according to gf

Brewer's Pizza ~ Orange Park FL

2011-08-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

The first time that I saw Brewer's Pizza a jug shaped neon hanging in the front window caught my attention. One may know the jug of which I speak; it is an Andy Griffith type of jug. It is a Beverly Hillbillies type of jug. The "Craft Beer To Go" message inside this jug forced me to turn the truck steering wheel, pull in, and park. There was no way that I was not going to check out Brewer's Pizza.

This message of to-go beer confused me since I just moved to Florida from Georgia. In Georgia, one does not see restaurants displaying signs about to-go-beer delivered in "Andy Griffith" jugs. Maybe, if there had been neon signs like this in Georgia, I would not have left! I have also noticed signs at barber shops and salons offering a beer or a glass of wine for those enjoying a haircut. I am not so sure about that. Drinking beer while getting a hair cut may result in one coughing up a hairball afterward. What in the heck is going on with the beverage laws in Florida? Wait, scratch that question. The great leadership of Florida allows restaurants to sell beer to-go in a Hillbilly jug. I am OK with that.

Brewer's Pizza

The joint is not all that big, but it seats about sixty or so patrons comfortably. Booths line the walls except for the space where Brewer's has a table top "Shuffle Board" game. A Juke Box churns out "regular tunes" at non-annoying decibel levels which actually gives the space warmth. This is a good thing as the decorations are at a minimum (The neon was expensive.). A petite bar is squished into a corner, and a window on the back wall reveals the brewing area. I would usually explain in considerable detail this brewing area, but I did not investigate due to the distraction created by the excellent taste of the beer which I had ordered. Besides that, I was dog-tired from moving.

The list of the beers offered is a hearty two pages long. I decided on Pinglehead Red (which on the menu was the fourth beer from the top). This is an excellent beer. Evidently, it is Brewer's Pizza's best selling beer. It has a nice finish, but it is hoppy enough for my liking. One is plenty happy after consuming just a few of these Pinglehead Red beers (7.8 % alcohol).

I wondered what the quality of the pizza was going to be the first time that I ordered it at Brewer's Pizza. Only because, it has been my experience before, that "beer-heads" do beer well and do food poorly (or vice-versa). I am here to report that the pizza is off the hook. The food delivery is slowish; however, the food quality surpassed my expectations both times I have dined at Brewer's Pizza. I wonder if they drag their feet intentionally, until after I order a second beer. Yes, it is the clever "slow-food-service" sales tactic.

As aforementioned, the last time I dined at Brewer's Pizza was the night after my move to the great state of Florida. We were rather tired from the move, and the place was jammed! I discovered that a home-brewers club was meeting that night. I kept overhearing wisps of words like "hoppiness", "bite", "smooth", "after-bite", and such. After a while, I just could not stand it any longer. I bugged a gentleman (I instantly forgot his name, gah!) who was kind enough to explain what their club was all about. He also gave me a sip of his Habanero Pepper home-brew. It tasted remarkably smooth and had a slight bite. I inquired how one would become a home-brewer, and he directed me to Just Brew It. I also met David Rigdon a sales manager for Champion Brands Inc. The entire CASK club was mingling and having a fabulous time. A beer club is a genius idea. I should have joined one years ago.

I will be back to try other varieties of Brewer's Pizza's beer, as well as other varieties of their pizza. This could take quite a bit of time. Hey, someone has to do the hard work. I will report back to my readers the results of my research in about ten pounds.

Thanks for reading,

gf

The Moving Maze

2011-08-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

I never was too good at Tetris. Now I feel as though I live inside the game. Odd shaped blocks surround me, and I must weave through the maze. I expend extra energy dodging boxes. Every day when I return home I discover the new paths through the boxes. This requires relearning the grid so that my poor toes do not continue to pay the price.

The refrigerator is a wasteland. Old bits of cheese and peanut butter highlighted my recent search for a snack. I did recover two expired cans of Miller High Life beer. They were astoundingly refreshing (Now you know how desperate the situation has become). Jill sipped her wine from a Styrofoam cup during dinner. She smirked as she enjoyed her beverage. I presume that the bouquet of the wine in a foam cup differs significantly from that which is served in a wine glass. The cookies and chocolate are memories. One lone peach hides in the fruit bowl. Paper plate service is the new the dining protocol.

Moving generates an asinine amount of trash. So far we average approximately five bags of trash daily. I wonder what important papers are hopelessly lost forever. Hopefully several bills are in the mix. Half full trash bags litter every room. The hall has been reduced to one-way traffic. A four day old fried chicken box permanently resides behind the front door. Starbucks coffee cups decorate the counter tops.

http://tokyo5.wordpress.com/2010/04/02/godzilla-tokyo-hollywood/

I was denied the use of the washing machine tonight. "Don't mess with my rhythm." Jill warned me as she neatly rationed and folded my clothes for me. A basket by the bed (next to a towering stack of boxes) has become my dresser. I figure by tomorrow the basket will be gone, and I will have a pair of shorts set out for the move. Where are my shoelaces? The crooked stacks of boxes make each room look like mini-cities which wait anxiously for Godzilla to come out of the sea wreaking havoc.

The moving truck has been ordered. The candle on the good-bye cake has been extinguished. The mail has been switched. The batteries have been charged for the Flip recorder. Eight more boxes to pack and my eleven year saga of Douglasville comes to an end... (and forty odd for one of us [cough]).

More to come,

gf

Moving Day Blues

2011-08-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

As I relace (by the way Webster does not acknowledge this word "relace") my moving shoes, my thoughts wander through the past eleven years. I know these shoes well. Somehow they are comfortable even after many years of neglect. Maybe I am a Gypsy.

"Medusa" by Jonathan Ewert

www.elfwood.com

There are many details to work out. Dates need to be studied schedules need to be changed. Cable men worry the mind the most. Checkbooks stretch and creak, under the immense weight of deposits and fees. I recently found out what a concession fee was. What a holy crock of manure this concept is. By the way, breaking a lease brings out the Medusa apartment lease ladies. Anyway, Concession Fees are the monies that one would have paid if the lessor had not given such a remarkable deal. Such as, fifty bucks off the monthly rent (because possibly my hair was quite coiffed on a Wednesday). One must pay all of these discounts back as a penalty for being a Gypsy. People do not like us Gypsies. This is no good. (Go back and say those last two sentences with a crappy Russian accent to get the full effect.)

I often wonder how much stuff I could get rid of. I have a full storage unit which I honestly have not missed much, save a barbecue grill and some fishing poles. I could just donate it all to charity and take a $3000 tax credit. No, the wife would not have that. We must have stuff. We must pack it in endless boxes and take them down endless flights of stairs. I wonder if the Japanese Tsunami survivors miss their stuff. Wait, stop. They are not Americans who save everything and buy bigger stuff every day. They are all minimalists except for the Sumo wrestlers. I am sure that they have a lot of stuff. They are the most American Japanese... then again, maybe not. They are very important and religious allegedly. They have shrines. That is what is missing from the WWE. Shrines. That is the ticket.

Oh yeah, stuff is everywhere. Boxes scribbled with nonsensical descriptions of the contents. "Bathroom" or "Greg's Crap" are the norm. Some are unreadable and look like designs from a Mayan calendar. I have stubbed my toe thrice this evening. Look at Gypsy feet. They tell a story.

More to come.

gf

Sweet Corn Sex Education

2011-07-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am a city-boy trapped in my city-boy ignorance. Therefore, I seek out information from farmers whenever possible, just in case all of the farmers get annihilated by the big meteor (... and we all know that is coming soon, even though some preachers are lousy at predicting exactly when).

After the meteor disaster occurs, city residents will ask me the farming questions... such as... How does one grow strawberries? How does one breed cows? How does one make cheese? How does one raise bees? How does one raise chickens? How does one make bread from scratch? How does one grow corn? What are the (specific) ingredients in "The Recipe" from Walton's Mountain?

I respect farmers and gardeners. Do not be deceived by the farmer-folk mannerisms. They know if hens make noise when laying eggs. They know about plants. They can raise goats and Guineas, and farmer kids know about sex way before the city kids do.

The following is a guest post by my farmer-friend Beth. Her family has been farming "forever". The following is how one "does" corn.

The story begins with an evening phone call from my Mother. “You wanna do corn in the morning?” (Why it seems like just days earlier, my Father was standing in my kitchen complaining about the rising price of the sweet corn seed. Now we are here already?) I answer "Why yes, we can do that.".

My Father plants about four rows (50 feet long each) of sweet corn in the family vegetable garden every year. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it does not, sometimes the deer and the 'coon eat it all. Last year my Father was ill, and it did not rain, and the deer were hungry. That was not a good year, but usually there is enough (enough to pick, shuck, cut, blanch and freeze) to keep everyone happy throughout the winter.

When the corn has matured (to a point to when one pierces the kernel some milk squirts out) it is ready. My family is picky. Why do all this work if it is not perfect? So when it is perfect, we “DO” corn.

It starts early in the morning as the sun is rising. Daddy’s job is to pick, and it must be done while the corn is cool and damp from a bit of dew. He fills the back of his pickup truck with anywhere from 45-to 100 ears of corn (as I said depending on the rain and critters).

Next Mom will arrive. She will have all the necessary equipment with her including her red chair. Yep, she brings her own chair. This red chair is one of those typical kitchen chairs, red vinyl, with the steps that pull out from under the seat - anyway she cannot cut corn without it. She will also have her strawberry short cake pan (an over sized deep sided cake pan), two or maybe three very sharp knives, her cigarettes, and her tumbler filled with ice and coke.

I will be waiting to get that first cup of coffee, checking to see if the skillets are clean, and looking to see that I bought enough zip lock bags.

When I look out and see the pickup parked in the shade, the shucking begins. This shucking and cutting process is all accomplished outside. When cutting corn the way that we do it splatters all over everything, and that mess is not wanted on the kitchen cabinets. Daddy will have started shucking, and mother will be positioned on her chair waiting for the first ear. “Get those kids out of bed, and get them down here to help”.

I hope you can picture this scene as well as I ever so fondly recall. Three teenagers half asleep shucking, Mother and I cutting, swatting flies. Then my father (who is a man of very few words) will begin to speak to his grandchildren about corn. Now what some of you may or may not know is that each baby kernel on the cob has a single strand of silk running to it. In order for the baby to grow, the silk strand must have one drop of pollen from the top tassel fall and “pollinate” the silk. Thus, a baby kernel will produce (that is if it rains and the critters are scarce). There you have it, and that is when my father smiles his proud smile having given his children sex education in its purest form. After the corn is all shucked, the kids announce they are going back to bed (it is after all summer vacation). My mother and I finish up the cutting. Here, I will revel to you what is considered to be one of the family secrets to cutting corn. You must scrape the cob after the corn is cut and capture every bit of the juice. This is very important. Now you do not have to bite the ends of each raw cob before you toss it back into the truck (like mom does - I don’t). She cannot stand to have that last little baby kernel she missed with her knife go to waste. She is crazy like that.

Beth's Corn Pudding

Into the kitchen, we go. The corn is put into a skillet just a couple of cups at a time with some of the juice/milk and cooked over a medium heat for just a few minutes (just until it turns color). It is then scooped into zip lock bags (about two cups in each one) with all the air is squeezed out (ALL), and then put into the freezer. Mother will tell me the story about her grandmother "Granny ". She used to put the bags between her legs and squeeze out all the air. These bags of corn will sit in the freezer quietly, until the weather changes (around Thanksgiving). I always bring corn pudding at Thanksgiving and often at any family function.

Cook a bag of corn, 2 cups whole milk, 3 to 4 eggs (depending on size) and ½ a stick of melted butter (cooked like a custard) on 325 for about 35-40 minutes-and until golden brown. There is something about the smell of corn pudding cooking in my kitchen. It usually means I got up early and started the day preparing food for a special gathering for those I dearly love. When my children walk into the kitchen and smell that smell, it’s a blending of life’s moments. It is Papa‘s wise words of the birds and the bees, grandma and her red chair and mom cooking in the kitchen. It is the aroma of the family; it is the smell of love.

Thanks for reading,

and thanks to Beth for writing,

gf

The Road to Jekyll Island

2011-07-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

Most people use the Interstate Highway System to reach their destination of choice. Sure, it is quick, and there are plenty of cookie-cutter gas stations along the way. Gas Stations where one can get a Big Gulp with High Fructose Syrup to overload their liver until the next pee break. However, there is a better way to go. The old forgotten highways (or Parkways) of the not-so-recent-past are the best way to get to your destination according to gf.

Driving from Atlanta to Jekyll Island gf chooses the "Golden Isles Parkway" (or Highway). There is some confusion about the name as there are two different signs posted along the way. Some signs state that the road is a Highway and others state that it is a Parkway. The shop owners on this route even get confused. There are businesses named after each version. I do not think anyone truly knows if it is a Parkway or a Highway. Parkways are scenic roads where one may park to admire the beauty of the surroundings, while highways are just elevated roads. Let us ask Webster.

Highway
: a public way; especially : a main direct road
Parkway
: a broad landscaped thoroughfare

I took some pictures along the way. You be the judge of whether this is a Highway or a Parkway.

A few miles past the Swine and Dine BBQ restaurant, I spotted what I call the "Cornbread Castle".

Cornbread Castle

Several miles north west of McRae is an American Artist of sorts. I did no background work. I have no idea who is responsible for this cornbread art, but I did find it fascinating.

The monster Weather Vane atop an odd shaped WW2 style hanger caught my attention initially. Only after stopping and taking some photos of it did I notice the other delicate art sculptures.

The Fisherman and Jonah's Giant Fish Weather Vane

Satellite Dish Shade

The Random Zombie Camel stared into my eyes and made me dizzy.

Random Zombie Camel

Tungsten Sunflower

Viewing this roadside art made me think that the road to Jekyll actually may be a Parkway instead of a mere Highway. There is not much else to look at on this alleged Parkway save some mobile homes, deserted factories, Pine trees, lumber mills, vacant produce stands, and a dozen or more "towns". If one drives this thoroughfare on a Friday night during football season, one may witness a Middle School football game. The local football stadiums are packed to the gills on a football Friday night in small-town America.

After smelling the sweet fragrance of the Tungsten Sunflowers, I plodded ahead toward the metropolis of McRae. Sometimes one can appreciate things better from afar. A bikini swimsuit is like that. Appreciating a hot pink bikini at the beach from afar is much more rewarding that getting the close-up (well, 87.4% of the time).

One needs to view the Mini Statue of Liberty in McRae with a passing glance to appreciate it to the fullest. Do not stop and take pictures as I did.

Patriotic McRae (from afar)

What the... ??

Zombie Nation

Liberty Bell (crack and all!)

Proud to be an American

I was emotionally charged from the visit to the Mini Statue of Liberty. Emotions such as fear, anxiety, confusion, anger, and sympathy ran through my mind. Who has done this, and why? Now I understand why the French gave us the Statue of Liberty. We suck at making statues.

Jasper gave up its Crown Jewel this year. Check out this taxidermists dream ride. It was quite the traffic stopper.

Pimp My Ride

A 'coon skin cap on Crack

Are those Antelope horns?

Proud to live in the South

Is that Woody from Toy Story?

Nice Rattle Snakes

How much wood could a Wood Chuck Chug?

Ducks on a truck...

I have no more words for this truck.

"Scenic Parkway" can mean different things to different people. Obviously, in the great state of Georgia the definition of scenic is subjective.

Hoping for some more traditional Parkway scenic views, I pressed forward to Jekyll Island.

Latham River

Looking toward Jekyll Island

Mudd

Banana Spider

Jekyll Creek

Jekyll Marina

Fisherman on the old bridge over Jekyll Creek

I conclude that there is parkway like aspects of this Golden Isles Road. However, the majority of the pavement must be called a highway. Either way, it is still a better drive than the Interstate. Drive the road less traveled and find something intriguing.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Harold's Barbecue ~ Atlanta GA

2011-07-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

I love time travel movies. The Back To The Future series is a favorite of mine. When watching those movies, I wonder about the choices that we make which forever change the space-time-continuum. One poor decision and the "Bad Biff" takes over Hill Valley. Is it possible that time travel changed Harold's Barbecue that way?

Maybe they have changed the same way that the 50's-style soda-fountain changed in the movie Blast From The Past. Rent the video or watch this video clip (only if one has time to kill) to get the full effect.

Harold's Barbecue has been in business in the same place since 1947. That fact in and of itself is a staggering feat (of glue and duct tape). I am not an engineer, so I do not know exactly how long concrete block structures last before they totally disintegrate. Sixty-odd years are a long time for a restaurant to occupy the same building. The space-time-continuum for Harold's Barbecue will be altered forever if it is thoroughly cleaned and remodeled. I personally do not think that the walls would remain vertical. It would be too much of a shock.

Many famous people have dined on Harold's Barbecue over the years. Jimmy Carter, Jeff Foxworthy, Lewis Grizzard are a few names that may impress diners. The original owner Harold Hembree Sr. and his son did a superb job feeding Atlanta over the last sixty years. With the Federal Penitentiary right down the street, plenty of officers, lawyers, and such have graced Harold's doors. The Hembree legacy of barbecue in South Atlanta is epic. Now, who will they impress over the next sixty years?

Violation # 2-1C. No bare hand contact with ready-to-eat foods.

I know that they did not impress the health inspector back in January 2011. The health inspection (which should be posted by the entrance) eluded my failing eyesight during my lunch visit. However, I did find my reading glasses at home and the health inspection results on line. January 15, 2011 they did not fair well. On a re-inspection, about ten days later they did significantly worse. The next day they passed with a 95. I do not want to bash Harold's Barbecue for a bad score. I just thought one may want to know. I noticed several violations, but I am anal like that. I worry about their guests health and Harold's Barbecue continuing to operate within the health department guidelines.

Upon arrival, the first thing that I noticed was an ancient ginormous smoke stack. Slightly disappointed, by the lack of smoke emanating from it, I pressed forward past the barred windows and through an overly squeaky door labeled with a "cash only" sign.

My wife studied my face for fear worry or shock from the moment we drove into the parking lot. She searched for the same look on my face that was on hers several weeks ago when we pulled into Heirloom Barbecue. She got no such satisfaction from me. I was in love with this building from the moment that I saw it. It looked like a mini penitentiary. A newspaper article on the wall by the table we selected stated that Jeff Foxworthy used Harold's Barbecue as a backdrop for his classic line "You might be a redneck if...".

Seeing the bars on windows and the cashier wearing a Superman T-shirt and "packing heat" made me think "You might be in a bad part of town if...".

You might be in a bad part of town if... you have to put bars over your air conditioners.
You might be in a bad part of town if... you are the only eatery around for miles.
You might be in a bad part of town if... there is a penitentiary a few blocks down the road.
You might be in a bad part of town if... the cashier is wearing a sidearm.

By the way, I have always wanted to use the term "packing heat".

I did not see any neon blue lights or flaming trails of fire like Marty McFly used to see when traveling through time. However, when I made the time-warp-leap through the front door, I did imagine them. I also imagined Beuford T. Justice walking in and asking for a Diablo Sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. CAUTION: Ear muffs for the G.D. reference by Jackie Gleason (that is if you speak German).

Where was I? Ah yes, sitting at the table reviewing the menu (modified with price-change stickers).

Before making the trip to Harold's Barbecue, a friendly farmer instructed me to order an "inside cut" sliced-pork sandwich, a bowl of Brunswick Stew, and a side of Cracklin' Cornbread. The farmer stated "If you don't like that, you don't know what good is.".

Given this challenge, I ordered the above meal. My wife added a chili-dog, and I added a half rack of ribs to the order. While swatting a lone hungry fly, we received the crackin' cornbread. It was perfectly cooked and delicious. The Brunswick Stew arrived and tasted a lot like South Carolina Hash with a bit of corn and tomato added. It was better than most Brunswick stew that I have tried in Georgia.

Then the highlight of the meal came to the table. It was the chili dog topped with diced onions. Although probably filled with indigestible poison, this chili dog rules the Deep South. One will not find its match anywhere in the South according to gf. The current owners have not lost the art of making the distinctive chili which topped this dog.

The ribs engulfed the plate on which they sat. I am not sure what cut of ribs these were, I think they were short ribs untrimmed, but they came from a thin pig. They possessed a slight smokiness, but they were not slow cooked over smoke. I am sure of it. The sauce, which is a thin red vinegar solution, accompanies the ribs and the sliced barbecue sandwich.

I am not a fan of diced (chopped) barbecue. Chopped barbecue may come in handy when all of my teeth fall out. Until then, I will pass on this delicacy of the toothless. The sliced barbecue sandwich looked disappointing. Stacked on sad looking semi-grilled-toasted white bread it begged for a face-lift. However, it rose to the occasion and proved to be a spectacular sandwich. The meat proved to be tender and flavorful. I hereby dub it the Ugly Duckling Sandwich.

While eating, I finished the cleaning list that lingered in the back of my head. We finished lunch and chatted with Maggie our server (surprisingly photogenic) who gave us prompt service. Maggie informed us that she was the great grand daughter of the original owners. I understood from the conversation that the myriad of workers milling about in the restaurant are also related to the original owners.

Can Harold's Barbecue still cook fabulous barbecue? Absolutely, but... Harold's Barbecue is not for the faint of heart. If one does not venture too far from ones suburban cocoon, one should not bother trying to find Harold's Barbecue. However, if one likes an adventure and is not skeered of a fly, some dirt, bars on windows, pot bellied patrons, and cashiers with sidearms... then go for it.

Order a chili dog, a sliced-pork sandwich, Brunswick Stew, and some cracklin' cornbread. "If you don't like that, you don't know what good is."

Thanks for reading,

gf

I Gotta Go Roll Up My Windows

2011-07-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

I have not rambled aimlessly for some time now (being overly obsessed with barbecue hunting), but I will regress for your enjoyment. A reader of many blogs and other noteworthy scribing I have found that there are extraordinarily smart people out there. I do not subscribe to being smart just to be smart. Smartness must have a purpose, a place, a higher goal. Therefore, I subscribe to be clever, if not clever, then at least not an idiot.

Maybe my tombstone will read "Not the smartest cookie, but not just a crumb." I obsess with idiotic behavior, and my goal in life is to point it out. Plenty of idiotic behavior goes undocumented. We must document this behavior for the future of the species. Otherwise, the ants and the roaches will take over the world. No, the rats and the mice will NOT take over the world as they are too much like us. Duh... has one ever heard of Micky Mouse and Atom Ant? Atom Ant will kick Micky's butt any day of the week.

http://weirdthings.com/2009/10/the-labrador-sea-monster/

Sometimes I genuinely feel awful that I do not have something intelligent, deep, and or even spiritual to share with my readers. I do not. I care not for the depths of the mental oceans where sea monsters swallow time and space. I fear those monsters who make us pull our brains out of our skulls and examine them with piercing stainless steel picks to drain out the inadequacy of our spirits. I choose rather to jet ski on top of this dread ocean full of mental monsters. I ride with a shotgun in hand as I may need to shoot any wayward tentacles that may arise in the mist.

Speaking of mists, there are idiots in the steamy mists of summer, and they must be documented.

It is summertime in the Deep South. Hotness rules the day, that is, until the afternoon thunderstorms roll in and dump liquid sunshine on unsuspecting drivers. I am curious why some individuals leave their car windows down in the summer. Is there a significant difference in temperature with the windows down versus up? Do they lock their doors in the wintertime? If so, why? Do they have radios that work in their cars or have they been ripped out already?

What truly baffles me is (no matter what the driver is doing at the time) their action must be discontinued immediately due to the "surprise" thunder shower. It matters not what the activity is at hand.

Have you been waiting in line at the bank for fifteen minutes? Go roll up your windows - its raining.
Are you waiting on tables at work? Go roll up your windows - its pouring.
Is your shopping cart full at the grocery store (with ice cream deicing)? Forget it - your floorboard is two inches deep in water.

Thunderstorm activity may not happen everywhere in the world, but it does happen here. If one lives in the Deep South, one will encounter thunderstorms with some regularity during the summer months.

I can only conclude that the idiots who leave their windows down during these summer months are not from the South. They may be illegal. Maybe they have infiltrated to inbreed with the logical and intelligent in our society. Only then, when we are all dumbed down enough, they will strike and peel off their outer epidermis to reveal that they are prickly skinned aliens... right. Maybe they are Yankees. No, Yankees are smarter that that.

It could be that the drivers that I speak of do not have air conditioning. This is the only logical answer. Maybe the two-degree difference in the temperature of their car with the windows down is significant enough to warrant such idiocy.

What ever the reason, we must fight back. We must stop this behavior. We must save mankind.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Hollis Famous Ribs ~ Athens, GA

2011-06-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

While searching Athens Georgia for memorable barbecue, a seven foot tall man holding a large sign flagged us down. Yes, a modern-day-giant waving a hand-held-sign caught our attention, and, therefore, we pulled into Hollis Famous Ribs. The temperature (being around 98 degrees Fahrenheit) qualified the event as a photo opportunity for this fine fellow. Happy and hot, he shouted out the specials to us and the others passing by.

Seeing my photo enigma of his employee, Famous Clark Hollis greeted us with a pose at the door. He then immediately took us to look at the aforementioned famous ribs which smoked happily in a large pit within a covered barbecue hut.

I love barbecue huts. Any shape, any size, no matter they are a spectacular feat of architecture. Keeping the cookers dry and free of bugs, these huts are the backbone of America. Now I will be famous like Famous Clark Hollis just because I have been in his barbecue hut. One cannot simply walk into a barbecue hut and live. This is a sacred building. It is a holy building of barbecue. I have been inside this holy building. I have seen and smelled the magic in Athens Georgia.

Occupying a 1955-style burger-car-hop makes Hollis Famous Ribs look like a classic barbecue joint. There are plenty of picnic tables, some which are in the shade under an old car hop covering. I discovered that Hollis Famous Ribs cannot serve inside the building as they do not have a license to do so. Therefore, all food is delivered in to-go boxes for your dining pleasure. Maybe this is how barbecue should be served nationwide. This is perfect for the Bulldog enthusiasts who go tailgating before the big game. The BIG game is with the South Carolina Gamecocks, but more about that at a later time. A drive through window makes Hollis Famous Ribs the "go to" place for tailgate barbecue in Athens.

All of the meat was "fall-off-the-bone" tender. Short ribs slow cooked in a barbecue hut cannot be anything but Famous. I ordered a portion of white-meat chicken for the moisture test. The chicken glistened with a tomato sauce with a hint of spice and was tender and moist. This is a middle of the road sauce which can be enjoyed by all. The sauce is nothing extraordinary mind you, but it is delicious. After diving into the perfectly cooked chicken and ribs I focused my attention on the pulled barbecue.

Clark mentioned that they should have put the sauce on the side as he and I saw that the pulled barbecue was swimming in the sauce. I would have liked to have tasted the chopped barbecue with out sauce to enjoy the smokiness of the dish. In the future, one should order the sauce on the side.

The sides are in need of some perking up according to gf. Clark needs to focus a bit on making his macaroni and cheese at least semi-famous. I would not say that it is infamous, but it does need an overhaul. The slaw was average but tasty.

Hollis Famous Ribs also serves Hash and Brunswick Stew which I sampled with pleasure. There was a lengthy discussion with the chef about the proper way to eat Hash. The lack of white rice to put the Hash on puzzled me. Evidently Georgians do not willingly put Hash on rice. This is a fatal flaw. South Carolina law states that Hash must be served with white rice. Since South Carolina seceded from the Union first, I believe that everyone must follow this Hash eating rule. If one does not know what Hash is, click here. The Brunswick Stew was right on the money. If one does not know what Brunswick Stew is, click here.

Overall, Hollis Famous Ribs is rightly named. Are they the best in North Georgia? I am not sure about that, but I will be back to enjoy these famous ribs.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Jot Em Down ~ Athens, GA

2011-06-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

The reviews on Jot Em Down that I read were mixed. Diners either love this place or they hate it. Without much of a "middle ground" of opinions, I knew that this was going to be fun. I also knew that I had to consume the ever popular Cabbage Casserole.

This looks like a BBQ joint. After all, there is a pig on the roof. Stocked with artifacts and "old junk" the place looks like an old grocery store inside and out. The old posters and signs taped to the front doors adds to the charm, as well. I am not sure about the bamboo wall paper hung throughout the interior though; that felt a little "tiki bar" to me. Antiques and doodads abound at Jot Em Down. However, my thinking has always been "People go out to eat to eat." I suggest that they invest in new booth seats as the current ones are quite worn. Maybe they can sell some antiques to cover those costs.

The plates come out to the table covered in wax paper. This practice is confusing to me. Do they have a fly problem? Is it a game of hide-and-seek or peek-a-boo? Are we supposed to flip the paper over and use it for a plate? Is it for your left overs? I just do not know about the wax paper.

Before

After

Before

Watching my daughter opening her food was painful. Not only was her plate covered in wax paper, but the sandwich was wrapped up as well. This wax paper deal just kills me.

The cafeteria-sectional-style plates did not impress her either. Matter of fact, she said that it creeped her out. She stated that the plates made her feel as though she was in a middle-school lunch room. Maybe she had issues in middle school that I am not aware of... not sure about that. The baked beans tasted as though they were straight out of a can, and the Brunswick Stew proved to be a mixture of an unfortunate nature. Fail.

After

Not letting personal demons get the best of me, I press onward. The pulled pork meat was smoked and very tender. Delivered without sauce is not a problem as there is a plethora of sauces on the table. Eight or so choices with slight differences in each are an issue in my book. Three sauces max is the gf standard. The staff instructed us shake the vinegar sauces, but we found it hard to comply. Shaking without placing ones finger on the top produces an unwanted acid-rain of sauce on the table. Also, placing ones finger on the spout is a violation. I am sure of it.

The pulled pork (chopped finer than I like) had a decent smoke flavor to it. However, the ribs disappointed me as they did not sport any seasoning on them at all (insert a significant pause).

The bar with no beer.

I gobbled up the Cabbage Casserole with gusto. The hype about this side dish is not unfounded. It is impressive. Matter of fact, I am letting the world know right know that I am stealing this recipe. This is a dish that does not win any awards in the looks department. However, one may turn into a Cabbage Casserole fanatic after tasting this vegetable treat.

As we wrapped up the visit, I poked around and snapped a few pictures. I discovered an awesome bar in a back right corner of the building in a separate room. I discovered that there are no drink specials as they do not sell any libations. "We served more BBQ then beer" was the given reason. Whatever. Is this is Athens Georgia or is it not? There is not a shortage of beer drinkers in Athens. I think that there may have been too much beer drinking in the past at Jot Em Down. Maybe Jot Em Down used to be called "chug em down". There is a story about the Jot Em Down name posted in the lobby. It said something to the effect of "Jot 'em down so you don't forget 'em." Sorry, but I did not read any more than that as it hurt my head.

The issues that reviewers have had about the service are not the fault of the servers according to gf. Either the owners need to rethink the ordering process, or hire more servers. That is all I have to say about that.

There were concerns about a University of Alabama logo hung above the table, but they were unfounded. Upon detailed review, there were significant differences between the Alabama design and the logo that was hanging above the table. The University of Alabama has a fondness for elephants. The sign above the table had a big red "A" and a Spartan poking out through the middle of it. My bad.

plannedob.blogspot.com

I concluded my visit by ordering some Cabbage Casserole to go. Leaving dazed and confused I reasoned that it was from soaking myself with sauce, the mental exercise of trying to understand why a bar had no cold beer, and trying to remember what the hell was in the middle of the Alabama "A".

Overall, Jot Em Down is a place to grab a barbecue sandwich on the run. Avoid the ribs, baked beans, and the stew. Do not order a beer at the bar, and watch out for excessive wax paper. Choose the Cherokee barbecue sauce for a condiment.

sportslogos.net

"Let The Big Dog Eat" ...barbecue!

bleacherreport.com

Thank you for reading, and GO COCKS!!

gf

Douglasville Diner ~ Douglasville, GA

2011-06-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

We did not expecting anything too spectacular as we went to breakfast at the Douglasville Diner. I am not sure why we felt this way, but maybe it was the lingering unpleasant taste in our mouths from the previous inhabitants of the building.

Douglasville Diner has a vast menu with everything from breakfast food, Italian, Greek, American, Seafood, Salads, Appetizers, Wraps, Melts, and a Paul Bunyan(ish) dessert menu. Large menus can be problematic. The execution of the menu by the kitchen staff is only half of the potential trouble. The second half is the service staff knowing said vast menu. However, I will regress and speak of that at another time.

Open from 7:am until 12:00 Midnight is a grueling schedule to keep. I hope that they can pull it off in the long run. Douglasville has needed another decent breakfast spot for quite some time now. Do not under estimate the impact of pancakes on a culture. If run correctly, Douglasville Diner could potentially change Douglasville into a new center for higher learning. Who knows? If the omelets and hash browns are perfect day-in and day-out, Douglasvillites may invent a car that runs on smog. Lord knows they need that gadget soon living this close to Atlanta.

Lemon Mousse Cake

Yes, we ordered cakes at breakfast...again. I do not know why. What, it looked delicious OK?!

We ate cake only after devastating a "Douglasville Platter" (pancakes, sausage, bacon, and eggs) and an omelet stuffed full of spinach, Feta Cheese, and mushrooms. The hash browns were spectacularly and elegantly straightforward (that is a compliment). The pancakes were light with a hint (and a strong nod) of vanilla. A discussion of whether the pancakes originated from a mix or not ensued after a few sloppy bites. I stand by my "from a mix but modified" theory. My partner (who possibly has the best taste buds known to man) says that the pancakes are from scratch. She also smelled them. Her sniffing the pancakes gave her an unfair advantage (because she has the nose of a Bloodhound). Trust me on that one.

Eating cake at breakfast requires extra cups of coffee. The coffee, by the way, was better than average. There is always time for additional coffee according to gf.

Let's review the qualifications of a diner:

Open early, check.
Open late, check.
Must serve breakfast, check.
Must brew great coffee and "coffee food" (e.g. cake), check.
Must serve hamburgers and kid food, check.
Must offer something different (e.g. Italian/Greek fare), check.

Tiramisu Cake

Alpine Bakery in Atlanta is the source of all of this cake madness. I finished several bites of cake and boxed it up for the varmints at home, as I do not need to eat sugar. I admit that this breakfast was not the healthiest that I have had in recent history. However, I refused to smear the hydrogenated-butter-spread all over my pancakes, neither did I pour the high fructose corn syrup on them. Questions about the ingredients of the sausage, pancakes, and the dessert cakes were never asked. It is an American diner. I expect to be poisoned.

Give Douglasville Diner a moment or two to settle in and get over their opening pains. I am sure that they will be fine as long as they deliver what they promise.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Lemon Mousse Cake

Tiramisu Cake

Cake Display

Outside dining / smoking section

Heirloom Market BBQ ~ Atlanta, GA

2011-06-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

"Never judge a book by its cover." This is a true statement for most influential barbecue joints. Multiply that thought by approximately 7.5 when thinking of Heirloom Market BBQ.

I wore my newly acquired Bass Pro Shop T-Shirt for the dining experience as a hint for my wife. Unable to decode the signals, she got all gussied up for dinner.

If one does not look to the left, this is a quaint restaurant.

Pulling into the smallish parking lot, not only did I get "the look", I also received a "what the hell" softly spoken under her breath. Reassuring my spouse, I explained that there was absolutely nothing to worry about except that she was slightly over dressed. This is a small joint. The smallness of the place is part of what I enjoyed about it. There is only one table. I know! That is awesome, right? We landed at the"Rails" (long boards attached to the perimeter walls) after ordering at the register/display filled with sausages and jars of kimchi.

We both chose the "Chattahoochee Punch" for a beverage. Tap water served in large, clear bottles (with those crafty springy tops with corks) made the tap water feel expensive. I love the beverage choices. Heirloom BBQ does not have the free-flowing free-refilling coke dispensing machine. Rather they have several unique choices of soda with real ingredients in bottles. Coke made with sugar, (and not High Fructose Corn Syrup) Homemade lemonade, sweet tea, and Jasmine green tea also made me smile.

Looking into the kitchen, I watched smoke wafting out of smokers, and chefs bustling about preparing orders. As we waited for dinner, the stream of customers getting to-go orders became steady. At three (O'clock) in the afternoon, Heirloom BBQ was hopping. I knew it was not the fancy dining room bringing in the flow of guests, but rather the quality of food. The food arrived on metal platters lined with paper. Grabbing a fork off of the wall, I dug in to find out what all the fuss is about.

The Smoked Wings (the chalk board special) arrived with a small side of Korean Sweet Potatoes. In the back of my brain, I heard a famous chef say BAM! The baked and sauteed sweet potatoes (delicate and delicious) added to the plate perfectly. A subtle smokiness and a semi-sweet sauce enveloped the wings. Sesame seeds topped the mound of goodness to make this an above average dish for a barbecue joint next to a convenience store. (I am not sure if that is a barbecue category or not.) Maybe it should be. Well then, Heirloom BBQ wins the category if there is one.

The Georgia Sampler came to the rail on two trays, and all of a sudden I felt awful greedy. After some needed adjusting, we started to dissect this monstrosity of a "platter". I dove straight into the chopped barbecue. Grabbing up half of an egg bun (my favorite) and jamming it with some Q and some slaw took me to the seventh level of barbecue happiness. Heirloom BBQ does not over sauce their barbecue. However, they may have over smoked some of the brisket (as well as over cooked it). One has the opportunity to taste the flavors of the meats that they cook without the sauce taking all of the credit. There were several sauces on the table: Settler Sauce - (North)Carolina(ish) vinegary with peppers, Table Sauce - Sweet and smokey (a thin Tennessee Style), Kitchen Sauce - Peppery tomato Texas blend, and KB Sauce - Korean sweet and spicy.

Excessive tasting and dunking of barbecue into sauces did little to solve the puzzle in my head as to which one I enjoyed the best. I did conclude that I may have to come back to solve this mystery. Therein lies the Heirloom BBQ marketing plan.

The macaroni and cheese proved to be creamy and slightly spicy. Specs of pepper appeared on occasion throughout the dish as it disappeared from the platter. The chefs prepared the baked beans with hints of barbecue sauce and chunks of meat. Bean eaters (who do not like chunks of meat in baked beans other than hot dog slices) do not fear the Heirloom BBQ baked beans. They are excellent.

Is Heirloom BBQ #1 in Atlanta? I am not sure about that. They are in the game; no doubt. It may prove to be a long summer at the rate I am going.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Barbecue Review

2011-06-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

I stumbled on this video and thought it was relevant to my summer BBQ theme. This pretty much sums up the whole Deep South barbecue deal. Floridians I am truly sorry about the Southern reference.

Enjoy.

gf

Fat Matt's Rib Shack ~ Atlanta, Ga

2011-06-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

"Fat Matt's has the best BBQ in Atlanta; dude."

Fat Newton loves Fat Matt's Rib Shack.

I did, however, receive an admission that Newton possibly compromised his taste buds by "over-beering" when he first acquired this love of Fat Matt's Rib Shack. He said something about Sigma Nu frat parties.

Barbecue needs smoke, and smoke needs wood. I did not see smoke stacks, nor smell any smoke, and (in my "gf" way of thinking) that is not a good thing. Their meats get roasted in "Shams" or ovens and then fired-up over a grill. However, not necessarily a wood-burning grill, as I did not smell wood burning. I sound like Toucan Sam with all of this talk of smelling.

I admit that the ribs were "fall of the bone" tender. Matter of fact, Fat Matt's cooks all of their food to the "no teeth required" standard. The sauce is a comatose tomato blend. Hoping to find some redeeming quality in this sauce, like a sweet smokiness with a hint of pepper, I found my search futile. The chopped barbecue sandwich was over sauced and mushy.

Non-spectacular sides decorated the plates. They looked overcooked as well, except for the Lay's Potato Chips. I noticed that the chips are not made with hydrogenated oils anymore, so I ate some.

I sat back and listened to a most-excellent blues-man playing a six string with a slide. This is what it is all about at Fat Matt's Rib Shack. Murals are on the walls, and pictures of barbecued chicken and simmering ribs gleam on the windows. Sit back; get a cold beer, and wash down some easy-to-chew barbecue. Soak in all of the uniqueness of the barbecue joint while eating. (One can also probably watch their sandwich buns soaking in the "uniqueness" of the chopped barbecue.)

Extroverted cashiers and waiters one may not find at Fat Matt's, but the overall atmosphere is warm and inviting. This place feels like a barbecue joint. It does not smell like one, but it feels like one.

This is across the street from Fat Matt's. Seriously?

Is Fat Matt's the best BBQ in Atlanta? Fat Newton thinks so. Maybe Fat Matt's is not the best, but I would bet that it is not the worst. There are only 487 more barbecue joints to try out in Atlanta to figure out which one is the best. It may take a minute to figure out which place is the "number one" barbecue joint in Atlanta.

Go check out Fat Matt's and report back on your findings (homework). The pecan pie may require an extra insulin shot (fyi).

Thanks for reading,

Manuel's Bread Cafe ~ North Augusta, S.C.

2011-05-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

North Augusta has some weirdness.

First of all, they should just change the name of the town. Geographically, I prefer "Mostly-North Augusta", "South Edgefield", or "East Aiken". Georgia should get commission from South Carolina for using part of Augusta's name. Create a "name tax"; that is the ticket. North Augusta tried out several names in the past, but none of them stuck. Savannah Town was named by the English. Again, another name borrowed from Georgia. Campbell Town failed miserably, probably due John Hammond's murder, not to mention greed. The construction of Augusta Canal, and the expansion of the railroad over the Savannah River to Augusta Georgia, derailed the town of Hamburg. The current "Great Recession" is (as in the past) an excellent opportunity to rename the city of North Augusta. I humbly suggest "New Hamburg" or "Campburg".

Secondly, North Augusta has a newly fabricated "fake town". Yes, a new town existing within a town, which uses a borrowed name. I do not make this stuff up people. Hammond's Ferry is a community that looks like an old town. On every corner, (there are only two or three corners currently) there are buildings for businesses, some which are two and three stories tall. This gives the intersections an "old town" look. It also gives the community the fortune of landing restaurants such as Manuel's Bread Cafe, which sits smack dab in the middle of the aforementioned "fake town" of Hammond's Ferry.

Créme Brulée French Toast – 7.95
Served with fruit salad and maple syrup.

As odd as this new community may look during the beginning of its existence (by being built-up in an open and empty plot of land), I believe it is going to be exceptionally likeable "fake town" when finished. The price-point alone will keep out any wandering Gypsies (who may be visiting North Augusta from Murphy Village) from settling here. I mean; I did not happen to spot any Gypsies during my visit to North Augusta. One must always be on the look out for Gypsies.

Omelet – 9.95
Build your own farm-raised 3-egg omelet.

Worrying not about Irish Travelers, we settled down to enjoy a pleasant brunch at Manuel's Bread Cafe. The spring weather enticed us to utilize the outdoor tables. Sitting outside we started to analyze this "fake town". We were more hungry than analytical, so we got down to business and ordered brunch.
Hoping to special-order a spinach dish, I discovered that the community has "Blue Clay Farm" that provides local produce for the restaurant. The server offered to ask the Chef if he would be so kind to pick some spinach out of the garden for my request. I am still trying to figure out if he was pulling my leg or not.

Goat Cheese Scramble – 8.95
Scrambled eggs with fresh local goat cheese and chives on a slice of delicious artisan bread with your choice of fruit salad or smoked bacon home fries.

The food was excellent. It is expensive compared to a regular breakfast, but brunch at Manuel's Bread Cafe is not what I would consider a "regular" breakfast. This is a Hobbit breakfast. Food is served with heavy silverware, fancy plates, and excellent coffee served in large handmade mugs. Loaves of bread, stacked everywhere, decorate the place with their crunchy looking crusts. Honey and jams hang out in the window frames, which color the interior with an amber hue. The chalkboards above the counter were being wiped down and rewritten for the day's specials. One does not get to enjoy these nuances at a Waffle House.

Someone ordered cake. I am sure that is a violation of some significance. However, it was technically brunch, and we were treating ourselves...NO!! Cake at brunch will not be tolerated moving forward (but it is delicious cake)!

Go check out Manuel's Bread Cafe. You will not be disappointed, but watch out for the Gypsies.

Thanks for reading,
gf

The Last Blog Post of Mankind 5/21/2011

2011-05-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

Q: You know what makes me want to take a Gideon Bible, shine it up real good, turn it sideways, and shove it up some "preacher man's" backside?
A: Wild-eyed, foaming-at-the-mouth, TV-loving, book-writing, forehead-slapping, Judgement-Day-Preachers predicting when Jesus is going to return to earth and begin the judgement of mankind.

The latest news is that the game is over on May 21st 2011. Seriously. Harold Camping says so.

I will not even quote any scripture on this issue. I do not need to quote any scripture. Let me just review common sense on this subject.

God made everything, including smallish mushy brains. Therefore, he knows that he has to spell out details, such as the exact timing of Judgement Day, very plainly. That is if he truly needed us to know that information. If you do not believe that God created everything, just hang in there for a few moments and check this out anyway.

What is to be gained if the entire population knows the exact date of the world's end? (except having grandiose barbecues).

How is it that only one dude in the entire history of mankind has figured this information out?

God can keep a secret.

God is smarter than a civil engineer "who has been a tireless student of the Bible for over five decades".

If one predicts a day that God will impose judgement on the world, I am sure God has the smarts not to choose that same day, as he knows everything (including the future).

God most likely does not care if Man predicts the future.

How many times has mankind tried to predict the end of the world and failed to do so? That is a great question. Here are some answers... Link number one, Link number two, Link number three.

Using statements such as...

"For one to object to May 21^st, 2011 one must have BIBLICAL AUTHORITY to do so. Objections cannot be based upon consensus, traditions or fear. God has given far too many biblical proofs for anyone to disregard May 21 simply because he or she does not like it."

... sounds a lot like the logical fallacy of Appeal to Authority.

"Definition: Often we add strength to our arguments by referring to respected sources or authorities and explaining their positions on the issues we're discussing. If, however, we try to get readers to agree with us simply by impressing them with a famous name or by appealing to a supposed authority who really isn't much of an expert, we commit the fallacy of appeal to authority." [http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/fallacies.html]

The following is an excerpt from the May 21, 2011 Family Radio Worldwide website:

"This date is not the product of the mind of one man or a group of men.

It is the culmination of study of the entire Bible, both the Old and New Testaments." (STUDIED BY...wait for it...MEN. Do those two sentences contradict each other?)

"Every word written in the original Biblical "autographs" were dictated by God, therefore all words, numbers and sentences in these original writings are to be trusted as coming from God." (OK, "In God We Trust", and that is about it. "All others pay cash please.")

"The fact that this date is the result of the synthesis of all of Scripture causes May 21^st, 2011 to take on very sobering factuality. It is no longer opinion, but a matter of fact."

Click here for a definition of "fact".
5/21/2011 Preacher Man needs to understand the definition of a fact before he can call something a fact.

"May 21, 2011 is God's date. All other predictions are man's attempt to predict the end. So it becomes a matter of eternal life, or eternal death. One can no longer presume May 21^st of this year will be just another normal day.

Each person must come to entrust their lives to what God has written in His Word the Bible and plead to Him for mercy. Otherwise God will come upon them with unmerciful vengeance on May 21, 2011."

Does 5/21/2011 Preacher Man think that there is a competition for Judgement Day predictions?

This crap makes me go crazy. My problem is that my friends know this. They send me crazy messages about crazy preachers to get my dander up.

God is much to smart to be predicted by idiot "preachers" who try to predict the future. When God looks at the web site that 5/21/2011 preacher man created, he is must be disappointed. The 5/21/2011 web site looks amateurish. God made the world, and 5/21/2011 Preacher Man made a crappy web site.

(That may be an example of "gf" logic)

5/21/2011 Preacher Man has been a student of the Bible for five decades. What is truly pathetic is all that 5/21/2011 Preacher Man got out of studying the Bible was an alleged date of the Judgement Day.

I suck at studying the Bible. However, I figured out that God loves me, and I am valuable to him. He wants me to love him, and he wants us to love each other. If you do not love God, then you may want to research why it might be a reasonable thing to do so, and weigh out the pros and cons for yourself. There are plenty of respectable preachers to help answer the questions that may arise from such research. However, please choose a preacher wisely.

5/21/2011 Preacher Man probably never listened to the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. I did; therefore, I am a well balanced individual. Maybe he should buy the album on May 22nd, 2011.

Fox Brothers BBQ ~ Atlanta, Georgia

2011-05-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

Here are The Top Ten Quotes about Fox Brothers BBQ that amuse gf:

"Atlanta foodies were rabid for the stuff and I quickly found out why." ~ Blissful Glutton

"Alas, I am weak and the siren call of Fox Brothers Bar BQ was too much for me." ~ Adventurous Taste

"At its best, the restaurant will do you right. On an off day, you’ll still get out of there feeling alright." ~ FoodieBudda.com

"Good barbecue is worth a bit of a drive, even in lousy weather." ~ Food Near Snellville

"The best barbecue I’ve ever had was at my uncle’s." ~ Chow Down Atlanta

"Most BBQ places are trying to mimic each other, but Fox Bros really cooks to the beat of its own smoker..." ~ The Food Abides

"In the case of Fox Bros, where there is hype, there is smoke." ~ TheFoodList.org

"Thankfully there’s a distinct smokiness to the air once you near Fox Brothers, and the sight of a number of smoker chimneys pouring out hickory smoke is always a welcome view." ~ The Cynical Cook

"BBQ is my passion, and Fox Brothers is my sanctuary." ~ The Steriotypist

"I guess it’s time to start slapping momma’s around here." ~ Tastebud Smack

Differing opinions about barbecue make it a unique food in the South. I have had the fortune of living in various places, in the Deep South, during my brief sojourn on this planet, and each region has its own take on BBQ. North Carolina has spectacular BBQ that has a quaint bit of sweetness and vinegar. South Carolina favors rice topped with "hash" and yellow mustard BBQ sauce (yum). Tennessee loves sugary and smokey "Q". Alabama and Florida enjoy slicing the stuff up and pouring a runny tangy sauce over the whole mess. Mississippi goes for a zesty semi-sweet goodness that has become a gf favorite. Texas offers up dry rubs and slow cooking, and they know how to barbecue beef. Georgians love to overcook most anything (which is not necessarily a terrible thing), and barbecue is no exception. I am not a giant fan of most Georgia barbecue. Most of the sauces in Georgia are runny and more spicy than flavored. I know, but I also have an opinion. It is OK...really.

Click here to peruse more about the Deep South.

So far I speak mostly of the sauces that go with the barbecue rather than the cooking process of the barbecue. This is the issue that is messing with most reviewer's frontal lobes in regards to Fox Brothers BBQ. One could slather most any style sauce on their BBQ, and it would be a winner because they know how to cook barbecue properly.

Some concerns have arisen about Fox Brothers being inconsistent. Get over it. That is the problem with Americans; they want everything "cookie-cutter" style. For an uber-consistent BBQ meal, eat at a fast-food restaurant, that serves fake ribs on a hoagie bun. I am sure that those sandwiches are consistent...(wait for it)... but horrible. However, if you want to live on the edge and eat some spectacular, original, messy, some-what-inconsistent-on-occasion, delicious eats go to Fox Brothers BBQ.

Smoked wings

Fox Brothers smoke stacks tell the tale completely. Their meats are cooked low and slow (in some expensive equipment) and tended to by a team that cares about the quality of food that they prepare. The brisket was tender and smoked well. The ribs were delicious and fell off the bone. The chopped barbecue, although dry without sauce, leaves the eater to decide how much sauce is needed for their own preferences. The wings were absolutely inspirational. Fox Brothers showed off the smoke rings on the prepared meats with pride. However, 86 the fried ribs (they were not on the menu). Hopefully the fried ribs were just a test of the BBQ Emergency Broadcast System. "This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. The broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with the Federal, State and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency. If this had been an actual emergency, (like putting fried ribs on the menu) the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions. This station (According to gf) serves the (Deep South) area. This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System."

"This is only a test."

Barbeque is sacred in the South, so I guess that makes Fox Brothers BBQ a church that is full of swaying, foot stomping, hand waving people singing its praises.

86 old condiment holders, please.

Great job, and thanks for cooking sumptuous barbecue in Georgia.

Fox Brothers View "The Wall"

Thanks for reading,
gf

The Place on Broad ~ Augusta, Georgia

2011-05-09T07:06:00.000-07:00

The wrought iron patio furniture makes The Place on Broad the perfect spot for a dinner on a beautiful spring day. Not to imply the inside of this restaurant is shabby at all, with its elegant bar and cozy booths. However, I am sure that it does not compare to the ambiance of a May afternoon in Augusta Georgia. Downtown Augusta is a twisted blend of businesses boxed in by the Savannah River, old neighborhoods, rail yards, and a sprawling collection of colleges. Maybe one day Augusta can get its act together and clean up Broad Street. Restaurants like The Place on Broad have reclaimed one or two blocks of Broad Street, but I believe there are more opportunities for growth downtown as the city leaders become resolute to work on the issues.

Being the proud owner of a new camera, I was click-happy right out of the gate. However, by snapping pictures like the Paparazzi, I blew my cover as a sleuthing restaurant critic. I had a head waiter, a water-runner, a beer-runner, and assorted food-runners. The host also checked on the table often. Tip of the day: If one ever wants abnormally superior service, bust out a camera and go to work.

The Spinach Dip came with toasted Pita Bread. (insert a long pause with much thought and contemplation) (OK, insert another pause and some finger tapping) No, nothing remarkable comes to mind about the Spinach Dip. Spinach and cream cheese... I did see one bit of red, maybe a tomato or a roasted pepper snuck in unnoticed. The covering of melted Gruyere cheese gave the dip a pleasant presentation. Unfortunately, looks are not everything. The dip was a bit thick and intensely normal. I suggest that the chef toss in some roasted red peppers and some Peri-Peri Extra Hot Sauce to take this spinach dip to another level.

Burgers were the star of the evening, but I chose to fight the mob and ordered the Avocado Crumble Salad topped with Mahi Mahi. The Avocado on the salad was perfect without any brown discoloring. That statement may sound odd, but I seem to be a magnet for brown Avocado. With the Mahi Mahi cooked perfectly, this was an outstanding salad. Fresh, bright, and enjoyable, it was a perfect match for the spring evening on Broad Street.

The mushroom-topped burger, touted by my son Alex as "the best burger [consumed in recent history]", looked delicious. I dove in and took a bite. I admit that this is an excellent burger. The Kaiser rolls toasted on the flat top with butter is what made these burgers superior. My theory is that a fantastic burger should always leave a permanent stain on your shirt. I am also a minimalist when it comes to burgers. An epic "gf" burger consists of quality ground beef cooked over a wood-burning grill, topped with aged cheddar cheese, and smashed between two pieces of buttered egg-buns, but hey, that is just me.

A "chilled out" guest

The place on Broad is a delightful place to chill out. Maybe when it is time for a remodel the owner will consider renaming The Place on Broad to "The Place to Chill". What a fabulous place this is to enjoy your company and just relax. We people-watched for a whole twenty minutes after the meal. The occasional weird dude walking down the sidewalk makes a convenient excuse to buy another beer. Never underestimate the impact of weird dudes. "Do me a solid and get me another brew" almost came out of my mouth. One cannot get much more "chilled" than that.

Overall, this was a pleasant dining experience. I hope that The Place on Broad will survive and become a fixture in downtown Augusta. The staff was excellent on this slowish-beginning of a Saturday evening. I will have to come back when they are busy (without my camera), to find out if they can perform under pressure.

Check out their menu and their store website at theplaceonbroad.com.

Thanks for reading,
gf

America's Holiday Hell

2011-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

America obsesses about holidays and, more importantly, sugar. A never-ending cycle of holidays and celebrations derails the best efforts at a healthy lifestyle. Why do we have so many celebrations? I am not sure about that; however, let me explain exactly how ridiculous the situation is.

Here is the annual drill:

January starts off each calendar year with a bang and an obnoxious volume of consumed alcohol. Click here to view an article about SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) and its relationship to alcohol abuse on New Years Day.

February gets the sugar flowing with Valentine's Day. Giving extra chocolates and candies can keep your loved ones nice and plump. Right out of the gate we overload on sugar and over-eat just for good measure. Valentine's Day also sets the overall tone of the holidays by setting the "candy standard". The "candy standard" is the unspoken rule that, whenever possible, every holiday must provide a memorable candy to be consumed.

March offers another holiday for over-drinking. This holiday reduces the pain and suffering of Valentine's Day. Even though it may not be in the budget, drinking green beer cleanses the soul and reminds us that somehow we are Irish. Note that every other month provides a drinking repose from candy consumption.

April offers chocolate, sugar, and diverse poisons like Peeps, and Cadbury Eggs which have a peculiar goo inside them (the second ingredient is HFCS) for a super-sugared Easter festival. Ham seems to be the preferred meat for the sit down dinner in The Deep South, but more about that later. Bunnies and eggs symbolize reproduction and rebirth. Click here to learn about egg-rolling and half a dozen other egg related traditions.

May is a triple-treat month with Cinco de Mayo (booze), Mother's Day (overeating), and Memorial Day (hot dogs, and beer). This is the month when all diets, living-well goals, and associated data vanish from memory.

June is my personal favorite because of Father's Day. Grilled steaks and beer make it a savory-celebratory month. Technically, if the only foods consumed are steaks and lo-carb beer, this month is salvageable.

July offers more crap to eat like hot dogs (the red-nasty-processed type) and hamburgers (preferably frozen, high-fat, low-meat, high-preservative type) with all of the trimmings. The luckier diners are feasting on BBQ ribs, Cole Slaw, and baked beans while celebrating independence from England. A personal favorite is red/white/and blue cake made with fresh Strawberries and Blueberries.

August is the sacred month without drink or candy. This will be a short-lived victory as will soon be seen.

September offers the same holiday swill for Labor Day as July offers for Independence Day. Hot dogs, beer, and general sloth are the marching orders for Labor Day.

October thirty-first is allegedly the Devil's Day. Candy falls from the sky into the bags of unsuspecting youngsters. Let them eat! After all, the children look so gaunt these days.

November is an over-eaters paradise. The amount of gluttonous celebrating on Thanksgiving Day is alarming.

In December most have given up on any diet plans. "I will wait until after the holidays." is the American weight losers mantra. By the way, Ham is on the menu again on Christmas Day. I will now digress about ham. Americans eating ham as an Easter dinner does not make sense. After all, Jesus was a Jew. Eighty-Six any further eating of ham on Easter and Christmas. Speaking of hams, check this out:

That is Famous Fat Dave...
Lamb may be a more appropriate Easter and Christmas holiday dish than ham.

Thank goodness for August for being the holiday-free month! Wait, I forgot to mention birthdays. The American household had 2.6 members in 2009. Round that up to 3. That is three birthdays plus three more for cousins, aunts, uncles, and such, equaling six more personal "holidays". Do not forget to remember "bank holidays" (Federal Holidays)! Add MLK Jr.Day, Washington's birthday, Columbus Day, and Veteran's Day to the list. Then of course one must observe any state holidays. The great state of Georgia contributes to the ever expanding list by giving us Robert E. Lee's birthday, and Confederate Memorial Day. Totaling them up there is a total of twenty five holidays each year. That is 2.1 holidays per month. Wait, add in personal vacations!

Just call it 2.5 holidays per month, or 30 holidays per year. That pretty much makes up for August not having any holidays.

America is in Holiday Hell. We need a holiday from holidays.

Thanks for reading,

gf

DiChicko's Peri-Peri Cafe ~ Augusta, Georgia

2011-04-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

Jill, Alex, Katelyn, and I arrived at DiChickO's Peri-Peri Cafe with cautious anticipation, having never dined there before. Upon entering, we found ourselves in a health store stocked with every conceivable health pill and potion known to man. As we made our way through the small jungle of plants and herbs that were for sale in the entry way, I secretly picked out a Rosemary sprig that I intended to bring home. To the left there were three rows of grocery items. Items such as whole-grain breads, nuts, flax, and crazy uber-healthy-looking seed and herbs (that look like marijuana and such), packed into nifty plastic boxes with clicky-click lids. You know the type lids I speak of, so do not mouth "clicky-click" silently.

We meandered to the back of the store and stood by the "CLOSED" sign and read the store hours with our heads slightly cocked to the left. The sign said: "Saturday 11:00-3:00". We looked at our watches. (Actually, we looked at cell phones.) Then we looked at each other, cocked our heads, and blinked several times, the way George Bush Jr. used to do at press conferences. We finally stepped up to the young lady at the register and asked if they were still serving lunch. She graciously apologized for the sign faux pas and gave us a menu to explore.

DiChickO's has an easy to read menu with sandwiches, soups, salads, "flaps", quesadillas, and smoothies. On the back side of the menu, there is a chart that has nutritional information. This nutritional page was the first gold star that I awarded DiChicO's. I am not "in the know" of this cafe's affairs, but after speaking to some regular patrons, I found out that they are in the process of moving the kitchen (most likely due to Master's week ending). This may explain the overall clumsiness of the cafe's appearance and execution of order taking.
We found a comfortable table with slightly wiggly chairs after placing our orders and gathering our drinks.

Settling down, we chatted about DiChickO's signature Peri-Peri sauces which were prominently on display. The Extra Hot is premier. This is a terrific sauce. It has heat with tons of flavor. If you go to DiChickO's and do not see anything on the menu that you might like, just buy the sauce and leave. I ended up slathering it all over the Mahi Mahi Panini sandwich that I ordered. It made this epic sandwich "Peri-Peri-epic" (golf applause). The flavors offered are Garlic, Lemon Pepper, Mild, Medium, Hot, and Extra Hot. Just get the Extra Hot and be done with it. You can order these sauces on line by going to www.dichickos.com.

The food delivery was quick enough, although we were distracted by the tea remaking process. Hold times on sweetened tea should be a discussion at the next manager's meeting. "We made it fresh this morning" was a team member's try at an apology. That let me know that The Boy had swallowed four-and-a-half-hour-old-room-temperature sweet tea (give or take thirty minutes). Yuck-O. The guacamole dip served with blue corn chips also helped us through the tea dilemma. Freshly made with avocados, diced tomatoes, and red onions, it was a rock star appetizer. The new batch of tea delivered with our lunch made everything right as rain. The Mahi-Mahi Melt was spectacular. It is marked on the menu (with an umbrella tag) as having fewer than 400 calories. I figure that I lowered that to 300 calories by dipping it in the Extra Hot Peri-Peri sauce as aforementioned.

We thoroughly enjoyed our lunches while we chatted about the uniqueness of the cafe. This is a fairly random dining environment. The cafe is squashed into the back of New Life Natural Foods. Cushy couches are strategically placed in the cafe for reading books and enjoying beverages the way that the cast of "Friends" used to do. There where books labeled "Not for sale, but you may read them" on specially marked bookshelves. The right of the market is a bookstore nook which also sported its own cushy couch. The left of the market was organic produce, breads, and the "clicky click" boxes. This is where Alex spotted "Bible Bread". I am not real sure about this bread yet. I will have to investigate and report the findings. Overall, DiChickO's is a perfect spot to pick up a healthy lunch. Go to www.newlifeaugusta.com to check out the market's information.

On a scale of one to five hot sauce flavors, DiChickO's Peri-Peri Cafe, I give thee four hot sauce flavors!

Thanks for reading,

gf

Dinner's Ready ~ Douglasville, Georgia

2011-04-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

Allegedly, Dinner is Ready. The question is: since when? Dinner's Ready is a small joint that is cozy enough, with reasonable prices and a generous portion of potential. However, I truly hate the word potential. It just means that nothing is being done yet. "Don't tell me what you are going (could, would, might) to do, tell me what you have done."

I want to like this home-grown restaurant, Dinner's Ready, but I just cannot make myself. There are too many carrots in this soup. (Feel free to use that line as a gift for reading this blog.)

Violation #1-a The waitress is unable to take orders. However, she is patient when waiting for patrons to write down their menu selections on the order pads/ menus that are conveniently placed on the tables. This idea of an order pad / menu may be one of a kind. I imagine that the cost of replacing stolen pens must be astronomical. The order-taking process is annoying and devilishly lazy.

Violation #2 There are too many meat choices on the menu. This country diner offers a "pick a meat and two or three vegetables" style menu. In and of itself, this is not a bad concept. With nine meats on the menu, I knew straight away that the execution of this dinner was going to be a train wreck. Twenty five minutes later dinner was finally ready. The waitress delivered the food on 1967 cafeteria-styled plates. That is understandable, however, given the budget restraints of an independent restaurant (no points deducted).

Violation #1-b I figured out the order pad/menu deal as the food was delivered. The restaurant recycles the order pad/menus! The order pad/menu is the check! How convenient for the restaurant is that?! Genius! **

Moving the spotted order pad out of the way, I dove right in to dinner: Apricot Chicken, collard greens, field peas, and a square of cornbread. The field peas and the collard greens were dead on the money delicious. Fresh and lightly seasoned (although I detected some sugar in the collard greens), they were the only part of the meal that I enjoyed. The Apricot Chicken consisted of minute bits of chicken which were cooked for yesterday's dinner. The blob of Apricot Jelly tossed on top of the chicken did not change the bird's luck. The cornbread (Gold Metal Cornbread mix I believe) was a failure.

The front of the restaurant had display cases filled with cookies, pies, and cakes. My wife, being a baker, had to try out the competition. I knew the answer to this quiz already. Bingo! Boxed cake mixes and bucket icing! Gah!
Violation #3 Fake baking.

The overall atmosphere is comfortable. The staff is friendly, and they are clean (sporting a 99A from the Health Department), which is fantastic news for a local country-style restaurant. I suggest some background music. May I suggest a banjo player in the corner? Right, that would be a bit too much.

On a scale of one to five meat choices, Dinner's Ready I give thee two meat choices.

Thanks for reading!

** Italics indicate sarcasm.

Fogo de Chao Churrascaria ~ Atlanta, Georgia

2011-04-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

  I fortunately reached a historic day, as I turned the ripened age of fifty. I sound like a rotting piece of fruit, but this called for a celebration. My wife was perplexed over where we should celebrate until she started a search on Urbanspoon. She chose Fogo de Chao Churrascaria after reading several reviews. She hit a home run. We had a fantastic time and an excellent dinner. However, as usual, there is a story.

  While relaxing before dinner, I had done some research about Brazilian food. Many of my friends are world travelers. So naturally, I asked my Brazilian friend Judy about what to expect at a Brazilian restaurant. She jumped for joy (if you can do that on line) as I was about to dine at her favorite restaurant. She explained to me what foods would be available. She instructed me to ask for "maminha na manteiga" for dinner and "Mousse de Maracuja" for dessert.

  Judy seems like a sweet woman and has never been hostile to me. However, after translating maminha na mantegia, I wondered if this would be her version of a birthday prank. She had instructed me to ask for "titty butter" from the Gauchos. I was not sure if I would be able ask for this special cut of meat without getting slapped. After much ado, Judy assured me that "titty butter" was a literal translation. She also assured me that in no way was it meant to be a comment that would fall into that "grey area". Yeah, right. "Please pass the titty butter."

  We booked an early reservation on Saturday night. From the suburbs, with Braves baseball traffic jamming I-75/I-85, it only took forty five minutes to arrive at Fogo de Chao's free valet parking service. The bar swarmed with activity upon our arrival. Ladies wearing summer blouses with matching purses and four inch sandals garnished the bar the way that limes decorate a Brazilian cocktail. The entry had an energy of anticipation. The mingling of the hosts and guests at the bar pleasantly distracted us upon entering. While the hostess seated us immediately, I noticed no Southern slang, such as Ya'll, honey, sugar, or any other derivative of Sir or Ma'am in her language. What a pleasure (although I enjoy a decent "sugar pie" every now and again.)! On the way to the table, the expansive and never-ending wine racks mesmerized me.

  Servers dodged the Gaucho dudes wearing funny-looking boots, and wide black belts, toting hot skewers of cooked protein. Every worker scurried about in organized chaos. Amazingly the staff did not run into each other, the way mindless Atlantians do while driving in the rain on I-285. The hostess guided us to a comfortable white tablecloth two-top. The dimmed room gave out a cozy vibe. The server immediately came to the table and told us the routine. A blizzard of information attacked our frontal lobes. The quad-fold brochure-looking menu was even more dizzying than the waiter's interpretation of the same. Therefore, I put the "menu" down and ordered some Brazilian red wine. I figured out relatively quickly that this was a fancy-dance-all-you-can-eat. (I am sure someone will school me one day on the proper use of hyphens.) Where is Nell?

  Part of the routine is the red and green disks placed on the tables. Yes, green equals go, and red equals stop. The Gaucho dudes will not stop coming, until one flips the disk to red. Remember, I gave fair warning. The server gave us the green light to go to the salad bar. Now, take "THAT" image of a salad bar out of your mind. It was more like a salad hill than a salad bar. I did veer away from the giant marinated beans, but I found the choices unique and fresh. I especially enjoyed the Heart of Palm and the Tabouli salad. As I started to stock my plate, I heard "Don't fill up on the salad and pastas." It was Judy whispering in my ear.

  Shuddering hearing her voice in my head, I stopped filling my plate and settled down to enjoy my salad. Soon thereafter, my wife and I looked at the red disks, then looked at each other. This continued for several moments until we took the plunge and flipped the disks to green. A whirlwind of boots, belts, and skewered meat encircled the table. The Gauchos quickly delivered Sirloin, chicken, lamb, sausage, Ribeye, and Filet until stopped with the red disk. Every cut was excellent.

  Then I just had to ask for it. I had long forgotten how to ask in Portuguese for the cut of meat that Judy had described as the best. I decided to cut to the chase, and I asked the waiter for "the meat that translates to 'titty butter' in Portuguese". He let us know that although it is a remarkable cut of sirloin, they were not serving the Tri-tip sirloin at this time. Rats.

  We did enjoy the Flan and the Passion Fruit desserts. The entire experience was delightful. I recommend Fogo de Chao for any special occasion.

On a scale of one to five meat skewers, Fogo de Chao Churrascaria, I give thee five meat skewers.

Thanks for reading!
gf

Lifestyle Change 86 Poison ~ Year One

2011-04-09T17:36:00.000-07:00

  Have you ever wondered how to un-fat yourself? The scientists at According to gf have been busy working on the system for your healthy future.

  "Fit at fifty" was a common dream of mine; therefore, in earnest I started to investigate how to accomplish that goal. I tried counting calories for the previous two years, and the result was a total loss of ten pounds and hunger for two years. However, I did learn several things during those years. First of all, when I ate more fiber I was less hungry. Secondly, the more sugar I ate, the less I could actually eat on my allotted one thousand calorie a day goal. High fiber, low sugar was the ticket. This translated into high vegetable, low processed foods and breads. However, this type of "diet" was unsustainable. As soon as the counting stopped, weight came back. One thousand calories a day for my 6 '2" 275+ pound frame was not an easy task. I needed fuel to function. I needed a sustainable long-term lifestyle change, not just a diet.

  A visit with the family resulted in a discussion about how to combat and/or control diabetes. Juvenile diabetes is debilitating and life changing. Researching lead to the conclusion that carbohydrate control was the key to success. The carbohydrate management research lead to the Atkins Diet. The Atkins diet that I had known seemed to have changed since I had last heard of it. I was not overly excited about the plan, as I had heard that the founder dropped dead of a heart attack. Upon further investigation, I discovered that he actually died of a severe head trauma after slipping on some ice. Click here to read a USA Today article written by his widow.

  The information that my wife and I found in the program lead to our researching glucose or sugar control. This is right up the alley where we needed to go to find out about controlling diabetes.

" Eating the right foods can improve your body’s metabolism, particularly how it handles fat. When you eat fewer carb foods—relying mostly on vegetables rich in fiber—your body switches to burning fat (including your own body fat) instead of carbs as its primary fuel source."

  This is the golden information. Sugar is the poison. Food high in carbohydrates (which are converted easily to glucose in your body) is the enemy. Upon researching sugar, several other enemies of the body came to light. The next evil poison to come to light from this research was High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). Inexpensive, and two to three times more sweet than sugar, this poison is in everything processed these days. Cheap non-food is what I call it. It is processed in your body similarly to alcohol and or other poisons. It robs your body of the ability to feel satisfied from eating. Listen to this video to hear more about HFCS. While researching HFCS and the body's trouble processing/digesting that substance, another poison reared its ugly head. Hydrogenated oil is the reason that more than half of America has a fat belly. It is processed oil that was designed not to separate, and to be "shelf stable". It is "shelf stable" in our bodies as well!

  Having armed myself with this information, I set some new lifestyle change goals. Having my lovely wife jump right in and research, cook, and read a thousand labels and articles helped us get healthy this past year. "Net Carbs" is a catch phrase used by Atkins that started to make more sense as we moved down this path. Not digesting poison in any form is our lifestyle change. In our eat on the run society this can be a challenge.

  From the 275 pounds that I weighed last year, I have lost close to fifty pounds in one year. I am not ever allowed to speak of my wife's weight, but she has had to change her entire wardrobe. Not bad for a lifestyle change. We just changed the way we ate with out trying exceptionally hard at all. We have done so without any pills, gadgets, or anything sold on the TV. We did not purchase an expensive gym membership or even workout very much, other than walking on occasion.

Preparing your mind is a vital part of a lifestyle change. If you do not diligently prepare your mind for success in this endeavor, you will most likely fail. A lifestyle change is needed. The loss of weight and a slimmer, more toned body are the mere results of the changes that you make in your everyday routine. I think that people focus too much on the results and not enough on the lifestyle change. This issue causes a short-sighted focus on the lifestyle change. Dieters get discouraged because they do not see immediate and fantastic results. Then they quit trying. Focus on a life style change, and there should be no disappointment. Set goals for yourself. A goal for me was not to eat sugar for a day, then a week, and then a month. Another was not to purchase or eat anything made with hydrogenated oil. Once I did those, I moved to High Fructose Corn Syrup elimination from my diet. A goal of walking two to three times a week was reasonable. Be realistic. Losing the weight slowly and the right way will be the result of a lifestyle change and not a quickie diet. If you were to lose two pounds a month, that would be twenty four pounds a year. I think three to four pounds a month would be a fantastic result. That is thirty six to forty eight pounds in a year. A better goal may be to follow this BMI chart provided by the National Heart Lung and Blood Institute.

Make a plan for success. Our plan is simple:

Stop eating poison (hydrogenated oils, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and sugar/high carb low fiber food). I simply started off with not eating sugar. I copied my son's girlfriend Katelyn's idea of not eating sugar for a week. I did not realize how challenging that was going to be, or how much it would change my life. Poisons also include diet soda and fruit juice. Yes, fruit juice.
Always eat breakfast (I also eliminated milk from my diet as it hurts my stomach. I believe I am lactose intolerant). Dairy is not your friend. By the way, 99.4% of all "breakfast food" is poison. Please be careful. I recommend two eggs.
Eat until full. Eat often. Prepare healthy snacks (apple, veggies) for when you get hungry between meals. Full equals fiber. Fiber is the antidote for sugar in the body.
Treat yourself. Drink a glass of wine on occasion (Jesus made wine, it's OK.). Drink a beer on occasion, as long as it is a light beer like Michelob Ultra. Eat a treat on occasion. When I first started eliminating sugar from my diet, the treat eating was particularly important. Make sure that you have plenty of Atkins Bars or similar health bars on hand when you have a treat attack. Make sure that they are low in Net Carbs. I don't need those treat bars anymore, since I have beaten my sugar addiction.
Eat organic as often as possible. Another reason that we steered away from the Atkins bars for treats was their long ingredient list. That teamed up with long words on an ingredient list is not a good thing. An ingredient list for an apple bar should read apples, honey, cinnamon, nutmeg, organic flax seed.
Purchase the tools. Tools for losing weight? I am not talking about some junk you buy on that info channel on TV. The tools of losing weight are:

A scale that you will put your chunky butt on every day when you wake up.
Food. Real food. No processed food. Food that is God-made, not man-made. Food free of hydrogenated oil, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and sugar. Yes, 86 sugar. Purchase food with fiber; white flour is junk.
Shoes. Walking shoes and appropriate work out wear. Don't go crazy on this one. You are not on TV.

Get a Posse. Help and encouragement are essential when making a lifestyle change. If you have a partner eating the same way that you do, it makes life easier. You will have less desire to eat junk if there is none of that junk to eat. Shopping with your partner and making wise purchases will keep you from "slipping". Talking about how you ate during the day will help you through the ups and downs.

Year one, check.

gf

Urbanspoon Rocks

2011-03-31T05:21:00.000-07:00

Urbanspoon Rocks!

Why do I feel like I am selling my soul?

Well, since we are here, we might as well listen to some Lightnin'.

lol
gf

Top Twenty Call Out of Work Lines ~ Part 2

2011-03-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

The phones at According to GF corporate offices simply will not stop ringing. I had to hire on two more receptionists, and one bell boy. He is lazy, but I think he has potential to improve. I also had to lease out more space on the Google server, just to keep all of the latest information flowing into the office. All of the lovely and petite secretaries had to abandon their weekly manicures. It was just becoming a waste of time. They certainly were working their fingers to the bone.

Yeah, I know. "Shut up and give us the next twenty call out of work lines." Fine, here they are:

20. "My cat is stuck inside my mattress."

19. "The cows got out of the barn, and now I have to get them back in."

18. "I have diarrhea." (Unfortunately, this team member's nickname is "Coach". It was Superbowl Sunday, and the restaurant was running a "Buy one, get one free" special.)

17. "There is a warrant out for my arrest."

16. "I caught the kitchen on fire cooking Tuna Helper, after I passed out drunk." ~ Click here to see more of this idiot.

15. "My nipples are bleeding." (I just write this stuff, I do not make it up.)

14. "I forgot when I was supposed to work, so I slept in."

13. "I am still drunk." (21st birthday party)

12. "My father has to go back to Mexico. I want to say goodbye."

11. "I have an important soccer match."

10. "My wife needs to use the car today."

9. "I cut my finger off mowing grass." (Yes, he stuck his hand inside the mower. Who hired this guy?)

8. "I have cramps." (All time top ten)

7. "I have a parent-teacher conference." (They did not have a child.)

6. "My grandmother died." (For the third time.)

5. "I cannot come in. My cat ate a bologna string, and it is hanging out of his ass. I am taking him to the Veterinarian."

4. "My child got expelled from school."

3. "I cannot come in. I have a job interview."

2. "I cannot come in. My roof fell in on my trailer"

1. "I cannot find my car. It may have been stolen." (She got roaring drunk the night before, then hit a dumpster with her car as she started to drive home. She thought that she had hit a car, so she took a cab home. She could not remember anything from the night before. Her coworkers found her car in the Kroger parking lot, next to the dumpster, smashed to hell and back.)

I know you have more. Thanks for sharing these twenty call out excuses with us!

Thanks for reading,

gf

The Bargainers

2011-03-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

There is a growing collection of "entrepreneurs" in the dining world these days. I hereby will call them "The Bargainers".

I am not sure where they all came from, or why they came, but they are possibly here to stay. Bargainers have dug in, and entrenched themselves into society during these last most unfortunate years of recession. These are a variety of diners that believe that restaurant managers and owners have unlimited resources to promote whatever, whenever. Somehow, we flat out owe them.

Church groups and schools (looking for donations for a raffle, golf tournament, booster club, etc.) are the benign Bargainers. Some call them "beggars". There is at least a chance of a return on investment with those type donations. Unfortunately, managers are often, not in a position to hand out prizes and donations for everyone's financial crisis "bake sale".

The true purebred Bargainer is a piece of work. In their mind, they are doing the establishment an extraordinary favor. They just want a discount for waking up in the morning. We recently had booked a party of thirty on a Friday night at seven thirty. Which, for your information, is when the entire planet wants to eat dinner. I felt that we had already given this group dedicated service, by providing a separate and private dining room, during a peak hour, while we were on a wait. This assessment was incorrect. The leader of the pack presented herself to the floor manager. She proceeded to tell him that she thought that we should not charge her group for their teas. She felt that since she was an "event planner", and since she had brought us her party's business, we should make this discount (about seventy five dollars worth of sales). My floor manager let her know that he was not in a position to approve such a concession. She huffed out a "Let me speak to YOUR boss." I reckon that was her error #44-3a (asking for the boss).

"His boss" arrived and greeted the guest with a smile and a handshake. She delivered the same story, and she received the same answer. She then spewed her same response. "I need your corporate number then." OK, thanks, and come again... Bargainer.
How do these people conclude that managers can randomly discount meals with no errors on the restaurant's part? If one goes into Wal Mart and takes their entire bowling team, do they expect to get a discount? When taking your entire family to the dentist, is the result a discount? A pre-negotiated discount is one thing (still annoying), but at least there can be a pleasant discussion about what can or cannot be done. Trying to intimidate a floor manager with the whole "I will call your boss" routine just ticks me off.

The wait staff certainly does not like the bargainers as a general rule. "Bargainer" and "generous tipper" usually are not found in the same paragraph or chapter. Waiting on these groups is a challenging task (especially if you want a fair tip). I will go ahead and put it out there. Serving a bargainer group is twice as difficult as a non-bargainer group. If the manager gave in to the "let me speak to your boss" routine, the server is their next course.

Now let's not get carried away and start calling couponers bargainers. Hell, those who are not couponing these days are not cool, or even smart. The only concern I have is couponers discounting the service that they receive from the service staff. This of course brings to light the whole nasty subject of tipping. I will save that for another day. Please, when using a coupon, be sympathetic to the server. The good one's are hard to find, and harder to keep.

Click here to view a clever gratuity chart.

Thanks for reading,

gf