Ashley's Thoughts

Jaxon's 6th Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:09:00 +0000

Jaxon Halloween 2009 from Ashley on Vimeo.

Baltimore and Philadelphia

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:51:00 +0000

Last weekend I went on a mini vacation and hit up Baltimore and Philadelphia. The time spent in both places was great and I'd love to go back again some time.

In Baltimore we went down to the Inner Harbor. By far, my favorite place was the HUGE bookstore, if I lived there, I'd be a regular there. The boats were cool to look at and I think the other things there would be fun to visit as well.

In Philadelphia we visited the historical sites. We saw many different places but my favorite was Independence Hall.

Thought I'd post a few pictures from the places we visited.

The Liberty Bell

Random guy juggling fire, a bowling ball, and a knife.

Top of the World building. If you pay five bucks you can go to the top and see the city of Baltimore.

The awesome bookstore...and ESPN zone....and Hard Rock Cafe

Independence Hall

That chair is the original chair that George Washington sat in. Pretty sweet.

Yep..I stood where Abe Lincoln stood. That pretty much rocks. :-)

Last Sunday at Captivate

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:00:00 +0000

It has almost been one week since I visited a church in Baltimore, MD. I have not written much publicly on it, but that one morning has left a huge impact on me.

In general, I have a critical eye. I do not go around looking for something to be wrong, or looking for something that can be improved, it just naturally comes to me. I like to try to find solutions to the problems, then try to fix them.

The part about this church that has me so thought provoked is that it almost seemed like the perfect church. I have never been to a church service quite like this one and the environment was phenomenal. It makes me wish that I could be there every Sunday.

Here are the things that stood out to me last weekend.

1. God is there. That church is living. God is working in and through the people that are there.

2. Friendliness. I am still reflecting on the fact that one person took welcoming 'new' people to a whole new level. Many times in church, the visitors get a nice 'hello', but then are completely ignored the rest of the service. One person took the initiative to sit and talk with me until service started, then continued to sit with me through the service, then afterwards made sure I was alright just hanging around on my own to wait for the pastor. That was awesome.

3. Six people were saved. Not only were they saved but the other believers were so excited about it. They clapped and cheered for people who accepted Christ. It was a celebration all the way around.

4. I saw five people get baptized...in church. They didn't need a 'special' event, or a 'special Sunday' to baptize people...they just get it done. Just like the early church in Acts...awesome.

5. They make the Sunday morning program a priority. Someone shared with me a 'problem' within the church but they didn't miss a beat. They had a backup plan.

6. There were people ready and available to meet the visitors and guide them where they needed to go, where their children could go, etc.

7. One reason I think that people are getting saved at the church is because the pastor made the Gospel message so simple. That's the first time I heard the message of Christ in such a simple, yet profound way. The pastor did not throw out a ton of information but really shared Jesus in three steps. Simple and easy.

8. The bathrooms. I know that bathrooms are probably not really on people's radar on whether or not it is a good church, but this bathroom made an impact. It was warm and friendly inside. The church provides products for women (lotions, lint rollers, breath mints, etc). It was really clean. Lastly, you can tell that women had to have put some thought into what they would want and need to possibly use in a bathroom.

9. Once again I cannot get past the fact that God is working there. Seriously, he is alive and working in and through the people there. Everything was just a great experience there. From walking into the building to walking back out, everything was about loving God and loving people.

I did not have children to check in but I went to the rooms and I saw the process. It looks like it would go smoothly and the people in charge of the children's areas seem to really love kids and really want to be in those rooms serving them.

Last Sunday has played in my mind over and over. It raised going to church to a new level for myself. They put a high standard on how things could be done well and other church leaders could benefit greatly to see what the people at Captivate have done and how they have done it.

Video

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 20:04:00 +0000

I just thought this was funny and wanted to post it. :-)

Singing Ladies from Justin Davis on Vimeo.

Potential

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:36:00 +0000

As I have been thinking about about a personal vision I have begun to think about the idea of potential.

Since High School when I started meeting some 'good' people I have been told that I have "great potential". For the longest time I completely just dismissed it. I never thought about having potential because I never had anything to live for.

Here's my thought. I now have something to live for. I have a purpose in life. I don't know the specifics to that purpose in regards to my own personal life but I do have a reason to get up everyday. However, where does my 'potential' (or anyone's for that matter) fit in with a vision and purpose?

When people tell you that "you have big potential", "certain jobs are not big enough for you", "you have an ability to truly impact the world"...what is a person supposed to do with that?

No one ever seems to know what the potential is for. They can see that you have it...but never in a specified manner.

For example...do I have potential to become a great golfer? Or does having potential mean that I can flip a city upside down for Christ?

Just having potential is not really anything...however it seems if you can put your potential into focus with a personal vision...you could be unstoppable.

What do you think? Do you ever tell people they have potential? Can you specifically tell them what you think the potential is for? If people see potential in you...can the same people help you discover what your personal life vision is?

Personal Vision

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:36:00 +0000

The last month I have really been wrestling with the concept of having a personal vision. I have the understanding that God gave us all a purpose. Our purpose is to love God and love people and share the Gospel with the people. (Shorthand version)

I want a vision for my life though. I want to know which people God has gifted me at reaching and begin to reach them.

I want to do something on a daily basis where I get to use my gifts and talents. I like my job but I don't feel like I get to use any of my gifts. That bothers me. I feel unsatisfied after a day of work.

Then I have to wonder...is my vision for my own satisfaction? Or because I am catching the heart of God and want what he wants?

Does God give us all a personal vision?

Talking briefly to a person yesterday...he stated the idea of God helps us discover our vision through continuous obedience...is that true?

Am I expecting too much for actually thinking I have my own personal vision? Does God really have something special and cut out for each individual?

If we are all called to love God, love people, and share Christ...should we just be satisfied with that as our purpose and not seek out for anything unique to who we are?

Ive just been pondering the whole concept...it just seems wrong that to have a discontent in life, a hole in life simply because we're not using the gifts God has given us.

Does he really just leave you to your own to figure things out? Would he really give you a discontent in life but no place to fix it?

Would he really give you gifts and talents and not give you a place to serve to your greatest capacity for him?

Church Statements

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:28:00 +0000

In my one class on vision and strategic planning the professor is definitely making us look at, analyze, and talk with many pastors about vision, mission, and purpose statements.

Here's what I am concluding:

Churches have the statements but don't know what they are.
Pastors think the people know what the vision of the church is but the people state they don't have any idea.
The statements seem to just be "the thing to do" but to actually live out the vision, mission, and purpose is not happening.
Many programs that churches have do not help to fulfill the vision of the church.
Not very many pastors seem sold out to their visions. They seem to be frustrated and caught up in all the details of things at the church and are not leading with their fullest potential because of it.
I am seeing a necessity for the people in the church to be sold out for the vision or else it'll never happen.
The people are the ones that fulfill the vision. God may give the vision to the pastor and it is his job to launch the people in that direction but it takes the entire church to come together to fulfill the actual mission.

Not sure how this fits in with every church in America but the few conversations I have had with pastors from around the country that I am familiar with that seems to be true.

My questions:

How do we bring the people in the church back to the vision?
How do we let the pastor lead in his strengths and not just fulfill roles that others are not stepping up and doing?
How do people not know what the vision of the church is? Why is that not important to them in choosing a church?
Should we stay in a church if we don't believe in the vision statement but we like the programs that they offer?
If we don't believe in the vision and it's based off Biblical truth, that's our problem. How do we fix it?

Beach Baptism 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:31:00 +0000

Yesterday there was a special event here in the area. There are 12 church pastors who have decided they wanted to unite the community. So, they held a baptism service at the beach. They had a worship service through music, a baptism, and then fellowship time. I put together a little video of pictures from the evening.

One Christ Won City Baptism from Ashley on Vimeo.

Seriously???

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 00:32:00 +0000

Update...Finally

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 21:28:00 +0000

Man, Time flies when you're having fun! :-) I haven't posted anything in a while where I actually take time to write. But, things are going well for me right now, and I'm learning to embrace the journey of life and not resist or hate it any longer. :-)

1. I am finding what I am gifted at..now I just need to find a position where I can use them.

2. I have a tendency to see something and then want to make it better. I'm beginning to wonder if that is part of my personality or if it is a negative attribute that needs to be bit in the butt so to speak.

3. School has started...I am fully overwhelmed with studies again...I love it. This is exciting to me, I enjoy doing the work, and I finally have something to fill my time again!

4. I want to travel somewhere soon. I wonder if my co-worker will ever begin to cooperate.

5. I've been reading the Twilight series. The third book sucked, I hated it. I was bored. Yet, I'm 3/4 of the way done with the series...I might as well just read (skim) through the fourth book.

6. I haven't gone to the movies in quite a while...I really want to though.

7. I'm a little excited to have Heroes, House, and Lost start again soon. Given soon is relative but I'm ready for them to start.

8. Been spending a lot of time journaling the last few weeks. It is amazing what that does for me. I should have picked up that habit years ago.

9. I have both of my school notebooks opened up beside me...I can't decide which one to start working on first.

10. Listened to a sermon by Jerry Falwell today. It was about vision. I loved it.

11. I made cupcakes yesterday...and everyone said they were good. If I liked sweet stuff, I might've eaten them too!

12. Taking grandma out to dinner on Tuesday. She hasn't been back to her favorite restaurant since grandpa died...I hope she likes it.

13. Speaking of grandpa...5 months has passed, that's a long time but it seems like yesterday.

14. Jaxon got signed up for T-ball this weekend...looking forward to watching him at his games.

15. I need to go start to work on my assignments for the week. I have a busy week ahead, but am looking forward to it!

PSA Texting while Driving

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 19:31:00 +0000

My boss had me watch this today...I can see why there is controversy stirred up....but it's a good reminder of what could happen if you text and drive.

911 Call

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:59:00 +0000

This was different...have you listened to this?

Fun Wedding Entrance

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 01:13:00 +0000

Camp Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Camp was fun! Here's a bit of an idea of what we did each day. It was so much fun and I think the age group was really good too!

Here's a brief rundown of what we did each day:

Monday-

Lesson: God is our creator. The lesson has to deal with how God created us, and he created us to be in relationship with him.

Craft: God Made it Grow flower pot.

Game: Musical Chairs with a twist. They used their different body parts on the chairs.

Tuesday-

Lesson-Sin- Our sin separates us from having a relationship with God. The lesson was neat...we used real life examples of what kinds of "sins" they can commit. However, this broke my heart as the little kids talked about prostitution, drugs, and concealed weapons. The ages were 5-12 it was so sad to hear what they see as sins. They understood the concepts but it was so sad to hear about what it is they see. Each time a sin was mentioned, "God" took a step further back from the group so they could get a visual about the 'gap' that was formed when people sinned.

Craft: “WWJD” Sun Visor

Games: “Fishing for Forgiveness”: Kids (fisherman) each take a turn catching a fish. Each fish is labeled with a sin on the underside - as fisher of men (and ladies) we find that most people hide their sins, but God knows everything. When the kids catch a fish, they bear witness to the sin on the back, but can carry the fish over to a washing basin, and wash that sin away.

Wednesday-

Lesson: Gospel message- continue Tuesday's lesson to show how Jesus solves our "sin problem" when we have a relationship with him. "God" was in the back of the room from the day before because of the sin that made the gap. Each child was walked by "Jesus" back to "God" where he hugged them and welcomed them back to his family. The kids really seemed to grasp what had occurred when they walked with Jesus to be back with God.

Craft: God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid” Worry Catchers: kids glue feathers, ribbon, other pieces they choose to the catcher. Explain that the strings represent our strong ties to God. Each piece within the catcher represents God’s beautiful love for us.

Game: “Forgiving is For Real” Etch-a-Sketch: Kids each receive their own “Etch-a -sketch”. They can write or draw their “sins” or what they have done that is “bad” and see that if they pray to Jesus and God for forgiveness, he will forgive them and “wipe the slate clean”.

Thursday:

Lesson: New Life in Christ- focus on how having a relationship with Jesus changes our lives. Like, praying and reading the bible, loving our neighbors and so forth.

Craft: Witness bracelets. Kids used the colored beads to make a bracelet and learned what each bead color symbolized.

Game: “Filling us up with God’s Love” Island Jumping, “Pass on the Word of God!” Relay Race

Friday-

This day we changed up the week's ideas and had a "special" day where we invited the parents to stay with their kids and participate in the activities.

We started with a variety show where the children came up and did special presentations, they had a slideshow to see their kids in action all week. Then, we had the teachers come up and do a review about the week's lessons so the Gospel was presented to the parents as well, in a fun, yet simple way. (We did a game show style, then an overview). Then we had lunch with the parents and children that consisted of BBQ chicken, french fries, corn, and then ice cream sundaes. The rest of the afternoon they did water games, and then the parents signed their kids out and received a goody bag filled with numerous items.

Honestly, this was a great week! It was so much fun, the kids all had a blast, many new relationships and connections were formed. The kids really enjoyed coming in singing, playing, making crafts, and having lunch. In one week we will have a follow up party, where a group will come in and do a special kids clubhouse show to where we will re-invite the parents and children to a block party and try to stay connected with them all to keep them plugged into going to church. This was one of my favorite week's at the Dream Center and working with people who have addictions and are below the poverty line of living. I really hope to get to do this full time somewhere so that I can really invest and share in people's lives.

One Way Jesus Camp

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:11:00 +0000

Below is the video I quickly made for the summer camp I ran this year. It was a great time, things went pretty smoothly and the kids had so much fun! It's such a blast to see their faces light up and the excitement in their eyes for all the new activities every day! I love working with them....would love to make working with the inner city a full time job...who knows, maybe some day it'll happen!

One Way Jesus Day Camp from Ashley on Vimeo.

Congrats Terry!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:01:00 +0000

Tomorrow marks the one year for a friend of mine. What's the one year you ask? He has successfully completed a discipleship program through the Dream Center down here.

It's been awesome to watch him grow as a believer and in his strengths. I've been around Terry the whole time he has been in the program. He is doing awesome!

He has stayed clean from any substance, he has kept a job for a year, he has learned how to take care of himself, the house, to clean, cook, and other life skills.

Today as Terry and I were talking, I asked him about his future plans. Being in the program for a year gives you the option to move on, or continue to stay there, living by their rules, and helping to mentor the new guys that came in. Terry stated to me that he is home. His family is there. His brothers in Christ and the rest of his spiritual family at church.

I just have to say, I'm pumped at all the good that Terry is accomplishing. To see these guys get their own lives put back together, and begin to make an eternal difference for the kingdom of God is just so cool. It never gets old!!

Congrats Terry on a job well done!! Keep the faith and keep loving God and others!!

Tithe Rap

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Oh my goodness...this is so funny!

Video

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:49:00 +0000

Interesting video this is...I kind of like it though...

Block Party 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 02:34:00 +0000

This isn't that great of a slideshow as I was really just putting one together to get the feel for things for when I get to make the kid's camp one in a few weeks. But, I thought I'd let you see some of the pictures people took and I like the song so you can listen to that. :-)

Block Party 2009 from Ashley on Vimeo.

Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:49:00 +0000

Getting ready to start my vacation. I guess technically you could already say that I have started as I am sitting in the airport. But, I say I don't start until I'm having fun with people. Traveling is not fun to me. At least not alone.

I am looking forward to my time away. I definitely need it. My book that I was reading, I hit 10 out of the 11 points on being stressed. I think that was a sign that I am stressed!

For this vacation all I should have to do is one discussion board. I have other stuff to do if I want but it is not a necessity yet. I worked my butt off to get everything done. Unfortunately a couple of interruptions occurred.

Random observations and thoughts from the airport:

People are funny in how they wait.

There are a lot of men in here right now.

The pilot across from me is very intent on what he's working on.

He seems confused though, he keeps putting his iPod in his ears, then taking it out and calling random people.

I've heard him state his e-mail address at least 4 times now.

My plane leaves in an hour.

They'll start boarding in a half hour.

I've got some distance left to walk to my gate. I'm never in any hurry.

The pilot across from me is not piloting a plane today. He's riding.

They have nifty hats they get to have.

I wanna fly a plane.

There's a guy here that looks like Aaron Crabtree...it's bugging me because I keep swearing it's him.

If I kept Aaron's number, I would have texted him...oh wait, I can facebook him!

I feel ADD here at the airport.

I had to pay 7 dollars for a hot dog. That's freaking insane.

The dude who gave me my hot dog has been serving the general public here in this airport for 17 years.

Juan just stole my trash...that's fine...but he took my napkin I was using as a kleenex..not fine with that one.

They are moving a plane backward right now right outside the window...God is so cool that he gave someone the idea and initiative to build a plane.

Rick (the pilot) doesn't seem as impressed or as in awe as I am with it.

I think people waiting at the airport should have to keep their shoes on.

If you're still reading this...I am highly impressed.

Random Update: Church Thoughts and Life

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:53:00 +0000

1. I totally nailed my elbow into the brick wall today at work...(yes, I was rushing and it's my fault!) I've been in pain all afternoon evening...it doesn't bend nicely now...very sore.

2. I registered for my final two classes today for my Masters degree...I am almost done!!

3. I give props to pastors. Writing a sermon every week...they are my new heroes. I've been working on one for days...yeah, I don't even have the intro done, this is way too hard!

4. Philippians 2:1-11 has a lot of "stuff" in it...at least in a sermon I don't have to talk about the Kenosis Theory.

5. I really want a video camera...I take gifts. :-)

6. Been saturating myself with "One Way" kid version...trying to really know the song for kids camp coming up soon.

7. I found TWO teachers for kids camp...been searching for one..God is blessing me.

8. I need a water day coordinator...my kids are fun...anyone wanna volunteer?

9. Had a couple of "upsetting" times this week already in missing my grandfather. People are starting to talk about him more...I don't think I'm ready yet.

10. I've gone 13 days without something now...won't share what it is...but it's a really good thing to stop.

11. Why can mom's always do everything so much better than kids? No matter how old the kid is?

12. I really want to see Night at the Museum 2. Anyone wanna go?

13. Been trying to figure out an easy way to type with a hurt elbow...this is not working out too well.

14. The spell check on my Mac keeps saying I'm spelling the ...'s wrong...that bugs me. Is there a way to turn that off?

15. My friend is talking about the sunset. That makes me want to go down to the beach and watch one.

16. Beginning to wonder if I am too critical on things. I don't try to be critical, but I see lots of room for growth and change. I know that can come across as being critical, but I'm not stating what I see as problems for a negative purpose but to try and figure out a solution.

17. I was told that some "church shopper" people were coming to the church on Sunday. I'd be interested in hearing their thoughts. I remember when I did that for a church in the town that I went to college at. You can read about that experience : here, here, and here.

18. Wow, looking at those posts I was still not a fan of the "friendly factor" and the easy "confusion" of the church...perhaps it's more of a me thing than the actual church. I should look into that..although, I think the pathway to get into the church does say a little something about how it's not well marked and intimidating to be finding out where to go. Perhaps I should take it upon myself to just stand near the first gate and say "good morning" to people and ask if they need directions.

19. This is a long random update list.

Bridge Church-Walking In

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 23:44:00 +0000

This is a video of the set up at the church from the parking lot into the actual building.
I am not a fan with how it is. It's actually a pretty lonely walk, not very inviting, and I think the signs need to be more visual.
My first time going, I was pretty nervous about where to go, but I kept pushing forward and went inside.
I think at all the key points, they should have a person standing there smiling, greeting, and asking if you know where you're going.
If you're a first time visitor there, you feel all alone, and it's tough to get welcomed. John is now in charge so getting greeted at the door is much better when he is there.
But, if you're a first time visitor I might now know where my kids are to go, in fact today was the first time that I saw a sign up for the 1st through 5th grade area. That if there would be greeters at the key points, then they could also take a person to the proper kid area so they can easily see where their children are to go.

Anyone have any other ideas on how to make it better? I am open to sharing with them on what to do.

Sorry for the poor quality and for the shakiness, it was hard to walk and not shake. But, you get the gist of what's going on.

Church Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 23:32:00 +0000

Took some pictures at church this morning on how it's set up. I also posted a video on the walking in. I like seeing what I perceive to be a problem and try to create solutions. I've been really stirred about the the lack of feeling welcomed coming in, and the lack of clear signs happening. It was not easy for me to know exactly where I was going the first time I entered the church.

This is where I normally sit. It's hard to see the screen. It would be great if they had two screens, one on the left and the right, and bigger. :-) (Or I could just sit closer.)

That's the donut, coffee, juice, and water table. I didn't know it existed until I had Jaxon with me one day.

This is the information table...I think. Today was the first time I ever saw it. Normally people are standing in front of it. I'm sure it has some important things on it, but I am not familiar with it so I really don't know.

Oh man, this laying of the wires in a walking area scares me. I'm so worried that someone is always going to trip and fall. They should duct tape them down and in a straight line. They could also protect the cord from ever being pulled out by taping it around in a circle. That's one trick I learned working in LA as I travelled around California, Nevada, and Arizona for six months giving presentations in schools.

This is where the kids get signed in for kidzworld. It was the first time I saw this table today. I don't know their sign in process but I went out the door looking to see where I would pick my kid up. If I ever had to leave early, I wouldn't have any idea as to where my child was. I could only find one sign. That sign was right outside the door when I first walked out pointing me to the left. I took a video of that too looking to see where I would start to pick Jaxon up soon, but I never found another sign to show me.

I just thought that looked tacky. Having the one sign up against the trash can. I am not sure how to solve that one since the sign doesn't have a stand but it still seems tacky to me. Even if they just move the trash cans to the back corner during church, then moving them back for the school kids it would look lots better. They can prop the sign on a wall or get a stand.

A Possible Calling in my Life...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 20:20:00 +0000

I think I am at the age and at the point in life where I want to start figuring out more of what I want to do.

As I am going towards finishing up my Masters degree (be done in October!!) I have been thinking a lot on what it is I could do after I receive in.

My first thought was to go and do one more degree in Human Services so that I become a bit more well-rounded in the field, but as I've been finishing up this degree I have become more and more interested in taking a break.

I don't know what I am to do but I have always wanted to teach in some capacity. I never knew (and still don't) in what facet but it's always been a goal of mine.

I have noticed that I love teaching older people verse children. I enjoy engaging in conversation with my peers or adults in order to grow deeper with what it is we are learning.

I haven't been in a place to teach in a long time. I have really been missing it. I filled my life with other crap but I haven't felt like I've been thriving in anything since then.

One of my classes this semester is "Ministry of Teaching". I didn't know if I'd like the class but I took the advice from someone I know and he said it'd be one of the easier classes out of my four choices. I don't know if it's easier or not but I've been really trying to keep up on it. I had a paper due yesterday, and my professor graded it and left some comments that were really encouraging to me.

I received a 100% on my paper, and the professor stated:

"Your interaction with the questions shows excellent insight into the teaching/learning process. You have the perspective, priorities and attitude of a good teacher. I appreciate your reluctance to get ahead of yourself but I think I am seeing a maturity and communication ability that would help you pick the skill up readily. Your writing is clear and compelling. Thanks for a great read."

That was huge for me. It really lifted my spirits and is beginning to re-ignite my interest in teaching. I don't know where I'm going to be led, but I am excited to see what happens. I honestly do hope that teaching in some way is in my future but for now I'm just going to keep pressing forward and see where God leads.

Have You Ever Been Caught?

noreply@blogger.com (Ashley) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 00:46:00 +0000

Have you ever been caught doing something that you didn't think you'd get caught for?

I know ultimately I should think it is a blessing, but today I'm not feeling it to be a blessing. I was on a phone call today with someone about something entirely different. As I kept talking the guy just turned the tables and was like, "Ash, what needs to be dropped from your life?"

I was like, "what?" Again, he states the same question.

He knew something. He knew something I didn't think anyone knew. He put the pieces together. He put my patterns together. And I was caught.

You know the interesting thing? Even though I was caught, I still tried to justify my way out of it. I still tried to make it seem like everything was alright, that I had been living in the light on something, and that he was wrong. I knew I was in the wrong, I knew that I had been doing something, I knew full well that he knew the truth, yet I tried to make it seem like I was not guilty.

Why did I do that?

Feeling caught is not a good feeling. It brings guilt and shame pretty quick. I ended up just telling the truth that he was right. I ended up explaining my choices recently.

As the afternoon went by, I put it 'out of my mind' but also kept it at the forefront of my mind. I had my fun day with Jaxon, I put Jaxon first, but I knew I'd be facing the situation eventually, so I thought about it at certain times in the afternoon. I focused on the present but knew the future was coming. Ever have that happen? It's tough.

Yet, the conversation wasn't "that bad". He said he had to talk to me about it, he had to bring the truth to me, he knows he needs to help me step up, but that he cannot let me make a specific choice.

You know what? I'm not completely thankful yet, but I think being caught has brought some relief. Being caught is no fun in the moment yet if you persevere through it, there's a good chance good will come from it.

I'm not at the good aspect yet but for now I think I sleep better because I'm not longer hiding or living in darkness tonight.