Writer's Block

What's love got to do with it?

2014-09-12T15:44:00.001-04:00

I have been relatively silent as of lately. I suppose it is due to the fact that I am still trying to get back to a new normal, following the ordeal that had been my life last year. Still current events calls me back to make my comments and voice my opinion. This blog entry is one that I really hope goes viral and attracts the attention of women and men, it is addressing the issue of Domestic Violence.

Earlier this year, Super Bowl champ Ray Rice found himself embroiled in a scandal. Not one of steroids, or drugs, but of a physical altercation with his then fiancé (now wife) Janay Palmer in an Atlantic City casino elevator.

This assault would not have gotten more than a simple two minute news mention had it occurred between any two people, simply because it was caught on video. It was his notoriety that garnered the more than week long attention of the media. Surprisingly, people commented how they were shocked by the callousness when we all had seen him drag an unconscious Janay out of the elevator. The NFL gave him a 2 game suspension and the prosecutor offered him a deal of attending classes. It was a joke of a punishment, and I heard people say it was due to the fact that Janay Palmer stayed with Ray Rice, even going as far as marrying him since the Atlantic City hotel occurrence. Some even noted, "why do more? She obviously was ok with it, she married him!" There is no shock here, we tend to do that with women, we blame the victim.

Then TMZ gave us an eye-opener by releasing the video of Ray Rice actually punching Janay a few times. The one punch that caused some of us to drop our jaws to the ground was "the knockout punch" where we were witnesses to just how she became unconscious. Now the rules changed and the NFL quickly changed its' tune. Indefinite suspension and the firing from the Ravens. Rutgers University removed their affiliation with their former alumni and his football jersey was promptly remove from the NFL store. A hashtag became popular on social media #WHYISTAYED. Still, Janay stood by her man, even voicing her objection of his firing and the collective reaction to the abuse we had all witnessed. This came as no surprise to me, I have known women like Janay. Fortunately, I was never a woman that stayed, but unfortunately I was a woman who knew what it was to be hit like Janay was.

Statistically speaking one in four women will experience abuse at the hands of her significant other at some point in her life. I had the displeasure of being one of those one in four during my single years. My ex-boyfriend had become upset over a trivial matter and proceeded to choke me in my bedroom. I did not live with him, so when he left I decidedly ended the relationship once he was away from me. I thought I was being safe. I was wrong. He repeatedly called, apologizing to me and begging me to take him back. I was resilient in my resolve to end it and stood fast by my word to not take him back,. What I was not aware of is that the most dangerous time for a woman is not when she is with her abuser, but after she leaves. I was also unaware of the mental strain and abuse he had subjected me to, eroding at my self esteem. It was simple to do because I was already reeling from a bad divorce and a termination from my job. I was ripe for the picking when we met, and he charmed me. I was blind to what he was, until it was too late. Finally, one day I allowed him to come by to get a few of his things (some CD's, books and a jacket). I didn't know that something so simple would turn into something so ugly. My daughter was home asleep in her bed, surely I would be safe, he liked my daughter. Yet on the scale of how wrong I was, I had hit the motherlode with this one. He again tried to talk me into getting back together, after realizing it was not going to happen, he proceeded to beat me within an inch of my life. The thing I most remember was what he said to me, "When your daughter wakes up in the morning she will find you dead!".

Needless to say, I lived and my daughter never woke up during my beat down because I had the good sense to play dead and survived the night. I called the police, pressed charges and saw the courts do what little it could. That is the thing, there is little that "first time" offenders get when brought to court, or even second and third time offenders for that fact.

Domestic Abuse happens to women every day and there are other facts that are quite alarming when it comes to violence against women. Such as the highest number of reported domestic abuse incidents occurs on Super Bowl Sunday. Reportedly, approximately 25% of homeless families in NYC are homeless due to Domestic Violence. Also, did you know that over 3 million children witness Domestic Violence in their homes. Female murder victims have a one in three chance of having been killed by a spouse or significant other. These are just a few facts related to abuse and women, still as a nation we do little to hold the abuser accountable. We make excuses for the men and expect the female to leave, often times without support (financially or emotionally). Isn't it time we take the courts to task? Shouldn't we finally make our voices unified and heard for the women who can't speak up? When will we finally say ENOUGH?

I know that we have started a conversation, it is long over due. It is important that we don't stop talking. The tendency in this country is to speak about something only when it's a hot button issue, then we drop it for the next hot topic. This should not be a subject we drop, we need to address it and finally find a way to help end the cycle of abuse, so that statistics like those above mentioned are not the norm.

I hope that for the sake of Janay and her daughter she seeks help and comes to understand that there is never a reason for such brutality. I also hope that Janay comes to realize how lucky she was that she didn't die as a result of that punch because it was very close to being her reality. More than that I hope that Ray Rice learns to control himself and understands he was lucky that she was unconscious and not dead.

We have to learn to stop blaming the women and point the finger of blame and shame on the perpetrators and not the victims. Only then can we begin to solve the problem of violence on women. If you or someone you know is a victim please seek help by calling 1-899-621-HOPE (4673). All calls are confidential.

This time there is no quote that I leave you with, but, rather a poem I wrote when I had my own experience. I simply ask that you read it and pass it along.

LOVE

By CC Benjamin

Man, Woman, Love

Woman, Man, Hate

Man slaps woman

Dead in her face

Woman, Man, Love

Man, Woman, Fear

Woman cowering in the

Corner shedding her tears

Man, You call her your Queen

Yet you spit in her face

If she doesn’t tend to

Your every need

Woman, You say that he is

Your King

As if you are proud to claim

All the scars you now wear

Bam! Pow! Crash!

Shriek! Boom! Yelp!

These aren’t the sounds from heaven

But your own personal hell

He beats me!

She pissed me off!

He scares me!

She needs to shut up!

Funny how I can’t recall

These lines in sonnets

And love songs

Love like this started with lies

Sometimes it ends when

One of us dies

Man; Grow up! Do like your name!

Be the protector, the provider,

The lover, the friend

Be loyal and kind

Court her with your soul

Stop destroying her mind

Your hands should caress

That angelic face

Not breaking her down

To put her in her “place”

Woman; listen to me

Be ALL that you are,

Who you truly are meant to be

A giver of life, to be cherished

And loved

Strong, courageous, brave and proud

Stop living in madness

Stop living in fear

It was never your fault

He will still live on

If you walk away

Let him carry the blame

Let him bear all the shame

Find your dignity

Find yourself

Love your spirit

Love you

Love you before all else

Love you

Love you before someone else

Love you

Love me

For I am you

You live in me

I love you

I love me

LOVE

Remember

2014-09-11T14:31:00.002-04:00

Never forget

A Tribute For A Legend

2014-08-13T00:55:00.000-04:00

Rest In Peace

ROBIN WILLIAMS

July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014

"Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,

Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,

Of myself forever reproaching myself,

(for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." ~Walt Whitman

I had not thought of this poem until yesterday when the movie Dead Poets Society ran through my mind at the news of the tragic death of Robin Williams. I wasn't certain that I had heard the news correctly at first. I, like many others I suppose, thought it was another cruel internet hoax. Surely not Genie, or cheerful Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire be dead! Then I remembered that a thin veil of a line lies between comedy and tragedy. I no longer had the doubt, only the sorrow at a very tragic loss of a man I only knew through his work. Surprisingly, as I was sitting at my laptop, reading the incredulous news of his suicide I noticed that a few tears had fallen onto the desk.

The tears were not from the loss of Robin Williams, or his comedic genius. I believed I cried for the pain that he had been in to have taken his own life at 63. It was a pain that I had become all to familiar with following my own bout of depression following a year and a half in a hospital. Suicide, by definition merely means to take one's own life, the complete opposite of what our innate self instinctively does, self preservation. How could a man that gave us so much joy and laughter have been in so much desperate pain? It wasn't fair, I decided.

Then the words came across my computer screen, Robin Williams has died by an apparent suicide. There was that word again. I shook my head, this can't be real and like so many others worldwide I took to social media. Tweeting my sympathies, expressing my grief, and remembering the numerous roles he had portrayed over the years. Another tear fell down my cheek. Then I heard softly, "O Captain my Captain,..". Dead Poets Society, perhaps one of my favorite films of all times. The film deals with loyalty, leadership, friendships and teenage angst. The film climaxes with the suicide of a character we had grown to love and felt his disappointment when his father rejected his dream. Funny how this was the first movie that came to mind rather than his comedic roles, or standup.

What I loved about this movie was the character of Mr Keating, played by Robin Williams. His love of poetry, words and the seduction of them. I saw the similarities shared by the actor and the character he portrayed. When you write jokes and tell them you have to have an affinity for the language. By far my favorite quote from the movie however was the line he gave following his reciting "'Oh Me, 'Oh Life". What is your verse?

So to that I would like to answer in my tribute to Robin Williams, a man I had loved from a far. Admiring his wit, comedic timing, dramatic presence and his gentle spirit that embraced us all when he reached out to make us laugh. What was his verse? It was not that of a court jester, for he never played the fool. He embarked on a mission to tickle us in the deepest part of our funny bone. A graduate of the prestigious Juilliard, he honed his skill as an actor taking us on adventures to lands as far away as Jumanji running away from hunters to Neverland where we fought Captain Hook. He dazzled us with his brilliance in Good Will Hunting and scared us in One Hour Photo. Made us feel compassion for the sick in Patch Adams and Awakenings, making some of us want to become physicians and heal the world. He made us giggle in The Birdcage and Mrs Doubtfire, wondering how could Sally Field not forgive him, forgetting it was only a movie. Some of us relived our childhood when we heard the Genie tell Alladin he'd never have a friend like him, or the wisdom of a crazy penguin, worshiped by many or when he embodied that fast talking Fender in Robots. His verse was more than that of entertainer, or icon. His verse was tour guide of planet earth and its' inhabitants humankind. He showed us every emotion and made us feel them. We laughed, we cried, we marveled at his energy and endless talent. Now we sigh, and pause while we remember an old friend who many of us first met with two words; "Na-Nu, Na=-Nu."

Tonight, I will say goodbye to this Prince of Comedy the only way I know how; with poetry and words, that I think he would have appreciated.

Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

Everything remains as it was.

The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no sorrow in your tone.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effort

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.

There is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.

All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.

One brief moment and all will be as it was before.

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

Farewell Fisher King, you gave us a ride that was unforgettable and you absence will leave a void that can't and will never be filled. Thank you for sharing your talent with us all.

To my readers, I have no quotes tonight, my heart is full. Let's just remember the man that put a smile on our face just by walking in a room.

GRATITUDE

2014-07-22T14:12:00.000-04:00

I know that I have been “offline” for a moment. Sometimes life has plans for you, other than the ones that you had for yourself. When that happens you can fight it, or grab on and make adjustments. Fortunately I am one adapting gal! I thank those of you who are reading for the welcome back.

Every Christmas holiday season I can be found at some point on my sofa wrapping gifts, while watching Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life”. To me, the holiday season does not really begin until I see that movie and hear Nat King Cole sing “The Christmas Song”. There is just something that makes me feel absolutely blissful when I hear Jimmy Stewart scream “Thank you Clarence, thank you, you old Building and Loan!” The message in this movie is one of appreciation and gratitude; simple lessons, for a man who felt so desperate in the beginning of the movie. I am sure you are all wondering just where is my head, talking about Christmas, when we are in the middle of July. Recently, I was fortunate to feel like George Bailey myself.

Over the past year and a half I have had to overcome a lot of health issues and at times fight my way back from some major setbacks. There were times that my family didn’t know what my outcome would be and we all had to depend on faith. Through it all, I had an ace up my sleeve. It wasn’t a miracle drug, or geniuses imparting all their knowledge on me alone. No, my ace was my faith in my friends and family.

The thing about life that I had enjoyed was its unpredictability. That surprise element tended to keep me on my toes. Although I tried to live my life as stable as possible, I have to be honest and tell the truth, flying by the seat of my pants had a thrill that I rather delighted in. Problem is, those unforeseen twists in the fabric called life are not always good, pleasurable or wanted. I had a few of those in my lifetime that I wish had never been laid on my path. Divorce. Single parenthood. Starting over. Disease. These were a few of the things that I could have lived to be one hundred and been perfectly content to never have encountered. Still there they were, on my path and if I still wanted to move forward, I had to make my way over them, through them or stay stuck under them. I chose to barrel through them, making myself stronger in the process.

It is cliché to say I never knew my own strength, but it’s true. I knew I was a forceful and formidable woman, but even I would have a breaking point, surely. I have yet to meet mine. I have been at the brink of death, and still I was able to keep my wits about me, and reassure those closest to me that everything would be fine. Even though none of us knew what my outcome would be. Not my doctors, my husband, my children, or parents. What I knew was, that I was tired, and facing battle yet again and needed something greater than me to get me through. That is when I had my George Bailey moment. I asked for good thoughts, positive energy and prayers. Everyone I knew began to send me well wishes, and positive energy and it began to fill my soul and spirit. My body began to heal, and my momentum was moving forward in a positive direction onto a path of wellness.

I am firm believer of positive energy. I believe that when you surround yourself with good thoughts, good wishes and prayers you can only have a good outcome. Recently, my MS began to act up, making me blind and struggling to do anything, again I sent out a call to my friends and family, and again they rallied behind me, before I knew it I was feeling like myself and getting back to my normal. In my mind’s eye I could hear the angels taking calls from all the prayers that were coming in, just as was in the opening scene of “It’s a Wonderful Life”. Knowing that I had my family, cousins, friends (old and new) rallying in support for me gave me that extra lift that I needed to propel me yet again in the right direction.

What this did for me was fill me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude, and I was humbled. Humility is not foreign to me, nor is the absolute heartfelt feeling of being thankful. I just wanted to make certain that you all knew how thankful I am. Thankful for those who surround me at times of need, and those who answer my call when I feel my load is too much for me to carry alone.

This blog post is to all of you, just to say these words, “Thank you! Thank you for the prayers, words of encouragement and thank you for your support. You are my ace up my sleeve. Most of all, thank you for my George Bailey moment.”

As always I can’t sign off without a quote to emphasize my post, so here it goes. Until next post.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”

― Anthony Robbins

and finally

“'Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.” ~ Alice Walker

HOLY CRAP! How my generation ruined America's future

2013-08-06T12:32:00.003-04:00

Now that I got your attention, I know that many of you are automatically disagreeing with me. However, I am going to point out a few harsh truths to support my argument. There seems to be a "dummy-ing" down of America's youth, and the parents (those who are my peers) appear to be at ease with this.

I have always been one who marched to the tune of my own drummer, and not one to follow the crowd. I had a spirit of individuality that was reinforced by my parents. They taught me to work hard for everything, and to have integrity, I in turn passed these same values to my own children. I was never one out to seek the popularity contest with my kids, nor was I interested in being their friend. That was not in the job profile under mother.

My fellow former classmates have decided however that this "friendship" was integral to child rearing. What it has seemed to produce is an entire generation of kids who cannot distinguish an adult from their peer. When I was growing up, adults were "Mr. So-and-So" or "Mrs. So-and-So". Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought to call one of my friends' parents by their first name. I had to teach my daughter's friends that I was NOT Christine to them, or CeCe, that was reserved for their parents, to them I was Mrs Benjamin. One parent actually called me to tell me I was wrong to correct her child, and that she encouraged her kids to be "buds" with her friends. Needless to say we differed in our parenting approach, and the outcome of her kids will be posted at the end of the blog.

Growing up my parents gave me chores and I was required to have a job on top of those chores. I was expected to maintain my grades and have a job, because they were preparing me for life. Fortunately, my job was a flexible one; babysitting! Back then I didn't see the point with the exception of the extra cash that was in my pocket at the end of the week. I did everything from babysitting, to life guarding, being a waitress and even delivering newspapers, either way, I had a hustle. These jobs paid for my new shoes, designer jeans, and Lord help me as I date myself; records or tapes. Today's youth don't seem to have this same demand placed on them. I hear too many parents say; "It's too much with all that they have to do already!" What? Now they aren't capable of doing what generations before them could? Have the children we bore come out more fragile then us?

Then we go to the actual education of these young minds, today we have more work for them to do with less information going in. A feat that I am still trying to figure out, yet there are actual graduates of prominent high schools that cannot answer the simplest of questions. Recently one night I was watching a documentary, and the interviewer asked college students a few questions. Nothing too difficult, like how do you split an atom? Below is the actual exchange that left me speechless.

Interviewer: "Why do we celebrate the 4th of July?"
College student 1: "To mark the end of World War I and II."

Interviewer: "Who did America claim its' independence from?"
College Student 2: "Easy, France."
College Student 3: "Germany?"
College Student 4: "The British..." (ahh finally there is hope!)"..Columbia, yeah British Columbia." (Damn, I breathed too soon)

This is a result of our allowing civics and basic social studies courses to have been removed from the curriculum. We didn't stop there, we allowed schools to eliminate Penmanship, learning to write in script, Music, Arts, and Phys Ed every semester. Perhaps this is because we fail to realize the importance of these courses, but that have an important role to play in developing brains. When a child is given paper, crayons, odds and ends and told have at it, the child looks perplexed. This is because we have removed the engaging part of their brain that evolves to be the problem solver, because rather to let them be, we show them what to do step-by-step. Eliminating the need to think for themselves, instead we insist that they conform.

Worse still, we have removed competition. We have games where there is no score being kept, evidently in the new Utopian world my peers are dreaming up competition is a bad thing. I do not know why we have deviated so far from the path. Our parents did not raise a bunch of self indulgent, instant gratifying individuals, yet somehow, we thought (not all but many of us) that this was a better way to be. I say NO MORE.

There is plenty of time in the future when we grow old to become our children's friend, but until these people are out on their own, we have a job to do. Make certain they are educated, can sustain a life for them selves apart from us, and to think for themselves. This will not happen if we don't use the basics. I may not have all the answers, but so far my kids are turning out pretty damn well.

I believe this parenting job outstretches the four walls of the house. So here are my suggestions to helping raise a better child. Pay attention, some of you may recognize your own parents in this advice.

To begin with, remember education begins at home, so start with reading to your kids from the moment you bring them home from the hospital. Books and reading should not be kryptonite to your kids. This is where their imagination is given its' first spark. They have to envision the scenes.

Enough with trying to be their buddies, that is what their peers are for. Your mom and dad weren't cool when you were a kid, and your kids don't necessarily want you to hang with them. It is okay to tell them NO! I assure you following the tantrum if thrown, they will recover, even more they will be grateful for the rules.

Have expectations for your children. They need to learn to set goals and more importantly, they need to learn how to achieve them. If you expect nothing, guess what, you get nothing. If you expect and demand the best, they might surprise you and exceed your expectations. Now this does not mean to become Joan Crawford on them, but encourage them when you tell them what you expect of them. Let them know you are well aware that they are smart and capable of achieving anything, as long as they set their mind to it.

The most important is expect to fail! Try as we may we will mess up, that is okay. It does not mean that we owe them the keys to the city because we messed up. Step back, assess the damage, and go back to the basics. That means give them curfews, punish when warranted, take away the car keys, iPhone, tablet or whatever. Remind them that YOU are the parent and are on the job 24 hours a day for life, therefore you get to make the rules.

In my home my kids can't even turn on the television without permission. A friend asked me how did I do that? As if it were a parlor trick, that is when I noted that I had expected my kids to follow rules, while she did not. Earlier, I said I would tell you of what happened to the woman that called me about telling her daughter not to call me by my first name. Well, while my daughter graduated and went on to a competitive university to continue her education, her daughter is hanging out at home, without a job or a high school diploma. There was no reason her child couldn't have succeeded. She had a two parent home, access to the best of everything, but she was never told no and nothing was ever expected of her. I don't say that could have been my kid, because I would not allow it to be, and upon giving it some serious thought, neither should any of us. Remember, eventually they will be in charge when we have lost our faculties, who do you want taking care of you when you're old and feeble.

Until we collectively take control and shift the direction of our youths, we really don't have anyone to blame but ourselves for the mess that they leave. Remember, this is merely my opinion, but if you see yourself or think there is room for improvement, have at it. If you have been nodding in agreement, pass it on. The only way we can make a change is if we make the change.

As always, here are some quotes to ponder:

"Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

"The goal in raising one's child is to enable him, first, to discover who he wants to be, and then to become a person who can be satisfied with himself and his way of life. Eventually he ought to be able to do in his life whatever seems important, desirable, and worthwhile to him to do; to develop relations with other people that are constructive, satisfying, mutually enriching; and to bear up well under the stresses and hardships he will unavoidably encounter during his life."~ Bruno Bettleheim

Reviving Me

2013-07-18T21:34:00.002-04:00

*It has been a while since I have written, but I had lost my desire for writing, or communicating with others until recently. The article below explains the why. I hope you can understand, while I appreciate and savor this moment as I make my return to the blog-o-sphere. Note this article deals with depression. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide, please reach out for help and call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255. There is no shame, and there is always hope.

A few years ago, a guy I had known killed himself due to severe depression. Although sympathetic to his pain, my mind could not wrap itself around how a parent could do this to his children. In my mind, there had to be more than depression to lead someone down the path to take their own life and leave the wake that they do for friends and family to pick up and try to make sense of. I had a lot of pity for him, and his wife and kids.

Today, I have a clearer understanding of the bleak despair that he must have felt that day and the many days before; leading to his final decision. Although it pains me to say that I have a better understanding, I am relieved that I made it through the other side to tell my tale. Even though I have lived my life looking for the positive in everything, facing each obstacle that was placed in my path head on. Finding courage when I thought I had nothing left to give, I found myself in an abyss that shed no light my way, worse it did not allow for me to see the glint of light that was trying to find me.

I began this year with such optimism, convinced that a surgery was all I needed and back to my daily duties I will return. Little did I know that one surgery would turn into five (5) and a desperate fight for my life. I underwent severe trauma to my body, my mind and emotional health. In the end I made it through the physical portions with the help of my husband, parents, family and friends. I had a team of top doctors and nurses, trying to undo the damage that nearly took me off the planet, my mind however did not heal at the same rate as the rest of me.

Here I was, a survivor of everything life has ever thrown my way; divorce, Multiple Sclerosis, renal cancer, postpartum eclampsia, C-Dif, through it all I pushed through and came out with a better outlook on life and a greater appreciation for everyday and the simple joys that life has to give. Yet, even I was not prepared for what awaited me this past winter. Although I was able to overcome most of the physical challenges that had befallen me, there was something more dangerous and insidious than the viruses that almost took my leg and life that was happening. No one noticed that I was slowly disappearing into the blackness of my own depression. I cannot tell just when it began, or how I found myself looking at life through a prism that truly was foreign to me. What I can tell you, is that I was there. I wallowed in it, bathed in it, hell I was drinking the Kool-Aid that was leading me to see only pain, sorrow without end in sight.

The pain that my mind was fixated on was very real and had the ability to only been seen and experienced by me. Worse than that, I found that the "essence" of who I thought I was as a person, a mother, wife, daughter and sister was eroding away. I was becoming lost and the deeper into the darkness my mind wandered, the more difficult it was for me to find the way out. Finally I found myself there, in the pit that swallows some of us whole and doesn't let us go. I was in the clutches of the monster called depression, it had no intention of letting me go. Strangely, there was a comfort in the thoughts of ending it all. No more pain, no more surgeries, no more difficulties, my dark thoughts had me rationalizing the actual benefits of not having to go on another day. Rather than running in the opposite direction of such ideas, the thought of sleeping and never waking up were beginning to be hatched. Just how many pain killers would it take? Would drinking alcohol speed it up?

Then I saw my youngest daughter, after having not seen her face for 2 months, or smelling her sweet smell or hearing her giggle and watching her smile with her eyes as well as her mouth. Her utter joy and innocence had yanked me forcibly out of the pit. If only for a moment, that moment was enough to allow me to see where I was. Although I would be swallowed back into the depths of hell; this time I was armed with something to save me. It was as if my daughter threw me a flashlight to assure me a way back to her, my family, more importantly to me. My journey back has been a long an arduous process, involving the first most important step of asking for help.

Fortunately, I had the means and where with all to recognize that I was in trouble and in need of some serious help or this would be the end of the line for me. I felt immense guilt almost immediately, realizing the weight of my life had been placed squarely on the shoulders of a five year old girl. She was not aware of what I had done, but I was and with my state of mind it caused a lot of internal conflict. Reaching for help was difficult. At first I think people thought I was saying I was suicidal as a euphemism, not acknowledging the seriousness of my statement, or where I was in my thoughts.

Today, I am better. I don't have those same dark thoughts, but I can tell you I am well aware of their proximity. Talk therapy was what helped me finally get rid of my demons that were fervently holding onto me. I am home, and still undergoing physical therapy on a long road to recovery. I am grateful to say that I finally do see the light, and although this experience has changed me, I am one of the fortunate ones that battled depression and came through. Many like my old friend, do not win the battle and sadly leave many of us behind scratching our heads with a lot of whys. This is not how I plan on going out of this life. No for me it will be a fight, teeth and all. I refuse to go down without fighting for every moment, because this life is all that we have and I, for one, want mine to mean something more than that I was here.

The following quotes helped me through some very trying times, and it wouldn't be a blog entry of mine without a quote or two. Thank you for welcoming me back, until next time.

"If you're going through hell, keep going." ~ Winston Churchill

"It always seems impossible until it's done."~ Nelson Mandela

Let's Talk Politics

2012-10-01T23:30:00.004-04:00

ap·a·thy [ap-uh-thee] noun, plural ap·a·thies

1.absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

2.lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

3.Also, ap·a·thei·a, ap·a·thi·a Stoicism . freedom from emotion of any kind.

di·vi·sive [dih-vahy-siv] adjective. Related forms di·vi·sive·ly, adverb di·vi·sive·ness, noun

1. forming or expressing division or distribution.
2. creating dissension or discord.

No, I am not making my blog into the latest version of the Merriam Webster Dictionary. I purposefully chose these two words to best express what I believe has pervaded our country's current state of affairs. The apathy that we suffer from is what has allowed the perversion of our very foundation; our democracy.

We sat by, and were seemingly apathetic to the corruption of some politicians and the CEO's that were sitting in positions of power at conglomerates. The common denominator for all and the one thing that unified them; GREED. The incessant need for more money, more power and at all costs. Today a CEO at multibillion dollar corporation is making more than 300 times the lowest wage earner at his company. In the 1970's, when this country faced another rough economy the ratio did not reflect this same drastic difference. On the average the highest wage earner at a company would make 10 to 15 times more than that of the lowest wage earner. We've come a long way baby,... and not in a good way.

When discussing our collective apathy, it is in reference to our not balking or rising up with disdain when we all saw the writing on the wall. When home prices rose exponentially, yet the median income did not. We lived beyond our means, most living on credit and no one said a word. When the bottom fell out we were aghast, and then had the udder audacity to be perplexed as to how it all happened. Today we find ourselves still reeling from one of the most catastrophic economic crisis this country has seen in over 75 years. This economic downfall and slow turn around has made us nervous and susceptible to fear and paranoia, making us ripe for the picking when it comes to our votes for a politician. Like a charlatan, they will make the promise that they can rescue us, and give us the golden roads we once had. Welcome to the presidential elections, enter divisiveness, following swiftly behind.

How great it is to be an American, a country where your voice is heard with the simple casting of a vote! Although today have set a different tone, with talks and proposed legislation to bring on voter suppression. I cannot remember when this country was ever so divided. It is one thing to support your party, and or candidate weather you are a Republican or a Democrat, but to go to the levels of throwing blatant lies, distortions of the truth and out right smearing is simply outrageous.

My contention is not with the candidates themselves, I am certain both men are intelligent (having both graduated from Harvard Law), and are loyal respectable family men. I am also certain that it is not the objective of either candidate to intentionally divide the citizens of the nation that want to lead. However, it is becoming the result of their campaign supporters and Super PACs.

Although I know that mudslinging has become as common in the course of running for elected office, as slapping a bumper sticker on your car is, the divisive nature of the mudslinging is not constructive to creating an effective democracy. Lately when turning on the television we are thrown into a world of political pundits spewing their opinion as fact. Gone are the days of debating issues, and each candidate presenting a platform on which they stand. It is almost as if I am tuning to Friday Fight Night, all that is missing is Howard Cosell sitting ring side giving the blow by blow. "In this corner we have the Right Wing Conservative Mitt Romney, hailing from Massachusetts....and in the other corner we have the Left Wing Liberal POTUS Barack Obama holding steadfast for a second term...ding ding." Really is this what we want from our leaders? To challenge each other not on record, or their abilities, but who has more dirt than who?

In comes the subterfuge of the Super PAC. Pick a side folks, don't stand by the sidelines and try to weigh out the issues and actually think. There is a quote that comes to mind with regards to the discord that exists currently and never has this quote been more relative until now. It is this; "Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong." ~Richard Armour.

The reason I wrote this blog was in part due to the nonstop chatter that has been taking place on social media. It is my expansion on a status that I had posted in hopes to reign in the continuous negative postings I was seeing. What I had stated then was that if you have to insult and lie about your opponent then maybe you lack confidence in your candidate. What had been a place for me to catch up with family and friends, has now become a war zone. In particular for me I have two friends that are passionate about their candidates. While I can appreciate their passion, I cannot handle the constant insulting posts they have insulting the opponent. To bring into question the birth right of Barack Obama, who I might remind everyone was born to an American mother, regardless of where you think he was born. If it was a legitimate birth for Mitt Romney's father, it is for Mr Obama. Also the inference that Mitt Romney is concerned only with making money and cannot see beyond the dismantling of businesses and will in turn do the same to America. ENOUGH! Let us weigh the issues, and find who is best for the job.

Those who feel disenfranchised there is a simple solution, VOTE, let your voice be heard. If you believe in leveling out the playing field, take a look at the Democrats and their platform. If you are more concerned about keeping government small and not having a large role in your life, examine the Republican party and listen to what their candidate is actually saying. Collectively what we all must do is stop listening to the noise. Gather fact and get rid of the fiction, and please remember, this too shall pass. This is a nation that has survived elections, drought, recessions and inflation. What makes us unique in the world is that America, regardless of what has gone on, We Are Resilient. We can and have weathered the storms, we are an optimistic sort, and perhaps our optimism to a better America will be the America we all can come together to create.

Being this is my blog, I cannot end an entry without a quote or two. Influenced by the constant references to the founding fathers, (and some manipulation to suit a party's need), I want to leave you with some quotes from them to ponder. Their words are as relevant today as they were over 400 years ago. As always thank you for reading, and please remember to vote.

"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." — John Quincy Adams

" Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people." - John Adams

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." ~ Thomas Jefferson

"It is universally admitted that a well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people." - James Madison

"I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it." - Benjamin Franklin

In Remembrance of the Fallen

2012-09-10T23:45:00.000-04:00

There isn't a New Yorker that I know of, that will not shed a tear today. Whether it is while they are alone, or surrounded by others, also joining in mourning. Today is September 11th. A day that is forever seared in our hearts and minds, a day that America found out that terror can and will visit itself upon our shores, a day that we remember the fallen.

It also happens to be a Tuesday, the same day when the heinous tragic act of terrorism took place. I remember that day of eleven years ago as clearly as if it were yesterday. I can still feel the air of that morning, I also still feel the slight panic I had from running late for work, knowing I had a ten a.m. project meeting. The worst is I can still smell the odor that lingered in the air from the aftermath.

Here we are eleven years later and I still can't bring myself to go downtown. I had an opportunity to go recently for a family function, during the drive; once we got past Varrick Street, I held my breath. Though the skyline has changed permanently, in my mind's eye it is all still the same, making what my eyes actually see hard to digest. Still when I look to the city from New Jersey, I search for those two towers, in a city I once called home, and still so many years later I am distressed to see they are gone from my vision. I suppose it is the same for many of those who were there or have a connection to the Towers.

Normally, on this solemn day I retreat. First within myself, then, from the world outside (read previous post: Remembrance). I take this time to reflect, cry and remember. I remember my friends, coworkers, the people I stood next to on the elevator, whose name I never knew, and the countless faces that no longer grace us with their presence. I hear the sound of the whistling hiss that ran through the air, sounding like a missile before the ground shook for a second time when the South Tower was hit. This year I want something different, this year I want to say thank you,..again.

I want to thank those courageous first responders, who willingly, without concern for themselves, came into the fire while we ran for our lives. I want to thank the firefighters, police officers and EMS that acted out of bravery, to save the lives of strangers. I want to give thanks to the soldiers who stood guard, and those who went to far off lands, in order to fight in two wars for our nation. I also want to thank those brave passengers, who took it upon themselves to give their own lives, rather than be used to cause further carnage on American soil. All of the above mentioned, were willing to pay with the ultimate sacrifice,..their lives for our FREEDOM.

A lot has happened since that day eleven years ago. I got remarried and had another child, a daughter who is still too young to understand what occurred on this day, in the not so distant past. She will learn from me of its' significance and of the exemplary acts of courage that followed, from school it will be another piece of American history.

The only thing that I can hope for is that during this election year our politicians can take a moment from the rhetoric, and pause to reflect as well. The spirit of the day in America, following the attacks on the Towers and the Pentagon and the crash of Flight 93, was that of a united front. We were one, we were shell-shocked, but we were not defeated, because to defeat the American spirit, you would have to eliminate all of us. We draped ourselves in Red, White and Blue, not in Republican or Democrat nor Independent. The voices of the people resounded in a thunderous chorus, sounding off as one. To paraphrase one of my favorite poets, Dylan Thomas; we will not go gently into that good night! We will rise up, for united we stand, and united we were on that warm September morning and the somber days that followed.

We sometimes need to remember this, especially at a time when our nation is tearing itself apart during a Presidential election. Rather than divide, we need to remember the thread that holds us all together, the thread that keeps us tethered to a flag, a nation, an ideal; that of Freedom and Democracy for all. I for one will wrap myself in Old Glory,and in the true tenements that established this country. It is our ideals that others despise, it is viewed by our enemies as our arrogance, but it is not arrogance, but pride. Although we are not perfect, we have had many failings in our history, but we have always held onto the ideal that freedom is a precious right of all citizens.

This is still a nation that many come to seeking that freedom, and opportunity for a better life. We are and have always been a nation of immigrants, a diversity that strengthen its people, making us stronger and always the beacon calling others to want what we have. So rather wallow in my grief, I will rejoice in my freedom, my pride and my nation. For what other country could produce so many heroes, that came from all walks of life, and selflessly stood together to save their brethren, regardless of the cost to themselves.

In Remembrance to the 2,977 Lives Lost on 9/11.

To the families, my heart is still with you.

We will never forget

To my friends, I miss you

Farah Jeudy Joey Maio Christopher Scudder

The Elephant in the Room

2012-09-07T00:19:00.000-04:00

I would be remiss, if in my blog I did not talk about the "Elephant" in the room, the Presidential election of 2012. Although I know the rule of thumb is to never discuss race, religion and politics with neighbors, family or friends at a dinner party, but sometimes you just can't avoid it. Although I will not be discussing in this blog post my own political affiliation or choice, it would remove from the point I will be trying to make, there is a possibility that it may pop up; so my apologies ahead of time.

Recently, I came across a photo (see above), and it struck me that tensions are high this year, higher than it has been in years. I have seen fellow bloggers go off their main course of topic in their posts, dedicating it to the end of President Obama or the ruin of the GOP. There has been misinformation, misleading ads on both sides of the fence, some to the point of causing this woman nausea. At times it is shameful, distasteful but this is what American politics has come to. Regardless of where you stand, personal attacks are never warranted when the discussion of the state of our nation and how it is to be governed, is concerned.

In 2008, we were a country at the precipice of the worst economic free fall it had seen in over 75 years. We, the American people had been clueless as to how serious the situation was, today we have not yet recovered. Is it wrong for us to have expected more? No, but it was foolish to think that in four years all things would be back to normal. The reality check is this, we will never have the economy of the past again, because we (collectively) partied like it was 1999 and when we got the bill were shocked that we had to pay for it.

The continuous deregulating of banks and Wall Street, was only going to bite us in the proverbial ass. Deregulations, that admittedly occurred by both parties. The out-sourcing of jobs; and you know what I am talking about if you ever dialed customer service and had a chance to speak with "Chuck" from Mumbai; jobs that once upon a time were always here. This too cost us, and again was contributed to by both parties.

For years, I have been balking about the disappearing middle class in America. Today the middle class seems to be the "go-to" word of the political pundits. The shame is in order for us to remain a society with more than two classes, we the people need to start playing a more active role in our politics. Not by bashing one another, but rather by finding a way to compromise across the aisle to benefit all, not just one. Yet, we seem to be stuck in the mire of being right and see compromise as a weakness instead of a strength.

Last week I watched the RNC and I listened to the speakers, and the candidates, some said things that struck me as good, some that struck me as poor, point is I listened. Listening is the key, and it is my fervent hope that those that were elected to serve listen too.

This week was the DNC's turn to talk to America, and tell us their platform. The pundits were talking about how the Obama/Biden ticket has lost its' hype and luster that it had in 2008. I find this statement to be a sad commentary. I, for one am not looking to go back, and most definitely not back to four years ago, when we were falling apart and bleeding at the seams.

I could make an argument for President Barack Obama, and why he should be re-elected. There are many things that his administration has accomplished that I benefited from. "OBAMACARE" (another word I despise, it's Universal Healthcare), had it been in existence in 2002 when I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, might have prevented me from being in a wheelchair today. In the same breath I could make an argument for Governor Mitt Romney, mostly because he was the architect for the healthcare system that now exists, and his business acumen might be beneficial to this nation, but I won't make either.

The decision that we make when we go to the polls in November is for your own self. It is a decision that should be made intelligently, weighing the pros and the cons of both candidates. This means we have to go to work and become informed. If you are a Democrat, make certain that your ideas and ideals are what your candidate supports. If you are a Republican, do the same. What we cannot do and most definitively should not do is separate the country.

What I mean by this is we are not a nation of Blues and Reds, we are a country of diversity. To make us into two is defeatist, it takes away from who we are as a nation. I have stated this before, but it bears re-mentioning; on September 12th in 2001 we were a nation of Red, White and Blue. Street after street were draped in our flag, showing a nation's pride at a time when we had been under attack. Should it only take another heinous act of terrorism, to bring forward our Nationalism? We, the people, are just that, people, people who stand united for one Nation, under one flag. Not people for Red or Blue alone. If we keep this in mind no matter what the outcome we should be able to look at one another the following the morning, and remember whatever happens, we are in this together. I say this because regardless; there is no better nation on this earth that I would want to call home. To quote a song; "I am proud to be an American!"

No matter what comes about, I have faith in this great nation of ours. We are a nation that was built on an idea. Think about that, we did not come from Kings or Queens, the country and highest office of the land was not bequeath to one family or one group. It was a group of those who were defiant and decidedly took hold of an idea, the idea of freedom. We are still a young nation, and we have had our share of bad moves and mistakes, but we weathered every storm we faced, only to stand together as one. Defiant? Yes. Resilient? Yes. Everlasting? I believe so. No matter what; to quote Vice President Joe Biden, "It is never a safe bet to bet against America or its people!"

If you are an regular follower of my blog, you know that I have to sign off with a quote; and I do not want to disappoint, so here it goes:

"Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future. "~John F. Kennedy

Bittersweet

2012-08-31T23:51:00.000-04:00

I am back. After a hiatus for the summer I am returning to the blog-o-sphere. I hope your summer was good to you. I spent my summer packing my eldest daughter for college. Going through much of her belongings, deciding what she wanted to take, toss or save at home. Also I have been getting my youngest ready for her entry in elementary school. One in college, one in Kindergarten, both milestones, but taxing for this mom. This blog entry is about my experience on sending the eldest off to her university to start her college career. It's an exciting year ahead of me, and I plan on blogging as often as possible. Thanks for reading!

bit·ter·sweet/ˈbitərˌswēt/

Adjective:

(of food, drink, or flavor) Sweet with a bitter aftertaste.

That is the definition of bittersweet, but honestly for me it has taken a whole new meaning. As I write this blog, I am full of mixed emotions. I am both happy, yet sad, excited, yet cautious, all due to my eldest daughter's beginning her college experience.

Recently, my husband and I drove her to school. We all knew this day was coming, it had been expected. For me, there was no other option, when this now young woman standing before me at 5 feet 10 inches, was first placed in my arms eighteen years ago. What was not anticipated are the mixed emotions that I am now dealing with.

While a part of me is rejoicing at a job well done, another part of me is wishing I could just set the clock back to when she was five and held my hand, as "WE" explored the world around her together. Me, the protective mother lioness, looking over her cub, encouraging her to venture further than she thought possible, knowing all the while I was within reach to pull her out of harm's way.

The truth is I am a little jealous. I know it is a strange emotion to admit to, but the jealousy is in knowing that she will be sharing new life experiences without me. For eighteen years I shared in her achievements, her stumbles, her dreams and it had been my duty bound responsibility to prepare her for this time of her life. Looking back I should have been preparing myself to let go.

While on the university campus, my husband and I were one set of parents, in a sea of parents. Each who were leaving our children, so they may begin their lives in adulthood. Hard to believe that I leave her here, hoping that I did enough in preparing her for her future. I heard a lot of parents telling their children a list of "DON'Ts". DON'T DRINK, DON'T DO DRUGS, DON'T HAVE SEX, DON'T FAIL OUT, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. I rather not leave my daughter with "DON'Ts" but instead a list of DOs.

So here they are; from me to her as she embarks into the world without me.

DO go into everything with gusto. You can't experience life without tasting it first.
DO spread your wings, and explore who you are. These college years are a gift to you to discover who you are.
DO try your best. You can't accomplish anything unless you try first and try whole heartedly.
DO embrace your failures as much as your successes. You learn more from your mistakes then you can from your accomplishments.
DO remember that YOU are the captain of the ship that is your destiny. Your life choices are your own now, so think of what you want from life and keep focused on the end goal. You can achieve anything, because I taught you!

And finally, DO keep in mind that I am here for you. No matter how far, or how near, I am your cheerleader, your champion, your friend, your confidant, most of all your mother. It has been a privilege and honor to be with you from your first breath, your first walk, your first words and I will continue to be here. There is nothing that you can do that will ever disappoint me, or make me anything other than proud of you. For you are my daughter, capable of ANYTHING that you desire.

As I drove away, I took a look at my daughter, with tears streaming down my face; I thought to myself, "Where did the time go?". I know she is a young woman now, but to me she is my baby. Our whole life together flashed through my mind. In an instant, every memory, every laugh, every argument were running through my head and as I wiped my tears away I could see, she was ready and I had to let go. Now I won't lie to you and say this is easy, it is a process, one that I will get through, as will she.

To those who read my blog I have this to say. Motherhood is the only job that you invest your all and when you finally get good at it, you are forced into retirement. It can be a thankless job, a difficult job and the pay most definitely sucks! I marvel at my mother more and more everyday, knowing that she sent her girls off and watched us make our lives without her standing right besides us. I made a good life for myself, and think the job was well done because she taught me by example. So to all the mothers out there who sacrifice themselves for their kids, "GOOD JOB MOM!". We will not see a return on our heart filled investment until they are parents themselves. So keep trudging along, be ready to be fired when they turn 18, just remember it will be worth it in the end.

This wouldn't be a proper return to my blog without leaving a quote. It took a long time to find just what I wanted to say.

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States"~Erma Bombeck

Peace,...at least for now

2012-07-29T17:49:00.000-04:00

The other day I blogged about my love for sports, and prior to that I had posted a poem about running and my longing to run again. Friday night, the compilation of these two loves arrived, the 2012 Olympics. I suppose my love affair for The Games, began in 1976. I can remember sitting in the family room; being the 70's, it was the designated room that held the television for us kids to watch. It was the summer that I was turning 10 years old. It had been officially known as Games of the XXI Olympiad, and being held in a city I knew all too well, Montreal, in Quebec, Canada.

When you are ten years old, the world and its' policies do not directly impact your world, at least not from your point of view. Your world at ten is primarily made up of your family, neighbors, school and the occasional urban myths you learn at slumber parties. World affairs are not on your top ten list, let alone the top 100, on your list of concerns. 1976 had already been an interesting year in my young life; as it happened to be our nation's Bi-Centennial year. During the school year, we had gone on field trips dressed in colonial clothes to historic sites in the area, and learned the meaning of the Revolutionary War. I believe that was the closest I had come to learning about world affairs, even if it had been historical, in my young life.

Then the summer games began on July 17th, of that same year. I was hooked, mesmerized even, and unbeknownst to me, I was witnessing history being made. I saw a young Bruce Jenner win the decathlon, breaking and setting world records. I was fortunate to see a girl, not much older than myself, from Romania named Nadia Comaneci score seven perfect 10's and go on to win 3 gold medals, including the "All-Around". The United States had it's best ever boxing team, made up of five of our best boxers; Sugar Ray Leonard, Leon Spinks, Michael Spinks, Leo Randolph and Howard Davis Jr. winning gold medals in boxing. It is no surprise that out of the five American gold medalists in boxing, all but Davis went on to become professional world champions.

Sadly, the games had already changed. Following what had occurred during the Munich Games, security was now also a priority. I was too young to remember the tragic events of the Munich games that had been held only four years earlier. The massacre of nine Israeli athletes and their coach, by a group of Palestinian terrorists marred the event, casting a shadow on the wins and records set.

This past Friday night however, I delighted again watching the opening ceremonies, as had an estimated one billion around the world. Security still plays a major factor, even more so with the world being in the chaos that it finds itself in at the moment. Yet, for a few weeks in London, all eyes will be on the host city and the athletes, representing their respective countries. Two-hundred and four countries are participating in this summer's Games, competing and facing challenges, all with one purpose. To do their best and push beyond their limits. It is not only about the wins, or the medals, it isn't even about placing; what it is about is doing their personal best; not just for country but for themselves.

What is absolutely wonderful about the games, is that with the world focused on the events, there is peace, or the illusion of it for a moment in time. In a city, that is the only one in the history of the Olympics, to be the host city three times; thousands of athletes, from different walks of life, varying cultures, will reside near one another. Here there will not be talk of the ills of mankind; but rather the wonderment of what mankind can accomplish. We will witness peace, of 204 countries working together with one goal collectively, to present the best of the best doing their best and presenting the world with wondrous Olympic Games to go down in the history books. Just as they have in the days of Greece thousands of years ago.

The opening ceremony allowed us a glimpse of this peace, as we watched with delight the presentation that London gave us on Friday night. It was moving, and touched me hearing the International Children's Choir sing. To see the interpretation that the London Olympic committee gave, in welcoming the world to center stage. To see former Olympic (and World Boxing Champion) Muhammad Ali touch the Olympic flag, carried in by those whose efforts has been to help the world with humanitarian efforts; symbolized the real meaning of the games. Unity.

Perhaps the most touching moment for me, was the lighting of the torch. Traditionally, it has been given to one person to have the honor. During this ceremony, it was done by future hopeful Olympic athletes, sponsored by former Olympiads. The connection of past to future, from those who achieved to those working towards that same goal, filled the stadium with hope. For me; where there is hope, there is possibility. The greatest of which is peace in the world. So, for the next few weeks there will be hope, peace and endless possibilities for some to break records, and even for some to achieve the unimaginable. Regardless, I will be watching, with bated breath, rooting for my country, but mostly rooting for the peace that exists in the Olympic Village, extending to the world. Maybe these 204 countries will finally recognize that it is possible, without war, without guns, but with sharing one purpose and one goal. Today it is the Games, tomorrow, who knows.

I will sign off with a notation before my quotes; during the games I will be on hiatus from the internet. I will return to post once again, following the games and sending my eldest off to college. Enjoy your summer and enjoy the games! Now for some quotes from former Olympic Athletes.

"I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world." ~ Muhammad Ali

"When we stage the Olympics it will inspire kids all over the country. A kid in Scotland or Ireland will be encouraged to take."~ Daley Thompson

"The Olympics have been with the world since 776 B.C., and have only been interrupted by war, especially in the modern era."~Bill Toomey

Another American Tragedy

2012-07-22T03:24:00.000-04:00

Special Note: To begin with; my prayers and condolences to those who were injured, and most of all to the families whose loved ones were killed. You have my deepest sympathy and are in my thoughts and prayers. Aurora is in my heart, as it is, in much of the country.

“I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.”~Rachel Joy Scott (1981-1999)

Student & 1st Victim Of The Columbine High School Massacre

Originally, I was going to write about my daughter getting ready to go off to college, Thursday night changed all that. I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the horrific crime that took place the other night, in a town just outside of Denver. The town was that of Aurora, Colorado; which ironically was rated as the ninth safest city in America by Forbes magazine. The story now, became quite the opposite, with the images fixed on our television screens, following an evening out to the movies. Sadly, twelve (12) people were killed and fifty-eight (58) others were wounded, some critically, the youngest victim is only 4 months old while tragically the youngest killed was only six years old.

During the midnight premiere of Dark Knight Rises, at a sold out show of one of the most anticipated blockbuster movies of the summer, tragedy struck this quiet suburb. Authorities say the alleged gunman, James Holmes, had attended the movie with enough armor to help him in his planned attack. He had fortified himself with enough Kevlar and tactical body armament to protect is own life, while he mercilessly took the lives of innocent others. We may never know, nor understand what was going on within the mind of this allegedly quiet, bright young man, who now will not be known for whatever good he might have achieved in his life, had he not seemingly become insane. Rather his name now will be synonymous with evil, having masterminded and executing one of the most heinous massacres in current US history.

This is not the first time that a gunman has shaken this country to its' core. We, as a society, have become not so much shocked, but more-so curious with violence in our culture. I find it surprising that all of this occurred in the same state where the infamous and equally tragic Columbine school shootings took place . What gave me cause for alarm, was that even though a massacre of mass proportions, had happened just over a decade ago, gun control laws are still lax in the state of Colorado. Thirteen years ago, when we collectively witnessed the horrors of gun violence, massacres are still happening, all over the country and still we talk about gun control. Talk, but no solution.

To prove that we have become indifferent to violence in our society, and have gotten somewhat apathetic, is the simple fact that there were young children present at this movie premiere. Now please, do not misunderstand and mistake this comment as a criticism of the victims from this horror, but what are we doing taking young children to a mature and highly violent film at midnight?

Here is another shocker, up until a few months ago; when Ted Nugent made his highly controversial comments regarding the current sitting President, I was an active member of the NRA. I am a legal gun owner, and had fully believed in the right to bear arms. What I do not support is the need for people to own semi-automatic weapons, or amass a stash of weapons without raising alarm bells. Like all things in this world, we need to regulate gun ownership and the sales of guns.

James Holmes, age 24 and a former graduate student working on his Doctorate in neuroscience until a few months ago, was headed in a completely different direction. Yet, in just a few months began to seemingly become unraveled. Dropping out of his graduate program, and began to set the stage and compile a gun collection and ammunition amounting to more than 6,000 rounds. Had we stopped the empty talks, but had actually taken some sort of action, perhaps someone might have taken notice that someone was stockpiling enough weapons, not to forage on a duck hunt. There are few ways to currently keep track of those who are doing the same, and believe me, James Holmes is not the only one nor dismally, with the lack of gun control will he be the last.

The disinterest we place on the need for gun control, will only lead to more gun violence, and more massacres.

Map Depicting Statistical Data of Gun Violence in America

When our forefathers included the "Right to bear arms", it was given at a time when life was different. It was written at a time when settlers to the new land were fighting with the Natives of this land, when we had just emerged from a war with England, and fighting with the French in order to access more land. These factors were in play, when the decision was made, but we live in a different time, and like all things of history it is time for a change.

Perhaps, this tragedy, with the loss of so many innocent lives, this time we will together take a stand, and instead of talk, actually take action to help prevent further senseless deaths of human lives facing the barrel of a gun. In case you are in need of a few facts* to help stimulate you into putting pressure on the powers that be.

While gun crime is down in the vast majority of states, it is up in New York, Virginia, New Jersey, Mississippi, Missouri, Arizona, Delaware, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Connecticut and several of the smaller states.
If you look at the firearms murder rate per 100,000 people, District of Columbia comes out top - with 16 firearms murders per 100,000 man, woman and child in the state. There were 99 firearms murders in DC in 2010, down 12% on 2009
In the beginning of 2011 the shooting spree in Tucson, Arizona, that targeted congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords left six dead, including a nine-year-old child. But since then, the issue has been given scant attention.
The summer of 2012 in Chicago during the Memorial Day weekend 55 people were shot, a few months later in the city of New York, 77 people were victims of gun violence over the course of less then one week
The rate of death from firearms in the United States is eight times higher than that in its economic counterparts in other parts of the world.
The overall firearm-related death rate among U.S. children younger than 15 years of age is nearly 12 times higher than among children in 25 other industrialized countries combined.

*Statistics provided by FBI, CDC and The Brady Campaign

So while the numbers may be down, they are still too high. Do we need them to climb back up again before we start doing something?

Lastly, amidst the chaos and horrors of Thursday night, there were heroes. Young men protecting women, and children with their own bodies, some suffering wounds, some giving the ultimate sacrifice; their own lives to shelter another from the shooter. I was most impressed by one young man in particular. The young man is Jarrell Brooks, 19 years of age, who was prepared to leave when the mayhem erupted, stopped when he heard a young woman scream "MY KIDS!". Risking his own life, he leaped into action, making the bold and brave decision to come to her aid. He managed to lead her and the children to safety, suffering gun shot wounds to his leg. When asked how he felt, this amazing young man said the following words; "I forgive James Holmes for shooting me, because it is more bold to forgive than to hate."

Let us take a cue from this incredible man, wise beyond his years. Find forgiveness for this madness, and be bold, as I stated in the beginning of this entry; we may never know or understand the type of sickness that festered in the mind of James Homes. How can we understand the mindset of a man that booby-trapped his own home with explosives, and waited for the theater to be packed, and begin a rampage on all who were present. Our boldness is to find a solution to prevent this from ever happening again to our neighbors.

No quotes tonight, just a thought. Have we become so adjusted to the sight of violence, we no longer have the will or fortitude to garner our own heroism to put an end to it?

Game,... Set,...Match!

2012-07-11T02:41:00.001-04:00

I have been a sports nut for as long as I can remember. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that I grew up in New York, the city of true sports fanatics, or perhaps because I was an athlete in my younger days. It could also be that I just never left my tomboy years behind; my father having had no sons, made me the designated "boy" and sports was how we bonded. Regardless of why, I LOVE sports.

There was a time when a woman, such as myself was thought to be a rarity, but thanks to women like Alyssa Milano, we are coming out of the closet. She opened the doors to the life of a female fan in her 2009 book on her love of baseball, Safe At Home: Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic. This gave her a leap forward using her business acumen, and launching a fan clothing line for women.

I enjoy football, soccer, basketball, baseball, track and field, golf and tennis. Now here is why I am excited. Wimbledon 2012 just ended. For me the finale took place on Saturday, on one of the courts, Serena Williams took the glory, defeating her opponent and winning her fifth Wimbledon Championship. She is the first woman over 30, to win a Grand Slam tournament since Martina Navratilova.

Today, she is a tennis media darling, smashing records, getting ready to break more I am certain. I can remember when her professional career, alongside with her sister Venus, began back in the late 90's. At that time she was critiqued extensively for the guttural yell with her power serves, and the sounds of her hair beads made when playing. The Williams sisters were not warmly embraced by the tennis world when they began to make their mark. Comments ranged from disparaging remarks regarding their outfits, or whether or not they had the ability to last in the game, creating a professional tennis career. Looking back now, it is hard to imagine that they were once viewed as a FLASH IN THE PAN. Recently, well respected tennis player; John McEnroe, was quoted as to having called Serena Williams one of the best tennis players he has ever seen.

Let me list a few facts of Ms Williams; all are noteworthy ones.

Today Serena is the only female player to have won over $35 million in prize money.
She has 29 Grand Slam titles : 14 in singles, 13 in women's doubles, and 2 in mixed doubles.
She is the most recent player, male or female, to have held all four Grand Slam singles titles simultaneously and only the fifth woman ever to do so.
She was also the first woman, along with older sister Venus Williams, to hold all four Grand Slam doubles titles simultaneously since Martina Hingis.
Her 14 Grand Slam singles titles is sixth on the all-time list.
Williams ranks fourth in Grand Slam women's singles titles won during the open era, behind Steffi Graff, Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova.
Among active players, male or female, she holds the most Major titles in singles, doubles, and mixed doubles.

Not bad for a girl from Compton. Both Williams sisters have amazed and dominated the court, having the top two recorded fastest serves. Venus at 129mph and Serena's record just behind big sister with a recorded 128mph. It has been a long time since a woman of African descent has graced the courts, winning during the open era. The first being Althea Gibson in 1956, referred to as the "Jackie Robinson" of tennis, paving the way for Zina Garrison, and the Williams sisters.

With merely a few weeks off, Serena will be back at it again going for the gold in the 2012 Olympics in London, accompanied by her equally talented sister Venus. They will be heading off the USA team in this year summer games. This has all come under a difficult two years, for the sisters health wise. Serena has recently recovered from surgery, and a blood clot in her lungs. Venus has been battling Sjogren's Syndrome. a rare auto immune disease. Still these unstoppable women continue to aspire; as well as inspire. They may lose at times, but, whenever they hit the courts I smile. My smile not just for their accomplishments, but for the indelible mark they have left in a sport, once thought only for the privileged and white.

There is now a insurgence of other women of color climbing up the ranks, inspired most likely from seeing what the Williams sisters have been able to accomplish, demolishing a glass ceiling in a sport that once upon a time, Blacks were not even permitted to compete in.

To those who continue to make their mark I want to mention their names as well; Chanda Rubin, Dally Randriantefy, Jewel Peterson, Stephanie Foretz, Angela Haynes, Shenay Perry, Megan Moulton-Levy, Milagros Sequera, Ahsha Rolle, Alexandra Stevenson, Mashona Washington, Jamea Jackson, Raquel Kops-Jones, Jennifer Elie, Sloane Stephens, Asia Muhammed, Danielle Mills, Chloe Babet, Tiya Rolle, and Brittany Augustine.

Before her death, Althea Gibson, then 74-years old, was again caught up in the emotional tumult of another major tennis event with the semifinal victories by Venus and Serena Williams in the United States Open. She then said to her friend the following words;

"I would like to congratulate the Williams family for accomplishing this historic achievement, two family members and two sisters who have become two of the greatest tennis athletes in the world."

Yes, I love sports, but what I love more is watching these amazing athletes continue to pave the way for young Black women. Allowing my daughters to look up and see the possibilities of creating opportunities, where once there was none.

As always, I end this with a quote; but first a thought. Athleticism begins with one, whether it is a competitive team sport or solo play. It is the individual athlete that goes out and finds their limits and pushes through them. It is not always done for the glory or the medals, but to prove to oneself their own possibility. To seek beyond what they know they can already accomplish, but rather to find what they thought would be challenging, to meet full force and to accomplish.

"Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records. "~William Arthur Ward

Happy Birthday America!

2012-07-04T23:37:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday America!

I am a second generation American (often commonly miscalled a 1st generation). What this means is I am the first of my immediate family born here in the states. My family, not much different from yours, came from another land and made this one HOME. The uniqueness of this great land of ours, is we are truly a country of immigrants. My family did not flee in boats, escaped poverty, or famine. Ours was a migration due to the political faction that was suppressing the majority of its population, (a majority of which were poor) and completely at odds with my family, for having dared to be outspoken.

Mine was a family of affluence, wealth, they were educated and world travelers; in their homeland. They chose to abandon their lives, belongings and status to start over. It had not been an easy task, leaving what they had always known, taking a chance in a new land, with a different culture. For political reasons my family did not immediately enter the US, it took some time to get them all here, but once here, they made a new home for themselves. No longer affluent, no longer entertaining dignitaries or being a part of the elite, still here they knew they could forge a new home and new lives.

Eventually, they made good lives for themselves. I still cannot fathom having to leave my home and having to start my life all over again, in a new land with a new culture. Trying to assimilate and restart my entire life. Those in my family; my grandparents, aunt and uncles, are my heroes. They chose to make a new life in a country where freedom flourished. In this country they knew there were endless possibilities not only for themselves, but for the next generation that would come to know this country as home.

A few of my uncles, young men at the time that they immigrated, served in the military. We, the generation that they had hopes for, went on to succeed in many ways, unforeseen I am sure; although greatly hoped for; with careers and children of our own; living lives with the same values of family, pride and seeking education. Most of all we beam with pride that we are all Americans. A land where our voices can be heard, even if at times it seems that some representatives do not hear us, we have an opportunity to speak our minds without repercussion.

Recently, when asking my mother how was her life in a country so different here versus there, where her family name held such honor; her response surprised me. She told me that there were scenes from an old Jack Lemmon movie "Missing" ; that very much reminded her of her own past when the family had to flee from danger or attempted assignations, capture or prison.

I used to think we were fortunate, that while others were born here for generations, I grew up with a greater appreciation for the freedoms guaranteed to its citizens. My family CHOSE to make this home, and home it is. I am (to quote a song) proud to be an American.

No things aren't perfect here, there is always room for improvement, but here at least I know we can make changes when necessary. We have come a long way from the first wave of immigrants, our founding fathers.

So God bless you America, and Happy Birthday to you. While we will toast this birthday with fireworks and BBQ's, know that we all are grateful for the freedoms we have been granted and to the men and women that ensure that those freedoms stay intact.

How Women Shaped My Life, including Nora Ephron

2012-06-29T01:03:00.000-04:00

"Note: This blog entry means much to me. It is dedicated to filmmaker Nora Ephron, who sadly passed away on Tuesday June 26th. I wanted to make certain that my words not only expressed my thoughts of her and her work, but how she was one of the women who helped direct my path in the writing world. As always, I thank you for taking the time to read. To Ms. Ephron and her family, my deepest sympathy to you. She was a remarkable woman and her light will be missed."

Nora Ephron (May 19, 1941 – June 26, 2012)

I know that I have stated before that my "burgeoning" writing career at one time consisted of doing the copy for the obituary section of a newspaper. The irony is that the paper is now gone, with people using the internet for its news source it became a casualty of technology. I suppose I could have written their obituary as well. My exposure to writing the synopsis of the lives of the deceased had allowed me to craft my skill. It taught me how to be expressive of the people I wrote of, people I never met, for families I never knew. It turned out that this gave me a classroom of sorts, for character building. Grateful though I am for the experience, times like these I feel as though it is a repetitive routine when writing a tribute following the death of someone famous, especially when they unknowingly had an impact on my life.

My love for writing began shortly after my love of books developed. I can remember that I had little interest in reading when I was young, my parents read books to me every night, but honestly, I thought they were just telling tales to make me go to sleep. Then a school crossing guard gave me a book to read over the weekend, and told me to tell her what I thought about it on Monday. The book was Little Women by Louisa May Alcott and I was hooked. Over the next week I read the entire book and returned it to Mrs "B". She had another book for me, Anne of Green Gables, thus began my love affair. Before I knew it, I had developed an insatiable appetite for books and words.

Then came English class in junior high, with Miss Lipton. Her excitement about literature was infectious. I couldn't wait for third period, she introduced me to sonnets, poetry and William Shakespeare. As my progression through my education continued, I was fortunate to have had some of the best teachers and influences in my life; opening doors to the literary world. The library became my second home, but now I wanted to create. In walks Mrs Lorianne Brooks, and her red pen and side notations. This teacher took the time to not just grade my papers, she made certain to tell me where I made my mistakes and how I could improve. I took them to heart, and hope that she knows she truly made a difference.

The string that ties this all together is what happened to me a few years ago when I happened to be visiting my grandmother on the Upper West Side of New York City. After finishing the running morning errands with her, I decided to take a walk in my beloved city. Now if you are unfamiliar with this city this may seem odd, but in Manhattan we see stars everywhere, some of us are too busy to acknowledge them, others gawk. On this particular day I saw Nora Ephron, and I was as the Brits say "Gobsmacked!' She was sitting in a cafe, I imagine waiting for a friend. I summoned the courage and began to babble of how I admire her work, how her book and movie Heartburn saved me when I was going through my divorce and then apologized for interrupting her thanking her for listening to me prattle on. She was gracious, and told me thank you. She asked me what I did for work, and told her how I had a small column in a fledgling paper, but my dream was to write. She told me; "Then write! You will never know if you don't and living with regret will only make you wish you tried." Here is the proverbial bow from the string that tied these strong, passionate women, who all had wit and helped shaped me, tying them together.

Today I write, with some published poetry under my belt. Still passionate about words and their power. Nurtured by women who walked in my life, some in classrooms, some in books and movies. My hope is only that one day I too will be an influence in the lives of other women aspiring to write.

Admittedly this blog entry was inspired upon learning of the death of Nora Ephron. She truly was a woman to be reckoned with. A feminist, not only making it in a man's world of Hollywood films and story telling, but creating female characters with depth, that were not only relate able, but ones that made us cheer for them, even with their flaws. They were human, they were real, and for me best of all they were vulnerable yet strong. I was too young to appreciate Heartburn when it first was published, but came across it in the midst of my divorce. Like many others, I was delighted when I saw her work on film. Laughing incessantly at the witty lines exchanged between the characters. Films that have been given the label of "chick flicks", that in retrospect are more of couple flicks. She had an insight into the human condition when it came to matters of the heart. Finally romantic movies were no longer about a Prince riding in on a white horse rescuing a damsel in distress, it was about foolish choices, miscommunication, angst, and awkwardness, in other words it was real life.

I have to admit that my affection for Nora Ephron also came from a commonalty we shared. Not just that of women who married more than once, being betrayed by our choices. Our connection was forged within a city, the city of New York. In the majority of her movies you could feel her love affair with Manhattan, from the scenery, to the iconic structures that often played as important a role as the characters she wrote of.

No, I will never forget Ms. Ephron, although I am certain that I was just another one of her many fans on that afternoon in a street-side cafe. Fortunately, we will have her many works to remember her. A legacy that will live in Harry and Sally, Sam, Annie and Jonah, Kathleen and Joe, and most recently Julie and Julia. Rest in peace Ms. Nora Ephron, and thank you for giving a young woman words of wisdom that forever changed my world.

Before I conclude, I want to add a comment from Meryl Streep, a good friend of Nora Ephron, who starred in her films Heartburn and most recently Julie & Julia. Upon learning the news of her friend's death Ms Streep said; "She was a true trailblazer, Nora Ephron leaves behind a legacy of always knowing the right (and wittiest) thing to say. She was "an expert" in all the departments of living well."

Now you know I can't end an entry without a few quotes; so why not the ones from the woman who made words dance off of a page and capture our hearts.

"To state the obvious, romantic comedies have to be funny and they have to be romantic. But one of the most important things, for me anyway, is that they be about two strong people finding their way to love."~Nora Ephron

"I try to write parts for women that are as complicated and interesting as women actually are."~Nora Ephron

"Reading is one of the main things I do. Reading is everything. Reading makes me feel I've accomplished something, learned something, become a better person. Reading makes me smarter."~Nora Ephron

Heroes from the Shadows

2012-06-26T03:01:00.000-04:00

"Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime."
~Herbert Ward

How I would have been delighted to write a raving entry, celebrating the milestones of my children's lives, both recently graduating. One from high school about to move onto a new chapter of her life without me, no longer standing right besides her and directing her which way to go. The other finishing Pre-K, just beginning her journey into life. I would be lying if I didn't say I have some trepidation associated with both of these milestones, but sadly tonight is not a night for rejoicing.

For the past few months we, collectively, have been polarized by the news of what occurred with a former Penn State University football Assistant Coach; Jerry Sandusky. Back on November 4th of 2011, the world of college football was rocked with the indictment of this former Assistant Coach of the Year, on multiple counts of child molestation of young boys. By December of that same year additional boys (now young men) came forward, increasing the counts to 48. Prior to his trial, Mr Sandusky went on an interview spree, essentially nailing his own coffin. In what will be forever seared in our memory was his interview with NBC's Bob Costas, (see full interview below), where upon being asked the question if he (Sandusky) was sexually attracted to young boys. His answer left us all unsettled, with a long pause followed by his most infamous response of; "Sexually attracted, you know, I enjoy young people. I love to be around them. But no I'm not sexually attracted to young boys."

The fall from grace did not only extend to Jerry Sandusky, but to former college football Coach Hall of Famer Joe Paterno and Penn State University as well. The Nittany Lions had a new moniker to hold onto, and it was not a good one. The further the investigation went into these allegations and continued, more was coming out. It became knowledge that as far back as 1998 he had been under investigation when a mother went to the Police department, filing a report that her son had been inappropriately touched by Jerry Sandusky. Further reports of a janitor having witnessed the oral copulation being performed by Sandusky on an underage child. To continue, the witnessing of Sandusky by another Assistant Mike McQueary, raping a young boy in the locker room shower. All egregious acts, and all seemingly swept under the rug for years.

To further emphasize the monstrous acts of this then accused pedophile, his own adopted son, Matt Sandusky came out with a statement last week, making a claim that he too was a victim of abuse at the hands of his father. His comments have been mitigated by the defense team, to that of an emotionally unstable man.

The trial took place with the standard television news media analyzing every motion, remark and witness statements, taking place in the courtroom. The testimony of eight of the ten accusers was presented by the prosecutors, bringing many in the courtroom to tears. Finally, on Friday a verdict. GUILTY on 44 of the 48 counts brought against him. Although justice has been finally granted to these incredibly courageous young men, we are left with many unanswered questions. Some of us still in shock, in the aftermath of the horrors one man brought to so many. Some of these questions may never be answered, or even answered to our satisfaction. Why didn't Mike McQueary do something to stop what he was hearing? Why did the janitor not flip out at what he saw? Why did the officials at Penn State let this occur, with minor disciplinary actions? Why was it ok for Joe Paterno upon hearing all that he had not gone to the police himself and demand Sandusky's resignation?

One of the greatest injustices we created, while in effort to protect our children; was "Stranger Danger". By making the "Boogie-Man" the focus of the danger to children, we unwittingly made our children more vulnerable to predators like Sandusky. We warned them about the stranger in the park, the man with the candy, or the seemingly nice guy looking for his lost puppy, but never warned them about their coaches or mentors. It almost never even dawned on us to look at the neighbor down the block hosting summer BBQ's, the uncle or family friend as possible predators. According to the FBI profilers; familiar pedophiles groom children to gain their trust, making it easier to gain access and finally achieve their end goal of making victims of these children. A pattern that is exemplified by Sandusky's own demeanor. His involvement through a mentoring program of The Second Mile, for young children in trouble. To look at him (Sandusky) one could say he appeared like anyone's kindly old grandfather; truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.

What I can recall most about these events is the uproar that took place on the campus of Penn State in the Fall of 2011. Students joined in protesting against the demand of Joe Paterno's resignation. A few athletes stood up in defense of Sandusky, claiming that this was all motivated by money. As a mother, I was outraged! Not at the claims, but at the systematic failure to protect those who were so wronged. The excuses of "I didn't know what to do" or 'the situation was pushed up the ladder for discipline". Here is the reality check, time and time again a monster was given access to children. When he was caught, people turned their heads and kept passing the buck, as long as the football program of one of the biggest NCAA Big 10 Conference league was left out of it. This is unforgivable. When a child is molested or abused in any way, you forever change who they were meant to be.

We focused on who we believed the man known as Jerry Sandusky to be. A family man, the leader of an at risk group for young boys, one of the best defensive coaches colleges had ever seen. He had been celebrated as an Adoption Father of the Year, What we saw was what he wanted us to see. In truth he was a rapist, a master manipulator and the man responsible for destroying the lives of countless young men.

Crimes against children are the most horrific. They are innocent, defenseless and depend on the adults in their lives to protect them. These are the crimes we should be shouting at the top of our lungs across rooftops "ENOUGH!" and help create laws that can uniformly protect them across the board regardless of the state. It is our responsibility as a society to protect those unable to protect themselves. In the wake of the indescribable damage that Jerry Sandusky caused, let there be some enlightenment come through the darkness. It is time that we shine a light on those who lurk in the shadows of these children's' nightmares. We must put an end to these crimes against the most vulnerable of our society, our children.

Finally, I want to address the young men who came forward; you are the bravest of men. The evil you faced and survived cannot be healed with an "I'm sorry" or "Guilty" or even with a monetary award, but know that you gave a voice to the voiceless. Most of all, you gave a voice to your younger selves that were not able to stop the madness. It was never your fault, and you are not victims, you are survivors who are my champions. Thank you for telling your truth, no matter how hard it was to do, you are strong. Always remember that!

Tonight I leave you with a thought of what courage is; because the young men who came forward and their families are courageous heroes.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." ~Nelson Mandela

From My First Love,...To My Last

2012-06-18T03:08:00.001-04:00

For Father's Day I thought about the importance of a fathers role in their children's lives. I have been blessed with having two wonderful parents, but this being Father's Day, I reflected on my own dad and what he means to me. Growing up, my family life was very much like that of the Huxtables from The Cosby show. Shorty after the show had begun airing in the 1980's I moved away from home, but thanks to Bill Cosby I was able to "visit" home every Thursday night. My father, like the character of Dr Huxtable, was a professional, and his family was the center of his world. He never failed to have words of wisdom for his children, which is very much like my own father. While other Americans seemed to find the scenario of such a Black family existing, I had only known this to be my reality.,When watching sporting events, you always hear the star players shouting out love to their mothers. Today I am going to shout out my father in this open letter.

Dear Papa,

I know that I already have told you that I love you, but I am not certain you are quite aware as to what an impact you have had on my life. Like most "Daddy's Girls", you were my hero, my superman and the one man I could always count on. Thanks to you I grew up to be the woman that I am today.

You taught me virtue, integrity, love and gave me self worth. When I was little I was fascinated with everything you did. I remember how I wanted to be with you wherever you went and couldn't wait for you to come home from work.

I can also remember how you took the time to talk to me when I was getting into trouble, or the all too important talk you gave me about boys. What's more, I remember how you love my mom, then and now. Thanks to your devotion, respect and adoration of my mother, I knew what I didn't want in a spouse.

I can recall you taking me to the Girls Scouts Father/Daughter Dance, creating the first of many of our "dates". When I needed you to help direct me in the right direction, you were right there, without prompting, doing your due diligence of rearing me. Even when I stumbled, you held me to a higher standard forcing me to push myself and achieve my goals.

Your love for my mother has always been one that grounded me. It help provide me with that safe place to fall, knowing that there was security in your union, I always felt safe. The example of how a man should treat a woman he loves, how a man should be as a father, a provider and a friend were given to me by you, and how you live. This is what led me to the abundance of happiness I have now in my own marriage.

For this and so many more reasons I want to say; "Thank you Papa!". Thank you for being exemplary as a father and a man, so that I had a blueprint to seek out one just like you. You were (and are) my first love, and led me to my last.

I will forever be your little girl, and you will forever be the man I hold up as the measuring stick. Not just for myself, but for my daughters, so they too can find a man just like you one day to share their lives with.

Simply put, I love you.

Your first born

Not So Happy Anniversary

2012-06-13T01:16:00.002-04:00

The other day I had an anniversary. Before you get all congratulatory, DON'T, it was the anniversary of my diagnosis. One thing is certain, there is not an MS patient that I know of that does not remember their diagnosis date. It is the day every thing changed. So in honor of all that I lost, I wrote this poem. I have a determined spirit, but even super heroes can get tired of the fight.

No quotes tonight. Just my poetry.

As always, comments are welcomed, and appreciated.

RUNNING

I can still remember the way the wind felt

when it blew against my face as I ran

Ran as fast as I could

Ran for sport

Ran for the sheer pleasure

I would run up stairs

I would run down stairs

I ran from here

to over there

then back again

I can remember being tired from a run

I can remember being invigorated from a run

I remember when I could feel my muscles flex

Each neuron firing telling my legs how to move

Just so I could run

Run

Running as a child for play

Running as a teen to show off

Running as a mom to keep up with a little one

I would run in the morning

An early morning run

When the grass had some dew

and the sun was just cresting in the sky

Announcing that day had begun

I loved those runs

Just me, my thoughts and the scenery

Running cleared my mind

I would run in the evening

A long relaxing run

When the sun was setting

and just kissing the sky goodnight

Telling me day was done

My troubles were left on the pavement

With each pounding step

As my calf muscles would push off the ground

My quads giving me incredible arc

So I could leap as I ran

I didn't just run

I flew

Then it STOPPED

That was MS

I still run

I run through fields and meadows

I run in the streets

I run on the track

I even ran across the globe

Difference is I run only in my dreams

Where my memories of cool breezes

Gently blowing on my face still live

Where I still find peace

Until I awake

Social Interactions

2012-06-08T00:18:00.002-04:00

Since I have been on Twitter, another part of the world has opened up to me. I am used to interacting on the internet. My first social media experience happened back in 1993. My then husband had bought a new PC for the household, and there it was, a dial up modem and PRODIGY. I found my way into a chatroom and being ever the social butterfly I jumped right into the conversation. It was different to "talk" via text, eventually I became a pro and moved to the newer social media access, AOL. This time I was going through a divorce, was a new mother and had a lot of solitude, since in my infinite wisdom had agreed (while I was married), to move to the woods of New York. I was away from my family and civilization; also known as New York City.

AOL provided me a place to escape, and discover myself. I found supporting people and made actual friends in a chatroom known as Ebony Over Thirty (more affectionately known as EO30). I changed careers because of my exposure to the internet and my interactions on it. I returned to school to become a web designer and programmer. I was able to make a good living at this new career, my kid was doing well, and I just purchased a new town home. Life was GRAND! Then things changed, drastically. As I previously discussed in a blog entry; 10 Things I Learned About Myself, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Funny though, as much of a chatroom personality I was, when first diagnosed I retreated away from the internet. I withdrew and told myself I had to focus on my illness.

The reality was I didn't want to be reminded of all the things I would no longer be doing. The distance between me and the "net" didn't last long. It was on the internet I met my new husband. Then the ever changing internet had new avenues for me to explore. Like the millions of others, I joined Facebook. Suddenly people I hadn't spoken with since high school, college, and even a few from camp reunited with me. Mind you, the only reason I joined was due to family pressure; so they could see pictures of my children. Before you knew it I became a Facebook status junkie, chatting, and once again rejoining my old chatroom buddies of EO30. I was able to "like" things, and get poked, but, like most everything the novelty wore off. Then came Twitter.

What made my experience with Twitter so different from the others is I was able to establish my own social circle. Following those with similar tastes, hobbies and or interests. I began writing this blog and when I post, share it on Facebook and Twitter. One day I tweeted about my MS. What this simple 140 character mention did, was allow me to meet others like me, people with MS. Under normal circumstances, I would not seek out MS support groups, or those with the illness. I meet people everyday who tell me they have a family member, friend or know of someone that "suffers" from this disease. Occasionally, I meet other people who have it as well. Each time a part of me has that kindred sigh of welcome to the club, sucks to be a member feeling come over me. Thanks to the internet I can speak with those who can truly relate to my situation. The truth is I am grateful for the internet, for allowing me and more importantly giving me a place to learn and grow.

Imagine my dismay, when yesterday after I logged on this incredible tool; that allows us all to see the world isn't so big, but rather small when you make connections; I witnessed bullying. Seriously? This is what we have decided makes great use of our time? Yesterday afternoon, Sherri Shepherd Comedienne/Actress and Co-Host of ABC's The View received vile threats on Twitter. I saw this happening since I happened to follow her. I was disgusted by what was being said to her. It dawned on me that maybe we need a new App for access to the net. If you want access, maybe you should need to take a psychological exam first. This way we can weed out the drama prone. I know it's a bit drastic, but when I hear of children bullying other children with the internet so much so that there is a name for it; Cyber Bullying, one has to wonder if irrational measures should be taken. The crass idiot who was threatening Ms Shepherd, told her he was merely exercising his right of free speech. This is not so, Free Speech is when you disagree with something or someone or have a thought or idea and express it. These do not include "I hope you get raped" or "Die". That line of thinking is threatening, as well as vile. I am not an advocate for policing the written word, but somehow we need to educate people on how to behave when on the net, and find a way to make such behaviors unacceptable. At least enough to deter this from happening as often as it does.

I have to say the internet has given me a lot. When my physical body became weak and unable to travel the world as it once had, it was still available to me through cyberspace. When I had felt lonely, there were friends, old and new, accessible through this medium. The internet has come a long way since the days of logging on with a dial-up modem. Social media has become the way we communicate with one another. Today not only on our computers, but it is accessible on our phones, televisions, hand held devices and video game consoles. The majority of people are getting their news over the internet. I have seen the creations of sites such as YouTube, Instagram and many others become second nature in a search. Corporations are also taking advantage and joining in with creating pages and accounts on the most popular social media venues. Maybe technology has finally surpassed our society and we need new rules, but I think the problem is simpler than that, one that we all have thought or said not giving much credence to it. This wonderful place and new way of communicating has eroded the ability to truly speak with one another. Maybe we spend so much time speaking in shorthand and living our lives anonymously, we have forgotten how to talk and to listen. If there was no anonymity on the net I suspect a lot of the crude, crass and bullying talk would come to an end.

This blog ends with one quote and one thought;

“If you bully somebody face to face, and they get upset, you see them cry and be hurt. When it's over the Internet, you can't see the emotional reaction and go along thinking it's no big deal."~ Robin Kowalski

It takes a coward to be vile and vicious with no provocation. You might feel big and bad when you attack someone with words, but in actuality you only expose yourself for the little person you feel that you are and your inadequacies. Find another outlet for your rage, get help, because at the rate of speed communication over the internet is changing, you may no longer be that faceless bully. When that happens I am willing to bet, you will become a victim yourself. with the rest of us pointing out your failings.

Comments are welcomed!

Pants On Fire

2012-06-04T22:19:00.000-04:00

"Liar, liar, pants on fire,

Hanging by a telephone wire!"

Do you remember this chant from your childhood? Well, it seems that recently in the press, we are finding many who have forgotten as a rule; our society doesn't like liars. We have rules for it when you lie in court, lie on a resume or lie to the IRS. Maybe they just need a refresher on the chant. I honestly wasn't going to say anything on the subject, when a certain liar came to the front of the line. Then another vied for the spot, I felt I had no choice but to discuss lying and liars.

So let's get this topic going. Mr. George Zimmerman, do I have to say more? This man already has enough to contend with in regards to Trayvon Martin's shooting death, but really when it's a question of your word being your only defense, wouldn't it behoove you to be truthful? No, not for Mr George Zimmerman, who, in collusion with his wife lied to the court about how much money was actually available to them. I knew he was lying when his attorney said the money donated to the website was not accessible to Mr Zimmerman or his family. I had a PayPal account, money is IMMEDIATELY available, it goes directly into your bank account. To quote Mr Benjamin Crump, attorney for Trayvon's parents; "This exposes Mr Zimmerman's lack of credibility and the statements he made that night of self defense." Personally, I do not believe it was his intention to shoot and kill an unarmed teen that night 15 weeks ago, but I do believe he lied to himself when he shot Trayvon. Lied about needing to use deadly force. Lied when he said Trayvon attacked him first. Lied when he claimed he followed Trayvon for no other reason, other than he was a Black kid in his neighborhood. Lying, is not a defense.

Now to my all time favorite liar of the week; Donald Trump. I have to ask if Donald Trump is as ignorant as he plays on TV. Normally I can excuse his behavior as that of a circus barker, pandering to gain attention to promote his brand. This Birther issue that he keeps regurgitating about the President, is redundant of the ridiculousness of those who are racist in this country. I say this because never in the history of the American presidency has the issue of place of birth drew such question as that of Barack Obama. It can only be indicative of his race, because clearly a Harvard education, or having spent years in government office, is not drawing the negative attention. No one asked for the validity of John McCain's claim to run for office when he made his bid back in 2008. FYI he was born in Panama, granted it was allegedly on a Naval Base, but I suspect had this been President Obama, the legitimacy of his birth would have been brought even under more scrutiny, then it is now. Mind you the Republican Birther Conspiracists are the same ones that were looking into changing the law so that Arnold Schwarzenegger could have made a run for the highest office in the land. Mind you that was when he was the Republican darling, now that his marriage fell apart amidst the illegitimate child he conceived during said marriage, the love from the G.O.P. has gone by the wayside. Seems that the Republicans have a short memory, contrary to that of their mascot.

What specifically that Trump has lied about is not knowing what is true and untrue, as he alleges about President Obama's own publisher making a claim that he was born in Kenya.(see video) Not true Donald, and you know it as well as I do. The statement was from a publicist, not publisher and they admittedly did not do any fact checking. So, if I give Mr Trump the benefit of the doubt, I can say he was confused with the word publisher and publicist, the two sound alike, but when he ends his statements with "People know me and know I am a smart guy". Well, I have to draw the line and call him what he is; a liar, no less then George Zimmerman. It is feasible to also conclude that Donald Trump is merely delusional, this is a man that for years has been sporting a comb-over, as if he is not going bald. Draw your own conclusions.

Perhaps in life we feel the need to tell lies. To our bosses when we call in sick, or loved ones when we tell them those jeans don't make them look fat; but lying is doing this country more harm then good. In case you all forgot here are a few lies that has gotten us to where we, as a nation, are today. I promise I will only go back a decade, any more and my blog will become another book.

The reason we went to war in Iraq; A LIE!
Bernie Madoff's business acumen; A LIE!
The financial institutions' (pick any failed bank or investment firm) solvency; ANOTHER LIE!

I believe that this utter lack of ethics is becoming a systemic problem in our society that we have, albeit begrudgingly, accepted as business as usual. There was time when we valued truth. It was once said; "You are only as good as your word". Have we become so entangled in the web of lies being sold to us that we can no longer discern fact from fiction? Or is it simpler to say that we have become complacent when it comes to lying? This is why we should not be shocked at the SAT scandals of children cheating their way to college. Nor should we be dismayed at the rise of Identity thefts. so people can lie and pose as others, stealing their funds.

As a mother, I try to teach my children the benefit of honesty and integrity, a job that is becoming increasingly difficult when my now college bound daughter can see for herself that the adults of this world have made their professions and fame through dishonesty. Isn't it time we started telling the truth? Better yet, how about if we started demanding the truth. It is such a novel idea, I might dare say it may possibly work and lead us in a new direction.

After all, it can't put us any worse then we already are.

So of course I have a few quotes on the subject for you all to digest;

“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.” ― Mark Twain

“When truth is replaced by silence,the silence is a lie.” ― Yevgeny Yevtushenko

“Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last.” ― Greg Evans

Video sited earlier;

Memorial Day

2012-05-26T16:34:00.000-04:00

We have seem to have forgotten what this weekend is for. I see people hustling along the highway heading to the malls with coupons in hand, trying to get to that sale. People are getting the grills fired up, cracking open a few beers and having a festival unofficially ushering in summer.

Amidst all the barbeques, picnics and pool parties; I hope that we all can remember that this day is meant for our veterans. In a nation where our military is based on an all volunteer basis, it is the least we can do. This means that every man and woman serving, doing the job of protecting our shores, investments and allies; made the decision to sacrifice their lives for ours. Think about that, not one was forced in, dragged in the middle of the night and slapped with a gun, they decided to be honorable and selfless for their country and in turn for each one of us.

During this election year I have heard a lot of people (pundits, commentators and politicians) describe what America is, what we need or should do in our future. We are becoming separated into Blues and Reds, but on this one day, it is my fervent hope that we remember that we are the Red, White and Blue. The soldiers who have served do not care about our political affiliations, they care only for our nation. For years we pledged it in school "One nation under God", maybe we knew better then, then we do now.

Unfortunately, when our vets come home it is to a nation that has a struggling economy, many have returned with physical and emotional scars. It is our duty and responsibility to them to help provide the support they now need. For our soldiers still serving, we can send a care package or a note thank you. It isn't much to ask for. For those willing there is a great program you can volunteer with called Operation Gratitude.

So on Sunday, we should give gratitude and say thanks to our vets, past, current and present. On Monday we should take a moment to give a solemn prayer to the memories of all who served. Take the kids to a local parade in your town to show your support before lighting up the BBQ's or dipping your toe in the pool. However you decide to do it, remember this day is meant for something other than shopping and eating. For all those headstones in a cemetery of a fallen soldier, there is a son, a daughter, a father, a mother, a brother and or a sister; who is no longer here, because they gave up their lives so that we can enjoy the freedoms of this great nation. There is nothing wrong with welcoming summer, but for one day, let us take a pause and tell a soldier you appreciate what they are doing, or have done.

I know I usually give a quote to end my blog entries, but today I want to leave you with a few facts first.

Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day and began at the end of the Civil War. The North and South had both decorated the graves of the fallen soldiers. The first official "Memorial Day" began in 1868, and was marked as a day to commemorate the soldiers who had died in the Union armies in the North and the Confederates of the South. Marked with a parade and picnic at the gravesides. The tradition changed over the course of time, with what we now do in the twenty-first century, with parades on the last Monday of May.

and now for the quote; "Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored." - Daniel Webster

Happy Memorial Day and thank you to those who served and still do,

gallantly defending our shores.

The Latest Fad

2012-05-26T01:50:00.001-04:00

I honestly am so out of the loop when it comes to this obsession that many women are having with this book, 50 Shades of Grey, but frankly I don't get it. I am not certain if it's because during my single years (we will have to visit there so not to drag the hubby in this), I enjoyed my sex life. I am beginning to suspect that plenty of women have been repressed, and are finding an outlet with this piece of erotic literature. Thing is, this story is not new. There was The Story of O long before Christian Grey and Ms Steele and in between there was The Gift of Submission.

Perhaps it is that we have come a long way from the days of women hiding their sexuality, but then again there was that book in the 1970's that had a similar reaction called Wifey by Judy Blume. So again I am stuck as to the fascination with E.L. James and her trilogy.

I have heard this book called "Mommy Porn", and "Soccer Mom's Guide to BDSM", the subject matter has received a lot of criticism, mostly from men. Which got me to thinking, if the women I suspect are repressed, it is the men who are their counterpart that are boring in the bedroom and are the harshest critics. No offense to the men, but I am hearing pundits and psychologists discussing this book and the women buying it. Even Dr Drew Pinsky has harshly criticized this book, saying the following;

"It is actual violence against women. I have to tell you, this is the part maybe I'll get heat for, but there is a lot of violence against children in this country. There are various kinds of physical abuse. People subjected to those experiences are especially aroused by these images. I'm not saying the average women can't be, but it's especially arousing for them."

Now I am sure for a moment a lot of women are going to attempt some of these "hot" moves from Christian Grey in the bedroom, but ladies please remember somethings are best left to you imagination. There should have been a sticker on the book saying DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS ON YOUR OWN. I do not agree with Dr Drew, this is a fictional work about what many believe is sexual deviant behavior. The story however is about a little more than this, and the BDSM aspect is arousing, and does not mean that women have rape fantasies they want acted out.

As for the book itself, I did not find the writing all that sophisticated, nor could really get into the protagonist, that is just me and my opinion. The sex scenes were steamy, but lacked some credibility in the Master/slave relationship in comparison to The Story of O or the Sweet Surrender Series (another piece of erotic lit to get you going).

I think the reception to 50 Shades is what is garnering our attention at the moment, more than the quality of the work itself. Like most fads, this too will pass until something else catches our eye. Until then I am sure that riding crops, whips and paddles will see a sudden surge in sales. Women will be a little more wicked in the bedroom, and mates will enjoy the ride (pun intended).

Maybe though we should take this opportunity to exercise the demons that lie in repressing our sexuality, and take some time to discuss and discover our needs in the bedroom. The one thing that the themes to these books is the woman's submission. Perhaps we are getting tired of making all the decisions, initiating conversation and intimacy. Submission is something we long ago abandoned for women's lib. Maybe, just maybe we can relinquish some with the one person we should, our sexual partner, this is possibly the greatest trust exercise any of us can practice.

Either that, or we can continue to read erotic lit, eat some Haagen Daaz and fantasize.

No quotes tonight, just a question. Have you read this book? or the series?
Until next time...

I am NOT a morning person

2012-05-17T02:00:00.002-04:00

There are many reasons why I love having a blog. First and foremost I feel that my posts allow me to hone my writing skills. I have noticed that there is more fluidity when I begin to type,less noise and this clarity is transferring to my manuscript. Secondly, I can share some wisdom or wit with others, so far I have received a warm reception. Finally, if I am going to be honest, this space gives me a place to rant about things that bug me, things that also seem to bug you all as well. Today's blog is one of those days!

Let me preface this by stating I am NOT by any means a morning person. I am so certain of this fact, that I have made a policy (since I can remember) not to accept calls before 9:30 am or before I have had my first cup of coffee. I tend to be abusive to those that break this rule with the exception of my mother, sister and husband. Now it isn't like I am not awake, I get up at 6am to wake up my kids, but the little one doesn't leave until a few hours after my eldest, so my coffee time is delayed. A few friends have on occasion broken the rule and have found themselves on the other end of my tirade, but then again I have forewarned them.

The tirades I give to friends and acquaintances are not laced filled with obscenities; those are reserved for "special" people. Yesterday morning at the ungodly hour of 8:31am I received such a call. Looking back, I feel sorry for the poor bastard, but I was back in my bed since my little one still was sleeping until the disruption. Here is our conversation, please forgive my gutter mouth, like I said I am not a morning person.

Phone (Ring Ring)
me (bleary-eyed, groggy and hoarse): 'Hello?'
Chipper eager voice: "Good morning, may I speak to your husband?"
Me (waking up & curious): "May I ask who is calling?"
Chipper schmuck: "Well it's not necessary, I can speak with any adult in the house."
Me (now getting angry since I know this isn't important): "What are you selling?"
Chip the schmuck: "Oh no, not selling, just asking for contribution to the NY State Trooper Police Benevolent Association and I ..."
Me (officially PO'd): "I swear by all that is Holy if you do not remove my number from your list I will hunt you down and you will need to call the police for help!"
Schmuck (now bewildered): "There is no reason to threaten ma'am."
Me (getting ready to take the train to crazy town): "There is when you call me for bullshit at 8:30!"
(I hang up the phone)
It is now 8:37 am, and here comes my little one. "Mommy I want breakfast please!" There go my extra zzz's.

The clock now says 9:00am and I am in the kitchen, tending to the little one who is going to school at 12noon. I feed her breakfast, and get ready to start making my coffee. I am interrupted with the ringing of the phone. Looking at the caller ID, and don't recognize the phone number. Again, I apologize, I really cannot stress how much I hate the morning before coffee. I am great after, but to be truthful this isn't how I am once I drink some coffee, it's just before that is bad. Although to confess, I still despise telemarketers.

Phone (Ring Ring)
Me (annoyed waiting for coffee to finish steeping): "Hello?"
Another schmuck: "Yes hi there, I am looking for Mr Benjamin"
Me (rolling my eyes): "What for?"
Idiot who has no idea what is about to hit him: "Umm yeah, well this is Tommy calling from Proactive."
Me (trying not to cuss): "What is Proactive?"

Now let me stop and pause right now to explain. I didn't recognize the name of the product because I do not have any cognitive thoughts, other than care for the kids; before I have had my coffee. So when I asked the question I was not being sarcastic, I was still in my walking around functional coma. Now back to my verbal assault.

Idiot Tommy from Proactive that is about to cry: "Proactive is an acne medication that ..."
Me (now completely on the verge of a psychotic break cutting off the 2nd schmuck of the morning): "Listen my husband does not suffer from acne, and we are on the DO NOT CALL LIST! Take our number off your call list."
Idiot (now taking his life in his hands being assertive): "Well we aren't calling you, we are calling him."
Me (PSYCHO): "LOOK HERE MOTHER FUCKER, THIS IS MY PHONE, MY TIME IF YOU CALL THIS HOUSE AGAIN NOT ONLY WILL I SUE YOUR COMPANY BUT I WILL MAKE IT MY MISSION TO HACK YOUR ACCOUNTS FIND YOU AND CALL YOUR ASS EVERY FUCKING DAY AT 7AM!"
Whimpering idiot Tommy: "There is no need to be so hostile, I noticed your hostility since I first called."
Me (Still PSYCHO): "WELL YOU CALLED ME, JACK ASS, I DIDN'T CALL YOU!"
Tommy the ass pushing his luck: "You don't need to be so rude."
Me (agitated and thinking how can I hack this company directory to hunt this guy down): "NO, Rude would be me blowing a rape whistle into the phone!!"
Shocked, whimpering Tommy the ass from Proactive: "Well I don't need to hear you curse at me lady."
Me (Full Blown PSYCHO): "YEAH, WELL GO TELL YOUR MOTHER ON ME! JUST DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU DUMB ASS!"
Idiot Tommy: "I don't see what I did to you."
Me: "Really? You called to sell me crap I don't need, and all before I had my coffee!"
Hanging up for second time.

Now I know that some of you are aghast at my behavior. It is shameful and if I were still a practicing Catholic I would have to make a trip to the confessional. Okay, I admit that I went nuts, lost control, I am not a morning person! Shoot me! Just don't ever call me in the morning before my first cup of coffee. Still I have to wonder what was the point of registering my numbers on the DO NOT CALL LIST if these people are going to call me anyway.

Side note: I haven't received another call from any telemarketers since. I suspect that I have been tweeted about by the poor saps that called me in the morning. Maybe they collectively warned other telemarketers not to call my number. Nah, just wishful thinking!!

Quote time, and yes even for this I can find a quote or two:

"A morning without coffee is like sleep." ~Author Unknown

"I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it."
~Dolly Parton

"I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time"~Author Unknown

"The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the 
cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be 
expected to reproduce." ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Happy Mother's Day

2012-05-12T17:46:00.003-04:00

This Sunday we celebrate Mother's Day. The one day a year when we collectively take a pause to celebrate the woman who gave us life. Think on that, the one day, not weekend, or the month, just ONE DAY. Everyone on Earth has a mother. Some are wonderful and some should have sought psychological treatment. I want to focus on those of us who are good at our job. We have helicopter moms, working moms, soccer moms and super moms, the key word here is "Mom". I am a mom, mother if my kids are annoyed with me, mommy when they need me. I love the mommy days. My children range in age from eighteen to four years and all are girls, which means chances are one day they too will be moms.

Every year when this day comes around I brace myself, because even though this day is supposed to be MY day, in the house I am still doing my due diligence of tending to my children's needs. Moms never get a break, not even on Mother's Day! We are the backbone to the family, the glue that holds it together. Our jobs include knowing where every item in the house is located at all times, being able to play referee when the occasional squabble breaks out, be fashion advisers, lovelorn assistants, and medics for all emergencies. Some of us cook, clean the house, act as laundress, chauffeurs, sometimes have to tackle new math problems and so help me, know all the latest slang and cyber hieroglyphics. Our jobs are not easy, and the pay is very little, but a kiss or hug from your child in gratitude is sometimes enough. We do not take vacations and is the one job where we can say; if we are out sick everything falls apart! God bless my husband, but to be honest he is too incompetent to do my job! I am not even sure he knows where the juice boxes are located, or what temperature you use to clean whites.

Mothers begin the journey into this life long career with the physical abuse of our own bodies, being fattened and contorted to give a new being life. We then undergo one of the most painful and grueling process of giving birth, only to be reminded, from your at times snarky teenager, that you chose to have them, they didn't ask to be born. Our bodies become like that of a combat warrior, surviving the nine months of hell it took to get here, then all is forgotten when they place this child in your arms. We mothers coo incessantly with pride and joy, excited at the anticipated journey where we will act as guides to our children through life. There will be trials, there will be hard times, but, along the way there will be new discoveries and bliss, making all the sacrifices we do seem well worth it.

It takes a special kind of woman to be a mom. It is in this role we are on call twenty-four hours a day for seven days a week. No break, no lunch hour, no paid vacation days, yet we take to it with delight. In no other job have I held previously did I have to do so many tasks at once. It is a job you cannot quit, no matter how taxing the responsibilities are to these little people. There are those days when you can even forget your birth name, after hearing "Mom" being sounded off throughout the house, followed by demands, pleads and the ever so appealing whine. When these moments happen I found it best to make an announcement that "Mom is unavailable to leave a message at the beep, or call George" (my alias unbeknownst to them). The beep never comes. While I find this slightly humorous, my kids are generally left confused. Humor is perhaps the one thing that most mothers keep in our arsenal to help us endure the exhausting feat of raising these independent personalities, into productive members of society. Without our sense of humor, we would be wearing new white coats, the ones with the arms that wrap behind the backs and left alone in a sparsely decorated rubber room. I know to some of you the thought of having a few moments alone, no matter how it comes,does sound refreshing and appealing. Still I think we will sojourn on, for there is a light at the end of this tunnel known as Motherhood.

I am fortunate to have had my mother show me what a good mother is. Asides from imparting me with her humor and wit, she taught me patience, consistency, the difference between rewarding and spoiling, and compassion for others. The most important lesson she imparted on me was love. My mother taught me how to love and how to give love unconditionally, best of all how teach my kids to recognize love. There are days, after dealing with my own children, I feel compelled to call her and apologize for whatever ills and stress my childhood might have brought upon her. I know she finds this quite entertaining and also rewarding. After all, she did give me the infamous "Mother's Curse", you know this one; where you wish upon your own child to have one just like them one day.

So when Sunday morning comes, and we moms get the traditional breakfast in bed of burnt toast and bad coffee with the cards and home made gifts, we will smile and say thank you. Knowing all the while the mess in the kitchen that awaits us, remember we did sign up for this. Cherish these moments, for one day, in a blink of an eye it will be part of days gone by and we will receive the obligatory Mother's Day phone call. Leaving us longing for the noise, mess and home made cards and gifts.

On Mother's Day take a moment, and enjoy your child(ren). Play referee if you must and tackle the kitchen mess, but remember to savor the moments. Think of your own mom and give her a call to say "Thank you". After all, that is all any mother wants, to simply know that their children are grateful for the hard work that we do. We just want to know that we are appreciated.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's in the trenches! To my own mother, there aren't enough words to express the gratitude and love I have for you. Thanks Maman!

Now you have my take on motherhood, and of course I will leave you with some quotes. These by a few funny mom's trying to do as we all do; survive motherhood;

"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of 
advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or 
no. You're going to get it anyway."~ Erma Bombeck

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."~Phyllis Diller

"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom."~ Roseanne Barr

"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: “Checkout Time is 18 years.”~Erma Bombeck

"Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young." 

Reality Bites

2012-05-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

Every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. My favorite part is the middle, that is the teeth of the matter, the heart. Then again I love a good beginning, the set up, laying out the scene, preparing me for what should come. The end however, not so much. Here is where we are sometimes met with a let down, the climax is over, and to be honest if the book is good enough I hate to say good-bye to the characters. The same is said for a good movie, or television show. The key to all of these things is good writing. You have to have a story teller, to convey the idea to people. It can be fiction or fact, everything has a story. Thank God for that, otherwise my lofty goals are for naught.

However, there is a growing systemic problem that is beginning to corrode the creative process of producing good works on film and television. What is this purveyor of doom in the modern world? Reality television. I know I am sounding off like a scene from The Music Man shouting "what's wrong right here in River City", but it is the truth.

They say that television is a reflection of society and what it values. I have to say if it is, we are collectively in trouble. Please understand I am not complaining about Talk Shows, Variety Shows, or Cooking shows, not even the news (although I do have a beef with the media, and we will get into that in a moment), this is a complaint about watching self indulgent adults behaving badly. This is what is being passed off as television. Little by little I am watching the erosion of quality scripts, being quickly replaced with what some feel is "REAL".

Let us examine what the networks are calling "Reality". Allegedly unscripted shows with scripts and takes to be edited. I will not call out any one particular show, they all seem to follow the same format. Pretty young women, handsome young men, someone yelling and fighting, getting attention. Maybe toss in something scandalous or salacious for good measure. This is NOT quality. I do not know of one single parent who catches an episode of any of these shows and thinks; "Gee I hope my son/daughter can grow up to be just like Reality Star X." Nor do I know of anyone that is glad to have another well written show cancelled.

It is a systemic problem, and to be truthful the only reality that is being reflected is the greed factor of the Network executives saving money by producing trash. In the 1990s we would call this kind of television "Garbage TV". Shows like Jerry Springer were not must watch TV, but viewed as televised train wrecks. Now we have these same people, who were once viewed as pathetic out of control lost souls, becoming the modern day celebrity. They have not won an Oscar or an Emmy, nor would their talent for trash talking and table tossing be considered for a SAG award, yet here they are gracing the Red Carpet at these same events. I think the final straw for me was upon visiting colleges with my daughter, one mentioned that "Snooki" spoke at the school. Seriously, this was a selling point? To mention that a woman whose highlight is that she got punched in the face by a guy in a bar, was a speaker at the school is not impressive!

This past Friday night I had to say goodbye to a good show, not great, but it had good bones. In Plain Sight had its series finale. I didn't understand why a show that had good ratings, by all means viewed as a hit is being cancelled. It appears that the horses have left the stables on this one, and if we the viewers do not get riled up we will have more nonsense on the boob tube, finally earning its moniker. If we took action, which by the way is not yelling at the networks, but boycotting the sponsors, attention will be paid. This is one area where we hold the power, because the bread and butter for every network is in its advertisers. Second to that are the ratings. So I am imploring you all to cut it out with riding the "reality television" bandwagon and demand that we have quality shows once again. Unless of course you enjoy having over one thousand channels and nothing new to watch that truly engages you, not just titillates you.

There must come a time when we draw that proverbial line in the sand, I believe the time is long over due. When technology has allowed us access to so much, why are we willing to settle for so little. Earlier I mentioned I had a few words for the news outlets as well., here it comes. They (news media) are not helping us in this fight, if anything they seemed to have hitched their wagons to the that of Reality TV. When I was learning about journalism one thing sticks out in my head that the professor told us, news should be Fast Accurate Correct and True and inform the public of the events that effect everyday life. Today, top news stories include snippets from TMZ or some reality star's newest relationship. This is not news, back in the day we called this gossip. I am certain that the likes of Edward R Murrow and Walter Cronkite are rolling in their graves. It is a sad day in America when it is not the economy or presidential election that leads the news, but Snooki going into labor. I believe we are on the cusp of such a thing occurring, so brace yourselves because it is a straight shot into hell when that day finally comes.

Perhaps it is the writer in me that is frustrated, or the fact that as I approach middle age, nostalgia makes me yearn for a time gone by. Whatever the reason, the issue still exists, and to be completely honest with you, this is not the legacy I want to leave my kids. Bad enough I am sure my use of AquaNet in the late 70's and early 80's has attributed to Global Warming. Regardless of the whys, hows or the guilt of global warming, it is important that something is done before we are no longer contributing to our society with great performances,

Tonight's quotes on the subject of television;

"Television could perform a great service in mass 
education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like 
this on their minds."
~Tallulah Bankhead

“Real love involves a foundation of respect, honesty, and trust, 
concepts wholly missing from the pale imitations hawked to us by the 
folks who script 'unscripted' entertainment.”
  
 ―
    Jennifer L. Pozner 

“History is gossip that's been legitimized, and that's really the case 
when you get into some of the Roman historians. Wow! They'd be right at 
home on reality TV.”
  ―
    Esther M. Friesner

"If I wanted to watch cat fights, see the latest tacky fashion and hear people scream all day I would never have left the city"~ TV Blog commentator (when asked about Real Housewives of New Jersey)