Creative Outlet

Paper chain dolls/Caged bird

2012-02-24T02:22:00.001Z

©http://www.auntannie.com/FridayFun/DollChain/

Would you rather see me as a sheep?

A dark blurred shadow?
To glow - I'd need your approval
To emit my own light I'd need your alliance.

Climbing up the jagged wall,
with your feet crushing my fingers
I would rather let go and drop a thousand feet
then for you to own my significance.

Monitoring my breaths,
placing a cap on feeling exhilaration,
you want me comfortable
Predicting my pulse over time
because you can only control so much
with a premature heart and mind.

When I speak of the issues surrounding recidivism
or how young girls need positive female role models
I see you focus in on my lips,
your forehead gets sweaty as you nod your head.
In your mind you're torn -

Torn between accepting a woman
who is capable of having beauty and intelligence
which is unbound, challenging and passionate
you either humble your ego,
engage with her mind, her soul
all she has to offer as her equal

or.

See a challenge you need to own.
See the beauty, neglect the brain
get in quick, her body you claim.
Make her believe you give a shit,
all the time thinking...

"who the fuck does she think she is!?
Throwing around them words -
she don't know what they mean!
All she really needs to know
is how to say my name, 'yes' and 'please'.
Succumb to me bitch, I run the show.
Wish you'd just flick your hair back
go re-apply and move your lips real slow.

Just listen... because I'll teach you all you need to know.

WE have the choice.

We need to separate the boys from the men
and make that distinction before we let them in.
Because we shouldn't have to shrink
to fit the box that they provided -
Feeling like Alice breaking through windows and doors

as we embrace our real potentials, our real souls.

Taking breaths that fill our lungs
exhaling the negativity that's been thrust upon us;
all the emotional blackmail, sly criticisms picking us apart
or the acts of neglect that withered at our hearts.
The rejection and tactics used to keep us down,
to keep us feeling smaller than the big man in town.

Whilst they suck on our tit of support using it to better themselves
happy to watch you stand in the shadows
fighting your battles without any help.
With just one hand, handicapped you squander
picking up the broken pieces from the last time
he dropped you from the heavens you tasted
when he wasn't cold or lost miles yonder.

© http://sincitygirl73.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/i-know-why-the-caged-bird-sings/
I snipped away at all the good pieces
to make a chain of paper dolls
had to stop giving all of me
because me you was never ready to receive.

When I dropped a thousand feet -
I survived...
And the most beautiful thing happened
I saw my lies.

I acknowledged myself, my heart, my mind.
I took opportunities and flourished with them over time.
I surpassed all expectations
when no one told me I could be this.

So now I stand infront of the mirror
confident in my own skin.
And I pinch myself everyday
because only God and I know where I've been.

Sarenity "Circles" Live

2012-02-23T21:03:00.002Z

You guys should know this song by now but here's the live version of it. Hope you enjoy this - like, subscribe if you have a YouTube account, comment and let me know what you think ;-) . Peace

YOUR time - Competition Time!!

2012-02-06T12:20:00.000Z

©http://bornstoryteller.wordpress.com/tag/creative-process-2/

So I've been thinking I've featured some of my work so far to date but right now I'm more interested in what the world has to offer. I'm a bit bored of seeing the same old thing everywhere I look and I'm looking for someone to show me something I've never seen before.

If you have something creative you want to share then email me on the "Contact me" information above and send it through, along with a valid email address. It can be in writing, drawing, audio or video format and if I'm feeling it, I will feature it on my blog.

To make it a little more fairer and slightly easier for me. I'm giving you a theme which will be "Freedom". Your "Creative" piece can be anything that is interpretative of that. Please stick to the theme! If it isn't interpretative of that I can't include it. C'mon "Freedom" is a very broad theme!

Depending on how many enter and how generous I'm feeling there may be more than one of you I will want to show off. Not only will I feature your entry on CreativeOutlet but the best 3 will receive a prize. This will be dependant on where the winners live. So you better get started. The submission date is the 5th of March 2012 in 4 weeks time. Winners will be announced soon after that.

Note: To enter:

- You must be a subscriber of my blog
-"Like" TheCreativeOutlet Facebook page
- Be following me on Twitter @CreativeOutlet_

©http://www.mrgoldmansartroom.com/
This is a worldwide competition not just UK. That's all! So don't be shy, if you have something you want to share with the world get in touch

"It's better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation"-
Michael Jackson

Good luck!Peace & Love xx

"I was the flame you was the water"

2012-01-31T01:19:00.000Z

I wrote this song on the 4th August 2009 on the guitar, I didn't have my guitar on me so I transposed it to the piano and I liked the sound - so recorded it and thought I'd share it. I have books of songs from an early teenager to get through so check into my youtube account to listen in on my life so far.

Schools Kill Creativity

2012-01-30T02:19:00.005Z

"All children are born artists- the problem is to remain an artist as we grow up." - Picasso

"We don't grow into creativity we grow out of it. Rather we get educated out of it"- Sir Ken Robinson

I watched this a few years ago and I remember it striking a chord with me. Robinson gives a very real and witty account of his views on the education system and creative students. I'm not sure what made me come across it again recently but I thought I would share it with those who haven't watched.

I always wandered why isn't creativity valued as highly as academia? Yes, academia is important and useful but creativity is unbound, unhindered and sometimes entrepreneurial. It can create and lead ideas where academia would systematically validate or control. Creative minds are different , think different, we act different and feel differently.

I was an academic and excessively creative child, teenager, adult. I was accepted to Richmond College to do a BTEC National Diploma in music technology(I could compose, perform I just wanted to learn how to produce), however they would not allow me to do English Literature alongside it. So I went with Stanmore College - who allowed me to study BTEC National Award in Music Technology, English language & Literature, Law, Psychology. I had to be able to explore my interests. I can never be restricted and told to choose one path, because I feel both strongly. So I do both, regardless of what I was told I "Should do" or "be" or what I "could be" or "do".

In academic subjects it just seemed you were reassessed and promoted. You were either in "bottom", "middle" or "top" class for English, Maths, Science and French. Although this "technique" claims to allow teachers to deal with the individual needs of the varying abilities of students- is it right to limit ones ability by labelling them. To know you have been subject to be positioned in "bottom" class does that necessarily mean you're slow or less bright? What does the label do for students self confidence maybe the label makes them act as if they should be in bottom class as they are told they are only bottom class worthy.

Creativity is embedded within me - naturally, since I can remember and will always be there forever. I never neglect it. I breathe it. Whereas my thirst for knowledge and passion for positive change fuels my academic career choice in Criminology. I love what I do, what I learn and how I apply it. I can't be one without the other and one day I'll merge the two and create something two fold... But that's another story for another day.

How do you feel about the issues raised in the video? Do you agree or disagree? Should we be nurturing creativity in students better than the education system currently is? Talk to me

A New Year, A New Outlet

2012-01-25T22:00:00.003Z

Hey guys :)....I hope your all having a good week...So I've been at my computer writing constantly for too long recently...this reluctance to write set me off with recording this random video n kickstarted another creative project.

I started writing a blog post on this topic but didn't get very far :(... As it has been a year strong for Creative Outlet (yay!) I thought this would be a nice change which could engage with some of your other senses and for you to see and hear me rather than read me all the time. Let me know if you like these, I'm planning on making it a regular thing.

I want to thank all those that kept checking in over the year and for your encouragement and support. This is for you. Enjoy! Stay Tuned for Part Two in the next couple of days :)

And as promised here you go Part 2 for you! Have a listen and leave your comments and feedback I love hearing what you guys think :)

The Word House: We listened to Poetry on a Saturday night

2012-01-16T21:27:00.002Z

Walking up unfamiliar streets excited to discover the venue, I backtracked to everything I had learnt over 2011 about creativity, about artists that had inspired me and about my own progress as an artist and writer. Above all I hoped to leave with the same feeling that knocks pleasurably at my inspiration when I've been exposed to something special enough to provoke my creativity. I didn't have to ask for directions I knew I was in the right place. Once I saw the line of poetry enthusiasts huddled together outside a charming cafe with outdoor fairy lights greeting you at the main entrance, I thought, "Wow what a charming venue". No other words came to mind and fitted except 'charming'. As if it emitted a warmth or aura that drew you in with a welcoming and cool personality. I didn't expect such an eager crowd and the buzz they had created only added to my anticipation to get inside! I'd been invited by Amy Stratton the events organiser and from the online videos and info surrounding The Word House, I knew this had to be something worth reviewing and to feature on my blog.

As we got closer to the entrance, more was revealed to me through the windows. First the stage; simple wood beams with a backdrop of open glass windows and one mic. More warm lights, I now understood the name 'Word House'. Cosy. There was no denying the venue was intimate yet we all flooded in as if we hadn't noticed a thing. Just there to listen, to be entertained and inspired. Turning the corner I was surprised to see a busy kitchen dishing up what looked like very tasty food and drinks! (Making me regret that bland chicken wrap I shoved in my mouth on the rush up here). The scents of the well seasoned food, the sounds of the crowds friendly chatter and clashing of glass made me feel right at home. There was nothing pretentious about this event.

Within 15 minutes of being inside, the venue had reached full capacity. How were all these poetry goers going to find a spot to perch? Did it matter? I looked around- by the smiles and nonchalance I guess it didn't!

The night consisted of three featured poets Ross Sutherland (The Times Top Ten Literary Stars of 2008), Hollie McNish (Previously Commissioned by Radio 4, with an appearance on BBC2) and Adam Kammerling (Brighton Hammer and Tongue 2011 Slam Champion). DJ Able was mixing original music as the soundtrack to our night, while the amicable resident poet Dan Simpson hosted the show - keeping the crowd lively and engaged with his humour and quirky poetry. Kicking it all off was Adam Kammerling- a talent I could have never prepared for. Before he even started he was hitting us up with thought, 'You're not here to seek my approval, I'm here to seek yours'. Of course every person in that room after his performance approved.

He started with what he called "A Rap Bit" no title given but after hearing it rest assured it could be recognised as that "Rap Bit" piece. His love and knowledge of rap and hip hop was evident as he busted into our mental spaces, awakening us with rhythm, flow structure and delivery which were flawless. Although his lyrics were 'clever' it didn't strike me as original concepts and I was feeling slightly led on. However, as a first time listener to the piece I guess I fell for the trick. The plot thickened, he wasn't just performing "A rap bit" in fact, he went on to interrupt himself mid rap to have an enlightening conversation with the "rap artist" through role play and poetic verse. It was genius.

I nodded as he dissected what it was about modern raps conformity which has arguably left rappers real life stories perpetuated in negative stereotypes. In some cases the essence of what is being said can be detracted by the "hype" that many rely on to conform to a popular sound. I was surprised within all this he could deliver humour as the crowd chuckled in appropriate intervals. It would seem from the other pieces he did, this was his style. Taking issues like poverty on your back door and "mugging", turning them into punchy anecdotal poetry - getting you to hear them whilst still making you laugh?! Quite difficult to do effectively but I couldn't fault anything he did. His performances opened up the stage and our minds as he left us excited for what the night had in store for us. A pretty hard act to follow in any circumstance.

The open mic sessions was what makes this event worth it, giving the eclectic mix of budding artists and the already established an opportunity to showcase their talents to eager listeners. It looked nerve-wrecking from where I was standing but in such a friendly atmosphere no one was not appreciated. There were a few that caught my attention that night; Lewis Buxton (Top), Dave Florez (Left), Young Dawkins (Right), Selina Nwulu (Bottom). All had something to share which either made us laugh out loud, contemplate or sympathise with. However, the final open mic act left me in admiration, feeling somewhat inspired and definitely wanting more. Anthony Anaxagorou, had the audience silent for the duration of his performance of 'What if I told you' - a piece contradicting historical 'facts' that do not get questioned by the masses. I enjoyed the pace at which he spoke - it helped digest the thought provoking points he was making. There was something serene about his performance style. Clearly illustrated on his website is the amount of research that goes into his pieces and for your benefit he shares with you his reading lists. Definitely a talent to watch out for.

The next act I was prepared for, in fact, I was prepared for her all night! I felt like a kid anticipating desert after a much satisfying dinner...yes I was impatient. As Dan put it, "...this lady needs no introduction.." he was right. I had already heard some work from Hollie McNish, and I fell in love straight away and if you have read my blog you will understand why. I anticipated what material she would do from her broad collection of poems, but from previously hearing "Wow", "The Heat Magazine and bitch fights". I was hoping for one of her more "angry ones". As she embraced the stage I wasn't disappointed as she proceeded with "cupcakes". A piece about embracing being a woman and all that it encapsulates while questioning societies obsession with female fads which encourage women to be children. Illustrating her point using examples such as adult cupcake tea parties and school disco club nights, she sheds light on issues some women may not have even thought twice about.

Taking our nostalgic memories of being girls, turning them into 'pretty' imagery them flipping them over to reveal deep and significant truths in a fun and frolicking way is exactly what she did. How? I don't know. She had won the crowd over with her personal stories before she started which was great as we got to know a bit more about her. What I love about her performance style is that it doesn't matter how long her poem is, or how much she pushes you to think because her delivery and passion in the way she performs keeps audiences engaged endlessly. Her tempo is excitable, accents and stresses chosen well, whilst her words bop along to a comfortable rhythm - we understood perfectly and if we didn't we do now.

It is great when you find an artist who is able to inspire women on a deeper level and challenge their thoughts on everyday issues which beg little debate. She gives female issues a viable platform for discussion through her poetry and we get lost in her head as she signposts us through personal discoveries and realisations. Of course her work is not gender specific, with such poignant messages relayed through her storytelling in "My Maths" which she performed on the night, highlighting discrimination in UK society. If you enjoyed "My Maths" you most likely will appreciate "Hate", a poem which extends these themes. With her performance of "Touch" I'm sure both men and women went home reevaluating their levels of affection in their relationships and whether they too have forgotten the basics- she did make them sound so appealing through the use of imagery poetry. Although I could talk about Hollie's work all day I have to make sufficient room for an artist that blew me away with his eccentric and pioneering talent.

Ross Sutherland a charismatic character that truly did make me smile. As the show was drawing to a close and I had been standing for almost 3 hours, he made it more than worth it, just for those 15 solid minutes or so of pure and passionate performance. I could have never expected what he was about to do. A performer that can make you laugh uncontrollably (seriously I had no control over my own laughter - he did), using such inventive techniques to create interesting and original pieces of work. How he comes up with these ideas I don't know. So random and irrational but yet the pay off you could never forget. In his first performance, he tries his attempt at OULIPO's N+7 technique (This is when you take an existing text and replace every noun with the noun seven places below the original in the dictionary).

His performance turned the story of Red Riding hood into a version you could never have thought up. It was fun and playful, illustrating how amazing word play can be, by replacing random words with the 23rd letter down in the dictionary. After hearing it you would of wandered why all children's stories didn't follow the same process because to be honest I would of much rather grown up with his version! The final act before he dashed off to catch his train was an ad-lib performance using the name of one of the audience members, in what became an ode to "Monica" which then became the title.

He owned the stage with his powerful resonance filling the Gallery Cafe with what we all needed- comic relief communicated through beautiful stanzas of well thought out strategically planted metaphors and similes that conjured up imagery you just wanted to ponder on whilst you paused his performance. I couldn't keep up. His presence was short and sweet. If I played you the audio recording from that night you could see how he played us like puppets, wrapped in his art he included us- he seemingly erased the stage and jetted off into the night.

As the applause continued I could tell the crowd had gotten more than their moneys worth. Throughout the night I looked around to see engaged, smiling faces and long stares. What endeared me more was the crowded room of poetry lovers standing to hear art and hoping to be inspired on a Saturday night. The Word House provided us with an opportunity, allowing us to come together as like minded enthusiasts. Discovering what was a lost art to now embracing the succession of contemporary talents growing in performance poetry. I stuck around to talk and reflect with others on the 'show' and after thanking Amy Stratton for inviting me to such a great event, I walked back down what now was familiar roads, buzzing from the creative door in my mind that had just been opened.

To connect with The Word House find them on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thewordhousepoetry

To get in touch with Amy Stratton the events organiser, find her on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/AmyYokoStratton (it's where we met!)

Frenenemy

2011-12-30T00:20:00.003Z

I don't know why I quote your name with prestige like you deserve it
Rather I should refer to you as a single letter, no breath wasted on
something so adamant on tearing me down.

You were always my foe but I had to befriend you to tame you
now you're wanting to backstab me again but I don't blame you
Outside influences encouraged you, gave you a reason to plot against me
I got no more fight left in me, if you want to conquer me you could so easily.

My behaviour is normal I guess sometimes, every action is crucial I'm falling behind.
I know it's what you want I get ahead then you whisper from behind
enough to discourage me your negativity leaves me blind.

I would love to kill you. But part of me will die inside.
You're immortal there's no cure yet I have to re train my mind.
I re-acquired what was mine but you are so ready to steal it again like a thief in the night.

I guess it didn't happen suddenly, you crept up over time.
But now I have to let you in
run your fingers through my hair
speak those words I hate to hear
welcome you in to gain an upper hand
Just to banish you away

I knew this day would come and in time it will be my past
But today it feels as though
this feeling will forever last.

Continuation of "I name you" see previous blog posts.

The 20year Old Triple Threat.

2011-12-02T00:29:00.006Z

I've known Day Day since he was probably 14 years old. Although he has grown much since then. One thing that has remained constant is his passion for his music. From recording in his bedroom with just a mic and some music software, to now a fully equipped mini home studio. Like any true artist, his equipment never stopped him. He was always still able to write and produce great tracks making do with what he had. Whether just for fun("Eat some chicken") or something more professional("Story so far").

While you all hear the final clean cut EP, I've seen the hours of repetition mixed with rugged rapture of the process that goes into it. The hunger, red eyes, frustration and pure ecstasy. The years of mix-tapes and talent shows, collaborations and open mics. Now comes the much anticipated real deal, polished and perfected EP, "A Day In The Life".

Let's get into it. What to expect from it? 6 hard hitting, original sounding tracks that will cater to your ears pallet. And I'm not being biased just because one of those tracks is a tantalising collaboration with me (Sarenity). **Blush**. It's real. I'm going to share with you a couple of my favourites. This first one is called "All I do is Complain" - law to procrastination it's pretty self explanatory. It talks about something we all can relate to in some way or another. Having a talent but not doing anything with it and then complaining about it. If you want your circumstances to change you have to stop talking and start doing.

Opening with a church organ playing you get a sense of a raw old school hip hop track, expecting a gully dark atmospheric track but then you're pleasantly surprised once that subtle melodic guitar teases you then the hard hitting beat jumps in. No long intro Day Day gets straight to it. In this first verse, for me, it's easy listening- the sound of how he spits his lines is fully formed and enunciated and the timing is on point. Like all his tracks on this EP he experiments with different rhymes and flows, keeping you engaged and interested. His flow is far from boring, his word play is fun and fresh and beneath all that he still gives you the lyrical content too.

At 1.41 he builds to a crescendo and its so fitting following with a few of my favourite hard hitting lyrics to make you think. You can't ask for more. Unlike some other new independent artists EP's the quality and sound of the final cuts are the best I have heard his work to date. Showing how much he has grown as an artist and producer. He takes risks not conforming to any trends or what's popular now. When listening to his EP you can tell he has gone off passion and what kind of sound he is feeling.

My next favourite has to be..... "Chaos Reigns". 'Welcome to the circus, the concrete jungle, the deathly hallows- we are the worlds example'. How could I not talk about this track? It oozes originality and it does exactly what it says on the tin. Although at times explicit - it's definitely chaotic. It's like going to a tapas restaurant and getting to try everything in one sitting. With this track you get a bit of everything and Day Day showcases his double threat at its finest. Rapping hard and giving you a solid production. After the first verse you slyly want to pull up that track and hear the first minute again!

Where to start? It's like going on a hip hop roller-coaster. Ebbing, peaking and roaring- literally! You have to listen to this more than once to feel what Day Day is really talking about. I love that with every listen of it you dig down to another layer. If you want that hype tune you got that on the first play, on the second and third its more than that. Although you wouldn't expect it it's perfect having Dreyce insert his melodic verse at 1.40 its like the calm corner where heartache speaks and although the track doesn't slow in comparison to the pace it started with its much mellow....but not for long! Because chaos isn't like that- you get your breather but it's back again. With Day Day finishing on some truth speech for you:

"...lady gaga gets more plays than Jill Scott and every world leader that was bad is getting killed off....we thrive off the madness in the paper, we're half man half beast its in our nature."

And finally...I have to talk about it. The bonus track "The promise" which almost didn't make it. After us working on it over the course of two years and never making time to finish it - we did this summer, perfect for his release. This track is different to the overall sound of the EP it's stripped down to the rawness of the issue and the music is the bubble in which it is wrapped in. It features me playing live guitar. The whole song was based on a guitar chord structure that we were both feeling and we built up from.

The little ornamentations that decorate the underlying sound is just right. Although the track follows a somewhat typical structure it digs deeper as you go through it building to a crescendo- a release in the middle eight. The idea was to keep the atmosphere of the song in everything we added. The main drive and passion for this song came from the issues we talk about in this track. 'The Promise' touches on many issues but essentially is about making a promise to yourself to change your circumstances and break free from what is holding you down- whether yourself, society or those around you. It's not a promise you will break or can afford to either if you want to get to where you're going. I can't stress enough how natural it was creating this sound it's almost like it wasn't hard work although a lot of consecutive hours were spent on it....the final result. Beautiful! Listen for yourself.

The first session we did on this track was the first time me and Day Day created something. We'd talked about it for years but never got round to it. The experience that day was mind blowing. Instantly there was a perfect musical harmony between us. Each bringing something different to the table. I'm elated every time Day Day and me get together. It's truly musical madness. We both can communicate our thoughts and criticisms through a look or sigh and it saves so much time knowing what we are both thinking. He's an encouraging producer and gives you a space to be creative just as you are and does it purely for his love for music which feeds into the tracks that come out of that studio. He's open to anything and everything and although we get carried away sometimes. There's never a dull musical moment. There's more to come from us so stay tuned.

So there you have it. "A day in the life".
If you are feeling this fresh UK Talent support him by downloading Day Day's EP for free at www.mrtomorrow.co.uk . All of this and he's still only 20 years young! Who knows what the future holds.

Alternatively all videos are on youtube http://www.youtube.com/user/daydayofficial.

-Congratulations on your hard work Dayle. It's paying off.

For further listening/contact:
http://www.soundcloud.com/daydaybiggerdr...
http://www.myspace.com/daydaykingofkings
http://www.facebook.com/daydaybiggerdreams
http://www.twitter.com/daydayofficial

Photos of Day Day taken by the talented photographer Joey Camson:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hdcamson

Au Naturale

2011-11-23T00:18:00.001Z

This is me.

No mouldable plastic in my eyes.

No makeup to cover what beauty is already there.

This is me...au naturale....Bare.

Sometimes I don't see it straight away,

so I brush past it with a thin layer of perfection

manipulating my minds perceptions

I feel better for a minute till I realise

a small alteration leads to what now seems like correction

to make that extra effort, is that considered deception?

Hair untouched. Carefree. No weave.

I leave it out. Don't care. I'm free.

I've felt constrained by your society

So don't force on me

your companies policies.

I've tried them all they never work

with tag lines politely telling me I need extra 'work'.

Lashes not long enough, not thick enough, not black enough?

How many more ways can you insult us?

I like my lips they don't need your 'plumping' lipgloss

I don't need to get the 'London look'

I don't want to be Kate Moss.

I aspire to be a strong woman of colour,

so I embrace the fact my hair has kinks

the fact I can never find the right colour match

because my heritage is mixed

is not what ranks top on my priorities list.

I will be educated to the highest level

so I'm well prepared for the fight

and not just from books but from neighbourhoods

life lessons is my foundation tonight

I don't need lipstick

I'll walk without

because my lips stick to what they know

might get lippy on their own but

speak enough colour to entice you

that's luscious. that's attractive.

Lipstick could never do them justice.

So before you start layering over what is already there

take the time to let yourself breathe in your own skin

you're so beautiful...au natural...bare.

Live Recording of "Picture Perfect"

2011-11-15T02:49:00.003Z

V1
It was a picture perfect,
I'd bet me you'd be there through the storm.
But somehow cracks formed,
I don't know how or where they came from
All I know is- you were the one.

Bridge
I know you didn't mean to let me down
Ask me how do I feel?
I'm broken now.
You held all my hearts pieces in your hands
Although you didn't see me in your future plans.

I can't be called naive to have been let down.
'Cause I was aware what I was giving out.
Didn't 'wanna believe in the bitter end
'cause all I did was love you 'till your hearts content.

Interlude

V2
The rain fell harder
began wandering when we'd get stronger.
Really needed you to save me this time.
Instead you, threw me, in the deep end
felt like air was scarce then.
Couldn't believe you were,
were the same man.

Bridge

I know you didn't mean to let me down

Ask me how do I feel?

I'm broken now.

You held all my hearts pieces in your hands

Although you didn't see me in your future plans.

I can't be called naive to have been let down.

'Cause I was aware what I was giving out.

Didn't 'wanna believe in the bitter end

'cause all I did was love you 'till your hearts content.

Outro

I tried so hard to keep you happy

guess I didn't see, me not being happy

but I could leave x 2

Interlude

A rush of blood to the head

2011-10-30T02:40:00.001Z

A blank page, empty thoughts
I don't need to tell myself to not think about it
because I'm already distracted.
Yes Thank God I'm coping.

I'm acting how I wanted to
without going through the motions
I'm glad I'm not moving in slow motion

Lifes whizzing past me
and I'm grabbing it with both hands.
Trying to fill this cut out piece of me
that I once filled with your demands

I don't want to deal with it
It's not unhealthy, I'm getting on perfectly
The heartbeat inside me seems stronger
I'm more down to earth with me
I'm acting more passionately
Because I have more energy.

I sealed those tear ducts up
No rivers to drown in anymore
Denial won't come knocking at my door
and neither will heartbreak.

They can't reach me where I go

I'm well put together, from scent to style to smile
and when they see me, they'll think I'm bouncy
I'm positive and stronger than what they thought I'd be
They'll believe that I didn't lose
That I'm not the victim
I'm starting new

But then it happens,
the hidden anticipation catches up to me
logic seems to follow me
irrationality is bothering me.
Tapping at my insides,
all the parts that hold the emotions
cracking at my courage as it seaps out slowly
my cup is now half empty.

While reality rushes back like blood to the head
I slowly feel things that I thought were dead
that I believed didn't live in me
but I guess I don't know how to accept
why those that weren't afraid to give good love
end up kicked out of love instead.

Scratching the surface

2011-10-23T00:41:00.002+01:00

He's called me from a foreign number one too many times
and to look away and ignore the call I become more so inclined.
I've longed for a physical presence for most of my teenage to adult life
But soon learned that time as a heaven we would never devise.

You missed out on me growing into the woman I am today
So now when you look at me you see the girl of yesterday
I try to act like the adult I am but you never seem to understand
that the needs I had back then can't be satisfied with just your hands

You try to satisfy me in only the ways you know how
But to know what it feels like to have you grow me
I'm still trying to live without.

I hold resentment for the new life you've chosen
because you chose it instead of me
and to think of you raising that baby girl
makes me feel so incomplete.
I wander what I fear the most from the man I choose to love
I realise my apprehension to them came from your failed storyboards with mum.

You're not perfect your just human
I've learned to accept your mistakes
I can't cuss you, you won't abandon your newborn babies
But that doesn't mean that you didn't shed your responsibilities to me

Metamorphosis

2011-10-21T01:18:00.002+01:00

Butterfly you echo freedom,
but I know you were caged too at some point.
Your emancipation was always in the pipeline
still you slithered your way
through the earth searching for green,
knowing your hunger was only temporary.

From egg to animal
from striped to pattern perfect.
It was only a matter of time before,
you could leave your familiar surroundings.
Encased in your own biology,
from this you couldn't escape -
using it to inevitably build yourself up to a new state.

You were never yourself for too long
some processes you went through
we saw as ugly,
in comparison to who you would be
once your metamorphosis was complete.

I see your growth as beauty
the constant changes you went through were grueling-
shedding your skin just to find a home
that you could nurture yourself
until you was ready to embrace the world.

When it was time and you came out of your shell
was you scared to use your wings?
Did you know their meaning?
What they could bring?

Did the world look more beautiful,
from a higher vantage point?
Was the warm reception to your perfect beauty
the reason you fluttered so confidently?

In your symmetrical body
did you use your time wisely?
Living for love, for procreation and hunger
because you knew you weren't made to stay?
You were made to mate,
to leave your legacy to another?

The minute you were emancipated,
could you have gone then?
Because you felt what it feels like to fly
without inhibition.
Forced to harden your wings-
You. Were. Free.

Did you know it?

21/10/11

New term, new season, new place...new life?

2011-10-20T02:59:00.001+01:00

Hello all, how are you?!

I don't usually write these but thought it's been so long, I need to let you all know where I've been?!! I apologise for not updating the blog for a while I haven't stopped blogging!I have just been extremely busy and been away traveling and doing other things which I will update you on in a minute...

It has been an eventful summer... How was yours? Did you do anything special or interesting? I hope so! What did you achieve? Small or big?

So September flew by in a flash! I turned 24 on the 9th which was daunting... I moved to a new place now so after a few hiccups I was all settled in by my birthday. I didn't do much just a quiet meal at a Korean restaurant. First time I tired Korean food and it was not that much different from Thai or Chinese. It was original in that each table had its personal grill, so they grilled your fish or meat right in front of you!

I had a day to pack before my trip to Cuba which I had been looking forward to for so long. I was there for just under two weeks. It was always my dream place to go and I never thought I would get to go so soon. It was AMAZING!!! It was absolute paradise! The weather was extremely hot- I love the sun but sometimes it was unbearable! I saw some great and historical places(maybe I'll do a photo gallery of my trip). I tried to immerse myself into the culture as much as possible - it is such a beautiful place where a simple life is possible. I have no regrets except I wish I was there for longer and able to live it more free from the tour operators. Next time I'll definitely be doing that!

When I returned I had the holiday blues. I had a couple days before University started. I'm in my final year now, so it has been go ever since. It is my 4th week in and I'm still finding a way to manage my time well. There is so much reading to do and research before I even scratch the surface with the projects. I'm just trying to keep on top of it. I have also got a few extra things going on outside of uni, so it will definitely take some juggling.

So here we are! A lot of changes have been happening in my personal life too and I've been through a few life changes this summer/autumn. Which has left me with lots of inspiration to write but to be honest I was kind of weary 'to go there'. But I feel like I want to unleash it now, so welcome to a new chapter. I started this blog mid January 2011. It's been 10 months! I think a change is in demand so expect it.

What's some of your short term goals and how do you plan on achieving them?

What's your thoughts??

2011-10-11T23:50:00.000+01:00

When you're out tell your lucky one
To know that you'll leave
Don't you lock when you're fleeing
I'd like not to hear keys
Only hold till your coffee warms
But don't hurry and speed
Once a time put a tongue in your ear on the beach
And you clutched clinging heels

Lyrics by Bon Iver song "Beach baby"

"The Promise"

2011-10-07T23:31:00.002+01:00

It's been a long time coming but here it is, a song close to my heart. It came from a very real place. I have felt this way many times before. This song me and Day Day started writing about two years ago maybe even longer and we finished it this summer. When we started that was a time in my life where I made this promise to myself and decided to make a change for myself and I came out stronger for it.

I hope you appreciate this and enjoy it. Listen with open ears and hearts. If you can relate I hope you find some comfort in knowing that whatever it is you feel you are stuck in. Nothing is permanent. Don't listen to what you think you know or the negative whispers around you. Step up for yourself, get out. Give yourself a better life. Don't keep telling yourself you'll do it one day. One day is today. Stop letting yourself down. You're better than that. Make that promise to yourself - You deserve to shine.

Peace and Love x

Dont be shy leave your feedback and comments- your support is appreciated

Inspire me: Intelligence

2011-08-28T02:14:00.001+01:00

Inspire me, provoke me, it's what you were meant to do
your capacity, capabilities are far greater than what you pursue,
challenge me, sporadically, take me away with something new
I expect nothing less from you, you are my guided muse.

But you do struggle to own me and yet you continue to dream
I'm right here why won't you use me?
I'm beneficial, I'm your individual, your passion and your key.
You built me up to have this power, I am what I am because of you
you nurtured me like a flower, but you also did abuse.
Countless nights of ponder, of thought provoking nonsense
that left my talents to wander and wait for your new found acceptance.

Dilly dallied in matters that didn't concern you,
that went against the grains on your heart
when all the time I knew you would come crawling,
back to what you could rely on, what set you apart.
Constant I am, frivolous is the pounding in your chest
I partook in your history, I have served you the best.

2008

Not a Product of my Environment- Freedom is mine

2011-08-24T01:16:00.002+01:00

Don't mistake me for something else, something inferior.
Because I can be all that your mind forbids you to believe.
Yeah your surroundings do echo failure and poverty,
but I see something greater in you,
and you and me can rise above this sea of negativity,
and be the mind over matter when it comes to adversity.
Those seeds have been scattered
but don't mean you can't reap something beautiful.

Step out of the darkness and into your own light.
Let yourself shine bright and do right,
don't lose sight of what you are chasing,

it's a dream that's worth the race
and if they can't have faith in you,
then their just wasting your time.

It's easy to slip, easy to fall
in a world that's rationale is not rational at all.
Although they make you believe,
that what they're doing is the key to survival,

you wanna live, live a life that's worth living.
So go back to the beginning
and teach yourself how to be strong,
so that you can have a chance
at living a life where you belong.

They tell me I'm just like them
but my heart doesn't agree,

because to be classed as someone selfish
well that, that just isn't me.

I want to make a change for all the right reasons,
and see my imprint on this world,

so that when people hear my name
they smile because I took that leap
to make this a better world.

13.01.09

My heart says go, my head says no.

2011-08-21T01:16:00.000+01:00

I can't wait to finish University.

To start earning real money.

Being a student is not all it's cracked up to be.

More like politics and making money.

We put ourselves in debt, praying this further education will see us right.

As we tighten our purse strings and stay up all night.

Doing it for a family we don't have yet.

Seems like institutions are propping up everywhere.

Claiming to provide you with a better chance, better opportunities.

In all honesty, does it really?

The best Universities serve a purpose.

While the rest of us get herded into the next available option.

What did our Government funded high school education scrape us?

It's more of a competition of classes.

Hold your hand out to congratulate me while I think I'm elite.

Dress me up in your gowns and applaud for my strained eyes.

You made promises if I paid my way and worked hard I'd get closer to "The dream".

Yet so many are joining the unemployment line.

If their lucky they scrape a minimum wage

while they lay awake praying to find the signposts

leading them to their big break.

I don't need a degree to scan bar-codes, hang clothes or stock shelves.
All the skills they sold on the tin

are perfected but left waiting eagerly for a chance to be used.

School fees escalate to almost the same as a deposit for a home.
Relativity and proportionality become obscure
leaving us with choices.
Go and rack up debt before I'm 25
with no way of paying it back or settling down.
Don't go and use the time working anywhere
whilst we save what we can to start living.

The young people of our future don't even have a fair choice to make
they must pay 7-12,000 pounds in tuition fees per year.
All for a piece of paper
That might not even be worth anything.

How do we stand out?
How do we let employers know we are the best for the job?
How do we use the years of skills and knowledge we have mastered?
How do we pay back our loans?

Tell us why those without degrees are in higher paying jobs?
While we do bar work and pick up clothes from the floor?

©SimplySaarah

Above the concrete

2011-08-19T02:11:00.000+01:00

This month has felt like a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. I've been going through a few changes some for the better and some not through my own choice. I have been feeling indifferent and things in my life have come into focus so much clearer than I could see them before. As you know I traveled to Trinidad a few weeks back to visit my grandmother and to spend time with her. It was wonderful and intense at the same time... I was told just over a week ago that she had passed away and had been deteriorating ever since we left her. It's taken some time to come to terms with it and I'm doing much better now. It has made me reflect on how precious time is and not to take anything for granted. "Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today?". This saying really held more meaning for me recently as sometimes I put off things assuming my Grandma would be there next month or next year. I lived in hope but also in denial, thinking she would make it. I definitely have tried to see and spend more time with close friends and family especially as I am moving again soon.

The picture above I took whilst standing at the top of some hills in my town. There I watched the sunset distracted by good conversation. When there was a pause we couldn't help but glance around over and over again. Exhaling as the heavy weights we carried left us - watching the cars on the motorway drive by without knowledge we were even there. It was strange because my town is a concrete jungle filled with a battered grey ego and a lot of cracks in it's self esteem. Natural beauty is hard to come by. But this park they had built a few years back draws the locals in and somehow takes us miles away from our reality. A succession of man-made hills are dotted carefully within the park and have footpaths for you to climb your way to the top where a surprising view awaits you. I had been here a few times before, however this time I really saw it.

Once we got to the top it was still daylight, evening was creeping up and the sky was mostly an array of greys combusted together but scattered sparingly in special places was light- beaming through the clouds hollows. As the sunset casually, the light now turned to colours- a spectrum of hot red and pinks twisted with rich purples and welcoming oranges. It was breathtaking I could actually see what looked like artists brush strokes swirling the colours all together. The conversation was engaging yet I couldn't stop indulging in what was surrounding me. I looked out on all its glory and felt the lightest I have ever felt- I was above the concrete jungle below me, looking down on it. I was out of it.....

I shivered as the temperature dropped but I didn't want to leave my vantage point. With the minutes that passed a new formation of art would impress us in the sky. I had to laugh as it seemed surreal. I turned to my friend as I exhaled a heavy sigh "I really needed to come up here today."....We smiled and stayed till all the hot reds and pinks, rich purples and welcoming oranges slowly disappeared leaving us with a midnight blue canvas dotted with stars and a dilated moon. Noticing we were the only ones left- it seemed the fun was over. Although the streets lights from below borrowed me light I felt the show was over. I trotted down the winding footpath satisfied, relieved and smiling and although I was a ten minute drive from my house. I felt as though I had gone on a days excursion to a far away land.

©SimplySaarah

Dedication to "Jewel"

2011-08-14T03:04:00.000+01:00

I was in my room today and was doing some therapeutic painting...The paintbrush in my hand instantly took me back to a song I recall from my younger years by Jewel called "Painters". The song was a deep and moving one. The thing I remember about Jewel is that she was an inspiration for me growing up. Her songs were original, her lyrics weird yet deeply honest and beautiful and her voice was timid but soulful. Her songs were something else. So simple yet layered with emotion and depth. I always remember listening to her album "Pieces of you" and it taking me to another place, taking me on a melancholy and metaphysical journey.

I learned later of her background story of how for a time, she was poverty-stricken and lived in her van while traveling around the country doing street performances and small gigs. She was trained in operative voice in school and used to busk with her father - where she learned to yodel. (you can hear some of this in her singing).

Some of my favourite songs of hers I've linked to you tube below for you to hear. It will take you on journeys. I can't say it will inspire you the same way it did for me in the late 90's early 00's as music has drastically changed (I won't go into that LONG story of the quality of music nowadays, I'll save it for another day!). But I hope you can backtrack in time and appreciate its value as much as I did. (FYI some of these are not the original versions found on the "Pieces of you" album, if you want authenticity purchase the album its probably cheap as chips online or second hand.) Every song on the album tells its own story and is unique. So make sure to check it out, you may like others not listed here.

Let me know what you think or what your favorite songs of hers are...

1) "Foolish games"
2) "Hands"
3) "Pieces of you"
4) "Who will save your soul?"
5) "You were meant for me"
6) "I'm sensitive"
7) "Little sister"

London town is burning down...

2011-08-10T01:15:00.018+01:00

8/8/2011
What we have all seen over the past three nights have brought about mixed reactions and feelings. All of us are in shock and as the Tottenham riots unfolded we got a sense that the Police did not have it under control. We thought the worst was over with the riots that took place on Saturday night in Tottenham but to our horror Sunday brought more London Boroughs following "copycat" behaviour.

We never expected what had come to be our realities by the third consecutive night. Your local Borough was now/is now being targeted. Local shopping centres and buildings set on fire and raped of goods. Some just for fun with no intention of keeping the goods but destroyed and left on the street as a sign to say something. Others stocking up on things they may have felt they deserved. But not once did they think about the consequences of their actions. That being that many have lost their houses in the fires and sentimental belongings i.e a father lost photographs of his daughters as his flat above a shop burnt to ashes.

The Police have scattered themselves all over London but seemed to always be too late. Precautions have been put in place i.e closing down shopping centres etc, however for many cases as the looting took place the Police were yet to arrive. In Ealing a town close to me it was not just about looting and criminal damage, youths began breaking into peoples homes...when the Police were called, they did not arrive and were told they had been put on a priority list? They waited as Police diffused bigger situations. i.e fires and looting in Camden and Clapham Junction.

In all my years of living here I have never seen anything like this...I dread what the news will bring tomorrow. #PrayforLondon

9/8/2011
As I switched on the TV this morning, I was yet again bombarded by repeat images and videos recalling the events of last night which lasted for most of the day. Finally pictures and videos of "Ealing" were revealed to me and it was disturbing to see what I knew as my local town, was now a distorted picture. When daylight hits there is a sense of safety and exposure but once it gets dark you automatically can't help but feel unsure whether to venture out again. I took a trip to my local grocery shop early afternoon and everything seemed pretty normal until I went to put my trolley away and the man collecting them told me to "stay home today we're told they may be coming here tonight." He was collecting trolleys to put back within the store instead of leaving them in the car park.

As I drove home around 2.30pm I saw my local shops/hairdressers/butchers/post office pretty much all shops closing and locking up their shutters which was a strange site to see at this time. My immediate area consists of mainly houses and estates and little trade so I can only imagine how the closure of these shops will effect peoples daily lives if for much longer. I did have plans to see my friend this evening which I cancelled because too many of my family and friends were concerned about me leaving the house in the evening and driving alone.

I have been watching the news intently, waiting to hear about how well the 16,000 police officers were getting on in London...but surprisingly the news coverage this evening has been strictly dominated by coverage of north England (Manchester). I can't seem to find any information of what is actually going on out there in London town this evening/early morning. I can hear helicopters close by and police sirens but that is all I know. It is a little bemusing as to why the coverage has dropped down to nothing on London. All I know from friends is areas are dead with the early closure of shops and filled with a strong police presence. It seems everyone I know is inside as there is nowhere to go and nothing to do and on some level feel confined to their house for safety.

We were told that the police may be bringing in tougher measures like "water canons" and "plastic bullets" to control the disorder but we have seen no live coverage... There is a horrible feeling in the air over the past 3 days, something that is hard to shift. I personally feel as though London is falling apart, communities are breaking and public order has dissipated- leaving us with an unpredictable future. #WhatsGoingOnOutThere???
10/08/2011

Today was very weird. I went about my normal business visiting my local areas to run errands I needed doing, with the anticipation shops and the bank would close early again. Surprisingly my surrounding areas were exactly the same. No signs of riots or destruction, however there was a clear sense of "lonely roads". It was clear less people were venturing out. The news coverage remained vague except when it came to riots in Manchester and Birmingham. It was reported that 3 young Asian boys were killed in Birmingham protecting their neighborhood following a hit and run- the police believe it was murder. The Police urge the town to remain calm as they don't want more violence to be be sparked. It was emotional to see one of the boys fathers speaking about his loss. The same word kept propping up...'why?'. I suppose he will never get any answers. News of the riots seemed to cross over with the economy and in some cases made direct correlations between the two and there is speculation of how the current events will effect visitors decisions to come to London for the Olympics and whether London town will be safe. I believe it will be. It's not like the capability of this was non existent before it is just the pot had been bubbling to the brim. My friends and I have exchanged words and opinions on the current events in London. I heard stories that I had missed from others, which were appalling to say the least. I have tried not to watch the news too much today as a lot of it is repeated. I say today has been 'weird' because from what I had been seeing on the TV compared to what I actually saw in my local area was so different I didn't know where reality should fall. We currently have Courts in London staying open 24hours to deal with all the cases regarding the 800 odd arrests made following the riots. Never have I seen the Courts work this hard. It seems the air is calm and to go about your business during the day is most normal. However I highly doubt you would be able to get around the town after a certain time and you would be questioned about your whereabouts if wandering around at night.

#R.I.P.ThoseWeLostToTheLondonRiots

Until we meet again..

2011-08-05T01:00:00.001+01:00

Solitary reflection....In my final days I hope I can be as humble and as graceful as you were. Paradise awaits you in this holy month. I know you were ready to go. But maybe we weren't, no amount of preparation could prepare us for such a loss.... your legend will live on through us. You made our hearts happy and filled the precious moments we had together with laughter and love. I miss you dearly and wish I could have been there more but I won't steal you back, I'll let you be free to fly and not suffer anymore. Everything happens for a reason and I saw you at your best how you would have wanted to be remembered in all your beauty and silliness. How I wish I could have been around you more but maybe then your presence would have been softened and in time I would have taken you for granted....

I'll always remember your singing, spirit and laughter- who would have known all the ailments that were hindering you daily, or the loneliness you must have felt. I'm so happy I came and spent time with you. I'll treasure the memories forever. You were a fighter and you held it together so well, waiting to see your children and grandchildren before you let go and gave in. I admire you and respect you. I wish I could be there to bury you and say goodbye but somehow I know you're hearing me as I write this and you'll here me when I pray at night...

I'll remember the advice you gave me - "A mothers love" will always resound within me.

I wish I could turn back time - I would have sung to you like you wanted me to- I thought I would of had another chance to. Now I know better.

May you be at peace now and free from pain and dependency. The gates of paradise will open for you and greet you with a fresh start.

Soon we will meet again. I won't hold back I'll sing with you.

Heaven

2011-07-23T15:55:00.000+01:00

When you're surrounded by smoke and ashes for so long
you begin to shrivel up and believe it's all wrong, all long.
Negativity penetrates your living- you're sifting through
with too much precaution and losing the goodness you pursue
by focusing on what may be tormenting you.
Because yeah it might be black but opposites attract
so turn a new hand to living and open your eyes
let winter time be

It might try to hold you back
maybe it echoes black
or echoes back when you try to control it
but opposites do attract
you can win your power back.
Feed your mind with good intentions and keep complimenting
your soul
and your dimensions
keep on building and progressing
and in good time you too will see heaven.

©SimplySaarah