tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17337256309752959792024-09-25T20:43:25.119-06:005 Little Monkeys= Trouble... Lots of it!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger629125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-7250938818654032072013-12-28T06:21:00.000-07:002013-12-28T06:21:03.653-07:00

"We are sorry but somebody has to take the blame." That's what the senior investigator from CYFD said, and then court started and we realized we should've never believed or trusted anyone. "You can take her back and put back up the cameras and intercoms and if she molests again, we won't take the other children away because you did all you could." is what else he said. The GAL for CDQ had her

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-82832896702997894932012-10-03T22:32:00.000-06:002012-10-03T22:32:33.020-06:00

So much I could say but I'd like to put this out there because I want to know what you all think about this situation... CDQ ran tonight, she ran from her treatment foster care home,  literally for nothing. Spoiled brat didn't get her way. There's trauma and then there's a brat. Which is what she has become in foster care.  Does she have trauma. OF COURSE! But I can't stress how much

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-20972174790903845902012-06-08T13:41:00.001-06:002012-06-08T13:41:28.386-06:00

Thanks for the comments and e-mails. I had no idea that anyone would even come back and read this blog. I hate that I can't post happier news on here. I try to think of positives but every time I say anything I jinx it all. It does get better but everyday is still a struggle. I know some people were happy for me when they heard I was finally getting some help. I chuckle at my own desperate

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-25650281523558471522012-06-03T16:47:00.000-06:002012-06-03T16:47:05.485-06:00

I've debated on whether to update this blog. It's been such a source of negativity for me and I've been trying to find the light. So much has happened. So many truths and abuses have been revealed and it's so not right and so heinous. But I feel like I left things hanging. I know when I searched for people in my situation, the blogs always died out when the child was removed. What ever

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-32178238050885226032011-11-19T11:06:00.001-07:002011-11-19T12:07:55.480-07:00

Lately I've been trying to be more in tune with myself.  Ok, since last week when I found out I needed glasses and lost 10 more decibel levels of hearing... I've just been thinking and listening and paying more attention to myself then I ever have in my life this past year. A few weeks ago I had finally voiced that I was sick of everything being about me, was I stiff?...Do I have pain? Can

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-90819798094841663772011-11-13T13:12:00.001-07:002011-11-13T14:29:45.968-07:00

(FYI-I say bad words in this one...) The topic of family is a definite trigger for me. Uncontrollable tears, tightness in my chest, burning in my cheeks.  Those are some of the physical manifestations. Inside I have to work on identifying what it all means because I feel like my mind is blowing things way out of proportion...maybe... I really don't have family. In name sure, but true blue

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-37773546275943461762011-11-09T07:53:00.000-07:002011-11-09T07:53:50.291-07:00

My kids are getting older and puberty has definitely set up shop in my home. One of my kids is on the fence. The fence, you say? One of my kids is incredibly confused because that child likes girls and boys. Is that a surprise to me...no. I have an idea about a couple of my kids but do I know for sure what that outcome will be...no. Apparently, that led a couple of the siblings to fight

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-32868883685524832902011-11-07T22:21:00.001-07:002011-11-07T22:33:05.661-07:00

Monday was the second team meeting for CDQ's treatment plan. Here I was getting excited. Not because anything big had happened but that damn thing called HOPE had come back into the picture. These people are set-UP! They got it together, they have support systems, they have the therapist, they have it all... I felt like we were all on the same page. Where the hell were they 5 years ago? :-(

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-30458707501538793542011-10-29T00:00:00.000-06:002011-10-29T00:00:01.094-06:00

Every year I write this post in memory of my friend Karlton Taylor. He died on this day in 1999 in a car crash. I'm not sure anyone understands why I do this. I don't know that I understand it completely. I promised I would tell the world that he was a man of integrity and a man who kept his word.  But it's more than that. I learned so many things about myself through Karlton's persistence

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-12933215998096782392011-10-15T19:40:00.000-06:002011-10-15T19:40:50.051-06:00

has been rough.  If I'm brutally honest...beyond rough. I'm pretty sure I had a breakdown today on the way home from my midterm. I know something is wrong. People keep telling me to let things go, to not worry about things I can't change.  I understand that and I also understand I have PTSD which renders me pretty much useless and powerless. I got lost on the way home. The magnitude

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-54932587188768566192011-10-03T10:13:00.000-06:002011-10-03T10:13:58.984-06:00

As I sat there with needles in me and my pain subsided...all I could think is: "This feels like quiet".  Everything that was raging in me was calm. I knew before he came back things were bad. I knew something had switched in me. New symptoms.  I wasn't surprised when I got a new herb formula.  Which made my thoughts about having shared the name of my current herb formula on here

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-88496331899214636642011-10-02T22:15:00.000-06:002011-10-02T22:15:08.568-06:00

I'm watching the hot air balloons from my bed.  It's Balloon Fiesta time.  I'm flaring. I've been flaring since thursday night.  Fingers, wrists, arms, and my left knee. I woke up friday at about 1:30 am and I immediately wanted to die.  I laid still for four hours in agony before I had the courage to move a muscle. I had a dream last night. Someone asked me what was on my

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-28508435213830924622011-09-24T20:38:00.000-06:002011-09-24T20:38:36.755-06:00

These last two weeks have been... hard. I've laughed, I've cried, I've flared, I've avoided a cold... hard. CDQ was supposed to be placed in a treatment foster home yesterday but the foster mother met her and decided to not even take her for a four hour pass. Smart woman. I had some concerns anyway. But now it looks like no one (meaning agency) has a placement for her. I don't know what that

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-36190855722780651982011-09-13T04:15:00.000-06:002011-09-13T04:15:16.899-06:00

I come here it's to say I am still here, still blogging, still breathing. Ok, sorry about that. Typed the one line and Purries decided it was her turn with mom for some kitty love. Poor girl. It's 3:30 am and she comes to bitch at her mama for not being around. Anyhow, things are hectic for me. I'm in my third week at the community college and my second week in med school. I'm having some

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-8245622206475242252011-08-30T03:36:00.000-06:002011-08-30T03:36:07.460-06:00

This post will be nothing like what you might be imagining. lol When I was a kid, I used to want to take a lunch box to school instead of eating hot lunch. I actually went to an elementary school where the hot lunch was delicious almost always.  The kitchen was ran by Hispanic women who made things like they would at home, they also served things like they would at home. lol Anyhow, the

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-37355050191193892952011-08-25T08:49:00.000-06:002011-08-25T08:49:57.104-06:00

I keep forgetting to take pics of the girl's room when they are awake! Actually in all fairness, if they are awake, they are either doing chores or homeschool at this point in the game. Which means that I am there with them telling them/showing them how to do something or another. I need to pull out my camera too. Have it handy so I'll remember. So many things I could be taking pictures of...

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-49654091551074501152011-08-20T09:46:00.000-06:002011-08-20T09:46:16.796-06:00

WHOA~! I can't believe I forgot to come back and finish this! I thought I had posted it. So here it goes. ========================================================================= Create a free slideshow design I did it. I got on a plane to Seattle and drove the shuttle bus back all by myself. I got in early on the third morning gone, second day driving.  I flew from here to Arizona

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-23690580874956680172011-08-14T09:32:00.000-06:002011-08-14T09:32:08.554-06:00

NEWS, NeWs, news! I have news for you all but I have been out of my mind busy. I recently realized I never posted the post about my SOLO ROAD TRIP last month. I had problems uploading pictures and then totally forgot. Oopsies! I have the girls bedroom update- PEOPLE- I put together THREE loft beds and 4 rolling chairs. May not seem like a big deal but remember my Rheumatoid Arthritis?  To

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-10551937052162170992011-08-06T08:08:00.001-06:002011-08-06T08:08:00.771-06:00

The same day I met with the people at the treatment center, I was delivered a punch to the gut when I walked through the door and Hubbins told me that a law office had called for me asking for my step-father. Huh? I have had no contact with him whatsoever since the late 90's and how the hell would he get my phone number? It was court ordered that under no circumstances was my phone number to be

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-33246777410521120372011-08-05T07:39:00.000-06:002011-08-05T07:39:00.720-06:00

A couple of nights ago, I almost became a puddle of tears in front of the oldest. I had to go to the bathroom because I didn't want the oldest to see. We were in my bedroom and out of no where the oldest said that she only wants to see her bio mom to get the ashes of her little sister back if her bio mother hasn't lost them by then. I was surprised she was even thinking of her. She told me that

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-8130301196752377252011-08-04T09:39:00.000-06:002011-08-04T09:39:06.316-06:00

Things are going as well as can be expected. My kids are double excited because of all the new homeschool changes and curriculum that they are seeing pop up around the house.  It's crazy because I remember posting the alphabet and number charts, vowels and consonant charts, and then cursive charts and noun charts and parts of speech, etc... and now I'm posting human anatomy charts, the

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-75260810030079883212011-07-14T00:14:00.000-06:002011-07-14T00:14:56.010-06:00

It was a simple slip. One "extra".  Most of the time I catch it as I'm putting out the "extra" dish or placing the "extra" item in the cart. Such a small, simple thing. She said, "Do you want pizza?" I looked at her confused, after all where was this pizza supposed to come from? She said, "There is an extra one." I was so confused. Extra? How? One of my kids did not eat their pizza?

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-69140477044947146092011-07-11T04:29:00.000-06:002011-07-11T04:29:39.239-06:00

Everything checked out with the van/shuttle. There were a few minor things but they will all be resolved by the company before I pick it up. I will be flying in and driving it back home. For now let's just say I will be driving across many states. I am nervous because I've never been away from Hubbins in all the time we have been together and I've never left him in anybody else's care. I've also

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-35428442855198471252011-07-11T01:24:00.000-06:002011-07-11T01:24:16.941-06:00

NINETEEN SOMETHINGS TO SAY TO CHILDRENI love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one! It's all right to cry. People cry for all kinds of reasons: when they are hurt, sad, glad, or worried; when they

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733725630975295979.post-87404647866605492922011-07-07T13:00:00.006-06:002011-07-07T14:12:02.755-06:00

I know A LooOOOOOng time ago I said I had to tell you about my most recent car buying experience. So here it is... When the kids first came to live with us we had my Mustang and a handicap van. My Mustang was obviously not meant for kids and the van only had a back bench that seated three and the driver's seat. Of course this was a problem. Especially since we all had to be together all the time

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0