Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama

A Loss For Words

2013-05-23T08:56:00.000-04:00

I've been sitting here for almost 45 minutes staring at a blank computer screen, unsure of what I want to type. My thoughts are just a jumble in my head right now. I got a phone call yesterday morning letting me know that the mother of one of Ty's good friends had been killed. The details are still unclear and the neighborhood rumor mill is going wild.

This family lives on the other side of the neighborhood from us. There are 3 kids in the family, close in age to my own kids. The son is a good friend of Ty's and they are in and out of the house together a lot. They did swim team together and he's just a really awesome kid. His mom and I volunteered together on swim team and she was a truly lovely person. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone.

The phone calls started coming in yesterday morning from people wanting to know if I knew what happened or where the kids were. Apparently their street was blocked off, police crime tape surrounding the house, police cars and helicopters everywhere. Nobody knows anything else. But that doesn't sound like the scene of a death from natural causes.

No matter how she died, the kids are now starting a whole new life. A life without their mom. And she was a fantastic mom. Her kids were her world. I cannot imagine the pain they are feeling right now. It's just a reminder of how quickly it can all change. Everything that I was planning to write about seems so trivial right now. I am just consumed with grief for this family. Please pray for them as they get used to the new normal of their lives.

Mid-Week Stuff

2013-05-22T08:44:00.000-04:00

*My heart just aches as I watch the news coverage of the aftermath of the tornado in Oklahoma. I find myself not even able to write about it because there are just no words. We have friends and family who live very near the path of destruction and many hours were spent frantically trying to reach everyone and account for everyone's safety. Luckily they are all safe and were not in the direct path of the tornado.

*We are no closer to a decision about what to do about school for Ty next year yet. I guess we are just in a holding pattern until after the hearing next week. A close friend has suggested an attorney for the hearing but quite honestly, that's not in our budget right now. I'm heavily leaning towards pulling him out of the public school, homeschooling him for the remaining 2 years of middle school, and then trying to enroll him in a charter school for high school.

*Because of the issues with the middle school this year we are also re-evaluating whether or not we want to send the rest of our kids to this school. I'm examining our options and looking into a charter school for Maia that begins with 5th grade. If she gets into the school then it's an automatic enrollment for the rest of the kids as they age up through school.

*I am about ready to embark on a remodel/room re-arrange. Heaven help me. Right now Ty has his own room and Zoey has her own nursery. Maia and Mase share a room but most nights Mase ends up in his sleeping bag on our floor. We are trying to prepare him for Kindergarten and get him on a better sleeping schedule. So Maia will be moving into Zoey's room and Zoey will be sharing a room with Mase. Zoey is an excellent sleeper and she can take over the bottom bunk of Mase's bunkbed, therefore allowing me to get rid of the crib/toddler bed. It's going to be a lot of work and I'm not sure how it's going to go with pairing up Mase and Zoey. But Maia is almost 9 and needs her own space.

*I have a ton of pictures saved to do a recap of our fun weekend but have not had the time to get them edited. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get it posted. We had a fab weekend. Cam and my parents came down for the weekend, we cooked out at my sister's house, and we got to go to the Nascar All-Star race. It was awesome! And my favorite driver won- Jimmie Johnson's the man. If you're not a JJ fan, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I'm also a Kasey Kahne fan, so don't say bad stuff about him either. Haha!

*I think I'll be making the big switch over to wordpress soon. It's time. I just have to find the time to get it done. Hopefully by the end of summer, we'll see.

*We are about to have new neighbors on both sides of us and I'm excited. Both houses are in foreclosure and have been empty for 13 months and 2 years. That's insane. I met the lady who is hoping to move into one of these houses and she was fabulous. I would be so lucky to have her as a neighbor. The houses both need a lot of work and they are pulling our property value down!

*Speaking of property value, Matt and I spent part of the weekend cutting down bushes, trimming trees and doing some landscaping work in our front yard. The difference is amazing! Our house looks bigger and cleaner now. I need to get some mulch and plant some new bushes and we'll be all set. It feels good to get some work done.

*Don't miss out on the chance to win a $100 Shell Fuel Gift Card on THIS post by telling me how you would benefit from the Fuel Rewards Network!

Choosing A New Path

2013-05-21T08:49:00.000-04:00

We find ourselves at a crossroads right now with Ty, our 12 year old. He has been having a really difficult time in the past few months. I find myself struggling with writing about it because he is older now and deserves privacy while we deal with some of his issues. But I also could use some support and guidance from parents who have been there before me. It's a fine line and one not easily walked.

Ty is in the middle of serving his 4th suspension of the school year. A 10 day suspension for fighting. Again. He doesn't care. He shrugs his shoulders, mutters under his breath about stupid kids and stupid school, and tries to shut himself in his room to avoid answering for his behavior. He maintains that nothing is ever his fault, it's other people causing the problems. Which I know is not entirely true. No matter how much I love my son I know full well that he shares the blame most of the time. I've had more conversations with teachers this year than I have in his previous 6 years of school. They are at a loss. I can't help them because I'm at a loss.

I've started the process of getting him into a specialized counseling center, one that deals specifically with kids who have been adopted from foster care and have a history of prenatal drug/alcohol exposure as well as mental health issues in their birth family. I'm hoping that this will be a step in the right direction. He was seeing a therapist who really was not helpful. She focused more on strict limits and consequences when I really would like to delve into whether or not this is an issue stemming from prenatal exposure or his birth family's complicated mental health history. I am all for strict limits and consequences when appropriate but I also think getting to the root of what is causing the behavior is important.

We also find ourselves in the position of not being sure where Ty will go to school next year. We have a hearing with the district superintendent next week and he will ultimately make that decision. There is a good chance that he will assign Ty to an alternative military style school across town. We have to provide our own transportation to and from that school. It's almost an hour drive in traffic. Not to mention I have some concerns about sending him to an alternative school with kids who have similar issues. I feel like it would just surround him with poor influences.

I'm looking into homeschooling him for the next 2 years but I'm unsure. Is that the right path? Will I be able make sure he is learning everything he needs to re-enter public high school? I don't want him to fall behind and I don't want to have to battle with him every single day about doing his school work. Everything is up in the air right now and I hate that.

One on hand, getting him away from the "friends" he has at school right now would be beneficial. His grades have slipped into the unacceptable range and he does not seem to care. He back talks teachers, he argues with teachers, he interrupts class on a regular basis...maybe he'd get a better education right now doing an online program at home.

Have you been in a similar situation? Any advice or suggestions are welcome at this point.

The Characters I Love

2013-05-20T08:16:00.000-04:00

I am a huge fan of television. I probably watch way too much. Ok, I definitely watch too much but I can't help myself. I have so many favorite characters that it's hard to narrow them down for today's Monday Listicle prompt.

Top 10 Favorite Television Characters

1. Dean Winchester played by Jensen Ackles on Supernatural. I think this is my favorite show. I love it. The writing is so good and the storyline just sucks you right in. Plus Jensen Ackles is hot. So there's that too.

2. Molly Flynn played by Melissa McCarthy on Mike & Molly. I adore this show. I laugh the entire time I watch it and any show that can make me laugh so hard that I snort wine out my nose is a show I will watch forever.

3. Max Black played by Kat Dennings on 2 Broke Girls. This character is so inappropriate that I can't help but love her. You know how much I love my inappropriate humor.

4. Penelope Garcia played by Kirsten Vangsness on Criminal Minds. I just love her style and her banter with Morgan (Shemar Moore). She's just fun.

5. Claire Dunphy played by Julie Bowen on Modern Family. I love her. I totally get her.

6. Charlie Matheson played by Tracy Spiridakos on Revolution. She's a bad ass. I like that.

7. Jane Rizzoli played by Angie Harmon on Rizzoli & Isles. Seriously, another bad ass. I love Jane. I want to be Jane.

8. Frankie Heck played by Patricia Heaton on The Middle. I laugh a lot while watching this show because half the time I feel like I'm living her life.

9. Damon Salvatore played by Ian Somerhalder on the Vampire Diaries. He's hot, he's a bad ass, and he's so much better than Edward. Plus, he doesn't sparkle.

10. Daryl Dixon played by Norman Reedus on The Walking Dead. Clearly I have a thing for bad asses. And it doesn't get much more bad ass than Daryl Dixon with his motorcycle and crossbow. Hello.

And these are just the shows that are on currently. I could give you a whole list of favorite characters from past shows that I love. Sophia from Golden Girls, Debra from Everybody Loves Raymond, Roseanne from Roseanne....the list goes on and on.

Who are your favorite characters?

Sharing my list with Monday Listicles.

Scenes From A Playground

2013-05-16T09:20:00.000-04:00

The weather 'round these parts has been unpredictable at best for the past month or so. One day it's pushing 90 degrees and the next day it's 60 degrees and raining. I mean, seriously? Get it together, Mother Nature. Get it together. Normally by mid-May we are in the high 80's, low 90's just about every day with bright sunny skies. We spend at least half the day outside with the sole intent of wearing out the children so they sleep earlier and longer. No lie.

So this week it seems that Mother Nature has finally gotten her act together and given us a string of beautiful days in the mid-to-high 80's. That means playground time! We are lucky enough to live just down the street from our neighborhood's playground & pool area. It's great because we don't have to pack everyone up and drive down to the amenities, we can just walk. I pity the moms on the other side of the 'hood who have to load everyone in the car to get to the playground and pool. I'd probably lose my keys at the park.

So yesterday after our weekly run to The Wal*Mart we took a stroll down to the playground to run off some excess energy. I love watching Mase and Zoey interact. They are so funny together. Here are a few scenes from yesterday that made me giggle.

Step 1: Stick a toddler on top of a slide.

Step 2: Tell her to go. Watch her face become mutinous and stubborn as she says NO.

Step 3: Big brother comes over to offer some encouragement.

Step 4: Toddler stubbornly refuses to move.

Step 5: Big Brother gives Toddler a shove down the slide. Chaos ensues.

So that was funny but not as funny as the following scene that took place a few minutes later. Matt high fived Mase when he heard this story.

Mase has been trying to work up the nerve to slide down the fireman's pole on the playground for about a year now. He is not a fan of heights, just like his mom. Finally he did it. He slid all the way down.

Of course, what do you think happens then? Zoey decides that she wants to play on the pole too. But she wants to climb up the pole.

Mase took one look at her on that pole and promptly put a stop to it. He told her that "poles are no place for girls". I snorted my drink up my nose when I heard him. I know he didn't realize exactly what he was saying but damn, it was funny. Matt wholeheartedly approved. Zoey's face when he told her to get off the pole was hysterically funny.

I guess we don't have to worry about Zoey when she gets older. Mase will keep her in line. Ha!

The kids had a blast. I got a ton of great pictures in the hour that we were there.

We had a great time and both kids took long naps when we got home. There will be many more playground trips in the near future if it means afternoon naps.

Shock & Awe In Real Life

2013-05-15T09:29:00.000-04:00

I've had a few shock & awe moments in the last week. More shock but a little awe too. Someone asked me the other day how I found things to write about. As I told her- I don't have to find things, things find me. Seriously. I just have to watch those things happen. Truth.

*Driving down a main highway last week on the way to Mase's speech therapy I happened to be driving behind a lady who must think of herself as the world's best multitasker. She was texting on her phone- old school style not hands free- while applying lipstick and eating a cream cheese covered bagel. I'm not sure if this was more shock or awe. I get flustered trying to deal with my kids in the backseat while I'm driving. I'd hate to see what else she can do while driving.

*Going through the car rider line at Maia's school produced some interesting results the other day. A man stopped in front of my van to let his kid out. He was driving a super nice BMW, wearing a suit, and looked very banker-ish. I can say that because I'm married to one such banker-ish man. His kid opened the back door and empty beer bottles rolled out onto the ground. Not just one or two either- more like 8-10. The car rider nazi lady- she takes her stop sign duty very seriously- had to help him gather them up. I'm going to hope that he's collecting recycling...or has an alcoholic friend who borrows his car....

*While driving down the interstate at a speedy 85 mph the other day I got stuck beside a dude working on his laptop. Not kidding. We're cruising down one of the most congested interstates in our city and this dude is typing away with one hand. I had to do a double take. Then I tried to get away from him but I was boxed in. He was not paying attention and started drifting over enough that we ended up 4 wide in a 3 lane corner. I was not impressed, as evidenced by the one finger wave and sign language he received when he finally looked up. The fact that he was close enough to my van to read my lips was a shock....to him.

*While grocery shopping at The Wal*Mart last week I saw someone who totally should be featured on People of Wal*Mart. No kidding. I wanted so badly to snap a picture of him but he was holding a cane and I wasn't in the mood to be chased by a man wearing a skirt short enough to show off his junk. The fact that he had boobs bigger than mine did not stop him from wearing a see through spandex belly shirt to compliment his mini skirt and 6 inch heels. I came home and immediately sent the following text to Matt: If we hit the lotto I am never stepping foot in Wal*Mart again.

*The bug man came to do our quarterly killing of all things creepy and crawly around our house recently. As he was spraying on our back deck I noticed him stop and look up. All of a sudden he reached his long stick up towards the tree and a snake fell onto the deck. A snake. In the tree. Over my deck. It was just a black snake but let me assure you that does not make me feel any better. Do you understand what would happen if that snake happened to fall on the deck while I was out there? I think I have to move. Immediately.

Make sure you take a minute to enter for a chance to win a $100 Shell Fuel Gift Card on THIS POST! Everyone could use some free gas these days, right?!

Things That Made Me Laugh

2013-05-14T09:11:00.000-04:00

I've spent countless hours on Pinterest this school year while waiting for kids at speech therapy or sports practice or the library. It's what I do. I always gravitate towards the humor section and then find myself trying not to laugh out loud in public. I get stared at a lot. I'm okay with this. Then I come home and show Matt all the funny things I re-pinned. He often shakes is head and pats me on the arm in pity. Men.

Today I thought I'd share a few of the gems that I've pinned in the past few months on my Just for Giggles board. These are the ones that make me laugh no matter how many times I've seen them.

I know, I know. I should probably be medicated. But have no fear- it's almost summer vacation which in my world means wine slushies, frozen margaritas, and a pool with multiple lifeguards on duty. Embrace the crazy, people. Embrace it.

A Happy Mother's Day

2013-05-13T09:03:00.000-04:00

I hope all you mothers had a fantastic day yesterday!

Image Credit

I had a great Mother's Day- especially considering it didn't actually start until 9am. Matt did a fantastic job of keeping all the lil monsters away from our bedroom and letting me sleep in until 9am. Well...technically I was awake by 7:30am but I'll be damned if I was going to get up that early on the one day a year when it's my right to sleep in. Instead I laid in bed by myself and read half of my newest book...uninterrupted. I didn't even have to go back and re-read anything for once! Don't tell Matt- he was looking positively harassed by the time I was served my breakfast in bed feast at 9am.

I ate a robust breakfast of pancakes smothered in butter and yummy syrup with a mug of hot coffee surrounded by 3 of my kids jumping on the bed trying to lick the syrup off my pancakes. On a related note- did you know that it doesn't take a whole lot of syrup to make dreadlocks on a 2 year old? I didn't either. I do now. Consider yourself warned.

I was presented with cards that my kids slaved over all morning and one card from Matt that's too smexy to share on here. Clearly he was hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day.

After my yummy pancake breakfast...and the cleaning of the aforementioned 2 year old with dreadlocks...I came downstairs to find a beautiful vase full of pretty flowers waiting for me. Such a smart husband- he got me a bouquet full of pretty colors and bought them from a Filipino street vendor. I love that.

After a relaxing morning of doing absolutely nothing but hanging out and enjoying our family, Matt took Mase and Maia out to the car wash to clean my van and surprised me by bringing back some Dunkin Donuts Munchkins and a large Mint Chocolate Chip Iced Coffee. He absolutely knows the way to my heart. Through my stomach- just like a dude.

Clearly the kids liked the Munchkins too. Luckily Matt bought 50 of them. They were gone in 10 minutes. Maybe even less. We spent the rest of the afternoon just hanging out as a family- no chores were done, no laundry was finished, no yard work happened- it was divine.

For dinner we picked up Five Guys burgers and ate them on a blanket in the middle of the family room floor while we watched Wreck It Ralph as a family. Ty was less than impressed with our movie selection but kept the moaning to a minimum thanks to the never ending bag of fries from Five Guys.

After the kids were showered and pajamed and tucked in bed for the night, Matt and I watched Safe Haven. He voted for Jack Reacher but...Mother's Day. Ha! But even he had to admit- it was a good movie. I enjoyed it as much as I enjoy every Nicholas Spark's movie.

All in all it was a fabulously fun and lazy Mother's Day- exactly the way I like it. Next weekend we will celebrate with my sister's family and my parents at a big family cook out. I'm excited- steaks and ribs with pasta salad and grilled corn on the cob....frozen margaritas and maybe some hot tub fun. I can't wait!

The Appropriate Time to Panic

2013-05-09T08:23:00.000-04:00

I don't panic much. It takes a lot to make me panic. Yesterday I experienced a moment of pure panic. Panic that I would be the last one left out on the street in plain sight. Let me set the scene for you.

I was driving through my neighborhood with my neighbor behind me. Coming from the opposite direction was my other neighbor. We all waved cheerfully as we turned down our street. Then we saw it.

A car full of Jehovah's Witnesses. Followed by another car full and then another car full.

A Jehovah's Witnesses caravan.

Image Credit

They were parked on our street, right smack in front of one of the houses. A gaggle of ladies inside them, armed with literature and pamphlets about a religion that does not interest me in any way. You could see the panic in the faces of all 3 of us turning onto our street as we all sped up.

Seriously. It was like turn 4 coming in for the checkered flag in a Nascar race at that moment on our street. Tires squealing and engines revving could be heard at the other side of the neighborhood.

One of our other neighbors was trying desperately to buckle her kids in the carseats so she could make a getaway before the Jehovah's reached her. You could see the desperation on her face as she threw small children into the car.

I screeched to a halt in my driveway and jumped out of the minivan. I could see one neighbor across the street laughing at me as she closed the garage door behind her car. Bitch. I knew I should have cleaned out the garage last weekend. The other neighbor was yelling at her kids to get out of the car as she ran for the garage, abandoning her groceries and her kids in her haste to get inside.

My kids are well versed on the art of Jehovah avoidance. I unbuckled their seatbelts and they were in the house before I could blink. I grabbed my purse and made a run for it. I hit the garage door button and just as the door was hitting the ground I heard it.

"Do you have minute to talk about Jesus Christ?"

Too late. The door closed. Success.

For the next 2 hours if you looked closely, you could see people peeking out the blinds in their front windows to see if the Jehovah's caravan was gone. Later as the moms sat out in our driveways in our lawn chairs watching our kids play with sidewalk chalk and bubbles, we all laughed about our morning moment of panic. The neighbor who left her groceries totally forgot to go back and get them- her frozen food was all defrosted by the time she remembered. She did remember to let her kids in the house though. One neighbor admitted that she left her flip flop in the car. It fell off as she was hustling out of the door and she just left it. The neighbor trying to leave her house told us she didn't even get her kids buckled in the carseats. She had to pull over at the park so she could strap them in.

Panic.

That is what a caravan of Jehovah's Witnesses inspired in our neighborhood yesterday.

*No offense or disrespect to Jehovah Witnesses intended. But seriously, stop coming to my house.

There Should Be An App For That

2013-05-08T08:25:00.000-04:00

I need someone to make me an app. I need an app that will keep my different groups of friends separated and one that will specifically not allow me to send texts to the wrong group of friends. Can one of you get on that for me? Or do you know of such an app that already exists?

Because I'm gonna lose some friends without it. Seriously.

I have groups of friends. I have my college friends (aka- the ones who get me in trouble anytime we are together), I have my mom friends (aka- the ones with whom I day drink), I have my kids friends moms (aka- the ones I mostly talk to for scheduling playdates) and then I have what I call the polite friends (aka- I better mind my manners and act like a grown up). These friends should always be kept separate. Bad things happen when you get the groups mixed up.

Bad things. Bad bad things.

The importance of this separation cannot be adequately expressed. Otherwise your kids playgroup moms accidentally get the text about the naughty bachelorette party favors....with pictures. True story. One mom still isn't speaking to me. Whoopsy. I tried to tell her that it was a total accident but she was not having it. I heard through the grapevine that she thinks I'm some sort of freak now. Come on, we are all moms so I assume at some point we've all seen a pen!s right? And a pen!s straw? No? My bad.

I guess it could have been worse. I could have sent that pen!s straw picture to the polite classy group of friends. I'm pretty sure that would have gotten me kicked out of their special little club. A club that I am not sure how I became a member....they must not do background checks. And they certainly have never come across this blog.

Anyone know of such an app? I need it before I commit an even bigger social faux pas. Because we all know I will. It's inevitable.

*I coded the word pen!s to keep the creepers from googling and finding my blog. There are no pen!ses here, keep moving pervs.

Life Lately

2013-05-07T09:03:00.000-04:00

We've been so busy around here the past few weeks that I am seriously counting down the days until school ends. Why do they try to pack so much stuff into the last month of school? I am exhausted. And short tempered. And perfectly willing to take it out on anyone who annoys me. Just ask the d-bag who screwed up the car rider line at school this morning. No left turn means NO LEFT TURN. Don't sit there with your left blinker on, holding up at least 25 cars behind you, while you try to make a left turn because clearly you believe yourself to be special. Grrrr! That drives me crazy.

So what's been going on around here lately?

Mase is winding down on the last couple of weeks of his speech therapy. I think he is still going to need to continue at least once a week while in Kindergarten but he has made some incredible progress over the last 8 months. I know Zoey will be happy to not spend half an hour twice a week sitting in the car while we wait for Mase to be done with his therapy. Entertaining a 2 year old in the car without losing your mind is a chore that I'll be glad to see the end of this year.

Zoey got to experience her first car wash. She was not a fan. At all. She was great until the soap brush thing started to cover her window. Then she promptly lost her mind. Luckily big sister was there to make her feel better.

And this is what happens when daddy is in charge of getting the 2 year old dressed. Behold the wonder. Why yes those are black argyle print footless tights paired with a purple striped pajama top and topped off with some pink tye dye clogs. Awesome. He took my kid in public dressed like this. I pray nobody recognized them.

We celebrated Mase's last day of preschool with a frosty and some french fries. Yum. I can't believe he is already done with preschool for the year. Next stop- Kindergarten.

Mase had his Kindergarten 5 year old physical and had to get 2 shots. He was so grown up- no tears at all. He didn't even want to sit on my lap to get his shots, but he did let me hold his hand. He kept patting my hand and saying "It's ok mom, I'm a big boy now." I die.

While we were up at the doctor's we stopped off to see some friends of ours. They have a huge African Gray named Sinbad. Mase loves this bird and had so much fun playing with him. The two of them had a whole conversation. It was hilarious.

This weekend we had to go to a wedding, 2 birthday parties, a Cinco de Mayo party, and I had a baby shower to attend. It was a busy weekend! We had a great time at the Cinco de Mayo party that our friends threw- margaritas and sombreros....and watching 8 hours of rain delayed NASCAR. Good times.

This week isn't going to be any slower paced either. We have Mase's Kindergarten beginners tour, Maia's Spring concert, Muffins for Mom, Ty's end of year dance (I'm chaperoning....poor kid), Maia has a field trip that I'm chaperoning, and several other appointments. I am so ready for summer!

Is it just me or the end of the school year the busiest time of the whole year?

Saving Money When I Fill Up the Mommy Mobile

2013-05-06T08:10:00.000-04:00

Having 5 kids means I do a whole lot of driving-- a whole lot. With 3 kids in 3 different schools plus Mase in speech therapy plus all the extra activities, I end up driving around 250 miles per week. That's a lot of driving....and a lot of fuel. I don't have the time or energy to shop around for the lowest price on fuel...who am I kidding? I can barely remember to fill up the tank before the low fuel light comes on.

When I heard about the Fuel Rewards Network™ program, or FRN™ program, I was immediately interested in finding out more. Turns out it's a program that offers a way for you to pay less for fuel at participating Shell stations by earning rewards on everyday purchases. It just so happens that we typically use Shell fuel in our vehicles, but I had never heard of the Fuel Rewards Network program. I was totally missing out on some great savings! I signed up for the free program online; it took me only a minute or so to complete the sign-up. Seriously, it's like free money back in my pocket. Why wouldn't you participate? Everyone likes free money!

There are several ways to earn rewards. One of the easiest, and the one I will probably use the most, is shopping in the Online Mall through the Fuel Rewards Network. There are a bunch of stores that I shop at online anyway, and so many more. You can see more stores on the website. It's just so easy- simply log in to your Fuel Rewards Network account, go to the Online Mall, and click which store you'd like to shop at. Every time you accumulate $50 in qualified purchases, you earn a $0.05 per gallon reward*. Plus, you don't have to spend the $50 at one time or in one store. You can spread it out at different stores and/or multiple days.

You also have the option of enrolling in the FRN Dining program in order to earn rewards by dining out at more than 10,000 restaurants. It works by allowing you to link up to 5 credit/debit cards to your Fuel Rewards Network account. Simply use one of those cards when you eat at a participating restaurant and you will earn a $0.10 per gallon fuel reward for every $50 you spend*. After you enroll in the Fuel Rewards Network program and log in, you will see a whole list of participating restaurants based on your zip code. I have to tell you, the website is incredibly well set up and user friendly. I didn't have to click around aimlessly to find out what I needed to know; the information was all very clear and easily accessible.

Another way to earn fuel rewards is to link your grocery store reward cards to your Fuel Rewards Network account. If you shop at a participating grocery store you can earn $0.10 per gallon for every $50 you spend*. Not a bad savings for simply buying the products you already purchase! You can also download the mobile app for the iPhone or Android to check your account balance, find places near you to earn rewards, manage your account and more. I downloaded the mobile app immediately and was impressed by how easy it was to navigate.

Overall I am incredibly impressed with the program and how easy it is to earn fuel rewards. The program makes it easy to earn rewards and easy to redeem them without having to jump through hoops.

It's so simple to sign up for this program. You can go to your local Shell station and request a card. Or you can go online to sign up and have the card mailed to you. Once you have the card you simply activate it online or by using the mobile app. Easy peasy. Check out the Facebook page for more information and ways to save using the Fuel Rewards Network program.

How would you benefit from the Fuel Rewards Network program? Enter to win a $100 Shell Gift Card.

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* According to fuelrewards.com on 5/6/13.

When Using Your Words Doesn't Work

2013-05-02T08:40:00.000-04:00

So we are now 8 months into the school year and Ty has been suspended 3 times for fighting and has had a few dates in ISS for things that I consider to be pretty minor. I am so ready for this school year to end. And for Ty to outgrow this rebellious, smart mouthed, jerkface phase. It will happen, I'm sure of it. Don't burst my hopeful bubble.

All 3 of Ty's suspensions are because of fighting. One was well deserved. The other two were because he defended himself. The last fight happened when an 8th grader took a basketball and slammed it into Ty's face giving him a black eye and a bloody nose and lip. Then he shoved Ty to the ground and kicked him the stomach hard enough to leave a good size bruise. Ty jumped right back up and whipped that kid's ass. My kid didn't take 5 years of martial arts for nothing. He can defend himself quite well and he knows that I will never ever tell him to take a beating without defending himself. But the school district's policy is that if you lay hands on another student, even in self defense, then you are punished just the same as if you started the fight. I have a problem with that. I have always told my kids to walk away from an altercation before it escalates into something out of your control. But sometimes that just isn't possible.

I had a meeting with the school. I fully understand the policy. I just don't agree with it. Their point was that everyone would cry self defense if that was an acceptable "get out of jail free" excuse. I get that. But in a situation where there were multiple witnesses, including teachers and several other adults, I think it should be handled differently. It's not a fair policy.

In my day, we handled things ourselves. If someone was bullying you or picking on you at school, you stood up for yourself and handled your business. If someone wanted to get in your face and put their hands on you, well you grabbed them by their stuck up little ponytail and dragged them behind the dumpster to finish it. Then they would limp off to class missing a chunk of hair and maybe bleeding a little bit but it was done and over with. Problem solved. Not that it ever happened to me. *cue wide-eyed innocence here* Not that I'm advocating violence in any way. I know it's a "use your words" kind of world now and everything. But honestly? I think it's a little sad that a kid can't defend himself without being punished. If someone accosted me while I was walking down the street you better believe I'd be defending myself and then pressing charges. That's the real world. When someone is trying their best to pummel your face with their fists using your words doesn't seem like a real viable solution.

Just sayin'.

Cheer Barbie and The Skippers

2013-05-01T08:07:00.000-04:00

I've talked about the mom cliques before- specifically The Bus Stop Moms- but today I want to talk about another breed of mom clique. The Cheer Moms. If y'all thought The Bus Stop Moms were bad, well they have nothing on The Cheer Moms. These moms are like a different breed. I've dealt with the Dance Moms in the past- specifically The Stage Mom- but I was unprepared to venture into the world of The Cheer Mom.

When Maia first asked if she could do cheer I was a little ambivalent about it. I cheered- shut up, I used to have spirit- for a few years before I had to make a decision between cheering and soccer. Soccer won. I mean really- a sport where I have to wear a short skirt, shake more than my pom poms, and plaster on a fake smile versus a sport where I can kick people? Yeah, hard decision. I have to be honest- I found the cheerleaders to be a little superficial for my liking. Before I start getting hate mail- I am not bashing all cheerleaders or saying all of them are superficial. I'm talking specifically about the ones that I dealt with and the ones that I was exposed to for years. They were some superficial bitches. Seriously. The movie Bring It On with Kirsten Dunst? Gave me flashbacks and PTSD moments for weeks after I watched it. No lie.

But like every good mom, I pasted a fake ole smile on my face and signed Maia up for cheerleading. She loves it. Lord help me. So I am now a cheer mom. *shudder*

I've come to realize that there is some kind of strange hierarchy to The Cheer Moms. There is a queen bitch- she's in charge. I call her Cheer Barbie. Then there are her sidekicks- I call them The Skippers. Everyone else...just her minions. Cheer Barbie gets the center seat at practice. She marches in with her 4 inch high heels, her hair teased so high I'm pretty sure there's a small animal trapped in the back section, and nails that could quite possibly kill a man. The Skippers come in looking like her mini me clones. It's terrifying. The first day I set foot in the practice gym I was instantly transported back to middle school.

Of course, you know me. I come in there wearing my jeans and tee with some flip flops and my hair piled on top of my head in a messy half bun. Like a real person. I even had ketchup on my shoulder thanks to Zoey thinking I was a napkin at lunchtime. The gasp that came out of Cheer Barbie could be heard 3 states away. It took everything in me not to laugh and then shoot her the bird. Seriously. Back in my middle school days, I would have been in tears and ripping myself to shreds for not showing up looking like I belonged on the cover of Vogue. That was before I realized something important- I just don't give a shit.

So I stared the bitch down, arched eyebrow and everything, while I plopped myself in the seat right next to her. Oh yeah- I did. Then I smirked at her. She was all huffy and "excuse me, that seat is taken" and I was all "yeah I know, I'm sitting in it" and we had a stare down. I'm pretty sure I won, can't be certain because her fake eyelash fell off and I couldn't stop looking at it sitting on her cheek like a spider. The evil little bitch who lives inside me was screaming at me to slap her in the face and blame it on the eyelash spider. I resisted the urge. But it would've been awesome.

So now one afternoon every week I march in there and sit in the same seat- right next to Cheer Barbie. She nods her head, I nod my head, and for the next hour we pretend each other does not exist. It works for us. She doesn't have to lose her status as head bitch and I don't have to beat her ass in the parking lot. That's called compromise.

My therapist would be proud.

Do We Have a Lazy Family?

2013-04-30T09:12:00.000-04:00

A "friend" made an observation about our family the other day that stuck with me. I put the friend in quotes because Matt was quick to point out that this particular woman seems great at offering her "advice" and opinions in an attempt to seem like she has it all together but she's not so great at being supportive and genuine. Is it crazy that I didn't notice those character traits until he pointed them out to me? Off topic. Anyway- this person mentioned that we seem to stay home a lot and don't really get out and do stuff as a family when we have free time.

At first I laughed it off, making a joke about how we are homebodies. But she kept talking. And I kept getting more and more annoyed. Her opinion is that we are not making enough memories with our kids, we are not letting them experience new things, and we are being lazy parents. Huh. Maybe there is some truth to what she was saying. We are homebodies. But is that a bad thing for our kids or for our family?

I read quite a few family blogs and I do notice that these blogs do a weekend recap that makes me tired to even read, let alone try to do. These families seem to pack a month's worth of family activities into every single weekend. They post fun pictures and amazing recaps showing happy smiling kids and cheerful parents. Every.single.weekend. Are we just abnormal?

We do tend to stay home when we have free time. Our kids play outside. They play with each other. They do chores and watch movies and play video games together. We just don't seem to have the disposable cash to run around to every single thing going on in our city. We do house projects and go out to grab dinner, maybe rent a movie from Redbox, watch the NASCAR race, catch up on laundry....normal everyday household stuff.

Are we cheating our kids? We do fun stuff- the circus, Disney on Ice, our neighborhood festivals in the Spring, Summer & Fall....but is it enough? I think a lot of our current lifestyle has to do with the upheaval stemming from my battle with anxiety and depression. If I'm honest, I've been battling it since Maia's birth almost 9 years ago. It got worse after each kid was born. I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. I think back to my life 10 years ago and I don't recognize myself anymore. 10 years ago we had 2 kids, Matt and I both were working full time, we were still foster parents, we lived near my parents and saw them several times a week. We were happy and young and carefree. I feel like I've aged 30 years in just one decade.

Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis? Matt suggested that. He won't be suggesting it again, believe me. But maybe I am. I know a lot of my restlessness stems from coming out of my wintertime depressive mood. It happens every year. I feel alive again and now I want to change all the things in the house and change our routine and do things. I hate this restlessness. It makes me reevaluate everything in our life, including our parenting, and that's not always a welcome thing. So I sit here and wonder if we are cheating our kids. If we are being lazy.

How much do you do on the weekends? Do you pack in as many family fun activities as possible or do you have lazy days around the house?

When All Else Fails...Acronym It

2013-04-29T08:03:00.000-04:00

I was going through some old text messages the other day- read: deleting inappropriate ones before my kids could see them- and I couldn't help but snicker at some of the acronyms that I use in text messages on the regular. The kids probably couldn't even understand half the texts anyway. I still deleted them. Just in case.

10 Most Used Acronyms in My Texts

(in no particular order)

1. LOL
Actual Text: I think your panties are on the front lawn. LOL.
Pertinent Information: My neighbor's washer was broken so she came over to use mine. She dropped a pair of her panties on the way back to her house. It was my duty to tell her. After I took a picture and sent it to her.

2. OMG
Actual Text: Her husband just pulled onto our street. OMG.
Pertinent Information: The new lady down the street has a husband. And a boyfriend. And a pool boy but no pool. This text came from my friend at the top of the street and activated the phone chain so we could all watch the drama from the safety of our own front windows.

3. BTW (Bring The Wine)
Actual Text: Hubby on his way out for the night. BTW.
Pertinent Information: My friend a few streets over hosts our "book club". By book club I really mean we all get together, gossip, and drink wine. There are no actual books involved.

4. FUBAR
Actual Text: Hubs put my cashmere sweater in the dryer. It's totally FUBAR. He must die.
Pertinent Information: As far as I know, my friend didn't actually kill her husband. But he might die from a heart attack when he gets the credit card bill after she replaced her sweater...and bought herself a few more consolation items too.

5. SOS
Actual Text: Out of diapers. SOS
Pertinent Information: My sister sent me this one the other day when my little nephew had a stomach bug. I, being the awesome aunt I am, rushed right over with a whole pack of diapers for them. When I got there my poor sick nephew was wearing a grocery bag duct taped to his shirt in lieu of a diaper. We are a classy bunch.

6. FML
Actual Text: Remember that sippy cup of milk that went missing last week? I found it in the car. Leaking. FML
Pertinent Information: This has happened to me so many times in the last 12 years. So it made me snicker to get this text from my sister. And her car does stink like month old rotten cheese. Better her than me.

7. FTW
Actual Text: Entire load of laundry - detergent = Domestic Goddess status FTW
Pertinent Information: I almost didn't redo that load of laundry but in the end my aspirations of one day achieving domestic goddess status forced me to redo it. My sister laughed.

8. YOLO
Actual Text: Expired meat won't kill you, right? Oh well, YOLO. That shit is expensive.
Pertinent Information: Clearly my sister has not reached domestic goddess status. She cooked and then ate expired ground sirloin. But she didn't die. So....

9. KIB (Kids in Bed)
Actual Text: Time to party. KIB
Pertinent Information: When it gets warm outside the other moms and I gather in the driveways with baby monitors and drinks. KIB is our version of a battle cry.

10. BSTS (Better Safe Than Sorry)
Actual Text: Think I need a bra to run to the store? It's almost midnight, who will see? Shit. BSTS
Pertinent Information: This text from my friend raises an important question. Do you really need a bra to run to the store at midnight?

Sharing my list with Monday Listicles.

Mama Went Shopping

2013-04-25T09:53:00.000-04:00

I told you yesterday that I finally did some shopping for myself. I rarely buy myself new clothes and lets just be honest here- I'm a jeans and tee type of a girl. I'm not a dress up and be fancy girl. My closet consists of jeans, comfy lounge pants, a few capris, tons of tee's, a few dressy tops and some in between not really fancy but not a tee type shirts. You will find a bazillion pairs of shoes, 2 skirts, and 3 dresses. Yeah. Call me casual. Want to take a peek at what I filled my closet with this past week? I knew you would.

From Old Navy:

I got that same tee in 2 other colors but they are not showing up online anymore. I love these soft vintage tees. They don't shrink, they wear well, and they are so soft and comfy! I also got the following shirt in 2 different colors.

I got all that for only $36 with the sale and my coupon!

Then I hit Target and grabbed some great tops for when I have to actually leave the house and look presentable. Gah.

Told you that I stock up when I find a style that I love that actually fits well and looks good! I love these tops. They can be worn with jeans or dressed up with a skirt or nice capris. Multi-functional, I love that. With the sale and my coupon, I only paid $67 for all these tops!

Finally I hit Kohl's and picked up my favorite Rock & Republic jeans and a purse. I spent $60 after my coupon plus the sale!

I feel ready for Spring and Summer now. The kids have full closets and only 1 of them needs sandals. Oh I forgot about swim suits. Damn. I'm blocking out swim season in my head until I lose 10 pounds and get a tan. Then we'll talk.

Midweek Randomness

2013-04-24T09:13:00.000-04:00

-We have bees. And ants. Inside our house. I am not okay with this turn of events. I have enough mouths to feed without adding insects. They must die. And I swear if I get one single comment/email about how heartless and horrible I am to kill innocent insects I will hunt you down and send you a broken ant farm through the mail.

-We had our alarm system upgraded a couple of weeks ago to the newest version they offer. It's all fancy and stuff plus we can control it through our cell phones. Plus we got an interior camera that we placed in the playroom so we can see the kids from the computer and/or cellphone app. Now we don't even have to get up off the couch to see who is causing problems in the other room. That is all kinds of awesome. I'm still trying to decide if we can count that camera as a babysitter and go out on the town.

-I've been trying to clear off the DVR so we can switch to a cheaper cable service. I have so many shows saved on there that it might take me all summer to even make a dent in them. Plus we keep finding new shows that we want to try out so we just fill the stupid thing back up again. Have you seen the new show "How to live with your parents (for the rest of your life)"? Oh man, it is so funny. There's another one coming on soon- I think it's called Family Tools. I want to watch that one too.

-Speaking of clearing the DVR, I was watching a few of my saved Teen Mom 2 episodes the other day and Ty sat down to watch with me. After awhile he made the comment that it sure doesn't look that bad on the show to have a baby as a teen. My jaw almost hit the floor. But then I really paid attention and he's right- the show makes it look pretty easy. From his perspective- they all had nice fairly new cars, they were all living in nice places, they all had iPhones, they went out with friends....a couple of them sure didn't seem to work and there were a whole lot of manicures happening. So we had a nice long talk about the realities of being a teen parent and why he never ever wants to be one. I hope he heard me. I'm not raising any grandbabies.

-I splurged and bought myself some new clothes for spring and summer this past week. I stocked up on Old Navy vintage tee's, Target cami tanks, and found some awesome tops on sale at Target that actually fit and look good! That never happens. I bought them in every color possible. Then I found a fab purse on sale at Kohl's and some new Rock & Republic jeans, also on sale. I feel like a new woman! Maybe I'll do a post about all the great things I bought. It never happens so this is newsworthy, people.

-Mase's last day of preschool is on Monday. I was planning to send him through the month of May but most of his little friends stopped attending last month and now he's the oldest one there. He does not want to go and I'm tired of dragging a sad and teary little boy into school twice a week. So he'll be off until Kindy starts in August. Truthfully, I'm looking forward to the break from driving him back and forth.

-I have bruises all over me. I have no idea why or where they came from. I swear Matt does not beat me. So why am I covered in bruises? I'm considering bubble wrap for protection. What? I saw a woman wearing a plastic rain poncho at Wal*Mart last week. And it wasn't raining. I'd fit right in.

Professors of Parenting

2013-04-23T09:26:00.000-04:00

In the past couple of weeks I have been the "victim" of a few Judgey Judy parents who obviously took pity on me to tell me all about certain things that I'm doing "wrong" with my kids. This drives me insane. Seriously, I wanted to throat punch them. It took a whole lot of willpower and restraint not to throat punch them. They acted like they were graduates of some kind of college of parenting. No, that's not right. They acted like they were the professors at the college of parenting. Jerks.

Incident #1: Occurred at The Wal*Mart. A lady stopped me while I was putting the M&M's that Zoey was asking for into my cart. She informed me that giving into a child's whining was a poor parenting technique and I should stand firm. I have a few issues with her hypothesis. First, Zoey was not whining at all. Second, the M&M's were bought as a reward for potty training and Zoey was reminding me, not begging for candy. Third, this lady's kids (3 kids approximately between the ages of 4-9) were all riding in the cart, wearing pajamas, and the youngest 2 were drinking soda out of baby bottles. That makes me think she should be fixing shit closer to home and not worrying about my kid.

Incident #2: Occurred at the neighborhood playground. A fellow mom that recently moved into the neighborhood was talking about how horrible the school bus is and how she'll never let her kids ride the bus. I mentioned that my kids ride the bus and you'd have thought I told her I make my kids walk 10 miles to school in the snow uphill with no shoes on. Her face took on the most indignant look I've ever seen in my life. She told me I was doing irreparable harm to my kids by forcing them to associate with the "type of rowdy kids that ride those buses". She didn't bother to ask me why my kids ride the bus. She didn't bother to find out that I have 3 kids in 3 different schools and all 3 schools start at the same time. They are also in opposite directions. Unless I sprout wings and the ability to make time stand still someone would be late every day. So I drive Maia and Mase to their respective schools in the morning. Ty rides the bus to and from school. Maia rides the bus home. Maia is the first stop in the afternoon so she actually gets home faster by riding the bus than she would if I picked her up. But taking into consideration that this nosy mom hovered around her 8 year old while he was on the monkey bars make me think she's a bit overprotective. Just a bit.

Incident #3: Occurred at a school meeting. Another mom was appalled to learn that my kids are not scheduled for an afterschool activity every single day of the week and some of them don't do anything extracurricular right now. She actually gasped. And then covered her mouth in horror. Why? My kids don't get out of school until 4:15 and they don't get home until after 4:30. By the time they do homework it is easily 5:30. Then we have dinner and showers and chores. There is not a lot of extra time in our evenings. The older kids do one or two activities each but right now the little kids do not. I don't want to spend my life in the minivan shuttling kids from one place to another. I don't want my kids to look as stressed out and exhausted as this mom's kids looked. Between their tutoring, foreign language, horseback riding, ballet, piano....and whatever else they have to do, they look miserable and tired.

I'm tired of the Judgey Judy parents. They need to mind their own business before they find themselves throat punched. For Real.

Just Give Me 30 Minutes

2013-04-22T08:03:00.000-04:00

There never seems to be any free downtime in our lives right now. We are always racing from one thing to the next or doing chores...you know how it is when you have kids. There are always twenty things on my priority list but not enough hours in the day to get them all done. I dream of the days when I'll have 30 minutes to relax and unwind. One day it will happen....one day.

10 Ways I'd Spend 30 Free Minutes

1. Catching up on my favorite shows. I have so many things cluttering up the DVR right now. Last check there were 245 shows recorded, just waiting for me to find time to watch them.

2. Read a whole magazine at one sitting. That has never happened. This house is full of half read magazines lying around waiting for me to finish them. It drives Matt crazy.

3. Soak in the hot tub. Alone and with a frozen margarita. I shall pretend I am on vacation in the tropics. Wonder if I can find a cute pool boy to fan me with a palm leaf?

4. Browse Pinterest. Anytime I'm on Pinterest I am usually looking for something specific. I'd love to just have 30 minutes to simply browse.

5. Get a pedicure. I haven't had a real pedicure in....years. I'm more of a DIY girl but it would be nice to be pampered for 30 minutes for a change.

6. Wander around IKEA. It's my happy place. I don't even have to buy anything. I just like to look and dream of all the nice things I'd like to do to our home as soon as our kids are old enough to not destroy stuff.

7. Read a book. I love to read. I love books. The more unrealistic and sappy the better.

8. Blog. I rarely ever get 30 minutes uninterrupted to bang out some blog posts. I would be so ahead of the game if I did!

9. Organize my closet. I regularly organize and clean out the kids closets but mine never get done because I run out of time!

10. Take a nap. Granted it would be a short power nap but hey- a nap is a nap!

How would you spend 30 free minutes?

Sharing my list with Monday Listicles!

A Hot Rollin' Hair-Do

2013-04-18T10:41:00.000-04:00

In my never ever ending quest to have amazing hair- which just so you know has not actually ever happened yet- I am constantly searching for fast and simple ways to look presentable while not having to drag myself out of bed any earlier than necessary. Most days of the week you will find me with my hair in a ponytail or a top knot because I just run out of time.

I used to have all the time in the world to do my hair. I owned all kinds of styling products, and tools, and pretty hair stuff. Then I became a mom. Yeah. One thing I do need to get back to is hot rolling. I have a half a set of hot rollers right now and I'm pretty sure they are from the 90's. I'm sure the new ones are vastly improved so I really should buy a new set. I might actually use them if I had some super cool new ones.

Hot rolling is so easy and it used to be my go to style when I was working full time. It was so easy to pop the rollers in my hair, finish getting ready to go, and then unroll- presto, done! BlogHer even has a great video showing how to use hot rollers. I watched it and now I want to go buy myself a brand new set. Do you use hot rollers? If so, do you have another technique other than the one in the video that you can share with me? What kind of hot rollers do you use?

BlogHer is giving away Visa gift cards so you know you want to watch the short video and tell me what kind of hot rollers I should buy! You know you want to help me and you definitely know how much help I need. Here are the official rules of the sweepstakes.

He Said, She Said: Cold Showers

2013-04-17T09:35:00.000-04:00

{You know all those funny and/or stupid little moments that happen in every marriage but nobody ever talks about? Well welcome to He Said, She Said: True Stories where I give you an unprecedented glimpse inside the marital dysfunction. You are welcome.}

Setting the Scene: Matt and I have noticed lately that Ty's nightly showers seem to be getting longer and longer. This is the conversation that followed that realization one night last week.

She Said: Does that boy think he's the only one who needs to shower tonight?

He Said: It happens every night.

She Said: Yeah. And then I have to listen to Maia bitching about a cold shower.

He Said: Yep.

She Said: Maybe she should take her showers first from now on and then Ty can have the cold shower.

He Said: That might be good for him. And shorter.

She Said: What the hell takes him so long in there? What can he possibly be doing in there for half an hour?

He Said: Do you really want me to explain it to you?

She Said: Huh?

He Said: Well, when a boy reaches a certain age they start to have thoughts and....

She Said: (interrupting) OH MY GOD, STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS. LALALALALALALALALALALA.

He Said: uncontrollable laughter

She Said: Well if that is what is happening then he's clearly not very good at it.

He Said: I didn't need to hear that.

She Said: What? I'm serious. It shouldn't take that long. Maybe you need to have a talk with him.

He Said: LALALALALALALALA. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

She Said: Now who's laughing.

The End.

How a Bird Rescue Goes Wrong

2013-04-16T09:27:00.000-04:00

We came home one afternoon last week and found something I didn't expect. A little bird was stuck in our outside light fixture. I'm not sure how or why this bird decided to climb on in there but once inside the little idiot couldn't figure out a way to get back out. Sigh. Mase and Zoey were watching so I had to get the bird out. I would have anyway but having those two standing there watching me ensured that I did it with a minimum of naughty words.

I frantically looked around for a man on our street. Any man. I'm all for equality and stuff but the light fixture is high up, surrounded by spider webs, and protected by a very large spider. A trifecta of things I'm scared of. Yay me. Of course, there's a never a man around when you actually need one. Yet I'm surrounded by them whenever I even think about turning on HGTV. Irony. It always bites me in the ass.

So I pulled out a barstool that was sitting in the garage and screamed like a girl as I wiped off the spider web attached to it. Once I climbed on top of the barstool I realized that I had absolutely no idea how to get the top off of the light fixture so I could let the bird out. After using some very creative naughty word combinations I finally resigned myself that I was going to have to stand all the way up on the barstool so I could figure it out. Which meant standing almost eye to eye with that big spider. I swear that thing was staring me down. Just waiting until I got close enough so it could eat me. Every time my hand got close to the top of the light fixture, the spider moved. And I screamed. It moved more. I screamed more. It was a vicious cycle.

It took me 15 minutes to figure out how to get the top off. It involved a screw driver and sticking my hand directly through the middle of that spider web. I almost decided the bird could just stay in the light fixture...like a pet. But my kids gave me those sad puppy eyes and I couldn't do it. Damn kids.

My mind has blocked out the majority of sticking my hand through a spider web and risking the wrath of a large angry spider. I remember the screaming and the naughty words and the kids laughter. That's about it.

I finally got the top off of the light fixture and the idiot bird didn't want to fly away. By this point I was ready to kill the thing myself so I poked at it until it decided to fly away. As it was flying away, guess what happened? It took a crap on my shoulder. I know. Ungrateful. That would be about the point I lost my mind.

The whole street saw me chase a little bird down the driveway yelling, "Get back in there you ungrateful little bastard" while waving a screwdriver like a samurai sword. Not my finest moment but in my defense, I was covered in bird crap. With the way our luck has been this winter, this will be the one bird in our state that has been infected with bird flu. If you hear of an outbreak in the South....I am patient zero.

And to top it all off, no less than 3 men walked past our driveway immediately following the bird rescue. I'm going to assume they were all watching from around the corner until I was done so they didn't have to participate. I'm basing that assumption on the fact that none of them would look me in the eye. Bastards.

I hate birds.

The Story of My Life

2013-04-15T08:09:00.000-04:00

If I were to write a book about my life, what would I write? What would be important enough to who I am that it would have to be included? What would I gloss over?

10 Chapters in the Story of My Life

1. Kicking Balls: This chapter would sum up the early years of my life which pretty much consisted of learning and playing soccer.

2. Bad Decisions: All about my high school years. The title says it all.

3. The Lost Years: College. Need I say more?

4. Till Death Do Us Part: A glimpse inside the wedding and all about the early years of our marriage.

5. Like Rats in a Maze: Navigating the foster/adopt system to adopt our first 2 kids.

6. Squeezing Out a Watermelon: All about adding our youngest 3 kids to the family.

7. Just Call Me Crazy: The journey through postpartum depression & anxiety as well as postpartum psychosis.

8. Climbing Out of the Hole: Getting back to normal after PPD and how our family was changed forever.

9. The Good Life: Enjoying our family, watching our kids grow up, and tiptoeing through the teen years.

10. Happily Ever After: This chapter hasn't actually happened yet but I'm keeping hope alive.

Sharing my list with Monday Listicles.

A Southern Girl's Dream Weekend

2013-04-11T09:29:00.000-04:00

We had one of those weekends where everything just goes right and there is so much to look forward to that nobody could possibly be in a bad mood. It started on Friday. If you remember we had the plague during Easter weekend so we didn't celebrate with my family. They came down to our house on Friday and we let the kids have an Easter egg hunt and did Easter baskets. My mom added some money to the Easter eggs this year and I was seriously tempted to knock some small kids out of the way and hunt for the eggs myself. Mama needs some new shoes.

The weather was so nice that Matt grilled out for the first time this season and the kids splashed around in the hot tub for a couple of hours while the adults sipped on frozen margaritas and enjoyed the warm weather. By the time we noticed it was after 9pm, the kids were worn out and ready for bed. Mase, Maia, and Cam camped out together in the floor and I swear I heard them giggling until well after midnight.

Saturday morning my mom made her famous sausage and biscuits. I love when my mom visits. We eat good. We had another really warm day so the kids spent the morning and early afternoon playing outside. They played on the swings, they blew bubbles, they drew strange pictures with sidewalk chalk, they rode bikes. It was a great day.

My parents left in the late afternoon, just in time for Matt to grab us some pizzas and beer so we could spend the rest of the evening watching the Final Four. My sister and her fiance came over as well as a couple of Matt's friends. It was a fun night of drinking, bitching about bad referee calls, and raunchy jokes. Just another evening spent at Casa de Crazy. I spent half the night explaining the game of basketball to the Barbie Doll that one of Matt's friends brought as a date. That chick won't last long in our circle. Who doesn't understand basketball? It's not that complicated of a sport. I wanted to poke her head to see if it caved in but I was afraid to get my finger stuck in the hairspray.

Sunday was race day. I love race day. I look forward to it all week long. Matt grilled out again even though it was a little chillier on Sunday. Nothing like some juicy burgers and cold beer on race day! We also caught up on all the episodes of Supernatural that I had saved on the DVR. I love that show. Love it. We capped the night off with a 2 hour episode of River Monsters that pretty much guaranteed I will not be going anywhere near a body of water ever again. Seriously, not even a mud puddle. That shit is scary.

Then it was Monday, the end of Spring Break, and back to reality. Boo. I cannot wait for summer vacation. Most moms are all sad panda at the thought of summer vacay and their kids being home for 2 months. I'm just ready for a break from the insanity of shuttling 4 kids around all the time. All we're doing this summer is going to the pool. All day, every day. I heard through the grapevine that we have a new hot lifeguard this year. Mama's got some eye candy to ogle. Come on summer....