Life's Like That

Destiny's Corner

2013-06-07T13:32:00.000-05:00

In 2007, when I first came to the United States, I was excited.. Strange land.. no friends.. no family.. new place..nothing remotely similar to what I know..and instead of being terrified.. I was excited. Ofcourse, my reasons for coming were not the best (in retrospect), yet, I was excited about the possibilities.. not nervous, not terrified, plain and simple excited.

Fast forward to 6.5 years later.. here I am.. buried deep in my comfort zone of a dead end job, lousy pay and less than exciting (if any) possibilities. I had no idea how I got here to start with, what was coming and.. worse.. what to expect. I got ripped and uprooted from MY ZONE on the 27th of April, 2013..well... atleast that's when it started. It was a nice and bright Saturday morning here at Kansas City (Oh please!! People have lived at worse places). Let me give you a backdrop of my regular Saturdays. I don't wake up till noon probably, spend all day catching up with all the shows I like and missed through the week...manage to go grocery shopping (sometimes) but mostly stay in bed, happy that everything is fine (no its not.. but it's easier to believe it is). That said, this Saturday was different, I was up early and surprisingly in high spirits. I actually wanted to get out of bed, go out, breathe some fresh air, maybe go to a park and read a book...and all those normal things..and So I did.. Less than 5 mins to the drive, I know something was wrong. The driver in the car next to me starting changing lanes.. No, I was not in his blind spot.. I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM! I honked as hard and loud as I could, but he came on over anyway and I swerved into the tiny driveway that showed up. It was not too little but definitely too late. I was hit, my tire went flat and my engine shut down (I actually surprised myself by not panicking and swerving into the driveway). I walked out without a scratch. The other driver was disoriented at first but not hurt. I guess, no one was hurt, so that's all matters. (NO!!.. I FREAKING LOVE MY CAR!!)

My Car :(

So much for wanting to get out of bed on a Saturday morning! Anyway, I spent the rest of the weekend, trying to reach his insurance people, going over the whole thing in my head over and over again thinking to myself.. what if I had done something else instead, what if I had stopped at the gas station for a minute, what if I started 2 mins earlier or later from my house.. I went over different possibilities.. how could I have avoided this really stupid accident. Yes, I call it stupid, because it was not supposed to happen.. I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM for crying out loud..Common!! I was devastated to leave my car there and know that most likely, it was going to get salvaged. There was no way the insurance company was going to pay to fix the damages.. I just knew it.. but did not want to say out loud.. hoping I was wrong.. Well, I wasn't. My car got salvaged/totaled..whatever!

Fast forward the boring and uneventful Monday and there I was.. heading into Tuesday (April 30th, 2013), still not knowing what was to come. I should have known something was up, when my company's other partner showed up at the office and asked to meet with me. She does that sometimes, usually it is about project updates blah blah.. not this time. She delivered the Oh! So Sweet news.....I got laid off. That was my official two week notice to pack it up and move on. Surprisingly again, I din't panic. I thanked her for the opportunity etc etc.. She changed her mind after a couple of days.. Oh no.. I am still laid-off.. but she wanted me to stay till the end of June instead of just two weeks.

I went home and avoided looking at all mirrors. I did not want to see the terror in my eyes and stress on my face. With my visa expiring soon, I was pretty sure that this is it.. and I should plan to go home (India) now.. for good. Tell my goodbyes, visit my friends, and move....Ofcourse, I changed my mind after a couple of days. I found some deeply buried and forgotten confidence inside me to TRY!

Fast forward to a month(ish) later.. Still no job prospects, no car and long distance friends. I guess, its about time I came to the point... I am exactly where I started 6.5 years back... with no guarantees, new grounds to break, new places to go to, no family and no friends around.. except this time.. I am terrified!! I don't know when I got so comfortable in my life, and so complacent that the idea of starting from scratch again seems like a nightmare. Shit hit the fan and I got yanked out of my oblivious life.

I wonder, is this what age and responsibility does to people? Rethink/over think and stress over anything that is not in their comfort zone? Or is this just plain complacency? What is it that keeps us from trying.? What is it that drowns us in constant doubt? Is it the fear of failure? What is it that is keeping me from being the person I imagined I would be 6.5 years back? I wonder....

Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and I

2013-05-28T16:17:00.001-05:00

Call me crazy, but I have decided to start a relationship with the most terrifying woman I know - Jillian Michael. If you don't know who she, you are either one of those lucky people, who have never had a battle their weight or... well.. today is your lucky day. This blog is NOT a review of the product. It is my log to see how I fare and what results I get. I have gone back and forth if I should post before and after pictures and decided not to. I am still very self-conscious. Publishing this blog by itself is hard for me, so BE NICE! That said, there is no point in writing this if I cannot publish my results (good or bad). Hopefully, by the end of my 30D journey, i'll have results to post.

I came across the video on amazon and the reviews were over the top. So, I decided to give it a try. The DVD would cost you $8.00. If you are tight on cash, you can always find it on youtube, if not, I recommend you buy it and pay for the cause.

Day 1 (5/25/2013) : Measured and weighed myself and started with Level 1. She recommends staying with Level 1 for 10 days, Level 2 for 10 days and Level 3 for 10 days (that's because Level 3 is a bitch and your body needs to prepare itself). It was a 30 minute workout, including warm up and cool down. If you think you can't do anything in 30 minutes, think again!. I was not particularly sweaty because I had to keep stopping to look at the video and follow along. My heart rate was up but not pounding out of my skin. For day 1, I think I did good.

Day 2 : She allows for no breaks in these 30 days. I was not so sore that I could not stand, but I can tell my muscles were hurting. I can't do the full-on push ups, so I stayed with the modified version shown. Yes, I was sweating and yes, my heart was racing and yes, I am still on Level 1.

Day 3: Now I am sore. My muscles hurt and I know it the most when I have to pee :(. I was able to follow along without having to stop and look at the video constantly, like on Day 1. My heart was pounding out of my skin. She does not allow for breaks during the workout, but allows for a 5 second pause if you really need it.

Day 4: Missed Day 4 :(

Day 5: To make up for Day 4, I did the workout twice.. morning and evening.. Hopefully that makes up for it. It's gotten easier, so I increased my weights.

Day 6 : Increasing my weights was probably a baaaad idea.. The pain is excruciating, but this is sweet pain :) . The weekend is coming up and usually that's when its hard for me to stick to my workout or diet.. Hopefully, I'll keep up with it.

Day 7 : You'd think, of all the days, Friday would be the hardest to get yourself to workout, but it wasn't that bad. I was glad I hit the mat before I hit the couch :)

Day 8: Saturday!!! and I slacked off!! ( call it a hangover, or just plain lazy)

Day 9 : Manged to get off the couch and hit the mat and sweat it out. I was glad I did it. 9 days into the shred, I was getting a little bored of doing the same thing, but it lasted for 40 seconds of the workout and after that.. Jillian just took over. I din't have the breathing time or energy to get bored. Tomorrow would be my last day on Level 1. I am kinda excited to start level 2. If reviews are to be believed, its going to hard as hell.. but am excited and mostly terrified :)

Day 10 : My last day on Level 1. I am wondering if I should stick to Level 1, given that I missed a day earlier.. I don't know.. we'll see...

Day 11: LEVEL 2 is HARDDD!!!! I was soaked and actually happy about it. I am so glad I made this far. Another 19 days to go :) :)

Day 12: I noticed that I have been taking a break every three days since I started. So, I had made up my mind to push myself to workout and am so glad I did. Jillian was right. You really have to work HARD to get the results you want. I feel like I see a difference in my body. It's toned (a little) but so far haven't seen any weight loss. Funny part is, I gained weight. No inches lost either (yet!). Going by everyone's advise, I plan to keep at it and measure myself on Day 20 (fingers crossed!)

Day 13: I am not a huge fan of Level 2, but I din't want to take a break either. So, I just did it. I think I was lethargic to start with and but eventually, the workout kinda takes over you. The planks and plank-jacks or whatever it is that Jillian loves.. is HARDDD!! I hate those... I think I noticed some changes in my body, but really don't believe it yet..I don't particularly give too much credit to small changes, coz I imagine, it fluctuates. Waiting for Day 20.. to measure.

Day 14 - Day 19 : Had too much happening and could not update this post.. But thankfully that did not keep me from keeping at it.. Kept going.. Today is my last day on Level 2. I missed my workout last night :( For my 10 days on Level 2, I missed one workout..that's not so bad.. right?? I hope so...

Day 20 : I am there..FINALLY!!!! 20 days down.. 10 more to go.

To be honest, around last weekend, I started doubting if this is even working.. I did not see any difference on the scale and began to wonder if I am one of those people, who doesn't respond to the workout... Thank god I stayed with it..

So far :
Weight loss: 1lbs
Inches lost:
Arms: -0.5"
Waist : -1.0"
Legs: -1.5"

Although, that does not seem like a lot, I cannot begin to explain how toned my body has gotten. If I do the wiggle/tap dance (you know what am talking about!), I am actually fitting into my old jeans :D. I am hoping that at the end of 30 days, I won't have to do the dance anymore :) :) fingers crossed :D

From everything I have heard.. Level 3 is the hardest. It is also the level where you actually get shredded. Level 1 and Level 2 are meant to prepare you for this one. Tonight would be my first day on Level 3. I am terrified. I have not yet peeked to see what to expect. I guess, I am just going to wing it ;)

.....to be updated....

My woes with the elusive "Gym"

2013-04-04T11:37:00.002-05:00

I am praying desperately that I am not alone here. I think I am an excellent planner..when it comes to making plans. I plan out my food diary, my calorie count, my workout regime, my wake up alarm, my bedtime, my target goals (realistic ones) and almost everything that would make it sound like am on top of it. But this is how its been for the last two months. my alarm goes off in the morning.. and I put it on snooze with my damn "5 mins" concept..5 mins later... I keep rounding off the time.. like if its 7.12AM, I decide to round it off to 7.15 and wake up then. When it's 7.17 after that, I decide to push it to 7.30 obviously.. and then am late for work and my "healthy" breakfast plans get flushed down the toilet..and I grab a coffee instead..

I think my lunch is the only meal in the day that I stay on plan.. mostly because it does not involve any cooking.. having a salad is more out of convenience than trying to be careful about what I put in my mouth. A plate full of salad and a fruit.. and suddenly I am so proud of myself for being such a good girl :). The one thing about salads and fruits.. they go away pretty fast and in about an hour or two you are hungry as hell. Maybe that's when I should grab a snack and be done with it.. but do I?? Ofcourse not! I convince myself that its just a couple of hours and i'll be done with work.. and I can go home and cook something nice and have that instead. Do I??...hahaha.. wait for it..

Past 5.00PM, I can literally hear my stomach growling.. and I mean literally. When I was much more stupid than I am today, I used to think no one else could hear it except me.... Embarrassingly, that was not true at all....On my way back home, I remember about going to the damn gym, check the gym schedule and decide that I can grab a quick bite and still make it to the 6.30PM class... Do I?

Cooking for me, especially if I have to cook just for one person, is the biggest, most boring, most annoying chore of the day. With America trying to make things easy for me and having a fast food joint at every corner, I just grab something at Chipotle or Panera bread instead. Let me tell you right now, they are not as healthy as they claim (Do they even claim that??...Whatever!).. Devouring my sandwich or whatever the hell I just bought, I catch up with some show on Netflix.. Don't you just hate it when they end an episode with this huge suspense and now you just HAVE to find out what happens next?..and the one after that.. and the one after that.. After losing a bunch of time, I remember about my plans to go to the damn gym!! This is the most crucial part of my day.. This is when, I promise.. PROMISE...myself that I am going to wake up first thing in the morning and walk straight to the gym... and start my day on that note.. Do I?? (Go back to the beginning of the page and read again!)

I hate it... I hate being lazy, I hate being a slob, I hate the damn pounds that catch up so fast, I hate all those skinny people who don't worry about one damn thing and stay skinny, I hate being such a couch potato and most of all I hate being told what to do about it!! (I am not a hater though ;))

All that said and done.. I need to sit down and make some SERIOUS changes to my life.. Being tired or hating to wake up mornings is no good reason to be such a colossal bum. I'll keep you posted..

Cheers!

Jar of Moments : 2013

2013-01-09T15:40:00.000-06:00

I am one of those people who gets nostalgic at the end of a year, trying to reminisce the innumerable good and bad things that happened in the year, trying to make promises to myself about what I would never ever do again and trying harder to remember what I promised myself the previous year at the same time.

I guess its the way of life, that we tend to remember our low points in a year/life with way more clarity and attention to detail than we remember the high points. The happy or overwhelming moments just seem to be a blur in my/our vast memory of events.

At the end of last year, (after I realized that the world was not ending after all) I tried to think about all the pleasant, peaceful, and delightful moments of 2012.. and I was struggling.. It wasn't like I din't have my share of happy and happier days.. it's just that, when it was time to sit and be thankful, I barely could remember...why.. what...why had I laughed so loud that one day, why was I smiling like I had a hanger in mouth that other day, why did I wake up with a smile because that dream was all sooo sweet.. what was that dream about anyway...why was I blushing that one day.. what had happened that made me laugh so much my stomach hurt...Yup... I barely could remember what to be thankful for.

So, when a friend suggested I keep a jar and fill it with my moments.. I couldn't agree more. I think am an easy person to please and I get really cheerful really fast... That said, I still struggled to think of all such moments from last year.. So this year, I din't make any big resolutions. Of course, I do have the usual set of - I should lose weight, I should clear my credit cards, I should travel more, I should start saving and blah and blah and blah... but the interesting thing I plan to do this year is to keep this Jar (actually a vase) and fill it with my moments. Its a three step process.. 1 - Find a Jar (vase, shoe box, whatever) 2. Be happy and 3. Write that moment down (date it maybe, if you like that) and put it in the jar :)

I know it sounds like this really complicated idea, but I think I'll be able to handle that much. Its just the beginning of 2013.. and I can't wait to get to the end, open my jar and read all my moments and get all nostalgic :)

Cheers!

P.S - Happy New Year :) Hope you stay happy, get rich and then write me check :)

Reality Vs Virtuality

2012-03-13T14:12:00.000-05:00

I have tried.. really tried to find one person who doesn't use the internet.. Today its all about Facebook and twitter and LinkedIn and pinterest (I have no clue what on earth that is though!!) and yet, I am not the best person when it comes to keeping in touch with people.Somehow, I have managed to make friends who make sure that I do. There is always a thread of emails, or tweets or something updating me about my friends.. I feel old when I say this, but I remember a time when only celebrities would telecast their weddings.. and just recently I had to watch my best friend's wedding over a link from their "Wedding webpage" (the new thing huh?!)..and it almost felt like I was right there.. felt so real..

So anyways, going by the trend I asked one of my childhood big-sister type of friend..how she was and what's happening with her, if she was on twitter or Facebook etc etc.. and she replied in the most "matter-of-fact" way. She said, " I am still old fashioned and use emails to keep in touch with people. I don't use any of the social networking sites". Hmm.. and here I was, (like an idiot) thinking, that old fashioned meant actually writing letters, with a pen.. on a paper.. When did emails become old fashioned?? (Feel like am 10 yrs older than my age right now!).

Moving on, you know how almost every other person from India either has an engineering degree or a medical one..well, I am one from the same lot... and like the entire flock, I went to an engineering school also.. got a degree also.. moved to the US (also).. got a masters (also).. What I managed to do in the process was meet some amazing people... and managed to keep few of them as friends (still).. I was part of this girl gang at my engineering school. All the girls were way more smarter, prettier and far more accomplished than I was/am..(That said, I don't see how we became friends actually!!)..Well, anywayyyyyyyy.. point being, we are still in touch.. and the last email I saw said something about all of us meeting up soon.. It got me excited..My mind was racing with re-union ideas, themes, places, dates etc.. and then I read the later part of the sentence..where she mentioned.."Let's all meet up soon.. on Google+"... WHATTTTTTT!!!! I don't know when the transition happened...Which world was/am living in?

So, feeling utterly old fashioned, I decided that the best way to make me feel younger and part of this gen.. was to talk to my parents... :D I remember, I had to write down a step-by-step "procedure" for my mom about how to use email, how to use "Shift" to capitalize letters, explain "Caps Lock" etc etc.. you know the drill right..So I called mom and in the middle of no where.. she asked me to add her on Facebook!!!!!! WHATTTTTT!!!.. Really??!!! I am NOT on facebook.. I had to deactivate my account because it had become an addiction and here I was trying to explain that to her.. and I fell short of words.. She knew a lot more about facebook.. timeline.. sharing.. privacy settings etc.. Here I was, listening to my mom explain to me, what facebook was...and why I should be on it..and yeah... add her as a friend..

End of it all, I miss those days, when people wrote hand written letters, eagerly waited for a response, the concept of "Pen Pals"..The content of the letters were outdated by the time it got to your hand, but that's a different story, for another day. I miss actually sitting down with friends.. in person.. and having a coffee and laughing over silly jokes, I miss the phone calls, and the "Ohhh..Its been sooo long.. How have you been?" lines.. The line between reality and virtual reality has become so thin and almost invisible that it freaks me out sometimes. Its convenient, yeah! but still.... I wish I had the right words to express what exactly about it that I am missing.. I guess, it's the human touch that it had, the feeling, the anticipation, the mystery to it all.. Well..What can I say..I am old fashioned ;)

Cheers :)

My supernatural power :)

2011-10-20T15:20:00.005-05:00

Just so you know, this title is NOT as misleading as you'd think..

Although I am not referring to one of those creepy spirits in paranormal activity or one of those athletically built super heros in an uncomfortable body suit, I am stating a fact. I do have supernatural powers and honestly, so do you. If you manage to read through till the end, maybe I can show you why I think so.

In the past couple of weeks, I have been fascinated by what is called the subconscious mind and how it works. I haven't understood all its ways and means yet, but the things I have read and felt so far have been truly surprising. Its actually a shame that all of us have this "subconscious mind" and yet know so little about it.

So, say as you read this, I ask you NOT to think about your left foot.. Can you do it?.. NO...DON'T think about it.. DO NOT move it.. I am pretty sure you probably twitched it a little.

So, let's get this straight in the beginning itself.. you cannot make your subconscious mind NOT do something. ( I guess, its kind of a rebel thing going on in there)

I'll try and take small examples to justify my statements, so I leave with the thoughts as you apply it to bigger situations in your life.

There are so many things that we do on a daily basis without paying even the least bit attention to it.. One easy example is breathing.. Are you breathing now? You breathe all the time..with or without paying attention, while you are awake or asleep... How is that? Its not something that you don't control. If you wanted, you could be taking deep breaths right now.

Have you ever had this situation, where you have a bag of chips in your hand, and you have two voices in your head...each with a different opinion..One tells you NOT to do it and one promises that this would be the last one...

How about this one.. Have you walked home, while talking on the phone with someone or lost in thought.. and reach your own home.. you weren't really paying attention to the directions, in fact your attention was on something else entirely and yet.. you din't go end up at your neighbor's place..

Did you ever try this one.. well, if not, try it.. Don't set your alarm for tomorrow morning but tell yourself repeatedly, that you HAVE TO.. simply HAVE TO wake up at 5am (haha.. nice try!).. What do you think will happen.. I'll give you 20 bucks if you don't actually wake up..

Let me ask you this..how much is 6x6=?

I am pretty sure you remember those gruesome mathematical tables from when you were much younger.. how is that? You weren't born with this information. You trained yourself to learn it... and even worse.. remember it till this day!

The more I read about this, the more I am starting to believe that the subconscious mind can do a lot of things that, you'd want it to do. You are simply not aware of it. I think you can train your mind exactly the way you want.. to do the very things you need.. to help you reach your goals much more effortlessly than you can imagine. I think YOU have the power to make things happen.. even the most unrealistic ones (who would have thunk that bending metal into some shape can transport people through air.. and today we have aircrafts)

I think that power of the subconscious mind is no less than that of a supernatural one..(that is, if you try and use it)

I know, this is one of those really longggg blogs.. but I can really go on and on about it..

Think about it!

Cheers!

Promise..

2011-09-06T13:26:00.000-05:00

If I had to promise you something, what would it be?

I can't promise that you will always be comfortable..

Because comfort brings boredom and discomfort.

I can't promise that all your desires will be fulfilled...

Because desires, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, bring frustration.

I can't promise that there will always be good times...

Because it is tough times that make us appreciate joy.

I can't promise that we will be rich or famous or powerful...

Because they can all be pathways to misery.

I can't promise that we will always be together...

Because it is separation that makes togetherness so wonderful.

Yet, if you are willing to walk with me,

If you are willing to value love over everything else,

I promise that this will be the most rich

and fulfilling life possible.

I promise your life will be the an eternal celebration.

I promise you, I will cherish you more than

A king cherishes his crown,

And I shall love you more than

A mother loves her newborn.

If you are willing to walk into my arms,

If you are willing to live in my heart,

You will find the one you have waited for forever...

You will meet yourself in my arms..

I promise.

Just Words....

2011-08-12T11:43:00.000-05:00

Are you kidding me??!! Its mid-august already??!!!!

I guess that's a good sign that I did not notice my time flying by :) Makes me think.. am already past half the year and yet, there is not a single thing on my "New Year Resolution list" that I have accomplished... (not that I remember what was on the list anyway) ;).

I haven't been able to update my blog much coz.. honestly, nothing has inspired me so much that I want to write about it.

Anyways, a recent conversation with a close friend involved a lot of gratefulness and thank yous for all the "help" I did.. and that made me wonder.. what is it exactly that am being thanked for???!!!.. You see friends going through their low phases in life.. and all you do really is tell them that, it will all be ok.. this too shall pass.. chin up.. hang in there.. and I guess everything and anything that could get them through that day. End of the day, its just "words" that you can offer to make someone feel better or worse at any given time. Honestly, it does not quantify to anything. Its not like, if you see someone in pain, you would laugh and celebrate it.. Ofcourse you'd empathize and/or sympathize with them.. they are your friends after all.. why wouldn't anyone do the least they can...??!!

Am I abnormal to feel weird and strange to be thanked for something I don't see the big deal in? Reminds me of this old and gone band called Boyzone and this one brilliant song " Words"...

I never did realize that, just words..and only words can touch someone from the inside. Its gratifying to know that, few genuine words can make a person smile and forget that they are having a bad day.. I have heard people tell me before, that am good with my words..but I just thought that was something polite you say to people.. I mean, common!!! would you actually go and tell someone.. you are horrible with your words.. you don't speak well or whatever...

Well, my point being.. Its amazing how much few words can do to make a day better or worse.. so look around you and try being randomly nice to someone.. If you know you have the power to make someone's day better.. maybe its time you put it to good use....

My guess: A lot of people could use it :)

Cheers.. :)

P.S : Let me know if you brought a smile to someone's face :)

The Experience called Lexus :)

2011-06-23T13:13:00.000-05:00

It was last year when I finally owned my very own car.. all by myself.. no daddy dear or mommy dear to pour out their saving on me.. and no rich boyfriend or husband to pamper/spoil me.. ALL BY MYSELF... It was an antique '94 Geo Prizm. It was my first baby.. and the feeling was so over-whelming. If you look at it from a normal perspective, it was neither a good buy nor a good car.. but it was MINE.. and honestly, it made me feel more in control of my life than anything ever has :)

So, if that was my passion for my car.. one can only imagine how heartbroken I was when it died on me.. in the middle of peak traffic on a highway.. scary.. yea... heartbroken.. HELL YEA!.. So, there started my car hunt for a more reliable car. Although it might sound funny to the ear.. car hunting was NOT fun at all.. NO.. not because car dealers are a pain in the ass or because all the banks were after the money I din't have.. but just because I carried around this guilt that I was leaving my baby Geo behind :(

After all futile attempts to fall in love again.. I stepped into this structure called The Lexus... and man... what an experience it was.. Once inside the car and on the road.. its like.. you are in your own bubble.. your own world.. sitting on the most comfortable leather couch, cruising through the clouds and watching the world trying to catch up with you.. Its not beautiful.. It is MAGNIFICENT :)

People turning their heads to give me and my car a second look is not really new to me.. Geo made a lot of heads turn.. mostly with faces that had an expression of shock that such a car was on the road.. faces with expressions of anger and frustration because Geo wouldn't go any faster so they could pass by.. and now.. I see the same heads turn again.. with faces in Awe :) :)

The Lexus demands respect.. and honestly it deserves every bit of it.. and am glad everyone on the road are generous with it ;)

All in all... a Lexus entered my life and turned it around.. My first baby is always going to be my first love.. but my lexus.. well.. that's the one am getting married to ;)

Lexus is no car I say.. it's an experience.. an experience worth having :).. and here's a sneak peak :D

Cheers!

The Closing Act of 2010

2010-12-23T13:19:00.000-06:00

Its here again.. the festive spirit, the Christmas carols, the New year resolutions lists, the madness and the anticipation for the days to come..

It hit me last night that this year is almost done with. I went down memory lane to think about all the things that this year got to the plate.. made me frown, teary eyed, and finally smile. I totally understand that one should look at the brighter side of life, but common.. how can you possibly appreciate the better if you don't acknowledge the worse...

Personally, this year totallyyyy started on the wrong foot for me.. I was jobless, insecure, heart broken, frustrated and unsure about how things were going to pan out.. I remember that the year had just started off and I couldn't wait for it to be over..I was pushed to my threshold limit of frustration but I did manage to keep a cheerful front. It was getting harder to look at myself and reassure myself that it will all be ok.. Things will work out.. This too shall pass.. picture abhi baaki hai.. and all those other motivational things..

I am not sure exactly when things began to change and get better.. but I know it wasn't overnight. Now, I am at the last leg of the year..and surprisingly I am not complaining. Things did work out, my heart did heal (more or less), I did get a job, my visa got approved and to make things better, it wasn't just for me.....My friends also had good things falling in place. I have no guilt in being happy.. coz I am happy not just for myself.

It's the closing act of 2010 that has been particularly interesting and worthwhile. It started off will small things and finally, every person I love deeply had good news to share. Be it about long awaited jobs, expecting mothers, new love, weddings, or just a simple family re-union..the smiles spread.. and they spread far and wide :)

To take all this happiness to another level, I get to spend my Christmas and New Years(hopefully) with people I care about most deeply. I get to laugh, smile and enjoy with those who have seen me at my worst and have taken my hand to lead me here.

Here's to hoping everyone gets to their happy place..

Thank you 2010.. your closing act has been spectacular and has me looking forward to 2011.

Signing off for the year....Cheers :)

Post Bootcamp

2010-12-13T16:41:00.000-06:00

First of, I really did not think anyone was reading all my jabber.. and yesterday someone actually asked me why I haven't updated my blog :)..So.. here it is...

I did it.. I made it to all my bootcamp classes and walked out slightly leaner and lot wiser. Honestly, the major thing that bootcamp did for me is that it gave me the confidence that even I can do it. Its possible.. I can make it happen and that's what am going to stick to. For a person as lazy as myself, imagining working out as part of my routine was hilarious. But then, all it takes is that one FIRST step towards what you want.. and things begin to happen like magic.

With the help of a very undeterred friend, I managed to find a diet that works for me..and with the help of my lovely credit card I managed to find a gym that will help me burn my love handles :). The one thing I managed to do all by myself was to "accept" the fact that I am wayyy over my ideal weight and that it was unacceptable.

NO, its not ok to look double my age..NO, its not ok to weight as much as I want when I am beautiful from within.. and NO, its not ok to believe that its too late to do anything about it. I can not allow my busy schedule, or lack of time or anything else for that matter to be an excuse for not taking my first step. Like my friend said.. Trying to do it and doing it are two different things...and I am determined to do it!

I made myself a milestone.. to weigh 7-8lbs lighter in 11 days.. and YES its possible. I have taken it upon myself to control my urge to indulge and move my ass to the gym despite the cold weather. Starting today, I am going to dedicate 2hrs of my time at the gym, either mornings, evenings or both (if I have to).. and I am hell bent upon looking like a 1000 bucks (to start with..) :)

This post feels more like a pledge to me than anything else... lol..

Either ways.. my calender is marked for December 23rd and I am going to kill, if I have to keep up the promise I made to myself... and yeah now that am posting it on a public blog.. am pretty sure.. I am going to do everything to save my face as well ;)

Here's to a million possibilities..

Cheers :)

The End...or is it?

2010-11-26T10:14:00.000-06:00

I am coming very close to the last session at bootcamp. Another 2 classes to go and I am done with my course. What have I learnt? How much have I lost? What will I do now? and so many other questions are coming to my head...In the beginning I really did not imagine that I would be unhappy to be done with these classes.. but I am..

What have I learnt...

I expressed my disappointment with my instructor that I haven't lost as much weight as I hoped for in the beginning and yet I am a couple of sizes down. He laughed at me ( I don't see why it was funny though). He explained to me that there is a difference between being lean and weighing less.. Being lean does not essentially mean you have lost weight. It puzzles me as to how you have shrink in size and yet the scale wont budge! He gave a long and gruesome explanation about muscle and fat, their differences and how converting your fat to muscle should be your ultimate goal. Build muscle and that burns more cals.. sounds great.. but I don't want to build muscle.. all I want is to loose weight.. I don't want to train to go win a body builder's title.. really.. I DON'T! (Apparently that's the part he found funny). It so happens that when you say "build muscle" it doesn't mean you become a giant ass body builder.. who would have thunk! He asked me to choose what I want.. to look leaner and toned or to weigh less! I still can't accept that they mean different things and I guess after this "enlightenment".. I am not sure what I want.. yet..

How much have I lost...

If you are expecting me to post numbers and claim how much I have lost.. well.. I am not! I guess its obvious at this point that I haven't lost much.. and so the frustration and confusion and disappointment etc etc.. but I did shrink sizes.. does that count? I dunno!

What will I do now..

Honestly, at this point..I really need to sit down and think what is it that I want really.. look lean or weigh less.. (How on earth can they be different!!!!!). I know one thing for sure... I am not going to stop what I started. I will workout just as religiously as I was.. except that I would balance out both weight training and cardio. End of the day.. I am human.. and I want both things.. why should I choose and settle for one ;)

As far as my diet is concerned.. I have such major plans for Christmas and New Year's that I can't afford to indulge now. So, am stocking my pantry with "healthy" food options..

Biggest realization: Loosing weight is not for the weak heart.. It requires a lot of patience and every single pound lost is an achievement.. If there are any of you.. who are struggling just as I am..then.. pls.. don't give up.. If I can manage to do it.. anyone can.. (yes..I am that lazy ;) )

Just Not Enough!

2010-11-17T10:14:00.000-06:00

I was beginning to wonder my self when I would go to my next class. Because of the over-whelming response to bootcamp.. almost all classes last week were over booked and I got into only one.. :( I got wiser this week and made reservations for all my classes :)

6 classes later my weight loss is really not as remarkable as I had hoped for and honestly, I am to blame for that. I had an out of the world weekend, less than considerable workout last week and more than required cravings. Sometimes I wonder, why having control over your own self and your cravings is sooo difficult.. but I guess in theory that's just the sign of a weak mind.. and in reality.. thats just human.. My workout for the last two days was remarkable. I can see how much I changed (not in terms of lbs... though). I can run a little longer before am gasping for breath, I can enjoy the aching muscles without cribbing, I can walk by a place with Indian food aroma and not give in, I can buy donuts and cupcakes for work and not have any.. I'd like to think.. thats considerable..

Honestly, seeing the way I was sweating my way through bootcamp, I really thought weight loss was going to be much faster than it is now.. Its disappointing to see my body, being a total bum about it. I was watching this show "The biggest Loser" last night and was shocked to see how much people achieved. 100lbs lighter in 8 weeks.. thats unbelievable.. but true.. It was inspiring to see people who weighed beyond imagination.. and at a age of 43-45 to have that kind of a will power. I'd like to think that its easier for me and less strenuous for me to achieve a target.. but that just sounds like am going easy on myself.

I happen to realize that... the amount of work I am putting in with bootcamp and the diet regulations I have made is just not enough. It took me 25yrs to get to where I am... and although I wish the results showed overnight.. its not going to happen. On that note, I went and flashed my credit card at the closest YMCA here. One hour workout at bootcamp.... at the end of which I walk out with a sweaty shirt and a feeling that it was an awesome workout.. is just not enough.. I need to do more to weigh less. Its been a disappointing week for me to know that whatever I thought was remarkable.. was just not enough.

For all those of you, who are struggling with their weight.. hang in there.. picture abhi baaki hai :)

Here's an article I thought was interesting, if you are thinking the way I am..

http://www.crossroadsbootcamp.com/resistance-training-separating-fact-from-fiction/

Cheers :)

Three is a crowd

2010-11-03T13:52:00.000-05:00

Third day at bootcamp :) I think with Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up.. almost everyone in town has gotten health conscious.. Wasn't fun to watch a huge crowd panting and sweating.. kinda grose infact. Either ways, the session was a real good one.. I am getting a grip over my own body and how far I can push myself without an injury. I am loving it :)

Piece of free advise to those who want to check-in for such workouts.. you'd rather want to prepare yourself a little before this jump start. A simple jog for 10 mins a day would also do the trick. If you are more an indoor person... try spot jogging/running in your room or even better walk up and down the stairs couple of times a day. You end up being sore a little bit but atleast your body knows what to expect. For most people, I would assume the most difficult part is to get started.. and then things happen like a charm and so is the case with me.. I think this is where the whole determination part fits in.. you have to "want" to do it.. or you'll just end up quitting the next chance you get.

So three sessions later, I went and bought a new pair of jeans :) Am down a size.. and god it feels good :) Although, I must admit..it wasn't all the bootcamp that did the magic, I had to and still am watching what I eat very carefully. Its important. Apparently, it takes 3500 burnt calories to lose one pound.. so it goes without saying that you want to.. have to.. get to the 3500 mark despite your usual diet.

Well, end of the day.. I am a size down and am thrilled.. :) and that is all that matters.

Happy Diwali :)

After day 2 @ Bootcamp!

2010-10-29T11:17:00.000-05:00

I made it to the second session.. yayyyy.. that being the only bright side to it.

If someone ever told you that all it takes to loose weight is disciple/commitment/diet changes/workout.. trust me.. they are just giving you the sweet version of it all.. It takes the ability to withstand a lotttt of freaking pain.. no one ever tells you that... and why should they?.. who would possibly want to sound like a sissy who can't handle pain...well, I really don't care what this sounds like.. but god!!!! it hurts...

In my mind, there are pictures rolling by, of all the times I carelessly ate.. hogged rather.. samosas, dosas, panner, parathas, ice creams, milkshakes, pizzas, beer pongs, shots.. and what not.. coming to think of it.. no wonder I have to work so much to loose it all.

I always felt shy (yes.. shy.. hard to believe huh?) going to a gym.. I kept telling myself that the "only" reason I wouldn't go to a gym is to save myself the embarrassment of working out with skinny sorority chicks. Well, if you are telling yourself the same thing.. haha.. welcome to the club.. but sorry to burst your bubble, its just plain bullshit... and honestly, you'll have to grow a pair to admit that to yourself.

So anyways, my second session was a huge reality check for me. It was shocking to see myself gasp for breath within seconds.. My fitness levels: ZERO!

Fitness apparently has nothing to do with how much you weigh, coz the saving grace for me last night was to see so-called skinny chicks also gasping for breath :D

I suddenly realized why the skinny ones work out so hard in a gym.. It has nothing to do with maintaining their weight, loosing it or gaining it.. Its all about trying to be fit (however cliche that might sound). You have to try it just once to understand it.

My plight as of now, is rather hilarious to the ears and eyes than it is to me.. Because my body suddenly had to wake up from its stagnant state and actually do something, its not really a happy camper. I can not begin to explain how it feels like. It takes a struggle for me to sit down and a bigger struggle to stand up. Every step i take, I can feel my muscles flex.. I came walking to work this morning, coz it was close to impossible for me to get into my car and drive. Funny part was when my boss (over 60yrs) offered to help me walk. Am I happy after day 2...No!! Am I going to Quit? HELL NOOO!

Aside all the cribbing and pain, I am glad to have taken the first step. I can see it now.. its not going to be easy.. its true what everyone said about bootcamp.. its not for the weak heart... but my desire to get better is stronger than my desire to make the pain go away (for now :) )..

Confessions of a lazy person working out

2010-10-28T14:43:00.001-05:00

It's been a day since I joined the very talked about new thing in town - Bootcamp!

People told me its not something for me, its hard, there is no way I would survive it.. etc etc.. and given that I am human, ofcourse it got me curious.. what the hell is all the jazz about bootcamp.. why is everyone making such a big deal abt it...and why on earth would "I" not survive it??! So, yes... I went there, flashed my credit card, and got registered for the 12 sessions.

Tina, was real sweet. She told me that its a joke, as to how people are filled with all these opinions about bootcamp being hard and rough and not for ones like me (read as - fat and lazy and someone who loves pizzas).

So finally the D-Day was here (yesterday) and I made it to my first session :). I was proud of myself that after working all day, I was still committed enough to drive for 30mins just to get a workout (which according to Tina.. is no big deal really!)...

The class was about bootcamp with boxing training.. I laughed to myself and thought..boxing!!..haha that should be easy.. after all I am big/huge/fat/whatever..I will be able to punch the living crap out of anything..

One hour later.. I was literally on the floor, struggling to breathe, sweating like a pig and pink in the face (for someone with a tanned skin tone like me.. pink usually doesn't show.. "usually")..cramps in my stomach and tears in my eyes...It hit me then, as to why the name bootcamp sounded familiar! I heard it previously, in context to military and the basic training they make the candidates go through!! I looked for Tina.. hmm.. for a long time..

The instructor told me that since it was first intensive workout class, I "might" be a little sore later.. but "it's no big deal".. it happens all the time..

For some reason, the same 30 min drive back home seemed like it took forever..

Almost 24 hrs after my first session, here I am.. unable to lift a coffee cup or write without cribbing about how my muscles hurt and how much pain I am under..and yet I find myself looking forward to my next session tonight! I was pretty sure last night, that I would walk up to Tina, and ask her for my money back..This was not what I signed up for!.... but what the hell.. this is really the first time, that someone has pushed me to my limits (physically).. and somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember the saying - No pain, no gain.. Sounds great on paper and in my head.. I am only 1 session down.. 11 more to go...

So, heres to me.. and my sincere effort (so far) to make a difference for myself (Yes, am selfish.. who's not! ;) )..

Cheers!

Isnt too late!

2006-10-27T11:06:00.000-05:00

To you my love,

Its been a while i agree, since i have looked at you in your eye,
Its been a while i agree, since i have talked so much that you doze by,
Its been a while i agree, since i have cuddled up in your arms and fell asleep,
Its been a while i agree, since i have walked along with you arm in arm,
Its been a while i agree, since i felt you just a breath away from me,
Its been a while i agree, since i laughed till tears came rolling down,
Its been a while i agree, since i sat and shared my most cherished dreams,
Its been a while i agree, since i played like a kid and fought over the fouls,
Its been a while i agree, since i begged you to cook and not compliment it,
Its been a while i agree, since i stood beside you and got teased about how short i am,
Its been a while i agree, since i blushed blankly into space remembering the kiss you left by,
Its been a while i agree, since i talked to myself assuming it was you,
Its been a while i agree, since i cried in your arms because i was scared i might loose you,
Its been a while i agree, since i ruined your long planned surprises for me,
Its been a while i agree, since i made you feel so special that you could cry,
Its been a while i agree, since i told you that nothing in this world matters to me,more than you,
Its been a while i agree, since i felt you kiss me so softly that i thought i might break,
Its been a while i agree, since i surrendered myself so much to you that i forget myself,
Its been a while i agree, since i made love to you and felt the whole world culminate into me,
Its been a while i agree, since i told you how much i miss you,

But today i realise no matter how far away you go, how impossible i get, how busy you are, its never too late for me to tell I LOVE YOU...

Me and Writing!?!

2006-10-23T21:37:00.000-05:00

Its been a while I must admit, since I have penned what I want! Ofcourse Sid was behind my life at one point of time, asking to start.....I tell you..am way toooooo lazy to start something just like that. Its always a starting problem for me, need a kick start!
Sid, now that I have started, I'll try not to be too philosophical. There was small poet inside me at one point. Will have to search for her. So, its not a BANG start..But with me..I would always take it slow!!..

Anyways, about me...I am Niriha Kadambi(very unusual name but I've not loved anything more!), Tamil iyengar(If there are bachelor's around ;)), finished my Bachelors in Technology (did not bribe a soul!!), presently busy thinking what i should be doing! I am couple of kilos over weight and every morning tell myself that From Today am Dieting!!..and somehow end up telling myself the same next morning too! As of now pursuing my Masters in Technology at JNTU-Hyderabad in Geo-Informatics and surveying Technology and also waiting for some better options!

Now, that the "Professional" thing is done with, I am a girl with supposedly good eyes and a lively smile,loads of attitude and arrogance. Confused over small things in life, always live in the fear of loosing my very dear ones,go out of my way to do things for people i love,very particular that my guy should be treat me like a princess (as of now, my guy is not so sure he wants to!), superstitious about few things(evil eye, someone sneezing when am going somewhere, gifting of pens and kerchiefs etc etc),and most importantly am not such a bad girl :)

I love Swimming, gossiping at times ;), talking, watching movies and dreaming! I do not don many accessories except my mobile and watches(am crazy about them). I am a simple complicated girl and always have some issue or the other to deal with.

I am known for my love for home made dosas. In college, there is this big joke about it that i would probably write off my property to anyone who feeds me enough of these!
I guess that's a decent brief up on me!..Will keep blogging!