Killer Weightloss Tips

Life Is Unpredictable

2022-07-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

Everything is transient but we are not consciously aware of this fact. As each day comes around, we take it that life will continue as usual. We go about doing our usual things, whether it be commuting to work or attending to our chores at home, etc. It never occurs to us that we could make an exit at any time.

Each morning I look at my jasmine plant and note the status of the buds, which one will bloom the next morning. There was a big bud and I was eagerly anticipating the morning that will see it fully open in its pristine beauty. However, the next morning, I saw it on the floor of my balcony.

The strong wind in the night had broken its stem and it lay there, robbed forever of its time to bloom and preen in my devoted admiration.

I hadn’t expected that to happen. Strong winds had never before broken off any stems from my plants. It just goes to show how the unexpected can happen.

Just like I never expected my good friend to pass on, so quickly and unexpectedly. It’s hard to believe that he’s gone, here one day and gone the next.

Can we prepare for the unexpected? Can we not be caught unaware and leave a mess for those we leave behind, for our loved ones to sort out?

Any time is a good time to begin decluttering. It’s time to take stock and to get rid of the things we no longer need, things that we have accumulated during our younger days. After all, we came into this world, naked and empty-handed. We will leave in the same manner, empty-handed.

It’s time we think of our loved ones and save them the pain of having to go through all our belongings and clutter. Why not make it simple for them and declutter now, bit by bit. We won’t know when our exit time is.

Make Yourself Happy!

2018-03-05T06:33:00.001-08:00

In the winter of life, many things occupy my mind. My friend said we have to make ourselves happy and not to depend on others to make us happy, not even our partners.

There is truth in what she said. So, how does one make oneself happy? It would depend on the person, I guess. Sometimes it takes very little to make one happy.

When I see my young grandson smiling, when I hear the sound of his voice, I feel very happy. This is quite different from making myself happy.

So, how can I make myself happy? How do you make yourself happy?

What is happiness? I shall venture to say that it is a state of mind. When you feel contented and light-hearted, when you find yourself smiling at the world, I guess this comes close to what I would consider a state of happiness.

I find that creating something makes me happy, growing something also makes me happy. I used to create dolls, a skill I picked up from a Japanese friend. When I see a finished doll, complete with eyes, nose and a pink mouth, long hair and dressed either in a long dress or a short dress, I feel very happy.

The sense of achievement is what makes me happy. The doll was non-existent, just scraps of cloth, fibrefill, wool, felt and a sewing machine. The doll was fashioned from these materials, given a face and viola! She exists! Happiness then, was seeing a number of dolls, each with a different expression and dressed in pretty clothes, lovingly sewn.

Now I don’t create dolls anymore. All my dolls have been given away to children. I wonder how they are faring. Loved or thrown about carelessly? It does not bear speculating.

Now I write short stories and poems. These creations make me happy when completed but the bringing forth of these, is an enjoyable and happy process. It’s easy to lose oneself in it and forget the world around you.

For everyone, happiness is different. What makes me happy does not necessarily make another person happy. What makes her happy may not make me happy!

During this season of winter, it becomes more important to make one’s happiness. The loss of friends, partners, etc, has become very real and close. The winter may be long or short, who knows? So as my friend says, we must make our own happiness. No wallowing in negatives.

Man’s Best Friend is Missing!

2018-02-11T02:50:00.002-08:00

The Chinese zodiac is a cycle that repeats every twelve years.

It begins with the sign of the Rat, followed by the Ox, the Tiger, the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Snake, the Horse, the Goat, the Monkey, the Rooster and the Dog.

The Rooster is bowing out in four days’ time and the Dog will enter centre stage, bringing in the Year of the Dog.

Each year, the shopping malls are beautifully decorated, in bright auspicious colours, pinks, reds and gold. There will be thousands of flowers and red lanterns and taking the place of honour will be the zodiac sign of the in-coming year.

2015 was the Year of the Goat and the Goat was prominently displayed.

Two years ago, to herald the advent of the Year of the Monkey, an upmarket shopping mall had a huge monkey taking pride of place.

The following year saw the Rooster making its grand entrance and no mall was without the Rooster placed prominently, announcing that the in-coming year was the Rooster Year.

Red packets for ang pau (an ang pau is a gift of money placed in red envelopes displaying the current zodiac sign) featured the Rooster.

However, this year, in all the malls, despite their lovely deco, the star was missing! No one could see man’s best friend anywhere! One could get confused over the grand decorations. What was it all for? What’s being celebrated?

Okay, there could be signs wishing all a Happy New Year but what Year is it? How can one tell? There’s no indication! Such a mystery, isn’t it? What happened to the friendly, faithful and loving animal that will lay down its life for its master?

Why isn’t it being honoured although this coming year is its Year?

Having the icon of the year in place is a traditional practice. It is part of the Chinese culture. The 12 zodiac signs representing each year of the Lunar Cycle have been there since time immemorial and each year the current animal presiding over the year is honoured.

This year the Dog has not been honoured and it is a great disappointment that tradition and culture have been deliberately ignored. Twelve years ago there was no such problem. Why now??

Fortunately, there are small businesses who still give out red envelopes that have the Dog icon to remind the recipients that they are receiving ang pows in this Year of the Dog.

Wishing everyone Gong Xi Fa Cai and may the Year of the Dog bring you good cheer and abundance.

The Year That Was

2018-01-27T04:54:00.003-08:00

2017 was a year of many memories, some pleasant, others unpleasant.

Among the pleasant events was our move into our permanent home, a decent sized apartment in a standalone tower block.

It has a balcony where I can now grow plants, a hobby that I missed desperately when we sold our landed home and moved into temporary premises that didn’t allow me to indulge in my love for plants, especially house plants. Now my balcony has pots of house plants that give me great joy as I see them transform from tiny plants into beautiful greens of varying sizes and shades.

Meeting up with my class of 1959 buddies a couple of times in the capital city had us going down memory lane and we are so blessed that we still have a dozen of us still able to make these luncheons, albeit, grey, pleasantly rounded or bamboo thin. Our spirits are high and we’re like the school girls we were eons ago, giggling and still arguing the way we used to! Old is truly gold.

Getting together with my siblings for meals and catching up was always a happy occasion as we seldom have the opportunity to have everyone together at the same time. The bah kut teh breakfasts with my younger brother (he’ll be 72 next month!) are de rigeur whenever I happen to be in town. After breakfast, we would walk to the market to buy fruits and last year, he bought me different types of durians, jackfruit and pineapples as well as rambutans. We all share a love of good, tasty food.

The wedding of my nephew to his sweetheart was the highlight of the year. I saw relatives whom I had not seen for years and it was great that we could catch up while enjoying the delicious dishes of the wedding banquet.

My sisters and I also met up with our former sister-in-law who took us to Jenjarom to see the beautiful temple gardens that were beautifully decorated with plants and lights as well as colorful sculptures of the Rooster.

However, the unpleasant memories are those associated with pain and the pain came in different degrees. First was my fractured toe. My foot hit the door jamb as I was rushing out from my bedroom. It was two months before it healed and I had to stay home most of the time.

Then came the most excruciating pain of all. When I got up from my desk, a sudden spasm of pain shot right through from my waist to my left foot. I couldn’t place my foot on the floor and I couldn’t walk. The slightest movement had me shrieking in pain.

I was hospitalized for the pain and heavy doses of different painkillers enabled me to settle for the night semi-reclining as I couldn’t lie down flat.

Xrays and an MRI revealed that the last disc in my spine had been compressed and a sudden movement had triggered the pain. Fortunately, the specialists concurred that there was no need for surgery (Praise the Lord) but I have to be very careful when I move. No sudden movements but to take it slow and easy.

Perhaps the most painful of all was the moment that someone whom I had considered to be a very good friend, simply disappeared without any explanation although arrangements had been made to meet up for lunch and also to visit the Land Below The Wind, taking the same flight. There had been no explanations for both no shows and I felt very hurt and let down. I always value my friends and will never let them down in such a manner. I subscribe to the belief that a man's word is his honor and breaking his word shows him in bad light, especially when no reason is given.

2018 will be a better year, I hope and I look forward to the incoming Chinese Lunar New Year, which will be the Year of The Dog, Man’s best friend.

Autumn Days

2017-09-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

This year has flown by exceptionally fast. I wonder how many felt this is so.

Whatsapp messages often contain messages to make the best of each day as it comes, as we don’t know what lies in store for us. Will we even see the light of the next day?

One of my closest classmates and friend has just lost her spouse with whom she has shared many decades of life. When he could no longer drive a car, I was told that both of them would either catch the train or bus just to go to the next town for lunch. When I heard that, I thought how wonderful it was to have such a loving relationship.

Now she is alone. This will be a very difficult time for her, having to adjust to a single life amidst the emotional loss and grief.

Life is a cycle. We start off single, meet our partner and become a couple, raise a family and when they go off to make their own way in life, we become a couple once more until one of us leaves this world and we are single once more.

It would seem that women outlive the men, going by what I see. Many of my friends are widows. Perhaps men are genetically programmed to live shorter lives than women. However, in my family this isn’t true. The women in my family pre-decease the men. My mum, both my grandmas and two of my sisters departed long ago.

My contemporaries and I are now in our autumn years, enjoying whatever life span is left. We try to meet up as often as we can, fully aware that our days are numbered. I’m blessed to have friends in both parts of the country and we meet over lunches. Another of my classmates will be flying in next month to escape the cold winter of the UK and our core group shall meet again at her favorite restaurant in the capital city.

Meanwhile, I enjoy my days, tending to the little plants now growing on my balcony,

two rounds of golf per week,

reading and writing apart from a bit of cooking. Every now and then I take a flight to visit my grandchildren.

Life is good in the Autumn.

Quo vadis?

2017-06-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

There is far too much violence in the world today. Each day we read in the news of massacres, murders committed during robberies, random shootings into crowds, deliberate mowing down of pedestrians and bullying perpetrated by students, which more often than not, ended in the death of the victims.

Two recent cases of fatal bullying within one month, led to an outpouring of grief and anger. The bullies have been arrested and are now facing murder charges which carry the mandatory death penalty. These bullies are teenagers and also in the twenty something age group.

Why is there so much anger and venomous hatred? The two victims were their schoolmates/university mates and were known to be non-aggressive and well-liked by their friends.

Why did the bullies pick on the vulnerable to beat and torture them to the extent that it could only lead to death? It has been opined that herd mentality drives the bullies to be more vicious and to revel in their power over the hapless victim. It could be the sadistic and cruel streak that surfaces when they see their victim writhing in agony.

Brutality seems to be the order of the day. Road rage, abusive adults who abuse their young charges mercilessly and beat them to death. Whatever is the world coming to?

Have we come to the End Days? Where are we going? Will we be like the lemmings?

A Toast To My Friends Whom I Value Dearly

2017-06-11T04:18:00.000-07:00

From right, Nary, Faridah, Datuk Josie & I used to golf together

Two years ago, I wrote about the importance of having friends and keeping them in our lives. Friendships nurture us in many ways and contribute to our well-being.

My former Brinsford colleagues celebrate my 72nd birthday

Roslyn (center) from Australia visited in 2010. Nest to her is Grace Gan, a former colleague

With some of my class of '59 classmates in Kuala Lumpur

Some friends come and go, depending on the stage of life we’re at. Sometimes we outgrow the friendships that we have, sometimes we fall out and never get back together again, sometimes we lose friends because of death.

Celebrating Nary's birthday last year

Lunching at Mother India with Dr. Shelley

While these are happening, we also make new friends. New people come into our lives, whether at work, or through social networking or even through social media. So, we may have many Facebook friends. We see them only on Facebook as they are from different parts of the world and it is highly unlikely that we will meet in person.

Some of these friends are Joo Randal, Bobby Brooks, Stacey Adam, Darrel Tenter, Scott Allan, Ndeye Labadens, Gregory EK Goh, Mimi Emmanuel, Gertrude Tai and many more.

My spouse standing next to Andrew, a good friend & my classmate Siew Khim

Despite the distance and different time zones, it is possible to build friendships with people we don’t know as Facebook brings many people together. Some of my former students whom I taught in the early ‘70s managed to locate me through FB and we had a great reunion in 2015 as they had returned from far flung places across the globe.

With Former La Sallian Students of early '70s

I would like to share pictures of my friends, former colleagues and former students here.

With Julia (standing) a former student who became Principal of La Salle School & Su Cheng


With my sister Doris & friends who paid a courtesy call to our past SWEPA president who is now the President of the Malaysia Friendship And trade Center Taipeh

With Datuk Adeline Leong, President of the Malaysia Friendship And Trade Center Taipeh

With some of my class '59 classmates in Kuala Lumpur


With Faridah & Jude

On the Left is Prof. Danny Wong, my former student from La Salle


Jennifer, Myself & Datin Yu Ling, former colleagues at La Salle

With Datin Yu Ling & Datin Carol

The Power Of Prayer

2017-05-13T07:52:00.001-07:00

God is good and He is good all the time. He answers prayers so long as we are in a close relationship with him. Last month when my sister was to join me for a visit to Taipeh, two things happened.

She lives in Kuala Lumpur while I live across the South China Sea. Just as I was going to fetch her from the airport, she texted that she had missed her flight! My heart sank! We were to fly out to Taipeh very early the next morning. Would she be able to get here in time?

Apparently, the airlines had changed the boarding gate. She wasn’t aware of this and she said she never heard any announcement either.

Anyway, her luggage had been off loaded. She asked for the next flight but all flights were fully booked! She could wait on standby but because that was a long weekend ( Labor Day weekend ), chances of anyone getting off a flight were dim.

She prayed to God to give her a flight to my place. I also prayed for her to come in so that we could go together to Taipeh. Eventually, she found a flight which had only ONE seat left, so she grabbed that seat.

Then she looked for her luggage and made her way to the other terminal from where the flight would take off. Praise the Lord my sister got in after 11 p.m. that night. By the time we got home it was past midnight.

Our flight was at 6:10 a.m. so we had to be at the airport by 4 a.m. It was a sleepless night for us as we were afraid that we would not be able to wake up in time.

The next morning, we arrived at the airport, checked in our luggage and proceeded to clear Immigration so that we could board our flight.

Horror of horrors!! The immigration officer declared that my sister could not leave the state. Why?

We were shocked! She had forgotten to bring along the slip of paper given by Immigration when she entered the state. All non-residents were given a slip of paper upon entry and had to relinquish it on departure.

So we asked what we had to do in order to board our flight? The immigration officer said we had to make a police report. I panicked! We would never get to a police station in time to make a report as the flight was due to take off within half an hour.

Where’s the police station, we asked? He said there was a police base at the other end of the building. So, we took to our heels and ran all the way to the other end of the building, praying all the while to our Lord.

When we reached the end of the building, it was dark! The Customs office was locked and in darkness. It was 5:30 a.m. so they wouldn’t be on duty. Then I saw the office which had the word “Police” above the door! But the office was in darkness!!

Desperate, I banged on the door and shook the handles.

“Anyone in there? Hello, hello, anyone in there?”

Then, praise the Lord, a sleepy policeman came to the door and opened it. We rushed in and said we needed to make a police report so that we could catch our flight.

He calmly asked us, “What time is your flight?”

We told him. We prayed to God to let us have the police report in time so that we could catch our flight.

The police officer was very kind and he rushed the report for us. We thanked him and ran all the way back to the Immigration counter.

My sister submitted the report and was allowed to go through. We found all the ladies in our group waiting for us. They told us that they were waiting for us to arrive before boarding. They were confident we would be able to make the flight. Indeed, we did, by the skin of our teeth as everyone else had already boarded.

God is so good! He had answered our prayers.

So long as we have a close relationship with God, so long as we have Him in our lives and communicate with Him regularly through prayer, He will never fail us. Without His Hand in waking up the police officer, getting him to quickly write the report for us, we would never have made the flight!

Thank you Lord, thank you, for making our trip possible. This was a very precious week for my sister and I as we live so far away from each other and this trip was meant for us to have time together.


My sister and I

Entrance of Jui Fen Old Street

Waiting for the train to Hua Lian

Waiting for our coach to take us back to the hotel

Both of us will never forget this trip and how eventful it was for my sister, first missing her plane and then, nearly couldn’t board for our flight to Taipeh.

Baby Boomers....as Time Goes By

2017-03-17T03:02:00.001-07:00

Time seems to fly past ever so quickly. It doesn’t seem too long ago that we ushered in the new year with parties and fireworks. It is already mid-March.

The older we are, the faster time seems to fly by. Most of us baby boomers are now in the late autumn of our lives, if we have survived so far. Some of us are now into early winter.

Lunch at the Lake Club

Lunch at a Chinese Restaurant
As for me and my chums, the most important issue for us now is our health. All of us are familiar with age-related health issues, namely high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, cataract, etc. So, for us it is now a matter of maintenance, to remain at the level that we’re at and not to let the condition deteriorate.

The Lake Club is a preferred venue as we do not need to climb up the stairs

We share news over lunch or tea and we often laugh and giggle like overaged teens! You see, we’ve been in school together since elementary school and we’ve kept up our friendships even though we do not stay close to one another. Some of us live across the seas, as far away as New Zealand, the UK and myself in Borneo. We try to meet up a few times a year, especially those of us who aren’t too far away. I’m a two and a half hour flight away so that’s not too bad. The faraway ones come back once a year so we all get together for lunch.

Lunch at another Chinese Restaurant

We keep contact through apps such as Whatsapp. What will we do without our smart phones?? One thing though, which others may find strange, is that we carry two phones, a “dumb” or dinosaur phone (no internet) and a smartphone. Whichever is the easier to use for the moment, we’ll use it. Strange people , we are!!

We prefer Chinese food

Meanwhile, we do keep ourselves informed of what to do and not to do. We need to walk slowly and carefully to avoid falls as fractures could immobilize us for a long time. The healing process takes longer the older one is. We need to make healthier food choices, to eat more fruit and vegetables and to cut down on meat.

Chinese New Year Lunch with the Lion Feb 2017

We always part with the next date confirmed and the venue to be determined later. There’s always an animated discussion when it comes to the choice of venue but we do manage to reach a final consensus. There are usually 12 of us but not everyone turns up each time we meet. Who knows whether all of us will make it the next time round? Our number could be called at any time to return to the Lord.

Parents Going For Tuition?

2017-02-17T23:28:00.002-08:00

I almost did a double take when I came across a news article reporting that in a neighboring country, parents are going for tuition classes!

It had always been the norm for school going children to go for tuition classes in subjects they are not good in so that they will be able to perform better in school.

Thus, tuition centers mushroomed and sadly, one finds that such centers have 20 or more students in each class. How much attention will a student get from his or her tuition teacher? The scenario will be a repeat of what is in schools.

Some teachers give private tuition in their homes but their students are of different levels and grouped together. So, again how much can a teacher coach the students when they are from different classes?

The latest as reported in the newspaper, is the parents themselves are going for tuition. The rationale is that they will then be able to understand what their children are learning and they will be able to help the children when problems arise, especially in mathematics and science.

The centers offer workshops and crash courses and they charge a handsome fee depending on the level in the elementary school. If your child is in a higher class, the parent is charged more.

In mathematics, parents are taught how to apply the various concepts to different questions so that they will be able to coach their children effectively.

The parents are also given examination tips. They are made aware of the common mistakes made by pupils and the concepts that are likely to be tested in the examinations.

This is parenting going the extra mile and I wonder really, given the work-oriented society we live in, how much time the parents actually have and can make available to help their children with their school work, after office hours?

Our Asian society is still too exam-oriented and too focused on academic achievements to the extent that parents are now competing among themselves, to arm themselves with knowledge that they think will help them to help their children perform better in school.

If only they will focus on character development, inculcating good values, good manners and a sense of humanity instead. Many children today are growing up without a sense of direction, are ill-mannered, arrogant and incapable of interacting with others, glued as they are to their latest gadgets.

Ramblings of An Elderly Person

2016-10-06T02:02:00.002-07:00

One can’t help but ponder on the when and the how once one has reached an age where the Grim Reaper is just round the corner. I’ve been told that I’m morbid when I asked the questions “How long before we kick the bucket? What will be the manner of our exit?”

Just yesterday I received a message that someone had died in the shower. He must have had a stroke while taking his shower. That was a very sudden and unexpected exit.

Next came a message telling one how not to begin a shower by pouring water on the head. That could cause a stroke. The right way is to wet yourself from the feet up.

I wonder how many of us senior citizens ponder the question of when and how. I often do. I also wonder what would happen to my websites, my FB wall and pages and my books on amazon.com

When I’ve exited, how will my online friends know? My children don’t live with me except for one but she’s not familiar with my websites or FB pages. She wouldn’t know what to do with them and the others have no idea of my websites or my books.

Perhaps they would exist until the hosting expires and the websites sink into oblivion. My online friends would wonder what had happened to me. I guess they would soon realise that I had really disappeared off the face of the earth.

What would happen to my laptops? There is a wealth of information in them and thousands of photographs. Would they know to delete it all before giving them away?

Perhaps I should begin writing a list of what to do, including the instructions of how to do it, upon my demise, so that one of my children could do the necessary, tidying up after me, closing accounts, announcing my passing online so that my friends will not wonder about my disappearance.

Hmmm, it will be quite a long list!!

Writing A Book

2016-05-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

The process of writing a book is much like that of conceiving a child and bringing it into the world. Much like but not quite, if you know what I mean. You need a man and a woman to mate in order to conceive a child. In the case of a book, you could go solo or you could collaborate with someone and brainstorm together all the ideas you both have. Generally, it’s more of going solo.

Ideas germinate and you write down everything that comes to mind. Later on, you look at what you’ve written and begin to make a mind map so that the general mess takes on form.
You can see the structure of your plot, a main plot, sub-plots. Ideas for your characters develop and
you flesh them out.

It can be quite exciting to plot your characters’ roles and their traits. There will be characters you like and those whom you dislike. With these skeletal outlines drawn out, you can then begin to write your story. Very often it happens that the story leads you on. It seems to take on a life of its own and you’re just the scribe, writing it all out.

Writing is a slow process. You tend to go back a few times to read it and then amend it. Once you’re happy with it, then you get on with the mechanics, that of proofing and editing. With that out of the way, you could let it lie for a while and do something else.

Then after a few days, you may want to look at it again, read it out aloud and mull over it. If you’re happy with it, then you need to decide whether it’s going to be a digital version or a print version.

These days it’s not difficult to upload your manuscript into Kindle Direct Publishing and have your book live online. Of course you would need to have a cover for your book. This is where you may want to outsource to someone who’s a graphic designer who can design a good cover for you.

Amazon generally takes a day to review your book and they will inform you when your book’s live in their store.

So there, your baby has been born. That’s not the end of the story! You would need to promote and market it, so that it gets exposed to more people. When people like your book, they will buy it from amazon and you get a royalty.

This sounds simple but in effect, it isn’t, really. The writing may be the easy part while the marketing and promotions are really challenging.

Journey of Life

2016-03-05T06:11:00.001-08:00

Have you ever wondered what your journey is all about?

Man these days, on the average, often exceeds the three score and ten years’ life span, thanks to medical advances and a better idea of maintaining a balance in life. We try to avoid undue stress, eat healthier and keep to a regular exercise regimen.

Once you have acquired your academic qualifications, you begin to build a career, find a mate, get married and build a family. You and your spouse nurture the children, work very hard to educate them and to give them the best that you can afford.

When they grow up and leave you to build their own future, to begin the cycle you have just completed, you are finally left with time to do what you like. You have some retirement funds. Many would go travelling, to visit places they used to dream of.

Some would turn to religion and spend their time helping other people; others would embark on hobbies, gardening or golfing.

I wonder if they ever think of what the future holds for them. How many more years do they still have on earth? Are they prepared for the time of departure? Are their affairs in order so that family left behind would not be clueless over what to do? Have they left a will or will they die intestate, creating problems for their loved ones? Where do people go after death?

Death comes at a time that is most unexpected, even though a person may have been ailing for some time. So long as they are healthy and are capable of looking after themselves, most people would continue to do what they like best.

It would be good to know that one has made a difference when one leaves this earth, that one will be remembered for the lovely memories left behind.

Where Have All The Years Gone?

2015-07-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

Where once my legs could pedal furiously on a racing bike with my friends, streaking around the tracks in the stadium, today I pedal on a stationary bike for only ten minutes at the most and only sometimes.

Where once it was not a problem to traverse across oceans wide, today flying seven hours is hardship.

Where are the days and energy of youth? Somehow, along the way, time has taken its toll, not only on the physical body, but also on the mind.

Forgetfulness is now a constant companion. Misplacing things or forgetting where I’ve kept them and even forgetting what I have, altogether, makes me wonder how this came to be.

Someone said that undergoing general anesthesia kills brain cells and if that’s true, then it’s no wonder, having undergone numerous surgeries to resolve life threatening issues.

Bragging rights? Yes, three lovely grandchildren, two boys and a girl but none staying in the same country. Some books in amazon.com which gave me hours of pleasure when creating the stories and poems. Plus English grammar books, trying to do my bit in halting the slide into more and more atrocious English usage by younger Malaysians today.

Time has flown by, stolen by and now I read obituaries. I see friends who have departed. No wonder that a group of my classmates has decided that we should meet up more often if we can get away from grandma duties, etc., for the day will come when the group will dwindle and cease to exist.

It is saddening when friends, especially good friends pass on and one only gets to know through the obits. Sometimes there are no obits, only through word of mouth. Then one wishes and regrets. “If only….” Very sad words.

It is now a time of waiting and wondering, when, how?

Is Everything Cyclical?

2015-05-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

I wonder if it is. Let’s sit back and look at our lives.

Babies are born, reared, nurtured and educated. They become adults and step out into the working world where they build their careers and get married. They begin to raise their own families and the cycle begins again.

When young adults begin working, they save their money to buy a home. It is small to begin with and as they make more money, their homes become bigger and bigger.

At first they drive small cars which they can afford and then progress to bigger cars.

Then when the children are grown and leave home, they move out of their large homes and opt for smaller ones, more often than not, for apartments which are easier to maintain and there are no gardens to toil over.

The Young Adults

I think all life is cyclical, whether human or animal. There is birth, growth and then everything comes to an end with death. So a human being is born, grows into an adult, ages and then dies either of disease or other causes. The new generation replaces the old one and so on.

The Old Generation

Pokes to Remind Us Not To Forget Our Aging Mums And Dads

2015-04-11T00:52:00.002-07:00

Just over a year ago I posted a blog on the abandonment of the very young and the very old. To date there have been reminders popping up on Facebook that we ought to make time for our old folks for whom time is fast running out.

Caught up in the daily grind of work and taking care of children, we are too busy to spare a thought for our parents who are aging with each passing day. Sometimes we even forget about them.

One poignant post and image on Facebook shows an elderly man asking the phone repair man what was wrong with his phone. The reply was that there was nothing wrong with the phone and the old man asks a question, “Then why don’t my children call?”

Another post reminds us to call and speak to our old folks because someday there will only be empty chairs when we want to speak with them and it will be too late for regrets.

Sometimes it’s not possible to visit because of geography but the telephone is always there and with gadgets, it is always easy to skype or Facetime. So there’s no excuse really not to call and say “Hi, how are you today?”

If geography is not a problem why not make it a weekend visit or a fortnightly one? Some have come up and said, “But it’s family time!!”

Well, aren’t your old folks family anymore? Or are they merely looked upon as back-ups when you have problems with maids? Then only do you remember them and send an SOS to which they promptly respond, for no matter how old they are, feeble or not, they still consider you their children no matter how old and much married you are and they will always be there for you.

Will you be there for them? Communicating with them, visiting them, taking them with you when you take your family on holiday???

Death Comes Like a Thief in the Night

2015-03-31T05:57:00.001-07:00

The signs are there. My sister is dying before our eyes. From a healthy, beautiful, young woman, she has shrunk into a wizened person, her bones showing beneath her thin skin. All the muscles have been cannibalized by the cancer that has invaded her body.

Day by day she shrivels. Her lovely features are now gaunt, her eyes sunken and dull with pain. Her lovely hair is all gone. It is a matter of time, we know and we wait. Yet when the moment comes and death takes her, and takes us by surprise, it is still a great shock.

Though we are happy that she is released from her prison of pain, we are saddened and pained by her departure. Below is my poem in memory of my sister.

Death Watch

Your lids flutter open, then shut,
Beneath the lids, movements signal
You are aware, though disabled.
All around you, anxiously anticipating your needs,
Wanting to alleviate your discomfort.
Your lids flutter open, you gasp,
Trying to cough up the phlegm,
Thick clotted cream finally expelled, by no means all.
Helpless, we watch you sinking by the hour,
Shrouded in drug fog.
Our pain grows and thickens,
The pregnant silence sliced by your gasps for breath.
Tears well into rivulets running down our cheeks,
As each, torn, wanting you in our midst still,
Yet desiring your release,
Secretly battles with the whys and the why nots;
Needing to understand why,
When a sibling comes to this end.
The unnecessary suffering, the brutality of it all.
A tear slides down your hollow cheek, a final rattle of leave taking.
You are gone but remain cherished in our hearts.
The un-understanding remains;
A niggle still, or rationalized away, by the pastor or the priest.,
Meanwhile with bated breath we wait,

Will it be down the same road?

Perceptions: what we see may not be what it seems

2015-03-31T05:08:00.000-07:00

Very often what we think we see and understand may not be the case.

It depends on which perspective one is viewing. All too often we tend to judge from our own perspective without stopping to think further.

Let me illustrate. A mother is very ill, yet her son refuses to come and see her. To most people, the son would be regarded as an ingrate, a useless son who doesn’t care about his mother.

Apart from what people construe as apathy, a lack of filial piety, or simply a monstrous off spring, could the son have his own reasons for not wanting to visit his mother?

Could it be fear? Fear that his mother is dying and he dares not see her in that condition, frail and so different from the mother he used to know? Sometimes disease takes a terrible toll on a person’s appearance. It can be a shock to the system to see a person who used to be so vibrant, reduced to a shadow of her former self. Perhaps he prefers to remember her as she once was, a healthy and vibrant mother.

Could it be a denial of the fact that his mother is dying? If he doesn’t see her, then there will not be confirmation that she is dying.

So it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his mother. He is wrestling with his own demons. Thus can we judge him and mark him as a useless, ungrateful son?

The Passing of A Great Statesman, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew

2015-03-31T04:26:00.000-07:00

I watched the live telecast of the funeral of Mr LKY as he is better known in his country Singapore. In the days preceding the funeral, his body lay in state in Parliament House where thousands of Singaporeans and non-Singaporeans came to pay their last respects, having queued for hours to do so.

On the day of the funeral, his coffin, draped with the Singapore flag, was placed in a tempered glass case on a gun carriage, drawn by a guard of honor from the royal marines and armed forces. Rain poured down as the cortege made its way through the main roads of Singapore en route to the Cultural Center of the National University of Singapore. Thousands of people braved the torrential rain, with umbrellas, in raincoats or simply standing in the rain waiting for the cortege to pass by. They waved the Singapore flags, threw flower petals along the road and chanted their late founder and first PM’s name. The cameras panned and some people were seen weeping. The heavens were weeping together with the people. Such a massive outpouring of grief also had me in tears as I watched the t.v. screen.

There was a 21 gun salute and jets flew over head to honor him in this state funeral.

In the Cultural Center, after Mr. LKY’s coffin was brought in, the current Prime Minister, his son Mr. Lee Hsien Loong laid the first wreath on behalf of the family while the President of Singapore laid the second, on behalf of the country. Ten eulogies followed, the first by his son the PM and the last by his youngest son Mr. Lee Hsien Yang. Each eulogy touched on different aspects of the late Mr. Lee and how he had touched each of them in their lives. They were deeply moving tributes to the founder father of their country.

Among the foreign dignitaries who came to pay their respects, were Heads of State and his personal friends such as Henry Kissinger and Bill Clinton. This alone attested to his stature on the world stage.

Indeed Singaporeans had a lot to be grateful to Mr, LKY for. From a small city state which had been expelled from the Federation of Malaysia after less than two years of its joining, Mr Lee fought tooth and nail to bring progress to his country and to ensure its survival. It was a country without any natural resources; it had only its people. He had been branded as ruthless and relentless in the pursuit of his dream of a successful Singapore but I sincerely feel that he was very courageous and the ends in this case, do justify the means. He had no other choice but to rule with an iron hand if he wanted to succeed in developing Singapore.

In his own words he said that his achievement in his life is Singapore and that he gave his whole life to it. Anyone visiting Singapore today cannot help but admire its greenery and its high rises, commercial bulldings and high rise public housing and private apartment buildings. Its efficiency and vibrant economy continue to draw people.

Indeed, when I was a child, I used to accompany my mother to Singapore and my lasting impression was that it was a smelly and dirty place. The Rochor Canal was very stinky and the Singapore River was very dirty. However today, the city is a beautiful, clean and safe. I feel safe whenever I’m in Singapore and I dare to walk and take public transport. In the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur, I never feel safe and I would never take public transport if it meant that I would have to walk to the station or bus stop. My sister was twice a victim of snatch theft. Fortunately she wasn’t badly hurt. Others have died as a result.

It is all thanks to this great man and his team that Singapore is what it is today, a beautiful, bustling garden city state, a premier financial center and a place which everyone knows. Singapore today is a testimony to Mr. LKY’s life work. Rest in peace, Mr. LKY, your life’s work is done, admirably done.

In Memory of a Dear Old Friend

2015-03-21T22:54:00.001-07:00

Early this week my sister rang to inform me that she saw on Face Book a post that my dear old friend had passed away.

It came as a shock for we had planned to meet up in May after a lapse of more than 20 years. He lived in Penang while I’m in Sabah across the South China Sea.

I first got to know him when I was in form 2 in Kuala Lumpur. He used to board with our family for dinner as he was from outstation. He became part of our family and would help out in all our chores, from scrubbing floors to washing down the walls of our little wooden house.

He used to teach me mathematics, my weakest subject. He was the one who introduced me to football. I remember we walked from Imbi Road to the Merdeka Stadium to watch football matches in the evenings. He was the older brother I never had.

He was working in the University of Malaya library as a librarian and it was he who phoned me to tell me of my final year results. I can never forget this incident.

“You’re kidding!! I don’t believe you!”
“Serious! I won’t play the fool about this kind of thing. Come and see for yourself.”

I believed I had done very badly as my mind was a complete blank when I sat for one of my papers in English Literature. When I looked at the results pinned up on the notice board, he was vindicated and I was elated. A second class upper is not something to scoff at when your major is English.

He was later transferred to the University Science Malaya in Penang as the Librarian in charge and he made his home there. He had three children, two sons and a daughter. The daughter is domiciled in the USA while his eldest son is an architect based in Penang. His middle child passed away from medical complications.

My family and I stayed in his house when we visited Penang a long, long time ago. When he came to Sabah, he stayed in our house and I drove him up to Mt Kinabalu on a drizzly day.

A kind, gentle and caring soul has left us. He was a gentleman in every sense of the word. Never did a harsh word come out of his mouth. The pictures his son posted on Facebook showed the countries both of them travelled to and Bali was their last holiday destination, before he departed so suddenly, just days after. They were very happy pictures of father and son together with friends.

Rest in peace, Lim Chee Hong. So sad that you left before May. Had been looking forward to meeting up. Thank you for the happy memories that will be cherished always.

Another Year Older

2015-02-20T01:55:00.002-08:00

Time does not stand still and it waits for no man. Even as we grow older chronologically, the spirit stays young in most cases. We don't realise how old we are because we feel as old as our spirit. My nephew remarked that he thought my grandchildren were still in form 2 when one is already in junior college while his younger sister is doing the “O” levels.

The little ones are growing up fast, the young ones are hitting middle age while the oldies are greying. We are passing down the traditions of the Chinese New Year to them and hopefully they will continue to observe them and in time pass them down too. Cultural beliefs and traditions should be cherished as they give us our identity.

So the open house tradition continues, with family visiting each other and partaking of what is laid out on the table. Children and unmarried persons receive the “ang pows” ( red packets containing gifts of money, usually notes given in pairs “. Married couples hand out ang pows to them and to their parents, as a way of saying “thank you” for having brought them up and given them the education that enabled them to be what they are today. It is also a good time for catching up and bonding with family members.

Among the traditions are these that have been ingrained into our psyche. Spring cleaning before the New Year is a must. Old brooms are thrown away, window curtains are changed and fresh flowers are purchased to welcome in the new year.

Ancestral worship is still practiced whereby the departed elders are invited into the home to partake of the delicacies on the table. Prayers are offered whereby we ask for good health, prosperity and harmony in our homes. After a reasonable period of time during which the spirits of our ancestors would have taken their fill, the son of the house would pray and throw two coins into the air. If they land one with heads and the other, tails, then he can move to the next stage where paper money, clothing, shoes etc . are burned. These will be received by his ancestors who now reside in the next dimension.

Another is taboo. One cannot sweep the floor as it is akin to sweeping one’s luck away. Nothing is thrown out on the first day.

Everyone will wear new clothes to signify it is the beginning of a new year and new beginnings. When visiting, mandarins are obligatory as they signify prosperity. Your host will in return give you mandarins when you leave his house. One does not go empty handed when visiting. “Kung Xi, kung xi, xin nien kwai ler “ is the usual greeting. Young ones are taught from a young age to utter this greeting when face to face with older people.

Each year these traditions are observed and the Chinese New Year is a festive period which lasts 15 days. All family members head for their respective homes to celebrate and the reunion dinner is the most important meal of the year. The oldies look forward to this reunion every year for as long as they live as each could be their last.

The Craft of Writing

2015-02-16T04:58:00.000-08:00

The process of writing does not come easy. Whether it is a simple paragraph, an essay, a poem or a short story, it has to be planned and plotted.

Story writing is a craft that is not easy to learn, as I just found out. A story line, characters and their development, the conflict and the resolution: these are the inherent components.

Language is another aspect. As an author, you need your character to engage with the reader. The character has to be very compelling so that the reader is hooked and wants to read the book. So your language has to come alive, to make your characters in the story real and the reader is able to empathize with them.

To a writer, the person’s desire to read his book translates into sales which means money for him.
So you see, your plot has to be interesting, with unexpected twists so that the reader will want to continue reading it.

Once a story is completed, that is not the end of it. Editing, proof reading and amendments or polishing where called for has to be done and this can be many times before the story finally comes into print.
It is a labor of love and the final copy is the baby you have created, nurtured and delivered, after a painstaking process.

A sense of accomplishment can be very satisfying when you hold a copy of your printed book in your hand.

Flying Through Turbulent Skies

2014-12-31T04:06:00.005-08:00

The end of the year is usually vacation time for many folks who take to the skies for holidays abroad. There are so many airlines, budget and regular, that travelers are spoilt for choice but of course to stretch the dollar further many would opt for budget airlines and use the extra savings on their holiday.

The news that an aircraft had crashed most likely due to severe bad weather conditions and the delayed approval of a request to ascend to higher altitude in order to avoid the turbulent storms is most distressing. It is a known fact that air corridors are now congested with planes flying at different altitudes. There is also the possibility that inadequate equipment at air traffic control centers to handle the demands of high traffic in the air may lead to unforeseen circumstances which could result in accidents.

It doesn’t help that the flights taken towards the end of the year can be very turbulent. My last experience was quite frightening in view of the very recent air crash which has been confirmed to be due to the bad weather conditions. Passing through the thick clouds caused the plane to shake and shudder and I could feel my internal organs moving in tandem. I didn’t feel queasy as such but I kept my eyes closed and thought of my belief in God from whom I had asked for journey blessings when I boarded the plane. This kept me cool and calm.

When the flight steadied enough I went back to my crossword puzzles.

The turbulence was off and on throughout the flight but praise the Lord, the captain brought us safely to our destination and we all walked off the plane with thanks in our hearts.

Not only have we come through a turbulent flight but also a year that has seen many calamities and disasters. It is time to say farewell to this year and to welcome the New Year which is just a few hours away.

How Prepared Are You?

2014-11-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

This question is far from the minds of young people though it possibly hovers at the back of the older generation’s minds.

Prepared for what? For the inevitable of course. Our time on earth is limited; we are creatures in transit. Are we prepared for our final destination? Or are we still thinking that we have lots of time and during the interim, we still continue with what we strive to do, pursuing our dreams. However, no one knows how much time has been given to him or her. Like it or not we will go. Here I would like to share my poem with my readers.

No R.S.V.P.

Young or old, rich or poor
One day, sooner or later,
All will R.I.P.
Pushing up daisies or sealed in
Niches, arranged in concrete rows
In the Garden of Remembrance.
Whatever we can, do it out of kindness;
Wherever we can, help to make
Today a good day for someone.
The invitation without any R.S.V.P.
Comes out of the blue,
Often taking the invitees by surprise;
But all respond without fail,
For choice there is none.

© SeongNgor Lim

The most important thing is of course to leave behind a will disposing of our assets the way we wish. This will pre-empt any ugly squabbles over the distribution of assets should we die intestate.

The other important thing is to make sure that we will leave behind happy memories for those we love. Spending time with our children and grandchildren, whether in activities, or simple chatter, or whatever we like to do with our family, bonding with them so that when we are no longer with them, they can look back and remember the times we had together. We can leave behind memories for them to cherish. Photographs are great for trips down memory lane.

We want our loved ones to remember us with love, not resentment, or worse still, to have them prefer to forget us. So whatever we do now, we must make sure we spend time with our loved ones and also to provide for them so that they will not be left helpless and destitute when there is no will and no funds for their immediate living expenses. Whatever we bank accounts we have will be immediately frozen upon our demise.

So are you prepared?

Friends

2014-10-25T21:56:00.001-07:00

Friends are people we mix around with and I daresay that we have many types of friends whom we could put into various circles. E.g. work friends, family friends, close friends, casual friends and bosom pals.

Work friends are those whom we meet daily at work and over time have become friends. Casual friends are more of acquaintances whom we meet from time to time and engage in small talk with. Family friends are friends of the family. They could be your parents’ friends or friends who have become close to your family and are highly regarded.

Close friends are those with whom you have a very good relationship and you trust and support one another. Close friends are often friends who go back a long way, e.g. since school days. They may not be many and often can be counted on one hand only. If you’re very lucky, then two hands. As Shakespeare said of good friends in his play "Hamlet", we should should grapple them to our souls with hooks of steel.

Bosom friends are very close friends whom you share confidences with and whom you know will never disclose your secrets. They are the tried and tested pals who also go back a long way although not necessarily so. The main thing is that you trust your bosom pal and you would stick by each other through thick and thin. Usually your bosom friend is only one or at most two.

Your bosom friend can also be your sibling.

As we grow older we realize how important our friends are, especially close friends. They make the difference to an otherwise lonely existence. However, know that friendships are like flowers in a garden which need to be nurtured in order to grow.

May your friendships be a lovely garden full of flowers.