A Chase After Wind

2011 in Review

2011-12-30T12:56:00.002-06:00

Coming out of hibernation to do my annual look back at the year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS!!

*Answers the same as last year.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Served as a doula three times! Yeah babies!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I made one last year, but I can't remember what it is because I didn't write it down. So I am thinking I didn't keep it. I do have three/four resolutions for this year: 1) to run a 5K, 2) to run a 10K, 3) to lose 20 pounds, OR 4) have another baby, in which case 1-3 will get put on hold. :o)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Mah best friend Genie!!! And my niece Hannah and her husband Mike. And several friends at church.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
A dear friend from our old church - I wouldn't say we were close, but I was touched by her death as it was bittersweet.

5. What places did you visit?
Not anywhere I couldn't drive to in under an hour. :-/

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A bit more money in savings.*

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
This sounds like a copout answer, but I am not a very sentimental person and I am rubbish with dates. Nothing springs to mind.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting out my practice as a doula.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Lack of discipline in the areas of healthy eating, exercise, spending and house-cleaning.* (same answer 3rd year in a row! *sad face*)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A twisted ankle this summer. That's about it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Camera+ for my iPhone. I stink at taking photographs, but this app allows me to take great looking pictures of Josiah.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband, who is an awesome father, supportive partner, and a wonderful budding teacher.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
If I hear another news story about a mother who murdered her baby...just can't handle it.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food!!! (We have started trying to budget, and the first month we spent so much on food I about passed out.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Other people having babies and allowing me to be there to assist them. Watching Josiah grow.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
The Wheels on the Bus (go round and round....round and round...round and round!)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
happier*
b) thinner or fatter?
about 3-4 pounds fatter :(
c) richer or poorer?
poorer :( *

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughing, exercising, sleeping*

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating junk food, wasting time, worrying*

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Several parties with family and friends*

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
not newly in love, but my love for my husband and son has deepened.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

DOWNTON ABBEY!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. I don't hate people.*

24. What was the best book you read?
I really enjoyed The Hunger Games trilogy and The Dark Tower a whole lot.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't really pay as much attention to music as I once did. Probably 2 stations on Pandora - the Children's Folk station (so awesome) and the Ambient station (the kind of music you would hear when getting a massage). WOW, I'm a huge nerd.

26. What did you want and get?
A Vera Bradley hipster purse. (Thanks mommy!)

27. What did you want and not get?
A Kindle. So I am going to reward myself with one if I run the 10K.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Winters Bone - a 2010 film, but I watched it this year. So awful but so good.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it with my immediate family, ate good food, opened early Christmas gifts, watched Batman Begins. Oh, and I turned 30. *choke*

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
ONE BILLION DOLLARS*

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Comfortable. Confused. Borderline Frumpy. That made me think of another resolution: figure out my personal style and fix my wardrobe accordingly.

32. What kept you sane?
naps, deep breaths, advice and support from other moms*

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't really dwell on such things, honestly.*

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not sure, but my husband has watched ALL of the Republican Presidential debates, and so I watched some of them and they really got me fired up with opinions!

35. Who did you miss?
Friends who live out of town, My Grammy*

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Genie's baby Cora, and my great-nephew Zach!!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Baby Steps. When you want to accomplish something, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. My tendency is to want something to be completed NOW, and if I can't have it that way, then I will give up or not even start.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
It don't have a job
Don't pay your bills
Won't buy you a home
In Beverly Hills

Won't fix your life
In five easy steps
Ain't the law of the land
Or the government

But it's all you need..

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone
("Hold Us Together" - Matt Maher)

(See Previous Years 2010, 2009 & 2008)

Why the Incarnation? Summary

2011-12-12T11:22:00.001-06:00

If anyone was even paying attention, you may have noticed that I stopped doing my daily Advent devotional.

My baby got the stomach flu. Then I got it. It was awful. And now I have a ton of sewing and cleaning to do before Christmas.

So...it was a great idea, but I know I won't get back to the daily posts.

My goal was to emphasize, for myself and anyone else listening, that we should contemplate the totality of why the Second person of the Trinity became a man. His life meant more than just His death.

Some of the other reasons for the Incarnation I would have mentioned:

To Bring Healing

To Seek the Lost

To Show us the Father

To be the Bread of Life

To Intercede and Pray for Us

To Restore All Creation

To Be Like Us, to share in our human condition and understand experientially what it is to be human, to be tempted, to laugh with friends, to suffer loss, to be hungry, etc... "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin." {Hebrews 4:15}

(baby picture courtesy of my sweet little Bird)

Why the Incarnation? To Forgive Sin

2011-12-05T14:45:00.000-06:00

Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town. Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.”

At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, “This fellow is blaspheming!”

Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins. So he said to the paralyzed man, "Get up, take your mat and go home.” Then the man got up and went home. When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to man.

Oh love wash over a multitude of things,
make us whole.

Why the Incarnation? To Fulfill the Law

2011-12-04T16:58:00.001-06:00

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." {Matthew 5:17-18}

Before the coming of this faith, we were held in custody under the law, locked up until the faith that was to come would be revealed. So the law was our guardian until Christ came that we might be justified by faith. Now that this faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian. {Galatians 3:23-25}

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. {Isaiah 7:14}

Why the Incarnation? To Be Our Shepherd

2011-12-03T21:45:00.001-06:00

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd."

.....

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
   He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
   he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Why the Incarnation? To Give Rest to the Weary

2011-12-02T12:23:00.001-06:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." {Matthew 11:28-30}

....

And you, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!

7 Quick Takes Friday: How to Meal Plan

2011-12-02T11:27:00.001-06:00

- 1 -

I recently mentioned on Facebook and Twitter that I have become successful at meal-planning, not just a week at a time, but a month at a time. I got more of a response than I expected, and the unanimous response was "Oh wow, you are amazing, I wish I could do that, but never in a million years..." etc. Maybe not always that strongly-worded, but that was the general gist. SO, even though there are probably eleventy-billion meal-planning how-to's (three hyphenated words in a row, ding!) on the internet, I made this system up myself, it works for me despite being a VERY LAZY PERSON, and now that I have started doing it I would never go back to not doing it, I thought I would share my:

A CHASE AFTER WIND'S FIVE STEPS TO MONTHLY MEAL PLANNING!

- 2 -

Step One: Develop a Meal Repertoire

You probably have already done this, if not physically, then in your head. Basically, you want a fairly long but not crazy long list of meals that you can make from memory with ingredients you are used to buying. This is going to vary wildly from person to person, as some of us are used to buying Bok Choy on a regular basis and some of us are not.

I recommend just making a simple word processing document on your computer or online where you can easily access your list to use it and edit it. I then print mine out because I just have an easier time referencing things on paper, but that is just me.

Then organize the recipes in whatever way makes sense to you. I have mine organized in two ways - first they are categorized by chicken, seafood, beef/pork and vegetarian. Then within each of those categories, I have meals that are super easy, less easy, special occasion, and crockpot.

Remember, the key is to keep these recipes exclusively (or mostly) recipes that you know by heart and don't require weird (for you) grocery items.

- 3 -

Step Two: Get Some Organizing Materials

Create some kind of station where you will have the actual meal planning written out and posted for yourself. Mine is on the refrigerator. It consists of a weekly dry-erase board, and mini dry-erase boards for my shopping lists. I created the mini dry-erase boards by getting cheap clear plastic magnetic photo frames from the drug store and inserting a colored piece of paper. As you can see, I am stuffing too many lists on to my mini boards, so I need to go get some more frames.

(pardon the crummy iPhone photo, a photographer I am not)

You don't have to do it exactly like this, but you do need to find a way to write and reference your plan easily for the week.

- 4 -

Step Three: Planning for the Month

Towards the end of the month, I sit down with my computer and my calendar and I plan out the meals for the next month. It only takes about 15-20 minutes, honestly. In another word processing document, I have the days listed out for the whole month, Monday through Sunday, and I simply go through my Meal Repertoire and assign meals to each day, week by week.

There does not have to be any rhyme or reason to this, but if you are looking for guidance, here is what I do. I generally try to have one chicken, one seafood, one beef/pork, and four vegetarian meals per week. (I do this partially for nutritional reasons, and partially to save money.) I look at what I already have in my fridge and pantry, and find meals that match those ingredients first. I also try to choose a variety of ingredients so that, for example, we are not eating pasta five nights a week (although you wouldn't get any complaints from me).

If there are nights you know you won't be home, write that on your plan. Choose super easy meals or crockpot meals for nights you know you are busy (i.e. Tuesday night book club). Make sure to take leftovers into consideration when making larger meals like lasagna. I often write leftovers into the plan. And I also reserve some nights for CYO - "choose your own" - for nights when I can't or don't want to cook anything. CYO nights mean making whatever you want that is in the house.

- 5 -

Step Four: Planning for the Week

On Sunday evening, I open up my monthly meal plan calendar document and transfer the following week's dinners to my weekly menu dry-erase board. Takes two minutes.

- 6 -

Step Five: Grocery Lists

Usually on Sunday night, or some times on Monday, I do a scan of the fridge and pantry. Any items that are needed for that week's meals which we do not already have get added to the list.

As you can see from the picture way above, I regularly shop at five different stores. This is what I need to do to achieve the best balance of quality and savings. And since I am a stay at home mom, I am able to go to five different stores. When I worked, I would never have done this, I always did all my shopping at one or two stores. You will have to decide which will work for you, but whatever you choose, create separate lists for each store you will visit, as it will make things easier for you when it is time to go shopping.

- 7 -

Other Tips:

Keep this very important fact in mind: THIS PLAN IS NOT WRITTEN IN STONE. Not a week has gone by that I have not deviated from the plan. Sometimes I switch the order of meals. Or an unexpected dinner invite means a meal gets skipped. Who cares? The meal plan is not there to limit you, but rather to free you up from having to think about what to make for dinner at the last minute. When what you have planned for that evening isn't needed or useful, change it or discard it.

Also, I do not recommend trying to plan all of your meals, at least not right off the bat. I tried that several times in my first attempts at meal-planning, and it always failed. It failed in three ways - first, it was overwhelming in complexity and I would give up. Second, I wasted a lot of food, for whatever reason. And third, all that planning made me resent my meals too much. I never seemed to want to eat what was on the plan when EVERYTHING was on a plan. As it is, I do sort of plan for breakfast, lunch and snacks insofar as I keep on hand a few options for each so that I am not reinventing the wheel everyday. But I only plan dinners, and I will probably always keep it that way.

As another incentive to try meal planning - we waste WAY less food than we used to waste since I started meal planning. I am ashamed at how much food I used to throw away when I cooked and grocery-shopped impulsively. I would purchase whatever sounded good to me at the store (mmm, sweet potato!) and then put it away and either forget about it, or never be in the mood to make it (ewww, rotten sweet potato!). Meal-planning takes away the element of relying what mood I am in, so I only buy what I am going to cook and eat.

Even though it might take some initial time investment, I promise you that this will save you time. Or at least will make your time feel better spent.

Why the Incarnation? To Teach with Authority

2011-11-30T21:18:00.001-06:00

When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law. {Matthew 7:28-29}

The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death. {Proverbs 13:14}

When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?

Why the Incarnation? To Break Down Barriers

2011-11-30T07:30:00.000-06:00

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith,
for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free,
nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. {Galatians 3:26-28}

I do think war can be over if we want it, but we will only want it by the grace of God, through Christ Jesus. Thankfully that is what will happen, what is happening...

After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. {Revelation 7:9}

Why the Incarnation? To Bring Light into Darkness

2011-11-29T07:30:00.000-06:00

Silent Night, Holy Night
Son of God, Love's Pure Light.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. {John 1:1-9}

Why the Incarnation?* To Announce the Kingdom

2011-11-28T21:24:00.001-06:00

Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God.
“The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near.
Repent and believe the good news!” {Mark 1:14b-15)

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." {Romans 14:17}

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

.......

(*Note: It is my intention to post every day during advent another reason for the Incarnation. I will be mentioning reasons relating to Jesus' death and our salvation...but I am feeling convicted that we sometimes emphasize that so much that we forget to think about all the other beautiful, amazing, breath-taking reasons why God became a human being. That is what I will be reflecting on this Advent, and I wanted to make it clear that this was my hope for you as well.)

Why the Incarnation? To Model Love and Peace

2011-11-27T23:33:00.001-06:00

Truly he taught us
To love one another
His law is love
And his gospel is peace...

"It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end...

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him...

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." {John 13:1,3-5,12-17}

Five Minute Daily Makeup Routine for the Cheap and Lazy

2011-11-23T12:43:00.001-06:00

For most of my life, I have not worn makeup. Not being a girly-girl, I never even owned any makeup until I reached college. Even then I would only attempt to put makeup on for very special occasions, like weddings and such. For the most part I felt silly and the makeup honestly didn't really improve my looks all that much.

But I am going to turn 30 next month (THIRTY! That is a big number of years!) and starting maybe a year ago, I realized that I had reached the age that I needed makeup to prevent me from looking sickly.

I had to learn how to put on makeup without making myself look like a clown, and it had to be fast and cheap because I am lazy and poor.

So, here is where I pretend to know anything about makeup. I thought I would share with you a quick daily makeup regiment, using only makeup under $10 that can be purchased at any Target, drug store or what have you. (Apologies to my male readers.)

FIVE MINUTE DAILY MAKEUP FOR THE CHEAP AND LAZY

1) Start with a clean, moisturized, sleep-deprived face.

2) Begin by applying concealer under your eyes, using your ring finger because your ring finger is the total wimp of fingers and isn't strong enough to give you wrinkles.

I have been using CoverGirl & Olay Simply Ageless Concealer. Target's website says $13.99, but I paid $10.99 in store. (Oops, that is over $10. But only by $1.)

3) Next apply mascara on both upper and lower eyelashes, with a back and forth motion to separate the lashes.

Now, most makeup regiments nowadays will tell you that FOR GOODNESS SAKE YOU MUST CURL YOUR LASHES OR ELSE IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE USE AN EYELASH CURLER. Well, I beg to differ, makeup experts. I am sure eyelash curlers work for some people - and if you are one of those people, then by all means, curl your lashes at this stage. But I am not one of those people. I have long enough lashes as it is, and the curler only makes them look like they are standing up at a right angle to my face. Which looks really dumb. Anyway, I am currently using CoverGirl Volume Exact in black-brown ($6.24), but I am also fond of that good old standard pink and green Maybelline Great Lash (only $4.24!)

4) Next, apply blush to the apples of your cheeks. To do this, you must smile at yourself in the mirror like a total goober.

You want to choose a blush that complements your skin tone. Warm skin tones (with an olive undertone) should stick with bronzes and plum blushes. Cool skin tones (with a pink or blue undertone) should use pink blushes. Neutral skin tones (which is what I am, sort of pink but mostly just fair with no undertone color) should use peach blushes. I am using Maybelline Matte Mousse Cream Blush in Peach Satin ($5.94). Powdered blushes and bronzers are totally fine too, but since I discovered cream blush, I have found that prefer it.

5) Next, highlight your eyes with a light, shimmery shadow. With a brush, apply eye shadow to your upper lid, the inner corner of your eye, and just along the bottom outer edge of your eye.

I am using CoverGirl Eye Enhance Shadow in Champagne ($3.14). There are also eye highlighting pencils, but I have not yet tried one. Anyone recommend them?

6) Next, apply a tinted lip gloss.

You can go crazy here with lip gloss color choice, because despite what the label might say, lip gloss doesn't stay on more than 20 minutes anyway. I would stick with pink, plum, nude, or clear - something that will complement your blush and not be too different from your natural lip color. I am using Revlon Colorstay Overtime Lipcolor in Neverending Nude ($6.68).

*Optional 7) If you are of a more oily complexion, a translucent mineral powder all over your face to set the makeup and prevent too much shine would be good at this point.

TA DA! You are finished!

I'm not going to win any beauty contests, but that is an improvement, I would say. Wouldn't you say?

So, what is your daily makeup regiment? What are your favorite makeup tips? Do you like to get more glammed up than I do on a daily basis?

The 90s Weren't All Bad

2011-11-21T18:32:00.001-06:00

I don't know about you, but the 90s were not a great decade for me.

Those were the years of middle school and high school. And while there were some bright spots, and I had great friends and fun times, I was also terribly AWKWARD. So so awkward. Oh gosh, just thinking of myself back then give me hives.

That was the decade of baggy black t-shirts with band logos printed on them. The decade of black fingernail polish, hair dyed green (!!), two-tone shoes, and other terrible, terrible fashion choices. I had a round, pudgy face and eyebrows thick as caterpillars. I didn't know how to talk to boys, and often made "foot in mouth" type statements in their presence. It was not a pretty sight.

I went to high school with one of my sisters-in-law. She was two years ahead of me, and we were in choir together. When I "met" her once I had begun dating her brother, she didn't recognize me at all. So she went and pulled out her yearbooks to look me up. She could not believe I was the same person.

Me either! Me either.

I the midst of all that awkwardness (not to mention the various trials and tribulations of my family and social life), I turned to music. I turned to music for an identity. I turned to music to express my feelings in words I didn't know how to say. I turned to music to escape.

Now, over a decade later, I have put some of that music behind me. Sorry Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails and Pearl Jam - for the most part I am done with you. And all that ska music I supposedly listened to? Yeah, I didn't even really like you at the time, I just was trying to fit into a scene. And Stone Temple Pilots? Yikes, good riddance.

But there was other music that stayed with me, and I imagine always will stay with me.

And then, my husband opened me up to a whole new world of 90s indie music that I never new about at the time. Richard Buckner, Neutral Milk Hotel, R.E.M. (who of course I knew about, but failed to appreciate).

So, here is my playlist of 90s music that I still love. It is by no means complete - and I would love to hear your suggestions of what to add. What songs were part of your 90s soundtrack, songs that have stuck with you?

7 Quick Takes Friday: Overwrought Musings on Fashion and Stuff

2011-11-18T09:56:00.001-06:00

- 1 -

I do not have style.

No, I really don't, I am not just being harsh with myself.

Which is not to say that I don't sometimes dress well. Sometimes I do. But mostly I don't. And if you saw me on various days of the week, you would not be able to pinpoint what my personal style is. That's because it's basically a non-descript, Target/Old Navy-ish, midwestern young mom hodgepodge. I EVEN BUY CLOTHES AT COSTCO.

The thing is, I do have style in theory! I pore over catalogues from Anthropologie, Garnet Hill and Boden, I can spend ages looking at The Sartorialist, I love putzing around on Polyvore, and my "style" board on Pinterist is my largest board by far.

But none of that translates to my own person. This is partly due to a lack of funds. But even on the odd chance that I have some money to spend, when I try on the clothes that I love to look at, I look absolutely ridiculous. Clothes like that are made for skinny people. I am built like a German housewife.

There are some people who can manage to look fabulous with very little money and an imperfect figure. I am not one of those people.

- 2 -

Exhibit A: What am I wearing today?

- Boring bootcut jeans from Old Navy

- A navy blue tshirt from Target

- A lavender 3/4 length sleeve cardigan from Target

- This dorky watch from Target:

And this is one of my better looking outfits! Sad, sad, sad.

- 3 -

All joking aside, I can be very ambivalent about whether or not I care about my lack of style.

Sometimes I get downright depressed that I do not look fabulous on a daily basis. That I don't feel awesome and confident at all times. That my casual clothes would never get my photo taken by Scott Schuman.

But lately, I have become more and more disturbed by my preoccupation with fashion. A couple of weeks ago I was muling this over in my head, this struggle that I have with wanting to be something that I am not, and a lightbulb went off in my head. I suddenly realized:

Most of the women I envy are fashionable.

Most of the women I admire are not. (Or if they are, it's irrelevant.)

It was a breakthrough realization. One that may be obvious to other people, but which never really struck me before. So, lately, when I start to obsess over my wardrobe or my image, I have been asking myself: do I want to be the kind of person who is envied, or admired?

(I am quite aware that being fashionable and admirable are not mutually exclusive. And it sounds pretty egotistical to be seeking to be either envied or admired. My question is really just a shorthand for myself to remind me of what my priorities are, where I should be focusing my energy, and what kind of person I really want to be.)

- 4 -

At this point I feel like I should say that I don't think that dressing fashionably or being passionate about fashion are necessarily a bad thing. I think it is perfectly legitimate to express yourself with clothes, or to make it a personal interest, the way that some people are interested in film or art or line dancing. Not to mention it can be the source of legitimate careers, whether designer, clothing maker, fashion photographer, or whatever.

I suppose I could get all high and mighty and point out that couture and the runway look particularly absurd and even shameful in the light of, say, famine or lack of clean water in the third world. But that would be a little like throwing stones in a glass house as I type this post on a MacBook, with a flatscreen TV on in the background, with a closet full of clothes and fridge full of food in my middle class suburb.

The world is a better place for having beautiful things in it, and that can obviously include beautiful clothes.

- 5 -

I did make a recent purchase that is making me smile. I had a Anthropologie gift card burning a hole in my pocket, and I finally used it to get this:

It is a teeny-tiny terrarium necklace, with a letter "J" charm added for my husband and my son. I'm sure if anyone one else will like the look of it, but I sure do. And I guess that is the only thing about style that really matters, right?

- 6 -

Turns out I don't think I have seven things to say about fashion. Let me think....

- 7 -

Nope, I don't.

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

2011-11-16T11:33:00.001-06:00

Opposite gender friendship is a topic that my husband and I discussed at length when we were dating and engaged because we felt it was important to have a mutual understanding before getting married. I have seen this topic come up quite a lot in public discourse recently, so I thought I would inflict my own opinion on the world.

The answer to this question, can men and women be friends, is: it depends.

First of all, it depends on what you mean by the question. If your question is really "can they be friends without sexual/romantic feelings developing," than I would say usually NO. At this point many people will pipe up and say "but I had opposite gender friends, and I never once felt the least bit attracted to them!" And to that I would say, but they probably were attracted to you. Now of course, this doesn't mean that you cannot continue to be friends with the person. It just means that for at least one of you, there will always be a bit of unrequited love/sexual tension within the friendship. I put in the usually above because I recognize that to every rule, there can be an exception. But I stand by that, as a rule, no, men and women cannot be friends without one of them desiring the other.

And now for ~~a highly scientific and not at all anecdotal~~ an entirely anecdotal bit of evidence. I took the time to count up all of the close male friends I have had since high school (not counting the males that I dated but was never friends with first). And by "close" friends, I mean males that I spent a significant amount of time with, at least some of which was spent just the two of us.

Of the 17 close male friends that I have had (is that a lot?), all but 4 of them ended up with either: a) me developing feelings for him, b) him developing feelings for me, or c) mutual feelings and dating.

Of the 4 guys where no obvious feelings were developed by at least one of the two parties involved, one is gay, one was well on his way to becoming a priest (and is now a priest) (and for all I know he may have had feelings for me at some point and was just good at sublimating/suppressing them for the sake of his vocation), one was engaged and married while we were in college together, and the other...well he may been an exception to the rule. Or he may have had feelings for me and I never knew it. But I know for sure he had strong feelings for another female friend of ours.

So, being generous, and not counting my gay friend, only 3 out of 16 relationships stayed mutually unsexual/unromantic. And I am not even completely sure of those 3. That is only a very questionable 18%. Science doesn't lie, folks.

Secondly, it depends on your stage in life. In high school, college and single adulthood, I would say that absolutely you can be friends with the opposite gender. And in fact, it is an important aspect of social development to get to know and learn how to navigate relationships with the opposite gender.

However, when you move into the stage of life where you are not just dating, but seriously dating someone with an eye toward marriage, that is when I think opposite gender friendships ought to be left behind. At this point, the question is not so much can men and women be friends, but should men and women be friends. And to that I would say NO, for the reason given in my first point - that it rarely refrains from turning romantic/sexual.

I realize that not everyone will share this conviction with me and my husband. People have to make decisions about their relationships with their own consciences, and I don't stand in a place of judgment. All I have to say is that looking at the prevalence of infidelity in our world, I just don't think you can be too careful.

In our relationship, my husband and I decided that close opposite gender relationships would no longer have a place in our lives. I still maintain some of the friendships I had previously, but now I hold them much more at arms length, and include my husband as much as possible. Any new male friends that I have made since committing to my husband have always been through and inclusive of my husband. I would never have lengthy interactions via email, Facebook or phone with a male friend. I would never tell share something with a male friend that I wouldn't share with my husband. And only twice that I can think of have I ever done something socially with a male friend without my husband present, and both times he knew and was comfortable with it. But as a rule, that is not be something we do.

We decided that we didn't just want to promise not to cheat on each other, but we wanted to promise not to even come within the realm of possibility of even a slight opportunity to cheat on each other. Maybe other people are more trusting of themselves than we are.

And now, you can all chime in with examples of how I am completely wrong about this! Or, completely right! What do you think? Do you agree with me that it is rare for men and women to be friends and have it not turn sexual, and that for this reason men and women should not be friends once in a committed relationship? Or am I a prudish curmudgeon? (I may be that regardless of the question at hand.)

Songs for a Little Bird

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

I have just recently begun using Spotify for the music listenings. I actually registered for it pretty much the day it became available in the USA. Yet I was so fond of Pandora and Grooveshark, I didn't ever make the transition.

But then everyone in my Facebook timeline started using Spotify, and then I it was pointed out to me that using Grooveshark was pretty much the same as pirating music. So.

Anyway, I thought it might be fun to make playlists to share with you, if you too are a Spotify user. And then you can make musical suggestions to me, and we can make playlists together, and YAY! SOCIAL MEDIA WIN.

The first playlist that I am going to share with you is the mix I created for Bird's first birthday party. Shall I share a picture with you from that day, for a bit of context? Yes, I shall.

I haz a cake.

You can find the playlist on Spotify here. Enjoy!

P.S. Our little Bird is 14 months today! I am going to try to post an update on his little life later today.

7 Quick Takes Friday - I'm Back?

2011-11-11T12:41:00.001-06:00

- 1 -

So, the 7 Quick Takes seems like a safe way to try to get back into regularly blogging. I am so out of the habit, that most days I don't even think to write anything. And if I do think of it, the prospect of sustaining an idea for any length of time seems... ... ...what was I saying? Oh yes, it seems too intimidating. I've turned more to Facebook and Twitter and Pinterist these days. And honestly, I haven't even visited those sites as frequently as I would have. I have toyed with the idea of removing myself from the internet completely. I believe I could do it. Just haven't been convinced I should...

- 2 -

I do plan on writing about what has been up with me during my blogging hiatus. But the 7 Quick Takes format seems a bit insufficient. However, if I continue to feel intimidated, I reserve the right to use it it get you all up to speed at a future Friday in time.

- 3 -

Can I tell you, one reason that I have not been able to give up on this blog entirely is that I failed to keep writing commitments (i.e. book reviews) that I made to 2 lovely ladies. (This one and this one.) I have no idea if they noticed, or if they cared, but my conscience has been pricked about it on a weekly basis. I do plan on keeping these commitments, hopefully very soon.

- 4 -

Another reason I haven't let it go is because whenever I hear about an opportunity to write somewhere that people would actually read what I have written, my heart jumps at the chance. I have two opportunities to write as a guest on other, much more widely read blogs than mine, all I have to do is take the time to write. If my writing is poor and inconsistent (or non-existent) it is only because I do not practice the discipline of writing. More on that later...

- 5 -

Completely apropos of nothing: I'm ready to have another BAAAYYY-BEEEEE! I must be nuts.

Also: Many thanks to all our military veterans, and prayers for those currently serving and their families.

Also: Happy Nigel Tufnel Day! The only one you or I will ever see...

- 6 -

One major change I am thinking of is spinning off some of my writing to a second blog. This other blog would focus on my more serious God/church/Jesus/philosophy/political ideas. I would keep this blog for my more personal/mommy/whatever ideas. The main reason for this plan is because I have noticed that since I have written on such disparate topics, it might be more appealing to my readers (all several of you) and make things more attractive to future readers if my blog stayed more on topic. Or it could have the opposite effect, it could dilute my "voice" or whatever, and one or both of them could peter out.

WHAT SAY YOU?

- 7 -

Nice to be back, if only for a while. xoxo

Still Alive

2011-11-03T20:19:00.000-05:00

And doing quite well, actually.

Are you still here? Still interested?

I supposed it doesn't really matter. If I continue writing, I should do it for myself, I should do it if I feel like I have been given something to say.

I still don't know the answer to that question.

But I felt like popping up for a second to say that for the first time in a long time, things are very good.

Circumstances haven't changed. It is my heart that has changed.

Perhaps, hopefully, more about this will be said very soon. Meantime, how are you?

12 Months, 52 Weeks, 365 Days

2011-09-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well here we are. ONE YEAR. I just can't really believe it.

Once again, it has been a big month! You are now crawling crazy fast, and I just love watching that bum of your wiggle back and forth as you charge around the house, doing very important things like chasing the cats.

You have also mastered pulling up onto tables and couches. You prefer standing so much now, that you can't bother to just sit and play anymore. You haven't taken any steps around the furniture yet, but you do like to stand without holding onto anything. In fact, that is one of your favorite games - standing as long as you can, and then falling back on your butt. Hilarious.

The biggest news, from mommy and daddy's perspective, is that YOU ARE NOW SLEEPING THOUGH THE NIGHT IN YOUR OWN ROOM!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!! With our new living arrangements, we finally were able to give you your own room, and your night sleeping was only getting worse and worse in bed with us. So one day your daddy I and I decided, this is the night. We put you in your own room, and it was a pretty rough night. We did the "Ferber"-like method of checking in on you every 5 minutes three times, then every 10 minutes three times, and then after 15 minutes. If at that point you were still crying, we could pick you up and comfort you to sleep. But it never came to that, you always fell asleep by the second round of 10 minutes. Of course, we had to go through that rigamarole 4 or 5 times, so it was a brutal night. And of course it breaks my heart to hear you cry, that is why we didn't do this before now. But we survived the night. And the next night? You only woke up once around midnight, put yourself back to sleep without us, and then slept 9 hours. There have been a few bumps in the road due to a couple of late nights and a cold virus. But we can pretty much expect you to sleep on your own all night now. We are all very pleased.

I feel as though this picture needs explanation - taking your weekly picture got much more challenging towards the end. You were indignant at the notion that you should have to stay in one place for 1 whole minute! This was the best picture I could get that week, and I figured I might as well show you in all your various moods, not just happy or calm. To be honest, I am glad this project is over! I might keep taking your picture once a month...maybe.

Eating is going very well. You absolutely love: string cheese, blueberries, raspberries, peas, chicken, turkey dogs, hummus, guacamole (but not plain avocados, go figure), bananas, and I just discovered today that you like kiwi. You also eat yogurt, graham crackers, pasta, applesauce, carrots, cheerios, butternut squash ravioli, and bits of whatever we are eating if it is safe for you.

You tried cow's milk for the first time yesterday, and you were unimpressed. You grimaced and let it dribble out of your mouth. Nice. You are definitely still a boob man, 4 times a day or so. I guess I will keep offering you the cows milk until you take to it, and hope my supply holds up until you are ready to switch over. I am so very pleased and grateful that we were able to breastfeed for a whole year! Although I will miss the snuggliness of nursing, I am ready for you to wean whenever you are ready.

Your one year checkup is not until next week, so I don't know how much you have grown. As I have mentioned before, you were getting kind of skinny there for a while. I have no idea what to expect on your growth charts, but your daddy and I agree that you are looking like you have chunked up a little bit. And we are so glad. You are too long for your 9 month clothes (which you have been wearing since you were 6 months!), but you don't quite fill out your 12 month clothes. You are just going to look like a ragamuffin scarecrow for a while I guess.

I am so proud of you, my biggest boy, and grateful to God for sending you to us.

Happy Birthday, my little Bird.

11 Months

2011-09-07T11:20:00.000-05:00

(This is almost a month overdue! Sorry.)

One more month to go before my baby has been with us for a full revolution of the earth around the sun. Cuh-razy. And this has been a BIG month for you, buddy!

SO, remember how I said you were in a lull period where you weren't really doing anything new? Well you decided to bust out of that lull like KA-POW! About half-way through this month, you started doing a whole bunch of new things all at once. And you are just SO MUCH more animated and goofy and energetic. Dare I even say hyper? You are never still.

The most exciting thing? You started crawling! It began with leaning forward and rocking on your arms. Then you would lean all the way onto your tummy - which would eventually make you mad, but not right away. Then one day, when I just HAPPENED TO BE FILMING YOU, you lunged forward with one arm, and sort of drug your legs behind you, and then did the other arm, and then a few more times, until you had reached you tummy time toy. I was so excited! And how thoughtful of you to wait until I had the video camera rolling. It only took a couple days for your lurches to turn into real crawling, but you are still pretty slow. Which is fine by me!

You have also started pulling up, although you never make it into a full standing position for more than a second, so I am not counting this as a full on pull-up just yet. But it is one of your favorite activities, until you get frustrated at not being able to make it. This is NOT your Papa's favorite activity, as he terribly nervous that you are going to bonk your head or face on the edge of the table. Which, you probably eventually will.

Another, smaller skill that you have mastered is clapping your hands. It is about the cutest thing in the whole world. If we clap our hands first, you will look at us with puzzlement on your face and wait for a minute or two, until we are sure you aren't going to clap in response. Then, just when we've about given up, you bust out a grin and start clapping. Yay, birdie claps! You also do it spontaneously, when you are happy or satisfied.

You of course are continuing to be more vocal, with an increasing variety of sounds. You now say "da da" very clearly, but I am still not sure if you are saying about your daddy, or if you are just saying it to be saying it. Sometimes I think you are saying it about ME, so maybe it's your generic word for parents, aka your favorite people in the world? The other day in the bathtub, I could have sworn you were trying to say "duckie" in response to me saying it. It came out more like "dah-ee." But still! Also, I have been doing animal sounds with you for over a month, and the only one you repeat is the sheep sound - "ba ba ba." One evening in the car on the way home from a party, you answered the question "What does a sheep say?" all by yourself, without having to be prompted. "Ba ba ba." Jim and I about passed out. You did it several times, while we gaped and laughed in the front seat. That was almost 3 weeks ago, though, and I haven't gotten you to do it since. Fluke?

The sleeping? Still not so good. We are still nursing, so I guess we will make it to one year. Awesome! But I am starting to be tired of it...only because it has become something of a struggle. You stop and start, and roll around and wrestle and pull away - not because you are finished! It is like trying to nurse a flopping fish, and I have sadly lost my patience with you a few times. I really will keep nursing as long as you keep coming back for more, but I wish you would just chill out for a few minutes until you finished! "Nope, mom, I gotta go!"

Looking Back

2011-09-01T08:57:00.000-05:00

Well, that last blog post was way gloomier than I intended. I was in a good frame of mind when I wrote it - which I guess tells you something about my definition of good? I don't think I am a pessimist, but I am certainly not an optimist. I like to think I am a realist with pessimist undertones.

Anyway, to lighten the mood, how about a Gratuitous Baby Picture from back in the day. My baby is getting close to turning one, and I have been looking at his newborn pictures, grieving the loss of this teeny-tiny guy who has been startlingly replaced by a bigger boy.

Let Me Sum Up

2011-08-30T11:45:00.001-05:00

Let me tell you something about myself: I really have to fight against inertia. And I often lose the fight.

Many days I wake up with the intention to accomplish a list of things - or maybe just one or two things - and instead I spend the day on the couch, on the computer, pulled down by the self-perpetuating weight of inactivity. I just can't seem to get a move on. Maybe I am prone to mild depression. It does tend to feel sometimes like I'm caught in the Swamp of Sadness. But I don't want to be caught in the Swamp of Sadness! We all know how things turned out for Artax.

While my life has its troubles from which I want to escape, and while even sometimes the good things in life seem daunting to me, the truth is I LOVE LIFE. I care about things. I am excited about things.

I have put off sharing what has been going on in our lives with you, to the point where I have built up the mystery way too much. And I don't really have the desire to write at length about such things, not at the moment. In the words of Inigo Montoya "Let me explain. No there is to much, let me sum up."

I have resigned from my full-time job, and I am now a stay-at-home mom. Although I feel very busy and still have lots of outside of the home things going on. I have been wanting to make this transition for a long time, and I am happy to say that so far, although I don't quite have it all figured out yet, it is a very good thing.

Partly in order to make me staying home possible, and also due to LOTS of other factors which I don't need to share, we have moved out of the tiny house we were renting and into my mother's basement. There are many good points to this change, but as anyone can imagine if they haven't done it, moving in with one's parents as an adult comes with a huge psychological blow and much personal sacrifice. I don't know how long this arrangement will last, but we hope it will be a good thing for the several reasons which I am not going to go into right now.

My husband is now teaching high school drama for a private Christian school, and has taken a semester off of seminary so we can re-evaluate finances, schedules, and future plans.

These have been the major changes to our circumstances, all on top of the continual miracle and emotional obstacle course that is raising a baby. A BABY WHO IS ABOUT TO TURN ONE. (*dies*)

This doesn't cover everything that has been going on, nor does it even begin to communicate the ups and downs and battles and victories and failures that have been going on in my head and my heart. I am trying to reevaluate what to share and how to share it, if I am going to return to writing in this venue. I have felt more private lately, more protective of my internal and external life, than I have ever felt before. So I don't know what to do with that, other than to keep silent.

I have also absolutely given up the notion of my blog becoming in any way "successful" or that I have any kind of immediate potential future as a professional writer - a desire that I am embarrassed to admit I have held on to for quite some time. Maybe someday down the line....but really, who am I kidding? I just don't have the personal discipline (or talent!) to be a (real) writer.

Ok, this is starting to meander...but I felt compelled to finally break the silence and at least check in. I don't know if this means I will be back to regularly scheduled blogging. We will have to see how I feel. But I won't disappear forever without at least saying goodbye.

Postponement

2011-08-14T00:06:00.005-05:00

I know it has been a few ~~days~~ weeks since I last posted. I know that I have promised to let you in on what has been going on with me and my family. I know that today my little Bird turns 11 months old, and so I should be writing his monthly update.

But all of that will have to wait.

Right now I am laying on the floor, surrounded by bath towels, next to my poor, sweet and very sick babe. Either a stomach bug or food poisoning has laid my buddy out. Thankfully, he has been sleeping for almost an hour now. But I am too anxious to fall asleep.

Even before this sad and scary interlude, however, I would have needed this postponement. Things are still in flux, and I am having a hard enough time figuring things out as I go along without trying to document it all.

Sometimes I need to write in order to process things. Sometimes, this time, I need to do some more processing before I can write.

7 Quick Takes Friday: Proust Questionnaire, part 2

2011-07-22T13:18:00.003-05:00

Another week without posting. Ugh, sorry! Don't give up on me, I'm gonna turn things around here soon! I think? I hope.

For now, let's do part 2 of the Proust Questionnaire:

- 1 -

Your idea of happiness?

Being comfortable and at peace and in communion with my self, with my body, with all people, and with God.

- 2 -

Your idea of misery?

To be scorned and rejected for who and what I am. Plus physical pain. Also bugs.

- 3 -

If not yourself, who would you be?

The best version of myself, having fulfilled all my potential. (Since that is not going to happen, sadly, on this side of heaven, it counts as an answer since it isn't the real myself that currently exists. I don't want to be anyone else but the perfect me.)

- 4 -

Where would you like to live?

Realistic(ish) answer: Either Colorado with an apartment in New York City, or maybe rural England with an apartment in London

Fantasy answer: Hobbiton

- 5 -

Your favorite color?

The background color of this website, and all similar shades: chartreuse, yellow-green, lime, green apple, etc...

- 6 -

Your favorite flower?

Lavender.

- 7 -

Your favorite bird?

Indigo Bunting

(Not very many of you gave me your answers last time. And that made me sad. Guilt trip!)