Stream of Conscious

My wedding dress!

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 03:48:00 +0000

Yes. I am getting married to the most wonderful man in the world that I was beginning to think never existed!
And on top of that, I am doing something totally unconventional from our American culture and wearing RED. I saw this dress in a savvy little boutique near me and just knew that was the one.

Description: "This lovely gown is a long version of the popular 1940's dress. This dress features a lowcut front and back neckline with gathering at the shoulders, upper bust, and upper back. The underbust is sewn in sections to give it a sleek and flattering fit. The skirt falls between the ankle and the floor and combines bias cut and straight cut panels for a flattering A line shape. The crimson color in this fabric is a pretty true deep red. This version of the gown has even more fullness from the waist to hem than the bridal version. It is DREAMY!!"

I am also having a friend make some special jewelry for myself and my daughter. I can't wait. February 14th! Valentine's Day.

LA and nearby Beaches

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:12:00 +0000

Las Vegas Cont...

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:25:00 +0000

Las Vegas Trip

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:17:00 +0000

Lake Mead

View of Wynn from my room at the Palazzo (Venetian)

Venetian

Living Statues

Blank pages

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:08:00 +0000

Been on vacation...
Just got home...
Unable to write...
Can't think straight...
Frustrated!
I should have lots to write about...to be thankful for...
All I keep thinking is... why did I even come home...dream on???

Cafe Ronda- Manhattan

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:06:00 +0000

Cafe Ronda- Upper West Side
249 Columbus Ave., New York, NY 10023

End of June in Manhattan
It's hot and muggy but the Albariño will keep you refreshed and the oversized Tapas will please your appetite at this Upper West Side spanish cafe.
Stay for dessert and order the Flan! Yes- you heard me right...Flan...Better than sex!

Smart Phone Lesson

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:56:00 +0000

My phone holster holds my phone quite nicely on my pants. I bought it to clip on to many items- my purse, my belt, my pants. It has been so useful. It even will twist on the side if you need a different configuration. .. how i love it so...While pondering the days work....the need struck me that perhaps it was time for a potty break . As I unzip and lower onto "the John"... ye good ole holster decides to shift downward (it's a feature) and slide the "SMART" phone perfectly in the center of the toilet!
Before i could say "holy *%$@!" I found my hand darting into the bowl to fetch it out as quick as lighting, removing all components from the titanic mess- out and wiping down with sanitary wipes. The blow dryer was found to get rid of any moisture!
No use...It was dead. Lifeless!
For hours I observed the body...all the parts spread out on my bed in hopes that Humpty Dumpty would be put back together once again to form into my digital bliss. The one thing that keeps me together. My sanity...My phone! Tears .....streaming down my face... but careful not let them fall near the corpse.

Call me Dr. Frankenstein when I woke this morning....Low and behold..."It's alive".
grant it...everything that was once Red is now Blue on the screen and the #1 or E button does not work very well and of course I have lost all data and it's now a DUMB phone!

But regardless....it is working!

Lesson Learned: Until they can come up with a smart toilet or perhaps a smart person to use a smart phones...Keep phones far away from the porcelain ! That would be a smart phone lesson ! And no talking while driving or peeing would probably be wise as well.

Realization

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:36:00 +0000

struggling
desire for the holy and pure
conflicted
time is fleeting-we are aging
death
regret
searching for love in the arms of many
mistaking
the physical involvement for genuine affection
not knowing the difference
old patterns prevail
bargaining, lack of patience
prayer and communication
humble oneself
lead me out of these deep roots
lack of touch
true love

writing without fear

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Sat, 24 May 2008 14:52:00 +0000

Ok. My blog isn't called Stream of Conscious for nothing. Stream-of-consciousness writing is really the only kind of writing I know and can do at this point. But lately, I have been fearful of posting. I must have 6 unpublished posts just staring at me to be published. So, I will try not to be so fearful and just do it! Perfectionism can plague one into never acting at all. Here of late, I have been a closet writer.

What brings people together?

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Tue, 20 May 2008 03:01:00 +0000

I have always been amazed at how certain people have come into my life. At times, I feel as if it was divine intervention- seeming too perfect or planned. I have actually gotten goose bumps thinking of how mysterious and wonderful these incidences or coincidences occurred. How I wished that I appreciated them and noticed their major significance at the time. And sometimes I only wished they had occurred at a different time in my life- oh, how things could have been different, if only. But I think God has a plan or their is a pattern to my random existence. Age and hardships can certainly make one more aware and appreciative.

There have been other times in my life where people entered and it seemed like a lot of work and a bumpier road and like I had gotten off the beaten path...the ones I meet on those trails seem to have personalities that collided with mine and things were harsh, unexpected and difficult. At times I never thought I would be able to swim back to the surface to where it seemed more like home and the people were more understanding and loving. Looking back, those were generally times where I made unwise choices. Impatience was at my center, in which it often still is. Sometimes the lack of making decisions at all... brought upon these confrontations with these difficult people. Other times, my stupid and self destructive choices caused the people that seemed divinely placed to be removed from my life all together. Other times, they were removed at no fault of my own. Both hurt. Is God an influence or just a spectator?

Sometimes I have discounted people to quickly. I have been fearful to open my heart to others because I was afraid to get hurt again. Trying to do things my own way instead of God's way.
Now I find myself, wanting so badly to avoid the pitfalls of our culture's approach to such things as dating but it is difficult to change what has been ingrained in your mind from childhood and in your daily habits.

I have passed up some good potential marriage partners just because I thought someone better might be out there. But how are you to know? Is God going to give you that nudge - maybe you won't see until the opportunity is gone? I am guessing that I need to learn to trust in God despite being in a world so centered on controlling your own destiny.

I have also stayed with individuals who I knew from the onset were not "marriage potential" and yet I continued this relationship with knowing that in the back of my head. What a waste of time for me and that person! Looking back, that was actually quite cruel of me. Why would I even see someone romantically if I knew there was no chance for a marriage? Well, other than purely selfish reasons!

My boss is very religious and attends a charismatic church in our bible belt area. (I am not too crazy about that church which evangelises on TV but nevertheless I see that they are really reaching out to people and changing lives for the better. If the message must be delivered in a culturally relevant way - than so be it.) Anyways, he is not much older than me- perhaps just a few years. I used to laugh at his story of how he came to know his wife and then they eventually married. Get this...the first time they kissed was actually at the alter on their wedding day(this was actually the first time either one of them ever kissed anyone!). They went to church together, befriended each other and learned about each other's goals and values and such and interacted on a spiritual level before ever becoming intimate at all. This was over a period of years. It was quite foreign to me. It seemed so old fashion and almost as if they were taking a huge gamble- I thought! But they actually had a "courtship". They were intentionally together to consider marriage and they actually had their priorities in line. Here I was, judging and just assuming how naive and odd they were. Even with me, coming from a broken home where my parent's divorced and remarried numerous times, my sister, grandmother and aunt all divorced, not to mention myself and yet- I felt so high and mighty that I could criticize their courtship and marriage! Perhaps I was just really envious of it and didn't know it at the time. It is still difficult for me to accept. In someways- it does seem extreme. But could this be how God planned it to be? There is this whole PURE LOVE movement going on right now. Which is a good thing. I will totally support something like this for my child. But for me??? My boss and his wife are probably the only people that I know that have a loving and respectable marriage! Everyone else I know seem to be dropping like flies. Relationships are going bust everyday!

Most often than not, we get in relationships that clearly become undefined. I know what we are thinking..."let's just see where this goes... fly by the seat of our pants and not put any definitions on it- that is too stifling!", we kid ourselves. Meanwhile, we wind up hurting ourselves- if not the other person because our expectations are not clear. But isn't that what we always do...establish another undefined relationship and then months or years down the road we realize- wow- that was a wast of time! So, why do we even get involved? Why do we remain involved if we know that it is going nowhere? Selfish indulgence looms and we fall prey to a purposeless relationship gig. If we only knew that defining actually gives us more time to prepare ourselves and gives us the wisdom to consider what's best for the other person as well. Even if it doesn't work out, you can go about it without regret. But if we are still not ready for marriage in the near future then a courtship is not possible until one can feel that they have reached a point in their life when they are truly ready with a clear mind, clear purpose. Friendship might be the best avenue-a brother and sister relationship should be defined until certain.

A lot of rambling for today.......my brain is all over the place! Bear with me.

Child's Broken arm

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:35:00 +0000

So, this is what your child's arm looks like after broken in 2 places! Please advise your child not to bounce or play on these DAMN exercise balls while watching TV or doing anything for that matter.

I have never had an experience with a broken bone with the exception of broken ribs from a car accident. Nothing much you can do with ribs.

She was remarkably calm and even cracking jokes! Perhaps she was delirious- I know I was! It is so strange to see your child's arm totally malformed and not to mention the agony of seeing the doctor align it back in place while your child is screaming bloody murder!

What a night.

This makes the second Friday in a row that we have been in the ER. Last Friday it was a scratched cornea from sand and dirt blowing into her eye on the playground! This Friday...Broken bones!

I am praying for a fast recovery!

She keeps saying over and over..."I never realized how much I needed that left arm until now". She said, I really appreciate that arm now...before I really took it for granted!"

I guess we all take a lot of things for granted!

BE SAFE OUT THERE AND APPRECIATE AND BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU DO HAVE- namely- if you have a good working arm!

more broken arm...stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:00:00 +0000

The dreaded "exercise ball"!!!

and the X-Ray after the bones were set!

I am just praying that surgery will not be necessary!

Randy Pausch's Last Lecture

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:38:00 +0000

Randy is such an inspiration and I can't wait to get his book. Check out the Last Lecture if you haven't already. It is worth 10mins of your time. Also, see his website.
He is a man truly devoted to his wife and 3 children. He is my hero and will soon be your's as well.

Confessions of the insecure blogger

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:29:00 +0000

Forgive me fellow bloggers, it's been over a month since my last post.
I have about 8 drafts in the que and I have tried to post numerous times but I have not been able to formulate my words and still not sure if I am making any sense here. My thoughts are so random and I feel a little insecure.

I survived lent and entered the Catholic faith during the Easter Vigil. I was Baptized, Confirmed and received my first holy communion all in one fell swoop. My spiritual director (Father What-a-Waste) made sure that he was the priest in line to baptize me and he "got me good" and I was cleansed if not bathed of all my 34 years of sin in one night and I stayed pretty much "sin-free" for 1 whole day!!! Can you believe it? But I am already needing to go to confession to be "set free" again.
Oh, I should clarify "father-what-a-waste", the handsome, young, charismatic priest in almost every parish who inspires us all to "love thy neighbor", and is totally unattainable. Alas, celibacy.

I feel pretty good now-- but the weeks and months leading up to this were full of discouragement and frustration. There have been many events and people that have recently come into my life causing me to reflect deeper in my preparation for my conversion. Some that have come out of the woodwork from long ago, some with amazing insight and full of passion, others that bring about total disappointment and alienation.

Putting God at the center of your life is not as easy as it sounds. Well, at least not for me. I seem to struggle with it every minute of the day. But with that being said, it is fundamentally what I desire most. Even though some of my desires come off as wanting something totally different, selfish and unruly, I ultimately truly seek God. But I am a sinner. It seems as though I seem to know sin like the back of my hand. It's just something that I am very good at.

We are called to holiness but life's little surprises come up and cause me at times to not be able to do anything more than just laugh as I watch myself make the same mistakes over and over! God has such a wonderful sense of humor. Sometimes I take life way to seriously. I loose patience and want immediate gratification or knowledge. The Me, ipod, yourtube, myspace, generational part of me rushes into things causing more trouble for myself. I have lost my sense of wonder and mystery about life. I don't want to guess I want to "know" so I can plan for the next step. I am always searching for meaning in my life. Particularly my calling and my purpose. I am sure we all do this type of thinking or obsessing. I don't know, maybe people don't think about this at all. Maybe most are on auto-pilot and go through their daily lives and interaction with job and family blindly. Why is it that I am thinking of it incessantly.

I of course, am so engrossed in my understanding of myself and others around me that I know and love. Causing me restlessness, I should be happy to know that I have true and unconditional love through Jesus but sometimes I feel guilty because I want it here on earth with another human being. I am so bold to think that Jesus is not enough.

Right now, I am spiritually ignorant but this is just the beginning for me. I am in hope that my soul is growing closer to Christ as I spend time in perfect prayer with him.
I guess we all go through times of needing more patience. It is not a virtue that comes naturally for me. Or perhaps it is not so much patience as much as the need for temperance- practicing self-control, abstention, and moderation.

Review of Cassis in NYC on Columbus

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:06:00 +0000

February, '08: My first dinner was just across the street from where we were staying in Manhattan on the Upper West Side off Columbus Avenue. It was a little French bistro called Cassis. The atmosphere was just perfect and the dimmed lighting created a special mood. The service was just about average. Simple but delicious French fare. We had Escargots à la Bourguignonne as an hors d'oeuvres, which was good but not out of this world. And for the entree, a wonderful chicken with sauce (wish I could remember the name). The bread was quite nice and of course I am always a fan of any and all sweet butter and I almost forgot about the pate which was one of my favorites. Yum! The mussels were succulent and in a nice tomato based sauce with me not usually being a fan, I was very surprised at my delight in them. The Burgundy wine, which I am pretty sure was the Mercurey Clos Des Myglands, was out of this world and of course later I came back for more since it was so close to the apartment and much cheaper than buying another bottle at the liquor store next door much to my friend's dismay. Buying a bottle is always a gamble or like getting a box of chocolates. Plus, the bartender had great intuition and knew how exhausted I was from the flight in and said "it was on the house", therefore I tipped him well. The owner was so very friendly and told me the history of the restaurant where he lived above. His family owns several restaurants in the New York area as well as another Cassis.
If in the area, give them a chance.

NYC is just WICKED!

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 05:37:00 +0000

Here you see the set of Wicked just before the show starts. The map of Oz and the dragon. My daughter and I were on the edge of our seats with much anticipation of how great this show was going to be...and it was everything we had hoped for and more. This was one show that made me long to be back in theatre or wish I never had left!

New York is just "wicked"! (You will remember saying that if you grew up in the late 80s.)

Everything about it I just love. The hustle and bustle of the city life. The noises. The people. The smells. The Park. The theatre. The street vendors. Perhaps I love it because it is so different from my day to day life.

More to come...

Taking a short leave...

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:09:00 +0000

I'm leaving for a while. Going on a trip. This movie might leave a hint as to where I am going. You all be safe.
"...home is where you feel at home. I'm still looking," (quote from the movie).

Will be back...Feb. 17th to post a pic or two. I hope. I hope.

Upon my return... I might have to give up blogging and unnecessary email and internet searching for Lent. It will be harder than giving up chocolate...

Perpetually Frustrated...

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 03:11:00 +0000

Video above: My musical theatre background comes out on occasion. I can't help it. One of my favorites "Godspell"!
We all want to be happy. We spend so much time and energy trying to acquire things or do things or say things that we think will make us happy. But the happiness fades and we find ourselves back at square one desiring something more. If sin separates us from God, is that why I feel so lost?
Are we just doomed to be perpetually frustrated? Why do we have such an insatiable thirst?
The more we pursue these earthly desires and hedonistic views the more the happiness slips from our fingers. Can anything satisfy us? Maybe we can't be happy until we find God. But how do we find him? Perhaps we are doomed to restlessness until we find God?
Therefore, we must be open to beauty and love in all things even at great personal cost. In this beauty and love maybe we will find the truth and be called to have faith. Perhaps perfect happiness can only be attained in the next life.

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what You truly love.~ Rumi"

Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 04:25:00 +0000

How do we transcend fear? It is the root of all negativity in our lives, is it not? I fear the lose of awareness of my real self, my soul. My ego fears losing itself and perhaps it fears that death is all there is. My ego fears what it perceives to be separate from itself such as other people or nature or even my soul. But my soul (my real self) knows that we are not separate from one another so why fear? Even time or death are just a mirage and only an earthly experience. I have been stressing out a lot lately, unable to focus.
I realize that Fear is what is at the core here and I am caught negatively by it and therefore paralyzed and unable to move forward. I have become imprisoned by this fear. I begin to doubt myself and diminish my own sense of self.
I look to others for advice and validation outside of myself and have little faith in myself. Why do I need validation from others? Why do I not just do what my heart says? I guess it is because I fear making mistakes like I have in the past.
Is there a way to look at fear and doubt in a positive light and use it to our betterment and transform this fear into something productive?
The higher form of fear is trust, faith and love.
How can I be inspired to Act?
Fear has no place in love.

Just need 100 more responses for Survey

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 05:02:00 +0000

My daughter robotics's team only needs 100 more responses on their survey to reach their goal. It is only 5 questions and will only take minutes. Here is the survey link.

The team is involved in an international energy solution through the FIRST Lego League which promotes science investigations and team work. Her team was assessed on four main areas: robot performance, technical and oral presentations, and also team work and placed 2nd in the qualifier in our region . And the team is going to the Georgia state finals next week. They are interested in your feedback concerning usage of nuclear power around your community and the rest of the world.

The survey is located here: http://ohmmygosh.googlepages.com/
They worked hard on this and the research and pictures show it. These are smart kids- our future!

Thanks for your help.

Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:49:00 +0000

I haven't had much to write about all week. My mind is all over the place and no real direction. But tonight while doing my usual flipping of channels ...I was intrigued with Boston Legal's 2 main characters. Seeing Denny Crane and Alan Shore on the balcony made me wish I were a man. The friendship these two men have is priceless. They finish each show with a scotch in one hand and a cigar in other and tell their most treasured memories or darkest secrets. They actually listen to one another and marvel over each tale. I almost wish I could be a part of this male bonding ritual which is so powerful and poetic. They truly love each other. I am almost jealous to tell you the truth. At times, their love seems a little too close for comfort and yet at the same time so pure and refreshing. There is something to be said about men and their friendships--Not even a woman can get in the way!

Pro-life March at Atlanta Capital

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:05:00 +0000

Jan. 22 marks the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling that legalized abortion. This was the year that I was born- 1973. (Glad I made it! I came along 10 years after my sister, so it was rumored that I was a bit of a mistake. My mom was older when she had me and I think they were hoping for a boy anyway.)

I walked in my first Pro-life march yesterday in Atlanta at the state capital, just after attending the ever appropriate mass for the unborn by Archbishop Gregory at the Shrine of Immaculate Conception.

Before the march, we meet at the capital and Governor Perdue introduced or possibly endorsed Mike Huckabee on the steps. See Video here. Who is a pro-life supporter.

It was a very peaceful march. Silent as a matter of fact, with the exception of the trumpets playing at every corner a solemn tune. Being a former Pro-Choicer, this was really an important day for me. It took a lot of spiritual growth, arguing the points and maturity to get to this point. One day, I finally "got it"!

Which boiled down to : Life begins at conception, Thou Shall not kill, and "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness", even the unborn.

"The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only legitimate object of good government." Thomas Jefferson "To Republican Citizens of Wash. County Maryland." March 31, 1809

"How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

The Catholic Church reaches out to those women who have had abortions and the men who might have assisted in the act (such as paying or being part of the decision). This was certainly evident in part of the mass that I attended on Tuesday where prayers and forgiveness was issued. See what Pope John Paul II Says here.

Having been on both sides of the fence, I am curious to hear your thoughts on this very controversial subject?

The Science of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 20:16:00 +0000

Good Morning America had a wonderful segment on the "Science of Love" this past week based on the latest Time Magazine cover.
Not that this is any new information or surprising to us all. But at times, it does seem like a mystery as to why we fall for some and not others. Love can be such an important factor in our lives. At times, I wonder if LOVE is not more important than food, sleep or any basic need.

With our society placing such emphasis on the birth control pill and it's so called many conveniences-I was shocked that the show actually mentioned how the PILL could actually throw off the chemical make up between 2 people. Proving to me once and for all that the pill is intrinsically evil. "Scientists say the birth control pill may cause a woman to pick the wrong mate, because altered hormones mess with nature. When she's on the pill, she likes him. When she's off, he may no longer be Mr. Right" or vice versa. NOT TO MENTION, when you are on the pill- you generally are not interested in anything anyway!

I particularly enjoyed the comments made concerning the primal nature of the way your lover smells. I am particularly aware of my senses and smell is something I feel gets over looked or either clouded with loads of perfume or cologne. Both men and women are guilty of this.

All of this may seem quite tribal. So, what separates us from our animal natures? Or, are we all just Dopamine and Pheromone junkies?

The South's First Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:20:00 +0000

I can't help sing that song "Baby, it's cold outside". We had our first snow last night. My daughter woke me up this morning at 6:30am to build the snow man. Thought I would be able to get some rest... But no... Here is picture of the muddy snowman my daughter made. All I had were slightly rotten raddishes in the fridge for the nose and the buttons. But cute still the same!
Keep warm out there...

Temptations at ever corner!

noreply@blogger.com (Sofia) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 04:00:00 +0000

It's quite challenging to live in holiness. Here of late, I am not even sure I am capable of it! The more I strive for a good conversion I realize how truly weak I am. I even question, does it really matter? I am actually more of a heathen than I suspected. Purity and Chasity do not come easy. Our society places these images and ideas in our heads and I am such a victim to the sales pitch at times not even realizing I have slipped.
All around me are so many temptations, some I can ignore while others I completely indulge in. It's like having Godiva chocolate at every street corner. When I sin, I hurt others around me. I hurt Jesus. Just as when I do good, others are effected positively. Why would I even consider to do wrong? Why do things seem so muddled?
Why does being good sometimes feel like a sacrifice? Is it? I need to change my perspective. Sometimes, I feel like doing the right thing is acting out in someway. Being a rebel. And at times that feels good and I am at home. Other times, I backslide only to sin and hurt others unintentionally.
So, I shall say a prayer and hope for forgiveness. "O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee."