FOR FUN

2010-10-17T20:17:00.001-07:00

At Police Station:

Dalaga: Sir, kakasuhan ko po iyong kapitbahay kong si Toto pogi.

Police: Ano ang isasampang kaso mo sa kanya.

Dalaga: Attempted rape po Sir.

Police: E, Baka puedeng maayos niyong dalawa iyan, total di naman natuloy iyong rape.

Dalaga: Kaya nga nagdedemanda ako Sir, dahil di pa niya itinuloy.

51 Best Kid Fails: Barely Compilation #2

2010-10-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

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best of funny compilation

2010-10-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

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A Funny Video Compilation

2010-10-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

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Videos graciosos

2010-10-14T19:52:00.001-07:00

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funny videos

2010-10-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

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Funny Video

2010-10-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

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2010-10-14T01:21:00.001-07:00

Pare1: Pare pa kiss naman.

Pare2: uL0l!

Pare1: Sige na Kiss lang naman ehh...

Pare2: San Ba Kasi Blush

2010-10-14T01:20:00.001-07:00

SEXY: Maawa ka! Meron ako!
RAPIST: Ahhh! walang meron meron sakin!
SEXY: Waaaag! Aaaaay!
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-
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RAPIST:
Yak! meron ka nga! meron kang ITLOG! bading KA!!

2010-10-14T01:19:00.005-07:00

lola: apo sabihin mo sa lolo mo papahilot ako at antok na antok na ako..

bulol na apo: yoyo, papaiyot daw yoya at antot na antot na..

lolo: sabihin mo sa lola mo wala ako sa mood.. tulog na!
...
bulol na apo: yoya, wala daw yoyo tamood tuyot na!

2010-10-14T01:19:00.003-07:00

Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...

Husband:Honwag ka ng magbra...liit namn dede mo e..

Wife: Eh bat ikaw naka brief !!!

2010-10-14T01:19:00.001-07:00

"Darling, ni-rape ako ng gorilya sa bundok!"

hangos na sumbong ng asawang babae.

"Walanghiyang gorilya `yon, teka nga!" sigaw ng lalaki sabay layas para umakyat sa bundok.

Pagkalipas ng isang oras, bumalik ang lalaki.
...
"Naipaghiganti na kita, Darling," sabi ng lalaki.

"Napatay mo na `yung gorilya?" tanong ng babae.

"Hindi, Darling, ni-rape ko rin `yung asawa niya!"

2010-10-14T01:16:00.001-07:00

Bata: pabili po ng ubas!
Tindero: wala kami ubas.
Next day
Bata: pabili po ng ubas!
Tindero: wala kami ubas.
Next day
Boy: mama pabili po ubas!
Tindero: wala nga kaming ubas! Isa pang beses magtanong ka iistepler ko
yang
bibig mo!
Next day ulet
Boy: may stapler po ba kayo?
Tindero: wala. Baket?
Boy: pabili nga po ng ubas! hehehe
******************************
In a classy bar:
German: Waiter, REMY MARTIN, single!
French: Waiter, CARLO ROSSI, double!
Pinoy: (pakilala pala tayo dapat bago magorder) Waiter, POPOY DIMAUNAT,
married!!
******************************
Teacher: Paul, 1apple+1apple equals?
Paul: Maam, 2 apples!
Teacher: Very Good! Ikaw Peter, 1apple+1orange?
Peter: Ha? Ay! Maam wag ganun! Pag apple, apple lang! Magulo kayo eh.
******************************
Salesman: Good morning, sir!. Im here to sell you our companys version
of a
cloth dryer.
Buyer: Aber sige nga. Ano bang advantage niyan?
Salesman: This is the newest invention of the year 2007.
Buyer: Oh sige ano bay an? What is it made of?
Salesman: Sir dahil new invention siya, simple lang siya. Its made of a
clothesline and a peg (lubid at sipit).(bago nga).
******************************
Girl: Love, kapag kasal na tayo promise hindi na maninigarilyo?
Boy. Oo, Promise.
Girl: Hindi na din maglalasing?
Boy: Hindi na din promise.
Girl: Eh magbabarkada?
Boy: Hindi na rin promise, basta pakasalan mo na ako.
Girl: Wow naman, malapit na talaga akong pakasal na sayo. Eh last na,
ano pa
iiwan mo pag-kasal na tayo?
Boy: Hmm.Ikaw, pag ayaw ko na sayo.
******************************
Edna: Ayoko na, suko na talaga ako sa mister ko. Palagi na lang akong
bubugbugin
muna bago iromansa!
Mryna: Maswerte ka mare.
Edna: Ha? Anong maswerte dun?
Mryna: Mas grabe yung mister ko mare. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang
niroromansa!
******************************
Mrs: Hoy! Tama na ang beer mo, masyado kang magastos.
Mr: Ikaw, make-up mo ang magastos.
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para sayo!
Mr: Ako, umiinom para gumanda ka!
******************************
Sa math class:
Teacher (galit) : Ano ba kayo ang simple lang ng tanong hindi nyo
masagutan? Ikaw
Bob, tumayo ka nga! Hindi mo ba alam ang sagot sa tanong?
Bob: Eh kasi sir sabi ng parents ko wag daw akong sasagot sa nakakatanda
lalo na
pag galit na. Sumusunod lang naman ako.
******************************
Sa isang science class:
Teacher: Class, sa tingin niyo, bakit maalat ang dagat?
Student 1: Kasi po para mabuhay ang mga species sa dagat.
Teacher; Very good. Ikaw Lito, ano sa tingin mo?
Lito: Maalat dapat Maam ang dagat para hindi mapanis agad ang isda.
******************************
Public Service:
Host: Sige, Lolo manawagan na po kayo, ilang taon na kayo lolo?
Lolo: Salamat. 98 na po ako.
Host: Wow, ang tanda niyo na pala lolo pero malakas pa. May kasama ho ba
kayo?
Lolo: Wala ho, ako lang mag-isa.
Host: Naku, sige po manawagan na kayo lolo.
Lolo: Pinanawagan ko lang ang kuya ko. Kuya, umuwi ka na, hindi na galit
sa yo si
daddy!
******************************
Misis: Naku naman Darling, bat lagi mong binibigyan ng pagkain yang
pulubi, tignan
mo mukhang ayaw na umalis dyan sa harap ng bahay natin.
Mister: Eh kasi naman Darling pag umalis siya wala ng magtyatyagang
kumain sa luto
mo.
******************************
Kumare 1: Ate, puwede ba ditto muna ako sa inyo? Lumayas kasi ako sa
amin dahil
buntis ako.
Kumare 2: Naku siguro mas mabuti na dun ka na lang sa nakabuntis sayo
ka magpunta.
Kumare 1: Kaya nga dito ako nagpunta eh, andyan ba si pare?
******************************
Pinky: Grabe Tina! Biruin m, P150,000 daw ang hot oil at P150,000 din
naman sa
rebonding ang sinisingil sa kaibigan ko.
Tina: Ha? Bakit ang mahal naman sa parlor na yan?
Pinky: Naku talagang sobra naman yang parlor dyan sa kanto.
Tina: Gano ba kahaba ang buhok ng kaibigan mo?
Pinky: Kasing haba daw ng buhok ni Rapunzel.
******************************
Sa isang sementeryo:
Guard: Sus, ginoo! Ikaw lang pala. Akala ko multo ka! Ano ba yang
pinupukpok mo
diyan sa lapida?
Babae: Basta.
Guard: Bukas na yan, malalim na ang gabi.
Babae: Nakakainis kasi! Wrong spelling ang pangalan ko dito!
******************************
Pedro: Pareng isko, ang tapang pala talaga ni Paeng ano? Biruin mo,
tumalon sa
eroplano nang walang parachute!
Isko: O, totoo? Baka naman joke yan.
Pedro: Hindi kaya. Totoo kaya yun.
Isko: Asus, sige nga saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Eh di dun sa burol nya!
******************************
On the first day of class:
Teacher: Class, anong natutunan niyo ngayong nakaraang bakasyon?
Tina: Natuto po akong magluto.
Teacher: Magaling, eh ikaw Nancy?
Nancy: Hmmm. Natutunan kong kulang ang 3 buwan para matutong linisin ang
kwarto
ko.
******************************
GF: Walanghiya kang lalaki, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Ha bakit? Wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Wag ka ng magsinungaling. Huling huli kita, may kasama kang ibang
babae kanina.
Holding hands pa kayo!
BF: Makinig ka muna Hindi kita niloloko, maniwala kaYung kasama ko
kanina ang
niloloko ko!
******************************
PAMATAY NA PAMBABARA:
Boy: Pwede ba umakyat ng ligaw?
Girl: Sori, wala kaming stairs.

Boy: May I hold your hand?
Girl: No thanks, di naman siya mabigat.

Boy: Sabihin mong mahal mo ko.
Girl; Mahal mo ko.

Boy: I want to dance like this forever.
Girl: dont you want to improve?

Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: Really? But could you stay there?

Boy: I love you and I would die for you.
Girl: How soon?

Boy: Ikaw lang nagiisang babae sa buhay ko.
Girl: Wala ka bang nanay?

Boy: do you have a boyfriend?
Girl: walaAyaw ng asawa ko eh.
******************************
Lolo and apo were talking one day.
Apo; Did God make you, lolo?
Lolo: Yes, God made me.
Apo: Did God make me too?
Lolo: Yes, God made you too.
Apo: (After studying herself and her lolo) You know lolo, Gods doing a
better
job lately.
******************************
GIRLS are said to be grown up when she starts wearing bra
BOYS are said to be grown up when he starts removing the bra

2010-10-14T01:14:00.001-07:00

I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven
only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay
received a uninamous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking
feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero
sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako.
Sabi niya, "Penny for you talks." But I didn't know what to say. Beggars
can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay
said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako
nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?

Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After
a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff's
ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba
di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking about it.

So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's what
friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do
this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down
rate.

When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di
basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient.
It's my favorite virtue nga e." Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan
ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti na lang the
other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join us."

When I went inside, parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang
nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a
bird's IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a
room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.

Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba
ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay
and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my
expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is
not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I barraged in. O
my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang
nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding.
At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang
bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang
blood is thicker than Walter.

Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search
and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.

Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I
know it's a better pill to swallow your fried so it's forgive and forget
me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on
makeup.

Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is
really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms
persist, insult your doctor

2010-10-14T01:06:00.001-07:00

It was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: "Indaaaayyyy. ....."
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?
"Dodong!" sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko "Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud and proud." Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

"Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya.
"Bihira lang, Dodong. I'm just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh" sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he's every woman's dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

"Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?" tanong ni
Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot ko.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. "What's your odor sir?" sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

"Do you have porkshop?" tanong ni Dodong.
"Yes sir" sabi nito. "Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully" dagdag niya.

"And you mam?" sabay tingin naman sa akin.
Hmmm... mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I'm cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.
"I'll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh." sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it's a long, long way to run.

"Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I'm happily married" pagmamalaki ko.
"Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn't expect you still have more feelings than I expected. i don't want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect." dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

"I don't care less!" sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it's his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

"Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?" sabi ko sa mamang guard.
"Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure." sagot niya.
"Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes."
"Diretso lang." sabi niya. "Then turn right anytime with care."
"Thanks for your corporation" sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

"Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!" pananakot nya..

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.

Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it's all over. I'm out of arm's way.
"Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?" bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:
"I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn't give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed.."

>From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn't even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa't-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I'm on cloud.

2010-10-14T01:03:00.005-07:00

Maraming tanong sa
mundo na walang sagot.
Tulad ng… Bakit mahirap
makahinga kapag nakalabas
ang dila?

2010-10-14T01:03:00.003-07:00

DISHONEST JOBS

BEAUTICIAN: sasabihing maganda ka na kahit hindi
P R E - S C H O O L TEACHER: very good ang drawing kahit pangit
ARTISTA: todo deny kahit buking
TINDERO: suki ang tawag kahit 1st time nakita
B A R K E R N G JEEP: sasabihing kasya pa ang dalawa kahit puno na

2010-10-14T01:03:00.001-07:00

Nagse-sex ang magasawa…

MISTER: Hon, ba’t ang
luwag na nito?!

MISIS: Pa’no, d’yan ko
kinukuha minsan ang pambayad
ng tubig, kuryente,
baon ng mga bata, pagkain
natin pati panigarilyo
mo!

2010-10-14T01:02:00.003-07:00

sa isang Job Interview...

Manager: anong alam mo?

Applicant: Alam ko po ang bahay ng misis mo at alam ko din ang bahay ng gf mo...

Manager: sige tanggap k na..

2010-10-14T01:02:00.001-07:00

sa klase...

Teacher: class, ano ang dapat gawin kung may lindol?

Pedro: "on" ko lang po yung ilaw mam

Teacher: baket mo naman nasabing pailawin lang ang ilaw?

Pedro: kasi mam tuwing may lindol habang natutulog kami sa iisang kama ng aking magulang... "on" ko lang ang ilaw, di na siya lilindol

2010-10-14T01:00:00.001-07:00

Lola: Nung araw sa SM pag my P20 ako mkakakuha na ako ng blouse, palda,panty, panyo, medyas at hikaw.

Apo: ngayon po La?

Lola: Hirap na! may surveillance camera na!

2010-10-14T00:59:00.001-07:00

Police: Y did you kill your bf?

Girl: im at school, dinala nya ako sa motel. dahan dahan hinubaran, tinanggal ang bra at panty... den after sabi nya... "joke lang"

Sa simbahan

2010-10-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.

Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako."

Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi: "Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain".

Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: "Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas".

RIZAL

2010-10-14T00:55:00.000-07:00

MAPALAD KA RIZAL…

MAPALAD KA RIZAL ANDYAN KA SA PISO..

MAPALAD KA RIZAL IKAW ANG AMING HERO…

MAPALAD KA RIZAL IKA`Y MAY MONUMENTO..

PERO MALAS KA RIZAL,,,

IKAW AY NASA SEMENTO