Vanessa Jaye's Procrastination Station

Book buy by larcenous intent

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 10:48:00 +0000

I popped into the bookstore on my coffee break one day this week and was making a bee-line for the romance section when the title of a book, on the new releases table near the front of the store, caught my eye. My first thought was, ‘What a cool title. I’m going to steal it.’

The title!! Not the book!!

And before anyone raises the hue & cry of plagiarism, the title is: Best Served Cold.

See? Nothing particularly unique; it just struck me the right way. In fact, later on I remembered I had that title down as a possible for a revenge-themed story with a chef hero. So it wasn’t as much intent to steal as it was being reminded…

Anyequivocating, while the cover art wasn’t shaking me up none, I decided to check out the synopsis/blurb:

Springtime in Styria. And that means war. There have been nineteen years of blood.

The ruthless Grand Duke Orso is locked in a vicious struggle with the squabbling League of Eight, and between them they have bled the land white. While armies march, heads roll and cities burn, behind the scenes bankers, priests and older, darker powers play a deadly game to choose who will be king.

War may be hell but for Monza Murcatto, the Snake of Talins, the most feared and famous mercenary in Duke Orso's employ, it's a damn good way of making money too. Her victories have made her popular - a shade too popular for her employer's taste. Betrayed, thrown down a mountain and left for dead, Murcatto's reward is a broken body and a burning hunger for vengeance.

Whatever the cost, seven men must die. Her allies include Styria's least reliable drunkard, Styria's most treacherous poisoner, a mass-murderer obsessed with numbers and a Northman who just wants to do the right thing. Her enemies number the better half of the nation.

And that's all before the most dangerous man in the world is dispatched to hunt her down and finish the job Duke Orso started...

Springtime in Styria. And that means revenge.

I’m definitely not on the kick-ass heroine bandwagon (for a multitude of reasons, primarily due to the fact that 99% of KA heroines I’ve encountered in Urban Fantasy/Paranormal Romances are written like a gold-plated eff’em and leave’em beyoitchs with a huge chip on their shoulder).

But this is a chick I can get behind.

Someone on Amazon described this book as Tarrantino or Guy Ritchie's version of a fatansy story. Since I love me some Tarrantino/Ritchie, sounds like I made a good pick. but the opening scene was the clincher:

The sunrise was the colour of bad blood. It leaked out of the east and stained the dark sky red, marked the scraps of cloud with stolen gold. Underneath it the road twisted up the mountainside towards the fortress of Fontezarmo—a cluster of sharp towers, ash-black against the wounded heavens. The sunrise was red, black and gold.

The colors of their profession.

“You look especially beautiful this morning, Monza.’

She sighed, as if that was an accident. As if she hadn’t spent an hour preening herself before the mirro. ‘Facts are facts. Stating them isn’t a gift. You only prove you’re not blind.’ She yawned, stretched in her saddle, made him wait a moment longer. ‘But I’ll hear more.’

He noisily cleared his throat and held up one hand, and bad actor preparing for his grand speech. ‘Your hair is like to…. A veil of shimmering sable!’

“You pompous cock. What was it yesterday? A curtain of midnight. I liked that better, it had some poetry to it. Bad poetry, but still.’

‘Shit.’ He squinted up at the clouds. ‘Your eyes, then, gleam like piercing sapphires, beyond price!’

“I’ve got stones in my face, now?’

...
"I'm waiting," he said.

"For what?"

"My share of the compliments, of course."

"If your head swells any further it'll f*cking burst." She switched her silken cuffs up. "And I don't want your brains on my new shirt."

"Stabbed!" Benna clutched one hand to his chest. "Right here! Is this how you repay my years of devotion, you heartless bitch?"

"How dare you presume to be devoted to me, peasant? You're like a tick devoted to a tiger!"

"Tiger? Hah! When they compare you to an animal they usually pick a snake."

"Better than a maggot."

"Whore."

"Coward."

"Murderer."

She could hardly deny that one. Silence settled on them again.
...
Benna's horse drew gradually up beside hers, and ever so gently he mumured, "You look especially beautiful this morning Monza."

That brought a smile to the corner of her mouth. The corner her couldn't see. "Well. Facts are facts."

~*~*~

I trimmed a bit of setting description here and there for this post, but how could I resist that dialogue? .

The Trouble with Grandma

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:06:00 +0000

Click onto picture for larager readable image.

Online Writing Contests

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 17:34:00 +0000

There are two kick-ass writers contests going on right now.

First off: Romance Junkies is holding their annual contest right now. They've changed it up a bit this year, the entries are first voted on in the RJ readers loop, then the top entries will be posted on the RJ site to be voted on by the general public. I think this change was implemented to discourage cheating and ballot-box stuffing. *sigh* We'll how well this works out.

For more info go here at the Romance Junkies blog and check it out. Top prize is a Netbook and winner is decided by TOR editor Heather Osborn. What are you waiting for? Go enter already!!

As for the second contest, I got the heads up on this one from Raine.

Jason Evan's Clarity of the Night is holding its annual contest. This year it's The Truth In Wine Short Story Contest. Check it out. I have in the past and there were always some amazing prose stylist entered (including the loverly Ms. Raine Weaver)

**edited to clean up the wtf grammar.

Win a print book of Felicity Stripped Bare - Contest Results

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 18:21:00 +0000

Finally picked the winners for the contest below using Random.org.

Drumroll please....

#4- Muffin Puffin
#54- Ashely A/ EdgesAngel123

I also did a contest on the SamhaineCafe loop where I posted this short excerpt, then asked: What did Daniel think of Felicity's showerhead choices?

The winner of that contest is:

Amy Smith

Who emailed me directly with the answer: "Borrring."

Congratulations ladies! Once I get your snail mail deets, I should have the books--along with one of the three pretty etched metal bookmarks below--in the mail to you some time this week.

& thanks to everyone for participating and saving me from the walk of shame. ;P

Felicity Stripped Bare

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:19:00 +0000

It's out in print today!

Feels a little anticlimatic considering the ebook has been out for a year. All the same, it was very cool holding the author copy print book in my hot little hands.

So... if you were interested in Felicity & Daniel's story, but ebooks weren't your thing, now's your chance to get the book.

[/promo at which I suck]

Blurb:

High-school drop-out Felicity Cameron is newly single (by choice), with a new job, a new home, and she’s just signed up with a tutor because of her dyslexia.

So what if her hew job is at a strip club? No one has to know. And who cares if her new flat is in a ramshackle house? The rent’s cheap. The important thing is: Felicity is finally getting her life back on track.

Until the house is sold and her new landlord nearly causes her plans to derail. The man is yummy chocolate-coated on the outside. Chewy moron center.

Torn between fulfilling his father’s dynastic visions at the family law firm and pursuing his own dreams as a custom home builder, Daniel Mackenzie isn’t looking for more complications in his life. But complications are what he gets when his latest property purchase, slated for a flip, comes with one constantly complaining tenant.

It's a shame they got off on the wrong foot, though, considering said tenant was quite a looker. Too bad all you could look at were her tonsils ‘cause her mouth was always flapping.

As they try to get past that little ol’ eviction thing… Felicity strives to keep all her secrets from him, while Daniel does everything he can to pull her into his life and into his arms.

But she seems determined to hold something back. And he’s afraid it’s her heart.

~*~*~

Excerpts can be found here and here.

Some of the places you'll find it for sale:

Samhain
Amazon
Chapters.Indigo
Barnes & Nobel

The Contest Is Now Closed. Thank you and good luck!

**Edited to add: I would do a contest, but the last contest I held for a ebook copy was a complete wash (only one entry after posting about it on the writer's news sections at AAR, RT an Romance Divas!! ::cringe::) Anywho, if peeps are interested in a chance to win a copy, either leave a message in the comments or drop me a line at vanessajaye @ hotmail .com and I'll pick a name. Contest closes Friday 12 midnight. I'll post a winner on Saturday (if there are any takers).

What's the secret to writing short?

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 00:18:00 +0000

Yes. I'm whining.

About the werewolf novella.

I've been poking around in it the last few hours. Just got to the point where the hero sees the heroine for the first time (in this new version). As it stands I've got 4 new scenes totally 4,145 words. Not bad. The next few scenes will (hopefully) flesh out their romance more. I all ready had a scene that fleshed out the background of the world building more, but there'll probably more bits and pieces I'll be able to tuck in here and there.

The thing I'm whiny about is, other folks seem to do the world-building/relationship just fine in a short word count. Sure you might want a few things explained/fleshed out more, but for the most part you're good.

This damn novella was already clocking in at 42K (plus the extra 4K so far in new scenes). I wonder if I'm going all the new writing is going to hit the mark, or if I'll end up with 60K and still fall short.

*pouting, scowling, bitching*

Ol Skool

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:42:00 +0000

This came up on the ipod yesterday while I was at the gym. When this song came out it was one of my absolute favourites and if I wasn't already on the dance floor this would definitly get my booty shakin. (This Youtube version doesn't have base, but that's probably my crappylicious laptop speakers).

Today's To-do

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:40:00 +0000

Going to hit the gym in a bit (first time in months....) Then I'll bichok and do some serious writing today.

That damn werewolf paranormal is still tugging at my sense of guilt. I really want to finish those revisions and resubmit, but everytime I touch it, it's like banging my head against a brickwall. It's so hard to flesh out character in a fairly tightly paced plot-driven short-story. I know it can be done, but it's sooo frustrating. Normally I do character-driven stories and the plot derives from that. I find it much easier to flesh out plot once the characters are established, rather than vice-versa.

In other news... I've been playing around with some characters in my head for a new contemporary story. Think I'll take the Quickpad to the gym with me and work on the new story during the commute. Then work on the novella when I get home later.

On the reading front, I blew through Julia Quinn's latest What Happens In London. It was a frothy farcical story with likable characters. I love that it felt like a ROMANCE--not in a melodramtic way, just that you felt the two leads truly liked and loved each other in the end. There was an element of that big 'swept away' feeling to their romance, even while retaining that down to earth recognition of each other's foibles and their own. There was only one 'warm' lovescene in the last quarter of the story, but I didn't mind that because I was lovin' the H/h's interactions/banter. Nice read, but in the end the overall feeling I was left with was it was a little too light; I enjoyed it very much (finished the darn thing in a day), but it won't be a keeper because I don't see myself re-reading it.

Happy July 4th to my American friends!!

**edited for (some) typos.

Where’s My Defibrillator?

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:34:00 +0000

I opened up the latest issue of Esquire magazine, and low and behold what do my eyeballs smack up against on page 2 and 3?

(click on pic for larger view)

Land’s sake, have mercy! Folks have to warn a body such a sight is in the offing.

Also, the least they could have done was have the decency to supply a scratch n sniff strip…. for the cologne. That's what they're selling, right?

Damn, his tuck-game is tight.

**edited to add: More after the cut...

You know what else strikes me the longer I study this picture?

::releases inner Georgia O'Keeffe::

(no, sadly, you can't take me anywhere)

80's Romance Heroes

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:54:00 +0000

I was poking around Jezebel and came across this series of post for The Worst 80s Romance Heroes:

Contestant #1 - Jay Courtland, from Rules of the Game.

Contestant #2 - Dr. Ray Culver, from Stormy Springtime.

Contestant #3 - Owen Tudor, from The Road To Forever.

And to think I use to inhale these books back in the day!! No way would I read a book with these asshats now, (unless it was to indulge in that omg-I-can't-believe-he-just-said/did-that!! guilty-pleasure trainwreck experience).

Here's a fun test to take over on Racy Romance Reviews: Do you Really heart Harleqin Presents?

And here's a discussion thread over on AAR on the worst romance novel heroes. Of course that Clay from Whitney, My Love made the list.

Happy Canada Day!

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:23:00 +0000

It's an absolutely gorgeous day out. Enjoy!!

I'm over at Southern Fried Chicas today, figuratively, but quite literally I'll be chilling on my deck.

Holy Crap! Is it true?

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:05:00 +0000

Just got home from the supermarket. Put food on the table, flopped on the couch and turned on the tv and HLN/CNN is reporting that Michael Jackson is dead!!

ETA; Looks like its true. I'm deeply saddened. Regardless of the issues that plagued his life in the last years, he's a musical legend.

Dinner conversation at the Jaye household

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:27:00 +0000

So Day and I were talking music and somehow DMX's name comes up. I start giggling and ask da boy if he remembers this DMX crackhead quote (bolding mine):

"Yo, no matter how much vacation I'm on - we been to St Thomas, Bahamas, all the little islands - I don't wear no flip-flops. I'm never that comfortable, ever, not even in my house."

Day starts laughing too, then says: "Hey I don't like flip-flops either. I gotta be ready to run."

insert Mom Side-eye-->

"Run?"

"Yeah. Like if Godzilla shows up."

Today's Joke

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:50:00 +0000

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go toRome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser, "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was as overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

Stories from Childhood

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:33:00 +0000

There are the obvious ones of course, Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, Curious George, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Madeline, Cat in the Hat.

But there are others that stick with you for one reason or the other. Maybe you really identified with that little boy or girl; they were having the adventures you always dreamed of, lived the house/castle you would have like to live in. Had a big red dog. :-D

Sometimes it was a simple matter of the artwork.

Such is the reason for one particular story that has stuck in my mind. I couldn't even remember the whole story. And for the longest while I thought it was Little Red Riding Hood because it was about a little girl and a wolf. But really what stuck in my mind about this story, or I should say *that* book, was the artwork that showed the little girl in a field of flowers.

In The Gunnywolf (or Gunniwolf) the little girl disobeys her parents' order to not go out in the forest. She's not a naughty girl, you see, but the temptation of all the pretty flowers were too much to resist:

The little girl promised that she would never go into the forest. “I won’t go! I won’t go!” As soon as her mother had gone, the little girl decided to pick flowers to decorate the house. The first flowers were yellow flowers that grew right beside the fence around the year and the garden. But, as she picked the yellow flowers, she saw some pretty blue flowers blooming right at the edge of the forest, and she forgot about her promise.

While she picked the blue flowers, she saw some beautiful white flowers. They would look so lovely in a vase with the yellow and blue flowers. She could surprise her mother with them when she came home. The little girl just had to pick some of them too."

No, not naughty in the least! Good intentions and all that. ;)

If you're wondering why the reminiscence, it's because every time I take a certain way home and/or to work through the nearby ravine, this sight always strikes me as what the little girl saw. (exactly what the book’s artwork meant to conveyed):

Don't think I blame her a minute for being enticed down that path deep into the woods. (My crappy camera didn't quite capture how magical those blue and white wild flowers look alongside the trail. You can see a close up of the flowers in the bottom right hand corner.)

Unfortunately I couldn't find examples of the artwork from that book online, but while googling I came across an interesting article on the story on the Clayton County Library Blog if you'd like to read more on it.

Never underestimate the power of the story. You never outgrow its magic. Are there stories from your childhood that stick with you, not just because of the story itself but because of a certain image?

I give up, let’s do it again

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:56:00 +0000

I’ve been on a quasi break from writing due to crazy hours I was putting in on a project for my daytime job. I say quasi because I was still struggling with the revisions on the werewolf novella (I think I’m up to my 6th try on second new scene I had planned to write).

Recently I commented over on Southern Fried Chicas, that I was going to put the revisions aside for now. I was just tired of hitting my head against the wall trying to achieve something that would address my editor’s concerns while at the same time not feeling like filler to me or requiring a complete rewrite.

The funny thing is, the minute I posted that statement for all to see, I wanted to take it back. I wasn’t truly finished with trying to work out a solution. I just needed to think on it some more. In the mean time I also came up with an interesting paranormal western romance that requires a bit of research. I was going to forge ahead with that while still mulling over the werewolf problem, but that werewolf novella is like cavity I can’t stop probing.

I think (once again) I have a solution, I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days now from different angles. Going to start working on the new ideas in a minute.

Another writing problem I’ve been dealing with is this blog. I’ve been meaning to wean myself off online for awhile now. The situation at work kinda forced the issue, but I’ve found that now that things have (temporarily) calmed down at work, I’m not all that hepped up to jump back into the fray. Just today, for instance, I spent 3 hours in garden. And later tonight I’ll be baking some spelt ‘n oatmeal muffins to take to work in the mornings for breakfast. I’m reading more, watching TV/movies more, and having more conversations with friends/family. Even hit the AGO a couple of weeks ago and plan visit several other museums around town. Plus, I still have to make it back to the gym on a regular basis, and of course I will be writing (or trying to).

And all that means being online less.

Fine with me.

Except…

I do enjoy my blog and as an epublished author I need to keep a visible online presence. While I using the joke posts as a crutch lately, I would really like to blog with more substance.

So that’s what I’m going to do. Once a week I’ll post something thoughtful (on writing, or what I’m reading, stuff happening in real life, etc). I’ll probably still post the jokes, etc. but the blog—-and the few peeps who drop by, or have me on their reader—-deserve to be treated better.

ps: I’ll let you know how try #7 on scene two works out.

**edited to add links

THE YEAR 1909

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 14:19:00 +0000

From an email recently recieved (sorry, can't think of a thing to blog about):

The year is 1909.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1909 :

************ ********* ********* ******

The average life expectancy was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower

The average wage in 1909 was 22 cents per hour.

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at home.

Ninety percent of all doctors had no college education. Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and government as 'substandard'.

Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.'

Eighteen percent of households had at least 1 full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years...

DRM Sucks!

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 20:09:00 +0000

Sure I've read the blog posts, but now I truly get it!

Since Calibre can't/will not convert a recent purchase from eharl so I can read it on my Sony, I will not be be buying any more HQN ebooks.

Because you know what? I just want to download and read my purchases on the reading device of my choice. Period. I don't want to jump through hoops and go around googling crap to figure out how to load DRM ebooks onto my Sony. (Which I haven't figured out yet,btw. And I don't feel up to emailing folks who I know could help me out. Why the eff do have I to go to those lengths to read something I legally purchased?)

If I walked into a bookstore or a library I'd just be able to pick a book off the shelf and read it wherever and however I chose to.

And that's another thing. I actually prefer reading paper anyways, so way to *not* win me over.

Check In

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 30 May 2009 14:32:00 +0000

Sorry guys. I'm buried under work and utterly, mentally, exhausted. I joked to my coworker yesterday that I was suffering from boiled brain. Also aching physically because I put in some major hours in the garden last weekend (cut down three small trees, trimmed another four, plus weeded and mowed the backyard--half of which is all uphill--, etc.) I've got a couple of hydrangea to plant that I doubt is going to happen until next weekend.

As for the writing, I've had several false starts with the second of five planned new scenes, but made another attempt at it while sitting in my dentist's waiting room a couple of days ago that I think might stick. Haven't looked at it since, and don't think I will be until next weekend, because I brought home a huge-ass report to work on that will take all weekend and must be dealt with by Sunday night or I'll be so screwed re a very hard and fast deadline I'm up against.

Am I boring you yet? See why I stayed away? lol.

I finally remembered who Danny Gokey reminds me of!

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:34:00 +0000

What a surprise last night, eh?

Yeah, so, uhm, remember Ruben and Clay...? er, where was I going with this?

Oh, yeah, I love Danny's singing voice! Just loved that smokey texture to it when he hit certain notes. And I kept telling everyone he reminded of another (older) singer, except I could never remember the damn singer's name... until just now!

Michael McDonald.

I just loooooove Michael's singing voice. It's late-night-low-lights-warm-breeze-through-an-open-window-cool-cotton-sheets-wineglasses-on-the-bedside-table-clothes-strewn-on-the-floor-big-mirror-over-the-dresser-facing-the-bed-sweaty-dirty-all-night-long-sex sexy husky.

ETA: This video too! (Dang I wonder if iTunes has him singing this?)

DUCKS IN HEAVEN

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sun, 17 May 2009 17:59:00 +0000

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St.Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St.Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

Pics from England.

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sat, 16 May 2009 12:58:00 +0000

It's mostly touristy stuff, although I thought I picked a couple of family pics too. But, with the touristy stuff I tried to get a little artsy-fartsy and was quite pleased with the results. There're several pics I want to get a large size print of and frame.
This first pic is one I'd like to frame. Probably crop the bottom a bit.(I don't know what the odd shaped building is, but that's London bridge to the left) That lone figure might be my son Dayan.

Closer pic of the bridge, that's the boy's head in the bottom left corner, and my brother in the jacket with the white across the shoulders. We went to London for one day to visit an aunt--a tight squeeze because we had to be back in Gloucester for my neice's birthday dinner/party at a restaurant that same evening-- but I at least wanted to go on the London Eye (huge ferris wheel) while in London.

Big Ben in the background. Dayan in the foreground. Brother wandering off. lol.

Pic taken from the Eye, to the ground. Forgot the name of that building.

This is another shot I'd like framed. Taken from the Eye: it's the pod in front of us.

Another favourite. i like how the frame of the carriage sort of mirrors Day's profile.

We went for a drive up to Stroud one day and stopped for a pint in a quaint little pub. My bro pulled over so I could gt a couple of pics of the valley below. Thought I'd downloaded a pic of two of the lovely little villages with the stone row houses and narrow lanes. But I didn't. :-/ They were staight out of a Catherine Cookson novel or an AE special. Charming. But I think I'd go a little crazy after awhile.

We were on our way to the city center from my mum's place and cut through the park. Not sure why the heck I downloaded this one I think I meant to download a pic of the boy and my neice at the other end of the park in front of the georgian rowhouse(the white buildings you see in the background, right side over Day's shoulder) .

Bad Writer, Very Bad Gardener

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Fri, 15 May 2009 13:15:00 +0000

So I’ve been stressed, no secret. But it got to the point where my continuing exhaustion had me worrying that it was more than stress (chronic fatigue? The onset of type 2 Diabetes? Something more sinister?) All I knew was, I needed a rest, so I took yesterday and today off, and Monday is a statutory holiday. My only plan was to get 8 hours sleep every night and write.

The sleep thing is working out great! Woke up Thursday morning after 9 hours sleep totally refreshed and raring to go! (So I guess it was stress afterall).

The writing thing…. Not so much. So far. But I plan to get hopping on that on the weekend. In the meantime, I’m turning my attention to something else I’ve been neglecting:

Yes, gentle reader, that is my backyard. And not just a small problem patch. It pretty much all looks like that. To make matters worse, my next door neighbour (the one I'm immediately adjacent to, not the one where the driveways divide our properties) has two different lawnservices, one to mow/trim, and one to fertilization/weed control. So my yard looks even more like shit in comparison.

I was toying with hiring a service of fertilization/weed control, but I'm already shelling out $$$ to get the damn tree trimmed. So I'll be doing it myself this year, and we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday I did some cleaning up of the yard--aforementioned tree is dropping branches (big branches!)like crazy--plus it was very windy in the morning with a lot of debris flying around, and garbage cans over turned, etc. Then it was off tothe bank and library, and grabbed some brekkie at Tim Hortons (holy crap their breakfast sandwiches are to die for, but the calorie/fat count(500cal/37grams)means I indulge about once a year or risk coronary failure.)

Then I hit 2 different gardening centers and came away with a edger/trimmer, a weeder, a garden rake, some grass fertilizer, top-soil, grass seeds and handheld dispenser, and this bush (Flaming Mound Spirea)

that I hope adds a little more colour to the back of the yard. I'll probably buy a few more. Not sure whether I'm planting in the back or front (btw, the front yard, looks just fine, except the flowerbed needs tidying up). They say this is not the weekend to plant flowers because of it’s going to drop to -1 degrees overnight on the weekend, so I’ll figure out the flower thing this week, and get hopping on the flowerbeds next weekend.

Today's plan of action:

1. Weeding
2. Mowing (because I’ll have to wait a bit to mow the *hopefully* new growth)
3. Aerate
4. Add topsoil to the bare patches and to level out the yard
5. Seed and add fertilizer.
6. Give a light watering (supposed to rain tomorrow).
7. Go do groceries
8. Maybe write.
9. Maybe, I might whip over to the garden center again and pick up a roll or two of sod, there’s one particularly bad bare patch in the garden (that is, it’s bare of grass, but has plenty O dandelions) that I’m not sure seeding is going to save. A couple of years ago, we raked up all the leaves in the yard, but didn’t bag them up for disposal. The heap of leaves sat there all winter, and in the spring when we did rake them up, we found a bare muddy patch of earth. I'm concerned that the neighbour's cats will find the de-weeded patch more enticing than their usual litter box (had a huge problem with that last year). :-/

Since I downloaded the picture of the yard, I also downloaded some pics from our trip to England over Christmas, but I’ll post those tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

*

Around the water cooler with Jaye

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:30:00 +0000

I’ve only watched this season’s Celebrity Apprentice sporadically, but Annie Duke should have won, not Joan. Kudos to Joan for having the enery/stamina to make it to the final, and, for what it’s worth, while I haven’t necessarily been a fan of Joan, I did enjoy her biting humor and the fact that she made it to the top of a man’s game.

But Joan’s behaviour on CA was straight up grade A beeyaitch. Especially towards Annie. Not sayin Annie was totally innocent, but Joan said some pretty despicable things, turned the waterworks on and off at will and then acted all befuddled as to why anyone would be pissed off at her, because it was all water under the bridge to her. ugh.

Though Joan did have a few funny zingers towards Brandy and Clint. ("If Clint walked into a bar, he'd pick up himself.")

But that’s besides the point!!!

Anyhaterfromhaterville, seems Joan made some enemies (and deservedly, so).

On to American Idol... ‘K, we all know it’s the Adam Lambert Show this season. Although, I’ll reserve some doubt as to whether he’ll win or not for a number of reasons. This season just has a very ‘scripted’ feel to it.

Anywhocares, Kris is in the top two!?! wtf. I like the way Kris makes every song uniquely his own--my son calls it the granola touch. lol—but seriously, the guy does not have the vocal chops of Danny or Allison. And while I thought Danny should have packed his ass home last week because of that ill-advise screech, he certainly did not deserve to go home this week! Also, I did notice that Kris’ visit back home had the hugest crowds. Yeah, it could be all in the editing, but next week will be interesting.

Next up: StarTrek. Loved the movie. I mean at one point in the theater I actually had the thought: I love this movie! I will be in line for the next one, and I will buy the DVD. Having said that, I did have quibbles. The bad guy(s) were so one-dimensional. What a waste of Eric Bana. And I didn’t buy this new version of the Vulcans. I know many thought the kiss between Spock and Uhura was teh hawtness, but even with the steamy co-ed decontamination shower scenes with the sexed up T’pol from Enterprise ringing in my head, I still didn’t buy it. And lastly, this was seriously a pop-corn movie. I miss the anvilious moral lesson that’s the hallmark of the Star Trek franchise.

Second lastly, The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie. I enjoyed the book, it’s a keeper and I’ll probably check out the next in the series. I like the large cast of fairly fleshed-out characters and that there was more to the book besides the romance even though the romance was always the focus. I loved Ian (really loved him), and really like Beth, and loved their courtship. The sequel-bait ran hot and heavy through the book, though, and I’m not sure it needed to be so obvious. The story was a strong B for me. I was probably more anxious to read it beforehand, than I was during the read—that emotional urgency was missing for me from some reason. But it was definitely worth the read. And maybe it did make more of an impression on me than I though because I’m avoiding reading another historical for the time being.

Finally, Supernatural. I tuned out early this season. Just wasn’t feeling the whole Angel thing, but friends who were still watching told me that it’s been really good the last several episodes. I had planned to get the season DVD, regardless, but I will be watching tonight’s episode because I suspect it’s going to seriously kick ass. One thing about Supernatural, the writing, characterization and arcs are well-thought out and consistent, unlike some other stupid WB ::coughlame-assSmallvillecoughcough:: series that I stopped watching years ago, but the boy keeps watching, just to rant about damn show as far as I can discern. Walk away, I say ::to the soundtrack of some sappy emo rock music::

One more thing – Anyone else out there watching Southland? I think it kicks ass. Very enjoyable. The same peeps behind it as ER. If I have one reservation, it's that Regina King might not find the time to continue to do the voices of Riley and Huey on Boondocks.

Happy Mothers' Day!

noreply@blogger.com (vanessa jaye) — Sun, 10 May 2009 06:36:00 +0000

Hope the kids/significant other spoils ya! And take it easy today. :-)

ETA: This poem is for all you phenomenal mothers (and women) out there:

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.