VomitComet

Open Wide...The Jail Doors

2012-01-30T12:16:00.002-05:00

Aaa why did I see this now?

Remember Michael I use paper clips in my root canals Clair? Well, he's off to jail. It looks like he's only going to serve a year. What? Well, I hope people can plaster his ugly mug everywhere so you know to avoid him at all costs.

And yes, I'll be leaving for my appointment soon.

I Think We Need A Stronger Word Than Agony!

2012-01-30T11:07:00.002-05:00

What a pack of posts I've managed to put up this morning.

Last night, I read something that made me shriek several times, and caused Steve to walk away from watching the Royal Rumble to find out what in hell was wrong with me. Do you want to know what I was reading? Alrighty, here you go. The Seven Most Agonizing Sex Injuries On Record.

Yup, pretty bad. Some of them I'd heard of before, but when you hear them in rapid succession, somehow it makes them seem more painful.

And if you just haven't had enough agony, have this old post here.

Eeeee. Cross your legs.

Find Candy, The Lost Cockapoo

2012-01-30T09:42:00.003-05:00

On Friday, while reading about all the snow and freezing rain and lack of buses and all that stuff, I saw a disturbing tweet about a recently spayed female cockapoo named Candy that ran away, with flexi-leash still attached, in the Woodlawn and Victoria Road area. Now, for those of you who aren't from here, Woodlawn and Victoria are both very very busy roads. You don't screw around with those.

I guess the poor thing is a rescue, and spooks easily. While the foster family was walking it, something scared the poor thing, and it ran. Of course, the leash is still attached, and it's clanging around behind it, which is making it run even faster. It took off across the road, and apparently was headed in the direction of the Upper Grand District Schoolboard. The poor person can't exactly throw caution to the wind and go after it, so here we are now. Because the flexi-leash is still attached, there's a pretty bad strangulation worry, rightly so. This just screams eek all over the place.

By the sounds of things, it had been rescued from some pretty serious neglect, so is very very shy. So, coming up to it in a hurry probably isn't the best idea. They recommend approaching the pooch facing away from it at a 45 degree angle, and probably with food.

The pooch went missing Thursday night, and according to this facebook page put up to help find her, they still haven't. Hopefully that means someone managed to take her in, and they just have to find that someone.

If you know anything about this poor little dog, contact the Barlee's Angels Rescue Network or the Guelph Humane Society. They know about the search, and will connect dog with the right people. If you live in the area, look in places where a dog might be hiding out...under decks, in sheds or garages, small places where a 30-lb dog could perhaps make themselves as invisible as possible.

It breaks my heart that it's been three days and they still haven't found her. They've been searching every day and still nothing. Help put Candy the cockapoo back in safe hands.

Hopefully This Song Doesn't Predict My Future

2012-01-30T09:06:00.001-05:00

Well, the day has come. I have found a dentist, and I'm headed there. I kept putting it off, and I finally made myself go.

Partly because of our dentists tag, and partly because it's hard to find a dentist that will take my dental plan, I went strictly on recommendations. I was not going to find some random dentist. That was just too scary a prospect. Two of the dentists that were recommended weren't the easiest to go to, so I chose one of the easier ones. Now let's hope it was the right choice. The receptionist seemed a bit intimidating. One of the first sentences out of her mouth after saying they were taking patients was "Are you good at keeping appointments? If you don't show up for an appointment or don't cancel 24 hours in advance, we kick you out." Well, hello, and a warm welcome to you too. I also don't think she truly grasps the idea of blind. That should be fun and a half when she whips out the form and tells me to start writing.

And, I haven't been to a dentist with Trix yet. Yup, it's been that long. Shame, shame, shame! So I don't know how she'll respond either, or if anything stupid will happen. Baaaa.

So, because my brain is cruel as hell, it decided the greatest soundtrack for the day would be Psychostick - The Root Of All Evil

Really? Must you? It's been a long time and I'm not exactly leaping for joy to go. Why would you do that to me, brain? You're evil.

So, hopefully I don't have more to post about after my afternoon appointment.

From The Makers Of SOPA And A Bunch Of Other Dicks, It's ACTA!

2012-01-24T11:48:00.003-05:00

One thing that's been lost in all the talk about SOPA and PIPA and their dangers is that they aren't the only pieces of poorly thought out and unimaginably damaging policy being hashed out by industry and world governments.

If you've never heard of it, meet ACTA, the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. It's got all the internet and inovation crippling of SOPA, with a little bit...who am I kidding, a lot of surveillance thrown in. And unlike SOPA/PIPA, this isn't a strictly made in the USA deal. In a way I suppose it is since the U.S. routinely tries to force its dumb ideas on the rest of the world, but it's being secretly negotiated and has been for some time by several countries that would really rather we not find out about it.

The link above goes to a video explaining in basic terms what it is and what it has the potential to do. I'll also gank the description and embed the video below, since for now it's still legal for me to do things like that.

If you stood up against SOPA and PIPA, prepare to keep standing. The internet and the future are counting on all of us yet again.

ACTA is one more offensive against the sharing of culture on the Internet. ACTA (Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement) is an agreement secretly negotiated by a small "club" of like-minded countries (39 countries, including the 27 of the European Union, the United States, Japan, etc). Negotiated instead of being democratically debated, ACTA bypasses parliaments and international organizations to dictate a repressive logic dictated by the entertainment industries.

ACTA would impose new criminal sanctions forcing Internet actors to monitor and censor online communications. It is thus a major threat to freedom of expression online and creates legal uncertainty for Internet companies. In the name of trademarks and patents, it would also hamper access to generic medicines in poor countries.

The Should There Be Bibles In Schools Debate Solved With Two Minutes Of Thought

2012-01-19T16:26:00.001-05:00

So it seems the issue of handing out bibles in public schools has come up again. If you don't mind I'm just gonna go ahead and settle it right now, because in spite of the years long debate, it really isn't that hard.

Some of you might be surprised to hear me say this, but go ahead and hand the things out. Give out all the bibles you want, under two conditions:

1. The form you send home with the students needs to be opt in, not opt out. Religion is a very personal thing to a lot of people, and it's not the school's job to make sure everybody gets some unless they take the time to say no. This only applies to personal, this belongs to you take home bibles, which leads me to...

2. This is the important one.

There's a part of the debate that says we need religious education in schools, so we should have bibles. I agree. But unlike the people who mean that the bible should be taught as god's word and used to teach values and morality, I think it should be used as one part of a faiths of the world class. Teach all the basic biblical concepts you want so that everybody has a chance to understand them. do the same with any other religion and associated book that you can think of. And teach it in the exact same way that we were all taught Greek mythology when we were in school. Here are the key players, here's why they're important, this is what they represent and here are some stories about major things they are believed by a segment of the population alive in a certain era to have done. Make no claim that one set of tales is any more likely to be real than another. Just lay it out as written and let curious minds do the rest, like you would with geography, math or history...ok, so maybe history is a bad example nowadays since it's constantly being bastardized to suit the purposes of those in charge. Hmmm, sound familiar? And unlike the take home bibles, the class isn't opt out. It's not opt in, either. You're taking it no matter who you are, because it's essential to have a basic understanding of yourself and others and why we all think and believe the things we do.

If you teach in a way that favours nobody, everybody wins. And if everybody wins, everybody's happy. And eventually, if we can make enough people happy and a little wiser, maybe one day there will come a point when all of this warring over gods or because of them will stop seeming like such a good idea or a thing that so many are willing to accept. That last bit is a tall order, but everything has to start somewhere. Why shouldn't it start in school, where supposedly we learn much of what we need?

For A Small Donation, You Can Make A Brighter Future For A City Program That Needs A Helping Hand

2012-01-19T11:36:00.003-05:00

I'm not really sure I have anything beyond the obvious to say about this, but I feel I need to point it out because...well, just because.

The City of Toronto is making an appeal to homeowners to consider making a donation to city programs when they pay their property taxes.

When Toronto homeowners receive their property tax bills this week, they will also receive a flyer inviting them to make a “voluntary contribution” on top of their taxes.

The city will accept donations up to $50,000 and homeowners can earmark their gift for specific programs or services, including the TTC and the Toronto Public Library Board.

This is not, to the best of my knowledge, something out of The Onion. The city of Toronto really is making itself into a charity. If you think that's an exaggeration, then please explain away the part where they'll give you a tax receipt if you kick in more than 20 bucks. Yeah, that's what I thought.

I can't wait to see the stats on how well this works out. I'm sure somebody will fall for it just because somebody falls for everything, but really? Donating money on top of your taxes to pay for things that your taxes and user fees are already supposed to be paying for? I'm sure Toronto's finances are ridiculous, but must the solutions also be laughably so?

If the city wants to do this the right way, they'll start shaking down every politician who helped create the mess in which it finds itself while happily collecting a salary. That seems like the fair thing to do, doesn't it?

This Won't Be Good For The Bottom Line. Guaranteed.

2012-01-18T16:07:00.001-05:00

I just heard a stupid commercial on the radio. I know, crazy.

This one was plugging the new menu at Kelsey's, a place I actually like and was just at a few weeks ago.

The add is mostly fine. A woman claiming to be a server at your neighbourhood Kelsey's is raving about how they have this new menu with 16 new items on it. According to her they're all really good, in case you were wondering. She highlights one or two of them in what I guess is supposed to be mouth watering detail, and then she gets into trouble.

"If you don't love the food as much as we do, it's on us. Guaranteed."

I imagine there's some hidden fine print at work here, but it would have to be mighty fine if it's going to close a hole of this magnitude.

If you don't love the food as much as we do...on who's scale? Is there a recognized and certified universal bureau of love measurement of which I have not heard? If not, who gets to judge? It would be foolish as a customer to allow judging that favours the restaurant, and the same applies in reverse. So should a dispute over the love of breadsticks arise, can I expect a neutral arbitrator appointed by the government?

As much as we do. This would seem to imply that if I don't like my meal, it's free. It would seem to, but it doesn't because that's not what you said. You said as much as. So if I love it even more than you, is it still free? It should be. And what if my server sets the bar low? Sometimes you get an honest one who will tell you that a certain thing is just so so or not as good as usual this evening. If I order it and am unexpectedly impressed, that's a free meal, yes?

Or what if I pretend I like something either more or less because I'm short on money but still want to eat out? You realize that you can't argue with me, don't you? I may know I'm pretending, but unless you hear me say so, you're stuck with my bill.

You didn't think this one out very well, Kelsey's. I'll try to visit again before you close down. Giving away all of those free meals can't be good for business, so I'd better get on it.

You're Carin And Your Birthday Is Coming Up. What Do You Want?

2012-01-17T08:44:00.001-05:00

''I can't remember if I've said this before, but I really don't like shopping for people who aren't me. Even if I know a person really well, I never feel quite like I've gotten the right thing.

I mention this now because in just a few short weeks Carin's birthday will be here, and if I like living peacefully indoors I'd better have some kind of present when it gets here. Carin never said that, but let's be real. A present that has to come through the mail being late is fine unless your significant other is insane, but not having anything because you're clueless, that's completely different. Any woman with any sense will never let you make another decision as long as you live if you pull out this little gem....or so I've heard. Even a bad gift is better than no gift, because at least you tried.

The problem I'm having right now is that I have absolutely no idea what she wants, and neither does she. We've also been together forever, so we blew through all that here, have some cute stuffed things business years ago. Plus it was just Christmas, and one of her presents was the last few bits of Austin Lounge Lizards music she didn't already own. In retrospect it might have been smart to hold one of those back in case a special occasion were to creep up on me in the beginning of February, but in case you haven't figured this out between here and Twitter, I'm not that smart.

So for a second, pretend you're Carin. If you know her or even if you think you do based on what you've seen her write and heard on the audio casts we've done, what would you want the Steve you know to get you for your birthday? To get you started and perhaps save you some time, dinner is a given and unless there's been an attitude change of which I am unaware, flowers are kinda dumb. She seems to think like me that way. I love you, so here are some over-priced dead things from the ground that you now have to take care of lest they become more dead to prove it.

I'm not just looking for lady answers. Anybody can feel free to chime in. If you've got what you think is a good idea, let me have it. Lord knows I need it.

Internet Freedom 1, SOPA 0

2012-01-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've talked about SOPA here, but in that time it hasn't left the news. People have kept up the fight, letting government and industry know at every turn that the bill isn't good for America or the rest of the world. And today, government listened!

In response to online petitions against the SOPA legislation, the President said even though he sees online piracy from foreign websites as a problem, he won’t support any bill that erodes freedom of speech or expression, or that potentially threatens online security.

“Any effort to combat online piracy must guard against the risk of online censorship of lawful activity and must not inhibit innovation by our dynamic businesses large and small,” White House spokesman Macon Phillips said. He added, “We will not support legislation that reduces freedom of expression, increases cybersecurity risk, or undermines the dynamic, innovative global Internet.”

The bill has also been dropped by Congress.

for now good sense has won the day, but that doesn't mean we're out of the woods. There's still PIPA to contend with, which is almost if not just as bad. And just because it's dead now, it's no sure thing that SOPA won't raise its ugly head again in a different form. We can hope it doesn't, but if it does, let's make sure we fight it again, and do so even harder than before.

Dear Western Canadians: Your Police Want To Kill You So You'll Learn Something

2012-01-16T12:33:00.001-05:00

It's never good when the first thing you sit down to read on any given day is the stupidest fucking thing you've read in several, but it's even worse when the stupidity in question comes from the police, who are supposed to be protecting people. Just look at this. Seriously, just look at it!

VANCOUVER — Police in B.C. are reluctant to tell the public what unique markings are on ecstasy pills suspected to contain a lethal additive linked to five deaths in the province .

That's because they don't want users thinking they're sanctioning the rest of the pills.

The drug is also linked to five recent deaths in Calgary.

B.C.'s chief coroner says police agencies have decided against putting photos of the drug online.

Lisa Lapointe says authorities want people to know that at any ecstasy tablet can be contaminated with anything.

does anybody else see a problem here?

Yes, ecstasy can kill you. If it doesn't kill you, it can mess you up but good. I've been around people who were on it and to be honest, it looked like a pretty retarded thing to be doing. You'd never catch me doing it, that's for sure. But not everybody is me. Like it or not, there are folks out there who enjoy the way they feel when they do it and are, no matter what the police or sensible people like me say, going to do it anyway. It's the same with pretty much any drug. It would be a good idea to stay the hell away from it, but not everybody is going to.

So armed with this knowledge and knowing that your primary goal is to protect the public and save lives, does it get much more irresponsible than hiding information about something that might kill them from the people who need it? Yes they're drug users and on some level there's a fuck 'em, they deserve it mentality that I completely understand having grown up around alcoholics. But at the end of the day we're all human beings, and most of us would like to live.

Will everybody see these pictures or read the stories and be careful? Hell no! but is that really an excuse to not try and to put people in unnecessary danger? Hell no! The potential that exists to save even a single person is reason enough for this info to be out there.

The Guide Dog Obstacle Course

2012-01-14T14:08:00.003-05:00

Holy crap where is time going? It's carnival time again. And I was an extra big loser and didn't post the link to the October carnival when it came out. I'll blame having a brand spankin' new job for that little slip-up. Ah well, I'll do better this time.

The subject of this carnival is obstacles. Amazingly, when I saw this topic, I knew instantly what I was going to talk about. Now, the trick is getting it into something comprehensible. I warn you right now, this one is probably going to be long, winding, confusing, and huge.

Something neat they did at GDB for each class was set up an obstacle course that we all had to pass through to get from our dorm to the training buses, or vice versa. The dogs had been through this obstacle course and knew it like the back of their paws, but it was to get used to following your dog and to get to know what it felt like for them to dodge obstacles. But when you think about it, going through the process of getting an assistance dog of any type, and learning how to be a team, is a great big obstacle course, and the obstacles are slightly different for each person. If you're going to make it from contemplating having a service dog to having one and being a seasoned team, you have to navigate the obstacle course that lies between A and B. Let's talk about that course, what it was for me, and what it can possibly look like for others too.

My first obstacle was uncertainty. I'd heard how much people liked having guide dogs and how awesome they were, but I just wasn't sure if I was ready for it all. Could I handle all the responsibility? Even if I could handle the every day things, what on earth would I do if that dog had a huge vet expense? Was I a good enough traveller that a. a school would consider me a good candidate, and b. the pooch would get enough work? I had heard that getting a guide dog was a bit of a gamble because not all teams worked out. Could I handle the heartbreak if it didn't work out? Would I be able to do it again? On the other end, I felt that once I had decided yes, barring the team being a total fail, this dog would be with me for 8 or 9 years. Was I ready to make such a commitment? Then I think about the people who have to pay thousands of dollars for a service dog outright. If I'd had to do that, it would have been game over.

I spent a lot of time in that phase, because I didn't know anybody with a guide dog well enough to just ask them question after question after question. I think this is the reason lots of people stay in that phase, along with the misinformation out there about whether you would need a guide or service dog. For example, I've heard stories of lots of people who are legally, but not totally, blind, walking around thinking they had too much sight to get a guide dog. They would hit things their cane couldn't find or struggle along, all the while saying they had too much vision. Meanwhile, they would probably qualify for, and benefit from, a guide dog.

Or, I hear about people who have a second disability along with the main one that makes them think about a dog getting the idea that they wouldn't be able to manage a dog. In fact, lots of people who have trouble hearing or have bad joints or other disabilities do just fine with a guide dog. It's all about finding the right school and the right help.

Plus, while I was in university, I didn't think I could spend a month in guide dog training because most summers I was taking courses as well. So in a sense, not feeling like I had the time to dedicate to this was another obstacle. When I hear about people getting guide dogs in the middle of a school semester, or getting a guide dog right before heading off to school, and then I see them succeed, I feel like they are a far better person than I am. I personally feel like I need time to digest things, and don't need to be doing course work during my down time at guide dog training, or learning a whole new place as well as how to work with a guide dog. To me, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. But it works for some, so all the more power to 'em.

But as I was getting close to the end of my degree, I gave it more serious thought. After finally figuring out what questions I needed to ask, I started talking to people. Some of those fears and uncertainties started not to seem like such a big deal.

And then, once I decided to do it, came the difficult task of choosing what schools to apply to. Yeesh. There are so many things to consider. What kind of follow-up do you get? What about help with vet bills if you need it? What is the training like? Can you find grads from each school to talk to? Can you get a general sense from people about what schools have a good reputation and which ones aren't so good? If you get accepted to two schools, what on earth do you do? Do you just take the first class that comes along, or do you decide that you only go to school b if school a doesn't want you? So this wasn't so much an obstacle as it was a slippery spot.

Ok, schools decided. Now comes the application process. Don't get me wrong, all those forms are probably very helpful to the schools, but jeebers hell that alone felt like an obstacle. Plus, depending on what school I applied to, the forms weren't always accessible right off the bat. So, suddenly I had all this material dropped in my lap, and didn't know what to do with it. And not all these forms were to be filled out by me! I had to get doctors, ophthalmologists, and other people to fill some of them out. It was a small obstacle of sorts, but I figure it's worth mentioning.

And it's at this point along the way that you might start finding out how people around you feel about this whole dog thing. Some people might have misgivings about it, for lots of reasons. What if someone you live with or visit is alergic to dogs? How will they, or you, know if your guide dog will cause a reaction? With most people, it's as simple as if they don't touch the dog, they'll be all good, and you might have to make sure the dog doesn't come over and try and make friends with them if you're visiting them. If it's someone you live with, you'll have to start thinking about ways to make things manageable, if that's possible. But all this planning and negotiating could test how ready you are for this lifestyle change. In a way, it's a warm-up for when you come home with the dog and have to start being assertive and say "Yes, this dog can come in your restaurant or store."

The documentation is in, now it's time for the home interview. I hate to call the home interview an obstacle, because they're not out to make it hard for you. But it can delay your progress to having a guide dog because they see things that need work, or they say something that makes you start to rethink the whole thing. You're probably beyond that point once you've gotten here, but hey, anything's possible. So what could they see that could slow things down for you? Sometimes it's your level of ability to travel on your own. Sometimes it's where you're living. Sometimes it's something else. At any rate, if something looks off, that may slow you down, or make you reconsider.

So you make it through the application process and are accepted. You head off to class. You may think it's over, but it is just beginning. Only then do some people truly realize how much work goes into having a guide dog, and that no matter what time of day or night, that guide dog is your responsibility. Sometimes, this can be an obstacle for people who didn't ask enough questions or watch enough teams or whatever. Suddenly, they're back to the uncertainty phase of "Am I really ready for this? Do I want this at all? Maybe I don't mind my cane. My cane doesn't yelp when I fold it in four and throw it in a corner."

So you make it through training and you graduate and come home with your new partner. Unfortunately, for the first little while, life may seem full of obstacles. First, I don't know if this happens to everybody, but I was tired as hell for the first month or two. I felt like my life was completely rearranged, and now I had to think of all these things to do with the dog, and just when would I have time for my normal life again? Of course, that went away once I figured it out, but that can seem like one hell of a trial, if not an obstacle.

On top of that, depending on who you live with and how they are with respecting what you need to do to keep your dog working for you, you may have a battle on your hands. It's even more tiring when you have to fend off people in your own home from feeding your dog things or trying to play with him or her or constantly saying "Do we really have to bring the dog?" Hopefully this won't take too long, but it isn't easy when you're so new and unsure and all that stuff.

If that isn't enough, depending on where you live, you may run into lots of "You can't bring that dog in here!" and you may have to get very good at educating people on the laws in your area. Thankfully, I was very lucky and really didn't deal with a lot of that. But when it happens, it can be stressful.

And then there's the ultimate obstacle...when the team doesn't work out and you have to decide. Do I do this all over again, or do I just go back to life without a dog? Did the good outweigh the bad? If so, what would I do differently next time? I had to do this after Babs didn't work out, and god that was painful. But I think I knew in my heart that when she was showing me the positive aspects of having a dog, I wanted that again.

Sheesh! I think we made it through the obstacle course! I'm sure there are other possibilities I haven't thought of, but those were the ones that came to mind. Please don't think that I'm saying that getting a guide or service dog is more trouble than its worth, or something equally negative. All I'm saying is someone really has to want it to follow it all the way to the end. Plus, sometimes obstacles are a good thing. I have seen lots of people run headlong into getting a dog, crawl through class gripping the dream of having a dog with white knuckles, failing to see the warning signs that maybe this isn't a good idea, and then get coughed out the other end and want to give up at the first little hitch they encounter. Obstacles, despite their negative connotation, give you time to think things through. They make sure that you really want this, or I would hope they do.

And here's a message for all the people who say "Why doesn't x person have a dog?" As you can see from this long, winding post, deciding to pair up with a dog isn't an easy one, and for some, it may not be the right one. At the end of it all, each person has to know whether having a service dog is right for them. We can just hope that people considering it get all the information to help make that decision.

No! Person, down! Good Person!

2012-01-14T11:04:00.004-05:00

The other day I came to a realization that I just had to right down.

Ok, everybody who has a dog knows this. If they've been working to train a dog, and the dog's getting the message that a certain behaviour, like counter surfing or picking stuff up off the floor or chewing on stuff that isn't toys, isn't so good. But they'll still try. I always joke that they say "Maybe today it wont' be bad. Maybe today they'll think it's great that I ate that piece of steak or chewed that shoe." When you catch them at it, they look all sad, as if to say "I know better, you told me I wasn't supposed to do that. I was just hopin', you know, a dog can dream, can't they?"

It's always floored me that people, even if they know better, will still try and pet a service dog. When they get told not to, they say "I know," and get all sad. But I think I've figured it out. People who know they shouldn't but do it anyway must feel especially connected to dogs. Why? Their behaviour is exactly like that puppy in training. "Maybe this one won't care. Maybe today it'll be ok. Maybe this one will thank me...oh I've been busted."

I'm not talking about the ones who don't know, or are confused. I'm talking about all the ones who say "I know I'm not supposed to pet you but..."

I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner! As much as it still bugs me, I think now I might have to chuckle to myself next time it happens, as I picture this person as a dog. Maybe one will be a St. Bernard. Maybe one will be a poodle. Please, next time you see me, don't make me imagine you as a dog! If you know better, do the right thing. Always ask to pet a service animal, ok?

What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?

2012-01-13T15:35:00.002-05:00

In just a little while, it will be dinner time. If you're anything like us, you're not sure what you're having. We're thinking about trying to get in on Just Eat's limited Friday the 13th deal, but that's just a thought. If we decide not to, we're still stuck.

Enter today's most useful website in the world, WhatTheFuckShouldIMakeForDinner.com. Go there, and it will give you an idea, complete with a link to a recipe. If you're not keen on what it tells you, just click on I don't fucking like that until you get one you like. there's even an I don't fucking eat meat button if for some reason you don't fucking eat meat, ya weirdo.

Have a nice fucking meal.

Logic: A Deadly Weapon To Religion

2012-01-13T11:35:00.000-05:00

Here's a pretty awesome video of the amazing atheist taking apart another guy's poem. You'd never believe this was 14 minutes. And the funny part is if this guy was religious, he'd probably be an awesome preacher.

In 14 minutes, he managed to say a hell of a lot more than I did in this old post about religion. Damn it I wish I knew if it was captioned but I don't. Basically, he takes apart this other video poem called "I Hate Religion, but I love Jesus." Slowly, he starts to show how the guy can't really show how Jesus is different than religion, and at the end, whips out ye old bible and chops up a few common beliefs about how friendly and awesome Jesus is thought to be. Damn it, I wish I had an easy way to transcribe it or something.

So yeah, if this sounds like a video you'd enjoy, go watch it.

Destination Mars Is Alive And Well And Working On Windows

2012-01-12T20:15:00.002-05:00

Aaaaaaaaand...I do believe I've smacked headlong into the next thing that's going to send any hope of productivity I may have had straight down the tubes.

Back when I was in high school, some kind fellow students went to the trouble of installing several games on the computers in the student lab. Nobody gave us a whole lot of grief about them being there most of the time, so there they stayed. And should they mysteriously disappear, they would just as mysteriously reappear, sometimes within a few hours. Funny that. To give you an idea of how old I am or how up to date our computer lab wasn't, these were DOS games. Ask your mom and dad if you're confused, kids.

One of them was called Destination Mars. The object was to successfully pilot your ship 35 million miles and make it to Mars without getting yourself killed. It was hard, and it was fun! Of all the games we had, it was one of my favourites. So imagine my face lighting up today upon receiving word that Richard De Steno decided to bring his old game out of retirement and give us all a version for Windows.

I've only played once so far, but it's just as fun as I remember. It's weird hearing actual modernish sound instead of speaker beeps like the old days, but I can train my brain to get used to that as I play, which I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of.

If you've never played before or if you remember it and are just as excited as I am, you can download it for free here. Warning: I'm not sure what it looks like for sighted players, but feel free to try it out and let me know. And yes the game is free, but if you like it, you can throw a donation in Rich's direction via PayPal at ironrock@verizon.net.

Have fun, and I'll talk to you whenever I can pull myself away from this thing and get something done. Kind of the way it was back in the day, now that I think about it.

You're Gonna Bite The Biscuit, Son! Not That You Could, Since You Let Them Burn To A Crisp!

2012-01-12T15:46:00.003-05:00

Question: How does a quiet breakfast with the family turn into dad tustling with you, biting your finger, smashing a platter over your head and then threatening to kill you with the meat cleaver he's pressing against your neck?
Answer: Your dad is Harry A. Woods and you didn't watch the damned biscuits and now they're burned, that's how.

According to police (and a criminal information), Woods became angry after the biscuits were burned in the oven of his East Alton home. The biscuits had been placed in the oven by Woods’s teenage daughter, who told family members to keep an eye on them before she departed for a relative’s home.

That reminder, however, apparently fell on deaf ears. Which upset Woods, who got into an argument with his son, who apparently was less concerned about the singed baked goods. The younger Woods, Keshner reported, told his father, “They’re just burnt biscuits, we’ll make more.”

We'll make more isn't the sort of thing you tell a 6 foot, 350 pound hungry 43-year-old man, so the fight was on.

Woods was arrested and charged with aggravated battery and is being held in lieu of $20,000 bond. Are you kidding? Judging from the reaction, $20,000 is probably a week's worth of groceries for this guy!

Should We Seriously Have To Have This Conversation With A Newspaper?

2012-01-12T14:48:00.002-05:00

Should The Times Be a Truth Vigilante?

That, swear to Christ, is a real headline on a real article posted on a real blog on the real website of the real New York Times. Yeah, for real. No, I can't believe it either.

But though I can't believe it, should I really be surprised? I'm thinking really hard and coming up really empty trying to remember the last time it felt like the news was actually about the news and not about the agenda of this side vs. the agenda of that one, especially in America. I'm sorry United States, but much of your news is terrible. You either spend most of the cycle talking about things that mean nothing, or you're letting people say things completely unchallenged even when those things are obvious untruths. when you're not doing that, this or that blowhard is spinning issues to suit his purposes with about as much regard for the facts as drunk drivers have for traffic rules. He's doing it, it should be pointed out, under the guise of providing the hard facts or the real story. The news long ago lost its way, so no, I shouldn't be surprised that there's a dude at the New York Times who can't decide whether or not the paper should try to present real stories.

I shouldn't be surprised, but I should be offended. So should you. If you're not tuning into the news or buying a paper looking for truth, it's not news you want. and if you are and the news org has to wrestle with itself trying to figure out what it should be giving you while it's giving you something now, you're not getting what was advertised or what you're paying for. If the hard news media's job isn't to be objective seekers and tellers of truthful stories, what is its job?

There's a reason why editorials and news are in two different parts of the paper. If I want somebody's opinion on the news I just read, I flip to editorials. If I want to know if the opinion I just read came from a moron on another planet or from a place I can trust, I look for the news story so I can read up on, wait for it, the facts. Is this really that complicated?

The job of the news is simple. Tell me what happened. Feel free to quote people, that's fine. It helps add context. But when you quote people, be as balanced as you can. If somebody disagrees and that disagreement might be important, I want to know about it. And if both those people are wrong, do your research and tell me what's right. If you don't know, tell me you don't know. Just tell me, in a manner as close to accurate as possible, what you know from poking around and from talking to other people who might know.

There's an old saying that goes there are three sides to every story. Yours, mine and the truth's. No matter what, the truth's side is always right. The truth can be manipulated to suit just about anyone's purposes, but in its purest form, there is nothing in the world more objective. That, my mainstream media friends, is what you should be striving for at all times. It's your job. Please start doing it.

Sugar Caine

2012-01-11T18:55:00.006-05:00

You'd think, though wrongly it would seem, that the fear of police that's generally built into drug users and dealers would stop this kind of thing from happening. But yet again we have a customer not getting what was paid for and calling 911 in to act as a Better Business Bureau of sorts.

This time the disgruntled consumer is 47-year-old Suzanne Basham, who told police that she paid a guy $40 for some crack but wound up with a bag of sugar instead.

Of course she demanded that the underhanded shopkeep be arrested and that a refund be given immediately. But the only one arrested was Basham herself, when police found that she was in possession of a pipe.

Officers did go to an address given to them by Basham, but the people there denied they sold her anything and declined to have their home searched by investigators.

Maybe, if she has time between arrests, bad business deals and poor life decisions, she can go back and read this very similar story from last year and take comfort in the fact that she's not alone.

If Beth Gets A Snuggy As A Wedding Present, We All Know Why

2012-01-11T09:19:00.005-05:00

Here's another example of what could happen if you text the wrong number, and you're...really dumb. Your exchange could get put up on a blog for all to see. At first I thought this was made up, but I don't think someone could make up this amount of dumb. it continued the next day!

What was really weird about this Jane person was she kept going between realizing she wasn't talking to Amanda, and then lapsing back into asking about wedding gifts. Um...just how out to lunch is she?

So...if you're texting, check the number! Now I'm hoping I get a stranger text. Maybe the one who said they got our number from Johnny 1 nut will text me.

It's A Tough Job, Patrolling The Mean Halls Of Shady Pines Elementary

2012-01-11T08:41:00.001-05:00

This is completely nuts.

I realize we live in a bit of a different time than we did when I was growing up, but jesus christ! There's something seriously wrong with the system you've created when your public schools need their own police forces, and those police forces have the authority to issue criminal citations for stuff that should be falling under the category of cool your jets, ya little wisenheimer!

Throwing a paper plane, flipping somebody off, swearing or getting into a playground fight should never be the kind of thing that winds up on your criminal record before you're even an adult, left there to ruin your prospects for employment or higher education. And no, they shouldn't be the kinds of things that send you to juvenile and adult prisons, either.

It's nice that Texas is looking at the possibility of pulling back a little, but it's hard enough to undo bad decisions when you don't have lobbyists and rules standing in your way, so this is going to be whatever 7 levels above calling something an uphill climb would be. I hope it's also a lesson for people. When you yell and scream and over react to every incident no matter how big or small, this is what you get. We all want our children to be protected and safe, but we also want them to have a chance in life to achieve more than jail or being a drain on the system because school hasn't prepared them for the world like it's supposed to.

5 People+1 Guitar = A Pretty Cool Cover

2012-01-10T20:45:00.001-05:00

It's been a bit of a long day and words are kinda failing me for some reason, so the best description I can come up with for this is that it's quite great. I've never heard the original song, but this cover makes it sound pretty good. But the thing that really puts it over the top is that all of it was done on a single guitar...by 5 people. Yes, all at the same time.

As you give it a watch and listen, think about the coolest thing you and four of your buddies have done and see if you come up as empty as I am. Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk off the Earth (Gotye - Cover)

Got Any Mountain Dew?

2012-01-09T11:13:00.001-05:00

I read this a few days ago, and it cracked me up, so here it is.

There's a lawsuit going on, where the plaintiff is claiming that he opened his can of Mountain Dew and found a mouse in there. They sent the mouse away for testing, and found out that it was a four-week-old mouse. This posed a problem for this fellow's lawsuit, because the can of mountain dew was bottled 74 days before he opened it up, took a big ol' chugga lugga and then puked all over everywhere.

But Pepsi didn't stop there. They actually got a veterinarian to testify that if a mouse was in Mountain Dew that long, it would have been nothing but jelly.

According to McGill, if a mouse is submerged in Mountain Dew between four and seven days, the rodent “will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.” During those days of soft drink immersion, “the mouse’s abdominal structure will rupture.” Additionally, “its cranial cavity (head) is also likely to rupture within that time period,” McGill noted.

After 30 days exposure to Mountain Dew, “all of the mouse’s structures” would have disintegrated to the point that it would not be recognizable. In fact, “the mouse will have been transformed into a ‘jelly-like’ substance.” The only part of the rodent that could possibly survive, added McGill, was “a portion of the tail.”

Mmm, drink up!

So this is the part that perplexes me about this whole thing. Wouldn't it have been sufficient to say hey dude, the mouse wasn't even conceived when this pop was canned. It wasn't in there. Why, in your own defense, would you gross people the hell out with visions of what their product can do to living beings? I know it's what'll happen if a living being is submerged in anything acidic for 74 days, but people are dumb and they'll think what the Smoking Gun headline did. "Mountain Dew Will Dissolve Rats On Contact." I know, rationally, I'm not thinking that Mountain Dew will kill me, but I'm not in any hurry to buy a Mountain Dew just the same. I'll be envisioning ruptured heads and abdomens of rodents in it. Mmm. Good stuff!

Watch Out, 'Cause Here They Come!

2012-01-09T09:13:00.001-05:00

I haven't seen it, but have you guys heard about the part in the new Chipmunks movie where a man named Edward Brown gets naked and then exposes himself to nearly a hundred people?

Thirty minutes into a showing last Thursday of the movie “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,” the Chicago man allegedly stripped off his clothes and stood up from his seat in the front row of a theater in the North Riverside Park Mall.

Brown then turned to face 96 other moviegoers (of the kid and parent variety) and gave the Chipmunk fans a clear view of
his exposed genitalia, according to a police press release. He then returned to his seat to enjoy the rest of the 4 PM showing of the G-rated film.

Why would he do this? For a woman, of course. A woman he doesn't know and can't find, but hey, you can't win 'em all, right?

According to the Riverside-Brookfield Landmark, Brown claimed he had been let into the movie theater by an unknown woman who directed him to sit in the front row and remove his clothes. She purportedly said that she would return so that they could have sex and do drugs together.

But instead of living happily ever after with your sex, drugs and mystery chicks the way so many of these children's tales end, Brown was charged with sexual exploitation of children and disorderly conduct and is currently locked up in lieu of $100,000 bail.

Interesting fact: Carin and I used to know an Edward Brown. This more than likely isn't the same one, but we haven't seen him around town in quite a few years. Hmmm...

Hahaha! I Put Tape Over Your Face...Book!

2012-01-09T08:35:00.002-05:00

Every family has its own strange dynamics that others may not understand. What seems like mean spirited behaviour or child abuse to one might be game night to another. For that reason, I have no problem with the idea that there may come a point in the parent child relationship when binding and gagging your kids with tape and hanging one of them upside down from a piece of gym equipment could be clasified as "all in fun.," However, when the kids are ages two years and ten months, that time has more than likely not arrived.

The young parents, Frankie and Kayla Almuina, are facing charges of child abuse after one of the mother’s Facebook friends anonymously tipped off the Arizona Child Abuse Hotline.

According to Reuters, the couple’s 2-year-old boy and a 10-month old girl were shown on the mother’s Facebook page with duct tape on their wrists and ankles and with their mouths taped shut. The boy was also pictured hanging upside down from an exercise machine.

The parents told police the photos were “all in fun,” but a sheriff’s department official said the children appeared to be “in sheer terror.”

Investigators seized about a dozen similar photos from the Almuina home and arrested the couple. Their children were turned over to another family member, while the parents were sent to jail.

And they're not the only ones. From the very same article, we also have this recent story.

According to CNN, a 21-year-old Chicago man is facing charges of aggravated domestic battery after posting a picture of his 22-month-old daughter, who was bound with painter’s tape across her mouth, her wrists and ankles, with a caption "This is wut happens wen my baby hits me back. ; )."

I just...I don't know. So many well adjusted people (myself included) are probably never going to have their own kids, but imbeciles like these can have as many as they want. Seems more wrong than usual some days.