Dr.Ethel Drayton-Craig

JUST IN CASE

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 19:33:00 +0000

I thought I had prepared well last Friday morning – raking the leaves and creating a neat pile of them at the end of my property line. At least if the snow came, the existing leaves would not become mush on my lawn, I thought. I was also delighted that I had acquired a radio with power alternatives consisting of a rechargeable battery, solar panel, and a crank option. I had food in the house.

On Saturday morning I saw that the October snow had begun to fall a half day earlier than expected. Smart me decided to begin to cook two large pots of food just in case power went off and I did not have access to my electronic ignition gas stove and oven. Things were going well, it seemed. Every now and then lights would flicker. I ran to the store for not more than 15 minutes and saw how deceiving things were from my home window. There were downed limbs across stretches of road. The streets seemed as if a giant Slurpee machine dumped gallons of the stuff on them. Traffic light after traffic light were inoperable. I returned home quickly only to find emergency vehicles at a location I had just traveled because of a downed tree limb.

Glad to be home just past mid-day, I decided to update family about how things were. As I typed on the computer I lost power to the house. That was that! So I rounded up candles, the emergency lights, and the radio just in case.

“Just In Case” lasted 3 days! My radio, books, candles, lanterns, and food kept me comfortable as I watched a chunk of my tree fall on the side of my house. There was no heat in addition to no lights. I was smart to take rapidly thawing food to a dear friend’s house after 24 hours. She had her electricity restored. I had saved the charge on my cell phone by having it shut off when not in use. I had a landline telephone in one room that worked independent of the cordless phones in the electrically powered cradles in which they sat.

I was lucky. I had hot water and I had stove top gas. Monday morning was a revelation, however. After listening to the radio of all the school and business closings, and still with no power, I decided to head for warmth at Starbucks where I could sit and use my computer. I also decided to bring my adapters for the radio and lantern so I could charge them in the process. By 11:00 A.M. Starbucks was packed and people were sitting in the frigid cold with laptops plugged in the sockets on the gazebo walls.

I hightailed it to Barnes & Noble and it looked like the day after Christmas there! People were on the floors with computers, people walked around the store with computers in hand, looking for an open socket. Every pillar socket was taken with people charging phones, computers, and emergency gadgets. There were long lines for food and coffee. Suddenly, I realized that a chair was a prized possession. A chair! How simple Life became in a crisis.

A chair was as good as gold. A socket was even more valuable.

With all of our technology, best plans, and forethought, I see that the gizmos and gadgets are only as good as a charge. In a serious crisis our cities are not equipped to handle the volume of need – this we see played out over and over. I think I will really give serious thought and action to contingency plans given the numerous climatic events around the globe and earth rumblings. After all, with all of this, winter did not even get here yet!

I am grateful for caring friends and neighbors because that is what makes a difference for all of us in times of need and crisis.

DEFINING MOMENTS

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:19:00 +0000

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It is comforting for a parent to hear validation from one’s young adult offspring as he/she refers to something “you always use to say”, or some other precaution that was given when the child was growing up. As real Life experience would have it, that young adult can now see that some of the parent’s admonitions and imposed rules did serve a purpose for the child’s well-being.

Yet, this time for me, it is bittersweet. When my son was of high school age I cautioned against him going out in public with friends who dressed in a manner that could likely cause hassles from authority figures. When he was eleven or twelve years old, I began to engage in conversations with him that I knew parents of most of his friends never had to think about – namely, what to do in the event that he was stopped by a cop. He was always taught to respect laws and those who enforce them. Yet, I knew he needed another lesson as he was on the portal to adolescence and eventually manhood….that lesson, a black mother of a son knows well.

The lesson he was taught and that was reinforced many times during the following years was: If you are stopped by a cop for whatever reason – whether you are in the wrong, or if you are innocent….the goal of that encounter is to stay alive! We practiced how to speak – the tone, the lack of smart answers, the lack of anger, and no arguing. Most of all, when asked for ID: not to reach for it…tell the officer where it is and wait to be told what to do and how to access it.

I remember that afternoon when my son was skateboarding on the steps of the library on the campus where I worked. The campus security officer told him to stop and he immediately called me to tell me what happened, saying several times that he did exactly what I taught him. He was polite; he stopped; he apologized; but more than anything, this young boy wanted me to know that he had handled himself in the manner which I prescribed.

Sunday, he called to tell me about an incident on Saturday afternoon outside an event in Brooklyn, in which he, his father and Godfather found themselves. They were just standing on the street in front of the building and white cops jumped out of an unmarked vehicle approaching his Godfather over an opened beer in a brown bag. My son described a situation in which the cop’s approach to them was marked by hatred with cursing, denigration and disrespectful tone. I held my breath bracing for the worst. He said that the three of them tried to be polite to the cops; yet, they were belittled, yelled at, and cursed. This was being done to two men with gray hair in their mid 60s. The infraction could warrant a fine (written summons) but the cops decided to take his Godfather to the station to write the summons. In dread, I listened further, while images of Abner Louima in a Brooklyn police station flashed in my head.

They went down to the station to wait for his Godfather only to continue to be treated poorly. When the computer indicated that his Godfather had an outstanding unpaid fine, the officer cursed at him when he saw it on the screen. They kept his Godfather and responded sarcastically to questions by my son. They would not allow them to have the Godfather’s car keys so that they could move the vehicle from the event location.

My son, remembering what I taught him, was beside himself, because he saw first-hand how black civilians can be treated despite all efforts to be polite. He said they answered all questions politely, never argued with the cops, and never showed disrespect. Yet, he witnessed his Godfather, father and himself being cursed at and disrespected for what, he says, was a matter of writing a summons on the spot if the officers wanted to do that.

My son saw white men of authority abusing their power and on the phone he heard me remind him of Amadou Diallo, unarmed, reaching for his wallet for ID, pumped with 41 shots. I told him about the 76 year old Eleanor Bumpurs shot dead in her apartment in the Bronx. I reminded him that when he was a baby we had the Rodney King incident. It is bittersweet to hear my son say that he realized why I kept trying to teach him that the goal is to STAY ALIVE when confronted. It is bittersweet because my newly graduated ivy leaguer saw, first hand, the common denominator.

He told me on Sunday that he had already emailed his professor about the incident. This is the professor of his prison studies class. My son said, “Mom, I read about all of this, but I could not believe what I experienced.” His Godfather was released on Monday, three days later.

My son’s ultimate goal has been law school to assist him with a position in Public Policy. Now, this. God works in mysterious ways and time will tell the out-picturing of his career. However, I know beyond a doubt that what he experienced were defining moments with an indelible imprint.

© Dr. Drayton-Craig, 2011

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 16:52:00 +0000

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It was a rainy Saturday morning and I had planned to complete my writing for a Sunday morning speaking engagement. Slow rainy Saturday mornings make well for writing to a backdrop of classical and operatic solos on the radio. In the early afternoon, I paused for lunch and while washing the dishes, I heard the radio voice talking about an exhibition of the work of William T. Trego at the Michener Museum in Doylestown, PA. He painted Civil War scenes. While that sounded dull to me, I continued to listen to what the biographer had to say about his Life and work. Trego was virtually a master at depicting military scenes on canvas and his short Life was wrought with struggles that would be insurmountable to many.

While the Civil War began when he was 2 ½ years old, shortly after that, he suffered an illness, now believed to be polio. It deformed his fingers, hand, torso, and feet. I found myself listening intently while the water ran from the faucet. I put the silverware down and while imagining what the biographer was describing, I contorted my wet hand and wrist, squeezing the fingers shut, and folding the wrist out and backwards. The biographer said that as a young boy, Trego began to paint (his father, Jonathan Trego, was a renowned artist) and in order to do it, he would work at grasping the brush between two fingers of his left hand, then labor at forcing the brush between his contorted right hand. He held the right hand somehow with his left and guided it, laboriously, to the canvas.

I picked up the wet spoon trying to simulate what I heard and slowly moved it over to my right hand. Then I tried to force it between two closed fingers. As water swirled around the basin, I guided the spoon in mid air to my imaginary canvas. I became exhausted from the workout I gave my arm muscles. The biographer continued to describe Trego’s training at the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts in Philadelphia, and L’Académie Julian in Paris. On his way home from Paris, he was jilted by his fiancée en route over the sea, and a suicide watch was imposed on him by the ship’s captain. After the return home, he never quite recovered the artistic success he once had.

My Sunday talk went well and in the afternoon I decided to take a drive to Doylestown to walk around and perhaps to visit the museum if its hours accommodated my visit. I did see the exhibit and it was extraordinary. The sketch of his deformed hand at the start of the exhibit revealed a hand bent in the other direction from what I had imagined. It was more deformed, as well. His masterpieces followed and each had incredible intricate detail, vibrant deep tones, and mesmerizing facial expressions. Conversations I overheard were of patrons exclaiming their amazement at the skilled ability he had to depict terror in the eyes of the cavalry horses. His best known ability was to capture cavalry movement: the sense of horses with galloping legs and hooves in mid air. I marveled that the quality of the vivid detail and sharp coloration was like a 21st century digital photo, done in oil and canvas. Amazing!

By the first painting I was in quiet awe. The woman standing next to me could not contain herself. She came closer to me and said that she had come down from Wilkes Barre (2+ hours away). She burst out, “I have no excuse!” to which I said, “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” She went on to say how she put off so many things in her Life, especially creating art and that there was no longer any reason for her to do so, because she clearly had full use of her body and all of her faculties.

The show motivated me to go full steam at manifesting my dreams and to reclaim my creative abilities. It also inspired me to fully enjoy every experience I have. I stood in the middle of the museum floor, and before I left, I gazed full circle around all of the walls and asked myself, “What are you waiting for?”

© Dr. Drayton-Craig, 2011

NI HAO

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 00:12:00 +0000

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Prior to my vacation I had little time to prepare and build expectations about a new culture and land. After all, so many forces were competing for my time and attention 2 days prior to my departure. It was supposed to be a vacation. Yet, it was a chore to get myself ready. Thus, I really was not excited about going, nor did I have high expectations. I was not looking forward to a 14 hour plane ride, either. I also thought my accommodations would be simple, at best.

I arrived on a warm Beijing night along with 4 neighbors and I was struck by the architectural beauty of this international arrival building. “Gee, I haven’t seen anything this beautiful and state of the art at JFK,” I thought. HUGE.

We all got jittery as we queued up to go through Immigration. Quasi military/Mao dressed agents scrutinized the Visa and passport name, letter for letter. The photo had to match the face that was before them, as well as that on the countertop videotape of me on display during the process. Are they going to let me in? It was a VERY LONG few minutes for me and I knew not to say a word. The agent folded my passport and handed it to me with a smile. Whew! That wasn’t so bad. Do they smile at JFK?

Once I took a few steps passed the agent I felt like I was now in China….then I prayed, “Lord, let them allow me to leave here.” You see, I was a child when it was always said on any given night that I did not finish my dinner, “Eat your dinner, there are children starving in China.” “Who were these children?” I would wonder. But I knew it was not good because any time anyone spoke about China, they did so in a whisper because McCarthyism was real and we had frequent drills in school in which we lifted our desk chairs, covered our heads and crawled under the desk to air raid sirens….in case of an attack by The Soviet Union or China.

I remember, as a young adult, President Nixon’s trip to China to establish relations between the two countries. I attended the posh gala opening of the Chinese Mission in the Lincoln Center area of NYC in the early ‘70s with UN dignitaries. What a night! Forty years later, I am visiting China in the evening.

As it turned out, the trip was more than I ever could have envisioned. Our tour group from the east and west coasts met the next morning and we had kid gloves, top drawer care and treatment with hotels of world class and old charm; daily breakfast feasts in the hotels and evening dinner feasts in restaurants; lunch in the Hutong Village home of a family where we learned how to make dumplings and each of us got to practice – replete with a rickshaw ride through the narrow winding passageways of the village labyrinth. Yes, I walked the Great Wall followed by an amazing night train ride from Beijing to Xi’an in a 4-person berth the size of some of our walk-in closets: No kidding.

But, we had the best time. Our group had its own rail car and it was an adult dorm pajama party in the rooms and hallway. We had to deal with the “Happy Room” at the end of the hall – we each brought our bathroom tissue for the porcelain hole in the floor. Somehow, it took more to negotiate the “Happy Room” on the train than in the city because the moving train meant that the entire floor was wet! Eeeww! To go there I took off the bedroom slippers and armed myself with my thick, clod hopper, rubber soled sneakers!

Some people stayed up all night talking and laughing in the hall. By sunrise, it was ethereal to watch the misty rice farmlands, sporadic villages and gravesites as the train passed along the countryside.

I spent almost a day at the museum housing the Terra Cotta Warriors: Over 7,000 life sized soldiers, horses, chariots, and weapons buried with the First Qin Emperor, and discovered in the 1970s - considered the eighth wonder of the world. How can I forget pearls and jade - visiting factories for both with lectures, demonstrations and jewelry cases galore? Then there was the silk factory with an amazing tour and hands-on demonstration of stretching the raw silk from the pupae of the silk worms soaking in tubs of water. OK, my silk duvet, duvet cover, and pillowcases were needed to go along with the silk robe, right? They will keep me cool in the summer and warm in the winter, yes?

Shanghai is my favorite city of the trip. It is spectacular. The skyline is more impressive than that of NYC or San Francisco. The Bund area – river stroll is more posh than Park Avenue or Madison Avenue in NY. Across from the third tallest building in the world on whose top floor we viewed the city, will be the world’s tallest building within 3 years. Construction is in process. Times Square pales in comparison to the display of night lights there. There is the World Financial Center, couture stores, and European restaurants with sidewalk cafes and nightclubs. I could return there again.

Any young person, now, would be foolish to go to college and not become familiar with the Chinese language. While my son did visit China during college he did not listen to me about the language part.

All in all, it was a fun vacation. The best of all were the people. They were friendly, humble, wishing to serve, and hard working. The best day of all was my day in Xi’an at the Temple of Heaven Park engaged with the senior citizens (men and women) doing Tai Chi, dancing, playing hacky-sack, writing sidewalk calligraphy, playing instruments, playing mahjong, knitting, and playing board games. They loved our involvement and interaction and they were most gracious.

~Zai Jian
(Good Bye)

Ethel

© Drayton-Craig, 2011

IS THERE ANOTHER WAY TO LIVE?

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 16:09:00 +0000

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So, what really counts in Life? Life is fleeting. In the twinkling of an eye it is over. The most advanced technology cannot prevail over nature. When the earth coughs, sneezes, or aches, all the brains in the world; all the gadgets; all the power of the principality; the state of the art technology; contingency plans; money; huts; or mansions; cannot stem the tide of destruction.

Tears come to all.

Is there something more that sustains? Is there another way to live? Does it really matter or add to our lives “one cubit” to hear a celebrity pontificate endlessly about his “winning”?

Who wins? Who loses? Ultimately in the end, our choices may have all of us losing.

~ With sympathy to all who have perished from the family of man on earth.
Ethel

© Drayton-Craig, 2011

THE SUBSTITUTE

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:54:00 +0000

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Twice this week I was faced with finding out that service for which I thought I was going to have rendered by my practitioner of choice was being substituted by another person, in both cases, without a “heads-up” until I arrived on the scene.

Surely, I know that things come up and there are emergencies. But, it seems that when people receive reminders for appointments, they can be told of the substitution in advance so that they can reschedule, if need be, or re-configure the service to be rendered. I appreciate that a substitute is put in place for continuity of service when there is an emergency. However, barring that, when there is pre-planning, patients and clients should be advised so that they can make informed decisions as to whether they choose to keep the appointment.

It seems that we choose people to work on our bodies with care – great care. Therefore, it is unnerving to show up to an appointment and find that the unknown practitioner (or lesser known) is the person to which you have been assigned in the absence of your personal practitioner. This is especially surprising and irksome when the day before a reminder phone call omitted to say that your practitioner would not be available and that “so and so” would be working on you.

It is not a little thing.

Besides knowledge and expertise to which one has become accustomed, there are temperament, manner, and touch that have meaning and comfort. It should not be handled as simply as if all I have to do is stand in line at the deli counter and wait for the next available representative to take care of me.

We make investments in our practitioners and they make a difference in our Lives when they provide our bodies with care. That is why, in some cases, we travel great distances for their services.

Sometimes, a Substitute will not do.

A PROCESS

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:38:00 +0000

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I notice that whenever I am at turning points in my Life, I go through a process to get from one end to another. It could be something that I seek to accomplish for myself, or how I deal with something that has come upon me – into my Life.

The word process, in and of itself, suggests that it is something that occurs over time. As such, movement or progress is in increments and not likely to be visible. Yet, I am being carried along the way from some point to another.

Besides prayer, contemplation, and meditation, when faced with difficult times of transition, I also have used physical activity, walks in nature, art, music, dance, and self-expression in some form to assist me in getting through the period. I can remember enrolling in an art class some 20 years ago when I needed to gain clarity for a major decision affecting my Life. Imagine that…using a small group class in an artist’s studio on Saturday mornings, in the winter, to help me grow through the challenge of making a life altering decision! This was my first art class, so I was not an artist and the course did not bill itself as something in the realm of therapy or problem-solving, either. It was just an art class, a form of self-expression.

I am reminded of the days when I was nearing the end of doctoral studies and seeking clarity for creating a research project. Out of the blue, I began to make bread, week after week. Every aspect of the process brought me joy – from shopping for the whole grains, to trying recipes in The Tassajara Bread Book, (a gift from a former doctoral student). I especially liked kneading the bread with my hands. That was the therapy. I loved watching the dough rise in the cloth covered bowls on my window sill. That would put a smile on my face and bring me joy tinged with surprise as my eyes beheld the huge mound that rose under the cloth. It was like magic and it reminded me of my childhood delight in watching my grandmother uncover the dough for her dinner rolls and bread. It would be hours of a process for her and we couldn’t bother the dough during that process, but what magic to see it after the yeast made it rise. The smell of the dough rising and its baking was the best part.

In all cases, the hobby, creative activity, and physical activity allowed for reflection, contemplation, self-expression and appreciation as a process. In all cases, I came out on the other side and came out well.

INERTIA

Wed, 09 Feb 2011 21:41:00 +0000

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Every now and then, we get into a period that feels static. It is not that we are spinning our wheels, but we just don’t feel like we are accomplishing much. We may not be doing new fun things, but merely existing through a day to day predictable schedule.

The seasons may not help the situation because as individuals we may function differently in different seasons. For example, we may find ourselves functioning best in the icy cold months. Some people relish rainy, snowy, or bleak days because they offer time to be still, contemplate, and get work done. Others may prefer the warmth of long sunny days in spring and summer. Each of us should be aware of the personal ingredients needed for our optimal functioning. Yet, there may be things that one can do to re-charge one’s battery regardless of the external variables like weather, so that you can get moving and become inspired. A vacation somewhere might do the trick. However, there are inexpensive or free ways that can also work:

Read a biography or autobiography from the library of someone, not necessarily of grand stature, but of someone who beat the odds, or started to triumph late in Life; someone who started a second or third career; someone who did not come from wealth, yet, who excelled with prolific creativity.

Read a book from the library about anything other than what you would normally read about.

Pick up your camera and take pictures from your window. Take pictures of objects in your home. Print them. Make a collage of the photos, or glue them into a journal and write about your feelings.

Spend a weekend playing wonderful music throughout the house or apartment and commit to relaxing activities like daydreaming, cloud gazing, and writing cheerful note cards to others. Put on a slow pot of soup while you are doing this, or bake cookies to eat or give to someone else. Sit down to a cup of fine coffee or a beautiful place setting for a cup of tea.

Go someplace where you can dance.

Go to a movie in the middle of the day.

Take a bus ride or train ride to another city for the day, by yourself, and walk around; visit shops, have a meal, go to a museum or art gallery; and come back home. Watch the scenery as you travel.

Do something you have never done.

We don’t have to have a lot of resources to bring joy, a new perspective, a sense of being “on vacation”, or a sense of being nurtured, in order to put one’s self on a path of renewal.

CUTTING CORNERS

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 17:19:00 +0000

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We are all likely to know someone whose modus operandi is to cut corners. Undoubtedly, as children, we sought ways to cut corners for tasks required of us – only to “do over” the task correctly until it met the approval of a parent or teacher. Over time, as we grew into adulthood, we developed wisdom to know it is better to do things right the first time; to take the necessary time, put out the necessary effort and excellence to make a project correct the first time.

Invariably, when you cut corners it costs you somewhere along the line. How many times have I regretted trying to carry too many packages from my car, only to have breakage, ruining something, or tripping? Many times, I have caught myself mumbling that I should have known better, while it takes me twice as long to clean up the mess. If I had only made two or three trips into the house! Lessons in Life have taught us and we sometimes try to sneak by, knowing all the while that saving time tends to cost time, money, and pain in the long run.

The day after the big snowstorm I watched a neighbor who never shovels the common passageway in the back of our homes, regardless of how it impedes passage for everyone. Each neighbor is responsible for clearing the way so that cars can get through to park and move. Every neighbor on my strip and along the right side strip had their through-way cleared as they usually do, early in the morning. He, however, started to move his box truck out from his snow covered parking pad and through-way. He immediately got stuck and spent about 15 minutes spinning wheels and rocking before his children came out and his neighbor. They pushed and pushed. His wheels spun and spun. Then he shoveled under the wheels and the truck inched ahead only to be stopped again. He never figured out that it was easier to just shovel the entire space neatly and fully so that he could complete his turn and go straight. I watched fearfully as the little boy wedged himself between the truck and the corner of the fence, and I prayed that the father would see him and not try to rock the vehicle. I watched as the man later banged the truck into the corner of his fence and he still persisted. This went on for over one and one-half hours! He finally got free. The kids climbed in the truck and off they went. Immediately, a car coming in got stuck in front of his butchered through-way. The woman got out, walked around her vehicle and began to telephone for help.

My next worry – that man never cleared any of the deep snow from the roof of the truck – which is law for a reason.

Cutting corners…is it worth it? What does it cost? Who pays?

REFLECTION

Mon, 27 Dec 2010 17:28:00 +0000

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As we wind down the year, one of my soothing tasks is to take a pen and pad and write a list, sentence after sentence, of all the things I am grateful for while scanning the events of my Life over the year.

I began the task this morning and I have already filled up 4 pages, front and back. I haven’t read them out loud yet, and I am sure that I will feel so very blessed when I do.

The people with whom I have interacted and the experiences I have had show me the good, the kindness, the forgiveness, the support, the vast richness and love we have given each other.

My wish is that you have been equally blessed and that your joys, good health, love, peace, and prosperity cannot be contained in 2011, such that your good runneth over!

Happy New Year!

THE REASON FOR THE DAY

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 18:31:00 +0000

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While taking my walk the other day, I met a friend and asked, “How are you?” The reply was, “Not so good, I’ve had a bad couple of days.” Inquiring further, I learned that this person is sad this Christmas season because of a relationship that ended at the start of the summer. We had spoken about that on previous occasions and I assumed my friend was moving on with Life.

As we spoke, it became evident that my friend is gearing up for a miserable Christmas day, so much so, that this person plans to keep the radio and television off that day and paint a room to “forget” that it is Christmas. I offered several suggestions of things to do to have a meaningful day that would add sunshine to this person’s experience, as well as to others. Yet, it did not take long for me to realize that my friend was more committed to being miserable than to having an ok day, or even a joyous day.

I told this person that painting a room on Christmas day was not appropriate and certainly would not change the fact that it was Christmas. In addition, if a room needed to be painted, paint it now and spend the day making others happy on Christmas…referring to my previous blog. I pointed out how blessed this person was and is, as I referred to my personal friends who have just buried a son, buried a mother and grandmother, is having surgery today for cancer, and is having surgery about 2 days before Christmas.

I walked away, giving this one an “assignment” in planning for a different day than the one being created. We laughed as we parted and I continued my walk, not sure what this person would do. I reflected on the experience the rest of the way. I thought to myself, that interaction was a blessing for me, in that I could look in the mirror. We always have mirrors in our relationships with others. It affirmed for me that the season and Christmas day has nothing to do with me, my circumstances, or us. It is about the birth of Jesus, the Christ. That is the celebration. The hope and Light of this birth makes any personal issue pale in comparison.

The season is one that finds people in all sorts of circumstances: career, health, finances, relationships, family, and housing. If you celebrate Christmas, it is not about any of these. It is not about Santa Claus or presents. It is about His presence…His birth.

Choose to live the day as a Blessing to someone, including you.

MAKING UNEMPLOYED SPIRITS BRIGHT AT HOLIDAY TIME

Mon, 06 Dec 2010 20:17:00 +0000

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We have become a society of mall driven consumers during the month of December. While those who have an abundance of money can afford to shop, and shop some more, and shop even more than that, those who find themselves unemployed and now without unemployment benefits have the additional stress of finding ways to enjoy the season without income.

I suggest a 20-day or 30-day diet that has nothing to do with food and everything to do with finding inspirational reading, conversations, and entertainment for that period of time. If you can avoid the news for the duration, so much the better! If you must tune into the news or read the newspaper, take only a small dose of it. These actions will go a long way to help you keep your spirits up.

During this time, rise early as you did when you were employed, spend time in quiet contemplation to start your day, and dress as if you were going to work. Spend the morning doing the necessary actions to assist you in the job search: researching companies, writing letters, making phone calls, and networking, to name a few.

Take time in the afternoon to walk outside daily. The fresh air will do you a world of good. Then go places that will help you stay connected to seeing and interacting with people: bookstores have tables where you can sit and read books and magazines, and libraries, too. Both are free. Getting out daily will lift your spirits.

When it comes to gift giving, think of things that will be free or under $5 dollars, such as visiting with people who are elderly or shut in. When visiting others, rather than bringing a gift, offer to do something with them (accompany them to an appointment, run errands for them, clean a room for them, fix something for them). Take them a package of tea or a few packs of tea in a mug, with festive wrap.

Consider giving family members and friends a gift wrapped talent: A lovely card or note in a small box or gift bag that says how you will share your talent with that person.

Give yourself away: VOLUNTEER. Organize or join a toy drive or visit a pediatric hospital ward, or nursing home. Read a book to the patient or resident.

Bake something and give this as a gift to a friend.

Make something to give someone: a simple wood craft, place mats of fabric or other material, decorate empty bottles with beautiful cut-out magazine pictures that are glued on and then covered with shellac. Make a pot holder mitt by hand.

Most important, before you go to bed each night, find one thing, however small, to tell yourself that you accomplished that day. In addition, find one thing for which you are grateful. Keep a daily log or journal during these 20 days or 30 days, and record both of these items.

Wishing you creative joy during this season.

~Ethel

CHANCE ENCOUNTERS

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 16:39:00 +0000

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Last week I spent a delightful evening with friends. Our conversation was about the chance encounters we have in Life with others and how they blossom into overlapping networks of people who have “chance” encounters with people already connected by chance.

It has been mind boggling to notice how this occurs. Remarkably, one friend made reference to the famous quote about commitment that I wrote about a few weeks ago – only this person hadn’t read that blog. Yes, these connections are the kind of things that are referred to by W. H. Murray, “…all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way,” as he described what is born out of commitment.

I invite you to notice where chance encounters have occurred this year and how they are blossoming in ways that you would have never expected. Perhaps, some chance encounter from years ago has found a way to overlap with someone or some experience currently.

As we find ourselves in a season of thanksgiving, hope, reflection, and assessing our lives for goal setting for the New Year, take time to reflect on the chance occurrences you have taken for granted and welcome their gifts with thanks.

BUSINESS SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 02:59:00 +0000

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Today I had an interesting interaction with a local business that I have been waiting for some time to come and complete necessary repairs. As has been customary, it has been put off for yet another week with the usual response, “It’s a small job, we’ll get to it,” says the business owner.

It is an odd way to do business. I would think that upon first contact, my name would go on a client work schedule and that within minor delay and juggling of workload, I would be assigned a date.

What I suspect is that as orders come in for “bigger” jobs, I keep being placed to the back of the list. Is this greed? Is it a case of taking customer business for granted?

I think it is taking one’s reputation for granted. Your business is only as good as the report of each customer – large or small in order. It only takes one…and then another one, and another one to turn a thriving business around to one that has few customers.

It surprises me to see how many smaller businesses lack common sense actions and amenities to keep a customer coming back: Namely, saying “thank-you” for your business at the end of a transaction. That came to my mind yesterday in NYC as I exited a restaurant. The hostess stood at the door wiping the glass and paused silently to let me exit. I am not rushing to get back there any time in the near future. “Thank you for coming”, or, “I hope you enjoyed your meal”, might have offset the mediocre meal I had.

I have supported many individual entrepreneurs over the years with repeat business and sometimes with business referrals and endorsements, as well. Yet, it amazes me, how many have not returned the favor in supporting me with a one-time purchase of my product. It makes me wonder, are they even aware? Do they appreciate customer support? While there is no obligation, it would seem that if someone has helped to sustain your business repeatedly, wouldn’t you want to help that customer succeed at his/her endeavor, or community activity for which something like a donation, sponsorship, or ad is requested?

As we look to ways to solve the economic crisis, business-community partnerships, business excellence and community support of local businesses are key factors. As people try to figure out ways to sustain themselves from lay-offs, budding entrepreneurs need our support, as well.

I am happy to support the local businesses of my community provided I feel their pursuit of customer satisfaction and excellence are how they go about their business.

COMMITMENT

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 14:44:00 +0000

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Last week I presented a woman of determination, Victoria Kageni, in my newsletter. She is committed to creating a program that will be significant in the lives of others. I watched her take her first step in realizing the goal and I began to see how things were falling into place for her in the past few weeks.

Starting somewhere doesn’t promise a smooth ride, but it does put into play a host of right actions and reactions, resources, serendipitous events and a path that leads to where one wants to go. It starts with commitment to realize the goal, followed by action.

Having determination, commitment and action starts the ball rolling and even when one does not know the way, a way is made. William Hutchinson Murray said, in a quote of which all, and not part, is usually attributed to Goethe, “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it (Goethe). Begin it now.” ~ W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition.

For Newsletter story, “One Woman’s Journey” about Victoria Kageni:

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs014/1103025183710/archive/1103853843930.html

WEATHERING THE STORM

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 19:45:00 +0000

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I have observed numerous individuals who are facing economic turmoil, medical challenges, and workplace related challenges. In my newsletter I refer to a young woman who lost her job, had four young children, and had to weather the storm of not knowing “how”, “where”, or “when”, relief would return to her Life.

Last evening, I heard a Pastor talk about the Apostle Paul’s sea voyage to Rome through a treacherous storm that lasted weeks. While all aboard the ship were terrified and starving, Paul was unmoved and unwavering in his outlook because of his faith in Jesus.

While we come from a diverse collection of beliefs, religions, and cultures, there is something here that is worthwhile noting for those in tumultuous times of their lives. You need to be anchored in something or someone that you can believe in to see you through the otherwise unsafe passage - something or someone that inspires you and gives you the solutions that you need when faced with times of trouble – something or someone that is Unfailing.

Storms don’t last for always. The morning does come, but how you weather your season of turmoil and what shape you will be in when it is over has a great deal to do with your relationship to that with which you hold your belief.

STUCK

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 17:40:00 +0000

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Every now and then we can find ourselves stuck – not able to see movement in the direction of attaining something we desire, or not able to change a situation. There can be many factors that contribute to this state of affairs. However, I would like to tackle one in the form of a question: Are you willing to have what you want?

Are you willing to be at some other point than you are now? Are you willing to have things be another way? Are you willing to get to the goal? It might take deep soul searching to answer the questions truthfully. Of course, on the surface you want what you say you want. Yet, below the surface, you may not.

Perhaps, it is helpful to discover the pay-off for having a situation continue to exist (although not desired at face value), or for not getting what you say you want. What is the pay-off for its existence? What do you get to have, avoid, or prove by it staying the way it is?

What do you have to change, let-go, or experience in order for you to get what you say you want? If the pay-off is greater in value for a situation to persist than the value of making the change, chances are you will stay stuck. Intrinsically, you know there is a greater benefit in keeping things the way they are.

START NOW

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 18:28:00 +0000

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This past week I had the opportunity to connect with two people who have a gift that they would like to bring forth for the benefit of others and for self-fulfillment. One has gone through a Life experience and wants to be of service to others who are facing similar situations. Determined to make a difference, this person is taking on an awesome task of gathering people together in a lovely setting to provide a formal “workshop”, free to individuals. This requires all sorts of angels for financial sponsorships in a very quick time frame. In addition, the participants need to be identified and told about this wonderful opportunity.

Not knowing how it will come together, this individual is determined to pull this event off successfully within one month, saying, “I’ve got to start somewhere.” This person certainly desires a successful event, but is not attached to the results. Rather, starting somewhere gives impetus to producing the long-term vision.

The other individual is a talented writer who is in a situation at home that compromises quality time needed to creatively write. This person has put on “hold” the creative aspect of his/her gift by reason of the temporary family crisis, but is now ready to once again produce a piece of work because he/she was inspired by something read by another author. We talked about ways to get around the home circumstances that infringe on the creative time and work space. Yet, we agreed that so many of our most talented and prolific artists, composers, and writers created their masterpieces through personal turmoil and against all odds.

We each have talent. We are blessed with gifts that can be a blessing to someone else. Execute your gifts to manifest your dreams. Do. Start somewhere. START NOW.

IT'S A GOOD TIME TO GET THINGS DONE

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 17:53:00 +0000

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We are at a change of seasons and during this new one, we certainly have our minds on winter’s onset. Thus, we are preparing our homes, property, and automobiles during the next two months such that they service us well, bring comfort, and withstand the challenges that winter weather can bring.

This is also an excellent time to create order around oneself. Start somewhere. For many of us, that is an ongoing project with the STUFF we have. However, do something, even in a small way to approach the task in bits over a long period of time.

Complete things. Create a list of all the things you need to complete: Phone calls, unfinished projects, communications to people, something you promised you would do. Keep adding to the list as the thoughts come to mind. Then, little by little, finish them.

This frees up so much energy because you are using that energy internally to keep your mind off these incompletions. Finish up so that you are free to focus on the NEW. The New Year is just around the corner!

A BLESSING IN DISGUISE

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:10:00 +0000

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About two years ago I bought a book that I found to be interesting by its cover and from perusing through its pages. Like many of the books in my library, they sit on the shelf until I pull them down to read or wish to secure a nugget of wisdom and put it back on the shelf.

This past summer I took the book off the shelf and began to read it. I could not put it down and a few days ago I had the opportunity to listen to its author, Michael Gates Gill, in person.

Here is a person who was born into privilege with all of its trappings. He had an Ivy League education and walked into a job at the leading advertising agency in America at that time. Noting the price he paid for that insular existence of privilege and wealth, he spoke about company loyalty that required him to take a phone call Christmas morning while his children were opening presents. Out of a sense of duty, he left them to go to the office to do work for a key client. He missed out that important day with his family.

Years later his Life changed, as did his fortunes and prestige. He found himself working as a barista at Starbucks and his book, How Starbucks Saved My Life, chronicles that experience. He was able to reflect upon his Life, his family and relationships, and his beliefs about people. In the process, he realized that he was happier working at Starbucks than ever in his Life. He told the audience that he gained “a part time job for a full time Life”, and he learned to “look with respect at every individual”.

Sometimes with adversity, God is putting you into position for that which is to follow – for how He will use you next. For this man, through his continued work at Starbucks, his book, lectures, and upcoming screenplay about his Life, God is using him to let us know to cherish our families and relationships, respect others, and know that money is not everything.

WHAT TO DO?

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 13:40:00 +0000

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In recent weeks I have learned that several friends are being affected by leaving their place of employment shy of their intended retirement plans. In other words, they find themselves suddenly in retirement that was not planned to take place yet. What to do?

Perhaps they had 2 years to go or 5 years. They may have retirement funds upon which they can draw, or perhaps not. This means that financial responsibilities appear difficult to cover in that case.

The reactions, of course, vary because the personal Life circumstances also vary. Yet, in all cases, the individuals find themselves at the place of the unknown. A door has closed and a new door has not yet opened. It is like standing in a lobby or waiting room wondering which door leads to the office you want and the convenience of a wall directory is not available. What to do?

With such an important Life transition, it may be best to embrace it until next steps reveal themselves – especially if the need is not there to immediately find new employment in order to survive. Embrace it. Give yourself time to go through the ups and downs of emotions this new stage of Life brings. Use the time to clean-up and clear-out clutter and papers that have built up over the years. Complete things that have been dangling for some time. The process is therapeutic. Find something enjoyable to do every day and cultivate free pleasures. Notice your moods and needs as the seasons change and what you learn about how you adapt to these changes. Volunteer your time – a few hours a week. Someone needs your help, enthusiasm, and expertise. Keep a journal or have a notebook handy always to jot down ideas, feelings, and experiences. Over time what will emerge is the path you should take regarding how to spend your retirement; semi-retirement; or new career. What to do? Embrace where you are.

THERE IS STILL TIME TO COMPLETE IT

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 19:58:00 +0000

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September has the feeling of January when you consider our tendency to attempt a fresh start at our work. In the summer we have been in a relaxed mode and enjoyed time away from work and other commitments. Schedules became lighter. Now that September has arrived and Labor Day is over, we think about work, back to school, and about making necessary repairs to our homes, automobiles and property in preparation for winter. Our calendars fill up again with activities.

Perhaps, you are facing a big project that you want to complete by year end. Maybe this project has dragged on and you have not made headway. Here are some suggestions to experience success with it: Let go of any self-talk about what you have not been able to complete regarding the project and use today to renew and start refreshed. See it as doable and possible, regardless of the challenges or set-backs you have experienced. Create a bite-sized action plan and nibble away, step-by-step, in getting your project completed. Keep in mind that you would do well to create inlets of inspiration for yourself. Develop a laser beam focus as you work to complete this project.

It can be done and YOU can do it.

WISHING EVERYONE A JOYOUS HOLIDAY

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 20:20:00 +0000

This weekend will give us the last holiday of the summer season. While we will all enjoy ourselves, there is a kind of undertow of sadness around Labor Day because it marks the end of summer, and we all love our summers. It is the time of the year when the child in us comes out to play. Summer brings with it a nostalgic feeling that brings back memories of our childhood days. Added to all those good feelings are all the good food and friends we get to share it all with. I have to admit, I am one of those people who loves the summer season, and I do get a little sad to see it go. But here's the antidote to those summer's end blues: Fall is just around the corner, bringing with it those magnificent Indian Summer days that makes it feel like it is summer all over again. Along with those sunny days are those delicious cool fall evenings that make our end-of-the-day walks perfect.

So let's celebrate all the seasons! And speaking of celebrating. This past Friday, I launched my Fall Book Signing Tour on "First Friday" at Fox Optical in Bethlehem, PA. I want to THANK EVERYONE who came out and gave their support (and thanks to those who weren't able to attend, but who were there in spirit). As promised, it was a wonderful event.

I want to send my well wishes to everyone for a safe and joyous Labor Day Holiday! Enjoy!

SO NEAR AND YET SO FAR

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 17:07:00 +0000

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Many a good idea longs to be brought to fruition, but does not manifest as fruit because its owner does not take the risk to take actions to bring it into manifestation. Or, its owner does not stand the test of time to weather the set-backs and delays in having it come to fruition. I have come to learn that it takes a vision with action, along with tenacity, to see a goal through to its end. In addition, it takes an abiding faith in God to weather the process.

I have seen people give up on dreams just short of their realization, sometimes never realizing how close they were. The hardest part can be near the end. It can also be at the beginning or in the middle. There are also times, when the entire journey to create something is one struggle after another and there are no easier periods in the process.

During my walk today, I remembered a journey I took to France many years ago and how incredibly hard the first day of my adventure had been from the time I arrived. The playback in my mind’s eye this morning was of me at my wit’s end late that afternoon driving to a particular location. With everything going wrong, especially with my vehicle, I was contemplating throwing in the towel and aborting the journey. As I sat in the center of what seemed like the biggest gridlock I had ever seen (caused by my lifeless car in the middle of the intersection), I just wanted to give up. At that time, images ran in my mind about how to leave the vehicle with the keys right there and walk away. Then something came over me and I breathed deeply with a momentary sense that I should try again to get the vehicle to start. I tried, and this time it did. As the traffic began to flow again, I found that the very next intersection was the street I had been seeking the entire drive. I was one street away from my destination when I contemplated giving up. I truly came so close to where I needed to be, yet, in my mind I was so far away that I was ready to give up.

The process of awaiting the release of my book, Stepping Stones To Success, was also a challenge. While things had progressed nicely all along, near the end of the process there were delays upon delays. I had signing events scheduled since May but as we approached May, then June, week after week, I had to cancel these events and wait. It was literally out of my hands, so there was nothing physically that I could do to make things happen. It took my steadfast faith that God is in charge and things materialize on His schedule, not mine. Things finally did work out and I am happy to announce my book signing tour: Click here for the schedule

I am required to have the vision, take the actions to create it, keep the faith, and wait patiently for the Harvest. God brings forth His fruit in His season.

THEY GROW UP

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 17:10:00 +0000

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The figure stooped to wipe the baseboard and get the dirt out of its crevices. This was not some figment of my imagination, but rather my son trying to clean the vestiges of previous semesters of students who had inhabited the room he was now renting in this house containing ten males. Yet, he wanted his mom there to supervise how he should order his room.

It amazed me to see this young man seeking, on his own, to clear soot from the window sill, remove the soot laden drapes, and vacuum the rug. I was amazed because I had not gotten a glimpse of this behavior in my house. He escaped many such tasks by spending the weekends of his youth at his father’s home. I never got to see him climb up and replace new curtains on a rod. Nor had I seen this young man voluntarily wash surfaces of bookcases and desktops like he was doing in this room. I stood back and admired how he washed the inside drawers of the dresser without any prompting from me.

He is an expert at cleaning a bathroom, for that was his job at home since he was about eight years old. As he was cleaning his room, he actually said, “Mom, wait until next week. I’m going in the bathroom and really do a job on it. Then I’m going to have these guys follow guidelines for how to maintain it.” This child of mine even picked out new shower curtains and rings at Target earlier that day, saying, “This is my gift to the house.” When we returned to the house I checked out the existing curtains in the bathroom. Sure enough, “My son is honing a discerning eye,” I thought. Good for him! As I suggested how he could remove the mold collecting over the bath tiles – semesters of neglect by students and a landlord, my son had us return to Target for a bucket, rubber gloves, and cleaning supplies.

The thing is, as he was going around the baseboard, he mumbled, “This is the second time in two days that I’ve said I know how to do something because my mom prepared me for it since I was a child. Remember when you had me crawling around the living room and dining room baseboard and up the staircase?” he said. It suddenly dawned on him that many of the tasks I required of him did have a place and value. He actually said to me, “Why don’t you write a book about parenting?” I hit the jackpot!

Somewhere along the way from childhood until senior year, they grow up, mothers

Mother and Son