Silent Whisper

CNY eve

2012-01-22T19:49:00.002+08:00

macam hell door been open. another fakadak CNY.
1st year pow angpow,double. pow for almost 4 hours only kaw tim. wth!.

back to work.

?

2011-11-04T01:29:00.001+08:00

y birds shit on my car?

desserts

2011-08-27T20:59:00.002+08:00

who is d genius created s.t.r.e.s.s.e.d.s -> d.e.s.s.e.r.t.s? that kind hearted fellow definitely have not experienced it before.

what i know is the so-called desserts is taking toll on me. somehow realize that the change of watsoever is caused by it and not something else.

getting tired is part of it?

i've prolonged my life, or should i not?

2011-08-07T03:23:00.000+08:00

How much I wished to be asleep now. Even after taking medicine, I’ve still been denied a good rest. Today I’ve been popped some rather silly questions by them, which either they do not want the answer or I do not have the answer.Felt kind of fucked up as I cant really tell them whats going on, what do I think and how do I felt. It’s a death trap that I felt I’ve maneuvered out. What is the point of answering when its not the objective of the conversation? Feeling threatened, it leads to believing that I doesn’t belong here, anymore.

Think deeply, today event had caused me to doubt my next action plan. But how much longer can I stay at such unhealthy environment? Things changed, and I cant no longer speak the truth to them. There is a split of direction, which I know I am not heading the same way. Much of the regret for my wife and J Jr. Somehow I think I’ve failed them. One of the time that I’ve acknowledged my wrong “calculation” and actions. I have no courage to face them. As of today, I feel that my world had crumbled down on me, by my undoing.

But anyhow, life still good to me I have loving and supportive family and dear wife. Thank you for your patience and standing up my attitude. Without, im shattered into million pieces.

leave the place or leave the world?

2011-08-05T04:34:00.000+08:00

already hating this place for known and unknown reasons, had no direction and purpose to push on.

can someone please bring me home?

another happy day indeed

2011-07-25T19:43:00.001+08:00

Nothing more than,just some random guy with fcuked up soul. I had enough of this 'wonderful' moment! I cant use any words to replace the 'happi' experience.
Proven again, when shit happens, only your loved will be at your side, not he, not she, not them but family and stuff.. maybe a sign of doomsday, everything is twisted and changing to the dark side.

For the sake of them, I will try to collect every broken pieces and hold on as long possible.. there will be hopes if I pushed through hard enough, I believe.
Didn’t ask much, just for a simple and happy life.

its coming

2011-07-24T22:32:00.002+08:00

i still have 5 , or maybe a good 6 hours to sleep if i fully utilize it. work and work. come tuesday and 1500hrs, its another chapter ending.

come wednesday, im gonna say hello to BB again. plz spread your leg wide wide, let us see your little joystick there =)

definately miss my fatty back there.

still coughing quite bad, and flu make its return this morning!

i got a big plan waiting for realization, project restoration A, and planning for another step. the wilder side of me urging me a "go", while the softer side doing 1+1=6 calculation to fully utilized the momentum of "go".

but, please enjoy fully the 112 hours that i need not to work. <-- is it really this short? nya seng ah.

bagai melepas batok di tangga

2011-07-20T02:05:00.000+08:00

terrible sickness that still lingers for 2 weeks.and for the last 10 days, been coughing,sneezing and having fever that dont seemms to end. worst is coughing, that i felt my lungs or watsoever related internal organs seems to tercabut. even after overdosing super drowzy med etc, the cough still can wake me up.

pure awesomeness.. countdown 6 more days to go..

Rejoice.

5th mnth-heavens to the womb

2011-06-24T23:44:00.001+08:00

Dear junior,
Hope u r doing awesome in ur pod. Papa gonna finish his work fast and come back earlier for our little talk. I hope u miss me too. Mumy told me that u r in critical condition now. Both us, gong gong po po, wai gong wai po is worry bout u.

Today papa spent a lot of energy to sulk and think deeply about u. 153 days suddenly seems very far away. Papa don’t know how to be optimistic with the figure. But to tell u, when I was younger, I like to do the impossible and scale to a higher heights. I hope u have this too, come out and meet us. We r gonna b good buddy.

Again, words cant express how much we are anticipating u. Plz b good, no notty notty and counting days for our meeting.

~love,papa.

5th mnth ? update?

2011-06-24T18:27:00.002+08:00

Dear junior,

Hello. How r u doing there? I hope u r growing right and healthily, absorbing all things good from mumy. 5 more days, and I will be back from my work, imma bring mumy to doctor and do a scan on her big tummy a.k.a. ur temporary pod, just to say hi and waszup and being able to see you move and stretching thru the screen really makes me us thrilled. Thrilled is totally underrated, whatever the choice of words, know that u r our pride and joy.

Papa always get SMS and phone call from mumy saying that u r very active and playful, and knowing that, it just makes me want to come back earlier to be at ur mumy side, to feel your movement, to continue stories for u, or maybe sang u some love songs, kiddie songs. I believe that this coming round of check-up, we will be able to determine your gender, and start asking ur aunt MT to call sifu to help think of some great names for u. Mumy always said that papa don’t have enough time to stay with her and preparing for your arrival. “meet and greet” session yah? In fact, papa had a lot plan involving u, that sometimes mumy complained that papa neglected her. Hah.

Today 2.18pm, papa get a SMS from mumy saying that u r not feeling well today. Whole day mood thrown down the window. When papa get back to room, cant stop thinking of u and initiated a quick prayer,I hope it reached the heaven & blessing being channeled to u. Called ur wai po and she said will bring ur mumy to check prior to papa’s home coming. Cant wait anymore, even im eager to see you on screen again. Just hope they come out with good news that you are doing well. Rmbr to give a big thumbs up yah when doctor come and check u up.

~love,papa

4month. Updates!

2011-06-09T05:17:00.002+08:00

Baby is 4mth old in mumy's tummy. saw the fingers, legs. Faster come november, papa want to see your cute face.

and be good, doc said you are sleeping at lower position of the placenta. So mum cant go around coz have to wait you sleep in higher position in mumy's tummy. Today mamy called papa and said can feel that you are doing the footwork for drifting. wait papa come back i sing you better songs and read you stories.

papa have to work somewhere so cant accompany you and mumy everyday. i will make up for that soon ok. c u again during next scan and we should start to think a nice + awesome name for u then.

~love

1 fucked up morning

2011-06-01T23:55:00.003+08:00

the above title said it all.

sometimes u might wonder how fucked up it can be early in the morning. i tell u its disssssssssss fuckedup. given a scenario as below;

~ u phone rang and it shows ur manager calling u when u r off duty / holidays / having ur good sweet time / sleeping / taking a dump and u answer it, only to find out that more problem is en routing. u spent quite some times trying to "fix it remotely", which happens so when u r not in the fucking office, and someone trying to fucked up your day, and take note, my fucking off day and sleeping time. not that i hate my job or my managers, but to be precise, the kanenaubuchaucheebuy-retardedrmarderfacker-$!***porean who makes my day.

if u ask me well enuff, 8 out of 10 $!***porean is at least at kanenaubuchaucheebuy-retarderdmarderfacker-level. i hate the 8 in every single effing way. y in the blu hell that they are so proud of themselves being hated all over the world?

$!***porean, u r nothing more than me, the guy nex to u , the guy from Indon, or the lady waiting for her maggi goreng at New York, un-fucking-less u r walking with ur lips, eat with ur ears, talk with ur armpit, then shut d fuck up and make urself more "accepted" to the rest of the world.

peace & fuck u $!***porean. hahaha.

ops:failed

2011-05-07T23:07:00.001+08:00

done a few things,but outcome not as expected. i was plagued with sadness hahaha.

and starting a new journey. i felt im far away from parent..

crank up and back to work.

mata hitam

2011-04-26T03:56:00.002+08:00

cant sleep.......

i hope she will be someone even better, always better than yesterday.

and BB cant wait for you to come into this world.. there will be 7 months till we meet, i will prepare for your arrival..

today im mounting stress.

another step

2011-04-07T03:07:00.004+08:00

Dear baby,

this is the 1st time where papa and mama saw u. You are very small and fragile and needs alot protection. faster develop and eat more from mama ok.

b good and see u soon

~love

haha

2010-12-31T03:27:00.001+08:00

come new year come new promotion come new fun come new stress and come new experience.

enjoy.

mivec T_T

end of the year

2010-12-30T01:19:00.002+08:00

another day to end of this year.

and it brings back the bad memory.. so hard to forget..

just hate it much.

ground myself in the room.

sorry love

kapal terbang

2010-12-04T05:22:00.002+08:00

re-read miluk mt blog. xpressed her happiness on my happiness. back then i was happy with all d support and positif remarks from famili.

but now i am afraid the truth not as easy as i thought it once was, and i hate to break the mood.

is it the promises, the words or the love?

pain that i know that i cant bear much longer..

how i thought that i was onli depressed and stressed up.

now i've discovered that im also having bipolar disorder. its really painful to have to handle this all along and all alone. i hoped she did really pay attenntion to me,stop hurting or provoking me.

1 by 1 of my friend left hometown. i am no where to go and no1 to find in future. no more brother-in-arm or partner-in-crime.

anyhow just have to stay strong till the end, like i always do.

best regards,

Ping

miscom

2010-11-27T18:40:00.000+08:00

bound to happen all the damn time.
how to solve this?
stand down or going head to head will prove disastrous.
now i know.
sorry for that. mean it.

at where?

2010-11-23T02:11:00.001+08:00

standing at crossroad of my life... everything seems to be easy as gambling? Big or small? Odd or Even? Yes and no...

i am possessive.

and i am committing a biggest lie of my life, to myself.
**clap clap**

sadistic thought

9 emperor god celebration

2010-10-13T05:21:00.003+08:00

Birthday eve, went to do some prayer and apparently a parade / celebration for 9 Emperor God or Gau Wong Yeh. Happens to be on Saturday nite, which means alot people will be there.

Arrive to Tow Boh Keong temple near Jalan Kampar around 11pm, heck its packed of cars and people. Re-group with Bro Seng, waited till 12 when the "fun" starts. A long procession from temple to river bank of Sungai Kinta, where prayers being held.

It is belived that they invite gods thru waterway (therefore at river bank) and on the 9th day, they will send the gods back thru the river as well. Back to the procession / parade, there were 3 giant flags poles being balanced by only a guy (they passed it to each other thru-out the journey) which is awesome and those carrying the altar etc. Those people have to "join" the temple and on vegetarian diet for whole week / month and wearing white shirt and long pants, and no shoes.

Whole journey was "secured & protected / managed" by RELA team and traffic cops. It felt like we are having a riot or tunjuk perasaan kind of things =D and I usher into 1 year older running around. Arrived home @ 4 but clocked out at 9am. Super stim !!

more pics to come soon. slow connections =D

101010

2010-10-10T03:42:00.002+08:00

we have thoughts of tying into 1 on this day. and i thought we are forever.

we have all the plan to lead a good life.. and i hope that i can still hold your hands when i walk after 60 years.. and i still think of you and i am empty...

its time for forget the dream...

sense

2010-09-23T02:32:00.002+08:00

remorse, regret, its coming back to me.
believe it or not i still felt the pain every damn night.
you wouldnt know if i am still thinking of you..

and you ppl that try to bring me down, i will stand before your evil scheme.
i will stand tall with my cause.

di

2010-09-12T12:26:00.002+08:00

sorry to hurt you and not paying attention.

sorry but i have another "task" to focus.

sorry for all the sadness..

aduh me

2010-08-05T13:51:00.002+08:00

clumsy bear @ me.... macam apek.

bought Starcraft 2, Just Cause 2, Singularity and SNiper. Hehe. Can kill some time and getting numb.

Sleepy.

Going back to Genting. Heading to Melaka and Johor this Saturday till Monday.

Mengantuk !!!!

Bag loaded with alot stuff. Damn heavy!

zzz