In The Mix With Trent

Hey! I moved!

2011-11-03T23:35:00.000-04:00

Check out my new website:

www.TrentTheArtist.com

My period was late.

2011-05-19T09:28:00.001-04:00

Yall queens are thirsty for Don Lemon. It's clear that he's an aggressive, vers bottom who is maximizing on his coming out (having fun on twitter)...yall are tweeting him up a storm. He's not going to respond...but he loves the attention. After all he is a #Pisces...
Not at all discrediting Don, he did something that most WOULD never do. Do you know how easier for us it will be? A lot of us will be able to walk through the door graciously that he just kicked down. A non-stereotypical BLACK GAY MAN...that's a lot.
Is it safe to say Beyonce fell off? Thanks. Girl...she's tired. That video is tired and that song is tired. Although I do give her credit for pulling a 90's Jackson (Michael & Janet) Pop move...you know, debuting her video in Primetime on regular TV. We all remember when Michael debuted "Remember The Time" on Fox...Janet did "Alright"...The 90's.
AND Girl!!!! if yall don't sit the fuck down somewhere. Neggers cheat all the time. However having a baby and deceiving your wife for 10 years...bitch is about to take ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL yo money. My ex boyfriend was lucky he was broke when he cheated on me with a tranny. Furthermore, mama got Kennedy in her blood. He better watch it. Someone is gonna terminate his ass.
All I do is win, win, win no matter what...
Keri Hilson. Bitch. Your time is up. Keep writing...stay out that booth unless you recording scratch vocals for a track you wrote to. Know your place and keep it cute bitch.
Let me just say this, the planets are re-aligning to strike down on all you fake ass, whack ass, trife ass bitches that have continually kept shit up over the past few years. Niggas like me that work hard to make a difference have been blocked by that fake shit long enough...Karma is coming back harder than ever.
The world ends every day for some people. Saturday is no different. But things are changing. Just look around. Ain't no apocalypse...so carry on.
I need to go back to wearing my sunglasses...
I bet you think my book is about you, don't you, don't you, don't you? Ha-ha-hoo-hoo thought I'd be broke like you, silly ass faggots try to shade and be friendly too...
I've never been this emotional in the middle of the month.
The truth of the matter is I'm lonely...I need a date, maybe I should leave the house?
I'm mad that I've let myself go...I lost a lot of weight before I moved from L.A. and I looked amazing when I first moved to the east coast. Now? Not so much...I forgot I had dreadz when I moved here...cut those off last Memorial Day. Now that I've said that out loud, watch I start looking good again.
I made contact with him and even though we had a crazy relationship, he is still very much a part of me. Neither one of us can deny that.
Nose Job. Got one? I just did, you can hardly tell. The swelling...
I've accepted the fact that I'm hard (personality wise) but it's only a buffer. Once you get to know me you'll understand why it's there. I'm just a soft, cuddly, uber sensitive type of guy.
I was completely overwhelmed by the hype and various blogs promoting "Pop Life" this week via twitter. I was having a very emotional morning then I started getting tweets and facebook messages about the cover. It was very humbling. When I envisioned this cover concept in 2009, this is exactly what I wanted to happen. It's just getting started though. Everything I've ever worked hard for is riding on this book.
You know, I appreciate a genuine conversation. Especially when the person calls me by my real name.
Weird how I miss L.A. but as soon as I touch down and drive around for a few hours, I'm over it. But I do miss L.A. boys and the sex I had...that's it. For everything else there is Skype and airline tickets.
It always throws me when I'm randomly reading and I see "Trent Jackson..." My first reaction is always, "Hey! I know him, what...wait, that's me." I always forget that I'm him...Then when I'm in public and people call out Trent Jackson...lol, sheer insanity. To you he's real, in my mind he's made up...I guess I better get used to it.
3 times this week...I think this was the most humbling, I've come a long way. Then there was this....It made me remember when I first started writing 7 years ago and the lack of opportunity that was presented to me. And finally this...an unexpected write up of the book, even though I knew it was coming, I didn't know when. The truth of the matter is, I've worked really hard. In all honesty, when I came out, I wasn't visible. Everyone went along with the "popular crowd." Now that they aren't here anymore and I still am...
I love how the other writers will secretly talk shit then subsequently make book announcements after I make mine. Really? Girl...I bet you think my book is about you...
I am such a drama queen. Why when I don't talk to my family for more than 3 days I always think the worst?
I just want someone that will look me in the eye and listen and understand...I don't need you to say shit or tell me what I need to do.
It took me a 18 months to do the cover for "Pop Life" You'd be surprised to know that the lineup changed more times than Destiny's Child in 1999. You see all these little gay boys running around talking about they're a model and all like that, but how many of them took advantage of the opportunity presented? A few were ungrateful, some of them were told by their shady gay girlfriends not work with me for various reasons. But I'm proud of the finish product...You can fix your face now. #Winning #Duh
Funny how all these people are coming out of the woodwork to jump on board this project. Bitch, I don't beg, I only ask once and I don't present opportunities more than once, twice if God tells me to give you a pass.
Just because I'm gay and I'm about to release one of the greatest books in my career, doesn't mean I'm about to be friends with you. I'm not on that Hollywood shit. If you can't be friends with me when shit is real, you have no place in my life when I'm doing well, touring the globe, taking pictures and having lunch...fallback, don't make me loose it. Control...
If you don't fight for your place, you'll loose it.
There is always a mediocre bitch willing to fuck, suck and sell themselves for your spot. Watch yourself.
Stay in your lane and please signal before you try to get over in mine.
The funny thing about it is that #Trade always talking about they don't suck dick. Eat that niggas ass out and see what happens.
I want to be a stripper. Interesting how my daddy was a stripper...yes it's true.
Yall been knew BET wasn't shit. It' Ain't been shit since Donnie Simpson & Sherry Carter left.
I really want someone to grab and cup my ass while they're kissing me. Clothes on.
People must really expect for you to take their shit on your back, raw, with no lube. Oh okay...
My last post to this blog will be on May 31st.
Wait. Whatever happened to that TV series you were producing that went straight to DVD, the one that you made 100 copies of. #Shade
Sometimes it's best not to say anything. Know in your heart who you are and operate on God's time. When people fuck over you and are just malicious for no plain reason, say and do nothing. You'll cross them again and when you look them in the eye, you'll know that life has paid them back in full.
"deceitful little serpent. The End. Moral:None"

Yawn Bitch...To be or not to be..

2011-05-03T15:13:00.000-04:00

I am two seconds away from doing 8 lines of Coke on my desk and drinking an industrial size Redbull.
If there is one thing other than my sisters father that I have an utter disdain for, it's flying in the day light. My flight left Los Angeles at 3:30 P.M. yesterday. I didn't get into D.C. until after 2 a.m.
And the nerve of that cab driver to inflate that fare the way he did. The cab ride from my house to the airport is usually no more than 22.00 including the 2.50 airport fee. Why I paid 26.00 last night? I don't know. But I know one thing, the next time the drive adds that airport fee plus the fee for two additional passengers, I ain't payin! I know I'm a plus sized man, but bitch you tried that! I wonder what the karma is for padding a cab fare. Thank God I'll never know...
Hmph. May....
Osama Bin Laden....oh okay. Girl I forgot all about him. They was lookin for him the 1st time I attempted to complete my undergrad degree.
The nerve of that bitch to ever call me an ass kisser or fake. I do what I have to do to maintain my job. But when you go into the bosses office with the door and I can hear your laughter from where I'm sitting, you know I'm gonna be lookin at you with a mean, cold-cocked side eye right? Oh Okay. Especially when you talk about that bitch daily.
I don't fuck with people I don't like, whether I report to them or not...
Oh...my period is on full frontal mode.
OMG...I'm soooo tired and so is my Grandmother for that matter.
You know, L.A. serves her purpose. I'm sure her mission is to conquer and destroy. #Iwin
That had to had been the longest funeral ever. They sang like 8 songs. OMG. I was over it. I walked in, sat down in the back row in the balcony. Viewed the body, let people gasp as they saw me walk down the aisle, I walked outside and soon as I did I had a car waiting. I left. I didn't speak to anyone.
AND THE NERVE OF MY COUSIN...I'm going to air that bitch all types of out on the Season Premier of "In The Mix With Trent" tomorrow May 4th! Don't expect a lot, but expect muchness.
Dealing with me, you will adhere to some type of standards. Complaints? Address them with my family, they are the reason why I have a low tolerance for bullshit.
Speaking of family, ask me how I felt when I my sister looked at me in the car and said, "You do more stuff than my dad does." Funny how he did stuff for show, when she was too young to remember, when it didn't even matter. Interesting how I do what I can, which to me is not enough, but my sister remembers every little bit of it.
Los Angeles is nothing but a reminder to me of where I'll end up if I fuck up, where I came from and where I am now.
Sometimes I wish I knew how to be ~~fake~~ cordial...
So that Prince concert I went to while I was in L.A. The show was better at Madison Square Garden. And Gwen Stefani's walk out on stage...
She gives so little and expects so much....and don't think she won't use the information she has about you against you.
Hmph. Here we go with this revolving door of ex new hires.
I came real close to jeopardizing everything all over again.
I'm glad I skipped The Abbey Sunday night. I heard it was poppin, but I've seen many nights like that before...
This bitch tried to sass me in a meeting...I almost cursed at her, instead I did the dougie and left the conference room.
From now on I will start Dougie'n on anybody who talks shit...that is my new way of dealing with drama.
Beyonce will always overshadow you Kelly, especially when she decides to drop a single/album the same time as you. Learn to stay quiet like she does...you'll come out winning.
I'll let Kelly Price off the hook this time.
I've got to get some regular steady dick. I'm talkin 4 times a week...not inside me either.
Speaking of dick, I had sex in L.A. I hate it when boys make me nut in their mouth. Especially when I try and pull out :-/
I wonder if my swimming pool is open yet.
I tried that this semester...thank God I made it out.

The Strike Down

2011-04-27T13:46:00.002-04:00

Wait, did I really come to work commando today?
So we had a fire alarm at work today. As everyone scurried and left the suite my boss looks at me and says, "You're the office manager, you're in charge. You're the last person to leave. Make sure everyone gets out." Bitch I had my Forever 21 Men's Bag tricks in hand and was out the door before her.
I wonder if anyone noticed....It was a promo tool for http://www.trenttheartist.com/ bookmark that shit!
Today is Administrative Professionals Day. The group of people that run the organization and never get acknowledged. You would think someone said something to me today? Hmph. One of my co-workers did. And because I'm on my period, I almost cried. That was nice of her - and she treated me to lunch. Thanks #Tanya
The truth of the matter is someone always acknowledges. It will always be one person, the person you least expect.
God Always sends a messenger...the one you least expect and judge the most.
Sometimes she really gets on my muthafuckin last reserve nerve. I wish she would carry her ass to a psychotherapist. If she starts any of that bullshit with me while I'm in L.A. I'm going smooth off. I'm going to write a nasty gram and leave that shit for her to read. She is a bully. A 50 year old grown ass bully who doesn't take responsibility for shit. She never has and never will. I'm so tired of dealing with her.
People will always have something to say.
I keep forgetting #Taurus is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay younger than me.
The summer is among us. These muthafuckin 18 year old boys are walking around with their wife beaters and cargo shorts on at 7 in the morning, with frothy loins trying to entrap me. I can see yall little young niggas looking at me behind my shade(s). I fell for that trick last summer. Well he was 20, but it's all the same to me.
My manager is one person that will give me food for thought while I'm spazzing.
Speaking of 18 year olds, they know exactly what they want. My hot ass was too afraid, but I wanted an older man to break me off. 11 Years later, I'm still waiting. But not really.
I just can't...But now that I actually look 30, they will stop bothering me.
I still have no clue when people are flirting with me. I like obvious, but subtle drops. I guess I come on too strong when I flirt back?
People really don't know how to place me...calm on the surface, storm on the inside. It's a Pisces thing. It also explains why people never take me serious. Hmph.
The body makes commitments whether we want to or not...This is why I'm very particular on the people I fuck. I'm an addict and I can't be getting hooked on shit I can't have whenever I want it. Lets keep it all the way real.
I need to loose 10 pounds before I get on this flight tomorrow.
ALL of my bosses are back at work this week. Aint none of them bitches shit.
Have you read This?
I'm devastated. I got the biggest reality check. I can't write it, but next week on the Season 9 Premier of "In The Mix With Trent" I will tell all!!!!
Three years after the fact, a publicity stunt would have been going to rehab, not faking my own demise. **Eye Roll** I can't wait till I release Pop Life to set that record straight. I know some people haven't forgot, I lived it. I'm going to talk about it before one of these messy fags try and bring up in an interview or something...
Looks like I'm going to be the one to explain death to my sister. But I don't think I want to take her to the funeral. This has been one of my biggest fears...explaining death to her. I'm just glad it wasn't one of her parents.
That nigga know damn well he's lying about living in D.C. I wish he would just come clean already. I'm not dumb.
I've said it before, drugs have suppressed me greatly. All these people "praying" for me to get off drugs...well I'm off!!! Trust me, you won't be able to handle me...drugs made me more manageable. But I believe in giving people what they want...the full frontal, the full monty.
Actually I like sobriety...clear and clean thinking.
Being smoked out had to happen...it's a part of the story. It's a part of progress...
The bottom line is people get mad when you don't have a lot of responsibility and you come and go as you please. Bitch make better choices and treat people right and you can get like me!
Yeah, you may be more popular, sold a lot more books, have lunch with power fags but the big picture is, I didn't have to fuck my way around to get where I was going, I didn't compromise myself to get noticed and my books are still 14.00 a pop while yours are available for .90 cent...new. Sit down girl.
It pays to be nice....
God knows exactly what he's doing.
We're all being monitored.
The Truth will always prevail....
WHAT AND THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FAWK? REALLY? So because you want your child to be better and have greater opportunities, you get arrested and go to Jail? Yes...READ THIS. This is some foul, ass backwards, fucked off ass shit! Why aren't people using money to prosecute real crimes? I'm telling you, it's time to get armed in this muthafucka.
Beyonce is about to brainwash yall again...isn't her time up yet? We need someone new...she's washed out.
I've laid low long enough.
Lets see how long I can stay sober this time...maybe a summer boyfriend may fall in my lap. REAL MEN AND GOOD MEN DO NOT WANT A WEED HEAD AS THEIR BOYFRIEND. I don't give a fuck what they tell you....I know what they SHOWED ME
And anyway two weed heads in a relationship is not gonna work, that is extreme and utter chaos.
He tried that! Nigga I put in the work for that and you jumped on the train, where the fuck in my shot gun!? Hanger on ass nigga.
Weed had me in a 4 year fog.
I really can't deal with people who have no goals or ambition in life. If you ever ask anyone what they want to do in life and they say "I don't know" run for the hills and leave their asses right there. It's sad that they have no direction, but it's not your job to come in with a cape and save a hoe. Cause when you do that, guess what? You're putting yourself on hold for them. Next thing you know you'll be looking in the mirror, brushing your hair saying, "I give you 11 fuckin years of my life and you're telling me you're leaving me for a white woman?!"
Don't get mad because I can genuinely connect with people. It's a part of the magic. Just enjoy it...experience it.
The old way of doing things no longer work. It's way past time to retire the old and allow yourself to flourish in the new.
If you've never been addicted to drugs, I don't expect for you to understand my process.
The perv at work brought his daughter in to work today. She's such a sweet little girl...
I'm soooooo waiting for the opportunity to channel her on a date!
He better not try to slide his dick in me either. I don't play that shit. Tongues only nigga!!!
Oh, by the way. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Good Day!

Girl. Fcuk you.

2011-04-20T13:38:00.002-04:00

I knew it was a beautiful mistake.
I'm not fuckin' with that. I've been there, done that and got several souvenirs. Nothing is appealing to me about a man that lives his life with women that wants to get sucked off and fucked by me.
And whats up with texting me 5 months after I initially had sex with you? Really? It took you that long to gather yourself? Or is it your main jump off is unavailable...but wait, really? You kept my number after 5 months...and clearly you know I don't live in L.A., hence my area code. Whatever...But don't think I'm not gonna fuck again on my L.A. trips this year. I was the "first" guy he allegedly slept with. Boys lie about that too.
Once this one man told me to go easy, he had never been fucked, but just loved my dick. I stuck my dick in his as...actually it slipped in. NO WALLS. Let me get my purse and go Miss. Lady.
#Taurus annoys me and I'm over it.
I'm starting to think that the single life is for me...but against it because most people in my family are and I don't want to be anything like them, yet I'm like them in so many ways.
TAYMAR BRAXTON.
I smoke weed daily. I'm so not interested in getting high on 4/20.
I'm an adult. That's why I know what works for me and what doesn't.
In my office I'm apart of an old regime that many of the people in the office are used to and slowly letting go of....Either I adapt the change or leave. I know when it's time to exit. I can't really get down with people trying to micromanage me on the low.
I work in IT. One of my co-workers said that he was going to quit and hack in to everyone in America's bank account and steal 1 penny from each of them...talk about a come up.
My black boss will be back at work tomorrow. Black Bitch.
I really wish I was more focused...and didn't do everything at the last fuckin' minute.
I was inspired by LaToya Jackson (who by the way is playing theeee fawk outta all those bitches on that show) and her Australian gold theme. My balcony at home is real bland. Nothing is out there. And since the summer is coming and I spend a lot of time at home, I figured that I'd "showtime synergy" it out and transform it into some beach them or something festive. I want astro turf, some of those snobbish exotic plants, bamboo, some of those cute string lights and I can't forget the 125 bags of sand. I'll keep you posted.
It's always the lesser of the two evils.
I was having a conversation with some guy the other day and the subject of anal sex came up. He couldn't believe that I'm a 29 year old homosexual that's never been penetrated. I don't understand why that's so hard to believe. He's 32 and he's never been fucked, (yet). I'm not the one to just let some random man run up in me. To be honest, being gay is built (if not based) on a series of one night stands that never really add up to anything. So for me to just let some nigga stick his dick inside of me and never talk to him again...really? Wake the fuck up. I may just be naive or old fashion or whatever...hell delusional even. But you can't fuck me if I can't track you down later. Besides. I'm saving that for my mate.
And besides, the body makes commitments whether you want to or not.
I still can't believe he called my hair a Jheri Curl. WTF!? He tried that shit...and it was duly noted. I'm assuming he was trying to get back at me for saying he was emotionally unavailable. Hmph. The truth is the truth, but my hair is not a Jheri Curl.
Apparently It wasn't time for me to retire this blog as I thought it was. There were a few blank entries that were being counted as official blogs. After I deleted them, I saw that I owed this 6 year old site at least 11 more entries before that ever happens. **SIGH** Have you seen my new website though? It's mellow. But bookmark that muthafucka. That will out last this.
No job could ever pay me enough to sell out my dreams.
It's like the pot calling the kettle black...
A lot of people in my family are mad at me because no job could pay me enough to sell out my dreams. Furthermore, no person can make me sell out my dreams either. As a matter of fact, circumstance can't make me sell out my dreams either.
Sometimes God strips you of everything, not to punish you, but to show you your own strength, where your help is coming from and who your real friends are. I can count one hand who has my back when it comes down to me being broke, depressed without shit to call my own.
When I first moved to D.C. I lived near 2nd & Rhode Island N.W. I really liked the Blackness of the neighborhood and the Howard kids doing their thing. 6 months later I moved to Connecticut Ave NW past the D.C. Zoo. Living up here has created the biggest false sense of security. I recently went to visit my old neighborhood. I was so out of my element...especially walking back to the train station. I've walked those same streets at 1 a.m. fearless, now here I am at 11 p.m. going back uptown scared of getting robbed. Bitch I need to quit playing and move my ass back to the hood so I won't get shit twisted. I'm still a nigga.
I really hate people standing over me, watching me do something. Sit your ass down somewhere!
I can't believe it's been 6 years since she's been dead. I didn't realize I was grieving all of that time either.
She sassed me. She absolutely tried that. While her delivery was swift, with flawless effort. She failed. Just when she thought it was a defeat, I pulled out the dagger and stabbed her back. Smiling.
I always win. I treat people right. I'm honest and I have the ability to admit where I'm wrong.
I can not stand by and watch children suffer. Ever.
Every office has a ghetto worker. In fact, the 5th floor of my building is referred to as "Iverson Mall" and or "Marlow Heights"You should see the person that greets you as soon as you step out of the elevator doors.
I have a social disorder. The inability to be fake. I do believe in being cordial tho.
Speaking of 4:20 (4/20) muthafuckas who don't even smoke are promoting this shit. WTF? Girl. Fcuk you and sit down some damn where.
"Cute" boys ain't shit. Never were, never will be.
Considering my past. I'm blessed.
While were on the subject of "cute" boys - they are a different, special kind of crazy. That Halle Berry, half-breed crazy. Let me stop while I'm ahead. I don't want to offend no body. I've lost friends behind making comments as such.
I am convinced that Aaron McGruder based @UNCLE_RUKUS on Jesse Lee Peterson http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Lee_Peterson
It is necessary to bend the rules. Guidelines...
Today someone asked me, "Why aren't you on stage somewhere?" Didn't have an answer really. But I'm not one of those people that will go their whole lives saying, "I wish I would have..." The time is coming and soon. I've been working up to the point.
I am real funny acting. I know myself too well for you to try to read me and tell me what I already know. I tried to tell you. You didn't listen and now you found out the hard way.
I hate saying this out loud - and admitting this. But my best working experience was when my boss was a white dude. I take that back, men in general. Well. Older black men. Working for a black woman presents a whole of problems, especially if she can't control you. Working for a Black man under 50 poses problems because he see's you as a threat and also wants to control you. I'll have to sit down and draw this out on a piece of paper. Who knows, it may be a book. I've had a lot of corporate experience...
I really don't like people directing unwarranted curse words at me. That is the quickest way for me to not deal with you and pull all the way back. You know, I don't expect people to think like I do, but I do expect for you to have common courtesy. When I'm in a foul mood or going through something I either stay my ass at home or give people warning. I'm not going to just subject them to my nasty attitude especially when they had nothing to do with it. That muthafuckin' #LarryHoover had the nerve to curse at me. I was like...**PAUSE** After all of the arguing I did for you to get that promotion...based on your merit, you wanna take some shit out on me? My mom did that once and she's still paying for it to this day. You may wanna watch who you cross. You never know who's rooting for you or working behind the scenes on your behalf.
Very proud of my buddy! @JumataEmill on the release of his new book, "Never Dead" checkout his website and order the book! It's good so far...

Old Fashioned Mondays...

2011-04-11T12:47:00.001-04:00

Today is my sisters 9th birthday. I wonder if she knows how much she means to me...Happy Birthday Kid. You'll read this one day. Know that your crazy brother loves you and don't mind the subsequent statements. I'm just doing me.
Fuck the federali's! I just knew I was going to be sprawled out on someones beach today, thoroughly luxuriating with a fruity drink with the umbrella in it. They just had to upstage my unofficial vacation by signing a budget agreement. Whatever.
It was high traffic in the restroom at work this morning. I've never seen all of the stalls full...and that smell. They either sold their ass to Satan or had some bad breakfast.
I think I'll touch up on my plastic surgery this week while I'm in L.A.
Speaking of L.A. I'm excited about going...looking forward to hanging with the kid.
I'm also looking forward to some familiar DI....lets see how quick I can line them up. Plural. I don't get it in D.C. like I do in L.A. There is something soothing about familiar dick. Even though I don't take it...
So I went to The Park At 14th Friday night to hear the homie Rahsaan do his thing. While there I was spotted by an OPM investigator (Office of Personnel Management). Very weird seeing other Government staff outside of work, especially when they are nothing like their work persona, especially when they remember you, but call you someone elses name. I'm the same dry bitch all of the time. lol...
Some dude that was trying to date my momma called me dry. I was in the driveway of the house one day, he drove by and waved, I didn't wave back...lol. Classic me.
I folded my laundry from two weeks ago...
Where is Taurus? I haven't seen him in over 3 days.
I saw this fine ass dude at The Park. I knew he was a gay...I wasn't going to speak, because you gay people get real weird when someone is being nice. Like, I like to suck dick, but just because I'm being nice doesn't mean I want to suck yours. Besides that, it was a rough week. My fro was up, I looked a mess, I hadn't shaved and my outfit was crazy and I hadn't had my botox injections so I was sweating every fuckin' where. It happened to be his birthday, he and his friends were nice. I wasn't trying to fuck. I've been in this conservative town for 1 year. It's time I start being more social and I need more people to hangout with. Someone of my caliber should have tons of friends! It should always be a party where I am. I'm an amazing person. I don't think he got that. Plus he's probably use to people throwing themselves at him...I'm not the one. I'm from L.A. there are people that look like him all around. He's an Aries...I just have to keep in mind and what that means. Plus I think he was with the guy...either way they are both fun and I like them all. #OrangeShirt
After I read @BlackSexMaster's latest post, it made sense.
You may not think it, but I'm a completely different person in person.
I don't know why and the fuck I was up last night thinking about my ex...the greatest (yet the worst) ex ever. The one that I loved out of deep insecurity. Clearly we're over it...The truth is you never stop thinking about someone that played such an integral part in your life. Even it was drama.Who the fuck am I fooling? I still love him. The shit is sick, I need to let it go.
I'm seriously into building friendships. Gay men don't get that. Even if I do flirt...It's a part of my nature. The bottom line is, if I fuck you without getting to know you, I'll treat you like a slut.
If you're trying to get to know someone, never give them your twitter account. They will never do any research on why you tweet crazy shit...and they'll always use it against you, instead of asking you directly.
I'm getting excited about doing "In The Mix With Trent," again...
I'm gonna need for people to stop throwing themselves in front of the train at the Bethesda stop! I'm already late to work, I don't need you aiding their agenda to get rid of me...and besides no one wants to be brought into your death match. Watch it lady!!! And the next time you're feeling some kinda way and don't want to go to work, stay your monkey ass at the house with that shit!! Or call me, I'll give you a few reasons not to off yourself.
Speaking of people wanting you gone, LaToya Jackson tried that last night on Apprentice. That bitch knew what she was doing #Strategy like a muthafucka. Nene was mad because she didn't think of it first.
I'm addicted to Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper Chips.
I love that my bosses will be gone this week...
DL Boys, the ones that appear to be tops always end up sucking and taking dick.
Speaking of sucking and taking, my co-worker (the one who the OPM investigator was investigating) told me about how his friend called him to tell him a story. My co-workers friend was waiting on his wife to come and pick him up from the metro stop. She didn't show up and as time progressed he just ended up going home. Quite naturally he kept calling and calling with no avail. She finally rolled in, looking wore out. She basically said her phone died, she ran out of gas and was tired, so she was going to bed. While she was sleeping the husband said she was sweating, snoring and shaking - he knew something wasn't right. So he looked in her purse and found handcuffs, anal lube (what brand cause I need some..) and this! I'm done...I need to get some of this bitches tips.
I didn' realize I was still grieving until after I wrote "Pop Life."
Since I didn't sell a piece of ass (literally) to that man for a job at that magazine, I just took on the character in Pop Life. It was the same thing. I research and live each one of my characters...That is what artistry is. living the experience...living the material. Creativity allows us to share it. That is the difference. anyone can be creative.
Once I finish reading "Pop Life," I'll sign off on it. It's a very emotional book. I put it down and come back to it...It's a lot. I started reading it again Sunday morning and put it down because I started crying.
I'm very blessed. I live an amazingly rich life.
I know one thing. If you don't read and support my shit, how the fuck do you expect for me to subscribe to your shit and understand your art? Stop playing yourself.
In high school my friend and I loved the Scream Movies...it's only fitting that I'll be in L.A. this weekend to view the new Scream with my same friend at the same theater we saw the previous three movies at.
I regret to this day rejecting that boy like that. It's been 10 years and I'll never forget him coming to my dorm room that night and saying to me, "If I told you I was gay, what would happen in this room right now?" I replied "Nothing." And that's all it ever was.

Showtime Synergy: Phase II

2011-04-07T15:57:00.000-04:00

So....how did you enjoy the premier episode for "The Midnight Meltdown?"
"Martyr's are nothing more than control freaks with great PR."
I am uberly disgusted with these airlines and their prices. I have never paid over $500 for a plane ticket home (L.A.)
I decided I'm making a surprise visit for my sisters 9th birthday. If I can travel to all of these exotic places just to relax and get drunk then most certainly I'll do what has to be done to ensure she has a great birthday.
Just when you think you're winning it almost, always feels like you're starting to lose.
There are things that my mother is ineffective at. Planning birthdays and parties is one of them. She is the sole reason why I have historically hated my birthday. She always found a way to fuck it up. Whether it was her yelling at me and promptly dismissing me at my 5th birthday for crying and throwing a tantrum (I thought I was supposed to win "Pin the tail on the Donkey" because it was my b-day) or her not doing what she said she was going to do for other birthdays...my sister will not go through that. She's already been through enough. Someone has to make it easier for this child -since all the adults in her life seem to complicate everything.
Everything was criticized, nothing was praised except for all things wrong.
People don't like being made responsible for their actions. This is why I force them.
I'm hella nervous about going on book tour and resuming my podcast, "In The Mix With Trent."
While I appreciate the professionalism of people with "people" (agent, managers, etc) If I send you an email asking to call me directly and you're having manager still do your talking...it's going to start irritating me after a while. But it reminds me that "It's business."
Truth be told, I haven't felt like recording a show. My delivery isn't back yet, which is why I elected to launch the Midnight Meltdown shows first. It's less talking, more music. But the music can get tricky sometimes too.
I recently looked at myself in the mirror and felt attractive. I've battled with my weight and insecurity issues...and still dealing with them, but I finally saw something I've never really seen before.
I don't want you to ever forget that I am a professional and classically trained journalist. I create, write and produce on deadlines...this applies to all aspects of my life. I'm best under pressure.
I could really take my job more seriously. I have a tendency to get laxed when I'm effective and efficient at work...but it's nice to know that my efforts are appreciated and they don't go completely unnoticed.
Did I tell you I'm over dating?
What do you do when you get bored with life? Go on vacation.
There is this asshole at work. I've talked about him before. The one that I've had to talk to on several occasions about his level of competence and his lack of customer service. Right. So last week I was sick with a sinus infection and decided to stay at home. I don't know what illicit substance he was on that made him feel comfortable enough to start rummaging through my office and desk drawers looking for a "sim card" but the email that the entire office got...Mmmmhmmm. It's important to establish boundary.
I think I'm only going to post about 5 more official blogs for this site. I wanted to stop blogging here a long time ago, but I think now is the time. I've been blogging on this site for 6 years. My new site will be fully operational soon.
I vowed to myself that I would do 1000 posts and then retire. I'm pushing 1100. It's time to create a new space.
I'm a control freak, but I have no problem relinquishing control to the right people and for the right reasons.
I've been going through a situation as it pertains to my "Trent Jackson" personnel. I have decided not to talk about this issue until Season 9 of "In The Mix With Trent," which resumes in May.
You know I was excited about rekindling my relationship with my fathers other child. But after my Grandmother called me with a tone I didn't too much care for pertaining to a conversation I had with my sister (my fathers other child) I was instantaneously over it. I mean, you're grown. Why and the FAWK do you need to run to people giving them privy to a personal conversation? Call me when you grow up.
I'm a little too hard, emotional and have the tendency to take things personally.
I talked to three of my cousins last weekend. I needed that. We don't talk enough, but we are closer than our parents.
It bothers me to the core that my sister already has some of the same emotional issues I do. She's barely 9 and already feels that no one loves her. My mom told me that. It stopped me dead in my tracks...I felt and still do feel the exact same way. It really hurt me when my sister said that she played by herself at school and didn't have friends. I immediately knew the root of this. It was hard for me to give her advice - because I've always been social and my issues with people really didn't pop off until high school. But it was heartbreaking. I couldn't help feel some what responsible for that, because she's use to me being there and I think reality has finally set in that I don't live in Los Angeles. It's been an entire year...it reminds me of the time my uncle left for college in 86. I still remember that void I felt that day he left.
I really don't appreciate D.C. and their spirit of being conservative. I want to have sex during the week. Why must I wait until the weekend to enjoy a tuna sub? I mean people work during the week and party on the weekends. I guess it does keep you in line.
I really feel like I've been suppressing things...
With the boom of I-Pads and Kindles, even though a lot of people don't have them yet, I'm still keeping my tour schedule small.
I was real tempted to move to back to L.A. last night. Only because of my sister. I hate seeing children suffer, especially when they shouldn't. I know that feeling all too well.
I see imma have to stop saying hello to people I once deemed as friends. It seems like every time I call this person to say hi, they always think I want something, when I know damn well I don't call no muthafuckin body asking them for a gotdamn thing! I guess.
I finally went to one of the museums (Smithsonian) this past weekend. It was cute. I need to do more of that.
So the Government is shutting down. I'll be catching up on much needed sleep.
It's a fine line...I'm trying to keep my balance.
Your trash can tells all of your business.
I got the blessing of one of my favorite authors ever...That definitely added pressure.
It's funny how my sister helps me re-examine my own childhood. Seeing her grow up is like watching my life being played back...
So my white boss. The one that is a literal hillbilly, sassed me today. When dealing with white people, play the white game. ACT LIKE EVERY THING IS FINE AND DANDY!!! WHEN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR HITS, CREEP INTO THE DARKNESS AND THROW THAT ASS UNDER THE BUS IN SILENCE. BY THE TIME MORNING HITS, THEY NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT THEM. Translated: Pick and choose your battles wisely and strike at the right time.
I'm gonna need these straight men to stop leaving themselves open for gay responses. For instance, my co-worker asked if I was pregnant. My response, "I don't swallow."
I'm really going to need to start going with my first mind more often.

Midnight Meltdown Season Premier

2011-04-06T22:56:00.000-04:00

In the mix with trent: the show

I guess, Girl.

2011-03-29T12:09:00.000-04:00

Well, March is coming to a close. This was a great b.day month. Miami, The Bahamas, Janet, Rahsaan...progress on the production of my book. I have a lot to be thankful, grateful and proud of. I'm very blessed. Life hasn't always been this way.
You know...if I had channeled more energy into the true artist that I am....it's not too late.
My music reviews and interviews are classic...I'm going back to that.
Drugs have stolen a piece of my joy. I can admit that.
Someone needs to sit these young ass kids down and have a heart to heart. The generation behind me can still be reached. I remember what I needed in my early 20's and I need to give that back to someone who is willing to listen.
Get the message and ignore the messenger.
I am so tired of meeting these delusional, flaky, full of shit ass niggas who don't know if they want to be my friend or foe. Yeah, you like me, but you're not sure because I'm assertive and I'm not afraid to tell you about yourself, while putting myself on blast. I try to give people fair warning of what they're dealing with before they get involved...suit yourself weak ass nigga. I need someone with a backbone, personality and someone that has their own life. I have no time for epic failures on my team.
I am truly my mother and father's child.
I miss some parts of the old me...I used to be a little more social. You know what. I still I am. I'm just guarded and I only share my true self with those people who deem themselves worthy and capable and understanding the complete package.
You know. I used to get mad about a lot of things. I realize that now I am the example for a lot of people. I never really paid attention to that....But I realize that my call to serve is greater that what I imagined.
I need to pray more...I need to center myself more. I, just like everyone has a tendency to only pray and talk to God when things are wrong. But sometimes I do have my moments of praise. I just catch myself thanking God for life. For having food in my kitchen when I'm flat out broke! For having my rent paid, my cell phone on, internet on. The ability to communicate. The ability to hurt and grow from experiences.
I'm learning on how to interact with men better. Not having a father, does affect people whether people realize it or not.
Honestly, my silence, lack of blogging and recording my podcast (in which I enjoy doing - and I'm glad you guys like it) is because I've spending time reconciling my childhood with my present and working out all of the issues that I haven't dealt with, that have stifled me tremendously.
It's important to know what works for you and what doesn't.
I'm falling in love with myself.
When you're beat down most of your life, you start believing the negative things that people tell you.
By no means am I foolish. I see exactly what you're doing. I'm not telling you how to do my job so you can take it.
I looked in the mirror on sunday. I looked at myself and I finally felt attractive.
So one of my boss thought she was cute by emailing me "It shouldn't take more than 10 minutes to..." Of course she caught me with my guards off. So I email her back, "Well since you seem to have all the answers about how to manage my time and since you seem to have the delusional idea that you're the only one I report to, take the 10 minutes and complete it." - I have yet to get a response.
Fuck all graphic designers.
It's 3 in the morning. You know that I'm horny...
So. I can't deal with Larry Hoover flirting with me. He licked his lips at me. He doesn't know how close he came to getting his dick sucked today...that's how you reel them in. Next thing you know they're taking dick...it's all apart of my plan.
WHY AND THEEEEEEEEEEEEE FAWK is Raphel Saadiq still making records for his granny? Bitch the 60's and everything that came with is is over, with the exception of racism.
I had an enlightening exchange with my older sister who lives in Chicago. She and I haven't had a real relationship. Growing up I somehow knew that we would get close as we got older.
I can't be a big brother to my youngest sister, who I helped raise, if I'm not one to my older brother and sister.
I am the oldest...I have a 25 year old sister, a 22 year old brother and a 9 year old sister. I have to start setting a better exmaple on what a big brother should do and more importantly how a man should conduct himself while protecting, enhancing and challenging his family to be better people.
I'm someones uncle...wow. Thats crazy to me. It adds a little pressure...
For a long time I was afraid that I wouldn't find myself again. For 3 1/2 years, I was lost, high, depressed and an overall trainwreck. I thank God for the people placed in my path to shine a pinhole of light to ensure that I would come through the darkness and back into the light.
When fate catches up with your ass, aint nothin' you can do.

Playlist for the week of: March 27th

2011-03-27T13:51:00.001-04:00

No. 1 Rick Ross
Pay Me Miguel
Back Up Zephaniah
Hey Mr. DJ Angie Stone
Raw Monica
Diamonds Janet Jackson
I Tried Ledisi
Walkin' Mary Mary
Burnin Rahsaan Patterson
Lose Myself Marsha Ambrosius
No Bullshit Chris Brown
I Want You To Stay Marsha Ambrosius
Un-Thinkable (I'm Ready) Alicia Keys

Track of the week: I Want You To Stay

Get Away...

2011-03-17T13:05:00.001-04:00

I literally flew to L.A. for the day to prove a point. Bitch don't hold up thousands of my dollars, give me the run around, talk low key shit and think I'm going to be kick back about it. I might TALK A WHOLE BUNCHA SHIT, INCITE RIOTS AND SLING MUD, BUT BITCH DON'T FORGET I ALWAYS BACK UP WHAT THE FUCK I SAY! SAY SOMETHIN!!! Who's going to be the next bitch to be proven wrong?? OH OKAY.
So my birthday weekend was fantastic.
I can't wait for this weekend...
I REFUSE TO BE DENIED. I am real tired of bitches getting brand new attempting to act as if I don't exist when the records are there.
People would always be like "I'mma pray for you to stop being high. I need for you to stop doing drugs." Bitch, what you don't understand is that being high kept me from telling your ass a few things about yourself. I know me. I know that I'm direct, upfront and a straight up bitch. If thats what you want, then that's what you'll get! You can't handle a sober conversation with me, let alone a high one.
Do you. People will always have something fucked up to say, especially if you're doing something different from the masses.
People will always want to criticize while not giving you credit for the part that you play. But then you'll catch them trying to immolate you - watch them fail.
if your interaction with me isn't genuine, don't fuck with me. Thanks in advance!
Keep your prayers to your muthafuckin self. I don't know who the fuck you're praying to and what about. I will be fine.
Just because I've KNOWN you for 10 plus years, doesn't mean were real friends.
She tried that...now watch what I do.
If you thought that I was going to slow down and make it easy for you to jump on my train after I powered this shit alone, you better start thinking more clear.
Actually I like being sober. Being high made me nicer and being nice gets you no where.
I know who has my back and I know who doesn't.
Because I'm assertive, doesn't mean that I'm mean. It just means that you're uncomfortable with me being myself and quite frankly that sounds personal.
I have a low tolerance and an utter disdain for habitual linesteppers. And I'm not talking about people that dance either.
Most homosexuals can't, don't and won't deal with me because I don't dwell in a delusional fantasy world where Rihanna reigns supreme.
There is more to life than your sexual orientation.
I do what I want and I come and go as I please. I only answer to GOD. "Lets get that straight."
I live my life and I'm not bound by ridiculous standards of mediocrity and if you do, we can't be friends.
Gay people always ask me how to get straight male friends. My answer, stop making your gayness an issue and quit tryna suck they dick...let them scout you...lol. :-/
My favorite line is, "So you admit you just lied." Fucks peoples' world up everytime.
Don't say happy birthday to me a week later. Bringing it up will only irritate me...
I'm don't fuck with anyone who is always talking about Jesus/God told them....bitch God don't talk that much - and Jesus is dead.
If you didn't take advantage of it the first time I offered it...don't come hit me up asking to be down later. I don't do bulshitters remorse.
So in a meeting at work they were talking about all the previous office managers and their nicknames. One of the managers said, "I wonder what we'll say about you after you're gone." My response, that really doesn't matter because I know the roll I play and what I'll contribute - so the real issue will be how ineffective you are once I'm gone. #Ooop. Should I turn in my two week notice now or April 15th?
I know when it's time to leave. I never overextend my welcome. I bow out gracefully.
I know my worth and when it's not invested in or utilized properly, I must excuse myself.
I'm going to enjoy myself this weekend and prepare myself to release this book that you all have been patiently waiting for. I genuinely appreciate those that are interested and get my work and what I contribute. I'm just that kid from L.A. that's been through and overcome some shit just like everyone else. I just speak about it and I'm in touch with it. I used to sit in my room listening to 90's R&B doing the things that made me happy...that was creating stories that people can learn from and relate to. Thanks very much for allowing me to share. Have a great weekend...see you when I get back into the country.

2.9 Landing

2011-03-16T00:32:00.000-04:00

late in the midnight hour.
up aimless.
thinking about all the things...
i need to do.
to make happen...
but it's pointless.
can't focus.
can't concentrate...
don't know what to do
first
last
how to make it work

funny how when your mind is clear
you don't know what to do
when i was high
i seemingly had all of the answers
that worked
to patch
fix
a temporary solution
to a permanent
but fixable problem.

in between
balance and assertion
anger and happiness.

rahsaan.sy.lalah.avery on replay
nothing is happening anyway.

i guess when it hits me it will hit me.

just yesterday i was inspired to do all these great things
today i found the energy that's kept me captive for
the last 4 years.

i feel something big about to happen.
epic
nothing bad.
i feel like the old is coming to an end.
ushering in an era that will benefit me
my dreams
my goals
my aspirations...

i'll let the music play
not making a false move
so i wont be taken down.

i see whats getting ready to happen.
i wont force it.
i'll let it happen.
I already have a backup plan...

sometimes I wonder why i can't be normal.
why i get bored so easily.
why i'm so selective
why i'm so moody
why i like what i do...

then i realize it's just me...
a spark of so many things...

it's time to ignite the fire again.

Walking...

2011-03-15T13:22:00.000-04:00

I don't understand why the cute boys have to be Libra's. Yeah. I do. Cute boys ain't shit and neither are Libra's.
Gossip gossip nigga just stop it! Every body knows im a mothafuckin monster!
When you set a trap for others you only set a trap for yourself.
It's always good to see people return to their core. Particularly after watching them go through hell and almost death. Talking to him made me cry. He was pure. He was honest. He was connected. He was the person I remember. The person I first met. He was himself.
Hopefully I can get my netflix DVD before my plane takes off.
It's all good. I'll be respected for who I am and what I contribute.
What really gets on my nerves is a bitch that wants to jump on the bandwagon after the work has already been completed. I'm good.
At this point in the game I know what WORKS and WHAT DOESN'T. I'm not afraid to tell you either.
Some people are just stuck in their misery and bitterness. Leave them there.
I was thinking about how my life was when I lived in L.A. Who I was, who my friends were. My goals...funny how none of that even matters anymore, like it once did.
Honestly we stopped being friends because I didn't want to be in your 3some and you were shady...
I'm a private person - and even though I have a "public life" that doesn't give you the right to overstep your boundary.
A colleague once called me the "Kelly Rowland" of publishing, insinuating that I always have a book coming out, that never comes out. That bothered me...but I'm okay with that comment now. It's not something I harbor anymore, I'll expound on this in my last point.
Where are they now?
I speak the truth - and I know it isn't for everyone.
Why do people try to shoot down stars who had their 15 minutes of fame 20 years ago? Janet Jackson, Madonna, Whitney Houston, etc are all still relevant -without them...You're not gonna sell out stadiums and go platinum every time they release some shit. "Fame is now, talent is forever" or eternal....
The older I get, the more I appreciate my family, my mother in particular. I understand her a lot more and while I don't excuse some of the things that she did, I know why she did them. That's more important. I got the lesson. She was the very first person to teach me life. Through her, I learned that you can't trust everyone, people are always going to have something to say (good and bad), everyone isn't going to be there to support you...I love her for that. It's made things easy for me as an adult. Especially working for the Federal Government.
People should be more fuckin' grateful. If your punk ass friend tells you they've booked and paid for a hotel room for you and you get there to find out that it's not paid for while you're looking tossed and driven needing someone else to pay for it, the least you can do is say thank you and look the person in the eye while saying it and after that, you need to upgrade yourself and find a new set of fuckin' friends. PERIOD.
I can't stand an opportunist user...
I know guilty crafty person when I see one. I'm not done.
If you're costing me more that what you're giving...#ItsNotGoingToWork
I think I will start doing music reviews again soon.
I depend on myself...I need others, I do...but if you're draining me...
The older you get, the less you want to deal with people and their shit.
I'm doing me.
I will still tour Japan one day...Tokyo is on my radar.
Life is all about choices and you don't always make the right ones...you don't have to repeat your mistakes.
It's important to acknowledge others.
It's important to reflect...
Shutting the fuck up and listening is uberly important.
A big weight has lifted off of me when I dropped that class. I can focus on the other classes that I do enjoy.
One thing I despise is a liar. My professor was talking all of this big shit about who he is and what he's done...didn't even know that "we" work for the same federal agency...name not even listed in the global directory...
While I understand you realize and value my resourcefulness - ask me politely, be grateful, learn and use me wisely...not out of greed.
cgtyson "Word to the wise: Avoid mediocrity at all costs."
Some people don't know what to do with affection, but I give it anyway. It's who I am and they'll always remember the part that I played to enhance their life. You can't deny the truth...even if you never admit it out loud, your mind will do it for you.
I win no matter what. No matter how long it takes, no matter what I go through...I win.
You don't have to be shrew, callous, hardhearted in order to get what you want out of life. You certainly don't have to change who you are or sacrifice your principles. But you do have to be tough in the pursuit of a better life.
"Don't run so fast, you might fall on glass."
I got in my company car yesterday and turned on the radio and "Walking" by Mary Mary was on. I was moved to tears at the simple message. For such a long time I chased the wrong thing and danced to everyone elses tune about what I was doing, when i realized there is nothing wrong with walking and taking your time to achieve goals...It reminded me that I was on the right track no matter who's doing what and what's going on around me.

Pop Life, The Story Behind the Story. Lite

2011-03-14T00:01:00.000-04:00

It was 2006 and I was on the phone talking to Malcolm. Malcolm is that guy that you shouldn't have attempted to date or fuck because he was better off as a friend. I hold him in a high regard. I love him. We understand each other. I'd like to think that he and I have a connection no one else has...He hasn't been the best friend - but who is? One thing that he is, is loyal. That can never, ever be denied.

I first met him in 2005 when I was promoting my first novel, "At This Moment." I was at club "Metro," one of Ivan Daniel's, (thee L.A. [gay] Party Promoter) Wednesday night parties back when it was hosted at the "Here Lounge." Malcolm was with a few celebrities, I was solo. Ivan was helping me promote my book at the time and he made sure that I went to every single party that I needed to be at and to make sure I met all of the right people and that particular Wednesday there was someone I needed to meet. Without the specifics, I was introduced to the very popular gay-friendly author who Malcolm was with. I didn't care for the author too much because he blew me off and never made eye contact. I took it personal and chopped it up to a few things. But in hindsight it was my first real lesson in dealing with a celebrity.

Malcolm and I made eye contact and it was intense. He was handsome out of stratosphere. But he shook my hand, rolled his eyes and hit it. :-) Should have been a sign right? I got in my truck and went home shortly after that. I was grieving the death of my cousin who has like a sister, I was dating an idiot. The last thing I needed was to be introduced to some assholes. I got in my truck, turned on some Rahsaan Patterson and hit it. This was before my weed smoking days. Mind you at this point I was 23. Boy was I young. So much has changed.

I still thought Malcolm was fine and I didn't forget him.

The summer of 2005, I went on tour to promote my book. The 4th of July weekend, I did my very first author panel at L.A. Black Gay Pride. Shortly after the authors went downstairs to the vending area of the hotel to sign & sell our books. As I set up, I see Malcolm. Mind you I hadn't seen this clown since March when he and his author friend shaded me. Hmph. So he came up to me and started talking.

"Hey! I remember you. How are you? What's your name again?"
"Trent. Malcolm."
"Damn you remembered my name? Now I feel bad."
"You rolled your eyes at me. Plus you were cute. Lasting Impression." I said blandly.

We went over the small talk - he bought my book and we talked the rest of the day. It was one of those conversations you have and you just know that no matter what that you and the person will be good friends for life.

He was living L.A. that weekend to go back to Atlanta where he lived.

Sunday night he called me and insisted that we hang out before his flight left. We met up at Roscoes and talked more. I was really into him. Like, overload. Before we left, he asked me to find a place that made keys. I told him no problem, because in L.A. you just have random key makers in booths all around town.

We found a location, he hopped out my truck and got his keys made. As I sat there and waited, I watched him walk off. I liked him - but I wasn't going to show that, just in case he didn't like me back or even see me in that way. Another thing I liked about him is that he was older - 10 years older, but he still looked like he was in his late 20's.

When he got back in the truck he looked at me and said, "The blue one is for my apartment in New York and the Green one is for the condo in Atlanta. You use them whenever you need to."

We went back and forth about him giving me his keys like that. But I took them and I still have them to this day...they always work.

As time went on he and i talked on the phone practically every day. He flew me out to D.C. for the very first time in 2006. I knew when I visited then, I had to live in this city.

That weekend in 2006 - I learned a lot. Things that you just keep in the books. Blueprints. Knowledge if you will.

As we got closer I saw how the industry started to wear on him. The things that it did to him. His drug use, his relationships, his friendships. Just the way he changed. I never judged him. I continued being a friend.

One day in 2006 before his use got heavier, he said, "You should write a book about being gay and famous." I insisted he help me write it. I didn't know that, that conversation would lead to my own experiences and actually writing a book about being gay and noteable. While I was experiencing my own successes, popularity, etc he was right there beside me...in a sense he did help write it.

In 2007, prior to experiencing my growing pains and prior to my book tour for "Full Circle," I was leaving Century City and Rahsaan Patterson's song "Stars" off his "Wine & Spirits" CD came on. As I was thinking about Malcolm and his struggles and a few of my other celebrity friends struggles, Rahsaan's song hit me like a ton of bricks. It was my blueprint for my new book, "Pop Life."

A few weeks after hearing that song I was on my second stop for my "Full Circle" book tour. It was New York City. That solidified so many things for me. It was epic. It was the greatest moment and greatest failure in my life. I'll talk about that later. But that trip began my writing process for Pop Life. A process that has lasted 4 years.

I can't wait to share the book with you...

Happy New Year Bitches!!!! 2.9 on These hoes!

2011-03-13T18:20:00.000-04:00

I haven't had anything to say in a minute. Sometimes you have to be still - and understand whats going on within you and around you.
Today is my 29th birthday...It's a new year! A new me. I don't celebrate the new year on January 1st. I always do it on my birthday.
I saw Rahsaan Patterson last week! I love and admire him very much. It was the perfect start to my birthday month.
I can't wait till the 22nd so I can see Janet!
I'm glad my birthday fell on a Sunday. Sunday has always been my "me" day...so it's perfect. Two of my closest friends in D.C. took me out last night - I appreciated it much. I've been going through a lot lately.
I finally had birthday sex at 4 a.m. this morning when I tipped in from my drunken night on the town. I put it down...I hadn't had sex since January. I know he wasn't expecting all that he got..he's probably somewhere right now trying to figure out what the hell happened.
Why must people bore me with the details of their bleak lives. I don't care. I don't fuckin' call you or tell you what I'm doing every minute of the fuckin' day. Bitch.
Never trust a man that drives a yellow car. Especially an X-Terra. Where they do that at?
4 more days until I leave the country!
Phase II starts April 1st.
So the people at work participated in an epic failure of a birthday lunch for me. Some of those people act like the biggest fuckin babies on the planet - and I don't like them anymore...the wrong thing to do is turn me off. I take cold to a whole new level. You don't understand how cool I am until I ignore you.
I'm excited about my literary career again...
The truth of the matter is when you're numb and in pain, you're exactly that. You can't do anything, but you feel everything.
This week has been nothing less than chaotic...I will not talk about my book anymore publicly until it's off the printers conveyor belt.
Managing 5 gay black men for this project has been the most difficult thing I've probably ever done in my life, but it's training ground nonetheless.
It's funny how people will flirt, but when you make shit real they wanna fall back....uh huh. #NiggaPlease
And what's up with people lying about shit? I thought we were done with that.
That look on your face when you realize that you fucked up an opportunity...#Priceless
I really hate when people over involve themselves in my life. Why don't you take a fuckin' hint before I have to hurt your feelings.
My birthday is not a public event.
My manager and my attorney made my birthday this year. So did my Mom and Uncle.
You're already fighting a loosing battle by being a black male...but you can win though.
I'm tired of these married men tryna get they dick sucked.
I believe that everyone would try [or thought about] a same sex experience once...or more. Black men just can't say that shit out loud. I get DL men, but i'm not with deception of your wife and children...wait till you're divorced for that. And please let that not be the cause. And please don't include me in on that shit. I have enough dramatic episodes of my own.
Family is a fancy word for people and people let you down. The only difference is, when shit really hits the fan your family is the only people that will sustain you.
Patron kills any bacteria growing in your stomach. Every time I eat at the Birchmere I get sick...it's gotta be that sauce.
He got mad because I didn't fuck him. Now he doesn't want to be friends. I don't get it.
Gays are a trip and they haven't even been around the world. If I come at you with respect, you run. But if I treat you like a hoe you wanna fall in love. These reprobate minds I tell you.
I'm old school, there is nothing better than a phone call from a person saying Happy Birthday.
I lead by example.
The older you get, the less you have to say. Your tolerance for bullshit depletes.
I don't like people who force themselves upon me...I don't like pressed people, hanger on's and those who have nothing better to do but ask me a whole bunch of personal questions.
So my "Public" Facebook has been inundated with b.day wishes. I appreciate them wholeheartedly. But some of them muthafuckas know damn well they don't like and can't stand me...so why be fake? Just carry on with that fake shit by yourself.
I love my mother - the older I get the more I realize her good intentions. She's a very misunderstood person, we are actually a lot alike.
I don't enjoy daylight savings time whatsoever.
I think I will drop that class, I just found out I don't need it to graduate...
So, 6 Shots of Patron, 1 #TigerBlood and 1 Malibu & Pineapple = a obnoxious, belligerent, cantankerous homosexual named Trent Jackson. More to come soon.

Pausing Pressure Points

2011-02-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

I've been here before and I remember what happened the last time I didn't stop. So I'll pause.

Out of know where, the job that I LOVED turned into a job that I don't much care for today. I work with a group of spazzers. I get it, but when I spazz, I tend to stay to myself, (like now) let the situation work it self out and then come back to the world like Tevin Campbell did in 1995. All of a sudden my work got more complex, my bosses are requiring me to operate over capacity and I'm already operating over capacity in other facets of my life. I feel the breakdown coming on.

I work from 8-5 daily. I'm in a dual educational program from 5-10 daily and on top of that I'm in production on a book.

I'm overloaded. I don't feel like doing anything.

Everyone at work loves me - they thank me for making things easy for them.
I get emails from people frequently telling me how much they appreciate my blog and my shows and how it helps them deal.

I can't say the same...Every day I come to the realization that it's just me and it has always been that way...since I was a kid. My mother was there - but she really wasn't. My Grandmother practically raised me, but she was old and wasn't "all the way there." It's always been me. It has always been me...And before I knew it, I was 8 running a household.

There are highlights of happiness. But it's not even temporary. It's like a split second...a tease. a flash of lightining in the sky.

I have no human contact...everything is twitter this, text that, bbm this. I'm not a robot.
People don't understand me...they understand Trent Jackson though.
I just need to cry.

Nothing makes me happy.

The Janet and Rahsaan songs have stopped working. Weed stopped working, so I stopped it. I've never been a drinker and I'm tired of eating.

I'll sit...and wait it out.

Hopefully when I get this sorted if that ever happens, I'll have a friend that I can talk to - other than my pending shrink and other than the people that come with their hand out. I'll have a book out. Love Will Never Do will be my favorite Janet song again. The twinkle in my eye will return when I hear Rahsaan sing Any Other Love...

I need help...
finding my zest for life again.

But I think it's gone...

Real Talk...Fiber Tabs moves shit outta the way

2011-02-08T12:40:00.001-05:00

I love to see the expression on peoples faces when I make it to work earlier than usual.
I also love the way people respond to me when I actually put on "clothes" and groom myself. I still love my sweats, my uggs, my T-shirts & Jeans. I'm a Cali boy - we are laid back like that...
It's only been a week and I already miss his morning wake up call...even though it's only been one day...I like hearing him 1st thing in the morning.
Ever since he's been calling/BBM'n me in the morning, I've been on time to work. Mind you I've been late to work for the last 60 days straight. Seriously.
Sunday night we were cupcaking and it exceeded the time limit. But it's all good because I like talking to him...
And while I was cupcaking, #Taurus was arguing with his girlfriend. He is such a dramaqueenattentionwhore. :-/ **EYE ROLL & HAIR WHIP** He only did that shit because he knows I'm talking to some other boy. WHY HE MAD THO? I can't get with these presumed heterosexual men with girflfriends that want to get butt plugged.
Bi-Sexual and DL are two completely different things.
I've learned to leave the past exactly where it is....especially pertaining to people I've had sex with. All we had was sex. Don't call me no more! :-| Our bodies and made no agreements! I need a husband!!
My spirit won't allow me to interact with late and tired queens.
I have a tendency to withdraw until I understand what is going on.
Yesterday was real emotional on a #subtweet kinda way.
Valentines Day aint shit. I was thoroughly annoyed when I walked into CVS and all them fuckin heart shaped blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway.
I pay attention and make note of everything. Even the stuff I'm not supposed to keep note of...
I don't like being lied to and I don't like my emotions being toyed with on the slightest.
I sold my tickets to see Janet Jackson in Hong Kong. I'm actively trying to sell my D.C. tickets. I won't slam her publicly, but lets just say I saw this shame show in 2008 and once last year - I think it's safe to say that this is her continuance of the "RockWitchu Tour." The only thing that's new about this tour is her 9 month old haircut that she sported back in 82. Bitch, quit playing. Find Tina, Kelly, Shawnette, Gil, Tyce, Tish, LaVelle, Terry and Anthony and give one ol' finale and sit your ass down bitch.
This weekend was a good weekend. I got my haircut now I'm actin' brand new...
I want to be in love.
I have been putting off this surgical procedure since December. Here it is February, it ain't happening till after I come back from The Bahamas...in March. I am nervous as hell.
So since this is my bosses last official week, you know that sambo is gonna pull out every ghetto trick he knows to entrap me. He called me an asshole on Friday and this morning he came in my office, stood in front of me and then slowly placed some blackberries on my desk while starting at me. #Weird.
I spent all day at Busboys Sunday working on edits, meeting with my assistant and my attorney. My plan was to go and 100% support an associates event, but my attorney was running late, so I ended up not making it...hopefully it's all good.
I'm not forcing it and I'm not stressing it.
I'm not into sports, another reason why I like to date guys who are into it, so I can learn more and don't sound silly or get that awkward look when a man asks me about sports. The fuck I'm gonna say? "Oh I'm into the arts." :-/
Why does he keep appearing in my timeline. I can't stand fake bitches and I can't stand people who try to out do me after I've taught them what they know. Then after I unfollow of course he tweets me. Bitch you ain't tweeted me or contacted me in the last 369 days...wtf?! Anyway bitch.
There is a consulting fee...you're obviously coming to me because you know, I know what I'm talking about. Not only that, I'm someone that you respect. Would you be asking me for advice if I wasn't on your radar?
He's got me in the mood to date...
Honestly, I never thought of myself as attractive. I thought because I was larger and called fat most of my life, I didn't think I was attractive. No one wanted to befriend or date the fat boy. It makes it worse when your own parents victimize you for being fat...
Finally! Someone who gets my creative vision!!!
I don't need nobody else...I can to damage by myself...walk in the room everybody like damn...
That was a very kind, sweet gesture. I'm always grateful when people do kind things...You know, when you're just nice - and you care about people and you do things without a break, sometimes you get beat down and go through moments when you don't think that you'll ever get over. Out of the blue someone says or does something that makes everything that you've been through irrelevant. It doesn't have to be big. A simple thank you is enough...I totally wasn't expecting that. It made my heart melt...
I've realized that I've climbed an uphill battle and I'm like two steps away from the top. I put in a lot of hard work and I haven't asked for a thing. Last year, I was broke, virtually homeless, no money, I lost a lot of money in stocks, I was being sued left and right, I owed the IRS 10K, I raised my sister...people really don't realize how much I do, in fact I don't realize how much I do...but today I got it. I'm not the same person I was last year. I'm not in the same place mentally...I'm grateful.
I love that little girl (my sister) She is growing up so quick. She's learning how to assert herself, which I'm glad she's doing. She's a young lady - and she needs to be assertive this young (8), that is something I lacked terribly at her age. I never knew how much I influenced her and how much she looked up to me - until I had a conversation with her on Skype. She is such a beautifully intelligent, witty, smart young chick. I can't wait to see what she will become with all that has been given to her. I love her boots! And I'm dying to tell her, "He can't beat it if he don't eat it.":-/ Shit, I wish I had a big brother like me...
The truth of the matter is that I'm a bitch because I have trust issues. Every adult in my life has failed me and I expect for people to let me down, because people rarely come through for me. I don't ask for help and I've done a lot on my own and suffered a lot because of it. I'm reconciling it...
One thing that is important to me is friendship. I take it very seriously. Because I'm not all that close with my family, my friends are my "perfect family."
Travel light travel far.
So...while skyping with my sister before she went to school this morning, my mom said something to her and she looked dead into the camera, paused for about 10 seconds and gave me that, "Bitch please look." Then she said, "I know you're glad you don't live in this house anymore. I gotta go." And rolled her eyes...Mind you she's 8. :-| Just wait till she gets on that rag! Miss. Thang is going to be slaying her parents left and right...coming for blood. Let me start making space now. I know I'll be the only one that will be able to handle her.
This weekend, I reached out to a person I hadn't talked to in 5 months. It was painful for me to walk away, but it had to be done. I'm very proud of him and the strides that he's made to get to his happy. We talked, hammered it out, had a few drinks and smoked. It was hard for me to hear him say "I felt like you abandoned me. I needed you even when you think I didn't. I went through a lot when you left, but I needed to go through that." I'm glad he said it. I never turned my back on him - I'm loyal, even when people aren't loyal to me. On the flip side, I wouldn't be where I'm at this very moment if it weren't for him - it would behoove me to acknowledge that and correct it.
I'm very grateful for friends and people that understand me.
I love my attorney - she keeps it real and her hair is laid.
ahhhh, 35 days till my birthday. I see I will be dateless. So much for the 90 day plan this year! #Womp...well there are technically 35 days left to secure a date...that would be a thirst mission tho. I mean, in my mind it's basic. I just want to go out to dinner, talk, be told happy birthday and maybe a kiss...what the fuck? I'll get it. Let me just strap up this body magic and tease my hair :-/
I see I am going to have to go back to asking, "What do you want from me?" and "What firm do you work for?" You ask these hoes direct questions and they still lie!?!?!?!
Some relationships are worth fighting for...
Meagan Good done slipped on a banana peel and bumped her head if she think she is about to channel Whitney Houston.
I've reconsidered my decision to get a nose job and liposuction.
Bitch just cause I got a flashy time-piece and I carry a "man bag" don't mean I'm rich. I made 85k last year. I got the tax forms to prove it! My tuition alone is 40k get out my face. #ShitTalking

February Follies

2011-02-02T10:30:00.004-05:00

Happy February!!!
Did yall see your shadow when you came out the house this morning? :-/ I didn't. I didn't even want to come out of the house and face the world. But guess what?! BITCH I'M ME!!! (Don't forget)
I hate when I wake up with remnants of the previous nights emotional breakdown.
The last time when I was home (Los Angeles, my mommas house) she said to me, "Terence, when your light shines - you're not going to have a lot of people around you." That makes sense to me everyday. Maybe this is why I never feel connected to people, but they're always seemingly connected to me.
I completely adore, admire and respect Rahsaan Patterson. His music (he) has gotten me through so much since 1997. He and Janet are on the same level and you know how I feel about her.
Not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I realize I have people that support my work. I got two royalty checks this week to prove it. But when you've ignored yourself for such a long time (as I have, always doing for others), you kinda want to get back to yourself. That's what I've been doing for 3 years, getting me together so I can continue to be of service. I not one of these fly by night authors that come out with books every year. Bitch really? Writing on popular topics that will subside. I like to make classic shit that is timeless. Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis, Babyface, Hall & Oates, Gamble & Huff style...
I'm aware.
Shot out to Drama Dupree!
Confirmed: My support system is obsolete. This doesn't surprise me. As soon as I start to trust people and let them in a yard...they display they aren't ready. You are the weakest link! #Goodbye
I do not like my butt. It's too big. It's wide and high...Can I get a butt reduction? Even when I lose weight, my waist shrinks and my butt is still big. :-( too much wanted, yet unwanted attention. Damn! Too much booty in the pants...
Yall stay reaching for the top shelf without a ladder...see where that gets you.
I'm not in the mood for no shit, so please save your own dignity. Thanks! :-) It's all in love. L-O-V-E.
Never limit your history - celebration or remembrance of it to one month.
I get so annoyed when "Elegant" or "Fancy" is printed on a box of plastic ware. wtf!?
I am very in touch with myself. Particularly my emotions and room to spazz is needed.
Defy the stereotype. Do what they aren't expecting you to do...
Valentines Day :-| Quit playing.
Even though I have no balance (everything is black or white to me...some shades of gray but they tend to be closer to black) I expect to have definition and boundaries. If you want to fuck - lets just fuck only call me when it's time to fuck. If you want to be friends, don't be sexually suggestive. Because when the two meet, thats when emotions get involved. And fuckin' with my emotions is like what? FUCKIN' WITH MY MONEY SMOKEY!!! And what happens when you fuck with a nigga's money? Oh okay...don't find out the hard way.
I hate living with boys. They are disgusting, don't clean and are just overall triflin. I've been trying to talk to my roommate since September about his cleanliness and the importance of it. Particularly the bathroom and the kitchen. I feel that these two areas of your home are theeeeeeeeee MOST important rooms in your house. I know I fucked his world up this morning when I left my dirt and hair in the tub and didn't clean it. I was waiting on him to say something. Then I left egg shells on the counter, bread crumbs everywhere and I left my juicer pulp in the sink over all the dishes...lmao. I was daring him to say something. I will clean up after myself, but another grown ass man I'm not fuckin' or getting any support from. Girl please! (LMAO) anyway...
I don't give a fuck what yall say! Whitney is #Legend and she will be treated as such. Yall bitches really thought she was about to give yall Rachel Marron on Sunday night? Hahahaha! And the crowd screams boo! Whitney had already stopped singing by the time Rachel Marron came around...
It is a blessing to be able to walk out on that stage and still look and sound like herself...she was close...to the edge.
While we're still on Whitney - there was something amazing about the fact that she showed up to Bobby's mothers funeral - and sang. That was an interesting union, but I love their loyalty and respect to each other. A lot of couples break up and happily "fuck" the ex's entire family after it's a wrap. I respect and appreciate that bond. Even in the mist of all that haze that went on, friendship remains.
Imagine my face when I read this email at work this morning: "So my walk to my car just now ended with me, like the commercial, saying "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Well, I did get up. But I am bruised and in combination with the news telling me that the icing will get worse, I am going to stay home. At least I have power and can VPN in to address any emergency." But the cackle is, the man literally weighs a metric ton :-|
I was on spazz central this weekend. The undercurrent of emotional problems never seem to get resolved. Especially when they are tied to traumatic, defining moments in your life.
I am going to try sobriety until my birthday which is in 39 days. Want to buy me a gift? Hahahahahaha!
I think I finally have the energy I need to do this, #Paging Trent Jackson. "Showtime Synergy."
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my insurance man calls me 2 months after I wanted to sign up. I explained to him how negligent he was, how his business skills sucked and if he wants to increase income he should communicate properly. I followed it up by telling him I'd rather pay the full premium than get the discount he offered in lieu of having to chase someone for service. I don't understand people who are in these mutually beneficial situations that fuck it up. If you provide a service, conduct your business properly. Like the weed man that never answers the phone...wtf? Where they do that at?
I like flirting with Larry Hoover. We'll never cross the line...(don't give me an opportunity tho)
Why do people get mad when I tell them I don't have a type? I don't! I don't limit myself by a silly list of requirements and boxes I want someone to fit in. If you have respect for me, treat me right, reciprocate, you're honest, can make me laugh, you listen, you have good social skills, assertive...it's a go. But I do like tall boys tho :-/ (I think 6 ft is tall) But again, I'm not going to not talk to you because you're short.
It's a myth that I only date light skinned men. :-/ #Blasphemy
I called your bluff! :-) You know you can't handle me...stop while you're miles ahead.
3 days in a row I beat the alarm clock...and was on time to work! It takes 7 days for a habit to form and 30 days to break one. Day 2 of Sobriety :-/
Even when you are stupid and do dumb ass shit. I don't treat you like I know it.
Sooooooooooooo. Why was I on the Red Line yesterday...and saw the dude I was fuckin' this summer, when I lived over by Howard. He was a neighborhood dude who saw me smoking weed on the corner one night at like 2 a.m. I was having a smoke break - cause I was writing all night. We talked, blah, blah, blah. The next night I ended up fucking the shit outta that woman's son...and the rest of the summer. That is when I realized I lived in the DL Capital of the world, I have phenomenal sex and the body makes commitments wether you want to or not. Don't think he didn't text me when he got off the train... :-/ We had no connection other than sex. I'm over it. But I enjoyed it...
I think I may have found my friend with benefits...technically he found me. He has nice lips too. I hope he likes kissing...Once my tongue slides down his ass, I know he'll be sucking my dick...
The truth is we all need someone to motivate us...or give us a reason to do something. We all want to be able to share ourselves intimately with one person...
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH. March 6th. Celebrity Apprentice. LaToya Jackson alone bitch.
LaToya Jackson.

The voice.
The Hair.
The Nose.
The things that come outta her mouth.
EPIC.
Then there's NeNe - that bitch is a moose...
Speaking of the Housewives - Cynthia is dumb as shit. She's a lesbian and NeNe is bi. There aint no way Bravo is editing this shit together to make them look like this. This is how they act in real life and there is no way in straight hell that I'd marry Peter if he was the last uncircumcised Philistine left on the planet.
My new boss is in cahoots with the old boss. I know plotting bullshitters when I see them. If you come from a family like mine, you know when people are up to no good and out to get your ass.
I'm going to do what I want and do what makes me happy...if you're obstructing that or have the potential to, **No Words**
#Taurus is a cool dude...that's it. I'm working on an exit strategy for him as we speak.
Sometimes all we're missing is someone letting us know it will be okay...
He seems like a good fuck...since that's what it's all about now. I'm always late to the party :-/
Too much of me will send you into a state of shock.
This will be my last season of "In The Mix With Trent."
~~My boss~~ Niggadamus Jones will be lingering till next Friday. He's training the new broad. I know he has tricks up his sleeve, I ain't fallin for that okey-doke. The fuck I look like? Anyway...he's salty as fuck. He still hasn't announced it. But nigga we know whats up.
I like it when boys (over the age of 21) talk nasty to me.
Speaking of nasty, I'm glad I've never let a man penetrate me...I am saving that for the one that's gonna work for it..I told yall bitches before I'm versatile. Even though that's too much, a man won't admit it, but if the right person takes you there you'll do it. I have several people's virginity tucked off in my wallet. I still talk to them. I think they deserve that.
Someone will care for me one day, the way I care for others.
I see I'm gonna have to suck some photographers dick to take these pictures.
Bitch, just cause you go to the gym and have a nice body, that don't mean I want you. You still ain't shit. And you wouldn't be shit without that 6 pack. Now if I went and got one....
I live in the DL capital of the world. And it doesn't bother me...everything is an experience...I just need to know what the fuck I'm getting involved in :-/
Oh...Thank you for the ride...nowhere.
My relationships will never be heard of until after they're over...
I'm not going to lie to myself about the situation. I see whats going on and the truth is...It's not what is being presented to me. I'm smart, old and wise enough to know that.
Once I'm "over it" and turned off. That is it...and it's not real hard for me to get there...
One of my new jams is "Beautiful Mistake" by Keri Hilson. The new Pebbles. I was hard on her (Keri)before because she always comes out talking shit on other people. Bitch please. I had a run in with her at Target in L.A. she's a bit of a bitch. But she's still nice to watch (look at)...Pretty Girl rock...
I've a met a lot a celebrities that I didn't like - but their talent is superb...and I must give credit where credit is due.
This dude Zephaniah is ridiculously talented! OMFG! He is the love child spawn of Rahsaan Patterson and Janelle Monae. His new song is everything! Download his mixtape! It is an orgasm on catastrophic levels.
When the fuck is DC gonna get a blizzard? I need a couple of days off?!
THANK YOU GOD FOR MY JOB!!!! I am so grateful. I didn't have one at this time last year and I was broken...even though the people aren't the brightest and I have to inject my ideas to bring a fresh perspective, I thank you.
I'm the 90's kid that grew up to be a writer. I live a rich, but warped digital existence. I seek and perpetuate authenticity. Good Day!

Spazz Control 2.8 (lmfao) :-|

2011-02-02T00:13:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking.

I have a tendency to over think. But I'm the kind of person that needs to know where I fit in, in the scheme of things so I can know how much to involve myself.

I'm shy. I'm guarded. I'm patient. I'm loyal. I'm empathetic. I'm understanding and helpful to a fault. I know what I want. I know what I expect and I know what I require. But it seems as if...

I know myself. WELL. I know I'm getting to that point where I need to shut myself off. People are getting on my last fuckin' nerves, they're taking my kindness for weakness, they are playing these games that I've played before, testing my patience, provoking me into enforcing boundary, etc. I just refuse to sit around and watch my intelligence or emotions be violated on any level. For me it's better to stop it before it starts...

I know myself. I've accomplished a lot. I'm successful. I've overcome - and I'm damn sure not trying to back track in aspects of my life. Last year at this time I was in a pretty bad space mentally. I had reached my wits in. The only two options I was faced with was death or jail. I'm the kind of person when I don't like what's being presented I create a way out. I wasn't settling for either, sorry. I'm too fantastic of a person for my life to be a waste. When you're in transit, you never see how far you've traveled until you've gotten to your destination. But I pressed pause tonight and I acknowledged all that I have going on. Work. School. My new book. My social life. My birthday...

The thing that is draining me most is this book publishing process and my social life. Both a grueling and dreadful. I'm tired...I'm lonely and I'm lacking connection...and what do I do? Isolate myself my further. But this is nothing new to me. I've always been different from the crowd. I've never felt like I've had genuine connections with people...whatever.

I need to press F5 and see what happens...

but when I feel like this. It always brings the best out of me...so I guess it's happening this way for a reason.
But in all honesty I'm fuckin' over it. And I'm not going to sit up here and lie to myself about what I'm experiencing when I know damn well what it is.

Can we be real for a second?

2011-01-28T12:16:00.001-05:00

When I'm emotional I tend to be more cutthroat - and less understanding. I really hold people responsible for their actions when I'm off balance. And I don't care.
Yes, speaking of caring, if you don't why should I?
I'm depressed again. Let's see how long this one lasts. If it goes away. Does it ever? Hopefully I'll be done by dusk.
I take a lot of shit personal, but I only do it when we have a rapport. So please stop trying to brainwash me into thinking that your swift deceptive mind practices are other than that. There is nothing friendly, welcoming or pleasant about being bamboozled. Especially when you have the logical ability to know whats going on as it's happening.
If you're over the age of 28 and you tweet me back after I called you, I'm going to look at you sideways. I see you have no common courtesy. Thank you for clarifying that. For the record, I'm never calling you again. And I mean it.
While I understand social networking has completely obliterated our last breed of people who know how to communicate - I refuse to sit up and text you or tweet you all night. Bitch I'm a grown ass man and again, I grew up in an era where our means of communication was speaking, listening and writing. -END-
I'm a details person, if I've given you privy to "Pop Life" and you've read it, I need you to tell me more than, "It was good." Um. What the fuck does that mean? Whatever.
Maybe I'm just too demanding, maybe I'm just like my father too bold...Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied.
You know I'm thinking about walking away again right?
Rahsaan said something very important to me (just as he always does) the last time I saw him. I know what he means now...it's funny how he and I have a lot in common...
I know that I'm the office manager and if you're going to be late, you have to call me...but don't call my personal cell phone for that work related shit. Call me on my personal line when you're ready to meet at the bar. :-/
Tomorrow is the 15 year anniversary of my Grandmothers murder. You never forget things like that. It sticks with you forever. It alters you. The moment that you were told what happened. How it happened. Who did it. The aftermath of all of that. The memories you have and the ones you'd thought you have. How it affects everyone else in your family...I was 13 when that happened...another reason why I'm on spazz control.
There are some people in my family that I haven't talked to since my Grandmother was murdered. They have no idea of who I am now...they missed everything. I've missed everything...blank.
I have to have a medical procedure done. I've been avoiding it for about a month now. My insurance company is full of shit and I'm basically arguing with them to let the Hospital of my choice perform this procedure that I'm scared to have. I do not fuck with anesthesia of any kind...
Having this procedure is going to delay the release of my book further and I'm pissed off about it...
I get super annoyed when people have no clue of what I have to deal with, but they talk all this big shit and I end up having to shut their asses down.
I work for a white woman. Clearly I feel like a house nigga. That's exactly what it is. Lets be honest.
I hate Los Angeles with a passion. The life I lead there is just a memory that I barely remember. I know the feeling of it - but remember very little about it. There was so much turmoil, chaos and confusion that I don't want to remember.
I'm going to stop calling people, just to say "Hello." Fuck me for being concerned about people...
My sisters father has kept me in court for the last 3 years. Suing me over some complete and utter bullshit. I can't believe that the courts allowed it to go on all that time. I didn't realize how much that drama consumed my life, changed me and damaged a lot of my relationships with people. I wasn't myself. But it taught me a lot. I bet that won't be the last time someone "close" to me sues me. I'm glad it's over...
Funny how you can raise someone elses kid and give them all they need - and you get drug through the mud in return. I can not wait for my sister to grow up and read her parents for filth. They will hear the truth from her...I just hope she understands why I abruptly moved. I did it for OUR best interest. I know what happened when I grew up...she will grow up one day too. I hope they are ready to accept and hear the irresponsible shit they did as parents.
I love it when I do some shit that a muthafucka never expects for me to do. Yall ain't seen shit yet.
Everything is business at this point. No more friends. Sad and tragic. I'd never thought it would get to this point. I meet fantastic people all the time. I just have to keep them docked...
In all actuality I just want a black cover with white letters that say "Pop Life" on the cover. This process is draining, tiring and emotionally unsettling.
I usually only ask for help when I'm in dire need of it. And when I do, people always act like I don't need help because they think "I have it all." :-/ oh okay...for real.
bitches only want to offer help when you no longer need them. When you reach out they blow you off. I wish i was wired like that.
I'm not going to beg you for shit.
I make and create opportunities. I never wait for them to be presented or appear.
I always remember all that I went through when I wrote and published my 1st book. I'll never for get the support and the lack thereof of I received. I always vowed to myself to help people when I see their drive and ambition. I haven't forgot and I won't...but you can't help everyone.
~~Fags~~ People have a lot to learn...
I'm not happy and nothing makes me happy anymore except for smoking weed. I'm an addict. But I have a feeling that's not all the way accurate.
However, Crystal was right - I have come a long way and I've made a lot of progress over the last year. I mean who moves from Los Angeles to the east coast with NOTHING. And a year later has the ability to fly to Hong Kong and practically come and go as I please. I'm not hungry. I'm in school - I'm blessed and I have a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes when major shit is wrong in your life you can't see whats right.
When you're the only person you have to rely on shit is hard. But every now and then you meet someone that gives you the push that you need.
I have no support system. That may not be all the way true either...but that's how I feel. 90% of the time.
Please don't call my phone calling me selfish either. Cause you may hear something that's uncomfortable for you to digest.
I've always known that I was not the typical homosexual. In fact, people view me as a person not as gay...like some of my counterparts. I appreciate that.
I don't like gay people. All they talk about is Rihanna and sex. :-/ I do it to, but there is another level to me that most can't digest.
I realize that part of my duty is to change the way people view Black gay men, by not being stereotypical and challenging what others think they know about being gay.
I have a problem with people who pretend they're for the people - and then turn their back on those very people. You will get called out...eventually.
I don't place myself above anyone...you just think that I do because of your insecurity.
All I really want is a nice date. A nice kiss. And a good conversation once a week. I don't think that's too much to ask for. I also want a sleepover. Companionship...
I'm glad I didn't fuck him...I knew that people always reduce him to his looks. I really appreciate that friendship, wholeheartedly.
My boss is looking real silly right now. He tried me real hard. But I didn't buckle. He got fired went I creeped into L.A. and settled that lawsuit...today is his last day, but he's to prideful to talk about it. :-/
You know...it's all about choices. Don't be mad cause you tricked some nigga, had three of his kids, got divorced and now you're struggling. We're friends - but don't let YOUR ISSUES AND BAD DECISIONS come between our friendship. I know you're in a difficult position and you can't come and go as you please anymore. But don't be mad at me for the shit I'm trying to do to better myself.
I despise my offices UPS guy. The bitch has been interacting with me for longer than 90 days, why is he still calling me Mr. Lancaster...? **blank stare**
So the nigga at work who likes to flirt and tell me about women not sucking his dick, called me Daniel this morning. So I respond, "No. Daniel is the one you fucked last night, the one you wished I was. You can excuse yourself from my office now."
Have a good weekend, thanks for letting me spazz.
Um. Really? Okay? Don't be pushy by trying to invite me to lunch. I've already made it clear that I'm not in the correct mind frame to be around people. I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not about to sit up and act like were having a good time when I'm having "Aggressive Negro tendencies" I like to keep that to myself, especially when I have to be the good "house nigga" (not the kind to sell your ass out either, I'll give you a warning, create a distraction and enough time to get away. I'm loyal like that) at work. Thanks! :-)
"Not more than three short years ago I was abandoned and alone. Without a penny to my name, so very young and so afraid. No proper shoes upon my feet, sometimes I couldn't even eat. I often cried myself to sleep. But still I had to keep on going. Never knowing if I could take it. If I would make it through the night. I held on to my faith. I struggled and I prayed. And now I've found my way! If you believe in yourself enough, and know what you want You're gonna make it happen..."

Season 9 Pre-Show #2 (2.9 Lite)

2011-01-26T02:50:00.002-05:00

Thank you very much for all of your support! Lets work...

MP3 File

Fiber Tabs 2.8: BITCH I'M ME!!!

2011-01-20T13:36:00.000-05:00

Who gets a pass, is me!
"Never trust a big butt and a smile." Then again, I'm the exception to the rule.
Somewhere right now, Clive Davis is spinning his wheels, burning white candles and having a seance to get another hit record out of Whitney Houston.
It is extremely imperative to know the difference between a potential good friend and potential good fuck.
I'm getting to that point where I don't even want to be cordial with you. I'm too old to make friends. Either we're dating to be in a relationship or it's strictly business. Even though I meet potentially fantastic people all the time, a line has to be drawn.
People have forgotten how to socialize. I wonder what would happen if you stripped these kids of twitter, facebook and tumblr. Bitch, society would melt...fortunately for me, I was born and grew up in a time where technology was a pager! If I wanted to get to know someone, I talked to them on the phone and hung out with them. There was no texting or email. Can we get that back?
If there was no internet, some of you bitches would be ZEROS!
U can always tell the leaders- They’re the ones w/knives n their backs. Not pleasant, but that’s what it takes to be a pioneer. -Yehuda Berg
Sometimes you have to take it personal because it is personal, no matter what they try to make you think.
I'm not the one to cross. The shit that goes on in my head unfiltered will have some people wanting to fuck me up.
Some of yall gonna be real molded when I tell yall to deal with "my people."
It's funny how we got these silly ass muffukin' bitches thinking they doing something with a blog and a mixed tape talking about "talk to my manager." Girl! You can't be serious!!BITCH I DONE SOLD AND SIGNED BOOKS IN EUROPE...AND AIN'T NEVER TOLD U NO SHIT LIKE THAT...GET A CLUE BITCH.
And some of these twitter people got it twisted...yeah, you might Have 10K followers, but you still ain't done shit...
And while I'm on a roll, one more thing. YouTube is not T.V. girl! You don't have a T.V. show. You have a WEBSHOW. Clarity is a serious thing, use it. Cause your delusions of grandeur are getting out of fuckin' control.
#Taurus really got on my nerves last night. He's a great person - but not someone who I want to fuck. At this point in the game, it's all about longevity, companionship, understanding and sharing lives together. He can't provide that. He's capable of it, but he's not ready now. I only accept applications to my 1 on 1 mentoring program once every four years. It's been 5. He missed the deadline :-/
THIS JUST IN!!! I may not be for you, but I'm for a whole LEGION of people... v. your litter.
It is so great walking past and seeing "Larry Hoover" in his new cube...
Biiiiiiiiiiitch one of my friends from back in L.A. is married to the son of an OLD SCHOOL actress from back in the day. Honey the stories, the stories! Bitch I feel like Jackie Collins...
Thank God for frequent flier miles.
I believe everyone deserves a chance...if you fuck up, your bad.
Sometimes you have to know that it gets better and pull yourself up with the last ounce of energy you have...just so you can stand.
We weren't made of glass, so therefore we are unbreakable.
It's all about how you treat people. Even when they curse you, hate you, spite you, talk about you, lie on you, spazz on you, hate on you. Keep your head up and don't let ill treatment change you. When you respect people and not strip them of their dignity YOU ARE ALWAYS BLESSED AND ALWAYS KEPT. You may not have it easy. A few people may stab you in the back...but you will always win and you won't even wear it on your face.
Being genuine, honest, respectful, open, courteous, generous and grounded will soar you to places you'd never thought you'd be.
You can go from being depressed and on the verge to having one of your idols take you out on your birthday 3 years in a row...I tell you because I've lived it.
I've been blessed and privileged to meet and befriend people who I've grown up watching on T.V. and listening to on the radio.
I don't say things to brag, I say things to let you know, no matter what, look at my life, the dark places I've come from. The family drama I've been through. The horrendous relationships I've been in...you will make it out. Bitch and I still look 12!
people are just inauthentic and disingenuous...
they know real from fake and they choose the easy way out all the time because they are conditioned to care about what other people think of them.
I can't say it enough! Treat people with dignity and respect...watch how far you go and how blessed you remain.
my bosses suit actually looked nice today. It wasn't that ghetto synthetic shit he be passing off. I had to give him a compliment.
If you smoke blunts, invest in a Cocoa Butter stick.
Pay attention to your intuition. It will tell you when you're fuckin' up and how to get your shit together. Don't ignore that hoe either.
Sometimes i get the feeling that friends are just God's way of apologizing to us for our families. - @F1eetwood
I still feel some kinda way about not getting that Teddy Ruxpin. My birthday is in 50 days. Get me one.
The best way to describe my management meeting today is a "Dog & Pony" show
So my married co-worker who likes to brush up against my booty in the bathroom while I'm pissing, who is also a manwhore, that also refers to the hand sanitizer in my office as lube, told me that when you get married your wife stops sucking dick. LADIES PLEASE SUCK YOUR HUSBANDS DICK SO HE CAN STOP SCOUTING MY MOUTH! It would be appreciated. Thanks honey.
she told me "We need to have a meeting on how to conduct a meeting." :-/ BITCH WHAT? #WhereTheyDoThatAt?
Completely Unacceptable
So this is how the conversation went between me and the football player at my school.

                   "So you coming out to my birthday party at the club?"
                   "No. I'll be out of the country on Monday."
                   "Huh?"
                   "I won't be in town."
                   "The country? I told you my birthday when I first started kickin' it with you."
                   "Okay. But this is the first time I'm hearing about this."
                   "Why you actin like that? I want you at my party and you bullshittin'"
                   "Um. Okay. So I'm gonna go ahead and end this conversation since you're actin like we're                         fuckin or somethin."
                   "That's some gay ass shit to say."
                   "Gay shit to say? No. A straight man spazzing out that a gay man is not coming to his party is some
                    gay ass shit. I'm not suckin or fuckin' you so my presence is really irrelevant. We're in a law class
                    together and that's as far as it goes. So again. I'll talk to you later."
                   "You're a bitch ass nigga."
                   "You're the one with dreadlock extensions." Click.

WANTED: A black male over the age of 25 for a serious long term relationship. You must be a Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio or Virgo. I prefer that you drive a Yukon truck (or similar style, i.e., Hummer, Range Rover) with tinted windows, big rims and a tricked out sound system - but I'll consider other options. You must be a versatile bottom that likes to get eaten before you get beaten. Must have a passport, employed with a job at least making 45k a year. Have a working knowledge of Roth IRA's, 401k, Investment property, frequent flier accounts and off-shore accounts. He must also have medical and dental coverage in which he utilizes. Must be a non-drug user (recreational marijuana usage acceptable. Meth, Coke or any hard drugs is out of the question), that can communicate effectively, understand the words respect, honesty, candor and stability. No serious health issues, particularly mental health issues that involve delusions, paranoia, displaced anger or schizophrenia. Please enjoy live music, Patron and laughing, while having an utter disdain for complacency, arrogance, hate, falsehoods and bamboozlement. No felonies or misdemeanors in the areas of assault, thievery, identity theft, fraud, domestic violence, possession of a control substance (unless it was with the intent to sale) or sex crimes of any kind. Finally you must accept Janet Jackson as his lord and personal savior. :-|

6 years later where are they now: The Frank Roberts edition

2011-01-20T02:18:00.000-05:00

"Back n tha day" when blogging first became popular there was a group of bloggers..."The Black Gay Bloggers" not to be confused with the original Black Gay Blogger, Karsh.

"The Black Gay Bloggers" ran in the same circle! We created our own national support system which I don't think we really took advantage of or appreciated properly. But there were some very positive bonds formed when we first did our thing around 2005 before YouTube killed us off...or at least tried to. Before the popular bloggers that you guys idolize like celebrities today, we laid the groundwork for that. Check the records, they are there. There aren't very many Gay Black bloggers that have been blogging as long as me and a few others.

It was a fun time nonetheless. We got into drama - and shared the experience of young, 20-something black gay men who were all coming to terms with our sexuality at the same time. In retrospect, in our own way we got each other through some very difficult times in our young lives. We were young, gay and catty...not all of us.

There were a few bloggers that stood out. They had that something extra - something that made you think, challenged an idea or gave you clarity moment that changed your life forever. They always seem to make an impact and leave a lasting impression for what they contribute.

Frank Leon Roberts - an academic on a mission, was one of those people that left an impression on me. There are so many ways to describe Frank. He was the cool, opinionated, cocky guy over at BrooklynBoyBlues.blogpost.com (now open to invited readers only).

These days Frank has a new venture on the horizon. His new "Post-Racial Negro" T-shirt line. Check out his announcement below and learn more about one of my all time favorite bloggers by visiting his new site: www.frankrobertsonline.com

Trigger, The Smoking Gun

2011-01-19T10:08:00.000-05:00

I've always hated math. The only mathematical thing I do is count money. Anything else, you're asking waaaay too much of me. I can do a few things well. I can write, I can read off of a teleprompter, I can tell you a few great stories, I can cook well, I will give you some amazing fellatio and penis, I can make sound decisions and I can have you feeling like a million dollars when we both know you ain't worth shit (I've dated some crazy people). Math is no where in that equation.
This is my second semester in school. I'm excited, as I love school and it's always been a dream of mine to finish college. Last semester I did okay. I was adjusting to the city and getting my living arrangements and job in order while focusing on myself. All of my life I had to think for everyone else, while I was pushed to the background and belittled for my existence. We're almost done with that...But I'm very grateful to be in school and have the motivation to finish.

Last night as I sat in math class, I felt like committing suicide right there on the spot. I was confused, irritated, bored, addicted to twitter and spaced right out during class. It was right when she threw those alphabets in with the numbers! Where they do that at? I really wish that all math was in word problem form, then I'd be able to interpret it just fine.

As I was doing an assignment in class, my professor started walking around asking if we needed any help and looking over our work. I usually never ask for help for anything, but without hesitation, I asked her, "This is the part that confuses me, writing these conjenctures." She led me through it, but as she stood over me explaining how to write it out in the nicest, mildest way possible, I couldn't help but remember what made me hate math in the first place.

I was my sisters age. I was 8 years old, I was in the 3rd Grade at 36th Street Elementary school in Los Angeles, Ca. My 3rd Grade teacher was Dr. Florida Hyde, room 11. For homework, she gave us this long sheet of paper with division problems on it. We had to complete it, front and back. Back then, I would walk home from school with my friends and we would all walk as fast as possible to get home to catch Power Rangers and Woody Wood Pecker on channel 11. My Grandmother would have some food ready when I got home. After cartoons and eating, I'd go out and play until 6 o'clock when my Mom got home from work.

This particular night when she got home she asked me if I did all of my homework. I responded no and told her that I needed some help with my division. Classically my mother has always been a pure evil asshole when she came home from work - and the line of work that she is in, dealing with the public daily and enforcing rules in the mean streets of Los Angeles, it's understandable. Looking back, I've always have been at the receiving end of her displaced anger and frustration.

As she was helping me her patience got short, because I wasn't catching on fast enough. I ended up being called, a "stupid motherfucker," and was told "next time pay attention in class with your dumb fat ass and stop playing around so much." I believed I was everything she said - and never did math since. How have I got by all this time? Bitch I've passed math successfully with a D, once with a C and a B once, only because in high school I was crafty enough to steal the teachers edition of the math book and passed. :-/

But I've always known why and when I've stopped doing math.

As my professor walked away I almost broke down in class. I could, but couldn't believe that I had been carrying that moment, that block with me for 21 years. 21 years. I'll never forget the way that woman cursed, yelled and screamed because I wasn't catching on quick enough. To me, I wasn't smart enough and I wasn't good enough for my own mother. To this day, part of me still feels that way. But as an adult, I know better. I've been a victim of her and her family's deceptive mind practices long enough.

Once my professor walked off and approved of my work, I was angry. I felt like calling my mother telling her what a spiteful, evil, bitter bitch she was. I know how I really feel about her and I spare her ass every time. If I allow myself to loose control of my mouth and tell her about her - I know that she would kill herself. She would not be able to handle or deal with what I have to say. My mother is a coward, she comes from a line of cowards. She would rather die than accept the truth about what she's done and what she's allowed to happen. She is one of the most irresponsible people I know. This is why I can not deal or accept people talking down or at me. Instead, I called my sister, told her I loved her, asked her how she was and if she ever needed to talk to me I'd be there. In my mind the only way to heal myself of childhood agony is to help my sister. I know what she's going through. I used to be her and in a lot of ways watching her grow up reminds me of things that happened to me and it makes me examine why I do what I do.

When class was over, I told my professor Good Night and I thanked her for helping me. I told her why I've always had a disdain for math. She empathized and she told me "Parents need more patience. But I'll work with you and you'll pass this class." I felt a sense of relief and it was a genuinely nice gesture.

As I got on the train going back home, I closed my eyes, put on my headphones, turned on some Rahsaan Patterson and I cried.

Fighting For Whats Right, Revisited

2011-01-18T16:50:00.000-05:00

Hi my name is Trent Jackson! I excel at everything I do, I get what I want and I always win. Nice to make your acquaintance.

It might take a minute but I get what I want. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I also come and go as I please, get what I want and I always win. The sooner you get, understand and accept that, the better off you'll be. In my previous post, Fighting For Whats Right, I talked about the ups and downs of being young, educated, professional Black Male in a entry level management position for a Government agency. Needless to say, the road to acclimation has been far from easy, especially where decisions are concerned.

One thing is for sure, I know exactly what I want and I know it when I see it. Not to brag, but I have a knack for knowing when something will and will not work. I can't explain it, I just know it.

For the last month or so I've refused to process any new hire paperwork because upper management made a few grossly negligent decisions that I didn't agree with. I'm sorry, but I'm at a point in my life where I can not be apart of incompetence on any level - it's not my job to go along with illogical thoughts, ideas and suggestions. It is my job to be the sounding board and inject life into situations that I encounter; this being one of them. I exercised all of my possible power to the limit and some, just to make sure the right decision was made.

For whatever idiotic reason (being drunk on haterade) my boss, Mr. Niggadamus Jones did not want "Larry Hoover" to get the position that was open in my office. I pushed for Larry Hoover because he is the right fit - not because we occasionally go out to lunch or because I think he's hot. Those are only enhancements to his stellar customer service, his work ethic, his follow through and his ability to learn. I see the way Larry interacts with people in our office and other offices. Whenever a technician is need and Larry responds, I always get excellent feedback. 80% of the new position involves interacting with other Federal employees and assisting them with any computer network issues they are experiencing. Larry does exceptional work - and because of my capacity as office manager, I interact with him and other office staff more because usually upper management is out of touch.

My bosses main issue with Larry was he didn't have enough technical experience. Okay? So we'd have to train an outside person on our system anyway - the same training Larry would get or any other person (Larry was the best internal candidate hands down. One guy had been here 10 years and just now wants to make a move and the other was not personable enough to interact with other Federal staff) who came from the outside. It wasn't a valid enough excuse and I totally got irritated and didn't do any work. I boycotted their ass like a negro in the 60's. I REFUSED TO BE DENIED! YOU WILL HEAR ME!

So they picked some external candidate that was cool - but ran his fuckin' mouth too much. I don't do talkers...but anyway, I was okay with the decision, but I told them in the meeting after his initial interview that he was a slacker, lazy and wasn't motivated enough for the job, so to be ware. I also told them if any disciplinary actions came across my desk, I would not enforce them because it would be a lesson for them to value their internal candidates and send a clear message that they are important, appreciated and thankful for their most prized possession: the human resource.

Of course I was met with more resistance. Even though I felt fantastic for asserting myself, I still felt some defeat. I knew that I had done the right thing, but I knew they had made the wrong choice. Two days in, the internal candidate quit.

The new hire who I call, Spazzer called me on my Government sponsored BlackBerry and pleaded. He just talked, and talked and kept fucking talking about how sorry he was, but his old job was offering more money, they wanted him back, blah, blah, blah...hmmm. Of course my craft shady wheels were turning. I told him to go on ahead and go home (Wednesday) enjoy the rest of his week and start his new job on Monday! Do you! If a job is paying your ass more than we are...NO BRAINER! You get a telework day every week, better benefits, etc. If you don't get out of Larry Hoovers cubicle so he can do his job. :-/

So of course the scramble begins...management calls this "urgent" final hour meeting once word broke - talking about how we have to do another round of interviews. I objected and sternly warned them, if they did not listen to the advice of HR (me) I would have no other choice to bring the matter to the attention of the office of personnel management. That is a Federali's worst nightmare. I then told them that Larry Hoover would fill the position, so again I was met with resistance and opposition.

I went to the head of the department and told him that he had to pick an internal candidate to remedy the situation - thank God we were on the same page, because he pissed off that Spazzer quit, but before I walked out of his office he said, "I think you were right, we should have went with Larry." Hmph.

The next day Spazzer came in to return his badge and as soon as he was buzzed into the office, Mr. Niggadamus Jones yelled to the top of his lungs, "This is my office, you need to get the fuck out, you don't work here anymore!" Then instructed me to call security.

**PAUSE**

You want me to call security and you're using profanity against someone who is trying to follow procedure and turn in their equipment? Girl please.I didn't call security, I immediately called his boss and let him hear the confrontation as it went down. :-/ Bitch I'm not the one...let me show you a few tricks.

Within minutes - Niggadamus' boss was there, surveying the situation. Of course all was clear and Niggadamus was pretending as if nothing had happened and he just hadn't lost his cool. I mean he was fresh off of a bi-polar adrenaline kick episode. Where they do that at? He musta been watching them white people on lifetime. They the only people on the face of the planet that get mad and then act like nothing happened. Niggas let you know they pissed. :-/

So anyway...after a long holiday weekend, I open my email and I see an email to my entire office. It read:

All,

Please join me in congratulating Larry Hoover on his promotion to the Network Operations group as a LAN Administrator I. The selection process was difficult as we had a number of good candidates from our Desktop Support Team.

- Niggadamus Jones

You can be dry, salty and hate all you wanna! But in case you didn't know, My name is Trent Jackson! I excel at everything I do, I get what I want and I always win. Nice to make your acquaintance. Oh yes...The moral of the story, delay isn't always defeat. You don't know what God is going to do, to ensure you win.