DivorceSolicitor

How to tell if your ex is jealous

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:18:00 +0000

What happens when your ex tries to cause trouble?

Lots of people in this world are jealous - it is obvious to everyone except them!

Here are some examples of jealous behaviour:

Following your ex or his/her new partner

Calling your ex's new partner

Hitting your ex or his/her new partner

Continually criticising your ex

Trying to make other people dislike your ex

Gossiping about your ex or his/her new partner

Criticising your ex's new partner to your ex

Getting your children to spy on your ex

Breaking into your ex's home

Using your children as a way to maintain acrimony with your ex

If you tick yes to 3 or more of the above then you need to change your behaviour and try to get over your ex!!!!!

Stay Married then!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:49:00 +0000

An article in the Daily Mail cites Mr Justice Coleridge as stating that the Government should encourage people to stay married! That divorce has reached epidemic proportions!

Only marriage can mend broken Britain!!

This Government's taxation policies positively encourage divorce.

For example - An average family in England

A couple with 2 young children aged 5 and 7 with the mother staying at home to look after the children. The Husband takes home £2000.00 per month. The mortgage costs £400.00 per month for their 3 bedroom house. The house is worth £200,000.00 but they could not sell it in the current economic climate and the mortgage is £120,000.00. The husband has a pension worth £150,000.00

The wife decides the marriage is over and gets a part time job.

Her new life

A single mother with 2 children, working 20 hours a week, earning £600.00 she receives another £700.00 in tax credits. Her ex husband will pay her £400.00 per month in child support under the CSA assessment. She rents a room out to a single female friend who helps with the baby sitting and gets another £350 per month tax free. The mother now nets £50.00 more per month than when her husband was at home! She can go out when she wants, has a nice little part time job where she has a good laugh with her work mates and she has lost a stone and a half in weight! She treats herself to a new hair style!

The house is transferred to her but her ex husband stays on the mortgage. He gets to keep his pension.

His new life

He now rents a 2 bedroom flat, sees his kid every other weekend and has to do all his own washing and house work. He is tired a lot so does not go out chasing women as much as he thought he would. He misses his children.

The children's new life

They miss their dad a lot but they do not miss the fighting and mum's constant nagging and moaning about her weight. When they see their dad he spends time with them - something he never did before. They do not like mum's new boyfriend.

Does any of this make sense?

The working tax credit system is a divorcing wife's charter!!!!

Not happy with your divorce settlement?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 11:16:00 +0000

Sorry I have not been blogging recently - I have been engulfed in all things baby!

The credit crunch has worsened many people's financial situation and the possibility of returning to Court looms large. If you are seeking a variation of maintenance then a change in circumstances may indeed signal an appropriate time to make such an application.

If you are seeking to overturn a capital order then the courts are very reluctant to allow the change in the markets to be regarded as a sufficient intervening event. The certainty of litigation, the fact that assets can increase as well as fall, means that you take your chances. Would Mr Myerson have gone to Court requesting an overturn of his divorce settlement if his assets had doubled in value offering his wife millions more? No... but it still feels like rough justice.

Now maybe a good time to get divorced financially if you are the spouse intent on retaining the house and you are the spouse with no bonus etc. Financial worries do put pressure on a marriage.... today's economy needs an inventive approach to the new economic landscape many people are now letting out the former matrimonial home for example.

Lots of people are also postponing their wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to feel good!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 11:33:00 +0000

If life is getting you down because you have just been told that your spouse wants a divorce or you have been made redundant try buying some flowers!!

I give myself a treat every 3 hours and drinking a latte looking at a vase of flowers is lovely.

Treats so far today ( my day started at 5am) :

1. 1 LATTE

2. 15 HUGS WITH BABY

3. CHAT WITH BEST FRIEND

4. CUDDLE WITH BOYFRIEND

Treats planned for tonight:

1. Listening to Barack Obama's inauguration speech

2. 1 hour's knitting (still trying to finish baby shawl).

3. 2 episodes of Gavin and Stacey

Not your idea of a treat? What is? Go do it. SO many people waste SO much of their time being miserable. Just because life is not going your way is no reason not to focus on what you enjoy doing and do it. It will make you feel better - I promise.

I saw 4 bird watchers with binoculars on the way back from the baby clinic. How hideously boring I thought - but they all had big smiles on their faces. WHAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE - GO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trapped by the credit crunch?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:40:00 +0000

There is an assumption that the recession will result in an increase in the divorce rate as money worries force relationships to collapse under financial pressure.

The dive in house prices has left couples adrift with consent orders that cannot be implemented and a change in outlook is needed. I foresee that there will be an increase in orders in which one party retains the house and the other has a charge on it and that there will be an increase in spousal maintenance orders - less assets available to purchase a clean break!!!

What happens when couples can't afford to divorce? Maybe we will go the way of Southern Ireland - when it was difficult to get a divorce they divided the house in two - I predict that lots more people will live separate lives in the same house and there will be an increase in planning applications to convert houses into flats!!!

It's so easy to fall in love!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 22:21:00 +0000

Oh no there is a general feeling of despair created by the collapse of the global economy. And it is January! Plus it is very cold and the news is focused on the war in Gaza.

How to be positive? The best cure is to fall in love then see what a positive spin you put on things.

It's minus 6 outside -good it will kill off the over population of rats.

No money. Well you want to stay in and be in a cocoon with your loved one anyway.

It's January -which means that Valentine's Day is looming!!!!

How to fall in love?

That's easy - all you need to do is find your soulmate!

How do you do that?

I think you need to be massively attracted to someone on a physical level which is fueled by a similar mental attitude and cemented by the same sense of humour. It is called chemistry. You know you are in love when you fancy someone more that anyone else you have ever met and he/she makes you laugh out loud. Some people spend their whole life searching for that special someone. Are they just extra fussy?

Life is miserable for all sorts of reasons for many people right now - if you are going through a divorce and separation then the sense of loss, failure and anxiety can be overwhelming. I am convinced that whatever crisis you are facing in your personal relationship it is possible to recover and be happier once you are through the practical side of the breakup. The key is to want to be happy - so many people don't - they are labelled as bitter and are to be avoided at all costs!!!

I was going to post a picture of my gorgeous boyfriend whom I adore but this one is funnier as the guy in the background is picking his nose!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Baby Rhett

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:19:00 +0000

Sorry I have not been blogging recently but I have been totally swept away by the new addition to my family! As soon as he was born it was like magic and this song by U2 keeps buzzing through my head!

Wish you were 21 again?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:09:00 +0000

This is my daughter at her 21st birthday bash - obviously taken early in the proceedings!

If you are going through a traumatic divorce and have been married for a long time and divorce is not what you want and you feel he/she has robbed you of the best years of your life and you don't see any point in bothering to even put on a brave face and you will never trust anyone again and you think everyone is out to deceive you and there is no pleasure in anything anymore and you have got nothing to look forward to and you are so angry and so miserable and nobody cares. Try this:

1. List everyone you know. Next to their name give them a score - nice or nasty only on a 50/50 basis - they don't need to be perfect. I bet you know more nice than nasty people. Erase all the nasty ones from your life - they will simply make you feel worse. If one of them is your ex - minimise contact.

2. List all the people you know who make you laugh. Spend more time with them.

3. List all the people you know who simply want to moan or gossip - get rid of them.

4. Next write down all the people you know who could do with your help - emotional, practical is anyone you know lonely?

5. Now write down all the people you love. Maybe there are a few friends or relatives who live far away that you have neglected. Now is the time to give them a call and arrange a visit.

You have now sorted out your Christmas card list and the main players at your funeral and hopefully you have moved on from your own distress albeit briefly.

Remember, most people are not evil - they are just weak and insecure - forgive them their inadequacies and move on!!!!

When is it too late to reconcile?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:26:00 +0000

When the feeling's gone!

One of my ex boyfriend's sent me this shot of him out enjoying himself with 3 rather drunk or tired looking companions and I still think he's gorgeous but we broke up more than 8 years ago! Somewhat strangely 2 other exes from over 10 years ago have also contacted me recently. Is it the credit crunch - is it causing everyone to break up and look back with nostalgia?

Some people do reconcile successfully - a current celebrity example is Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton - but most people just make a mess of it all over again.

If you are thinking of trying to turn the clock back consider this:

1. Why did you initially split? Were there valid reasons?

2. What's changed?

3. Do you actively miss the person or are you just going through a barren patch on the dating front?

4. Are you over him/her or has that candle always been burning?

5. Have you loved anyone else more since?

6. Are you just flattered at the interest?

7. Are you hoping to play it safe? - better the devil you know type thing....

Whatever you decide remember that dating should be fun and exciting - he/she should add some dazzle to your smile and if it's boring - time to move on!!!

Sorry I have not been blogging recently - I have been all over the place - literally.

Labour to force fathers to be named.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:02:00 +0000

Does anybody like a busy body? By that I mean those awful, interfering, nosy gossips who spend their whole time trying to tell other people how to live their lives. They think nothing of glibly telling one how to run one's business, love life, home......whilst any close examination of their own situation would leave most people thinking they would never take their advice. However, these people don't wait to be asked for advice or they would wait for ever.

The labour party has become a classic interferer in my opinion. Their time should be spent sorting out their own dismal party. Instead they have decided to legislate that all mothers should be forced to name the father on the birth certificate of their child. Apparently 50 000 children are born each year in Britain and the father's details are missing. Why? Is it not obvious - because either the mother or the father or both do not want his name on the certificate. Why is that then? I can think of a number of reasons:

1. Rape (these men are known as animals)
2. The mother does not know who the father is - either because there is more than one candidate or the parties did not exchange names (these women are often called slags and the men players)
3. SIR (Shag I Regret) unofficial social work term which means that the mother made a mistake and is usually accompanied by -
4. The father does not know of the birth
5. The parents are not speaking - usually because of the pregnancy and the father has already done his best to force the mother to have an abortion (these men are known as PIGS)
6. The pregnancy was an accident - perhaps the father is already in a relationship with someone else (these men are known as bas..... and the women as bitches)

Already there are a lot of judgements made by society attached to single motherhood. Now labour want to force fathers to take responsibility for their children by putting their name on the birth certificate. If only life were that simple! If the mother or father does not comply they will be fined £200.00. Big deal, just take it off my benefits and the only one that will get hurt is the newborn.

The work and pensions secretary James Purnell has outlined his proposed legislation and it is hilarious. See the attached article in the Daily Mail

Mothers who do not want to name the father will have to have GP, Social worker or police backing to prove domestic violence - does Mr Purnell know how much the police cannot stand being dragged into domestic disputes, how overworked they are, how women usually endure 36 episodes of violence before they call the police, how difficult it is to get a conviction? But women will have to prove domestic violence. How? Will there be another trial? Who will be the judge? The registrar?

Apparently, if the mother claims she does not know the father she will have to convince the registrar. How? I suggest that the only way a registrar would know whether a woman was lying or not was if he was there at the point of conception!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Government's aim is to make the collection of child maintenance easier!! Given that the Child Support Agency has failed dismally in collecting from the absent fathers they do know about (95% of absent parents are fathers) then adding to their to do list is not going to increase the amount of money collected.

At the moment it is a relatively straightforward process to register a child's birth which must be done within 42 days of the child's birth and, if the parties are not married the father must accompany the mother or sign a statutory declaration that he is the father. Will they start issuing temporary birth certificates until a full investigation into the mother's claims has taken place? Will the police be sent to arrest a reluctant father who does not want to attend? Will a judge sign the declaration on his behalf? Will the mother have the right to simply name who she chooses? The potential litigation is boundless!!!

Is the new Domestic Violence Act a success?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:20:00 +0000

Apparently not. It has been suggested by the President of District Judge's in June's Family Law that there may be fewer applications for non molestation and occupation orders. Why? Perhaps because victims do not want to criminalise their ex partner, especially if a bout in prison is likely which would jeopardise the main source of income for the family. However, what is now being suggested is that the Crown Prosecution Service are not recommending prosecution for many breaches due to lack of any corroborative evidence. Nobody foresaw this somewhat obvious barrier with hindsight. The CPS need a reasonable chance of success, the higher burden of proof in criminal matters - beyond reasonable doubt - makes it very difficult to proceed on a his word against hers basis. I know someone who's husband allegedly broke her jaw and knocked out all her front teeth. He said she had been driving drunk without a safety belt and had a crash and hit her head on the windscreen. She said he hit her. He was charming and plausible, a professional. She was tongue tied and displayed outbursts of anger. Who would you believe? What if she then changed her story and said that she wanted to drop it, that she had lied and he had never hit her? Prosecute her for wasting police time?

I think someone should invent a fail proof lie detector and that negative assumptions can be made if anyone refuses to take the test. Oh no - the latest research is now suggesting that we do indeed have false memories. That we can be convinced our recall is correct when it is not!!

Gone off your mate?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:56:00 +0000

Often people say that they have just fallen out of love. How did that happen then? Wake up one day and think "What on earth am I doing with that?". Probably not, if your relationship is an established one then the wearing out of attraction can be so gradual you don't even notice until it's gone completely . How is that possible? Little bit by little bit you ease away from your partner, those little differences that attracted you now bore or irritate you.

I saw an ex boyfriend recently whom I had not seen for 6 months. Your hair is blonder he said. I had not noticed, it was the gradual work of my very blond hairdresser. I am pictured above on Saturday night in the middle of 2 of my blond friends and I have indeed unknowingly joined their ranks. This is how you can go off your mate without even noticing.........

How to enjoy yourself despite your divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:14:00 +0000

It was my birthday recently and I went out with 2 of my best friends from school and another close friend I have known for 20 years. We had a really fab time and spent the rest of the weekend recovering!

Birthdays are a time for taking stock and reflecting on the past twelve months. I have met 4 truly dreadful people this year who have stolen from me, are attempting to rip me off, have lied to me and generally are best forgotten. I have also met 4 fantastic people who have enriched my life enormously. It all depends on your focus as to whether you enjoy your life or not.

Getting divorced can cause huge stress and prevent you enjoying the many opportunities there are. It is best to regard it as a process that you will get through and look forward to a better future. There are lots of resources out there to help you control your anxiety and the first step to feeling better is to smile!!!!

Should I stay or should I go now?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Sat, 24 May 2008 08:04:00 +0000

Many people waste years in unhappy relationships...they make no effort to improve their day to day existence but neither do they make that jump.......only after the other person moves on, dies, dumps them do they realise how much time they have wasted.

What if you could control everything that happened to you? What if you could mold your partner into exactly the type of person you wanted to live with? Would you stay or go? What if there is a much easier option? What if you could change yourself? Not prepared to.....leave then.

The behaviour we expect of others in a relationship is often unrealistic. For example, my ex husband (a Man Utd fan) rang me at midnight on Wednesday to tell me that Man Utd had won. If he had done that whilst we were married I would have gone nuts!!!! I would have called him a selfish pig and he would definitely have been sleeping in the spare room. Now I simply find his behaviour amusing.

Are you nice to your spouse? Do you greet him/her with affection or do you barely glance when he/she arrives home? Are you more polite to strangers? What can you do this lovely Bank Holiday to make your relationship work? Remember it's never too late......................

Does a child need a father?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Fri, 23 May 2008 09:05:00 +0000

Apparently not if the child is created via IVF for the benefit of lesbian couples or single women. Most of the newspapers have covered the recent House of Commons vote and the Daily Mail is suitably outraged!

Glad that's sorted out....and it will make the explanation of the birds and the bees to a 5 year old far simpler. By the time these children are grown no doubt cloning will be in vogue so not knowing who your dad is will be a minor issue.

Only one problem - maybe the child will grow up with a desperate longing to know and no fortune teller in the land can solve that one. If I could choose my dad it would of course be my own but my fantasy dad would be Alan Sugar. Social workers warn of the dangers associated with a fantasy father figure ...oh dear life is ever more complicated!!!

When you feel you can't cope

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:02:00 +0000

The stress of divorce can be enormous and people can tip over into depression if they are not careful. It is normal to be prescribed mild anti depressants to help you through the situation but so many people talk of increased anxiety, fear of the future and the fact that their life is out of control. Waking up at 5 am is not uncommon.

What can you do?

The best mood lifter is regular exercise. If one exercises every day for at least 40 minutes one will feel better - guaranteed! I stopped exercising regularly recently and it had a bad impact on my mood and my stress coping mechanism. I have started again and I feel great. Try it - it works!!!!

The next thing you should try is meditation......

Forcing oneself to shift from a feeling of hopeless resignation and despair to an exhilarating feeling of hope and anticipation for the future can be as easy as slipping on one's training shoes......

How many possessions do you need?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Fri, 09 May 2008 07:59:00 +0000

Sorry I have not been blogging much recently but I am expecting a baby and I have been busy knitting!!!!!

When people get divorced there can be many areas of dispute - the divorce itself (pointless) the children ( heartbreaking) the matrimonial finances ( often disproportionate) domestic violence and injunctions ( necessary because the police are sporadic in their approach).

Most people worry about what their rights are. They argue over the spoils of the past and sacrifice present and future opportunities in order to win the battle. Just how important are these wasting assets?

Jodie Foster years ago lived in a hotel and said that she was so rich she did not need to own anything - all of her clothes were hired or loaned to her by Armani. The freedom of wealth meant that she had no responsibility for any possessions.

What do you want and what is important to you?

All I want is for my baby to be healthy and my children to be happy and to spend time with the people I love. Isn't that the same for you?

Does it matter who divorces who?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:23:00 +0000

Sometimes it matters a lot. If you are the petitioner you have control of the proceedings and the respondent can only stop the divorce under very limited circumstances and if the petition is based on certain facts.

The respondent can defend the divorce. However, a bare defence that the marriage has not broken down is unlikely to succeed. The respondent can defend and cross petition, that is, the marriage has broken down but it is your fault not mine. Typically a compromise is reached and both parties proceed on their own petition.

What if the petitioner does not bother to apply for decree absolute? The respondent can apply after 3 months but this requires a hearing, is costly, causes delay and is not clear cut.

What of the people who have separated for years, are in new long term relationships but still do not start divorce proceedings - demanding that the other one do so because of the costs? The consequences of not divorcing can be extreme - especially if you have jointly owned assets.

Who petitions has no bearing on the matrimonial finances unless the circumstances are exceptional but it can have an impact on how matters progress. In the vast majority of cases this is not a problem. The unfortunate thing is that when it is a problem it becomes a very big problem!!!!!!!!!

Do not believe everything your child says

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:31:00 +0000

I wasted 2 hours on Saturday trying to access a website for my 5 year old son, who's magic code was rejected. He insisted to me that his user name was "Bobthe". I could not get him on line and sent 6 e mails requesting help. I got 6 replies today and his user name was a very bad spelling of chocolate cake. I am going to buy him one and let him eat it all!!!!

When he returns from his father he claims he is starving having eaten nothing for 2 days, that he can go to bed when he likes etc.

Children sometimes forget, sometimes make things up and sometimes lie. It is best to filter what they tell you, and if anything causes concern then to raise it with your ex partner in a non confrontational manner.

Different households have different rules. Give your children a break. They may come back from dad's and slam the fridge door because that is the only way it closes at dad's. They may forget to take their shoes off because mum does not make them. They may leave the toilet seat up because they have been visiting dad! Imagine how hard it is for children having to learn 2 sets of rules - none of which are their own!!!!!

How to tell if she no longer loves you

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:29:00 +0000

You google search this question.

Oh dear, men sometimes end up on the wrong end of a divorce petition and they do not understand why. It is important to read the clues and here are two massive ones which men miss all the time:

1. You no longer have sex.

2. You sleep in the spare bedroom.

Both of these are not because of her bad back, your snoring, her tiredness, stress at work, the recent death of her aunt etc. None of these excuses would stand in her way if George Clooney was on offer!!!!!!!!!!

What can you do:

1. Persuade her to see a sex therapist or at least a relationship counsellor

2. Resign yourself to celibacy until she decides to end the relationship

3. Have an affair

4. Initiate divorce proceedings yourself

How to tell if he no longer loves you

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:20:00 +0000

You google search this question.

If in doubt ........... get out

If in doubt...........don't

The first relates to relationships the second to clothes shopping.

There are a hundred clues that he no longer loves you and they are all swimming in your head .....here are a few examples:

He is very impatient with you.

He raises his eyebrows a lot when you speak.

He talks to you as if you are thick and you are the one with 2 degrees.

He refuses to have any more work done on the house.

He does not talk to you... not even about football.

He is no longer prepared to do things with your friends and family.

He no longer fancies you - this is a big give away and loving you like a friend is not enough.

What can you do to get love back?

Lots of things but first decide if this is what you really want. The balance of power in a relationship can shift overnight if you want it to......... all you need to do is change your behaviour and stop focusing on his.

What is a Shared Residence Order?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:19:00 +0000

A Shared Residence Order is a stipulation that the child lives with both parents. They are becoming more popular and more and more fathers are asking for them. Why?

1. They equalise the power between the parties.
It is all very well to state that both parents share parental responsibility but in practice this normally means that the resident parent makes most of the day to day decisions that effect a child's life. The other parent can and should be involved in important decisions like schooling but practically the parent with whom the child resides will normally have more influence.

2. A Shared Residence Order does not have to be on a 50/50 basis. The child can live with one parent more often but still live with the other the rest of the time.

3. Some judges don't like them and call them just a label...... that's all very well but to some people the label is very important. Rather like a child's name - the Court's tend to assume that it is very important for a child to retain a link with the non resident parent via a shared surname. Somewhat sexist as the non resident parent tends to be the father but if having his name will encourage Contact then.......

4. They used to be rare because it was considered that they would only work in a situation of close cooperation. Now judicial opinion has taken a turn in the opposite direction and they are granted in situations of high conflict - to force the parents to get along. Feels a bit like social engineering.

5. There are many, many women struggling to bring up their children alone who would love the father to become more involved but they have no voice in the Courts as the Courts will not order a parent to fulfil his/her parental responsibility in respect of Contact. Conversely there are many many dads fighting to see more of their children. Perhaps a Shared Residence Order should become the norm.................l

How to tell if your mate is cheating

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:34:00 +0000

Lots of people ask this question!

Most of the signs are obvious after the event but.......

1. He is more interested in sex.
She is less interested in sex.

2. She stops nagging.
He starts buying her flowers.

3. She joins a gym, fitness class, adult education class - anything new that requires weekly commitment.
He has work commitments after hours or takes a job that requires travel - perhaps something that she has been nagging him to do for years.

4. Her appearance improves.
His appearance improves.

5. She keeps talking about a work colleague whom he has never met.
He keeps talking about a work colleague whom she has never met.

6. She becomes over friendly with another couple and she tends to stay up late drinking with him after her husband and his wife have gone home to their own beds.
Same for him but in reverse.

7. A friend of his is suddenly available to accompany his wife when he is away on business.
He is mentoring one of her friends.

8. She has a shower when she comes in after a night out with the girls.
He has a shower after a late night at the office.

9. She is furtive with her phone, taking it into the shower with her.
He has a second mobile phone she did not know about.

10. She encourages him to do something she would have prevented him doing in the past - such as going to the World Cup.
He buys her and her best friend a weekend away at a health farm.

11. She does not care when/if he comes home.
He avoids going home.

12. She answers the phone and it is hung up - this happens more than once.
The gardener is always around, moving furniture, putting up shelves.....

13. She stops spending money on food, the fridge is always empty and she is eating out with a girlfriend again.
He hides his credit card receipts.

Clearly more than one of the above is needed to arouse suspicion but the following are probably conclusive:

1. An airline calls to confirm your seats for your romantic break... but you are not travelling.

2. A hotel calls to let you know that you have left an item of jewellery/clothing in the room and you have never been there.

3. Someone else gives you the sordid details.

4. He/she stays out all night without telling you.

5. She is pregnant but the dates don't add up.

Unfortunately lots of people are unfaithful and the last one to find out is usually their spouse. This may be because they do not want to know and many people run outwardly successful marriages for years whilst enjoying extra marital affairs.

It is often an instinctive feeling that something is not quite right that proves ones worst suspicions in the end!!!!!

Heather Mills should buy a dog

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:35:00 +0000

The judgement in the McCartney Mill divorce saga has been published but Miss Mills appealed the publication of the whole judgement. Why is that then? The judge was kind in the words he used to describe Miss Mills - he got his message across without needing to annihilate her.

It seems that everybody hates Miss Mills and every time she says something she makes it worse - as the judge says she is her own worst enemy.

Will anybody want to be her friend - apart from gold diggers and spongers? Yes - a dog - they give love unconditionally which is just what Miss Mills needs right now.

The Daily Mail has a summary of the judgement...their journalists don't seem to like Miss Mills either and they always manage to print unflattering photos of her.

She is now a multi millionaire with one leg who alternates between showing off her physical talents to reminding everyone she needs a wheelchair; she appears to be disliked by everyone and seems full of anger; she is aware that she is now a target for gold diggers and is unlikely to find love; she is scared of being attacked and is talking about having to leave England but she won't be allowed to by Sir Paul; she has lost her looks; everyone loves Sir Paul despite her constant criticism of him.

He has now reconfirmed his position as one of the world's most eligible bachelors, kind, generous, rich, tolerant, reasonable, even tempered.

Miss Mills by contrast may aswell have a warning tattoo on her forehead.

Anyone want to swap places with her?

Childcare, discrimination and old chestnuts

noreply@blogger.com (Lynne Bastow) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 10:02:00 +0000

Families Need Fathers have implored Alistair Darling to reorganise the benefit system to account for the amount of time children spend with their fathers. They argue that it is unfair that one parent, usually the mother, is regarded as the principal carer, receives child benefit and is then passported to the rest of the benefit system including child and working tax credit.

How many dads are we talking about?

How much will it cost to overhaul the system and double the amount of administration and analysis needed?

This Government is notorious for being inefficient and careless with data and the tax credit system has resulted in a huge amount of fraud, contributed to increased employment so that one in five working adults in England now works for the Government. This is massaging our employment figures and disguising the real lack of growth in our economy. The result is an increase in tax, it's the same old labour chestnut - wealth redistribution rather than wealth creation.

The total failure of the CSA and the Government's aim to eradicate child poverty is a disgrace and the type of results one would expect from a corrupt third world country, not one that was the first to industrialise in 1746 so should know how to coordinate macro economics by now. Instead it has cost 2 1/2 billion pounds to collect 4 billion and more and more dads are arguing (96% of non payers are dads) that they will not pay for various reasons - non contact with the child being one that is often cited as justification to subject one's child to poverty.

It is of course totally unfair that in a shared care arrangement the dad is expected to support the mother's household and is unable to claim any tax credits. I have no faith in this Government being able to adjust the system to one that is fair and instead suspect that a shambolic mess would result with a consequent hike in income tax .

What do I suggest?

Increase tax free pay to £15,000 for all who do not pay higher rate tax and abolish all tax and child tax credits.

Provide child care free up to £200 per week for all who do not pay higher rate tax and who are working full time - if in a couple both must be working and earnings aggregated.

Give power back to the courts to assess child maintenance and abolish CSA and it's successor CMEC. This system is not foolproof either - sending a non paying father to prison for six weeks does not help feed a child and some of the worse non payers had their debt written off as they were unlikely ever to acquire the means to pay it - a bit like going bankrupt.

Encourage the 4 million adults who do not work and live off the rest of us into some form of employment - a society is judged by how it treats it's weakest members - some do need our help - but 4 million?

Stop tourists using the National Health System - subject of another post!