a submissive's musings

No limits slavery

2012-02-25T11:45:00.002Z

Inspired by a discussion over on another blog where a fellow BDSMer is questioning whether she is truly a slave if she has some limits.... here's my views on the no limits slavery debate.

Firstly, i don't agree that the difference between a sub and a slave is that a sub is allowed to set limits and a slave is not. That may be the case in some M/s relationships that the Master says "you are not allowed to specify any limits" but i know plenty of M/s dynamics (mine included) where the slave is allowed some limits. That's not to say that some of those limits won't get worked on or disappear in the future, but i know for a fact that some of my hard limits will always be there and that it would be very damaging for my Sir to attempt to work on them (so He has no intention of doing so). Quite often even in a 'no limits' relationship there are some unspoken understandings that the Master isn't going to do certain things, like for example cut off a limb or have the children sent into care or ask the slave to jump off the roof or break the law, etc, etc. Just because those limits haven't been written down or outwardly agreed doesn't, in my opinion, mean that they are not there. The slave knows the Master well enough to be sure that He won't ever require those things of her and the Master has His own sets of rules He abides within and won't go into certain areas. The two can say they are 'no limits' but to my mind that's just playing with words and putting up a pretense.

Secondly, i think that even in situations where the slave is not allowed to specify limits, there's always going to be 'deal-breakers' in that relationship, where if the Master truly wanted the slave to perform a certain activity the slave would back out and call an end to the M/s relationship as it stands. In other words a slave only has no limits up until the moment when something is required of them that they suddenly realise is a hard limit for them and then the relationship hits a brick wall. The slave has to refuse and the whole M/s dynamic crumbles or the Master has to back down and realise that there are limits in this relationship or the slave carries out the request and the relationship and/or the slave is damaged as a result. And it's not just being required to do certain things that may be a limit, it may be that the Master might act in a certain way that causes the slave to decide not to submit to Him anymore.

In all these situations i think it is the survival instinct of the slave which kicks in, which is stronger than her desire to remain a slave in that relationship, which makes her protect and preserve herself and say enough is enough. Until that moment is reached there will be people out there who truly believe that they have no limits, but that's just because they haven't had to face them yet. Perhaps they never will and they will live out the duration of that relationship continuing to believe that they have no limits, but belief and reality are two different things. i don't think any of this negates the M/s dynamic or makes it any less 'real' or 'intense' or 'strict' than it is if the slave feels she truly does not have or set limits. i think it just acknowledges that whilst she is a slave she is still a person and innate survival instincts will take over if the situation requires.

As always, these are my opinions and i fully expect others not to agree with them....

formspring.me #87

2012-02-16T15:06:00.001Z

Got a bit of time to myself this afternoon so decided to indulge in some formspring goodness! (P.S. i still have one question unanswered in my account but haven't thought of my reply yet - will try to answer it soon).

How are you and flamesoul getting on these days?

We are getting on great thanks :) i don't see her as much as i would hope to and sometimes when we are both online at the same time we don't get to spend such quality time together because one of us is ill/tired/pissy/distracted etc. But i think that's the same with any online relationship. The important thing is that we are still there for each other, we still love and care for each other, we are still supportive of each other and i believe that we always will.

When meeting a potential sub for a first meeting, and a time is set up and I (Dom) say a different time and he corrects it what should the Doms response. Mind you he is looking for a non sexual relationship and get to know one another and I be his superior.... (question cuts off)
As i've said before it is very difficult for me to give advice to others on how to run their BDSM relationships because there's such a huge variety of them. But in this case my general thoughts would be that since the two of you are not in any kind of relationship at all yet, keep things simple, don't expect him to mindlessly obey your every command, especially if you change your original agreement and see where things go. Later you can set rules about the level of obedience you expect.

Why don't you drive?
A few reasons: firstly my parents never had a car when i was growing up (though my Dad can drive but hasn't for years and years) so i got used to walking or taking a bus or train. Therefore it wasn't automatic for me to rush out and take my driving test when i was 17. Since then i have always lived close to town with a good bus service and a direct train line to London and other major towns and i have always worked near my house, so again no real need to learn to drive. Now i don't really have the time to learn, though once the children are older and at school, who knows....?

I would love to see blogs written by Masters like yours who somehow micromanage everything you do ESPECIALLY when the family includes kids~i find it almost unbelievable that couls happen on a 24/7 basis
i think you'd be surprised what goes on behind closed doors in some houses! It isn't that difficult to run a 24/7 M/s relationship with children if both parties are commited. And i too would like to see more decent blogs written by Dom/mes but i think there's less need for them to blog than for subs, they get less out of it, so i don't really see it happening. However, check out my blogroll in the sidebar for some excellent Dom/me blogs.

Hi Libby just want to say thank you I have enjoyed your blog so much that you have inspired me to start my own. My question has to do with your blog. How did you set it up so that your blobs are in panels like that.
i just looked for a template/ blog skin that already had that feature! Sorry, i'm not very good on the computer so i wouldn't be able to modify another template to have the front page like this, but i think there's several versions of this design available - just google :)

Hi Libby, I was wondering if your Sir has rules with regards to your appearance, i.e. clothes and hair style. Can you go to the hairdresser without asking him? I struggle with this a bit, since my Sir's choices are not always my own. How is this for you?
You can see my current rules from the link at the top of my blog, but basically yes there are rules about my appearance (and several other unwritten rules in this area which i also follow). Sir has certain preferences regarding the types of clothes i buy which i make sure i stick to, He likes my hair long so i keep it that way but can go to the hairdresser for a trim when needed, He likes my finger and toenails neatly polished at all times (but i can choose the colours), He chooses which toiletries, perfumes, etc. i will buy and use, He specifies how i am to keep my pussy (shaved) and how often to do so, etc, etc. i haven't really struggled with these rules to be honest as i knew to expect them when i entered into this relationship, but good luck with adapting to your own rules.

Ask me anything (250 characters)

William's schedule

2012-02-16T10:20:00.000Z

So today was crunch day, the day when i invited a complete stranger into our house to assess William, interact and work with him for a bit in order to see whether she thought him a viable candidate to be helped by an intensive therapy for autistic children called ABA (Applied Behavioural Analysis). The lady's name is Carla and she turned out to be fantastic, so positive and friendly, with tons of patience and great ideas. She arrived with a bag of 'motivators' (things to encourage William to do what she wanted) plus a box of 'tasks' (simple things like shape sorters, blocks, inset puzzles, flash cards, etc.)

First she asked some questions about William, his diagnosis, his history, his progress so far, his main areas of difficulty, his medical and developmental assessments, his likes and dislikes, and she spent some time observing as i worked with him and Finn in the sensory room like we do everyday. Then she took William to the empty room next door to the sensory room to trial an ABA session with him. At first it didn't go too well because William wasn't so keen on doing things for this unknown person, and he especially didn't appreciate the amount of physical prompting she was giving, but Carla took no notice of his protests, helped him through the tasks while acting like he was doing it willingly, gave him plenty of praise and encouragement and made sure that there was an exciting reward after each piece of the task was done. And William soon caught onto the 'reward' part and quietened down lots, so that by the end of the session he was accepting Carla's support to complete tasks even if he wasn't actively trying them for himself.

Carla said he had done really well for his first session and she sees a lot of potential in him and she would be very happy to work with him in daily sessions (she has just finished working with 2 other children so has a pretty free diary at the moment, luckily for us). i told her that i am worried about doing it too intensively (everything i have read suggests 25-40 hours of ABA each week) but she said not to worry, we can start off with 1 hour each weekday of 'official' ABA therapy with her and i can incorporate the principles into all the other therapies i do with William to increase his exposure to it without it taking over our lives. We sat down and drew up a timetable together of all of William's therapies and clubs, making sure that he has input on his visual, sensory and physical skills daily, with speech and social and fine motor skills at least once each week. i have also decided to incorporate 'floor time' or 'intensive interaction' into William's daily schedule (to me the principles of both these techniques are similar and i am already familiar with II so it makes sense for me to use what i know) and to continue with his massage daily as i have been. Add in baby gymboree club, stories and songs at the library, his osteopathy, physiotherapy, sensory group club (where other mums and special needs babies use our sensory room with us), speech therapy and hydrotherapy and he is one busy boy!

Here is William's new schedule if anyone is interested (items in bold are led by a qualified therapist or club leader):

Monday
- 1 hour ABA with Carla
- 1 hour sensory room time: sensory integration, visual skills, switch work
- 1 hour floortime/ intensive interaction
- 30 mins aromatherapy massage
- 1 hour baby gymboree club

Tuesday
- 1 hour ABA with Carla
- 1 hour sensory room time: sensory integration, visual skills, fine motor skills
- 1 hour physiotherapy with therapist
- 30 mins aromatherapy massage
- 1 hour osteopathy session with therapist

Wednesday
- 1 hour ABA with Carla
- 1 hour group sensory room time: sensory integration, social skills, speech therapy
- 1 hour floortime/ intensive interaction
- 30 mins aromatherapy massage
- 30 mins physiotherapy
- 30 mins visual skills

Thursday
- 1 hour ABA with Carla
- 1 hour sensory room time: sensory integration, visual skills, gross motor skills
- 1 hour floortime/ intensive interaction
- 30 mins aromatherapy massage
- 1 hour stories and songs club

Friday
- 1 hour ABA with Carla
- 1 hour sensory room time: sensory integration, visual skills, aromatherapy massage
- 1 hour floortime/intensive interaction
- 1 hour speech therapy at clinic
- 30 mins hydrotherapy at clinic

Saturday
- 30 mins sensory room time: sensory integration, aromatherapy massage
- 30 mins floortime/ intensive interaction

Sunday
- 30 mins sensory room time: sensory integration, visual skills
- 30 mins aromatherapy massage

As you can see it's quite a full timetable for a little boy, but ever since he was born William has been used to me carrying out massage and therapy work with him on a daily basis plus i have always taken him to plenty of clubs and support groups and he has been receiving 'official' therapy through the early intervention clinic since the age of 2 months. So i don't think it's too much for him to cope with. The only other things which became obvious to me when Sir and i were discussing going down the ABA route are that Finn will need to start nursery at least part-time because so much of my time will be taken up with William now (even more than before). It makes me feel guilty that i spend so much time with one of my children to the detriment of the other two, but i know that Finn will love nursery and get a lot out of going there, so we have decided to send him to nursery every morning and then he can spend the afternoons joining in clubs and activities with me and William (except for Fridays when my mum looks after him while William is at the clinic). i think this way both boys benefit and i will make sure to spend plenty of time with Finn and Poppy at weekends. The only other worry is how much all this is going to cost - Carla charges £25 per hour, the osteopathy is £40 per session, the gymboree club is £145 for 8 weeks, there's bus fares to all the outside clubs and groups, plus there's lots of supplies to buy (the ABA reinforcers and tasks, aromatherapy oils, sensory room toys, etc). i worked out that it will cost something like £230 per week for all of William's therapy which is obviously a huge chunk out of our family budget. But seeing the progress he has already made there's no way we can sit back and not try these new things. We've decided to give it a year and then assess which therapies are working best for him and tweak his schedule if needed.

So, wish us luck as we embark on the next part of William's adventure. i just hope we're doing the right thing by everyone in our little family.

TTWD

2012-02-15T10:09:00.002Z

i meant to write this post yesterday as in my mind it is connected with Valentine's Day and a post i wrote once before about how people in D/s or M/s relationships could still celebrate and enjoy occasions like Valentine's Day without it affecting the dynamic between them (that post is here if you want to read it first).

So what inspired this post, as well as the fact that it was Valentine's Day this week and Sir and i celebrated it together, as usual, along with His birthday (which was on 11th Feb).... and yes we did 'romantic' stuff like buy each other presents and cards (and Sir even got the kidlets to make me a Valentine's craft using their handprints) and had a special breakfast and a picnic lunch together...... was a comment left on an old post of mine that said:
"Kudos to your Master and to you for embracing the 'light' side of this kind of relationship. I have often been discouraged by stories of subs being conditioned to feel ugly or useless and Masters intent more on debasing than celebrating their slaves."

That comment kind of made me stop and think because i've never really considered mine and Sir's M/s to be at the 'light' end of the spectrum before. i tend to think of us as 'in the middle' because in some ways our dynamic is quite strict and full-on (lots of rules detailing exactly what i can and can't do, plenty of restrictions, rituals which i must complete daily, ongoing training, heavy play sessions, punishments for breaking any of the rules.... and all that within a busy house with a young family), but in other ways Sir avoids some of the more extreme elements of some M/s relationships (being caged or locked in somewhere, branding, cutting, edge play, loaning me out, restricting contact with the outside world). Not that i'm saying there's anything wrong with those things, just that they don't feature in mine and Sir's relationship which means we are not at the far end of the M/s spectrum, at least in my opinion.

i think the fact that Sir and i love each other, we relate to each other as husband and wife as well as Master and slave, means that to some we may come across as following a 'light' M/s relationship. And of course having 3 young children in the house has limited what we can do M/s-wise to a great extent. But if anyone were to come and stay with us for a while, see how we really live our lives, observe how our M/s dynamic is woven into every element of our daily life, albeit in subtle ways until the children are safely in bed or out of the house, i think they would agree that there is nothing 'light' about our relationship. i'm not taking umbrage with the comment, just saying that i don't personally agree with it. i see nothing wrong with a Master being loving, kind, thoughtful, caring, nurturing, understanding, honest, compassionate, sometimes lenient towards His slave, but i don't see that a Master who acts in this way 'lightens' the M/s dynamic.

For the record i am aware that debasement, humiliation, 'breaking-down', remolding, reconditioning, brain-washing even are elements of some M/s relationships. It's not my place to criticise those activities so i won't do so. i'll just say that they would not be helpful or productive for me or make me a better slave, so i'm glad they're not a part of our relationship (save for some humiliation in carefully planned training situations). The feeling ugly or useless thing i don't feel to be a healthy part of any M/s relationship, but again i'm aware that others may have a different view, and again i don't see that this type of treatment makes the M/s dynamic 'heavier'. Sir pointed out to me that some others looking at our relationship from the outside might say that i am debased, humiliated, broken down, remolded, reconditioned, brain-washed etc. because they're comparing my life to a vanilla one. That thought made me smile because i certainly don't see those things as featuring much in my life at all, but again i think it depends on what you compare each relationship to which affects where on the spectrum you would place it. Me? i still think of our particular dynamic as being somewhere in the middle between 'light' and 'heavy/extreme' but it would be interesting to fiind out how others view it and why.

Happy Valentines Birthday Sir

2012-02-11T15:44:00.005Z

This is a picture of the breakfast that i made for Sir this morning, which i got from Pinterest (they have such yummy recipes on there among other things) - chocolate chip and banana pancakes cut into heart shapes with syrup on top - yummmmm!

Because today is the day we celebrated Sir's 46th birthday and Valentine's day (while the kidlets were safely out of the house at their grandparents'). After breakfast we exchanged gifts and then Sir took me out to the barn/dungeon to play. (Sorry, not giving details of the gifts or the play here). Then we had a 'picnic' lunch sat on blankets on the living room floor as it's far too cold to be outside for a picnic and then we watched a DVD together this afternoon. It has been a lovely day and i'm feeling very relaxed and content and also very lucky to have Sir as my husband, father to my children and my Master.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone else when you celebrate it on the proper day on Tuesday!

Getting my ass in gear

2012-02-11T11:38:00.002Z

So after a couple of weeks of sitting around feeling sorry for myself and basically deciding to deny/ignore William's diagnosis of autism, i have finally come to my senses. i realised that yes i can choose to ignore the diagnosis, not do anything about the fact that he is severely and pervasively autistic, carry on with the current therapies and hope everything will be ok..... but going down that road means that his autism will not be treated, he will be receiving no help or input with something which is known to be hugely detrimental to an otherwise 'normal' child's development, let alone a child with other complex problems like his. So i talked about it with Sir and we have decided to look into starting William on ABA therapy (applied behavioural anaylsis) which is proven to have a very positive effect on the vast majority of autistic youngsters who receive it. And the younger you start a child on it, the greater the chances of it helping. And it can help even the most severely autistic child to function better in language skills, self-help skills, social skills, play skills and to 'fit into' society better.

i don't want this therapy to be all-consuming and take over our lives. i don't want it to be such a huge burden financially that the children miss out on other things because we can't afford them. i don't want it to take time away from the other important therapies which have benefitted William up to this point. And most crucially i don't want it to be something that William hates and has to endure every day even though he clearly doesn't want to. But having said all that i know that ABA takes time, resources, commitment and money. i know that having a qualified and experienced therapist to lead the programme is important. And i know that the best results come when it is done daily and intensively, when parents are involved and when the method is applied to all aspects of the child's life so that skills learnt can be generalised and used functionally. So we have spoken to an ABA therapist and she is coming to assess and observe William this Thursday and then try out a little 'taster' session with him to see how he responds. Then me and Sir can talk with her and decide whether to go ahead and set up a daily programme for him or not.

If we do go ahead it will be expensive - we will have to pay £25 per hour for the therapist, plus buy all the resources for the sessions. And it will involve me adapting the other therapies i carry out with William to incorporate the ABA goals into them. And it will be a difficult balancing act between helping William and spending enough time with Finn and Poppy and Sir. But i think it is definitely something worth trying and i am hopeful that it may be something that really works for William in which case we can always look into getting him into a nursery or school that uses this method of teaching.

i feel much more positive now that i am actively doing something about William's latest diagnosis rather than sitting here in denial. i know it will be a long hard road for all of us, but i'm so proud of my little peanut and what he's achieved so far and i just know he will continue to amaze us with all of his future progress. Thanks for reading.

Coming to terms

2012-02-05T09:14:00.001Z

This has been a bit of a difficult week and i've been feeling down because of it. Not only has the weather been really cold, which i don't cope with very well, but it was also the 4 year anniversary of avid's death (an op on #P&H), i've been getting used to my IBS diagnosis and also trying to come to terms with William's new diagnosis, which is what i want to write about here.

For the past 2 weeks William has been returning to the TS clinic for a developmental check-up now he is nearly 18 months old. They said lots of positive things about how his use of his sight has significantly improved since his last visit, how he has made progress physically by being able to support his own head and by improving his sitting balance when supported, how well he's done to tolerate an increasing number of foods with such severe sensory sensitivities, but there was also quite a bit of sobering news in that they compared his development to the 'normal' charts and he is way down there (which i knew he was but seeing it in such stark terms was upsetting), they talked about him being fitted for a specialist buggy when he turns 2 and they also mentioned getting him statemented so he can have his first IEP and maybe start at a special needs nursery fairly soon. All of which i'm not ready to think about yet, to be honest.

They also did some standardised testing on William, the upshot of which is he is formally diagnosed with autism, currently categorised as 'severe' and 'pervasive' (to go along with his other labels of: tuberous sclerosis with severe and widespread brain damage, complex epilepsy, cortical visual impairment, sensory processing disorder, severe learning difficulties, global developmental delays). Oh and they told me he would need to be tested for ADD and ADHD when he is older (not sure if he's showing signs or they test all kids with TS, i wasn't really listening by then). So what i knew deep down has now been confirmed: William is autistic and those signs that i saw aren't just a result of his other problems. He has this to contend with as well (and so does everyone around him because i've seen the effect that autism can have on families).

In a way of course it makes no difference. He is still our William, still the same gorgeous little boy i took into the clinic with me, still my son and i love him unreservedly for who he is and will continue to work with him to enable him to progress and develop as much as he is able to. The fact that i already have experience of working with kiddies with autism goes in our favour as i know some of the best strategies to use and can get started early on interventions that may make a difference. i know all of that and part of me wants to just accept this diagnosis and push on. But there's also a part of me which is struggling to come to terms with this. Yes he is my son and i love him for who he is and wouldn't change him for the world..... but on the other hand i would. If i could take away the areas of damaged brain and replace them with healthy functioning brain so he could learn and develop normally, i would. If i could cure his epilepsy so he never has another seizure again, i would. If i could remove his sensory problems so that he could listen to and touch and taste a wide range of things without reacting so negatively to them and trying to avoid them, i would. If i could help him see the world with perfect vision, i would. If i could get those 2 things out of his brain that may go on to grow in future and cause him to develop hydrocephalus and need emergency surgery, i would. If i could take away his disabilities and help him develop without so much struggle to achieve the smallest thing, i would. If i could make him not autistic, not have this extra hurdle to overcome, i would. i would do it for me and Sir, for Poppy and Finn, but most of all i would do it for William. Because it hurts me to see what my little boy has to endure and go through, what he has to battle against, and i just want to fix it for him, make it all better, take all the bad things away like a mummy is meant to do. But i can't.

So if that makes me a bad mother for not wanting to accept my son as he is (even though i love him dearly) then so be it. i was just really hoping he (and we) wouldn't have autism to contend with along with everything else, especially not 'severe' and 'pervasive', but there you go.

i'm embarrassed, but i shouldn't be.....

2012-01-22T09:27:00.002Z

i went to the doctor this week to talk to him about some symptoms i've been having for a while now. i pretty much knew what the likely diagnosis was and i was right, but since he has confirmed what i am suffering from i have found it difficult to talk about with anyone except Sir. i am embarrassed to have this condition, even though it's a common one, there's nothing i can do about it and it's not my fault.....

i have Irritable Bowel Syndrome - "IBS-A" (more info here if you want it). The doctor has sent me away to keep a detailed food and drink diary plus a diary of all my symptoms over the next 2 weeks to see if there is any link between the two. Then he may trial me on one or more of the treatments available (probably peppermint oil capsules first) to see if any of them help. And he has recommended i get 30mins of gentle exercise each day (walking, swimming, etc), try using probiotic yoghurts and try to keep as stress-free as possible, including having alternative therapies to help me relax if needed.

So that's my news, i'll keep you updated as and when i find out more about my particular version of this condition.

A Finn escapade

2012-01-21T19:50:00.000Z

Today i had one of those moments where i suddenly realised that Finn was very quiet and had been for quite some time......

after a brief search for him i find him in the kids' downstairs playroom and as he hears me come in he looks up with guilt all over his face.......

turns out that little Finn has found a bottle of hand lotion and decided to experiment with what happens when you squirt and smear it all over the laminate flooring and all over the walls......

cue much "glah"ing whilst said activity is taking place but a silent Finn as soon as he is discovered, followed by a cute little head tilt and an offering of the nearly-empty bottle to me with one of his newest phrases: "wannit?" (want it), which is what he says when offering things to people which he now does numerous times each day.

Very cute but very messy and mischevious - sums up Finn all over!

2012 - looking forward

2012-01-15T14:37:00.004Z

A little late i know, but i'm easing myself into the new year gradually, trying not to make the same mistakes as previous years by setting myself difficult resolutions and throwing myself into things too fast and tiring myself out and getting really stressed. But i am looking forward to this year and i have a feeling that it's going to be a busy but productive year and that most of it is going to be enjoyable. So here's a list of things i would like to achieve or have happen this year:

- help my sister celebrate her 30th birthday in style
- enjoy going to the Olympics
- take the kidlets away on a summer holiday
- progress in my training to Sir
- help Poppy start 'big school' and enjoy it and learn lots
- send Finn to nursery part-time
- continue with and add to William's therapies
- redecorate our bedroom
- get a new three-piece suite for the lounge
- read some books and increase my knowledge
- do more with the garden
- see several films at the cinema
- teach William to sit independently
- teach Finn not to make so much mess
- teach Poppy basic money and time
- get spa treatments regularly to recharge my batteries when needed
- be more patient with 'stupid' questions about William from members of the public
- spend more time with baby Callum
- meet and get support from a bigger group of mummies with special needs kiddies
- scene more in the P&H channel

Not going to go into any more details yet, but as and when i work on or achieve these targets i will expand on each of them at the time. BTW, i am aware that the deadline for my 101 list has expired but i have decided to continue to work on them and will announce here when i have met them all

formspring.me #86

2012-01-08T13:03:00.001Z

My husband and I are looking to add some light BDSM to our sex life. Do you have any website suggestions were we can learn proper and safe techniques for spanking and bondage?

Try these:http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/library/articles_us/bkurs01.htm
http://www.seekers.org.uk/http://www.leathernroses.com/http://www.wizdomme.com/infopack/http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/

Anyone else have suggestions?

Ask me anything (250 characters)

So... Disneyland

2012-01-07T18:46:00.001Z

The past week seems to have gone by very quickly since we got back from Disneyland so i haven't had a chance to post and tell everyone how it went, but am finally grabbing some blogging time now to update everyone!

For those who don't know, we took all 3 kids to Disneyland Paris for new year, staying there 3 nights, 4 days from 30th Dec to 2nd Jan. The journey there was fine, the Eurostar service was great and the kids were all given special Disney kids packs though William wasn't at all interested in his and it only occupied Finn until we got on the actual train! But Poppy spent most of the journey there colouring in the pictures and talking about what she could see in the pack so that was useful for her. For the boys i took along some of their favourite toys and books and they were kept entertained (William even had a little nap on the train which was good). We had booked the Disney Express service so the Disney staff came and found us on the train and gave us all our tickets and hotel information plus we handed over our cases at the train station on arrival so we could get straight into the park - that was brilliant as the kids were raring to go by then!

The rides and shows and parades in the 2 parks (there's a Walt Disney Studios Park there too) were every bit as good as promised and the kidlets had an absolutely fantastic time. i'll detail each kid's favourite rides and moments and souvenirs a bit later. We got to go on all the rides we wanted to without queuing too much due to William being given a disabled pass which meant we could skip the queue and board each ride from the disabled entrance if it was a ride he was going on. For rides which Finn and/or Poppy wanted to go on without William, we got fastpasses to minimise the queuing and they were kept entertained by the music as they waited so that was fine. Sir and i did get to go on some of the adult rides by getting a fastpass and going on by ourselves while the other person looked after the kids, but to be honest i enjoyed the rides we went on as a family the most. The food was good, we ate in a variety of places and Finn and Poppy had plenty of choice - we took our own food for William due to his fussiness.

The Cheyenne hotel we stayed in was nice, we had a good-sized family room with a double bed for me and Sir, bunk beds for Poppy and Finn and a cot for William. Finn really liked the cowboy/Western theming too and there were saddles on stools for the kids to sit on, a DVD area for them and characters who popped in for meet and greet sessions each morning. Breakfast was included and it was a buffet-style which suited us well, we could fill up and find stuff that everyone liked and we actually managed to make it to the parks before the official opening time each day so that we got to go on the rides before the queues built up too much (a special perk for guests staying onsite). We managed to see quite a lot of the characters wandering round the parks and got to greet them without waiting for too long, thanks again to flashing William's disability pass at the staff members. Poppy took her princess dress and insisted on wearing it the first day, though she got cold even with thick clothes underneath so was happy not to wear it after that. But she did get to meet lots of the princesses and have her photo taken with them so she was a happy girl.

We saw all the main shows and parades - Mickey's Winter Wonderland show which was an ice-skating singing and dancing one with lots of characters, Princess Aurora's Christmas Wish (just for Poppy), Mickey's Magical Celebration with Merlin the wizard, the Christmas tree lighting ceremony, Disney Dance Express which popped up at random moments and got everyone dancing along the streets, the main Disney parade, Fantillusion the after-dark parade with lit-up floats, Cars and Stars parade in the Studios park, Stitch Live show and Sir and Poppy went to see the New Year's Eve fireworks over the castle (i was in bed with the boys by then). Also we'd booked tickets to see Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show on New Year's Eve which was fantastic - lots of horses, cows, bison, cowboys, lassooing, tricks, competitions, lots of fun and the kids loved the atmosphere and it came with a nice dinner and unlimited drinks. We got good spots for all the shows and parades, lots of them had a special reserved area for disabled guests so we made the most of that and the kids really enjoyed them all as did Sir and i!

Now onto each kid's favourites:

William - William's favourite rides were 'It's a small World' because of the music and singing and lots of colourful characters, 'Mad Hatters Teacups' because he loved the spinning motion, and the 'Slinky Dog' kids rollercoaster in the new Toy Story part of the Studios Park. i have a lovely photo of William meeting Mickey Mouse, where Mickey has bent down over William in his buggy and William is reaching up to tap his nose, though not all the character meetings went so smoothly - Santa Goofy patted him on the head and made him scream in protest! William loved all of the shops because of the bright colours and lots of things to look at, but wasn't interested in any of the soft toys - instead his favourite souvenirs are a light-up spinning Buzz Lightyear toy, a flashing Mickey Mouse keyfob and a book which has buttons to press to make noises and play music. William was a very alert and happy little man for the vast majority of the time we were there, taking in all the sights and colours and music. He loved all the shows and all the parades, especially the after-dark one because of all the pretty lights on the floats. And his seizures were at a minimum the whole time we were there, which was a blessing. He did get a little cranky on the journey back and had a grumpy day a couple of days after we returned, but on the whole i think it was a very positive experience for him and very stimulating for him in a good way, giving him lots of sensory experiences and opportunities to practise using his improved vision. And he didn't get overwhelmed by the crowds like i worried he might do, so it was all good.

Finn - Finn had many favourite rides: 'The Disney Railroad' because it was a train, 'Casey Junior Circus train' for the same reason, 'Autopia' and 'Cars Race Rally' because he could 'drive' a car, 'Pirates of the Caribbean' because of the boat and the music, 'Dumbo' because he could fly in an elephant, but his absolute favourite ride of all was 'Buzz Lightyear Lazer Blast' - he found it hilarious to zap the targets with his lazer gun with Sir's help and of course he fell in love with Buzz and Woody from Toy Story and had to get a Woody costume, Buzz and Woody toys and a lazer gun of his own to zap people walking past his buggy as well as several other toys! Finn also loved lots of the shows, especially the Cars and Stars one, the main Disney parade and the Stitch Live Show. He chose the Ratatouille character for his soft toy, maybe because we watched some of the film on TV on Christmas day, called it "rat rat" and cuddled it in his buggy the whole time we were there and in bed since getting home. He surprised us all by suddenly saying "fankoo" for the first time ever when i handed him his "rat rat" toy after paying for it, perhaps because Poppy had just said it when receiving her toy. And he got super-excited when he spotted the Ratatouille character meeting and greeting people in the Studios park, almost couldn't contain himself when waiting for his turn and then ran over and gave him a great big hug shouting "rat rat!" when beckoned over - another super cute photo! Finn was very good in the shops, not wanting everything like i thought he might but being content when told he could choose one thing. He thoroughly enjoyed himself and keeps wanting to look at the photos on the iPad since we have returned - a real pleasure to go on holiday with.

Poppy - Poppy loved Sleeping Beauty's Castle of course, but wasn't quite brave enough to visit the dragon underneath, especially after watching Finn go bounding in all confidently and then come out yelling a few seconds later! Her favourite rides were: 'Dumbo', 'Sir Lancelot's carousel' a traditional horses carousel ride, 'It's a small world', 'Slinky Dog', 'Peter Pan's Flight' and the 'Flying Carpets' ride. She wanted to go on the 'Snow White' ride but then got scared by the wicked witch so wouldn't go on again. Poppy absolutely loved meeting all the princesses and chatted their ears off when it was her turn to sit with them! She also persuaded Belle to dance with her and i have a lovely picture of the two of them dancing together. Poppy loved all of the shows, especially the ice-skating one and the parades with the princesses on the floats. And she was amazed by the horses at Buffalo Bill's show. Poppy wanted lots of the souvenirs in the shops but was happy to choose between them, especially when told we would be back another day - she is now the proud owner of a princess colouring book, a set of princess dolls with accessories, some Minnie Mouse ears on a headband, a Mr Potato Head with parts she chose herself (like a 'pick and mix' counter), a Mickey Mouse soft toy and lots of other things too. Poppy was very well-behaved, very patient, very kind to her brothers, said 'thank you' for everything and was a delight to have with us.

**Edited to add my favourite moments and rides i went on without the kids:
- Big Thunder Mountain (which Finn was disappointed he was too small to go on but enjoyed waving as the train went past), Phantom Manor, Space Mountain, Star Tours, Rock N Roller Coaster, Tower of Terror, Armageddon, Studio Tram Tours, Crush's Coaster
- i loved seeing the look on the kids' faces when the lamposts in Main Street started twinkling and the fake snow came down - it was magic :)
- eating at the Rainforest Cafe the first evening was fantastic and all the kids were mesmerised by the decor - we were sat right by the large elephant which was moving and making noises the whole time and every 20mins or so there was a 'thunderstorm', the food was nice too!
- seeing the kids interact with the characters
- all the Christmas decorations, music and special shows and parades - even though we went after Christmas i was still in the holiday mode and it made things more special
- the Fantillusion parade
- the Buffalo Bill show (we had front row seats)
- seeing the kids' excitement when Santa brought up the rear of the parade - Finn was yelling "Sanny!" so loudly!
- the delicious traditional sweets and fantastic cakes, pastries and fudge sold in one of the shops along Main Street - i had lots of treats from there :)
- all the lovely photos we took of our special holiday to keep as memories forever.

All in all a great holiday and a lovely start to the new year.

Survey of the year 2011

2011-12-29T15:36:00.001Z

Getting a couple of posts in before we go away to Disneyland tomorrow, so here's the now traditional survey of this year:

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?

built and used a sensory room in the loft, gave injections to my baby, wore a clit clip, demo-subbed for a product stand at a play party, held a birthday party at the sealife centre with 12 kids, had sex outdoors.... many things!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

i purposefully didn't make any this year and feel much freer because of it, so not planning to make any for next year unless Sir tells me to.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth this year?

my sister gave birth to a little boy called Callum and he is gorgeous :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

my nan did and it was sad, but she had a good life (she was 100).

5. What countries did you visit this year?

we are just about to visit France (Disneyland Paris), right at the end of the year!

6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?

i honestly can't think of anything, though i am really looking forward to going to the London Olympics in August next year, so that should be good :)

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory and why?

30th September - the date my sister gave birth (early) to her first baby.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

learning to tolerate the single-tail whip being used on me without panicking.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

nothing beyond the usual colds, i've been quite healthy this year.

10. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?

my sister's baby being born and our trip to Disneyland Paris.

11. What song will always remind you of this year?

can't really think of one, though the Sesame Street theme tune will serve to remind me of Finn's obsession with Elmo this year!

12. Compared to this time last year are you:- happier or sadder? :- richer or poorer? :- thinner or fatter?

happier (a little) because i am more accepting of William's disability and can see the fantastic progress he has managed to make, about the same financially and about the same weight wise though probably a little thinner as i have got rid of the baby weight from last year.

13. What do you wish you'd done more of?

been more patient with people making annoying comments about William - i'll try to work on this next year.

14. What do you wish you'd done less of?

falling asleep while using the laptop in the evenings - i'm going to get myself in trouble about it one of these days.

15. Did you fall in love this year?

i am already in love and that has continued to grow.

16. What was your favourite TV program for the year?

again, i haven't watched much TV this year but i have enjoyed 'Miranda', 'Outnumbered' and 'An idiot abroad' on the internet, as well as Big Brother.

17. What was the best book you read this year?

i don't think i had time to read a single book this year :(, too busy with the kids. Maybe next year?

18. What was your favourite film of the year?

Arthur Christmas, not because it was an amazing film but because it was the first one i have taken the twins to see at the cinema and they were so well-behaved and it got me in the Christmas spirit.

19. Who was the best new person you met this year?

moly (from the chatroom).

20. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year?

that sometimes i won't be able to achieve everything Sir wants me to in my training, but so long as i try my best He'll still be pleased with me.

Our family Christmas

2011-12-27T09:15:00.000Z

Just a quick post to say that we all had a great Christmas. Thank you to everyone who sent messages or emails with Christmas wishes and a special thank you to one friend and blog reader who sent a voucher which will be spent on the kidlets soon!

Christmas Day itself we'd decided to spend together at home, just the 5 of us and it was a lovely day. Poppy and Finn were very excited the night before, culminating in Finn pulling his stocking down and wearing it on his head like a Wee Willy Winky hat, running round the house squealing..... but we did manage to get everyone settled down in bed and asleep at a reasonable time! Finn was the first awake in the morning and came toddling through dragging both his and William's stockings with him, shouting "Sanny! Sanny!" (Santa) so very soon after that all 3 kidlets were in our bed opening their presents from Santa - we give them a stocking of smaller gifts and a sack of larger gifts from Santa and then we save other presents under the tree from family to be opened after dinner. Poppy got the bike she wanted from Santa and was a very happy girl, Finn got a drumming Elmo and a cookie-counting Cookie Monster and was beside himself with delight and William got plenty of sensory toys and was happily learning how to play with them as i went downstairs to sort out the breakfast.

We watched some Christmas movies together in the morning and the kids played with their new toys some more (and Poppy tried out her bike down the driveway - it has stabilisers so she can ride it by herself, we'll remove those as she gets older). me and Sir had agreed to share the cooking this year and i wrote a schedule of when everything needed to be done, so it worked out really well and we didn't forget anything. Dinner was very tasty, there was plenty of it and all 3 kids ate some of it, even William ate the mashed potatoes mixed with a little gravy. Though we did have one moment in the middle of dinner when Finn suddenly took a dislike to his brussel sprouts and threw them at the wall shouting "Noooooo!", so had to have a couple of minutes calming-down time in the lounge while we got the wall cleaned up and then explained to him that that's not what we do with food we don't like! After dinner we sat round the Christmas tree to open more presents and this is when Sir and i exchanged gifts too. i got lots and lots of lovely things this year - spa vouchers, bath stuff, smellies, perfume, jewellery, clothes, DVDs, books, bags, shoes, nail polish, things to keep me warm in bed.... and Sir was very pleased with the presents He got too. The kids were thoroughly spoiled and got more toys than they knew what to do with and everyone went to bed that night full and tired and content :)

Yesterday (Boxing Day) we had my parents and Sir's mum round for lunch and the kidlets got even more presents, though William had had enough by then and we had to give him some quiet time in the sensory room to chill out for a bit. But leaving aside all the presents and food, what really made Christmas great for us this year was spending it together as a family, being with those we love, seeing the children so happy and content, playing together and appreciating how lucky we are to have each other. And as i sat there watching the kids playing and interacting with each other, i realised just how much each one of them has grown and progressed in the past year, in their own ways, and it made me really look forward to 2012 to see everything they are going to achieve next year. And of course i'm super excited about taking them to Disneyland (Paris) at the end of this week!

i hope everyone else had a great Christmas and got to spend some time relaxing with family and friends. And have a good New Year too!

Happy Christmas!

2011-12-24T11:45:00.000Z

i would like to wish all readers of this blog a very happy Christmas. i hope you all get to spend time with the ones you love, with plenty of presents, good food and lots of time to relax. We're planning on spending Christmas Day as a family together, then there'll be visits to and from extended family before we get ready for New Year's at Disneyland.

Happy holidays everyone :)

William (aka 'little peanut')

2011-12-24T10:43:00.004Z

And so we come to the last of my posts on my brilliant kidlets and i've saved possibly the most brilliant till last - this post is about William.

For those who don't know i'll give a brief explanation of William's disability (you might want to skip this paragraph if you already know): William was diagnosed with a condition called Tuberous Sclerosis before he was born - he has over 50 tubers in his brain, which basically means he has brain damage to every area except for the brain stem. He also has 2 subependynal nodules in his brain which have to be monitored because they could grow and cause fluid on the brain in future and he has smaller tubers in his heart but these are shrinking and haven't caused him any problems. William's brain damage means he has developmental delays (he is currently functioning at the level of a 3 month old at the age of 16 months) and epilepsy resulting in several seizures a day, despite being on a cocktail of medication. William also has a cortical visual impairment, meaning his brain can't process the messages from his eyes properly, sensory processing difficulties making him hyper-sensitive to some sounds, tastes and textures and he is also displaying some characteristics of autism which is strongly correlated with his condition. William is enrolled in an early intervention clinic and receives speech therapy, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, a group music and movement session and advice and input from an occupational therapist and a visual impairment specialist. i also carry out daily therapy with William in the sensory room we built in our loft.

William has made amazing progress despite all his difficulties and he is now able to:
- look at, focus on and track objects, toys and pictures in normal lighting
- show recognition of familiar people and favourite toys
- show preferences for some colours over others
- operate large switch pads independently to activate favourite sensory equipment
- reach out for and take toys offered to him
- pick up toys from the floor to investigate
- tolerate and enjoy some textures
- splash with his hands in water
- support his own head
- remain in a seated position with cushions to support him
- push up from the floor with his arms for increasing amounts of time
- make happy, cross and upset noises

William is a very determined little boy and he doesn't let his disabilities get in the way of something he wants to do. He will try and try and try until he succeeds and he can be very stubborn when he wants to be! William is generally very happy and affectionate, loves physical contact and snuggling with his family, is beginning to respond to his twin brother Finn more and more (he learnt a new skill from Finn the other day that none of his therapists have been able to get him to do!), has a gorgeous giggle and a beautiful smile and quickly captures people's hearts. Some of William's favourite things are: bathtime and water play, light-up toys, music and songs, bubbles, ducks, being outside in the sunshine, watching the wind blowing the leaves on the trees, being in the woods or on the beach, massage and being in the sensory room. For Christmas we have got William a variety of sensory toys - ones that light up, play music, makes noises or are for water play. We think he will enjoy using them very much!

Thanks for reading about my little peanut, William

Finn (aka 'Tazmanian Devil')

2011-12-23T12:02:00.002Z

Time for the next post raving on about how brilliant my kidlets are - if a mum can't be proud of her own kids, then who can? This one about Finn.

Finn is a delightful mix of contrasts and opposites - he is very patient and laid-back when waiting to have his needs seen to and always has been (e.g. eating, drinking, being changed, etc), but yet he is very energetic in terms of needing to be on the go all day, constantly running and climbing and doing things, hardly ever sits down for long, etc. He is very thoughtful when it comes to William, very intuitive and understanding of his needs, encourages him to get involved and try to do things and he has always been this way since birth, but yet he is very destructive in his play and exploration of the world - some of his favourite things to do are tipping things out, pulling things onto the floor, piling things into heaps, banging things together, playing in the dirt, making a mess in general. He is very happy and contented, always smiling and giggling, excited about new things he can do and new things to be discovered, easy to keep amused and occupied, but yet he is also going through a 'no' phase where he answers 'no' to everything we ask him to do, has occasional but very big tantrums if he can't get his own way and has started having 'grumpy' moments where nothing can cheer him up. Overall, Finn is happy, cheeky, cheery, mischevious, friendly, impulsive, patient, energetic, tolerant, destructive, caring, noisy, thoughtful, boisterous and fun.

Finn, like Poppy, is ahead in his development and has been since he was born. He was early to walk and to talk and now at the age of 16 months has already mastered these skills:

- say about 60 words recognisably and is beginning to put words together into 2-word phrases
- use pointing, gestures and body language to communicate as well as some signs if he doesn't have the words
- ask questions using appropriate vocal tone
- understand most of what is said to him and answer simple questions, such as pointing to body parts etc.
- recognise many objects and pictures and point to them on request
- walk, run, go up and down stairs, climb, dance, throw objects, roll and kick a ball
- use a 'big boy' bed
- build towers of bricks and use stacking and posting toys
- complete simple inset puzzles on his own
- dig in sand using a spade and pour water into and out of containers
- feed himself and drink independently from an open cup
- take his clothes off and attempt to put some on
- copy adults' actions and engage in pretend play, such as using a toy hoover
- scribble with a crayon
- search for hidden objects and people

Some of Finn's favourite things are: Sesame Street (especially Elmo), cars, trains, motorbikes, boats, planes, trucks, tractors, balls, painting, messy play, music, noisy toys, bricks and building blocks, interactive character toys, bubbles, being outside, being naked, bath-time, water, the park, the woods, mud. For Christmas we have got Finn lots of Sesame Street toys, Duplo, a toy garage, a new train set, sensory and messy play toys, a baby drum set, a bubble blower, a ride-on tractor, sand and water toys and noisy/sound toys. He should be very happy with his loot!

Thanks for reading :)

Poppy (aka 'Daddy's princess')

2011-12-18T10:50:00.000Z

So i realised i've fallen by the wayside a little in terms of posts here, but honestly things are just so busy around here that it's difficult for me to find time to think of what to write, let alone find the time to write it. But with Christmas fast approaching i've been thinking lately about how brilliant my little family is and how proud i am to be the mummy of all three of my kidlets. So the next few posts are going to be about my brilliant children and giving more details on where they're at right now. If you're not interested in reading about my kids, feel free to skip them.....

Poppy is now 3 1/2, going on 13. Seriously, she seems so grown up sometimes, has such in depth conversations about things, has such brilliant logic and insight and understanding that often i forget she hasn't even started school yet and is still a very little girl. Poppy is definitely brighter than average for her age and i'm not just saying this because i'm her mummy. Some of the things Poppy can already do:

- write her own name and all the letters of the alphabet correctly
- copy words below an adult model accurately
- know all the letter sounds and say the letter that some words start with
- read quite a number of words on sight and try to sound out others using phonetic knowledge
- draw people, animals, trees, houses and cars recognisably
- attempt to copy shapes drawn by an adult
- name all shapes on sight, including pentagon, hexagon and octagon
- recognise numbers to 20 and count to 50
- count a set of objects accurately up to 10
- make a set of objects the same as one made by an adult
- say which set has more
- say colours, numbers, days of the week and animals in French
- answer questions in French including her name, address, age, etc.
- know the days of the week and months of the year
- know her name, address, phone number and date of birth
- name all the species of birds which visit our garden
- know facts on many animals
- ballet dance and swim
- and many more :)

Poppy has a thirst for learning and is currently wanting to learn to tell the time and recognise coins. She loves learning about animals and knows more about some of the species than i do! Poppy has many interests including: ballet and dancing, music and singing, French, reading stories, painting, arts and crafts, cooking and baking, animals and birds (especially sea creatures), swimming, writing and drawing, colouring, cutting and sticking, puppets, pretend play and dressing up, playing outside, walking in the woods, going to the beach, playground equipment, TV and films, play dough, stickers, hairdressing, Disney princesses, Dora the Explorer, Peppa Pig to name a few.
She is a great sister to both the boys, very patient with them, loves playing with them and spending time with them, tries to teach them new things and very proud when they learn something new, very protective of William and understanding of his problems. Poppy is usually very well-behaved, has good manners, rarely has tantrums or refuses to do something, tidies up after herself, is very loving and affectionate and friendly, loves to be helpful, has a very caring nature, is never demanding in terms of time, attention or material goods, is very bright and inquisitive and thoughtful and curious about the world. She is a great daughter and a lovely little girl and i am very lucky to be her mummy.

For Christmas we have got Poppy a mix of educational and fun presents including Dora the Explorer and Peppa Pig stuff, a bike, a play kitchen, an Innotab (kid's iPad), art and craft stuff, paints, colouring books, reading books, clothes, play dough and animal stuff. She should be very happy on Christmas morning!
Thanks for reading about my Poppy :)

About Dominants

2011-12-04T11:36:00.000Z

A while back now swan of 'The Heron Clan' wrote a post about Dominants and what natural qualities would be required to make a good Dom. Here's her list:

Honesty
Trustworthiness
Integrity
Self-Control
Sense of Humor (even at himself)
Capacity to Love, Be Loved and to Express that Love
Desire to Learn and Grow, both for himself and for his partner
Dependability
SELF AWARE

i have said before that i consider Sir to be naturally Dominant, not in an arrogant arsehole got-to-be-in-charge-of-everything way, but there are many personality traits He possesses which make Him naturally dominant in all of His relationships, in the way He interacts with people, in a work situation, in His private life, etc. So here below is a list of the natural qualities i believe Sir has that make Him a good Dom:

- air of authority
- confidence
- practicality
- trustworthiness
- honesty
- good communicator
- good listener
- empathetic
- self-control
- consistency
- integrity
- dependability
- self-awareness
- sense of humour
- compassion

I think that people who possess the above characteristics are likely to act in a dominant way in their lives, even if they are not Dominants in the BDSM sense. Of course other people will possess some or most or all of the above traits to some extent, but it is when someone has them in abundance that they make a good Dom/me. IMHO of course :)

Sorry for not going into more detail on my thoughts on these characteristics and why they are so important to my Sir being a good Dom. Things are a little crazy round here at the moment trying to get ready for Christmas and our Disneyland Paris trip straight after, keep the household running, look after the kids and keep up with all William's therapies and the clubs we go to, teach Poppy who is super thirsty for knowledge right now, stop Finn from destroying the whole house and the Christmas tree in particular, be a good wife and slave to Sir and so on... you get the picture. But i'm very happy for anyone to leave their comments on this post and tell me the qualities you think a good Dom/me should have. Thanks!

formspring.me

2011-11-27T09:40:00.003Z

Ask me questions about BDSM http://www.formspring.me/libbysub

formspring.me #85

2011-11-27T09:40:00.001Z

I'm 20 and I'm having a hard time...does it get better? Were you lonely before you met Him? How did you cope?

i think it was different for me because before i met Sir i thought of myself as 'vanilla' (not that i knew that term, but i considered myself 'normal' and not kinky in any way), so i was perfectly happy with 'normal' boyfriends. i just happened to be attracted to men that were older than me and men that were naturally dominant and in control. Once i found out that i had an interest in kinky sex (which is all i thought my interest extended to in the beginning) i met Sir soon after and He led me through my training and discovery in this area and we have been together ever since. So i was one of the lucky ones, i never went through a time of waiting and wishing for my perfect Master to come along, or felt lonely or left out or different. i was never stuck in a vanilla relationship feeling that my needs weren't being met or endlessly searching the web for that one genuine Dom. i'm sorry i can't be of more help but i would say hang in there, do all you can to talk to and meet up with like-minded people so you don't feel so alone and i hope you find what you're looking for soon.

Ask me anything (250 characters)

In response.....

2011-11-23T07:19:00.001Z

... to a post on another blog which was obviously directed, at least in part, to me, though it didn't name me. i have been pondering the best way to respond to this post, if at all, and have finally decided to post my response here, quoting from that original blog post but without mentioning any names. Here goes:

Firstly i don't think it is ever a good idea to view your relationship as 'in a league of your own' or to state that your Dom's 'way of doing things is superior to nearly every other Dom/sub relationship out there'. Of course lots of us feel that our Dom is perfect for us, that He does things in a way which is suited to our unique needs and we cannot imagine another Dom being able to do things quite as well. And many/most of us feel that our own D/s relationship is better for us than other such relationships we might read about on the internet. But the crucial points in those sentences are the phrases 'for us' - saying that my D/s relationship is better and more suited to me than any other D/s relationship i have read about and saying that my Sir is a better Dom for me than any other Dom i have met is not the same thing as saying my relationship is in a league of its own or my Dom is superior to others. That just smacks of arrogance, one-upmanship and a complete lack of understanding that every sub is different, every Dom is different and therefore every D/s relationship will be different. What works for one relationship will not work for others, what makes one Dom great would make another not-so-good, what one sub needs another sub hates, and so on. One of the great things about the BDSM community is its tolerance and acceptance of a wide range of practices, beliefs and preferences and i think this openess is important and integral to the lifestyle, so it concerns me to hear someone using words and terms like 'league of our own' and 'superior'.

The post then goes on to list ways in which she believes her Dom to be 'superior' to others, which basically consists of statements saying 'because He does not......'. Again, just because something isn't right for you doesn't make it not right for others and certainly doesn't make your Dom superior to those who do carry out those practices. Some of the things listed are 'my Dom doesn't control every single facet of my life' (that's to do with the sub/slave thing, with whether you agree to hand over control of all of your life as a slave or whether you negotiate to retain control of certain parts of it as a sub), 'my Dom doesn't debase me' (humiliation and forms of debasement are an important part of some D/s and M/s relationships - you specifically mention my rule about leaving the bathroom door open when i am in there, which is something that works for me and my Sir, but yet you see it in a very negative way), 'my Dom allows me to have a job if i want one' (again this is to do with levels of control and doesn't at all make your Dom better or superior to those who have stay-at-home subs or slaves) and so on. Comments are made which start off with 'all it will gain the Dom that requires it is a sub that rebels.....', 'there is one thing that will make a woman submit faster and that is.......', 'there is no long-term future in any Dom/sub relationship where....', 'a Dom that.... is a Dom that doesn't deserve to be a Dom'. What you should have put is 'all it will gain the Dom that requires it of me is that i will rebel...', 'there is one thing that will make me submit faster and that is....', 'there is no long-term future in any relationship for me where...' and 'a Dom that..... is a Dom that isn't right to be my Dom' - what you are doing is taking your needs and preferences and projecting them onto each and every D/s relationship out there and any dynamic that doesn't follow exactly your ways is seen as inferior and not as good as yours. BDSM is not a cookie-cutter, one size fits all thing and to see it that way and to write about it with such clear contempt and disdain for other people's interpretation of the lifestyle does none of us any favours.

Thanks for reading, have a nice day.

VBA

2011-11-20T09:08:00.001Z

Master Dream's precious treasure very kindly nominated me for a VBA (Virtual Blogger Award)!! Here's the rules of how to participate:

1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass this award along to 15 blogs you enjoy reading.

4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

OK, here goes!

Obviously i would like to thank MD's treasure for nominating me. She has a great blog herself, which is on my reading list in my sidebar: here. When she nominated me she wrote:

"libby is a blast to read! She's candid and upfront about everything she believes in! She's a slave living with her husband and three kids and her blog is anything but boring! There are struggles and many triumphs and as a reader you're drawn in like one of the family very quickly. i love to read this blog!"

Awwww, thank-you, that was very kind :) Now for the 7 things about myself (and i'm going to try to make sure they're things i haven't already included on this blog):

1. When i was little i broke my sister's thumb by shutting it in a door-jamb (accidently).

2. i am addicted to sponges (bath sponges, car sponges, etc) - i love to make them damp and then sniff them.

3. i like to sit on the loo and ponder things; sometimes i can be in there for quite a while and lose track of time! But i seem to do my best thinking in the bathroom.

4. i can be relaxed just by watching 'spa' videos on YouTube (e.g. massages, hair treatments, pedicures, etc).

5. my favourite song is 'Dancing in the Moonlight' by Toploader, because it is such a happy song.

6. i love buying 'knick knacks' for the house; my dream is to fill it with souvenirs from every part of the world.

7. i feel like some of the friends i have made online are closer to me than some of my 'real' friends are and they certainly know more about me!

i'm going to be a bit naughty and not nominate anyone else for the award because i think most of the people i would want to pass it on to have already had it. But if your blog is on my sidebar and you haven't received this award yet, consider yourself nominated!

A bit of a failure

2011-11-20T08:00:00.001Z

Those of you who keep up with these things will know that i've had 'cumming on demand' in my current training list for a while now. It's something that Sir started teaching me a long time ago and has continued to work on gradually, hoping to eventually attain the state where He can make me cum at any time just by telling me to.

When He first explained the training and expected outcome to me, i was sceptical, wondering if it was possible for anyone to get to the point where they could be made to orgasm just because their Master commanded it. After all, us women are fussy little creatures and some of us can find it hard to cum anyway, needing just the right stimulation in just the right spot for just the right amount of time in order to achieve it. i'm not as bad as that and normally i can cum pretty easily, but i do require some form of stimulation down there to make it happen.

Having said all that, there had been some progress in this training - i was able to cum on demand a few minutes after stimulation had ceased, and i was also able to cum on demand when i was feeling 'not quite there yet'. Sir has worked on both these areas and i am now much more consistent with them, and also He has gradually got me to the point where the amount of stimulation i need before He gives the command is quite a bit less than it used to be.

But.... it seems that is as far as i can go with this training. Sir has tried for months and months now to push it a little further each time, to get me slowly towards the point where i can cum from no stimulation at all. And whilst the mind is willing, it seems the body is not. There's a level of stimulation which i can't get beyond, where if He gives me less than that my body just won't obey the command to cum. So Sir has now declared this particular training 'finished' even though i have not 'passed' it. He hasn't used the word 'failed' because He says He is pleased with my efforts and there has been some success in the outcome, but i know He was hoping for more and it does make me feel like i have let Him down and failed Him to some extent.

Some people reading here are probably thinking that it was an impossible task and nobody can actually achieve true cumming on demand. But i have talked to other subs online who can do it (and they can do it just by reading the command on screen, since they live apart from their Masters) and Sir has successfully taught one of His previous subs to be able to do it. i guess it's one of those things which is possible for some people but not for everyone. But that still doesn't make me feel any better about it.

So today i am a bit of a failure.

formspring.me #84

2011-11-06T10:38:00.001Z

A couple of quick questions from my formspring account:

What is the age-difference between you and your Master?

13 and a bit years - Sir was 45 in February, i was 32 in August. But to be honest i don't really notice the age difference, and i think it would be weird to have a Master younger than me (for me personally, though i think it could work for some couples). Also i have always been drawn to men older than me, so it makes sense for me.

Do you have an email? or somewhere i can write you?
Sir's email is linked to the top of this blog: sir.peter@hotmail.co.uk
Sir passes all the emails about this blog onto me and allows me to reply to most of them and to send my email address onto some of them. He doesn't let me put my own email address on this blog because of all the trolls! i always like getting emails from blog readers, as well as comments and formspring questions.

That's all the questions in my account answered now, but please feel free to send me some more:

Ask me anything (250 characters)