tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8179137049692185762024-08-29T19:40:44.823+01:00Osaze's JokesThe Best Jokes Nigerian Style, with entertainment AlsoAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.comBlogger528125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-80329205398075132462018-04-05T10:34:00.000+01:002018-04-05T10:34:29.879+01:00Give them what They wantAkpos stepped into a pub to relax
his nerves this sunny afternoon.
While in the bar Akpos shouted
and said to the barman; "Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy cus wen I drink stout, everybody drinks stout."
The barman obeyed and all the people in the bar started hailing Akpos while sipping on their free drinks.
Akpos ordered again: Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-36247851141851626242018-02-07T07:54:00.000+01:002018-02-07T07:58:50.384+01:00Stand Up<!--[if gte mso 9]>
<![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]>
Normal
0
false
false
false
EN-GB
X-NONE
X-NONE
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-28652351250629272272013-12-26T11:54:00.001+01:002013-12-26T11:54:45.653+01:00Leaky RoofFor a very long time, Nnanna had been battling with a leak in his roof.
One fateful night, there was a heavy downpour and he had to move from one corner of the room to the other to avoid getting soaked.
The downpour lasted throughout the night and he couldn't sleep all through.
The following morning, he decided to fix the roof.
After scouting for a ladder in his neighbourhood, he climbed his Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-20427206198580331362013-01-01T14:46:00.000+01:002013-01-01T14:46:41.492+01:00All WomenDuring an argument, a husband told his wife "Women are just donkeys. " All women are donkeys!
the next day as they were traveling along the highway, a donkey crossed right in front of their car. The wife tells her husband "Sweetheart, be careful your mother is crossing the road."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-91507666455134112882013-01-01T14:43:00.000+01:002013-01-01T14:43:18.183+01:00Free TonightOne night a pangolo asked his girlfriend (Rukevwe): "Darling are you free tonight"
Rukevwe shouted and replied: "Have I ever charged you before?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-18635645275966987622013-01-01T14:35:00.000+01:002013-01-01T14:35:17.206+01:00Good FriendSome soldiers arrested Kpeku and asked him to carry 1,000 blocks to
the other side of the road. He had moved over 900 blocks before he saw
the commandant and quickly recognised him as an old classmate. He called
his name and briefly explained everything to him.
His friend was mad and shouted at the soldiers "This man is my friend!!! You shouldn't have punished him like dat!!!".
He then Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-77017883465946429642013-01-01T14:33:00.001+01:002013-01-01T14:33:47.862+01:00Should I Tell HimA little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
'Not yet momma,' said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-62188495498957135082013-01-01T14:31:00.001+01:002013-01-01T14:31:57.321+01:00Wine TasterIn an alcohol factory the regular Taster died and the Director
started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty
look came to apply for the position. The Director of the factory
wondered how to send him away. They tested him.
They gave him a glass
with a drink. He tried it and said,"It's Red Wine, a Muscat, Three Years
Old, Grown on a North Slope,
Matured in Steel Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-37099157796575393142013-01-01T14:28:00.001+01:002013-01-01T14:28:53.182+01:00ActsA woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a
bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of
weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and
proceeded to quote scripture.
The
burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911; the
police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he
stood.
"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-64739150035777448492012-12-30T00:27:00.001+01:002012-12-30T00:27:41.369+01:00BustedA man catches this guy having sex with his wife n beats him up and
sends him away naked. So the guy finds his way home naked since it was
dark.
His wife saw him entering the house naked and asked 'wot happened
to u?' He replied 'I got robbed and the robbers took all my clothes and
money' 'the wife turning away said 'so they robbed you, left you naked
and gave you condom to wear abi?!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-16001959364819735122012-12-29T20:11:00.003+01:002012-12-29T20:11:59.180+01:00Future TenseTEACHER: I killed a person "convert this sentence into a future tense.
Osobaifo: the future tense is "you will go to jail"..Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-73657893335950632342012-12-29T20:07:00.000+01:002012-12-29T20:07:00.717+01:00Types Of GasesA teacher was teaching the topic TYPES OF GASES and the students gave
examples such as oxygen,hydrogen,carbondioxide and others.
A
boy in the class started laffin and when the teacher asked why he was
lauging, he said one was not mentioned, the teacher asked him to mention
the gas, he then went to the board and wrote "FABREGAS"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-94335389325633332012-12-29T19:51:00.000+01:002012-12-29T19:51:34.373+01:00Skipping ServiceA Pastor decided to skip services one Sunday and head to obudu hills to do some hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a lion, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. His rifle went one way, and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.
That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious lion was charging at Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-88757393534201849782012-12-29T19:43:00.000+01:002012-12-29T19:43:29.699+01:00Bee CountryTeacher: what do you call a bee that lives in America?..
Ogborikoko: USB.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-31427615561863583002012-12-29T19:39:00.000+01:002012-12-29T19:39:39.905+01:00Or What?A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?
"Oh, that's easily Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-25209371588285159022012-12-29T09:18:00.002+01:002012-12-29T09:18:40.443+01:00Buying on the ExpressDokpemu was travelling in his private car along the Lagos-Ore express road, when he sited a huge bushmeat hanging on a stick from afar & decided to buy. He stopped & priced.......... Madam,how much is ur bushmeat???.... Oga na 7000naira...... Haba Madam, e too cost, na how much U go sell am last???....Oga bring 6500........
Ok go put am 4 inside boot.
D woman went behind the car Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-14461138600912162572012-12-28T13:45:00.000+01:002012-12-28T13:45:55.117+01:00ImpressA man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl ,
which machine can I use ?
Trainer : Use the ATM outside the gym!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-2921002609301085872012-12-28T13:44:00.000+01:002012-12-28T13:44:03.783+01:00Freezer KillerTwo women met at the pearly gate.
1st woman; how did u die?
2nd woman; i froze to death
2nd woman; how did u die?
1st woman; i suspected that my husband was sleeping wit anoda woman, i
came home one day and saw him reading...i checked every where but didn't
find anybody. I had an heart attack and died out of guilt.
2nd woman; U FOR CHECK INSIDE FREEZER NOW, ME AND U FOR NO DIE.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-90763481611675208072012-12-28T13:43:00.001+01:002012-12-28T13:43:22.701+01:00BanatationA teacher asked a question "what do u call a place where plantains are
planted?"
Rukevwe raised her hand and answers "plantaintion" good boy
the teacher said! "and a place where bananas are planted?" asks the
teacher again! Rukevwe stood up boldly the second time and answered
"bananation"..Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-74984059833996023132012-12-28T09:03:00.000+01:002012-12-28T09:03:35.072+01:00Returning the favourA man was starved of sex bcos his wife had put 2 birth thru CS.
One day, the wife said Eeyaa!, my Love, I know how u must be feeling bcos of my condition; abeg take this #2000 and look for someone and satisfy urself.
The husband collected the money and left, but returned after 30 mins.
The wife said, Haba! So soon? and he answered, I no go far, I just enter this our neighbour house!
And Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-77081248467686214692012-12-28T08:52:00.000+01:002012-12-28T08:52:15.929+01:00U get Loaf of BreadJide was hungry and went to 'mai shayi' (men selling tea and bread).The following transpired between the man and the mai shayi.
JIDE: u get loaf of bread?
ABOKI:yes
JIDE:bring one; slice am two and put 2 sachet of butter in btw the slice.
ABOKI:(happy and tankin God 4 bringing customer, was just doing as he is told)
JIDE:u get egg?
ABOKI:yes customer
JIDE:fry 20 egg put am btw the Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-61644922508088556402012-12-28T08:05:00.001+01:002012-12-28T08:05:17.819+01:00Who OwnsMother:- My son must obey me unless he didn't suck my breast for one year,
wife:- He sucks mine now &sucked it fornmore than 5 years and he his still sucking.
Mother: I carried him for 9months.
Wife: He was only 3.5kg then, so whats the big deal? I carry him every night and he is 85kg now. Mother:- He passed in between my legs.
Wife:- Hey, he only passed there once, he stays in between my Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-45714063653850630142012-12-28T08:03:00.002+01:002012-12-28T08:03:58.478+01:00Getting AlongA husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife – nothing but arguing and friction –
so he decided to consult a marriage counselor. After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, "I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back." A week later the counselor received a call from the husband, "Well," asked the counselor, "how are things Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-28766978198613052872012-12-28T07:37:00.001+01:002012-12-28T07:37:20.028+01:00Winning lotteryMy landlord's son won a #10 million lottery, kept d money inside a 'Ghana must go' bag, went under a tree, buried d money,
snapped d spot n d tree wit a camera n decided 2 travel 2 London. As he was on a plane heading 2 London, he brought out d picture 4rm d camera, stared @ it n was shocked 2 see a guy on top of d tree smiling.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-817913704969218576.post-27448520035687111392012-12-27T08:49:00.001+01:002012-12-27T08:49:51.088+01:00Bad EnglishListen to the ENGLISH TEACHERS of nowadays in primary schools;
1. Don’t dare talk in front of my back.!
2. Both of you three get out of the class.!
3. Take 5 cm wire of any length.!
4. All of you stand in a straight circle!
5. Be quiet...The Principal just passed away.
6. Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I am here???
7. I have 3 daughters and all of them are girls...
8. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00580534902948608996noreply@blogger.com0