You Shouldn't Wear That

I Still Like Green.

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:11:00 +0000

Location: The Silver Dollar, Madison, WI
Photographer: wb(?), Katie(?)
Offense(s): poor jacket choices, lime green

Comments: I think this is a lime green linen sports coat. It also may be ventless, which isn't a statement this guy should be making either. I love this picture because it's actually a 2-for(!). Look at that droopy suede trench to his left! I wonder if they are friends because of their terrible jackets, or their jackets are terrible because they are friends.

Location: N. Prospect Ave., Milwaukee, WI

Photographer: "Katie." - wb

Offense(s): roller-tights, blades, keylime green

Comments: This rollerbladed by BikeTub Saturday afternoon while we were out cruising the streets of The Kee. I guess if you're going to give up your self-respect by lacing up a pair of inline skates anyway, you might as well go all in and put on a pair of bright green tights too. Even so, I don't think she needed that helmet of 80's permed hair. Rollerblades didn't even exist back then.

Fashion Easters

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 22:35:00 +0000

The East Side of Milwaukee has a lot of things going for it in general. It's eccentric and eclectic! I don't live there, but I know people who do. And sometimes I get recognized at The Dogg Haus, which is pretty fulfilling. Also, they managed to nab that killer url, so that's pretty hip & cool.

Of course there's a downside to eccentric. I'm sure these people are very nice, they just should wear that:

Tie-dye? Really? Why is there still no foreseeable end to the use of large swaths of tie-dyed cotton-poly blends as clothing? Just stop.

This outfit isn't ever ok, even if you are Madam Mim's rebellious step-daughter. And even though crossing Knapp Street looking like this may be sort of meta, it just highlights your need of a good nnacking. I'm sure Nnobi could work some magic.

Gonzorrhea

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 04:23:00 +0000

Jean shorts. Sandals. Plaid jacket. I love you Gonzo.

Martin's Socks

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 04:19:00 +0000

White athletic socks. Great for running, basketball, and cushioning your bone spur. Terrible for wearing with jeans at a bar.

Ugh! no more Uggs.

noreply@blogger.com (Lucia) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 21:51:00 +0000

Couple of things about Uggs.
1) anything that becomes a phenomena should probably be avoided at all costs. (notice to you tight jean wearing boys and you Croc loving people)
2) even if you are going to wear them, I don't think that it was ever a good idea to tuck your sweatpants into them and allow them to balloon out over the top.

Note that these pictures were taken in Kansas City MO and Madison WI proving that this sweatpant nonsense has crossed statelines.

you shouldn't...

noreply@blogger.com (Lucia) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 21:47:00 +0000

be able to see through your shoes.

Greensleeves

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:01:00 +0000

It's like someone took him in for some body work but didn't want to spend the extra money to make sure the paint matched. Just like that beat-up '91 Honda Civic down the street. And what's with the one weird greensleeve?

Fat Kid in Little Shorts

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:42:00 +0000

I watched this walk by while enjoying a mango-raspberry smoothie in Lewiston, NY.

Inappropriate Accessories

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:42:00 +0000

In case you can't tell, that's a shiny pink lip-shaped purse sitting on the table next to that 50 year old woman wearing a Packers sweatshirt. Immediately after sitting down she arranged her collection of small clay figurines on the table between her and her companion.

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 00:33:00 +0000

This is a confessional post. Last weekend I took the bus to Chicago. At Union Station I crossed paths with a woman in a full bodysuit. Made of all denim. Two blocks later I passed a man wearing a 2 piece suit. Also made of all denim. I should have 2 pictures to prove it. I'm sorry.

Kamo Kilt

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:49:00 +0000

This man chose to accessorize his camouflage kilt with black combat boots, an ugly nylon jacket, and an over-the-shoulder camera bag. Unfortunate. For him and his family. What's really scary is that this is what he wore to an opera concert. What does he look like normally?

Also, Skoczen's not wearing a skirt. Believe it or not, those are pants.

Bra Strap Abandonment

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 01:33:00 +0000

Lucia helped me get over our team's tragic first round loss in the Flip Cup Tourney last night by pointing out fashion blunders.

Other coping mechanisms included throwing stuff off the balcony and drinking (alot) more beer.

Sea Creature Inspired Shorts

noreply@blogger.com (Alex) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:18:00 +0000

Apologies for the arm blocking these awful sea creature inspired shorts. This unfortunate fashion disaster was caught on a rare outing to Georgetown, usually frequented by much of DC's douchey elitist crowd as described in this revealing article.

As can be seen, southern frat-inspired clothing is still alive and well in the real world. If it had been the 80's, this guy would have likely been wearing croakies for his Ray Ban sunglasses worn to the bar.

Where to start?

noreply@blogger.com (Alex) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:43:00 +0000

This man may indeed have no hope. Unfortunately, I was not able to get a good angle to take a pic from the front of this bleu ensemble, which featured the hideous blue shirt you see here unbuttoned to the third button - you could almost see his man nipples.

First of all, blue shirt on light blue jeans - no, don't do that. Second, this man has no belt - that's just wrong in so many ways. Third, the light wash on those jeans went out the door in the early 90's. Fourth, fit, fit, fit! This guy is wearing sizes meant for people way bigger than him - the shoulder seams are near the upper part of his arms, and the jeans (without the belt) are on the verge of falling down. Also, his jeans look like they're meant to sack potatoes.

This guy thought he was the shit from the look on his face, and after this fateful image was snapped, he proceeded to play pool with a George W'esque smirk.

Two chairs instead of one.

noreply@blogger.com (DarcyM) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:16:00 +0000

A little junk in the trunk is good. Mos def makes reference to the pros of the fat booty, "an ass so fat you could see it from the front", but I think this one is going a little overboard. She was apparently eating wings, potato skins and various other ass -expanding foods at the time.

Male Jean Shorts

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:40:00 +0000

Location: Miller Park, Milwaukee, WI.
Photographer(s): Katie and friends
Offense: jean shorts, circa 1991.
Comments: It's not that all jean shorts are bad. Some are trendy cut-off bermuda shorts worn by girls. Others are little booty shorts worn by girls. But these aren't those. And they're not on a girl.

[UPDATE:]
More examples of jean shorts gone terribly terribly wrong, courtesy of JD.

White and Brown make Beige

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 03:53:00 +0000

This delightful specimen was spotted recently in Cherry Hill, NJ at the IRA Regatta. It's uncertain whether or not this man makes a habit of wearing crisp white crew socks with his loafers on a regular basis or if this was done in some misbegotten attempt to fit in while in The Dirty Jers' and/or at a crew regatta. Unfortunately, based on his general confidence level and nonchalant stride, I suspect this is a common footwear choice for him. Also, I think he's probably from Long Island. I just got that feeling. Regardless, don't wear white socks with your brown (or black) shoes. Wherever you are. Alex, I'm looking at you.

The Happy Couple

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 27 May 2008 16:02:00 +0000

This couple was spotted wandering the Allentown service station on the Pennsylvania turnpike Friday afternoon. Things that they should not be wearing:
1. fanny packs
2. glasses around their neck
3. those sandals
4. that hair-do
5. shirts that make you look like a watermelon

Urban Cowboy Hipster Chimera.

noreply@blogger.com (DarcyM) — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:52:00 +0000

I don't think there is really anything else to say.

Flashdance...

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Thu, 08 May 2008 04:24:00 +0000

It's not that I'm against girls showing shoulders. I am against the off-the-shoulder sweatshirt though. If she had cut the neck out of this sweater herself I would have asked for Irene Cara's autograph. But she actually bought it that way. It's also nice that her friend chose to class up the joint by wearing a plain white t-shirt. Oh what a feeling.

Don't Accessorize Your Sausage Arms

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Wed, 07 May 2008 14:59:00 +0000

Why would you do this to yourself?

That stretchy armlet would have gotten her up here regardless, but the little squeeze of her arm fat just ices my cake. And I suspect her cupcake as well.

Island Wear

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:42:00 +0000

Except when on a desert island, or other authentically outdoorsy excursion, this assemblage of tourist chic should not be worn. Trail shoes should stay on the trail. Unzippable legs are acceptable only when the possibility of wading through a body of water is likely. Tank tops are fine actually.

Popping the frat collar, as a young professional

noreply@blogger.com (Alex) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:07:00 +0000

Apologies for the low-quality picture. This was taken at a bar after I chased the guy down the stairs, with considerable risk to myself as his arms were bigger than my head and I don't think he'd have appreciated a guy trying to photograph him with a cell phone cam.

This gentleman is still living his fratboy glory days: rocking a pink pastel polo shirt with the collar popped up. Not that that look is necesarily acceptable during college, but there is some safety in numbers with a fraternity's fellow meatheads. Additionally, you can't underestimate the effects of repeated kegstands and beer bongs on mental processing power.

Unfortunately for this ex-fratboy, there aren't any undergrads around at this yuppie bar to help him blend in.

you shouldn't wear...

noreply@blogger.com (DarcyM) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 02:45:00 +0000

your child as an accessory.

I took this today at the ultimate yuppie hangout, blue back square, while on my way to eat burritos and drink 1.99 beer. I saw this small child pulling his leash taut and I just couldn't help but take a picture. Schuyler did a nice job as my wingman as I snapped the photo. He almost looks defiant; I am waiting for him to pull out a pair of child safe scissors and set himself free.

Sock Wedgies

noreply@blogger.com (wb) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:34:00 +0000

The combination of sock & sandal comes in a variety of incarnations: Birkenstock, Teva, and the dreaded thong. As we see here, both the undergarment and the footwear versions result in a perma-wedgie. The saddest part of this picture is not the unrepentant nature of the wearer but that the wearer is one of our own contributors.