Some kinda somethin'

Dear Joanie

2016-05-17T20:17:00.004-07:00

I’ve decided that Joanie was a woman of mystery. Her name wasn’t even Joanie. Nor Joanne like her friends called her, or Mimi as her second grandmother name somehow given to her by her other set of grandchildren. Her name is Betty Joan. I don’t know how all those names got to be but I think she just liked to mix it up.

It’s weird when someone you’ve known all of your life, before you could even know anything, is gone. It’s like a piece out of your foundation has chipped off and it’s not as comfortable and stable and right as it used to be.

Since I’ve had kids. And kids who are, well, ‘spirited’, I’ve been told by my mother, who likes to choose moments of my deepest despair in parenting to remind me that she didn’t wait four years to have my younger sister because she was enjoying her alone time with me, but rather because she couldn’t decide if she could handle another terrible child, a story of my grandmother’s first disciplinary moment with me. Joanie, who had never spanked my mom and aunt (because they were apparently perfect) and who didn’t believe in spankings anyway, had me in one aisle of the grocery store while my mom was in the other. Apparently I was acting out and likely screaming at being deprived some unnaturally colored breakfast cereal, and in a moment of calm my mother overheard her say sharply to me “Emily, if you don’t quit misbehaving I’m going to have your mother spank you!”

She was a real civil servant and political activist. When I asked her who she was going to vote for in the Presidential election she said “I vote Democrat and George will vote Republican so we’re not gonna go and we’ll just cancel each other out.” She was feisty too. She’d give this look, “The look,” the one that, based on old photographs, she’d been perfecting for most of her life and the one that she’s passed on to her daughters and granddaughters.

There was a story told to me only in the past year that really showed her…quiet strength… My grandfather was on the road selling auto parts and my grandmother was at home with two babies. When Grandfather came home and was displeased in the lack of fastidious housecleaning (namely dust on the bedroom dresser), Joanie, almost certainly, gave him ‘the look,’ walked to the closet and took out the vacuum cleaner, as only a devoted housewife would do, yanked the dustbin off and proceeded to shower the entire bedroom in dirt and dust and said "You want to see dust? I'll show you dust." I don’t think Grandfather ever mentioned her cleaning habits again.

I guess I got my love of entertaining and parties and fancy things from her. She wasn’t a gourmet cook but she was a good cook and everyone loved her pot roast and her poppy seed chicken. The recipe relaxed with time. 3 cups of cooked chicken, chopped gave way to canned. 1 can cream of mushroom was substituted for whatever cream of soup she had in the pantry, a random spice substituted for poppy seeds and a leftover sprinkling of ritz crackers, but somehow it was still just as good. She’d always have some kind of fruit salad that was 90 % cool whip, but what kid doesn’t love that. She’d just kinda throw some stuff together and that’s just what she’d say she did.

For better or worse I don’t think she really cared that much about impressing people. She’d act like it was important-she always dressed well and claimed the purses she got at yard sales and shoes she got at “the thrift” were designer. She just was who she was. Unapologetically. I remember the story she’d tell when before she had kids and “nobody had any money” she and her friend Betty wanted to have a dinner party and so they were looking in the fridge to see what they could fix and they found some leftover mashed potatoes. So the culinary geniuses decided to roll the mashed potatoes into balls, stick some parsley in the top and serve them up on a silver platter. She’d get so tickled and you couldn’t help but laugh with her. I loved those times with her telling some self-deprecating story and we’d just laugh until we cried. My mom and aunt, clutching their stomachs, Joanie trying to wheeze out the end of the story with her head thrown back and tears running down her face. I wish she was here now and we could all laugh together, clutching our stomachs, living the moments where time didn’t matter.

Oh she loved me so much. More than I deserved. I could never do wrong in her eyes, (you know, besides that incident in the grocery store) and every time she saw me she’d say “you’re such a beauty. You can do anything. You could be a model you know.” I’d laugh and think about what an unrealistic view of a model she has, but it made you feel good. Not all grandmothers love and dote on her grandchildren like she did and selfishly I’m gonna miss that. She loved my husband, “He’s a real catch” she’d always say, “but you’re a real catch too.” She loved my dumb dogs, and she loved my children. She wasn’t everyone’s biggest fan but if she loved you, you were. And she loved a lot of people. Jack was “somethin’ special” and I know she loved the times this last year when he’d sneak back to her room, hop on her big ol’ bed and watch tv with her. I’ll never forget just after Harper was born and she came over, but “didn’t want to give Harper too much attention because she didn’t want “her Jack” to get jealous, and he was jumping around on the bed and she just hopped right up there and started bouncing and laughing away. The two of them, bodies old and young, but both alive, you know, one in spirit.

She was still going strong even at the end. A veritable social butterfly who loved her people. I can’t drive past a garage sale or host a party without thinking of her. She was dearly loved and she loved dearly and fiercely. We’re all still missing our number 1 fan.

To Mom

2014-05-11T07:27:00.002-07:00

Being a mother is more like a choice, a commitment, an every day, every hour commitment.

Sure I suppose that some might argue that a "mother" in terms of definition is any female parent, but even that word parent seems devoid of the significance and gravity of what a real mother is. There are plenty of women out there who could quite simply and perhaps deservedly be classified as the dictionary puts it: "any organism that produces or generates another," but to relegate my mom to an "organism" seems less than glacial. I'm sure Hallmark has plenty of well intended attempts at defining What it Means to Be My Mother but the cheesy and piddling sentiments just don't get at the heart of the matter.

No, mother is a title you earn. And by the way, I never call my mom, mother-for that carries the tone of the ungrateful progeny who thinks she's above reproach. Been there, excelled at that (though I will confess that another sibling, who shall remain nameless, had truly perfected that drawn out mo-therrrr). I know that what makes my mom so dear to me is not the biological connection we share but the choices and decisions she's made these past 31 years. And I suppose you don't get to realize that until you're making the choice to be and remain a mother yourself.

Being a mother is a sacrifice of sorts and not entirely different as the sacrifice we see as being married or having any type of relationship, but it's extra sacrifice. And I know I'm just all over the dictionary this morning, but perhaps it's because I woke up 7 times in the middle of the night to relieve the pressure this bowling ball of a baby is putting on my bladder and it's now 5:00 am and I can't go back to sleep, regardless, this definition says in better than I could ever articulate (and that's why there's a dictionary)...

Sacrifice:the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of
something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

My mom has surrendered something-many things-that I'm sure she prized because she considered me and Natalie and Jordan and Joanna as being of more value. I don't really know how to say it better than that and I don't think I can explain it because it doesn't make a lot of sense! It's a conscious choice to surrender but the reasons for it can, I guess, only be explained like grace in that it's because of love. As much as those two "concepts" still befuddle me, I know what sacrifice looks like and I know that it can be good.

So dear mom, I hope it's been worth it to you. I hope you see your good work in us and that your commitment to us has not been wasted. We needed you and we still need you...like for lunch today because I know you're cooking. I love you Mom.

And when Jack says my name for the 500th time today, just to say it, I'm going to think differently, because I love him-I don't always know why-but I do and I'm so blessed to have him and to get the chance to be a mom myself.

Em

13/52

2014-04-09T19:52:00.001-07:00

He is who he is

12/52

2014-04-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

A favorite place

11/52

2014-04-09T19:50:00.001-07:00

Girl Clothes

10/52

2014-03-16T19:17:00.001-07:00

Ruffin

Some dogs just have it made.

9/52

2014-03-16T18:54:00.001-07:00

Jack and I like to go for donuts sometimes. We'd actually like to go all the time, but we try to limit ourselves. I try to let Jack choose his own, but he usually just side steps back and forth along the glass, leaving little paw prints and repeating, "want donut, want donut" over and over until the man behind the counter, waiting with the waxed paper let's out an inaudible sigh. Jack gets sprinkled and I get a World's Fair, or Old fashioned, I can never remember the difference. We usually get another or two for "breakfast" the next day, but they don't seem to last that long.

I grew up next to a Gibsons. Literally. We lived on a busy street where one house away was a Taco Bell, a Dixie Rents and a Gibsons. Dad would sometimes send us there on Saturday mornings (who am I kidding, it could have been any mornings, we were home schooled) with a couple of dollars to get a bag (or two) of "day-old" donuts. Day-old donuts were really a great deal if you knew which ones to get. Natalie would always pick the cinnamon twists, sweaty in their day old bag with the cinnamon nearly melted away. Somebody always wanted the powdered sugar ones that had suffered the same wet fate as the other yeast donuts. But I knew exactly what to get. Cake donuts were the best bet for day olds. They tasted nearly the same as the fresh as long as you didn't leave them in the plastic bag too long, but there wasn't much worry with that in our family besides the occasional powdered sugar that got lost in the bread basket and which Dad would find (when it was a days old donut) and exclaim, "Man, who left this donut in here?"

One memory I think back on was of the two "workers" at that Gibsons. Two "old guys" who never really seemed to be employed, but just rang up your order 'cause they were always there, minding the store, drinking bad coffee from refilled styrofoam cups. One of the guys was pretty sharp, would always remember us and sometimes give us a few free donut holes. The other would never seem to remember how much a bag of day-olds cost-sometimes they'd be 50 cents and other times a $1.25. I remember helping him with the math and change a few times.

I guess it wasn't the most prime of real estate to live 300 yards from a donut shop, but my affection for those yeasty puffs fried in lard probably wouldn't be the same if I hadn't. And even though I don't live within (quick) walking distance of a Gibson's anymore, I can get in my car and be there in three minutes. Glory.

8/52

2014-03-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get caught up with pictures, but we see how that's turned out. One of these days I'll be on track. One of these days.

I can't believe how big this kid is now. I always check on him before I go to sleep and found myself so surprised at just how big he looked in his crib last night. He's certainly not "baby Jack" anymore and he's not a toddler either. He's a true "little kid" I guess.

It's crazy and seemingly vain perhaps (?), how much I love this little man. I just can't stop looking at him. Sometimes I catch myself wondering "where did he come from?" Obviously...I remember, but he just changes so much every day it seems. He's funny. He's wild. He's exhausting. But it's hard to go more than a day without seeing him, hearing him.

He's a real rascal and quite an arm-full, but I don't know what we'd do without him. I hope we're doing him good. I'm sure we aren't in many ways and it won't be the last time, but I hope we're at least teaching him Good.

I know my pictures are all of Jack, but I guess all my time is spent with him, and cleaning, and cooking, and teaching and grading...and he's by far the more interesting of subjects. I need to find a way to help myself "branch out" in terms of photography, but I only want to take pictures of people and I need to get some more people in my life.

I'll work on that.

7/52

2014-03-02T17:08:00.002-08:00

A skiff dancing down the shore

Bound for sights unknown

Compass-less and unimpeded

He hoists his legs

With a grunt and a squeal

Vigilant, sprightly, unceremonious

Clambering fast as he trips and falls

With grit and grin

He clenches and bends

'Til his final ho to summit

Where little feet take flight

-Natalie Shew

6/52

2014-02-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

Dad

If the wrinkles on your knees could tell a story,

Yours would be a tale of work,

Of service, of former glories.

A crafter of fine edges,

A wielder of tools.

A master of labor,

A spinner at his spool.

From where we sit,

Your days have no end

And they have no beginning.

You are steadfast and unwavering.

Your place is by the fire you build,

For decades now it seems.

We see you there as fixed,

A bulwark in life's storm.

Your hands bring warmth

As your knees rest heavy.

And the embers burn on.

5/52

2014-02-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

Growing Pains

4/52

2014-02-05T17:06:00.002-08:00

Well this is a week late and for my 100th blog post (whatever did I write about?) it's sort of...lacking. Crummy weather hits me hard. My skin is dry, I hate the cold, there's no sun. I'm a strong believer in seasonal affective disorder. As such, I just couldn't come up with a picture. I don't even like the one I have, but I had to do something and I don't want them all to be of Jack. So this shot should sum up my mood as of late (blah) and hopefully I'll have something better in a couple of days for 5/52. Also, I don't always "mean to" have B&W, it just seems to fit best.

3/52

2014-01-24T06:21:00.002-08:00

Defiance

Clinched fingers, white-knuckled toes, emphatically unyielding, doggedly clamoring for his right. Unflinching insubordination rushes in like an insurgent, demanding surrender. Godzilla the size of a dwarf takes over and you give in. A will is born.
-Natalie Shew

Don't forget to check out the other bloggers linking up to the 52
Joanna

2/52

2014-01-15T17:53:00.001-08:00

I'm doing something a little different this week. My sister Natalie wants to work on her creative writing, and I want to work on my pictures, so we'll collaborate from time to time.
She has a way with words and you can read more about her here

The kick
Your future unfolds inside of you and in front of you. The reality and the illusion of

what you’ve created sinks in, vibrant and unsettling. What could be more visceral

than this? You are bound, weightless, heavy. Contradictions crowd your mind.

So many others have come before you in this very room. Expectant, fearful. Here

some have cried in grief, or remorse, others in mirth, but you are reconciled to hope.

The turbulence, bewilderment, frenzy, and potency of it all electrifies you.

You hold your breath … and then she kicks. The unsettling settles as you lie down.

Life chose you.

Don't forget to check out the other bloggers linking up to the 52

Joanna and Marley

Project 52: Week One

2014-01-07T18:02:00.001-08:00

Because I've resolved to be more intentional about taking pictures, I've decided to take and post a picture each week for a year. I'm not starting with any particular theme or checklist, but want to commit to learning more and being more creative. There's something about a daily (or weekly) discipline that I find good for me.

If you're interested in joining me, please do! We can keep each other accountable and help each other learn.

I appreciate any constructive criticism and don't forget to check out Natalie's post here (she's my one cohort in this venture...unless you want to join too? Bueller? Bueller?)

New Year. New Job.

2013-01-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

I'm starting over again. Sometimes new starts are good. They are ruminating, refreshing, but sometimes they are exhausting. I feel like I've had lots of new starts this "year" and have been frustrated in not being able to have consistency, but also happy that things aren't staying the same as they were. Change is not always good, but it's good for my job right now.

I was anxious leading up to the first day of my new school. Mr. B can always tell when the anxiety starts to set in because I get busy-headed (wait, I'm always busy...I get extra busy) and he always says I look sad. I think that's just my focused-trying-not-to-dwell-on-my-worries-even-though-I-don't-have-anything-to-worry-about-face. I'm a fairly avoidant when it comes to such unpleasantness. Most any teacher would admit to having first day "jitters". It doesn't make a lot of sense, I mean, they're children for goodness sake, but you know, sometimes they can be scary. Maybe it has to do with the power dynamics (that's not really the phrase I'm looking for)-knowing when to be strict and when to be sweet while trying to remain "in control".

Although I was on the verge of being miserable last semester, I did learn a lot. I learned about myself and my strengths and my weaknesses. I learned about the African American community like I had never known before (just because you live in Memphis doesn't mean you know anything about the Black community). I also had to re-learn how to teach, or rather how to teach differently. Yet the one thing I learned that is perhaps one of the most false doctrines ever bestowed upon new teachers, the mantra "don't smile 'till Christmas" (which, perhaps is more of a guideline and less of a "rule"), is not really effective.

Kids are not (always) animals who need to be taught discipline above love. I think the first impression they make of a teacher is: mean or nice. And you know what happens when they think you're mean? They check out or they make your life miserable. My students last semester were so turned off and reactive when they thought I was "mean". In order for them to learn and to listen and to behave, they had to like me and they had to know I was on their side. This does not mean that I had to be a pushover. I had to "keep the reins" tight every second of every class, but it wasn't until I let them know that I cared about them and liked them that they would behave and subsequently, learn.

I used to think that teachers and students shouldn't ever be friends. And I still do to a degree. I tell my students that, "I'm not your friend, I'm your teacher." But that doesn't have to mean that you withhold from them any emotions that you care for them like you do any other human beings. And you know, we should probably care for them more. They're young, they're impressionable, they're sensitive and they often have to deal with a lot more than we know. I have 175 students now. More than I've ever had. And I've got to find a way to teach and love all of them. I know it's going to be hard. It's always been hard. Loving all people is really hard. Maybe it shouldn't be. I know I'm hard to love sometimes.

Despite all my anxious worrying, the first day was awesome. The situation I was coming into was not exactly ideal (I am the third teacher for these students and they did not like the last one), but I was welcomed with smiles, cheers and even a hug. I met the students at the door to shake their hands and I could see them coming down the hallway with unexpected smiles on their faces as they pushed forward and asked was I their new teacher? In one class, cheers erupted after I announced that I was their new teacher. I said that I hoped that was because they really liked me and not because the other teacher was gone. They said it was a mix of the two. Two students saw me in the stairwell and asked if I was their new teacher and said that they were coming to see me before their class. One girl titled her work to me as her "very pretty new teacher" and another wrote in her letter to me that she thought I was so pretty and she couldn't wait to get to know me better. What. The. Heck. I have never, ever been so flattered by students in my life. I had students staying to talk to me after class, they have stopped me in the hall to say hi on this second day. It's just somewhat unbelievable.

I hope this doesn't come off as pretentious and boastful, I'm just so overwhelmed. I didn't do anything to deserve their praise and admiration, but it was there. It's an encouraging to see students so full of life and eager to learn. It does make me a sad to think about my students from last semester and to remember how hopeless some of them were and how they had just given up. I tried to help them. They needed rescuing really, and probably I didn't try hard enough. I know I didn't. But I hope for them. I hope they know I cared for them. I hope that in a flawed system, in a broken world, that they will find light.

I'm so thankful for where I've been brought. At times it feels more like I've been dragged, but I'm here, starting over. Here's to loving others.

Jack's Room

2012-11-21T18:30:00.002-08:00

Jack is one. It's just crazy. I will write a nice tribute to my number one son soon, maybe even this long Thanksgiving weekend, but, after a year, I never did a post on his room. I think I did some posts, but nothing when it was finished. And that's probably because it wasn't finished until about 4 months ago and probably because I did 20 other projects in between. I'm very good at the in between, but completely finishing things? I'm not very good at completely finishing things. Not on time at least.

Also, I really like decorating and re-purposing and this room has a lot of that.

My original "concept" for the room was a bit more "masculine". I really, really wanted a calf skin rug and old pictures of huge beasts (you know, like elephants and lions but real photos, not cartoons, not drawings), but I realized that took away from the "baby" look. I think we'll still do something like that when he gets another room (no, this isn't a hint that we're having another baby, mom. Not now that I can finally fit in my pants).

So, here's the final shots of his room.

Quarter Sawn White Oak Crib Handmade by Daddy. Jack's "name," his bumpers and curtains were made at home and the quilt in the bed was a gift from my Grandmother's best friend.

Shelf made from old bed/new crib leftovers. Hooks from Hobby Lobby. Beatrix Potter water color from Natty, placard from a friend at school, stuffed bear from the Besh's, cross-stitch of our names from B's Aunt Micki, stuffed bunny from B's old neighbors, and an invite from one of the baby showers. I made the less impressive day gown on the far left, I found the sailor suit at a consignment sale (LOVE it) and my good friend Bethan's mom made the more impressive day gown on the right.

Quilted image on the wall was made by SarahEllen Parrish and given to us as a wedding present. Dresser was re-purposed from my parents' attic. Old desk we found at a garage sale a few years before baby J was born.

"Harry Winston" is a very fancy bear from FAO Schwartz in NYC and was my first Christmas present from Mr. B. The rocking chair was my Great Grandmother Sara's. I wish I knew more about it, but it's very old and has been recovered several times. It has a distinct rocking chair creek. I love it.

Shelf from Pottery Barn outlet-$5 maybe? Water colors hand painted by my sister Natalie. More re-purposing of dressers. I need something better to hold the things on the smaller dresser. The figurines include a cheap wooden bird that I don't know where I got from a long time ago, an authentic Hummel from B's parents, a McCarty bunny and Wolfe bird from dear friend Mary Margaret.

I love our Beatrix Potter watercolors.

Marbles are from my grandmother and possibly passed down to her. The "Starry Nights" cow was another early gift from Mr. B. The other figurine is from B's parents I think. It's a wind up with "As Time Goes By" on it.

The knobs on the smaller dresser are glass and original to the piece and the others are from Hobby Lobby.

A hideously toned shot

Eleven Months

2012-10-23T08:45:00.003-07:00

I can't believe that in 15 days I will have a one year old. It doesn't seem like it's been a whole year and when I think back to this time last year, it seems so strange.

I'll write a good long post in celebration of J-bird's first year, but for now, here's a look at the past month and some fun shots from the pumpkin patch!

This past month, Baby J has just become his own little person. Ok, I know, he's always been his own person, but now he is Jack. And he's becoming more and more, "Jack" every day. You know, the awesome thing about having a baby is that it's like having a new toy that never gets old because it is constantly doing something new. Gosh I just love him so much.

Jack is still not walking (I guess I thought he would since he's been scooting around tables and couches for a few months now), but I'm sure, as usual, he will walk when he's good and ready.

He's been eating more and different types of food lately. We've kind of started giving him some of what we've been eating (with exceptions of course). It's been nice that he wants to feed himself as I can give him pieces of chicken, grapes, vegetables, cheese and he's not only entertained, but he's learning. He is not picky at all-which is awesome. I don't really know when babies get picky. He loves spinach and fruit and really likes chicken. He's such a good baby, I have no complaints.

His sleeping habits have changed a little. He now, usually, wants to be cuddled and rocked for a few minutes before we put him in his crib. This is really the first time that he's been cuddly! It will only last for a few seconds and then he insists on pulling my nose or sticking his hand in my mouth, and then we usually go to the crib, but those few moments are just wonderful.

OH and another thing he started doing, which is just the absolute best, is hugging!!!!! He usually only does it when I haven't seen him in a while (morning, after naps and when I get home from school), but when I pick him up, he'll just squeeze me! It is the best, best, best. He's also given me a "kiss" a few times too! He's so precious. Maybe someday I'll go back to writing about something that isn't Jack, but I don't know. I'm obsessed with him. I don't think people without babies can understand that. Maybe they can, but it's just different. It makes me feel sad for people who can't have babies and don't get to experience this. We're very blessed.

The most notable difference that has been coming, is the change in his personality. It's like he knows how to be funny and how to be cute. He's gotten into tilting his head to one side and then the other, back and forth and smiling. It is SO cute. I'm sure he learned it from someone. He's really started mimicking people lately. He claps on his own, "dances" when familiar music comes on ("The Office"-whoops and "Curious George"-his FAV), and he was laughing at me during the impromptu dance party I had last night listening to Beyonce. I know, I am funny...looking. Whatever. ALSO, I know you aren't going to believe me and I'll have to put up a video, but this kid knows how to snap. Seriously. Like West Side Story. I'm pretty sure we have the coolest baby ever.

Well, I have three papers to write this week, evaluation docs to fill out, lessons to plan and to top it off, I'm sick, sick, sick. But I'm glad I took the time to do this. It's important to me and I think I'll be happy I did it in the end.

1 year, here we come!

He loves playing the piano

And he's always on his toes

That pumpkin was 1100 lbs. Go see it. It's amazing.

He was not very interested in smiling. Or posing. Or sitting still. Oh well.

He just wanted to hug and climb on the pumpkins

And be crazy

And eat the pumpkins

He didn't want to pose or smile much this time. Only crazy face.

10 months real quick

2012-10-03T19:14:00.001-07:00

I'll probably regret that I didn't spend very much time on the 10 month post, but that's what I get for being lazy, distracted, tired, busy, avoidant...whatever.

So, Jack's 9th month was full of lots of fast moving. I think I said last month that he had started pulling up on everything, and he has only gotten faster and crazier since. It seems amazing to me that one day he just crawls, and then the next he pulls up, and then the next he's standing in the middle of the room. Just standing there. All by himself. He hasn't started walking yet, but I bet it will be before he's a year....which is SO soon!

He's really starting to get more of a personality. He really does a temper tantrum fuss when you pry the dog food out of his chubby little hands. He makes, "Mmmm" sounds when he's eating and bobs his head and smiles when he wants more.

Mom got one of those now-outlawed-baby-walkers from a friend and he has really had fun in that. We don't have any stairs so I think it's relatively safe. He loves being independent and it keeps him from getting into everything, but at the same time, he gets to move. Mr. B and I have taken him out to the garage some...especially when we were working on the chicken coop!

Yes. We finally have more pets in the form of chickens!

One of my teacher friends at my old school has a farm (I think she has maybe 50 chickens, 5 or 6 horses, a donkey, a goat, a bunch of turkeys and like 7 random dogs-I LOVE it!) She had always brought me fresh, free range chicken eggs which Mr. B LOVED. So, finally, I convinced Mr. B to make a coop, and my friend gave us three of her chickens! We're still working out the kinks of managing the coop, and they aren't laying a ton (I get one egg a day), but I'm told they go through stages.

Here are a few pics from the past month. There all I have on the laptop and the goal for me tonight is to get a blog post up, not for it to be super good, cute, with great pics.

I feel like last month is blending into this month, so I'll stop and go write the one for next week! Hopefully it will be better and filled with beautiful pictures!

Chanticleer

Henny Penny

Change is gonna do me good

2012-10-03T18:15:00.002-07:00

This is embarrassing. I wrote this like, I don't know, 3 months ago? As typical, there have been many changes in our lives. Since the last week in July, things were turned upside down. I'll write on that someday. The short of it is I have a new job that I didn't really sign up for and it's really hard. It's getting easier, but it's a different "kind" of teaching experience than what I'm used to.

One reason I haven't finished this post was because I had taken J's 8 month pictures, or 9 months, I can't remember how I post these anymore, and my camera that I dropped down 4 flights of concrete steps decided, understandably, to stop working before I had gotten the pics off. Mr. B sent it to be assessed, and since it will cost about $400 to fix it, I have to decide what I want to do. In the meantime, I have no way to transfer the pictures. SO. Here was month 9 with 10 coming soon!

I'm trying to think positively.

Before I go into my latest diatribe on the made for tv saga that is my life, I'm going to talk about my favorite little person and all his changes lately. There have been a ton.

First, cheese.
Ok, I know that sounds silly, but this boy loves cheese and I'm so glad. I mean, what if he didn't. We might have to revoke his birthright or something. I don't know why but I feel that this is such a milestone. Cheese. Who would have thought. For the most part we're still keeping to the fruits and vegetables and puffs, but I think he would eat almost anything. Although I did try to feed him a tiny piece of pasta and he about gagged. Son, we have the cheese down, but come on, there's Italian heritage in that blood of yours too. He'll like it soon I'm sure.

At the end of last month I said he was crawling. He had been doing that frog-leap-belly-scoot thing for a while, and since he got crawling down (boy can he race to the dog bowl) he immediately decided that it was time to start pulling up. On. Everything. And the unfortunate thing about having a baby with an unlimited supply of energy, the tenacity of a mountain goat and a really big head is that he falls. A lot. Today, don't call DCS, it's not my fault I'm sitting right beside him!, I think he hit his head maybe 7 times. And I try to do the, don't react, just smile and say you're ok thing, but that is not working. Blood curdling screams. Poor child has a bruise, a knot and two scrapes all from today! Poor little man. I promise I'm not neglecting you, you're just so dang fast and your head is the heaviest part of your little body! I think I'm going to go buy him a helmet just for my own peace of mind. Is that weird? That's weird. But I just want him to be safe!!! Also, does it get easier in terms of them not putting every. single. tiny. microscopic. thing in their mouth when they start walking? I don't want him to start walking any time soon, but geez. How does he find these things?

So anyway, pulling up like crazy and I even caught him standing by himself without holding on to anything for about 2 seconds yesterday. It's crazy how fast he's making these changes! If he can learn to balance that head, he's going to be walking. (By the way I take back everything I said in that last post, I don't want him to walk yet!)

Teeth. I can't remember if he had them last month, but they are really here now. Two little sharp teeth that he is already testing out and anyone and anything (although we try really hard to keep him from putting a mouth full of Moses in there-gross). He loves Mose and Ruffin by the way. Ruffin pretty much leaves him alone and has actually snapped at Jack a few times when he (Jack) will grab at Ruff and pull his hair, but he(Ruff) doesn't bite, just snaps. Jack, of course, responds by laughing. Oh brother. Back to teeth, he's actually getting one of his CANINES! There go your cute days baby Jack. Two bottom teeth and one sharp CANINE sticking over your bottom lip. As you can imagine, he's been quite the grouch lately. Poor honey.

8 months geeze louise

2012-07-12T10:20:00.002-07:00

Someone asked me recently why I sometimes exclaim, "geeze louise" and I really have no idea. Someone said they thought it was a a milder form of taking the lord's name in vain, but I hope not, 'cause I say it alot.

Well anyway, geez louise Jack is 8 months old! Still not a tooth in his head (is that what people say?). He'll have two by the end of the week though. I try to pin him down and get his mouth open to look at the soon-to-be-stabby little sprouts, but Jack just doesn't go in for that sort of thing. But I can definitely see the tops of them. It's a little sad I think to see those teeth coming in. It means he's growing up already. I'm one of those people who love the anticipation of events probably more than the actual event itself, but the problem with me is that I also start thinking of how sad I'll be when it's over. That's dumb, right? I mean, I'm thinking now about Christmas and how excited I am about it, but then I also think, "and then it's going to be over so fast and then it's January and nobody likes January". This is a problem, I know, so I'm going to stop thinking things like, "Jack is almost in school and then that means I'm almost 40 and then I'm practically dead" and start just enjoying the moment. Embracing the present. Being satisfied with the here and now.

SO, 1,2,3 here we go

Brian and I have both gotten a taste of the horribly annoying and blood curdling sound of children's cartoon music. Have you ever heard the intro to The Backyardigans? Of course you haven't mom (my one reader). Well let me just say, stay far away. Stay far, far away. Good thing we tried it out before Jack knows what his favorite tv show is. Let me tell you, it won't be The Backyardigans (everytime i write that I think I give an involuntary shiver). Alright, enough drama, it's not terrible, the intro is just one of those songs that gets stuck in your head and it's just really horrible. So, no more of that.

One thing that people have started to notice about Jack besides the fact that he looks just like a baby version of his daddy, is that he's happy all the time. And really, he is. Not all the time, but as long as he's moving he's happy. He's been good and healthy too, still loves to eat, still goes to sleep on his own. We're quite blessed. Maybe the one thing I've learned about parenting so far (and perhaps I gleaned this from my own mother) is that you just have to relax. For the most part it seems as if babies kind of know what they want and need. And that's usually about one of three things. Like most children, and adults for that matter, they like order and regularity, but that doesn't mean strict and rigid. I'm sure he'll need strict and rigid when it comes to some things, but he's 8 months old. I try to put him to bed at about the same time every night, but I don't force it. I mean, if the kid isn't tired, he's not going to go to sleep. Be flexible. That's what I've learned.

Another thing I've learned, and not in an applicable way, is that mom's are super competitive and super opinionated. I mean, what the heck? Oh, and it's not ever an "opinion", it's truth. It's capital T-Truth. Geez louise mom's. I don't want to be the Pharisee here, I'll talk about being competitive later (yes, I'm at fault), but if I ever start dolling out "advice" when it's not asked for or if I'm stating an opinion as fact, please call me out. It's been a turn off for me. You'd think that mothers would be the most sympathetic to others who are in or have been in their situation. Or maybe sympathetic isn't the right word, but perhaps understanding. Understanding that children are different and that all parents are different and that there are different ways to raise your children and that your way for your child doesn't mean it's the best way for mine. Aren't we supposed to be teammates or something? Let's start cheering for each other and stop judging about nit-picky inconsequential things. Don't worry, I'm not talking about you, dear reader (Mom) and I'm really not talking about anyone I "know, know", I've just been surprised is all.

Alight, my turn to call myself out. Competitive mom. Ugh, whoops, I think that may be me. Gah, I didn't mean to, I think I'm just terribly competitive. And not in the way like I want to be the best and want my son to be the best. I mean what does that even mean, I want my baby to be the best? The best what? Pooper? Eater? He's 8 months old, what the heck is he going to be the best at? I think I'm more competitive (and perhaps that isn't the right word) at wanting to make sure he's keeping up with the Jones' so to speak. I want him to sit at the same time other babies his age are sitting and to crawl when they do. I guess I feel like if he doesn't then he's, gasp behind. And I'm not quite sure why that bothers me. Facebook mothers tout, "My son is walking at 6 months!" and I guess, I don't know, it irritates me. And I'm not sure why. When I think about that, Jack walking at 6 months (ok, that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea) I think, why would I ever want that? That would probably be somewhat miserable if he was walking...nay, running at 6 months! Maybe it's more jealousy that I can't say something impressive like that about my baby. Jack has a twin cousin (they were born two days apart) whom we have yet to meet (boo hoo) who is consistently "doing" things ahead of him. And I suppose Kelly, that I'm jealous. You know, saying that makes me just laugh, because it's really ridiculous, right? I'm jealous of a baby for my baby? Ahahahahaah. Oh the strange, strange thoughts you have when you become a mother.

Sometimes I think that this bizarre compulsion I have to reveal my own depravity is instigated by God to teach me something. And I think I have learned something from this. Two things actually. One is that, as I mentioned before, I need to slow down and enjoy these moments when Jack is "oonching" (that's a word, mom-dictionary) and quit being anxious for him to start "real" crawling. I don't want to miss out on this really fun time watching him learn this world (I mean, everything is new to him and I get to observe him observing it every day. That's really cool). Number two is that we are incredibly blessed. We have a baby. We have a baby who has no known illnesses, or sicknesses. We have a baby who likes to eat, who likes to sleep, who seems pretty smart and capable for an 8 month old and who is pretty cute to boot and we didn't do anything to deserve that. I suppose it all comes down to perspective (which you can read more about in this much more eloquently written blog by my sister). I've been reminded recently about the gifts we have when I "watched" as a mom lost her baby boy to cancer. A family from the church I grew up at lost their 16 year old son to Pancreatic cancer and every time I saw his picture I thought of Jack. I don't mean to sound selfish, but the perspective I have is different from what it would have been a year ago. Every time I'd see a new picture of Trey he looked thinner and sicker and it became more difficult to let myself imagine what his momma was feeling, because it hurt me. It made me mourn for his family. Ah, we are so blessed. And I know that their family was blessed. Blessed to have such an amazing son, even if for what seems to any like too short of a time.

Jack, I'm thankful for every day I have you. I'm really just a steward of you, but I don't plan to take any day for granted. Even if you're teething. Even if you wait until you're 2 years old to start crawling. I couldn't love you more, and I couldn't be more proud of who you are, right now.

PS-He's crawling.

He's growing now

2012-06-10T21:05:00.001-07:00

Theme of the month: growing. It seems as if something is different about my little man every day. I'm SO glad to be on break from school. SO glad. The first two weeks off were nuts with sister's and cousin's graduation, my sister Nat and her husband Aaron were in town before they get ready to head to the middle east and my big little brother was also in town getting ready to go build wind turbines in North Dakota! Now they are all gone (boo hoo) and we've stayed busy, but the days have been calmer and we've had lots of time to do mommy-baby stuff!

Jack and I have been swimming at my parent's several times. He seems to like the pool enough. He likes splashing. He doesn't like me squeezing his big ol goob through that rash guard top.

We went blueberry picking with friend and long time blue berry picker, Mary Margaret. We've been to the zoo several times, to the lake, to the Botanic gardens and lots of walks around the neighborhood.

Let's see, what else. Did I mention last time about what a good sleeper he is? I know, we're "lucky", although I like to think that good sleeping genes were just bred into him. Oh, he really started to roll everywhere this past month. I'd find him sleeping on his tummy, on his side, and when he's on the floor he's just rolling all around. He's also ridiculously squirmy. When he starts to get sleepy, or really just all the time when you're holding him, he's always trying "to escape". Arching his back, wriggling his legs. He's a mover and I bet it won't be long until he's crawling. He's really trying to scoot back and forth, although should he already be crawling now? I don't know. Still no teeth, but everyone who ever sees him is like "Oh, he's teething, yep he's teething, look at that slobber" and I'm like, "Um, he's been slobbering like that for about 3 months now". Oh well, I'm in no hurry for him to get teeth. I love his little gummy mouth. LOVE it.

The last time he was at the doctor he weighed 15.5 lbs, but they didn't take his height. We're going back on Tuesday so I'll get to find out then.

He still loves eating and is wanting lots of milk and we have even done "solid" food two times a day for a few days. He should be chunkier for all he eats, but he's too squirmy.

He can still fit into a few 3 month things but to be fair I don't think baby sizes are too accurate. The things he can't fit into are the ones that go over his head. Poor honey, he just has a big head. Lots of brains, right?

I can't really think of any new major advancements he's made since last month, but he's really just changing every day.

As for me, the end of school was not too terribly crazy. I did ~~complete~~, ~~survive~~, finish an Olympic distance triathlon. That was a bad idea (I think that deserves its very own post). I'm just enjoying being home. I've got tons of projects and have started/finished some already. Brian is crazy crazy busy busy. He's finishing up Paramedic school, doing clinicals, TONS of paper work and fire reserves class. I'm taking two online grad classes so things are never slow, but they are a little less crazy.

Our buddy Caroline came to play....the piano. Jack was smitten, but she didn't give him the time of day. I guess that's alright, Caroline. You go ahead and give boys the cold shoulder for another 20 years.

7 month picture. Oh my gosh, I can't believe he's 7 months!

Botanic gardens

head tilt

What handsome boys I have

Daddy's eyes

This one will look real nice with just a little tweaking

Stay tuned for some house updates. Nothing major, just want to do some before and after posts for each room (mainly to just provide encouragement to myself that we are still progressing with the house renovations).

PS If you noticed, yes, one set of fingernails is painted and the other isn't. I was trying to commit to the color and fell asleep before I made a decision. Oh, and they are still only half painted as I'm typing this.

Half a year

2012-05-23T06:16:00.003-07:00

I've had every intention of writing more often, but I never seem to get around to it. Life is just busy isn't it? I always feel like writing a blog post takes so much time because I feel compelled to always include pictures. That process seems to take forever. Pick the pictures, format the size, wait for them to load, wait, wait, wait...and I don't really ever have much time to just sit. Correction, I don't make much time to just sit. I'm not a very sitting person.

I'm on my 23 minute lunch break at school and saw that Baby Jack's 6 month anniversary of birth is in just a few days and figured I'd get a head start on the monthly post. (Note-this is now May 22nd, he's almost 7 months old. What's been going on? 149 Research papers, wrapping up school and all that entails, more grading, triathlon-which-almost-killed-me-will-write-about-later, graduations, parties....need I go on?)

Let's see, baby Jack this month...I knew I should have written things down as they happened...

He seems to be much happier as of late. He's eating more (like 8 oz) of milk and even some "solid" food like carrots, bananas and some rice cereal. The only thing he hasn't liked is avocado (kid apparently doesn't know what's good for him) and he made this really pitiful, grossed out face when I tried to give it to him. Besides that, he's a crazy man when it comes to eating. The kid is voracious. He's a little monster eater, but that's probably because he burns so many calories not being still. ever. I'm not complaining though. I don't mind an active baby...although I might change my mind when he starts running around the house. He doesn't have any teeth yet, but I have a suspicion that they will come soon as he's been waking up a few times screaming and also a bit fussier during the day.

He's really improved on his grabbing skills and it amazes me how fast he snatches things...although maybe that's not amazing.

The CUTEST thing he's been doing involves sleeping. No more swaddling for this little baby, all he wants is his Mr. Fox (or his "lovey" frog) and his blanket and he lies down and actually cuddles them. I mean, he literally snuggles it against his face and closes his eyes. Cutest. Thing. Ever. I didn't even think babies really did that-only commercial babies. But he does and it's adorable. If I remember when I'm home I'll try to put a video up. Just precious.

He's also gotten very independent with sleep. I guess that's a good thing, but he hardly ever lets me just hold him or rock him to sleep. He wants to be put in his bed, with his blanket and animal, sleep sheep on and lights off. I guess he gets that from the child who so dictatorially commanded, "Shut door leave lone" at a very young age. You're right baby Jack, sleep is important and it should not be trifled with.

J-bird still isn't sitting up yet, but he sure is close. Lots of "tripoding" as they say. I bet he'll have it within the month.

He's definitely starting to react to people more. He puts his little arm on my arm when I'm holding him and sometimes gets a little "shy" and giggly and buries his face in my shoulder. Sometimes he'll squeeze with his arms and legs too. He also loves peek-a-boo and is about the only thing that will make him laugh. Although, last night I laid him down and bent to kiss his cheek and he just cracked up. Such an adorable little giggle. I think he's pretty ticklish on his shoulder

And now that he's almost 7 months old, I think I'll just leave with some pictures. These are fairly accurate 6 month old pictures, maybe 6 and a week :) They are straight out of the box, so I apologize if they're dark and I know they are blurry (bane of my photographic existence)...could have something to do with the fact that I dropped my D300 down about 3 flights of concrete steps. Never.Felt.Quite.So.Sick. Subsequently my wide angle lens is pretty shot, but the camera still seems to work although I have yet to take it in...fear of the inevitable bad news? Also, I just need some camera lessons. But here they are. Tons as usual.

Oh, also, I feel like a little bit of a stage mom because I entered Jack in the baby Gap photo contest. I don't know how he didn't win. I mean, look at this guy!


His serious pose

He has baby model written all over him!

Original Jack

Apparently they didn't actually chose any "babies", the youngest was 3 I think. Lame.


This is my favorite face. I almost don't want him to get teeth and I love the way he kind of looks to the side.

Everyone wanted to do tummy time

I especially love these faces

Does anyone else find this hilarious?

These came out so well!


I'm rarely very proud of my "work", but I love this. Wish I didn't cut off his head, but I'm still finding the best way to lie on the floor, look through the lens, focus AND try to get him to see me to smile. I'm really starting to love "baby" photography but it certainly puts you into some compromising positions to get a good shot.

Pay no attention to that incriminating blue stripe. He was barely wet.

He doesn't do this often

Super out of focus, but this shot is just so funny to me. Moms with babies can attest...you try to get them to sit up and then the next second they've fallen over.

My two favorite guys. Oh, and the tv was on. Great.

Every time I would get one to look the other would turn away.

Or make a funny face

Love

Brian's going to kill me. But it's SO good!

Favorite

I love you family!

good grief

2012-04-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

Five months old! That's nearly six months and then Jack's practically a toddler! Ok, maybe not exactly, but he's growing so fast.

Big things this month include trying food for the first time (just a week ago). The pediatrician said we could give him food between 4-6 months and we waited for a long time and then he started really eyeing our food and grabbing for it and so we gave it a try and he LOVED it! Just like his parents he's a real pro at eating. So far he's had avocado, a mix of carrot and strawberry, brown rice cereal and an organic packet of peas, pears and broccoli(?). Mr. B's sister got us a really fun present of a subscription to Citrus Lane (great gift idea!) and one of the packets came from that month's box. He has really caught on to eating fast (he actually lunges at the spoon with his mouth open) and loves it.

He must have gotten used to being tickled because I can't really make him laugh that way anymore (Rats). He still smiles a lot now and makes lots of funny sounds. He's still not sitting up very well yet, but seems to be getting closer.

I've taken him on some runs where he's actually in the stroller not in the carseat attached to the stroller, but then I don't get to look at him! Brian and I are already thinking of ways that we can get a bike trailer and support him in there....I know, we're ambitious.

This month he's actually slept in a real crib-yay! He's also gotten his first cold (he's actually had it for a while now so we had to get him checked out yesterday-currently weighing in at 14.11)! We've gone to the zoo, to the lake and visited with new friends.

He's getting more and more fun. Here's to another great month and a little over one more month of school!

Mr. B aptly noted yesterday that when Jack gets married (when/if?) he's going to have a lot harder time picking through pictures than we did. Thank you digital and mom who likes to take a million pictures.

He loves to have his fingers...and anything...in his mouth at all times.

This one is getting framed something big.

At Aunti Jo's "International Fest". He was standing up, captivated the ENTIRE time. He was even moving with the dancers and especially loved the drums....great.

This child is an expert at "planking" although maybe a bit late to the fad. He. Never. Wants. To. Sit.

Just started to really grab his toes, but he doesn't want to do it much.

So much bigger than Mr. Fox now!

Whoops

2012-03-26T20:29:00.001-07:00

I totally started this a month ago and just realized on Sunday that I never finished it. Whoops.

Oh my goodness, month three flew bye. I suppose much of that had to do with going back to work. I feel as if we've made a lot of adjustments this month and settled into a routine. Jack has also changed a lot which is really fun!

First change: no more nursing. Y'all I stressed about this and worried about it and felt guilty about it so much, but the fact of the matter is I just didn't have enough for little J bird. We went three and a half months and I'm proud I went that much. Of course I'll try again next time (if there is a next time) and at first I was a little disappointed in myself, but after a few days and much less stress we felt this was really an ok decision. I can't say it was "the best" decision for Jack (trust me I debated, "is it worth it for him to get maybe 4 oz a day from me"), but it was the best decision for me (waking up at 5am to try to feed him, giving him 4oz after, getting myself and Jack ready to go, feeding him a little more, going to the babysitters, trying to use the b.p during my one 20 minute break of the day aka "lunch" and getting 1 oz maybe, rushing home to try to feed him again and then still giving him the extra oz, then trying to lesson plan/feed/grade/"cook"/do laundry/clean the house....not go crazy was just getting to be too much). It took me a really long time to come around to that decision, but I can honestly say I feel fine about it now (thanks for the encouragement all of you!). Jack's doing great, eating like a pig, but still not overweight in the slightest...must be all that standing and moving he does!

Second change: Babysitter. One of my student's mom lives right next to the high school and she's great! "Nanny P" sends me text updates, plays with J, washes his clothes when he pees/poops/slobbers all over them, magically gets him to sleep more than 20 minutes at a time (which I am still incapable of) and she even made us banana bread last week! We're so blessed to have someone so great to watch our baby J.

Third change: This one has been one of my favorites and I hope I don't sound like a bad mother...Jack can entertain himself! This has just started this week I think and it has been SO helpful. Brian and I were both talking today about how we'll set him on the play mat or in his swing and after ten minutes we get nervous and think, "oh gosh, I'm pretty sure he's going to start screaming any second" and then he doesn't! Yesterday he was playing by himself for 30 minutes! Amazing! I know, there are some of you who would do nothing but just hold your baby all day long. I love Jack. I love, love, love him, but I can't do any one thing all day. Does that make me a bad mother? Nah. I don't think so.

Let's see, he laughs more. Has been ravenously hungry, got his second does of vaccines and is just still adorable. He's getting so much bigger (we had to adjust his car seat)! I love how his personality has really started to develop and that makes up for my sadness that he's getting so big. He's still a little on the "slender" (as the doctor calls it) side. I think he was in the 25th percentile for weight (which is way better than last time), 50th for height and, humorously something like the 90th for head circumference. Lots of brains I guess.

He's still not sitting up, but continues to roll over from his stomach to back. He really doesn't like being on his stomach very much and that has me convinced why he doesn't roll from his back to his stomach-haha.

I guess that's about it, seeing as I'm writing this two weeks before he turns four months. I keep thinking of things he's done this month. Guess the 4 month post will be short. Oh well! Here are some shots from his 4 month photo shoot.

He looks really huge in this picture

I'm glad he's getting used to having a camera stuck in his face...for the rest of his life.