ALLY GOT THIS."

I signed up whilst making a gansta face like dis:

back in the blonde era

And then my body officially went haywire. I've been losing weight steadily, albeit slowly, since Gracie was born. The past two weeks? NUTTIN. Actually, it's more complicated than that, but all the weirdness is headache-inducing, so I shall simply repeat.

NUTTIN.

I can't starve myself because another human is depending on me for sustenance (more complications).

I can't exercise 26 hours a day because, well ... yeah. ALSO, I HAVE A TODDLER.

Do you know how hard it is to get things done when you are constantly listening for suspicious silence and/or screaming?

PLUS, G's getting her first tooth.

PLUS, we started potty training T.

PLUS, I REALLY LIKE EATING, HOOVER DAM IT.

daily thought process
... good thing I'm too lazy to bake cake!

... mom told me not to do it.

I suppose the moral of this story is ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

Why do I have to keep re-learning this lesson?

Friday Funnies

2013-03-22T16:24:00.000-06:00

Hi peeps!

It's time for Friday Funnies - The Most Interesting Man Meme Edition.

Why this meme?

Because then I get to Photoshop Grover's head on it for a Most Interesting Man meme of his own.

Surely he isn't the only husband who does this.

Also, this picture is from our family photo sesh. Apparently I wasn't the only one who wanted to jump through the camera and eat someone ...

Happy Friday!

Big Plans

2013-03-19T11:18:00.002-06:00

Hullo peeps,

Back in May 2012, we relocated our fam (which at the time consisted of Grover, Hershey, a one year old T and a burgeoning baby bump ... "burgeoning" is a weird word) to my childhood home. It's a lovely location, the house has good bones and lots of space, and it is a perfect place to raise kids IMHO. I don't have to worry about crime or T getting run over by a moped, there's tons of fresh air, we're a mile from a lake, and there's wildlife (which I fully intend to capture and domesticate). It's paradise.

The problem is, the house was built in the '70s. You know what that means? It was decorated in the '70s.

Now, I'm not harshing on that amazing era of grooviness. I love the '70s. I do not, however, love the '70s carpet.

Or the '70's wallpaper.

Or the '70s light fixtures.

Or the '70s color palette.

I think I am one of many millions who tolerates outdated decor for one BIG reason - money.

Or perhaps not. I could be the only one who's broke.

I'd really love to spend any extra cash (haha, what's that?) updating, loving on, and generally de-discofying the home I have many childhood memories in ...

... one time, I jumped off the stairs onto a gigantic stuffed bear.

IT WAS AWESOME.

So this post is the official "before". I am SO BAD about taking before pictures I took them all at once.

Here's a poorly drawn definitely not to scale layout. You're welcome.

Forgot to label the dining room. Whoops.

And here's a few highlights of the upstairs (top priority):

The nursery:

The crafting disaster area (AKA my desk):

The master bedroom (started this in a third trimester nesting blitz):

The bathroom:

The hallway (most exciting photo of my life. OF MY LIFE.)

The living room:

Around the corner:

From the TV's point of view:

The dining room:

The entryway (looking in from the front door:

The kitchen:

And finally, the pantry. Almost as exciting as the hallway, no?

These are SOOC (straight out of camera) so you can see what kind of lighting we're working with.

We don't have oodles of money to throw at this thing, so it's going to be done on a shoestring budget, meaning thrifting, praying for perfect mismatch paint colors, waiting for sales, penny pinching, re-purposing, more thrifting, and some good ole' DIY. That's the plan. It's a rather gigantic undertaking.

Pray we survive.

Easy Crochet Drawstring Bag {POTM}

2013-03-18T13:39:00.000-06:00

Hullo fellow hookers!

March's free crochet pattern of the month is this versatile drawstring bag. You can make this as big or as small as you like, make it in multiple colors, use different ribbons, add appliques, et cetera. You can stuff it with candy (EASTER!), toys, treats, craft stuff, live reptiles ...

When I say versatile, I mean it!

Cute, no?

I used a G hook, Red Heart Super Saver yarn in what I believe is Light Blue, and approximately 2.5 feet of ribbon.

Abbreviations are as follows:

ch = chain
sl st = slip stitch
sc = single crochet
dc = double crochet

Here's whatcha do:

ROUND 1: Start with a magic adjustable ring. Ch 3. 15 dc. Join.
ROUND 2: Ch 3, *2 dc in next stitch, dc in next stitch*. Repeat from * to * to end. Join.
ROUND 3: Ch 3, *2 dc in next stitch, dc in next 2 stitches*. Repeat from * to * to end. Join.

That's the bottom of the bag. Now,

ROUND 4: (In back loops only for this round), dc in each dc around. Join
ROUND 5: Ch 3. Dc in each dc around. Join.
ROUND 6: Same as round 5.
ROUND 7: Same as round 5.

Halfway there!

ROUND 8: Ch 1. Sc in each dc around. Join.
ROUND 9: Ch 1. Sc in each sc around. Join
ROUND 10: Same as round 9.

Now for the ribbon row (you'll thread it in afterward):

ROUND 11: Ch 3. Dc in next two stitches. *Skip 1 stitch, ch 1. Dc in next three stitches*. Repeat from * to * to end. Join.

Almost done!

ROUND 12: Ch 1. Sc in each stitch around. Join.
ROUND 13: Same as round 12.
ROUND 14: Same as round 12.

For the last row, I added scallops. I know, I know. But, hey! There's nary a pom pom in sight. That's gotta count for something, right?

ROUND 15 (optional scallops): Skip 1 stitch, 6 dc in next stitch, skip 1 stitch, sl st in next st. Repeat from * to * to end. Join.

Finish off and weave in ends.

Weave ribbon through round 11.

Voila!

Now go fill it with something! :-)

More FREE crochet patterns here!

See a mistake? Have a question? Let me know in the comments!

Crazy Brain

2013-03-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

Hi peeps,

I made over some built-in bookcases a few days ago (I'll share pictures later) and really, really, REALLY wanted to put a brain in a jar on it. Not a real brain, mind you. That would be gross ... and may require me to murder and dissect someone.

Too messy.

Instead, I crocheted one.

I'm not sure why exactly I wanted a tiny brain in a jar (Grover would probably say one of my other multiple personalities told me I needed it), but something did.

I made a gray one first.

And then everybody was all, "Dat look nuttin' like a brain, yo."

Except not exactly like that, because they aren't gangsters and have all their teeth.

So then I made a pink one.

I didn't really like that one either, so I asked my FB friends what color they think of when they think of brains. The responses were quite varied. Pink, gray, pinkish gray (thanks, Susie :), purple, green, oatmeal (mmmmm ... ), et cetera.

I like thegray one better. The pink one doesn't look very brainy to me; the swirls aren't right, I think. But maybe the color makes up for that.

What do you think?

Pretty ~~useless~~ cool, no?

If nothing else, you can perch in upon your noggin and point to it.

Like a boss.

:-)

Reflections

2013-03-13T17:38:00.001-06:00

It's my birthday today.

I like to take birthdays to reflect, sooo ...

I've made it another year, a rather awesome one, if I do say so myself.

For instance, there are now four Walkers ready to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

We moved to a place with beautiful views.

AND there is a Starbucks nearby (well, 20 minutes-ish nearby. Close enough for me :).

We are all healthy.

We are all happy.

Best of all, I am not currently pregnant. It has been two years since I've had a birthday ALONE in my own body.

That, my friends, is a present in and of itself.

For the coming year, my resolution is to choose peace.

I choose to make peace with my grown-up self, make peace with my decisions (good and bad), make peace with my flaws, make peace with my bad days, make peace with my successes AND my failures, make peace with my ghetto booty and muscular thick thighs (and arms ... and pretty much everything else), and make peace with where I am right now.

I resolve to take more pictures, record more moments, live in the now, smell the possibilities, and never let that little spark of inner awesome be extinguished.

Sally ho!

... and I resolve not to say "sally ho" ever again ... unless I am on a pirate ship. Then all bets are off.

*<:-D Party time!

It.

2013-03-09T12:01:00.002-07:00

This is how I feel when I get a new follower/friend/repin/FB like/et cetera:

And this is how I feel when I lose one (or when someone doesn't email me back, or when nobody reads a post, or when T wakes up a three a.m.):

Which then leads to deep and intense contemplation (late, late at night) of whatever mysterious quality "it" is that makes people like you.

And why the heck I don't have it.

It's a problem of mine, wanting everyone to like me (REALLY LIKE ME). My brain knows it doesn't matter in the slightest, but some part of me still craves acceptance, fame, fortune, ~~chocolate~~, et cetera. It's weird. The people that matter love me. They accept me. They think I'm cool.

Okay, that is debatable, but still ...

What the junk?

I have no reason to for this low self-esteem other than my own stupid thought processes. They make me bitter and depressed and then I start doing this:

NONE of these reactions are healthy.

Why do I need to constantly remind myself that IT DOESN'T MATTER? Perhaps I need to work on accepting myself. I need to "like" myself. I need to find out what "it" is that makes me like me.

Honestly, I can't think of a single solitary thing right now.

.... ... ...

You're pretty good at eating brownies.

Okay, one thing.

That is IT.

My milkshake brings all the fat to my thighs ...

2013-03-05T12:59:00.002-07:00

Darn right. Makes me wanna cry ...

If you have no idea what the heck I'm sing/typing about, you are SOOOO lucky. Also, don't Google that song unless you want a lot of pics of full frontal nudity ... O.o

I have nine million half-finished projects to share with you, but nothing actually completed. So, let's talk about weight. Hooray. Our favorite subject, right? Here's my personal inflation/deflation story (for reference, I am five foot three).

And be forewarned, I am NOT the most photogenic human being on the planet. Apes throwing their own feces photograph better than I do. Gisele Bundchen in a fat suit photographs better than I do. Heck, a bowl of rotting fruit photographs better than I do.

It's why I prefer to be BEHIND the camera :-)

2006 - I was 118 pounds when I met Grover in December. I can't find a picture of this skinny time ...

2007 - I realized Grover was ridiculously obnoxious, occasionally annoying, and my soul mate.

We look SOOOO young!

2008 - We got engaged in July. I had been eating like my three younger teenage brothers when BAM! Suddenly I could no longer shovel in mountains of mashed potatoes with no consequences. I think I was around 127 here.

2009 - I started exercising. When I got married in July, I was 125 pounds.

2010 - After a ridiculously stressful first year of marriage living in a tumbledown shack (okay, it wasn't a shack. But it WAS tumbling down), a miscarriage, and miscellaneous other yuckiness, I weighed myself one day and realized I had gained 20 pounds. I was all, WHAT?!? What do you mean it wasn't just my old dryer shrinking all my jeans?!? NOOOOOO. Seriously, peeps. I had no idea. I don't know where I thought all that chocolate cake was going, but I definitely didn't think it would end up attached to me in various unflattering places (i.e. not the boobs. WHY DOES IT NEVER GO TO THE BOOBS?!?). This is the only picture I can find from that year:

Thank God you can't see the bottom half : P

Late 2010 - I was officially a human incubator! Yay! And 145 pounds at my first doctor's appointment ... not so yay.

14 weeks preggers and feelin' sassy

2011 - I gained 26 pounds while pregnant with T and was 171 right before delivery (groooannn). Here I am about a month before T was born.

Soooo done being pregnant.

And here we are in late July of 2011.

You thought I was kidding about not being photogenic, didn't you?
Just focus on the cute baby and attractive husband ...

Through a combination of nursing, starving myself and exercising every.single.day, I was back to 124 when T was about 8 months old. It was fabulous. All my old clothes fit. I felt great. People were even telling me I was skinny again. I decided I was happy and quit "dieting".

October 2011

2012 - Karma happened. The day after posting my last accountability update, I took a pregnancy test. We all know how that turned out. :-)

7-ish months pregnant

We also moved to a new town. Due to the stress of moving/changing jobs/losing insurance (never a fun thing when you're pregnant) and taking care of a barely one-year-old T, I used food as medicine. I subsequently gained 46 pounds and ended up at exactly 171 pounds before delivery AGAIN. Crazy, right? My midwife informed me part of it was having babies so close together. And maybe that's just how my body rolls when I'm pregnant. You know how people say, "You're not fat. You're pregnant." Yeah, well, my response is always, "I'm fat AND pregnant!" And then I burst into hormone-fueled tears. And then I eat nine cookies. It's a vicious cycle.

Here I am the day G was born. I was in labor, in
case you couldn't tell by my
stupefied grimace.

Anyway, I had baby G and ended up at 153 pounds four weeks after delivery and immediately started Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 (NOT recommended). It did nothing. I couldn't cut calories because I found that if I went under 1500 for more than 2 days, my milk supply bottomed out. So I had to eat and I had to exercise. The weight was just gonna have to come off on it's own.

About a month after having G.
Also, T's face = priceless.

Over the past five months, I've been sorta counting my calories (using MyFitnessPal) and doing a variety of exercises. It's working! I'm currently sitting at 129 pounds (with all my clothes off first thing in the morning before eating anything after I've gone to the restroom and nursed ... ).

Look! Collar bones!

My pants still won't button. I'm trying not to worry. Trying not to obsess. Trying not to be crazy about something that doesn't really matter. It's just a number on a very finicky ~~possibly demon-possessed~~ scale. I'm proud of my accomplishments and I'm going to celebrate them. Maybe I'm just one of those people who needs to gain 50 pounds during pregnancy (prooooobably not, but it is a GREAT excuse to pound eleven consecutive milkshakes).

If you're at some point on a weight loss (or weight maintenance) journey, I'd love to chat with you, offer encouragement, and/or yell at you in a nice and totally non-confrontational way :)

Nine pounds to go, peeps! Yay!

Help Wanted

2013-03-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

HELP WANTED - MOTHER OF SMALL MUNCHKINS

Hourly wages - $0.00

Hours - 24/7

Retirement - none

Vacation - none

Sick leave - none

Maternity leave - none. duh.

Duties include:

cooking
cleaning
feeding
dressing
bathing
bedtime
diaper changes
screaming, "GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!"
keeping an eye out for any and all hazardous objects, including but not limited to choking hazards, sharp objects, and poisonous substances
teaching
chauffeuring
refereeing
cheerleading
praying fervently and often
finding things
fixing things
doctoring
loving
cuddling
disciplining
pretty much anything else you can think of

> Duties will change from day to day, month to month, and year to year without warning.

> There is no instruction manual.

> Nine months training required (special circumstances will be taken into consideration)

> Excruciating pain and permanent body modifications will occur in most instances.

> Peers will constantly judge your performance based on an obscure and abstract set of rules.

> "EVERY POSSIBLE TERRIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN IN THIS SITUATION" software (abbreviated EvPoTeSi) will be implanted in your brain via microchip. EvPoTeSi is not yet refined and will sometimes cause excessive overreaction to relatively harmless things (i.e. your child eating a caterpillar). These glitches tend to work themselves out over time and decrease in proportion to the number of offspring you produce.

> Must be able to lift upwards of 50 pounds (this includes child, diaper bag and car seat, but not stroller or other necessary accoutrement's) at least 15 times per day. This amount doubles with each charge in your care.

> Must be able to function on less than 3 hours of consecutive sleep.

> Must be able to go without food for long stretches without turning into a terrifying monster.

> Must be able to handle all bodily fluids, including but not limited to blood, snot, spit, puke, poop, pee, et cetera.

> Must have the magical power to "kiss it better".

> Must be willing to read one book over and over and over and over ... and over. And over.

> Must pass the "Step On It Without Yelling Every Curse Word in the Book" Test. There are four phases - Hot Wheels, wooden blocks, the tiny metal spaghetti strainer from the play kitchen, and Legos.

Also, YOU CAN NEVER QUIT.

Some days, it will be the worst thing you've ever done.

But it will also be the best :-)

Failing like a boss, yo.

2013-03-01T11:57:00.003-07:00

Soooo ... I got published. YAY!

And then I opened up the digital magazine this morning and realized I had sent in the wrong kind of file ...

Give me a minute ... *SOB*

For some stupid reason, I thought the lovely people at Inspired Crochet were going to make me a cover page (not that I would be on the cover, just a page with all my info, pictures from my blog, et cetera ... more like an "About" page placed before the pattern). So, I put all my info into a word file and sent it off, thinking it would be magically transformed into something awesome instead of being, well, a word file with weird random comments in, God forbid, TIMES NEW ROMAN. I mean, what is this? A college term paper? Gahhh.

In retrospect, I realize it would be INCREDIBLY difficult to make pages for everyone who submits patterns. What was I thinking?!? I don't even know. I'm going to go with good ole' sleep deprivation on this one. Sorry, peeps.

WAHHHHHHHH.

Wait, what is that? Do you hear it?

I'm pretty sure it's the siren song of homemade snickerdoodles ...

... yes, I am one of those girls who eats her feelings ...

\WAHHHHHHHH.

Getting published like a boss, yo.

2013-02-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

Hullo peeps,

Remember this happy little scarf?

It's going to be in the March issue of Inspired Crochet magazine! Woot woot!

It comes out tomorrow and I am puke-up-my-celery-sticks excited. (sorry for that visual ... ) I don't know if it's technically a big deal to get a pattern published, but it definitely feels like one to me! :)

As to what I've been up to, I have a ton of half-finished crochet projects floating around, nine half-written blog posts to fix AND I'm working on my Pinterest Challenge (HINT: it involves paint, which means it also involves keep a VERY close watch on the almost two-year-old).

And last night, my (brand new) laptop screen was destroyed by the dog (the doofus SAT on it), so I'm currently working on an external monitor that skews photos and makes colors look neon. It's impossible to edit anything without feeling like I've been magically transported back to the '80s. So, until my new screen arrives, postings may be a bit sketchy.

Er, sketchier than they have been the past two weeks. Sorry about that. So much to do, so little time!

Be sure to check out the March issue of Inspired Crochet for all fourteen spring-tastic designs! :-)

Striped Leg Warmers {FREE Crochet Pattern of the Month}

2013-02-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello!

It's a wee bit late (I'm trying to post these around the fifteenth ... ), but it's here - February's FREE Crochet Pattern of the Month, AKA POTM ... is that a weird acronym? I'm just really tired of typing, "Crochet Pattern of the Month".

So I have acronym-ed. So it shall be.

Striped leg warmers!

Can you believe my baby is SIX months old already? One minute you're wishing they would magically skip the newborn I-poop-every-three-seconds-and-puke-in-between-stage and the next you're crying because they get to start eating real food and won't sit still for a picture. *sniffle*

I have made these in two sizes - newborn (you can see those here) and baby. If you'd like to rock this look (leg warmers are in, doncha know?), make your beginning chain large enough to fit around your calf and keep crocheting until your leg warmer is long enough to, you know, warm your legs ... unless of course your legs are already warm because you haven't shaved them in a looong time ... in that case, it's just a fashion statement (and a great way to hide all that fuzz :)

I used Red Heart Super Saver yarn in a whole bunch of colors for this project. The trim/pom pom yarn is the With Love line and I found it at Walmart. I'm not usually a big fan of the multicolored stuff, but for some reason this just seemed perfect.

It was meant to be.
A match made in heaven.
What peanut butter is to jelly.
What milk is to cookies.
What Cheetos are to my face.

Yeah, that was my version of waxing poetic. I give Yeats a run for his money ...

Now, that's quite enough blabbering. Let's get to it!

I used my trusty G hook.

Abbreviations are as follows:

ch = chain
sl st = slip stitch
sc = single crochet
dc = double crochet

A nugget of wisdom before you embark - I crocheted over my ends to make all the color changes less of a pain in the pants. If you're not familiar with this technique, check out this video. It gives you some HUGE time saving tips!

ROUND 1: Begin with a foundation chain. For the newborn size, I started with a beginning chain of 25. For Gracie, I used 30. Since some babies are chubbier than others, I would measure your beginning chain for a perfect fit if at all possible :)

Join (watch out for twists!).

ROUND 2: Ch 1. SC in each ch around. Join.
ROUND 3: Ch 1. SC in each SC around. Join.
ROUND 4: Ch 1. SC in each SC around. Join. (same as round three)

ROUND 5: Change colors. DC in each stitch around. Join.
ROUND 6: Ch 3. DC in each DC around. Join.

ROUND 7-8: Same as round 4-5

ROUND 9-10: Same as round 4-5

ROUND 11-12: Same as round 4-5

ROUND 13-14: Same as round 4-5

ROUND 15: Change colors. Ch 1. SC in each DC around. Join.
ROUND 15: Ch 1. SC in each SC around. Join.
ROUND 16: Ch 1. SC in each SC around. Join. (same as round 15)

ROUND 17 (the scallops): *Skip 1 stitch, sl st in next stitch. Skip 1 stitch, 6 DC in next stitch.* Repeat from * to * around. End with a slip stitch.

Finish off. Weave in ends.

Now make the other one!

And OF COURSE I added pom poms ... this infatuation appears to be getting worse.

If you see me at the mall with pom poms super-glued to my forehead or something, please, PLEASE perform an intervention.

Friends don't let friends put pom poms on everything.

... unless it's cute ... : )

Does this pattern have any mistakes? Are you confused about any of the steps? Please let me know and I'll do my best to help!

Thanks for reading!

More {crochet} stuff here.
The first free POTM - Scalloped Headbands

Pom Pom Mobile

2013-02-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Looky, peeps!

It's another baby mobile!

I had a ton of fun making the last one, so I made another in a different style. It gave me an excuse to use these babies:

I got these pom pom makers off Amazon.com and I am just a leeeetle bit obsessed with them ...

PDA = pom pom display of affection
LOOK AWAY

GOSH DARN IT, THEY ARE SO CUTE!

First, I made a gazillion pom poms in different sizes with some scrap yarn.

Then I threaded them randomly onto eight lengths of white crochet thread, making knots to keep them in specific places.

I cut the middle out of a whipped cream container lid and used the remaining plastic circle for the frame.

Then I attached all the strings by poking holes in the plastic with a sharp needle and threading them through. I tied knots to keep them in place.

Knotty, knotty. Har, har, har.

... sorry.

To finish it off, I wrapped the frame in white satin ribbon I had from who-knows-what (no photo; I had to stop to extricate a Hot Wheel from Gracie's mouth ... oh, the joys of having a big brother :). I also added a small plastic ring to the top for hanging purposes.

Voila!

I love how it turned out. For some reason, it reminds me of Dr. Seuss (which is most definitely a good thing!).

It keeps the munchkin entertained, too :-)

P.S. I'll be back tomorrow (hopefully) with the February Crochet Pattern of the Month. Once you make them, you'll have some scrap yarn for pom poms!

POM POMS FTW!

Is there a support group for this?

How Much Time Do You Waste on Pinterest?

2013-02-17T10:54:00.002-07:00

Once upon a time, someone invented a piece of cork you could stick poky things in to keep track of stuff (like calendars, memos, bills, photos, et cetera). It was called a bulletin board.

Then some wise a$$ came along and invented the Internet.

Then another wise a$$ who was in love with bulletin boards came along and thought Internet+bulletin board= EPIC. So they started a virtual bulletin board and named it Pinterest.

Except for pinning homey things like school calendars and recipes, you get to pin all the things you can never have (like perfect eye makeup and the crafty creation to END ALL CRAFTY CREATIONS).

It is currently the coolest thing since sliced bread and it has the amazing ability to take you from, "Yeah, I'm pretty cool" to "OMG I AM SUCH A FAILUURREEE. WAHHHHHH." in approximately seven seconds.

Now before you go all rabid Internet addict on me, please realize I am a fan of Pinterest. I'm all for free love.

Wait, that's not right.

What I meant to say was free sharing of awesome/amazing/epic/wonderful ideas (completely STD-free!).

But you gotta admit Pinterest can take over your life just a little bit.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S ONLY BEEN FIVE HOURS SINCE I'VE LOOKED UP FROM THE COMPUTER SCREEN. MY EYES HAVE GONE INSTAGRAM BLUR BLURRY. I CAN NO LONGER FEEL MY RIGHT BUTT CHEEK. I SHOULD PROBABLY PEE AND EAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN PENCIL ERASERS AND THE BITTERNESS OF MY OWN UNWORTHINESS. BUT I MUST. HAVE. MORE. PINS

So, I devised a totally non-scientific and quite possibly completely wrong way to devise the number of hours you've spent (wasted? invested?) on Pinterest.

Take the number of pins you currently have (on your Profile page).

Multiply that by the 15 seconds for each pin. (1614*15 = 24210 seconds)

Then divide that by 60 for minutes. (24210/60 = 403.5 minutes)

Then divide that by 60 for hours. (6.725 hours)

And then if your a really hardcore pinner, divide
that by 24 for days ...

6.725 hours? Honestly, my first reaction was, "Hey! That's pretty good!" Of course, that doesn't include times when I sat for hours in a Pin-less wasteland waiting for something good to pop up (BURLAP MASON JARS with MUSTACHES made of BACON?!? YES, PLEASE!).

But if there's 11.7 million users (number found here; accurate? I have no idea) and they have all spent approximately 6 hours perusing the site, that would be ... *whirring sound of my brain* (okay, okay. I used a calculator)

702,000,000 hours, which is ...

2,925,000 days, which is ...

8,013 years.

Whoa.

Remember the life-sucking machine from the Princes Bride?
It was the prototype for Pinterest.

I'm going to go find a cure for Internet addiction now ...

... pretty sure it's on Pinterest ...

And, oh yeah, if some math whiz wants to tell me if there's something wrong with this formula (completely possible), please do so. It's upsetting to think 8,000 years of life have been spent Pining ... I mean Pinning.

Also, can someone more talented than me make this into an Infographic so I can PIN IT!?!

That would be great. Thanks.

The ABCs, Talen-style

2013-02-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

Hullo peeps!

Your Friday Funnies post is a video of Talen singing the ABCs toddler-style. It may only be funny to me since I happen to be the mother of this small creature and am therefore biased, but yeah ...

I only sing part of the alphabet, but I know the whole thing, I swear! And there is nice shot of half-massacred toddler lunch and a terrible background of a messy coat rack, but still ...

It's pretty cute.

Mushier than a milk-soaked Cheerio {14 Days of Fluffy Stuff}

2013-02-14T13:50:00.003-07:00

Hi peeps!

It's the last day of this series! Hooray! We made it! Blogging every day for two weeks is really difficult for me. I'm just not one of those people who can do things all ... reliably.

Which is probably the only reason I'm not wildly famous ... ;-)

Anyhoo, I wanted to take this opportunity to get all mushy on you. I love my babies. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my life.

There are things that could be better. But there are also things that could be worse.

Sometimes I forget I wouldn't change a thing ... okay, maybe a few things (cellulite, zits, stretch marks the size of the Mason Dixon line, et cetera)

And then this Aerosmith song, the epitome of cheesy love, pops into my head and I realize I need to enjoy every minute of this short, short life ...

... so I can spend it watching semi-creepy music videos like this ... are his sleeves made out of feathers?
WHY?

I also realize Steven Tyler probably never took care of babies 'cuz all I WANT to do is close my eyes and fall asleep, if only for three consecutive hours.

Despite the difficulty, I'm happy to say I am in love with life. Celebrating that is what I think this holiday should be about.

Also, chocolate. LOTS AND LOTS OF CHOCOLATE!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sock Monkey Hat & Leggings {14 Days of Fluffy Stuff}

2013-02-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps,

The blizzard of fluffiness continues!

I made these for the niece I get to meet in a few weeks!

Also, why do other people's pregnancies fly by while yours seems to crawl along like a drugged cat? I'm not currently pregnant (cue chorus of angelic 'hallelujahs'). I was just thinking about that from the last go-around.

I'll be sharing instructions for these cute striped legwarmers as the February Pattern of the Month.

Check back soon!

More {crochet} goodies here!

Mixed Media Crochet Cloud Mobile {14 Days of Fluffy Stuff}

2013-02-12T18:10:00.001-07:00

Hullo my peoples,

How goes it? I made this mixed media mobile/hanging art thingy over the weekend:

I used part of the pattern from the rainy day scarf for the cloud ...

... and the "raindrops" are upcycled from some old earrings.

I was originally going to crochet the whole thing, but my raindrops ended up looking like a certain single-celled organism necessary for creating life, so ... yeah. I scrapped that idea. I really like the mixed media look, however.

It's going to hang (VERY securely) over Gracelyn's bed. Right now she's sleeping in a playpen ( ... okay, she usually ends up in our bed because I fall asleep when nursing her at night), but she'll be moving into the nursery with her brother when we move him to a toddler bed. That's the theory, anyway.

Happy Tuesday! :-)

Linking up at Petals to Picots

DIY Colored Eyelashes {14 Days of Fluffy Stuff}

2013-02-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hullo peeps,

Remember when colored mascara was all the rage and everyone look like they got attacked by muppets?

Well, it's happening again. And this time I'm actually old enough to wear makeup ...

Kip is pretty psyched
about it, too.

The other day, I came across this post on the Beauty Department blog:

It's a great way to shake up your basic makeup routine without going full Bozo the clown. It's only eyelashes, after all.

The Beauty Department used bright colored eyeliner for their look, but unfortunately I'm all out of neon liquid liner at the moment ... and Twinkies. If anyone wants to remedy either of those situations, feel free!

I used regular mascara and eye shadow instead.

I think it worked pretty well! I've had it on a full day and it's held up quite nicely.

And oh holy moly, do I need to pluck my eyebrows! That's one of those little things that fall by the wayside when you have kids.

Like showering.

And putting on real clothes.

And eating Oreos in peace.