The Stranger

Everything is Dangerous.

2012-07-17T17:54:00.001-05:00

My company just sent out a list of the activities in which we are officially not allowed to participate. Thankfully, this only applies to company events and not my personal life because after reading this list, I have a lot of new awesome activities to try. Here is the full email:

Summer is a great time for teams to get together, network or celebrate the end of another successful year. Before you plan your event, make sure you understand which recreational and team building activities are appropriate. Remember always. Safety first!
While our policies do allow networking/team building events, they require that such events meet certain criteria. Recreational and team-building activities that could pose a high risk of injury to participants are strictly prohibited.
Creating a complete/exhaustive list of risky and prohibited activities would be impossible. However, these include, but are not limited to, activities that involve:

· All-terrain vehicles (ATVs)

· Boxing (e.g., physical contact, sparring)

· Bungee jumping

· Fire walking

· Hang gliding

· High ropes courses

· Hot air balloons

· Jet skis

· Mechanical bulls

· Motorcycles

· Paint ball

· Parasailing

· Piloting or co-piloting an aircraft

· Race cars

· Rock climbing on mountains

· Skeet shooting

· Scuba diving

· Skydiving

· Smoking water pipes (e.g., hookah)

· Snow sports (e.g., skiing, boarding, tubing or sledding)

· Use of pyrotechnics

· Weapons (real or imitation)

· Whirly ball

· White water rafting (except for rafting at the lowest level of difficulty; appropriate safety gear must be worn at all times)

· Zip cords

· Zorbing

Paint ball and skydiving have been on my list for a WHILE, so those are still in the game for me (anyone want to go with me?). ATVs ARE dangerous (speak to my sister for that story), but Whirly Ball? Really??! We did that for Bar Mitzvah parties as dumb 12 year olds.

My main question is: Zorbing?! Does anyone know what the hell this is (without googling)? I gave up and googled it. Wikipedia tells me that zorbing is the recreation or sport of rolling downhill in an orb, generally made of transparent plastic.

This looks awesome! It's just rollin' down a hill in a big plastic bubble. Zorbs are so awesome that they have already been adopted as thesymbol for the 2014 Winter Olympics in Russia. Let's go Zorbing!

Lastly, race cars. If you have not seen this video, I cannot stress enough how much you should watch Ken Block's awesomeness. Thanks to Mr C for making me want to learn how to be a rally driver. Ah! They didn't say no rally driving....

Office Wisdom

2012-07-05T11:38:00.004-05:00

Celebrities: They're just like me!

2012-07-05T10:00:00.001-05:00

This is just to let you know all know that Suri Cruise is officially as cool as me.

I was minding my own business, scanning through TMZ on my iPhone following a delightful July 4th BBQ and saw the following picture:

Suri was out getting ice cream with her mom, Katie Holmes, who you all know (unless you're hiding under a rock to get away from the heat) has recently divorced Tom Cruise/escaped the clutches of Scientology. Suri and Katie were having ice cream in NYC, laughing it up, having a grand old time just mom and daughter (and bodyguards).

I immediately turned to the BF, shoved this picture in his face and asked, "Does this dress look familiar??" He responded with, "...Um, maybe?"

Yes. Yes it does. It's the exact same dress that I wore to the Derby earlier this year!

I love when celebrities want to be just like me. Do you think they sell this dress in child size? Or did they custom make it for her out of the same fabric? Did they buy it in adult size and just tailor it down to child size? Tell me your secrets, Suri Cruise!

party dogs.

2012-04-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

I wanted to respond to an office happy hour with a picture. I searched in MS Outlook for clip art of "party". This is what I found:

Look at this sad, sad dog. Who would put their dog in a party hat and bow tie cramped with all of these balloons?

Every dog should be as happy as this happy party dog:

Aww! That dog is smiling! He is so happy to have a birthday hat and some form of dog biscuit cake. Good work, owners of this dog!

James Cameron is a 15-year-old girl.

2012-04-04T17:04:00.000-05:00

If you did not see the hilarious, amazing, fantastic and hilarious article in Jezebel.com today, I am reposting it here in its entirety (because it is just that good). This is partially at the request of the lovely Ms. E, but also so we can all find this amazingness on a sad, rainy day in the future and have a good laugh. You're welcome.

Also, apparently Ms. E read this article with my voice in her head. I guess I do sarcasm well? If you would like a recording of my sarcastic reading of this article, I would be happy to supply that.

Finally - to the author of this article on Jezebel - you are my hero. Please continue to spread similar hilariousness around the internets and in our hearts.

I don't remember a lot of specifics about watching Titanic in theaters in 1997, but I was 15 years old, which means my two biggest concerns were 1) locating romance, and 2) not dying in a nautical catastrophe. So I think we can safely assume that I fucking loved that movie. I watched Titanic again on TV with my sister a few years later, making sure to switch it off right before that whole stressful iceberg thingy—a strategy that turns the movie into a pleasant romp about two teenagers who take a perfectly safe boat ride and then bang in a jalopy. The end. Charming! Watching Titanicfor a third time this weekend—in advance of Wednesday's big 3D reopening—I cannot imagine what I was thinking that second time around. I could not wait to get to the second half and watch all these motherfuckers drown.

Here's the thing about Titanic, and the reason 15-year-old girls love it so much: James Cameron is a 15-year-old girl. All of the characters are either 15-year-old girls in disguise ("Parents just don't understand!" "Waaah, make the boat go faster!" "I know we literally met 20 minutes ago, but I love you with a suicidal fervor!"), or the kind of goofy caricatures that 15-year-old girls would write if we let 15-year-old girls write our blockbuster screenplays. It's She's All That on a Boat, only with Kate Winslet as Freddie Prinze Jr., Leonardo DiCaprio as that girl who isn't famous anymore, and also everyone freezes to death in the north Atlantic at the end.

Titanic is three hours and 14 minutes long, which—fun fact—is longer than the actual journey of the Titanic. It is sooooo ballsy to just assume people will watch your movie for three hours and 14 minutes! Especially when everyone already knows exactly what happens in the end (spoiler: the boat is Keyser Söze). Sorry, Epcot Center, I'mma let you finish, but James Cameron's balls are like the giantest balls of all time. It would take three hours and 14 minutes just to walk around the circumference of James Cameron's balls.

Anyway, here's what happens in Titanic. In case you forgot, it is terrible:

It starts out on a modern-times submarine. Bill Paxton is snooping around on the ocean floor trying to find a big necklace to impress Britney Spears. His character is clearly James Cameron's idea of what a cool person is like—he does stuff like wear male earrings and say "sayonara" in a sarcastic voice. Awww, yeeeeah. Pretty cool. Bill Paxton finds this old safe in the ocean, expecting it to be full of Titanic jewelz, but instead it's just an old doodle of some boobs. Total rip-off! ...OR IS IT?

An old lady recognizes her boob-doodle on the news and goes to visit Bill Paxton on his rock and roll treasure boat, where they make her watch a graphic CGI reenactment of the Titanic sinking (I believe the working title is Hey Granny, Fuck Your PTSD). Then she tells her story. Which is hella not pertinent to treasure-hunting, unless by "treasure" you mean "three hours of nonsense, garbage, terror, death, and delightful Italian stereotypes."

Turns out, that old lady used to be Kate Winslet, and one time she rode a big boat named Titanic. But she wasn't too happy about it! "It was the ship of dreams to everyone else," she says. "To me it was a slave ship, taking me back to America in chains." Yes. Because imprisonment, rape, and unpaid forced labor are just like having to marry Billy Zane and live in a fur-lined bon-bon palace for-literally-ever. (Also, it's 1912 right now, which means that real slavery has only been over for like…40 years? Maybe a little too soon for the flippant slavery metaphors?) She continues: "I saw my whole life as if I'd already lived it, an endless parade of parties and cotillions, yachts, and polo matches. Always the same narrow people, the same mindless chatter. I felt like I was standing at a great precipice, with no one to pull me back, no one who cared, or even noticed." Nobody notices me! Everyone is so fake! My polo pony is the wrong color! As you can see, Kate Winslet's life is just like slavery. She decides to just kill herself immediately so she doesn't have to face another terrible, terrible cotillion.

Luckily, along comes Leonardo "I Am Definitely Wearing Lipstick" DiCaprio, who is traveling to America with his friends Fabrizio (Human Olive Garden Commercial) and Tommy (five leprechauns standing on each other's shoulders wearing a long coat). Leonardo DiCaprio rescues her from suicide and she repays him by letting her entire family treat him like human feces for the last few days of his life. Then they fall in love.

Leonardo shows up at fancy dinner even though he is a stinky poor and Kate Winslet's mom hates him: "My mother looked at him like an insect—a dangerous insect that must be squished quickly." After dinner, Leonardo says, "Time for me to go row with the other slaves!" Again with the slave thing. YOU GUYS ARE HELLA NOT SLAVES. PLEASE READ A BOOK.

In an act of defiance, Kate Winslet sneaks downstairs to party with the simple folk. And look who's down there dancing a jig! "Aaaaaaaay! It's-a me, Fabrizio!" Fabrizio treats everybody to all-you-can-eat breadsticks and then invents the mafia. Can someone tell me why this movie wasn't entirely about Fabrizio? At the very least could I get a fan edit called Titanic 2: Fabrizio's Quest? (It is a quest for lasagna.) Get on it, somebody.

Okay. Next there's a whole bunch of stuff that doesn't involve Fabrizio at ALL, so w-evs. It's the Celine Dion part ("I'm flying!"), the boob-sketching part, and the aforementioned jalopy-banging part. All of it is incredibly awkward and boring. Then Theoden, King of Rohan, drives the boat into this big iceberg ("Are you calling me fat, James Cameron?" – the iceberg) and the ocean starts coming inside the boat ("Heyyyy, ocean!" – poor people).

Bill Paxton interrupts the old lady's interminable story and is like, "BOAT SCIENCE. EXPOSITION. BOAT SCIENCE" for a while. Nobody cares. Onward!

Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio run around the boat in circles for a long time holding hands. I think we're supposed to admire Kate Winslet for having terrific moxie or something, but really all she does is yell about how no one can tell her what to do and then just does whatever Leonardo DiCaprio tells her to do. (Sometimes he tells her things like this: "You're so stupid! Why did you do that? You're so stupid, Rose!!!" and "SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH.") Feminism!

Fabrizio shows up (FINALLY) to tell them that they're fucked because all the lifeboats are gone: "The boats-a! They're all-a gone!" "Where's your life jacket, Fabrizio?" Leonardo asks. "Ees-a okay!" says Fabrizio, "I've-a got this-a beeg ravioli! Abbondanza!" Then he drowns (oops).

Fortunately for Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio turns out to be the world's #1 expert in surviving ocean liner disasters—offering genius advice like, "We have to stay on the ship as long as possible! Come on!" Eventually, though, they end up in the ocean, where Kate Winslet sits on a board and cries. Leonardo makes one attempt to get on the board with her, but falls off, so he decides to just die instead. Kate Winslet is sad. Then she gets rescued by Mister Fantastic from the Fantastic Four movie.

Finally, even though she knew Bill Paxton was searching for the necklace, and he hella patiently listened to her stupid story (it's like she writes erotic fan fiction about herself), that old lady just goes and drops it into the ocean at the end!!! Like, seriously, old lady? First of all, you're a dick. Second of all, that necklace belongs in a museum. Third of all, you're a dick! I wish Bill Paxton would drop YOU into the ocean at the end. Then, to wrap things up, there's a dream sequence where the ghosts of Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio walk down the Titanic's grand staircase and everyone on earth applauds for no reason. You know who are the only people that think the world owes them a round of applause? Fifteen-year-old girls and billionaire directors who own submarines. I rest my case.

I feel like James Cameron has never met an actual person before. Titanic is basically a 3.5-hour-long Zales commercial, only slightly less emotionally compelling. Fabrizio and Victor Garber aside (I forgot to talk about the unbearable melancholy of Victor Garber, but SOB!), I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone would want to watch this movie—much less watch it in 3D. Hey, do you want to watch a 3.5-hour extravaganza of terror and death with a plastic cage strapped to your face? Hey, did you like the original Titanic, but wish you could also have a headache? Hey, are you a 15-year-old girl? Oh, you are? Okay. Go nuts. If you'll excuse me, I have to go die of old age now.

"That's it, I don't want you talking to me for the rest of the robbery!"

2012-04-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was chided by some of my nearest and dearest for being too snobby and stuck up about movies. Apparently it is unheard of that I have yet to see movies such as Knocked Up, I Love You, Man, Princess Bride and Get Him To The Greek. My philosophy is that I can only see so many movies, so why not see movies that I may actually appreciate and enjoy? Then again, I recently discovered that my DVD of Nicholas Nickleby (one of my all time favorites) is totally messed up, likely because I have watched it too many times. So, I could probably stand to spend my time more wisely in the movie department.

In an effort to be more relaxed in my movie choices and broaden my horizons, I decided to watch Tower Heist last night. It already has the makings of many things I enjoy: New York, Ben Stiller, a heist and hilarious antics. The cast is kind of fantastic: Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Alan Alda, Michael Pena, Casey Affleck, Matthew Broderick and Tea Leoni. Ben Stiller basically plays himself. Eddie Murphy is the same character/voice as always. Casey Affleck and Matthew Broderick (a laid-off wall streeter who is being evicted from his mega-millions condo) are exceptional.

Even before you watch the trailer, you probably know how this one will end. That's ok. Watching Eddie Murphy mentor and lead four hapless men new to the robbery game is just fun (he has them prove that they can do "the big job" by getting them to steal $50 worth of merchandise each from a mall). I also loved that most scenes take place in/around Columbus Circle, and the major showdown is during the Macy's Day Parade (a tradition to watch in the Landis household).

Hopefully the trailer below will wet your appetite for this funny, fun, heist comedy. It was a welcome break for my brain!

We're famous.

2012-03-28T08:34:00.000-05:00

Oh hey. Remember when my family was the face of AIPAC?

Either we were the most attractive people at the conference (yes), or this picture most embodied "friends and family". The fact that a possible-rabbi/stranger is also in the picture only enhances the "friends" aspect. This picture also works well because we are all already signed up for PC 2013 (although I cannot vouch for possible-rabbi)!

Ew-mint.

2012-03-27T17:30:00.000-05:00

Season after season on The Biggest Loser, we have witnessed the weight loss powers of fancy gum. Without fail, almost every episode has one of those awkward ignore-that-this-is-a-commercial meetings between contestant and coach. They discuss the merits of fat free turkey or oatmeal or ziplocs. There has also been more than one non-commercial about Dessert Delights gum. This is low calorie gum that tastes like dessert: apple pie, strawberry shortcake, etc. The contestants go ga-ga for it because you can have the taste of dessert without the calories. Yay!

I thought I would give the world of fancy gum a try, partially for its potential assistance in weight loss and partially to just give it a go. I like trying new things! This morning at Walgreens while stocking up on my usual snack of Fiji water and almonds, I also grabbed a pack of Trident Layers gum in the mint/melon flavor. As a savory-over-sweet person, I thought this would be a much less offensive flavor than pineapple or strawberry (and definitely not as bad as the Dessert Delights).

After a team status call and my two cups of coffee, I tried stick #1 (and - spoiler alert - probably stick # last) of Trident Layers. Honestly, the first 3-5 minutes were pretty good. A nice blend of minty and fruity. It almost reminded me of Strawberry flavored Chapstick. That stuff is like an extra special treat when you find a stick of it on sale, or hanging around in a long-lost coat pocket. But similar to the Trident Layers, it loses its oomph after a really short time (WTF is this overly-sweet-strawberry stuff doing on my lips?!). All of a sudden, the gum was not only sweet, but sickeningly sweet for my taste. Even worse, the texture of the gum was mushy and slimey, as if I'd been chewing it for hours. Promptly spat it out. To make matters worse, the awful taste hung around all. Even after more coffee, more water and lunch, this horrible metallic taste still permeated my mouth.

While I cannot vouch for the other flavors, do not try Trident Layers mint melon gum! Has anyone tried the other flavors with good results? Has anyone tried the Dessert Delights gum? Possibly my new business venture could be no-calorie gum for people with savory preferences. Gum that tastes like chips, cheese or fried chicken?! Sign me up! Sounds like a job for Willy Wonka (in cahoots with Rebloga).

Guest Post by India the Awesome Analyst!

2012-01-30T10:29:00.000-06:00

Hello avid fans of Rebloga! I am so excited to write this guest post! Rebecca and I work together and when she said she was looking for guest bloggers I asked her what the application process was...clearly I am a nerd. But I wanted to take a few minutes to warn you about the dangers of winter in my hometown of New York (and anywhere else it gets cold).

My morning commute in winter now features brokers in ski masks…women who forgot to wear tights, running and cursing all the way to the office, and an excuse to wear leather and boots. I am originally from Illinois so I am no stranger to cold. However, I did spend the last four years at college in southern California so I was nervous I might have gotten a bit soft.

My suspicions were confirmed on Tuesday. I was commuting from my client site in New Jersey to the city. My iPhone told me a Whole Foods was a mere two blocks away. 2 blocks in 8 degree weather? No problem. I had a coat. I had gloves. Then fast forward 45 minutes. I was lost in Tribeca, which is basically just large indiscriminate warehouses in the dark. During this time, my hands started hurting. I have small hands and they get cold very easily so I didn't think too much of it. I abandoned my search for food and made a beeline for the closest subway station. Down below I discovered a problem: my fingers wouldn't move. Every time I tried to pull off a glove I would squeal like a school girl.

Frostbite. Yes I gotten frostbite. I stood in the station for about 20 minutes looking pitiful until my hands had thawed enough to get my metro card out. After a painful subway ride back home, I crouched in front of a space heater and slowly warmed them. I couldn't type--which made me nervous considering we are chained to our computers at work often at the hands of the benevolent dictator Rebecca. I slept in gloves. As the days progressed the color and feeling returned. I am of course typing this in gloves right now. All in all, it was a mild case. But in case you needed any further incentive: BUNDLE UP THIS WINTER!

There are a few other take aways from this tale:
1. Do not believe your iPhone in terms of directions. It can and will lie to you.
2. Making a Whole Foods run in 8 degree weather is ok...if you know where it is
3. Do not rub your hands if you get frostbite--this only increases the tissue damage.

Keep warm, you don't want to have to explain why you lost your fingers to frostbite. You couldn't even perform the awkward turtle hand gesture after that conversation. Now that's awkward.

UPDATE: Run out the clock.

2012-01-18T13:24:00.000-06:00

C would like to add another website to waste your time at work: how to talk to girls at parties. contrary to the name, it really doesn't have much to do with how to talk to girls at parties (although that is a blog idea right there, if you are looking for one).

it is a man clothes website: pictures of man clothes, questions about man clothes and discussions about man clothes. if you are a man, you'll enjoy this site. if you are a lady who likes to look at male models, you may also enjoy it.

Run out the clock.

2011-12-06T18:40:00.000-06:00

Because I love you, here are some additional awesome websites to while away your hours at work.

Animals Talking in All Caps: Just what it sounds like. And it is pretty awesome. Example:

At the very least, there are cute pictures of animals, right?

Vintage Gal: Old-timey pictures. Maybe you'll get a new hairdo idea?

Old Films: Film student blogs about all manner of movie-related things. Also some old-timey photos.
Ugly Renaissance Babies: You KNOW I love this one. Hilarious commentary on mostly Jesus-related paintings.
I'm Remembering: Pictures/videos of amazing 80's and early 90's stuff. You will not be able to stop looking through this one. (Sidenote: I had this Sesame Street Doctor Kit and we recently watched a home video where I am using the stethoscope to listen to my mom's stomach prior to the birth of my little sister. It did not work and I wasn't happy about it.)

For even MORE ideas, check out this recently released list of the best blogs of 2011. Let me know if you find other goodies! Happy time wasting!

UPDATE: "They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind." --Michael Scott

2011-12-06T12:43:00.002-06:00

If you haven't already read my post on jewelry organization, go read that first. The same disclaimer applies here:

Gentlemen: this post may not be for you. Other than watches, I'm pretty sure most of you do not wear jewelry. Proceed with caution.
Ladies: Has your jewelry gotten out of control? Do you have no method of organization? Is your dresser/desk/nightstand cluttered with every necklace you own? Read below and be unorganized no more!

Regarding said "better situation for watches and bangles," BEHOLD:

For the bangles, I bought a hammered bowl from West Elm that is actually a serveware piece:

There are several beautiful pieces in this collection (I have the "large bowl"). I also really like the footed bowl and almost bought that one instead, but I thought I might have to pile up the bracelets as opposed to having a concave bowl to place them into. If you have smaller and/or less bangles, this would be a good item to get.

For the watches, I bought a tray from West Elm that is actually a bathroom accessory:

I thought it was so pretty! Who would relegate this to the bathroom? It's perfect for laying out watches - I can fit about nine on here. West Elm sells a huge variety of cute trays (both for bathroom and serving or entertaining) that can be used for jewelry storage/display. I LOVE these menswear print trays, but they sadly were not large enough for watch purposes. Please post below if you see anything else awesome and jewelry-worthy!

Gentlemen (and ladies who don't care about the above): I promise a non-jewelry post shortly!

happy bird-day.

2011-11-28T15:53:00.002-06:00

First off, thanks to ALL for a truly amazing, wonderful, fantastic birthday. Thank you for the wall posts, dinners, tweets, emails, texts, drinks, cards, calls and other forms of love. I would be no where without the love and support of my friends and family. Secondly, I have to advertise some of the awesome presents I received from my people!

1. Photojojo set of three iPhone lenses:

2. Banana Republic metallic scarf:

3. New Shel Silverstein book (poems published following his death):

4. Letter writing "Hi There" notepad:

5. Magnetic nail polish:

6. Nail Art book (with six nail polishes!):

I cannot thank everyone enough for the wonderfulness of my birthday. If the last few months are any indication, I am confident that the new year will be phenomenal.

"They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind." --Michael Scott

2011-11-16T11:23:00.000-06:00

Gentlemen: this post may not be for you. Other than watches, I'm pretty sure most of you do not wear jewelry. Proceed with caution.

Ladies: Has your jewelry gotten out of control? Do you have no method of organization? Is your dresser/desk/nightstand cluttered with every necklace you own? Read below and be unorganized no more!

For several years, I've had one of those 100 pocket things that hangs in the closet. This worked out well in New York, but my closet is a little different now and this was just not cutting it anymore. My dresser had become a sea of unorganized watches, rings and necklaces, not to mention all of my small earrings which were always impossible to locate. On my quest to accessorize more, I needed to have a clean way to store my jewelry out on my dresser.

The "Before" Picture:

After much research, I found two items at Bed Bath and Beyond. The first is a telescoping necklace holder, $20. It has two levels of double hooks. You can either keep the levels together, or move the second one up to hold even longer necklaces. Of course, mine is at the highest point. With the double hooks, you can really have things organized and all hanging separately. It also has a large, scooped tray at the bottom that can hold rings, or small bracelets. The bottom is felted so it won't scratch your dresser!

Item number two is the GemGini, also $20 from Bed Bath & Beyond. Despite the annoying name, I really like this product. It is awesome for holding longer earrings, and has spaces for post earrings and/or rings at the bottom. I wear a lot of smaller earrings to work, so this is perfect for having those organized and at the ready. It comes set up with magnets - they advertise that you can magnetize this to the inside of your medicine cabinet so you can "put on makeup and jewelry at the same time." Not sure I would ever do those activities at the same time, but it's a nice idea. You can also use the sticky strips to hang it up on a wall. I haven't done that yet (just have it leaning against the wall), but that's your option. The only issue is that this doesn't really have an option for "huggie" style earrings. I have a few of those hanging on the bottom hooks right now... We'll see how long that lasts. All in all, it's great to have everything organized but available. I feel like I can see everything and it makes me want to wear things I don't usually wear because I can actually find them!

If you like this concept but want something cuter, I would definitely look at Etsy. They have a TON of earrings organizers like this, but with cute frames and colors. I just didn't want to hang something on the wall, so I went simple.

Ta da! Organization achieved.

I still need some better situation for bangles and watches

(you know I have about 15 watches in the rotation), but that's for another day.

alinea.

2011-11-14T10:27:00.003-06:00

In the ongoing celebration of my mom's "big" birthday, the four of us went to Alinea last week. For those of you who don't know, Alinea is only one of two restaurants to receive a 3-star rating from the Michelin Guide and was voted 6th best restaurant in the world by Restaurant Magazine this year. Currently, it is a 20-course affair (it took us approximately 4.5 hours for the entire meal), and each course is artistic, inventive, interactive and playful.

Since each course is so unusual and intricate, I brought a notebook (and of course, a camera), to document the full meal. My notes are below, and then you can see some pictures by clicking on the link to my Picasa album (at the bottom). I tried to detail each ingredient, what we really enjoyed and the smells/sounds/tastes of each dish.Enjoy!

* Aperitif: Champagne, Apple liquor, potable bitters

1. Under the pumpkin table display, savory pumpkin cake on a metal guitar pick.

· Curry

· Coconut

· Crème fraîche

2. Seaweed on wood plank with four bites:

· Garlic leaf in a shallot

· Snapper on a corn husk

· Unagi on cabbage leaf (soy sauce – this one we liked best)

· Cod on a leek

3. Lightly Fried Yuba (aka “Witch Finger”), byproduct of tofu

· Avocado

· Green onions

· Toasted sesame seeds

· Miso emulsion

· [Crunchy, yummy]

4. Bowl of Fish Stuff

· Trout

· Bourbon maple syrup jelly balls

· Rice with smoked gel

· [Sweet, fishy, crunchy, earthy]

5. Toasted Oak Leaves with Lightly Fried Cheese

· Cheese

· Shallots

· Apple

· [Aromatic, Autumnal]

6. Family Style Course

· Whole sea bream with mint pesto

· Caponata with vegetables and chocolate

· Crunchy crackers

* Brought out four red cabbage leaves on sticks. Set them on our table but we didn’t eat them yet. Looked like flags.

7. Hands-Free Bite (on an antennae)

· Papaya

· Dehydrated orange

· Raw fennel

· Cucumber

· [Soft, crunchy, gummy]

8. Big Pillow with Mushrooms

· Pillow with pine aroma

· Plate had mushrooms, thyme foam, pine cream

· [Earthy, foresty]

9. Little Wax Soup Bowl (pin through bowl; pull pin to dump stuff into soup)

· Truffle

· Parmesan

· Potato

· Chive

· [Hot and cold, time sensitive]

10. Interactive Red Cabbage Wrap (wood with glass plate on top; take glass plate off; construct metal stand from two pieces that interlock)

· Tomato

· Potato

· Bell Pepper

· Onion

· Mustard

· Paprika potato

· Hamachi with huckleberry

11. Fork bite (handed us round bottom bowl with fork balancing; eat fork first, then sip soup)

· Fork: eggplant and sea bass

· Soup: sweet vidalia onion soup and pepper foam

*Sprayed black tea oil on our table

12. Miro Painting (9 forks and spoons each laid out on the table in front of us; after each bite, deposit utensil into metal vase with lavender salt)

· Lavender noodle

· Beet jello

· Olive

· Pickled cherries

· Fig

· Apple

· Fish

· Olive oil

13. Liquid black truffle ravioli (on spoon in bottomless bowl)

· One bite

· Explosion!

14. Yuzu Snow (palate cleanser)

· Metal cone

· Frozen with liquid nitrogen

15. Cubist fruit and cheese plate

· Cheese with nuts

· Flat crunchy paper

· Applesauce

16. Test tube (“It could get messy”)

· Lemongrass gelatin

· Cucumber

*Mom got chocolate cake ball with cream for her birthday

17. Silicon table cloth

· 4 little bowls of stuff: lingonberry syrup, butternut squash syrup, goose island stout beer syrup, citrus marigold flowers

· Brought out two brown bowls which were put in the middle of the table and two cups of dry ice

· Grant Aschatz and helper come out!

· Start decorating table with 3 syrups and flowers

· Then then smash the brown bowls on the table – dark chocolate piñatas, with cotton candy, French toast pieces, lingonberry taffy, pumpkin pie filling…

Alinea

dino the dragon.

2011-11-08T14:20:00.000-06:00

After passing along this phenomenal blog post to C, she requested that my blog start to include pictures. I'm pretty awful at drawing but just thought I'd spend about 10 minutes in MS Paint to see what happened. After I actually FOUND MS Paint on my laptop (do you remember where that thing is located??), this is what I came up with:

Really really awful. Perhaps was drawn by a kindergartner who still can't hold a writing implement properly.

C then told me that dinosaurs don't breathe fire. Ooops. So, its some scary breed of dinosaur and dragon. That does compensation consulting. Deal with it.

new nail art.

2011-11-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

As you may know, my newest obsession is nail art. After the blood trial, i've moved onto a new design. As described by my favorite step-by-step nail guide blog, refinery29, today I worked on the chevrons.

It's pretty easy. You just need a nude color and black with a skinny brush (available at Walgreens). First, you make a gloopy triangle of the nude color at the base of your nail. It should be wide enough to cover the bottom edge of your nail. When that is dry, use the skinny black to make two crossing lines creating a nude triangle. The nude color should fill the entire spaced marked by the black lines. Then, fill in the top of your nail with the black. When fully dry, finish with your favorite top coat. Lately I've been using sally hansen insta-dri. See final pictures below!

I think next time I want to use a darker nude color. The one I used is a little too white/beige. Here are the refinery29 instructions. Post your own nail art pictures below!

these boots are made for walking.

2011-11-02T16:57:00.000-05:00

I like to share when I find a company, service or product that I think is particularly spectacular.

Last week, I brought in my favorite boots to be shined. I've had these boots at least since the beginning of college, possibly since high school. They are an integral part of my wardrobe - I wear them to work, to go out and to bunk around on Sunday afternoons. As soon as fall hits, I break these out and basically live in them until summer.

That being said, it was time to get them spruced up. They were getting embarrassing to wear to work or in any form of public company. They has salt stains, scratches and crazy worn-down heels. I was concerned that they would spontaneously fall apart due to mistreatment. And then I would just be barefoot all winter!

My dad has always raved about this place that shines his shoes. I even heard about this place as a kid. Since it's close to my office, I thought I would try it out. I was met by an extremely nice guy who seemed genuinely happy to help me; I think he may be the owner. He recommended new heels, waterproofing, shining, etc and I was glad to get everything he suggested. (Full disclosure - after I said my name, he actually knew who my dad was and gave me free waterproofing because my dad is "such an awesome guy.") I'd rather put money into these fantastic shoes than buy new ones. My shoes were ready exactly on time and upon each visit to their store, I was met by a friendly, knowledgeable, glad-to-help employee and/or owner. They were happy to go over each change they had made and ensure I was satisfied with the final product. And I was satisfied! Look at those sweet, shiny boots:

Head over to Beehive Shoeworks (at 35 North Wells) with your work shoes and boots! (I'm sure you have a pair of shoes in need of a cobble.) Maybe if you say your last name is Landis you'll get a discount too?

follow up on demotivation.

2011-10-31T12:02:00.000-05:00

if you've made your way to this post, please ensure you've read this one first.

look what arrived in my inbox today! awesome analyst is at it again with the wondrous poster below:

we've been killing ourselves to assemble this complex workplan in Microsoft Project (at the express request of our client). if you've ever worked with Project, you know that it is way more cumbersome and confusing than it needs to be. example - i opened the latest file today and all the dates were changed because the file had decided to auto-schedule itself! now i've spent the morning rescheduling previously correctly scheduled tasks. that seems worth my time.

in other news, i'm pretty sure that awesome analyst is in the wrong line of work...

demotivation.

2011-10-27T09:33:00.000-05:00

As you all know, I am a huge fan of sarcasm. My main mode is sarcasm and it should probably be my legal middle name. Now that I am an official office drone/cube dweller, I am a huge fan of those sarcastic office demotivating posters, modeled off of the way-too-happy office inspiration posters. ("Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." That is just vomit-city.) There are even hilarious demotivation posters from the office (cough - birthday present - cough)! A personal favorite in demotivation:

Just come to our weekly Monday morning meetings. The above is more than true there.

Recently, a particular analyst in our group had performed an analysis that I was reviewing. I told her that I had found a mistake and she felt really bad about it. She is amazing 99.9% of the time, so I don't care about one mistake. I told her that it was good that she had made a mistake because it gave me purpose and allowed me to affect change for our project. She immediately said "Oh that sounds like one of those posters!" This morning, I woke up to the following picture in my inbox:

Personal motivational poster for me! It is now hanging in my cube, among all of my pictures, birthday cards, project workplans and consultant roadmaps. It's a great reminder of my purpose in office life!

ballet boogie.

2011-10-25T09:51:00.000-05:00

this one delights me every time.

who let the dogs out?

2011-10-25T09:11:00.001-05:00

This post is dedicated to C, who greeted me this morning with: "Are you going to blog about something today so I can read it?" You’re welcome, lady!

As you may have guessed it, this one is about dogs. First off – our dog, Mimi. Do you see this picture? That’s Mimi. Now I ask you – does this look like a vicious dog? If you answered yes, you’re wrong. The correct answer is obviously no. All this dog does is sleep approximately 20 hours a day. She is almost a cat. (Seriously – she loves drinking milk from a bowl.) She enjoys napping in the sun and on heating pads. The only remotely dog-like thing she does is chase squirrels and she is good at playing fetch with a tennis ball. I only know two people in this world who don’t like Mimi and one is a child and the other is an idiot.

Said idiot brings me to the nub and thrust of our story. Last week, a certain Human who shall remain nameless (cough – dad – cough) took Mimi on a walk, as per usual. For those who don’t know, Mimi’s worst enemy is the mailman (yes, this is a dog cliché). Whenever the mail comes, she FREAKS OUT for at least a half hour. I think she feels like the mail is an intruder and she has to protect us. Clearly, the mailman is enemy #1, since he delivers this intrusion. So whenever she sees the Mailman during a walk, she barks and barks and barks like a crazy person (dog). On this walk, the Human was unfortunately not paying attention and this time, Mimi was able to get close enough to the Mailman to “bite” him. I say “bite” because, hello – this dog weighs like 1 pound and her mouth is the size of a dime (do I need to refer you back to the picture above ?).

Anyhow, the Mailman alerted a member of the Highland Park Police Department, and a police officer showed up at our door about five minutes later. My mom was able to get him to go away by saying my dad was unavailable at the moment, and the police officer said my dad had to call him back later to discuss the incident. At the end of the day, we had to get Mimi tested for rabies and she is not allowed to be walked off our property for 10 days. We will be fined if Animal Control does not hear back from our vet regarding the results of the rabies test. Also, the ticket we were issued indicates that Mimi is an “attacking and biting dog”. She is now an outlaw from justice. (Maybe that will be her Halloween costume…? Miniature striped jumpsuit and small handcuffs?) (Oh no - after further research, of course this actually exists. What is wrong with people?)

Hilariously, when I texted my mom today to ask how Mimi was doing, she wrote “Have taken her on secret walks. Don’t tell the Mailman! No Xmas prezzies for him. He’ll be sorry!!” My family is the best.

Secondly, I’d like to alert you that it’s that time of year again – when crazy dog people dress up their dogs in unfortunate-yet-sometimes-hilarious-and-adorable Halloween costumes. I saw this gallery today of dogs in the annual Tompkins Square Park Dog Parade. I think my favorite is the Pan Am Stewardess dog. What’s yours?

Happy Doglloween (and keep your doggies away from our Mailman)!

bloody sunday.

2011-10-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

What did you do today? I spent part of my afternoon bloodstaining my nails. Considering it is about a week until Halloween and I have yet to secure a pink and white spandex suit, à la Nicki Minaj, I think this will have to suffice as my costume. And I'm really no good at planning costumes anyhow.

This nail art was surprisingly easy, and is from my new favorite fashion blog, refinery29. Follow their instructions here. I would recommend a straw on the smaller side (maybe more like a coffee stir) and perhaps a darker shade than I used - my nails look a bit more like someone dropped strawberry jam on me. I still thought it was really fun to do, and would also look cool with a different color on top for non-Halloween time. I'm thinking of trying purple.

Here are my bloody/strawberry jam nails. Let me know how yours turn out!

that's the sign of a fat girl.

2011-10-19T09:12:00.002-05:00

had to share this one:

i will also note that i never thought dilbert was funny when i read the comics as a kid. now it's the only one i find funny (read: hilarious). i actually have dilbert emailed to me every day - a fantastic way to start off your cube day.

"We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight." --Michael Scott

2011-10-18T16:53:00.012-05:00

When do you complain about customer service? It's a question I've wrestled with a lot recently, to varying results. As a consultant, I attempt to give my clients the highest level of service and attention. Not only because that's what I would want as a client, but also because I know I am "representing my firm" (how many of us have heard that speech from a school or camp?).

Recently I had a great customer service experience. Unlike New York, make-your-own-salad places are few and far between in Chicago. I have found one place - Freshii - that I now frequent often. A few weeks ago, I unfortunately noticed a piece of bacon in my salad. I was able to avoid it, but was still pretty grossed out and thought I may have to abandon my new-found salad place. That afternoon, I decided to send in a complaint on their webform, just to see what would happen. One day later, I received an email from the President of the company, genuinely apologizing for the mistake. Granted, they are a pretty small company, and I realize not all restaurants would provide the same response, but I truly appreciated the overwhelmingly nice note. In addition to an apology, he gave me two free meals - for me and a friend - anything on their menu. I wrote him back thanking him, particularly for the fantastic customer service. I'm happy that I can continue to enjoy my salads, but I also really appreciate and admire their customer service.

After work yesterday I ran a few cool shopping errands (eyeliner, socks, underwear...really

exciting stuff). The last errand was Victoria Secret. Since I started shopping at VS a few years ago, I have been pleasantly surprised at their fantastic customer service in stores. They are quick to ask if they can help, point you in the right direction or explain a new line. They gladly measure and remeasure you, and will personally walk you around the store to find items in your size. That's what I call above and beyond, and it's one of the main reasons I continue to return.

Last night I had two unfortunate experiences. First, I asked a sales associate for help finding an item. I had the name of the product (it's not like I tried to just describe it to her) and she pointed me to a completely different product and basically ran away. After finding the item I wanted about 10 minutes later following another search on my own, I was ready to check out. This is where the real fun began. Not only were the line(s) completely disorganized (one of my major pet peeves), there was a group of tourist (Denmark?) who had a very complicated order of sizes, items and which way they wanted this convoluted mess organized and wrapped. The woman directly in front of me must have been paying with pennies because she spent at least 15 minutes checking out for what looked like one bra. By the time I actually got up to pay, I received no apology, no comment whatsoever, despite the 15 minutes I had just spent glaring and rolling my eyes at the sales associates. It was at this point that I debated saying something to the floor manager. When there are additional associates available, I expect someone to see that I am trying to buy three small items, and lead me to another register to pay and get the heck out of there. But that didn't happen. In the end, I decided to not say anything because those tourists seemed really obnoxious and demanding and I felt bad for the girls who had to deal with that cluster. But as I walked away, I couldn't help feeling mad for having my time wasted and upset that their usual level of customer service had taken such a hit.

What would you guys have done? Complain? Or just walk away? Would you have purchased the items? And does anyone ever actually send back soup?