SUBTLE PERSPECTIVE

The Year That Went By.........

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Thu, 30 Dec 2021 14:56:00 +0000

It’s been more than 16 months since I wrote any post on this blog, it might have been the first year since 2010 when I hadn’t posted a single post but someone reminded me that I should write something, and here we are, the best thing I can think of was an honest reflection on the year that went by.

2021 was one of the most challenging years of my life, definitely not the worst though, but pretty challenging. In terms of worst years it will still rank 3^rd but owing to certain events towards the ending months and the intensity of ‘being worse’ in the other 2 years, it escapes that position despite me catching covid, dengue, losing close friends and relative, seeing my close ones struggling with health and also my own struggles to keep my startup afloat, the challenging and struggling life of an entrepreneur, my own demons and many other. As many say, this was a year where even a mere act of survival is enough to celebrate and pat on your back.

I started the year with a very high level of energy, highly motivated to make my start-up a grand success, achieve peak fitness, write a novel, start my own Instagram channel for poetry and Shayari and many other grand plans. I also set various aspirations like I will work from Dalhousie for a week, will travel to Japan as my first international travel, and many other items on the bucket list. It felt like it will finally be the year of Mayank, a year where I will rise from my relative obsolesce and sweep the entire country. A major success on both professional and personal levels. I aspired to have 50k+ followers on my start-up handles, 10k followers on my LinkedIn and Instagram Channel, reach 15% body fat and 65 kg weight, and many other things that were planned, except a few I failed to achieve most of the items.

Of course, I had the implicit condition apply that I won’t be hard on myself, I won’t unnecessarily push my body, I won’t go beyond my limits, I will calibrate the targets as and when needed. All this thinking left me in a perpetual stage of toggling between high euphoria and high existential crisis. On one hand, I wanted to be a superman achieving everything, on the other, I was just struggling to justify the efforts I was putting in. Will all these struggles, mental agony, hard work be worth it at all in the end or not? Whether becoming a successful entrepreneur will make me happy or having 10k followers on LinkedIn will make me happy or achieving 65 kg will make me happy, at times I had no answers and I tend to drive myself more into the process in such instances instead of more reflections.

There were weeks I was lying dormant just working the bare minimum and thinking about my purpose on this planet and there were weeks I worked so hard, I burnt myself physically and mentally justifying it as a need to keep my venture alive and not being dishonest with my ambition and aspiration. There were weeks I was struggling with bad physical and mental health and there were weeks where I was burning 800 calories a day or walking 25k steps a day. There were weeks of full gluttony and there were weeks of strict dieting. Too many extremes, low and high, all in a year.

When the year started, I didn’t imagine I would be at this stage right now. I was pretty sure either I would have achieved commercial success with my venture or I would have quit already, my own tenacity and persistence are surprising me. Also, when the year started I didn’t believe in miracles or clichéd stories, but something happened with me which changed my outlook towards life that miracles can happen with me also.

The month of January and February were pretty much stable, my co-founder and I were experimenting with our start-up offerings. My father retired in January and we had to brace ourselves for more financial adjustments. I also took a resolution of not eating any sweets (not no sugar) this year, which means no pastry, jalebi, gulab jamun, rasgulla for me for the whole year. I was looking forward to regaining my fitness routine and started exercising regularly. Overall, a very normal starting of the year.

Fast forward to March and covid cases were already increasing, I used to regularly monitor the stats that is when it slowly started spreading everywhere, in relatives, in neighbors, the numbers became faces, faces I know and cared about. Still, it didn’t really feel like a threat not in March. Those who had already got it before recovered well barring a few exceptions, so I hadn’t given much thought to it. When the cases were rising alarmingly in April I was in Indore, the rumors of the next lockdown were high back then and that’s when I decided it is time to come back home. At this time, we were searching for a mentor for our venture as we were pretty confused on what way to take ahead from here onwards.

The timeline from mid-April till May end was like a nightmare. Intially it was about arranging medicines like remdesivir and actemra to friends and college alums. First my young nephews got ill, then my sister, then mother and I, all 3 of us were found covid positive. I lost many close friends and relatives during this time. I almost lost the hope to come out of it alive, for an entire week I was bedridden and couldn’t summon the courage to even grab the water bottle near me. I had already given my bank account, insurance and debit card details to my family. It took me a long time to recover physically and mentally from the entire covid saga. I have already covered the entire troubled time in my Hindi blog ‘kaahi ankaahi’, you can refer it if you want to know more.

Entered June and I was pretty much mentally and physically exhausted, I felt like this is a new life and I have to take baby steps again. Many people advised me against exercising as there were many cases of a heart attack during workout sessions with high heart rates. I was finding it hard to climb stairs or walk 10k steps. There was a great brain fog also, it was tough to read excel sheets, create PPTs, conceptualize new ideas, and execute them. We started with a virtual career Bootcamp at that time to engage some school audience, we got a good number of registrations but not many attendees.

By July, I was pretty much in good physical condition but the existential crisis was more and more on many days. I was pretty clear on many aspects of life on what I have to do or need to do but not on whether the end results will excite me or not. That’s when I started finding refuse in video games and books, reality was a little hard to accept. That was also the time when my co-founder and I had a 6 hours conversation during a 30k steps a day challenge, where he told me that I need to take more risks, be more vulnerable, try new things and most importantly stop associating happiness with success and look for happiness beyond success. The discussion was one of the founding bases for the decisions I took in the latter part of the year that changed a major part of my life.

By August, we were trying to look for potential tie-ups of Diffr with coaching classes. We roamed around the streets of Indore, Ujjain, and Bhopal and met several coaching class founders. I also realized the impact of covid while roaming in commercial complexes. It is one thing reading about how the economy is impacted, but when you talk to people whose whole business was based on students, who were sent by home by their colleges, when you see 30%-40% coaching classes closed in buildings with a ‘to-let’ sign, when you hear a coaching owner saying that they have hardly earned anything from last 12 months, online coaching is just not working for them and they may need to evaluate other means of livelihood, you realize the impact this pandemic has had on many people and how lucky many of us were who had decent savings or regular monthly income. My dad also got hospitalized for a week which troubled us for a long time, it is one thing to suffer yourself and completely other to see your loved ones suffering, the kind of helplessness I felt during that time can’t be described in words, glad he recovered quickly.

The next 4 months passed very quickly, I have very little memory of what I was doing, a lot of stuff happened in both my personal and professional life. We organized a pan India case study competition for b school and got a good response, we tied up with some institutes to help us march ahead in our journey, we got recognized as a start-up by start-up India initiative, we finalized a vendor to prepare Diffr’s product (website and app), we hired some interns to help us build the product and services better. At the same time, I got dengue also, covid then dengue in the same year felt funny, 2^nd time I uploaded ‘Ashwathama hai mein, nahi marega’ pic on my stories. Dengue made me suffer so much, I had to take injections for headaches and wear knee caps for weeks, but as always, I recovered albeit I knew I have to say goodbye to a huge chunk of my hairline now due to back to back life-threatening illness. I sent my parents to my sister’s and I stayed alone for almost a month doing everything by myself from cooking to cleaning. I also went to Kolkata on a train journey to attend a wedding and give some change to myself.

Here I am writing this, trying to think whether it was a good year or a bad year, I don’t know but surely it was one of the defining years of my life. This was also the year I witnessed many miracles and it is high time I acknowledge them. The first of many was despite losing some really close friends and relatives, all my family members were able to come out of covid and many other illnesses healthy. Also, despite my personal struggles, I was able to persist another year in my journey of changing the mindset of society towards life and career and was able to touch the lives of some students and parents if not many, I realized the work I am doing has the potential to change the life of so many students and save them from having a successful yet unhappy life. I amassed followership of 11,200 on LinkedIn and I receive many messages every week from people on how my writing is able to inspire them, motivate them, help them and also give a realistic picture in a world of show off and pretention.

Last, but not least, something very clichéd happened to me, something that I would say I was waiting for a long time but lost hope somewhere between the later years of my life. Guess the rumors of finding it when you are not looking for it, or it happens when it has to happen or someday you will realize why it never worked out before was worth it. Being the Ted Mosby I am and giving up the hope of finding ‘the one’ in the rat race of life, at times you realize that things need not be overdramatic or larger than life always, you need not hear the violin in the first meeting, maybe you won’t hear the violin, time slowing down, a slow breeze blowing leaves, colorful flowers on road after 21 years and one day you will realize that there was always a melody in the background, when you pause and reflect in silence, you are able to hear and appreciate that melody and maybe the ‘larger than life’ drama starts after first recognizing that melody that was always there.

For the first 29 years of my life, I have always in some way associated my happiness with my success and I pushed myself to set the bar higher for that success. As I achieved more, my bar was set higher and higher, I craved more and I felt more and more empty and alone. Like a cliché, I realized success is not the answer for happiness, and maybe it is good to not celebrate always or be vulnerable and completely helpless and be dependent on someone.

2021, you were a life-defining year if not career-defining, I am thankful to many people who stood by me and supported me as I recovered from bad health and other crisis and I am thankful to God for showing me a path of happiness and satisfaction, thankful to the universe for guiding me in the right direction and thankful to one special reader who was following my blog silently for 11 years who changed my outlook towards life, guess a writer may not get as much popularity as a singer or dancer, but when it mattered the most, writing paid off.

Signing off, 2022 you are my ‘poos ki raat’ and I am ready with my ‘alaav’.

Identity Crisis of people of MP

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 12:43:00 +0000

Disclaimer: This is a light-hearted post with a satirical take on the existing stereotypes present in the country. I personally believe many stereotypes are not bad and are just playful and harmless in nature, if you feel hurt or offended or feel personally attacked, then attack voraciously and mercilessly on this post. Pour all your hatred and anger of working late nights, attending zoom meetings and webinars, gaining 5 kg in lockdown, watching your ex posting a cheesy ‘together forever’ marriage post and whatever that is making you angry here. Give counter-arguments and I will give more counter-arguments and let there be a meaningless comment war. Also, spread the hatred, build up a team, don’t fight alone, copy the blog post’s link and spread it in your WhatsApp group so that they can also come with their arguments and there will be more counter-arguments from my side and thus the post will generate huge visibility and attract others and soon there will be a virtual bloodshed here making me earn many followers! If you are angry but didn’t spread the hate to at least 10 people, someone will add ketchup in your 'Poha' next time you eat it, if you do it then you will get a packet of 'Jiravan' shipped at your address by me!

Now that you have understood clearly it is a light-hearted post, let us begin with my whines and complaints on my lack of identity. When I speak, I speak for many of the faceless crowd of MP. I spent the first 17 years of my life in MP, then I went to Rajasthan for a year, came back to MP for next 4 years, spent the next 1 year in Maharashtra, then 2 years in Jharkhand, back to Maharashtra for 1.5 years and then 1 year in Karnataka. In between, I traveled extensively to many states also because that is what a person in his 20s is supposed to do, travel and have some travel stories, else society will never accept you, and your grandchildren will feel ashamed that you didn’t have any adventurous stories to tell.

When I was living in MP, I was happy with my life. The temperature can be a little extreme sometimes but still bearable. Rains are normal. We rarely have floods or cyclones, no history of devastating earthquakes or other natural calamities. The roads post the famous Digvijay Singh era are mostly well built, easy to travel at least in western and central MP. The street food is amazing. People are simple and good, not very ambitious but also not very cunning and greedy. As I was growing, I realized that we didn’t have a big differentiator, we were not in news much. We didn’t have big megacities, we didn’t have spectacular tourist places, no specific food, dance or celebrity, we didn’t have a very well differentiated culture, no movies were based on any city of MP, basically, we didn’t exist in anywhere mainstream. Nothing much has changed till date.

In a country where stereotypes are so prevalent, where you are first associated with your state identities. Being from a state with no stereotypes is a great drawback. I encountered stereotypes first when I moved to Kota, Biharis are good at maths, that’s the first thing I heard. Coincidentally, it was validated when I was solving a sum of domain/region and did it using a method requiring 2 pages but a Bihari sitting near me just made some graph and solved it instantly. The 17 years old version of me believed in the stereotype from that day onwards, Biharis are good in maths. Telugus are hardworking, Delhi/UP people are aggressive, Marathis are conservatives, Malayalis have a superiority complex, Tamilians have great pride, People from the hilly regions are good-hearted, Punjabis are jolly natured and many more.

A year in Kota was a big revelation for me, it also strengthened my belief in the notion of India as a country. People from different regions coming together, becoming friends, working towards a common goal of clearing JEE. Also, at the end of the year, one more stereotype formed, which till date is shared by many throughout the country, people of Kota are worst in the country. Many of us formed this stereotype mainly basis how our landlords and mess owners treated us. For a pampered generation, this was the first exposure of how cruel, selfish, and heartless the outside world is. A lot of us grew many years in that one year of our life. But also I realized that we, the people of MP are not stereotyped. We had no identity, we were not associated with any behavior, good or bad. We just didn’t exist on the radar of the outside world.

After a year in Kota, I was back to MP. Again, back to the region which is full of stereotypes but has none of its own. MP has lots of communities co-existing together. You will have South Indians (Seriously no offense meant to South Indian readers, but most common people of MP can’t differentiate between Tamil, Telugu, Kannadiga, and Malayali), Bengalis, Punjabis, Sindhis, Bohras, Marathis, North Easterns, etc. Most of our stereotypes are negative in nature, negative to the limit of being offensive. “Saanp aur sindhi mein koi jata dikha, to pahle Sindhi ko maaro”, one of my friends told me during my teenage. Now, I had lots of Sindhi friends back then. The Sindhi community is a very rich community here because most of them are associated with trades. But the general views about the community is not so good, at least back in mid-2000. Bengalis are arrogant, Marathis are miser, Bohras are not courageous, Bengalis are arrogant, most stereotypes were negative. We spared the Rajasthanis and Punjabis. Punjabis are always treated as kind-hearted, selfless, and benevolent always ready to party. A major chunk of this stereotype is due to Bollywood and the way they portray Punjabis. But one of landlord refusing to give me Rs 2300 security deposit despite him being a crorepati changed this goody-good stereotype for me. Most of us couldn’t differentiate a ‘jatt’ from a ‘jaat’ back then.

Some of the logics also didn’t make sense. We perceived Rajasthanis as good but Marwadis as selfish and miser. But, we also didn’t have any stereotypes for ourselves. We didn’t exist on our own radar. How can we exist on the radar of the outside world?

When I returned to Indore, the era coincided with the rise of social media, social media further exaggerated all the stereotypes, initially packed in the name of jokes but then state/region wise pages and thus you can enjoy the fight between Mumbaikars and Punekars on which city is better or the fight between Kolkata People and Hyd people on which city has better Biryani at 3 AM in the night before your end term. Indore made good use of social media and it eclipsed the whole MP, we will discuss this part later.

When I came to Pune, my lack of identity became more visible to me. Working in an IT company in a city where there is a crowd from the whole country and when they ask me whether Ujjain is in Rajasthan or Gujarat, honestly I felt hurt. Also, an IT company is full of stereotypes. Telugus are spoiling the work culture by working beyond office hours, Punjabis do not respect their bosses, Delhi guys are flirty and rowdy. The stereotypes increased 100 folds and yet we had none. Indoris tried their level best to mock the Maharashtrians Kanda Poha telling them again and again that the best Poha can be found only in Indore, apart from few jokes on how Indoris think they have everything better, they were not able to gather much attention.

One more year passed, and I came to XLRI, my dream college. This is when the identity crisis hit me the most. We had multiple regional committees, the part I liked the most. They used to have a regional dinner, where they would serve the special snacks and dinner of their state to the entire college. So you got Rajaxi (Rajasthan Association of XLRI), Taxi( Tamil association of XLRI), JMAXI( Jai Maharashtra associated of XLRI). Most states have their own regional committees, except, you could guess it. MP, we have no special committee.

A bunch of state MP, UP, Bihar, Chattisgarh, Jharkhand were merged and for some reason, we added Assam also and then a committee was formed named COWBAXI (Cow Belt Associated of XLRI). As expected, the committee became heavily dominated by the UP and Bihar crowd with which we share very little in common. Also, If you want to see exaggerated stereotypes, a B School is the best place to come. Everyone is a competitor after all with which you are competing for jobs and thus there are moments where the competition is max fuelling a good amount of hatred also. Having no identity at all, we MP folks sail quietly in these 2 years.

I remember once a meme trend became popular in social media describing how a room of a particular state person will look like. I used to check regularly whether they will feature room of an MP guy, they showed for most states. Bihar, Kerala, UP, Punjab but not MP, we didn’t exist in the meme culture also. When I worked in Maharashtra for 1.5 years again post MBA, I was always confused about whether we were included in the term ‘Bhaiya’ or not which was used to describe north Indians. I never found out an exact answer, but I am pretty sure we were not. Are we even considered North Indians? I don’t have an answer yet to this question. We were part of the famous acronym BIMARU, but then also, people just know that we are poor, upto what extent, they don't know. We are just clubbed together with other poor states.

Meanwhile, let’s get back to the Indore equation. Indoris perhaps too much disappointed by this lack of image went a step above. They carved out an image of Indore. In that process, they did quite a few things which annoyed me to a great height. First of all, they highjack western MP culture. Now as I said earlier, MP didn’t have a very distinct well-defined culture. Western MP shares traits with Rajasthan, Eastern MP with Uttar Pradesh. Even I don’t have any idea about North & South MP. North MP did get some attention due to the famous Chambal region of Bhind Murraina famous for the stories of Daku. Central MP particularly Bhopal who was ruled by the Nawabs for a long time had a little distinct culture but not so prominent. The most you might have heard would be Jagdeep’s famous role of Surma Bhopali in the movie Sholay.

Western MP includes many cities like Ujjain, Indore, Dewas, Ratlam, Mandsaur, Nagda, and many other small towns. They all shared a common culture. Most of us started our day with Poha Jalebi, sev is a staple diet in most households, our street food includes Samosa, Kachori, Kandavada, Aloo Bada, Sabudana Khichdi, Fafda, Bhutte ka kees, and other fried snacks. Most of us speak a local dialect called Malwi, because we belong to the Malwa Plateau region. So all in all, a great deal of homogeneity in a wide region.

With the rise of social media, the influence of Indore also grew. So, Malwi became Indori. Poha Jalebi became something that is specific to Indore only and the tastiest one can be found only in Indore. Even the youtube cooks started using the term Indore Sev, Indori Poha, Indori Bhutte ka kees. This became a reason for frustration for a lot of nearby small towners like me. We felt further identityless now. Already, we had no stereotypes in the country. But the few habits we thought were unique to us was now hijacked by Indoris. The poha we ate daily while growing up was unique only to Indore, we felt reduced to nothing. Funny fact, when I was in Kota, during winders a Poha Thela opened in front of my house with the name ‘Ujjain ke prassidh pohe ( Famous Poha of Ujjain)’, you can imagine my happiness back then. Indore took away everthing from us then. Funny thing is many Indoris don’t know that Sev was originated in Ratlam (the same city which was portrayed like a brothel in Jab We Met) and Poha is native to Maharashtra,.

This was also bearable but then came round 2. Indoris started insulting us. If you will upload any picture of eating something that you were doing since your birth like eating bake samosa or eating poha. You will get a message from many Indoris like:

“if you want to eat the real shit, come to Indore.”

“Real Poha can be found only in Indore”

“Best Bake Samosa is in this shop of Indore, you are eating substandard thing”

It further annoyed many of my friends. How come our food became cheap, bad, and not original.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Indore as a city, many Indoris are my good friend. But I can’t tolerate this hijacking of culture and insult of my food. There are many things unique to Indore. Being the cleanest city of India for 4^th time, people there did a great amount of work, one can always see the difference. The sarafa market of Indore is quite unique, none of our city can compete with it. But the basics, the pohas and the jalebis, the sabudana vada and bhutte ka kees, let us enjoy our own. We, the people of small cities, face 2 crisis, we don’t have a city-level identity, and our identity is being stolen by Indore. This just reminded me about the chapter we had in our 11^th Class English Book (CBSE), the last lesson, where the invader stops the education of native language and language is associated with identity and freedom. We associate our food and habits as our identity, don’t steal it away from us.

Now let’s come back to the main topic. We, the people of MP, still don’t have any identity. We don’t know whether we are north Indians or not. We don’t have any specific language. We don’t have any particular distinctive food. We don’t have any unique dress. We do not even have any dance form of us. We are not seen as either selfish or good, hardworking or lazy, cunning or stupid. Nothing, we just don’t exist.

Even our news didn’t exist. VYAPM scam was such a massive and compliated scam, yet many do not know about it. MP was 3^rd in the Covid cases for a long time, doing far worse than the entire country, yet people were focusing on Gujarat and UP. Then we improved, now we are at 15^th position, but no praises for us also. Our CM got covid, no one cared. Rahul Dravid, Salman Khan, Lata Mangeshkar, Atal Bihari were born in MP, but they are associated with some other state. We don’t have any popular celebrity associated with us. Even Kishor Kumar was born in Khandwa, a small town in MP. Many people born in MP, moved to other states and became famous and they are then associated with either their native background or their new state. That’s what people of MP do. Born, get out of MP, become famous, die there.

Although, we don’t face that kind of crisis like my fellow North Easterns who at times are not even considered Indians. We don’t have to give any identity proof, yet we don’t exist. We don't even have a good noun form for us. Bihari, Bengali, Maharashtrian, Kannadiga, Telugu, Punjabi even Chattisgari ! But we can't be referred as madhya pradeshi, we are just MP wale! How to solve this problem? I am open to ideas. Let’s discuss this. Fellow MP walo, let’s assemble, brainstorm and devise a solution. Rest of India, do study us, give us some stereotype, anything will do, we can improve on later! Let us feel included.

PS: On a serioius note, no offense meant to anyone !! It's just a collection of observation I have found while working and travelling to different part of the countries! Yet, the beauty of this country is the way we coexist despite so many differences. Just reminds me of 'Mile Sur mera Tumhara' and 'Desh Raag' videos of Doordarshan, we are one, we are whole, we are India ! :) :)

Miss Me ?

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 16:29:00 +0000

Sitting in front of the beach, carelessly sipping my beer, enjoying the sunset, what a blissful time to be alive. I was in some next level of trance, everything seemed so surreal, so tranquilizing. The amber-colored sun like a big fireball slowly getting swallowed by the vastness of the sea. The sound of waves like some melodious music, the occasional chirping of the birds adding to the effect. The rising waves were touching my legs at a regular interval like some natural therapy. I was bothered about the fact that why none of my problems were bothering me, how come life was so peaceful suddenly, I did not have any idea how I reached this amazingly beautiful place. I was practicing mindfulness at its best, completely living in the present, no thoughts of past or present. Then I saw her outline darkened by the sun rays coming from the opposite side but her body, her hair, her hands, everything about her was so deeply engraved in my mind that I could recollect her from anywhere.

"She can’t be here, she is miles away from me, in a different city, happy with her husband", I told myself.

"This person is someone else, my mind is hallucinating, my mind justifying the position of being my greatest enemy is playing a trick on me. My mind who can’t stand me being happy even for some minutes, my jealous wicked evil mind who after failing to bring any regrets of past or any worries of future bringing the image of many of my sorrow in front of me to win this contest.", I started cursing my mind mentally. The figure started coming close, she was wearing the same shiny red dress she wore in the college farewell party. Crazy coincidence, after all that happened between us, the drama and the bitter parting away, no conversations not even the formal birthday wishes exchanged from last 10 years and yet I found her slowly approaching me in the same dress she looked the most spectacular once. A part of me who craved her so much was becoming heavy again, I forcefully brought all the negative thoughts back in mind to end this mental coup.

Life has changed so much since we last talked. From my menial job which was too small for us and from my unknown college, I got into a high paying job after doing my MBA from a fancy college. She got married in between, she didn’t invite me and I was glad I was not asked to come because had I gone there, either I would have surely created some drama to vent out my frustration or I would have gotten lost between the thoughts of self-pity and why life is so unfair to me. We were still friends on social media though, that is how I got to know about her marriage, I rarely talked to our common friends, I didn’t want even a shade of her involvement in my new life. A life I created for myself, where I am successful, powerful, and happy at least superficially and not the helpless me which she made me once. She was not very active on social media ever and after her marriage, she didn’t post anything. I didn’t care, though once in a while I did use to go to her profile to check if there is anything new.

But I sensed her presence that day. As they say, the world is a small place. That day was 31^st December and I was enjoying my vacations in Thailand, a popular tourist spot, many Indians go there these days. As they say, the ambitious middle class of India has shifted from Goa to Thailand. I thought maybe she had come here with her husband. A coincidence, a painful one. I didn’t know if there is an antonym of serendipity, but if there is one, I was going through it. Her outline was becoming clearer and clearer with every passing second. This was definitely her, I was convinced now. For countless times during my college, I had wondered at her physical beauty. The way her hair moved with a passing breeze amplifying her beauty so much that she looked almost like an angel who had come from some other world. How can anyone born on this planet be so beautiful?

As I was getting deeper and deeper into the thoughts with my past and present getting one again without any visible boundaries and I was losing sense and the memory of what all happened in the last 10 years, there was a sudden halt. I was suddenly brought back in the present. Do you remember when you are having a very clear dream and then someone wakes you and you get back to your senses pretty quickly while still retaining the thoughts of your dream? I suddenly remembered that it was 31^st December 2019, I was in Thailand and she was not here.

Was I hallucinating? But it felt so real.

I have always wondered whenever I read the stories of people going through schizophrenia and other mental condition, how it feels to imagine a person. I guess I experienced it that day. The subconscious mind is indeed a complicated yet magical thing, it can bring back someone in front of your eyes, someone of whom you rarely think about these days. I threw the remaining beer into the trash, maybe the nature vibes with the alcohol had made me lose touch with reality for a while.

The next 3 days were horrible, I was haunted by her thoughts again and again. As if I had never moved on as if I never accepted my fate. I went through a series of mental states. From self-pity to cursing her for my misery, from laughing at her new mediocre life to imagining the ‘what if…’ . I came back to Hyderabad on 4^th January and I felt relieved immediately. Although I hated my job and the fact that I put in 14-16 hours a day. I knew my job will be my savior now. I would get busy juggling stuff, firefighting , and bitching about the toxic work culture of my company. I would forget her soon. It happened exactly the way I thought. The villains of my present took the place of her thoughts and I forgot about her completely.

I woke up with a very dried throat, cold sweat coming from the side of my head and a mind spinning furiously. I had a terrible nightmare. I have had nightmares before. But none of them felt so real, and none of them had such lasting memory after waking up and none of them made me almost shit my pants while replaying them in my mind. I was back to the same beach, same setting, and the same scene. She was coming near me. I was having the same chain of thoughts like that day and a strong déjà vu. Like I was not sure whether this is real or not and if it is real, it felt like it is happening again. But this time she didn’t vanish, she keeps on coming close to me. She came almost at a 1 foot distance to me and then she asked:

“Miss me?”

I was startled by the question. It’s been 10 years, why did she want to have a confirmation on whether I still think about her or not. I made my mind that I will say very rudely that I neither miss her nor do I feel anything about her. She didn’t exist in my mental landscape anymore. I made eye contact. Her facial features were slowly changing. They were becoming very aggressive. The eyes were getting bigger, some lines coming at the temple, she stood so tall and her stance was so aggressive as if she was ready to attack me. Her face was slowly turning red, violent red as if reflecting some deep-buried anger.

Do you remember the scene from Bhool Bhulaiya where Vidya Balan argues with Akshay Kumar near a temple and Akshay notices her change of expression, I felt the same. Her pupil became enlarged and now all I can see was pitch black color. I was transfixed, I couldn't move, she was looking directly into my eyes and I couldn’t run. I couldn’t do anything. I was trembling. She put a hand on my shoulder, I had never felt an icy touch like that, then she came 2 inches away from my face, looked directly into my eyes, I was able to see my frightened face in the reflection of those dark voids, and then she asked again in a very disturbing high pitch echoed voice.

“Miss me”?

I woke up after this. The clock pronounced 3:03 AM, the hour of the devil as they say. It took me a while to become normal again. My heart was racing like an engine, my breaths were heavy, uneven, and very fast. The sweating never stopped. I went to the kitchen and had some water. During the whole journey from my bedroom to the kitchen, I felt like I was being watched, someone was there, lurking in the dark corners of my house. It is said that whenever we feel we are being watched, we are being watched, as evolution developed our senses to work effectively, especially in darkness to save us from any predator attack. I was not sure whether my senses are working overtime or my miserable life has finally broken my mental sanity and I was hallucinating a lot.

I discussed the dream the next day with my best friend. As expected, he laughed it off. He teased me saying that even after all these years, I was not able to move on from her. I searched for the meaning of the dream in google also. All I got was some random shit about unfulfilled needs and desires, blocked expectations and stress. In short, no solution at all. A part of me wanted to visit a counsellor or psychotherapist for some professional help. But then I thought maybe I was overthinking it. There was one random hallucination and then a random dream, maybe the former was the cause of the later, just a random emotional phase. I should not give much heed to this. I felt loneliness was getting to me now and I should think about getting married. For the first time in my life, I felt lonely and sad about me being lonely. For the first time in life, I craved for some companionship.

The next few days went normally. I usually sleep the entire noon on Sundays. My life has made me an introvert lately. I have stopped going out with people. I just don’t like being with others or maybe I interact so much with people during my work week, it’s better to stay alone on Sunday. I ordered a heavy brunch and then watched a movie and fell asleep. I woke up when it was late, it had become quite dark. There was no light turn on in the house and no light coming from outside also. Usually, my room is decently illuminated by the lights coming from outside. Perhaps a power cut I thought. It took some time for my eyes to get adjusted in the darkness and get some vision. Suddenly my mouth went dry and I got goosebumps all over my body as if electricity is flowing through my veins. In the dimly lit corner where some blue light was struggling for its existence. She was standing, in the same red dress and with the same dark black eyes watching me intently and angrily as if she was trying to pierce my whole body through her gaze.

Miss Me?

She asked again. My paralysis returned. It was real, it was happening, it was the reality, it was no dream. She started walking towards me while maintaining eye contact. She kept on asking “miss me” in a tone that was frightening. She came very close. I saw her illuminated by that blue light in the room. Her dress was tattered, her face was rough, dry, and splitting from many places developing cracks like dry clay. Her hairs were very dry and scattered everywhere. She had come to punish me. Punish me for no faults of mine, it was her decision to reject me, it was her decision to move on from me, it was her decision to kick me out of her life. What was she punishing me for?

“What do you want from me?” I screamed with all my might.

She touched her head with my head as we used to do during college. Then she smiled. It was a very creepy smile and then I had no memory. I opened my eyes and I was on my bed. I checked my phone, it was 9 PM. The room was well illuminated as always. I slept for like a good 7 hours. My whole body felt tired. Was it a dream again? It couldn’t be. It felt so real this time. I was pretty sure it happened but then I thought maybe my mind was playing games with me again? I was very confused. Should I discuss this with my mother, but then she will get unnecessarily worried. I thought of talking to her directly. That seemed to be the best solution. Thousands of thoughts were running parallelly in my mind.

“Just drop a hi, do a casual chat, nothing serious. This will calm my mind. Her ice-cold single word replies will convince my brain that she is alive and still the same. It will move on. These thoughts will go away.”

I didn’t have her phone number. We didn’t have any common WhatsApp groups also. So the only place of communicating was Facebook, the medium where our love story started, it felt like a poetic justice that I was to reach out to her on Facebook for a much-needed closure. It is true I hated her for a while. Who wouldn’t? After all those tall claims of how much she wanted me and needed me in her life, after those flirting, after spending so much time together, after expressing our feelings for each other, after so much future planning, being kicked out unceremoniously like that.

I had hard feelings for a long time but then I moved on. I had bigger and better villains in my life to give me a hard time and I forgot about her. She became a blurry image in my head till that unfortunate day of 31^st December 2019. I opened my Facebook and surprisingly she was online. Generally, she keeps her messenger offline. I opened the window. I thought on what I would write. I never used to write ‘HI’ to her before, so it would be really awkward to write it now. Suddenly the window flashed that she is typing. Again, too many coincidences for a day.

“What she has to say to me?” My mind created 100s of scenarios.

“But at least, she is here, she is real, she is alive, there will be a normal conversation and this ordeal will end. Maybe I will share the dream with her and we can have a good laugh on that, like the old days. We can have normal conversations, we don’t despise each other anymore.”

It seemed like she was typing a really long paragraph, no message came even after 5 minutes yet it kept on displaying the typing message. I became frustrated after a while. Maybe it’s a technical glitch, they used to happen a lot during early 2010 but haven’t seen anything like that lately. I visited her profile. She had last put a post 5 years back. She was not tagged in any photo for the last 3 years. I kept on browsing her older post and saw a message she had shared. I knew that post was about me when she had put it. It was a subtle jibe, aimed at me, where she portrayed me as a villain, as a sadist, as a jealous and immature person who ruined our relation. My mind filled with rage. I closed my laptop. I didn’t care what she was typing or what she wanted to say. I even forgot my own purpose of talking to her. I felt intense anger. I punched the wall with all my mind and felt the sharp pain on my knuckles. Self-destruction is not always rewarding.

It felt like the real her was as evil as that hallucinating haunting version of her. After all, what she did to me, she still considered me as the villain. I suffered daily because of her and now I was the oppressor and she was the victim. It took me a while to calm down. I took some deep breathes. I opened my Jack Daniels and gulped it down neat like they show in the movies. It burnt my throat, but I felt better after a while. I made a civilized peg after that, then one more peg and then again. I played some old melancholy music. I didn’t know when I passed out into deep sleep fully drunk and out of senses. When I woke up, my laptop was on and a song was being played. It was her favorite song. Youtube was also playing games now I thought. I reached the laptop to shut it, I saw the screen, Facebook was still open, and her chat window was also open with 2 words written after our last chat there 10 years back.

“Miss me?”

I had reached a stage beyond fear now. Partly because I was not sure whether it was a dream or it was another of hallucination and party I was curious now what is happening. I replied this time with a rude block lettered NO. As soon I entered the text, I received a video call from her. I turned it on. I saw not her pretty face but the same disfigured haunted face. She tilted her neck, took a breath, and then she said something that made shook me so much that I dropped my laptop from my hand.

She said, “I will make sure, you will miss me”!

It was 3 Am in the night. I was so scared, I just left my home. I went to a nearby 24*7 café just because I wanted to be surrounded by people. Whether I should visit a psychiatrist or a priest I was not sure now. I needed to talk to people about this. I stayed away even from my mobile because I was scared she will contact me from there. I had 4 coffees in the café and I stayed there till 6 AM. I put my usual “not feeling well, can’t come to the office” message to my boss. I started scrolling my contact list to find the best person to talk to. My fingers stopped at the name of a common friend. She might still be in touch with her. I had no idea what to say to her also. She also used to be a good friend but we hadn’t talked for the last 4 years except exchanging likes on social media posts. Should I discuss the events with her? Should I ask her to do a conference call to resolve everything? I had no idea what I will achieve from this call, but I felt a great instinct to call her.

I checked my Facebook on my mobile. There were no conversations of last night. It just displayed our old messages years ago. A part of me was expecting this.

I called the common friend immediately knowing she would be asleep at this time. She was not a morning person. She responded after a long time still very deep in the sleep. I hadn’t even thought of a good excuse by that time on why I was calling her so early. But she sensed the trembling of my voice and asked me what is wrong. She was always a sweetheart when it comes to helping people. I explained to her what I was going through in a single breath. There was a long pause afterward, I thought the phone is disconnected.

She said my name in such a grave tone that it shook me. She then asked me the date of my first such a bizarre experience. I told her that it was 31^st Dec 2019. She paused again but I could hear her breathing. She told me that my ex-girlfriend died on the same day in a car accident. The moment she uttered those word, I got a FB messenger notification from her account with the same 2 dreaded words.

“Miss Me”

Trivialisation of Mental Health

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Thu, 18 Jun 2020 09:04:00 +0000

I was writing on the topic of mental health before the unfortunate case of Sushant Singh and as everyone has suddenly become an expert into the field of mental health and depression, I modified the content accordingly. The topic of mental health is very close to my heart. Many of my poems and blog posts have revolved solely around motivation, positivity and the spirit of carrying on. Like all the wise sounds right now, I also use to think few years back, that all you need is positivity, will power and a strong character. You need to hang on and fight back. Motivation is enough to sail you through any storm. But after going through some very dark phases in my life recently, I have challenged all my earlier notions on this topic.

Let us get some facts straight and by facts, I mean facts, not perspective or opinion. Depression is a mental illness. It is not a phase where you are down because you failed in a test, or missed your train, or broke your mobile screen and you can get cheered by eating an ice cream. It is not something you can be talked out against.

Are you tensed? Don’t be!!

Are you worried? Stop worrying!

Are you stressed? Take a chill pill!

It doesn’t work like that. It is not a weakness of character. It is not a temporary hormonal imbalance. It gets much deeper than that. It’s not something that you can get done with by reading a self-help book and watching a feel good movie.

When I read these chest thumping posts of middle class self-obsessed public that how they never quit, how they were strong, how they struggled yet they enjoy their life. I can only laugh on the reality that people are not even aware of what depression does to a person. They never faced it. They are comparing their momentary sadness to a mental illness. If only we were made aware of depression and mental health in school or college or through a widespread awareness campaign like that done for AIDS, COVID etc perhaps people would have been more sensitive and educated on the topic.

You can read some chest thumping self-praising statements of many Bollywood personalities also on how they too struggled, but they carry on, they fought the darkness and made a way. Well, good for you, congratulations, but stop comparing what you did to someone who took an extreme step. All your fairy tales stories are as good as Sushant’s character trying to console his son to not give up on life, be strong and it’s ok to be a looser. It’s not like he has not heard of all these positive stories. It’s not like he doesn’t know that failure is temporary. Go through his past interviews, he was much wiser than that. But what most people don’t realize is depression for a prolonged period make a person hopeless.

And depression is not limited to sadness or failure also. It has many reasons. I have seen people getting depress after achieving success because now they don’t know what they want to do in life. They had achieved what they want to achieve and now they find no purpose of life. Deepika Padukone was quite open about her depression, was she suffering from failure that time? Chester Bennington, Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams there are many examples of people who lost the will to live despite making a great career and achieving great success.

I am not questioning the good will and good intention of people when they say suicide is not an option. But I am questioning their lack of awareness on the matter when they think that a person who is depressed thinks with same logical clarity and rationality which they are having right now. Sushant Singh who took the extreme step of taking his life was a much different person than the Sushant Singh who was consoling his son in the movie Chicchore. Depression changes your thought process, your decision making ability, and your conventions of life. Within few weeks, you are a different person. You are a person who are not able to answer the questions that helps you propel forward in life. The treatment is a long term process of regular therapy, medication and having a strong support system. Few whatsapp forwards and jokes can’t cure it.

Most of us, the common people, have struggled in life. We have fought for grades in school, ended up not getting the college we wanted, struggled in job and yet we carried on in life. It’s good that we fought and we are happy. But that doesn’t give us any right to glamourize and glorify our struggle and demean and insult those who were not able to cope up with adversities of life.

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”

I used to do that a lot earlier. Telling people that they have no right to be sad or unhappy because people are living far worse. Telling them we should be happy that we are in good college and we have great opportunities and thus we should be happy and cheerful all the time as life could always be much worse. I used to tell that to myself also a lot of time. The first thing that my professor told us in our class of managerial counselling was, don’t try to console or cheer up anyone by telling them the adversities of other. Never ever do the mistake of comparing someone’s pain with someone else’ pain and make them feel bad about themselves that how dare they thought to be unhappy when they have so much good in the life.

It doesn’t work that way. Everyone’s pain is unique and so is their ability to cope up with it. You can’t ridicule a person to be weak, to be sad, and to be emotionally hurt. You can’t do chest thumping regularly just because you fought back with life.

I see many Bollywood personalities now indirectly taking a jibe at Sushant saying he was very successful, Bollywood has so many struggler, he was not grateful for opportunities he god. That is exactly what is wrong with the society, to stop feeling sorry for a person just because he was successful. Just because he was better than other, the society takes away the right to be unhappy, sad or hurt from that person. That is the reason why people won’t talk openly about their unhappiness. If any celebrity comes forward that they are unhappy and depress, just look at the comments of people on that thread, they ridicule and insult them, they laugh on them, they say that look at that famous pretentious douche, living life craved by millions yet complaining. We struggle so much and he lives in his bunglow, he has no right to be depressed.

The society has taken away the right to talk about the unhappiness from people and then we write posts on opening up and talking up and vent out your feelings. You will find so many people uploading the status of reach out to us now, open up and talk. Again, I do not doubt their good gesture. But, to be very honest, a person who is depressed or feeling low, won’t come forward in most cases. They lose the will to reach out to others and ask for help. If you want to help, the onus is on you to find out those who are sad. Deep dive into those fake smileys and laughing gestures and emotionless ‘haha’ written and identify whether the people around you, the people you care about are going through some problems or not. That trust, that rapport, that ease of sharing has to be build first and then only a person will come forward and share and may be it will be a great help to the society. But any depressed person will avoid sharing his/her feeling to a stranger.

Why people don’t open up is also an interesting subject? There are always trust issue, we are told to be strong and move on in life from the beginning and also people in general don’t like people who complaint. If you share that you are not happy with your college, with your job, with your life in general. The society will tag you with the title of being cribber. Look, he is cribbing again, earning lakhs per month and yet unhappy, yet complaining, yet suffocating, spreading negativity as usual. There is so much stigma attach with people sharing why they are feeling bad about life in general, the posts of open up and talk in hindsight when someone has taken an extreme step appears super hypocritical to me. Confining yourself in your solitude is a slow process, an extrovert person doesn’t suddenly becomes a loner, and often people are careless to identify these symptoms.

I am not expert in this field. But I still feel that the people who have power are still not taking this topic seriously. On paper, you see companies organizing random workshops, inviting guests, doing some standalone activities. It’s a good step that at least something is being started. I have no idea whether schools and colleges are also doing something about it or not, having a subject on mental health in school will be of great help for the next generation. But, as long as we live in a society where performers are rewarded and strugglers are ridiculed, when that manager gets promotion who tortured his employees to achieve targets damaging their mental health to a large extent, teachers and professors bullying the students, office bullies, groupies etc exist and the system doesn’t have enough checks and control measures to help the needy and punish the offenders. All this awareness will remain a temporary social media movement and die its natural death.

Empathy, sensitivity, compassion, forgiveness, maturity, companionship there are many words which are now confined to fictional novels and movies now. The world needs more healing, I can just hope the world will look forward to stop running for a while and fix the damaged ones.

Social Media Distancing

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Tue, 09 Jun 2020 14:37:00 +0000

Disclaimer: This post is not going to be one of those goody good neutral posts that I usually write to avoid any controversy. Some of the opinions I am going to share here might not go well with everyone. You may not like what I have referred as incorrect behavior and that is perfectly fine but still read it with an open mind and be respectful if you defer in opinion for a fruitful discussion ahead.

The fact that I have to write a disclaimer ahead of the post in itself shows what is wrong with current social media and the way people have become on it. Mature discussions are replaced by taunts, jibes and sarcasm; there is hardly any scope left for a good discussion appreciating the difference in the opinion or trying to dig deep why certain opinions have been formed. People have stopped thinking on why others are thinking the way they are and if you think they are not thinking correctly, how to change their thinking rather everything has been limited to insulting adjectives, stereotypes, name calling and demeaning others.

Social Media has become such an integral part of our life now that it is tough to imagine a life without such platforms. Let’s rewind our clock a bit, to a time when there was no social media. Perhaps the mid 2000, I am sure now most will agree that it was a good time. Google was still there, so you can pretty much search out whatever you wanted to know. The main source of your knowledge were still books, print media and electronic media. People were just becoming aware of Wikipedia, answer yahoo was still there as a good alternative. Then came Orkut, our first step into the world of social media.

Then came Facebook and Twitter in late 2000, people started moving away from Orkut quickly. Earlier days of Facebook were still limited to playing games like Farmville, Mafia Wars etc. I was never active on Twitter, not even today, so I have not much idea of how life progressed there. We copied our SMS culture on Facebook, so earlier status were full of small jokes, random copy paste comment competition, tagging people in random pics ( good ice breaker for early college goers to get close to their crushes ), some motivational shit ( we love to do it no matter what platform), so overall nothing very serious was going on there.

The 1^st big social media moment of the country. The Anna Hazare movement. Social Media was suddenly abuzz with intense hatred for the corrupt system. There were big discussions on the current state of country. Everyone started sharing their opinion and it became a large platform for mass discussion. It became common to indulge in a comment war of 100+ comments with a stranger on someone else’s wall or a random page. But still, everyone were relatively were respectful. The focus was on the discussion not on personal jibes and remarks. It used to be a fun time back then, as you could indeed learn a lot from others and discuss respectfully.

Afterwards social media was pretty much involved in many sensitive events. The nirbhaya case, the downfall of UPA government, Middle East wars, major terrorist attacks etc. BJP was little quick to realize the potential of social media and they created a strong army for it, to promote its ideology, to aggregate the dissatisfaction and anger against the policy paralysis and corruption of UPA 2, to connect more with a tech savvy upcoming voter on issues. Just as Nokia failed to see the potential of android, congress missed the early days of connecting to this digital crowd.

I was very active on social media since the early days. I wasted countless precious hours on playing mafia wars and other games. I used it as a writing platform, there was a time when I used to post like 3-4 posts a day. I used to indulge in lots of political discussions. I used to have some extreme views back then which matured up slowly as I travelled to places, talked to people coming from different background and read a lot. But still, it was fun discussing issues in those early days because even when you were sticking to an extreme view, you get to learn a lot in terms of history, facts, information and even behaviour.

I don’t exactly know when it becomes really toxic but perhaps it happened around mid 2010. By then, most political parties have well-structured IT cells and well financed agents to spread their ideologies. Common public is too innocent to see through the information being fed to them. The algorithm is very simple, it shows what you want to see, and once you show inclination towards a particular thought, it will show you so much content around it that your inclination will become an extremely polarized thought, a bias that you won’t be able to get away with, a hardcore ideology that you have become a follower of unintentionally.

It’s hard to identify the truth anymore. The headlines are misleading and the contents are colored. As I write this post, one page is discussing how India triumphed in pressuring China and defended its border while other page is discussing how the present government failed to save our country and China has taken away our land. Both the sides have strong followership with only a few voice of dissent which are crushed with quite cruelty. The scope of discussion is over. You either believe in this or that and any other opinion will be crushed mercilessly.

Similar case is observed on people’s post and statuses. Earlier, there used to be mature discussions even on the comment thread. Now people write with strong conventions, either you believe them or you don’t. Earlier the posts were written with the intention of inviting the dissenting voices to have a good discussion. Now the posts are written for those 5-6 likes and 2-3 comments of admiration from people who believe what you believe. People have teamed up and they bully those who differs. People have stopped commenting because they fear they will be ganged, cyber bullied and virtually harassed. The tags are there to be fired from the launchers. Be it closet Sanghi, chaddi, blind bhakt or liberandu, anti nationalist, fake leftist or whatever, its’ out there, you know who to label what and within the first 1 or 2 comments it will come around. End of discussion, you are sanghi so you think like that or since you have posted this comment you are leftist. Discussion over.

I sometimes wonder whether people can’t see their own hypocrisy or they have just learnt to live with it and ignores it. For example, the practice of selectively ignoring the mistakes of party of your choice and selective opposing the party you hate. People who are anti BJP love to make fun of UP, Gujarat and highlight the bad things happening there and promote Kerala, WB. People who are pro BJP then will counter with the bad things happening in Kerala, WB and overall what you see on your feed is the entire toxic news happening in country with no one discussing the good which a state like Orissa is able to achieve in tough times.

The cost of these tagging and extremism is paid by the neutral person who just wants to speak once in a while. A neutral person doesn’t blindly prefer a government or a person nor does he hate one. He judges by work and that’s where he fails. If you praise current central government for something you think it is good then the very moment all the anti government people will come and bombard you with tags like chaddi, bhakt, uneducated, illatred, messenger of hatred and what not. Similarly, if you oppose the present government you are garlanded with adjectives like anti national, fake hindu, coward etc. Since you don’t follow either the pro or anti-gang, you don’t have any support system that will team up to save or support you, you get beaten by both regularly.

Same goes for issues like feminism, reservation, capitalist model and many other topics. The situation is grim because there is so much information asymmetry. You see sponsored biased pages waiting for a particular event to happen to push their agenda which makes people thoughts extreme. Misleading headings are common because they know how small attention span of people are and how lazy many are to read their content or watch the video they are quoting. Manipulative and selective content to further provoke people has become a norm. Also, there are many content related pages and websites with immature writers who will write 1 thing on one day and totally opposite thing on other day. Because they also know, if they put extreme posts, they will get more likes and comments thus increasing their visibility organically. Hatred has been used quite an effective advertising tools by many pages.

The main problem here is earlier people used to read and then form an opinion. Now people have an opinion and they just post and push their narrative accordingly. An elephant is killed mercilessly by a cracker filled pineapple. Rather than discussing the event and its root cause, everyone starts pushing their own agenda. Kerala haters started belittling and insulting Kerala, vegetarians started highlighting hypocrisy of non-vegetarians, then you have the opposite arguments and in a while everything becomes a huge mess. There are classic example like Rohtak sisters where the social media sensationalism resulted in ruining the life of innocent ones. Social Media has in general its own set of rules for who is the victim and who is the oppressor and without even looking at an event objectively, sentence is announced.

People tend to ignore that there may be good things in life too. Some policeman are bad, they do horrible things. But many are not, many have and are doing good things also. The cruel face of police beating citizens were published and talked far more than the kind face where police helped the migrant workers and nearby villagers. Like the famous dialogue of Rockstar,”negative bikta hai”. Social media pages of popular newspapers and content sites have learnt this quite well that they will get far more reach by publishing negative news than the positive ones.

The fact is most of the problems that are being discussed lately on social media persisted from a long time. It is not like they randomly popped up 2-3 years back. As much as it pains to see the painful events happening around the globe, they were happening since a long time. Writing a post, making your DP black and then moving on won’t change it. Although, I still support your right to feel emotional at times, all of us do, still just limiting your pain to social media is not the kind of behaviour that will change the root cause of the issue.

Also, there is a new trend of calling out the silent ones. There are many who are not as vocal as others on social media. Many people haven’t even put a single post for years. So the new trend of shaming the silent have begun. According to the narrative either you are supporter to dictatorship or a coward Hindu, spineless crowd during a fascism or spineless majority in the era of radicalization. People have already declared that their version, their ideology, what they are thinking is right and those who stay silent are worse than even those who are speaking against. That is funny to me, the bullying has shifted from the opponents to the silent ones also. And again, like the neutral person, the silent ones are getting shamed by both the ends.

One of my friend once said that he doesn’t use social media much because it doesn’t assure everyone has ears but it has given mouth to everyone. So every person is free to speak, free to spread hate, free to fight, free to insult, it has empowered the timid ones to become a vocal troll on this platform. Interestingly, many of my friends have deactivated their social media account. They say they can’t bear the stupidity and toxicity anymore. To me, it is a very extreme step.

I advocate for social media distancing. In a pandemic like corona, you have to stay inside most of the time yet you have to come out once in a while for essential work and take necessary measures. Same goes here, instead of abandoning it completely the better thing will be to follow distancing. You have to take some hard steps, you have to confuse the algorithm to ensure it doesn’t make your thoughts extreme. You have to sensitize your thoughts by cross checking whatever the headings you are reading that is provoking you. You have to stay away from vulnerable areas.

Unlike some pages, unfollow some people even unfriend if you feel so, stay away from discussions where you know there won’t be any output coming, don’t try to pick up unnecessary fights, use it constructively, pick only those sources which helps you, be it only the funny pages or people who posts objective and neutral content. Post your own thoughts and indulge in discussions with only those who are worth investing your time are. There are still many good things happening out because of social media. Issues which might have died out turns a mega news, many needy ones do get help, it even reminds you about the birthdays you would have easily forgotten. I won't have a platform to publish this post if there was no Facebook. I do suggest time to time social media detox to all and then spending some time to fix the sources from which news are coming. There will always be noise in the system, there will always be toxicity, but I believe with some maturity we can still turn this virtual platform into the la la land we came to escape from realities of life rather than another replica of the toxicity we live in.

27 years a slave

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 23 Jun 2019 16:02:00 +0000

Few days back I turned 27. As normal as it may sound but we all know it is not. 27 is not just a number, it’s a psychological state that you have crossed now. For a middle class Indian family, it is the perfect age to get married, assuming you have studied whatever you wanted to and whatever you could have in your life as per your ability and it is the best time to settle down. From a financial perspective, you are supposed to initiate your long term investment plans like buying properties, investing in share market and creating a good chunk of fortune for your future. From a career point of view, you are supposed to enter into the mid management stage now, lead a team and propel into a successful career ahead. From health point of view, you are supposed to be at peak of your youth, fit and charming, energetic and sharp, ready to take over the world.

Sadly, I don’t fit in any of this well-defined mould of life. As a matter of fact, I am far far far (read that in dramatic rhythmic high pitch voice) away from most of them. It took me 26 years to ask a girl out so I am far away from a mental state of thinking to spend rest of my life with someone. Besides, the thought in itself is scary enough to stay far away from it. Too much of a responsibility too soon, can’t imagine calling someone daily and telling them what I ate. I am just done with a big heavy education loan that pretty much overshadowed any other decision in my life for last 2 years so I am going to stay away from a loan for a while or may be forever, I just learnt I am not good in dealing with debts. I think I am doing fine in terms of having a good career prospects so I will cut some slack to me there. But having a good career came at a cost of my health which I suppose is one of the worst failures of my life. I have tormented my body for the sake of success most of which turned out to be mere illusions. I always comforted myself with the thought that this will be the last rat race I will run and then I will hang up my boots but guess what, I am still running and I am still aiming to outpace others.

So here I am, at the age of 27, lonely, far from being healthy and far from being settled still wondering where to head next to. There are so many tunnels but from where I stand I don’t see light at the end of any of them. I had imagined quite a simple life for me during my school days. I will complete 12^th when I am 17^th, clear JEE and complete computer engineering from IIT Delhi when I turn 21, complete my PGDM from IIM Ahmedabad when I turn 23. The startup which I was supposed to build during my IIT days was supposed to turn profitable during my 2^nd year of PGDM thus I could avoid sitting in placements. Fast forward to next 4 years, I was supposed to become a billionaire in the 27^th year of my life and world’s richest man in the 29^th year. By this time I would have married the girls of my dream with whom I met during my engineering days and who was a constant support and source of my strength while chasing my dreams. A simple middle class Indian guy dream with a little touch from Bollywood, nothing complicated or nothing which can’t be achieved if I worked hard enough and my efforts are sincere, at least this is what the conventional wisdom suggests.

There was also one more alternate future, where I had finally settled with the fact that the only thing I could do well is play with words and chosen writing as a full time career. Residing in a peaceful hill station, far far away from the commotion of metros in some wood house with my golden retriever, cooking the organic food I grow outside my house. The evenings were supposed to be spent watching sunset from my half opened window, sipping cardamom tea, writing poems just like Ruskin Bond living in Mussorie.

If I compare the reality with my ambitions, I draw a very bleak picture. Although, I somehow managed to do my PGDM from a very good college. Rest everything broke down like a sand castle. So here I am almost a billion dollar away from the spot I was aiming for in the 27^th year of my life. Sachin Tendulkar crossed 10,000 runs in his 27^th year of life, Rafale Nadal had already won 14 grand slam in his 27^th year and Mark Zuckerberg’s net worth had climbed to 13.5 Billion dollars when he was 27. It’s a different feeling now to see people far younger than you achieving success you find impossible now. Be it PV Sindhu in badminton, Zverev and Thiem in tennis, Jaspreet Bumrah in cricket and many more. Actresses in movies are much younger than you, even people in politics are entering which are far younger and that feeling is really really weird. In fact, I think the next wave of shock will come when people born in 2000 will start winning accolades and we will still be staring blank thinking how fast time has gone and how did it happen.

Although, standing at where I am standing now, I fully understand that my problems are very first world problems. In fact, they are not even problems, they are just dissatisfaction and disappointment arrived from the gap between what I aspired to be and what I have become. From the day I walked my first step into school to today, I have served the conventional wisdom succumbing to its knowledge. 14 years of school + 1 year of coaching at Kota + 4 years of engineering + 1 year of software engineering job + 2 years of MBA + 2 years of job as HR manager and here I am still wondering is it what I aspired to become or have I reached where I wanted to. Is it a wrong thing to do? I don’t think so. Was it the right thing for me? That’s a question I need to answer by myself. Can I blame someone for it if I am unhappy at the end, partly yes, partly no? The answers are always not very simple as one has to put multiple lens to the question itself. At the end of the day, we are a product of our choices. Whatever we are right now is something eventually we chose no matter what the external circumstances were.

Are we the slave of the system or we are the slave of our choices or we are slave of our ambition. What binds us? What makes us unhappy? What makes us not to choose the options that would surely make our life simple? What gives us the right to rant about our life yet not do anything to change about it? What makes us a pampered generation which is not tough enough to take on life as our earlier generation did?

We always had a choice to flee, to abandon, to quit, to choose a different path. We always had choice to experiment, our risk aversion and our servitude can’t be a reason to call ourselves victim. To some extent, we have to follow a conventional path but then the dices are always in our hand to roll. Here I am in the 27^th year of my life contemplating the power I have to change my life, evaluating all the options that lies in front of me, weighing my strength to follow the paths that are laid ahead of me, may be all paths indeed led to Rome and then the final question will be, was Rome the ultimate destination and whether true happiness is achieved by reaching the ultimate destination? In Ravish Kumar’s words, “Questions are many, answers are for none”. Let’s see what this year unfolds. Looking forward for a roller coaster ride.

Last ride in the local..........

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 14:09:00 +0000

10:37 PM, the clock showed in my mobile. 10:40 PM, the station clock was showing, 10:43 PM was the time of the train as per the mobile app. The train that takes my soulless body daily back into my room. Though none of this mattered today, I could catch any train today and reach my destination. I was not worried about a single thing. Not thinking about reaching home on time, ordering food, sleeping on time to get up early in the morning to reach office. It was a new kind of freedom I was experiencing, something that empowered me, something that was making me feel, I and only I, was the true master of my destiny.

A train came, halted for a while, giving me enough time to jump in the 1^st class coach. I travel only by 2^nd class due to my limited means, but tonight was different, I had no fear of getting caught by a TC. Tonight, I allowed myself to break all rules. A casual glance into the coach showed me 7 people. A couple who was separated only because of their limited conscious of being in public place, the limited distance also they were struggling to maintain. An old man who was in deep introspection mode with his thick glasses, his expression pretty much reflected that he has no shit left to give to anyone. 2 young man wearing extremely dirty clothes with frightened and uncomfortable looks, pretty much they were travelling with ticket and they were not habitual of doing it. A man in mid 40s who was sleeping with his mouth open. A young beautiful woman with the condescending look of being extremely self-aware and out of place.

Then I saw him, the young chap, tall and well built, the curves of the muscles proudly flaunting his routine gym work. The expensive mobile together with the expensive headphone showing off his disconnect with the reality. He was in a different world, a happy world, a place where there is no worry and pain, no anxiety and grief, no stress and negativity. His feet were in sync with the beats of music, his neck was waving cheerfully and he was singing slowly. He made me hate the world more, his happiness spread an awful sense of negativity in my whole body. He appeared to be one of those privileged kid in life who always gets what they want without going through any pain.

But of course, it doesn’t matter. He can sing all he wants to, I was not bothered for all I knew that soon I won’t have to worry about anything. I ignored him, his existence and existence of everyone around me and went into a deep flashback of my whole life. I took a deep breath thinking about all the practical decisions I made which made me go nowhere, my misery never ended despite following the well-structured secure path laid down by society and the fact that I religiously followed it to be happy and went into deep spiral of sorrow made my decision more firm. I will put an end to my misery today.

At the next station, both the young men left happily with the joy of not being caught while the woman left without a single expression on her face. I reached the gate of the train, the cool breeze was not giving me any peace today, I was not reflecting on my day and I was not contemplating hope of a better future. I was truly living in the present today, I was meditating. I was meditating on the thought of the decision I was about to execute. The train was going over the sea now. Deep dark water everywhere and at a distant the shining city. The city of dreams where everyone come to be successful but most are limited to be a faceless entity in the crowd.

The young chap also reached the gate near me. He was still dancing and singing on the tunes. His long curly hairs were dancing on the joy of life. He was experiencing the peace in the cool breeze. He was carefree, he was in a state of bliss. I felt an intense anger, muscles of my neck were flinching. My fingers automatically crawled to make a fist. What could be the possible reason of his happiness? What made his life so wonderful? He looked at me for a moment and passed a smile, I didn’t even made a halfhearted attempt to give it back. He didn’t mind it either, he turned his face towards the sea enjoying the sight again.

I looked back in the coach, the sleeping person was still sleeping and the old man had his eyes closed, perhaps he also slept. Till this chap is here I can’t execute my plan. I can’t end my misery. His existence at the door along with me became one more source of pain for me. Then suddenly a thought occurred into my mind, something that had not even occurred remotely once in my entire life. He has not right to be this happy, no one has the right to be happy if I am not. In a flash of second, I changed my plan. I had second thoughts on the 1^st one, but for this 2^nd one, I had no thoughts. I had nothing to lose anymore anyway.

With a very slow and swift movement, I came directly behind him. I was aware that the 2 other man in the coach won’t know a thing. I gathered all my energy into my hands and I pushed him. He didn’t have the time to scream. I was not aware whether he can swim or not, whether a person falling into water from 20 feet survive or not. I was not bothered, I felt really happy. I hoped for his death, at least he will suffocate for few minutes. I was not bothered about the consequences of what I just did, I sat peacefully on the seat waiting for another such ride or perhaps one of these sleeping man will come on the door and I may push them on the track in front of another train.

The 12 AM Birthday Wishes

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Thu, 31 May 2018 15:42:00 +0000

It’s 10 PM, 2 hours to deadline, you put your phone on charging as you know it’s going to be a long night. You have a tentative list of people in your mind that are going to call, any addition will be a pleasant surprise and any ‘no show’ will be a big disappointment. You rehearse your responses as you can predict most of the conversation. There is nothing to worry about as you are no longer in college hostel, you don’t require any padding, no one is going to crush raw eggs on you and pour juice in your hair before venting out all of their life frustration on your butt. Life is going to be much civilised now.

It’s 11:30 PM, your best friend calls, nothing unexpected, you knew it, although there is nothing new to talk as you talk to him every second day, you just tease each other by mentioning at 26 Nadal had won that much grand slams, Sachin had played the desert storm, Zuckerberg had founded Facebook while we have done nothing, not a single tale of greatness yet we are the heroes of our story. Now you wait for those calls who will get into waiting, you keep on waiting, nothing happens, you take leave from your best friend and wait till 1 AM. You check on Facebook, no birthday wishes there too unlike few years back when the wall used to get flooded with so many wishes.

It’s a bad start for 1^st birthday outside college life. Lots of thoughts, no one has yet changed the class group name, no one has yet changed the name of other groups. School friends, graduation friends, post-graduation friends, 1^st job friends, 2^nd job friends, Facebook friends, friends of friends, so many domains, so many networks yet no 12 AM wishes.

Utter disappointment, followed by attempt to sleep while coming to terms with the reality and setting the expectation low for the day to follow. Random dreams, phone beeps, it is 7 AM, 30 minutes before your 1^st alarm, your old school mate has woken you from your dreams and brought you back to reality. The call start with birthday greetings followed by his explanation of not wishing at 12 AM, phone beeps again, call on waiting, engineering college friend calling now, birthday greetings followed by her explanation of not wishing at 12 AM. 5 more calls, same pattern, birthday wishes followed by the explanation of not calling at 12 AM.

The party has begun, whatsapp has flooded with message, all the relevant groups name have been changed. Bombardment of calls, too much to catch up, too many stories to tell, too many things to share. Rest of the gaps are filled with replying to people on whatsapp and thanking people on groups. So much change whatsapp and Facebook has brought in our life, even the shifting to Facebook app from desktop version has changed the pattern of birthday wishes. No one checks birthdays at 12 AM anymore, people get to know about birthdays by the Facebook notification early in the morning and hence the walls and calls do not start flooding at 12 AM, the timing has just shifted.

What’s more wonderful and amazing is the shifting of platforms of wishes. Those who used to wish at 12 AM once by calling, some of them won’t even wish anymore, some of them will just write a formal message on some whatsapp group, some will express their wishes on Facebook wall. People who used to wish in person on whatsapp will shift to some random group, people who didn't even use to wish last year will give you a call, people who do not even existed in your life last year will be buying you your birthday cake and you will be throwing with them late night. There are constants and variables in life and that’s the beauty of it. With time, both the birthday celebration and birthday wishes will get more mature. Life will take its toll. As the clock ticks by, as the count increases, the anxiety and fear also increases, too many people to catch up with, too many dreams to chase, too much to explore and too hard to keep pace with life.

Guess the constants on the day of your birthday are your greatest assets even if you talk only twice a year on each other’s birthday. I have realized that a birthday is not only a nice time to introspect but a great occasion to catch up with people and also a nice conversation starter. A birthday wish might be an indicator of what place you occupy in someone's life but definitely not a valid proof. In the end, life is much more about who bothered to remember and wish at 12 AM, there is no time for true wishes.

Pursuit of happiness......

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 14:40:00 +0000

The night was peaceful, silence unperturbed by the cool breeze flowing like a soft rhythmic music occasionally getting disturbed by random noises with no definite source. Two friends were sitting on the roof top discussing what lies ahead and what to chase. Amidst the chaotic superficial thoughts of getting admission into a good b-school and fetching a high paying job, the conversation was now deep enough to hit the core.

There is something mystical about late night talks, especially those carried after 2 AM. You feel freer and much more relaxed to share your deeper insecurities, you trust the listener more than the day time. You tend to converse more with yourself and explore your priorities more in the pretext of discussing the same with the listener. 2 AM conversations are like meditation, quiet and subtle, like gently exploring the hidden realities of your life.

The philosophical conversation eventually reached the heart of the discussion and the question two friends now faced was what they will earn by getting into a good b school.

“Money, that’s all I am looking forward to, I want to earn, I want to spend a luxurious life, I want to have expensive foreign vacation, I want to buy fancy stuff”, said the first friend, his voice steady defeating the cold wind’s futile attempt to shake it.

“Glory, I want to be known, I want to have an identity, I want to become an example, an inspiration for others”, said the second friend, his eyes beaming with the imagination of his glorious days that will come one day.

“Lots of famous and glorified people have lived a sad life because of no money, money is the ultimate objective”, uttered the first friend with full faith in his philosophy.

“Lots of rich people commit suicide and become depress, money is not everything, with great money comes several other variables that no one accounts for and which makes a person unhappy”, contrasted the second friend

“To me, money is happiness”, the first friend took a firm stand.

“To me, glory is happiness”, said the resolute second friend.

“Seems like we both are chasing the same goal, our ultimate objective is to be happy, we have different approach towards it”, said the first friend in a joyous voice as finally there was some unison in their thoughts.

“Indeed, I hope once we have chased our dreams we will be truly happy and we will live a peaceful life”, hoped the second friend.

Both friends chased their dreams, cleared competitive exams, got into excellent institutes and both received a fair share of glory and money but as they moved up the ladder they were able to see their illusions fading out and the reality far more different than what they perceived it to be. As they inched closer to their goal of money and glory, they found themselves much distant from their eventual goal of being happy. Their money and their glory came at the cost of their happiness.

So what is happiness? What is its definition? Who is truly happy these days? Just close your eyes, take few deep breathes and try to recall who was the last person you met that claimed to be truly happy, now try to think about the last time when you felt you were truly happy and how far you are from that state now. Happiness, so simple a goal yet such a challenging task, everyone is chasing it but no one is getting close to it. Happiness has become a mirage, happiness has become a maze, happiness has become a puzzle which looked very simple initially but with each step towards solution, it becomes tougher and tougher.

The present generation, popularly and ‘sarcastically’ known as so called ‘millennials’ is said to be one of the most confused and unhappy generation who has ever walked on this beautiful planet. One can easily see loneliness in our social media check-ins with multiple people, the laughs we have on memes are temporary, we appear cool with our booze and food where we claim to celebrate life dancing in darkness and random music knowing in background that we will wake up on Monday morning, mechanically wear our dress and go to our school/college/office. We wait desperately for weekends and spend the weekends in fear that they will over soon and we have to face weekdays again.

We were showed a path by our previous generation, a path to success, a path to victory, a path to ultimate happiness and we obediently followed that path killing the painters, musicians, poets, writers, sportsperson and gamers inside us. We happily clipped our feathers to crawl on a well calculated and well defined path. We were fed the fact that the darkness of uncertainty that comes with flexibility of freedom far outweighs it and there is no point moving in a life of misery. We were shown light and we followed it blindly, we closed our eyes and shut our brains.

We fell, we were defeated, and we were embarrassed and insulted countless time. Countless times our faith in ourselves shook but yet we were never broken. We somehow summoned the courage to put together the broken pieces to continue to the destination but we were truly broken when we reached there. Because we didn’t know now what to do, we patiently waited for happiness but it never came. We were completely dumbfounded by the fact that our safe and secure jobs, our prestigious educational institutes, our fancy hobbies do not converted into happiness.

So when we look outside towards children playing on streets from the cage we ourselves have created, we wonder whether this is happiness or happiness is the life of that vagabond who has no source of even food or happiness lies in further success. Everyone we see is unhappy and when someone says he is happy, we don’t trust him, we believe he is hiding the truth. We don’t believe in the notion that one can be happy in the present world. Happiness is always the next step, something that will follow after what we are doing right now.

So what’s the solution or the question is rather whether a solution exist or not? I think the answers are always simple, if you are not doing exercise then do exercise, if you are not studying then study, if you are not reading then read and if you are not happy then be happy. So why to write a prolix post if the answer is so simple? I think being happy is like a magicians trick, it stays unsolvable only till you don’t know the secret but once you know it you realize it was never that amazing that it looked few seconds back. It is like a video game mission, you try and fail countless times and when you finally clear it you can clear it easily any number of time later.

At the same time, I guess it is advisable to finally realize that no one can stay happy all the time. Life is and will remain complicated, there will always be ups and downs, highs and lows but the maturity is in realizing that nothing stays forever. No doubt there will be countless other variables. There will be toxic work environment, broken relationship, evil people, poor grades, no promotions, diseases, bad luck and many unforeseen unpredictable circumstances that will impact your simple equation of being happy. But at the same time there will be great trips, wonderful people, delicious food, amazing movies, great books, promotions, next job, recovery from diseases, serendipity. Life will be balanced and the decision to move from one stage to other will remain in your hand.

Don’t like your job, leave it and get a new job, can’t get a new job right now, then wait patiently till the right time and then get a new job. Getting poor grades, study and try to improve, can’t improve then improve something else that will compensate for poor grades, single and lonely, try to meet and interact with new people, can’t even do that, and then learn to be happy in your own company. You are fat, then exercise and take proper diet, can’t do that, then stay happy being fat.

I know I am oversimplifying things a lot. But that is my experience so far, I have chased happiness and crossed long distance. I am still chasing it. Some days it seems like it is everywhere, some other days I can’t trace it existence till time eternity. But I have come to realize the fact that I can’t blame others for the decision I made, I can’t blame any person for my state if I know that I have the power to change it. I can change both the inner variables and outer variables, or at least experiment with them than doing nothing.

I think this is about time to take accountability of our decisions, the decisions that we took that are making us unhappy and how we can change them and we can help each other to take those decisions that will make a happier future. Let us extend support to everyone struggling in this mean cruel world and spread happiness. Be it a small compliment, be it a little help, be it greeting a stranger good morning with smile, be it sharing your food with someone who is not that fortunate, be it helping those who are making same mistakes as ours, be it forgiving people and forgetting bad experiences, be it taking a break from the path of excellence. I don’t know, there are countless way I can see to be happy and I know they are simple.

Ending with one of my favorite quotes from Jim Carrey.

“I hope everybody gets rich and famous and have everything that they have dreamt of, so that they will know that it is not the answer”

An unfortunate day in life

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Mon, 17 Jul 2017 18:06:00 +0000

I have blue prints of quite a few posts in my mind, I have written content for few but somehow I keep delaying them but events of past 2 days have forced me to come out of both my writer’s block and procrastination and write about how unfortunate past few hours have been for me and after the usual stirred up frustration and annoyance, when everything finally settled, I was able to find the bliss we live in daily and we never appreciate.

The weekend was quite happening. We hired a Ford Eco Sport and enjoyed the Mumbai Monsoons at its best. From driving in the slow drizzle to fighting the heavy rains and winds and feel the life at its full intensity hidden in the crowd rushing for their destination or a person enjoying a ‘cut chai’ in complete leisure, all the colors of Mumbai were out there. There were failed experiments at ‘Pizza by the bay’, experiencing the Mumbai Metro Crowd at ‘Prithvi Café’, not getting entry at an expensive club because I was in slippers (pretty much felt how Gandhi ji must have felt when he was kicked out of train in South Africa), watching people let go of themselves and dance like crazy on Punjabi songs in a Brewery (although I was probably the most bored person out there completely disengaged from what was happening around).

This was pretty much what one will call a perfect beginning for the weekend. And then the chain of unfortunate events began. The triggering event was my default number which I am using for last 7 years without any trouble and consequently which features as a registered number everywhere stopped working for no reasons. I enquired with customer care representative who said that the number is active thus the possible damage resides in SIM card only. Then I put the same SIM card in another of my phone which I am using for last 5 years and which has served me well as a faithful alarm clock. The SIM carried its misfortune in the phone and after a while it also stopped working. In between, Federer won 19^th grand slam and increased his lead over Nadal significantly.

I made a mental plan of how to deal with these problems which basically included buying a new phone and getting a new SIM card of same number and slept peacefully not letting the misfortunes of the day become any hindrance in my sleep. I reached my next destination at 6 AM in Vashi from where I have to pick a bus which will take me back to my office in Nagothane, a remote location which is quite tough to access conveniently. The same spot where I waited for 2 hours just a week back during the evening time and got to know only later that the bus doesn’t come there during evening. I waited peacefully and patiently for the bus in heavy rains watching the activities nearby confident enough now that the bus will come as I had already picked it once from the same spot last week during the morning hours. 5 minutes passed, some anxiety, 10 minutes passed, a lot of anxiety, 15 minutes passed, panic level to the level of extreme frustration and ambiguity.

I assumed I had missed the bus somehow in the low visibility of heavy rains and the driver as usual never bothered to pick me from the stop. I made a few fruitless call to get help from anyone who is commuting by a car that may give me a lift but I was quite late. Due thanks to technology and the respected people who have created many wonderful applications, I get to know that I can board a train from Panvel around 9:50 and reach Nagothane around 11:30. I went from Vashi to Panvel and got myself a ticket. So far so good, coming office late by 3 hours is not a big deal. I have never travelled alone in a passenger train is also not a big deal. I am quite frustrated by my helplessness to get things in control and plan everything out well is also not a big deal. The big deal is to reach the office somehow without any further obstacle.

I boarded the train, didn’t get a seat as expected in such massive crowd, found a spot, stood up quite frustrated like a rich spoiled brat ( How I wish I was) experiencing the real India for the first time trying to avoid any eye contact with anyone submersing myself in my headphones. The journey was smooth and quite scenic, saw a lot of greenery, rivers and multiple waterfalls which calmed my mood. Reached the destination smoothly and got a company bus to get back to office before the conductor said that I didn’t have a particular card ( I had no idea about this card) and I can’t board the bus. I am not the kind of person who generally gets aggressive, but I poured all my frustration on the poor conductor who then let me sit without any further trouble.

I asked the person sitting next to me whether the bus will go to office or not and he said it will (guess what, it didn’t). So I reached back to my room in the plant township with whole the frustration getting converted into a troubling migraine which left me with no will power and mental state to go to office. I took a leave, slept for few hours, woke up quite refreshed and happy and turned on my laptop to watch GOT Season 7 and guess what, it also crashed. This time I was beyond getting angry or frustrated. I laughed for quite few minutes like Arya Stark laughed hysterically when she got to know her aunt is dad. I was at the stage of self realisation, self actualisation, nirvana, complete detachment and whatever highest form of spirituality one can get into. I realised that god is playing with me, I am just a puppet today providing him entertainment.

I calmed myself down, luckily whatever stupid videos I used to see during engineering days helped me out to start my laptop. I am able to start my mobile by some ‘jugaad’ but it keeps on shutting after working fine for few minutes, meanwhile I learned how to use my laptop as an alarm clock. My new phone will be delivered soon. I have to make a trip again to get a new SIM card. After so much chaos, I just hope everything will be back to usual again. The same peaceful life with everything in control and functioning.

Thus the leanings in past few hours, we might not always get what we wanted or dreamed of but even a normal day is bliss. If we are not having any trouble, it’s a bliss. There are so many people fighting problems which didn’t have touch us yet. People failed to catch their trains or flights and not reaching their destinations to miss something really crucial. People who lost the only mobile they can afford, people who are commuting daily by public transport dealing with all the uncertainties it bring, people fighting the adverse weather and going out to make a living. Most of the problems we have are quite 1^st world problems, they need to be recognised and addressed as they are problems, but at times destiny put us out from our world of comfort and give us a taste of real world.

I am not the best person to deal with ambiguity, I like detailed plans. I plan a lot to make life smoother and that in turns make me more prone to damage when things do not go as planned. I learned to be more flexible and open to accept alternative options which may not be the best but fulfils the bare minimum. To summarise, I had quite a happening weekend and I just hope the experience of past few hours will add a little to my maturity. Realising the meaning of something I had written few years back:

"Life may not be as good I could be, but life also ain't that bad as it could be"

What a 3 year old child can teach us

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Tue, 30 May 2017 15:02:00 +0000

Children are one of the most beautiful creation of nature. Their innocence, curiosity, beauty, naughtiness can melt any heart. Spending time with a child is the perfect stress buster, a child will take you in some other world and you will leave your notion of the real world, all your problem, issues that are bothering you behind when you are playing with a children. You are just a character in his play, a part of his imagination, a puppet in his hands, you follow what he orders and you enjoy obeying to him/her. I spent a lot of time with my nephew in past few days and he taught me some very valuable lessons.

Forgiving: Children never hold grudges against anyone. You might scold them, tease them, do not give them what they want and that will make them very angry. You may even make them cry but they will forgive you soon and forget everything in a moment. Children do not have any grudge against anyone. They will play with you in the same cheerful manner as they always do and there won’t be any impact of past next time when you engage with a children. They truly forget and forgive and thus they do not carry any negativity, if only we can put behind the complaints we have against people, we can also live a very happy life without carrying any baggage.

Being Curious: It’s but obvious that children are most curious being on the planet, not only human children but children of any species are always wondered by the amazing world around them and they want to experiment with it in any way they can. Once they learn to speak, children can really annoy you with all kinds of question and they will keep asking same questions again and again though you have replied countless time. But I guess that is the reason of their learning, as we grow up we just stop asking questions. We do not find anything incredible or wonderful, we just have a feeling of indifference. On many occasions, we just feel shy, inferior or extremely uncomfortable in asking anything. Our learning stops as soon as we stop being curious. I think children teach us to keep asking questions, to keep wondering about everything around the world, to keep expanding our knowledge and learning new things.

Optimum utilization of resources: As we grow up, we want specific tools for everything else we don’t start doing our work. But lack of resources is not something that bothers a child. In his world of imagination, rules are quite flexible, anything can become anything. A truck can become an ambulance, a garbage truck, a police truck, a boat and it may fly also sometimes. It can talk if it has too else it will just honk its horn. Animals can replace one another, they can talk if they have to else they are just statues. A simple cardboard box can become a palace, a truck, a boat or a UFO whatever purpose a child find fit for it. Steel glasses are building blocks for palaces and fortress, headphones can become stethoscope, and humans can become anything. You may be a friend of the child helping him in his mission or an enemy who is destined to get killed someplace. I think we should also be flexible and imaginative like child instead of being so rigid on our demands and that can help a lot when it comes to chase our dreams.

Make New friends: Children are great at making friends, they can make friends across ages and they do not hesitate in initiating for new relationships. Although many times they act quite selfish in terms of not sharing their toys or food but that is part of growing up. As time demands, they form bonds quite quickly and play like they are brothers/sisters forever. As we grow up, we feel safer in our established close friend circle and we stop giving chances to people and also we stop trying to many more friends.

Be Honest about your fears: Children do not try to act smart and conceal their fear. They are quite open about it as they are yet to get ‘wise’ enough to judge what an acceptable fear is and what is not. They may be afraid of the moon, the old guy next door, the loud aunty across the street, or the small insect that has no idea what he is doing on the wall. But children will express their fear openly and given some encouragement they also face their fear and get over it. As we grow up, we start hiding our fears be it failures to accomplish our goals, not able to approach our love, getting fat, being depressed and we never let anyone to encourage us to get over them and we are stuck forever in them getting suffocated internally.

Live in present: I think this is the biggest thing we can learn from a children. A child does not live in either past or future. He exists entirely in the present, he has no memory of what he did in the past and he is not bothered about what he is going to do in future and that’s why they are always happy, cheerful, optimistic and excited about life. They do not carry any baggage. They are at peace at what they are right now but as soon we grow up half the time we are in past and remaining half we are worrying about future and thus little is left to enjoy about the future.

Simplify the world around you: Kids don’t believe in complicating the world much, they keep it simple. They believe the purpose of living is to play, play with anything they can get in hand, they talk in simple language, if they don’t understand a word they will make a new word for it and then the entirely family has to use that vocabulary. Now it makes the shopkeeper quite puzzled when we ask him to give us ‘bhui’ which is the word coined by my nephew for cars or ‘konoya’ in place of ‘khilona’ but it works for him and it works for us also these days. We should also simplify the world around us if we can’t understand its complexity, redefine few things according to our own convenience and live happily.

Saying No: Nobody says NO quickly with absolute emotionlessness than kids. If they won’t to, they won’t share their chocolate or toys with you and they would abruptly say No to you making a mockery of you in front of many. Such an important quality some of us later forgot and found us extremely uncomfortable to utter this simple word which led us into multiple troubled situations. Keep it simple, say no if you don’t want to do anything and there will be peace in life.

Laugh & be happy: Children have the purest form of happiness, unperturbed from anything, their smile is the most innocent feeling in the world and they laugh wholeheartedly and they actively find reasons to laugh. A children can be happy if he gets chocolate, cake, a new toy, a ride on bike, on watching a stupid cartoon, someone making weird expression or at times on nothing, they are genuinely happy from inside. It’s such a cruel reality that we kill these happiness later by all the expectation we put on them and ruthlessly make them run into the race of life else every children can teach us to find happiness in small joys of life and celebrate them.

I think we face 2 big responsibilities now. First to revive the inner child in us that we mercilessly killed to become successful, mature, acceptable and whatever pretence we have to do to make a place in society. We have to learn to be happy again, learn to do things that makes us happy, learn to become immature and learn to stop thinking much about consequences all the time. At the same time, we have these tremendous task of saving children of these generation to become the rats in many of the races we want them to run. We have to stop making a champion out of them in everything.

Parents start competition so early; our child learn to walk 1^st, our child learn to speak first, it looks so stupid that children are being ruthlessly converted into ‘trophy child’ and they are another ‘showpiece item’ to flaunt. We have to let them live like children, let them score 70%, let them play in garden and let them waste time on top of the roof gazing stars, let them be the creator of the future instead of making them programmed robots first in school and then in workplaces.

We have this incredible task of preserving smiles of all the children and I hope by doing so we will be able to meet our own inner child. :)

Turning 25..........

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sat, 27 May 2017 16:48:00 +0000

Let’s rewind our clock a bit, when we were child, small height, very less power, we often used to dream about growing up as soon as we can. There is always a relative frame of reference, when we were in 2^nd standard we thought that 5^th standard students were really big and huge, they must be pretty intelligent too. When we reached 7^th standard, 5^th standard appeared to be stupid infants while 10^th standard students looked like super intelligent and super powerful. Then we reached, 1^st year of college and 10^th standard students appeared like dumb kids worrying over useless issue like board exams while final year students seemed to have got everything sorted, most of them had jobs and gf/bf and a well-planned life ahead.

When we reach final year we realize the irony the world is, we are as clueless about life as we were in 10^th standard or 3^rd standard, we still compete with the same bunch of people we were competing forever, sharma ji ka ladka still tops and yet he doesn’t become Einstein, Verma ji ka ladka is gold medalist in swimming yet he is worried about job and future, the charming guitarist also struggle with making a future and we escape from reality one more time and dream about an age where everything is settled.

25 seems like a milestone, a checkpoint, a year of introspection, I turned 25 few days back and I am revisiting all the pages of my life to compare the deviation of real version from the ideal version imagined at different points of life. It’s quite unfortunate I didn’t become a high flying hardcore WWE champion with a bad ass entrance music, I also didn’t become the first cricketer to score a triple century in an one day match and took 10 wickets in the same match, I have not even started my first novel far far away from the vivid imagination of living a retired life in outskirts of a hill station living like Ruskin Bond exploring nature and writing about its beauty, even my most practical and realistic dream of completing B.Tech by 21 from an IIT and then finishing MBA from an IIM by 23 and becoming a billionaire in the same year has tossed away. In the real life, I have finished my MBA and will be joining a job soon. Doesn’t look as fancy as I dreamt in childhood and yet I know I am living dream of many and I am grateful about it.

Now all microblogging sites are full of clichéd articles about mid-20s, dilemmas of life, checklist on 25^th year, 10 things to do before turning 30 and stuff and most of them have pretty much similar content. Our present generation at 25 is often stereotyped as unhappy, clueless, directionless, struggling and all kind of other negative adjectives. To some extent it is true also, many of us are indeed directionless. We are supposed to follow our passion which has lately become another cliché but most of us don’t know what that passion is and if we know we don’t know how much practical it is to pursue that passion. A large population went with the flow of doing engineering because that was what everyone was doing and now half of them are chasing the next must do goal of M.Tech/MBA/MS while those who have already done it are wondering whether their life was miserable before or miserable now.

We don’t know our goal is to be happy or to be rich and whether happiness follows money or not. We don’t know we want to spend our weekends with a bunch of friends or enjoying a movie alone eating Maggie. We are confused, that’s a fact because most of us didn’t believe in the iron fist rule of getting educated, searching for a job and then settling down in life. Unlike our previous generations we enjoy a long gap between getting a job and settling down and that is where we wander like lost souls. We fantasize ourselves with the multiple possibilities that exist in our life and the decision paths that could be followed right now and yet when it comes to taking a courageous decision, most of us panic and chicken out. We love and hate our cage of convenience at the same time. It is like the ‘ring of power’, we hate it and yet we can’t afford to lose it though we hate what it has turned us into.

Our generation is also the most masochist one. We are incredibly hard on ourselves to the extent of cruelty. We have reproached ourselves for not scoring 90% in boards, we have cursed ourselves on failing to get admission in our dream college, we feel inferior on gaining weight and getting bald, we always live a comparative life and thus we are also the most unsatisfactory bunch. We are always in a hurry to declare ourselves a loser, be it on not getting the job we desired, or getting rejected by the person we liked or even getting less marks in some stupid tests. Many of us start with a job that gives more money than what our parents are getting towards the end of their working life and yet we don’t feel happy or in many case not even contended. . There is always scope of doing more. That’s what all the books say, that’s what all the sports-persons say, that’s what the message all the inspirational movies give and that is how we were raised from the beginning. To achieve more, always remain hungry, always improve and keep fighting and keep moving. We have wonderfully converted our life into some Japanese anime, we don’t fight physically or with imaginative monsters we just look for better grades, more money and bigger jobs.

We are so much in need of motivation, we instantaneously share the blogs and articles of “It’s ok to feel lost in mid 20s” and stuff, a little empathy is all we seek because we feel that most people wouldn’t understand us. Indeed, it’s tough to explain to your parents why are you unhappy even with a 7 digit salary or to explain to your uncle who is doing the same thing from last 30 years that you don’t feel motivated to go to work as you find no meaning in it. 25 is the age when not being in a relation make you incompetent and inferior in some way. When ‘liking’ the pic of someone flaunting their biceps in gym or someone enjoying a drink in Goa makes you sad. When you are supposed to act in a mature way everywhere while you want to jump on Mickey Mouse in a fair.

May be everything we feel, hear, share is something that was common to all generation, we just have better and fancier platform to share them. May be all generations want to rebel from their previous conventions and yet all are trapped to them. May be the gossips and rants are transferred to whatsapp and facebook from pan addas and barber shops. These questions always ponder me, are we the most complaining and unsatisfied generation or our misery has been publicized much?

I get a weird feeling when I think about the fact that Nadal had already achieved a career grand slam before turning 25, Sachin was already a living legend, Miley Cyrus has already earned millions, people much younger than me are achieving accolades far superior than what I can imagine with my conventional life and yet I know I have my own set of achievements. I appeared in some of the toughest competitive exams; cracked a few, screwed a few; I competed with some of the brilliant minds of the country to get a good college and I also competed with the selected lot again to get a job. I have already travelled a lot of country and many more places are on the list. I have tasted some of the finest cuisine and I will taste more. So far, Bhutan is the only foreign country I have been, but still an achievement, isn’t it? I didn’t write any novel, yet I am managing my blog for more than 7 years.

I think the origin of most of our pain lies in the ‘larger than life’ life we all imagined for us in our youth. Guess, life doesn’t work that way. Your life don’t change much even if you get a great job or an average job. There are always problems, worries, anxieties you have to fight. May be all those who look very happy in their Facebook profile are also fighting with the same, social media is the biggest scam everyone put to appear happy. I have seen people most unhappy once they achieve the biggest goal of their life, then they feel purposeless. May be the crux of the life was all about celebrating the small success, be it losing 5 KG weight, making that cake eatable for the first time in life, travelling in a local train for the first time, writing the story you always want to and get it published, finally summoning the courage to ask that girl out, get rejected, and denounce our attachment with the materialistic world with friends later that night.

May be all of us can’t be the superhero we thought we would become and save the world, or the billionaire that owns 100 cars, maybe we won’t get a girlfriend like Emma Watson or a boyfriend like Ryan Gosling, we won’t have a private Jet. May be life was never supposed to be a fairy tale, it would always be this harsh and illogical, some people will betray us, we would lose things we consider the most important for our survival, we would abandon many of our dreams, we have to change the path many times due to things not in our control, we will fail and we will fail more, we will succeed and yet we won’t feel happy.

The bottom line is, life is as dramatic or as boring as we perceive it to be, let us continue on the path we have created and then get drifted again from it, met new people, lose old people, go to new places, we are just 25, we are still young, we are too inexperienced to proclaim our success and too immature to understand we have failed. However let us never ever abandon things that make us happy no matter how busy or helpless we become. Sing that song, practice that dance, write that story, run that marathon, finish that painting and then do it again. Do not get stuck, soon you will turn 50 and like all the clichéd article says you will definitely regret what you didn’t do when you were 25.

The silence aftermath..........

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 26 Mar 2017 11:21:00 +0000

The hostel is almost empty, the rooms have gone quieter, there is no rush on dadu’s shop, bishu da’s day canteen is not opened today, no one is playing music, there are no laughs beneath the Bodhi tree, no one is sitting on the MTR benches, the old campus seems to be meditating quietly disturbed only by occasional noise made by dry leaves which helplessly blows under the force of wind. Few autos are coming and students are leaving one by one, some formal handshakes and some sincere goodbyes, some meaningless all the best and some silent thumbs up with wet eyes followed by one last look at the same building where countless memories were created in past few months. It started with a bang, loud and clear and it is ending much more silently.

Just a day before the situation was drastically different. There was rush and commotion everywhere. Students were running here and there. Some were enjoying the company of their friends while some were being tour guides to their parents explaining every building and its history. Parents’ faces were beaming with pride and students were finally happy that they have given the ultimate happiness to their parents. Everyone was trying to capture as much of this moments as they can, people were clicking photos, making videos, taking selfies. There was so much noise which can be followed only by such stark silence.

The campus is not sad, it has learnt to control his feelings. It has sad goodbyes to many batches and it will continue to do so. It doesn’t display its emotions now, it is rock solid now, it doesn’t suffer in silence anymore, silence is the way it bids good-byes to batches because 2.5 months later it has to clean the slate again. New batch will come, new stories will be created, the drama will continue and the campus has to become strong again to withhold all the drama and then silently say goodbye to that batch also. Such is the plight of campus, it is part of all the pictures, it is tagged in all the photos and yet it has only silence to offer in return, the most mature way to say goodbye.

I intentionally booked ticket a day later, because I wanted to witness this silence. Here I am sitting in my room, the room which witnessed my ambitions, my hard work, my frustration, my desperation and much more. The room which pitied me for being so vulnerable and the room which congratulated me on my accomplishment. It has done the same for countless people, some of them might have been very successful leaders in the corporate now. Mayank Sharma will leave it today forever and 2.5 months later it will find its new resident who will bring his own culture to the room. He will stick new posters, he will play different songs, he will host different people here. Every room has his story which it never shares, the room respects the privacy of its resident.

The professors are habitual of this silence. They have talked to many students informally yesterday perhaps for the 1^st time and asked them to keep in touch though they know most of the students won’t. They know they have taught bunch of mature professionals who might never remember them again. Yet they know that they have contributed to shape the future of the country once more and they will continue to do so. They are liking our photos and videos on social media which they have done in past and they will continue to do so for the future batch. They are also enjoying the silence.

This silence is enlightening, this silence is defining, this silence is tranquilizing, this silence has to be earned, no one is entitled for it. This silence is the testimony of all the noise that was there for past 18 months and this silence is the reward for it. This silence is music, this silence is memory, this silence is a beautiful poetry, this silence is spirituality, this silence will be followed by noise and like yin yang they complete the circle of life in XLRI.

The campus looks beautiful today, it is sleeping now, it is resting, it has worked hard enough, it needs rest now, it has to prepare himself for the future. The flowers are desperately trying to cheer up departing people by their colors and smell, the trees are shading leaves in sadness, the wind is slow and smooth and occasionally stirs up few memories. The eating places will be shut for next few months now, workers will be gone, cobbler won’t be here, they will rest too and then the circle will start again. New faces, same story. Hearts will be broken and people will be shattered and then someone of something will bloom life again into them.

In the end, everything will make sense. Every story, complete or incomplete, will give a meaningful conclusion. Whatever happened, expected or unexpected, predictable or unpredictable, painful or happy will open new ways and people will ride on new experiences from the experiences they have got here. In the end, you don’t hold any grudge, you let it go, you find peace, you don’t carry any baggage, you are silent from inside like the campus. You pack your bag, you say goodbye, and then you are gone, you become part of a frame then, you become 1 of the many pages in the history, you become a story which is there in the book and those who care about will read and others will ignore.

XLRI, here I am saying good bye, enjoying the silence and thanking you for it after all the noise. Thank you for accepting me as a part of your glorified history.

To all the wonderful people I have met here who were taming their own demons like me, to all the stories that were concluded, that left incomplete and that were never started, to all the victories and failures, to all the hard work and laziness, to all the memories that will be cherished and to all the memories that will be forgotten, to all the disturbing noise and to all the calming silence, Thank you!! J

Last walk in the campus.....

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 19 Feb 2017 19:11:00 +0000

Yesterday I wrote my last examination as a student, so this blissful moment right now is the most awaited moment of my life, at least from the last 2 years. Finally being done with a course that has a physical, emotional and mental toll, I don’t have the count of nights I spent fully awake juggling between multiple tasks. The brain wrecking assignments, running from one deadline to another, quizzes, exams, projects, GDs, interviews, events, the mind is burdened with too much memories as a lot has happened in last 2 years.

I started packing few hours back, collecting and classifying everything, what I will take back and what I will leave here. Going through all those books, notes and material one more time I tried to relieve all those moments again. Running to classes with the notes in hand, or pulling an all nighter getting immersed in these books, who was sleeping in the class when I was writing this paragraph, who was playing with mobile, what was I thinking when reading page no. 29. It’s interesting, how every day seemed to be a long agonising journey with classes beginning from 9 AM and continuing till 9:15 PM, clock just used to stop in the afternoon lectures with everyone trying to stay awake somehow and now, at this moment right now, it appears as if all happened in few seconds, BOOM. You slept properly on one fine Sunday of June 2015 and the next time you opened your eyes, you are here with everything flashing through your mind like a dream and I am trying to capture all these memories before I forget them.

7262 is the exacted numbers of mail I received since joining XLRI. There are mails of project details, forming groups for project, marks, grades, company details, getting rejected in a process, committee dinners, competitions, rules, events, mail threads where people appended their part in a PPT or a report and many other things that were integral part of my life from last 2 years. Checking the mail almost every hour and cursing our life because of the deadlines was a daily routine. Now, in this very last moment the mailbox is filled with mails requesting testimonials for people, testimonials for people who I know completely and have spent major time span or testimonials for people who are just added in my facebook as friends.

I was writing testimonials for people yesterday and that’s the funny thing about writing testimonials or farewell message. You are supposed to write only the good things, you just count all the happy memories you have with a person and you put all the goodness that he/she exhibited in some way and you write some lines describing him/her and the experience with him/her as something worth cherishing which might not be the reality but this is how we humans are. We want to end things on a happy note, we don’t want to carry any baggage or have any grudge against anyone because this is the ending, you won’t be seeing all these faces again, you won’t be talking with many of them again and thus the compulsion of having +ve last moments. The thought in itself is not wrong and that’s the reason I am writing this post.

Those who know me know that I am the last person to get sentimental or nostalgic about the college ending. In fact, this is something I always wished for; as from the day I entered this college I knew that I am one of the most unfit person for this course. I was never a consistent performer in my life, and MBA demands consistency. Consistent hard work, consistent networking, consistent efforts in extra curricular, consistent courage to step in outside and attend the classes when all you want is to get lock in your room and sleep. So much this course has changed me that Mayank Sharma of 20 months back would hate this Mayank Sharma and vice verca, I can’t even call myself a procrastinator now such was the impact of course on me, I became a proactive person trying to finish everything as early as possible because there is always a probability that last hour can come up with a new deadline and then we have to firefight to an all new level altogether.

So, I had tough times, I was frustrated a lot, for a person who always thinks different from the usual, questioning the status quo and trying to be original, I find it hard to explain everything from a set of frameworks or doing things in one or two particular way. For a person who has habit of spending 2 hours tracing the route of river Ganges from origin till ending or reading at 3 AM the role of Rasputin in Russian history, it’s hard to concentrate on daily quizzes and study material. I am, in any way, not questioning the course in anyway, this is another subject to debate on, but my habits and style were completely different from what I was supposed to do, and hence the struggle.

Along with the academic struggle, there was social struggle too which starts from me avoiding the use of any ‘recreational substance’ which is considered mandatory to network or essential for social inclusivity, I have to find my ways in fitting in into a party where people’s imagination and participation reached a new ‘high’ altogether. Sometimes I managed, sometimes I chose to silently retreat inside my room so I wasn’t always able to make everyone happy around me which also happened because of my continuous insistence to get things done. I learnt the hard lesson that you can’t be a good person or remain good in everyone’s book when you chose to become the guy who gets thing done. This choice in itself will make you villain in many people’s life but again someone has to be the bad guy and fortunately or unfortunately it was me in most cases.

I can ponder over many things I did which I now think I shouldn’t have done and vice verca. I took trouble over things that proved to be completely unnecessary, I was hard on myself when it was not at all required. I wanted to interact with some people just to get to know them more which I never did. I wanted to learn few more things but I was too myopic to get away with the temptation of improving things in hand. There are multiple scope of improvements, but I am happy with the final version of what I have become. I am quite contented with my achievements. I have set the bare minimum expectations for me at the start and I was able to achieve a lot more than what I thought I could and hence I am thankful to destiny and god.

There are numerous threads I can touch on but that I would do in subsequent posts. Right now, at this very moment is not the time to find faults or complaint. It is time to be thankful for this opportunity no matter how much hard it was. It doesn’t change the fact that I was given a chance by destiny to study in one of my dream college. I competed with the best minds of the country, the cream, people with much greater intelligence and far brilliant mind than me, people who had far richer background, people whose skill set outclassed mine by leaps and bound and somehow I survived. The classes were full with abundant idea ranging from complete shit to marvellous ones. I have experienced the sheer wonder of creative and brilliant mind here, both the professors and student. I have been in classrooms of some of the legends who ever stepped in the field of academia. I have studies some of the best course of my life which really broadened my horizon and expanded my thinking level. My struggle was not a struggle for existence, but a struggle for excellence and which in turned has carved a survivor out of me. A ‘saiyan warrior’ far more powerful than his initial version.

As I walk down on these roads again for one last time, step into these empty hostels who echo wonderful memories created by multiple batches. I am fully aware that I am walking down the same paths where legends of corporate world today had walked and also I am grateful for the fact that some of the people I have walked these paths together will rule the corporate world tomorrow. I have studied with future entrepreneurs, CEOs, CHROs, CMOs, CFOs or people who would quit the conventional path and bring a positive change in the society.

XLRI, I would be honest to speak that I won’t miss you, I am not sad, I am very happy leaving from here but that doesn’t mean I am not grateful to what you have provided me and how you helped me to reach a new potential altogether and how just being an ‘XL Mafia’ gives a completely new dimension to the small towner Mayank Sharma. Yes, I have complaints but I have my experiences, my joys, my delights, my moments and learnings and I believe whatever I have experienced here will definitely help me to move a bit closer to my dreams.

Bye Bye XL, Till we meet again ! :)

3 Indians in Bhutan .....

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 15:52:00 +0000

We all dreamt of a foreign trip in our childhood. Foreign countries always fascinate us, somehow we were raised with the opinion that foreign countries are better than our country. They are cleaner, modern, sophisticated and people are well cultured. Foreign visit is one of the great middle Indian dream. As we grow up we see some of our seniors and fellow students who are employed with IT firms travel to various places, one of the greatest perks and motivation in life of an IT engineer, site visit. We saw their photos and we get excited. Then those who go for post-graduation studies also put photos of Halloween, first snow, some random colorful forest, a big clean empty street and we naturally unfollow them because we don’t want that kind of pressure in our life.

One other important dream in college is a trip. For our generation who was in teenage when ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ was released, an awesome trip with college friends is a must do task in life. Lots of plans throughout graduation which never takes shape, cancelled Goa trip every year, and finally post-graduation trip plans that somehow one has to execute else one’s degree will be incomplete. So we started with thinking about plan for north-east India back in January which never got executed as we were too lazy to book tickets and prepare a large group for economies of scale. Back in August the trip itch started again and became unbearable so the effort to create a group of 6 people for a north east trip started again.

At our peak success, we had 9 people but then as it happens tickets were booked for only 4 and that too for a Bhutan trip and as the last scene in climax a person dropped out 3 days before making it only 3 person, somehow we were determined that without this trip our souls will be trapped in college forever making random trip plans which will eventually get cancelled and we will haunt the generations living in hostel so we decided to go forward with the trip and we are glad now we did it.

Our trip started with a 6 AM train from Jamshedpur to Kolkata. As we are accustomed to stay up which is a safer and reliable option we did that. We reached Kolkata and went to Park Street where we had a luxurious breakfast, far luxurious from the economic constraint we put on ourselves running on economy of scale. We have to stop at MacD in the front as apparently we weren’t western enough to use the ‘fully western washrooms’ at Flurys. After a coffee at MacD, we had no idea how to spend rest of our day as our train was around 11 PM. We reached the Kolkata station and slept waking up after 4 hours with no idea of where we were and how we reached here. We took a pleasant dinner at pizza hut at a mall and reached Kolkata station again.

The train moved exactly on time and we were hoping to have a sound sleep as we were travelling in sleeper class after a long time. As it turns out, sometimes the cold fresh air flowing throughout the coach from outside gives you a better sleep than AC coaches. All of us woke up after perfect sleep of 10 hours. I always consider trains as moving food outlets as I am fascinated by various items being sold inside the train and usually I try to experiment as much as I can. The items change in different region ranging from vadapav of Maharashtra, jhalmuri in Bengal, pakoda in rajasthan or we can have variation of same dish like aaloo bada, aaloo chop, aaloo bonda in different parts.

So we reached Hasimara station took a cab and crossed the Indo border Bhutan at Jaigaon. Boom, entered foreign soil for the 1^st time in life. We went to immigration office and got permit to visit Thimphu and Paro. The interesting thing about this trip was it was unplanned. We want to explore things as they come instead of a much planned schedule. We didn’t book any hotels, any cabs or talked to any travel agents. We were not even sure how much cities we will visit and in what order. Our sole intention was to explore and bump into unexpected situations making and hoping for unexpected events that will make the perfect journey and recipe for interesting stories.

We roamed around for a while observing the different architecture and dressing style. We had lunch at a restaurant where majority of dishes were Indian still we had some successful experiment with Bhutanese dishes. We hired a cab and our journey began. Our car rode through never ending spiral roads on hill well decorated with mist. The air was so fresh and cool, one can get high on oxygen. The sky so bright and clear with the full view of Milky Way, a delight to eyes of 3 Indians who were habitual of the polluted red sky of Jamshedpur from more than a year. We stopped midway for tea. Tea lovers will really enjoy Bhutani tea as it tastes different in a good way. Also, they serve tea in really large cups so you will feel quite fulfilled and contented at the end.

We reached Thimphu at night and too tired by the turny track, going uphill and downhill for 6 hours we just searched for a hotel and slept. In the morning, sunlight revealed the beautiful heaven we failed to appreciate in night. Thimphu is such a treat to the eyes, one can just gaze the bluish sky and silver clouds without getting bored for whole day. The house are beautifully made, streets are wide and empty, there are so many colors everywhere, one can easily get lost in them. Although most shops do not open and start functioning before 10 AM so one may find tough to find good breakfast. We somehow managed to get fried rice and tea and our tour began.

We first went to Thimphu Chorten which was pretty much like a temple. I learnt the concept that those cylinder shaped structures that everyone must have seen in Buddhist temples actually have prayers written on them and when you rotate them 360 degree, it means you have said those prayers. We next went to Buddha Dordenma and the whole experience was heavenly. Standing on the top of the mountain one can see the entire city from one end to another and what a beautiful sight that was. The air so fresh, people so cheerful, place so peaceful, wind so refreshing, complete stress buster. We wished to stay there forever, we didn’t want to move, we were so transfixed by the beauty and peace of that place. It’s still so fresh in my memory.

Later we went to another quite old looking temple, a zoo to see Bhutan's national animal and lastly we visited the garden outside the king’s palace. We were getting used to Bhutan’s environment, traditions, life style and way of doing things by then. One interesting thing we discovered is in Bhutan if someone is waiting to cross the road then the vehicles stops and ask you to cross the road first, quite an amazing experience that was. I wonder if we start doing the same in India. We moved to a hotel with wifi as apparently it was little smothering to not check whatsapp once every hour.

Cities in Bhutan sleep very early. By 9 almost every shop is closed and lights are off. Streets are empty as if the city is abandoned. It’s the perfect time for travelers to wander as Bhutan is a safe place. So we wandered and discovered a pizzeria where we had some amazing dishes. Another good thing about travelling is you can turn off your worries and thoughts for a while and live in the moment and you can interact with other people more freely. We had some great conversations in the peace of night, topics we rarely discussed even though staying in the same hostel for a year. Most of the Bhutan’s cable show Hindi channels, so we weren’t so disconnected with the country but also there were some Pakistani news channel so it was interesting to see the same news from two different point of view.

We woke early next morning to visit Punakha, a small town. The road was quite bumpy but scenery and the weather were so delightful we didn’t feel the pain of the road. We stopped in between at Dochula Pass where there was a café and a temple. We were lucky, when we reached the top of the temple the clouds started making way for the most beautiful Himalayan panorama. I have no words to describe the feeling of that scene. The clouds slowly drifting apart like god himself is sketching the perfect scenery to describe the beauty of mountains. The bluish sky, the greyish clouds and the mountains slowly peaking in between shining with their glory with the little sunlight that struggled and fought multiple barriers to reach and rest at its final abode. So many shades of lights were visible from that spot, one can really wonder the palatte of god is filled with so many colors to cover the big canvas of nature.

We reached punakha and wandered here and there in the punakha dzong. Before that we sat in silence and enjoyed the music created by the merging of two rivers, Mochu and Pochu. 2 different water streams with different characteristics, 1 a little darker than the other, a little faster, more turbulent as if two distant cousin one a naughty one and another a shy and reclusive one meeting together and walking as a single entity afterwards. There was nothing much to do in punakha, it is one of that place where the journey is much more valuable than the destination. We returned in the night back at Thimphu and watched the King’s palace boasting of its royal luster and might in the beautiful lights that has covered its entirety as if protecting it from darkness. We were lucky to find a great place to dine. Food lovers will absolutely fall in love with Bhutan because the food here is so delicious yet so cheap.

We left Thimphu with a heavy heart in the morning. That’s the thing with beautiful places, they become part of your life very easily and then you don’t want to depart from them. In between the way, we discussed multiple ways through which we can reside in Thimphu permanently but we knew the fantasies can just help us escape from the reality for a while. Our next destination was Paro, another very beautiful city pretty close to Thimphu. We stopped in between at an old bridge made of chains and full of all those prayers, the typical clichéd image of any Himalayan Buddhist City.

In Paro, we booked a very cheap hotel for some reason as it was in the middle of town and it gave a feeling that we are part of the town not tourists. We went to Bhutan national museum first and realized that Bhutan is not about Buddhism alone, they have so many deities, and their mythology is completely different and unique. But the best feature was not on the inside of the museum but the outside part. The view was so mesmerizing, so divine, so serene, so pure, so many shades of green distributed all over the place, such a delight to the naked eyes and in between a river flowing, it was really a breath taking moment. You can just stand on a spot like this for hours and contemplate so many philosophical thing and I bet not even once you will think about your career or life or other materialistic trap for a second. Places like this take you a level away from your existing conscious, they appeal to your inner brain, they trigger those feelings and emotions which hitherto never comes out due to mundane worries.

Like the good parts there were bad parts also. As it was an unplanned trip we mostly relied on local drivers and their integrity to their profession. Sadly it was not the case. Our driver didn’t take us to multiple spots in Thimphu and Punakha giving lame reasons. He sent his friend to Paro and because of their internal colluding we missed a very important spot i.e. Tiger’s Nest. One is bound to get cheated in a foreign country and that was our lesson in Bhutan. The driver took us only till the bottom of the hill, he delayed in between multiple times to ensure we reach very late and then later he denied to wait saying he want to go back to Thimphu. We had a huge altercation but there was nothing much in our hand due to stubbornness of the driver and paucity of time. May be it was god’s way of calling us back to Bhutan one day to finish the unfinished business.

We returned with a very bad and heavy mood to Paro town but we were instantly cheered up by the delicious cuisines everywhere. We later hired a cab and visited a local temple afterwards we roamed around in the town for hours, stepping in at numerous shops, wandering here and there, thinking what to buy and whether to buy something or not as things were pretty expensive. Families and friends are bound to get hurt and angry if we don’t bring anything and as everyone does, we also hoped here and there to buy something affordable. The night was heavy as we knew it was our last night in Bhutan. Tomorrow we will be back to our homeland, the reality, the college, the career, the grades, and no escape from life.

We took a cab early morning and flowed in the beautiful scenery for one last time. It was like a slideshow of wallpapers. The colors will change so quickly on every turn. Suddenly, out of nowhere there will be a river peaking like a small child full of energy which will become thunderous like a mighty warrior boasting his full glory. There will be waterfalls here and there, so many of them and they are so beautiful to see from different angels. Such road trips definitely triggers some powerful imagination, something deep in your head, something you can feel but you can’t explain, something not controlled by rational part of your brain but something that makes you happy. Something that brings a very pleasant smile on your face. When you open the doors of your car, put your face out a little and feel the cold wind touching your face as if its giving you a thousand blessing, it’s reciting some peaceful hymn in your ear that is making you calm and happy from within. The mist diffused with the greenery and the blue sky turning once in a while makes you feel so close to nature. The ride was a never ending ride to joy.

We stopped for breakfast at the same hotel we stopped while coming and we just realized how quickly 3 days have passed. We wondered whether life will give such tranquil moments again or not. Our driver asked us whether we were married or not then he told us that he has married 4 times and he has 6 children. He also told that he is planning to divorce his present wife and marry again as he wants a daughter. Such sensitive topics in our country, quite a taboo which no one wants to talk on is so simple for this person. He was a jolly good fellow, he was a representative of Bhutan, and he was the emblem of Bhutan, a country known for giving happiness priority.

We came to Phuntsholing and we decided to cross the border by foot. There is a small corridor we went through and we were thinking that things won’t change much. It’s a border town, there must be multiple similarities but what a stark difference we found outside. It’s wonderful that India is same anywhere you go. We left a silent serene colorful town and we arrived at the same picture every Indian sees daily. Cars honking, Auto drivers screaming, roads full of traffic and complete chaos. The difference was quite powerful to the extent we felt like running back to Bhutan. But let’s face it, India is beautiful in its own way, we might not be as systematic as other countries but we have a heart of our own. I bet many people who always cribbed when they were here and left it, a part of them still misses India. No country can replace our motherland same as the fact that a mother may have few shortcomings but she is mother nonetheless. There is no perfect mother and our motherland is still dear to us inspite of all the flaws and we as proud children will help to cure these flaws. We boarded our train and returned to Kolkata, had a great breakfast again and came back to college.

So our first foreign trip ended, only 5 days and so many memories, such vast experiences, Bhutan will make you fall in love with it easily. It’s one thing to read about a carbon negative country and completely different experience to feel the greenery and oxygen everywhere. It’s one thing to read that Bhutan is the happiest country in the world and completely different experience to see cheerful and friendly people talking in Hindi or English everywhere. A small country with simple people who respects you as a guest and once in a while you will fall in love with a happy face here. You may wish to return to that store but you know you won’t and you can’t. Bhutan is that happy face, which marks a deep impression in your heart and every time you remember that smiling happy face, there is a smile on your face too. Bhutan reminded us that life is much more than college, a high paying job, money or career. Life is about pursuing the real meaning of life, life is about finding love, life is about experiencing places and meeting new people. Life is about wandering and I hope I will wander more in my life, explore new places, fall into uncertain situations and have the same smiling face as I saw at every corner in Bhutan.

The 100th Post.........

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 16:58:00 +0000

6 years of writing, 100 posts, numerous comments and feedback, many thoughts written, many not written, many blog posts drafted and left unfinished, many posts started with some idea but ended on completely different note, some posts written to please people, some to please me, some to tell the world I can write, some to tell myself that I can think, some to bookmark events of life, some to capture time, my blog has seen it all. It has been a medium to motivate people or to vent out my frustration, it has been a diary, it has been a complaint box, it has been a career guide, and it stood still like a silent spectator of my journey from a small city to one of the leading b school of the country. It has been my shoulder when I had nowhere to go, it has been a smiling face to celebrate my victories, it has been a silent friend who stood with me in my loneliness telling me there is hope in life, it has been a careful watcher, it is a part of my life I return to time to time. It is me, my soul in encrypted form, witnessing and capturing every aspect of my life. It’s my subtle perspective.

Voldmort was very intelligent to have a diary as a horcrux. You may not be always there, you are a perishable product. But words and thoughts are immortal. You can always be there as a memory. You can have your presence felt. Many of the quotes we share on FB are said by people belonging to different ages and culture, but they are with us and in this age of information, words can make any person, celebrity or non-celebrity immortal. I doubt Anne Frank had any idea that she will be such a well known personality and a emblem of Jewish holocaust when she was writing her diary, she was just a little girl capturing the world from her eyes but she is immortal now.

6 years back when I started it, I had no idea I would be able to carry it to such a long time. I have habit of switching from interesting activities. I have fantasized myself playing a music instrument and to be a Rock star, singing and mesmerizing everyone, dancing and making people skip their heartbeat, all the mainstream ways of impressing people and making an identity I have thought through, tried a few and then stopped it. It turns out I shaped myself more as a writer with time and here I am writing about what I could be and what I am. I am everything I want to be because I can write. I can make characters and put my soul into it. I can be a singer in a story, a guitarist in another. I can create my own fantasy world because words are powerful. Words are powerful than any other entity in the world because they let you create your reality and your fantasy. If you are not happy with your reality, you can create your fantasy and once you learn how to do it, you won’t find reality much difficult to cope up with.

What started as an experiment turned into a life time memoir. A boy who reads and writes mostly in Hindi started his venture in the world of English, a language associates with high class. I was never comfortable in English, to a large extend I still don’t find as much comfort in English as I find in Hindi. I have been ridiculed, thrashed and insulted for my poor grammar. People have laughed on my posts in front of me. I have been mocked and I have enjoyed every part of it. Because, it was an improvement cycle. I have not edited any of my previous posts. I still visit them, look at all the grammatical errors, poor sentence construction, use of misplaced tough word to flaunt vocabulary and I also laugh at them now. But I know how much I have improved only by writing, nothing else. I have tried reading wren and martin for more than 20 times and I have never gone past 10 chapters. I have tried many other ways but never continued but I didn’t stop writing. As it turns out, practice indeed makes a man perfect.

Writing is definitely not an easy job but at the same time it is not as tough as people have made it look like. It’s not arrangement of some hardcore tough words which are rhyming and makes you appear cool. It’s just expression, the only question is can you dare to express? Can you pour your emotions out in public or even on a paper in private? Can you dare to give a physical form to your inner turmoil? Writing is not about syntax. Lots of people know grammar and word, it is about soul and we all have soul, we just need to put it out. If I was focusing on grammar, I doubt I would have completed 100 posts. During my 1^st year of engineering, many people started their own blog. In fact, at a time there were 13 blogs running parallel with different people sketching different thoughts on the canvas of blogger. Unfortunately, no one continued it, not even for 6 months. Life has a way of taking us away from our hobbies. Even I have my phases of ‘writer’s block’ during which I fail to write a single line but somehow I always return to writing.

Also, you can’t write solely for the purpose of impressing others. I have tried and I have failed, many have tried and they have also failed. You can’t write to get Facebook likes and favorable comments. You can try, but it won’t last long and if you aren’t a professional writer, there aren’t any rewards or motivation associated with this hobby. People may like 1 or 2 of your post, then you would lost into oblivion again for a long time. Many of your posts will go unnoticed like a deserted field with no traces of any happening ever. Many of your posts will draw criticism or may be people will laugh on them especially in the beginning. The reward never lies in the no. of FB likes you get, it will happen on one fine day when a random person who you may not even know or know but never talked will message you that he read one of your post and it changed his life. It made him pursue his goal again, it restored his faith in life, it made him laugh or smile, it made him looking forward to read more. That’s the reward you will get, nothing in public just a few smiles and appreciation in private that will keep your engine running to write more.

A write writes for the silent spectator. Those who would never express their opinion or give any feedback but those who want to read. They are the people you will never met in your life but they know you, they know you’re thinking, they know your reactions and they wait for your posts. A writer writes to give voice to those unheard people, a writer writes to bring out their frustration, a writer writes to let them know that they are not alone, a writer writes to show the world that it’s roughly same for all, we all have similar experiences in life. A writer is a messenger that connects reality with imagination.

Having said and claimed all these big statements, I know that I am not a great writer. I have been blessed with the gift of words by god and I have developed an ability to express. I am far away from being good but it’s a process not a competition. The aim is to write something good that will touch few lives and not write a bestselling book. I know my limitations and I am happy with them. May be someday I can write something worthy, till then it’s roughly my own life experiences and life from my perspective. I hope I will improve with time, I will read more and read better to improve myself. I will encourage others to write so that they can also paint their own picture.

So whoever is reading this, I request them to start writing, not frequently not much, just some words once in a while. You will feel good, you will get to know about yourself. You can revisit yourself few years back, you can see the changes in you. You can stay in touch with your past and you can smile. You need not have a fancy blog and lots of followers, best writing is often never revealed to world, it's too precious to share with world, just have a personal diary. Write in it once in a while and you will have something precious forever.

PS: This picture is of Ajit Agarkar's celebrating his century at lord’s, a big achievement which even Sachin failed to do. Life is all about persistence, you may not be a legend but you can do legendary things if you try. Keep writing people.

Are we really hard on ourselves .... ?

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 21 Aug 2016 15:09:00 +0000

Are we really hard on ourselves?

The question popped up in my mind while doing one of the counselling assignments where I was supposed to observe the counselling process. We have a subject where we are supposed to counsel each other, 1 person plays the role of a counsellor the other one becomes a counselee and 1 person observes the entire process and takes notes. What’s surprising is the fact that most of us have similar problems and the roots of those problems can be traced back to similar origins. In fact, it’s something I have observed everywhere I have been to. People are never satisfied with what they have and they are always reproaching themselves for it. People always think that they are lazy, dumb, unskilled, inferior, procrastinating and could have achieved much more if they were more hard working, sincere and serious towards life.

From childhood we are raised with lessons of hard work, being focused, being unsatisfied, always aiming higher, I think that has produced an entire generation which is always unsatisfied and insecure and always competing. I have rarely seen anyone satisfied with his/her life and achievements for a long span, people celebrate victories for a while and then get into the rat race again. When dreams become realities, when success is realized, when victory is achieved, people hardly find time to sit quietly for a while, rest and relax, pat themselves on their back, and live the moment fully. There is always a future to think upon, that’s exactly how we are raised. Never rest, never quit, just compete, just run, keep on running, don’t get satisfied, there is much more to achieve, all the clichés were part of our holy book of living life, to compete became our karma, hard work became our religion and in this process insecurity became our god.

Our colleagues, our classmates, even our friends, everyone is a potential rival, a potential competitor, a threat, someone who can run through us, go ahead and won’t stop to pick us up. We are not satisfied with what we are but we are always aiming for what we can be. Now, this article may looks very negative or in fact opposite of what general motivational articles are. But, right now I am not talking about motivation. May be, many of us don’t need motivation at all, we just need relaxation and realization. We just need to appreciate small victories and celebrate big defeats.

I have seen people pushing themselves really hard to get a decent paying job, but when they land up with one eventually they don’t have a long lasting happiness. It’s just a temporary elation, rest they start feeling threatened again. Only the stage changes, only the track changes, only the participant changes but the race continues. No time to rest, no time to hang the boots and lie on the grass, people pick up from where they stopped and start running again. May be for promotion, for a more paying job, for an on-site opportunity, people in India mostly start studying for post- graduation. GRE, GATE, CAT, UPSC there are multiple examination. Those who don’t do anything start feeling useless when they see others working hard. It’s like an infection, person working hard is also unhappy and person who is not working hard is also unhappy when he sees other persons working hard.

What next, you land up with a better job or a good technical college or b-school. Again the track changes, participants change, running continues. Talking from my personal experiences, when I joined XLRI which is one the most reputed and prestigious college I talked to many people initially who were of the opinion that they have done enough hard work for life, did a job of 10+ hours daily along with study and now they want to relax. Within 2 weeks, everyone realizes that they are in the biggest circus of life, professors are the ring master and grading system is a whip. A whip that will make you dance on its tune, now there is a competition to stay relevant amongst the best, amongst those who are equally talented and hard working as you are, and you will be evaluated relatively. So, all the happiness of making it to best school vanishes quickly and you have to prepare yourself for another battle, a battle for survival because many gives up the hope of thriving very early. There is struggle for grades and then there is struggle for job and with the continuous assurance that you will live the life of your dream once it’s over.

Like your parents and society fooled you during 10^th board, then during 12^th, for college entrance preparation, during graduation and then post-graduation or job. There is this carrot of pursuing our hobbies and interest that never come. Most of us didn’t learn guitar, or start regular gyming or travelled the world because we kept on fooling ourselves since a long time that once I achieve this goal, I will quit the race, hang my boots and smell the flowers. What we lose in this process, our happiness, our stability, our satisfaction, our peace.

I have seen people always in regret that they are not doing well with their life. They haven’t achieved anything. They could have utilized time way better than what they are doing right now. People are hard on themselves. We are turned into a masochist in the process. Then there are inconsistent phases of us living our ideal life. Some people going gym, some learning guitar, some studying regularly, but then once our consistency breaks, we are sad and disappointed again. We start blaming ourselves again, we are hard on ourselves, we are our own punisher, we are our own judge, we became the parents that puts pressure of expectation on us, we became the society that judge us, we became the coach that push ourselves for working hard, we became the teaser and taunter, we became our worst nightmares.

All for few successes, which never ends, only the criteria changes. We may be successful for few but not for many and people keep changing in our life. We may be successful for those who are not in a good college but we can perceive ourselves as failure because we are unknown here, we don’t have good grade, or we may get a job way below average here. The same package might be something we could only dream of after 10 years in our previous job. But we used to perceive ourselves as a failure back then although we were successful for someone who hasn’t got a job. It’s a matter of perspective, we decide whether we are successful or failure, and for some we will be successful always. For a person earning 3 lakh, 12 lakh is a big deal but a guy studying in a college where average package is 17 lakh, he would perceive himself as a loser. Our perception is the reason of our dissatisfaction.

And the race never ends, it’s an addiction, we are addicted to compete, we are addicted to be hard on ourselves, we are addicted to chase the carrot of peace and pursuing hobbies and interest. We are running since a long time and we have been brainwashed to such extent that we think only running is the purpose of life. It is not, purpose of life is living, a life which has proper mixture of rest and hard work, perfect combination of victories and defeats, involvement of both friends and enemies, interaction with both companions and competitors. Life is an experience, live it before it’s late.

For all those who are employed or who are studying, just think for a while when you are 70, lying on a bed in some hospital with all the money and success, what will you be thinking that time? Will you be happy on all you earned or you will regret what you missed? Your designation might not bring that much a comfort than the photographs you clicked while on a solo trip would. Your cash will be much less meaningful than the poems you had written. There would be many people visiting you, bringing flowers and fruits if you had time in your life to build relationship and you didn’t crush people to move up the ladder.

Life is short, too uncertain, and too unpredictable, it doesn’t take much to be happy. A smile is contagious, positivity is like an epidemic, spread it. Ending with Jim Carrey’s quote:

"I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer"?

The Friendship Cycle ............. !!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 07 Aug 2016 13:55:00 +0000

It’s been almost 14 months now since I arrived at XLRI. Whenever you arrive at a new place the best part is meeting new people. Crazy people, funny people, silent ones, arrogant ones, moody, you get to know so much about them in a relatively small span of time and at the same time you are able to share a lot about you so in turn you get to know yourself better. You get to hang around at new places with new people and that’s a completely new experience. During one such expedition, someone asked me to write a blog about it and that’s why I decided to write about how friendship starts. I had no idea what role this girl will play in my life. I have just met her 5 days ago, whether we will be friend or just group partner for a project and then part away. It’s hard to tell. The guy with spectacle sitting with us looks very serious and disinterested. I had no idea whether he will be friend with a person like me who is always talking and take things lightly. As it turns out, they are integral part of my XLRI life now.

Why we are able to tune much better with a group and not with some other group, why we have a hint of dislike for some people even if we haven’t talked to them yet, why we prefer few over others, why we talk to so many people in the beginning but after a while get confined to a group of few? There are so many questions to ponder over and too much uncertainty in the answers.

So how friendship starts? Try to think about 3 of your best friends.

Done?

Now try to recall how you met them first, what kind of conversation you had with them, what was your initial perception about them, did you thought that you would have a life long relationship with them. It may be the case that you despised your best friend in the first interaction, you didn’t like their attitude and never thought that this person would have such a big significance in your life. On the other hand, there were many with whom you had a great bonding and tuning in the earlier phase but they fade away quickly from your life and are mostly a blurry image now.

The more I ponder over friendship, the more it appears a freakish coincidence. You met with some people and you become good friends with them. What if instead, you would have met some other person, it’s just a coincidence that the person you met become your best friend. The story could have been completely different if you had met some other person. Are we destined to be with some people or it’s just governed by the rule of randomness? Friendship is result of just a chance, or we would have become good friends with people we are now anyway no matter we met them 1^st or we met them after meeting many other people at the same place.

Some of us are lucky enough to be blessed with having the eternal company of a friend since childhood, while some of us have people who came into our life for a while, made a big impact and they are strangers now. The cycle of being a stranger first, then acquaintance, friend, close friend, old friends and stranger again is quite complex and painful. You are part of someone’s friendship day’s wish status on Facebook in some year but now you are replaced by other names and this change happens automatically. Not all friendship turns into being stranger by an ugly end or fight, they just transform gradually with time and next time you talk to a person, you have no idea who you are talking to, it feels like talking to a stranger.

I have seen lots of people sharing a particular picture these days on Facebook which states that we have grown up and we all are busy now so there is no need to stay in touch regularly, people must know that we are there for you when you will need. I find this picture very ironic and insensitive. Helping others in need I think is just a very small part of friendship. When required, even strangers help, the neighbour you have never talked to will also help, and friendship is not something that is done for taking and giving help. Friendship is about sharing memories, creating them, making life awesome and sharing and celebrating it. If it was about helping, it’s a business. I personally don’t think so there is anything called busy. We are not busy 24 hours and even if we are it can’t be for 7 days and if you are then there is something really wrong with the career decision you have taken. For most others, new people just replace old people, priority changes, relevance and importance changes, we just don’t feel to stay in touch with people who were insuperable part once. It is a reality, no matter how cruel a joke it is, people come and go in your life.

Some people’s emotions are temporary, they make big promises when they are in your life but they will move on much quickly. It’s rather a painful part of life which exists in all of our life, and may be knowingly or unknowingly we might have done same with some person. Are we in touch with all the people we were once? Have we tried to rekindle any old relationship which was very dear to us once? How often we try to revive our friendship before giving up? It’s very easy to quit, it’s very easy to take things on your ego or self-respect and say that if he/she doesn’t need me, I will walk away from his/her life without bothering. Quitting is perhaps, in any field, most easy part in life. But it takes courage to hold on to a relationship, it takes courage to heal it and revive it, it takes courage and effort to keep watering dried up roots of once a very fruitful tree but if it’s worth it, we should do it.

The worst that can happen with any friendship is it getting converted into a formality. I would rather prefer an ugly end with all bridges burned than just wishing a friend twice and thrice with having no idea on what’s going on his/her life. A friend, specially a close one should always be someone you should be eager to share your success or find a shoulder to cry on. It’s good to have few close friends in life with whom you can fight as much as you can, say bad things without thinking anything, judge them, tell them they were wrong and when they are wrong laugh on them saying I told you so. It’s good to have few close friends that you can call at 2 AM, wake them up and say that you just called to disturb. It’s good to have few close friends because you know you can count on them.

For others, who were part of your life but now aren’t and you have put enough efforts to stick on the relation but you know it’s not worth it anymore. It’s good to let them go. There is no point in holding any grudge against them. They have played the part in your life destiny wanted them to play. They taught you what they came far, they changed you as god wanted and now they are on their separate ways. Life is not always what we want it to be, but there won’t be any point living if we always get what we want. I have tried to hold on to many important relationship since my graduation ended. I tried to message people regularly, call them, share with them what is happening in my life and I was disappointed when people didn’t reply. It’s hard to see people changing without any reason, people giving lame excuse is further painful but that’s a part you have to accept. You can’t retain all the people in your life but those who you would will be worth it. As you move on in your life, you will have fewer important people and far more once ‘good friends’ type people. Hold on to those fewer important people, rest were just fellow travellers who left at their destination, but these few will walk with you till the very destination.

I am recalling every important person right now who have crossed paths with me ever since I gained conscious and I suggest you also to do the same. I am thinking about those who left in between, why they left, what they are doing right now. Was it really their fault that they left, did I have any contribution for breaking of that relationship, can I rekindle it again? How many of those are worth rekindling? Why not give a try? Why not filter out some of those relationship who could make our life wonderful and better. Why not catch up from where we left with them. Let us tell our story and hear their story. Let us refresh some old memories and laugh again with them.

Also, those who are still there. Why not tell them that you are grateful for their presence. You appreciate their presence in your life and you acknowledge the fact that their presence have made your life more legendary. Friendship is about small gestures not big show offs. Friendship is about small talks not big dialogues. Friendship is about sharing a smile. Friendship is about pulling legs and teasing. It’s a wonderful experience, it is god’s gift to us, it is like reading a book and creating a story. Every character is different, you live in a story and you are the god of your character, why not make this film a happy movie. Why not appreciate and acknowledge everyone for what they have done for you. As I finish this, I have prepared a list mentally and I know it will be awkward but it’s worth it. I hope you have created your list as well and pick up your phone soon you stop reading it.

I started this blog back in June 2015, I wrote parts of it in different timelines. My views of friendship changed a lot in between. Many characters in my life changed in between. Those who were important are not in the picture, some others have joined, and wheel of life keeps moving. I don’t know how many people will stay, I don’t know whether I will be a good friend to those I am right now, I don’t know how life will change my priority but I hope I won’t lose my faith in friendship and I hope you also won’t.

Keep smiling! Happy friendship day to all !! J

Writer's Block..........

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 14:48:00 +0000

There used to be a time when I had 4 or 5 unfinished articles in my laptop just waiting for me to complete them. When every conversation with someone, going to a new place or even day to day normal tasks like travelling or visiting an office were source of exciting ideas; ideas that can be transformed into something meaningful. I have written on many abstract topics ranging from politics, motivation, optimism, love, girls, boys, beauty and death. I used to sketch my frustrations, happiness, celebrations, heart breaks all on paper ( MS Word in modern context) and pour my heart into it. But lately I have been going through the worst writer’s block of my life. I have had writer’s block before, but never for such a long period and never ever it made me so helpless that I am unable to write even few lines. Finally, I decided to experiment and face my fear, defeat the writer’s block by writing about it. If I can’t write, why not write about the process of not being able to write.

I don’t know when exactly it started that I lost my ability to express my feelings and thoughts into words. My regular blogging stopped as soon as I get into a b school due to the rigorous schedule and lack of time. Though, I tried on numerous occasion to continue but couldn’t, I failed to write even small paragraphs. Guess, writing has a lot to do with peace of mind and stability along with time or may be it is the opposite. Writing has a lot to do with turmoil and disturbed thoughts. One of my friend suggested me that the sole inspiration of my writing was my ‘struggle’ and after getting into a good B school my struggling days are over and hence I have lost my ability to write.

Writer’s block is the most unproductive thing that can happen with anyone. You will sit hours gazing at your laptop point blank but no thought will cross your mind. You will try to push yourself hard by holding a pen and a paper and you will end up with some random doodles and multiple signatures of yours. You will read your own old posts and try to remind yourself about your glorious past but it won’t be of much help instead it would increase your pain and grief on your inability to repeat something that once come to you so naturally.

The inability to write for a writer is pretty much like a superhero losing his power. Now, a writer is not a superhero for the world but he has his own imaginary world where he is the creator and destroyer. He can create and destroy characters, change their fate, play with them and he can play with his own thoughts and tamper them in any way he likes. And he carries this imaginary world with him even in the real world. He observes people and what is happening around him and reflect the same in his imaginary world.

So many thoughts cross across the mind daily, thoughts that make you happy or sad, delighted or stressed, positive or negative, optimistic or pessimist and when you are unable to vent them out then they stay in your mind and increase the turmoil. A painter unable to create a colourful world, a musician unable to produce a beautiful melody, a dancer unable to move with the rhythm, and a writer unable to generate words. We all are storytellers in some or other way and our stories captures all the beautiful emotions of the world so it is very necessary for us to generate the stories in some way or another.

I kept alive the writing spirit by updating the facebook status but few days back I felt that I have nothing to write on. I couldn’t think about anything. It was a blank state of mind which actually got me worried whether I have lost it all. The writer inside me has died which pretty much kills a part of me as Mayank Sharma is known as the one who updates his status on facebook, who writes blog and poems, the writer, the only consistent identity I have. I am not good in any sports, I don’t know any music instrument, I don’t know singing or dancing, I can cook well but I am not known for cooking, so if you exclude the writing part also I become nothing. I am just a face in the crowd with no identity. Someone who is there but is not known to many, someone who is there in pictures but no one has any memory associated with that person. The feeling of being nobody is the most troubling thought a person like me who has always maintained that his ultimate aim in life is to be known.

I pondered over my inability to write for a long time. Maybe I have lost the ability to write, it is like a onetime thing, you have it for a while and then when situation changes you lose it. A broken heart generates music and to get over a girl you convert her into literature. Maybe writing requires struggle, only a mind full of worries and uncertainty can write, not a stable mind. Perhaps I require a muse or another heart break to kick start the writing engine again. Maybe it requires plenty of time to think which is not possible in a busy schedule or a routine that has multiple elements or maybe I am just lazy now. I can open my MS Word but then open Facebook and youtube and do random scrolling, watch random videos and then close the MS Word crying on my inability to write anymore.

But I think one of the most important reason is that I have become conscious about writing. When I started writing I was free. It was just me, some words and some thoughts. A theme I have to paint across. I didn’t care about people, I didn’t care about what others will think, and I always knew not many people will read it. But the kind of response few posts have generated, the thought that people are reading it and I am writing for 6 years now have generated a kind of pressure, a standard I have to maintain, some expectations I have to fulfil. I can’t randomly pick a topic and write on it because I have to answer now. Whenever I read my early posts, I see lots of mistakes. Silly grammatical mistakes along with sentence correction, many posts which were awful in structure and in their flow. Many didn’t even make any sense but I enjoyed writing them and the need is to enjoy what you do.

I am trying to get back to the basics again, just enjoy the writing. Do not think about the fact that it will be good or bad, what will people think, what kind of image I will create by writing this and that, the assumptions and fears shouldn’t stop the process. Writing in its crude form is expression, good or bad, correct or incorrect, the expression must go on, the memories must be painted, voice should be raised, opinions must be shared and I think I need to go back to the same state from where I started. Just write on whatever I feel to write instead of thinking about it.

Lots of posts in my mind, will write them soon, thank you for reading, I would be glad if you can help me to fight with this phase and in the selection of topics I should write on !! J J

Leaving Home….

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 03 Jan 2016 14:03:00 +0000

There was a time in childhood when we can’t wait to grow up. We wanted to quickly transcend to a time when we don’t have to take permission from our parents anymore. Where we can stay up as long as we want, stay out of the home and come at any time we want. Little did we know that time that growing up is not as much fun as it appeared that time. Being independent doesn’t give us as much freedom as we thought we would have. It took us years to realize that there is no better place on this planet than our home.

One of the worst fear of our childhood was to get separated from our parents. In every crowded place, we used to hold our parents finger tight just to ensure that they are with us. If our mom or dad was late in coming home, we used to open the door, stay outside till they come. In the era where mobile weren’t that common, there was no way to ensure our parents are safe when they are outside. We used to sympathize with children studying in boarding schools and used to wonder how they can survive without their parents.

At the same time our parents were our ultimate protector. They always had an eye on us whether we were playing video game inside or cricket outside. They always gave us instruction about staying away from strangers and their worst fear was also to get separated from their children. But destiny find its own way to separate parents from their children.

Most of us were unrooted from their hometown either after X or after XII, at the age when we used to watch Hollywood serials where kids were having dating problem or wondering what hobbies to pursue, we were getting prepared for our career. In India, all of us have one foot always in future and we are forced to stay alone in a time when we need our family support most.

Leaving home for the first time is the toughest. You have no idea how would you survive. From picking up groceries to having decent food, from travelling alone to sleeping in night alone. There are so many worries. We all have seen our mother crying while leaving us while our father holding his tear and supporting the mother, our elder siblings supporting us while our younger siblings just wondering why are we leaving them. We all have packed our ‘laddus’, dry fruits and god’s statues and went alone on a never ending journey and we are still riding. We have become solitary riders in a perpetual tunnel with the hope of finding light at the end of it.

We thought it would be fine one day, but guess what, leaving home is painful every time. No matter how many time you do, there is always a sharp tinge of pain you can feel in your heart when you pack your bag and say good bye. With time you just become a guest in your own home. You are taken care of, you are well fed, your relatives come to see you, and you just face only 3 questions most of the time.

When did you come?

What’s going in life?

When are you leaving?

You have well mugged and well-practiced answer for all of them and you don’t disappoint any. There is hardly any time to revisit all the places and all the memories. You prioritize and to rest you say that there will be a next time. Your visits become less frequent and span for lesser time as you grow up. You become less involved in family matters, in fact you are clueless about most event happening in your relative’s life and in your locality.

From the timid student who has kept money at three places, his mobile fully charged and wary eyes about possible threat we have grown into careless travellers who plan visits in last time, arrange tickets somehow and reaches home with lots of adventure. Time has made us realize to value things that we never cared earlier. We crave for our parents company and we become desperate to have a breathe in our home town. We find peace here, we introspect our life on our roof watching the stars and think about how far we have come and how much else is left to go. We have become responsible, we take care of our parents, and we are mature enough to bring something for our closed once not because the gift is valued but the gesture is.

Most of us has spent countless nights alone struggling to make a meaning out of life. We have stayed up to study and stayed up for our jobs. We have obediently followed the routine of calling our mother and telling her that we have eaten and we would drink water and keep the door closed and stay out of trouble. We have lied to our father that we are studying well and doing well in life. We have struggled to keep our promise but we have continued to struggle somehow.

There are weak moments when we ponder over whether it was worth it or not, whether staying away from family, learning to eat inedible food, surviving on insufficient money and without any moral support was worth it or not. Perhaps one day everything will come together and everything will make sense. Till then the only thing that keep us going is the proud feeling with which our parents live that their children are away from home to make a future, to make a career. They took pride in telling others what their children has achieved while staying away from home. May be all this struggle is worth it for the peaceful sleep we bring to our parents that the future is bright and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Till then, we will continue to leave home, it will be painful, we will bear it, and a part of our heart will be here always, till next time when we would have tea again with our family in our home laughing together!! J

The night of 31st December, 2014

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 18:26:00 +0000

What difference a year can make to a person’s life?

If someone has asked me this question last year, I would have replied either not much or something very vague and uncertain but the kind of roller coaster year I had, I would say today that a year can turn your life upside down. It can change not only your current position, but your perspective, your attitude and the way you look at life in general.

The night of 31^st December, 2014 is still very clear in my memories. It was one of the darkest phase of my life. Perhaps, I have reached rock bottom in almost everything. I was stuck in a job that I hated and which made me feel miserable daily, I failed to get respectable scores in CAT or IIFT exam, my escape route towards a higher world, my redemption from my previous sins. The light at the end of the tunnel was fading very sharply and I was falling into sheer stark darkness at an uncontrolled pace.

Every year, at the onset of New Year, I used to ponder over the failures in the previous year and I used to start the coming year with the hope that this year will be good, this year will be the comeback year, this year will compensate for all the early years but it never happened. On the night of 31^st December, 2014 I have given hope completely. I was just tired that day. Tired of being optimistic, tired of preaching positivity and hope to the world when my own life was just inducing sympathy from everywhere. I was crowned with the well-deserved titled of a ‘choker’, the guy with the potential who never succeeded because of bad luck or situation beyond control. I was exhausted and future looked bleak to me, I was not even remotely excited about the possibility of something good.

I had my last b school entrance exam, XAT 4 days later and I was not even sure whether I would be appearing in it or not. I was suffering through a hand infection and going through severe pain because of swelling. Unable to study and also unable to write, I was wondering whether all these late night studies when the world is partying is worth it or not. Year after year, sacrificing so much just to chase dreams which are always uncertain to conquer and indomitable at times because of situations. I was sure that if I went to a doctor he would do a surgery and I would miss the examination.

The only important decision to make was to whether appear in the examination or not with a swelling hand and 2 back to back failures within 2 weeks. All the Dragonball Z fans might recall that Vegeta achieved the stage of super saiyan when he has given hope completely, when he stopped caring about Goku being a super saiyan or being better than Goku. On the night of 31^st December 2014, I stopped caring about being successful or better than anyone. I stopped caring about going into a good b school or to get a better position in society or to be happy and satisfied. I stopped caring about everything. I was done with torturing my body and destroying my peace just for the sake of running into an endless race where the winner is burdened with maintain the success rather than celebrating it.

I decided to appear in the examination without any hope or expectation, but for the sake of testing my intensity of desire. I decided to appear for the sake of desperation and not for the sake of dream. On the night of 31^st December 2014, I decided not to do anything just to prove to the society or for the sake of revenge. I stayed up 2 nights, learnt to write with my left hand so that I can appear in the examination. I took multiple pain killers on the examination day, attempt everything with my left hand as much as I could, except the essay part where I decided to switch hand because of bad handwriting. 10 minutes of excruciating pain and I was done. I was relieved, I went straight to hospital and had a surgery.

As they say, god tests you to the extreme and then grant you your wishes, I cleared XAT 2015 (I still think it was because of my desperation to clear it), and later converted SP Jain and XLRI Jamshedpur. 1 year down the lane, all these looks like a fairy tale. A dream from which I don’t want to wake up. I am living my dream and I have come to it from rock bottom, all in 1 year. 1 year changed my life completely, every 31^st I used to make resolution on how to aim high, how to achieve targets, how to stay at top but today, 31^st December 2015, I just look forward to wish people a happy new year and sleep peacefully.

I have not written this article to tell my filmy story with happy ending, but to tell all those who have a bad year that a year can change everything. You might have failed this year, a year before or may have successive failures in many previous years, but you never know what this year will bring to you. Believe in your destiny, believe in god’s plan for you, do not compete but improve yourself, do not torture yourself but take care of yourself, don’t panic and don’t get negative, embrace 2016 with full positivity because success may be hiding in disguise waiting for you to identify it.

A very happy new year everyone. May this year make you realize all your dreams. J

1 year of a software engineer

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Sun, 28 Jun 2015 14:40:00 +0000

Exactly 1 year I worked in the IT industry as a software engineer and I find the life quite similar to what we have always heard. Most of the stereotypes are indeed correct in one way or another. All the jokes about ‘Monday’ or the ‘Salary Day’, all the fear and anxiety about bonus, onsite opportunities, unrealistic expectations, insults, politics, pressure, people who have no knowledge judging your knowledge and deciding your future. But still it’s indeed one of the must have experience in life. It makes you more responsible not only in terms of your job but also in terms of what you want to do in life. You meet some of the best people in your life here and they might play a pivotal role in your future growth. It’s a journey comprising of variety of experience, a road full of multiple navigations and directions and at the end of the day it’s up to your conscience to choose a particular way.

Imagine an organized world from your unorganized college life. Getting up, dressing up and going to office daily at a regular time and then coming very late where you don’t have any energy left to do anything else. Imagine a routine that you never followed in college but now you have to. Well, that’s pretty much office life. A routine that has to be followed. It is complete opposite of the unorganized scattered random life we live during college because we are supposed to act ‘professional’. There are rules that are meant to be followed and no one never dared to break them so no one knows what will happen if they are ever broken. An unsaid inexperienced unwritten fear of not making mistake and perpetual attempt to please your superiors.

There are many things all software engineer shares in common. A feeling of being underutilized in terms of talent and over utilized in terms of hard work. Constant bitching about people getting more perks, appreciation and opportunities while sharing a feeling that their life is very unfair. A constant wait for weekends during the entire weekdays and spending most of the weekends sleeping because they are too lazy and tired to enjoy. Drinking multiple coffees not because they felt the urge,but because everyone else is doing the same. Complaints from parents and gf/bf that they are not giving them any attention and you have no energy to explain that either you have no time or no energy.

You can always find multiple characters in the office. There is someone who doesn’t give much shit about the work but is very smart to put proper mails and get credit for someone’s work. There is someone who works very hard but doesn’t know how to display and show off and thus always unsatisfied with life. Some person who keep regretting why he joined IT and many persons who are determined to quit the job but they never do. There is a team lead who doesn’t know much about the project but who thinks it is his birth right to boss around. There is a manager who literally doesn’t even know the name of project but always wanted to know when things will be done. They want you to draw blue lines with red pen and they can’t take no for an answer. According to lead and manager, every problem is simple and can be done in only half hour but we aren’t able to produce results because either we are lazy or incompetent.

Most of the time you had no idea about the work allotted to you and somehow you are able to finish it by luck, by help by a generous colleague or the famous last day hardworking routine. Then there are vacations, you are encouraged to take vacations in most formal meetings but whenever you ask for vacations you are treated as if you are asking for kidneys. Asking for vacations is seen like a cardinal sin one can never get redemption of. It's always tough to get vacations on Diwali and Rakhi because everyone is asking for the same. Same is the case with onsite opportunities, there are so many people already in queue, you have to wait for a long time before even asking for it. A person is your friend till he doesn't get an onsite opportunity, once he flies you just bitch about his incompetency and his treason. A person coming back from onsite will always bring same kind of chocolates and everyone keep asking the same repetitive question and gets same repetitive answers. The one who resigns get promoted faster than the one who does his work properly. One who threatens the most move the ladder faster than the generous one. The diplomats gets promotion faster than the whistle-blowers. The one who keeps their head low and floor clean rise faster than those who raise their voice. It doesn't matter how efficient a resource you are, marketing matters, putting proper mails matter, showing off your work matter and having good terms with superiors matter. I guess there would be only very few exceptions to above mentioned rules.

If you are working offshore then there is 1 golden rule. Onshore is always right, they are the people with higher capability and authority. It really amuses me that how we treat ourselves as slave just because we want to please someone with a fairer skin. There are people who work much more than what is expected and then they cry that they do not get enough reward. I guess this is exactly the point where we start spoiling our work culture. Our ambitions drive us into unrealistic expectations; we raise the bar not only for ourselves but also for everyone. We keep on working more in blind lust of rewards and eventually we not only screw our own life but also life of everyone who were doing their job properly.

Office hours are fixed for all and except a few emergencies case one can always finish their work in normal timelines but of course we won’t do that. We are Indians; we are hard working from birth and by nature. We like to finish 5 days work in 3 days and then we will do more work. We will work very hard until we will make everyone’s life miserable. We raise the expectations bar too much and we keep ourselves in the delusions that we are just being responsible and professional. We love to boast off the fact that we have no work life balance and we never demand for one. We don’t have guts to say NO because everything is related to our promotion. We don’t oppose the management, we let them exploit us, and we let them put more work on us only because we are too timid and insecure to raise our voice for the right.

Work culture is something that we create for ourselves. If we keep on spoiling it for the sake of our ambitions we have no right to complain about it in the near future. It’s our responsibility to have a work life balance. To spend time with our dear ones, to travel, to relax and to enjoy. It’s our responsibility to maintain our self esteem and self respect. It’s our responsibility to earn success instead of pleading for it. Sycophancy might get you far enough but what good a life is where everyone around you is having a low opinion about you. Only a sadist can be pleased by a success which came on cost of precious relations but of course you would find many sadists.

Well, life isn't that bleak in any office. You can always find people joking around and making the atmosphere light. You may find very supportive and helping leads and manager who not only help in your professional aspirations but also in your personal aspirations. There are numerous people with whom you form a very strong bond because of the similar life tragedies and conditions. You can always crack joke on the hard-working or the desperate ones. Bitching has its own fun in office. Office trips make you see the other side of many people whom you didn’t know much before. There are always birthday celebrations and then there are farewells where people say good stuff about you most of which are big fat lies. Some of us are lucky to get a very good team and very good work. Some people really excel and live a happy and satisfactory life. Some people get proper recognition and encouragement. It’s not always rainy, it’s not always sunny.

Office always add spice to life. Many people fall in love and get settled. For a fresher, it’s a whole new world where you learn to interact with much experienced and knowledgeable people. Where you learn to set your priorities right and accept the fact that life is fair sometimes and unfair most of the time. Where you are actually able to summon the strength to fight and tame your demons. Office life gives you insight about your real interests and how you want yourself to be represented in the world. Some people get lost in the crowd while some become part of the crowd. Few leaves the crowd and chose path which everyone in the crowd always thinks to be a part of. There are no permanent friends and no foes, there are just competitors, and there is competition, both healthy and unhealthy. There are dreams and there are restrictions. There are imaginations and there are realities, there are wills and there are responsibilities, there is freedom and there is golden cage, there is struggle and there is comfort zone, there is an open sky and there are tied feathers, there is open sea and there is a powerful flow, you are what you chose to become in this world. If you strive for an identity you have to fight the conventions of silence and insecurity and take the responsibilities of your risk. Your endeavours might not be fruitful but satisfactory. You can break out and become an example, worth mentioning or worth laughed upon, worth remembering or long forgotten, choices are uncertain but mandatory.

1 year of a software engineer or 12 years of a slave, you decide what kind of life you want. You might blame the system, your managers, your HR policies, life but at the end of the day you should take responsibilities of your action. No one forced you to join a software company or to work hard for weeks and then expect rewards. Whatever you are doing, do it for yourself and expect only from yourself. Life might be rewarding or punishing, unsatisfactory or fulfilling, enriching or dull; all depends on your actions and your responses. So next time when you feel bad about your life as a software engineer do think what you can do to improve it.

I may never live the life of a software engineer again. I loved coding, I was good at it, I enjoyed it. Last 1 year would certainly be memorable because it pushed me to chase things beyond my imagination. I hope everyone would be able to chase their dreams. Good luck people!

PS: You might have a very different experience than mine. A complete different life than mine so I am not generalizing. Please feel free to add more into the experience for a more holistic view.

Being Mayank

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Wed, 27 May 2015 15:35:00 +0000

23 years have been passed, 23 long years full of ups and downs, twists and turns. I am bearing the responsibility of ‘being Mayank’ for the past 23 years but it seems like yesterday when I used to roam around in the streets of Ujjain, thinking what would life be when I will be young. Whether I will be successful or not, whether I will be able to do something worth mentioning in my life or not, whether I will be able to prove my stature in society or not, all these questions used to puzzle me and to some extent they still do. ‘Being Mayank’ is something that was thrust on me, a life that started with unrealistic expectations which continued till present. ‘Being Mayank’ was nothing more than a common boy trapped in the cobwebs of uncommon illusions.

Life moved on and I remained Mayank instead of being a faceless entity in the crowd. A boy, having the potential of doing something notable in the society. That’s all I ever was, a future potential and never an enjoyable present. Growing up was the part of the same bargain, to stay top in the class , in which, personally I never find any point. I was rather more comfortable in reading novels and literature than finding ‘x’ or the date of battle of Panipat. Time moved on and I stayed a Mayank everywhere I went. I crossed the comfortable boundaries of my home town and struggled in the open world to prove my existence and I survived to a large extent.

‘Being Mayank’ that time was always being hopeful of doing something good and having the faith in my abilities. ‘Being Mayank’ was not letting my failures take control over my mind. ‘Being Mayank’ was finding a way out of the continuous pointless mugging and have some breadth of actual practical relevant learning which was rare and illogical at that point of life. I struggled as a Mayank and then failed as a Mayank to secure a place in any elite Engineering college. ‘Being Mayank’ became an example of a wasted potential, a talent of no use, a personification of not doing justice to the god gifted abilities. But for me, ‘Being Mayank’ was to take the blow on the head and keep moving forward. It was more or less a transformation from a Mayank to the Mayank. It was accepting the fact that you lost but that was not the final battle.

‘Being Mayank’ became the ability to let go things, move on and forgive myself for the greater good. Changes are good and defeats are great at times because they vanishes the fear of failure. When you learn that you can breathe, talk and eat despite being a failure according to the norms of society, you can think way beyond the horizon of general notions of success. You can think where you can succeed and what success is according to you . Society has become a necessary evil for one to make one realize ones potential and dream.

‘Being Mayank’ became the dream to prove the society wrong by following the wrong procedure of society. ‘Being Mayank’ became a persistent struggle to prove an identity. ‘Being Mayank’ became crying foul because you call a spade a spade. Deep inside our heart we all know that we are much more than our marks, our college, our job but at times the truth is not publicly acknowledged but only admitted in private.

During the same time ‘Being Mayank’ became the weakness to submit to human emotions. ‘Being Mayank’ became a dream of a peaceful life in warmth and closeness of someone that will complete being a Mayank. ‘Being Mayank’ became a ray of hope, a lone sunlight, a moonlit haze. Life became a poetry and ‘Being Mayank’ became a literature. Not all literature has a happy ending or a clear ending. ‘Being Mayank’ became an incomplete poem. ‘Being Mayank’ became a test to let go things for personal peace or to suffer for a greater good. It was an era of taking tough decisions, which may not be correct, but were the need of the hour. There were some doors to shut forever and some to keep ajar. ‘Being Mayank’ became the portrayal of maturity as no one else was willing to do so.

They say, they fear what they don’t understand and they start hating what they fear. Going along with time, ‘Being Mayank’ became an unsolvable puzzle, a subtle riddle, a complicated encrypted transcript, consequently ‘Being Mayank’ became a threat. It was an era of blames where to be Mayank was to be held responsible and accused of the crimes you never committed or you weren’t even aware of. It was the time to stay silent because you knew your voice despite containing the truth is too feeble to make any difference. It was the era of being insulted, being played, being plotted against and despite knowing everything willingly fall in the pit because you have no other option left. There are times in life when you have to stay silent not because you are weak but because you want to hit back when you are strong and sometimes even the silence is strength because it transfers back every attack aimed at you.

‘Being Mayank’ was not a piece of a cake because it was forceful yet willing submission to a system you don’t want to be a part of but you have to because you have nowhere else to go or you weren't ready to go somewhere else. ‘Being Mayank’ was getting rejected for things you deserve because you are Mayank. ‘Being Mayank’ was watching helplessly people much less deserving than you getting what you have worked hard for days. ‘Being Mayank’ was to be patient, to wait for your time, to understand that this shall too pass. ‘Being Mayank’ was to aim higher despite failing at a previous lower level because you can’t let failure pull you back. ‘Being Mayank’ was to collect the broken pieces of your strength and confidence and make faith out of it.

‘Being Mayank’ was to not give up hope when the winds were sailing against and night was dark because it’s better to drown while fighting instead to drown while submitting. ‘Being Mayank’ was to make frustration a motivation and pain an inspiration because at times to end pain you have to suffer it at its maximum intensity and become immune eventually. ‘Being Mayank’ was to try one last time and ‘Being Mayank’ was to be lucky enough to get success in your last attempt. ‘Being Mayank’ was to tell your story not because you want to flaunt but because you want to inspire. ‘Being Mayank’ was to talk about your journey not because you want to show off but because you want to remind fellow travellers that journey is beautiful and destination would be worth it one day.

23 years of ‘Being Mayank’. Countless experiences and memories, countless people who came, some stayed some went, countless promises which weren't hold and countless hopes which were shattered into pieces to be reshaped and built again.

What does ‘Being Mayank’ signify right now ? ‘Being Mayank’ is a battle to strike or to wait and strike at a better time, it is a dilemma whether to explain you to the world or to stay silent because you know the world is not willing to understand, it’s to stay a villain in many people’s life because they just don’t want to accept your good part, it’s to accept that you are flawed but at the same time reminding the others for the same so that they can improve. Being Mayank is to accept that you are unacceptable to many and weird to all. It’s the act of not acting normal as you can’t act any more. It’s a paradox of a person who looks stupid and wise at the same time, mature and immature at the same time, neutral and biased at the same time, strong and weak at the same time, a person who is split into multiple behaviour and doesn't know which face to show where.

But ‘Being Mayank’ is a gift. To be part of many people’s life even temporary but being a part of their sadness and show them the path of celebration when you know that most of them would forget you there but it’s about watching the smile from a distance than laughing together. It’s about feeling special because you know God has planned your life in a very beautiful way and even the bad things turn into something good eventually. It’s about having people who are more happy on your success than you and who are more disappointed on your failure than you. It’s about enjoying the little things in life which may be tiny but significant and as always it’s about sending a message.

I don’t know what the future unfolds. What is going to be down the road as I am cycling upwards now ? But I know when the right time will come all the life’s unknown variable will be solved automatically and complexities will reduce to simplification. Being Mayank is the hardest thing I have ever done and yes I do get tired, frustrated, demotivated at times by this huge baggage but still it is one of my most cherished accomplishment and I hope to live this up to the most.

If anyone has somehow managed to reach till end. I have a small request. I know I am not perfect but there is always a scope to be better. Most of you has known me somehow or just know me through this blog. If you want to add anything else, things that you feel I should know or the world should know, you are free to comment below or you may also message me if you are too shy. This post was suppose to be a birthday gift for me by me but as always I have procrastinated it which, again, defines 'Being Mayank'.

Hum mein hain hero

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 16:50:00 +0000

Few years back, Hero started an advertisement which has a song by AR Rahman giving a message that there is a hero in every person. Hero is usually a person who is admired for his courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. Informally, I can say that any person who has done something that the society admires or respects is a hero. Hero may be a soldier who stakes his own life to save someone’s life or to protect the country, a sports person who works hard and play with passion so that our flag can rise high on an international podium, a storyteller who inspires us by his words, or a scholar who despite lesser odds attains some form of academic success.

What’s common in all of the above examples is that our traditional definition of hero mainly incorporates success as an essential feature for being a hero. Whosoever has achieved some form of success is a hero. Now I just wanted to broaden the definition of the term hero so that all of us can realize that we all have hero inside us. What makes us a hero? Most of us might be struggling hard in life and considering themselves as a loser as we failed to attain whatever we have desired or we might not have reached the point in life which we thought we would have at this time of our life or simply we just feel we don’t have any achievement worth mentioning and no highlight in our life right now. So, how could we be hero without having even a single feather in our cap right now?

We are hero because we are the strugglers and so far we have survived in life against all odds. Multiple times we have been tested, put into unrealistic expectations of performing where we were least interested but following the herd, we tried and we failed and we tried again, we struggled in conditions where we were really unhappy but yet in hope of a better future ahead we survived that too. Ever since the beginning we are struggling and surviving and fighting and climbing one step at a time. Most of us hated schools yet we cleared it, mugged hard for entrance to colleges, cried aloud in college and still cleared it and then are still struggling in our jobs but yet we don’t lose either our hopes or our ambitions. We all are in a persistent battle to do something good in our life and our grief is only because of our failure to do so.

But it is a good grief; our depression is good because it shows we still hope. We still want to change the course of life instead of settling for what it is offering us. We might be down because we think we won’t be able to do something worth mentioning in our life, but the thought of judging our life with what we are right now and what we think we should have been in itself shows that we are still committed towards a bigger dream and willing to cross all obstacles to make it a reality. We are fighters, we are strugglers, we hope, we dream and we believe while there are many who has abandoned all and settled for much less than what they could have been.

Each one of us is a hero who has survived many battles and would continue to march on many other battles fields despite his/her weakness and relying solely on hope and courage. So those of you who have questioned your capabilities, don’t think that you are a loser or you can’t make it big in life. Life is all about learning and applying. Failures are the stepping stones towards success so never hesitate in failing. Wipe out the fear of failure in your mind and flourish the faith and you would realize life is much more than few obstacles. There would be bleak nights where you would question everything, your strengths, your well wishers, your destiny, your ability to do something in life, let that night pass because it won’t last forever.

No one can make you positive rather than you. No one can make you realize your abilities than you. You have to pull yourself out of darkness of disappointments and depression and show yourself the direction towards light. No motivational book or words or counsellor can help you unless you are ready to forgive yourself for your failures and prepare yourself for the coming battles. You have to take charge of your own fights instead of looking towards the world for a helping hand. This is your life and only you can be the driving engine of it.

So I urge all those who are sad or unhappy and thinking that life is full of struggle to realize and respect the hero within them and charge themselves to give their best. Dil se kaho ke hum mein hai hero . J

Is it a man's world ?

noreply@blogger.com (Mayank Sharma) — Fri, 20 Mar 2015 16:19:00 +0000

From the past few days I have been seeing a wide aggression against men everywhere. With due thanks to all the micro blogging sites and BBC finally many women have realized that there is only one and one enemy and that is a man. A man is selfish, arrogant, chauvinist, stupid, dominating and based on recent events and observation, a potential rapist. A man creates rule and expects women to follow it. He is the undisputed authority and he can’t be challenged. All he does is to oppress and suppress a woman and he enjoys it, he is a sadist. This is exactly the image I got while I was analysing the recent social media trend. Now if you are very sensitive and emotional, please leave the post as you might end up getting offended by virtue of your going by emotions and not by rationales and if you want to go ahead please finish the entire post before making any judgement. I want to discuss this issue logically and with a realistic approach rather than an emotional approach.

Now, all this started with the Delhi Rape case and the reactions afterwards were completely justified. That was a very heinous, cruel crime and kudos to our judiciary that they still think rapist have human rights and so they are getting trials in court. I don’t know why we need to prove a crime multiple times in regional courts, high courts, supreme courts and then even ask for president’s permission for a punishment. The whole philosophy of Indian judiciary, “100 criminals might escape but an innocent should never be punished” has become irrelevant as the 100 criminals are enjoying the delay and living a peaceful life. But I won’t go much deep into the judiciary and how it works because frankly I would never understand why we created such a slow, dormant and ineffective punishment system. I read somewhere recently that a panel discarded the amendment that in case of a cruel crime juvenile might be treated as adult, again hats off to your emotions, everyone who is less than 18 is allowed to do any crime and all he will get is a 3 year punishment that too is not a punishment just entry into a reform school. So the most brutal cruel insensitive Delhi rape criminal will roam freely after a few years into streets with no guilt or remorse because of this loop hole in the judicial system.

But afterwards some of hyper sensitive feminists which I tend to call pseudo feminists as they have forgotten the original aim of feminism and even some of the common people are doing the same mistake that we have done in case of terrorism. We generalized few cases and declared every Muslim as terrorist and now also we are generalizing few cases and seeing every man as a rapist. Social media is flooded with all kind of videos and pictures which should be pro women but sadly are anti men. There was one video of a girl for ‘rape public day’, then 2 videos by 2 different boys in reply and as it happens we have created this sensitive issue as a girls vs boys thing again. There are various trending videos and pictures which describe the bad situation of women in India, how tough their life is and how India is unsafe. I agree with all the points but I just don’t agree with taking it to a limit where it is portraying the image of country as negative and unsafe and making a very wrong image of Indian men in front of the world.

First of all, I would like to clear that I am against rape or any other crime against women however small it is but here I wanted to talk more about the way some people are creating a big issue with not a good intention. Facebook page admins are posting photos that are intended to get more ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ and good comments. People are making videos which were originally intended for creating awareness but now they have plainly become male bashing agenda. What harm it has done? After the Delhi case, every Indian irrespective of religion, caste, gender felt a very uncomfortable pain in their heart, we were united for this cause, we wanted justice to be delivered, we were having one voice but now with so much male bashing some man have switched parties because they were unnecessarily made to feel guilty for a crime they haven’t done. They were asked to prove again and again their respect for women and even a slight humorous intake was treated as anti feminism. Men were unnecessarily dragged, accused, abused and forced for the cause of feminism.

All those messages were targeted to the wrong audience. The person who is in your friend list, who have spent years with you and is your well wisher won’t gonna harm you. The one who is going to harm you would hardly be bothered about these videos. We don’t even know if he has a facebook account or he is just roaming some where in unknown streets. So why to blame the ‘good’ ones for the wrong doing of the ‘bad’ ones ? Let’s try to create a positive atmosphere of security and safety rather than spreading hatred and animosity . A person of criminal mentality hardly cares for laws and punishment because he knows the loopholes. Murder has capital punishment for years, but that didn't stopped murders from happening. Criminals murder, rob, steal, blackmail and they also rape. All we can do is to set a good example by fast judgement and proper and strict punishment to at least minimize it to a very negligible amount.

Western countries which are abusing and accusing us as unsafe has much more per capita rapes and other crimes against women than our country. I am not saying that India is very safe, in fact our police and judiciary is the worst when it comes to dealing with it properly. But I would definitely object if a country which had much more per capita crime than mine would call my country as a country of rapist and deny us opportunity by judging us as potential rapists. We have a long way to go. From use of technology to proper awareness and creating a safe environment but I am positive we will surely achieve it one day. Changes are generally passed from generation to generation. We are the 90s generation, we have accepted and adapted all changes and I am hopeful our generation will create a better and safe country for coming generations.

I remember a girl has written somewhere “Indian men do not hesitate to rape their own mothers and sisters”. We understood your aggression but no one gives you right to accuse us like this, we felt offended and deeply hurt. Wherever I go I read comments like “All men are dog, all men are hypocrite, all men are pervert etc etc”. We patiently hear it and when some of us try to reply it by share logic we are called anti women and told that we don’t have any respect for women. No, this is not the case, we are replying only because we respect women and mostly our sisters and mothers. Recently, I was accused of having ‘an agenda against women’ because of few witty statuses I had put on facebook. Now I put all sort of status on facebook that is purely humorous and mostly unbiased and balanced. I have written many articles and poems entirely on women’s life and I respect them deeply. So I felt pretty bad that even having a sense of humour has become a crime now. I am supposed to show and prove my respect for women which I have already done multiple times again and again just to please few feminists. I would like to make it clear that I support women equality not women empowerment. I don’t think women need any special push. They are in many ways more capable than men and no way inferior or lesser so equality is what we should aim for rather than empowerment.

All the women who have made their way into some top organization or good job did it not because they were given any extra privileges or empowerment but because they were capable by themselves. All we need is to create more opportunity and more chance. There are countless examples varying from corporate to sports where women are occupying top positions because of their will power, courage, determination and hard work and not because they were given any special push. By saying again and again, India is a bad country for women we are disrespecting and insulting the efforts and hard work of all these women.

I saw a post few days back which said that a mother expects a baby boy because she knows how tough it is to survive in this cruel world as a girl. All I want to say is to both boys and girls just look at your dad, how many times he has travelled standing for hours in public transport to save some money for your education. How many times he has not bought new clothes because you wanted some fancy clothes. How many times your brother gave you chocolates and sweets from his share? We all have a different kind of struggle which can’t be and shouldn’t be compared. Life is tough for all so we shouldn’t glorify struggle by picking a particular gender. Everyone who is struggling to make a living should be equally respected. There are many families where the power is entirely in the hand of a woman and every decision is taken by her, just look around your relatives or neighbourhood and you will get at least a few where wife is more dominating than husband.

If you think that crime is happening only against women. Please just go through the statistics of wrong and false accusation of 498a. How many families it has destroyed, how it is being used as a weapon to blackmail entire family.? It not only destroy a husband, but also his mother his sister so it is destroying women too. Many men suicide because of the torture they have to bear by false accusation. Please go through this link to know about the flip side of the coin also.

http://www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/25264-this-woman-tells-how-innocent-indian-men-fall-prey-to-fake-dowry-domestic-violence-cases.html

Men are also sexually harassed but as it doesn’t make a good case for TRP, it is not shown much. Many rape cases are false and used for blackmailing purpose. So many false cases are happening that people are even doubting the genuine one and that is a very bad thing. One must never use the privileges society and laws have given to them for selfish purposes as they are making the genuine case less heard by this.

Why I am raising this issue? Recently the Rohtak sister case and the bias of society destroyed the career of 3 young boys who could be in army. A student was denied internship in Germany because he comes from a country of rapist. What if your brother, father, boyfriend or best friend is wrongly accused in some case? Law may forgive them but society would never and it would be a stain on family forever. Don’t stereotype and generalize something. All men are not rapist. Some of us might be stupid, arrogant, bossy, retard, flirty but most of us are good, we respect women and we stood with them equally for crime against them.

I remember a conversation with a girl who was abusing all men continuously and expressing how disgusted and appalled she is by situation of women in India. I just asked her what is she doing for a change, why not become an IPS officer and change the situation, why not join army or military if the issue is so sensitive for her and she had no answer. See if want to see a change we have to be part of the process, by sharing a video on facebook from your air conditioned office blaming men if you think you have played your part then that is wrong. You have to come out of your comfort zone, join directly or indirectly in some way to help the cause. I bet if thousands of women are moving on streets after 9 pm no crime will happen. Aren’t we supporting crime by staying safe in our house after 7 pm and letting those women in danger who have to work late at night. Our fear has become their power and that has to be changed.

What we have to understand is that society has set equally illogical norms and conventions for both girls and boys. Both have different struggles, different places where they have to prove themselves again and again. Men are suppose to get a good job, provide for their family, buy a big home and car and if they fail to do so they are called loser. A man whose wife earns more than him is considered one with no self esteem. A man who chose his mother over his wife is considered bad and selfish. Society isn’t soft to anyone of us, we all have our fights and our struggles so let us not compare whose struggle is hard or tough and respect and support everyone to excel.

As a man all I can say is I apologize for any discomfort that the society has done to you. I ask every fellow man to join me in this cause that let us start the change by this generation. We promise to keep the streets safe for you, to fight and raise voice against any injustice happing rather than staying silent, to support you in your cause and fight against crime and to respect you regardless of any other thing and in exchange we just hope that you won’t generalize a few case and punish all for crime of few.