Much ado about nothing

Kicking off 2012 with a bang

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 19:48:00 +0000

When I said 2012 was going to be my year, I wasn't kidding around! It's only January, and I already have big news to share...

On week from Monday -- on Feb. 6 -- I start a new job as Director of Social Media at a KC-based agency that provides digital marketing communications services to pharmaceutical companies. I am beyond thrilled about the opportunity. I'm ready for a new challenge, and I'm ready to dip my toes into the exciting world of management. The company I'm headed to has a ridiculously bright future, and the people are fantastic.

So today I borrowed a friend's SUV and picked up my (totally out of place in a cubicle) chair from work, along with a few other items I brought when I began my job in 2007.

Stay tuned because I have another big announcement coming in early February! What?! Seriously.

Whatup, readers!

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:16:00 +0000

One of my 2012 resolutions is to get back into blogging. It takes significantly more time and brainpower than a Facebook post, which is why I've been slacking. But I really do enjoy it -- even more so when I get comments... Hint, hint! So my "ask" of you, dear readers, is to put a comment on this post with ideas of what I could write about.

Regardless, this toooootally counts as fulfilling that resolution. I also went to the gym today and started a new book, so 2012 is looking pretty good so far! Now all I need to do is take my daily vitamins, floss and wash my face before bed. There are a few more resolutions, but a) those are the only ones I can really start today being that it is Sunday as well as a holiday, and b) I'm keeping the full list close to the vest so that I am not publicly shamed if and when I fail. As evidence, see the list of my 2009 goals. It went down in flames. You'll just have to keep on top of this blog to read about all the great things I have in store for 2012.

I kicked off 2012 last night at New Year's Eve at the Temple, which is self-described as "the craziest party in the Midwest" put on by 95.7 The Vibe. I'm typically not attracted to these types of douchey parties, but I won two free tickets on Twitter last week and recruited my open-minded friend Ruth to join me.

The first thing that made me go "hmm" was the fact that GPS showed the location as directly between Troost and the Paseo. Whatevs! Ruth ain't scared o' nobody! Not only is she in law enforcement, but she also is a black belt and carries pepper spray. In any case, we made it without incident.

So we walk in and see massive crowds of people. Imagine a huge building with a gigantic auditorium and lots of hallways leading to small, multi-purpose side rooms. Then turn off the lights and add 2,000 people waving glowsticks as they dance to crazy loud techno music. And the party? In every nook and cranny you could find. That was the Temple. Being more of a low-key, hang-out-with-friends-at-a-neighborhood-bar type person, I was a little overwhelmed.

"At least our tickets get us free drinks," I thought as I walked to a bar. Yeeeeah, about that... The drinks were free, but you're going to be drinking the cheapest booze they could get their hands on. Think Viaka. For $75 a pop, I expected better. I nursed my one drink the entire time as we watched a sea of drunk 25-year-olds dance to songs I've never heard. You would have thought this was the best night of the lives. I mean I'm not that much older!!! What the heck? This is fun? The six years that separated me from the median age in that room made me feel like a member of AARP.

The countdown to 2012 was the most uneventful I have ever witnessed. In the middle of spinning his club music, the DJ turned it down a little and said, "9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!" and then promptly turned the music back up. No confetti, no champagne, no party blowers, no "Auld Lang Syne." Strange indeed.

We stayed until about 1:00 and decided to call it a night. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything because it was an interesting experience and the tickets were free, but I do not think we'll be returning in the future.

Kitchen adventures: How to make cake pops

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 14:15:00 +0000

This weekend was my kickball team's last game of the season, and I wanted to do something to celebrate. Cake? Too messy. Cupcakes? Too expected. Instead I decided to try my hand at making cake pops, which are basically cupcake balls on a stick. And in case you've ever been interested, here's how you do it...

First, buy the following:

Cake mix (and ingredients listed on the box)
Frosting
Two bags of chocolate candy melts (from Michael's)
A styrofoam ring (from Michael's)
Cookie sticks (from Michael's)
Foil
Pam
Crisco

And it always helps to have a kitchen helper... Even if only there for moral support :-)

Line a cake pan with foil and spray Pam everywhere.

Prepare the cake mix and pour it into the pan. The chunks in this one were just something that came in the cake mix I bought.

When the cake is baked, let it cool. Then put it into a bowl and smash it up. Add half the container of frosting to the smashed cake, and mix it up. The frosting acts like glue to hold the little cake balls together. I think I went overboard. I might do a little less than half the frosting container next time...

Now the fun (messy) part. Make little balls. I made them pretty big, and I got 24 balls out of one cake mix.

Now melt the two bags of candy melts in the microwave. Make sure you don't burn them! I put it on like power 3 or 4. When it's melted pretty smooth, add a big spoonful of Crisco to make it even smoother.

Now get your cookie sticks. Dip them about 1 inch into the chocolate, then stick it into the cake balls. Lesson here: Don't stick them all the way in so they touch the counter or else they'll be more likely to slide down when you pick them up.

Now put them upright and stick them into the styrofoam ring.

Let them harden a little bit in the freezer or refrigerator. Fortunately, Patrick's supply of food is nonexistent and there was plenty of space in the freezer ~ next to the only things in there: two Gladware containers of lentils and a bag of ice.

After the cake pops have some time to harden, reheat the chocolate and start dipping! Through experience, I learned that spooning chocolate over the cake balls works better than dipping.

My cake pops were green because that's our team color. If you choose to go a colorful route, be ready for a stained tongue :-) Totally worth it!

And if you're wondering if we won our game, of course we did! Goooo, STIYJB!!!

TVIP at Trezo Vino

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 03:19:00 +0000

Last month my friend Ruth turned 31. I experience life four months ahead of her, so I take it upon myself to hand down my wisdom from time to time :-) Ya know, like "man with one chopstick go hungry." The important stuff.

As her birthday present, I promised Ruth that I would take her to the July TVIP wine tasting event at Trezo Vino in Leawood's Park Place, the mecca of all things clean and suburban. Although I had been to Trezo Vino, I had never been to the TVIP wine tasting ~ and we do love wine. So tonight we headed to the event, which is the second Tuesday of each month.

As part of the wine tasting we each got six small glasses of wine -- three white and three red -- and six food pairings. Note: The term "food pairings" is obviously interpreted loosely because it totaled maaaaaybe 10 bites... But they were 10 delicious, fancy bites! Here are a few of the so-called "food pairings."

Squid and fennel spiedinis with pepperinade:
Besola with lemon and tomato:
Tomato roasted clams with red wine pork:
Flank steak with zucchini sformato:
While others around us (all within the 60-80 age range) may have been simply killing time, we took our wine tasting very seriously... As evidenced by my notes.

That's right. One wine gave me breath like a dragon. And another made my taste buds salsa dance. Who wants to hire me?

And after the wine tasting, we went across the street to Ingredient. I love Ingredient mostly because it has cheap fondue with four types of chocolate dipping sauces. But apparently the cheap fondue is only in the Lawrence store.

First I was shocked and appalled.

Then I was angry.

And finally I was sad.
It was like I experienced the stages of grief all at once. But then we ate artichoke spin dip pizza, so all was right in the world once again.

Lastly, we went for gelato at Paciugo.

And it made us so happy we danced in the rain. I did the flamenco.

Ruth was staying alive.

It was a good night.

Unstoppable

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 05:56:00 +0000

I know it's unbecoming to brag, but I've just gotta tell you guys how awesome STIYJB is doing in the kickball arena!

Last year must have just been our warm-up because we are so rocking the City of Lawrence league this time. Our record is 4-1, and the first game (our only loss) was a fluke. As soon as we got our stuff together and focused on holding the ball instead of trying to make double plays, we became unstoppable. Only one team has a better record (5-0, undefeated) and we play them on July 10. Or shall I say the $&*#!s go down on July 10?

The only downside is how sore I am after this past Sunday's double header. It's a little ridiculous and makes me feel old, but soooo worth it...

For the past two summers, we've been playing in the City of Lawrence league, but our real goal is to get into the Kaw Valley league. There, our skills can really shine ~ plus it's more fun, the season is longer and the games are at night instead of in the afternoon. After we close out this season, I think we might get drafted from the farm league :-)

The Nest on Ninth

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 17:32:00 +0000

Bars in college towns are a dime a dozen. They're almost as plentiful as hipsters, hippies and Redbox machines! But everyone has a few that are close to their heart. In Lawrence, my favorite has always been the Sandbar (evidence here). The fish. The hurricane. The jukebox. The fruity drinks. The Key West vibe. What's not to love?

Well the Sandbar is still close to my heart, but I do believe I have a new favorite: The Nest on Ninth! I hate to even use the term "bar" because this a classier joint. It's the type of place you would go to have a couple glasses of wine and unwind.

The Nest on Ninth is a rooftop bar on the ninth (top) floor of the Oread Hotel, which is just off campus. The views are unbeatable. And should you find yourself in Lawrence, I highly recommend you stop by.

Gourmet strawberries

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 23:50:00 +0000

Last week I saw a banner ad for chocolate-dipped strawberries. They looked a-ma-zing, but they were $43. FORTY-THREE DOLLARS! For six strawberries. How lazy does one have to be to make that purchase? How can the buyer not have a reality check at any point during the checkout process? And what are these strawberries -- dipped in gold? I don't think so!

(Insert Z snap.)

But they sure looked good. So I made my own... for less than $10 and in 10 minutes!

#fail

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 00:54:00 +0000

Every eight months or so, I get motivated to start running. I set goals. I make a plan. I buy cute new clothes and shoes to keep me going...

Well as evidenced by the sweet new Nike Free Run + 2 shoes in that picture, the running bug hit me again last week. It may or may not have been related to weighing myself for the first time in six weeks. Or the Vegas vacation Patrick and I booked for September.

Anyhoo, the bug hit me again last week so I set about planning. And yes, planning takes a week -- a week during which I must devote all my time to psyching myself up (vs. running). As part of my training preparation, I googled running groups in Kansas City. Several popped up, but one looked especially appealing: Run Kansas City. Personalized training programs, group runs, beginners welcome? Sign me up! I was pumped.

Tonight was the free, try-us-out run to see if you want to commit the time and money. I put on my best running clothes (gotta look the part) and drove to Shawnee Mission East. When I got there, I met the coach, who proceeded to ask me how far I typically run. Typically? He assumes I typically run? Is this not for newbies? But I wanted to sound cool, so I replied "I usually do about a 5k." I was thinking that not only is this a respectable distance, but using runner's terminology scored me some extra street cred. Wrong. Coach Man then informed me that this was going to be a 6-mile run.

Insert record scratch here... Six. Miles.

What do I do at that point? I mean know I can't physically run six miles, but I can't leeeeave. So I do what any respectable person would do: I act like I'm going to run the entire thing, work my way to the back of the group around 1.5 miles and ditch 'em when they're not looking. In my defense, I was going to give it the old college try until they decided to run fast up a one-mile hill.

I am still going to give myself props though. I did, after all, drive 25 minutes over to the high school and run/walk three miles -- which is 1.5 miles more than my Hal Higdon training schedule calls for. Not a total loss!

STIYBJ

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 02:38:00 +0000

I'm not really a sporty person. When it comes to watching, I've always enjoyed the social aspect more than the actual game. And when it comes to playing... Let's just say I sat bench playing JV softball my junior year of high school. Yeah. I've never been particularly good at any sport.

Is this where you think I'm going to say but now I found my niche? Wrong-o!

I still suck at sports, but I finally found a sport where my suckage isn't bad enough to sideline me: Kickball. That's right. Kickball. Just like you played in fifth grade. One level up from red rover. Well it turns out kickball is an adult sport, and there are *leagues* devoted to it!

So last year my friend Becky pulled together a team to play in the City of Lawrence's kickball league each Sunday afternoon: Stick That In Your Juice Box & Suck It (STIYJB). And I was a valued member of the team. More than being a part of the team -- usually interpreted as getting a t-shirt -- I actually played! Which is probably a pretty good segue to our 2010 record, in which we won exactly one game because the other team didn't show up. It was over 100 degrees. They were wusses. If nothing else, we had heart and we deserved that $*#@ win.

Fast forward to the 2011 season opener. We were like *thisclose* to winning last week, and we were ahead by 7 runs at one point! But then we started getting cocky. No, no. But we did start trying to throw the ball way too much. We were all about the double and triple plays. The problem was with execution. So STIYJB lost :-(

On the positive side, only our egos were bruised. During last year's season opener, it was much worse. Not only were we behind the entire game, but one by one we all went down like flies. Don't laugh. When is the last time you pull all your strength into kicking a ball and then sprinting 60 feet? By the end of that game, we could barely limp to the bar.

Now -- this past Sunday's game. Game two. The other team was a bunch of cheaters with more guys than girls on the field, plus they had 10 years on us. But we executed! AND WE WON!!! It was our first real win, and it felt fabulous. Even better, someone overheard the other team say "That team is really good."

These are old pictures of our team (circa 2010), but they'll have to do until I remember to take some new ones. Pay no attention to the ginormous crowd gathered around the bleachers. :-)

PS Keep checking back, and you'll get to see our spanking new green shirts for this year!

Buzz Under the Stars

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 15:01:00 +0000

I don't want to jinx anything, but I think it's safe for me to say summer is finally here! Not only do I get to shed my coat for the next four months, but the season of sun brings with it some of my favorite things: patio dining, grilling out, long dog walks, outdoor happy hours, shaved ice and concerts.

This weekend I kicked off summer concert season with Buzz Under the Stars. Let's call it BUTS for short... hehe. BUTS is a concert put on every year by a local radio station, 96.5 the Buzz. I like the music the Buzz plays, but I really don't enjoy the attitude of the station or radio personalities. I could go on, but I'm trying not to let this blog turn into one big rant ;-)

Anyhoo, this year's BUTS headliners were Cake and Mumford & Sons, two bands I really like. So me, Patrick, Angie, Dave, Becky and CJ headed down to City Market for some fun on Friday night after all scoring tickets in April before they sold out (in around 20 minutes).

When it's not being used for concerts, City Market is just that. It's a farmer's market of sorts -- meaning there's no assigned seating. No seating at all, actually. It's all general admission and all standing room only. That means if you want a primo spot, you have to get there when the gates open, listen to no-name bands and forgo trotting around the area looking for drinks and bathrooms. This is not something I'm willing to do.

Here's what the concert crowd looked like:

Seriously. Who wants to fight that? Instead, we all met up in a nearby parking lot to catch up and tailgate for about 90 minutes before heading in for the main acts. Oh, and kudos to Angie and Dave for spotting an awesome hidden gem of City Market parking lots with free and available spaces at all hours.

Our "seats" (standing area?) was a little further back. Um, a lot.

But we still had fun!

The path to priesthood: Father John

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 02:52:00 +0000

Growing up, I never gave much thought to where priests came from. They were kind of like teachers. They didn't even exist outside the walls of their school or church. If you did catch one outside its natural habitat -- like in a grocery store -- it was surreal, kind of like seeing a tiger in the North Pole. I sure didn’t think priests were normal people with normal families.

I now know better.

Six years ago, my brother announced he was going to the Catholic seminary to be a priest. It's obviously not an easy path, so I totally respected his decision. And I still do. Although I’ve never said this aloud before, I did not at the time think he would continue down that path for the next six years ;-) Well this weekend, John proved me wrong. (Note: First time ever.)

St. Louis

May kicked off with John's graduation from Kenrick-Glennon Seminary in St. Louis, where he received not one, but two master’s degrees. One in theology, the other in divinity.

Wichita

Next up was the ordination ceremony at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Wichita. Almost all our extended family went to both the ordination and first mass, which was awesome. We even got to sit in the front row at both events! Why? I like to think the Fogliasso family made the "Who's Who" of Catholic ordination ceremonies.

Pittsburg

Next up on the path to priesthood: The first mass and reception!

For those of you who aren't familiar with how ordination works (and I was included in that group), this is a BIG DARN DEAL. Plus it's interesting. All newly-ordained priests hold their first mass the day after ordination in their hometown, and it's just like a wedding in regard to its significance and preparation: Invitations are mailed, photographers are secured, event planners are hired and a menu is created.

Pittsburg is not technically our hometown, but for numerous reasons -- #1 being the fact that John is a very popular dude with lots of people who wanted to attend -- the event was held at Our Ladies of Lourdes in Pittsburg. I think we estimated that 500+ people attended. Popular indeed!

I'm not sure John would have approved of me taking photos throughout the entire mass, namely the consecration, which is exactly why I did not ask him. So here you go...

The first photo is looking down the aisle (from the front row, yo!) as John walked up. It was quite an impressive entrance, too. I think I counted eight priests, three alter boys and the entire Knights of Columbus Honor Guard -- with swords drawn! Unfortunately photos can't capture the music, but trust me when I say the choir did an extraordinary job. You can also see the incense smoke in the air, which made for a really neat atmosphere. And quite a sensory experience.

The whole mass was great, but my favorite part was when John gave me, my mom and my dad gifts at the end and gave a little speech on the meaning behind them. I am very proud of him -- and I am not just saying that because I got a very cool cross from Italy, which sat on the alter during his first mass :-)

So the last event of the weekend was the reception. Again -- fantastic. I'm running out of adjectives... How about delicious? Because it was: Rigatoni, Italian sausage, green beans, fried chicken, homemade wine made especially for John, cake. And let's not forget the jazz quartet.

My favorite part here was the gift table my mom prepared:

Is that a personalized, custom-made bobblehead? YES. IT. IS. And it looks just like John!

That, my friends, is how my brother became a priest on May 28, 2011. To John, I make this promise: While others may treat you with deference and increased amounts of respect, I will always treat you as my little brother ♥

Media training

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:20:00 +0000

Several times a year I get to visit the great state of Louisiana. It's the land of drive-through daiquiri joints (as long as there's no straw in the lid, it's not an open container -- see this article) and the country's most unique legal system (geek!). My most recent trip was last week.

The purpose of my visit was two-fold. 1) We just bought another company and I needed to meet all of my peers. Good news: They're rockstars! 2) I was being media trained.

As a social media manager, I'm not in front of the cameras -- which is cool with me. I very much enjoy being the person behind the curtain. But media training is a good skill set to have, so I went through that as a professional development exercise. What I didn't realize is that it was going to be a videotaped production, complete with professional lighting and a mock interview.

I've always respected the PR folks who talk to the media everyday, but now my respect has been taken to a whole new level. Even knowing the subject of my interview in advance, I still bombed. I totally froze! Even after trying to buy some time by asking the interviewer to repeat the question, I came up empty-handed. All I could do was smile.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the interview was replayed on (closed circuit) television and we were then critiqued by our peers. Fortunately, they are all awesome and put a nice spin on my bomb of an interview :-)

Ladies Night: Words With Friends style!

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Thu, 26 May 2011 00:38:00 +0000

If I made a Top 10 list detailing out my favorite things in life, my friends and wine would most definitely make the cut. And when you combine the two, it's crazy fun. That's why I started a Wine Club back in 2007.

What started out as a group of four law school buddies getting together once a month developed into a group of my 10 best friends in the whole world. (Plus, I would never have met my boyfriend without Wine Club -- Erika invited Cassidi, who invited Ruth, who invited Becky, whose brother Patrick threw her a 30th birthday party two years ago...)

Back in 2007, a book named The Wine Club helped us get started. If you ever want to start your own Wine Club, this is the way to do it. Not only does it provide background on 12 different types of wine, but it also provides recommended food pairings and lessons on what tastes to look for as you're tasting. Oh yes, we were classy broads back in those days!

But then we made it all the way through the book and started branching out. Year two was focused on wine by region. Year three started the real fun: Themes! Some of our themes have included Spring Fever, Kentucky Derby, I'm Dreaming of a White Wine Christmas, Mardi Gras, Murder Mystery, Halloween and Fun Labels. Can you tell we have a good time?

This month was no exception to the "always have fun" rule, as our host, Erika, chose a Words With Friends theme.

For those not familiar with Words With Friends, it's a smartphone app that's exactly like Scrabble. But it's 100 times better than the Scrabble app because you can play against your friends, and at any pace. Some games take a day, others take 10. Even if you lose, it's a good time.

So back to the May Wine Club. Erika did a fantastic job as host (per her usual). Let's start with the fact that she cut out cheese letters spelling each person's name:

Then she had a competitive word scramble game! We were each instructed to write down the name of the wine we brought at the top of a sheet of paper. We had two minutes to make as many words from those letters as possible, after which we scored each word using the Words With Friends scoring system (each letter is assigned a particular point value). We take games -- and themes -- very seriously...

Becky was the big winner, scoring something like 240 points. And her big prize was a box of 101 cookie cutters in the shapes of letters. This photo was taken right before the acceptance speech :-)

Continuing the theme into dinner, Erika prepared a pasta dish using pasta letters. Sweet.

And the cupcakes spelled out WINE CLUB CHIX.

Of course we had fun with those magnetic refrigerator letters adorning the cupcakes. In fact, it's ridiculous how much fun we had with these things.

We even posted photos of some of our creations on the Facebook walls of two friends who couldn't make the event this month.

Finally, what night is complete without utilizing the camera timer for a self-portrait? 'Nuff said.

No more hot dogs here

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Wed, 25 May 2011 23:21:00 +0000

For those of you who don't know me in the real world, I have a secret to share with you: I have the BEST dog in the history of the world.

Seriously. Max makes other dogs self-conscious just being around him. He is the perfect combination -- cute as a button and smart as a whip! Plus he has the most excellent bladder control (bonus!). I like to take credit for all of this, having adopted him when he was but a mere pup no bigger than my tennis shoe:

Five years have passed since that photo, but Max -- aka Maxilla, Maxie, Maxo, Maxine the Beauty Queen -- remains just as adorable. Perhaps "distinguished" and "mature" are better descriptors. Well, one of the things that makes Max a 10 on the dog scale is his fluffy fur.

Unfortunately, the fabulously fluffy fur also makes Max a hot dog. Last week I noticed that he's started his annual migration from the sofa to the ceramic tile (to keep cool), and I knew the time had come for the dreaded "rat" cut. It's not flattering, but it's necessary. So today the little guy went to Petsmart and got shaved down.

This is the first time I've taken him to Petsmart for grooming. It wasn't the best cut in the world, but who wants perfection? The best part was when I went to pick him up. They had a freaking report card for me! No surprise here though: Max received nothing but the highest marks.

A report card. For a dog. Cheesy awesomeness.

And as a side note, I should add that I also have the cutest little step-dog named Holden. He's half Max's size and twice as feisty :-)

Like herding cattle

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 16 May 2011 22:30:00 +0000

If you've ever flown commercial, you can probably tell what this post is about based on the title alone. But this post is going to be more about what I hate flying in general as opposed to flying as it relates to my most recent trip. My trip to (and from) Key West just reminded me how unpleasant the whole flying experience can be -- two things in particular...

Space

Let's assume you're not made of money and you have to fly coach. Each passenger in coach is given something like 13 square inches of space. After you put your purse under the seat in front of you, and the person behind you has their bag stuffed directly underneath you, your feet have precisely the necessary amount of space to remain planted on the ground the entire trip. No repositioning allowed.

"Why can't you just cross your legs, Maria?" Good question. You can't cross your legs because you only have about an inch of space between your knees and the seat in front of you -- assuming the person in front of you doesn't recline. (Side note: The seats "recline" maaaaybe an inch. Is that enough to be considered reclining?)

Now I'm not a big woman. I am not going to publish my weight, but suffice to say it's definitely within the normal range. And even I, normal-sized Maria, fill up my the entire width of my seat -- to the point of having my shoulders practically touch my neighbor. Call me crazy, but I don't appreciate forced intimacy.

I have never flown first-class for three reasons: 1) It costs a lot! I don't have unlimited income, so it's a matter of resource allocation. I could spend $500 on upgrading to first class or I could spend $500 on a rental car, snorkeling in the Atlantic Ocean, a scooter and food for five days. Yeah... I'll just sit coach. 2) I don't want to get used to something I couldn't afford to make a regular habit. 3) Southwest doesn't have first class.

* Unfortunately, I have a job in which I developed a taste for the finer things in flying: The private jet. I've seen what it can be like! How easy. How comfortable. How quick. Dare I say even enjoyable?! Yes. Yes indeed. (Read more.)

Seat wars

Southwest Airlines. I have such mixed feelings toward Southwest. On the one hand, I love 'em. Not only do they have a "bags fly free" policy, but they're an awesome company. They live by an "employees first" philosophy. Happy employees = good employees = good customer service = happy customers. If you've even chatted with an employee, they have nothing but good things to say about Southwest. I sat by one at a conference in 2007 and he had the look of a man in love. I also admire Southwest's approach to social media. If I lived in Texas, I would want to work for them because of their social media efforts alone.

That said…

The low fares I used to associate with them don't really seem to exist anymore. I've been in the market for a ticket to Las Vegas next month, and guess what a round-trip ticket is going for... More than $400! The figure I would was expecting was around $200-250. My guess may have been off base, but I subsequently polled several friends who all guessed that price range as well. It's expensive, but it's also expensive for what you get. What do I mean by that?

Some people love Southwest's approach to choosing your seat. If you're familiar, here's how it works: When you check in, you are assigned a letter (A, B or C) and a number (1-60). You are not assigned a seat. Instead, your letter and number correspond to your place in line to get on the plane. If you're A1, you are like king of the plane because you can have your pick of seats. If you're C60, you're screwed.

The earlier you check in, the better your place in line. Your best option would be to check in online exactly 24 hours in advance. But if you're on vacation, you may be busy doing something like … I don't know … snorkeling in the Atlantic Ocean?!

Everyone who boards first sits in an aisle seat or a window seat. Now I don't care which seat I'm in (even the middle), but I do care if I am sitting next to the person I travel with. Patrick and I ended up being assigned B54 and B55. Like every time we fly Southwest, we inevitably ended up having to sit in different parts of the plane. Can I make it three hours without sitting next to my boyfriend? Of course. But dadgummit, I wanna sit by my travel partner -- especially when we're paying a significant sum of money to fly.

OK, rant over. If you've read this far, you rock :-)

* Please note that I'm not actually complaining about having a job that allows me to fly on a private jet! I love my job, and I will always accept a seat on the company's private jet. Every. Single. Time.

My McShampoo experience: Not lovin' it

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Sat, 14 May 2011 17:45:00 +0000

When we went to Key West, I packed my special color conserve Aveda shampoo. (Side note: I think my hair is more expensive to maintain than a baby. It's definitely more expensive than a schnoodle.) Let's be honest -- I packed many things. So many things that I had to have Patrick carry one of my bags as his second carry-on.

Well on our last night in Key West, I ran out shampoo. To be more accurate, my shampoo leaked... in a bag... that contained all my shoes. Grr. But being the easy breezy person that I am (< that was sarcasm), I thought "It's OK, I'll just use hotel shampoo." Fortunately, the hotel had high-quality Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy shampoo. So I washed my hair and went to bed. About an hour later, I woke up all sneezy and my eyes were watery. Let me rephrase: Water was pouring out of my eyes with such fury that looked like someone implanted fire hoses into my tear ducts and turned them on full blast. At least that's how it felt. I got the Kleenex box out of the bathroom, put it on the nightstand next to me and tried to go back to sleep.

A couple hours later, I was still not asleep. I had gone through the entire box of Kleenex and was as miserable as ever. I figured it was allergies or the beginning of a cold, so I waded through the new used-tissue carpet and drove to Walgreens for Claritin and lotion Kleenex, hoping to get a little shut-eye before we had to take off at 6:45 a.m. By the way, the Key West Walgreens has a liquor store attached. It was open at 3:30 in the morning on a Thursday and people were walking in to buy booze. That, my friends, is dedication.

Back to my misery… I ended up getting no more sleep. Not only was I still miserable, but I was exhausted and had a full day of travel ahead of me: A 4-hour drive (thank goodness I was the passenger) followed by a 3-hour flight -- in coach. Little did I know that I would end up also sitting in the middle of two space hog strangers for that flight, but more on that later. Fabulous. It was bad enough that I was wearing my sunglasses inside wherever we went. Only people who are famous or hungover do that. Oh, and me…

So we started the 4-hour drive to Fort Lauderdale and started brainstorming what my problem could be. Eventually we determined it was more than likely the Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy shampoo. Not only had we ruled out all the other options, but Patrick said that line of products always hurt his throat. "Pull over!" I yelled as we passed a CVS Pharmacy. I ran in for yet ANOTHER box of Kleenex and the cheapest shampoo I could find (Aveda color be damned). But where could I wash my hair?

Falling back yet again on my Scooby-Doo skills, I spotted a McDonalds. And everyone knows McDonalds is a bathroom destination for all road trippers. Well it's cleaner than convenience store bathrooms, at least. Still disgusting of course, but I did not care at that point. I was that miserable. I didn't even care whether anyone walked in (they didn't). The real bummer came when I finished washing my hair. As I was holding my tangled, sopping-wet head of hair upside down over the sink, I discovered that the McDonald's does not have paper towels. Yeeeeah, I didn't think about doing that little piece of research in advance. I considered wrapping my head in toilet paper like a mummy, but I decided against it.

Instead, I flipped my drenched hair back, put on my hangover sunglasses and walked back out into the McDonald's lobby. "I have a problem," I informed Patrick as I explained the paper towel situation. Fortunately, being the Eagle Scout he is, Patrick had the equivalent of a Shamwow with him. Ironically, it was the same Shamwow-ish towel I made fun of him for not only bringing, but owning, just a few days prior.

I'd love to say that disgusting little adventure took care of the problem, but alas it did not. I was sneezing a bit less, but I did not feel significantly better. Until I got home to take a shower using my normal products, the sunglasses stayed on. Here's the good news: I powered through and still celebrated Cinco de Mayo that night. (Fist bump to myself.)

The case of the ailing iPhone

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 13 May 2011 23:26:00 +0000

They say bad news comes in threes. This is part one of three (insert Law & Order "dun dun!" sound effect here).

Those of you who know me in the real world know that I have a little *trouble* keeping my gadgets in working order. I'm a gadget geek with a caretaking complex -- not a good combination. And I'm actually very self-conscious about my disorder. Well suffice to say there was another little incident last week, which shall henceforth be known as the Miami Episode…

Let me start by saying the Miami Episode was totally not my fault. It was no one's fault. In fact, it was like God wanted me to have a new iPhone because the phone had been sitting in a chair charging for 20 minutes when the stupid thing fell off and onto a tile floor. Nobody walked by, no doors closed, no fans turned on. It must have been fate. Did I immediately scream and run to my digital baby? No. I was too tired and given its durability over the past 11 months (including many, many drops), I figured it was fine. Chips give it character. But when it kept making a weird beeping sound, I went to inspect the situation and found the screen cracked.

I think I said some choice words at that point because Patrick came out of the bathroom and asked what happened. I showed him my iPhone and made him promise not to tell anyone. He didn't understand my desire for secrecy (which I've since gotten over), but he agreed.

What to do, what to do… We figured there was probably an Apple store in Miami, but I know that without a Genius Bar appointment that can take a good chunk of time. Plus the phone still worked. I decided not to worry about next steps until we were back in Kansas City.

Fast forward about a week, when I went into the Leawood Apple store. I figured the odds were slim to none that I would get a free replacement since they had already given me not one, but two, free replacements. All I could do was cross my fingers that a dude would help me at the Genius Bar so I could flirt my way to a new iPhone. No such luck -- I got a woman. The good news was that she was awesome (no flirting required). She said that while Apple's policy is typically to give a free replacement to first-time-problem people, she would help me out despite the fact I had been in that position not once but twice before. I don't remember her name, but it should be Angel because I swear that woman had a little halo sitting atop her head. Anyhoo, my iPhone dilemma worked out. I'm actually now in a better position! Woot!

By the way, I have to give props to Apple's customer care. I have no vested interest in Apple so I am a non-biased party, but they are simply fantastic. Every time I've had any sort of problem -- even self-inflicted problems -- they are more than willing to make it right. What a good business strategy! And I think it works. Just look at my house, which contains a MacBook, an iPhone, an iPad and an AirPort…

Bossypants

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 13 May 2011 20:40:00 +0000

First off, let’s address the fact that I read a book. I realize that’s a normal thing for most people, but I basically refused to read anything but blogs between 2006 and 2010 – citing the three prior years, in which I read nothing but 200 pages of $*#@ case law every night. In other words, I just wasn’t that into reading anymore.

Then it happened. On Black Friday of 2010, I got an Apple iPad, downloaded the Kindle app and was basically a changed woman from that point on. Reading on an iPad is, to me, like 100 times better than reading an actual book. I can't place my finger on why... I just accept it. Anyway, if it gets me back into reading, I will gladly pay to download books on Amazon.

I decided to pull no punches and start out with heavy reading. First up: Kendra Wilkinson’s Sliding Into Home. Then I rocked through 13 books in the next five months. Bam! I even went to a book club and talked about immigrant experiences (being the obvious expert I am) and poverty in America.

Well this week I just finished up my latest read: Bossypants by Tina Fey.

I’ve always liked Tina Fey, but I didn't know much about her other than the fact that she did Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update," had a killer Sarah Palin impression and was in Date Night with Steve Carrell.

I decided to buy her book based on the fact that it's trending pretty high on the charts. I figured there must be a reason, right?

When I started reading, I had a little trouble getting into it -- but I got hooked about halfway through. The way she can share her thoughts and provide advice through storytelling and self-deprecation is amazing. Tina Fey is obviously a savvy businesswoman (just look at her career), but still she comes across as sincere and down to Earth. Oh, and freaking hilarious.

Here are some sections from a few of my favorite chapters:

My Honeymoon, or a Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

I shall not cruise again. Luxury cruises were designed to make something unbearable -- a two-week transatlantic crossing -- seem bearable. There's no need to do it now. There are planes. You wouldn't take a vacation where you ride on a stagecoach for two months but there's all-you-can-eat shrimp. You wouldn't take a vacation where you have an old-timey appendectony without anesthesia while steel drums play.

Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat

This is what I remember about that period: I once left a restaurant in the middle of dessert to get to Krispy Kreme before it closed. Even though I only liked McDonald's fries, I believed it was more nutricious to make a meal of it and have two cheeseburgers as well. Once, while ironing in my underwear, I grazed my protruding belly with the hot iron.

Dear Internet

When people care enough to write, the only well-mannered thing to do is to return the gift, so please indulge me as I answer some fans here.

[Internet post: Tina Fey is an ugly, pear-shaped, bitchy, overrated troll. -- Posted by Centaurious on Monday, 9/21/2009 at 2:08 a.m.]

Dear Centaurious: First let me say how inspiring it is that you have learned to use a computer. You have offended me deeply. To say I'm an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. I'll leave it for others to say if I'm the best, but I am certainly one of the most dedicated trolls guarding bridges today. I always ask three questions, at least two of which are riddles. As for "ugly, pear-shaped and bitchy?" I prefer the terms "offbeat, business class-assed, and exhausted," but I'll take what I can get. There's no such thing as bad press. Now to go bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope.

Long story short, I would definitely recommend this book. My only disclaimer is that I'm guessing it might be a little more appealing for women than men. If you read (or have read) Bossypants, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Florida: The Sequel

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:48:00 +0000

Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I deferred to Patrick on one of our six vacation days in Florida -- hence the Everglades adventure. So one day = not a bad deal...

We started in Miami for logistical reasons. My impression? Meh. We visited South Beach and North Beach, so it's probably not fair of me to write off the entire city... But I will. There were some gorgeous mansions, but it was mostly just a bunch of condos and hotels.

Following the alligator hunt, we headed up the Overseas Highway, a section of U.S. Highway 1 that leads to the Florida Keys. After we visited Maui last May, I kind of fell in love with the island lifestyle, so we decided to have another island vacation this summer. And what island destination could we get to at no cost using our combined airline points? Key West!

If you haven't made this drive, it's beautiful -- even if you don't enjoy long drives. I guess I never realized that we have such gorgeous waters in the United States. Check out the way it changes color the further south you go...

We stopped in Key Largo for one night, where I had my first Key Lime Margarita. Yummo.

The next day we made our way to the Key West Marriott Beachside Hotel, and I immediately located the poolside bar, where I enjoyed my first frozen concoction in Key West. The hotel is gorgeous, but I do have one observation: I learned a little something about geography while we were there (because y'all know I tuned out the entire year of that class in high school)... Key West is actually surrounded by two bodies of water: The Gulf and the Atlantic. The Gulf, where our hotel was, is dark blue-green water. The Atlantic is crystal blue water. Fortunately, the drive from the Gulf side to the Atlantic side takes about five minutes.

Then we made the best decision of our entire trip: To rent a scooter. Seriously. If you ever visit Key West, you must rent a scooter. Cars not only cost $20 a day to park at the hotel (totally bogus), but it costs to park everywhere in the city -- if you can even find a space. With a scooter, you can easily zip around the island since it's only three miles wide and two miles long. Plus scooters can park almost anywhere, for free. Not to mention that we looked like ROCKSTARS ... or maybe more like Lloyd and Harry in Dumb & Dumber. Either way, it was super fun!

Another thing you "have" to do in Key West is watch the sunset from Mallory Square. We found a cute little boardwalk restaurant and spent the next 90 minutes waving at sailboats, taking pictures and bidding the sun adieu. Patrick was a good sport, since this wasn't on his top 10 list. Also, he thinks I take too many pictures (?!). I obviously disagree, but the poor guy's smile pose did seem to be running on empty (see the photo below).'

As a side note, why do people on sailboats and cruise ships always wave to people on shore? And it is proper etiquette for me to ignore them? I don't know them!

Then, what trip to Key West would be complete without Key West pie?

Last notable part of our trip aside from the typical tourist activities (Duval Street, Southernmost Point): Snorkeling. I wanted to snorkel, parasail and jetski, but we came down to a time crunch and snorkeling won out since that's something we can't do on any ol' body of water. I forgot to take a photo of the ship from far away, but here are the few photos I do have. We sailed about 5-10 miles off the coast of Key West to the only living coral reef. Having seen Open Water, I was a little nervous at first but made it through just fine.

Of course I had to take a picture in my Sandbar t-shirt. Not only is it one of my favorite bars (indoor hurricane, wha wha!), but if you send in photos like this, they will post them to their blog and Facebook page. That's right folks, I am going to be famous soon. I predict a very lucrative snorkel/mask modeling career is in my future...

Veni, Vidi, Vici

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 09 May 2011 23:18:00 +0000

When you think of a week-long Florida vacation -- and let's assume you don't have kids -- what comes to mind? Sunshine. Beaches. Frozen drinks with mini umbrellas. Swimsuits. Sand. Snorkeling. Waves. Dolphins. Who's with me? Heck yeah!

But if you're my boyfriend, this is what comes to mind:

That's right -- the Everglades. But to be more specific, a 15-mile hike in the Everglades :-) Being the nice, open-minded (*best EVER) girlfriend that I am, I decided to throw the guy a bone. One day? Okie dokie. So to the Everglades we went. Patrick drove as I Googled important information on my iPhone... Like this:

Side note: In case you ever wondered, there are between 5 and 14 alligator attacks annually in Florida. The best way to survive is to run. Run fast. Run far. And if that doesn't work, poke its eyeballs. They may be endangered, but I didn't (and still don't) give a shizz.

We arrived at our first destination path, Snake Bight. I was all ready to go in my cute-yet-sporty hiking gear. I mean check out the way my pink shoes matched my pink top and pink sunglasses. And fold-over yoga pants? I was killing it.

The whole "Snake Bight" path made me a little apprehensive, but I am no weenie. Patrick also appealed to my logical side, pointing out the spelling discrepancy between the path and the flesh wound. So off we went!

The Everglades weren't actually what I expected. I was picturing swamps, and while it had a little section of swampage, the majority was just wide open fields.

No alligators made an appearance, but we did see a pretty large snake cross our path at one point. I didn't even think to take a picture. Though if I had, it would have been shaky (from running) and taken from far away (because I am fast -- like lightning really).

At one point on the way back to our car, we came to a fork in the path that neither of us really remembered. Yeah, I was a little nervous considering that we hadn't seen another soul the entire 2-3 hours we had already been hiking. My boyfriend the former Eagle Scout? Not so much.

Fortunately, I remembered all the old detective tricks I learned from Scooby-Doo and The Hardy Boys back in the '80s... Like comparing footprints. Genius, I tell ya.

When we finally arrived back at our car, I was a freaking mess. My hands were totally swollen, and my feet were disgusting. Somehow dirt had went through tennis shoes and a layer of socks. Yep, I am officially hardcore. What Tara Reid is to partying, I am to Everglades hiking. Boo ya.

The drive from the heart of the Everglades, where we hiked, back to civilization is 38 miles -- a significant little jaunt when you're exhausted, sunburned and dehydrated. But out of the blue, we drove by a marina store. It was like a mirage. Not necessarily the diamond-encrusted mirage in the middle of a dessert that you see in the movies, but a mirage nonetheless.

Could it have water? Yes, it did. We drank an entire gallon between the two of us. But even better, it had malt beverage singles. And half-pound Hot Pockets. A tear came to my eye. At that moment in time, I was the happiest person in Florida.

Veni, Vidi, Vici. We came. We saw. We conquered. Later, gators.

More on the rest of our vacation in future posts.

* I can say things like this because it's true. Also, Patrick will never, ever read this blog. He's an anti-blogite. Which is strange in itself, but even more so considering he's been dating a social media manager for the past two years... Whatevs!

Look who's back

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 09 May 2011 22:53:00 +0000

Ah, the first day back to the office after a week of vacation. You know that overwhelming feeling when you walk into your office only to be greeted with the blinking red light of doom (voicemail) and 400+ unread emails? When your brain feels like it's *thisclose* from shutting down...

Well that's kind of how I feel right now. Times 81. Why 81? Because I haven't blogged in 81 weeks. That's 561 days. Pathetic. I only tell you this because I need a disclaimer for some seriously rusty writing that's about to take place.

Here's the good news: I am reinvigorated, re-energized and have every intention of getting back into the habit of posting every mundane detail of my life! You lucky readers.

The 2010 Village West WineFest

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 20:03:00 +0000

"You're gonna be a costume now!"

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:32:00 +0000

Unless your head was buried in the sand today, you probably followed the "Balloon Boy" saga with the rest of the country. To recap: There was a 6-year-old boy. In a giant balloon. In the air. Drifting above Colorado. But wait -- he wasn't just "in the air," but 7,000 feet in the air. What a crazy story.

And when I say the world was watching, I mean it. Consider this:

Within an hour, there were three dedicated Facebook groups
Zazzle created 6,000 related products (shirts, bags, shoes, etc.)
Seven of the top 10 trending Twitter topics were about Balloon Boy

This is why I love social media: It's FUN!!! All you have to do is be interesting, relevant and provide value -- even if that value is just entertainment -- and people will latch on. And to think I am lucky enough to be at Blog World 2009 in the midst of this latest social media frenzy. Is it a little more difficult to generate buzz with Internet service and landline telephones? Yes, but I'm up for a challenge :-)

Anyhoo, back to Balloon Boy... Now that our fears have been laid to rest (turns out he was never in the balloon), together we breathed a collective sigh of relief and started creating the inevitable jokes. And here's my favorite:

We ♥ the NY

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:11:00 +0000

Every once in a while, we all encounter big life changes. Most of the time, these changes are along the lines of a move, a marriage, a baby, a graduation, a home purchase or a new career -- but sometimes the change is more like rejoining the singles scene. And you know what? They all deserve recognition! I consider myself a non-discriminating party planner.

So in honor of my friend Ruth beginning a new (totally AWE-SOME!) chapter in her life, we held a reverse bachelorette party this past weekend. Complete with personalized T-shirts, mechanical bull riding, a piano bar, 80s music and two great guys who spent seven hours of their Friday night on call as designated drivers (thank you, thank you, Patrick & Andrew).

And to ratchet up the fun factor even more, we made special T-shirts to wear as our evening attire. (I mean who doesn't love going out in a T-shirt and sneakers?!?!?) But to retain just a little bitta privacy here in cyberspace, I won't get into the meaning behind the T-shirts. Suffice to say they were an adorable idea :-)

The T-shirts

The party participants

Shannon got us on the list for all the bars we wanted to go to

"No, no, no! We do NOT wait in lines!"

I haven't seen a black light since 1993 :-)

Becky ~ not as scared as she looks

Ruth, having some fun

Me, pre-ride

Five seconds later...

Village West Wine Festival

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 01:16:00 +0000

I stopped trying to be "cool" years ago ~ it was obviously a fruitless quest, so I won't even hesitate to admit that I do, on occasion, listen to Star 102.1. Is it the hippest radio station in Kansas City? No. Does it make me play drums on my steering wheel and dance in my seat? No. But one thing it has always done well is fill in while other stations play commercials. Now I can add one more plus to the Star 102 column: Free tickets to the 2009 Village West Wine Festival.

It all started on a dark and stormy day in mid-September... Er, no... It was simply an ordinary morning, and I was listening to the radio. Probably John Mayer. And the DJ came on to announce that she was giving away Village West Wine Festival tickets to the ninth caller.

I ordinarily don't even try for these things because it's always a busy signal. But alas, I really wanted those tickets!!! I had actually thought about going, but at $50 a pop - the day after the Firefly Gala - my better judgment got the best of me. So with absolutely no expectations, I dialed the number. It was busy, so I decided to try one more time. And that's when it happened! WHOOOO HOOOOO!!! I even called my voicemail system just to hold my phone up to the radio and record the 15-second piece :-)

It was such a blast! The weather was spectacularly perfect, there was a band, there was food galore and there were more than 200 types of wine to test. In fact, the one thing that confused me was that each person was handed 20 drink tickets as they walked through the door. That's 2-0. My goodness... I'm not sure anyone could come close to using even half of those, sample size and all. But far be it from me to complain about excess of any sort :-) So long story short, this event is definitely going on my 2010 calendar.