little things are big

Gerald

2021-10-04T09:28:00.001-06:00

When one of the girls has a birthday my parents often buy the other a small gift too. This started right when Elise was born and had continued on to this day! Most recently Cordelia turned 12! 😭 Cordelia went with my mother in advance of said birthday and helped pick out a small gift for Elise.

Picture in your mind my mother and tween Cordelia taking a twenty minute walk to the store. There they found a small pirate skeleton. Apparently they thought, rightly so, this would be the perfect gift for Elise. After purchasing said pirate skeleton each took a hand with the skeleton in between them like a toddler and walked twenty minutes back to the house!

On Cordelia’s birthday Elise received her skeleton, now named Gerald. She was over the moon and since that moment Gerald has taken quite a central role in our lives.

He joins us for meals, to enjoy the company not food as Elise pointed out he has no digestive system.

He comes along for pick up and drop off at school. He also comes on errands.

He celebrated the birthday too.

Elise also tucks him in at night…

He even came with us to a restaurant.

Anyway, that’s Gerald.

Kitchari Recipe Tri-doshic for gut health

2021-09-22T09:56:00.001-06:00

Kitchari is a traditional Ayurvedic tri-doshic recipe, which means it is good for everyone!

First, let's quickly establish what even is kitchari!

Kitchari is a dish used in ayurvedic cooking and is a staple in this way of life. The word kitchari means, mixture. This meal is full of protein and fiber and is considered to be healing for gut health and an overall comfort food.

Traditionally kitchari is made from a blend of basmati rice, mung dal, healing spices and vegetables and has been perfected over the ages to be very gentle on digestion while still being very flavorful. There are iterations of this recipe that extend back thousands of years.

While I could write a whole essay about kitchari I will just drop the recipe below.

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The prep time on this is really only about 15 minutes, but you will want to let it simmer for an hour. You could also cook it in an instaPot if you are short on time.

Serves at least 8 freezes well!

Ingredients

*First*

2 Tbs coconut oil

2 tsp brown mustard seeds

2 tsp fennel seeds

2 tsp cumin seeds

2 tsp fenugreek seeds

2 tsp turmeric

2 tsp ground ginger

1 tsp ground coriander

1 tsp Himalayan salt

1 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp. ground cumin

*Next*

1 Tbs. chopped garlic (3 cloves)

1/2 c. chopped onion

*Last*

2 c. split mung bean dahl/ can sub golden lentils

1 c. white basmati rice

3 - 5 c. chopped vegetables (I used carrot, cauliflower, pepper, potato—-use what you have)

4 c. vegetable broth

4 c. water

2 bay leaves

****Optional garnish: coconut yogurt (unsweetened) cilantro

Instructions

*First*

Heat the oil in a large stockpot over medium high heat. Once melted, add the spices. Cook the spices in the oil until they start to become quite aromatic, about 2 - 3 minutes, stirring regularly and watching as we don’t want them to smoke/burn.

*Next*

Add the garlic and onion and cook for a couple of minutes.

*Last*

Add the mung beans, rice and chopped veggies and stir to coat veggies with spices. Pour in the liquids and stir in the bay leaves.Bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer and cover and cook for about an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes. Stirring occasionally. Remove the lid, give the mixture a good stir and add a touch more liquid if desired. Remove bay leaves.

Serve with cilantro and coconut yogurt if desired.

Snow in the Desert

2020-12-02T19:05:00.001-07:00

We awoke to a generous dusting of snow this morning. I wasn’t expecting it so it was a real treat to discover.

I don’t know why, but snow in the desert just seems magical to me. It’s like they should belong together, but it is just so beautiful.

The great thing about snow down here is that it never gets too cold to get out and enjoy it!

It was a beautiful day.

Thanksgiving

2020-11-28T06:58:00.001-07:00

I could not help myself I have to share a few Thanksgiving photos from this year.

If you are a long time reader then you know that we think the tradition of Thanksgiving is a nightmare! Between the stealing of lands from indigenous people to the killing of millions of sentient beings we don’t even kind of celebrate the tradition of Thanksgiving.

Years ago we decided to just take this day and do our own weird thing. This year the girls filled a jar with theme ideas for a costume. We drew our theme and had to come up with something on the spot.

Space theme.

Undead theme.

Jungle Explorer theme.

Sky Theme.

It was exactly the right way to spend the holiday.

And yes, we ate dinner like this.

Staying Sane

2020-10-24T19:24:00.001-06:00

Pandemic life has been pretty intense and it is looking like the months will continue to soldier on indefinitely without any conclusion in sight. What will normal be on the other side of all this?

I think most of us have been going through an highs and lows. I remember in March when two weeks seemed an eternity 😂. Now it is nearly November. How very strange the world has become.

I have found that there are a series of things that help me to stay sane and mentally unwell. Number one is to limit my news intake. This is admittedly difficult, but I try to just give myself a little time in the morning to glance at the headlines. If information seems important then I will read. I am really trying not to read news that serves no purpose beyond creating a sense of dread or despair.

I am also listening to books and podcasts. I miss having connections with people and this feels kinda like talking to someone who just never lets me get a word in edgewise.

I have been making time to work on commissions, but also my own art.

I take walks every single day. Often more than one walk. Sometimes the girls and I will ride bikes too.

The girls have lessons and sometimes I get to volunteer with rehabbing horses.

I have been working out at the gym. With a mask on it isn’t ideal, but my gym is usually pretty empty so it is easy to maintain social distancing and still get puuuuuuumped.

I am also working on French. I have started writing 1,667 words a day on a novel. I do daily pages in the morning as I am working my way through The Artist’s Way.

I help the girls with school.

I am basically trying to find structure and purpose in this strange time.

How are you? What are you doing to stay sane?

Balloons

2020-10-06T19:00:00.001-06:00

The regular balloon fiesta has been cancelled for this year, for obvious COVID reasons. With that said the school that one of the girls kind of goes to (look it’s weird and part of a hybrid online situation) had a socially distanced event.

The girls asked to go, even though it meant getting up before the sun. With so many “no’s” in the past six months I was happy to take one for the team. So I started worrying about waking up on time at 3am. Classic. We left the house before six. I couldn’t suck down that coffee fast enough and hit the road. En route we could see the first glow of balloons in the still dark sky. It’s pretty crazy to see just a blast of fire illuminating a balloon in the darkness. I couldn’t take a picture because I was driving.

We got to the school and parked in the lot and watched as, one by one, the balloons inflated. The sun slowly rose above the Sandias and eventually it was time to fly.

We watched them fly off, the occupants of the balloon waving down to us. Then we hurried home to start the day.

The Desert at Sunset

2020-09-18T07:19:00.001-06:00

One of the very best things about New Mexico is the late summer evening. The temperature is absolutely perfect, the sky always puts on a show, and the sun sets at exactly the right time (not too early or late).

This time of year I work to make daily walks fall right as the sun begins to sink. The spectacular colors melting into the horizon is unbelievably beautiful. I didn’t get a photo on this particular night, but to the East we have mountains that gather the purple shadows and lead the darkness in gently as we transition from morning to night.

The smoke from nearby fires has been tough to deal with, but at very least it makes the light of the sun look different and interesting.

Sunday Quote: I thought

2020-09-13T07:09:00.001-06:00

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery-air,mountains, trees, people. I thought, ‘This is what it is to be happy.’”-Sylvia Plath

Sunrise, Sunset

2020-09-07T21:14:00.001-06:00

This weekend was a girls’ weekend as Eric was out of town visiting his mother. We did not go along to limit risk of exposure (traveling with kids means all of the rest stops) and my mother-in-law is at elevated risk with COVID.

Since the girls were bummed out about missing out on an adventure I decided to make the weekend super fun for me and the girls. I asked them what they wanted to do. Most of their to-do list was the usual fun stuff they love, but there was one special request...to watch sunrise and sunset on the same day.

Thankfully this is exactly the time of year for such a task. The sun rises at 6:40 something and sets around 7:30ish.

So we got up at our normal, early, time and hopped in the car and drove to a location where we could get optimal viewing. We sat there for about half an hour, watching the cerulean and violet night sky fade into gold and light azure.

That evening we drove out in the opposite direction and found the open desert waiting for us. A storm had just passed, leaving clouds ready to reflect the light of the setting sun.

It was not a perfect day, but it was a really great day. One that I will probably remember until my last breath.

No Culture

2020-09-03T14:09:00.001-06:00

I have long struggled with a desire to have a cultural heritage. I am tangentially envious of people who have a distinct culture in which they grew up. When I was in high school in NM I would visit friends whose families had strong inter generational connections. Grandparents and parents were all linked and shared stories and traditions. Of course many of my friends were, at the time, frustrated or embarrassed by their families...teens am I right?

Later in life I gained exposure to more people from a variety of cultures from the Nepalese family across the hall in Denver, to the ranch family in Wyoming. All of these people have rituals and shared histories that they received from their elders and are passing along to their children. I love that these histories and traditions are ever changing and evolving, yet also fixed.

I yearn to feel a part of something. It has always felt a bit like I am on the outside looking in on other people’s worlds. Do you feel that way?

I would hang on to the tiniest scraps of heritage. For instance my family is partially Norwegian. So I embraced lefse and the unique spelling of my name, but I am in no way connected to Norway and if I go there I will just be an American.

It is ok to be American, but our very nature is that we are a united mixed bag. Honestly there is nothing cohesive about being an American now.

So, I got to thinking about the origins of tradition/culture/heritage. Perhaps I am the seed taking root and not the branches of tree. It is a bit lonely, but also exciting to think that something can grow from that desire.

Sunday Quote: Understood Backward

2020-08-30T20:15:00.001-06:00

“Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward ”-Søren Kirkegaard

It’s all in the wrist

2020-08-27T16:17:00.001-06:00

Eric started a new job late last year. Along with this new position cane some sweet benefits, including gym access. I will talk more about this another day, but let’s just say that I have become something of a gym person/workout person this year.

Anyway, I am not sure if I injured my wrist while working out, doing yoga, typing for work, painting, drawing or some combo. Regardless of the source my wrist has been hurting for a few months. I haven’t made much progress in healing on my own so I finally had to call a doctor.

I really mean it when I say “call a doctor,” because most non-urgent appointments are done by phone. So I had a video call with a doctor this morning and have been advised that I may have carpal tunnel. Interestingly even while on a video call my doctor wore a mask. That was weird. I was given some feedback for self-care that may or may not resolve the problem. I don’t feel especially hopeful as she also referred me to a hand surgeon. So that’s what’s coming up for me.

In the mean time I am to wear a wrist wrap day and night. I feel pretty cool with a wrist wrap. I am not sure why it makes me feel tough to have a wrist wrap, especially since I am also now using topical arthritis medicine, but I will take any small victory right now. I am claiming it, wrist wraps are tough.

Hard and Soft

2020-08-24T20:19:00.001-06:00

Things have been so strange these past few months. There is a sense of hurry up and do nothing. Or worry about the unthinkable. I think that what has become glaringly obvious is that we all were really set in our ways. Most of us like to think that we are adaptable, and we absolutely are, but our adaptability comes with some serious growing pains.

Learning how to live in a place of uncertainty is scary. Nobody likes to feel unsafe. We like to think that routine is boring, but I think that in these COVID times we have really learned how important routine is to our wellbeing. I am not talking about how we structure our days, but rather how we structure our world.

For instance when The Great Toilet Paper Panic of 2020 first began we were all faced with our own limitations. Not so much in places with the good sense to use bidets, but here in America. Look, I am living in the desert. I can’t just use some leaves. We’ve got cactus. Toilet paper seems pretty important. While we were not TP hoarders (Shame on them. Shame.) it was sure unsettling to realize that the simple fact that toilet paper would always be there for us was not actually a fact.

Now we are on to a new phase. I don’t worry about toilet paper. I worry more about the big picture, the thing that we are all afraid to really look at. Do we want to go back to how it was? Do we want to start something a little different?

I am eager to see friends and family and to travel, but I am also interested in a slower pace with more time for family and walks. I am more interested in being a smidge more prepared in the event that something like this happens again.

I definitely feel strange in these times, but I also feel hopeful.

Sunday Quote: Change Them Yourself

2020-08-23T21:17:00.001-06:00

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.-Andy Warhol

Morning Walk

2020-08-20T18:23:00.001-06:00

I start my day early. I am the first up in the house, always. I get out of bed and let the dogs out. (Who let the dogs out?) I start the coffee and while I wait for it to brew I will do a French lesson and maybe answer a work email or something. The girls will usually wake up next. They will chat for a bit, sometimes a lot. I have a cup of coffee. Eric gets up around 7-8. Then everyone will wander off to play a game or get breakfast or whatever. Then I leash up the hounds and head out. Sometimes one or both of the girls will accompany me, but more often than not I am solo.

Walking three dogs can be a lot, but we have all figured out a standard procedure. Betty and Philip in the back and Qiu Jin in the front.

My favorite mornings are when we wander the desert, but in the summer I generally stick to the neighborhood as I don’t want to try and deal with three dogs while encountering a rattlesnake.

Usually I will listen to a book or a podcast while I walk. I only have one earbud in and mace in my hand lest you worry about a vulnerable lady on her own.

Then I get home and start the day.

Finding Balance

2020-08-19T16:58:00.001-06:00

Like so many parents and educators we are all trying to settle into a schedule during COVID times. We have school during the day, work too. Last week was challenging as we all adjusted to meet our needs and responsibilities. Last week I was squeezing in work outs in the early hours and painting in fits and starts throughout the day.

This week has been much improved! The girls are more confident in their routine. While they still need a lot of oversight they are able to work for longer periods without interruption. I am able to work out and paint as evidenced by this photo of me painting immediately after yoga. Did I need to shower, probably, but the girls were still working so I had to paint while the opportunity was still available to me!

Bike Ride

2020-08-17T14:09:00.001-06:00

I recently got a bike. I had a bike in Wyoming, but we sold it before moving as we didn’t have room in the Uhaul. Since then I have wanted to get a new bike, but I kept putting it off.

Finally, last week I got a new bike. It isn’t anything fancy, just a neighborhood cruiser. Honestly I feel pretty cool when I ride it and the music from Amelie is playing in my mind as I cruise, mostly just because my bike has a basket. Just need to toss in a baguette to complete the lewk. Ha!

Anyway, the girls and I have been taking the bike trails through the neighborhood in the mornings or evenings. In summertime in New Mexico the afternoon is hotter than Satan’s armpit so we stay indoors.

Anyway, it is such a treat to ride along with my girls and take in our neighborhood from a new vantage point.

Studio Time

2020-08-15T20:25:00.001-06:00

I have been in the studio a lot lately, but my time has been very fractured with everyone at home. Most of the time the interruptions are so sweet. Kids will pop in for a hug or draw nearby as I paint. Sometimes I will get to hear every.single.detail of a dream. Have you ever had a kid tell you their dream? Or even an adult tell you a dream? All of the details are included. Absolutely no room for paraphrasing.

I actually have a distinct memory of the moment I realized that my own sweet mother maybe didn’t want to hear every detail of my dreams. We were in the kitchen of the parsonage and I was going on and on about a dream. I was probably around 11-12. I remember looking at her face. Her eyes were pointed at me, but there was that far away glazed quality that I now know and recognize in my own self.

Anyway, back to my studio. The whole family is quite supportive of giving me time to work. I don’t ask for a lot of time so they all understand that it is important to let me work.

These days progress is slower than when I had many hours to work, but I am so thankful for any time at all.

Creating a Relationship with the Land

2020-08-14T18:24:00.001-06:00

When we first moved to NM we struggled to find our place. We had moved here rather unwillingly and were not in the right headspace I think. It is easy to reflect upon now, but I don’t think we really recognized it when we first moved here.

We started taking walks when we arrived, mostly for the dogs to get exercise.

We noticed with wonder some of the strange species of plants that are in our area.

The earth itself is different here.

Slowly, slowly over a season we began to build a relationship with the land.

I learned when the cholla blooms!

We learned that frost in the desert is beautiful and that it even snows here. The schools closed for even a whisper of snow!

All of this happened gradually, like building a relationship. Building up experience and knowledge over time. Now I feel at home in our desert. I know to take the fifteen minute drive down to the Bosque when I am in need of water and trees. I know what this desert has to offer. I know that it is tough and unforgiving, but it offers the most vibrant beauty.

Some Recent Work

2020-08-13T07:02:00.001-06:00

Botanic Gardens

2020-08-11T18:21:00.001-06:00

We recently took a little socially distanced trip to the botanic gardens. You have to buy tickets in advance and the whole place has been arranged to ensure that people remain safe.

It was so good to get out of the house and do something a little different after so many months of pretty much the same few things.

Mask. Shades. Hat.

I love the gardens and wish that I had been able to sit and paint for a while, but that is a task for a day when kids are not leading the way.

We were in no rush, but we let the girls guide us through at their pace.

We all took in the beauty and as much of the fresh air that could penetrate our masks.

It was so good!

We will definitely be back before the weather changes.

Two Years!

2020-08-10T21:04:00.001-06:00

Today marks two years since we moved from Wyoming to New Mexico. It was the conclusion of a very traumatic period of change. Most change comes with some real pain. We had been through a great deal in the year leading up to our move. So when we pulled up in front of our new home it was bittersweet. We had closed the door on a really vibrant time in our lives. We felt sad and unmoored. Of course there were things to be happy about too, but it was hard to see clearly at that time in life.

Interestingly I think that hard year, in some ways, prepared us for 2020. Having gone through really hard times it has seemed that the difficulties of 2020 are somehow more manageable. We can see that problems are not, in fact, cumulative. I think that was something that we had struggled with in the year leading up to our move: death, job loss, home sale, living with family, unemployment, uncertainty. Now, we know that we can get through that stuff and I think we are more equipped to weather the storm.

Anyway, when we moved to NM we were certainly heartsick for some time. Most difficult was leaving my parents and our much loved yellow house. It has taken us time to settle in here, but gradually we are feeling more stable and invested in this place.

For me it was getting a garden going, a post for another day, and getting the home to reflect our personal taste. Slowly. Slowly

Not long ago I painted the stair rails a vibrant coral color. It was as though the house was suddenly home. Strange how those little things make such a difference.

Sunday quote: Now is Now

2020-08-09T14:26:00.001-06:00

Now is now. Are you going to be here or not?

Ram Dass

The Bird Story

2020-08-08T15:56:00.001-06:00

One reason I had to come back here was to preserve the bird story for future generations. Sit back, relax, and enjoy proof that dreams do come true, kinda.

One recent Saturday morning I was taking an early morning walk-n-talk on the phone with my friend Sarah. She lives states away, but we will often take a walk together anyway.

So I had just set out with Philip and Qiu Jin, Betty was not feeling it that morning. We were settling into a good conversation about some of the issues we are facing in the world of quarantine when some birds swooped by, low. One landed on a nearby electrical box. I could instantly see that it was a non-native bird. It was someone’s parakeet. There was a second parakeet that landed nearby.

I instantly switched to FaceTime so Sarah could see what was happening. I put my hand out and the bird hopped on?!?!! This is the ultimate dream of mine and I cannot express to you how shocking and intense this was for me.

Sarah captured my reaction.

The bird climbed up my arm and made itself right at home!

I could not believe this was happening to me. I ALWAYS whistle to birds and extend my finger. Normally they rudely decline. This little guy took things to the next level.

Poor little babe was tired and took a little snooze. I was scrambling to figure out my next move. First of all, we have plenty of animals in our home and I definitely did not want to adopt this guy and his pal, who was sticking close, but too scared to approach. I had two dogs on a leash and Eric was at home in bed while the girls were in pajamas watching cartoons.

I was beginning to assemble a plan of action when the bird hopped onto my sunglasses!

Then he pooped on my face and flew away! Ha!

I have tried to find him again, to no avail. I did see his buddy again, but just a fly-by. I feel somewhat hopeful as I have seen a parakeet in Denver living with a bunch of sparrows, so it could happen.

Hello, Goodbye, Hello

2020-08-07T17:32:00.001-06:00

I suppose I had better catch you up to speed on new members to our family.

First we have Qiu Jin. It sounds like chew gin when you pronounce it. We have had Qiu Jin for over a year at this point, but she still feels new. Let me tell you how Qiu Jin ended up in our house.

My cousin was living in Shanghai and was involved in animal rescue. She was walking home and spotted a puppy running through many many lanes of traffic. Somehow the scruffy puppy was not hit and took shelter under some parked motor bikes. My cousin grabbed a few strangers who helped her to corral the puppy and scoop her into a bag and take her home. A couple of weeks later she asked if we would help. Well, we already had two dogs (Betty and Bumblebee), but we couldn’t say no. Several months passed as my cousin got a passport for Qiu Jin and several other rescues who were flying into the states. If you are wondering why she didn’t just re-home the animals in China you can look into the dog meat trade for your answer.

Anyway, Eric and I did not tell the girls that we were going to adopt her as there were so many variables. We did drive to AZ to meet my cousin and her dogs. Qiu Jin was actually kind of a mess and would not let me hold or pet her. Furthermore my cousin was deeply attached by this point. The night before we left I told her that she could absolutely keep Qiu Jin, that it felt like we were taking her dog. We were happy to have made the trip just to see her and the family. She thought on it for the night, but the next morning, as we were loading the car to return home, she took me aside and said that she knew it was the best choice for Qiu Jin.

So we pretty much just shoved this confused pup into the car, after a hard goodbye, and drove off. It was such a loving gift for my cousin to put Qiu’s needs first. The girls were, of course, thrilled. As we drove off I looked down at this scared and confused dog and my heart broke a little bit. She didn’t trust me and she didn’t know what was going on. Thankfully the long drive home gave me time to pet her, give her treats, and earn a little trust.

It took a few months for her to settle into our life. She bonded with us quickly, but I would say that somewhere between months 3-6 she really began to show her true colors. She is so fun! She has the best personality. She is silly and playful and so smart! We adore her!

And now for the saddest goodbye. Bumblebee.

Last summer, a few months after adopting Qiu Jin, we had to say goodbye to Bumblebee. She had been declining for years, but it was to the point that we truly began to question her quality of life. I kept hoping that she would just not wake up. Each morning I would check her breathing, her tail would wag and she would groan to get up and go outside. It became clear that her pain was not something we could manage. After many tearful conversations we realized that our final gift to her would be a dignified and peaceful death in her home.

The girls and Eric said goodbye and left with Betty and Qiu Jin. Bumblebee and I stayed home with the vet who came to help ease her passing with care and love. The vet was so gentle and gave me all of the time and care that made the process so much more peaceful. . I cried and gave her all of the love. Her passing was sweet and quiet. I cried so much, but the last words she heard were that she was such a good girl and that we love her so much. From the moment we met her until the moment she left she knew nothing but love.

While it was truly heartbreaking, and something that I still feel acutely, I am so thankful that we had her in our lives for so very many years. She was such a gift and the age old adage is that grief is the price we pay for love. And boy do we love her.

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Phew, that was kind of heavy and we are more than a year removed from her passing.

I will say that while we all mourned, animals included, we are all ok now. We remember her as she was when she was pain free and full of life. She opened Eric and I up to responsibility in a way that paved the road to parenthood and future adoptions. She has left a legacy of love.

Next, you need to meet Philip! His story is a bit more simple. During quarantine we decided we could take in a foster. He came to us from El Paso or Juarez, we aren’t sure. When he arrived he was covered in filth and ticks (barf city).

He had clearly been abused and was just terrified to his core. He knew pretty quickly to go to the bathroom outside, adored the girls, ignored the cats, and started to bond with Qiu Jin. He also weirdly looks a lot like Qiu Jin.

A few weeks in we got a call for a meet and greet with a potential adopter. We had a family meeting and decided that we could not bear to put him through the trauma of another upheaval in his life. So we officially adopted him.

Philip is no genius. Truly a simple soul. However, he is just so darn sweet. We had to teach him how to go up and down stairs. We had to teach him to walk on a leash. We had to teach him that we won’t hurt him. Qiu Jin and Betty have taught him to play. He hasn’t got a mean bone in his body. When we take him on walks he just trots along with a doggy smile, looking up at us. Occasionally he is looking up with so much love and gratitude that he runs into bushes so we have to keep an eye out for him.