The Snarky Student's Guide to Grammar

Accept vs. Except: Make No Acceptions

2011-05-10T17:18:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Meg for calling my attention to this homophonic blooper on Marriott's website:

Valid seven days a week accept at Coronado Island Marriott Resort & Spa and The Lodge at Sonoma Renaissance Resort & Spa where the offer is valid Sunday - Thursday.

Oh dear. Third graders across the land are wincing and mocking.

Where does Marriott go wrong? It mixes up the homophones accept and except, and it does not use a comma to set off a non-essential clause.

Quick rules:

Accept is a verb meaning 'to receive.' Except is a preposition meaning 'but not' or 'with the exclusion of.'
Use a comma to set off a non-essential clause (also called a non-restrictive clause). This is a clause that adds information but is not essential to the sentence's meaning. He left his book at the library, where he had spent the afternoon. The essential clause could be a sentence on its own: He left his book at the library. The non-essential clause adds information but could be removed without changing the meaning of the sentence.

Correction:

Valid seven days a week except at Coronado Island Marriott Resort & Spa and The Lodge at Sonoma Renaissance Resort & Spa, where the offer is valid Sunday through Thursday.

Mind the Grammar Gap

2011-04-28T15:46:00.000-04:00

Noreen posted this on our Facebook wall:

My children spotted this sign outside a tube station in London last week and insisted I snap a photo. Am glad to know they have been listening to my grammar rants.

Well done, Noreen! The world would be a far better place if more moms (and mums) drummed basic grammar skills into their offspring.

Where does this distinguished Cheeto vendor go wrong? He uses an apostrophe to form a plural word.

Quick rules:

To turn a singular word into a plural word, just add 's' or 'es' with no apostrophe. I love weddings. He and his friend always order turkey sandwiches.

Correction:

2 Flavors

Rachael Ray Goes Cannibal

2011-03-25T09:40:00.001-04:00

This post from The Daily What made me laugh out loud. It's a fantastic example of why we need commas.

Where does Tails magazine go wrong? By leaving out a necessary comma in a list, it implies that Rachael Ray has cannibalistic tendencies. The cover line meant to say that Rachael is inspired by three things: (1) cooking, (2) her family, and (3) her dog. Instead, it makes us fear what's in her meatloaf.

Quick rule: When writing any list, use a comma to separate each item. The final comma separating the last two items is optional. Sometimes called the Oxford comma, it goes before the word 'and.'

A comma can completely change the meaning of the sentence. Consider Jim likes walking, his dog, and reading versus Jim likes walking his dog and reading. In the first case, Jim likes three things. In the second sentence, he likes two things.

Correction:

Rachael Ray finds inspiration in cooking, her family and her dog. (without Oxford comma)
Rachael Ray finds inspiration in cooking, her family, and her dog. (with Oxford comma)

Less vs Fewer: Married People Can Be Counted

2010-10-23T09:50:00.000-04:00

Marlee writes:

Hi Snarky! My class has to find examples of when the media mixes up less and fewer. Take a look at this big goof on a local Arizona blog.

Excellent work, Marlee! Not only is there a glaring error in the header, but the first sentence also contains a humdinger.

Where does the Phoenix Family Law News Blog go wrong? It uses less to compare countable nouns.

Quick rule:

Use fewer when comparing countable nouns. There are fewer days in February than in March. We can count days.
Use less when comparing non-countable nouns. There seems to be less stress in our math class this year. Stress can be measured but not counted.

Correction:

Marriage Trends: Fewer People in Arizona Getting Married
While there are many people searching for that perfect partner in life, it seems that fewer and fewer people are getting married.

Irony on The Simpsons

2010-10-11T09:18:00.000-04:00

This is a follow-up to a recent post about irony, in which I asked readers to send in examples of irony.

Christian came through by sending in a great example of situational irony from The Simpsons. In situational irony, the intended message and the actual message are opposites. In this clip, Homer boasts about being smart while doing something incredibly dumb.

A glass of water, please. Hold the apostrophes.

2010-10-10T06:40:00.001-04:00

I love when my Twitter friends patrol for punctuation goofs. Just this morning @camillasia called my attention to this photo:

@snarkygrammar Found this #apostrophecatastrophe while out to dinner

Where does this label go wrong? It uses an apostrophe to form a plural word.

Quick rules:

To turn a singular word into a plural word, just add 's' or 'es' with no apostrophe. I like peppers. Halloween is a great holiday for witches.

Correction:

Various Chilis

Less vs. Fewer: Let's count together

2010-10-09T20:40:00.000-04:00

Deanna writes:

I'm so excited, Snarky! I've been on the lookout for a grammar goof to send in and I found this very noticeable mix-up of less vs. fewer.

Nice going, Deanna! It's a beauty.

Where does TBS go wrong? Its slogan mixes up less and fewer.

Quick rules:

Use fewer for countable nouns. Since we got a DVR, we spend fewer minutes watching ads. We can count minutes.
Use less for uncountable nouns. Since we got a DVR, we spend less time watching ads. Time can be measured, but not counted.

Correction:

more movie... fewer commercials

Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

2010-10-09T18:55:00.001-04:00

Jacob, a 9th grader from Utah, recently sent me an e-mail asking for examples of irony. It's a great query, since irony is one of the most incorrectly used words and misunderstood concepts.

It's ironic that most of the situations described in Alanis Morisette's 'Ironic' are not ironic. Rain on your wedding day? Unfortunate but not ironic. A red light when you're already late? Bad luck, but not ironic.

Definition:

irony (n.) - incongruity between what is expected and what actually occurs; an often indirect contradiction between the surface meaning and the underlying meaning.

Examples of irony:

The word 'school' is misspelled in a school zone. That's ironic.

A guy wearing a 'Peace Team' t-shirt is part of a violent altercation. That's ironic.

Irony is best explained through examples. Please send in your own photos and videos demonstrating irony.

Verbs: Intransitive vs. Transitive

2010-10-09T09:01:00.002-04:00

Todd writes:

Aaaaaargh! I don't understand transitive and intransitive verbs. I especially don't understand how sometimes the same verb can be one and sometimes the other. Please explain. I need to get at least an 86 on the quiz next week. Thanks!

Todd, you're in major luck. Yesterday I received a question from Lily about direct and indirect objects, and you should read that post first. After all, before you can ace transitive and intransitive verbs, you need to know how to spot a direct object.

Quick rules:

Transitive verbs are action verbs that require a direct object. The verb's action is transferred directly to the object, which can be a noun, pronoun, phrase, or clause.
Find the direct object by asking Subject + Verb + What/Whom? My dad is driving Fred to his friend's house. My dad is driving whom? Fred. That's the direct object. Therefore, drive is a transitive verb.
Intransitive verbs don't require a direct object. My dad goes to work every morning. My dad goes what or whom? That doesn't make sense, so there is no direct object. Therefore, go is an intransitive verb. [In this sentence, the natural question is: My dad goes where? Where questions are answered by prepositional phrases, such as 'to work.']

The tricky part: Many verbs can be either transitive or intransitive, depending on context.

After we eat at my house, we can go outside. (intransitive)
After we eat our sandwiches, we can go outside. (transitive)
The truck runs on diesel gasoline. (intransitive)
My uncle runs a restaurant. (transitive)
I'm reading. (intransitive)
I'm reading an article in TIME magazine about sharks. (transitive)

Quick tip: Sentences written in the passive voice always contain a transitive verb. It makes sense when you think about it. When the writer uses the passive voice, the subject is hidden and the focus is on the direct object. Break it down using the same Subject + Verb + What/Whom? formula, and fill in the missing subject.

Rachel was given detention. [The teacher] gave what? Detention (direct object). To whom? Rachel (indirect object). Since there is a direct object, give is a transitive verb.
The ball was hit past third base. [The batter] hit what? The ball (direct object). To/For whom? We don't know (no indirect object). Since there is a direct object, hit is a transitive verb.

The Direct Object of My Affection

2010-10-08T09:56:00.001-04:00

Lily writes:

Hey Snarky,
I am very confused about how to tell a direct object from an indirect object. Please help!

Piece of cake, Lily. I'll walk you through the difference between both types of objects, and I'll even give you a foolproof way to make sure you have it right.

How to spot a direct object:

An action verb works directly (no preposition) on a direct object.
Ask a question using this formula:
Subject + Verb + What/Whom? >> Direct Object
The fans loved their team. The fans loved whom? >> their team
I rode my bike to school. I rode what? >> my bike
Her teacher hates when Maria snaps her gum. Her teacher hates what? >> when Maria snaps her gum.

A direct object can be a noun, pronoun, or phrase. I am going to rake the leaves. He hates playing golf. She likes him.

How to spot an indirect object:

You can't have an indirect object without a direct object.
Look for a (real or invisible) preposition. Hint: An indirect object is frequently a person who receives something, such as a gift or a communication. The indirect object answers the question: To/For/From whom?
1. I gave the book to Joe. I gave Joe the book. I gave what? The book (direct object). To whom? Joe (indirect object).
2. I told the girls the news. I told the news to the girls. I told what? The news (direct object). To whom? The girls (indirect object).
3. My sister made a bracelet for me. My sister made me a bracelet. My sister made what? A bracelet (direct object). For whom? Me (indirect object).
4. I gave Joe his birthday present. I gave his birthday present to Joe. I gave what? His birthday present (direct object). To whom? Joe (indirect object).
5. She baked the kids some cookies. She baked some cookies for the kids. She baked what? Some cookies (direct object). For whom? The kids (indirect object).
6. I bought myself a new sweater. I bought a new sweater for myself. I bought what? A new sweater (direct object). For whom? Myself (indirect object).

Foolproof test:

If you remove the direct object, the sentence will no longer make sense. I bought myself ~~a new sweater~~.
If you remove the indirect object, the sentence will make sense but you won't know 'to whom?' or 'for whom?' I bought ~~myself~~ a new sweater.

Sneaked vs. Snuck: Jennifer Garner on Conan O'Brien

2010-10-07T06:43:00.002-04:00

In this clip, actress Jennifer Garner tells Conan that snuck is not a word, and Conan proves her wrong. Gotta love his crazy laugh at the end.

Actually, it's okay to use either sneaked or snuck as the past tense of sneak. Sneaked was there first (and is more formal), but snuck has been popular since the 19th century and now both are recognized as acceptable.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be grammar challenged

2010-10-06T18:03:00.002-04:00

Parenting is a big responsibility. On Twitter, @SuzyGlaskie wonders:

Glaring missing apostrophe on this cute Zara top for my daughter. Do I let her wear it or return it in disgust?

I say Suzy should return the shirt or get a Sharpie and fix it with some skillful editing. She wouldn't want her little chick to grow up like Paris Hilton.

Where does Zara go wrong? It omits the apostrophe in a contraction.

Quick rules:

In a contraction, an apostrophe replaces one or more missing letters. You + are = You're. Can + not = Can't. And so on.

Correction:

I'm ready

Good stuff: LL Cool J on The Electric Company

2010-10-06T15:25:00.002-04:00

You're never too young to get the basics right. Here's a fun video for early elementary school kids who are just starting to learn about punctuation marks. This old Electric Company clip shows a young LL Cool J rapping about periods, commas, question marks, and exclamation points.

As vs. Like: Clang, clang, clang went the conjunction

2010-10-05T13:30:00.003-04:00

In this scene from Meet Me In St. Louis (circa 1944), Judy Garland's character says to her grandfather,

"It's our last dance in St. Louis. I feel like I'm going to cry!"

Sounds harmless enough. But for as long as anyone can remember, nothing has whipped grammarians into a lather like a good, old-fashioned debate about like and as.

Purists will tell you that like is a preposition and as is a conjunction, and that's the end of that. Meanwhile, other grammar experts say that it's perfectly fine to use like as a conjunction.

Why all the fuss? This is all really part of a much larger discussion about whether popular usage should influence proper, or standard, usage rules.

Quick rules:

Like is a preposition. Use it to compare nouns and pronouns. In other words, there is a subject and an object. Joe throws like a girl. The woman in the photo looks like my mother.
Use as or as if as a conjunction before clauses (containing a subject + verb). Joe throws as if he were a girl. It looks as if it's going to rain. I feel as if I'm going to throw up.
Like can also be used as a conjunction before clauses. Joe throws like he is a girl. It looks like it's going to rain. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Note that purists such as The AP Stylebook do not condone the third bulleted rule. Also consider this passage from Strunk & White's The Elements of Style (originally published 1959):

'The use of like for as has its defenders; they argue that any usage that achieves currency becomes valid automatically. This, they say, is the way the language is formed. It is and it isn't. An expression sometimes merely enjoys a vogue, much as an article of apparel does. Like has long been widely misused by the illiterate; lately it has been taken up by the knowing and the well-informed, who find it catchy, or liberating, and who use it as though they were slumming. If every word or device that achieved currency were immediately authenticated, simply on the ground of popularity, the language would be as chaotic as a ball game with no foul lines. For the student, perhaps the most useful thing to know about like is that most carefully edited publications regard its use before phrases and clauses as simple error.'

On the other hand, The Chicago Manual of Style says like can be used as a conjunction:

'Increasingly (but loosely) today in ordinary speech, like displaces as or as if as a conjunction to connect clauses. For example, in it happened just like I said it would happen, like should read as; and in you’re looking around like you’ve misplaced something, like should read as if. Because as and as if are conjunctions, they are followed by nouns in the nominative case {Do you work too hard, as I do?}. Although like as a conjunction has been considered nonstandard since the seventeenth century, today it is common in dialectal and colloquial usage {he ran like he was really scared}. Consider context and tone when deciding whether to impose standard English, as in the examples above.'

My take is that like and as/as if are interchangeable before a clause. It feels like I'm flying by the seat of my pants. It feels as if I'm flying by the seat of my pants. Both sound A-okay to me.

Some style guides, including The Chicago Manual of Style and Lynch's Grammar Guide, make the distinction between formal and informal writing. In other words, if you're writing a school essay or taking an exam on grammar, it's probably safer to think of like as a preposition and as as a conjunction.

Word nerd: All right

2010-10-02T07:20:00.002-04:00

What people write: alright

Correct expression: all right

Meaning: agreed; okay; without a doubt.

The adverb all right frequently appears as a single word, alright, in fictional dialogue and on web sites without copy editors (e.g. Huffington Post, Gawker). Yet the one-word spelling is not accepted as standard by any respected dictionary or style guide.

The AP Stylebook is categoric. 'Never alright.'
Strunk & White's The Elements of Style says, 'Properly written as two words—all right.'
The Chicago Manual of Style states, 'Two words. Avoid alright.'

Examples:

It's all right if you don't want to come with me to the movies.
I thought I did all right at volleyball tryouts, but I'm not sure I'll make the team.
All right, already! I took the last piece of pie, and I'm not sorry!

In to vs. Into, On to vs. Onto: All about the verb

2010-10-01T14:10:00.003-04:00

Carla writes:

Hi Snarky! Would you please run through when to use in to and when to use into? I also mix up on to and onto. Thank you!

Sure thing, Carla. This question tends to crop up only when we're writing, since both options sound identical in spoken English. Sometimes it's about the preposition. But more often, it's about the verb.

Quick rules:

There should generally be only one preposition per phrase.
Use the prepositions into and onto to indicate movement from one place to another. I stepped into the room. He stepped onto the podium. She jumped into the pool. I tossed my book onto the desk.
You can often use into and onto interchangeably with in and on, which are also prepositions. She jumped in the pool. I tossed my book on the desk. In both sentences, the sense of movement is obvious through context.
If the preposition is an integral part of a phrasal verb, also known as a two-word verb*, then don't consider it a preposition; consider it part of the verb. Keep phrasal verbs intact.
1. Correct: The robbers will break in to the bank at 6pm. The phrasal verb is 'break in,' meaning to enter without permission. In is part of the verb and the preposition is to.
  Incorrect: The robbers will break into the bank at 6pm. The phrasal verb has been corrupted.
2. Correct: I'll look into this matter before the end of the day. The phrasal verb 'to look into' means to investigate.
  Incorrect: I'll look in to this matter before the end of the day. The back-to-back prepositions in this phrase signals the error.
3. Correct: Turn your paper in to your teacher. The phrasal verb 'to turn in' means to submit. In is part of the verb and to is the preposition.
  Even better: Turn in your paper to your teacher. The phrasal verb is kept together.
  Incorrect: Turn your paper into your teacher. Shazam! Your paper is now your teacher. 'To turn into' is another phrasal verb meaning to transform. D'oh, that's not what you meant.
4. Correct: I am really into alternative music. The phrasal verb 'to be into' means to be passionate about.
  Incorrrect: I am really in to alternative music. The double preposition is the clue that there is an error.

Quotation marks: Visit a zoo, lose an "arm"

2010-09-30T09:03:00.001-04:00

I love how Twitter's grammar police fight punctuation crimes the world over. @theollymann tweeted about a sign he saw on the crocodile cage at the Miami Seaquarium.

Where does the Miami Seaquarium go wrong? These quotation marks add uncertainty where there should be none.

Quick rule:

Quotation marks signal ambiguity, causing the reader to believe that there is a hidden meaning. Those crocodiles aren't really "dangerous." Those "big teeth" look harmless enough.
If you mean what you say, don't use quotation marks. Using misguided quotation marks will make you the brunt of jokes behind your back, and nobody wants that.

Correction:

For your safety, please do not extend arms or legs into exhibit area

Enforce vs. Inforce: Only one is a word

2010-09-29T20:36:00.001-04:00

Sherry writes:

This sign was all over a parking lot in Quincy, Massachusetts.

Thanks, Sherry, for turning in this typo!

Of course, the correct verb is enforce, meaning to carry out. The police enforce the laws. As it turns out, inforce is not a word. But I happen to love this definition from Urban Dictionary:

inforced - Word used by an ignorant person trying to say something was put in force.

Person 1: Wow, she is an idiot.
Person 2: Why?
Person 1: She said a man's car insurance wasn't inforced yet.
Person 2: Oh wow, she is an idiot.

Correction:

Enforced 24 hours a day

Its vs. It's: It's patriotic to use good punctuation

2010-09-29T07:59:00.000-04:00

Oy! This Iowa driver intended to show off his patriotism, but instead he demonstrated his poor grasp of punctuation. Thanks to @Capncavedan for posting this on Twitter.

Where does Mazda owner go wrong? The sticker's slogan uses the contraction it's instead of the possessive pronoun its.

Quick rules:

Its is a possessive pronoun. That tree won't lose its leaves until mid-October.
An apostrophe doesn't always show possession. Note that none of the possessive pronouns (my, your, his, her, its, our, their, whose) are spelled with an apostrophe.
It's is a contraction of it is (or, less frequently, it has). The apostrophe takes the place of the letter 'i'. It's raining today.

Correction:

If you don't like my flag, my country, or its rules...go home!

Active vs. Passive: Voices inside my head

2010-09-28T16:20:00.000-04:00

Anna writes:

Help, Snarky! My creative writing teacher keeps writing little notes ('don't be passive!' and 'use the active!') in the margins of my papers. I understand the difference between the passive and the active. But I just don't see anything grammatically wrong with the passive. What's the big deal?

I understand your frustration, Anna. But this really isn't about grammar; it's about style and clarity. Your teacher seems to think you use the passive voice too often. Too much of the passive voice can lead to dull and somewhat lazy writing. Also, with the passive voice, it is often unclear who is doing what to whom.

On the other hand, I can think of many situations where the active voice is not the best choice. When the object of the sentence is more interesting than the subject, for example, it can call for the passive voice. The TMZ headline (above) works better in the passive voice because it puts Paris Hilton's name first. Hilton being sued is more interesting than who is suing Hilton. Compare these two versions:

Paris Hilton Sued for $35 Million over Hair Extensions (passive)
Hair Extensions Company Sues Paris Hilton for $35 Million (active)

Want to be a better writer? Mix it up. Inject more of the active voice into your stories and essays, but use the passive voice where it feels right. My guess is that your writing will become more lively and readable.

Quick rules:

In the active voice, the subject of the sentence does the action. The dog ate the steak. The Blue Devils won the game.
In the passive voice, what should be the subject of the sentence becomes the object. The steak was eaten by the dog. The game was won by the Blue Devils.

Need to know: The typical construction of the passive voice is:

form of 'to be' (is, are, am , was, were, has been, have been, had been, will be, will have been, being) + past participle (often ends in '-ed')

Practice spotting the passive voice and turning it into the active voice.

It is argued that... >> John Smith argues that...
You're being tricked. >> He is tricking you.
Women were discriminated against in the 1920s. >> Society discriminated against women in the 1920s.
The main character was portrayed as an idiot. >> The writer portrayed the main character as an idiot.
Kids were not treated well at the school. >> The school did not treat kids well.

Quotation marks: Just like "Mom" used to make

2010-09-26T19:36:00.000-04:00

When will people learn about the dangers of misguided quotation marks? Kudos to @charlenevsmith for posting this photo on Twitter.

Where does the chef go wrong? The quotation marks cause doubt. Is it really homemade? Is it really even chili?

Quick rules:

If you want people to accept your message at face value, don't use quotation marks.

Correction:

Try Our Delicious Homemade Chili

Dangling modifiers: The participle principle

2010-09-26T09:35:00.004-04:00

Ted writes:

Hi Snarky,
Can you please tell me what's wrong with this sentence? It was part of a short story I wrote at school.

After getting kicked off the basketball team, the mall became Jake's new favorite hangout.
My teacher wrote, 'D.M. Can malls dribble and shoot? Pls fix!' I have no clue what he's talking about.

Heh. Ted, I can see that your teacher shares my hilariously snarky sense of humor. 'D.M.' is short for dangling modifier. Your teacher is poking fun at your sentence's dangling participle.

Building blocks:

A participle is an '-ing' word that modifies a noun. Very often, words that end in '-ing' are the present participles of verbs, such as swimming, talking, laughing, and so on.
A participle can be part of a larger phrase, called a participial phrase, that modifies a noun.

Quick rules:

The participial phrase should be followed by a comma and then the noun that's being modified.
That noun must be the subject of the main clause. When the participial phrase does not modify the subject, we say that it is dangling.

Let's break down Ted's sentence.

After getting kicked off the basketball team, the mall became Jake's new favorite hangout.

'After getting kicked off the basketball team' is the participial phrase that modifies the subject, Jake. As the sentence is written now, however, the subject of the main clause seems to be 'the mall.' Ted's teacher asked if malls could dribble and shoot (heh heh) because this sentence implies that the mall got kicked off the basketball team.

Correction: Sentences with dangling participles usually require some reworking. Here are two alternatives:

After getting kicked off the basketball team, Jake started hanging out at the mall.
The mall became Jake's new favorite hangout after he got kicked off the basketball team.

Less vs. Fewer: Less plaque, fewer germs

2010-09-24T12:27:00.000-04:00

I was delighted to get an e-mail from Mariah, an 8th grader from Connecticut, who writes:

Hi Snarky,
I think I just spotted a grammar mistake in this ad for Colgate Total toothpaste. The girl says, "You want to see a Colgate Total mouth? See? A lot less germs, and I brushed at 7 am." She should have said 'fewer germs.'

Excellent work, Mariah! Now go ask your ELA teacher to give you some extra credit. You deserve it!

Where does Colgate go wrong? The copywriter should have used fewer with a countable noun.

Quick rules:

Use fewer for countable nouns. Thanks to fluoridated water, kids get fewer cavities these days. We can count cavities.
Use less for uncountable nouns. There is less plaque on your teeth after you brush. Plaque can be measured, but not counted.

Correction:

"You want to see a Colgate Total mouth? See? A lot fewer germs, and I brushed at 7am."
"You want to see a Colgate Total mouth? See? A lot less plaque, and I brushed at 7am."

4 Easy Ways to Celebrate Punctuation Day!

2010-09-24T09:43:00.000-04:00

Happy Punctuation Day! Here are four easy ways to celebrate:

Enter the National Punctuation Day Haiku Contest for a chance to win a punctuation chotchke. Since the organizers are suspiciously vague about the prizes, I'm guessing that we're talking about a pencil, eraser, or maybe some stickers. But who cares? If you won't do it for the prize, do it for the fame and glory, people!
Show someone that you care enough to send the gift of grammar. You know that cafeteria lady who has everyone snickering about her "fresh salads" and "healthy veggie burgers"? Send her this post or maybe this one. Do it anonymously, of course. You should never mess with anyone who prepares your food.
Send this CNN story to a text-obsessed student or two. With any lucky, they'll stop ROFLing and OMGing long enough to realize that the real world is right around the corner. They may even figure out that being clueless about grammar will make it very difficult to pass the SAT, let alone graduate and eventually land a decent job.
Follow me on Twitter. Like me on Facebook. Add my RSS feed to your Google Reader. It's free and painless, people. And heck, we all just might learn something once in a while.

Quotation marks: Please be courteous, please

2010-09-24T06:06:00.000-04:00

Misguided quotation marks are a never-ending source of fun in my life. I'd like to thank @lucaswmuller for sharing this picture on Twitter.

Where does this sign go wrong? The earnest request for common courtesy (heck, it even says 'please' twice) gets hijacked by inappropriately placed quotation marks.

Quick rule:

Do not use quotation marks if you mean what you say.

Correction:

Please hold and close the door gently!