my world

Rascal Flatts - I Melt

2012-06-06T22:01:00.001-07:00

kenny chesney

2012-06-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

so i was watching the making of kennys new CD , the fishbowl . it was amazing to see him back in the spot light and making a come back after having time off . the CD includes songs like come over , and lets just say its very sexy . i compare that song to "I Melt" by Rascal flats. songs on his new CD include a duo with Tim McGraw , whatever makes you feel like a rock star , its a great song . other songs on the CD talk about a small town , relationships , partying , loss of someone with Alzheimer . as i was listening to Kenny chesney sing the song about a son losing his dad to Alzheimer and it started to make me cry cause it remind me of my papa , which i lost this year and its still fresh in my mind . he had a way about him , he kept his spirits up even when it seemed like he had nothen going for him , he was always making jokes and talking about fishing and his garden and the military . i miss him and when time is done , you cant take nothen with you but memories , that's why you should spend your time and money on making memories with people you love not spending it on things you will never truly need .

Kenny Chesney - Come Over

2012-06-06T21:58:00.002-07:00

summer

2012-06-06T21:43:00.001-07:00

things have changed since the last time i posted . i have come to love my job and i wouldn't change it for the world . since i don't have kids , it gives me a chance to bond and play the role of a mommy and i enjoy that . the girls are like nieces to me and i would do anything for them . also im off for the summer and in a way im kinda glad cause it gives me time to focus on me and gather my thoughts . i just don't like the fact that i have less money , but that's part of life . im looking to possibly get a car this weekend , either a ford focus or Chevy cobalt , i will be trading in my truck . looking to get a car that has 30 mpg and less then 40k miles on it

my beagle baby

2012-04-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

well today i went to the pet store , cause luke has been having skin problems . we got to talking and the owner said to change his shampoo and make sure he gets more exerice . so we bought him some hot spot medicine and played with him more . it was so funny to hav someone that we dont even know tell us that he is a hyper dog and that he needs to play as much as possiable . so i guess you can say that having interaction with others and dogs , is a form of thearpy for him . i love him so much even though he can be a handful at times . its going on two years since we had him and i cant be more happy then the decision i made to take him home that january day . well thats about it . he is hyper and loving and happy 24/7. so heres to all the dog lovers . - love beagle owner .

loosing control

2012-04-11T20:48:00.001-07:00

i hate this feeling of my world falling apart . one min. I'm on cloud nine and the next i feel like im back to square one . i have decided to let people do what makes them happy and live my life the best i know how . trying not to care what others do etc . people have hurt my feelings recentily ,but yet i feel it is pointless to bring it up , cause they wont seem to care . yet they are people in my life that are suppose to care . so do i cut them out of my life or forgive them and move on ? on another note , someone else close to me , thinks the world revoles around that person and when i try to say something it doesnt seem to change anything . the person does things that bothers me all the time and seems not to care anymore and im just not sure how to handle it . well i got a lot going on right now so yea . more later . nite

spinning

2012-04-09T20:16:00.001-07:00

i feel like the world is spinning around me , while i just stand still , lost in the moment . not knowing how to react or which direction to turn . i find that every little thing bothers me , more then usual , like nothen makes me happy anymore . i mean things that are not my decision to make , i feel should be , and when someone makes a decision without telling me , i feel sad and angry . these last couple of months have been hard , but i know i will get threw this , just like everything else . i try to keep myself busy and not stay focus on one thing to long , but also not sleep my life away at the same time . which is what i tend to do when i feel like things are hopeless or pointless . not sure what to do or how to act in this stage of my life , i just go threw the motions , you know the saying, "fake it till you make it." , well that's my life story lol . any ways on a positive note , i got something taken off my credit score that i had no idea was even on there , very grateful for that . also in about two weeks , i will be married for 3 years which is a big accomplishment i think . well i guess that's all for now , sorry about the rambling , that's just me i guess .

credit

2012-04-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

well i decided to check my credit score today , even though i had never checked it before now . but i decided since i wanted to buy a car next year , that i needed to know what i had to work with . well checking it , i found that it was not the score i had expected and some charges on there , im not sure where they came from . so now i have to do more digging and see what i can do about it , if not i will have to despute it with the credit beauro , which im not looking forward to . ugh the joys of being a adult lol . well other then that today was a good day considering .

luke

2012-04-03T20:20:00.001-07:00

well as most of my friends know i have a dog named luke. he is funny , loving , adorable , and full of life . he was born January 2011 and he has grown and changed into a loving dog . he likes to sleep on the couch , watch tv , chase rabbits and deer in the woods . he likes to do tricks like , sit , roll over , speak and lay down . i figured i would post some pictures of him for everyone to see .

hope

2012-03-24T20:30:00.002-07:00

hello everyone . well about a week ago i found out my granny was in the hospital , she is doing ok but dont know how long she is expected to be there before she can return home . everyone please keep her in your prayers . and a happier note , we are ttc again this month , its month 28 of ttc , but im hoping this will be our lucky month . im trying new apps on my phone and different stuff i have researched lol and other stuff to help . also work is going good , im learning to enjoy the little things in life more and more each day , and sometimes it takes seeing life threw a childs eyes to see how much there is to really be greatful for . well thats all for now . see you soon .

update

2012-03-06T00:19:00.000-08:00

well i havent been on this thing in forever lol . so i will give you a rundown of my life right now , since my last post that is . ok been working as a nanny since january ,and i love it. some days can be challeging , but over all i have no complaints . also i got a new computer , and i love it , its one of them all in ones . currently i find myself content with life ,and learning to focus on me and find what makes me happy and healthy . ive learned that life is a gift from god and that we should never take that for granted . in febuary i had to close people pass away and it reminds me of everything this life really is about and how much there is to be thankful for . on another note , we are currently still trying to have a baby , but after 2+ years , no luck . i know i should go back to the doctors and get more answers , but im just scared about what they might say . i know there is still hope for us , and i guess im just not ready to admit i need help just yet lol . i feel our time will come and there is no need to rush God . at the same time i cant help but see others having children left and right and wonder when its my time hehe . eithere way im happy . well thats about it , sorry for the ramble .

losing it

2012-01-06T07:23:00.001-08:00

I thought once I got a job thing would be better but it just seems like things are getting worse. maybe its just me letting things bother me that other people find not inportant. im trying not to be me but its hard when I feel cornered. ugh life sucks then u die . I give up.

current

2011-12-28T14:59:00.001-08:00

well sorry everyone , I havent been on in a while . update about my life . christmas was good but could have been better . I finally got a new job starting in january . I will be a nanny and im excited and nervous all at the same time . every time I dont have a job I get in a bad mood but when I have a job I feel like im making a change in the world . I know I can do this , I feel this job will change me for good. well thats
a update on me

Losing it

2011-11-08T07:17:00.001-08:00

I feel like my world is falling apart and I have no one to turn to . I feel I have let everyone down . Im here alone in my head with no one to let me out . I feel like im dying inside and no one us here to save me . I wish I could be the person everyone wants me to be , but I cant. Instead im left standing here alone with no one to save me from myself , so I just drowned in my own blood

Crazy

2011-11-06T20:46:00.001-08:00

One min im happy then the next im lost and confused . People say what u want to hear but when u really need a friend they are no where to be found . Its hard to give up on the past that u though u had to the present only to realise that your friendship was just a lie . So im done getting my heart broke by someone I thought was a real friend . Only to realise im left standing here with no one to mend my broken heart .

got me to thinking

2011-10-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

well lately i have been going threw a lot personally , and just having battles with my own demons inside . ive realised that i deserve to be happy , and dont deserve to be second in a persons life , or put down because of how i feel or look at life . ive realised that words like "bitch", "trick" , "hoe" , "fucker" , "slut" , are not names that you should say to someone you care about . i feel that you should be with someone that loves you and treats you like you are all they care about , not porn , or football , or the news . because at the end of the day all the material things will be gone and all you will have is the one you love beside you and the memories you share . can you say that will be enough or did you want more out of your life ?

just something to think about . we drop friends or stop talking to them when they are ugly to us ,but when a guy treats you ugly , why does it take you twice as long to walk away . ?

weekend

2011-10-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

this weekend was fun . i went to my friends bridal party and we went to some bars and had a good time . it reminded me what its like to have friends and people to hange out with , with no worries . i enjoyed talking to random strangers and acting like a fool , i wish i could do it more often lol .

decisions

2011-10-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

so today has been a really boring day . with my current job continuing to cut my hours with no real reason , i find myself job hunting again . yea im making money , but the amount a teenager would make , that is still living at home . i have decided that is not good enough for me , after spending my hard time graduating college , i feel i deserve the best job out there . i need to prove it to myself and my family that i can handle a real job , that they can depend on me to be reliable and do the job right . i applied for a medical receptionist job , even though it is only part time its a step in the right direction . pray and hope i get the job .

haunted

2011-10-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

i keep having dreams that make no sense . from dreams about my past , that i thought was left in the past , only to find that it haunts me in my dreams . not sure how to handle or understand the dreams , i find myself questioning things . why does the past haunt us ? is it cause there are unresolved issues or questions ? is it beceause we have hurt and pain that we have held on to ,not realises they were slowly killing us and holding us back from the present ? either way how do u let go of the things that haunt you , yet not knowing why they do? they find a way to creep into your life even when you have done everything in your power to block out and forget that part of your life .

money

2011-10-11T12:30:00.001-07:00

when i was a kid , i thought $20 dollars on my b-day was the best thing ever . i remember one time i got to buy a pool at walmart with my own money and i thought i had it all . as i started to get older i realised money doesnt go really far . when i was in high school i started getting SSI for a death of someone , little did i know that the money would not last more then a few weeks at a time . i thought i could save the money and get my first car but that never happened . so i decided to get a job to help be more responsiable , but i had no idea how hard the real world would be . as i went threw job after job i realised that money could wait and it was best that i focused on school . after graduation i started working again , trying my hand at every job that would have me . as years have passed i have come to realize that i have not come to find a way to manage and stretch money . im just like everyone else living pay check to pay check and i cant say i would wish it on anyone , i wouldn't . i just hope one day that this too shall pass and that money will be nothen but a number and not something i depend on day to day .

update on life

2011-10-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

well havent been on here in a while . i got a new job and moved to a new place . i like my new place its cute and on the first floor . also it comes with a full kitchen and a fireplace . my new job is at michaels and its ok , i like getting off by noon and getting to go home and sleep . also i have a dog who is almost a year old , i cant believe it , he is getting soo big . everything is good . going on 3 years married and i could not ask for more . the end .

life

2011-06-04T13:34:00.001-07:00

sorry i havent been on in a while . just started my new job almost a month ago . it's hard work and long hours , but it is worth it . i enjoy getting to spend sundays with my hubby , when we used to not get one day off together at the same time . i also get to sleep in on the weekends , and have time to clean house and do stuff . i never thought i would enjoy the 9 - 5 life style , but i have to say its not that bad at all . it takes some getting used to , and waking up at 630am every morning is hard . but now that i have a good job , i can move on to the next dream in my life , going back to school. not sure when thats going to happen but i hope i can get around to it soon . and as far as the ttc thing , i think we are going to take a break and just enjoy life and when things happen , then they happen . why rush life , why not enjoy every moment for what it is , not think about the negative of what it could have been .

I'm truely blessed

2011-05-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

so when i feel like my world is coming apart and nothen makes since anymore . i stop and think of my family and friends and how much I'm loved . and when my job has gave me a hard time and after 4 months of going threw the storm , i can finally see the sun shine threw the rain . i finally got a second interview for a new job , making more money and more hours , and a job i will enjoy and love , with dedication and commitment i will pull it off lol.

my world

2011-05-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

haven't been on in a while , but life is working out slowly . going to start a new job soon , and knowing that school wasn't for nothen will be a great relief . life has its ups and downs , sometimes confusing , sometimes sad , angry , stressful , but in the end as long as you are happy and you fight for what you want and believe in , then you have figured out the key to life .

my month

2011-01-29T18:24:00.000-08:00

after ovulation . ive had right ovary cramping , uterus and stomach cramping . headaches , naushea , dizzy , vision blur , and back pain . hope these symptomes lead to a BFP +++ , not AF ! wish me luck . i will keep you updated