A Very British Dude

Not interested in small animals and world peace.

2009-11-09T20:16:00.000Z

Combat Barbie L Cpl Katrina Hodge

There is no foliage attached to this MK6 helmet to break up the outline of the soldier, nor has grasses and other Camouflage been attacket to the epaulettes to soften the shape of the soldier. Practically no effort has been made in at least 3 of the six S's of camouflage and concealment.

The whole of the face should be shaded, including ears to stop light bouncing off the face. In addition the stripes on the face are uniform which is noticeable in a Rural A.O. Unless the soldier is in an urban environment where linear shapes are frequent, the soldier should use a random pattern, and ideally different colours.

The “Black Kit” visible here shows no protection from friction burns, glass fragments or fire. Nor can I see any rappelling attachments. Furthermore the uniform lacks the necessary carrying pouches for all the necessary G60 Grenades and MP5K magazines necessary for CRW warfare. She could probably carry two at an absolute push. On the plus side the uniform is noticeably free of anything that could hinder the wearer carrying out a fast ingress through a mouse hole.

These are basic errors you would not expect a Cadet to make.

The pictures are courtesy of an Italian web site, one of thousands covering the subject. Trust me the Italians are VERY keen on this story of military courage.

Gordon's School report

2009-11-09T15:08:00.003Z

The delectable Terrible Tory Girl has the school report of one James Gordon Brown.

Spot on and very funny, but actually I agree rather more with this thoughtful post from the Longrider.

Britblog Roundup #247

2009-11-09T11:36:00.000Z

... is up over at Redemption Blues.

A very sad day for Labour

2009-11-09T05:31:00.000Z

Obviously the great clunking fist being roundly ridiculed over his Tobin Tax must hurt ZanuLabour. The final proof – as if proof were somehow needed; that the international community have recognised that Zanu Labour is bereft of life, nailed to its perch and pushing up daises. But there is a greater reason for the tears in the eyes of many a ZanuLabour supporter today, an overwhelming sadness of the heart. It was twenty years ago today that the dream died, that history betrayed them. The hopes of endless congresses on the Production of tractors and Brown Coal supply died. The power of one in fifty spying on the public died, of endless reports on the publics thought and speech reported and filed away in vast barns of surveillance. The sword and shield of the party died. The dreams of endless beige walls in government concrete office complexes died.

Feel their pain as the footage is shown on TV, as they sip from their DDR 40th Anniversary Bakelite Mugs whilst wiping their tears on their genuine Grenztruppen DILAC Hats. Why oh why didn’t the boarder guards just shoot? The survivors could have been re-educated; the economy just needed time for another plan. The State loved you, the state knew better than you; the state had a system that you pitiful fools just didn’t understand. Why oh why did this model of perfection die? To be a Labour supporter on this day of days “The catastrophe” is to truly know sorrow.

And then revel in this pain. But don’t revel too long. Because George Romero like, ZanuLabour are trying to re-animate the corpse.

Fort Hood and Afghanistan

2009-11-06T20:25:00.000Z

I am interested in the similarities between the Murders of the American Servicemen at Fort Hood and the Murders of the British troops at Nad-e Ali. Both were carried out in supposedly secure areas, murdered by Muslims in positions of trust whilst the soldiers couldn’t get to their guns to fight back.

Political betting has a great comment…
The alleged traitor/murderer/gunman involved in the Fort Hood killing has been named as Major Malik Nadal Hasan.Sources at the BBC suggest he is either a Christian or Israeli.

Winston Smith

2009-11-06T15:43:00.003Z

New Addition to the blogroll.... Winston Smith, who thinks the underclass should be sterilised. It's a view. If I'm moderate opinions immoderately put, he's vice versa.

Sex Education

2009-11-06T09:20:00.008Z

Ed "Balls" has removed the rights of parents to take their children out of sex education classes after the deligtful little poppets are 15 years old. Now clearly the state says you can fuck your girlfriend when she's 16, so it makes sense that she at least knows where babies come from before her birthday. Normally, the only people who object to sex education are religious lunatics but in this case the Weird-Beards of the CoE and the Smells 'n Bells crowd are onside, leaving only the rug-butters and assorted minor protestant cults complaining about 'parents' rights'.

Religion is a mental illness, which has caused too much trouble over the years. But so is a belief in the power of the state. Ask yourself this: did you honestly learn about sex and relationships in class, or out of it?

Neither god-botherers, nor the statists are going to have any effect at all on teen pregnancies via changes to the national curriculum. The religious nutters think that by keeping children innocent and pure they will become model citizens rather than creepy and damaged little homunculi, nor the state from whom whom sex education, and even more so relationship education, will be ignored. Does anyone really believe that little Sharon and Tracey get knocked up because they can't work out how to take the pill, or didn't roll a condom onto a cucumber in sex-ed?

People learn about sex the way they've always done: from older siblings, from playground gossip and from parents. If teenage pregnancy and a council house of your very own are normal down your way, then some bearded twat with leather patches on his tweed jacket telling you how not to get pregnant will have no effect. You've got to change the incentives in society to get an effect. People have a habit, when told what to do, of telling those telling them to 'fuck off'.

By all means teach about the mechanics of pregnancy in biology class, but don't pretend that teaching, or indeed not teaching, about sex and relationships will have any impact at all on either teen pregnancy rates or the spread of cock-rotting clap. Some things are not amenable to book learning. Unless of course it's done like this:

Hopping mad

2009-11-05T18:15:00.000Z

Pierre Lellouche, a French Minister has castigated the Conservative Party plan to repatriate powers as an “Autistic” approach that would “(Cut) itself out from the rest and disappearing from the radar map” (presumably the second largest contribution to the EU budget would remain firmly on the radar though). Meanwhile Elmar Brock MEP said that the Tory plans are a “Pipe dream”. And she also says that “The process that has led to the ~~European Constitution~~ Lisbon treaty was democratic and transparent. Democracy Noun - Government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives. A political or social unit governed ultimately by all its members . When our elected representatives said we would have a vote with “all its members” ie the public, and then this turned out to be a lie then this isn’t democracy Frau Brock.

Oh no, the French and the Germans don’t like us. Oh woe is Britain. The British people get so lonely when the French and the Germans aren’t telling us what to do. How will we cope with being disliked by people who have wanted to occupy us and order us around before? There is the usual stuff from the pro-EU bloggers – yes they do exist in the English speaking world. The most hysterical one I have found is here, but its up against some pretty stiff competition.

All of these bloggers seem unable to comprehend that the Tories Eurosceptic approach isn’t the result of a few chaps that happen by blind luck to be elected, but the genuine will of the vast majority of the British public. It’s just its further down the list of issues than Labour destroying our economy as things to sort out. But thanks to Monsieur Lesomethingorother David Cameron can basically say “the French don’t like it, their policy is to weaken the UK at any and all opportunity - ergo the policy must be correct. Janet Daley is right, CCHQ must have got down on their knees and thanked God for the timely intervention of Pierre.

With all of this going on, don’t forget that the idiots who are still in power got us into this mess. Gordon Brown is the one to blame, he should be objurgated by history for selling us out. Not David Cameron who isn’t the Prime Minister.

In or Out?

2009-11-05T09:12:00.005Z

Long-Term readers of this blog know that I am deeply ambivalent about Britain's role in the EU. I loathe most of its works - the CAP especially, but flip-flop over whether withdrawal is actually the best thing for the UK, especially with the accession of more broadly sceptical eastern European countries with whom we can work to counter the Franco German Axis. On Balance I think it is, but it's a pretty fine call. It is not the EU which has ruined the country. It is the Labour party. The nutters in the Conservative party for whom the EU is the most important thing in British politics (both 'phile and 'phobe) rendered the Tories unelectable for most of a decade, and allowed the Labour party to party in power.

The British constitution can be summed up thus - Parliament is sovereign. One parliament cannot bind its successors. We can leave the EU at any time as it is a bureaucracy, not a dictatorship as some more hysterical commentators suggest. Belgian tanks are not going to roll over protesters in Trafalgar square. To withdraw would be a huge step and there are more important things to do right now. David Cameron indicated that in power he would reassert the primacy of parliament and ultimately that of the British courts, and said he'd try to renegotiate our current position, and think about a referendum in 6 years if unsuccessful. That will do for me.

Let's be clear about what has made a mess of the UK, and it ain't the EU. Gordon Brown bankrupted the UK, not the EU. Likewise it was not the EU which suggested 42-day detention without trial. It is not the EU which constructed the most extensive DNA database in the world. It is not the EU which forced the most intrusive surveillance state on earth* on the population of the UK. The EU is not responsible for armed police on the streets of London. The EU is not responsible for the extradition to the USA of businessmen who committed no crime here, whilst the seppos refuse to extradite terrorists to our courts. It is not the EU which seeks to limit the basic freedoms of British subject, and render their assets liable to extra-judicial confiscation.

It is the Labour party with did these things. Lisbon was it's final betrayal and to blame David Cameron for these things because he cannot undo what has been done is dishonest, unjust, and doing the Labour party's work. The Labour party is the Enemy of the UK, not the EU and the Conservative party's Euro nutters, Helmer and Hannan have lost sight of the central importance of getting Brown out and clearing up after his 13-year scat party. Oh... and for anyone who says "who cares about Westminster, all our laws come from the EU", you're talking crap.

As a libertarian, I believe borders which prevent the movement of goods and people are an affront to human dignity. The fact that I can do business in the EU without having to become an expert in dozens of nation's securities laws is a benefit of the EU and there millions like me who benefit from the free trade area. Just as the Federasts' claims that 60% of our trade is with the EU therefore 10 million jobs are at risk should we withdraw are fatuous, so are claims from the skeptics that to do so would be without cost. Thus our £6.7bn annual payment to the EU does buy some trade advantages. In an ideal world, I would like global free trade, but that isn't on the cards. The EU is a step in the right direction.

The British people are skeptical, do not want the Euro and resent changes to weights and measures, and would seek to block any further transfer of power to the EU but do not want to withdraw, because they can see the logic of the free movement of people and goods. Funnily enough, that is almost exactly the position of the Conservative party. If there is a split, it is between skeptics who think that the EU is in need of serious reform, but that there are more important things to do; and those who think that the EU is the most important thing in the world... like ever.

What David Cameron has done is leave a door open for a more substantive referendum in any second Conservative term, if the renegotiation is unsuccessful. The hysterical reaction from some Frenchman indicates the discomfiture that some federasts might feel, and indicate that perhaps Cameron is on the right lines. Certainly a semi detached position somewhere between Norway and Switzerland's' EEA/EFTA and full membership suits my feelings on the matter. Anyone who thinks there aren't benefits to membership of the European union is a nutter. Let's try to keep those benefits, and a chair in debating the rules, whilst minimising the costs. Again, what the Conservative party position is.

UKIP exists for a reason. To rid the Conservative party of turbulent people who think that talking about done deals is more important than winning elections. My prediction: UKIP will get fewer than a million votes in the General election, probably fewer than the BNP and certainly fewer than the 2.5 million they got in 2009 Euros.

Cameron has successfully booted Europe into the long grass, where it belongs and agreed with the British people who are broadly euroskeptic whilst doing so. He calmly asserting the supremacy of British law and a program for the return of power from Brussels, and looked Prime-Ministerial doing so. That is why the Conservatives win elections. Pragmatic, non-dogmatic and sensible policies in tune with what the British people are thinking. Funny thing, this democracy thing in action, isn't it.

*OK... Maybe one exception

72,234

2009-11-04T18:26:00.002Z

72,234 people asked the Prime Minister to resign. To which he responded with his "getting on with the job" boilerplate. His "getting on with the job" is, of course precisely the problem.

God, how I loathe that man.

The uses of Spam

2009-11-04T12:00:00.000Z

An interesting idea from Crooked Timber about the internet, which...

...offers to non-regular TV watchers like me to retrieve the information that we are interested in and no more can lead to deficits in certain kinds of common cultural knowledge. Not the kinds of civic knowledge that Cass Sunstein etc care about – but celebrity gossip, junky pop culture etc.¹ Targeted advertising – to the extent that it actually works – is obviously no solution. But spam, designed as it is to cater to the lowest and broadest of tastes actually provides me with significant information that I probably wouldn’t pick up otherwise...

Like Henry, I too am only aware of the likes of Jessica Simpson, and Lindsay Lohan from their propensity to appear in CELEBRITY! NUDE! type spam e-mails, which I am far to highbrow to follow. Like this. Or this.

Tory "Betrayal"?

2009-11-04T07:00:00.000Z

Let's be clear about it. It is the Labour and Liberal Democrats who betrayed their promise to hold a referendum on Lisbon. The pledge on a referendum on Lisbon CAN ONLY refer to the ratification process, which is now alas, complete. The Tories fought valiantly to prevent that treaty being ratified, and to offer a the people of Britain the referendum they were denied, and they lost. Because, despite appearances to the contrary, the Tories are still in opposition.

Let's also be clear. The reason everyone wants to know what the Tory policy is, is because the Tories are in effect the Government in waiting. Gordon Brown's opinion is not relevant. Let's see what Cameron proposes tomorrow, and judge that with an open mind. I suspect there will be a referendum on the repatriation of powers to create a mandate ahead of negotiation. But as I laid out in yesterday's post, I don't really care. There will be a referendum one day, and Britain will leave. It doesn't have to be in a first term. Dave already has to take on the civil service, the quangocracy, the judiciary, public sector unions and the police. I doubt he wants to fight the European Union too.

Oh... and one more thing. There is no Tory split on Europe. However much the press and the Labour party want one. Even Dan Hannan resolutely refuses to criticise the leadership, and any sniping is likely to come from the Europhile dinosaurs. There are no MPs or MEPs on record and it took all sky's editorialising to make him seem critical of David Cameron.

Who Cares about the EU?

2009-11-03T15:23:00.007Z

Does anyone hold the Labour party to its 1983 manifesto, once dubbed as the Longest suicide note in history? No. Why? Because events have superseded that commitment. If you want to know why politicians won't answer the question these days, it's because that answer will be dug up and thrown at them, out of context, years hence.

In 2007, writing in the Sun in the run-up to an expected snap election David Cameron said

Today, I will give this cast-iron guarantee: If I become PM a Conservative government will hold a referendum on any EU treaty that emerges from these negotiations

These negotiations" eventually became the Lisbon treaty, but this pledge was not intended to cover an already ratified treaty after a 2010 election, because it was made in the expectation of being able to do something about the ratification process as Prime Minister, after a General Election in 2007. Perhaps this quote from the Evening Standard indicates that some people got it at the time.

Mr Cameron repeated his pledge to hold a referendum and campaign for a No vote if the Tories come to power in an early election that takes place before Parliament has ratified the new treaty

As we know, Gordon got the jitters and the treaty was ratified after a shameful display by the Europhile parties who stitched the process up, and then Gordon tried to hide away from the cameras while signing it. Because Gordon Brown is a cunt.

Did David Cameron do everything in his power to offer a referendum on Lisbon? Yes. Did the Liberal "Democrats" and Labour renege on their manifesto commitments to offer a referendum? Yes. Can Cameron, once PM "un-ratify" the Treaty of Lisbon? No.

So... the usual suspects for whom the EU is politics (both 'phile and 'phobe) will accuse David Cameron of Mendacity, whilst ignoring the disgusting dishonesty of Brown and Clegg (especially Clegg), and do so because in their eyes, Cameron can do nothing good. The DKs of this world are simply looking for evidence to fit their stupid hypothesis that Cameron is just as bad as Labour. In reality it is they who are being mendacious. Context is important. If you want politicians to speak like anything approaching normal english, in a way accessible to non-policy wonks, then you have to accept that when you're writing in the Sun, the context matters, and Cameron's actions since then have been in the spirit of that pledge, which shouldn't need to caveat every clause. whilst having a regard to the reality of the situation. A Sun Leader should not be written by a lawyer.

While we're on the subject, Europe is such a non issue.

80% of our laws DO NOT come from 'Europe'. We are not about to get subsumed into a European superstate, nor are we going to join the Euro any time soon. Sure, I don't want an EU president any more than you do, nor do I want a High representative, or the EU to have legal personality. The paserelle clause is an enabling act, and the EU costs us money, lots of it, but so does your average British chav, and at least the EU comes with some benefits - free movement of people is a good thing. And our own politicians are not exactly immune from creating enabling acts themselves. And in any case we can leave the EU at any point - Lisbon itself allows for this, so it's not exactly the soviet empire and Belgian tanks are about to roll over protesters in Trafalgar Square. As a result, I have no doubt that at some point in the next decade we will get our 'in or out' referendum, especially if you believe the EU fanatics who seem to think the next intake of Conservative MPs are a bunch of Better Off Out supporting Europhobic right-wingers. So in 2020 or so, I will troop down to the polling station and vote as often as I can get away with for our withdrawal. But I don't let it get to me. If you want to know why Britain is rubbish at the moment, it is because of useless Politicians who are entirely home Grown - not Europe, which concentrates instead on genocide in Africa. Let's get rid of the people who have done the damage here, Gordon Brown and his rabble, rather than blame it all on the dirty foreigners.

Because whether you're calling Dave a right-wing extremist who's losing influence in Europe, or a Blu-Labour sell-out closet europhile, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. And you know what? The British people are right.

The EU? Meh.

Gordon Brown Economic Genius (Part VIII)

2009-11-03T12:29:00.005Z

Britain has the worst fiscal deficit in the OECD. This is because Gordon Brown thought the good times would go on forever and it was therefore OK to spend more than you took in tax, even though the economy had been growing for 16 years, the longest unbroken expansion in history.

This is like listening to your boss tell the assembled workforce that "there are going to be some job losses", and then marching into his office immediately asking for a pay rise because you've just bought yourself a new Porshe on credit.

What could possibly go wrong?

He actually thought that he'd abolished boom and bust. No.... really he did. It is the only explanation for his idiotic handling of the nation's finances. Iron Chancellor? Cunt more like.

And don't say "no-one said so at the time", because I did. Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI & VII

And it just gets worse, because now the shit has hit the fan, he's ploughing on. Borrowing ever more, financing the same pointless state box tickers and resolutely refusing to reign in spending (except by slashing such front-line services). Indeed he's making a virtue of this insanity by calling it "stimulus". This is as much a lie as calling insane spending during the boom years "investment". So Brown's policy is to spend more than he receives in any year, whatever the economy does. Don't disagree, because that's what he's done. He even drags the name of a great economist, Keynes, through the mud by suggesting that he would support Brown's lunatic policies. Let's be clear: Keynes only supported expansionary fiscal policy if there was deflationary policy before. Which there wasn't. He also thought state spending shouldn't rise above 30% of GDP or so, whereas our ex-chancellor has seen it balloon to over 50%. Brown the Keynsian? Brown the cunt more like.

The only circumstances I would consider NOT pissing on Gordon Brown were I ever given the opportunity, is if he was on fire.

Phew, What a Nutter!

2009-11-02T09:57:00.003Z

Professor Nutt's sensible and measured description of the harm that various recreational drugs do has caused an entirely predictable storm of indignation from the knee-jerk prohibitionists. This is just as last time he questioned Government policy. Except for one crucial factor. The press is starting to see through the prohibitionists' case, based as it is on willful prejudice and habit and is broadly supportive of the sacked scientist. Obviously there is no sense from the ususal suspects, but Just as the Tabloids were still (and still are) puff bashing long after homosexuality was made legal, they will lag society and the law on this issue too. Now that even the Daily Mail carries an article supporting Professor Nutt, it is clear which way the wind is blowing.

Drug policy is my political weathervane. Anyone who cannot see the logic of freedom on this issue where the limits of state power over the individual are so starkly demonstrated, is an idiot who shouldn't be listened to on anything else.

The scientists who advise the Government, not just on this issue, but on others too are considering their positions, and a raft of resignations may yet follow, as professor Nutt was not criticising Government policy but setting out the Harm done by various drugs. Legal drugs were included, to put the harm in perspective. This is something the British people can see, and the press coverage is backing him up. Guido's post is worth reading in full:

The sacked Professor David Nutt has turned the tables on Alan Johnson. Johnson keeps repeating angrily that the professor should stay out of politics, the professor is squarely saying that politicians should stay out of the science.

Professor Nutt opposed the re-up-grading of Cannabis to class B, and opposed the 'clarification' of the law which saw Magic mushrooms in their fresh state classified as class A, as neither move reflected the harm to individuals and society from their use, and brought the law into disrepute. I would like to see the Conservatives make some party political capital out of this, but I suspect they're still afraid of the Daily Mail tendency, even though most of the public (though not, crucially, the majority of Conservative voters) are in favour of some relaxation of the law. Chris Dillow sums it up beautifully:

It seems that when public opinion is wrong - for example on immigration - politicians pander to it, but when it is right they ignore it. The function of representatives in representative democracy, it seems, is take all the idiocies of public opinion, and when these are insufficient, to then add some of their own.

Leadership in Europe

2009-10-30T17:43:00.005Z

One of the principle complaints about the new group formed by the Tories in the European parliament is that the Tories have "removed themselves from the mainstream", and therefore "lost influence". That is politicians should follow power, and ignore principle, as Bagehot's disgraceful article in this week's economist suggests.

This week's events have dealt a blow to this narrative. The EPP is avowedly federalist. The Tories are not, being in favour of a looser Europe of independent nations. Because of rules demanding a certain number of parties from a number of countries to form a group, the Tories had to compromise in the quality of some of their partners, in order to avoid sitting with Nick Griffin, on the fringes. Let's be clear, the Polish Law and Justice party is not a minor bunch of nutters. It is the party which provides the president of Europe's fifth largest country and key NATO ally.

Michael Kaminski may have been a member of a rum bunch as a teenager, but it was when Poland was a savage totalitarian state; a savage totalitarianism, as it happens, supported by many members of the Labour government who were then openly communist.

Labour supporters once delighted in telling Conservatives, who were then engaged in a civil war over Europe, that the voters did not care. The voters, if they can be persuaded to give a shit, are broadly in agreement with the Tory position of not yet wanting to pull out, but being in favour of a much reduced role for the EU. The voters are in the mood to believe the Conservatives, and the Labour party's ever more hysterical attacks on parties of Government in fellow EU nations just serves to remind the voter that on this issue of how much the Tory policy chimes with that of the electorate. David Camerons resolute refusal to talk about the issue indicates that Europe no longer obsesses the Tories. Save for a few hold-outs, the Conservatives are Euroskeptic, but it is not top of the agenda. The Tories are in tune with the electorate. The Labour party just sound shrill.

The Tories have abandoned the centre of power over a point of principle. I don't know about you, but I like that. What about the practical point about the loss of influence? Well, the British Prime Minister is a big beast, who ever he sits with. And even as a prime-minister-in-waiting, Dave's party appears to have influence.

The Labour party's disgraceful smearathon, still ongoing, has insulted at least one significant ally in Europe who have indicated that they will veto David Millipede as EU high representative. Obviously as this post is going to be decided by Qualified majority voting, Poland does not have a veto; but it is Europe's fifth largest state, it ammounts to much the same thing. William Hague's declaration that Tony Blair's assecision to the throne of Charlemagne would constitute "a hostile act" appears to have been successful in drawing other leaders, notably Merkel and Sarkozy to cool towards Tony Blair.

So the Tories have been able to weild influence, and khybosh any Labour chicken-run to European sinecures despite not sitting in the EPP, and without (yet) being in Government. The smear is to accuse the Tories of being homophobic closet Nazis because some Poles were a bit right-wing when the SB was torturing priests. And the British peole have seen it for what it is - a vile lie. Oh. And it's given the Tories a chance to show leadership, and lay to rest the Tory Euro-split ghost. I cannot see how this attack is supposed to work.

If I was millipede, I would apologise and shut up.

Noxious Gasses

2009-10-28T18:52:00.000Z

A chap called Lord Stern – head of some climate change think tank has decided to pick on Daisy the cow and the people who eat her as one of the main reasons why Polar Bears have wet feet. He also said that the British will have to contribute about £3Bn per year by 2015 to help poor people cope with climate change (I assume so Britain can be sure those nice 3rd World Dictators have the latest Air Conditioning technology in their SUV’s).

Is anybody convinced by this argument? Or is it another case of Communism with trees. Militant Herbivores have failed with pictures of cute Piglets and Slaughterhouses despite pushing the images down our throats at university. This is because I’m sure you could get some shocking images of floating excrement drifting past Rats in a storm drain, but it doesn’t mean that we should stop building sewers. And now this has failed they want some environmental reason to push their eating disorder on me too. Bambi pictures didn’t work, people still won’t eat Lynda McCartney sausages and something called a “Nut Cutlet”, so its time to force people to do what you want in another way. Any Propaganda, no matter how mendacious, is fine as long as its for the cause of cute fluffy things.

If you feel humans are such a bad thing Lord Stern, why not lead the way? You and the environmental movement could all volunteer to stick your teds on something radioactive. That way you won’t have future generations of methane producing children and grandchildren. And in memory of your willingness to put your money where your mouth is and sacrifice your future rug rats for the cause – here’s a nice recipe.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil, plus extra700g beef fillet
100g Pate, Sea salt, freshly ground black pepper, 300g button mushrooms,1 tbsp double cream, 2 eggs, 75g plain flour, 75ml semi-skimmed milk, 500g ready-made puff pastry
Method
Heat a pan over a high heat. Add 2 tbsp oil. Season the beef, add to the pan and sear quickly - about 30 seconds each side. Set aside to cool.
Chop the mushrooms in a food processor. Put a frying pan on a high heat, add the mushrooms and cook until all the moisture evaporates (10-15 minutes). Add the cream, season, and set aside to cool.
Beat one egg with the flour until smooth. Slowly add the milk to form a batter. Heat an 18cm non-stick frying pan over a high heat, add a tiny amount of oil, then pour in a quarter of the batter. Swirl around to form a pancake. Cook for a minute each side. Remove and leave to cool. Repeat with the remaining batter.
Roll the pastry into a 20cm square and put in the fridge to chill.
When all the ingredients are cold, preheat the oven to 200°C/gas 6. Put a baking tray in the oven to heat. Beat the other egg. Take the beef, top with the mushroom mix and pate, and wrap the whole thing in pancakes (you may not need all four). Put the 'package' in the middle of the pastry and fold as if wrapping a gift. Turn so that the fold is underneath, put on the hot baking sheet and glaze with the egg. Cook for 35 minutes. Rest for 10-15 minutes before slicing and serving.

2009-10-28T10:25:00.004Z

Via the Englishman's Castle, I see the Science Museum did not like the overwhelmingly negative response to their climate change poll.

So they've added a verification step "so that your name can be passed on to the Government". Given that Climate denialism is likely to be illegal soon, there's no way I want to be on a database for carbon gestapo to kick down my door to arrest me for being a "climate criminal". Just like the Irish in the Lisbon treaty, if the righteous don't like the answer, they'll ask again until they get one they do like.

This is despite my not having flown in a year, cycling everywhere and basically accepting that man is responsible for some changes to the climate. I just think that the responses mooted are economic vandalism, yet it is economic growth which will provide the surpluses which allow people to do something about deforestation, clean rivers and particulate pollution - you know ACTUAL environmental damage rather than THE FUCKING WEATHER.

The environmentalists hate the car and always have. Legislation changed, so the car was made so that it actually cleans the air (contrasted with buses which any cyclist will tell you pump out carcinogenic aromatic hydrocarbons and filthy particulate soot). CO2 was simply taken as a stick to beat the clean car over the dirty bus. The environmentalists want us to don a hair shirt. I'm not a denialist. I just don't believe climate change is going to be catastrophic. Letting the eco-wenies loose on the economy on the other hand....

Police: Not even trying.

2009-10-27T14:20:00.005Z

This afternoon, I had reason to call the City of London Police on a matter - fraud where I am able to help with enquiries (no. I am not a suspect). So I go to their website, and ring the main number on the front page of the website.

It is not answered.

Pathetic.

Naissance Capital 'Women's Leadership' Fund

2009-10-27T09:41:00.005Z

A fund has launched recently which will be investing in companies with large numbers of Women at the top, or as their website puts it "using gender diversity as a decisive criterion".

Is there an edge to be gained in investing in these kind of companies? We think so, and we’re the first to do it.

So says the project manager of this fund who is, of course, a man called Daniel. So... Has this been done before? Well Daniel is wrong - it has been done before by an outfit called the Amazone Euro fund. How did they do? Well they underperformed their benchmark, and as a result nobody was interested in investing in them. €18 million under management became €3 million now.

The women's leadership fund may be backed by Tony Blair's wide-mouthed wife, but it's only got €1m under management, which to put things in context is considerably less than I manage. Let's leave the last word to a senior female executive, somewhere in Europe quoted in the FT.

It must be very hard to prove any connection between female leadership and results...

Quite.

NFL Football and Wembley.

2009-10-26T19:28:00.000Z

The Americans were in town at the weekend with New England Patriots thrashing the arse off Tampa Bay. It sounds like a pretty ordinary game of American Football played under the grey skies of London. And with this game every year for the last 3 years you have – a bunch of American Journalists whining about the lack of coverage the game got (tick), the UK papers giving it far more coverage than it really deserves (tick) the players themselves usually have a great time and say nice things about Buckingham Palace (tick) and the fans always have a great time despite the fact 75% support Green Bay or the Raiders, or the Redskins – in fact any other team except the ones playing (tick).

As a fan of America I think its great the game gets a showcase over here. It’s a bit of a laugh and a slice of Americana for us Brits, and it gives the NFL fans with tickets a nice junket and a chance to pick up some duty free booze. People have argued that it takes 7 hours to get to the game so it is unrealistic to expect the fans to travel that far. However this is a bunch of crap as fans will drive from another state to see their team play, Kansas City playing Denver is 9 ½ Hours away and they are the closest two Midwest teams to each other, yet the fans will drive it. London is a mere 5 ½ hours for most of the East Coast and you get to drink beer, watch movies with the dirty bits taken out and stick your feet up with British Airways. This is something you can’t do driving a Cadillac Escalade to Mile High Stadium. Some argue that American Football will never grow in this stony foreign soil, and on this point they may be correct.

I love American football and have seen 2 NFL games and a couple of College games (which are nearly always better), so I’m not somebody who sneers at the game. I love the razzmatazz, the speed and skill of the game, and I like perving at the Cheerleaders too. But there is competition in the English speaking world, and its not girly Soccer. NFL isn’t competing against the world’s most watched and coiffured sport but against Rugby, and in this case the NFL push for global domination has missed the boat. Simply put Rugby is quicker, unencumbered with 3 hours of TV breaks, equally tough and most importantly cheaper to play. Rugby doesn’t require a school to spend $43110.58 in kit to outfit its team (not including ground upkeep, goalposts and all the kit parents buy their sons in terms of boots, gum shields and that excruciatingly embarrassing moment in every male child’s life – the mother bought cup/box). Rugby requires a ball, boots, shorts, Jumper and posts – that’s it. Total cost to the school - 19 Jerseys made of tough cloth with the school crest embroidered onto it, a Gilbert ball and a bike pump.

Because if you don’t play a sport at school, you aren’t really going to have the knowledge of the game to play it professionally. Ergo the only people who will be good enough to play American football are Americans, QED it will only ever be played by Americans. And sport dies without meaningful competition, which is why Yak Polo isn’t filling the sports stadiums of Europe, or why Bulls aren’t being stabbed with sharp sticks or thrown off bell towers outside the natural homes of animal cruelty – Spain and Mexico. Rugby has the 3rd Largest spectator event in the world, and it is about to join the Largest. Which brings me onto the second point, Rugby just became an Olympic sport. Big bloody deal you may say, Synchronised Swimming is an Olympic sport, but the Canals and Lakes of England aren’t full of ladies with makeup like a dockside tart, grinning like they all just won the lottery. But with the Olympics comes government money, countries that already play Rugby in international competition will have increased funding and preference for new facilities when planning stadiums – American Football will not.

I spoke to a friend who represented Italy in Rugby and he’s delighted. Sponsors of Rugby in Italy are pouring in because Italian business leaders have finally worked out Soccer is a game for Chavs - and they don’t buy £100k Luxury cars and won’t be seen on TV wearing your products whilst throttling a Policeman. And Government funding is directly tied to Olympic sports, and As a result Italian Rugby is the only sport to get an increase in Government Funding due to the Olympics and its good image. There’s no way the NFL will fund their sport in other countries bar the odd exhibition match, and the Democrats have already found a million ways of wasting American taxpayers money without needing to spend it on encouraging US sports overseas.

And countries that didn’t play Rugby will wake up and go, what’s this sport where I can win glory for my Politburo/Glorious Leader/President for Life yet is obscure enough in my country that I won’t get executed if I fail to bring home the bacon? American Football will never be played in these countries because the only Armour their countries will fund will be mounted with a 125mm Smoothbore and 7.62 mm coaxial Heavy Machine Guns, not adverts for Budweiser.

So we should welcome American Football to our shores once a year, revel in its pageantry and enjoy the show. We should then thank these American chappies very nicely for coming, before packing them back off home until next year. And then concentrate on Rugby where we get to kick seven bells of s*** out of foreigners. Because Americans will never EVER have the joy of watching your countrymen do this to a foreigner – unless you support the US Eagles of course.

5 Rules to Prevent Pointless News Stories

2009-10-26T18:50:00.005Z

Jimmy Carr joked

Say what you like about the servicemen amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan but we're going to have a fucking good Paralympics team in 2012.

I'm not offended, and nor are the ~~walts~~ contributors to ARRSE who seem to be splitting 70:30 in Carr's favour, some even seeing it as a back-handed compliment, so "Soldiers join outcry over Jimmy Carr's sick Joke" should really be prefaced with "some", or even "a few".

Jimmy Carr already does work amongst limbless ex-servicemen, and may even have picked the joke up whilst visiting Headley Court or Selly Oak. He has not used this as an excuse but has offered to redouble his efforts for Help for Heroes to make amends anyway. He has, admirably refused to apologise.

I have just watched a spat on sky news between a bemused Patrick Mercer, former soldier and Tory MP who basically said that this probably would have been acceptable from soldiers or amongst soldiers, but the offended parties would be the Wives and Mothers who have much thinner skins. I have some sympathy for this view - the worry felt by those with loved ones on operations is often worse than the operations themselves. Against him was a silly tart called Grianne Maguire who could not hide her distaste for a Conservative politician whom she openly blamed for the "Pointless wars", despite the fact that Tories are in opposition and have been for over a decade. She was on in her capacity as a Stand-up comic, and she accused Mercer of "Censorship". Mercer responded that he was merely opining that this was in bad taste, not calling for censorship. If Grianne Maguire's witless, sanctimonious and inarticulate performance on Sky News was anything to go by, I have no desire to see her stand-up act, which is almost certainly shit. I have no doubt which is more offensive to me as a soldier: Carr's bad-taste joke, or Maguire's leftist crocodile tears. It's the latter.

Carr's joke was in bad taste, but so is the left's endless bleating about "illegal" wars. So are T-shirts saying things like "I'm with the ginger bullet magnet" worn by colleagues of Prince Harry. FUCKING GROW UP PEOPLE! "A Comedian tells a joke" is NOT NEWS.

Here are my rules, which the media would do well to learn:

Saying something is "in appalling taste" is not "Censorship" whether it's Jimmy Carr, or Jan Moir. The laws against incitement to race and religious hatred however are Censorship. Especially when they're applied this widely.
Public outrage, press campaigns and twitter-mobbing are mechanisms by which society may make itself more polite and civilised, running against the anonymisation of society which started with the industrial revolution which has allowed people to abuse those they are unlikely to see again. They are too not Censorship, any more than when you were a child, local curtain-twitchers telling your mum about your swearing on the street.
Journalists, Comedians, Columnists, politicians and Lawyers are not uniquely privileged on the "free speech" front, and should not be encouraged to think that they are or should be.
It is not clever, original, brave, interesting or even true to call the operations in Afghanistan or Iraq "illegal" or "pointless", and to do so betrays a lack of imagination.
All humour is at someone's expense. Think about that before you get let your outrage out in response to a joke against one of your sacred cows.

"Planned" cuts in TA Training

2009-10-26T13:55:00.003Z

Subsequent to my last post on the subject, all training has been cancelled until further notice. There is nothing planned about these cuts. They're a panic measure in response to the fact the money's run out. The money's run out because costs associated with closing units have not been budgeted for.

This is sheer incompetence at the MoD and the political level and demonstrates how little the shiny arses on Whitehall and Westminster care for the Army and the people who serve in it.

Nothing, NOTHING, this abortion of a Government has done has made me more angry than this careless shafting of people who strive to be twice a citizen and who are prepared to put lives and careers on hold to get shot at for £33 a day.

Shanghai Two Stroke

2009-10-26T11:44:00.006Z

The Daily Mash's take on the upcoming census is quite brilliant

A Home Office spokesman insisted the information was vital to government planning and not related in any way to the unremitting creepiness of Gordon Brown.

It also contains a reference to a (presumably) obscene sexual practice, the "Shanghai two stroke". Being a connoisseur of these things and an avid reader of the profanisaurus, I was disappointed to learn that "Shanghai Two Stroke" is infact a neoglism which appears no-where else apart from that daily mash article (or at least google throws up only that page in response to the search term, a phenomenon I understand is no longer called a "googlebomb" Update: It's a Googlewhack).

"Dutch steamboating" I am assuming to be a European variant of the Cleveland Steamer and "Chocolate Marmalade" is also clearly the sort of thing that would interest Mark Oaten, (who along with Stephen Milligan should be congratulated for setting the bar very high for any subsequent British political sexual scandal).

So... because there may or may not be people interested in the definition of a "Shanghai two stroke" here is mine, which, by the way, I have submitted to the authorities on the subject at Roger's Profanisaurus.

Shanghai Two Stroke: v. revolting (and fictitious) sexual practice presumably invented in shanghai brothels, named after the action of a small combustion engine whose power and exhaust cycles are performed in a single rotation of the crank, instead of the more usual two, which are known for a loud, harsh-sounding exhaust note. A brace of ladies of the night service a single punter; one noshes the John, whilst a second waits at the rear to savour the 'exhaust gasses' which are expelled simultaneously with the vinegar strokes. To fart explosively in a prostitutes face at the point of orgasm.

Britblog Roundup # 245

2009-10-26T09:41:00.001Z

Is up over at Philobiblon