Amy Mac

Eat Before You Grocery Shop. Here's Why.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:00:00 +0000

Dear Manufacturers of Potato Chips, All Brands:

I went shopping when I was starving.

You're welcome.

Yours truly,

Amy Mac

Happy Weekend, friends! XOXO

Does Chicken Noodle Soup Cure a Cold?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:08:00 +0000

It's time for a pop quiz. Read the following statements:

Whoa! That looked like a scene out of a sci-fi movie!
Drink, drink, drink!
Don't ask me to explain the science behind it. Scientists can't even explain the science behind it.
The only way to recover from this situation is a nice, hot shower.

Were these statements (choose one):

A. Other thoughts Giselle shared with Tom Brady's teammates
B. Slurred sayings overheard at a fraternity house
C. Things I said to my ten-year-old today
D. Options for explaining Madonna's Super Bowl performance to your children

The correct answer: C! Congrats to all you overachievers.

All these things were said today because my daughter has a nasty head cold. So:

Whoa! That looked like a scene out of a sci-fi movie! As in, so much stuff just flew out of your nose with that sneeze I thought your face had given birth to an alien baby.
Drink, drink, drink! As in water & juice. Because this medicine I am giving you is going to dry up all the alien babies in your head, and also make your mouth so dry you'll think the dentist has gone crazy with that little spit-sucking tool in your mouth.
Don't ask me to explain the science behind it. Scientists can't even explain the science behind it. Just eat the chicken noodle soup. I swear it will make you feel better.
The only way to recover from this situation is a nice, hot shower. See: birth of alien baby. There's only so much a Kleenex can do.

Then I reminded her of the key components of survival in the massive petri dish also known as school: washing hands, keeping hands away from mouth, eating well, getting plenty of rest. She has since referred to this as "The Big Talk." My 12-year-old thought this was a very different kind of Big Talk, and nearly fainted when her little sister asked "did Mom have The Big Talk with you yet?"

Then I explained to them both how alien babies are born. Then Hadley birthed another for good measure.

Please excuse me, I have some things I need to spray paint with Lysol.

Ferris Bueller Superbowl Ad. Genius.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:01:00 +0000

Honda's Ferris Bueller Superbowl commercial is an act of advertising genius.

It targets Honda's demographic nicely, kids who came of age in the 1980s. Ferris is our hero. When we feel nostalgic, it's the John Hughes movies we remember, and without seeing any research for myself I'm betting it's my generation most likely to purchase a Honda CRV.

The commercial features Ferris himself (aka Matthew Broderick) skipping a day of .... work. Watch it here.

Will this make Honda's CRV the best-selling car of the year? Probably not (though I am not really up-to-speed on car sales and such), but they've hit Superbowl Ad gold: creating buzz before the game.

You're still here? Don't you have anything better to do? Get going, go. Watch the commercial. (and watch it til the end so you'll understand this reference.)

Tips for Stay-At-Home Moms Heading Back to Work

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 21:02:00 +0000

I get lots of questions from stay-at-home moms plotting their return to the working world. Sometimes it’s about explaining a ten-year gap in their resume. Other times it’s a query about building a client base as a freelancer, or how to completely switch to a new career. Often it’s all of the above.

The easy answer? Volunteer.

Ah, I could feel you cringing from here. “My time is too important to work for free!” Or perhaps, “Deciding which cold cuts are best for the ladies luncheon is as torturous as watching the presidential debates on a 24-hour loop!”

I feel your pain, but before you get those high-paying assignments or land the coveted corporate job, you must prove you are up to the task. And volunteering is a great way to do it.

Before I jumped back into the working world:

I led the publicity efforts for the local Junior League’s efforts to promote its annual American Girl fundraiser.

I wrote several articles for high-profile websites (including one on building your resume to get back into the work force. Read it here.)

I led the publicity efforts for a political re-election campaign, including a fundraiser with U.S. Senator BobCorker.

I wrote feature articles for an award-winning alumnae publication.

I handled publicity for the PTA, with great results (for the school. I think I got an eye twitch, but that’s another story.)

I did it all for free. Volunteering is a smart way to do some feel-good work while building your experience — no matter if you’re a writer, an accountant or a photographer. There are lots of non-profits and small businesses who could use a hand, so offer your expertise in exchange for a great reference, beef for your resume or as a way to expand your contacts.

Incidentally, in every instance I listed above, it either translated to a paying job or has given me an invaluable contact in building my business.

No matter your future plans, try volunteering — it sharpens skills you already have, builds skills you need, is a great social outlet, and best of all … it is incredibly rewarding to make a contribution to an organization that might not exist without the help of volunteers.

Amy M. Dawson is an Atlanta writer, newspaper columnist and public relations consultant. She frequently volunteers to edit everything from her husband’s emails to her daughters’ texts, but the offer is routinely declined. Find more at www.amymacwrites.com.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:41:00 +0000

I hope today, on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, you will add these things to your list of things to do:

Listen to the "I Have a Dream Speech."

Visit the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tenn.

Read the book "Hellhound on his Trail" by Memphis native and bestselling author Hampton Sides.

Watch the award-winning movie The Help.

This Memphis girl has done all of the above, and was reminded each time we are, at the end of the day, all just mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and children. We love our babies fiercely, pray for our loved ones faithfully, crave dignity and respect and shed tears for those we've lost. We are the same. We are human beings. Nothing less, nothing more.

I think Martin Luther King Jr. would be pleased that my children cannot wrap their minds around a world where their precious friends -- their smart, beautiful, kind, loving African-American friends -- would have been treated any differently.

And for that, I am thankful.

Waiting for Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 00:26:00 +0000

I have a confession: I find New Year's Resolutions a little overwhelming. These big, sweeping decisive goals that are supposed to set your life's course for 12 whole months ... I mean, come ON. Think of all the things that could happen. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, what if a Ben & Jerry's opens right up the street? Obviously this is a sign to skip the bikini on your cruise in June and hit the New York Super Fudge Chunk with total abandon.

If your goal is to get organized, I've got bad news. Martha's show has been cancelled. Another sign to throw in the towel, watch Hoarders and judge people with real organizational issues (I mean, your storage area could use a little attention, but these people are one shake-the-house clap of thunder away from an avalanche of wet newspapers and dead cats), and finish off your ice cream.

Also, I don't like the word "resolution." It sounds so stringent. I think if we changed the term to New Year's Short Term Items for Consideration, we'd get a ton more accomplished. Resolutions sound like they need an 18-step action plan, which gives anyone in their right mind an anxiety attack. But setting short-term goals like "eat Queso dip once a week instead of thrice daily" is much more palatable. See? I feel lighter already.

It's why I love this Stephen King quote: "Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work."

This quote has helped me forgive Mr. King for terrorizing me when I was an impressionable teenager. I think I slept with the lights on for a year after I saw the movie Pet Semetary, and had pretty specific plans on how I could kill a zombie jogger with a lighter, hairspray, and a pair of pom-poms.

Also, it's a gentle reminder that waiting for a sunny day, or until you have a little more money in savings, or until the kids are older, or to feel less scared gets you nowhere but frustrated. But a funny thing happens if you do a little less resolving and a bit more doing ... before you know it, you've created a new habit and reached your goal.

So this year I propose we ditch the resolutions for Short Term Items for Consideration. What's on your list?

Happy 2012 --- Let's Get up and Go to Work.

Amy M. Dawson is a columnist and Southern humor writer based in Atlanta. She thinks Stephen King is a genius, but is too scared to read most of his books. Learn more at www.amymacwrites.com.

Easy Recipe for Christmas Eve Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:42:00 +0000

Y'all, I was writing out my Christmas menu today and have a casserole recipe that is seriously yummy and super-duper easy. I highly recommend you plop this one on your holiday table ... it'll disappear quicker than the paper on all those carefully wrapped gifts.

Ingredients:

1 can French-style green beans (drained & rinsed)
1 can white shoe peg corn (drained & rinsed)
1 can cream of mushroom soup
8 oz. sour cream
1/2 cup chopped white onion
3 celery stalks, chopped
1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
3/4 tsp. salt (or to taste)
1/4 tsp. pepper (or to taste)
1/2 stick butter, softened
1/4 cup toasted slivered almonds
1 sleeve buttery round crackers (ie, Ritz crackers)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. If you need to toast your almonds, throw those in for about 10 minutes and set aside to cool. Stir together everything from the green beans to the pepper and flop into a lightly greased casserole dish. (Flop is not a culinary term. It means don't waste time trying to make this pretty. It's going to be a bubbly mess by the time you pull it out of the oven. Conserve your resources.) Now, crush up those Ritz crackers, stir them together with the melted butter & toasted almonds and spread on top of your green bean mixture. Pop into your preheated oven for 30 minutes.

Even people who claim to prefer scurvy to vegetables will love this dish. And, serving this will land you right back on Santa's good list if you've been naughty.

Enjoy!

XO -- Amy Mac

PS - the above photo is of the Ajax Diner in Oxford, Mississippi. Seriously some of the best Southern cooking on earth, and just the kind of place that would serve this sort of dish. Also, this is a recipe I adapted slightly from a Southern Living magazine about 10 years ago and have been making ever since.

Tips for Last Minute Holiday Shopping

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:31:00 +0000

There are only a few days left before Christmas, and perhaps you still have a few gifts to purchase (if not, keep that to yourself. It makes people mad. Instead say “almost there,” then sigh heavily. This prevents you from being socially shunned. You’re welcome.)

I find shopping akin to being force-fed live octopus, and I blame sales clerks. Not all of them — many salespeople are delightful. I’m referencing those who look at you like you’ve run over their cat when you say you are not, in fact, a member of their shopping program or continue to pester you after you’ve said “just browsing, thanks!”

After years of experience, I’ve created a plan for diffusing the distinct methods of salespeople. Use these solutions and finish your shopping in peace.

The Teacher

This person drops from the ceiling like Cathy Rigby in Peter Pan to tell you about the special offers. Two t-shirts for $30, 20 percent off everything in the store, buy a pair of earrings, get a free live penguin. Never mind there are no less than 50,000 signs posted in the store outlining all the deals. She wants you to stand still for five minutes so she can recite them for you.

The solution: When shopping, wear a t-shirt that says “I can read. And add. I’ve got this.” Point to it when approached by Cathy’s stunt double, then flash the thumbs-up sign.

The Overachiever

This gal will ask you no less than 57 times if you need help. She will follow you around like she’s a puppy and you have pocket full of bacon. No amount of discouraging body language short of shoving will keep her away. You are her new BFF, and she’s determined to stick with you.

The solution: Place a fake call on your cell phone to your fake infectious disease doctor, assuring him that of course you understand the oozing boils are very contagious, but you have them carefully constrained under your jacket. Throw out the words “airborne” and “malaria” and “fatal.” Enjoy the remainder of your peaceful shopping experience.

The Teen Flattery Machine

With her hot-off-the-press driver’s license, this gum-chewing teen has accepted her first job at the mall and aims to please. She squeals “that looks sooooooo CUTE on you!” and your immediate reaction is to check that your midriff and/or the top of your crack are not exposed.

The solution: Up the ante with your squealing noise, say “OMG!” multiple times, then ask for her name so you can send her a friend request on Facebook. You will not see her again. Ever.

The Snob

When you ask for a certain brand of jeans, this one says “we quit carrying those last year because no one was wearing them anymore.” She regards you as if you have dried vomit in your hair and are missing several teeth.

The solution: Engage her in conversation. Compliment her profusely and ask for fashion advice. Ask if you can take her picture so your daughter can emulate her hairstyle. Tell her to smile big! Then, just as you snap the picture, gag out loud, tell her she has something green and furry in her teeth, then run from the store top speed.

Here’s to a season of peaceful shopping and much merriment while enjoying the spoils of our shopping. I must go, for I am only {insert heavy sigh} Almost Done Shopping.

Happy Holidays!

Amy M. Dawson is an Atlanta-based humor writer who does the vast majority of her shopping online and would never, ever eat octopus -- alive or dead . See more at www.amymacwrites.com.

Photo via Archana on Pinterest

RIP Santa

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 01:09:00 +0000

Dear Santa:

We are very sorry to hear of your untimely demise. Losing your nose and having your beard torn from your face -- um, ouch. Not to mention your hair sort of looks like Nick Nolte's in his mug shot. Never a good look.

The good news is we hear there is photographic evidence linking two suspects to the crime. Both were found on the scene, one turning circles in the hair so recently torn from your chinny-chin-chin. The other caught red-handed, or red-pawed, if you will.

Oh, wait. That's us.

Santa, we can explain. No one really explained the whole concept of Santa to us. I mean, we're not even six months old for crying out loud. If we'd heard the lyrics "he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes" we wouldn't have even been tempted to make a snack of your face while our Mom took a quick shower.

We promise never to do this again.

Merry Christmas,

Thatcher & Watson

PS - Congrats to Lori for winning the giveaway! Send me your address to amymacprATgmailDOTcom and I'll put it in the mail.

Fall Housekeeping and Purse Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 15:28:00 +0000

Did y'all think you'd accidentally landed at Martha Stewart's blog, where you were going to learn tips about scrubbing your fireplace with a soft-bristle toothbrush to prepare winter? Nope, you are safe right here at the Amy Mac blog where we will only talk about pretend housekeeping tasks.

For example, have you commented so you can win this fabulous purse? This would be an excellent way to start your holiday shopping ... free, delivered straight to your door. If you win you can cross one gift off your list, or say "Merry Christmas to Me!!" and keep it for yourself. {If you are having trouble leaving a comment because Google is being technically difficult, just email me at amymacprATgmailDOTcom and I'll post it for you.}

Next up, thanks to everyone who has posted ideas and comments for the Ideas for Teacher's Gifts board on Pinterest. Pop over and take a look ... lots of fantastic ideas for holiday gifts!

Last, don't forget to set your clocks back this weekend. I know ... an extra hour of sleep sounds delightful until you notice it's dark at 5 p.m. Sunday night. Then you forget to set one clock somewhere (usually in my car, though my microwave clock is another culprit), then need smelling salts to revive yourself after a cardiac episode because your clock says 9 a.m. (omg I was supposed to be there an hour ago!), when in reality it's only 8 a.m. I wish we could just pick a time and leave it. They should totally put me in charge of this whole time thing. We'd have soooo much more fun that way.

Now quick -- leave a comment. Deadline's tonight at midnight!

XO -- Amy Mac

Amy M. Dawson is a Southern humor columnist, Atlanta copywriter and public relations strategist. Visit her at amymacwrites.com

Photo credit: theberry.com via pinterest

What's That They Say About Karma?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 14:16:00 +0000

One night last week I delighted myself (and many others, none of them being 12-year-olds) with a little pre-Halloween prank (which I posted on Facebook):

Funny, right? This morning, as I'm walking the puppies for their daily exhausting walk, I jumped about 15 feet toward heaven because I saw this:
Not funny. Never mind that I was the person who put the spider and its web into our Japanese Maple barely 12 hours earlier.

Now I have to get busy turning this karma thing around. So, I'm giving this cute, brand-spanking-new, never-been-used, perfect-for-fall (oh, hyphen, I have missed you so!) Amy Mac Designs purse to one of you delightful readers!

Here's the trick: you must follow my blog via Google Follower or via email subscription (not because I have a problem with you following in other feeds, but because this is the only way I can see that you are, indeed, following. I can only get so technical.) Additionally, you must leave a comment in the comments section on this post. This is my sneaky trick to get the ones of you I do know are following to come out and say hello.

Now, I am on a tight deadline to get the karma thing fixed up, so you must subscribe and comment by THIS FRIDAY, Nov. 4.

Happy November! XO - Amy Mac

Apples and Oatmeal and Routines and Naps

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:07:00 +0000

I accidentally woke up at 5 a.m. this morning then could NOT go back to sleep. So, bear* with me. This could get confusing.

The photo above is a picture of my breakfast. Oatmeal (the steel-ground type, which makes it look vaguely like a scene from the last time you had one mixed drink too many), apples and cinnamon. During October, I will work an apple into almost every meal. Later today I'll be making chicken salad and incorporating ... apples. Earlier this month we had pork chops with a sauce made from ... apples. (Not to be confused with actual applesauce, which also has a rather upsetting consistency.)

The reason I am telling you this is I am a big fan of the routine, particularly in the mornings. I have a couple of variations of breakfast, try to roughly stick with the same work routine, keep my closet semi-organized so I can find something decent to wear every day with as little thought (and ironing) as possible.

I do this because I find the fewer decisions I have to make in a day, the more I accomplish. I try to take the easy decisions off the table (get it? Table. Breakfast. Haha. Easily amused, I know.) to make room for the decisions that really require some thought.

What are your routines? Do you have a favorite breakfast you eat every day (please share recipes in the comments section. Or better, come make it for me), a certain time you work out, times you check e-mail? What about things you do to stay on track during the day? For example, if I estimate writing an article will take two hours, I'll set an alarm so I don't spend four hours writing only to discover it's time to fetch children from school and I've failed to accomplish something important on my to-do list.

Sadly, a nap is nowhere in my daily routine. I sense I'll be needing one long about 4 p.m. this afternoon. Oh, well ... at least I'll have that chicken salad for comfort.

XO - Amy Mac

*I had to double check I was using the appropriate spelling of "bear" in this reference. I was pretty sure "bare with me" was going to give the post a whole new angle, but still had to check. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WAKE UP TOO EARLY.

The Cure for a Fear of Flying (or, how to fly without liquor, prescription drugs, or insisting the pilot take a breathalyzer)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 00:44:00 +0000

October is spooky. Frankenstein is on your neighbor’s porch, there’s a cemetery in your yard, and brains are congealing in the fridge (made of gelatin. You hope.)

But the most terrifying haunted house can’t compare to the fact the Grim Reaper sharpens his scythe on the airplane every time I fly. It’s either Grim or Johnny Cash, and since Johnny’s dead, it’s really the same difference.

I wasn’t always afraid to fly. I’ve flown coast-to-coast, across the ocean, from Memphis to Manhattan. I’ve flown Aeroflot to Siberia, and if any situation is fraught with peril, it’s flying Aeroflot — routinely listed at the bottom of the airline-safety barrel. Yet I wasn’t afraid.

Several years and a few white-knuckle, bumpy flights later, I lost the youthful delusion that bad things only happen to other people. Suddenly I was an adult upon whom tragedy could strike, and 35,000 feet seemed a promising location.

After that, I’d only fly after washing down a valium with a stiff drink from the airport bar. That panic-dampening combo was the only thing preventing me from shrieking “This plane is going down!!” while shoving passengers aside with my sweat-soaked palms, thus saving myself before takeoff.

I became the worlds’ most-vigilant flyer, my head whipping around like a spastic spectator at a high-speed tennis match at every bump and thump. Once I grabbed my husband’s arm (a graduate of the U.S. Air Force Academy, he finds aviophobia as sensible as a fear of freckles) and hissed “what was THAT?” while bracing for our rapid spiral from the sky. Fortunately, the noise from the air vents did not signify a crash. Ahem.

The irrational fear weighed heavily on my mind. I was shackling my family to tedious car rides because turbulence makes me nervous. I was chicken. I realized by refusing to face my fear, I was sending myself — and my kids— a message that avoidance is an acceptable answer to fear. How do you tell your kids “there’s no reason to be afraid” if you can’t convince yourself?

So, I swallowed my fear, didn’t swallow any pills, and in June hopped a plane to Seattle. It was the first time I’ve flown in more than 10 years. Was I nervous? Yep, but I didn’t say “what was that noise?” once. I didn’t give the pilot a breathalyzer, and I only scoped the plane twice to see if anyone resembling Johnny Cash with a scythe was on board.

This Halloween, if there’s a sinister noise outside my window, I’ll remember I’ve looked the Grim Reaper in the eye, then marvel at the fact he does not have eyes. Kidding. I’ll remember I’ve faced the thing which scared me most, and tell my kids “there’s no reason to be afraid.” Unless something’s crawling out from the gravestone in the yard. Then —be afraid. Be very afraid.

Amy M. Dawson is an Atlanta-based writer scared of spiders, murky lake water and Snooki, but is no longer afraid to fly. Visit www.virtuallybetter.com to learn more about flying without Valium,vodka and sweaty palms.

Best Teacher Gifts Ever (or why Target Gives Me Anxiety by Displaying Christmas Items on Oct. 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 15:36:00 +0000

So the other day I am firing around Target at my typical 127 miles per hour when I come to a screeching, turn-the-cart-sideways halt — much to the alarm of mothers shopping with their nap-woozy toddlers.

Really, Target? What are you trying to do to me displaying Christmas cards when my AC is still blowing full-blast? When I am still wearing flip-flops? When I am in full-fledged planning mode for Columbus Day celebrations? (Kidding. With all due respect to Columbus and his accomplishments.)

I am still convinced that Martha Stewart wrought all kinds of bad karma upon herself by raising the bar like she did on Christmas. How can we remember the reason for the season if we accidentally seal our eyelids shut with holiday stamps? (Incidentally, those go on sale Oct. 13. You’re welcome.)

Maybe I should thank Target, because at least they’ve got me thinking about holiday gifts. More specifically, great teacher gifts. Because every year I grow perplexed about what to give the people who are guiding my children’s education (while giving me time to terrorize shoppers at Target with my wild cart driving.)

My perplexed state inevitably becomes procrastination, which then becomes a last-minute panicked purchase of a gift certificate to Wally’s Wild World of Crappy Crafts or something similar.

Let’s face it, it’s hard to thank someone who gives so much to your children for $20 or less. Impossible, really, but let’s give it a shot. I’m thinking if we put our heads together we can come up with some great gift suggestions. Leave your ideas here in the comment section. Or better yet, go to Pinterest and post ideas here. (Not on Pinterest? It is seriously the best time-suck EVER. Loads better than Facebook. You must have an invite, so please send me an email at amymacprATgmailDOTcom and I will send you one and put you on my list to post to this board.)

I won’t place parameters on this little experiment, but I will say if I were a teacher I would use all apple-related gifts as target practice. (Which is one reason I am not a teacher. And why I do not own a shotgun.) Also, if you post something that is handmade and will require more than a couple of hours to finish, please see above about bad karma. I love being crafty, but think glue guns can be used as serious weapons during the holiday season. And not in a good, crafty way.

I seem to be talking a good bit about firearms, which means I should stop drinking coffee and end this post.

One last request: send this to all the educators you know. I’d love to hear what treats they love and what finds its way to their charity of choice before Jan. 1.

XOXO, my faithful readers.

Amy Mac

Photo via Pinterest

I Love Math {so much}. It's Why I Majored in Journalism. Ha. Haha.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 23:38:00 +0000

I Do Not Work for the CIA. Mostly Because I Will Tell You Things, Then Won't Kill You Because You're So Sweet.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 21:15:00 +0000

Does this mean we should present ourselves to the refreshments to see if they find us appetizing?

I apologize for the poor quality of this picture. I was trying to take a quick photo without being noticed (as of this date the CIA is not seeking my services as an undercover operative -- though when they hear how proficiently I scan restaurants, movie theaters, okay ... maybe everywhere, for suspect behavior, that could change). Anywho, this picture helps me make an important point.

You see, many of the emails I receive end with "I hope I've not made a grammatical error!" or "I am sure I've made a spelling mistake!" or some variation of "please, writer, do not judge me."

Here's the deal: I don't notice. You can send me an email full of spelling errors and grammatical missteps and it won't even hit my radar. Honestly. Half the time I post to this blog I hit send before I even do a quick once-over.

Here's where I get a bit picky: if you are going to go to the expense of printing and installing a sign in a public area, let's take a moment to proof the sign. If you are the person typing the ticker on the news, or an English professor, or the proof reader at the printer ... have someone read behind you, because if you don't know the difference between lightning and lightening, that hits my radar.

The rest of y'all: free pass. Email away. No stress. Because just last week my eagle-eye niece texted to say I'd failed to close quotation marks on this very blog.

At least I didn't have it printed on a sign.

I will keep y'all posted on my potential employment with the CIA. Wait, I take that back. I am pretty sure I cannot tell you if I work for the CIA. Maybe I already do. You'll never know.

Happy Weekend!

What's the Plan, Phil?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 13:22:00 +0000

Seems someone is always asking me a question about naming a business, promoting a product, connecting with an audience, or sharpening their resume (questions I am always happy to answer).

A recent query was whether I thought a children's book of certain topic was a good idea. My answer always hinges on one thing: clearly defining what need your book/resume/gourmet food product/children's boutique fills.

You must:
1. Research what products similar to yours already exist in the marketplace
2. Determine what makes yours really, truly unique and
3. Ask yourself if anyone will care, and if they will care ... why?

Seems harsh, but if you can't get very clear on why your gourmet olive oil is better than what I can buy cheaper at Publix, why your set of skills puts you head and shoulders above other candidates, why your book will fly off shelves or how your boutique will be the best place to buy the perfect birthday outfit for your baby, how will you convince your customer?

In a recent episode of Modern Family (funniest show ever -- "What's the Plan, Phil?" is a quote from one of my favorite episodes), Cam decides to write a children's picture book about adopting a baby from a foreign country, only to hit the bookstore and discover it's already been done. Lots. Does that mean Cam should give up on his idea? Nope, but he should definitely take a cold, hard look at what makes his book unique and make that his featured selling point.

Now, Modern Family has a one-hour premier coming up on Sept. 21 -- if you aren't already watching, here's your chance.

Send your small business, writing, personal branding, marketing or work-from-home questions to amymacprATgmailDOTcom so I can answer them right here. Do it before Sept. 21, because I'm gonna be really busy then.

XO- Amy Mac

The Meaning of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 17:59:00 +0000

Howdy, folks. We are in the midst of the Back to School swirl around here, which means the always-interesting juggling act of squeezing in article writing between carting people to school, swim, tennis and whatnot. How about you? Anything fun planned for Labor Day weekend?

So, just a quick note to say .... I'm very excited that Babble.com (a delightful parenting blog named one of Time Magazine's Top Blogs) published my Back to School Supply List for Parents. So I popped over, and much to my horror, there is a popularity contest for most-commented stories. AND I AM NOT WINNING. Now, even though I tell my girls all the time the popular kids in elementary and middle school peak and fizzle out like a flat Dr. Pepper by 10th grade, I WANT TO BE POPULAR ON BABBLE, AND YOU MUST HELP. Please, go there right now and say something nice, and I will send you a pack of stickers or something. Maybe I will send you a puppy!

Also, I'm submitting a column for a writing contest for Real Simple magazine. The focus is "The Meaning of Love," and I've got a pretty good idea of what I'm going to write ... but I'm curious, how do you define love? (The idea has crossed my mind just to submit the above picture of the new puppies, because you must admit they are pretty sweet - while they are sleeping - , but I'm thinking "writing" contest means they'll be rather particular about there being actual words on the page.)

Okay, have you commented yet? No pressure.

XOXO - Amy Mac

This is the Real Situation, and He Cannot Be Bought

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 17:52:00 +0000

This is Watson "The Real Situation" Dawson, and he will wear whatever he pleases, thank you very much.

So Abercrombie & Fitch, the store that stuns you into an olfactory stupor wherever you are in the mall by requiring their employees mop the floors with a bucket of their undiluted cologne, has requested that The Situation from MTV's Jersey Shore stop wearing their clothing as it misrepresents their brand. Basically, they think he's tacky.

This is exquisite in so many ways. According to A&F's "Brand Senses" department (seriously, I could not make that up) "this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand."

Quite interesting from a company which produces shorts SO SHORT that when my daughters tried them on I had to assume an assault was underway. Seriously, when I have to ask "don't those HURT?," the shorts are too short. They also produce an entire line of clothing called "Perfect Butt." And padded bikini tops for seven-year-olds.

Hey A&F - my kids are right in your target demographic, but I'm wondering ... could you pay them to NOT wear your clothing?

A Prayer for the First Day of School

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:45:00 +0000

Dear Lord:

Please let my children have a perfect day at school today and every day this year. Help them to instinctively know they can capably handle anything that comes their way — whether it’s a stuck lock on a locker, a crowded table in the cafeteria or answering a tricky math question in front of the entire class. Remind them that a little prayer and a deep breath go a long way toward calming nerves. Let them know that anyone who says anything derogatory to or about them is clearly an imbecile, as they are perfectly perfect in every way. Help them to be kind and include others who might feel left out. Let the happy moments be many, and anything else be easily forgotten. Please do not let their lack of a normal sleeping schedule this summer cause them to have a nervous breakdown at school today, their first day to see this side of 9 a.m. since May. Please let us go at least six weeks without breaking a bone or catching anything that will require a 20-day round of antibiotics (or worse, catching something that an antibiotic can't touch.) Let them never forget what I’ve always taught them — “be nice to everyone, because you never know who is packing heat.” But mostly, plant the knowledge deep, deep in their hearts that they are loved, and let that be a comfort to them no matter the circumstances, every day, for the rest of their lives.

In Jesus Name, Amen

The Secrets to Success (In School, In Life)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 12:20:00 +0000

My latest article for Northside Woman (August, 2011)

As parents, we are hardwired to tender advice to our children: how to study, what to eat, and bon mots like “if someone says ‘hey, watch this,’ run for cover.” (When you’re young, someone’s about to land in the principal’s office. When you’re an adult, someone’s about to lose a limb, land in jail, or both.)

When parents need guidance, we turn to books, a pediatrician, or a parenting expert. But what if the people who have life all figured out are the ones who —if left unattended —would substitute milk with Mountain Dew, consume a sugar-only diet and sleep on the floor in a mass of dirty laundry? Nope, not your husband. Your children.

A few months ago I visited Mrs. Snow’s fifth grade class at Creek View Elementary School to lead a writing exercise. I supplied the students with fill-in-the-blank sentences prompting them, as veterans of elementary school, to impart advice to upcoming fifth graders.

What I unearthed in the stack of wide-ruled, backpack-weary notebook paper, in the midst of warnings regarding the hazards of passing gas in the classroom (mentioned on nearly every paper) were smart, thoughtful, heart-felt gems of advice that apply not only to a successful tenure in grade school, but also to the school of life. See if you agree.

At lunchtime:

· Never eat anything with the word “surprise” on the menu.

· Chicken sandwiches, tacos and macaroni and cheese are always a safe bet.

· Avoid unidentifiable processed meats, that is, hot dogs.

Regarding teachers (adults — substitute ‘bosses’)

· Always answer a teacher’s question to show you are paying attention.

· If a teacher frowns, freeze.

· If a teacher tells a joke, laugh.

Choosing and keeping friends

· Make lots of good friends so you don’t become a hermit.

· If someone tells you to duck, duck fast.

· If someone pulls the fire alarm and there’s no fire, they won’t make a good friend.

On smart habits

· Work hard so you’ll make good grades.

· Don’t wait until the last minute to work on projects. It’s stressful and won’t be your best effort.

· Be organized.

· Drink water throughout the day.

As for Mrs. Snow, her students are thankful to her for a number of things, including inspiring creativity, teaching them to respect others, and showing them they are smart. And capable. Which proves excellent teachers who see the potential in every child do more than make a difference — they are game changers.

The kids also offered advice to their parents on how to help them be successful in school, which can be summed up in one word: relax. Which loosely translates to: have a little confidence — we’ve got this.

I couldn’t have said — or written — it better myself.

Amy M. Dawson is a writer and public relations strategist who upheld rigid standards to avoid embarrassing her daughter while volunteering in the classroom. She blogs about work and life at amymacwrites.com.

Start Stumbling

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 13:42:00 +0000

Editor's Note: I asked my intern/niece to write a post explaining StumbleUpon to all you fine Amy Mac readers, with the intent of editing and posting as my own. Then she sent me the copy you'll find below, and I figured who am I to mess with this sort of genius? Incidentally, she found instructions to the above tie-dye cupcake via StumbleUpon, and has spent several hours this weekend baking them with the girls. Mallory is looking for a full-time job in public relations, so if you know of anything out there, please let her know. However, be considerate, as at this house, we will all go into a state of mourning when she leaves.

XO-Amy Mac

Remember when I said my niece is in charge of building my social media accounts? Well, she’s got Amy Mac “stumbling.” And it’s not a result of a lack of coordination or an increased blood alcohol level. It’s StumbleUpon!

StumbleUpon is a fun discovery engine that recommends websites and blogs based on each user’s personal interests. Just sign up, pick the topics that pique your interest and start “stumbling.” You’ll discover great blogs, pictures and web pages recommended by other “stumblers” with common interests.

Now here is how StumbleUpon, and YOU, can help Amy Mac. Note the fancy new green and blue badge at the end of each Amy Mac post. Go ahead, click it! (If you subscribe in a feed, you may need click through to amymacpr.blogspot.com) When you do, you recommend that post to over 15 million StumbleUpon users. Just pick a topic, write an optional review and give the post a “thumbs up” to allow stumblers the chance to discover the Amy Mac blog. Easy, right?!

So share the Amy Mac love and start stumbling (martini and scraped knees optional).

image courtesy of Carbon Magazine via StumbleUpon

Candace Bushnell is my New BFF

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:33:00 +0000

So Candace Bushnell (author of Sex and the City, and more recently the prequel Summer and the City: A Carrie Diaries Novel) is following me on Twitter. As you can see, I am only one of 27 people she's following, thus elevating me to status of Bestie.

In reality, CB probably has an adorable 20-something, Prada-clad assistant who got a little click-happy after a few cocktails. Whatever.

I know y'all don't want to seem out-of-touch, so you should probably follow me on Twitter, too. And follow Candace, too. (But don't tell her I sent you. I am afraid I am going to scare her.)

Just So

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 19:20:00 +0000

I like to have things a certain way when I sit down to work. Or, perhaps I should say I work better when things are as follows:

My desk is clean and my inbox is empty.

I have a to-do list (this is my polite version of “I know what the heck I am supposed to be doing and don’t have to dig through 18 stacks of paper to locate pertinent information.”)

I have a block of uninterrupted time (this is to say I turn off my cell phone ringer, shut my office door and tell my kids unless someone under my direct care has a brain-bleed, they should warp said brains with a new episode of Toddlers and Tiaras and leave me be.)

I have eliminated the other two things most likely to pull me away from my desk: first, the need to offset the effects of what drinking four cups of coffee does to my bladder, and the need to offset ravenous hunger that hits approximately every two hours. I think I may have a tapeworm.

Once these things are set in motion, I do my best work. What has to be just so for you to do your best work? Is there ever a time you have to muddle through in less-than-ideal circumstances, and if so, what are your coping strategies (turning up music in my office is one of mine. Muffles an extraordinary amount of noise. Also, setting a full inbox on the floor and covering it with a cute bag. I’m just being honest here.)

Your Turn!

They Sure Make the Dandelions Hardy Out in Idaho

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Mac) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 20:41:00 +0000

While I am busy gnashing my teeth writing articles and such, thought you'd enjoy this reminder that persistence pays. It might make you go a little cross-eyed in the process, but it pays.